Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - What Are Our Sex Lives Like? | Ear Biscuits Ep. 395

Episode Date: September 25, 2023

Mind your ears, as Sextember continues! In this episode, Rhett and Link are giving their thoughts on manscaping, whether they’d rather always have quickies or go for the long haul but less often, and give quite the description of how it feels to, well, complete. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is mythical. Travel better with Air Canada. You can enjoy free beer, wine, and premium snacks in economy class. Now extended to flights within Canada and the U.S. Cheers to taking off this summer. More details at aircanada.com. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I'm Rhett. And I'm Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we're still sexing it up in Timber.

Sex Timber, episode two. We have asked you, what's on your mind. You want to pick our brains about sex? Let us know. We'll answer some of your questions, some of your voicemails. If you ever want to call us and leave us a voicemail. We know a thing or two about sex. We'll listen to it.

How many times do you think you've had sex? Total? Yeah. I don't want to do math. Okay. I don't want to start thinking about... You want to start keeping up with it? You know, they...

I'll start keeping a log. I think one of the things we're going to talk about... Keeping a log. ...is going to get to some of that. Like the frequency of it. I don't know if you ever remember being told this. I was told by several folk right when I got married, they were like, if you take a jar and you put a penny in the jar for every time you have sex in your first year of marriage, and then in your second year of marriage, you start taking a penny out of that jar every time you have sex, you'll never empty that jar. And I was like, what?

That ain't true. That ain't gonna be true for me. And that's definitely not true for me. Meaning that... You have sex more times... More in the first year than the second year or for the rest of your... They said...

Your couple... For the rest of your marriage. What was the point of that? I don't know. Penny saved is a penny earned. I don't know. I don't know what the point was, Link. I think the point was they were saying that't know. Penny saved is a penny earned. I don't know. I don't know what the point was, Link. I think the point was they were saying that you have a lot of sex when you first get married,

and then it tapers off very quickly. And I did not find that to be true. I mean... I mean, I had a lot of sex when I first got married. Because we hadn't had any before that. Right. So we were like, we had a lot of sex. I don't remember how much sex we had in our first year of marriage.

I do know in general, our first year of marriage was difficult. There's lots of things you're adjusting to. I wasn't good at it. I'll tell you that right now. But like, I mean. But I was having it. I just mean, just you expand everything relationally. I wasn't good at marriage either.

Yeah, it wasn't. You had to figure out how to live with another person and not only just be with another person sexually. Right. So I have to think there was a lot to navigate, and that leads to sometimes not having sex. But maybe now we could get jars and maybe, you know what? Hey, listen, let's not get pennies.

Let's do quarters. No, let's do silver dollars. And then for a year, we put a silver dollar into our individual jars, you know, the family jar, the McLaughlin family and the Neal family. And then whoever wins at the end of the year gets all the money. In the jars? And then we take it out. we go on a big dinner. It doesn't make sense for us to go on a double date

and then use all the quarters to pay because I think the person who loses has to pay for dinner and the person who won just gets to do whatever they want to with the money. Well, because this is definitely and absolutely a healthy exercise, I am totally in. Like, we are going to turn our sexual frequency into a competition.

Jenna, do you want in on this? No. A no. I don't either. This is right in line with the first tweet, so I'm going to read it. From Lizette. This is right in line with the first tweet, so I'm gonna read it. From Lizette.

Would you rather have quickie sex every day for the next year for less than 30 seconds? That's Lizette's definition of quickie sex? Less than 30 seconds? That's real quickie. Good gosh. I mean, what is the actual... That's super quickie. That's too... That's like gorillas.

Gorillas havecks real fast. Okay. I guess because they gotta protect everybody. It's just like a medical injection? And I believe that gorillas' penis is very, very small compared to what you would think. Okay. I mean the penis is really, really small on a gorilla.

Like, I mean, that's what I've heard at least. I don't like it when you say penis I love it And anytime a guy wants to do anything I'll just be like But tell me about your penis You love it? Yeah, yeah, yeah

I think it's slightly emasculating In a fun way It's a technical term It's a technical term Penis If it was penis It would have two E's Or another

An A EA Penis It's a technical term. Penis. Penis. If it was penis, it would have two E's. Or another, an A? EA? Penis? It's penis. So would you rather have sex every day for a year and it be a quickie? It's every day. 30 seconds left. And I'm going to define a quickie.

A quickie is like, to me, is... Insert, thrust, cum. As fast as you can. Yeah, but what's the... When I think of a quickie, I think of that being... ITC. 13 minutes.

Okay, okay. Maybe... Mr. Big Shot. What are you talking about? No, dude, have you ever... Nine minutes? Have you ever seen a movie? I'm talking like...

Okay, I'm talking about... Well, they edit movies. Hold on. But a quickie is just like, what is the starting point in your 13 minute affair that you're talking about? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about like... I'm not talking about throat, I'm talking about like, from the moment that you get

naked. So there's an alignment that has to take some time. Well, how long does that take? What I'm saying is that like, you're in a library. Well, no, you're not in a library. You're in your own personal library. I'm thinking about, like, a movie. You're in a library after hours, right? And then...

Well, it's not 30 seconds. We agree on that. You lock eyes with someone, and then the next thing you know, like, you're passionately kissing, and then within 30 seconds, you're naked. Yes. It's in there.

When does the time start? When it's in there, or when the clothes come off? I'm saying... Or when you start making out? First of all, I have to concentrate to last a long time. It feels so good. Yeah. And so what I'm saying is if I am, if it...

I wasn't saying 13 minutes of, like, in and outs. Well, okay, but what is the rest of it? How long are you thrusting in a quickie? I can get, I could get it done... Okay. Up against the wall in less than a... Four minutes. I could get it done in less than a minute if I needed to.

Yes, I could. I know I could. I could, I definitely could. than a minute if I needed to. Yes, I could. I know I could. I could. I definitely could. And when pressed, I might be... Listen, I can go gorilla mode if you need me to. You know what I'm saying? If we're being hunted,

if this is an end of the world kind of thing and I'm the one that's been... It's been put on my back to repopulate the planet, which would not be possible because I've been snipped. I'm just saying... And I gotta be real fast. I'm just saying, and I got to be real fast. I'm on watch. You know what I mean?

I might be able to get it done in less than 45 seconds. I guess where I was coming from is I don't... 13 minutes. What are you trying to prove? I don't like... You know what I was really thinking was I don't think we really have quickies where it's just for me, basically. Well, yeah. And I guess that's what... So I guess we don't have quickies where it's just for me, basically. Well, yeah.

And that's, I guess that's what, so I guess we don't have quickies. Okay, okay. This is, so sidebar conversation. So my wife and I have an understanding. And that understanding, I would say, includes the vast majority, and I would say at least 9 out of 10, maybe more realistically, 19 out of 20

times that we have sex. It is, she comes first. Yeah. And then that 5% or less is reserved for what we would call a quickie, in which if she's going to come,

she comes first every single time. So a quickie in our relationship is defined by she knows I'm just going for it. Yeah. And in those cases... I don't like... Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry. Well, hold on.

You're going to try... Mr. 13 Minutes, and you're about to say, I don't like doing that. Oh, come on, you don't like doing that? Is that what you're about to say? Of course, that's why 95% plus of the time, because I want her to experience the joy of sex. But if she's like, okay, we don't have time,

or I'm not, it's fine, we're about to go to bed, and I know you really want to have sex right now. It's an understanding. She doesn't make me feel bad about it. What I'm saying is that in those cases, because we have an ongoing conversation about this, I really enjoy it because I'm still having sex. I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy it,

but I don't think, I just don't prefer it. So I'm like, you know, I'll just wait. Okay. That sounds like a different conversation. Yeah, that's just, that's what it is. It's like, for me, it's like, I don't know, it's like, I don't know, it just feels, I don't prefer it. Honestly, for me, one of the things I talked about in the last episode was that animalistic. There's an animalistic element to it.

We are animals, and this, at our core, sort of almost defines what humanity is. You know what I'm saying? It's just like all of life, you know, is just propagating itself. I like the animalistic thing. What I'm saying is that in those cases— I don't consider that a quickie. A totally one-sided quickie. I'm saying that specifically, just not something that I prefer.

But yeah, if there's something where we're both still into it... I didn't say I preferred it. I'm not talking about you at all. Don't be defensive. I'm just saying... I'm not saying I prefer it. I'm just saying my thing. Yeah, but what I'm saying is that in my mind, that's like, it's like a, it's like a,

it's again, it's just like, we are in the wild. We are in the jungle. Anything could happen. Somebody could sneak up on us at any time. We got to fuck. I'm just saying that's a special circumstance. And I just think maybe you should look into and just enjoying it and not if it doesn't need to become a regular thing the majority of the time. And obviously only if your partner agrees. But I'm just saying that I feel like this conversation is set up to make it seem like I'm being selfish because I enjoy a very occasional quickie. And I'm saying that I don't see it that way. Well, first of all, I'm not setting up any conversation.

So get over yourself. I'm just saying that that could be how this could be interpreted. Okay. So you're saying that you wouldn't enjoy it. I just don't like... I mean, you want to both be into it. Like a quick... I haven't had a good definition of quick.

I haven't... You started with 13 minutes. Right, because I've been thinking something totally different. So what were you thinking? That we would still... that she would still come first. Okay, but I think that Lizette and I and most people were probably thinking... I understand that. ...for less than 30 seconds is a one-sided quickie.

So for me, maybe in this scenario, obviously. We haven't even got the other part of the would you rather. I will just say some people do like, I will say from a perspective of someone who has been in that situation, I think quickies can kind of be fun. I'm like, look at me. I'm so hot. He got done real quick.

And it was in a conversation beforehand that we didn't have time for, you know, and then my needs came later. So I was just saying, like, the... I wasn't trying to poo-poo any. I wasn't trying to poo-poo

a quickie. Yeah. I'll just admit that I had the wrong, like a very narrow, completely one-sided. Yeah. Like having sex with a mannequin.

I guess what I'm saying, and here's the reason. I don't know why, but that's where my mind went. Here's the reason I said, haven't you seen a movie? Is because, and listen, first of all, movies are a really bad depiction, often, almost always male-centric view of sex. But what I'm pointing out is that... I don't watch a lot of movies. Yeah, but like, when was the last time,

most of the movies, especially movies we saw as kids in the 80s and 90s, it was a one-sided quickie where the dude came in like two minutes. It's not a great thing, but I'm saying that there are moments of passion where the time that is required to go into what I would consider the 95%, you know% mutual enjoyment, going at a certain pace sex, I'm just saying

that there's a little window in which it's kind of a different experience. And I'm not taking a stand. I'm giving a shout-out to the quickie. But the question is, would you rather have that every day for a year or have passionate, uninterrupted, earth-shattering soulmate sex for a year, or have passionate, uninterrupted, earth-shattering soulmate sex for a full 12 hours, but only once a month for the next year? I would definitely, well first of all, listen,

I'm sorry that I was thinking the wrong thing about quickies and implying anything about anybody. But my choice here is very much have the long thing once a month. Because to me, this comes down to frequency anyway. There's like a level of like, how often do you want to have sex? Like, if that's your libido level or whatever you call it, you know? Well, clearly, I think, I mean, my answer is the second part, part two, once a month, passionate sex, especially if these are literally the only two options.

Now, if it was what would I as an individual not considering my wife enjoy, I mean, a 30-second quickie every single day to close the day down would be a really enjoyable experience just from a total physical release standpoint. I think it would get old. It wouldn't be emotionally fulfilling. It would get kind of mechanical. But the thing is that... For me?

The thing about this question that I think, Lizette, is I feel like I'm tracking with you, Lizette, because what you've done is you've created two very wild extremes, right? 30-second sex every single day is a wild extreme. Even if I'm in gorilla mode, I don't know if I can pull it off. But at the opposite end of the extreme, a 12 hour sex session. Now, Mr. 13 minute quickie over here may be ready to sign up for that, but I feel like I'm going to speak for the normal folk and say,

that's a long fucking time to have sex. And so I think that there is this idea that is put, I'm going to say it, there's an idea that is put into people's minds, often put into women's minds through romance novels and the like, that if your man is a real man, then you're going to be, like when he has sex with you, it's going to last,

like it might start at 7 p.m. And it's going to go till 4 a.m. And he's going to ejaculate six times and you're going to have multiple orgasms. And I'm like, OK, I'll just be listen. I can't do that. I am incapable of doing that. Even if I would even if I would like to do that by the by the fourth time, I would just be ejaculating dust. Do you know what I'm saying? So I don't believe that I would be capable of doing that. And so I just feel like that extreme...

Now if you're talking about... Might be blood. It says, soulmate sex for a full 12 hours. Sex for a full 12 hours. That's impossible. You might be able to have a sexual encounter that stretches over a half a day, where you never put your clothes back on. Well, you're definitely making it sound like torture. Twelve hours is too long.

Yeah. So I guess what's the ideal? Because we both agree if we had to choose, we're going to do the one where our wife gets to come once a month. Of course, that's what I'm going to choose. But what's the ideal length? Length, Neil? The ideal length? Like if Length, Neil? The ideal length?

Like if you're designing the night. I think there's two different... And foreplay's not included in this time scan. Foreplay's important, and foreplay's necessary, but foreplay could literally be a text that you do in the morning, where it's just like, I can't wait for tonight. No, I'm saying once you start the session. Once the sex starts. But fore I can't wait for tonight. No, I'm saying once you start the session. Once the sex starts. But foreplay can be part of that.

I'm saying in this scenario, I'm saying that this is once you're in the bedroom, the door is locked, the music has started, and there's sexual, physical things that are beginning to happen. Which can be the foreplay. Right. The actual, in the bedroom foreplay. And I'm saying, and I'm talking about, this is a normal encounter in which,

in my typical encounter, there is one ejaculation for me. Yes, absolutely. Okay, my refractory period has increased as I've gotten older. So twice in a day, I have done it. I do do it. The second time can be hard to pull off sometimes. I haven't tried that in quite a while, but I think there would need to be some sort of...

I've got to really gear up for that. I think there might need to be a bribe involved. Right, yeah. Like a suitcase full of money. So what's the ideal time? From your perspective, taking into account sort of the preferences of your partner, from beginning of sexual activity to your ejaculation, which, of course, is after her orgasm. We're starting with a 13-minute quickie baseline, so I'm expecting a very high

number. No, no, no. It's like 15 minutes. I've already said that like, I didn't, I wasn't, my answer wasn't for a quickie. I didn't know what a quickie was. Okay, that's interesting. Damn. It depends on which mode I'm in. Like in just a normal, it's a weeknight.

Ideal mode. But not like romantic getaway like we were talking about last week. Okay, normal life. Normal life mode, ideal amount of time in my mind is 29 minutes. Okay. Or less. I was hoping you were going to say less than 30 minutes. Okay. And I was hoping. Or less. I was hoping you were gonna say less than 30 minutes because you were gonna make me feel bad.

Well clearly I've been doing that the whole time. Now here's the thing, I wanna be better at this. I wanna be more patient. I want to stretch things out. Well, that's probably a bad phrase. Do you want to? You're saying she wants you to. I would like to stretch stretch things out. Well, that's probably a bad phrase. Do you want to? You're saying she wants you to. I would like to stretch the time out.

She... No, we talk about... First of all, Jessie and I have a very satisfactory sex life and we're very happy. But if we were to sit down and I were to say, these are the things that I want more of from you, and she were to say, these are the things I want more of from you,

one of the things on her list would be, I want you to go slower and take your time more often. And so, because for me, like, you know, one, I think I talked about this in one of the previous sex timbers, but you know, I've made it clear that I'm a, I'm a, I'm a fan of the cunnilingus. Uh, that is a normal part of our process. And I, I mean, sometimes I just want to start right there and I know that's too much. That's too, I mean, it's too much for her sometimes.

You know what I'm saying? It's like I should kiss other things first. And I recognize that. Like her mouth? Yeah, like I should kiss her mouth first sometimes. Wow. And I do. I do that.

Okay. and uh and i do i do i do that okay uh but so i would say that my ideal time taking into account what i know that she wants and what i know that i want and i'm kind of using like music to is that's one way to know how long things have been going like how many songs have played yeah and i have noticed that there's some times where it's like oh shit we're only on the second song it's over you know what i'm saying like only on the second song. It's over. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think this was a seven-minute encounter. Yeah.

Because sometimes things can happen very quickly for her as well, depending on a number of factors. But I would say that typical is probably 20 minutes, and I would say ideal, I was going to say half an hour. So I think we're on the same page in what we actually want it to be. But then there's also... I think Jessie would want it to be more. She would be pushing for 45 minutes.

Yeah, we're more on the same page. If we both get the experience we want i mean it's more it's we're kind of results oriented more than process oriented i think and so we're pretty much and we're like you know we don't like to compromise our bedtime you know yeah really you know sometimes i'll brag about uh getting it done and then it's like, look, it's not even 9.30 yet. Yeah. Like, I have legitimately celebrated that. Yeah, that's a big factor.

That's a big factor. It's like every, like, we've checked all the boxes, and including the last big box, which is the juiciest box of all, and that box is keeping my bedtime. Oh, okay. You know, so we've literally celebrated that. You were making a box joke, though. I was.

Okay. And so I think we're more on the same page on that front. The other part of it is frequency, you know? And I think that this question kind of brings up part of that, too, you know? So it's like being on the same page about these things. I think that, you know, there's, it kind of goes in waves, right? For me, sometimes, and I correlate it to, like, you know, just energy level, stress level. Sometimes I could go weeks and be like, you know what? I just, I don't have any drive.

I have noticed that it's cyclical and we go in and out of it. So like we ride the waves. But so it's actually hard to say what a frequency is. You know, on a monthly basis, I would say more on a monthly number versus a weekly number in terms of like what my desire is. But it's probably, and I'm trying to be really realistic here. And I'm trying to be really realistic here. Two times, like, one point... If it's one point... I think if it's 1.7 times a week, what's that times four?

Four, five, that's all. Like seven times a month, maybe? Yeah. I agree about it coming in waves. It can be dependent on how busy you are, how stressed out one or both of you are. Do you find yourself, first of all, like what I said, there's a stretch of time when you don't have much drive? It's funny because I would say that to me there is a –

and I remember somebody telling us this right when we were about to get married. Mark told us this. He was like, sometimes it can kind of – sometimes it's hard to – you're not going to understand this until you get married, but sometimes it can kind of, sometimes it's hard to, you're not going to understand this until you get married, but sometimes it can feel like working out. Sometimes it can feel like something you have to do. You know you'll feel good afterward, or in this case, during.

It's a loose analogy. But the choice to begin to do it might be. Mind over matter. And the thing that, because the vast, and actually this is a conversation that Jesse and I have had and I think actually led to this like acceptance of this infrequent frequency of the quickie thing. Because I would tell her, I was like, to be honest with you, I kind of always want to have sex. I mean, I kind of always want to have sex. And maybe this sheds light on that quickie conversation earlier, but yeah. Like 75% of my waking hours, and I don't know about my sleeping time, but I assume I have, you know.

Is it with an erection? Wet dreams and things. 75% of your waking life you have a heart on. No, no, no, not anymore. I'm not 14. 75% of my waking life, I'm ready to go. Do you know what I mean? But that doesn't translate into having sex every single day

because I want the vast majority of our encounters to be something that is enjoyable to her and she wants a certain pace and she wants me to perform in a certain way and be there for it and be there for the sensual equal experience. And sometimes I'm just like, I want to have sex, but I don't necessarily want to sign up for this half hour encounter right now because I kind of just want to read this, but I don't necessarily want to sign up for this half-hour encounter right now because I kind of just want to read this book and go to bed. But, yeah, I do want to have sex, but I'm not going to ask for it because I don't want it to be a quickie because I don't want that frequency to get above whatever 5%.

But you're still so – But I'm saying I still want to do it. But that doesn't mean it translates into the super high frequency. Right. I don't know what the frequency is, but... I'm talking about desire on your part. I'm saying the desire to have sex is on one level, and then the desire to actually begin the process of having sex requires a next level of intention.

Does that make sense? Yes, definitely. And there's, you know, I've heard of people saying, of course, people have all different types of sex drives, and if you're in a relationship with somebody, it's like there's gonna, most likely there's gonna be some level of misalignment. You're not gonna be in lockstep with each other.

So there is, you know, it's cool to hear that, like, you talk about it and, like, and you meet each other's needs and stuff like that. And it kind of helps with, like, the quickie thing. Because without talking about it, I mean, my sort of experience with other couples and this thing I hear and pick up on is that it is not uncommon at all for married couples or just couples who live together and have been together for a while. It's kind of easy for these barriers to just get locked in place. And it can be very, very difficult for them to get dislodged. Right. And so then you can find yourself going weeks, going months, going years.

Yeah. Without having sex because not because you don't want to, but because now it's gotten awkward, you know? And so I, thankfully I haven't had to, to deal with that. I'm sure there are some couples who are like, that's just who we are and we're happy and whatever. It may not be, they even desire that. But I would say that if there's one or both people in the partnership that want to be having more sex and there's, there is that misalignment, it's all about having a conversation about it. You're like, oh, that's what you've been thinking?

You haven't been approaching me because you've been expecting me to do this? You never know what'll happen to you. It's much easier to begin a conversation than it is to re-engage sexually sometimes. Yeah. I've also heard about this thing called fuckuary. It's like, let's have sex every day of the month of february or pick any

month or any period of time and i thought fucktober you know we talked about doing that but that was just like i mean if i'm saying you know less than two times a week is is is fine by me it's like that's just kind of forcing an issue. It sounded like an interesting experiment in my head, but then it just, like I said, I would be afraid it would become too mechanical. But then I've heard of... Well, but the thing is I think it wouldn't.

I think that's the... I don't know what. Well, that kind of gets into this other question, which is Poopy Rocket Man asked, how goofy is goofy missionary? Which, goofy missionary, I believe is just a term coined by Trevor during the Smosh roast when he invented the rumor that all I liked was missionary sex. Which, listen. Did he say goofy missionary? I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't think missionary is goofy at all.

I think it is a great sexual position. It is not my favorite sexual position, okay? But I would say it is potentially the most frequent sexual position. There's alternatives. You can mix up, You can make missionary goofy, which maybe is what Trevor was getting at. Because if you're just picturing like a Ken doll and a Barbie doll like flat on top of each other and somehow the penis is being inserted into the vagina, that's not what missionary is as far as I'm concerned. There's ways to make that more interesting. You can put yourself up...

I think that maybe that's called something different. ...on your hands and the legs can go straight up in the air. Your partner can be folded into the shape of an L. There's lots of things that happen in that orientation that I have explored thoroughly. Yeah, I like a little origami. A little human origami. So basically, I think what I'm saying is that it can get kind of goofy. And I was a missionary for a while, so I really deserve... And you are goofy at times.

...to own that. But it lets you be more inventive. That's what having sex every single day would do. It would point out the places where you've gotten to paint by numbers, which is something that I'm sensitive to, and Jessie is definitely sensitive to. She wants it to be, you know, even though we have a pretty, like I said, it's very consistent. She's going to have her time. I'm going to have my very consistent like she's gonna have her time

I'm gonna have my time we're gonna have our time people are gonna feel fulfilled and they're gonna get what they came for but if it kind of follows these

few steps every single time it can be like alright let's change it up so having sex every single day I think would force you

to figure that out. There's many times when we're in the act, and then I'll say, we'll both say, because we're both in that place where it's like, you know, she's not like, I want to have sex more. She's not there. So, like, we're closer you know, her, she's not like, I want to have sex more. She's not there. So, like, we're closer in terms of our drive. We hear about people who are like, do it every day. And we're like, damn, I feel like I should feel bad.

But like, hey, there's, you know, I don't need, we don't need to compare ourselves. But then I do, I like the idea of having sex. And boy, whenever we're doing it, like, I've said out loud many times, why don't we do this more often? Yeah. It's like, why did we wait so long since last time we did this? It's like when you go to the beach. It's like, God, this is wonderful. Like, ah, we're so close.

Don't you agree? Why don't we just go here more often? And I'm like, and like, I'm just like, you know, it's just like when I'm on vacation, I'm planning the next vacation, I do that with sex. We're having sex, and I'm like, let's make sure we do this again tomorrow. I've literally said that. It's like, we're going to do this again tomorrow. Typically on vacation, the everyday...

Oh, yeah. It's not the benchmark necessarily, but... I'm not talking about being on... I'm talking about normal at home. That's not the benchmark necessarily, but... I'm not talking about being, I'm talking about normal at home. I've said many times, like, and sometimes I've been like, before we finish, let's agree. Let's agree that we're gonna do this again tomorrow.

And then, I mean, everybody's, we're all in agreement at that moment. The thing is that you do that for everything that you enjoy. If you're enjoying something, you're asking anyone who's there We're all in agreement at that moment. The thing is that you do that for everything that you enjoy. If you're enjoying something, you're asking anyone who's there to agree to do it again, which I really appreciate that. I do feel like I benefit from that. But it does feel a little bit like an attorney. Yeah.

Like, can we agree right now to do this again tomorrow? Yeah, it's not the most passionate exchange. Let's do this again! Yeah, I... The... Then I get a sip of water. Or a guzzle of water. There's plenty of things I do during sex. I think that...

Drink water, negotiate, the next time we're gonna have sex. The bedtime thing is a big factor. And I actually think that I am more of a... Hey, I wanna to get, I'm not a 930 man. I don't know how the hell you do that. I wish I knew how you did that. I'm a, 1030 is my target. Okay.

11, 1130 is my reality. And now Jesse, and I've told her this a million times, I was like, anytime, anytime, with almost no exception, if I decide that for whatever reason I'm staying up later because I'm working on something or I'm reading something or I'm watching something, any of the many reasons that I may not go to bed on time, she'll always still be up. She'll always still be up. It's like the woman doesn't need sleep. It's almost like she might be an alien who doesn't require sleep, but is reminded, oh, I need to act like I have to sleep because I'm playing a human. And my human that I live with is now sleeping, so now I must sleep. I don't know how she does it. She seems to function very highly with the amount of sleep that she gets. So that, I think that that can be sometimes, sometimes it'll be like, she'll want to begin the engagement. And I'm like, ah, I was literally just about to roll over and go to bed,

which I think is a little bit of a role reversal from what people, the stereotype is, right? But I think that having one kid out of the house and just having one left who i mean shepherd you know he's 15 he's half the time when i'm going to bed i don't know where he's at without like looking at my like finding him on my location finder or whatever, you know. But I think that that has increased our frequency because it can be like, oh, it's 8 o'clock and we're the only two people in this house. Oh. Yeah, I'm not at that point.

And so I think that that – so I'm actually anticipating that in four years when he's gone and we're empty nesters, I actually think that our frequency will take another boost. The time slots open up so much. Because it'll be like we'll be on vacation all the time. I'm sure we'll find out that we're wrong about that, but I'm really hopeful too. I'm feeling that.

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Let's click on a voicemail. Hey, Red Link. It's September, and so I wanted to suggest a topic or actually ask you all a question. So why is it that in the year of our Lord, 2023, or whatever Lord you believe in, that adult toy shops or sex shops still feel so skeevy and like they're trapped in the 80s? They always smell weird. The displays always feel like a blast from the past in a bad way. The DVDs look like they were made in the 1980s still.

Everything about them just makes you feel terrible walking in them. So why are they still like that? Are the stores like that in L.A.? And, yeah, so if you all could explore that, that would be great. You remember that store we went into? I can't believe they still exist at all because of the internet. Well, but, yeah, but you can't touch a dildo on the internet. No.

You know what I mean? So I think that with a lot of... And you can't return them, I guess. I think a lot of this stuff you need to see in person. Oh. You can't return them at stores either, just so you know. Right. I mean, listen.

But you can look at them before you buy them. True. And a lot of people are not great. Gotta pick it up. A lot of people are not great with numbers. So somebody's like, I'm gonna get an eight inch dildo. And then they're like, oh, okay. Or a 13 minute quickie.

I wasn't expecting it to be that big. So I think that that's the reason they exist, because it's the same reason that clothing stores still exist, because sometimes you need to try. I mean, you don't try it on, I guess. But you know what I'm saying? You need to get into the same room with it. I haven't been to one recently.

You remember the one that we went to? We probably told this story at some time. The first time? The first time we went into an adult store. In Charleston? We went into an adult store more recently, maybe while traveling, while touring or something, and it felt like the Apple store of sex stores.

Do you remember that place? I was in there? Yeah. You were in there. You went in there with me. I just remember thinking, this feels like an Urban Outfitters or something. Apparently, I went in one.

And I assume that those exist in L.A., but I am good with numbers. So when you tell me how long something is, I can picture it. Okay. So I do most of my toy ordering online. Yeah, I do my ordering online. Yeah, because even if I have not found, and I don't remember that shop, and I have not found one. Surely there's a really awesome high-end sex shop in L.A.

Do you guys know about any? Squeezy Wheezy. Pleasure Chest is a pretty good one. Where is that? That's in Hollywood. There's also actually the opening one in North Hollywood as well. So if you're in the Valley. But does it still have the skeezy vibes?

I don't think so. I think those ones are open. It's like brightly colored. You're going to find the skeevy ones around, the ones that have most of like the lingerie in the front. Well, like there's one in Pasadena right on Colorado, which is like such a quaint little... And even that one, like, the mannequins with the really, like...

The barrier to entry is high. Extreme lingerie. The kind of stuff that you feel like... It's not inviting. If you've got young kids, you kind of, like, don't want them to look into the window kind of vibe. Yeah. Like, it just feels like it wouldn't be hard to take a slight left turn

and all of a sudden your business would just go through the roof. Because the people who just want... Like a ball pit for the kids. The people who want the... What are those balls made out of? People who want the most extreme stuff, well, that's still inside. It's in the back, man. You know? Yeah.

But like you don't have to feel weird at all about just walking in this place. It just feels like more sex shops should be taking that. Yeah, I just think the margins aren't high enough, and they already exist, and they can't afford to revamp their whole thing. Okay. I think this is just an economics answer, unfortunately. Of things that you can sell at a sex shop, what could you put in the window that would make it, I mean, come to think of it,

like, first of all, you're like, come to think of it, which, by the way, that's a great name for a sex shop. Come to think of it. That's good. Think to come of it. We'll workshop it. But of the things that you could put in the window, you start with mannequins because that's just what you do.

They're tall windows. It seems like what you should do. Right, because you're not going to put the dildos in the window. You can't put the dildos in the window. And if you're just putting lubes in a window, it's just like what? So toys and stuff don't make sense. I understand where they're going. I just think you don't have windows.

I don't know, but how do people know it's a sex shop? I think they could do a display with the mannequins and then the lingerie and feather boas and then there's subtle things, like a little feather duster, little crop, something subtle where you're like, oh, I know what that is. A little tasteful.

Yeah, this is not Victoria's Secret. This is Victoria's Open Secret. I would love to fix their display windows. I volunteer if anyone wants a display window fix. Let's go to another one. Come to think of it, it ain't getting better than that. Hey, Rhett and Link. link huge fans first time caller um so i just turned 40 years old i've been married for 15 years and um real simple question delicate situation i guess i don't know um so i like to uh keep my pubes nice and trimmed. My wife appreciates it. She's willing to visit the garden if the weeds are taken care of, if you know what I mean. So I like to keep those

nice and trimmed, but I also like to fully shave my balls. I think it looks good, feels good. But like I said, I just turned 40. So how old is too old to keep manscaping, I guess? At what age do you finally just let it go? So just a question for you guys, looking for some answers, and I appreciate all you guys do. Thanks. First of all, buddy, you don't stop. Never. That's like saying you've been pulling the weeds all these years,

and then the next thing you know, like this year you're not pulling the weeds. You're gonna, you ever seen one of those old professors' eyebrows? Right. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's what's gonna happen out there. Look like antlers. You don't know how coily that stuff's gonna be.

It might poke our eye out when she's down there in the garden. You might lose your wiener entirely. It might wrap around it and suffocate it. Yeah, you don't want that to happen, do you? Now, I will say, I don't keep a... You know how some people's lawns are... If you show up at a certain person's house, their lawn always looks exactly the same. And then there's other people that you know that like, sometimes you show up at a party and you're like, damn, y'all's lawn looks great. And then like you show up around Christmas and you're

like, y'all need to cut the grass. Yeah. I'm sort of the second scenario. Mostly because I just feel like it's a little dynamic. Sometimes I look like somebody who may have come from a different era. You know what I mean? Okay. And sometimes I look like somebody from the future. Sometimes you're Grizzly Adams. Sometimes you're Zorg. Sometimes I'm from the past, and sometimes I'm from the future,

and sometimes I'm right now ready to go. What do you do? Well, I talked about this on Good Mythical Evening. In the aftermath of them ripping off the plaster mold of my ass cheeks. Which was all your fault, by the way. And all the hair that they ripped off. You know, what happened was I came, I was strutting around, and Christy noticed that, like...

You were walking a little faster. There's no wind resistance. She was like, your cheeks are so smooth. What happened? And I told her. And then I was like, oh, because she noticed. Well, clearly it's an upgrade. That's an upgrade.

Obviously, you know, it's not that I, I just hadn't thought that she noticed. So then I was like, shit, because she notices, I'm going to get those Manscaped Clippers. Yeah. Not a sponsor. Should be, though, because I've got them and have used them for years. Boy, I'm a fan get those Manscaped Clippers. Yeah. Not a sponsor. Should be, though, because I've got them and I've used them for years. Boy, I'm a fan. Come on, let's have a conversation, Manscaped. Manscaped with a D.

Manscaped. Past tense. I love what you're doing to me. Because you said that you had that and everything had been trimmed all the way down. And so then I got one. And then I started to trim it all the way down. And so then I got one. And then I started to trim it all the way down. By the time Good Mythical Evening happened, it was like I was just getting used to it.

And I'm pretty good at keeping everything down all the way. It trims really close. Now, this guy talked about shaving his balls with like a razor? I think, I don't think he's, I don't, I mean, if he's doing that... I hope you're using clippers. I think he's talking about what we're talking about.

Yeah, like clippers, like eee, but like without a level, but you gotta get ones that aren't gonna like... Well, hold on, but let's... Nicky, Nicky, Nicky. What about, you said all the way down, the pubic region. When you say all the way down, what do you mean? Everything, everywhere. You're bald. Yes.

Okay. And I'm enjoying it. So this is the thing. It is not uncommon that once I start, I think. Every time I start, like think, every time I start, like if it's a little overgrown, you know, we're talking about like, I've been on vacation, and I forgot to pay the boy to cut the grass. The boy?

You know, you pay some boy to cut the grass, a neighbor's kid. Just to be clear, there is no boy involved in this process. That's what I wanted to make sure. It was an analogy about grass cutting. Okay? Neighborhood grass cutting. Well, you don't want to forget right before vacation. That is the worst time to forget, my friend.

Yeah. Okay. Bad analogy. Sorry. When I haven't cut it and trimmed it in a while, and I break out those Manscaped clippers, which, boy, they're wonderful. Wish they were a sponsor. And I break out those Manscaped Clippers, which, boy, they're wonderful.

Wish they were a sponsor. I always think that I'm going to do something like, okay, I want to still have some presence above it, you know? But I want it to be like trim, flattering, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That can work. But I always end up going all the whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That can work. But I always end up going all the way. Yeah. You just, once you,

because it's just like shaving your sideburns, you know, in high school. We had sideburns and you try to keep it even. Next thing you know, you're like guile from Street Fighter. It just goes straight across the middle of you. My balls look like guile. And I gotta say, I enjoy it, but then... Give a little Hadouken!

It feels really like... You feel smooth and quick, and you feel like a sexual energy, I think. Yes, there's an energy to it. But then it slowly grows back, and so I gotta feel like I need a happy medium. I will say the thing about the butt hair, though. You can also, what about it?

So I trimmed my butt hair, and I didn't have a whole lot. But, of course, I'm like any man. I've got crack hair. Great. Not a lot of cheek hair, but I knew that that mold that Chase was going to be painting on my ass was going to go into the crack, so I trimmed everything.

Mm-hmm. And I wear, you know, a boxer brief. Me too. Like a MeUndies or whatever. And what I noticed is that I didn't have a lot of hair in my ass, but I had enough hair to keep my underwear from going on my ass crack.

That doesn't happen to me, but it does, I have felt a little, it can get a little more sticky. Right, I was just like, hold on, what's happening? I feel like I'm having to pick my underwear during the middle of the day. So I kind of feel like I need a little barrier, just a little bit.

Yeah, I'm... It doesn't take much. Right. You know? I'm still on team going all the way, but it does take an adjustment. There's an adjustment period. Maybe I got to get a different kind of underwear. To figuring it out.

Now there's this other thing called a Noom. I think it's called a Noom. We have this too, it's like... Oh, it's like a Roomba. You just put it, it's a robot that you put on your balls and it just runs around by itself. It flashes this light and it kills your hair follicles if you use it enough.

Oh, I'm not doing that. And they say you can use it anyway. I just haven't had, My balls aren't even... Like, I don't... I got a vasectomy. And I'm still... I can't bring myself to, like, light shock my actual balls. I don't think...

I wouldn't mess with that, bro. But... Oh, I've been using it. I've been using it in other places. I've been using it on my butt cheeks. Is this like the electrolysis thing your grandma had in that room in her house? No, no, no. That was a...

That was exactly the follicle. You would stick a needle down into each follicle. Yes. So in that way, yes. So yeah, it is the same. It kills the follicle. But it sends the current down the hair stem. It's no current.

It is a... It's a handheld device that you just... You put on your skin over where you want the hair to not grow anymore, and then it's like a flash of a camera. And it kind of stings a little bit. There's seven levels to it, and I've been using that thing. What's it called? I think it's called...

Nude. N-O-O-D. N-O-O-D, not N... Yeah, because the Noom is like a weight loss thing. So N-O-O-D. Not in, yeah. Yeah, because the noom is like a weight loss thing. So N-O-O-D. I've been using this thing. How'd you know about this? Christy bought it.

Well, first of all, they sell all kinds of stuff. They sell this, they sell a bra for women that's just pasties. That's booby tape, man. Well, hold on, but yeah, but it sort of caught me off guard. It's great. That's the same thing, man. Well, hold on. Yeah, but it sort of caught me off guard. It's great. That's the same thing? Where's the... The machine?

I saw the machine. Oh, tri-nude. Hold on. Oh, there's a lovenude.com and a tri-nude. Well, there's a lawsuit going here. There's two people trying to do nude things. The Flasher 2.0, that's what I have Somebody didn't get a trademark

I'm using it on my ass cheeks I'm using it on the top of my feet Because I don't like hair on my toes And the top of my feet I got this place where Look, you can see it right there I've got hair that grows on the inside of my wrist And I don't like it

So this one place right here, I zap And you can tell right now that it's like There's a little bit of that grows on the inside of my wrist and I don't like it. So this one place right here I zap, and you can tell right now that it's like, there's a little bit of, it's not great yet. But what if you want your hair back? What if it comes in fashion? Too late. I'm not, yeah, I'm sorry.

I can't, hairy ass trend? Well yeah, I'm at risk of not being on that train. I would do it on my napes. Right, I've started doing it on my napes because I get addicted to all this stuff. Once I start removing hair, you know, when I started trimming my leg hair, and, like, nobody understands that. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable. It makes me feel happy, and it makes me feel like.

You're not going any lower, are you? No. Okay, good. I'm actually trimming my leg hair less now that everything under the underwear is totally gone, and I'm permanently removing the hair off of my feet. Where did you hear about this? Boy's Life magazine? Christy bought one, and then I just saw it, and she never opened it.

Oh, she got one, and she didn't use it. She got it and hasn't used it. I was like, well, I'm going to use this, and I'm going to show you that you need to use it. And you can use it on your bikini line and stuff like that. She hasn't used it. I was like, well, I'm going to use this, and I'm going to show you that you need to use it. And you can use it on, like, your bikini line and stuff like that. That's what is happening. But, like, I've seen ads for guys talking about removing the hair off their balls with this thing, and I'm going to get there.

I don't know that I want to do that to my bush, though. No, dude, you don't know what's going to happen. Right. You need to have a... You got to have the ability to have a bush. You never know what's going to happen. But I think I'm going to manscape forever. Yeah, back to the question at hand.

Do not stop. Do not stop. It's fun. It's great. It's exciting. It makes you feel like a pornographic star. Yeah. Summer is like a cocktail.

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Okay. So, didn't see that. Probably means it's not that long. Yeah. How has getting your tubes snipped affected your libido and performance, if any? Well, I guess they are tubes. So, it doesn't have any effect on either of those things. It's had the biggest effect.

I mean, I used condoms before I got a vasectomy. Our wives, neither of our wives were ever on birth control, interestingly, long story. And so we were, we did, we wore condoms.

And so I would say that, I would say, Talk about. I'm talking about freedom! I'd say it upped... It didn't up performance to begin with. No. For obvious reasons, right? No. In fact... Put it up sensation.

What I will say, I don't... Do you ever do this? Okay, so there are times... Use a fruit roll-up as a condom? Yeah? No? No, there are still times, and this is very infrequent, but it happens maybe a few times a year, where for whatever reason, Jesse don't want to get so messy, if you know what I mean. And so I have a bag of condoms. Really?

Yep. I have a bag of condoms for this purpose. Well, I mean, again, if it's that quickie and she's doing it just for you, maybe that is a... That's a perfect example. Is that a hand in hand? I don't do it in the hand. Okay.

So, yeah, God doesn't like that. Okay. I never spill my seed. Because of Laban. What was his name? I think that's right. Hey, a dude spilled his seed in the Bible and he got struck down, y'all. You gotta watch that. I have these condoms and sometimes I'll be like, you know... Just literally as a jizz catcher. Yeah, yeah, but it makes it easier to last longer because there's a barrier there.

Yeah. Because it does impact the sensation a little bit. Have you ever tried some of that, like you use that desensitizing? I've never tried. Yeah, I have, and I just, that ain't for me, man. It goes too desensitized? Yeah. I can't feel my dick at all!

You gotta kind of, like, first of all, there's just something about, like, stopping and applying. I don't know what it is. It's just, but, like, yeah. I think I maybe tried it twice just to see what would happen. But it was like one time it was too much, too much. And it was just like, this is like, I'm not enjoying this anymore. Yeah.

I haven't tried it. Well, if you don't have a need to try it. But you use a condom sometimes.'t have a need to try it. But you use a condom sometimes. You have a bag of condoms. I think every man needs a bag of condoms. I mean. Just for that, huh?

Yeah. And then sometimes if we're, you know, if we are in the window, so to speak. Uh-huh. Yeah. She's on her period. Yeah. That is a good time for that. That's a good point.

And, yeah, but I would say, if you need help with that, so it hasn't impacted performance, but I would say that once you begin having this you know unsheathed sex boy it is it's superior at that point i think that you can't well careful now it's i mean men need to be wearing condoms okay yeah we're in a long-term monogamous relationship ejaculate responsibly boys but i will men, please go get vasectomies. For the most part, they are reversible.

So if you are concerned, why not just get a vasectomy? Yeah, there you go. How reversible? Very. Like, the percentage is high for reversibility. You got to fish out the... All right, I'll fish out. Both ends of the tube.

I want all the men to get vasectomies and then when they feel financially and emotionally responsible, then they can get reverse. But what I found is that once you have the unsheathed

sex on a regular basis, you can actually kind of focus on becoming a better performer. Again, for me, with my tendency to want to rush things, it's a mental thing where I really have to commit. Right. Yeah, you've got to make the decision. You've got to switch things up.

I think we talked about that last year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that make the decision You gotta switch things up I think we talked about that last year Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Yeah That's the key Alright success rate is 60 to 95 percent Depending on how many years You have had the vasectomy

Okay Okay Alright In my Monogamous No longer wanting kids situation It was It was a no-brainer. You know, especially when I realized

we could make a video about it, and it would be funny. Well, and it's such a low, especially in the situation that we're in, where it's just like, we don't want to ever reverse it. It's such a small sacrifice for the man when the woman has been carrying like 99,

100% of the burden related to reproduction, right? Right. So it's very easy to be like, well, I'm just gonna do this thing that hurt me for a weekend. I put some peas on my ball sack and I was watching some movies and I was okay. Right, right. It was no big deal. But you've got, you know, the birth control measures for women are much more impactful and burdensome, right?

So you're talking about like an IUD or what is it? IUD. IUD. Even the pill, you know, like reason that jesse didn't use it well the reason we didn't use it originally is because we were super super conservative evangelical christians and we thought that the pill could prevent implantation and cause an abortion and so even the very very small chance of a fertilized egg not being implanted we would see that as abortion and so we were against it at the time.

It's changed my view on that since. But then Jessie realized that she has a propensity to blood clotting, which, you know, it can contribute to that. So it's just these measures can be really burdensome for women. So, I mean, at least, you know, these dudes here are like,

I don't know where I caught them because it doesn't feel good. It's like that whole mentality is just so fucked up. And then not being willing to get a vasectomy because you don't understand what is actually happening. That tends to be the case that I... You still have a full load. Well, it's not full of sperm. It's a spermless, but it seems no different load. It looks exactly the same. It feels exactly the same because your sperm is a minuscule percentage of your semen load.

It didn't change that part of the experience at all. Like, I'd notice no difference in orgasm or the jizz or it not i notice no difference yeah here's a voicemail hi rent link my name is amber lynn and i have a question for your upcoming sex timber podcast i was wondering if you could give us the most loquacious and adjective filled description of the male orgasm that you can. Thank you very much. Love you guys. Bye-bye.

I wish I had known that was what was going to be asked. The most loquacious description of the orgasm? I feel like, I mean, it's like, you know, it's like Colonel Sanders with his pressure cooker. You know, you got the chicken bone in that thing, and boy, it's getting hot, and boy. The way that the, it's just like the pressure just builds up to the point where it's just like. Colonel Sanders. Back up because Colonel Sanders' lid's about to pop off and it's just, you know, it can blow you back.

Blow you back and it can get greasy. I think that's what it is. That's pretty good. You're missing the best, finger lickin' good. Oh yeah. Yeah man, you missed the slogan. It's finger lickin' man, you missed the slogan. His finger looking good. You missed the slogan.

His finger looking good. 11th finger looking good. I'll give you a loquacious description of the first time I ever orgasmed by my own hand. It was like a, I mean, this is exactly the way I thought about it the next day. It was like an itch that I could not stop scratching. That felt so good. And only felt better and better and better the more I scratched until the point that it felt like the whole of the universe had descended onto my groin.

Yeah. And needed to, like, it was like a star was being born. You know what I'm saying? It was like, I don't know how stars happen. But you know how it feels for it to happen. Well, I was thinking about a black hole at the time, and I know they're related somehow. And I just remember, first of all,

I remember thinking that I had broken my dick because I had not been well-educated about this. But yeah, that's how I thought about it was just like a, and I often wonder, like, how does it, you know... Because they say, they say that if you've got a clitoris that just the number of nerve endings and stuff and the way it's oriented or whatever. I just remember somebody, like, I heard like a doctor

on Oprah say when I was a kid, like, a woman enjoys orgasm five times as much as a man. And I was like, okay, I don't know how you know that. But if that's true, if a woman enjoys it more than I enjoy it, it's, like, good for y'all. Well, the thing is, a female orgasm, I am jealous. I'm jealous. Because it, like... It lasts. It lasts! There's like a plateau, and it's like the difference between a Rocky Mountain and a whole plateau. And depending on all the factors, you can build a little town up there on that plateau.

Right. Or a waterfall. It can be sustained. Right. But all of it is just like build up, build up, build up. Like water in the garden hose, and you pinch the end of it, and it's just like more pressure, more pressure, until it's just like... it's gonna blow! And then somebody cut the pressure off. It's like, oh, somebody cut the pressure off. No, it's like they took the kink out of the hose. No, I'm saying for a man.

For a man? Yeah, you take the kink out of the hose and then somebody cut the water off. But Jenna, you were about to say something. Yeah, just to clarify with the clitoris and sensitivity and enjoyment, it's not necessarily enjoyment, it's that we have more nerve endings there. Than in the head of a penis. Five times the nerve endings in the clitoris than the head of the penis. So like whatever you're doing with the penis, divide that by five.

That's what you should be doing with the clitoris. And that's kind of where you start. Yeah. Okay. And then the enjoyment, yes. The enjoyment and orgasm last much longer for women as well. Right. And you can have so many more.

Yeah. You can like ride one right into the next one. It's crazy. Right, right, right, right, right. I'm so jealous. It's like it's so easy for us. I mean, there's a lot more work, but like I actually think it's just this great cosmic analogy. You know, it's like the way that it works.

It's like for someone with a penis, it's just like, does it take much? It's going to be fun, but it's going to be over real quick. But the investment in the entire situation with a vagina and clitoris and everything that goes along with it, but then the reward is more, is longer, and you can enjoy it for longer. So it's kind of like, I don't know, it's like this, you know, analogy. I mean, you can be on the edge. You can be on the edge of ejaculation for, you know, you can surf that line and stay just below it.

And it's like that's very pleasurable, but it's just, but there is a sensation of it being like, you know, you're on the verge of an explosion. And it's not... It's kind of like running from a thief, though. Yeah. Or running from somebody who's trying to mug you. It's like, it's not that enjoyable. It is not the thing.

It's not what you, in that moment, you're not running. My impression with the only woman that I've had a sexual experience with is that she's running towards something very, very hard and completely unabashedly for an extremely long period of time where I'm like, I get really close to the edge. I'm like, I got to turn around. I want I'm like, I gotta turn around, I wanna jump, but I gotta stay on this ledge, and then you get up to the, I gotta run back,

I gotta run back. It's, I mean, it's fun. It's like the difference between like. But she seems like she's having even more fun. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. You look at my face and I'm concentrating. Right, right, right, right.

What is it, that guy's doing math doing math. He's solving problems right now. I mean, the eyes will roll back in the head, but then they... She's not doing math. The eyes roll back, but they do one rotation. Then they're back. I can see again. They don't disappear for like... Man, I just wish they could disappear for, you know, 13 minutes. A quickie. Yeah, yeah. just 13 minutes.

So there it is. Our best description of the male orgasm is that it's just subpar to the female orgasm, in my opinion. But we have nothing to compare it to except our own. We have nothing to compare it to. I mean, it's still the greatest feeling that I've ever felt, I think. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I mean.

I can't think of it. Yeah, nothing is. I've heard people say better than sex about a number of things. You know how much I like to eat, man? But, yeah, there's no way. I never had a burger that got close to sex, and I love to eat. No, I'm not. Yeah.

I can't. I mean, what else would be another candidate for? What else do people say better than sex? Well, some people who, I mean, some people who, and this is not, obviously don't do this, but people who have tried heroin and stuff like that, like drugs that are hard drugs that send you way over the top that are highly addictive. Okay, yeah. Those people will get into a place where they're like, this is better than sex because it's doing something to your brain that it was definitely not designed to have happen to it.

I definitely don't want to find that out, so no plans to try that. Liam, Goat Felons, asks a technical question. Does oral sex count as sex? My roommates used to get into full-blown debates about this. Full-blown? Well, Liam, according to who, I guess, is the question. Because, again, this question is most often asked in the context of, like, a religious argument.

It's like how far is too far. Yes. Okay, well, God in his wisdom has determined that, okay, if you touch the nipple, that gets this score in sin. Right. And then if you have sex, that goes over the limit. Of course, I don't believe that that's how the universe works. So I think that oral sex counts as oral sex.

Yeah, I think that... You know what I'm saying? Oral sex is oral. What what do you mean it's a different sex it's a different thing count according to who i guess is like if you're saying that like if you've had oral sex but you haven't had intercourse are you of are you still a virgin again the concept of virginity is also based in this religious framework. It's kind of a bullshit concept. Construct. It's a construct.

It's an idea that a group of people who believe a certain thing about the world have agreed upon. But is it, it doesn't, your status is not changed because you have had sex or not had sex. There's not, so, oral sex is a certain thing

that involves the mouth in a sexual organ, and then intercourse is when the genitalia are involved. Yeah. So... Thank you. You know what I'm saying? So it's like... I guess I don't understand.

The premise of the question is difficult for me to understand if it's not based in a particular moral framework. I think it matters most about what it means to the person you're doing it with and being on the same page about all the implications, emotional. The only thing I'm sure of is if you spill your seed, God will strike you down. Okay? I still don't recall. You don't remember this? I do remember the phrase and even the name Laban, but I don't remember the story.

I don't think it was Laban. It may have been Laban. I gotta look this up now. Okay, so now you're googling what? Bible spill seed... Meaning? Death. Onan. Onan. But Onan knew, this is Genesis 38.

This is NIV. But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his semen on the ground. He pulled out. To keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord's sight, so he put him to death also. So maybe this is only if you're having sex with your brother's wife. So I don't know how it works.

Don't have any experience with that personally. So. May not have been the seed part at all. Let me just take it all back. If you're having sex, the only thing I'm sure of when it comes to this is that if you're having sex with your brother's wife and you spill your seed, God will kill you.

Mm-hmm. And I would like to take back... I'm not sure about anything else. That a quickie is 13 minutes. I just don't know what 13 minutes is. Or eight inches, honestly. I don't really give a shit. You know what? I can come quick, and I can take a long time, and it's none of your business. But I sure as hell have been talking about it.

It's none of your business, but we've been talking about our sex lives very openly. So I think that brings to a close sex-temper. Yeah. Hey, man, this has to a close Sextember. Yeah. Hey, man, this has been a fun one. Hey, man. I feel like we've learned a lot. I will say that we didn't bring any experts in this year, you know, people who actually have studied these things.

So, again. If there's a gap you want us to fill, let us know. Hashtag Ear Biscuits. Or leave us a voicemail with how you're processing all this. 1-888-EAR-POD-1. Speaking of people that you should listen to about things, experts, I have a recommendation. Somebody I actually discovered this morning.

This morning. I have a huge respect for good science communicators, right? This is something I'm sort of into, my niche. My wife always laughs at me as I like to watch things that are technical while I work out. Okay. But I found Debunk the Funk with Dr. Wilson, YouTube channel. Dr. Dan Wilson, I think, is his name. He's a molecular biologist who basically, he took it upon himself in 2020 to begin addressing all the misinformation related to the pandemic.

And I just love the way that he communicates. related to the pandemic. And I just love the way that he communicates. And I know in many ways, we feel like we're kind of past, we're definitely past the darkest days of the pandemic. But it's funny how I don't think we've yet recovered from what happened to us in the way that people consume information and what we can agree on, and boy howdy,

when the next pandemic comes, we're gonna be in for it because this one didn't go well. But it's great having a voice like his that if you hear something on really popular podcasts, for instance, about vaccines or COVID or whatever. Oh, what podcast is that? Yeah, I don't know what podcast I'm talking about. You might be led to believe certain things about these matters

that are not based in fact. And I think that he does a really, really good job of breaking it down in very simple terms and communicating in a way that anyone can understand, but pointing to resources that he and other people like him have actually studied. So, Debunk the Funk with Dr. Wilson, great science channel on YouTube. Check him out! Okay. Talk to you next week.

Oh, and also want to remind you that my first single off of this phase of my music, James and the Shame, of the EP that's coming in November, dropped on Friday. It's called Nothing Left to Love, which is also

just a title track. I'm starting with the title track because why not? Why not? So check it out wherever you stream your music. Hey, guys.

I'm a 25-year-old woman. I live in a large apartment complex in New York City. And I sometimes feel compromised, especially when I'm listening to Sex-Tember, because the walls are thin here. The walls are thin here. And I'm just putting myself in the position of one of my neighbors and imagining what they're thinking when they get a little blip of what's going on in Ear Biscuits. And honestly, I'm not mad about it. Love you guys so much. Thanks for everything you do.