Emergency Intercom - being depressed without sadness

Episode Date: March 17, 2023

Drew is still fighting the puff bar allegations, widespread seasonal depression is destroying the world and we finally figure out why imagine dragons has over a billion monthly listeners on Spotify. Enya talks about clogging her toilet by flushing a giant sucker fish and it rotting/stinking up the entire house  This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/intercom Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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The audio peaking on you guys. Immediately. Well, I just think everybody should give me a pat on the back because lately i've been just connecting from my life and entering fortnight to disassociate from the sadness that's been lingering and i play fortnight till 5 a.m and then i wake up at 2 p.m so i'm on a really really nasty spiral i was just talking to kai about this yesterday that like i'm like i realized like i'm, but I'm not sad because I've been wearing the same outfit for seven days without even realizing it.

I've been choosing to brush my teeth at night. I'm actively not choosing to brush my teeth where I'm just like, I'm not doing that. I'm just going to sleep without brushing my teeth and wake up and brush them in the morning and just doing little things like that where I'm like, oh my God, I'm like low-key depressed but I'm not sad it's so strange like normally when I'm depressed I'm like I gotta kill myself like this is it like I have

to I have to kill myself like I can't keep going like this but I'm not and everything in my life is fine like everything is like better than ever which is kind of crazy but that i know this way i fully feel that and i like three signs i know i'm depressed one i have not been shopping for like five weeks which sounds you should stay depressed which sounds so stupid to some people because they're like oh you're so sad you can't shop no, that's my like addictive vice that I do to like give me a little serotonin boost because I'm like, oh, this is naughty. I'm buying like an expensive shirt or something. You would think you would dive deeper into that. No, it's literally like that just it sounds like too much work to go out of my way.

I'm like, I don't want to have to like leave the house, go somewhere, make a decision. Like I can't make a decision on anything. Like I don't want to have to like leave the house, go somewhere, make a decision. Like I can't make a decision on anything. Like I don't want to. I think it'll be a bit like and it's just like brings me anxiety. It doesn't like make me like give me like any spark of serotonin, which that is a sign. Like when I'm literally like all my friends in New York are like, oh, like, do you want to go here, here and here? And I'm like, I like don't need to. That's what I'm like.

I my fortnight hours, don't need to. That's when I'm like, oh. I don't know about all that. Yeah. I, my Fortnite hours have gone up even more. Which is crazy. And it's, like, pissing me off. Like, I'm not enjoying playing. I'm, like, really upset and, like, angered by it. At least the new, like, point of interest POIs in the game are fucking lit. Except the main one has no fucking loot,

which I know they do this shit on purpose where it's like they like make it so the loot is all blue and green on the floor and then like three weeks after the thing drops and like player count drops a little bit they start adding hella gold guns so you feel like you're special and it's like exciting um but yeah i feel like this has been like a universal experience for like everyone, like everyone I know and love has been feeling off and like in strange ways, like something seriously has switched and shifted and something dark sided is going on that I cannot explain. And I don't have the answers for yet, but there is a dark sided energy around right

now. But with that said, it's literally seasonal depression i was gonna say it could be seasonal depression the dark energy is the cold yeah exactly is the cloudy skies um they've turned on me but i've also fuck what was i gonna say oh shit um dark-sided um everyone i know and love is also like hella depressed um oh it could be because um well what was i saying like covid it could be because like after covid everybody was cooped up for three years and like everybody was like freaking out and dying to go out so when like covid kind of ended quote unquote ended um people like all went outside in droves and were hanging out all the time together and we're like doing absolutely everything in their possible to get outside of the house that like we're all kind

of probably experiencing burnout but it's burnout in a way where like we're like social creatures of habit that like need social connection, but we're like all reclusing away from it because we had too much of it. And I think that could be another thing as like, everyone just like saw each other too much recluse away, but we need that connection, but we got too much of it. So now we're in withdrawal. Yeah. I'm also just at a point where I'm like that sounds like so much work like I'm usually such a like yes let's go out to eat or whatever and I'm like I don't that sounds like a lot of for some reason now it's like oh I have to go do this like I have to go see this person I have to say hi like like right now unlike you oh this is like that's like so much work and that like

literally sounds like a nightmare even though after I'm like wow like I'm literally like you I'm like after I'm like wow that was awesome like why don't i do that more often and then like somebody texting me to hang out is literally a threat you are being a terrorist in my life you were actually haunting me you were you were patronizing me leave me the fuck alone you were literally harassing me and i'm gonna fucking have you done i'm gonna kill you the bane of my existence is getting a text asking to hang out and then I do it and I'm like wow that was beautiful and I love humans um my third thing though is that when I was in Miami I wanted to stay so badly and that's how I know I'm depressed

as I go back home and I literally like I love being around my family but if anybody knows like I just like I love being in Miami for certain amounts of time but this time I literally was there for like a week and a half and I was like I don't want to leave but I also was having a thing where like as I was getting on the plane I was really convinced I was like dude I got this gut feeling this plane's going down literally me coming back from Paris I have that written down and I had a fucking panic attack on that fucking plane and I threw up as the plane landed it was disgusting and awful vibes but no embarrassing fully fully fucking convinced that that plane was gonna dive into the ocean but that's probably just that's not how that works crash compilation yeah that's because i've literally seen every single plane crash that

has happened on the planet um yeah i've seen it explained in excruciating detail with like doja cat playing in the background on tiktok too for real my new thing has been not doing that though i oh i did watch a i think last episode i talked about maybe it last episode. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I am like some time clean of murder mysteries and documentaries. I just haven't been watching those. And then I did get really crossfaded and fall asleep to one with a friend. But I literally didn't even get to the murder. He was just a weirdo and like being a weirdo. And it was basically watching like a random man at a bar talk that's what i like murder all shit um no i haven't oh

we we started that but we we literally got three seconds in and knocked out so i'm just like exactly um but yeah that's kind of our update on our mental health like how are you guys feeling is that uh experience universal is everyone kind of feeling a little off i'm sure you bitches are depressed as fuck like oh my god um yeah i you were literally beckoning the monster well he referred to me he gave me something i know i literally i almost called for you it was like kai kai how are you feeling we did not fire kai we've just been traveling yeah man i've been feeling very sad but you know you guys are used to that i think at this point i think one example of the fact that you got a puff bar

no this is that's crazy glue this is skin food oh nice i feel like you glue your uh lips no you should do that often you should try it so i can't talk and i can't breathe maybe i'll just fucking die no you got your nose bibs no okay what were you saying though unfortunately i'm a mouth breather so doesn't it doesn't work i just learned what a mouth breather was yeah i was gonna say the facial structure of a mouth breather is completely different they have like longer faces and like yeah or no no no is that a conspiracy theory is that real because like i i genuinely can't tell i'll do research on that like once a month and i'll be like maybe it does completely transform your facial yeah no it does there's three there's three things

in your face that immediately alerts me to the type of person you are and it's fetal alcohol syndrome mouth breather and face and i can immediately tell your entire life and like who you are as a person right right um i feel like what i was gonna say is like the number one example i can point to recently of like how depressed i've been is uh when we were playing basketball and i made up a lie because i was gonna bring that up motherfucker that is so funny like yeah i'll let you tell it we we went to the park to play basketball like me drew, Drew, and Mason. And then I was like, oh, I have to do some freelance work. Just letting you guys know, like, just in case a game starts, I just don't have to leave halfway through.

And then I just like. No, it was the craziest vibe. It was even crazier than that. So we just had gotten to the courts and we were like shooting around for a little bit. And it was like a cute little key. Like we were having fun. And then this like scary ass dude like came up to me and mason and kyle was like do y'all want to play basketball like two on two um and we were like no no no we don't want to and then he went across the court grabbed another guy and was like do you

two want to play again do two of y'all want to play against us too and like immediately i was like yeah let's do it and Mason was like sure and then Kai was like uh like visibly like shaking like terrified of like playing basketball he was like uh no I don't want to I want to like I have I have to go do work like I'm leaving I'm leaving right now I I've decided I'm leaving right now I have to go do work and then like as he was walking away I was like Kai what the fuck was that like do not leave like you have to you must stay and then like as he was walking away i was like kai what the fuck was that like do not leave like you have to you must stay so then he stayed and then after the game we were like why the fuck did you lie like you did not have to lie i just sat on a chair and was on my

phone and then i just waited for like the strangers to leave and then i came back yeah and then play the non-competitive like pig pig pig game. Yeah, so it was hilarious. But, yeah, Kai's depressed. I just think that I'm traumatized from basketball because I was telling them when I was, I don't know, in my hometown, there was, like, an A team and a B team for basketball in, like, seventh grade. And then they, like, that year they added a C team for, like, kids that were really bad. Oh, my God, you were on the D team. I didn't even make the c team and i remember coming home and you literally were the d team i literally i literally was and i

i remember talking to my dad like a dick team no i'm making a joke that he's like even below c like do you know your alphabet it was like d like as in like give me the d like d team true no he doesn't stand for dick team like come on dignity babes you would be on it climb me up wrong hand no that on my screen that worked yeah it worked on mine um well uh before we go any further into this episode i wanted to address the puff bar allegations um oh and i need to address the cigarette allegations because my cigarette smoking babe you're cold brows before the cold no before the episode india came up to me and was like oh like did you see the cold sprout shit he looks so cool smoking a cigarette on a podcast with sunglasses i want to do that and so what's he wearing sunglasses yes he was not wearing sunglasses i don't know if he actually was but i don't think he was but yeah um mine was

more satirical like i was talking shit about my friend but yeah puff bar sorry yeah the puff bar allegations um it's all bullshit it wasn't real um i don't smoke that shit never have i didn't cheat you literally three seconds into this episode took a hit through your shirt no that was that was me smelling to see if i had musty armpits. That seems like a really bad lie to cover up that you were your puff bar so old it's spitting at you and you need to use your t-shirt. No, no, that's

not the case. I don't even know. It's a new puff bar. I don't even own ones. I don't know what you're talking about. I think I realized something. I need to become a mouth breather because all of my insecurities about my face is because it's so like puggy and if i like started breathing through my mouth you don't look like that normally though when you like make that face you have a good job like a very strong i know you have a very fine face dude it's literally like don't let the media you. All this like buccal fat wanting your face to be skinnier, that will happen naturally.

Do not remove the collagen that you naturally have. Because then by the time you're 35, you're actually going to look like Joan Rivers. Like it's going to be fucked up. And Joan Rivers is beautiful. And Joan Rivers is not here to defend herself. So we won't keep talking about her. And she's the girl. So it's the point.

No, I love, love to Joanan but you understand what i'm saying it's not gonna be no i know i know it's all jokes it's all jokes but uh white people do ajax boiled milk so i'm happy that i have like plump skin yeah you should be like proud but imagine me like this and imagine I got jaw correction surgery cause like okay you're literally pushing your face Drew you have been looking very plump for me recently plump get him out of here

yeah I know you gotta get the him out of here. Yeah, I know. You got to get the fuck out of here, bro. Plump? Plump? You can reduce or remove unwanted noise and relive your favorite moments without the distractions. And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. I think he meant your bulge.

I'm confused. I was talking about your dick print through your pants. See, I have been intentionally working on that. I've been wearing these manscaped underwear that are very flattering. Manscape? Yeah. Is that a real thing? We did an ad read for them. Oh.

Yeah. Oh, like. The razor company they make underwear they sent a pr package to us and they're really nice oh nice this is not sponsored by the way that's got nothing to do with me i'll buy those fucking underwears because i'm i'm i do not buy them unless it's with a pr code that i give you guys or whatever it is um but yeah i think i'm like low-key out of the tidy whitey phase of my life it was it lasted for like six drew went through a phase where every time we would be together and he had to like for some reason multiple times in a year had to change in front of me would be like don't look I have my scary

underwear on and I like I still don't know what that means like I never saw the tighty whities is for a specific type of person and it's not you and why were you always wearing them just in case like an occasion arose or is it just that those were the only underwear

you had it was the only underwear i had well mia khalifa was on my flight oh what were you gonna say wait really yes i held that from you because it was really exciting that's so awesome did you sit next to her did you say anything to her no she sat like two rows ahead of me does mia khalifa have a baby and a husband? I think she has a husband. Does she have a baby? I don't think she has a baby. Dude, babies are out.

Babies are literally out. Babies are not the trend anymore. Once Amrata held that little thing upside down, people were like, we can't keep doing this. We can't keep doing this. No more babies. Maybe, hold on, Mia Khalifa baby baby no i don't think it was her because there it was a that a baby there was a she had a baby and they were standing the entire flight

oh what also how do you mistake mia khalifa that's probably just because you saw that she literally was in Paris. Because I've never seen Mia Khalifa. You. Out of respect or just because she does a genre that you may not be interested in. Because I'm a man and men are disgusting. We're gross, vile creatures and I would never do that. I feel like I'm the baby of the podcast. Oh, my God.

OK, you're not, though, because you're literally like you're the elder of the podcast oh my god okay you're not though because you're literally like you're the elder i'm baby i'm baby drew's baby because he's 17 no i got baby cheeks hold on my skin looks good you do have baby teeth you have baby skin your skin does look really good you got that blurring shit on bitch. I literally don't. I just look good. Texture is real. I had a dream. And, like, to give reference, I was in Miami in my parents' house sleeping. I woke up literally, like, I woke up like, oh, my God.

And I was like, I have to write this down. The dream being, like, it was the most uninteresting dream ever. And I don't know how it got to this point but the ending of the dream was i gave you a bowl of hot soup and you started singing to me and you sounded exactly like sean mendez in the lio lio crocodile oh no wait wait had a dream you it was you gave sean mendez really hot soup, and to thank you, he sang. Remember when he pushed me down in Erewhon? Yeah, he pushed you and kicked you and then threw a bunch of vitamins at your house.

It was fucking crazy. I was just trying to get some goat cheese next to him. I was there. I don't remember him doing that. He pushed me the fuck over. Well, there was a second time. You would try to kiss ass in a fixed person like that. I'm not kissing.

Yeah, that just didn't happen. Okay, the real what happened was he had just gotten out of the studio recording la la crocodile um and he was in like a really upset mood because he was like this movie isn't what i thought it was gonna be like i thought it was gonna be something amazing and i thought people were gonna love it but like after recording a little bit i realized that i was tricked into this role and that it's not what i wanted it to be and then he was just upset about that. And I was grabbing some goat cheese that he was also reaching for.

And he just fucking pushed me over and started beating on me and spit on me and shit. It was crazy. And yes, this is a Shawn Mendes. You're talking. We're all talking about. You know what I'm realizing? I've been realizing a lot recently, actually, is that I have a very misshapen head because look at you and your head today like look at

look how they lay those headphones are actually just 18 years old so they're broken well look they can do this because I'm a DJ well it's also that and when I wear hats they all of them start sliding that way if I I, with headphones. That's because anytime you have a hat on your head, there's a 98% chance you go into your bed and take a four hour nap and you smush it to one side. You're literally like, I have a misshapen head.

You do. Honestly, I was going to say, I've been looking at you recently and every time I see you, your head is like a little more morphed. Thank you. Thank you for validating my experience. Cause then i'm like oh my god in his sleep is somebody like mushing his head like play-doh or like putting him in one of those casts that

you put a pumpkin in when it grows so it can be a different shape do you like lock your head into one of those your cat loves me more than you know that's just not true i come back and she's literally gonna forget you exist well I just found out recently like I always was told by like doctors and psychiatrists and therapists like oh you have PTSD you have PTSD and I was like oh okay yeah I have PTSD but then I went to the gynecologist and they said it to me too and I was like what does that mean like I've heard this so many times and then I was like do I have like something I don't know about and she was like yeah no PTSD stands for a pussy too stinky disorder.

And I didn't know that. But this whole time I thought I like had the one where I've gone through something. I was like, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. But my life wasn't like that bad. But it's literally like, no, like the second you sit in the room, I could just like I could tell. I was just about to. I was just about to say, like, especially more recently, like when you come into the room it like fills the air it's like a thick odor that just kind of like it like settles in like a three inch like

line across the room that you just kind of like walk through and it like just it's all you can smell it's like that trick where you have like a plastic wrap at the door except it's like my ptsd stench is like there also i realized i used to think like i got vapor rub recently so i keep mistaking like smudges of vapor rub for my ptsd fluids um but it's like it's it's super different but the texture is like the same huh we need to get that fixed earth is the worst named planet i've decided also earth earth well no it's named after earth cafe in other day oh oh okay yeah then that makes a little more sense because i was like it's kind of like earth is a name that somebody gives themselves

as a nickname after they find out that all their friends have really good nicknames from their other friends it's like oh saturn girth earth is in girth you ever thought about that do you know how to spell you listen it's in the word yes um we need to bring back the ugly laws that got banned in 1974 that is not a thing there were ugly laws you two are in big big no i swear to god there were ugly laws that got banned in 1974 that if you were too ugly looking and were seen by a police officer, they would fine you $20. That's just not true. That's why everyone. Members of the Beatles. They were not in jail.

That's why they were. That's why everyone was wearing suits and dressed up nice. It was actually more of a like. Classes thing, like if you were too poor poor but they called them the ugly laws because like if you looked ugly and weren't dressed nice they would ban you but we need to bring that shit back low-key because i've been seeing some scary bitches um out in public recently uh specifically no i'm not gonna say that no i know exactly what you mean specifically because we don't like we don't even have to go in public

to see it sometimes we just like it's just in our fate it's like we don't even have to go in public to see it sometimes we just like it's just in our face it's like our work is just like putting us in that position god that sucks who is it huh who is the ugly person because that sounds annoying the white man and not the cool one who are you talking about well let's just say we're talking about the white man who is straight in the room oh so me yeah yeah it's me it's me it's been me i need the ugly the ugly one i'm the ugly one the ugly laws passed um those laws need to come back and we need to implement a new law while we're at it that couples are not allowed to go to dinner together. You're not allowed to be out at dinner together if you just started dating because you're actually the worst person ever.

And, like, why the fuck are you sitting on the same side of the table? That's really fucking embarrassing. Also, that's, like, the least, like, convenient. Oh, Drew, hello? Drew? Drew? Drew? Drew? Drew? You alright?

That was probably him just like doing that so he could hit his puff bar off screen. Drew, exhale right now. No, that was Oh my god, you have a puff bar. You literally have a puff bar in your bed. That was, that was, uh, I. Oh my God. Do you have a puff bar? You literally have a puff bar in your bed. I don't look.

Whoa. Your room is a fucking disaster. I did laundry. I did laundry and it and it was well all of it was clean already but i did it dirty clothes touched my clean clothes i just don't have enough hangers um so i have like a pile of clean clothes on the floor of my closet that is laid out perfectly and beautifully um on his closet and then i just was like i'm just gonna wash everything again so i did and i didn't that's also a reason why i know i'm like hella depressed right now is because i didn't wash my paris bags until literally yesterday so that's my vibe not to be a bitch but you kind of just do that kind of just like doesn't clean his clothes

okay i know you bitches are mad dude like literally not a single person was like fuck i wish i had that i guarantee someone was i guarantee it also sorry about that thing where i fell asleep earlier well every five months i've realized i have to go through the grief of the fact that i missed uh bay chela like it's actually the only thing in my life that brings me true FOMO. And that's why we have to go see SZA and then we have to go see Beyonce. I know, but mainly Beyonce. Like if I had to pick between the two, like I think SZA will go on tour again.

So we'll have a chance to see her. But I'm not kidding. Like when I see videos of Beyonce at Coachella, it actually like sent shivers through my body. But I just want to also publicly announce I will not be going to Coachella this year you actually couldn't like you couldn't drag me there i would just kill myself drag me sis um i want to go to uh coachella because i want to see frank ocean and i want to see um bjork back to back because that would be hilarious as fuck.

Yeah, I forgot. Like, see, I was so tunneled in that just like Frank was playing. I was just like, I just can't. I can't do that. But yeah, Bjork is playing. But I don't know. Sometimes I'm like, I think like waiting out and praying that the person goes on tour

is better than seeing them at a festival because like it's just too much. Dude, I literally hate Coachella. Also, festival concerts are so much more different like set wise than like going on tour but maybe that would be good for someone like bjork because like i don't really love bjork's new albums and i feel like if she'll do the classics yeah she'll play the classics so that's why i'm like oh i want to see that because when we got to see drake and the k word on um that concert like i think it means the y word now like oh yeah the y word um i was so over the moon and ecstatic because it was like literally

all of the greatest hits of all time. Yeah, right, right. And I had sex with both of them backstage. Not a lot of people are talking about that. But after you said that on the podcast, remember they strictly reached out to us and they said, do not mention that again. And you just mentioned it again. Why are you saying that? We're not allowed to talk about that.

You're the one who started it. No, no, we're not allowed to talk about the legal, ongoing legal battle that we have with them. Yeah, but you're the one who started it no no we're not allowed to talk about the legal ongoing legal battle that we have with them yeah but you're the one mentioning the situation so now it's already like we're already fucked well let's just say this their lawyers reached out and said i was lying that i didn't have a threesome with drake and kanye backstage at the concert i have video proof and i am willing to air that you have video proof yeah yeah yeah and it was nasty dirty disgusting stinky sex like it was really gross like and it was awesome and fun and a blast and did the camera lens yeah i was very surprised by like um their stamina like

it was it was really amazing yeah especially after a show that long like it is pretty impressive but yeah we're not allowed to talk about it they're trying to sue me i'm gonna counter sue and y'all will probably never see me on this podcast again because i'm counter suing for 70 million dollars damn i want to get my back blown out of coachella like where's my backshot mania at coachella backshot mania can you hear logo mania where's my kundalini mania kundalini yoga I'm about to yeah isn't that weird yeah that is um okay I have this written down and tell me if you understand what I'm saying but I don't know if this is a universal experience for everyone on TikTok's you page right now. But have you all been seeing a bunch of videos of people with

topical steroid withdrawal syndrome? Yes, I've seen it a bunch because it's a huge thing with the eczema. Yes, yes. And I was like, Oh my god, you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to, if someone does me dirty, but like. You are so annoying. If someone does me dirty, right? I'm going to sneak into their house every night and put the eczema cream, eczema steroid cream on their body for six months. I wonder how much you would have to like slather on there. Like, I wonder if it would be a lot. I would make sure I got it and I would get them addicted

to it and then when they're mean to me one last time after six months I'm just gonna take them off of it secretly and they're gonna go into full-blown steroid cream withdrawal what happens and their skin is gonna fall off uh it's actually really jarring and it's really sad and I feel bad um for the people going through it because it's really unfair. And the doctors don't warn people that their steroid cream for their eczema can cause them to go into withdrawal and their skin on like their specifically their face and their groins and can affect any part of your body. But a lot of it is focused on the face and on your like genitals. The like skin flakes off and gets like crusty and like it's it's it's not a pretty sight and i feel bad for these people because like their doctors don't warn them that this steroid cream can cause a withdrawal symptom and it's just dangerous lit like it makes me piss that it's not with me

i mean we can change that i've been hiding my upper lip for so long that when I see my mustache like this, it's scary as fuck. You have nice lips, though. There are some people with. OK. Hi. I love my lips. Well, also, I'm at the point in my life where I just be farting with uh noise canceling headphones on and i literally couldn't give a fuck like i really like i do not give a fuck like i was at the airport and i let out a big ass

fart with my headphones on i just kept walking i was like i don't give a fuck you're depressed this fuck yeah that's the sign of depression yesterday yeah we were playing basketball and he like dribbled up to me and they like turned around and farted like on my leg and it was really disgusting i hate he would actually combust he would be so fucking annoyed and pissed that he would fucking die i think i'm over gets to go and fart on everybody i think i'm over like you had some sort of a breakthrough because you've been farting into the mic you've been farting in my mouth i don't think he didn't know that um i didn't know that clip was gonna be fucking left in of me shitting into the goddamn mic and when i saw it on tiktok i was like he was literally humiliated well no we i didn't i

didn't listen to that section so like i didn't realize it was i've completely forgot i had done that but i'm glad it stayed in so people could see the real me because i'm fun i'm playful i'm fun and playful i fart i fart too everybody uh my mind is a prison it's not though you if you think about it your mind is a lovely retreat no it's a prison and i want that you're being sent to against your will for a month and hopefully you come back it's like the nature retreats that they send out like bad kids to and abuse them for a month which is also scary as that which i think we should send you to one of those though for your puff your puff bar. Low-key, I would actually probably survive and thrive in that situation. Well, you wouldn't die.

I love the forest. I love the woods. I love it so much. I do think that's what we need. I think when I get back, we need to go and be in nature. Road trip. Yeah. Before Washington, we should cruise up and stay in Sequoia for a few days.

Sequoia? Yeah. What is that? Sounds good. I just did the Tana Tongue Challenge. Let me see your tongue. I just have a depressed tongue. Or not a dehydrated tongue.

People are like, Drew's tongue is so white. Drew's tongue is so white. No, I just brushed my teeth. I just have a dehydrated tongue. Well, you counteract that if you just brush your teeth i just have a dehydrated you counteract that if you just brush your teeth and then your first drink and meal is pepsi and talky so then you have a white ass tongue bitch well i was gonna say um talk about just without naming names that little key we had after recording the pair pair episode last week was the most diabolical, rancid vibe I've ever been a part of in my entire life.

And that's all I'll say. Just know that. It was awful. I've never felt like that in my life. Yeah, it was. It was something. I think I'm past the point of wanting to put myself in awkward situations i feel like when i was really young that was funny because it was like dude this

is so awkward and weird like why am i here but now i'm at the point where like no i would much rather be with people who i actually don't want to kill myself around because of yeah uncomfortableness hold on I'm actually about to piss myself okay I'll just say this real quick and also like that vibe was so crazy and I wanted to like key with those people so hard because I was like I want to give you the benefit of the doubt like for some reason like y'all are both like kind of bullied online and hated and like just like it's i i want to just like get to know you um and one of them i was thoroughly surprised by their behavior i was like oh wow like i you get it like you can hang and then the other one i was like get off that damn

phone and talk to me please like i want to know you i want to get to know you please please please please um so yeah this doesn't this sucks because i'm not able to say who these fucking people are because i don't want them to think that i don't like them but yeah it was awful and i don't like airing people's business and shit out online unless it's leonardo dicaprio or sean mendez spitting on me what i just said sean mendez spit on me sue me bitch sue me bitch the thing is like realistically if anybody heard the like jokes we tell them they were like i'm gonna sue them i would actually be shocked because i'd be like dude you were crazy because we literally i don't think i've ever said anything real in my life i have and sean mendez spit on me well um one time i can't

believe i'm telling this story right now. When you haven't said a single goddamn thing. I can't believe I'm saying this right now. When I was like, probably it was just I was just learning how to like toddle around. So I don't know how old I was, but I wasn't speaking. And me and Madeline had betta fishes and one day we thought it was a good idea to replace the water in our betta fish tank with a two liter coca-cola bottle there's no way this is real and we got our ass beat i beat your ass too well one time we had a really big fucking uh

sucker fish what are they called like catfish we had a really we had a big sucker fish and it died and it was huge hold on how big how big fuck you bitch bigger than you um but it was fucking humongous and it died and we were like oh and our dad wasn't home so we flushed him down the toilet and then it clogged the toilet and we were too scared to tell my dad and then we were like oh we think we like put too much toilet paper in the toilet because we didn't think that if he tried to fix it he would see the fish and he literally undid it and the fish was just like suctioned and stuck to the pipe like right under the toilet that is hilarious and it smelled so bad because we let it go by for like four days we just kept using my dad's bathroom we were like we're, we don't want to get in trouble. Ew. And it smelled so bad.

Okay, the last thing I'll say before we go into... We're done? Yeah, I'm done. Those two bitches are dead to me. They're going to rot in hell and they're going to be eaten by mealy worms. And it may be at my own hand. I may

kill them. What? Oh. I thought you left. I was just joking. No, I literally didn't. And you're actually stupid for thinking that I would leave. Now what?

Do I have a fucked up nose, too? I got a big-ass nose. I have a big face and a giant nose. And if my face was normal-sized and my nose stayed the same size, it would be giant on my head. You're way too, like, going in on your appearance recently. Yeah. I'm just insecure.

I think, you know what could fix that up. So here's what we'll do. We'll give you some, look how high my eye is. Like, what are you even pointing out now? Now you're just like a little bit.

I think what it is, you haven't seen people in long enough that like you forgot what human faces look like and now you're a bit like confused by your own face i love you um okay but keep going on my filler journey i do want to know okay so here's what we could do we can get you some buccal fat all right we'll get you some buccal fat and then what is it like we'll get you an eyebrow lift we'll get you some filler like all along here just like all along the cheeks yeah you gotta get some some bones in there and then after buccal fat um we'll do some lip filler we'll get your lips nice and plump i don't you look really pretty right now and i'm not i'm literally not even joking i just realized that you always look so good on these episodes it's crazy

well it's because i look better when the camera is directly in front of me and when it's at the side of me it's actually the most shocking thing i've ever seen in my life like i look best with a camera in front of me slightly angled up. Like, it could be better. Like, if it was, like, this, it would be perfect. Yeah. She's just normal. Yeah, I was thinking about getting Botox in my master muscles to kind of, like, relax them a little bit

because I do just hold my mouth really hard together and I have really strong jaw muscles. I'm pretty sure Amy orman did that and had the opposite effect like she was told that she grinded her teeth so she went and gotten it and it had the opposite effect like it made her face like wider and then she had to undo it i think that filler and botox is all a scam i think that we need to just accept that you look the way you look and that is fine and it is is, if it's different, it's different. And that's a positive note. I mean,

like this, I look sexy. No, I would literally never look like you're like stretching your shoulder. Cause you pulled a muscle when you do that. I did. I actually did hurt my shoulder last night before bed. I was like,

damn, why is my shoulder fucking hurt right now? But, um, I need to get a better mattress because i've been uh sleeping on my side a lot and my back hurts so bad but my bed is like too uncomfortable it's to lay like on with my back on it all right i think we're oh wait no no no i have one more thing to say so we'll insert the video but i figured out why imagine dragons are so popular do you remember

when i was like there has to be something to it there has to be something that we're not fully understanding like why are they selling out stadiums why are their songs so strange why do their music videos have so many fucking views you know what it is not only is it like a mormon thing but also he is like the hottest man alive do they curse no no no no no but he is like the hottest man i've ever seen in my entire life and i'm not joking like i could argue that on you on that because it's really really really shocking um and that's the reason why here i'm sending you the video in question um hold on oh my god and yeah i almost sent the picture that i edited hold on i'll just show you real quick on here kai blur this. Dude, that is like actually like terrifying.

Oh, God. Kai, did I show you that yesterday? No, I've never seen that. I would have remembered if I saw that. Yeah, you know what it's referencing, right? I don't think so. But I showed you on FaceTime when I was like, I have to see your reaction to it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That's what that is. Ew, he's gross. Kai, did you watch the video in Emerald's Unicom chat? What video? Oh, wait, the Imagine Dragons one? Yeah. Kai did you watch the video in Emerald's Unicom chat what video oh wait the Imagine Dragons one yeah

his body goes kind of crazy for me his body is like lit I guess but like really look at his face he's just like a guy he kind of just looks like a guy in Game of Thrones yeah he does have like a puggy little face like a townsman like a villager like an extra in game of thrones

the way he's moving is so annoying imagine being a Mormon that's like the weekend vibe imagine being like a repressed Mormon and going to a concert and seeing this I would score big time I would score big time if I didn't have

access to like, like actually like hot men in my life. Girls. What? No, no. Huh? No, no, no. No.

Please. Because I'm wondering. No. I'm wondering about all that stuff all the time. Well, you should use your fucking iPhonehone and google it you goddamn freak i have parental controls on my phone girls just don't squirt um okay okay okay let's do some media um mine is bullshit by perfect chow solaris 12 15 22 5 by foxy dk and coral by downhill 2k01 which is that the guy you're friends with guy um i know i'm on the internet we like follow each other okay okay yeah because that uh just popped up in my recommended and I was like, this song is fucking lit. He's super talented.

He's a really good producer. And then for movies and show, I just rewatched Mob Psycho season one. Loved it. I watched a couple more animes that I was like, oh, this is kind of lit. And then for like the movie, I haven't seen it yet. And I've been, oh, this is kind of lit. And then for like the movie, I haven't seen it yet.

And I've been begging every. Oh, I saw Creed 3 and that. You watched Creed 3? It follows. I had to. I feel like Creed 3 is being shoved down my throat by the media in a crazy way. Everywhere I've gone, I've seen it. They have a Fortnite skin for Creed 3.

Why is there anight skin for creed 3 why is there a fortnight skin for creed and yeah you should watch it because michael b jordan is peak form he is like yeah i saw his hot one it was like it was really crazy it was it was a fun movie it was like the worst movie i've ever seen but simultaneously the most fun i've ever had in a movie like it was kind of like behind on movies to be watching a movie just because i'm a little horny i have too many movies to watch you need to you need to watch that one and then i've been wanting to watch so badly i forget what it's called it's called like clothes or something like that it's an a24 movie then you probably didn't watch it because you don't know what that is like what

you don't know i i said i've been meaning to watch it and apparently it's like kind of like a masterpiece and it like i just don't know how you know what a24 is i made a24 babes yeah you made a 24 grams of come delini in your pants oh girl what the fuck are you even saying what how many grams a24 pack um but close is apparently really cute and will make you cry your eyes out. Oh, wait. Yeah, we were going to go watch it. Yeah, but we haven't yet.

13-year-olds Leo and Remy have always been incredibly close, but they drift apart after the intimacy of their friendship is questioned by schoolmates. When tragedy strikes, one is forced to confront why he dissed themselves from his closest

friend I think we can all gather why I want to watch that one because you um why I actually oh okay no um well my media of the week has been

still watching the sopranos this week i'm gonna start i'm gonna put it aside and start succession because i'm really nervous for when it starts and all my friends are watching it and trying to talk about it around me and then i'm just like what oh my god it comes out in like two days huh not two days in like two weeks you fucking bitch you fucking idiot when does it come out bitch when is it on the 26 you fucking stupid bitch exactly you need to get a life and fucking find people in your life who love you because i don't fucking give a fuck about you i thought he was gonna fart again I did too

dude look at him having to step over everything on the floor in his room he literally had to like traverse name one object in this picture oh alright nice dude yeah I guess you can name one object stupid bitch alright my media of the week is i love this life by the blue nile wait i swear like a little bit of like puff

puff vape just appeared and it looked like stock footage oh he's he's blowing it in he looks like a cartoon it's the ghost of drew he just killed himself i just killed myself yeah why is the ghost of drew announcing himself i don't even think he can he can't hear us i'm hanging in your closet so when you come home you find me and it's all because you said no one loves me. Like, what's gross is he's home alone doing that.

And also, what's gross is he's just using this as an excuse to, like, hit his puff bar a bunch of times. Okay, my media is I Love This Life by the blue nile folk song by the sundays polly blue by jessica pratt total interferencia um by charlie garcia and that's it oh and i've been listening to Choose You by Project Pat a lot again and

that's it for this episode I guess we're gonna outro it without Drew cause he seemingly has ended his life you'll never see me again oh I guess the ghost of Drew still cares about his job so that's interesting um

thank you guys so much for listening and we'll see you Outro Music