Emergency Intercom - big things anniversary

Episode Date: July 12, 2024

Wow.. 3 years of emergency intercom. It’s crazy to think how far we’ve come. Now Drew gets invited to Michael Rubin’s white party and Enya doesn’t believe in bisexual people. Everything is different now. Time is going by. We are losing our minds. Support your gut this summer with Seed’s DS-01® Daily Synbiotic. Go to https://seed.com/intercom and use code 25INTERCOM to get 25% off your first month. Use code INTERCOM10 for 10% off your SeatGeek order*. https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/INTERCOM10 $25 max discount https://www.patreon.com/emergencyintercom join the Patreon for bonus episodes, q&a/topic submissions, livestreams, pay for ky's lobotomy instagram: @emergencyintercom @emergencyintercomclips tiktok: @emergencyintercompod Produced By TMG Studios, Enya Umanzor, and Drew Phillips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Whoa! Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom. As you can see, we got a doozy today. It just, like, it looks stupid, you have to admit.

Like, look at me, look at me. Bro, can you be happy about anything? I know you wanted to do something cool for, like, it looks stupid, you have to admit. Like, look at me, look at me. Bro, can you be happy about anything? I know you wanted to do something cool for, like, the anniversary, but I was thinking, like, fireworks or, like, confetti or maybe a cake. A good cake would have been fun. Bro, you don't like any of my ideas, for real. I think it's a good idea for you.

No, you look stupid. I look skinny. I look skinny. Not stupid. You look stupid. Okay, you know what? No, I said I don't want to do this. Bro, come on. No, I want to get put down.

Someone just put me down, please. Bro, come on, man. Like, hello? Why the fuck is there a table? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Can someone fucking help her?

Like, damn. Ow! What the fuck? Like, help her, y'all. Ow! Oh, my God. Ow. Someone, please.

All right, y'all are all fired. Wait, I can't afford an ambulance. Y'all are done. Someone just Uber me. Wait, I can't afford an ambulance. Y'all are done. Someone just Uber me to the hospital. Who threw that bottle, by the way? Ow, ow. What are we supposed to do?

I'm trapped up here. Anya, are you okay? I think I might have a heart attack. Oh my god. Anya, are you okay? Okay, like bruh. Right. you okay okay like bruh right yeah that was that was really intense actually like are you okay you threw a fucking bottle at me like why are you acting like you care because you called me stupid i fell through a wooden table like i and you might have deserved that

you might have deserved that honestly i don't know like i don't think that's like a karmic thing like i don't think people falling through tables is like oh that's karma that's what you get you did something bad and i didn't do anything bad we looked dumb you look dumb i don't know why you're still fucking up there i mean we paid for a full day. So I'm going to use it to the furthest extent I possibly can. And I'm going to float here the whole episode. Like before you looked kind of dumb and now you look really stupid. I feel like I look cool actually.

You're like 50 cents. It's giving you a huge ass from the back. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Well, I guess we'll just get into the episode and we'll just act like nothing is happening nothing nothing weird is happening doing all that made me forget that we have a full episode to do and it's an anniversary episode we've been doing this for three years now which is so scary happy anniversary guys there's so much all i can think when we get this far every time we hit a mark is the fact that like i feel like we've been doing this forever but there's some people who are on their like 300th thousandth episode yeah like crazy vibes and remember in the beginning

when we were like yeah we're probably only gonna do it for like a year and like give up then but the validation is just too rewarding wait am i giving kevin gates it's fine i came with a ding ding i really want to make an edit of drew doing all the emotes like that i wish i could like swing you around oh we do we have a stick i should hit him like a pinata or something no no no no no please no we should next time we will oh we do have a stick no well i only have one arm right now yeah i did break my wrist oh this is perfect please no please no can y'all let me down i'm scared say say don't please say please don't you're so gorgeous i love you please don't you're so gorgeous i love you. Please don't, you're so gorgeous, I love you. Ow, ow, ow.

I don't wanna hit you too hard. I don't want you to swing. Bruh, we'll add sound effects in there. This is the manifestation of the gay little monkey pinata that somebody did. No, literally. I don't know if we ever talked about that on the episode. Did we? I don't think so. But before we get into that, y'all,

I just wanna say that this this what i'm doing now has been an idea that i've had for since the genesis of the podcast it actually is i've like literally wanted to just float here the whole time and then in the original idea i wasn't gonna address it at all but like being here i'm like i actually have to like this is so ridiculous it's just so ridiculous because you're either sitting on a chair that looks like it's made of pure carcinogens it's like water dripping we're cooked but we're cooked we broke the ceiling of the studio yeah yeah um well i have to look at my notes because now i'm so like discombobulated at the fact that we have wait yeah me too can you hand me my phone?

Why wouldn't you bring your fucking phone up there? Where am I going to put my phone? In a pocket. You have pockets still. My big ass, my big butt. In your big butt. Wait, take a picture of my butt. Is this for your app?

Merch coming soon. Oh, wait. Oh, my God. Shut up, bro. Shut up party shut up bro wait it's actually really good also if you notice that there's like a side like you might be like oh my god although the beginning of the episode was so hectic and terrifying because you saw me get hurt you might be like there's a calming presence right now and it's because kai isn't here oh yeah yeah yeah kai isn't here so we just like had to make sure he wasn't here to ruin the vibes of the three-year anniversary

so if you're wondering why he's not here that's why we were just like you need to stay home um why have we normalized people doing live streams wearing that vr shit do you know what i'm talking about have you seen that on tiktok like the vtubers like like this like the overly sexy people no i haven't girl why do you have that okay i don't know why this is all over my timeline all i ever get is like people who are dressed like in sexy avatar characters doing a virtual live and there's always like 400 to like a thousand people in there interacting with the person as if it's fully normal have you seen vtubers like the i've seen i think i've seen streamers who use like yeah yeah like avatars yeah but there are there vtubers who like they do like a day in my life like the

most famous people on this planet like doing like proper tours with like you've seen the video of them like all the girls like screaming like about like the vtuber like that just showed up on the big screen in front of them and like he's like singing no i haven't seen oh let me find that because it's like really really like dystopian and advanced that i mean it's crazy because we're the same generation to make fun of the old people who are on facebook and seeing the weird ai generated photos of jesus like parting the sea and we're making fun of old people wait is that someone performing or is it like a pre-recorded thing? I don't know still. I think it's someone actually performing behind the stage,

but they just like haven't like revealed themselves. Reveal yourself. They haven't had a dream face reveal? Yeah. Dude, the dream face reveal will go down in time. It's like the most fucked up shit ever. One of the worst like things that we've ever done as a society. Like the thing is, i wonder if because he

got so many like i'm trying to find my words correctly right now because i don't want to sit on this podcast and be like that motherfucker or float or float on the podcast like you're sitting i'm floating you're so jealous of me right now actually it's crazy you wish you were i feel like you don't know what to do with your legs i know i'm like kicking around like you're like um but like it must have been so fucked up because everybody without seeing his face was like oh my god he's so sexy like his aura is so sexy and then when he revealed his face i know he thought he was gonna get like double the praise what's sad too is like like preparation for that for him was really intense and like photos of him had leaked before and like

he was able to like like reel in the rumors but like those photos were him and he thought he was gonna like eat down but like yeah that's not to see um well i decided that having quadruplets must mean that you did something fucking evil in your past having anything above twins twins already oh my god twins already feels like a curse no offense drew um but quadruplets that sounds like something that shouldn't fucking exist and also the fact that because can't people hello drew i don't think the uh blood's getting to my brain no no i'm joking i'm joking i'm joking i'm joking you like can't joke i know i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm joking i'm joking um but yeah because can you go up to having six

tuplets is that's what it's called some people have had like octuplets like do you remember she gave birth like a fucking dog she was shitting those babies out of her butthole like and vagina like i swear to god like would you have that many babies and they all survived c-section i think she did it naturally hell yeah those babies also all survived. Was it half of a C-section? I think she did it naturally. Hell. Yeah. Those babies also all survived. I watched like a day in the life. Like doing anything like casually just doesn't work. Like it just doesn't work. But I saw also these lights.

You're freaking out. I'm so sweaty. But no, I saw like a updated like what are they up to now uh vibe and she's just like a normal mom but like has like a hundred babies running around her house they all look the same um are they fraternal no they're fraternal i think yeah they're fraternal because having more than oh my god imagine having twins in like the fucking stone age you probably got stoned to death because it was seen like crazy that's demonic it's fully demonic to have twins was definitely stoned to death because they thought she was a witch like that is so insane to have more than one baby because in my head already we were at um a hotel once all together and we were all watching birthing

videos and it was freaking me the fuck out and the fact that some people go through with having like upwards of four to six babies at once like sounds like a nightmare sounds like a curse sounds like you did something evil in your past life to have that many babies but then what's fucked up is some people literally like that happens i want twins i want twins like having a twin growing up was literally like the greatest childhood i could ever imagine like we were just like best friends. We still are best friends and we're planning a road trip together right now. Like if everybody else in my life just like dropped dead or just like decided to all hate

me at once, like we are so connected that like that's the tea. Like that's literally the tea. I wonder if there's definitely twins out there who fucking hate each other. Oh, a hundred percent. I know some because my mom was in this thing called mothers of multiples Where like all of the twins in my hometown like the mothers would all get together and like get fucked up and then put all the twins in a room to just like play together and uh There were a couple that fucking like hated hated hated each other each other. Oh, I just said the safe word.

What? I said mothers of multiples, like moms, like 10 times. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. The safe word is mother or mom, mom, mom, mom. Mom. We were trying to find a word that we wouldn't say, but everything we said felt like something we would just say. I said like yellow, like girl, what am I on about? I guess yellow would make sense

because it's not something we would naturally say. But yeah, if you are were gonna give birth to triplets and you just so be like happen to be watching this i feel scared for you and i'm sure you're scared because the idea of having three infants in a house like hell the fuck no i'm literally low-key abandoning those babies if i had fucking twins should i do psyop and then get down? Yeah. Okay. Mama, give me phone. Give me phone. Help me. Help me.

Okay. Drew's Psyop Corner. Eh? Liberal rap artist. 21 pronouns. Kanye West. MTF Doom. Jinder Rick Lam lamar and tyler the creator that's good when it starts raining in nyc all the people wearing sheens start smelling like chernobyl prized pony um people don't take selfies. Oh wait, people, please stop taking selfies in your bed.

Your pillow looks like a used teabag. That's literally you for like three years of living here. Like horrible. I know paper. Oh, this is a good one. I know the paper towels in the kitchen hate seeing me coming. I know they hate me like stomping in there to rip them to shreds. Oh wait, have we said this one before the misogynistic

one uh maybe but you go you say you say oh my god you do a couple in your psyop corner this one just doesn't feel like me like i wouldn't say this one misogynistic how about you start massaging this dick? Like, I wouldn't. That doesn't make sense for me to say. Grape soda doesn't even taste like grapes, but it sure as hell tastes like purple. Please don't play me any more shoegaze. I've heard enough. Play me a child's laughter or running water in a creek. I want to hear life blossoming around me in all corners.

I want to be overwhelmed with childlike awe and wonder towards the world. Like, dead serious. If I hear any more sho hear any more i'm gonna freak the fuck out this one's real if your head gang weak i'm peeing in your mouth that's a good one this charger from dollar tree changed my phone number yeah when i was when i saw that i literally was like oh my god like that would happen bro i treat my relationships like math once i'm confused i attempt suicide i thought sleeping naked was cute until loretta licked my clit bro that's gross oh bro those eight what are you talking about you want your phone back or what do you want to get down give me give me give me give me give me give me yeah i'm ready i'm ready

drew had to get down because he's a pussy oh my little bitch bitch made spread the rumors drew's bitch made no i'm boner made anyways um so somebody threw a drew themed birthday party we need more of that we need more of that kind of community building to keep the podcast afloat um just like building the amount of times we were tagged in slash if you look at the comments all of it is like it's crazy oh wait on the video it said drew yeah on the video it was like literally a drew dedicated video yeah we'll insert it now there's that i'm the wizard of cocks all across the globe i'ma wash that dick if you come gallo there's like a bunch of good videos of you recently the ai

i tried to change i was actually having so much fomo from from that party. Like I was so jealous. It was so fire. And I made a very, very funny TikTok with rain. I never posted it, but I might still post it. Oh no, it's, I literally showed it to everybody and everybody laughed even. The stiff video, like just kills me. Did you mean to be that stiff yeah yeah okay it was like it was

supposed to be me and rain like we put the chokers on and then we got like nonchalant and like really emo so we were like acting emo but i just like went stiff but i look like strong as fuck like i look big in that video like my chest my have you ever thought of just doing steroids like why don't you i actually unironically have i want to get on sarms i want to get on a trend protocol um human growth hormone trt like whatever like someone pass me the good shit send me to a dealer like i'm gonna get big and strong for y'all i actually knew someone in high school who was on steroids really yeah in high school yes in high school he was like on the football team and he was like actively on steroids and it did give him a growth issue i don't think they got drug tested damn um that's crazy as far as i know he was like literally on it and we were

kind of close kids in my school like my brother so my mom like um in my school like we got drug tested all the fucking time for literally no reason and like most of the time like that legal yeah like we sign like waivers and consents like if you're in athletics you get drug tested so you're what fucking it was just where were you it was and it was also like starting in like seventh grade it was crazy but um my basically how it would go is like if they had an inkling that a kid was using drugs they couldn't just target that kid so they would just like bring in a bunch of other people to like test around him just so he felt like he wasn't being targeted and it was kind of like a

like a little like method or whatever um but my brother got called in one time and this was in seventh grade and my my brother like suffers from really really really intense migraines like debilitating migraines so um what he did was um like he would take Advil it wouldn't work he would skip school and like be in a dark room for days and days and days and it just wouldn't work so my mom like gave him like a quarter of a hydrocodone pill like a codeine pill um to like help him he didn't feel it or anything but it was just to like alleviate alleviate his pain because he was like literally sobbing like he was debilitating um and then like two days later he got drug tested at school and the school called my mom freaking the fuck out they were like why is your seventh grader like taking opiates like what the fuck is going on

and she was like oh that was me i gave it to him i know and i'm aware and da da da da but yeah they like freaked out they were like oh yeah i don't think they drug tested at our school we i never had that i wonder a lot a lot of people would have been in trouble a lot of people would have been in trouble yeah like with weed and shit too like they would test for weed and like no we had drug dogs but we didn't get tested yeah my biggest fucking fear was like someone sneaking weed into my bag like when the drug dogs came and i got caught and like me not being able to like the cameras not being able to see it like i mentioned that all the time i mentioned that and i mentioned stabbing i'm i i would rather die than get stabbed well in like

10th or 11th grade this girl i knew got into she got rushed at school um you know what that is fam a rush yeah of course no i know what i mean okay she got rushed at school and she had her backpack on and at my school if you got into a fight they would check your things they would like look through your bag and shit oh she was carrying the gun yeah she was carrying the gun yeah we've talked done yeah everything i say i've said already but oh my god okay i have a new theory or not theory i've already talked about this like a few episodes ago but i keep falling on a side of tiktok where it's just people being fucking batshit crazy and it was freaking me out yesterday somebody posted a video of the moon and there was like a light trail behind it and they were like

see the leftover rays from the sun because the sun is planted and they were fully convinced that the sun was a hoax and that the sun isn't real the moon isn't real and that they prop it up they think the government you know about the permanent no the permanent you're trying to manipulate me you're trying to manipulate me into believing the permanent um no it was it's uh flat earth like basically they're like we're not on a sphere so there's a sun in the sky and it just like rotates inside of a dome like it where in the firmament is like a dome over earth if you are a flat earther just admit you want to be different so fucking bad like if you want to be that different go like like idm music or something you have a personality disorder different at this point like there i guess there is no

other option i don't know start a fucking etsy shop and sell mugs or something like do anything mugsy bogues but all of the comments were so crazy and it was pissing me off because it was all older people who were like 50 something and i'm like damn this is just sad to me because your childlike wonder has fully withered away and now instead of just looking at the moon and being like caveman brain down and being wow the moon the moon is so amazing and far away but i can see it like something about this is so magical you're looking at it and you're convinced the government is propping that shit up at night like we're too self-aware now like that's crazy and the internet just promotes like these dark recesses of the internet that like are just communities of people

like feeding into each other's delusions like it's really really insane if one of my home girls told me she thought the moon was fake i would 51 50 immediately i'm like immediately you were well i don't i don't think that i don't think the moon is fake like i don't think well you're a lost cause and i don't think you are fully a lost cause i don't think i just said i don't believe it bro i feel like you do i could see you being like 50 something and becoming like a flat earther no it's definitely in my cards like winning the lottery and becoming a flat earther are two things that will drew recently with his whole chest set to somebody was like it's gonna be so sad actually the day i do win the lottery because i will have nothing else to look forward to yeah like it's

it's real y'all like dead serious like i can i see my life post lottery and it's going to be very dark and depressing like yacht one day like helicopter rides to the island the next day like buying a pagani p1 or whatever the fuck the car is like that's depressing to you yeah i guess it is like no like we've been so conditioned to work work work work work that like if we aren't doing something like work-wise to like appease the shareholders like our brains are fried and we're just like it's like all a part of the fucking it's all a part of it i'm convinced if everybody had my brain chemistry we would be so much better off oh same like if we had your brain chemistry we would be fucked like we would

be fucking lit no it would be awful fucking lit like it would be a movie like we'd all be like having fun and shit well i've been really convinced i have scabies recently and i don't have scabies like for the first time i got to see what it feels like to hear me talk about my fake ailments and i'm like girl shut the fuck up it's made me a better person hear me talk about my fake ailments. And I'm like, girl, shut the fuck up. It's made me a better person hearing you talk about having scabies, truly. But that doesn't stop you because I have a feeling you're going to literally convince yourself that in one of your legs you lost circulation and I know you're going to hit the doctor.

No, I'm definitely there's a blood clot. I'm going to have a pulmonary embolism. Like it's going to be a whole thing. I already thought it all through. What is an embolism? Like a blood clot that like shoots into your lungs like a and strokes you out okay but and you have scabies no i don't have scabies she does i i might have talked about this on an episode or maybe it was an episode we stacked maybe it was the hotel episode

that i like talked about it but basically or, I think I didn't talk about it because I was really convinced I actually had scabies. And I like part of my brain knew I didn't, but I was convinced I did because somebody said the word scabies around me recently. And I was like, oh my God, like I would have scabies. You really haven't been bathing that much either. Like, which is tea. Well, because I read that that kills the scabies.

Wait, actually? Yeah. Not bathing kills scabies yeah wait actually no swear so you're supposed to not bathe no i'm kidding oh girl i was like what the fuck that's like no i'm pretty sure like you have to bleach bath and shit like you have to go crazy with the showering but i was convinced oh you know why i was convinced because somebody recently told me that ringworm was going around in the gyms in la and then i was like oh my god and then in that same sentence somebody was like yeah like one time i had a friend who got scabies from the gym and we were going to the gym so much i was really convinced i was gonna get scabies and then i had gone upstate and i got flea bites on my left leg and I was staring at them for like days.

And I already know what flea bites look like from when we had a flea infestation. So I knew there were flea bites, but my brain wouldn't stop me from thinking I had scabies. So my history- We had a flea infestation. We're so ran through and rancid, bro. We don't have AC that works.

We had a flea infestation. Our doors don't like unlock when you lock them which could be good because no one can ever get into our house i was they don't unlock the dead bull on our front door the knob oh yeah fell off like it's gone and it fell off when it was bolted and i was like thank god there wasn't a fire because we would not have been able to get out of this house because our back door also locks and we can't unlock it from the inside like we would not have been able to get out of this house because our back door also locks and we can't unlock it from the inside. Like we would have to climb out the window and like, oh hell no.

But yeah, I was convinced I had scabies and then my flea bites went away. And while I had flea bites, I called my dermatologist because I was like, okay, like, hey, I haven't seen you in a while, but I was wondering if I could come in. I have these bites on my ankles.

I think it might be scabies. I feel like it's scabies. And mind you, this was a voicemail. So I sounded fucking insane. And I was like, hey, hope you're doing good. I'm just calling for a checkup. I do have like a breakout on my chest that I want to look at. So that's one thing. Oh, also, I have bites around my ankle. And I think I have scabies. And I don't know if I come to you for scabies or if I go to a different doctor. And like, if you don't want scabies, I won't go to you because I think I have scabies and i don't know if i come to you for scabies or if i go to a different doctor and like if you don't want scabies i won't go to you because i think i have scabies and then she called me back and i missed the call and she left me a voicemail where it was like um so what you're describing

sounds like a flea bite and i hadn't mentioned flea bites in the voice like message to her and she basically told me not to waste my time coming to her because she was like unless you have itchiness between your fucking toes and like between your fingers and on your wrist you don't have scabies it sounds like you were probably somewhere where there was fleas and i literally was i was upstate but then the other day in new york i got bit by a mosquito three times on my leg and it reignited my fear of scabies even though they are mosquito bites um but yeah like i don't know why my new lingering thing is i think i'm meant to get scabies in my lifetime well you'd be surprised because when we were talking about scabies with people like more often than you'd think they'd just like

admit that they had scabies at some point in their life and it's like a deep dark secret like a taboo secret that everybody keeps but like like i met like five people in the last week that have had scabies which is what ignited my fear because i was like that means you bitches are just normal people and you get fucking scabies like i don't want that like no literally it's kind of like how when i was younger i was convinced i was gonna like die from chicken pox my new thing is scabies did you hear the water yeah it's dripping on me i'm gonna look up and it's gonna go directly into my eyeball i'm gonna get a disease every time i'm walking around new york i'm scared that like an ac is gonna drip into my eyeball and i'm gonna go blind oh also on the flight back home i used the bathroom and i felt like my pants had dragged on

the floor in the bathroom and then i touched my pants at one point and I was convinced my hands were covered in germs and that I was going to get pink eye if I touched my face. But I couldn't go back to the bathroom because I was like, I had to scooch past people to go to the bathroom. So instead, I just sat there panicking for like an hour that I was going to get pink eye and my eyes were itching so bad. So I started using my sleeves and I scratched my cornea with my sleeve and then I knocked out for two hours. So that's where my mental state is at.

Right. So the Hawk to a girl. Do you actually not know her? I haven't seen it. I saw someone comment that, but I just thought it was like, oh, OK. It's busted. But basically, this is my take on it. So the Hawk to a girl is the girl that like was being interviewed. just thought it was like oh okay it's busted but basically this is my take on it so the hak tua girl

is the girl that like was being interviewed da da da da da and like they asked her about giving head and she said you got a hak tua on that thing like and she said that and then everybody like thought that was the funniest thing in the world so they like started like trying to find her like incessantly like invading her privacy oh it's like one of those drunk fuck dudes yeah exactly and so like they couldn't find her well eventually she showed up um at the barstool offices and did like an interview and when she pulled up she had like a team of like 10 people around her like a whole ass camera crew following her like big ass like red is dead cameras or whatever the fuck they're called um like just following her around and shit and like like everybody was like seeing that and they were like bitch like don't get comfortable like you're

not gonna be famous like we're not making you famous like you're not gonna have a career we're not letting you have a career and they were just like making fun of her for like taking a shot at fame like bitch i swear she was working a factory job so anybody in their right fucking mind would quit their job for their 15 minutes of fame even if it meant like being made fun of like but at least they're not working a factory job so that that's my take on it. Granted, she is like a little like, she's funny. She's really silly. But yeah, I don't think the hatred towards her is deserving. Even though it's ridiculous.

That's like classic internet shit. It's like when they made What's His Nuts, the yodeling kid in fucking Walmart famous. And then for some reason it became so popular of a thing to like bully the fuck out of him even though he was a kid and now he went on stage with lana del rey so lana has her pulse she has her fucking pulse her finger on the pulse yeah she has her finger she has her fucking pulse yeah no she has her finger on the pulse and she knows exactly what y'all don't want to see and she'll do it anyways because no one can control my queen and that's the real tea shout out lana del rey i love you you saved my life

woman crush wednesday uh lana is so beautiful well i had a thought that was like very um immature but the other day i got seriously sad like actually upset at the fact that i won't be a young turnt crazy girl in the year 2069 by 2069 i will be 70 fucking years old leather skin and that makes me so sad like that makes me really sad for some reason and i'm so jealous because there's going to be some like 23 year olds who are posting from from their brain like neural link on ig making jokes about the year 2069 and then there's going to be kids who get to get high as fuck on 420 69 but it's going to be space ganja like the craziest the craziest fucking thing is by then like we'll be able to reverse age if they

truly want if they want to maximize profits they would learn how to reverse age so we can work longer and i have a feeling in the next 25 30 years we'll be able to freeze our age and we'll be like i don't know because isn't there that one guy who he sold was it the guy who sold venmo or something it's not venmo but i know what you're talking about that yeah who's like spending all his time and money to look younger and he still looks 40 something. Oh, wait, it might have been Venmo. Two million dollars a year is what he spends on reversing his age. That is fucking sad, bitch. What you need to do is get a fucking therapist because you are lost.

It's never that deep. It's never ever that deep. But I think for him, it's not even about like it's I mean, obviously, it's a little bit little bit of vanity purposes but like truly it's just like seeing how far he can push like the human body but science um yeah i mean it's working like there's like these ways to tell how much you've aged and like for every year that we age he only ages like six or seven months i don't even want to live that long like what is the point no for real but by then like we'll have like um a pop star from mount olympus on mars that like has bio-illuminescent skin that's like performing and outperforming all of our pop girls currently i just don't know like

i think i have like the way people don't believe the earth is round is the way i have a lack of belief in technological and scientific advances where i'm just like we we are not moving as fast as we thought like and i don't think we can but also i think i just i don't see the point like like i think the first flight but from the very first time we flew to like landing on the moon was only like 30 years or something like that like it was like i don't well flew to like landing on the moon was only like 30 years or something like that like it was like i don't well i don't believe in the moon landing so yeah but you don't you don't believe in the moon landing i don't that shit's fake as fuck we could do the moon landing we should just do the moon landing on an episode we literally could just fake the moon

landing next episode we're faking the moon landing like that's a good fucking idea like for a show is to like uh fake all that whatever you know what i'm saying um that's a good idea bro we can't even visit the titanic shipwreck like you think we can do all that they they have though that's the thing they did it before a bunch of times was that the first time it was a commercial experience no they've gone on commercial damn that would be my luck i know that would be my fucking luck i'd be like fuck it like i'm rich all i know is that my veins in my body and in my legs are collapsing like that fucking uh submarine collapse under the ocean from hanging yeah that's what you get but you're so jealous of me you kind of deserve it you're so jealous of me um okay wing stop count your fucking days

i'm telling you like i have beef with all these fucking restaurants wing stop you're canceled wing stop is for real canceled i'm not even kidding we're canceling wing stop right now until okay um it actually gets me so heated basically it was day three in a row of me ordering wing stop i was on such a good fucking bad sign yeah i was on such a good vibe i love wing stop y'all it's like literally the best food on this planet i'm having it tonight um wait actually yeah i think i might have it with rain oh vibe um best food on this planet earth um i ordered it for me and josiah it was 60 fucking dollars for two people to eat redonkulous and i ordered it through the wingstop app because i was like you know what like i'll give money to the wingstop app instead of like

the fucking postmates app or whatever i don't know that i don't know my thinking i always think that there's like a reward system or something like because like if there is a reward for ordering too much wingstop i'm gonna fucking get it i literally order it like four or five times a week it's like actual an actual problem i actually can't afford it um but i ordered it for it is incredibly expensive i ordered it at 10 51 for me and josiah and it said it was going to deliver by 11 15 um well i got texts saying that my driver had picked up my order and they're delivering it through DoorDash. This is important. They said my driver picked up my food and was dropping it off at my house soon.

And I didn't get a single fucking notification that he was trying to call me or nothing, like nothing like that. And then he just dropped the food off, took a picture, sent it to me and dipped. I couldn't get a hold of him after this point because he like finished the order. He dropped it off at the wrong fucking house. $60 of Wingstop at the wrong fucking house. So me and Josiah, they came up for real because it was a good ass order. It was my order. It was three tenders of lemon pepper, two mild, a cheese sauce, a ranch, a Coke, big

size and lemon pepper fries with extra seasoning um and well done cooked bro they came up for real you didn't go find it no we scoured the neighborhood i literally went up to every thing i was i was writhing in anger because i was at this point i was i was so pissed i was like literally withdrawing from wing stop but wing stop is canceled yeah i'm never ordering it again. Fuck that place. But I went to every single door in the neighborhood looking for it.

We looked like robbers and thieves. I even went to the house like up the street that like shares similar numbers to us. It wasn't there. We like were on Google Maps, like looking, seeing, like to see the front door of houses because he sent me a fucking picture of where it was.

Can I see it? He was like teasing us. And so I called him. sent me a fucking picture of where it was. He was like teasing us. And so I called him, he didn't answer. I called him again. He didn't fucking answer. And so then I called DoorDash and they like put me on hold for like 25 minutes and then got back to me and they were like, well, you ordered it through the Wingstop app. So you have to call Wingstop. So I called Wingstop, but they don't have a fucking help number. So I just called the Wingstop that I ordered from. And they were like, oh, yeah, we can figure that out for you easily.

And then they were like, what's your name? Gave them my name. Then they put me on hold with like the most bunk fucking weight music ever. And then they asked me my name again. We need to update weight hold music because it's the worst. It's so beat. Like this is the saddest image I've ever seen in my life. That's also one of those like apartment complexes that dropped from the sky yeah yeah like that are made out of cardboard and plastic saddest moment of my life when i saw that photo um they called or they took me off hold

again asked me my name again and then when i was giving them my name i was like i can also give you the order number because like i feel like it would be easier to look up by the order number because they were saying, because I had already put a second order in to replace the Wingstop. So I didn't want them to like cancel. Yeah, no, I was like down. Like you wouldn't just take that as your sign

to like, I don't know, order from like Wendy's. No, I was in a mood, but I needed that Wingstop to fix me. So at this point it's like midnight. Yeah, it's midnight, $100, $120 in on Wingstop. Well, he finally comes back to me and i'm laying in bed at this point like waiting on the food um and he's like hello drew and i'm like yeah what's up he fucking hangs up on me after being on hold for 30 minutes wing stop you're fucking over because they also don't have like like a way to for me to get refunds back online so i had to email this fucking email and i blew that shit up i sent them like literally 45

emails like being like they fucking hung up on me like they delivered my food to the wrong place like i want my fucking money back like i was like writhing in anger um and they still have email me back the what wing stop yeah but i'm not kidding experience you got it again i i got it the same night and then i got it the next day i'm not kidding y'all like it's it's the only thing that's keeping me alive and if anything the only thing are you an organ donor yeah you need to get rid of that no no no one needs no one my organs are hella strong like they're actually really good dude imagine like being on your deathbed because your liver is failing and they bring in drew phillips my talkies covered on your fucking cup my talkies and wing stop ranch inflated liver your coke yeah no i'm it's fucking cooked bro for them but the only way wingstop can make this right

and i'm being genuine here is if they give me the wingstop black card so i can have ring for the rest of my life for you uh literally no one listening has just just wait just wait when we all lock arms and we take a stand all how many of our listeners we have 300,000 half a million of us this video gets like 200 wings up we'll have to be forced to give me their hand yeah so you think the way to make this company like you is to shame them into liking you exactly exactly because they obviously did not give a fuck about me when they didn't give me my money back because 60 that's life-changing money to a lot of people especially me because i would use that to buy two more orders of wingstop they're getting the money either way just give me my fucking money back bro like for real like it's pissing me off like give me my fucking money

respect respect and i think you should stand for what you believe in. I'm glad that's where you put your foot down. It's for your wing stop. Exactly. Well, I have exciting news. I'm waiting on this video to be sent to me, but when I was in New York, I was at a restaurant and we were eating on the sidewalk. No, you weren't.

No, we were. We couldn't find a table and we put our food on the sidewalk. It was fucked up. And it was after it rained, so all the piss came up from the concrete the all the oil and the human feces if you wear sandals in new york you're going to jail but yeah your toes are literally gonna fall off from like fucking you have foot fungus yeah no they're the ones spreading the fucking ringworm around and the scabies they're coming here and

giving us scabies um but we had the option to sit indoors but i was like you know what i never sit outside at restaurants in new york i'm gonna have that vibe so we're sitting on the sidewalk and like eating our dinner like me and a few friends and this guy comes by and he's like oh i love the podcast i was like oh thank you so much and he dips i go to the bathroom when i come back the same guy comes back to me and he's like, hey, by the way, you prank called me with your friends once. It's somebody who works at like the so Prada and Miu Miu and all those big brands. When you call them, you are not calling the store. They direct you to a call center and a guy who answered the phone to josie asking the fucking shoes we have all

the videos on my phone yeah saw me in public and was like yeah so basically they are not allowed to hang up on you that's why they stay on the phone with you so long it's because a lot of those call centers are not allowed to hang up on you and he was telling me that it was like it was right like he had just started working there too so it was asking him to eat the fucking shoes and like oh my god he's the one who was like you want to consume them like he was the one who said that and like i wish my friend recorded i think it might have been prada my friend recorded it so i'm waiting on him to send me the video but he was like yeah that was me and i like

they log all those calls by the way which is crazy because in my head i immediately was like bruh do you know their policy on eating the shoes um do you mean like consuming the speakers yes we'll find it yeah we'll find it because we have way too many videos but he was like i felt so embarrassed like i was faced with pure shame and i was like i am so sorry and then he was like no no it was like really funny because um they log all those calls and you have to kind of report them back and be like hey like just so you know if you're looking through the calls I got this call

and they aren't allowed to hang up on you and they have to just stay on the phone until you hang up and it was one of the calls that he said like uh Josie or one of us started laughing so we hung up so it wasn't like a long call but we like started laughing after he was like you want me to consume you want to consume the shoes? Did he know it was us or did he find out after the podcast? I don't think he knew it was us when we called, but I think he saw the episode where we were talking about it. And he was like, no, it was really funny. And I got so embarrassed.

I was like, I am literally so sorry. Like we talk about the moral dilemma of like prank calling all the time. Like I always feel bad. Like whatever. Like me trying to like back up and be like, I'm so sorry. But he thought it was funny. And I was like, I'm so glad you thought it was funny. He was like, yeah, no, it's really funny because we usually just get mundane, like regular

calls because it's like a lunchroom store. So our theory is kind of tea. Like it like takes them out of their workday a little bit and like makes them laugh. We're like, yeah, no, we're good. We're good people. I know me convincing myself that is that video but yeah my friend recorded the interaction and shout out to him i don't i don't remember getting his name um but shout out to you you're fucking awesome you're a champ but

it was cracking me up because i was like okay maybe i need to chill because those are literally brands i love and like to work with and me just be like okay we eat the shoes like um but thankfully you're clean of that that was yeah i've never called mu mu if you're listening i have never called to eat your shoes i have your shoes oh so you wouldn't you would not no i'm saying like i purchased the shoes and when you guys gift me the shoes i'm so thankful that i eat them yeah and they taste like hella good like if any brand has good tasting shoes it's new shoes are so yummy new shoes go crazy especially with a little wing stop ranch thank you a little wing stop ranch like i'm telling you right now like it but yeah that was my awesome that is like one of

the greatest things i've ever fucking heard i never thought that would ever get back to us i was i was so shocked especially because it was the same guy who came back earlier and i was like in my head when he first passed i didn't obviously think anything of it and then when he came back i was like oh i wonder if like he wants a picture or something because he was with a girl and i was like oh i wonder if they want a picture or something but then he was like i just thought i needed to tell you and i was going to tell you earlier but i was like too embarrassed to tell you but yeah you guys called me and you asked me so thank you for letting us know we won't be calling luxury department stores anymore because i feel bad that they can't hang up and then it had me thinking i

was like i wonder if the car salesman can hang up but i still stand by car salesman being very predatory and that's because i also grew up watching matilda so car salesmen have a bad honey i like i want miss honey so i want miss i want her to hold me i want um fuck what's her name from alien like the movie alien yeah oh fuck what is her name bro i was just saying her name the other day because i was watching it whatever ripley oh my god mother good she's so mother um but well bouncing off of that oh wait but i do have to clarify um not in a lesbian way not in a lesbian way yeah not in a gay way um i've come to mine is in a very straight way because i'm a straight man yeah mine is in like a girl crush like erg wannabe you you're so kind because i've um taken some time to myself and i've decided that uh being bisexual isn't real and i'm straight period so

i mean we've we've been known that like i would not let a person like that in my life um but bouncing off of eating shoes muumuu call person i didn't tell you this because i did not want you to be jealous at all and i didn't even end up going because like it was just like it was i had other like obligations but bruh i like was supposed to be at the white party i was supposed to be there i got invited i'm not jealous of that yeah like the illuminati invited me and i was supposed to be there like hanging out with like drewski and drake and shit but like i decided ultimately like that wasn't my vibe i was like yeah i was like more on like a like like a chill vibe like go ride the water slide vibe yeah I mean you were back in LA though so I don't understand how you would have made it they were gonna call me a

helicopter across America I was gonna I was gonna chop her across how long would that take like literally 80 years like literally I'd be 408 years old by the end of that if it didn't fucking crash bruh nah yeah i was gonna go but it's not my vibe it really isn't my vibe like i don't fuck with that shit for real did you see that kendrick dropped his not like us video during it and was wearing all white in the video so crazy so good he's like he's got the mind of a mastermind for real that is like if there's anything to be learned it's just like balls in your mouth challenge like butt sex and stuff like my take on that whole situation is from the very beginning

if you have a diss track that's made about you and it's playing at fucking parties you go home don't go out you you just stay quiet you stay quiet especially when you already know you're gonna lose especially when you're a billionaire like babe i know you had no reason to do all that just chill like so you can in 20 years when this blows over like you can be you can show your face again yeah like just chill out you're good you're good oh my god um but yeah i i can't believe uh kendrick didn't like hit me up or hit me up to like give him some insight about like our situation with like Kanye and Drake backstage,

like them doing ass with me or whatever. Well, it's because that's a lie. Yeah, no, it's not. It's a very real. I mean, you were quick to say, yeah. I'm blaming. Okay, cool. Right.

I want to eat a fucking minion so goddamn bad. I swear to God, like I want to eat them. I just like, I think i'm i wish i enjoyed the despicable me franchise the way other people do but i thought also i need to stop watching inside out too i've realized it's like my cocoa melon version of therapy right now and i need to stop watching it i've watched it basically three times and i would watch it again because if you want to go see it in the theaters i would watch i need to see it because we started watching it with alex and we watched the first 15 minutes i've watched the

first 15 minutes a few times now because the sexy dad duh like hello um picks up another dad at the hockey game and you just have to watch that a few times like just like see what it's like to be a man you know like a real man oh yeah yeah camaraderie yeah exactly like tapping each other on the butts like when you're walking by like congratulating them i looked up no i looked that up i was like where the fuck did that come from because that is so homoerotic and weird because i watched lebron james walk past cooper flag and like tap him on his butt which is also suspect because cooper flag is 17 years old uh shout out cooper flag though like you're doing big things like for real like i've been seeing you on the usa select team like i've been bullish okay this is my claim to fame i've been bullish on cooper flag since 2022 i'm not even fucking

playing like uh like bullish like a bull market like going up like i've been i've been bullish on cooper flag since 2022 i'm not even fucking playing like uh like bullish like a bull market like going up like i've been i've been calling his rise not demise since 2022 uh i thought probably earlier than that because that's like the earliest i texted about him but he is the truth i'm telling y'all like he really is the truth he's the goat like he's gonna like he's gonna do big things in the league i think he's not gonna have like the most amazing like mind-blowing season at duke this year but i will be tuning into every fucking duke game i did last year because of jared mccain that is my man like i don't give a fuck what anybody says like i will ride and die for jared mccain he's

the dude that paints his nails because he's like truly authentically himself and not enough people are themselves in the league um and that's the tea and he had his first summer league game a couple days ago watch that he tore he ate down he's mother goose but i didn't reply to my therapist oh shit she's gonna ghost you bro no she loves me what were we talking about minions though oh inside out i would love to go see it and when inyo was saying all that shit about it being like like one of the best movies ever made i was like yeah right i watched the first like 30 minutes of like a recording of the screen on an iphone with really shitty audio and i was like like gooped and gagged like i was like oh this is like this is a good movie like this is i genuinely

believe it's made for adults i do not think it's made for kids i don't think any funky ass kid is going into the movie theaters and understanding by any means what the fuck is happening but it's so good also they casted aya and uma so perfectly like for the like the characters they voice acted like the whole thing is just so good yeah like you weren't joking so we had to turn it off because i was like i want to see this in theater for real for real because it's like it's just a good movie like it really is such a feel-good movie also i found out that it already made a billion dollars which is fucking crazy like i haven't seen a percentage of that bro why would you ever deserve a percentage of because it's based on me yeah because you're fucking crazy i'm so fucking crazy i'm so fucking crazy everything i do is so fucking crazy someone pointed out to me the other day that like

our thing used to be like your mama your mama and now our thing is i'm so crazy i'm so fucking crazy i forgot i totally forgot about this on the way home from rain's house morning after fourth of july i got into an uber ride home i was her first ride ever and she almost fucking killed me i'm not kidding she almost killed me and i have a video of it like three cars almost just she stopped in the like you know when you like turn off and or you can go straight and there's that little triangle there like on the freeway she stopped there because she didn't know which way to go. Like her GPS, like she couldn't read it. And I was like, no, you go straight. I've been on this road a million times, go straight. And she was like, turn off. And I was like, no, go straight. She's like, okay, I'll turn off. Like LA is that

way. And I was like, no, I'm not going to downtown LA. I'm going straight. Like, please go straight. And then she freaked out and just stood like still in the middle of the road. Granted, I was telling her the way that the GPS was telling her to go. I don't know why she wanted to go to LA, downtown LA so bad. But. Do you want to take you to Santia Alley and sell you? No, for real, bruh. Let me find this freaking. We need to go to Santia Alley.

We haven't been in a minute. So we're stopped. She starts pulling out we were like literally about to fucking die bro we were literally about to die and like she like it was yeah it was fucking scary but um i was literally and i asked her i was like oh is this like one of your first rides because the app told me it was her first ride and i was like you're doing a good job like i was gonna tell her she was doing a good job and she was like no this is not this i've been doing this for years and i was like it really doesn't seem like it because she was also asking me how to drive like she was like do i turn my blinker on now and i

was like yes like you turn your blinker on now bro like what are we doing dude she was probably 16 she was like 40 in her late 50s like she was old as fuck but she was such a sweetheart shout out her like saved my life but also put my life in danger well my arm hurts i need to go to the hospital i think um okay charlie's sending us a cease and desist bro bro charlie's like she hates us bro she like really doesn't fuck with us like and you tipped her tiara a little bit and like don't say all that i don't believe that and yes was telling me she was telling me all about it she was like yeah the charlie version just isn't as good as mine like no i don't understand why people like the version i did so much like it's so stupid and it like embarrasses me it's embarrassing everything everything wait everything literally is your mama your mama your mama your mom is embarrassed i'm embarrassed your

mama is embarrassed uh well charlie if you hear this i would love to get on a remix please please please please please you don't have to pay me i just love the album show me to me rachel okay well i'm gonna get into media before we do that can i do stand up but i have to get in the harness first you don't i have to get in the fucking harness bro please fine we paid for it might as well thank you it's like not even ready there's no cue like okay we've all seen the hawk to a girl right she's so crazy uh she needs to get like a bird and hawk and fly to uh to uh la and pursue a social media career like bad baby that was like the most mouthful of like nonsense jargon i've ever heard

i'm tired of people asking me if i'm an introvert or extrovert bitch i'm a pervert okay all i can think about is that poop river in paris everybody's going upstream to drop logs in the river as the president swims across all i'm thinking is i want to swim in that river that day nyc is so crazy it's like a concrete everywhere alicia keys wasn't lying it's like a concrete everywhere. Okay. Okay.

Wait, let me. Why are people beating their meat? You should be caressing it centrally instead of hitting it. The water dripping. Oh, wait. This is a good one. Wait, I wrote this one without even thinking about it. People are always telling me to hang in there. Actually, this one's really dark.

What is it? I thought it was going to be a joke because you're like floating. Why do people want to see me hanging myself? Oh. Yeah. like floating why do people want to see me hanging myself oh yeah thirst traps more like dehydration free what you are not drinking eating water droplets um dude i've said this for like four years in a row now but sometimes when you talk you feel like an uncle of mine who got amnesia i know it's really gnarly um okay this is the last one when i see someone having fun without me i want to kill them

is that like is that a joke or yeah it's like stand-up bro you know it's it's float in the air, bro. Are you all all right? No. You're all all left. Okay. I think that's take that fucking spotlight off of him. He's freaking out.

Help. All right. Right. Right. Well, I saw. That was lit. No, that was a good one. No wasn't that was good your stand-up is getting progressively like scarier and scarier and i feel like you're doing this thing where

you go to write down a joke and you're trying to like hurry up and finish typing it before you forget it and you forget like 18 words in between each sentence on the couch last night and yeah i like it really like it ruined my mood like trying to write those jokes because i was writing them like last night at like midnight and we were trying to watch love island or whatever that shows good i couldn't get into it i'm gonna try again tonight but i just couldn't get into it yeah but like we're thinking like by episode three like the tea will be spilled but we'll see i watched inside out two again i watched a man on the moon which was really good um and i watched love lies bleeding which was

really fucking good um i'm just like confused that's it. Girl, so confusing. Oh my God. And you're so confused. And then my media for listening is Whisper by Martin Rev. Nice Mover by Gina X Performance. This Eve of Parting by John Hartford. And I did not know that arctic monkeys song i want to be yours is a cover i want to be literally or at least i think it is by john cooper clark i've been my media is advanced falconry mutual benefit it's over roar orbitzen in my room the langley

school music project y'all that's the fucking sauce langley school music project best children's choir covers of all time putting y'all on total darkness rp boo and then way to have a story these words natasha beddingfield did i tell you yeah there was a at that mark show there was this like beautiful woman just like kind of rumming around like sitting down and she like pulled me aside and she was okay Can we get a picture together like our outfits really match like well and I was like yeah, of course like let's do it But I have to do this interview first and then like we were walking over to the interview and then she like grabbed me again She was like let's do it and I was like, yeah, we can do it now. Let's just do it now So we started taking pictures with her. I didn't know until after that. It was natasha beddingfield like i'm like a bird i don't want to fly away

girl she like wanted to take a picture with you know what's crazy is i used to call the radio station to play that song and like radio is dead too like that's the real tea of it all do people still call into radio stations to play songs or do they just play tiktok they probably just play i think they just play tiktok uh no we gotta get a we should have a call center yeah we'll get a we should have a call center yeah we'll get that yeah we need to do that soon because i feel like maybe maybe not like an advice column because advice from us like would literally just be like cheat on your boyfriend like um i know at one of the college shows we did somebody asked me advice and i gave the worst advice ever

so but no it's like to the youngins like they need to hear shit like that yeah like it's okay to cheat it's okay to be crazy and free just kidding just kidding i'm just joking i'm just stroking and joking man like shit like my boner is so big no no we need to talk about my boner real quick okay no and thank you guys so much for listening for three years thank you guys for real kind of for three years. Thank you guys for real. Kind of insane. Hopefully we make it to another year. Who freaking knows? I mean, my leg actually might fall off.

I can only pray for so much. Wow. Wait, actually, what if I do have a pulmonary embolism? I have a blood clot. You're so annoying. I'm sorry. Shit! Oh my god. Sure is that you? Sure?

Yeah? Oh, okay. True! True, what the fuck did you just fucking- Drew, okay stop. This isn't funny, please. Like, I just wanna go to bed. I'm like Vincent McCormack. Drew, turn around. Take this the fuck away!