Emergency Intercom - Addressing the wig stealing

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

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Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. hey guys um honestly we have like stuff to do for the rest of the week and drew hasn't been home for a few days and i think i'm just gonna do this episode alone it's actually kind of easy because i don't have like a nasty, disgusting,

like putrid stench of a person just kind of in my space invading my like mindset and my thoughts. And I feel like we could just get on a deeper level. We could talk about periods and tampons and like ovaries and stuff and drew drew drew you okay um A dead ass busted ass. So bad. Dude, when I heard it, I was like, there's no way he fake fell. It sounded so real. That shit hurts so fucking bad, dude. Look. No.

Well, I'm thinking of just starting this episode alone because like drew's just been missing for a few days and honestly i'm about my business i'm about my work i don't just disappear and like go on vacation he's probably on grinder island or something i heard that's a thing now so i guess i'll just be here doing the episode alone. Honestly, Drew? Yeah, I'm here. I made it. What the fuck is on your head? It's a wig. I can see it's a wig. It's a Tinkerbell wig. Why is this? What is this?

We were in it, though. We were in it. we were in it we were doing it again we can't keep doing this well i'm waiting on drew to start actually i was gonna wait on drew but i'm not gonna wait on him and i have something really important to say i had a dream last night that i my sister cut my hair off and i had a fuck-ass bob and. And it literally was like Dora. And you know how I wear those like tiny shorts and shirts right now for the summer? I was literally wearing like Dora's colors. Like I had a pink shirt. Drew?

Drew? I made it. I made it. What the fuck are you wearing? I made it. It's a jumpsuit. Did you like, is that your new like, is this a prison? Yeah, can we get this going?

Because I like I have shit to do after this. Like I have to leave. I have to go. So can we like hurry the fuck up? Like what are you going to ask me so many fucking questions? Like damn, like Jesus fucking Christ. It's a fucking Tinkerbell wig. Because I know you're about to ask next.

It's a Tinkerbell wig. Okay. And I know I look good. And I know I look good. You don't. I don't know if good is the yeah that's a lot that is bold how much did you pay for that i didn't pay for this shit i fucking stole it oh my god did you get caught stealing is that why you're no is that why you're dressed like this actually i don't give a fuck anymore since it's the most viral fucking clip of all time, apparently.

Fuck ABC News, DFW. Count your fucking days because now because of you, I'm on the fucking run. I am a fugitive of the fucking law. Roll the clip. Police in Oklahoma City are looking for this man. They say that he stole thousands of dollars of wigs from Disney on Ice performers. Police released this surveillance video from Saturday. They say the theft happened at the Oklahoma State Fairgrounds.

Officials are considering a cash reward in this case. Are we going to keep every time we try to redo that in here? Yes, yes. It's so scary. Bruh, okay. End scene. End scene. Or should we keep going and should we just keep yeah let's just do a whole episode where it's just like i'm in character and we'll switch seats and like uh tap in tap out um they fucked up giving me these uh things though because it's

like the perfect fidget i was thinking like of making a fidget like this i don't know if that'll like also i'm not fucking around my arm hurts so bad i mean it is fully swollen i genuinely think i have a bone contusion like genuinely it is swollen every time i like pinch with these fingers it hurts so bad the period cramp simulator on there it'll heal it oh literally oh where is that i'm just wondering like where that is why do you want that shit um okay so that clip of the guy robbing the fucking disney on ice uh whatever the fuck disney on ice let's talk about that i'm hella problematic because Because like why would Disney characters be doing meth in front of a bunch of kids? Like actually I've been thinking about that.

No, no, no. It's like ice skating. Like they're skating around in costumes. Yeah. Ice skating is like another term for doing meth. Is that actually what people say? Yeah. They're like I'm going ice skating.

Like does anybody want to go ice skating? It's on Grindr. i can't imagine anybody like meth is such a gnarly drug to me that i can't imagine anybody's being like casual about it being like yeah i'm gonna go ice skating like it's chill yeah that's my vibe later it's like the number one drug you can't be casual on um but this is like my biggest fear coming true i've said it oh yeah several times on this podcast over the last three years and my biggest one of my biggest fears is getting tried and going to a going to jail for a crime i didn't commit and fuck all of y'all literally fuck all of y'all the comment so funny because

it's like no this is an actual crime and they're trying to find the person who did it in the top four comments all have like 10 000 no 20 000 likes of like drew phillips that's drew phillips like get him get him mama like whoever whoever is like running the social for like daily mail or whoever posted it probably was like oh that was like we got a new story no it was abc news dfw which is also very concerning because i am from the dfw area um i have an alibi i have an alibi about not being in okc because it happened in oklahoma but all i imagine is like the people like going through the comments like looking for tips and like literally 500 comments with 10,000 20,000 30,000 likes all saying it was me so then they deep dive on my social media and this was like when we were looking at it the first video that

showed up is this one it's time seeing the castle since COVID. The cry. Like the Disney theme. And then if you look up... Drew Phillips.ips drew phillips i think wig i think comes up and it's me with that fucking hair with the like half blonde half whatever dancing like a fucking psychopath tweaker and like yeah like you know they saw that shit and they were like oh he's actually fucking crazy like he actually does this shit for real dude that was my favorite thing to imagine is somebody looking into it and being like okay this guy does look like this oh my god okay and like deep diving and you don't have any real pictures any like normal videos like there's rarely any content of you just being a

normal person they probably were like yeah this is this is the guy i wish you got contacted i know i was like i was hyper refreshing my email just like waiting for like the email to come through like for questioning or some shit i would just love you on a news broadcast like also they said your honor no literally no i would go like full andy kaufman and like act like i did it like i would become a problem and i would waste everybody's time and resources. Drew really doesn't have any normal photos because I've had family members be like, oh, who do you do the podcast with? And I'll show them your guys'

Instagram. And Annie has a bunch of great photos. And then I go to yours and it's you with no jaw, basically. Or no chin. I was thinking about that the other day. And the new picture I'm uploading soon, y'all, I decided it's going up. I decided it's going up, y'all.

You've made the decision. It's going up. And I think it might go up either today. You should put up the Walter White picture. No, bitch. I love that one. That one didn't get enough love. Like, y'all usually like screenshot and post that stuff.

But like, why did nobody like that picture of Drew's bed? Because it's fucking rancid and repulsive, bitch i did you like face app a beard and a smile yeah i faced at the whole thing like it's it was a walter white filter and then i faced up to smile on and then i like contorted my body and like held the camera out can we play raya later and you like um have that as my picture bitch we will get no likes y'all know what raya is raya is like this if you don't know is this like dating app for like celebrities and like famous people but it's hella ran through now like it's fucking bullshit and it's like so annoying but we play a game called raya where we go and we like make our profile as heinous and disgusting as possible um and then we just start fucking trolling all

the celebrities on there and it's fun it's a goofy guy it's fun it's fun like just people looking for love and then they see walter white like the mentor or whatever it did work though because you met uh on there, right? Yeah. Yeah, but they, like, met in person. Also, can we stop talking about Timothy? I am Drew Phillips. And then saw him.

Okay, but wait, wait, wait. I am Drew Phillips. Timothy is Timothy. We are two separate entities. I'm not Timothy's bae. Timothy's not my bae. We are just together. And that's that.

But we can exist. We can exist without. You're using the word bae so seriously. I'm not my bae we are just together and that's that like but we can exist we can exist without the word bae so seriously i'm not his bae no but we can exist not my bae like without yeah and i see you as your own person but it's just way more interesting when you're associated like that this fucking hurts bro i think i actually broke my bone no i didn't i wish i saw how hard you fell bitch i fell hard as fuck in my i mean i heard it literally at first i was like did he knock something over that's what i thought and i was like but it was your big big body hitting the floor i really think i'm big

really um wait i have to get this off my chest about my dream, though, because seriously, I was. Oh, yeah. Fuck Dora. It's what's her nuts? Tinkerbell. You want to talk about Dora, bitch? Let's talk about this. Wait, the thing is, I don't understand why he would steal those wigs because I don't think they're like good.

It's that RuPaulul drag race like uh drag queen crime syndicate like literally just like a drag queen stealing a bunch of wigs from disney also literally like how are these worth what they said ten thousand dollars there's no bitch y'all are lying like y'all are fucking lying like crazy these are not ten thousand dollars yeah your wig this one looks crazy well no this one's ten thousand oh okay you took the dude it looks insane i like i'm kind of amazed by it like it's kind of beautiful it like has a life of its own yeah it fits me really well too it's too small for my fucking head i think it's made for like toddlers or some shit like did you get the cheapest one yeah it was 22 bucks but this all came together for 14 and there's a little thing that i think this isn't like real

this is pure plastic also there was like the it says convict on the back and it's like sticky like it's not dried like it like i was peeling off like it fell onto a piece of paper and it like ripped the piece of paper to shreds so like there's like pieces of like paper also i was peeling off like it fell onto a piece of paper and it like ripped a piece of paper to shreds so like there's like pieces of like paper also i instacarted some groceries this morning and drew had to answer the door to my i answered the door in this outfit and also he was trying to hand me the girl he had all three bags on his arm and he was like here and i was like what am i supposed to do and so i started sliding no i literally started sliding my arm under his and then i was like wait this is weird as fuck

so i pulled my arm out and he was like here wait one second and i like put my shit down and then i like went back and just grabbed them one by one but like he was like what the fuck is going on in this house he was a sweet guy though but also also they gave you mussels for free i know they gave me clams tuna box they gave me some clams for my chowder yeah for my yeast infection my leftover um but uh i was saying i don't know if i'm allergic to mussels oysters or clams but if they're mussels i was like should i intentionally intentionally eat muscles on the podcast today to have a allergic reaction like that wouldn't be enjoyable for anybody like not the viewers or us like you would just like start it would go so viral it'd be like stupid fucking podcast influencer eats muscles to intentionally have an allergic reaction on camera

for views all publicity is good publicity babe all publicity is good publicity well in my dream when my sister cut my hair i literally couldn't stop crying everybody was like oh you cut your hair and i was like yeah and then i started sobbing and it was like in the dream also in the dream i was like giving way too much props to myself because in my dream my hair was like up to here naturally and it got cut i was like oh my god she cut off like 22 inches of my hair um and i accidentally was dressed like dora and everybody was making fun of me i was like oh halloween came early ma that was um do you remember when you cut your pixie wig i mean your your pixie cut and you cried dude yeah and i was projecting really hard because i was like ugly

people bitch i looked really ugly yeah it was like the call was coming from inside the house it was a cook i looked really gross no it you grew into it and it was cute when it was like the like yeah when it got a little longer but when i first cut all my hair off that was it was jarring yeah that was a lot, I can't believe I fucking did that. Which is cunt. Like, it was fine. I would do it again if I was, like, 35. But also, I think your hair stops growing as fast the older you get.

So maybe that train has sailed a pass and I'll never do that because I'm so attached to my hair, I've realized. You'll never cut your hair again. Yeah. You'll never. And I don't think you'll ever dye it a color. Yeah, no. That was such an insane art. It's, like, not worth it. it also i look back and i'm like bruh give it up like you want to be so

fucking bad like bitches watch scott pilgrim versus the world one time and they're like Okay, so apparently. No. No. No. Okay. Okay, wow. I know. Apparently, I just found this out last night. Harry Styles was a part of this band called One Direction.

This is your big joke? Before we started the podcast, you were like, I have a banger of a One Direction joke for this episode. That was the joke so apparently we have been manipulated because harry styles was originally in one direction i like i can't believe there are definitely kids who don't know that so like because when you showed me that comment so basically on a video of harry somebody was like oh my god i just realized he was in one direction apparently and at first i was like that has to be a troll like you're just saying that to say it but then

i remembered that one direction started in like 2012 and a lot of the kids on the internet are like born in 2010 it's like us finding out well i don't even know if that's a good example was justin timber like an in sync yeah it's like that like this yeah i guess we did know him as like a solo person and then it was like in sync but my mom was an in sync fan so i knew about in sync when i was younger and i don't give a fuck about any of them yeah i didn't give a fuck about them especially the gay especially the gay one oh they do have one really good song that i like who the fuck is drew starkey where did he come from that's another psyop what is it what has he done before who is that i don't know who that is he's in luca guadalajara new movie what is his name luca uh call me by your name i actually don't know how

to pronounce it to be honest guandango guandango fandango i really need to find this fucking song i'm never gonna find it i might need stitches y'all you're so dramatic oh help damn what is this oh my god there's a troll song for from nsync they got the band back together we need to get the band back together to watch that and it's literally called tro's band together yeah we haven't had like a night in in a long time we haven't had like a proper sleepover with all our friends so we do this thing like once a year every time the trolls movies come out our friend group gets together and does a sleepover and watches the trolls movie together and every time we have literally watched it and been like

this is a feat this is. This is a great movie. This is no way around it. This is remarkable. Perfect. But that's literally how I feel still about Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse. Just in case anybody was wondering where I stand with that movie, I still really want to watch it again. I think I might watch it when we go to Arizona this week.

That's kind of my tradition when I'm on a plane. I watch it because it just makes me happy. I'm happy. plane. I watch it because it just makes me happy. I'm happy. Calling all sellers. Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life.

You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Do y'all remember VAT19? Yes. Dude, have you seen that fucking... First of all, VAT19 was the OG dropshipper.

They weren't making any of that stuff. They ate. It is so insane because I remember being excited up until the age of like even 14, 15, which really goes to show like how like childish you are at 14, 15. Even at 14, 15, I remember looking at their channel and being like, fuck, I want something so fucking bad. And I remember when I first got paid from a youtube thing i bought the like slime they sold and i bought that errands yeah and i bought it and i

was so happy bitch those videos are literally just glorified commercials oh they never made any video that was like actually funny or interesting it was literally just commercial do you remember the liquid glass bathtub no they like got like 500 pounds of liquid glass um crazy aaron's putty and like put it in a bathtub and then got inside of it and then when he was getting out uh his uh bathing suit started falling off and that was my sexual awakening unironically i was like wait you're like wait why would it be really funny if that like fell yeah why should it like come all the way also i you can you take a time code because i just moved my legs and i think my whole fucking vajayjay like um but uh i have such a funny

story so when i like fucked up my knee um my friends like didn't understand like how normal surgery was on like children like they thought i was like literally dying yeah it's fair when my sister got her tonsils removed when she was a kid i thought she was gonna die yeah i literally was like i'm losing my sister exactly i'm only seven exactly it's gonna be really hard and um like one of my friends hunter he like um literally thought i was dying like he freaked the fuck out and we would like sit and watch vat19 videos all day long like all like literally that was like our shit we would do axe wars and like build like forts out of uh beds and just spray each other with axe all night and then wake up the next day and watch vat 19 videos and so he thought i was dying so he

i'd never gotten anything for that 19 he really never got shit from it because our parents were like no that's just fucking like random shit yeah it's garbage um so he literally i'm not kidding spent like 500 to a thousand dollars on like all of the shit we wanted and gave it to me in a gift basket and like literally like before my surgery because he actually thought i was gonna die it was literally one of the sweetest things ever um and we got the uh giant gummy worm and the giant gummy bear and like we took like three bites of it and it was like the most repulsive nasty fucking thing i've ever eaten in my life so then we proceeded to get my mom's like nice ass like fiesta wear ceramic bowl and like put it inside of it and then microwave it for like

20 minutes destroyed the bowl i don't think she still knows that we did this but like destroyed the bowl like melted the coating and those are like nice ass fucking dishes and uh like just made like fucking brown lava yeah and it was horrible it was like it was so bad and we threw it away okay we need to like go back we need to really like reframe our minds because 14 15 year olds now want chrome hearts we wanted the big gummy bear yeah y'all don't know what it's like from bat 19 like that don't know what it's like of wealth we were like holy fuck if i could afford the 50 gummy worm i would be set i would be so fucking happy they want chrome hearts they want chrome hearts and ring lights for christmas they want chrome hearts ring lights essential hoodies i'm just naming off what my siblings want my siblings are fucking crazy like

i've i always see t TikToks of people being like oh hell no this is what my brother just asked for Christmas and it's a crazy list I see all the comments like there's no way this is real bitch that shit is real my sister literally will call me and be like yeah I want these extensions they cost $600 also I was thinking like I really want these Rick Owens shoes like I need them in pink like they're not sold anymore but like they're for resale for like $2, dollars and i just have to ignore all her texts because i'm like i don't know who the fuck you think you are talking to right now like you are actually batshit they always ask you for like one thousand three pairs of one thousand dollar jordans a year like every

single year every christmas and they don't watch this podcast and i will have y'all hold me accountable i will not be getting my sibling shit for christmas this year they are being cut off like i feel like i have to like cut off like i feel like this is my equivalent to succession is like i have to cut off my children i've never seen succession though so i don't know it's pretty close it's pretty close yeah i'm running a fucking empire, y'all. Exactly. So, y'all, we fucking got them. We finally, we got them. Really, really important moment in history happened this last week. The VMAs happened.

And we solidified the new pop girls. Like, we really did. Uh, Chappelle, assless chap, um, and Sabrina Carpenter fucking tour. And also I didn't really see any Katy Perry slander, but like we had some slander like thrown in real life. And I was like,

no, like absolutely fucking not. Like her new shit is bunk as fuck like we all know that but like what she did to pop yeah was revolutionary she is a revolution you know what it was it was like the dark horses era i think that really kind of it was the christine sadelco music video that like like not because of basketballs not because christine sadelco love christine sadelco but i know but it's because of like just that era of like it was just camp too far yeah it was when musicians and like internet

culture was for the first time merging when that was happening everybody was really confused and didn't know really how to integrate it correctly now it's like the normal thing of you'll just see like an influencer or like internet person in a video and they won't do a thing of you'll just see like an influencer or like internet person in a video and they won't do a thing of like do your viral moment like it's not like that it's just like they're in it we all know like i see you you see me whatever but it's a nod it was like that era where it was like oh wait didn't they didn't she bring out backpack kid on snl yes dude oh my god that era was really crazy but i'll give it to her it was a confusing time for everybody and she was a pioneer in her own way in that because she gave us all a lot of opportunity because i'll never forget um the sex tape me and katie perry shot

because she saw me online the sex tape is that not out yet I don't think that's released. I don't think she would appreciate that. We'll blur it and bleep it. We'll blur and bleep. We'll blur and bleep. No, that VMAs, I need y'all to know, I grew up in stan culture. And at this point in my life, I don't necessarily engage in it the way I used to. Like, but something about this vmas i needed to walk it was special they were messy yeah it was like messy like it just felt really what it was is

i was reaching for the happiness i felt as a teenager because i haven't felt that kind of joy in a long time but that's a different don't fucking fucking touch me. Oh, my fucking God. I lost my train of thought. Oh, my God. Look what you did. You haven't felt joy in a long time. I think that's a topic. Crazy assumption for you to make about me. You literally just said that.

That was really problematic. Like women can feel joy, too. Yeah. You said it and I was like getting back. I didn't say that. I don't remember saying that. We could rewind it. And you just said. R you just said rewind it what are you gonna take the tape out old fart fucking no this is all shot digitally i'm shocked you know what that is um

but i really really wanted to watch the vmas mtv i have a fucking bone to pick with you you dumb fucking bitches oh yeah why the fuck was it streaming in real time on the east coast and then not on the west coast so i they're canceled for that it makes no sense bitch we live in the digital era why is your fucking tiktok account mtv posting about everything happening at the fucking awards oh but i have to wait till 8 p.m to watch it yo i've never seen anya apply herself to anything more in my entire life than her trying to get the live stream of the mtv music awards up on our goddamn tv she was like trying to pirate it i thought she was trying, she was like, she bought a VPN. I bought a VPN.

She bought Hulu live TV. She spent like literally 50. Did you cancel the VPN? Oh yeah. Okay, good, good. Oh, I canceled everything immediately. Yeah, but you still got charged that 30 bucks from Hulu. Yeah.

Yeah. And it didn't work. None of it worked. It was like a $30 attempt. It was an hour and a half. I'm not exagger worked it was like a 30 dollar attempt it was an hour and a half i'm not exaggerating and you're trying to get it to be live on the tv but we just ended up like watching the clips uploaded afterwards which were uploaded before it even streamed on the west coast so you mtv get your fucking shit together but you make no fucking sense yeah

but we like love you and by the time it was streaming on the west coast all the celebrities were posting their fucking looks on ig so what the fuck would i watch your stream for bitch oh my god it like it angered me in a way i haven't been in a long time but thank you for what you've given to the yeah no thank you you i think i think y'all did y'all did y'all's number with that one y'all did the big one like i think i feel like mtv has been trying to get the vmas back in our face for a long time and this was the first year where i was like wait why do i need to watch the uh sabrina carpenter kantiana grande she tore like down

i literally had literally chills chaperone chills it felt like like all the nods to like madonna gaga all of it was amazing also the slander on addison ray's outfit is not tolerated yeah it is not tolerated in this house like if you get it you get it just say you don't get it and that's okay but you don't gotta like talk shit but like there's levels to this shit also i do think people it was supposed to be bad people underestimate not even that people underestimate how fucking hard it is to put a look together like y'all are thinking oh i'm gonna go out with my friends to the fucking pizzeria in my local town i'm gonna throw my fit no you're not thinking about being

on a global stage and what that means and having to like stand out but not stand out too much and like all those things so don't compete where you don't compare leave my girl alone yeah but we are just avid avid addison rare and stands and protectors so don't talk and it was a good look yeah it literally was it literally was um what else happened oh bitch psychological operations to the highest degree went down at the fucking vmas and i'm sorry like i'm really gonna get into it person like i haven't even seen like the scary part of tiktok say yeah no because i'm gonna be the fucking first one to break the story god damn it bitch okay last year the last three years it's been so demonic like everything has been demon

coded it's like hold on to red like like just demonic like was that like playboy cardi yeah yeah like just like all black leather scary fucking dark-sided energy like worshiping the demon like twerking on the demon's lap and shit which like when it first happened i was like yeah this is cool like uh break the glass ceiling whatever the fuck i don't give a fuck anymore but um this vmas we watched the pendulum swing for everyone everyone in real fucking time it was spooky ooky scary vibes everyone had crosses they were wearing veils it was very catholic core Like everyone was so pure. Like it was very light energy.

And I don't know what that says. It's not a psychological operation. I think it's literally just like people are like, I want hope and positivity. I'm tired of the demons. Like I'm tired of all the demon shit. Demons are winning. Yeah.

It was like the like, everyone started dying their hair fucking blonde when their new album rolled out because they were so dark-sided like dark trad or whatever triad like like brunette vibe like scary dark energy and then they went to like blonde bitch i get both what are you talking about you sound fucking crazy like you'd be like i'm gonna break the case i'm gonna break the fucking case yeah i did just go back and look there was not one dark-sided sick and twisted evil outfit other than a couple like people didn't try hard enough that was scary i saw a couple outfits where

i was like bitch what the fuck are you wearing like that fucking like pleather like or uh patent leather like shiny with like the white piping like that shit freaks me the fuck out like the james charles outfits like what is it like the like kind of like mugler looking no it's just like shiny like you don't like patent leather i don't like i i liked it i don't like it anymore it's like it's like that goddamn off white belt like the same thing happened to it i like the off white belt but like y'all just did too much with it like like give it up well i have nothing negative to say i'm just moving into a very positive headspace you have been very positive yeah i'm so happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy oh actually no i got a fucking bone to pick i was on tiktok live you after shit talking mtv for like 10 minutes i was on tiktok live and somebody asked me how my year went and

i just like went on a stupid fake whoa you were were bleeding a lot. It's staining the chair. Every time I touch it, it hurts. Oh, you're going to get asbestos from the chair. Do you see? It's leaking plasma. Or is that bone marrow? It's not bone marrow. At the top, do you see the clear liquid coming out?

It might just be white blood cells. It's already healing. My body is a fast healer. Look right there. Yeah. Yes. I'm already scabbing over babe i'm like wolverine i do get wolverine any what was i saying dude oh i was on live stream and somebody asked me how my year went and i said that it went awful and i'm like i tried this year i this year was the first year of my life where i was like i'm gonna be optimistic i was in a deep deep dark depression but i was like you know what i already know when i hear the birds chirping i'll be fine like this year will be awesome no this

year was fucking nightmarish hellscape for me and i'm no longer having trying to have a positive mindset because look what it got me why was one of the comments like somebody posted that clip on tiktok why was one of the comments like easy for her to say i already know her life's been super easy oh that's in your that's in your rallies like kamala calling out trump's rally sizes that's in your trigger if you talk about her having an easy growing up you don't know the fucking half motherfucker my life was awesome in a funny fun way it literally wasn't awesome yeah it was something but like a lot of y'all are mad i made it out the mud like i don't give a fuck like fuck you bitch like what like literally

and your dead ass did make it out of the trenches and now we're back in the trenches because our house is fucking falling i have to go back to mentioning that i'm from miami and i grew up poor remember when that was like my thing i mentioned every episode by the way because people are starting to forget the netbo rumors have gotten a little too far people think my shit is easy shit is not sweet i still have a lot of things to figure out and like to work on um i was obsessed with the fortnight uh oh the fncs yeah the fncs this weekend drew put me on and i watched peter bought and five hours worth of y'all need to leave poyo alone motherfucker poyo is literally carrying yeah like he is lit as fuck most underrated player of all time no he's giving

like he's giving like the mind of the mastermind yeah like he he's controlling the moves like he's taking a bad seat back seat so peter can like bask in the limelight and get the cool kills but really like he's holding it fucking down like he is holding it there's no iron team there's no peter rotten team yeah you need to work on that well i watched like five hours of that stream and then like the thing about watching that i haven't been playing fortnite as much but the thing about watching that it made fortnite look so fun and exciting and i was like oh my god i want to play but then i was like wait i'm not gonna get on and play like a fucking world champion right now i'm gonna get on get murked and be like really sad and upset and just like turn off my fucking ps5 the second i get killed so i'm not gonna play but that almost got

me to play yeah it almost got me there i miss i miss disassociating and playing fortnite for five hours a day like i was much happier because i wasn't in my real life. I was just disconnecting and headphones in, world out, Fortnite in, world out. I miss it so much. They just need to add something funny, like proximity chat or something. Then I would play. Then I would play all the fucking time.

But yeah, I watched five hours of Fortnite this weekend. That's kind of where my mind's at. Just like very gluttonous. I did find out that this new tick dropped that makes you allergic to meat. And no, it just came out. Like, why can't they drop cool new animals that like make you forever youthful? Like, why do they make you allergic to meat? I thought you were part of Scientology. Don't they drop cool new animals that like make you forever youthful like why do they make you allergic to meat i thought you were part of scientology don't they have that yet but yeah

but i can't talk about it well i just did have you ever looked at a hippo like have you ever actually they're fucking ugly they're the most alien creatures on this fucking planet there's this like pygmy hippo like going viral right hippo, like going viral right now that I'm obsessed with. Going viral right now. She's eating. She's like this little like tiny hippo. It's so fucking cute and it's slippery. She like bites her like handlers and shit.

Just look up, oh, look up Inya. Look up pygmy hippo. I think it's like, how do you spell that? It's like mung dang or something like that or moongoo oh that's i love it i love moodang moodang yeah

that's really cute skip this fuck daily mail wait what the viral happy hippo with her own makeup line don't give daily mail a fucking view wait hippos look like are these like different kinds of hippos because the big ones look really gross that's what i'm saying bro i watched a video of them and i was like wait i don't think i've ever like actually looked at a fucking hippo before like they're cute but hell no when they open that goddamn mouth and eat the fucking i think they're terrifying i only know what a hippo before like they're cute but hell no when they open that goddamn mouth and i think they're terrifying i only know what a hippo looks like in extreme detail because in

ace ventura pet adventures when jim carrey comes out of a hippo's ass yeah so that's why i know what a hippo wasn't he like inside of a rhino that got fucked or am i oh it's a rhino i'm thinking of a rhino not a hippo i think it is right now wait was maybe i'm making that up but there's no no no there's like this different like fucking scandinavian show with a clip of like someone hiding inside of like a rhino or an elephant like an animatronic elephant and then like they it's really gnarly like i'm super graphic but like the elephant comes up and starts like like, fucking the animatronic elephant, and there's, like, footage inside. It's all fake, though.

Oh. But you can see, like, the giant elephant penis. Oh. Period. Okay. What Rick and Morty did for vape shops... Wait, hold on. The fact that you have to read this song...

What Rick and Morty did for vape shops is what i imagine the beatles did for music like when people say when people say the beatles changed everything like rick and morty changed everything for these goddamn vape shops yeah they made them billions i don't understand the legality of it though like i guess it's legal, but it's just so much that, like, what is, what are they going to do? It's also a free promo at that point. Yeah, true. But, like, why do they even do drugs like that in Rick and Morty?

Like, why did it become so stoner affiliated? Is it just because it was, like, a stoner show to watch? Yeah, it's just, like, the thoughts that are had are, like, very stoner coded. Like, what if we, like, had, like, a portal and,oner coded like what if we like had like a portal and like alien planet yeah exactly that's what rick and morty is to me is like oh like i got shot into butt planet with boobs that's literally miss frazzle like wait actually let's have that conversation uh magic magic school bus being the original rick and frizzle being the original frack and morty girl it doesn't fucking matter you you knew exactly what i was referencing and talking you

know exactly exactly um yeah the pandemic of rick and morty i feel is coming to an end thankfully but i'm gonna be the replacement for that though smiling friends i don't think so maybe give them give them two more seasons and it'll be like yeah because it took rick and morty a minute to infiltrate the vape shops so they just need a little time it took them three years i feel like if it was six years before i saw him on backpacks in school i feel like if we were back in time and this show was still a thing it would have been big in the vape shops and it's uh happy tree friends oh yeah that would have been crazy for the vape shop community do you know what that is yeah i but i feel like that it's so it's like so gnarly

to have like a beheaded teddy bear yeah on a vape that's more of like a zoomies or a hot topic thing yeah you're right were they in Zoomies and Hot Topic? I think so. I would imagine. I think there was merch of that everywhere. I would imagine. Was there merch? Because that shit was pretty gnarly.

I remember watching it. It was literally the worst thing we could have ever done to our brains when we were young. I remember watching it when I was like 13. 35. No, I wasn't 35. I was 13 and it like scared the fuck out of me it was horrible i remember there was like my life before like like one of my like uh brother or one of my friends older brother showed me that and there's my life it's always the older fucking brothers like i have a

visceral memory of like the face of like i think it's the squirrel character peeling off and it's like all the muscles and the eye and connective tissue and dude my dad was dating this woman with like teenage uh kids and cousins and they would show it to me all the time and i was like nine years old and i had to act like i liked it because i wanted to be cool and they would show it to me on like a computer thing that's funny and i would just like really try not to watch and they'd be like why are you being a pussy just watching i was like yeah i seriously want something else that's the same family who showed me the bloody mary universal horror nights uh commercial that scared the fuck out of me and i thought i was gonna die and i like i had a big mirror in my

room and i couldn't sleep that night and i went to go tell my dad and he was like, who the fuck is Bloody Mary? Go to bed. And I was like, and I wanted to take the mirror off the wall, but I was like too tiny to do it. But yeah, they did have. Big things fucking coming, y'all. By the way, big things are coming. Like the big earth, like something is coming. Don't say that.

It's actually like big propaganda. It's actually happening though. Like something big is going to happen soon. The thing is, I, wait, I don't remember if i said this on the last episode i don't remember when this happened did the earthquake happen before or after the last episode i don't know i think we talked about it whatever i fucking hate you guys well um josiah got a colonoscopy and people actually showed up i was just about to bring that up the colonoscopy josiah's colonoscopy meetup was a wild fucking success it was amazing

meeting all of y'all out there um anytime i see like photos or video of it it's actually the it makes me cry laughing thinking about that actually happening and people actually being down for the vibe and jokes people skip like fucking college like they're called out of work like to go there also just like the idea of like y'all sitting in the like little courtyard that was across from the hospital he was gonna get done at and me and drew walking in like it felt like we were actually going to visit a friend who was in the icu or something serious and there were like fans outside like wishing a fast recovery um and we were inside just cracking up so we're like i cannot believe this motherfucker actually posted the address and

people actually showed up to a surgery that is not really a surgery he's just getting his fucking butt looked at like that shit got probed down i still like didn't really understand what a colonoscopy was before that because i always thought a colonoscopy was when they like put the tube up your butt and shoot water through it and empty out your colonic colonic colonic sounds like a an alcohol yeah i would love to drink a colonic um i'll have a colonic on the rocks please thank you you can get a coffee enema i want a colonic no egg white make sure you use decaf coffee for your coffee enemas is that a thing yep ew it's a thing coffee enemas are a thing uh wait wait what what is an

enema is that just like a douche it's is is essentially a colonic but with coffee i don't understand why is that like medically safe or i don't think it's medically recommended but like people do it is it to get like boof it i don't even know if they do it with caffeine i think it's really just to clean out their fucking colon you can do that at home yeah people they like sell systems for it when i was really really down bad in high school and like looking for any fucking solution to like get the shit that's like lodged in my fucking colon out of my ass i was doing so much research on like enemas and suppositories and laxatives your body has been a failure from the beginning exactly

fuck you sorry no i'm kidding uh magnesium citrate y'all that's that's the one a bottle a bottle or two of magnesium citrate will have you right the only time i've ever drank fucking magnesium citrate is when i was in miami and i was so fucking constipated so i called drew and i was like what do you drink he was like magnesium citrate i went to walmart i got it this was in like the right before the new years of 2021 or 2022 bitch i fucking drank that shit i went to bed i was sharing an airbnb with my friends in miami i went to bed i woke up two hours later and it felt like i was like hung over like you know when you wake up in the middle of the night after drinking a lot and you just feel

like dehydrated and shitty and like nauseous i woke up like that i went into the i don't get hungover yeah because you black out and you like barely wake up yeah and i'm a good fucking vibe i have a time um but i woke up in the middle of the night fully dehydrated and thought I was dying. Went in the bathroom, blew fucking water out my butt. And then had to shower because I was so nauseous and dehydrated. And I felt so sick. I had a gnarly headache. Woke up the next day and I tested positive for COVID.

So I'm like convinced magnesium citrate gave me COVID. She thought it gave her COVID. I was like, girl, the gestation period. The night before. You already had COVID. Literally right before I took it. gave me covid thought it gave her covid i was like girl well the gestation period before you already had right before i took it i had taken a test for covid and i tested negative so within the hours of taking that i think it like jump drived crashing my immune system and i had covid and it destroyed my new year's that year and it was really sad for me and i spent new year's alone not even with my family or my friends oh um well my back hurts so bad after josiah's colonoscopy we went to the mall um and the mall i think really like for 2025 the mall is going to be in in a bit very big way

like it was so much fun as fuck y'all like you can see stuff in real life you don't have to look at it on your iphone yeah it was such a fucking vibe like like you didn't have to like worry about certain things not fitting you got to see the pieces in person you got to interact with people um it was just really good energy and it was really good vibes and i'm really excited to go back during the christmas time to see all the people like rushing to get gifts and like see all the christmas decorations it's going to be like a wholesome cozy cold vibe um malls are in y'all like i'm trend predicting malls because they like kind of fell the fuck off i know we need back to, like, kids going to malls and hanging out.

Like, that should be, like, the peak experience. But I feel like there are still kids who like going to the mall. Yeah, there's still mall rats. That has to be a thing. There still has to be mall rats. Yeah. Oh, my God. Like, being a teenager and going to the mall with your family was so embarrassing because

you had such a high chance of seeing other kids who weren't there with your family. Piss me off also i need to thank my mother publicly for driving and my friend's moms for driving me and my friends like an hour and 30 minutes to the closest mall to drop us off to just sit in the fucking parking lot and then pick us back up and drive us back home after like four hours of roaming around that is dedication to a craft that is we need more people like that in this world also if everybody had my brain chemistry yes if everyone had my brain chemistry and thought the way that i thought this world would be very a very special place that is actually a lot we

would all kill ourselves yeah we would eradicate the population like everybody would self-combust like you're crazy you just went on a tangent about how you think like the demons are leaving and there's like a big spiritual like thing happening in the public eye because there is there fully is like i genuinely believe that just go back and y'all you'll notice how fucking creepy and weird it is dude he would not shut the fuck up the whole time we were watching the vmas i was like can you shut up he was like look there's more there's more there's more there's more crosses look even in that performance she had crosses on her like what is this bitch it's chrome hearts yeah she was wearing a chrome heart it's basically chrome hearts but i'm gonna get a cross

tattoo i think just have a saying that are you serious just have a story what would the story be like are you religious not really i just think like the cross is kind like it's meaningful like the the symbol itself is fire and like what it means but like it's so simple just like this people behind it yuck um well also i just grew up hella religious so it was like kind of a vibe i didn't grow up religious at all other than like being forced to partake in some jehovah's witness activities i got confirmed what does that mean like i made i got baptized when i was like an infant and then at the age of like 13 and 14 i made a conscious decision decision decision decision decision decision decision yeah yeah decision to um join the church as an adult so i went to like every sunday and wednesday i would go to like

uh classes at the church sunday and was wednesday like damn you want to get to heaven really fucking bad yeah no i locked in my spot i fully i locked in my spot like i was thinking very quickly pre-order yeah no i was literally like okay if i do this like i have a solid chance of getting into heaven. Like even if I like fall out of love with God later in my life. And then like the day before we got confirmed, we were having like a class and someone brought up gay. And like the teacher like went on this like long,

gnarly winded conversation, like anti-homosexual like rhetoric. So me and madeline walked out but we went back and got confirmed anyways but we did not stand for that shit in the moment we were like girl fuck y'all like you're fucking weird oh it's it's peace and love it's peace and love and love everybody love everybody suck my dick in my balls literally period um i did a good job of not interrupting you but by doing that i don't remember what i was gonna say and i was really trying to do a good job of listening and remembering what i was gonna say but that's just not gonna happen it's it's gone forever it's all good everything is gonna be okay um I was going to say something about religion and I forgot.

Oh, is it too late to get baptized? I could get baptized right now. Yeah, you can do that at any point in your life. I want to get baptized just to be like, oh, that was pre-baptism. Yeah. Like that was, there's pre and post-baptism and that was pre-baptism. That's kind. Like, I support, I literally support it.

I support. But I would want like a cunty baptism. Like I'd want to go like up to Big Big Sur and go get baptized in the river. Yeah, you can do that. Something like that. They probably have like a church group up there that does that. No, in Big Sur, I feel like it would be more like culting. I got baptized in like this nasty fucking gross tub that was just stagnant water behind the stage constantly.

I bet people would pissed in there it was like always full of water so that water was full of fucking brain eating amoebas and shit oh my god imagine getting baptized like in a lake because they do that shit all the time and you get a month later you'd probably be happy even you'd be like oh my god god took over my mind and i feel it was my story it was my story it was meant to be i just remembered that they taught us how to swim growing up in miami like they taught us how to swim when we were in like pre-k kindergarten at my school in some places yeah i think it's a law in florida you have to teach the kids how to

swim but also i don't know if they did this with my younger siblings, but they're also like 10 years younger than me. So I don't know. But the swimming pool was an above ground pool, literally in the like pipe room. Like it was in this scary fucking dungeon room. It was underground. No, it wasn't underground. It was like where all the water heaters and stuff for the school was. It was like really weird.

And I just remember this room so vividly. And it was like so dark and dingy and kind of orange and i just remember having to go get in the pool with all my classmates and like swim circles and giving us life vests and stuff but it was the weirdest experience ever and i don't know if they do that anymore like i want to look they definitely do that shit sometimes y'all i'm in bed i'll just be laying in bed like i had a really good day i'm like feeling great um and then i start descending into madness like and the thought that always go comes to my head is what if i'm not in my bed right now like what if i'm actually in the middle of the street yeah drew was saying that to me the other night he was like do you ever get that feeling i was like no and then we just sat there in silence it's because i'm a shifter i can show it's because

you're schizophrenic yeah no i like yeah i uh yeah it's freaky it freaks me the fuck out sometimes and even thinking about it right now i'm like wait am i actually here well i keep having scary dreams so i don't know what that's about that's your ssri pumping all the demonic energy out of your body flooding my brain with demons yeah before i go to bed demons you know what song i'm talking about no oh oh ash nico i think so fuck fuck fuck wait wait well now i need to find it it's a it's like a spanish song oh never mind or portuguese or some shit i thought you were singing this song no but this song is so fucking funny

i'm crazy but you like that you like that Angel on my headset. All right. I really don't have anything else to say if I'm being honest. One of the reasons our friend group is so tight knit and close and has survived all of the many years together is because none of us fuck each other. I know y'all are incestuous and you're all fucking each other in your friend groups. That's bad. Actually, it's not bad. You can do whatever the fuck you want.

But if you want a long lasting relationship with your friends don't go around banging all of them slags like damn god total fucking slag or fucking this day no fucking fucking broke my arm groups need to watch naked attraction that's what really keeps you together is watching naked attraction that's like the best show ever i love that show it's so fucking funny which makes me feel fucked up because i'm just literally laughing at naked people but also like it's just so funny it's really the the only place in the world you can go to see like the average human body like really see like what a real human looks like because like all the fucking porn is contrived it's like the average human body like really see like what a real human looks like because like

all the fucking porn is contrived it's like the hottest people like biggest even like it's like you're seeing the hottest people on the yeah but on naked attraction it is what we actually look like and it's just so funny to just make up make fun of like the way some vaginas look and some penises it's fun like y'all should try it out dude yeah i like every time there's a man on the screen it really freaks me out i hate the close-ups of the penises when you can see like the fucking like chicken goosebumps on the ball also a dude an incision seam that's all you know that was supposed to be you know that was supposed to be a vagina yeah the seam like it was supposed to grow into a vagina or the other way around it's sealed up because we're all girls first right yeah yeah jesus made women with his rib. Ripped it out of his body.

Well, my media of the week is... Oh my God, I'm on the last season of Girls. I have five episodes left. I think I'm going to finish it today. Banger? Oh, I broke this at some point. I don't remember doing that. But you were saying that the finales have gotten really good. Yeah, the uh finales have gotten really good yeah the like

season finales of those episodes become so intense and good and oh my god it's just such a good show i love that show it's so funny dude i actually unironically can't pull this off the way i was able to because this fucking hurts when i use my pointer finger can you just like rip that off oh thank you baby oh thank you baby i'm finishing girls that's my media of the week and my song media of the week is free man in paris by joni mitchell work to do the isley brothers we gotta get you you a woman Todd Rundgren and your mama's stinky pussy in my butt minus square heart it's a bunch of random fucking numbers that I'm not gonna read just look up square heart and then usuria parentheses psychosis by Edward Skeletrix um very bullish on Edward Skeletrix up next for for real, I think he's pushing the medium and the craft

further than anybody in the world right now. That's what people say about me. Hot topic, eh? And Hunter Hunter. Go watch Hunter Hunter. It is perfect. Down to the last minute detail down to the last minute detail i like this mood you're in today yeah like mania you're like in a carrying mood you're gonna carry me through this day yeah no i'm gonna get you no we're gonna go

to the gym and it's gonna destroy your life i was gonna say just wait i will come the crash that's coming it's gonna be i will crash like crazy very quickly and i will experience anhedonia unlike anything this is the first time our like uh we aren't like synced um like we're not absorbing each other's energy yeah yeah yeah oh yeah we're drifting apart. I don't want to be friends with you anymore. I don't want to be friends with you anymore. We really are Elijah and Hannah. Like the more I watch it, I'm like, this is literally me and Drew's future.

Because all we talk about is I'm like, oh, somebody I'm going to date thinks I'm going to fucking live with them. Hell the fuck no. I don't believe in marriage. I don't believe in living with a partner. That shit's fucking crazy. Get the fuck away from me. I'm going to live with Drew forever. And then watching that show,'m like oh my god this is

you can do it you really can do it okay okay we're done bye