Emergency Intercom - addressing drews thirst trap

Episode Date: December 6, 2024

enya saw wicked and it changed her brain chemistry, drew feels like he needs to explain himself after posting a thirst trap Upgrade your selling today and sign up for your $1-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/intercom. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, we wanted to take a quick second to thank ZocDoc for being one of our sponsors for today's episode. Um, I recently have fallen into a bit of a hypochondriac state. I don't know if that's the way you say that, but I've been overanalyzing my health and lack thereof. ZocDoc is the best because I'm putting all of that to rest immediately because last night I booked an appointment and today I'm going to one in an hour zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors choose the right one for your needs and click and book an appointment instantly we love zocdoc and you should try it too so stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash intercom to find an instantly

booked top rated doctors today that's z-o-c-d-O-C dot com slash intercom. ZocDoc.com slash intercom. This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy. Ever captured a great night video, only for it to be ruined by that one noisy talker? With Audio Erase on the new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, you can reduce or remove unwanted noise and relive your favorite moments without the distractions. And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. get into it i'll clap again i'll clap again hey hey hi hi true oh my god we're both wearing stripes oh we didn't even do this on purpose we got dressed separately we

usually get dressed in the same room guys if i'm low energy today and you got me fucking sick and i'm still a little sick my throat is um i need some throat coke from my king if you know what i mean from the goat um i got really sick and then i got Drew sick. And it's just like, that's something about me is like, I am a very, I share. You're a giver. Yeah, I'm a giver. Yeah, you spread illnesses. So take it like a taker. Cause baby, I'm a giver.

Also, my jacket is inside out, but I am too lazy. No, I like it like that. I was going to say it's a vibe. It's a vibe. I'm too lazy to flip it the right way out because any movements I make hurt my entire body. Yes. It's a vibe i'm too lazy to flip it the right way out because any movements i make hurt my entire body yes it's a vibe but i just wanted to start this video off by saying that we need to bring back oh wait welcome to this episode of emergency we haven't been doing that recently but there's a few memes that i think we need to bring back okay Okay, let's hear it. So first we need to be like, damn, Daniel.

Okay, never mind. We really need to bring, damn, Daniel. Boy. Boy. Okay, what's the other one? Is that it? Yeah, I think damn, Daniel, boy. Like I'm with the boys, but B-O-I.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that's like a few so you kind of just want like guy culture to come back we really don't have just regular guy culture just regular guy memes um well last night i had a moment i had a moment happen to me so i feel like obviously everybody watching can understand this feeling of like t like TikTok's comment section is just it's like the being mean competition, but like being mean in a humorous way competition. And usually we can all laugh at it because it's like that's got nothing to do with me. This is just about the person in the video. They've been fucking me over recently.

Yeah. I got a lot. I got a lot. I saw a comment about myself and it made me laugh. And I was like, that got a lot I saw a comment about myself and it made me laugh and I was like that's a crazy comment to make and like I had fully disassociated because me and Drew at this point I feel like I won't speak for Drew but I'm so like my brain it doesn't mean anything to see myself on my phone at this point I'm just like oh like I interact with it like it's a random person

it's really weird and I was doing that with this video because i was like oh my god we're so funny and it's us talking about the pies i need to show this to you in the way like i wanted to post this so bad last night so we'll put it on the screen six feet under it's a video of me talking about how i don't like pies and I never go through comments. I usually I'll open comments on videos of us and look at the top three. And the second I see one, even with a negative. Like it doesn't even have to be negative aura, but I'm out of there. Yeah, I'm just I'm leaving. I don't want to see what anybody has to say about me if it's negative. It's just not useful for me.

But I was going through the comments of this because all the comments were funny. I was like, damn, this is awesome. We're all laughing together. Someone said, said of course she didn't grow up on pies bro what where's her mama at and somebody replied six feet under that sounds disgusting but I am like so anti pie and fruit being mingled with that's fucking crazy that is crazy you give a bitch an inch and they will take a mile they will run a fucking mile with that but i was so disconnected from watching that that i was like i was just really high sitting on the couch i was like like just like laughing at my phone i was like what was the original they ate her up it's

just me talking about not liking pies like all i said was i don't fuck with pies somebody had to where your mom at but your mom dead where your mom at yo mama so ugly she dead where your mama at six feet under no where your mom at where's your mother at? No, my brother. Oh, where's your brother? Sorry, I'm like so awful. Speaking of comment sections. So Jacob Elordi grew out a beard and grew out his hair a little bit. And I mean, we can all agree like he doesn't look that good but we all know it's for a role and he's not doing it by choice at least i fucking

hope but the thing is my hot thing is i don't think he looks that bad he just looks like he's just a guy but i also i'm not like i've never like so sexy he just he just looks like a normal guy and then when he's like cleaned up he's like hot australian guy is he australian or british he i mean like you literally could tell me yeah every british person is australian and i would believe you and every australian same thing with like new zealand it's like you all new zealand yeah it's all the same it all sounds kind of irish um but i saw videos of him and i kept getting tagged in videos of it and i was like oh haha like people think that i would find this funny like that's so funny and then i started like the wheels in my brain started turning and then i went to i was scrolling down and an in mills video came up of

him talking about jacob alordi and literally everyone was like unanimously like he's ugly why did he do this i can't believe he's done this like i feel like i've been shot this is my 9-11 like da da da da da da da da bitch why did a comment with like 15 000 likes on in mills videos say wait i thought this was drew phillips so when i say jacob alorti is my twin y'all want to say haha no it's not but when jacob alorti is ugly he's my fucking wow y'all are crazy it's crazy out here you guys forget we're people yeah we're people yeah but no i just thought that was like so fucking funny that like the one time someone hot gets compared to me it's jacob alorti ugly jacob alorti with a beard and i'm curious if he thought he's if he thought he looked good i feel really bad for him because i know the pain i know the pain of feeling sexy and hearing the opposite of return

the thing is like a lot of us should just shut up like let's guys let's just stop like let's stop except for me yeah no we know no no you have the mics you have the mic you shut up um oh you shut up no you shut up where your mom at where your mom at um but yeah also i've decided that i hate fortnite and fortnite has been corrupted by disney and disney is evil although i still really fuck with like a disneyland vibe it is fucking you have a bloody nose for me you hit me yeah well did you know if you have a bloody nose like your knee- me yeah well did you know if you have a bloody nose like your knee jerk reaction is to tilt your head back and like do this but that's actually like the worst thing you can possibly do because all of the blood is just going straight

down your throat and into your stomach and making you super nauseous and some people will literally just throw up a bunch of blood so you're supposed to like tilt your head back just a little bit so it's not like going all over your fucking face. Pinch and then put like gauze or tampon or whatever the fuck inside your nose. I've never had a bloody nose and I really want a bloody nose. They're so chic. Like they're so cunt. Like a bloody nose will just always eat. Not for the reasons like a lot of people think.

Like all that coke shit. They have negative connotations. Nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty. Yeah, like but just like getting like a dry nose yeah it's kind of chic like it's like yeah i've been in a dry climate like but i guess yeah it's associated with too much crazy shit so like if i got a bloody nose my like immediate reaction would be to take a picture and post it but then everybody would be like she's doing coke ho the devil couldn't be me the devil cocaine is the devil and if you do cocaine and you're listening

to this high on cocaine babe i'm talking to you stop a stop a stop a stop but what were you saying though a whole lot of nothing there was something you were saying though oh fortnight bruh okay fortnight is trying to monopolize the gaming industry they are trying to become the new steam like they want to just be like if you look at fort they're really just trying to be roblox yeah roblox is like a trillion dollar company oh no 100 because now their logo on fortnite is like all these like uh screenshots are just like showing all the different games you can play in fortnite like you can do og you could do lego build you could do like the hunter thing like this this is that ho shut the fuck up like reject modernity embrace tradition go back to just being a first

person or whatever third person shooter game. That's all you have to be. Get that Lego shit out of my fucking face. Stop trying to sell me fucking sneakers. Now you're trying to sell me everything. Everything is like a money move for Fortnite. And I just don't like it. Like once a company starts to think I'm dumb enough to fall into it.

That's where I stop it. But I will say with all that being said last night i did buy the hot to go emo also the phone posits are kind of fire like it is but i'm like why seriously like i'm buying shoes now consumption has gone so crazy i'm buying shoes for my character they're non-fungible tokens it's like really really shocking it's so dark but i will be buying the fortnight's fall off like really like in the last like two weeks needs to be studied because like i swear to god no one gives a fuck about that game right now and like they need to do something very drastic to bring it back because there was like a month where it was fucking fun and then they

started adding all this weird flying bullshit that no one fucking wants. No one wants to fly a fucking round in Fortnite. God damn it. No one fucking wants to fly on a jetpack with a fucking century gun that shoots everybody for you. That is so fucking pointless. Like, I want boots on ground, boots down. Hello. Boots down on the ground. And a gold scar.

Like, hello. That's literally all I want. And that's all we need. And like all this flying bullshit. Like now there's ender pearls in Fortnite apparently apparently ender pearls what the fuck is that like you know minecraft ender pearls like you can throw a thing 200 meters like no okay like no no we need to reel it back and also i don't know why my brain is going here but it's like there are some things that when the marketing is that crazy and they're going that insane i'm like fuck that but then once i step in i understand and i'm like honestly you go and do

whatever you want with marketing because that's how i feel about wicked wicked like i'm not a theater kid i'm not somebody who likes musicals i'm always like oh like musicals annoy me like blah blah blah wicked got my heart but fortnite is trying to do what wicked did with their campaign you're not gonna do it and i'm done with fortnite i don't give a fuck about the musical wicked but after seeing the movie i don't know what we call ourselves like are we wickets like are we like we're like wickets like e-t-t-e-s i feel like it's just like i'm wicked as fuck like like it's about to get wicked no it's really about to get wicked like life has become extremely wicked no but i didn't know it was like it was a vibe like that like elfaba or whatever the fuck like we're all i feel

like i say her name different every time and everybody always gets on me i pronounce everyone's name incorrectly like that's just the thing about me. Elphaba, Elphaba. Like, y'all, we're all Elphaba at the end of the day. Elphaba, Glinda. Glinda. Like, see, even Glinda. I don't know if it's Glinda or Glinda.

No, it's Glinda. She changed her name to Glinda because of the goat doctor. Use the first hour and a half of the movie saying your name is Glinda and have a whole scene talking about how your name is Glinda. Since it's based off of a play, it's like really like 15 minutes so that they dragged it out i i want to see it again i want to see it again and i didn't think i really didn't think oh okay i knew i was gonna cry i knew i was gonna cry down yeah because i just cry at movies very easily but i knew i was gonna cry but i didn't think i was gonna walk away and be like that was a movie that was i like literally sometimes i leave a movie and i'm like that was two hours of my life animated yeah like it it really did touch me the way like the

multiverse maybe who touched you who the fuck touched you because i'm about to go check them okay i hate to break this to you but literally everyone has had a touch of me you're a ran yeah i'm ran through like loose magoose hole down here loosen the goose like my hole is loose enough that when i hate when i'm in the back seat of a car because the little air conditioner that points at your legs if i like don't cross my legs the air starts shooting up and like i'm so loose yeah like it comes out my mouth it's like and like the air like hitting your loose hole sounds like this okay it's like a um like a steamboat yeah um but no i also like me liking wicked now i feel like a straight guy who dates a girl who knows a lot about phoebe bridgers or like b-ba-doobie and like she tells me all that and now i have like newfound information to pull

bitches that's what liking wicked it's like manipulating the gay theater kids i get to manipulate manipulate all the theater kids and all the gays um i just feel like gay people don't like me as much as they should but like do you feel that like i feel like gay people don't like us as much as they should i have no opinions on the lg LGBT other than let them be. Oh, okay. LGBT stands for let gays be. True. True.

But yeah, I want to see Wicked again. So bad, so bad. And I had so much fun. And I literally like, we went with rain and josie and like rain and josie rain gives like rain gaffes about musical theater which i don't know if she's gonna feel okay with me like exposing her nerd like tendencies like that but say livi um so like i don't think y'all understand like it's not like oh like like it's not like me where like i like theater but i've only been to like six plays and i don't give a fuck about like the culture and i don't give a fuck about the actors and like all that shit like no rain is like like she like secretly like closeted like it like she

kept it from me and inya for the last like four years like yeah i had like i feel like i know so much about her i had no idea she liked musical theater that much. And then one night while we were hanging out, I randomly asked her if she wanted to see Wicked and she exposed that she was so excited. And then she exposed herself for being a theater kid. And I was like, oh my God, everything makes so much sense. Can I actually see the video of her dancing?

When she was like, ha ha. Like when you were recording her, when she was talking to us. I'm confused. It was like, like when you were recording her, when she was talking to us. I'm confused. It was like the video. She was like, fuck you. Like for filming me.

Cause she was like giving us the pre. Moment when she did that battle cry is when she finds out about the wizards. And she's like, like, she's like getting ready to fucking fight. Like she's like getting ready to fucking fight that like she's like ready dude i love the way she was moving in that because she like meant it with her whole like

heart uh she um is a nerd and i'm glad i got to see it with her because after the movie we got tapped into some like forbidden knowledge that you'd only know if you're a nerd and i was like gag like it's it's worth the watch go watch it um happy i've seen it because i feel like that was like a cultural moment and everybody saw barbie without me so i will never watch barbie that's something that's that is a personality trait for me now is harry potter and barbie no i'm never watching either of those fucking terrible ass movies since everybody wanted to see like i'm sorry i feel like enough time has passed that i can say i fucking hated barbie like i literally i didn't like it like i get it i genuinely do

i think it's an awesome movie but for me it felt like oh this is for like people who are who hate women and i just like women so like i'm watching it i'm like oh so i should watch it yeah because you have like a lot of misogyny in you that needs to be like released and i feel like that movie would make you like girls because you don't like girls you like boys no i love girls hello there's nothing so funny about being like he likes boys next time we meet somebody and they ask us like every time we meet somebody they have to do the thing and you immediately outs me she's like drew is the freaking freak and likes boys he's nasty he likes boys but people always meet us and they talk to us for like 30 minutes before getting brave enough to ask us if we're dating

like what's like are y'all are you are y'all like a thing are y'all together no and we're like no and then they're like oh okay so you you guys work together we're like yeah and they're like oh okay uh where do you live and then he's like oh i live here and i'm like oh i live there too and then they're like but you guys aren't okay yeah we really break people's minds we're like destroying the nuclear family the nuclear family hates to see me and drew coming um well you could not pay me to work for free like i'm being dead serious you really could not pay me to work for free because like if I'm doing hard labor, like if I'm shoveling like ditches and picking up garbage, like I'm not volunteering for that.

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Head to salesforce.com careers to learn more i mean yeah that's how i feel when i go back home like no i'm not cleaning y'all's house like like you you made me clean this house as a child i'm a guest now i am a guest literally i'm not shoveling like literally i'm not doing that i'm not doing that i'm not doing the snow i'm not shoveling like literally i'm not doing that i'm not doing that i'm not doing the snow i'm not taking out garbage but i still do it not me i don't take out garbage i genuinely like i believe a woman's job is to do dishes and i'm sorry that sounds really old head of me but my job is to do the dishes yes i do the cooking yes i do the cleaning and yes the men take out the garbage so insane how many dishes in you makes

like i wish i washed all of her dishes while she was sick because she needed them for the next day because she uses guys i'm not kidding i'm not exaggerating she uses at least six spoons a day three forks three bowls four mugs like it's unbelievable oh you know what yeah fuck this planet actually i'm gonna get all plastic and like like no just use one cup one fork one bowl you're fucking nasty because this motherfucker uses the same cup and leaves it on the fucking counter and it drives me crazy because i've cleaned that cup like eight million times and then he'll get mad at me for cleaning the cup because he's seasoning his water cup and then i i like at this point i don't clean it anymore and we don't judge at this point i don't clean it with soap i just fucking pour the water out and rinse it out and put it in the cabinet

and the other day he picked it up and he was like you washed my cup like seriously you washed my cup and i was like no i didn't i just rinsed it out and he was like oh my god thank you like i didn't want you to wash my cup but you've been saying the listen and we don't judge. Yeah, what's ours? Okay, wait. So for the people that don't know, there's this trend on the internet right now going around where two people,

like boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, sister, daughter, whatever the fuck, like two people get together and they're like, we listen and we don't judge. Yeah, and so like basically what it means is i say something about inya that i'm like i clock but i'm not judging her for it but it's a little weird i thought we said she does it back to me did because you're thinking of um there's another trend like that it's oh yeah you're right you're right like suspect blah blah blah no there's they this couple that i've been watching recently does both and they have a chime for we listen and we

don't judge um so let's try also what this just like you explaining that trend to this audience is like when i meet someone new and they're saying something that's chronically online preaching to the choir yeah i don't want to admit that i like know what they're talking about so i'll let them tell me information like it's doing i'm like whoa like yeah that's crazy because i just want to let this person talk um maybe we should just say it about each other because i feel like we'd have an easier time maybe we should just do the suspect it's like something that i've done to blow dry his fucking body after the shower instead of using a towel like a normal person i just like being dry like i really just like being dry no there's it's like something that i've done to you like i literally um like

yesterday when i was giving or two days ago when i gave you a bag of like goodies for when you were sick and i brought you that water i put like a concoction of like drugs pills like percocets i put ambient and that's why you slept all day and it's because i wanted you to sleep all day so i could go out and be promiscuous on the town so you you like drugged me to sleep so you could cheat on me we listen and we come on we listen and we don't judge all right your turn okay um we lit wait now we do we do we listen and we don't judge okay so drew since he got his haircut he's been like trying out all my products. But what he doesn't know is I've been putting mixes of like Nair and other carcinogens in all of my hair products. And I haven't been using the ones that are on the counter because I don't like that Drew gets compliments for his hair now. So I want all of his hair to fall out.

Is that why my hair is falling out? Yeah. We listen and we don't judge. Okay, you know. Okay. Well, you know your toothbrush right yeah it was you were like why is it over here when it's normally on those little white things well i had a hemorrhoid on my ass and i really needed to pop it because like i read somewhere that popping hemorrhoids is good when whatever it's just your intestine lining so i like grabbed

your toothbrush and just like rub the bristles on my hemorrhoid post shit i didn't wipe yet and then i just put your toothbrush back but we like kissing shit so it's like not that deep like not that deep we listen and we don't judge okay um i laced your weed we listen and we don't judge every time i smoke i feel like i leave my own yeah for like the first 20 minutes i genuinely am convinced everybody hates me and that i'm like going crazy and i've lost all my like all my sense of will to live and then i'm happy is this something that happens to y'all but I cannot take medication for like flu like symptoms like I can't take theraflu I can't take pseudofed like all of them literally make me feel like I smoked meth like it makes me like so like oh like I know like wow that's what meth feels like no it makes me feel like like just so fast and sharp but like

foggy headed and i know fast as fuck just now like i know exactly where your head's at it's like sometimes i move thinking i'm like moving fast but it's like so slow but i know pseudofed is inside of meth and that's why there's like laws where you can only buy a couple boxes i think it's placebo because you know way too much about drugs i think if you didn't know that you wouldn't like well before i knew that i was feeling it when i was younger and then i went on this website literally fucked me fucked me over i know it became like y2k it became live and fucked me oh my god yeah websites can do that y'all watch out in y2k they should have had the machines fucking the people instead of killing them we listen and we don't judge oh wait should we do the suspect ones oh but this website arrow would change my life for the worst

and now i know everything there ever could possibly ever be known about drugs but one story that stuck with me from that website from like 2009 or some shit like that was this dude um had like a friend that was blind from birth like it was a congenital disease and he could not see from birth they were like 20 something year olds at this point and this dude had a cabin in the woods and he would go and like occasionally go trip at this cabin and uh his blind friend was like yo like i kind of want to try hallucinogens and at this point like girl like what are you gonna see like i think i think it was dmt which is like crazy like crazy vibes but like the dude was like oh wait like that's kind of tea like why haven't

we tried this on like blind people like what what would they see if they've never perceived anything ever like are they gonna perceive the same shit that we see well these dudes like went out by the pond and both smoked dmt and this dude like the blind dude for like seven minutes was like i can see i see everything i've seen it all i understand now i understand now and then the high wore off and like he went back to being blind but like the dude like kept trying to get him to describe what he was seeing because his eyes were like wide open he's always has his eyes closed but his eyes were like wide open and like the dude was like, I don't think I was seeing like the world.

Like, I don't think I was seeing what you see, but I was seeing something that I've never seen before. And he was like gagging by it, but it just like makes you think like, what the fuck? Like, what is it?

What is a trip? Like, I mean, honestly, like this world is all a hallucination. If you think about it. Like, really? Because our brains are fucking seeing this and then processing it inside of our heads.

So it's like, I don't even want to get into it. It freaks me the fuck out. But touch, feel, senses. Like, too much. Too fucking much. I know. It's like the other day when I was watching that vlog of the guy who goes to like... Turkey to get a hairline transplant

oh my god i actually saw a video of a guy sitting in a lobby with a bunch of other people who got it and i was like the fucking bumps on the brain like it's really like bumpy like i don't have tryptophobia but like bitch if you come around me with a hair transplant i am taking a fucking bristled brush and brushing those little hair follicles off your fucking scalp bro like the thing is literally no hey go and get your fucking hair i wish i got it for free like yeah like if you want it go and get it hell i don't need to see the recovery process it's fucking disgusting like keep that to yourself stay inside don't post pictures i don't want to fucking see it just pop out with a new hairline i cannot believe i missed those free hairline

transplants i feel like you could get it even crazier i mean i really don't need one like my hairline is so healthy healthy strong hairline but i just want it because like it would be so funny i guess it would be funny. Maybe we just get you a bald cap and we get somebody to fake it on you. Yeah. It would be really funny for a video. Yeah. Like literally just like,

Oh, I'm getting a hairline transplant. It would be funny as fuck. Um, fuck. What was I going to say? That you're gay? No,

I'm not. We listen and we don't judge. That was fun. What? Sorry. Keep going. Why has this year been so green? had brat and elphaba it's been really fucking green this year and cosmo and wanda are not slick because we had barbie yeah we had pink and now we have everything everything everything everything

everything is connected guys i think i'm gonna go into spirit wanda is not careful like look cosmo and wanda cosmo and wanda are not sick galinda and alphaba are not slick gay linda um but yeah i think i'm gonna go into spiritual psychosis if oh my god we anybody leads leaves me if if anybody like yeah if someone leaves you it's back and forth and you want to be fair at the end of the day you could go I'm going to be back and forth

and it's something that can't just rip and that's I don't know if somebody is high listening to this and they just so happen to look away and like do something else if i heard that while i was high i would literally freak the fuck out and i would like rewind it six times like rewinding it too much and then they land where we're actually talking normal and they can't find the part that that just happens wait guys rate my rat tail

out of 10 i think it's already getting longer. Okay, you're fucking delusional. I need it to be long enough where I can go across and make a mustache. I'm gonna literally hit you. Should we do the suspect challenge? Suspect is a hypochondriac and convinces herself that she's ill now all of a sudden and now thinks she has tonsil stones okay um sorry i have ocd and all my friends are fucking crazy and talk about sickness and now the sickness is in my head because i'm like i hear about the sickness and i'm

like oh my god i might have the sickness too if everybody else is sick i'm literally going wicked like i'm wicked as fuck right now wait it's about to get wicked. It's really, really about to get wicked. Also, I need to clarify. I think I have tonsillitis, but my breath has not stunk because I am a maniac about my oral hygiene. I would, Inya, if you had a tonsil stone, one, you would know.

Two, I would know and I would not let you fucking leave the goddamn house with a tonsil stone. There are some people in my life that I'm like, it's not even worth the fucking trouble like go and be stinky like go ahead stinky but you no i'm not letting it happen what's really happening is i probably just have a sinus infection but it doesn't matter because i got on zalk doc last night and i booked an appointment to go see a nose throat and ear doctor today so it doesn't even fucking matter i'm just gonna nip it in the butt i might

get an std test today i would literally go with you it's been like six months but i've really been celibate but i'm scared of like toilet seat stds like for real fuck wait what was i saying oh um okay bitch a suspect never wants to leave the house and then complains about being bored and sad all day that was too far i'm kidding i'm kidding i'm kidding um suspect um i mean this one's for both of us it's like a read for both of us but like suspect like buys polymer clay and then puts it in a bag and it sits and collects dust and we never pick it up and we do that with every single fucking hobby we ever pick it look at my crochet you know that i picked up it's committing a sitting it is committing a mass sitting also look how dirty our kitchen is after we just got it cleaned okay suspect does not pick

up after herself suspect has been sick and suspect was given a bunch of free pastries which i really really do appreciate but it was enough pastries to feed a fucking village the the almond one was delicious what was the cafe yes crave cafe clark street diner is that the one we went with colin yeah yeah um okay well well i don't think people are having sex oh that that is literally like i'm not buying like i'm not buying it because every you're telling me every single baby on this planet was conceived by those ugly motherfucking fuckers doing s like i don't know like that was so mean and i recognize that but like there's no way y'all are having sex. It's just weird because like if statistics are true, that means that every time we go

into like a meeting or we go out and we interact with somebody, there is a high chance of the person you're interacting with had sex the night before. And I just don't believe it. I just don't believe it. Yeah. I don't believe that you were butt naked nasty like a rick james super freak last night and now you're just alive and in my face or even this morning yeah okay morning sex is literally i am sorry you were fucking gluttonous and you were going to perish

in hell god is up and like the sun is out and like why are you doing that like why are you doing that with the sun out to have sex with the sun out? You are fucking perverted and you're evil and you're going to hell. Well, I like sunning my butthole. I do it in the window. Spread your hole. I do. Like, I get being naked in nature, but fucking ill. Ill.

Like pine needles in the Bronson. Like, no, I'm sorry. Having sex in the daytime. It's like I get it. Like, some people are actually like freak-a-leeks like that and they're down for whatever time. Don't you dare. Yeah, I really think everybody's just lying to look cooler.

Like, you know, like how some kids like growing up lie, just like casual lies. Like, I think that's like, everybody's just like, oh, well, like if I'm supposed to be having sex three times a week, like I guess I'm having sex three times a week when you haven't been touched by your wife in a year because you're fucking terrible nasty gross stinky fucking man that doesn't wipe his ass like that's the other thing is just like i'm like so curious are people like having good sex is every because i feel like a lot of people are just having mid-sex i don't think sex is good i like i both agree and

i disagree like i don't think sex is i will never understand like i have been blessed to have like very nice sexual experiences but it's really nothing that it's it's never anything to like bend over backwards for like you're not gonna catch me like going out of my way to have sex like it's it's like that's too much it's either gonna happen or it's not and also i'm just like right also looks like the killer is is the killer oh wait y'all this is something else i wanted to talk about thinking of thinking about sex so i considered posting that photo of me that I posted recently. Oh my God. Wait, this is a fucking vibe.

Look who followed me. I don't know who the fuck this is, but the artwork he creates is hilarious. Like so worried about my sister. You cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but i am here returning to w network and stack tv the west side ripper is back if you're not killing these people then who is that's what i want to know starring kaylee cuoco and chris messina the only investigating i'm doing these days is who shit their pants killer message to you yesterday this is so dangerous i

gotta get out of this based on a true story story. New season Mondays at 9 Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on Stack TV. But, okay, I posted this IG photo. And it absolutely destroyed. But I was literally, I'm not kidding. I sat on this photo for like straight up a year straight being like, I'm going to post it, I'm going to post it.

But like, I was nervous because like one, like unfortunately I look good in it. So it looks like I'm just like trying to be sexy. And I did not want that to come across as that. And yes, I did edit my fucking ass. Like obviously I edited my ass.

Like you can see it like bitch. If I really wanted to do some indescript edits, like, Oh, you would never be able to tell. But yes, I edited my fucking ass. But anyways, I sat on this photo for fucking years, like literally just not wanting to post it. Y'all, after I posted this photo, I'm not kidding.

Like six trade text me. Like, I'm not kidding. Like literally six of my tradesmen texted me. Like it was crazy it was like that's so awesome they like want me so fucking bad did you reply to any no there's one that i really need to reply to but i'm scared because i just haven't um been good at replying and i just feel bad i don't know if you ever do that but like i get trapped in this loop where like i'll be texting someone like friends whatever the fuck the vibe is and i'll just like be scrolling on tiktok see

the text and then just not respond and then like i'll but i'll open it and then it like doesn't show up that like it's unopened and it's unopened so i just see it and i'm like oh i must have already responded when i'm looking through my text and then it like a week will pass by and i'm like going through my text and i'm like oh my god i never responded and then i'm like fuck it's been too long to respond and now i can't respond because like oh like oh i just forgot to text you back sorry like that's such a bunk ass excuse and probably makes the person feel like shit and then it spirals out of control and i'm just like oh my god like now it's been like fucking four months and like i haven't texted this person back and i feel so fucking bad but like

i got bigger fish to fry i just like i'm sorry if you don't get a text back from me you have to know my character know that it's not that deep and i'm sorry and like if it was a serious text i didn't reply to i'll always call it out and be like oh my god i'm so sorry like we should talk but if it's some random shit i will just one thing about me is if i don't want to keep replying i just stop replying or i just start giving like the most bunk ass answers until the person is like oh she's not entertained anymore i'm tapping out because i just like i can't do the texting also i just don't look through text like the only time i check to see if i have text is when i wake up and at this point since i've been waking up so early I wake up to my phone dead empty and I'm like all right I guess I don't have to look at my text all day and then I just don't look at my text all day and it's really bad and I'm sorry I'm sorry if you if if you wait if you want my love and I gave you all my love would you come

for me well November felt like six hours long like do you know what i mean like i'm normally like yeah no like everyone's like wow this year flew by i'm like yeah it flew by but like that's every fucking year like yeah whatever like post-covid it's like i'm used to it by now but november literally felt like six hours long like i'm not kidding like i cannot believe how quickly it went by and i think it was just like how busy we were or like i don't remember anything from november november is a trauma block november i every four years i trauma block november november was a month to forget november was a month it was a month to forget actually yeah now that i'm thinking about it i'm

having like ptsd written flashbacks of like all the bad things that happened in november and november is a month to forget like trauma blocking is good sorry if it's like your birthday month but like really it's like the worst month of the year if you give a fuck about your birthday boo fucking who i like i am literally like i feel like the grinch about birthdays i don't give a fuck about it was like it was kind of like in school growing up i felt like november was like the longest month because like it was right before christmas yeah but also i'm like waiting kids now get like fucking four weeks off like kids are not in school anymore my siblings got the whole week of thanksgiving off ho go and fucking learn to read because a lot of y'all are getting past down grades and you can't fucking read yeah it's

really really like i feel so old-headed but i'm like oh my god like the doctors and the nurses are learning chat gpt knowledge and they're not actually learning yeah no but i guess like honestly they can just ask chap gpt if they can pass medical school with chat gpt and like not retain any knowledge bitch on the operating table they could literally just be like hey um what do i do and they will answer it and they passed so it's like the right answer so they'll just fucking do it on the operating table but i'm like i mean i always think that but i'm like modernity dr miami literally live stream fucking bbl surgeries like eight years ago yeah it's like we're really we're okay we're in good hands we're fine yeah i also i just don't believe in doctors so not because i'm anti-science but

because i am scared of doctors dr octagonopus that's why when I get sick, I get so freaked out because I really am just like not ever thinking about my health, which I want to take more serious in the following year. I really want to care for myself in a deeper way because this is my only body and I should be taking care of it.

I don't know if you noticed, but there's no puff bar on me. I still have one, but I'm trying to wean off. I really want to just treat my body with more respect in the following year because it's my only body and I want to take care of it and fuel it correctly and do the things it deserves. But I'm scared of doctors because I feel like doctors are just there to tell me I'm going to die.

Like how I know I'm going to die. Don't tell me when. Yeah, after all my heart testing i got done i um why haven't the leaves on that tree fallen yet oh they don't fall to like oh we usually come back and they're gone but i um oh but also it's like way warmer than it's supposed to be. It's like 78 degrees like two days ago. I can't even think about that. I really can't even think about that. But I got all these heart tests done and it was time to get like all of the information about like my stress tests and all this stuff because I was like fainting and standing up too fast. And my heart rate was like fucking 140 and i ignored the uh results

call for like six months so then they stopped calling me and they kept calling they really needed me to know what was going on with me they were probably gonna call and be like you're chill you have the best heart we've actually ever seen and we wanted to exactly because like your heart and your heart is full of love and desire for boys ew drew your chair is like crumbling on your ass i know it's really fucked up now oh well should we get into some media my media of the week is wicked i actually want to see it again curse curse curse curse oh curses of the week oh bitch my curse of the week is the fucking scam that is cryotherapy and red light therapy y'all i got fucking swindled and finessed into standing in a fucking box that was 170 degrees negative

fahrenheit which like oh cool, cool, like, whatever. I was covered head to toe. And it literally was like barely even fucking cold. Like I've been in colder environments. And like, it was only three minutes. So I was like, oh, cool. Like, I just wasted all my fucking money. And then I did a red light therapy bed, which is literally just a tanning bed with red leds that you lay in butt ass naked for 10 minutes and 30 seconds another fucking finesse and then what i realized is like honestly if you want to become a millionaire just sell snake oil to white women like it's really like that easy like you really can just like become a millionaire doing that because like

holy shit no it didn't even get warm in that bed not even that but it's just like we are seeing i feel like it is about to oh it was 80 dollars by the way 80 dollars for 13 and a half minutes of my life to be cold and stand in a red led box like bitch i thought it was going to be 20 when i got the 80 check my heart sank to my fucking ass like dude what's crazy though is like i think we are boiling over with the consumption of beauty products and like beauty practices it is pushing it the whole thing of scaring us into aging like my fears about aging aren't really based in my looks or vanity as much as i joke about it because i genuinely think that the older I get,

the hotter I will get. Like I have always firmly believed that, like especially recently now that I am like, okay, I'm not going to die. Like maybe I will live. I'm like, oh, I'll just get hotter as I grow older. But my only fear is like losing time. But so many people only think about aging in terms of their looks. And got bad news bitch you're ugly now you're only gonna get uglier like like not actually but do you know what i mean like why are people it's just like you're being sold this idea to be fearful of yourself and the growth that you can experience and it's so sad but it is such a lucrative business if you want to be in the business of just making money, you can just sell anything that promises people beauty

and it will work so well. Also, the red light shit is so funny. Ho, go outside. Literally, just get a fucking laser pointer and point it at your skin. Like it's probably better for you. A Google red screensaver on your laptop and just put the brightness up

and sit in front of your fucking laptop. Like literally, literally. And I'm sure like there are people that like use it and it's beneficial for them and i did only do it once and i'm sure you have to use it a bunch of times but like it sounds scammy to me my curse of the week goes out to to whoever the fuck got me sick. Literally, I don't know who the fuck you are. I got sick right after we got back from the UK. So I don't know if someone at the airport got me sick. I don't know if traveling got me sick.

I don't know what the fuck got me sick. But if there is a person out there who is the sole proprietor of the sickness they pass on to me you will burn you will burn you will perish you will melt in hell in the fiery pits of hell but also I don't think a person got me sick I think I just like naturally got sick but you will burn also I'm trying to think who else will burn people who see you taking a video and just walk in front of the video and have no care for it or a picture you will also burn in hell because practice some sort of self-respect no matter how important you get on this planet

if you see somebody recording or taking a picture walk around it or just wait a second the fuck are you in a rush for you fucking really just wait it's not that deep it really is never that deep pigs are so cute like little pigs what happens to ariana grande's little pig this literally looks like kai that does oh my god oh okay well my media of the week is wicked and that's it literally defying gravity Defying gravity And what is this feeling no, what's the one I hate you I hate you I hate you Yes There's been some confusion for you see my release Unusually

Unexpected And altogether quite impossible to describe Blonde Oh no What is this feeling? What is this feeling so sudden and new i laid eyes on you oh my god no i need i need to see wicked again that's my only media wicked wicked wicked i've got the wicked bug i'm so crazy um drew sayop you want your city to be walkable and bikeable what's next suckable and fuckable um that was submitted by jessica and the tweets at is knucklehead bets

um and yes i did see the video of the girls drew siops um submissions um y'all i'm sorry sometimes it's a lot to go through sometimes it's a lot um yeah you may be shocked at how many people have free time to send us memes yeah but it's amazing i want to play this subway got some nerve asking for a tip man we made this sandwich together that's good emma but yeah let's play this okay azul runs into anya's room when he hears that wing bot go off because he gets a whiff of some tuna wow that was good fat miami girls be saying they're a hot chonga babes you're a cha. Do not let me use your bathroom because I will overdose on your chicken pox pills and neti pot. Bitches come into my room yelling that they stepped in glass. No, babes, those are my toenail clippings.

At eight years old, every kid said they wanted to be a vet or a teacher. I wanted to be at the club making out with randoms. I love I wanted to be at the club making out with randoms. Wait, save that so we can insert it it's so good um what the fuck is this aiden blood cells this vagina that period like i guess like blood cells vagina period like period oh yeah okay like aiden cooked um like period oh yeah okay like aiden cooked um

see people emailing that picture of jacob alordi to me saying this looks like you um yeah if y'all want keep submitting drew psyops because it's pretty dry in the inbox right now and yeah it's just like i think i've ran through all of the text posts like i think there's no more none exist um you need to start going back to making your own but the problem is that just turns into your really scary stand-up my horny ass could not live next to squidward that fucking nose i know it gets erect i know it feels like um girls be like i don't know where i'd be without him bitch probably further in life stop that's not funny i'm like stop um okay that's all the psyops that was from bella

and i said someone i used to say people's last names but i think that's like basically doxing someone so i only say their first name so if you know you know yeah also if you want your last name said just include it in the email um big things coming y'all like december 25th like something major is happening and i'm stealing the day from jesus christ and christmas yeah oh no no no i'm saying something i'm you're doing something major something big is happening on christmas this year and it's not fucking jesus's birthday let Let's just say. Alright. Bye y'all. Outro Music