Emergency Intercom - Airbnb horror stories

Episode Date: March 3, 2023

Today we talk about Airbnb horror stories and how scary cosplaying can be when you are h*gh Go to athleticgreens.com/EMERGENCY This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Visit BetterHelp.com/INTERCOM today to get 10% off your first month. Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM  Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. oh my fucking god we have a flight my ovaries hurt so bad right now mine fucking too i'm on my goddamn period i have a flight to paris in an hour wait if you're on your period you can't get on a flight you're not allowed to get on a flight yeah i know because it's gonna stink up the whole cabin the stink

and also my ovaries will explode from the pressure and like the uterine lining will splat against the screen like whatever we have a flight to paris because we're so booked and busy and every brand wants to work with us and it's so lovely and we're so important to the culture that they're putting us in economy on a flight so it's like next to the toilets literally and it's just really important to us that like we are not even sitting next to each other i know it's crazy we should when we get there we should see if we can sit next to each other because i want to sit next to my bed because last time we went to paris we didn't sit next to each other. That flight, I sat next to, like, two sisters who I think were, like, German.

And I remember I was like, wow, they're, like, literally speaking German, leaving LA to go to Paris. Which shouldn't be that shocking because they probably had a fucking layover and I'm just dumb. But I was like, wow, the world is so, like, intersected. Like, they live in LA and they're also going to Paris which is like in Europe so they could literally just like go back home if they wanted well we started a show called MILF Manor and if you do not if you don't know what that show is please this is the second time we we are going to be recommending media where it's like so insane and i i actually don't believe anyone under like 21 years of brain function should be watching a show like this genuinely i believe that um but

if you haven't seen it and you don't know what it is do not look it up and start watching it because it is the most insane thing ever and discovery channel someone needs to take away all their there's a twist to it that don't look up the twist literally just go into it completely raw and watch the first episode wait until like a little past halfway and you'll find out really what's going on and it's the craziest shit ever it should not exist it's so fucking weird it's dangerous it's tampering with god it's it's really fucking weird um but it is so addicting to watch and you can watch all five episodes that are out in the same day because it's brain dead entertainment oh my god that's literally what we did. Like watched all five episodes. There's a new episode out today.

And I'm literally- Then we ran outside because it was rain showers and there was a rainbow and we played in the rain. And it was fucking gorgeous. So basically what we were doing is we were doing the opposite of what God wants us to do, which is watching a show that is literally playing with fire and disgusting, but it is so insane that you have to watch and then we did exactly what god wanted which was it was gorgeous outside so we went

outside and we played around and josiah went outside barefoot and he did not wash his feet no he didn't he came in and actually watched because i made fun of him because i was like it's one thing to do this in like the country or like somewhere where it's not an inner city, but you are literally running around on glass covered hepatitis B infected streets. Like you need to wash your feet, please. And it's disgusting. And he tracked his dirty feet into our house and into the floor of our shower. And it probably got into all my wounds when I and all my orifices when I bathe. Sometimes before I

take a bath like I'll like wash out the bottom of the tub because I get really scared yeah I'm like this is scary if I don't shower right before I'm like I need to do that also because when I shower I use my feet and I like rub there's like body hairs and I don't even want to like look into what part of the body they came from always on the floor of the shower and i'm so good about washing mine down because i'm like i don't want people to see my fucking disgusting leg hairs and nasty fucking giant i have 14 inch pubes and i just wash them down like after it's oh i thought it was your hair that's why like usually when i see i play with it and i like no you're playing with my pubes oh my god yeah they are very strong oh my fucking god i can't i cannot believe i forgot

about this yesterday i thought you were gonna say it but i was like you're being so nice i cleaned the shower drain yesterday because for the second time in like two months like it clogged so fucking fast which you would think oh we just live in an old building maybe that's what it is well i went in there and i was like oh maybe i just need to put Drano down there. No, it was so clogged from the sheer amount of buildup from hair and other bodily liquids that we just said in the last episode that we don't like saying the word, but I'm sure you can assume what it is. Not mine.

I don't know who the fucks it is. It's mine. And I pulled it out and it was like a clump. It was alive. Stop! It was literally alive it was like a clump that was this long and the odor that filled the room was like vile and it was all over my fingers and i put it in the trash can because i was like i can't flush this it's gonna get

clogged it was so much so it's sitting in the trash can in there right now. And it was disgusting. We're building biohazard because also my fucking old stinky pads are in there. So we're literally going to come back to the house like being like. No, we're creating a homunculus. You know what a homunculus is? It's where dudes put their semen inside of an egg and it creates a little creature. It's like a cryptid. Yeah.

And some of them grow eyes that's illegal huh probably we should try it um but we're creating that with the um with my pads my pads and the old coom four-year-old that is actually probably the most disgusting thing we've said on this podcast yeah it's because that like actually just made me sick to my fucking stomach yeah sorry that's just the way it is but um yeah absolutely absolutely vile we live our friends that come in and out of this house nasty people nasty they hate us um and then sometimes we have visitors and it's just who would have thought yeah last night we had one of the craziest encounters of our entire life i

think genuinely literally so funny we're not gonna name this person but just know they're an uber celebrity the one of the most famous people you've ever seen met in your life and they hit up india and was like yo i need a place to stay like really badly like i need somewhere to stay and then he was like okay i literally my first was i was like damn damn damn yeah because it was so late and i was like i can't make it was 5 40 in the morning yeah i was like i can't make these kind of decisions like i live with people They'll wake up to another person in this house and be like, the fuck did you do last night? Like,

where were you? Why is this person here? And I was just like, well, fuck, but I am an angel. Literally like, oh my God, I am a fucking angel sent from God.

Like, like genuinely, I am so, I'm just like a really good person. You can just like, like set grudges aside. Like I think, okay. So what I need is somebody to make an edit of me and like make it like best person in the world. I'm trauma checking this right now.

Are our mics even working? Yeah, they are. Okay. But I got hit up way early. So basically it's like 5 a.m. I had said yes to this person coming and like crashing for the night. And I was like, oh, well, well now what no one i know is awake drew's not awake josh isn't here i don't want this person sleeping in the living room i want to throw them in josh's room so i called josh first and i like josh doesn't sleep but he just wasn't home and i call him and i tell him

and he's cracking the fuck up because he cannot believe what's happening. And we're just on the phone for like 20 minutes. And then he was like, does Drew know? And I go, no, because Drew's asleep because it's 5 a.m. And he sleeps at fucking 8 p.m. Because he's actually old. And I was getting ready to wake up. Yeah, I know. Which is also why I didn't feel too bad about like waking you up because I was like his

wake up time is literally in 40 minutes. But I felt really bad doing it because I knew you were going to have trouble falling back to sleep. It scared the fuck out of me when you woke me up. I was like, I know you were literally so scared. You were like this. And then I told you and you were like, what? No. What?

No, I could. I really could not believe it. I genuinely thought I was dreaming. That is so confusing. It was really jarring and scary. But then it became the funniest thing i think we've ever experienced in our entire life at 5 40 in the morning um and basically this person came over but before they came over me and india were like freaking out like what if

like blah blah blah happens like what if they do this like why is this happening this is so weird i can't believe this is happening. Just like gossiping about it. And it was so funny because I was like, stay up. I was like, you need to stay up. And then Drew was like, that would be so weird if I was just awake. Yeah. Which is true.

But I didn't want to be alone with this person. But you weren't alone because I was awake in my room. Yeah, listening. Because I was like, I i'm gonna listen to make sure nothing weird fucking happens or like any and i need the tea like i need to be able to tell y'all what goes down like i need to even though we have to hide like a huge part of it there there are so many layers to this i know there it is it goes so deep and i know people are going to be so fucking mad because it is so annoying to tell a story and leave out the main parts of it.

But why it's so funny is basically Drew fully injured. I got Drew so awake before. It took this person like almost 40 minutes to get here also. And it took so long that in that time, I got Drew out, like Drew was out of bed and walking around in the house with me and we were cracking up.

We were literally like, I had it laugh like that that night and so long because we were giggling like little kids. It was so funny. This person gets here. I'm listening to the entire conversation. It's really interesting.

It's really weird for me. I can't believe it's going down. It's hilarious. I'm literally in my bed cracking up that this is actually happening and going down in my house right now um and they just come in with their luggage and put it on the floor of josh's bedroom get ready for bed and that's pretty much it yeah like a quick encounter for the most yeah very quick encounter they like knew what they had to do they knew it was like a kind of a weird request and they just got what needed to be done done sleep um and getting ready for bed but the funniest part about this entire fucking story is in you text me and she's like can you

hear this what is that i heard that too was it a little like oh no it's like a piece of oh no i i heard something outside i thought that's what you hear i was like i think it's a dog no um but and you text me and it's like can you hear this and i'm like no i can't really hear anything and then she plays the caveman scream like over her um my home pod like just loud as fuck and you can hear it clear as fucking day like it's like it sounds like it's resonating in my room and i start dying laughing because like the dude that's staying here has no idea that we're doing this and the reason they left the place they're staying at is because they were horrified of their airbnb which we'll get into yeah uh more horror stories from airbnb if you'd like um and we just started trolling them which is so mean because this person probably just got

like ptsd'd out because they basically had a barbarian incident happen to them and um we just ignored that because it was too funny and we started playing horror movie like we started i just like from like basically muffled but very clear you could hear i have a video of it and i'm like this is the funniest thing ever let me record this because like i can't believe this is so loud like how are you doing that and then so she plays this sound which i didn't mean for this one to play basically what was happening on my end is me and you were texting and we're literally sending each other audio messages of us cracking up like i am laughing probably the loudest i've laughed in a long time and i felt really bad because i was like i hope this person doesn't like hear us laughing and like think we're like oh my god this is so embarrassing for them or whatever exactly um but i'm laying in bed and i'm sharing a wall with this

person so i'm like freaking out and i'm like sobbing real tears down my face and trying so hard of you is like still the funniest picture you've ever seen in my fucking life. I'm trying so hard not to laugh out loud, but like I've never laughed like this like ever in my life. And then Inya plays this sound and I get a video of it. Like so worried about my sister. You cannot marry a murderer.

I was sick, but I am healing. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina. The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday?

This is so dangerous. I got to get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at 9 Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on Stack TV. Oh, it's this. So basically. Just play so basically just play play play

play it no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no play it again play it into the mic play it again play it again let me play it this sound and i record it and i'm like what the fuck was that was that like a crying baby like he was like why did you play that one we were not supposed to play that one but what was happening on my end i'm screaming laughing at this point what ended up happening on my end is my fucking phone wasn't connecting to my home pod for some of the sounds so i was like fuck i need to find a new one because like i want to keep doing this because i don't want

this person to fall asleep before we keep playing yeah before we keep so evil because it's like 6 a.m and like tired as fuck and i kept scrolling through them and i accidentally played that and it literally made me laugh so fucking hard wait i wish i could somehow protect her map like the weekend dancing onto our whole house right now and go outside and watch it. Did you hear what I just said? That one is not connected. I don't know why I said that, but I was like, I wish we could,

we'll put that video here. If I try to get something out of you, I'm not sure I can get it. Because I'm so in love with you. I'm not sure I can get it. I'm not sure I can get it. I'm not sure I can get it. because this video has been making the weekend dancing has been making me laugh for days now i don't know why they're so funny to me but this one cracked me up when i saw it on tiktok and i was like damn imagine we could like somehow projector map that into that room and like it's just like that person like laying down and then like he like feeling like light shine through

their lids and they wake up and it's just like a big thing of the weekend dancing the worst dance we've ever seen in our life but yeah so we troll this person all night um until 6 a.m i stay up really late on accident because i'm basically already awake oh yeah play that again you're like don't do it again and i kept doing it yeah and then the next morning it's like 11 a.m and they wake up and literally nothing is said about it we don't say anything about it and they move on with their life yeah they just they got up and left they did exactly what they needed to do which was just like sleep somewhere because it was fucking 5 a.m and i was the only person awake basically we're thinking about renting j's room out on Airbnb because I think we would be better Airbnb hosts than 98% of Airbnbs that are on the market right now. Because for some reason, we attract negativity and violence when it comes to Airbnbs.

Negativity and violence. Horror stories. It starts with when we were first coming to Los Angeles, Abunz. Abunz. Abunz's. We get this Airbnb for 10 days. And it felt like 8 million years. Yeah, it felt like 10 years.

It was like probably the longest I've been away from home. But anyways, we get there and it's like Airbnb defied the fuck out. Like gray walls, Ikea furniture, like weird paintings that I don't know if they actually exist. Or it's like an alien is projecting them onto the wall. Like I do not know where those like red bubble paintings come from. But they're all over the walls. And we get there and we're staying for a couple days. And then Inya realizes she has bites all over her, but she doesn't say anything

because she's like kind of embarrassed. Yeah, because I'm like, why do I have little marks on my leg? Yeah, and she doesn't really think anything of it. Hasn't really had an interaction with freeze before. I'm really sensitive to like dust mites. Like if a bed has dust in it, I will break out into like little hives and bites from that.

So that's what I thought it was. I was like, oh oh that's so embarrassing my eczema and then i'm sitting on the carpet and i start getting like in the living room and i start getting bitten alive on my legs hands and wrists and i'm like okay this is literally not normal so i like look at the carpet and i'm like oh nothing's wrong and then i keep looking at it and it starts moving and i'm like oh my god i'm like hallucinating like this is fucking crazy and then i look a little bit closer and i realize that there's millions and millions of fucking fleas in this carpet this is 2017 2016 and i freak the fuck out i jump up and i'm like and yet those bites are from fleas we have flea bites all over us and i was like no no no like no there's no way like why would we just have fleas yeah and then i start panicking because i'm like oh like we're

gonna get lyme disease my dumb ass thought fleas and lyme disease at the time were correlated it's ticks and lyme disease and i started spiraling on my phone thinking about lyme disease disease inya's going throughout the entire house like trying to get to the bottom of this like ripping sheets off i'm being mama af mother a little little black dots in the bed and we're like okay evidence of fleas in the bed evidence of fleas in the carpet well we move to the backyard where there's an outdoor washer dryer where i was already washing my sheets because again i thought it was dust my so i was like i'll just wash the sheets and move on with my fucking life i go into the washer to pull this thing out and it is a white sheet that is borderline black at the corner all black yeah it was just like covered in fleas and i drop it we were like oh fuck no and they're

jumping out like yeah they start jumping out onto us and then we're running through the house and we have white socks on and we look down at our feet and our socks are basically black covered in fleas and we're freaking out and then i called the airbnb host this was i remember this was the moment where we all realized that i was no longer like an angry child who was crazy because i remember you made a comment and it actually made me feel so good that day where you were like i am so shocked you were not screaming your head off and freaking the fuck out and yelling at this man because i was like so calm and i was like this just sucks we got to get it figured out um and i felt like getting to my sister's heart like my girl's heart like i can make her feel good in ways she can't even describe sexually i can't satisfy you sexually yeah i know we're still not there but one day hopefully

with the right machinery yeah with the jackhammer maybe um but that just reminded me of the guys i was like um wait what the fuck did you just say it said it reminds me of the tiktok sound you did not say that at all you said sorry i'm drunk i'm really fucking drunk right now my but at my my cramps right now are actually hurting and it's making me think my body right now is so unused to cramps that my body is convinced I have to shit. Oh, my God. Our periods sink because I have cramps right now, too. I can feel them in my shins. It's just like you can't let me have anything.

I know. I can't. I really can't. I wish I wasn't this way. Anyway, it reminded me of the TikTok song. I was like, i'm gonna need some wd-40 and like something else like do you know what i'm talking about it's that streamer and whatever you're just like not in the loop and you don't induct tape yes yes yes yes yes um but i

called and then like you made a good point of this the first time we tried to record this fucking episode but actually it was the third time oh he scammed the fuck out of us because what should have happened is that airbnb we were just taking advantage of because we were young yeah that's really what it was at the time that airbnb for us was so expensive like that was i remember i remember us booking that airbnb and being like well fuck like we can't go shop at round two now because we spent all of our money here yeah literally and it was like well we're we're just that's our thing we're going there to do that and then we're gonna like fucking eat french fries for dinner every day to survive um french fries and alcohol um but he moved us it was like a duplex i remember remember at first he moved us

into the side unit and we were like there's still fucking fleas in here because that place was covered in fleas too it was a full flea infestation like the entire house um even though humans hadn't been in there the whole time we were there um and then he just got us to pack our bags pay for our own uber to another location to another airbnb that sucked balls of his and we just went and we just we just stayed and we didn't say anything we were like yeah this is just it and then i think like we ended up moving back to the other one like because he got somehow oh he got it cleaned and like got it sprayed down and there were no more fleas and he tried to lie to us and say oh there weren't fleas anywhere and we were like no look at these photos we have of the fleas yeah he was like oh it wasn't even an infestation it was just like a few little like i was like no look at our ankles and wrists i know we're literally

covered in bites you feel good i just have like sometimes like a word reverberates in my head over and over again and if i don't say it out loud or if i don't mimic something someone else is saying it will ruin me it'll melt dude i know that for like repeating what someone says to me and it's so bad like uh why do i have the biggest urge when someone says something that i think is funny just repeating it back to them or just like anytime they say something and i have nothing else to say i just want to if i don't get it out of my head it feels like my brain is going to melt also um drew pointed out that we only speak in hype um what is it what is it how did you phrase it when we were at the store and i was like what would you do if i blah blah right

now i don't know we only speak in you were like we we only speak in like hypotheticals and like really fictional hypotheticals to each other when we're out in public and we're like running errands. All we do is. What if I did this? What if I hit you right now? Yeah, we don't actually ever communicate when we're in public because we're in like a constant state of bit where we're always trying to troll the people around us to like give them a story to tell. And that woman that day who we were doing that in front of had no reaction to the way we were acting and talking um also the bystander effect no literally like we were genuinely fighting and she said nothing to us which

she could probably i mean we were in there for like 30 minutes so she probably saw us being normal and she's like bitch i'm not letting these fucking kids not letting these kids troll me but the other airbnb story 16 year olds troll me i'm not 16 i'm 24 i'm 16 you why are you hanging out with a fucking 24 why are you hanging out with a 16 year old because you're my fucking son bitch i raised you well all these bitches is my sons um you're turning 17 soon how do you feel about that um honestly really good one step closer to being able to buy cigarettes um too bad puff bars are banned but the craziest fucking thing that has ever literally ever happened to me happened to me yesterday i don't know how crazy it could be because everything that happens to you is the craziest thing that's ever happened everything that happens to drew is either the worst thing that's ever happened to him the craziest thing that's ever happened to him or the

greatest thing that's ever happened to him and it is yeah it simply is okay so yeah i go to the front door you heard me talking to this man for like an hour right yeah not an hour it's probably like five minutes when you came back with no no i went down to the door I spoke with him for 15 minutes. It was yesterday. And do you want to know what he said to me? What? He said, it sounds like I'm fucking making this shit up. But he looked at me and he was like, yo, like, if you show me your balls, I'll give you a puff bar. Apparently, he had known that I quit. I don't know how he knew I quit.

But I said no, obviously. Yeah, but you were like 10 days like he went like 10 days without a puff bar which is like good i know you're on day like 13 i still am yeah so i was just like you said no obviously yeah okay but you came back upstairs with no shirt on so did he just like well i was getting my water bottle from mason at the same time oh okay that's just suspicious that you were down there for so long and you didn't show him your balls and you had no shirt when you came back up. Yeah. Okay. But you didn't show him your balls? No.

Still no puff bar? Mm-mm. Okay. I'm proud of you. Yeah. I haven't puffed in 15 days. And you kept your pride because you kept your balls in your pants for once. So that makes me happy. Which is honestly really hard for me yeah i know sometimes i just

like fall out yeah well i'm proud of you and your self-control because that actually takes a lot so i am really proud of you um should i say the other airbnb story that got me like the worst review that actually made me this is the thing the one with the rats yes the garage yes i fucking booked this airbnb because i was like this is cute like i actually want to look at pictures because that's what i did last time is like the other one i was like oh i remember these airbnbs being super nice and being like oh my god yes this is everything and then being like later on like where'd you get that they don't sell the oh my god oh my god you were fucking disgusting it's not cheating he just looked at them and played with them a little bit he'd even asked to fucking play with them and you let him play with them

oh no i'm done i can't with you anymore i'm done oh so when i cheat it's a problem but when you don't cheat it's not a problem do you fucking hear yourself also you think i don't cheat i don't get caught i cheat bitch see when the tables turn now it's a big deal do you just spit did it squirt in your mouth it's squirting on you um so this other airbnb was in a fucking garage um and i was like oh this is cool this is retro this is retro af like wow so cool that he did this um wait i wonder where it is october october dude looking back at the airbnbs we've stayed in these airbnbs are fucking gross and we thought it was like ultra luxe yeah we were like this is we're living the best life dude this is it the photos make it look better

than it it was like the photos so chic it's actually really nice to this day yeah like the photos make it look really nice but then when you get inside you realize oh this is actually just a man's garage it's a shack like it's literally this is fucked up yeah like i did s here yeah like i made s happen here like that's like that is the magic on the floor in the other room in a sleeping bag. You slept on a sleeping bag. I slept in a fucking sleeping bag with rats running all around this fucking garage. And we knew there were rats because again, your snooping skills kicked in.

And Drew was snooping around and he was like, there's a fucking rat trap up here. And I think it was you, me and Emma hanging out that day. And we were like, there's a fucking rat trap. And we were all looking. We were like, there's a fucking rat trap. And we were all looking. We were like, there is a rat trap. Like, what the fuck? But we didn't think anything of it because I was like, I got a few little buddies at home. Like, that's not the biggest deal ever.

It's not the biggest deal. Because I would assume it was just precautionary. No, there was fully a fucking rat in that Airbnb because what ended up happening is Drew ended up leaving because he was there for a shorter time than me. Because I had business to take care of that was very important for me at the time um yeah I had lots of sex it's there was lots of sex to be had for me in this in this beautiful city um and I was there for longer and I had got just gotten this gorgeous vintage torch shirt now it's vintage at the time it was only like four or five years old um but it was a lil wayne drake merch t-shirt from when they went on when they went on tour together and i had i had it laid across like the makeshift kitchen table counter they had

and at the time is that's when i was like vegetarian i think and i was like obsessed with just grabbing like cheese crackers and avocados. And I would literally like scoop out avocado and like chomp and eat avocado. And I left half of an avocado on the counter because I was like, I'm going to eat that later. But then something happened where I just had to leave the house. So I was like, oh, my God, got ready quick, ran out of the house. Is that why you always leave half avocados out or do you just forget about them?

No, I leave them out because I don't like putting them in the fridge for some reason. I don't know why. I think it dries it out. like but that's my family does that like my family like leaves out like they don't refrigerate cut onions and like avocados and stuff they leave it like in the fruit basket at home so i think i just do that because they did that and i was like this is the way of life um just oxidize it a little bit yeah also like i don't like cold avocado like when i'm eating like it's like too much for my teeth like and i'd rather have like a room temperature tomato too

like i hate having tomatoes in the fridge because when you go to eat i'm like this is so cold for what like you don't go to a restaurant eat a cold tomato on a fucking bagel like the tomato is never cold it's room temperature but um that aside i when i came back i'm like on my phone i look up and the avocado is bitten the fuck up and i was like i know i didn back i'm like on my phone i look up and the avocado is bitten the fuck up and i was like i know i didn't do that and there was rat poop and fucking avocado turds all over this fucking drake and lil wayne shirt and i was just looking at it i was like that is fresh because i was just here and i just put the shirt down and that was not there bitch the fucking rat came ate my avocado and shit all over my new shirt

and i just freaked the fuck out i was like fuck no i am not staying here i had friends at the time so i was like i'm not even gonna say anything i'm just gonna like contact airbnb and then not say anything to the host i contacted airbnb and they were like we can't do anything about it you need to talk to the host and like get a refund from them and basically telling me i needed to convince the airbnb host to give me a refund and then the airbnb host was like no i'm not giving you a fucking refund like i don't have rats even though i had a picture of the rat shit all over my goddamn shirt and his rat traps and he just wouldn't give me a refund the airbnb just like stayed empty until and i left my shirt there because i was like i don't want my shirt now

it's literally covered in rat piss and shit i'm not gonna take that shirt anymore um and then he left me the nastiest review he was like she was so fucking dirty and disrespectful blah blah blah and i didn't know that your replies on airbnb to the host are public and i said wait i want to look up my exact words and while you're finding that i, one thing about me is I'm a snooper. Like, do not let me into your space because I will learn everything I need to know about you by looking through your shit. Because like, I can,

if you have a junk drawer versus if you don't, I can tell the type of person you are. I can tell by what's inside the junk drawer, the type of person you are. I can look at your pills and vitamins and your prescriptions and know the type of person you are. I can look at your pills and vitamins and your prescriptions and know the type of person you are and what you get up to and your activities,

your mental state. Like I can learn so much through snooping. I can find your tax documents and go through those. Like, don't let me into your space because any Airbnb I've ever been in, I have ripped to shreds and gone through everything to find anything about this person.

Which is good because it's like, I need to know if the killer lives here what if the killer owns this exactly exactly um but so also i'll read his review and then my review bitch i'm gonna hit him i'm gonna find him and hit him so to the beginning of his review he leaves a note about how I had a bad review before him and the bad review before him was this fucking bitch who I stayed there with somebody I was seeing at the time I didn't know anyone in LA at that time so I wasn't having fucking parties or anything and in her review um in her thing she was like don't have parties and we were like cool we don't have parties whatever she claimed we had a party because we had red solo cups in the garbage can and she had messaged me and she was like you threw a party and i was like what and then she was like well um when i was going

to take out the garbage i saw a bunch of red solo cups and you left a bunch of new ones there and i was like i left the new ones there just in case you wanted to like keep them because i didn't want to throw them out but i didn't throw a fucking party i just didn't want to have to wash dishes by alcohol yeah i literally i'm a child i don't drink um but i was like i just didn't want to wash dishes because airbnbs are fucking scams that make you do chores and why the fuck would i want to wash dishes at an airbnb um and i was like no i we just get road solo cups i don't know just out of habit like that's just the cup we got. And she was like, no, no, no. You had a party because I also saw two bottles of like wine or something.

And I was like, I was staying there with someone for like a week and a half. That's not that crazy. And we just got into an argument. And then she was like, it was so fucking dirty. She went against the house rules. I always say parties are not allowed. And I'm sure she did throw a party in my apartment. I fucking didn't, bitch.

I went and watched Call Me By Your Name and cried for three days. That's what I did in that apartment. So this is the review from the other person. And it was very messy and uncommunicative as a guest. I had read a review stating that she left an Airbnb unit in a super messy state and asked her about it before I accepted her reservation. She assured me it was a weird set of circumstances and that I had nothing to worry about because it was. I also sent him fucking dms with the bitch that's why he let me stay there because i was like look at the dms she was just mad that i used red solo cups convinced i had a party i'm pretty sure i sent him pictures of what i was doing in the airbnb and i was like i didn't do anything i don't know anybody here why would i throw a party i'm also like 18 like i'm a girl

um and he's like i figured everybody deserves a second chance and gave her the benefit of the doubt she left garbage and personal items everywhere moved things all over the unit and didn't put them back what things was i moving bitch i didn't put your chair in the fucking front yard what are you talking about she didn't follow a single rule um or a single one of my checkout instructions even when i gave her a late checkout as a courtesy i wasn't there i literally wasn't there she was also extremely uncommunicative didn't reply to most of my messages or let me know when she would be leaving or arriving i would not have any back my response you had a fucking rat asshole that's what i said didn't realize didn't realize that was on the front of

my thing and then i couldn't get an airbnb until 2022 yeah that was the next time i was able to fucking be accepted for an airbnb because he fucked up my reviews you know ryan are the only ones that plan getaways with our friends because we're the only ones that have drive and ambition so me and orion had to book the airbnbs on our accounts for years between there um because and you couldn't yeah i literally anybody i went on a trip with i'd be like yeah let's split it but i can't put it on my card or my name because um airbnb will detect me and not let me fucking say you You know what's crazy is I booked an Airbnb in New York for all of our friends because we were like, oh, let's go to New York together.

It was me and a few friends in India. And then I got COVID. It was the year Playboy Cardi dropped a whole lot of red. And it was right after Christmas. And I was like, oh, that's going to be so cute. Got COVID, couldn't go. Everybody went to the Airbnb and stayed there but I got a horrific review on my account because someone dyed their fucking hair in my Airbnb on my account and

stained the pillows the bed the towels everything and turned them bright red and I did feel bad for this lady and I did have to pay out of my fucking pocket for her to replace all these things but I wasn't even there and I got the bad review on my fucking account for her to replace all these things but i wasn't even there and i got the bad review on my fucking account which is so evil and i had to take the fucking you had to take that you had to take it and you took it like a champ i remember there was an airbnb i used to stay in a lot when i came to la um and it was like my favorite place to stay and i became like not friends but kind of acquainted with the woman who owned the airbnb um oh my god this one drew

oh my god why is that there is this the one this is the one which we should i'll start that story later well we'll talk about it in a different episode because we talked a lot about pod air airbnb so well this one's more of like a funny high story than anything yeah um but yeah i became friends with her and that was the era where i was dying my hair a lot and i had stained a towel and she was really nice about it she was like hey like i love having you as a guest i think actually this might have been the first time i stayed there and she was still nice to me about it she was like hey like i love having you as a guest i think actually this might have been the first time i stayed there and she was still nice to me about it she was like hey one of the i think i might have let her know i was like hey just to let you know i didn't realize this would happen but one of your towels stained because i have red hair right now um i can

pay it back and she was like don't even she was like don't worry about it like i'll just replace it this kind of stuff happens all the time like it's not that big of a deal i'm like yes that's not hotel etiquette where it's like yes i did spend so much fucking money you can afford a ten dollar fucking towel off amazon because no airbnb even carries good things also the morality of owning an airbnb is kind of twisted if you don't actively live in it um but that's a whole other conversation because there are never mind there's such a there's literally yeah the morality of it all like there shouldn't be eight million airbnbs in miami right now and making it literally impossible for someone like my family to get like an actual home like exactly what's what's up with that do you feel good about that you're literally landlord like

$2,000 a month really worth keeping a family house list? But whatever. That's up to you. That's up to you. That's up to you to decide, you fucking freak. There's no way anybody who watches this owns an Airbnb. But if you do, I'm sorry. Don't fault me when I start my Airbnb landlord arc.

I've been saying that. And then I'm going to get really religious. Going to oil money. and then i'm gonna escape the matrix i saw someone um kind of dissect the andrew tate like escaping the matrix and all like his weird fucking creepy followers that are like i'm finally escaping the matrix and it's them flaunting like having like supercars and staying in nice hotels and having a bunch of wealth. Bro, you are locked in the matrix. You know what they're not realizing the matrix is, is capitalism and that they like, before they escaped the matrix,

like being in the matrix is just like being like another cog in the machine and then escaping the matrix is like them having enough wealth where they don't have to play the rat race game of capitalism. And that we're all on the same team it's just these people are stupid and decide to follow this dumb ass but another conversation for another time that's something else um i do think we should say the high start because it is so funny then when you framed you like that it's really fun um so last story of the episode get your blanket wrap up

i'm surprised we were able to get this much time i know like it was really hard we're gonna start doing 45 minute episodes by the way just keep that in mind because i feel like nobody gives a fuck to listen to us for an hour anymore because you all hate us but so to preface we were staying with some friends who were going to, like, anime con. And this wasn't a thought that, like, passed our brain. We didn't think anything of it. We were like, cool, yeah, we're down for that. And this was one of our last nights.

And me, you, and our friend at the time were like, we need to get high. We haven't gotten high this whole trip because you had to be 21 you have to be 21 to get any edibles or weed and like we didn't know anybody to buy weed from in la so we were like we need to get high um so we literally went do you remember the trek it was to get that weed we went and hung out with like we were fucking maniacs we went and hung out with like five different groups of people praying one of them to get hooked up would or because like i think at the time like you could already order it yeah so we were literally going around praying somebody would pray somebody would order us weed um and finally we came across some good-hearted people who was it it was i can't remember her name i know her face

she was she was like a one of alexis friends like one of alexis close friends and i can't remember her face for some reason i can't remember her name but i know her face like her face she has such a distinct face it's like actually kind of like scary not in a bad way like she's a gorgeous girl but like the most face face person i could think of yeah i don't know how to describe it but i remember but remember we literally sat out by the pool with her for like an hour and a half waiting for this weed like so fucking like also there was like a thing at the time where like you had to order a certain amount of weed and it was like a hundred bucks minimum plus delivery fees so we scrounged up the little bit of money we had left to buy 130 worth of weed and we left the next day it was literally we like we what we could have done with that money is go

to a nice dinner for our last night there but we ended up getting the worst pizza of all fucking time and because we spent all of time because we spent all of our because we spent all of our money on this weed also you know i just remembered this was when all the viners and everybody was living at the w so that's where we were because we had friends who lived there at the time so that's where we were we went we went to bryce hall's house to see if he could get us yeah to see if he would buy us no i think that's literally who it was because the girl i'm thinking of at the time was i think bryce's assistant or something she was friends with all those people so we were literally in bryce's like apartment complex at one point

literally like looking around being like and standing in the hall and seeing like a bunch of just like viners pass by us and be like oh that's who that is it was literally so weird it was like a college dorm room for like viners and tiktokers and you nowers and musers and all this shit yeah not tiktoker yeah musically um but whatever we literally wait around forever and by the time we get this weed like we're all like fucking like tapped out i think we like we got it so late like i remember it was so late because our flight was super early in the morning. We had already packed all of our bags like in the meantime, like whatever.

So we eventually get this weed delivery. It's the most weed I've ever seen in my entire life. Like it's joints, it's edibles, it's edible drinks. We got like gold joints, like gold wrapped joints. We got like the craziest weed we could buy because we needed to fill out that $100 thing. But we didn't want a super big surplus. but somehow we still ended up with so much weed and we just proceed to get absolutely obliterated obliterated obliterated faded than a hoe faded than a hoe faded than a hoe like black out so high i don't remember i like i know we had to have been watching

something and i remember a tv on but i don't i don't even remember what we were watching yeah i don't remember what the fuck we were talking about i remember we after we ate that pizza we proceeded to stab the pizza box a thousand times yeah because we had a knife close and like one of us just did it and we were like dude this feels so good like doing this feels so good because it was me it was me that was like dude y'all need to feel this like and it did because like stabbing cardboard is fun but we looked insane we were just all on the floor high as fuck like stabbing this box so we're just hanging out then our friend who we're staying with comes back and we didn't know they were going to be coming back with a friend um and they just

came from anime con so in our brains, what we thought was happening was we were being introduced to somebody with like short hair and a mustache and then our friend and we were like, oh, hey, what's up? And like, we all like shake hands and we're just like, whatever. And they're eating In-N-Out.

And like, we like- The stinkiest In-N-Out I've ever smelled. It smelled so bad. And we keep looking back at like the one friend because like we were so high that their figure was like disoriented, at least in my head. Something was off. Something was seriously something like something about them was like a little off and we were like energy and like we're all on the couch like turning around like looking like at the same

time like in unison and it's like very obvious like we're not like nothing else was on the tv anymore we were sitting and like whispering and we were like i remember whispering and laughing our asses off after looking at this person literally who the fuck is that like what is that outfit like we literally because mind you we had fully forgotten they came from anime yeah so in our head we were like this person is dressed the craziest i've ever seen somebody on like a thursday night dressed in my fucking life and we were just like who is this like why are they like they don't even sound the way they look like we were like we were so confused and we were crying up and then this this is the craziest part of the story this is the craziest part of the story so this person

walks in front of us and we all follow them like this to the bathroom and they like announced that they're going to the bathroom and they start like they spent like a really it felt like they were in the bathroom for 30 minutes like it felt like 30 40 minutes and we were like what the fuck are they doing now knowing what they were doing yeah they fully were in there for that long but because we were so i was literally like dude they're literally gonna kill us, who is in the bathroom? It freaked us out. And our friend who was with them was just silent. Like, I don't even think, like, they realized that we were sitting and freaking out about the friend they brought.

And we didn't want to say anything because we were like, that's so rude. But like, they're going to kill us. Exactly. So then this person, after 45 minutes, comes out of this fucking bathroom and is completely different. Like, long hair. Long hair long hair colored hair like new outfit like everything in it no mustache no fucking mustache and no makeup on we were like what the fuck is that we freaked the fuck out and we were like did this person just go into our bathroom and like come out a different person like what is fucking going on we were like blackout high and like we were dying and then we started greening out we're like oh my god we're like what the fuck like that person never

existed we made them up like what how did they look like we all saw that they looked so different and then our friend went into the bathroom also the friend is Michael. Our friend who we were with goes into the bathroom and comes out. And he's like, dude, her mustache is like the mustache is on a towel. And we were like, this motherfucker went in there and shaved their mustache off. Put it back together on the towel. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. And then it wasn't until the next day that we were like, dude, they were cosplaying. They were in full-blown cosplay.

They were literally in full-blown cosplay. We just didn't realize it. We were so greened out. Yeah, that was so weird. Literally, we were like, dude, they wiped off their fucking mustache like your mustache is just on the floor um and that was our that is so funny that was like the equivalent to as funny as me thinking that i was burning alive when i when i was high for the first time under the heated lamps i didn't know that there were first like bonding moment yeah i didn't know that there were light bulbs that got hot i've said this before but i'll just say for anybody who doesn't know the first time

i got high was in like colorado during the winter and it was like me and drew got high it was the best time ever and then i went back to my room to go shower and i was like butt naked nasty brushing my teeth with the shower on and i'm like sitting there brushing my teeth standing there and i'm like dude the back of my neck is burning like i'm like literally on fire like I think I'm melting I need to get in the shower just like fucking lay down like it's so hot in here I think because of the warm shower whatever I get in the shower I'm still burning I like my body feels like it's literally having like fucking insane lasers pointed at it and I'm melting away and then I get in the shower and I'm covered in soap and i'm like oh my

god i think i'm gonna die like i am actually burning to death what the fuck is happening um and i was so paranoid that i got out covered in soap and just laid butt naked on the bed and like fucking knocked out because i was so scared and then the next morning when i was walking around i was like bitch the fucking lamps the bulbs are hot like because i in the morning i was like dude i'm still burning in here and i realized oh they make light bulbs that radiate heat um but yeah what did we throw on the oh we were playing with pads yeah we were playing with pads and tampons um so that's the podcast that we tried to record three times and i'm so happy that we were able i know and give you a product that that was actually not bad and pretty funny um but now for some media um sanctuary by arca um i'm just in honor of arca missing the arca concert i know we missed the arca concert last

night well by the time this comes out it's like a week ago but we couldn't go because we had we had to like just change our life around to go to Paris. Femme by Arca and Your Jerk, New Boys and After the After CFCF. And then what did I watch? Oh, watch Milf Manor. No, you look awful. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm never going to smile again.

Thank God. You have an ugly smile. Wow. Well, my media is... Oh, I need to watch The Sopranos. That's why I'm going to to smile again. Thank God. You have an ugly smile. Wow. Well, my media is... Oh, I need to watch The Sopranos. That's why I'm going to download an episode to watch on the plane. But we won't have time because we literally have to call an Uber in 15 minutes, which is fucking crazy. My media of the week is Popping My Collar by Three Six Mafia.

I Am Trying To Break Your Heart by Wilco. Real Love Baby by Father John Misty. Fluffy Tufts by cock two twins where did our love go the Supremes and and did you hear me terrible

wow and how could I forget I'm starting my summer playlist. Favorite by Nicki Minaj. Cockiness and Love Song by Rihanna. Drank in My Cup, Kurt Cobain. Bodies, Jasmine Sullivan. One Thing.

A Mary. I don't know how to say her name and I'm sorry. And that's the start of my summer playlist right now. I have a few other songs, but I'm really trying to think. Because right now, for the most part, that whole playlist is like throwback to being in high school and middle school other than bodies by jasmine sullivan because that's a new song but that song is just so good and her um her live performance of it like that she did i forgot on what it's not tiny desk but it's like one of those things tiny meat gang her jasmine sullivan's performance on

tiny meat gang oh my god wow i didn't think they could get her but they did huh wow wow um but yeah that's my media of the week and milf manor um because i'm gonna be watching the new episode tonight um and yeah thank you guys so much for listening is fun this year oh yeah we have to catch up on that spice sugar and spice honestly Sugar and Spice, honestly, were sleepers. And I was terrified for them. But they turned out to be amazing. And I think they were handed a short end of the stick because they're new drag queens, new age drag queens.

And they just don't have the respect yet from every other drag queen. They definitely need to like step into the scene a little more but I think that's with a lot of just like people in creative scenes all across the board

because people seem to forget that we had three years of complete isolation so a lot of the new artists in every fucking creative field are not as in depth

as they used to be. Also even before that, the internet changed the way we communicate as people. And like, if you're from the 80s, you can't be mad that nobody is like in the streets running amok anymore because like, that's just not the way life goes. But that's a different conversation.

But yeah, I love them so much. I think if they did more shows and like really tweaked it up and like tweaked up their comedic skills too and everything, all those ends, because they serve. They weren't winners at all. Like, don those ends because they serve they weren't winners at all like don't get me wrong they weren't winners god obvious we all know who's gonna

win this season like it's not hard to see we all know the top three of this season but sugar and spice um i just like them as a duo i like i think they're cute i think also a twin duo on drag race was like so cool when they did their lip sync against each other which if you haven't watched it the producers were producing i know that was so good and they made it like a whole little thing for themselves but yeah well we literally have to run because yeah we have to get on flight peace and love bye Bye.