Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - We Plan the Perfect Day For Each Other and it Gets Wild | Ear Biscuits Ep. 335

Episode Date: May 16, 2022

How well do Rhett and Link really know each other's likes and dislikes? This week, the guys develop what they believe is the other person’s dream 24 hours on the spot in front of each other. The respective days of heaven-on-earth are filled with sex, food, a horse, and plenty of drama. Plus, an update on Link DJing for the Mythical Spring Party and Rhett helps Link develop his new DJ persona. And both days end in a big party. Be sure to follow to Best Friends Back, Alright! on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts so you don’t miss this week’s episode with special guest Rhett! Got something you’re dying to tell Rhett & Link? Leave a message on the Ear Biscuits hotline! (1-888-EARPOD1 / 1-888-327-7631) To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Bacardi. Do what moves you. Live passionately. Drink responsibly. Copyright 2024. Bacardi, its trade dress and the bat device are trademarks of Bacardi and Company Limited. Rum 40% alcohol by volume. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I'm Reg. And I'm Link. This week at the Round Table of Dim Lighting, we're gonna plan the perfect day for the other person. Yeah, and we- I'm gonna plan your perfect day, Rhett. And I'm gonna plan your perfect day,

and just so you know, we have committed to not having planned it yet. So- Cause we were both like, this wasn't our idea. I think this was like, somebody from the Mythical Crew suggested that we do an episode where we planned a perfect day for each other. You know, if you guys are such good friends,

you should be able to do that. And then we're like, do we wanna do this episode? I don't wanna sit here and think about planning a day for you, especially if I'm not gonna actually do it. And so that's when I said, hey, you know what? This will be a fun exercise to literally come up with it in the moment.

So I have kept myself from thinking about your perfect day. But I'm gonna tell you right now, by the end of this episode, you will have a perfect day plan that you can tap into at any time. Well, I'd be really good at planning my own perfect day. Can I just do that? That's the, well, we need to talk about

the ground rules for that, but we've got some other things to update everybody on before we get to that. Oh yeah, I wanted to give an update on the party, on the mythical Christmas party, which happened in- Spring. Spring. But, because I built that up, we were talking about how, okay,

we're gonna do it that night. And we gotta say that we have a phone number. We have an Ear Biscuits phone number. We tweeted this out. Yes. Very excited about this. We wanted to make it where, not only could you tweet and use hashtag Ear Biscuits

to give feedback on the show and also to respond to prompts that we put out there. But we say, you know what? We wanna be able to hear your voices. It's like a old school radio show, man. It's like calling in. So 1-888-EAR-POD-1. 1-888-EAR-POD-1.

The number one. The number one. Now we're gonna use this number for a couple of things. Now, when we do a prompt where we're like, hey, we wanna hear your stories about this or your perspective on this, we're gonna use that number. Which that's what we're gonna do next week. We already tweeted out that prompt.

If you wanna see it, you can go over there. But next episode we're gonna do that. Just because of the way that the timing works with when we record these and when we do those prompts, those prompts are most often gonna be on Twitter, right? So you need to be following Mythical on Twitter if you wanna see those prompts and then you can be like, oh, I can call the number and leave my message

and then we might use it on an episode. Now, one of the things some people have talked about, I saw some people say, oh, I don't wanna do this because I don't like calling numbers or I don't like, I think it's a generational thing. They don't call numbers anymore and they don't like, I think it's a generational thing. They don't call numbers anymore and they don't want their voice to be heard somewhere. Because it puts you on the spot.

I have an idea. Okay. You could record a voice memo on your phone of what you want to say, and then you could do it until you get it how you want it. And then whenever you call in, you have to use a second phone. Oh, you gotta have a burner phone.

You gotta have a burner phone and then you gotta play the message from your other phone. I don't know if you can call a number and play a voice memo at the same time. You can probably do that. I don't think that works. You can play it from your computer, assuming you have a computer or you have a person with another phone.

Or you could just practice. Or you know what, don't worry about it. Like we just talk on top of our heads and like if things come out sideways, we won't make fun of you. Yeah. I promise we're not gonna make fun of you. Should I have promised that?

Yeah. And so that's how we're gonna use it. You got another solution? No, no. Well, I was gonna say you could- Learn how to use a phone. You could do that thing where like you type it in and then like the robot reads it if you really wanna do it.

But I would just say- We're not gonna choose that. Use this as an opportunity to be like, hey, I'm gonna overcome this fear and I'm gonna leave a voice message if that's a fear of yours. And hey, we're accepting dudes and it'll be okay. The second thing we're gonna use-

We're accepting all people, not just dudes. We are accepting dudes, as in the two of us are accepting dudes. Yeah, we are. The other thing we're gonna use the number for is anytime, anything that you want, you have a question for us that's completely unrelated to something that we talked about,

you have a comment about something, you have a thought about something that we said, something we got wrong, something we need to correct, a perspective on something, maybe we'll listen to that and be like, hey, somebody left a message about that. And then at some point later, we'll go back and address that. So I like this audio reactions to episodes.

You can do whatever you want to on this line, but I would just say, keep it short, relatively brief or brief, not even relatively brief, because it will up the chances that we hear it and use it. Yeah, that's right. I mean, speaking of feedback, you know, we're seeing feedback on the last episode. It's like, man, you guys keep,

enough with the friendship talk. And then there's people like, I love the friendship episodes. And so it's, you know, I get it. I get both. I actually favored it on Twitter. Some feedback that was like, I'm tired of regurgitating all these friendship stories.

It's kind of boring to me. You know what? I honestly, I'm kind of- It's something we've discussed. I'm on team, I'm tired of it too. And so, I guess I think I'd love for us to be able to talk about topical things and just hypothetical things and answer your questions

or hear your perspectives on things. I actually think today's episode is, even though it's not exactly in that category, but it's an exercise in us trying to figure out how to plan the perfect day for each other, which to me, it reminds me of an old school rabbit hole episode where we would just take something and run with it.

The fact that we have not thought about it and talked about it ahead of time, there's no preview and we haven't even worked it out on our own, to me, this is the kind of thing I get excited about. To me, I get excited about variety. And if you go back to the same well, which is like maybe our shared experiences from the past

too much, especially in a formatted way, then yeah, we can get kind of bored with it. So we appreciate the feedback. We're kind of on the same page already and just like saying, hey, we wanna mix things up. You wanna have the light, fun episodes. I mean, one of the problems with that, just a little inside baseball,

is that like when your show's not just one thing, it's harder to promote and for new audience to come in. a little inside baseball is that like, when your show's not just one thing, it's harder to promote and for new audience to come in. And we want people to discover your biscuits and like be folded into the fold. But it's like, if it's just the two of us talking about our past or about anything, it's like, it's kind of hard to understand. You really gotta give it some time.

So, you know, you're special because you've given it the time. You're committed. We appreciate that. And we wanna hear from you. 188 EarPod One. Also leave us if you want, there's something you wanna hear us talk about, you know.

Anything you want. And also do that with hashtag Ear Biscuits because we are still reading all those things. So multiple options. So we built up, we were recording a podcast and then we were going to the party in our parking lot. You had on your DJ suit. That night, I had on my DJ suit and I was like,

yeah, I'd worked up some playlists because somebody had to do it and I really loved that. And you told me that, because it's interesting for someone who is an aspirational DJ, your sort of approach with a party is that the music is not too loud, like you can still have a conversation

and then multiple times in multiple settings over the past few years, I've heard you legitimately say, people don't like to dance, right? Like you'll be like, people don't like, no one's gonna wanna dance, right? Every playlist that I've made is for a party that usually I've had at my house where it's like-

Old people. We're just hanging out and we're talking, we're catching up, we're just hanging out and we're talking, we're catching up. We're having some libations. We're chilling out by the fire pit. We're taking it easy. It's a kick back vibe. Yeah.

And you're very good at those playlists. And I already had a couple of those playlists cooked up, but then I had this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that it was going to be a little too laid back. And I said that. But we get to the party and we had a couple of food trucks. We had tables set out. And then people are getting their Korean barbecue

and there's like the vegan food truck. And hey, options for everybody. We're accepting dudes. And then we're accepting all people. And vegans included. They all came to the party. It was like the first outdoor unmasked thing that everybody could be at.

I was like, people are gonna wanna connect. They're gonna meet for the first time. We had the name tags so that people like me with name fright would be like, "'Hey, I know who you are "'cause you've written it on your person.'" Yeah. And people are, and I'm playing.

I got cute with that and put Brett on mine. That's cute. And so I was playing my kickback instrumentals playlist, no lyrics, nothing to interfere with conversation, but a nice, just mid tempo vibe to eat some barbecue and sit down and talk to people. I'm like, man, this is going good. There's a little bit of mingling happening.

We're having a good time. Everybody's eating. And that took an hour and a half, maybe two hours. And then we gave a speech. And I don't know, it always seems like you know what you wanna say and I'm like, don't know, and I hadn't even thought about it, but I'm here for it and I'm glad to be speaking,

but not knowing what I'm trying to convey. That's a great one-two punch. So yes, a one-two punch. I didn't really know what I was gonna say until right before. Don't say that, that makes me feel worse. But you did think about it at some point. I thought about it, I thought about it in points.

I have three points. Do you remember the points? No. I mean, come on. They'd love to hear your speech, like paraphrased. Wow, okay, Jenna, you might have to help with this if it was that memorable. Oh, you think Jenna remembers your speech?

She was the too many libations. Don't throw Jenna under the bus. It was early in the evening, we were all with it. I think I said something like, it's great to be back together, to see the bottom half of your faces. Yeah. That community is such a big part

of what we have built here. And there's something about being together and actually being in the same physical space. And I'm just so excited that we're able to do this. It was about, I tapped into the community aspect of what we were experiencing. And I was like, what he said, you kind of took it all. I can't remember what I said.

I think I said, I love all of you. There was some kind of joke about, I put my hand on your shoulder and I said, I was like, you know, sometimes, and I put my hand on your shoulder, like sometimes if you come into our office, we do this when we are like struggling. There was an impromptu moment where there was something

about there's a joke. There was a joke about when we're struggling and we're dependent on each other and we might come into our office and we're doing this and then like you turn and we did that. We did like a physical joke. Oh yeah. And then I made an HR joke, which I hate making HR jokes.

We always tend to make a- But Ellen was there. And so I was just like, if you are gonna touch someone on the shoulders, check with Ellen first or something like that. I don't like to make those jokes and I wouldn't have made that joke if I had really, see, this is why I plan things.

Because when you don't plan things, you end up making that joke and everybody laughed and everybody knew it was harmless and we're talking about shoulder touching. And I mean, the one thing I do remember saying was the phrase, now we're gonna kick this party up a notch. Oh, so you- I don't know what, remember I said something like that.

And I don't know- You were feeling it. This is a natural DJ instinct. Yeah, I don't know why I said that because I wasn't thinking- You were, I'm not prepared to kick it up a notch. No, I was thinking I had a playlist that was gonna take it up like one notch. Okay, so what?

So then I started, but then I wasn't ready to play it yet because there were a few more songs in my existing playlist. Well, give me an example of what the middle playlist was, the taking it up one notch. Well, it had lyrics. Okay. So it was some-

It had lyrics. It was some late 90s rap, which I thought would connect. Like Ice Cubes, Today Was a Good Day. But still kind of like- Yeah, still vibing. We're all interacting with each other. But I didn't change the playlist yet

and I went back and sat down and Jenna leaned over and she said, is this your idea of kicking it up a notch? Oh, Jenna! And I was like, yeah, I don't know why I said that prematurely because I wasn't ready to kick it up a notch. Is this your idea of kicking it up a notch? And then I was like, you know what, I can do that. I can do that.

And I went over there and then like I started, I actually, I think I went to use the bathroom. I was like, oh, I gotta compose myself. And when I came back out, Jenna said, I don't think, she came up to me and it was like a little, like I'm whispering, even though there's no one around. Yeah, right. And she was like, people are coming up to me

because I don't think that they're comfortable coming up to you because I don't think that they're comfortable coming up to you. I love this. And they're just asking, could we have music with, you know, with like lyrics. Okay. The music already had a beat. Okay.

And then she was like, you know, I think people want to dance. And I was like, people wanna dance? And I looked around at how everyone there was younger than me. Well, and I was like, you know what? Significantly younger. And I'm like, oh yeah, the people who work here,

yeah, they're in a different head space. When they wanna, I was like, but they haven't seen each other for so long. Some of these people have never met. Don't they just wanna sit down and talk? And Jenna was like, no. We did it already. We did it already.

We've been doing that. And I'm like, okay, okay. Well, then I'm thinking my backup to my backup playlist to take it up a second notch is still not taking us to the dance floor. You weren't prepared for a dance party. I wasn't prepared for a dance party. I wasn't prepared for a dance party. And that was such a huge blind spot for me.

Yeah, well, every DJ's gotta have that moment. And a big wake up call. This is gonna be in your DJ, when you write your DJ autobiography, this is gonna be called, the chapter's gonna be called Wake Up Call. And you're gonna tell this story. Yeah, so then I go, you know, I read Questlove's book.

Mm-hmm. And- Did he have a wake up call? He had a wake up call. He tells this fantastic story of how President Obama, he was sitting president at the time, invited him to an event. And Questlove had been working on a set list for like months and months and months leading up to this.

And it was like this amazingly intricate, like goes from A to B, goes through the history of music. And it's like this amazing intricate set list. And then he's playing it for Obama. it's like this amazing intricate set list. And then he's playing it for Obama. This is like, this is a big moment for him. And then after a while, President Obama comes up to him, pulls him aside and he does an impression of him and is basically like,

can you play something for the kids? Can you play something for the kids? Can you play something for the kids? And that's my Obama, by the way. That's pretty good. And he was crushed. He had to start Googling on his phone. I mean, it's not that he didn't know what the kids would want to listen to.

What kids? The Obama kids? The younger people who were there. The kids. And then, so like, can you play some current hits? You know? And so he like totally on the fly just had to regroup entirely.

Wow. And then he had to start playing. Wake up call, man. Had to start playing what the people wanted to hear right then and dance to. And then I think there's a part of the story where he's like, when it was all over, when the party was over,

he just, he snuck away and just left. And he said that he couldn't DJ for like a year. Oh my. It was like a huge deal for him. And- This is a much better story than yours. I'm so grateful to hear his much better story because then I was like, you know what?

I'm just, I don't even, I'm not a DJ. I don't even have DJ equipment. Yet. I'm sitting here with Spotify. Hold on, but you're Rick Gitter. You are gonna buy some. And then at this point I'm like here with Spotify. Hold on, but you are gonna buy some. And then at this point, I'm like, all right. So I start kicking it up with what I know.

I'm playing some late 90s rap and people are going on the dance floor. And then I'm like, I'll take requests. And then based on the first few requests, I mean, these are songs that I knew of, I was aware of them and I would like find them and put them in the queue. And then I was like, I hope people don't see this.

And then I like took those songs and I started Googling, like, I'm like, these people like mid, like mid 2000s dance floor, hit the dance floor. Like I'm literally Googling this. And then I'm over there like, oh, okay. And then I'm throwing songs in the playlist and I'm like, okay, now I got this. People are giving requests, it's getting dark,

everybody's dancing and you know what? It started to work. It started to work. It did. The thing I was observing, cause I was not party to any of this. I wasn't talking to, I didn't talk to you other than when we'd give a speech.

We tend to separate in glad hand separately. Yeah. We're two accepting dudes, there's two of us. Dividing party. But the thing I noticed was I hadn't seen the Mythical crew together to that degree and we also had the Smosh crew, you know, in two years and we've hired a bunch of people over the past two years and you know,

we keep getting older and we keep hiring people who are younger and so there are just a lot of, most people are in their 20s and many of them are like in their early and mid 20s, right? And there's just a different life stage, man. And yeah, they wanna dance and it was just like, Once they started hearing what they wanted to hear, it was like a release.

And you know what? It was like letting people out of, you know, they would have been like cooped up socially and they were just letting loose. It was a beautiful thing to watch. It did feel good to see the Mythical crew and the Smosh crew come together and hang out and have a good time.

And nobody wanted to leave the party. They all just wanted to dance or hang around the edge. And like the party really took a turn. Thank you, Jenna, for breaking the news. And I was like, I went up to Christy and I was like, yeah, this is, I've really gotta make some adjustments. She was like, you can do it, babe. She's like being very supportive.

And then, so then yeah, the party started jumping and I was like Googling and taking requests and figuring it out. And people were like looking at me like, man, he's just taking this really seriously. Can I get you just as you're, you know, I believe in this career evolution. I like the idea of your DJ phase.

You know, we're jokingly calling you DJ Rhett, but I honestly think you need to, you know, you really need to, are you gonna be DJ Straw Beats? No, I don't like that either. Whatever you're gonna be, I mean, I think you need to take some time and you need to, are you gonna be DJ Strawbeat? No, I don't like that either. Whatever you're gonna be, I mean, I think you need to take some time and you need to figure that out. DJ guy from the internet.

Yeah, but like I do have a vision of you, you know, us going to like parties and like, yo, there's Link, Link's here and DJ whatever is here and he's doing his thing. Now, my only note at this point is facial expression. Okay, so in that moment. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think this is why.

This is good, okay, I'm taking notes. I think this is why. Even on facial expression. This is why, who are the two guys that wear the helmets? Daft Punk. Daft Punk and then who's two guys that wear the helmets? Daft Punk. Daft Punk, and then who's the guy that wears the big mouse? Dead Mouse. Dead Mouse.

Marshmallow. And then we got Marshmallow. Yeah. You're saying I need a mask. I wanna wear a mask of your face, call myself DJ Rhett. That's pretty funny. Or wear a mask of my own face, making the expression that apparently you're about to tell me I need to make.

The reason that they, my theory is why they wear helmets is because it's very difficult to not look like you're trying and you have a very, like there's a very specific face that you make when you're concentrating and trying and you kind of go into like, you look a little bit like an old man trying to figure something out, right? Oh, you like this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, whereas I think most, exactly, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it. And so I think that most cool DJs either have a helmet or they found a way to look super happy and effortless the whole time that everything is happening. So I'm not telling you what you should do. At the beginning, are you talking about the beginning or like once I got in, like once it was like, I recovered.

I'm saying you have- Even in the recovery, there was like the old man thing? Well, when you would look down, there would be like a crinkle of the, there would be a crinkle of the brow. It'd be, the person who pointed this out to me was your wife. So I'm sitting with Jessie and Christy and she's like, look at him.

He's trying so hard. And I looked and I was like, yeah, this guy is, he's doing a good job, but he doesn't look like he's doing a good job. It's kind of like in the book of mythicality when you're talking about confidence, it's all about the look on your face. You're exactly right.

Mask is not a bad idea. So I learned so much that night, and this is the last piece of the puzzle, because I derived so many things that why you need, a DJ needs equipment. It's like when you're just using a Spotify playlist, you are not a DJ because I would look at the dance floor and be like, all right, this song is too long.

This song needs to end. And the next song needs to go ahead and play and it needs to blend. But the next song needs to start after the intro. I had no capability to do any of that. So that's what the equipment allows you to do. You can't even crossfade songs using Spotify unless you let them play to completion

and then the next one starts to completion. You can't do it manually. In order to make a transition, you had to stop the song and start the next one. And completion. You can't do it manually. In order to make a transition, you had to stop the song and start the next one. And I was trying to do that. I was like deriving what it meant to be a DJ as if no one had ever done it. I do believe there was one time

in which a song kind of abruptly ended and you said, sorry. Yeah. Yeah. So I did have a microphone. Yeah. And a couple of requests were like, like the worst thing to play at that moment. And I was like, I would call the person out

and be like, hey, this is on so and so, this is not my decision. So I learned like you can't take requests all the time. Man, this is like a crash course in DJing. I was like throwing myself to the wolves. Yeah, right. But now I'm realizing, so after that night, I ordered a DJ deck.

You ordered one? I already have it. Really? Yeah. Last weekend, I set the thing up and in my living room, and I had the headphones and I was using my speakers and I stayed up until like 2.30 in the morning, just pretending to be DJing a party that nobody was at.

I love this. And you know what? It was so much fun because- Is it software? Like how does it, you load the songs? Serato DJ, DJ Lite is free. And then it connects to the board, which like simulates two turntables.

But where is it getting the music from? You can connect it with Tidal or SoundCloud. So I had to get a Tidal subscription. Oh, so you're playing like the high res stuff. Playing the high res stuff. And you know what? I wasn't doing it to, yes, I was pretending to be at a party kinda

and like thinking about my experience and like what would I have done if I would have had this equipment? Oh yeah, I would have done this. This is what I wanted to do. This is how I would want to mix these songs. And it's like, I haven't really figured it out yet. But the main thing is it's like,

it's an exercise in active listening. I mean, for the whole pandemic, I really got into listening to music voraciously, like in making playlists. That's where this whole thing started. And so this is like another level of it's active listening. You're like participating in it. And there's like, there's knobs and it's very tangible.

And like you're learning software. And there's a really big part of this that is about control, you know, which obviously resonates with my proclivities to like say, okay, can I control people's and react to people's responses and give them a good time? Like, I love this. I really think this may be my calling.

Well, interesting that you say that because, you know, and I think this is a good channeling of that because it is true. Like oftentimes if we're like in a group setting, you know, my wife is the one that will point this out to you sometimes. It's like, okay, Link, you feel like you're trying to, she'll bring something up and you'll be like,

I don't wanna talk about that. You don't say that, but you indicate that you don't wanna talk about that right now. You're kind of trying to keep the conversational flow according to what you think we should be talking about. Yeah. But I think that this is a way for you to exercise some control in a way that serves the group

in a way that no one else is going to do. Right. And you can like control the vibe of a party without controlling the conversation of a party. But it is a conversation. I mean, it's not just control one way, it's a two way street. Cause you gotta read the room.

Yeah. But now I'm realizing the one other piece that I need for my DJ setup is a mirror. To check your teeth? No, just to check the look on my face. Oh. Like I'm gonna put a mirror down here. Lando makes fun of me.

He says, every time you look in the mirror and fix your hair, dad, you make this face. Oh, yeah. I'm like, no, I don't. I mean, I think- I'm like, yeah, I think I do. So yeah, if I had a mirror there, I'd be making this face all day.

Well, I'm being honest about this. I feel like it would be super cool, and maybe, I don't know, I'm not throwing anything out there, but maybe I am. You could get the Mythical Beasts to help out with this, but like, I'm not throwing anything out there, but maybe I am. You could get the mythical beasts to help out with this, but like, I think there's an opportunity to achieve some sort of persona, you know, like some name and maybe there is like,

okay, he always wears suits. You know, he's always got matching tops and bottoms and this is his helmet. This is what's on his head. I mean, I'm just saying, the possibilities are pretty limitless and I never understood it. I never understood the helmets and the mouse head

and the marshmallow until this moment. And now it's all making sense to me that like- I think I can, I don't wanna wear a helmet, just probably hide in there. Probably, well, you can get a cool one that has a built-in cooling. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

Or you could just learn the face. What about just a hat? It could be a hat, but I'm saying like, you gotta have a name, because this DJ Rhett thing is kind of catching on now. And you gotta stop that from happening. Yeah, that can't happen. I think, you know. That can't happen. Right.

It can't happen. This can't be your thing when you know. That can't happen. Right. It can't happen. This can't be your thing when you have nothing to do with it. Right. It's like, become front and center of the thing. I mean, it's pretty funny. It is funny. But it's a chapter in the book,

the DJ Rhett days. Yeah, as long as I suck, I can be called that. Right. And then like, when I realized that, okay, I think I've got something to offer to the world, then I gotta come out with my real name. Yeah, put some thought into that. Because then you could act different and everything.

It's like, act different. I'm showing up. Alter ego. I'm showing up as this guy. Yeah, yeah. And I could wear matching suits and, which is kind of what I already did. Right, that's what I'm saying, yeah. You're laying the groundwork for this.

I could wear overalls. But I do think that you're gonna have to bring Jenna. Coveralls? Jenna every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she's gonna have to be figuring out what the people want and then whisper it to you. Well, I think she'll have a, you'll have an earpiece in your helmet

and she'll have a little microphone. Jenny will be like, the face. Work on the face. You're doing that face again. You're doing the old man face. Okay, well, we haven't even planned our days. Thank you for indulging me. That was the update on the party.

I didn't mean to make it all about me and my DJ experience, but everybody had a good time. We, when we were, nobody wanted to leave. Yeah, I mean, I- You left. I ducked out about- I kept playing music. 8.30 or so.

And then because I did this trick where I kept playing music and then everyone who stayed, we got them to help clean up. Well, I knew that was gonna happen, so I left. Yeah. No, I left because I did my little dance. You know, my dancing has gotten much more reserved over the years with my back situation.

So I did my little dance in the circle and then I popped out and then I was like, okay, you know, you kids have fun. Daddy's going home to go to sleep. But my, yeah, my idea is I wanna be a barbecue DJ. I'm still more of a laid back mode. I'm not like, I'm not going to the club. That is not my aspiration.

I wanna go to the barbecue. Okay. I like to have it, I wanna have it a little bit more laid back. But I need to have it in my repertoire to hit the dance floor. Man, we waited a long time to do our promo. It usually comes earlier.

What are we promoting today? Here, Rhett, read this script. It's a promotion that involves you. Before we get to the rest of the episode, we wanted to tell you about an exciting upcoming episode of Best Friends Back, All right. All right. And we talked about BFBA a few times on the show. The show where Stevie and Nagin reconnect

after 15 years apart. And this week, it's something a little different. On this Friday's episode, I, Rhett, not DJ Rhett, just Rhett, will be guesting on the show and talking to Stevie and Nagin about everyone's favorite high school period, lunchtime. It's not periods. I think they've already talked about periods.

I'm sure they have. They're just talking about the favorite lunchtime, the favorite high school period. Search for Best Friends Back All Right on your favorite podcast app or click the link in the episode description to follow so you don't miss Friday's episode. And while you're over there,

check out some of the other incredible episodes of the podcast. I wonder if Nagin is gonna hate you. No, I know me. I kind of hope Nagin hates you by then. That would be hilarious to listen to. We get along great. I'm gonna listen to see if Nagin hates Rhett.

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All right. Let's plan the perfect day for the other guy. The only thing I've thought about is a few ground rules. You know me, I love rules. That was a joke. I think that this should be something that is possible. Yeah, yeah, let's keep it- It's something that we could do.

Feasible. It's a feasible thing. We're talking, and were we talking 12 hours or 24 hours? I think we should stick with the day. I think this is like when you wake up and you go to bed. So it could be a little bit longer than normal. Okay, okay. I also don't think that,

I don't think it can involve any extensive travel because that's not a great day. It's gotta be really justified. I'm gonna fly you to Hawaii. Well, yeah, what about that five hour flight? You gotta fly back. Yeah, right. It wouldn't work. You gotta wake up in your own bed

and go to sleep in your own bed. So I think that rules out extensive travel. It's just a day. It's not an overnight trip. And this is something that if we so chose, we could implement and actually pull off. Oh, snap. So it's not like, well, I'm gonna get Questlove to come

and give you a personalized DJ lesson. Yeah. Because that would be super cool, but I just don't know if I can pull that off. I don't, yeah, he wouldn't sniff the hole on Fallon. I tried to get him to sniff the- Right, I remember that. Get him to smell the hole.

He said no. Of the cinnamon roll. Yeah. So I think it's gotta be something that- I didn't get to talk to him afterward. You know that, like, if I'm planning your thing, I know that I could do it if I wanted to and vice versa. Yeah, okay, all right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't involve any maybes. Or what if this actually could happen? Okay, all right. And it doesn't necessarily have to involve the other guy. You could just be like a concierge for me. You don't have to be there. If the idea is better without you,

then you've got to be willing to not be there. Right? Because it's my perfect day. It's not our perfect day. Well, that might put a little bit of a, because one of the things that I'm thinking about- I'm just saying it could go either way. Well, you remember that time I- I have the freedom of disinviting you.

I picked you and your girlfriend at the time up, took you on a date, and I turned my Dodge Dynasty into a limousine and the only thing I did was I put a sheet up between the front and back seats and I put on a hat and I used an English accent. Yeah, and you know what, pardon my French, but I would call that fucking boss.

I mean, she was a little uncomfortable because it was like- To have your best friend take you on a date. Yeah. Like to go on a date with a guy and then his best friend is acting like a chauffeur and has a sheet up between you and the front of the car. You were in character the whole time.

It was very much about you. Yeah, I was putting on a show and I took you to like a jazz, remember that jazz themed restaurant in Waverly Place? At Waverly Place. And Carrie? Yeah, I mean, I booked the reservations. Yeah, I didn't plan that, unlike now.

But do you think it was my idea or your idea to do that? I think I probably pitched it. Yeah, what if I, you know, you wanna do something really nice, let's get her a limo driven by me. And it's not a limo, it's the dynasty. I'll put a sheet up. I'll use an English accent

because all chauffeurs are from England. Just a little insight into my 16 year old mind. We just saw it from the perspective of, this is hilarious and awesome and cool. But from her perspective, it's like, yeah, this is a bit uncomfortable and I mean, strangely third wheelish. But also this is what you get when you're dating Link.

Yeah, you get a little- That might show up as your chauffeur. You don't know what's gonna happen. So anyway, all that to say- Do you wanna start? Go. I'm gonna be your chauffeur for the day. Okay, all that to say- Do you wanna start? Go. I'm gonna be your chauffeur for the day. Okay, all right.

And I will be using an English accent. And you know what? Yeah, it's weird, that's weird. It's gonna be weird. Go ahead. Okay, I'm just saying. Okay, do you want- You're gonna pick me up at what time?

Well- What's the first thing? Well, first thing is I'm going to, the day before, I'm going to, the day before, I'm going to learn your smoothie recipe because I know you gotta make your smoothie, but does the process of making the smoothie, is that part of it?

It's starting to feel a little bit too much like Mother's Day. Like, you know, it's like, this seems like a- You have to start your day with a damn smoothie so I figured that's part of it. Yeah, I just think, give me time to make my own smoothie. So okay, oh really? My perfect day is I make my own smoothie.

You make your own smoothie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you would- Before you pick me up apparently. So this is gonna be the, I could do anything. This is the perfect day. I perfected my smoothie. It's a perfect start to the day.

I drink my coffee, I drink my smoothie and I take a poop. And if I do those three things, then I'm like, you know what? I'm ready to go. I've got the nutrients and I'm cleaned out. I'm ready to go. Okay. You don't even have to worry about breakfast.

Okay, so I'm picking you up, but the question is, you family with you? Like, are you like, cause I feel like the perfect day. My kids? Hell no. Okay, so the kids are not. That's a joke, but at this point, I was assuming that, no.

I definitely think that the kids, I mean, I think about my kids. I think there might be a certain point where they show up for a window of time for something. But the fact is is that I love my children, but I'm gonna see them the next day. Right. And they only have potential to screw up the perfect day.

I hate to say that about them publicly. I love them both. Your perfect day puts them in a position where they're not having their perfect day. You know that messes up your perfect day. I hate to say that about them publicly. I love them both. Your perfect day puts them in a position where they're not having their perfect day. You know that messes up your perfect day. When you ask teenagers like, dad's having his perfect day. Right.

And they're like, oh crap, we gotta be a part of it. You know, we gotta be there for this. And then they've got a little bit of attitude. For Mother's Day, and I know you did this too, like we had like six or seven hour window of time where it was like, we went to an event we had like six or seven hour window of time where it was like, we went to an event that Christy wanted to go to and we went out to lunch afterward.

But like that event that we went to with all these shops that Christy went to, it was like me and Lincoln and Lando were just kind of following her around and trying to keep a smile on her face while she enjoyed herself. Mother's day. But it's like, and she was glad that we were there,

but because it was Mother's Day, but if it was just her perfect day, she probably would have preferred to be shopping at those shops and then meet up with us later. So yeah, no harm, no foul here. My wife got back from our Mother's Day outing and she said, "'That might have been the best Mother's Day I've ever had.

Yeah, and how was it for you and the boys? I mean, so we went over to Santa Monica, went over to the West side, had a little brunch at a place that's right there on the beach. That's good brunch. And then we drove over to Abbott Kinney. Nice shops.

And we just kind of- Expansive. We went up and down and it was more like, Jessie's going where she wants to go and we may go in with her or we may go to another place and then we'll kind of, this roving thing where we'll kind of meet up with her. Yeah. And I think that the boys had a pretty good time.

They got to get some pizza and stuff. We were there, we basically stayed out all day. That's cool. Now for me, no shopping. Like, I don't wanna go shopping. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you.

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8 o'clock. 8 o'clock. For your, you know, I don't want to waste the day. Now, I mean, besides the travel required to get across town, we've had some pretty good days that have started with surfing. Yeah. We haven't done that in a while.

It's just, we're just kind of, we're far away from the ocean. I'd like to do that. Now you never know what you're gonna get. Might get hurt. With a surfing day. Yeah, it could be a dud. But I would say that, I mean, I'm not putting in requests,

but for me, I think beginning the day with, you know. That's what, you know what? I'm actually changing. All right. You're planning a seat. All right, we'll go surfing on your day. But here's the thing. I'm gonna rent you a oceanfront house so you wake up.

Oh, wow. Now, we did this, I don't know when it was. In the middle of the pandemic, when we were just having a hell of a time, trying to be a family during the pandemic and having kids that were just so frustrated with not going to school and not seeing their friends. My therapist who happens to be my wife's therapist as well,

was like, hey, you guys really just need to like get the change of scenery, right? And we ended up, we rented a place. We haven't been in LA for 11 years and have never done this, but we rented like one of those places, small, but like on the water in Malibu where the water, the waves are hitting the house at night.

That's nice. I don't know about the owner. I don't know what you do when the waves eventually take it down, but hey, I'll rent it for a little bit. And I brought my paddle board and it was literally like you could just wake up, go down some steps, you're on the beach,

and then you're in the water. That was a great way to start the day. So I'm gonna rent a beachfront condo or a place for you. But since this is our perfect day. Our perfect day. Like we probably should both rent that and spend the night there the night before. Well, no, you gotta start and end in your own bed.

That's what you said. Oh crap, why did I make that rule? Can I change it? But it's just for the day. So it's a little splurgy, but yeah, you got a home base so you can get off the beach and you can shower and you can have as many Topo Chico's as you want, I mean, I'm not saying, I'm not requesting anything,

and then you move on to the next thing, fully showered. Wash the sand out your butt cheeks. Okay, so at this point, I feel like we're pretty on, I feel like my perfect day and your perfect day are kind of in line at this point. I feel like we're pretty on, I feel like my perfect day and your perfect day are kind of in line at this point. I don't have a smoothie routine. Yeah, I think yours is so much, is gonna be a lot, is gonna be pretty food centric.

I think you're gonna care about breakfast, but we're gonna be in a hurry. So you're gonna wanna go through the McDonald's drive-thru and get a sausage and egg McGriddles. Well, am I just accepting what you're suggesting? Yep. So we're going through the McDonald's drive-thru and getting a McGriddles?

Yeah, we're not doing a sit down breakfast because boy, what I have in store for your perfect day, you're not gonna wanna delay. Okay, so I get a McGriddles. Yeah, yeah. You love it, man. I mean- It's a splurge. I mean, it's like a caloric splurge.

It's rare to have something better than a McGriddles. Right. Even at like some sit down breakfast place, you think you want it, but you don't. You might've been thinking like- Thought I did. What did you think you wanted? Well, I was gonna say that- Just say it.

I was gonna say that- Just say it. Typically a perfect day for me is two meals. Like if I go- All right, no food, no breakfast. Well, if I go- You're gonna be hungry, we're gonna eat lunch at like one and you're gonna be starving, it's gonna be so good. No lunch. When I go on vacation- All right, so you

brunch and dinner. We eat brunch and dinner. Well, listen- Like really big brunches and really big dinners. It sucks up too much time to eat a really- That's what I wanna do. It's not what you want. I love eating and I love going to cool places to eat. I don't want my mom to come in and cook for me. Like, that's what you're asking.

I love her cooking, but I like going to a restaurant. All right, fine. But I mean, after the physical, we're gonna go surfing. And then the- There's a physical? Your perfect day has to start with a physical. What, I gotta turn and cough? No, you gotta, I'm gonna drop you off. I'm gonna make a special,

the first appointment they've got at the doctor. To make sure I can go? I just want you to be fully checked out. Like I just, you know, you never get around to it. You never get around to it. No, no, no, I've be fully checked out. Like I just, you know, you never get around to it. You never get around to it. No, no, no, I've been fully checked out. You need to be thoroughly checked out. I'm not gonna get a physical on my perfect day.

This is the most, this sounds horrible. Think about it. Dude, you're a hypochondriac. You wanna be cleared. You wanna be cleared at the beginning of the day to be like, you know what? They've tested me, my blood, my semen, everything. I can prep for this.

I can do a blood test and a physical and a semen test like a week ahead of time. No, because what happens in that week? And I ain't talking about COVID here. I'm talking about much, much worse than that. Okay, let me- I'm talking about cancer. Can I just say, can I just say that- I'm thinking of your best, man. So far, I'm chauffe cancer. Can I just say, can I just say that? I'm thinking of your best, man.

So far, I'm chauffeuring you around, renting you a beach house in Malibu, and what you've done for me is you got me a McGriddles and a physical. Yeah, man, I know the real you. You're gonna be so freed up. The McGriddles is a good idea. After that physical?

Listen, the physical is unnecessary. When that doctor comes out and is like, listen man, nothing, you're totally clean. Tell me about this doctor. He's smart, he knows his stuff. It's not even like a hot female doctor. What? What do you, I mean, it's not a-

If you're gonna make me do a physical, at least I need to find like a little, something needs to be fun. No, man. The fun is being cleared of all worry. You're like- But I get anxiety at the doctor. I have white coat blood pressure issues.

So I just don't think this is a good, this is not getting me in the right mind space. And if they do find something, then it becomes like your last day on earth. Like, it's like, you know what? I got bad news. You have one day to live, but it's like, well, good. You know what?

This is your perfect day. With a win-win. Okay, let me get back to what I'm doing for you. So you get done with your surfing session. Right there, I get into the bungalow, the shower. Hold on. I planned this in such a way as you never know if the surf's gonna be good.

And sometimes you can have a great time regardless, but we're talking, I'm gonna plan this on a day when it's like the waves are consistent, it's smooth and glassy, not too big, so you're not gonna get hurt, and you just have those, you know, we've had a couple of days like that, and it's just a great way to start the day. Being on the water is a victory.

It doesn't matter. But I'm saying I'm planning this on a day when there's good surf. Then you come back into the house and I have hired just one of these, like really good yoga people. You know what I'm saying? Maybe like just a masseuse.

Well, hold on. But the masseuse is part of it too. But this is a person who is like super comforting and relaxing guru-like who after you come in and do whatever you need to do shower-wise, they've created this environment in this Malibu place where it's like super soothing and there's like this awesome playlist playing.

No, you know what? I'm going all out. It's not a playlist. It is a live- Flautist. It's a live band that plays like spa music. I think I can work- I don't want a band watching me do yoga.

They're not, they're all turned away from you. They're all turned into the corner. Okay, they're just there. maybe they're in the next room. This is strange. No, no, no. I feel strange. And there's like, they make the kind of things that you, the kind of noises that you hear

in this yoga music, but it's all live. And they're doing that. A live sound bath. And this is a person of your choice. I can give you a list of, I've got multiple people, because I know how you are with people sometimes. And so I've given you like multi, I've hired four yoga instructors.

And I'm supposed to look at them and choose one of them? No, no, they are on the other side of a one-way mirror that I've installed. So they know they're being. No, no, no, I tell them something like, hey, this is a fun game I'm playing. You've been accused of a crime. No, no, this is a fun game I'm playing. You've been accused of a crime. No, like this is a fun game I play with my friend

where I'm paying you full price for your day, all four of you, but only one of you is gonna be chosen because he comes from a weird religion where he has to pick. It feels a little broth-ily. Okay, so you just want me to pick the person for you? Because you might have a problem with them. Just.

I don't like their voice. You know, I want you to want me to pick the person for you? Because you might have a problem with them. Just, I don't like their voice. You know, I want you to be able to see them. I appreciate what you're trying to do. And then choose them. And then, okay, well, let's say, somehow you choose that person, the band's going, they're doing their sounds, they come in and they lead you through

just a really relaxing, stretching, little meditation, very, very good stuff. And then that moves into, oh, here comes a person. They set up a table and ask you to disrobe and get on it. This is the massage part. And what we do is- Is this the exam? Mine's just later.

This is a, you thought you were allowed with a four-hander. This is a six-hand massage. So I'm talking three people. Doesn't have to be three women. In fact, it probably shouldn't be based on how your four-hander went with the two women. Yeah. So we've got three-

I think it should be very inclusive. Okay. So you want two women, one man? What do you want? I just, it makes me uncomfortable. I don't know why I've kind of positioned myself as a pimp in your day. I know, I know. It's like, I don't wanna be a pimp.

That's not what I'm after in life. You seem good at it. But somehow I'm like bringing people to you and you're making choices. I'm sorry that it's turned out this way on your perfect day. I do like a massage. So a six-hander massage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just need to be, it's all about,

they need to be good at it. Oh, these are the best. It's not about their gender. It's not about their- They are the best. It's not about how they look. It's about what they can do to my body only. Okay.

Sincerely. They need to be good with the pressure. They need to be able to like stay on that. All this is part of it. Not pop off of it. Yeah, this is all part of it. They need to be good. Okay, we can move on.

Well, shoot, I gotta, man, you're pretty good at this. Oh yeah. Jessie's listening, she's like, well, why is this just once a Mother's Day? This could be about me. It's like, we're digging ourselves a hole. Okay, I did this one. I'm not doing you right.

So then like, Christy's like, yeah, he's saving up his plans for me. I don't want to show her that I'm like really creative. And then I've been holding back on her. I don't want to show her that I'm really creative. You're really digging a hole. Just give up on me now. Shop Best Buy's ultimate smartphone sale today. Get a Best Buy gift card of up to $200 on select phone activations with major carriers.

Visit your nearest Best Buy store today. Terms and conditions apply. So what's happening, because I'm also at the beach house. You're at the beach house, yeah. And then- Maybe a different day. You don't like, I think you like yoga more than a massage.

Are you really designing your own day here too? Is this working for you? Well, I mean, I expected there to be some crossover. At this point for you, I think when you get off the beach, like you've exerted yourself, the thing you wanna do is eat. Yeah. So I think that's really-

I feel like I got the McGriddles rolling around in there. That's really, you burned that off, man. I think you want a, well, in one sense it's like a buffet, but buffet is not classy. Mm-mm, I'm not classy. So I mean, if you, all right, so there's a one-way mirror on the other side of it.

There's like five chefs. Now you're talking. See, I'm choosing the masseuse based on skills. You're choosing the chef based on cuisine. They're all like six star chefs. Okay, I'm glad you're doing this, but six star is not a thing. Now, one thing I will say is one of the best,

I've found that one of the things I really like is, and I've only done this like a couple of times in my life. But I went to this, there was a weird restaurant on the west side where you kind of went into this like mall and you went up these stairs and it was kind of like a speakeasy. I think I talked about this on the show, but there was this weird door and you like knocked on it.

And then you went into this Michelin star restaurant and it was very small. It could seat like 16 people. And the chef, there was this famous chef who had moved from Chicago to start this restaurant in LA, made it, did a 12 course meal and talked to you personally about each thing. That's not gonna happen for you.

What? That's what I want. Here's what's gonna happen. These six chefs are gonna, as you're trying to choose- Are they six chefs or are they six chefs? Both. And as you're trying to choose which one you want, you can interview them through a microphone that disguises your voice.

One-way mirror? And they're each like telling you what they can do. Because if we install a one-way mirror in the condo, we should probably use it for both the masseuse, the yoga thing and the chef thing. Right, and then, so like you've asked them each a few questions, you've cracked a few jokes. They're all laughing at your jokes.

I know that's important to you. I've instructed them to laugh at all your jokes. I don't want to be put on the spot. You don't know that I've instructed them to do that. But they're really into your jokes. I don't like manufactured laughter. Once you've interviewed all six and you're still kind of torn

because these are all like top notch chefs. Are they telling me like what the menu options are? Yeah, they're telling you whatever you wanna know. We have a Southwestern branch or whatever. At that point, they all rush towards the wall and they kick it down and they say, you don't have to choose, we're each gonna vie for your approval.

And then the first one brings out a little morsel and it describes it. And so it's a chef's competition show. And I'm the judge. Yes. And you're eating it and you're like, cracking a few jokes. And then the next chef comes out

and is like topping that. And like, they're really competitive with each other. Is it a show? Is this being filmed? No. This isn't a pilot? No. Okay, I don't want it to be.

I don't wanna feel any pressure. This is your day. Okay. Nobody's watching. Are you there? Yeah. Where are you? Getting a massage.

Oh, so it's just literally happening in the same building. Yeah. And then, I mean, they're like aggressively competitive with each other. Like they are starting to hate each other. And they're like, you think they're gonna fight. And the things they're saying to each other are just horrible.

But the things they're saying to you are amazing. And then it's like you're watching a reality show where they're like, are they gonna pull each other's hair out? You know, it's like, It doesn't have to get violent. Well, it gets a little trashy. So this is where the reality show part of it comes in. They start making out with each other in a hot tub. Okay.

It's like, there's like, you know, all the things on those shows that you watch. So is one of them like a mail order bride? Yeah, mail order chef. Okay, so we've got like 90 day fiance. I like this. Right, they're like all these chefs are just like, they're either fighting or they're like making out.

But they're all making great food. And they're all making the best food you ever had. Hold on, I think you may have inadvertently like created an experience that I want to actually create for people. You go to a restaurant and the people make the food for you and they're all fighting and making out and stuff. Yeah, you like the idea, see?

This is a great, is it? I know! Hold on, isn't this, this is like just going to that Beverly Hills restaurant that, what's her name, owns, the woman from the show. Oh good, well I'll just take you there. What's the show? Vanderpump.

Yeah, Vanderpump. This is like just going to Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant. Which I've never, can you believe I've never been there? Man. Well, we're going there for dinner. But I'm gonna be the only one there. Right, shut it down. Where's my wife?

Because I would want my wife to be there for that for sure. Okay, fine. She's there, poof. All of a sudden she's there. You press a button, you press the wife button, she comes up out of the floor. Oh, there's a wife button. Yeah.

You press it and she comes up, you press it again, she goes down. Yeah. I wouldn't call it a cage. Oh, hey, hey, hey. But she can't get out. Listen, listen, no, uh-uh, no. What, I'm just asking. You're digging holes for me that I don't wanna dig.

You asked for a cage, you want Jessie to be in a cage. Well, is it like a stripper cage? I don't know what those are. If it's like a sexy stripper cage. She can get out. She knows, and of course, it's not locked from the outside or anything. It's all, yeah. Yeah, so she can get in. She knows, and of course, it's not locked from the outside or anything. It's all, yeah. Yeah, so she can get in. So that's there.

Okay. My wife is hanging from a sexy cage. It doesn't hang, it comes out of the floor. Well, I think once it comes out of the floor, then it attaches to something and then it hangs. She swings. That's sexier. Yeah, yeah. And she can get, and she does whatever she wants.

She wants to stay up there and dance or she wants to open the cage and come sit next to me. Either thing, because that's her day, you know? She's, this isn't her perfect, this is definitely not her perfect day. No. But I'm saying, as she relates to me and my perfect day. She would enjoy watching this.

She still maintains all her own will. Okay, and then we gotta get back to you. So it's a culinary orgy, like IFC, not IFC, UFC. So they're having sex? The chefs are having sex? Well, I don't know what they do on these trashy shows you watch. Well, there's nobody filming this.

They could do lots of things. Hey, it's your day, man. I don't know about that though. I don't think they should have sex. I think they just make out. I mean, it's up to you and to them. Okay. Like consent is always a part of this.

Of course. This is all hypothetical. Yeah, yeah, right. But it is gonna happen. Okay, so you know what? You just called up with my perfect day. I've surpassed it. And maybe surpassed it.

Yeah. So now I gotta get back to you. Now, I'm trying to think of, because I want, what I'm sort of requesting for my day, which I'm now, in terms of a category, is I feel like there's an, there's an afternoon activity. And so I'm trying to think what is the afternoon activity? You know, first of all,

we haven't even thought about food yet for you. So, well, you just want another smoothie? You just wanna be filled up with another smoothie, like a second smoothie? I mean, I could probably go for a cheeseburger at this point. Okay, so you want a cheeseburger? Yeah, a really good one.

Where from? Like a Shake Shack. You want a Shake Shack burger for lunch? Yeah. Okay, that could probably be arranged. All right, great. It's a little easier than six chefs that are gonna screw each other while they make food.

I thought they were gonna fight. Okay, you're right, okay, I'm sorry. I said they were like, it was very competitive. Okay, so what are we gonna do in the, what are you gonna do in the afternoon? Now you're a big mountain biker guy. Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm the best at it, but I do really enjoy it.

Okay, I can do this. It's very strenuous though. I got't say I'm the best at it, but I do really enjoy it. Okay. I can do this. It's very strenuous though. I got it for you. I'm getting a chopper. There's a helipad on top of the cottage. We can get a helipad. We can get one of those Malibu places that's got a helipad. This is just one night, we can do that.

And also, I've got the whole six chefs thing happening on one side. So it's a helipad. This is just one night, we can do that. And also, I've got the whole six chefs thing happening on one side. So it's a helipad. So it's a big, big ass. It's a helicopter with a mountain bike attached to it. Your mountain bike. The pilot shows up, he's like, "'You point at a mountain.

"'I will take you there. "'You roll down it. "'And then I pick you up up and you point at another mountain. Oh wow. That's what your afternoon is. That's pretty cool, man. That's pretty cool. Do you want a friend? Do you want your friend, your buddy Nick to come along? Or do you wanna do it because he feels like

he might keep you safe? Sure, yeah. Now that you've, I mean, I can't say no at this point. He's listening. Okay, so that's your afternoon. You can just literally never have to pedal. It's just all downhill mountain biking. But not too aggressive.

What, you pointed the mountain. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you tell the chopper, you're like, anytime I get uncomfortable, I'm gonna shoot a flare. You're giving a flare. And he just comes, well, you can't shoot a flare. You're given a flare and he just comes, well, you can't shoot a flare in the mountains. I could be connected by a tether to the copter and he could be, so that way, if I fall off the bike,

it's taught enough that I don't injure myself. That'd be cool. You want a tether? I want a tether. I don't know if I can work that out. I want a chopper tether. You want a chopper tether. That sounds like very dangerous. I don't think I I can work that out. A chopper tether. You want a chopper tether. That sounds like very dangerous.

I don't think I should do the tether. I'm just saying, because I think this is feasible. All right, we got that. This is feasible. That's good, because you can go to ski resorts in the summer and you can take the lift up, but that takes time. Yeah, that's true. And then you're mountain biking back down.

So what are you gonna do next? What is it you wanna do? I mean, you've just eaten. You probably wanna go somewhere and eat again. No, not yet. Okay. I could give you some hints. I think maybe you wanna, I think you wanna go to a place that no one has access.

Yes, exactly! You know me so well. I was gonna say, I wanna go to a place that no one has access to. Really? Yeah, exactly that. I love that kind of thing. But I mean, we're talking LA.

There's gotta be parts of LA that nobody is off limits. Like if you have to go through this culvert. It's definitely underground. Coming from like the LA River and then you're gonna go underneath Dodger Stadium where like, you know, Mickey Rooney had like a lounge. Sure, nooks and crannies. I love nooks and crannies.

Yeah, yeah. And I don't like some tour guide and then like a family from Ohio. So you're given a headlamp and a map? What? A headlamp and a map. No, no, I need a, I wanna, no, I want- You do want a guide?

I want a guide, I just don't want a tour guide. You know what I'm saying? This is not a sanctioned tour. This is like an expert. Like I read about those French catacombs under Paris, or as we say, Paris. And- There's an LA version of that, I'm sure.

There's gotta be something in LA. I wanna know that. I wanna know about this stuff, man. I wanna be down there. Also like visiting places, like nice places that you, like I've always wanted to go to the Biltmore Estate with nobody else there, you know? Okay. So you come out of the other end of the Biltmore estate with nobody else there, you know? Okay.

So you come out of the other end of the tunnel system, you may have to take a shower. We'll have a portable shower for you. And there will be snacks, like little smokies. Like ever so often the- Appetizers, yeah. That your guide, your Sherpa, he's gonna give you little smokies.

What about those little meatballs that your mom makes in the jelly? Yeah, my mom will make you her meatballs. She will not be there. Okay, cheese board? She's gonna have to ship them. When you come out at the other end of the tunnel, it's that, in Beverly Hills, there's that castle there.

There's that castle there. There's that really nice mansion that you can go in. I can't remember what it's called. It's like there's an estate in Beverly Hills. You're gonna pop out there and that's been shut down. Just for me. And you can go around there and you're gonna find which room you're gonna have your conjugal visit in.

Oh, okay. So I hit the wife button again. Hit the wife button and she's gonna come out. She's gonna come up in the- Okay, this is good. Cause I was thinking it's about time for that. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

So you've come out of the, I mean the traversing the tunnel has taken a while. You're in the, like, it's like the West Coast Biltmore. It's in the Beverly Hills. How come I don't know about this? Look that up. I don't know what it is.

It's like some sort of estate mansion, Beverly Hills. This sounds cool, man. Yeah, and then it's like, you can, any bed you want, any hard surface, multiple surfaces. We can make love in multiple rooms. Yeah, yep. Okay.

You and your wife, just clarify. I will not be there. My wife and I will make love in multiple rooms. Right, it's like you never know what they can do with the edit of this thing. They edit this stuff down, they put it on TikTok. The Tumblr folks will have a ball with that one. Put it on TikTok, they put it on Twitter.

Are you finding it? Greystone? Greystone. Greystone. Greystone Mansion. Mansion? Mansion. You'll love it. Okay. The gardens are even amazing.

I was gonna say, I love gardens. Well, you know, you could have a little- I'm a sucker for gardens, man. Huntington Gardens? Have a little smoke break in the gardens. I spend all day there, but it's the part I don't like is the other people. No other people are there.

I love this. Get lost in the hedges. Yes. And then- Can the six chefs come back to the mansion? No, that's over. That's over. It's never gonna be as good as it was the first time.

Okay, well, what's the new food? Well, you know what, hold on. So yeah, okay. We're not to that. Yeah, because I've got you in mountain biking, you've had a tough day. I really need, yeah, I'm gonna need to get cleaned up. Well, after you've, what's the coolest way to get cleaned up?

You know, like what's the most enjoyable way to get cleaned up? You know? Like what's the most enjoyable way to get cleaned up? Sponge bath. Hot tub. Hot tub. Hot tub. So, okay. Not in a convalescent home. That's simple.

You come back to the, you come back, you gonna go to a new place? Do you wanna go to a new place? Cause I can rent two places. Yeah, I don't wanna go back to that place. Yeah, that place is old. They kicked the wall down, it's in shambles. That place is a piece of crap now.

Yeah. I wanna go back to it. So we're going to a new place. You know, I kind of feel like you might be ready for like a little bit of a crowd. You know, like you may want to go to a party of your, the handpicked friends and- I think it's too early for that. That is still daylight.

Oh, I was thinking this is like five or six o'clock. No, it's- I'm trying to create a dinner situation for you. Yeah, I was thinking this is like five or six o'clock. No, it's- I'm trying to create a dinner situation for you. Yeah, I gotta eat something. A dinner and evening situation. I mean, I did give you a hint in your thing. I kinda need my version of- Oh, you have to hit the wife button too.

Yeah. And okay, well, I mean, that's easy. Afternoon delight, they call it. I think at one of the tops of the mountains, because you like to have sex outdoors, your wife is there on one of those blankets that y'all like. Okay.

I mean, maybe there's a yurt. And because Christy is scared, just logistics, I hate to go off on logistics, because Christy is scared, just logistics, I hate to go off on logistics, because Christy is scared of flying, she's been sedated like B.A. Baracus. Oh God. She's tethered down from the copter? She just falls floppy?

I'm just saying she didn't know, she knew she was gonna be at the top of the mountain and she's now there and she's awake when you show up. Well, she's gonna be groggy, man. Well, I'm just saying she's totally at ease because she was sedated. What? You're doing it again.

This is such a, there's no need to go down this path. I could drug my own wife for a conjugal visit. It's unnecessary and seems wrong. The terms you're using are all wrong. I'm saying that- The writing's on the wall, man. Okay, better idea. You roll down, oh, this is good. You pick, there's one mountain.

I don't think I'm gonna take the bike down the last time. No, no, but you- I am gonna come down, but I'm gonna come down on something else. A horse? Yeah, oh really? That's a good idea. What were you thinking?

A horse. Okay. I'm gonna gallop down the mountain on a horse. You come down the mountain on a horse that has been sedated and put at the top of the mountain. I mean, somebody's gotta get sedated here. Just logistically, okay? And then you come down.

Someone else could have written it up. Right, but this is where the Beverly Hills aspect comes in for you. So have you noticed that when you're hiking up in Runyon Canyon, that part of town, there are these super rich people who have these giant estates, and they've got trails that come off of the main trail.

Yeah. So you horse it down one of these trails, and you go into so you horse it down one of these trails and you go into like the nicest backyard that I can get somebody to agree to let me in. And we have created a scene where it looks like you are riding your horse into the Garden of Eden, okay? Oh, so I'm naked. Well, you have a choice to do what you want,

but your wife is only wearing fig leaves. And she is there, she's surrounded by fruit. Do fig leaves get sticky or just the figs? She's surrounded by figs and she's wearing fig leaves. Oh, great. Leaves. She's like Eve, right? Yeah.

And we've got the Garden of Eden theme in the back and we've got trained animals in pairs. Okay. So a little Noah's Ark too. I'm just throwing a lot of biblical references. Okay, yeah. Because you're gonna get to know her in the biblical sense in the back of this backyard.

So you come down and you're washed in a very, you know. I get off the horse and I'm being like hosed down. You come down and you're washed in a very, you know. I get off the horse and I'm being like hosed down. There's a group of people who drop you into a bath, like a clawfoot tub with heated water. Like it's kind of a, it's a little bit of a hot tub situation. Okay, yeah. Getting you ready, you know, like getting the,

it's just like getting the king ready to go into the room. Milk bath? Any kind of liquid you want that I can get hold of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except mercury. And then you have an outdoor visit with your wife. The horse turns around, turns away. Okay. The horse doesn't watch.

Nothing makes me horny like looking at the ass end of a horse. And then. I don't care if the horse watches. Okay, and then from there is where we start moving into the evening activities. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Well, you're skipping a step here. No, I gotta clean up. I mean, Well, you're skipping a step here. No, I gotta clean up. No. I mean, the perfect day for me has to include a nap. Okay, well you make love and you fall asleep in your wife's arms. Yeah. Outside. We've got like mosquito candles,

so you're not gonna get bitten by anything. No, no, no. You can sleep outside. There's a breeze. There's exactly the breeze that you want. Okay, you take a nap. Like a 90 minute nap. As long as you want.

Yeah, I mean, I'm willing to give up 90 minutes of my perfect day to just be in slumberland. Okay, back to me. What are you doing for me? Where do we leave you off? You're in the- I'm in the Greystone Mansion by myself, lost. Link, where are you?

Taking a 90 minute- No, no. So you gotta wait for 90 minutes for me to wake up. I'm with my wife. We've made love in every room. Oh. If I can do that. Well, you'll be allowed to, but you will not be capable. We've made love in half of the rooms. You did not pull that off.

Okay. It's the thought that counts, you know? I have a very specific idea of what I wanna happen now. I mean, just so you know. You're gonna get into an outfit. Like I think the outfit matters to you. The outfit matters to me? I'm not the one wearing matching suits

and doing the DJ set. Hey, I'm just, I'm planting seeds. I'm in an outfit. Yeah, you're in your outfit. It's got a big collar. Okay. What? Well, there's something, there's a place

I'm trying to lead you. What have I been talking about lately is what I want to do as I get older and also what I wanna start doing on a semi-regular basis here in LA with- Pedicures. Your toes need work, man. No, socially.

Oh, okay. So you want to have afternoon coffee with an author? No, no, no, no. I told you about my idea for these, me engineering these social. Oh yeah, soirees. Like a conversational soiree. Where, oh, where-

And I gave you the example of the one that I heard about my wife shared with me on Twitter because she knows I'm into this idea and I'm trying to begin curating these experiences. I'm really into this idea. Well. Was I inebriated when you told me this? No, hold on, I'll remember it.

I've talked about it multiple times. Yeah, this is a themed party with an assignment. And oh, you want me to take your idea as if it's mine and then give it back to you? Well. Because I remember it. Well, my idea. Don't, you can't say it.

I'm planning your perfect day. It's not my idea. The example idea was somebody on Twitter who already did it. Rhett is going to show up at an amazing event space and let, you know what? We've been, you're in the hills. I'm trying to figure out where the locale is.

I think you're on a rooftop event space as the sun sets where the most interesting people that fascinate you show up from all walks of life and they've each prepared their assignment, which is a PowerPoint presentation. I think you have to, can I just give the context? Because I think you- It's an event-

I wanna give the context and I want you to come up with, what I want you to do is come up with the theme. Plan your day, man. No, no, I want you to come up with what the theme is. Go ahead, go ahead. Okay, so I told my wife, I've been talking about this, that as I get older, one of the things I'm gonna come up with what the theme is. Go ahead, go ahead. Okay, so I told my wife, I've been talking about this, that as I get older, one of the things I'm interested in doing

is curating social settings for people to do weird things in that are just funny and interesting. Now, this is why we have game night in our house, which we haven't had since the pandemic. But the reason we have it is I love getting people together, eating something interesting or fun and then doing something fun together. And I just kind it is I love like getting people together, eating something interesting or fun and then doing something fun together.

And I just kind of, I love partaking, but I also just kind of love curating it and watching it happen, right? Yeah. And my wife sent me this Twitter post where a woman was like, I just went to something called Parm and PowerPoint. Where the theme of the party was you show up

and everyone eats chicken parm. And then everyone has prepared a short PowerPoint presentation in a niche area of their knowledge. And when you get there, they mix them all up and you have to do the PowerPoint presentation from somebody else for the whole group. Isn't that brilliant? And I whole group. Isn't that brilliant? And I love this. Isn't that so fun?

I love this kind of, I've come up with one that I'm calling milkshake spear. That's my first idea where we all have alcoholic milkshakes and then we all are given assignments and you divide up into small groups and you do Shakespeare themed plays with a theme and like a rule, like a stipulation. Like you draw a theme and a stipulation,

then you go with your little group and you write it, then you come in and I'll perform it inebriated with each other on these drunk milkshakes. Okay, on these drunk milkshakes. I'm gonna do that for game night, by the way. Do you feel like you can't just do the PowerPoint thing? Cause that's also a good idea. No, I want you to come up with a new one

because you're planning my day. I can't do Parman PowerPoint because that's already been done. Every time I do it, it's gonna be different. And I got this vision. When I'm old, I just wanna have a place where, again, it makes me sound like a pimp. I'm not trying to sound like a pimp

or like Hugh Hefner or something, but I just wanna be an old guy who curates experiences. You wanna be a king, man. And then I sit in the corner smoking a pipe and I'm like, mm-hmm, this is a great PowerPoint. You know, I just love the idea of people doing crazy stuff. The Shakespeare resonates with a different type of person than the PowerPoint, that's the beauty of it.

And so then over time, I just don't think, I think the PowerPoint should still be on the table. That's my humble request is that you say, hey. Start with PowerPoint? That's a good one too, man. It is, it's better than the Milk Shakespeare. I think it's better than Shakespeare, but that's just my personal preference.

Like Jenna likes the Shakespeare. She likes Milk Shakespeare. But like getting together and doing drama stuff is an acquired taste for some people. But so is giving a PowerPoint. But I love watching people come out of their shell and doing drama stuff, it's an acquired taste for some people. But so is giving a PowerPoint. But I love watching people come out of their shell and do things like-

Unless they don't. But when you have a PowerPoint, like you have some structure and then if you're struggling through it, it's still there, you have a backbone. It's like- Yeah, yeah. Or we just come up with a whole new one. Yeah, like sausage and sachet.

Yeah, whatever that is. It's when you eat sausages and then you have to- Do a little sachet. You have to do a little, you have to invent a dance. Invent a dance. But the brilliance is that you've prepared something that then somebody else gets. Like that's what really puts the Parm

and PowerPoint over the top. The moment that you told me that they switch them up, it became a brilliant idea because- Oh yeah, that's what makes it great. Everybody is out of their comfort zone equally. What I'm telling you is that that is an idea and there are an unlimited infinite number of great ideas. Well, you actually thought about it

and only came up with shakes and Shakespeare. Milk Shakespeare. And, milk Shakespeare. And- And that's, I mean, now just, I farted that idea. I'm just saying, like, you know that movie about- Something else you could prepare. What's the name of that movie where the woman marries into the family

and they have her over at the house and then they try to kill her? It's a horror movie that's kind of funny, but like that family has this crazy thing that they do. I don't want to do that, cause I don't want anybody to die. But like, I've always loved the idea of like these, even if it's like a murder mystery kind of thing,

but I did, and I've never been to one, and I've never been a part of one. So I want to go to like the most awesome version of that. That's how I want to end my day, with the people that I love. I love that. And then also some just interesting people who you might be able to get to end my day, with the people that I love. I love that. And then also some just interesting people who you might be able to get to show up.

Yeah. Might have to pay them. I definitely like, I like dinner with some close friends. We're now planning our own days, but then move into something that's more of an event. Well, do you want to just, maybe our days end at this event together? Yeah, I like that.

Oh, that's sweet. Parm and PowerPoint. Or something better that we haven't thought of yet. Switching it up is what's so brilliant. Yeah, but I'm just saying that was a great idea, but we can have a better idea. You wanna take credit for the idea. No, I'm just saying I like the idea

of every time people show up. It's different. It's different. I get that. Okay, so you've recovered from making love with your wife in the garden. I've recovered from making love with my wife in multiple rooms in a mansion. We are taken to, with our wives,

to this incredible event space where we meet the friends that we love. And then some like other interesting people that have been paid off to be there. Yeah, like an author. Yeah. A scientist. Somebody who studies something really interesting. Yeah, like a highly rated plumber.

Yeah, no influencers. No influencers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, stay away from them. Yeah, and you know what? All the chefs can show up. The chefs come back. And like the masseuses and yoga people. They're all there.

Like the guy, everybody's here. It's like the end of a movie. Yeah. The helicopter pilot comes in, the horse. Yes, the horse is there. The horse is inside. People are like riding the horse. It's such a big house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is great. The horse is there, I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah, yeah, this is great. The horses there, I love them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and this goes until like- This goes until we pass out. Until like three in the morning. Yeah. I'm not big into passing out.

I don't ever get so drunk that I pass out and think this never happened, but I think- Yeah, I've never done it either and I don't wanna- I think I might do it tonight. I don't want- Not tonight. On this night, I might get so drunk that I pass out. I don't want the day after my perfect day

to be the worst day. Well, one of those masseuses comes up and like hooks you up to like an IV and gives you a vitamin B shot in your ass and stuff as you go to sleep. You'll be fine. Okay, all right. Hey, that's it.

We ended it. That was fun, man. I mean, part of it, there's a therapy to this. We gotta do this now. Part of it made me feel like I experienced it. Yeah. Like I actually feel some endorphins. I feel some psychosomatic positivity.

This has been good. Yeah, man. Don't blow it with your wreck. And I feel like we could engineer at least a portion of that, you know? Yeah, I think we could. It's like, why not make that happen? Why not make that a reality?

Yeah. Okay. 1-888-EAR-POD-1. Call in and let us know what you think about that. I have a rec that is a little unusual. And my rec ironically is that I think if you have something that's hurting on you, you should go to the doctor.

This is why I'm telling you this. See? So I think I've disclosed that my right shoulder has been bothering me. And it's been bothering me for like 15 years. Like I haven't been able to really throw a baseball in the same way. You can see that in the evidence of when we threw

the pitches out at the Dodger stadium and mine bounced before it got to the plate. Cause I was kind of, I can't get my arm back anymore. And I, you know, but I'm not, I don't need to throw things very often, right? And so it's just kind of like, ah, this is just something I'll deal with. I don't want to go to the doctor

because I don't want them to tell me that I need surgery because I'm not going to get surgery. And what else am I going to do? So I went to an orthopedist who was like, you know, I think we should just do a few weeks of physical, you know, like six weeks of physical therapy to see if that starts fixing things. And I went to a physical therapist

who really got committed to trying to figure out what was wrong. Very much like, you probably had a tear at some point and it's kind of stiffened up here in the back and you've got some impingement, whatever. Long story short is that I just been doing these exercises and like with every day that passes, the mobility comes back, right? It's that simple.

I talked about going to the physical therapist and fixing my shoulder. I've talked about going to physical therapist all the time on this show. I understand that, but for some reason- I was recommending it constantly by implying it. But for some reason, I, well, first of all, I've always known that I should be doing this.

Yeah. And the reason I'm making it a wreck is because somebody out there, this is like one of those preachers, somebody out there right now, you hear me, and this is for you. You need to come up front and give your life to Jesus. Give your life to the physical therapist.

What you need to do actually is you need to go to the doctor. If you've got something that's like, ah, that's kind of bothering me a little bit. That's a funny reference. Just go. Go to the doctor. You know? Go to the doctor, get it checked out, because sometimes it's as simple as,

here's a list of exercises that you can do that are going to improve your life. And maybe you might even be throwing a baseball in a few weeks. Hey! Who knows, man? What a great day. I just had a great day.

Hashtag Ear Biscuits, 1-888-EAR-POD-1.