Emergency Intercom - Drake Took Me Backstage

Episode Date: December 24, 2021

Drake took Drew backstage at the Kanye/Drake concert and things… weird things transpired Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping episode it's the holiday issue drew just can't do the holidays because he's i've lost so many it's not the same it's a ghost town now It's a ghost town now

It's a ghost town at my house now You're so You fumbling With that damn hat I got these hats and I didn't try them on And literally the like white rim of the Santa hat Is so fucking thick It's the worst Santa hat I've ever fucking used in my life

Um you know but you should be fucking grateful Cause I'm gonna smack the shit out of you I didn't say I wasn't grateful i just said it's the worst that is like um anyways hello it's been a few days since we filmed um and we were recharged yeah we're ready to go sorry about the last episode i'm not sorry well no i was just saying on my behalf um because i spoke a total of three minutes you know what it is sometimes you don't speak nearly as much as me and then i think people think that i just like am over speaking um but i always am over speaking also so it doesn't matter that's like my personality is like being the person who

shares the most words in the room and says the most. And you shouldn't apologize for that. Actually, I should. It's really like annoying. Well, I do the same thing. That's why I'm saying don't apologize. Okay. Hopping right in.

Should we start like where we've what we've done the past few days or should we speak on the soup debate? Let's talk about how our life is a fucking movie um okay where do we start though like like it's and it's a long movie it's a goddamn movie we it's like honestly an excruciatingly long movie it's it's 10 out of 10 um review it on letterboxd movie material. Yeah, y'all should probably just put our life on there. Yeah, if that's possible. Are you okay? Yeah.

It was a cough. It was like a light one. It was like a little light tickle and I didn't want to like cough all the way. So I just like let out a little one. So first off, we drake and kanye live it was fucking kanye was fucking awesome kanye was awesome all i could think about is during the donda uh clb debate we had earlier when the album came out and how i was like i was like drake is just the best just the best um Maybe just not live, though.

Yeah, that was pitiful, Drake's performance. But I don't think after I was like, oh, like, Drake flopped. That was embarrassing. I think Kanye did him dirty, blah, blah, blah. Like, when I watched it, I was like, oh. Or when it was happening, I was like, Kanye literally told him, no, you do your five little new songs. Have the whole crowd fucking lit. It'll be awesome.

And then Kanye was like, I'll do my old classics. No one will give a shit. I'm an old fart. No one cares anyways. Which the classics were so fucking crazy. Everybody was turned up it was awesome and then drake did his like little five songs from clb and it was the worst thing i've ever seen live in mind it felt like he performed for a total of three minutes yeah it was awful um i will say like what's funny

is i bought my ticket literally like four hours before like five hours before the concert because drew and kai had already decided like the day before they were going and i was just like oh i don't know because all i could think about is i don't give a fuck about donda like the only song on there that i give a fuck about is life of the party and i was like i would rather actually keel over and die right now than be tortured by being in a stadium and hearing that album was like i would rather actually keel over and die right now than be tortured by being in a stadium and hearing that album live like i would actually like that is torture for me um on the way there i was like this is gonna be the worst fucking experience of my life like i can't believe i did this i'm so and we spent and also i don't want it to seem like we like went for free we like spent a lot of way too

much money on a lot of money um but i justified it because i was like oh it's drake and kanye the two two of the biggest artists in the world like yeah no it makes fucking sense like when i saw drake in 2016 i think that ticket alone was like 170 dollars like it was not cheap even like in 2016 to see him so like for two of them like it made sense it's like double that price so it made sense but i was just like i don't want to spend like fucking 300 to see an album i hate and then maybe maybe i get to see like pipe down live like or tsu live but then i was like getting ready to go to a museum with Elisa. And I was, like, just, like, doing my little thing. And I was listening to Life of the Party.

And I was, like, what if by some grace of God, like, he brings Andre 3000 out? Like, I don't know. What a delusion I have, first of all, like, as a human being. Like, that he's just going to bring Andre 3000 out. But I was, like, what if? Like, I'm, like, he's brought out the most random people at other things but what if he does this and i was like oh my god and it felt like such um a thing in their beef like that song was such a catalyst for like the beef squashing in my brain so i was like

this makes so much sense he's gonna do this live and i was not excited to see him but i keep saying it the second jesus walk started and then he just like kept going and then he was doing like all of the lights i literally said to elisa yeah we cried i literally the sentence i said to elisa which is the most funny shit ever is like i made the joke like what is this god-fearing man gonna do all of a sudden like play fucking gold digger live and he did and it was magnificent i haven't felt that much joy in so long yeah it was it i was smiling the entire fucking time everybody around me was smiling the entire time it was honestly such a beautiful moment top 25

experiences of my life it literally you know what it was it was probably because we went there that's why he did that yeah well, well, the craziest fucking part. No, the craziest part of the entire fucking thing. And I don't know why it didn't catch on the fucking Amazon live stream. But Drake pointed at me. He pointed at me. Back me up, Inya. He pointed at me from the fucking stage in the middle of his performance he

cut every fucking he cut his mic he cut all the music he was like hold up hold up pointed at me and said drew phillips and i was like holy fuck yes he's like did you shave like did you shave and i was like shave and i was like oh does he mean mustache or like i was like i was like what is he talking about right now but of course i shaved my fucking pubes because in the off chance that fucking drake saw me in the crowd like i was gonna be manicured and manscaped he pointed at me thank god i shaved my pubes because i was like yes yes i shaved my fucking pubes he sent his security guards no no you're not even talking about this is the craziest part not onlyes he sent his security guards no no you're not even talking about this is the craziest part not only did he send his security guards but like almost like in like you know the

things you get on at the airport where it's like you stand there and it's like that like roadway thing that keeps you it's like an escalator with no steps one of those shot from drew's seat down to the stage it was like he fucking planned it. I have no idea. I wasn't even sitting in the same seat my ticket was bought for. It was un-fucking-real. It was like one of the most unbelievable experiences of my life. Security guards grabbed me, put me on this fucking conveyor belt. I just scooted across.

It was the most awkward 15 minutes of my entire life. Yeah, because I will say they also shone the spotlight on Drew. So it was just like, it was like the attention wasn't even on Drake anymore. The stadium was silent. And he was just whispering in my ear like all these really naughty things that i don't want to get into he was like come backstage after me and kanye are gonna treat you right like all these really naughty things you didn't tell me that where did you think i went after the fucking concert i thought i don't know you i thought you went to like a bar or something i didn't know you like girl no i was backstage with kanye and drake doing unforeseen things i don't know, you, I thought you went to, like, a bar or something. I didn't know you, like. Girl, no, I was backstage with Kanye and Drake doing unforeseen things.

I don't want to talk about it. Oh, so you're a slut. You, like, give it up really easy. You're a fucking slut. Like. It's Kanye and Drake. Like, you wouldn't do the fucking same thing. Those are just people.

And you're, like, making them seem like this, like, weird, like, hierarchy. Like, a slut is a slut is a slut. Like, you gave it up easy. You're slut like you're a bitch oh my fucking oh my god anyways actually um but yes i had sex with drake and fucking kanye did you want me to say it out loud yes i had drake with fucking sexy i had sexy drake and kanye sex it was unbelievable or orgy blood orgy that's like a threesome though that's not an orgy cut my thigh open okay chill um but i will say after that like it was a quickie because he let you come back to your seat and then we kept watching the concert yeah it was

so fucking weird um and oh you know what i realized is like you know how my pubes grew back i don't i literally have no idea why at all it's actually really scary i would hope they grow back drew if they did that'd be really bad um anyways you know how like when i said this at the concert and I just need to reiterate it like when I was younger and I would go to like a One Direction concert like yeah I'm like I'm

fucking stripping my coochie cause like Harry Styles is probably gonna like he's 100% gonna want to have sex with me also it's just so funny like at the age of like 14 being like yeah this 21 year old is like def gonna want to fuck me tonight like it's just so funny like at the age of like 14 being like yeah this 21 year old is like deaf gonna want to fuck me tonight like just like it's such a like child thing like i'm just like the delusion but kids at kanye and drake shows dress up like my fucking god drake or kanye is

gonna see them and be like that fucking outfit are you a stylist on my team i need you on my fucking team how did you how the fuck did you where did you source that jacket from see i allow it i'm like like king i'm i'm king i'm like king of fashion like we know this i will allow it just because it that is their moment like they prepared for months this outfit to wear to this concert and they feel fucking awesome in it i honestly have you ever felt good in an outfit and i feel good in an outfit every single day because i fucking serve well that's embarrassing you should serve every day you're being seen every day bibs but like dress it up i i'm i'm okay with it but the outfits were something so fucking bad and like

the guys at that show would walk with such a swagger that i'm like who are you like and who do you think you are because i need to know also we saw a white girl with the craziest fit ever she was literally from the fucking metaverse she was like she was like a npc i mean a fucking character her character in the metaverse but in real life like a crazy neon pink vinyl dress like the craziest skirt i've ever seen dude what's worse it wasn't even a skirt it was like a cotton like pair of shorts and i was like you're cold you're fucking cold right now it's cold hearted um but yeah the show was awesome and then the uber home was 107 and also we waited in line for a beer for 40 fucking minutes and then we were getting to

the front i forgot about this i i we were we were halfway through the line and the show was about to start kai was waiting in line with us and i oh my god kai was like i'm gonna go back and as i asked kai can you record the concert please so i don't miss the intro i'm gonna stay back within you so she doesn't get abducted by one of these barred out zandy monster they were all on xanax like the amount of xanax that couple who kept walking back and forth who was like 16 i was like they like can't drive a car and right now they're probably the most fucked up like i've never been as fucked up as they are and i will never be that it was insane i was like y'all need actually help and the boyfriend was like walking around and the girlfriend was like trying her best to keep her fucked up vision straight and like follow him around but yeah uh but

we got halfway through this line and i said out loud i was i said you know what if we get to the front and they run out of alcohol i said it jokingly because i was like that's not gonna fucking happen of course they're not gonna run out of alcohol it's like a giant fucking concert lo and behold we get to the fucking front and they run out of goddamn alcohol to be fair they ran out of beer but i guess everyone wanted beer and nobody wanted wine and there was like wine left at the bottom of the coolers and the way i went into like fucking i went into solution mode the second i saw a problem I literally walked to the other booth walked in front I was like I will buy whatever the fuck you want from this booth if you buy my thing like I will buy you and we waited in this line for 45 minutes yeah so I was like I wasn't

even desperate to have alcohol like that I was like this is embarrassing I've just waited here too long and also it I was so cold I was like I kind of need alcohol to sustain a living temperature in my body right now like I need it to like overheat me and I was like I. I was like, I kind of need alcohol to sustain a living temperature in my body right now. Like, I need it to like overheat me. And I was like, I'm going to have a drink because it's going to be fun. It's going to loosen me up and I'm going to like have a good fucking time. I was so excited to have one of those giant fucking cans of beer. I was so excited to have one because I haven't had one since I was like 18.

Wait, wait, wait. I'm from the UK. I'm from the UK. Okay. I should i go into that no no not today that's like dude that's a whole story that's your origin story yeah maybe i'll talk about that later yeah uh but i was excited to drink about or i was excited to drink that fucking tall ass can of alcohol but we got wine whatever it was whatever I was like it's gonna be fun it's still gonna we're still gonna have a fucking good time it was it was a goddamn blast I chugged my glass of wine my glass and a half glass and three quarters of wine um and I was the most sexy I've ever been in my entire life I felt fucking sexy hot like there was a photo that I found of myself recently where i was like this is the hottest i've ever been in my entire life maybe we'll flash it up on the

screen maybe not um you're literally holding like a gun in it i don't give a shit it's legal like it was a legal gun it was a legal strap and i have i'm practicing gun safety um my finger's not on the trigger but i was like i'm sexy fucking hot like i feel good and i even put on my story the show wait the way oh my god oh my god we fucking did that dude oh my god i don't even know if we told kai about that um literally after okay but let me finish the wine story yeah drank wine i was like why didn't no one fucking tell me that wine is like the best drunk i've ever had in my entire life like this is fucking awesome i woke up the next day like the almost the worst hangover i've ever had in my life that's an exaggeration lie because like i've literally we've all seen you pass away on a sidewalk before um i wasn't hungover after that that's the craziest part know, because I don't think it was alcohol.

But, yeah, I had a raging headache. I've never had a headache when I was hungover. I had light sensitivity. I took a vow that very moment, the very next day, I will never drink wine again. I had a great night. It was awesome. But fuck the way it made me feel the next day. But it did regulate my shits.

I did regulate my shits. Like, I was constipated, and I'm shitting good again you know what i will say though i think um that was like really sugary wine and that's probably why it gave us a headache because i also had a headache and i think most wines don't have like a high sugar content but since it was like canned wine it's like kind of shitty yeah um but after the fucking show we get out and i'm like i need a hot dog because i hadn't eaten for so long that my one i feel like you killed both of the glasses for the most part like both of the cans yeah i had i had a good amount of the second can but i didn't i made sure i was drunk but i was like not drunk enough to just like hog it. I made sure to leave some leftover. But yeah, I was like drunk, but I was just like, I need food to absorb some of this. Like right now, I know I'll have a hangover tomorrow if I don't eat.

And oh my God, the best part about concerts in LA is those motherfuckers with their fucking goddamn hot dog stands. Like I will literally, I will suck them dry. i will suck them dry i will suck them dry both both metaphorically like i will buy all the hot dogs and leave them dry and also like give them head that will send them to the emergency room like i will like i will deplete their bodies of hydration could you try that on me no my fucking god you're literally a slag a total fucking slag um a total fucking slag oh kai is the one who bought my hot dog god bless you that shit was so fucking good someone ran up to us later and i was like killing that fucking hot dog

it was so embarrassing because i was like eating and i looked up and i see her and i'm like she's watching me slurp the fuck out of this hot dog right now. And all the onions were like falling out of my mouth. And I was like, yeah, I've never seen you. I've never seen you eat food that fast in my entire life. It was gone in 30 seconds. It was so fucking good. And it's not one of those like pussy hot dogs that you get from the movie theater.

No, it's a big boy. The girthy fucking like four and a half girth. I take it now. It's like a very average size penis hot dog yeah it's like four and a half girth five inch girth like six inch length you're like going really in detail anyways um hit my line anybody who wants to try um but we got out and drew i don't know where the fuck this came from out of him i we didn't tell you this guy but he just like was like i'm gonna tap his shoulder and i was like who and i look and it's a stranger and he runs up and taps their shoulder and keeps walking and then i was slick with it i was i was no i look back at the videos and literally we were

moving so slow we need to insert the videos after we finish the story I can't killing it. No, it was, I'm not kidding. That's the most like childish fun I've had in so long. Yeah. Because also in the videos, one, I pissed myself. Like I fully like let out a little piss from laughing so hard and it's just me walking with my hot dog and like like cracking up and my puffer is on so it's like like me laughing over that i'm walking up and i tap this dude's shoulder it goes over well like i get him he looks the wrong way it's

embarrassing for him and And I keep going. Which I blame this behavior on Mason. Yeah. Because Mason's the one who like brought this to the group. And then I do it again to another couple and it goes over well. And I'm like, oh, I'm like killing it. And then I do it again and I'm like, oh, I'm fucking killing it. And then we like reach the sidewalk and there's like this group of people walking in front of us.

And I'm like, Inya, I'm going to charge at this group of people and then just run as fast as I can at this group of people and then just turn. And I'm not kidding. I ran as fast as possible at this group of people. If I didn't stop, I would have given four people a concussion and sent them to the fucking hospital. I would have plowed through them. And I sprinted at them. And then I stopped and turned and just started walking very slowly with the group. And there was a girl in the group.

We need to normalize running after girls in the dead of night. Like, we just need to normalize that and scaring the fuck out of them. We need to normalize men charging at women but doing no bodily harm. Exactly. So, I did that. This is like in the dead of night. She was pissed. Rightfully so.

She was like, that's not fucking funny. Like, you fucking freak. Like, she was like, that's not funny. She was like, it's not funny to just charge at girls. Like, it's not just funny to charge at people. And what made it worse is my goofy ass was, like, running behind him. And then Kat caught up and was like cracking up like i was drunk enough that i couldn't like i couldn't gauge the fact that says like my social cue at that

moment was to like laugh under my breath i was laughing so fucking i was laughing out loud i was spraying like my spit in my mask in my mask by the end of the night was sopping wet like you could have ran my fucking saliva out of it it was disgusting and then i have a video of drew doing it like he the first person he does it to the video just goes haha because like at one point it just like was not slick he was like we got on a sidewalk where there was borderline nobody else so it was very obvious that it was us because it's also me trailing behind with my phone to my chest like obviously recording like and then we and then the last one that we did i got we got to like where we were getting picked up like the uber spot and just there was a bunch of people walking by and as i

would walk by i would just tap their shoulder and i did it to like four couples in a row in the last one like the video is so funny because i go to do it and then i realize he's like looking at me he's like oh were you gonna fucking tap my shoulder like very straight guy and i was like i just started like making up conversation with india like moving his hand around so that he looked hella like flamboyant in movement so it looked like it was an accident yeah it was like yeah the uber's on its way it's right there i wonder if these are uber like blacks that are waiting for people to order i think they're uber blacks

i can't remember the one with the other i think they're uber blacks though also a girl asked for me to cover for her to piss and then she just pissed right behind us like she was like can you like come and watch like over me while i pee and i was like looking around i was like there's nowhere to piss girl like go piss i said go piss girl yeah we were like i was just like you might as well just like do it you're not a good ally i was like oh i would do it but the uber it said that it was right there and i was like also i'll ride for any of my girls piss like elisa orion lc like any of my girls like i'll let your piss, splash off the concrete off to me. I love you. But this random ass girl.

Would you let my piss splash off the concrete and hit you? Um, no. Really? Because it's probably, like, I've seen your diet. It's, like, actually going to, like, radiate through my skin. And then I'm going to get, like, a tumor wherever it lands. Fair. Fair enough.

But I was also, like, why i i don't even have anything to cover her like i'm like she's just gonna piss on me and then i was and her boyfriend was with her i was like what a bad boyfriend just cover for her bitch literally yeah and he didn't he just like stood there while she pissed and i was like you are going to hell yeah it was it was naughty and then we got home and laid in my bed and we were just like that was the best night of our fucking life i know like little ass kids he came home and we're like sitting around it was so fucking cute and i was watching all the videos i took it was really it was a fantastic night and to think that i was indifferent about going i was like i know i

almost bailed i was like if i didn't spend this much money on it i would have bailed yeah i was like i should not have come because then the uber was like hellily i don't spend this much money on it, I would have bailed. Yeah, I was like, I should not have come. Because then the Uber was like hellily. I don't know. It was a mess getting there. Getting there and then even the beer situation was like, this is not working in our favor. But it was fucking awesome. It was such a thirst.

And the second Kanye came on, I was like, my jaw was dropped the entire time. Them walking down the stairs was so fucking funny, though. I'm like, I've seen models go downstairs and look up straight i'm like they're so embarrassed about the idea of falling right now that they like they can't even take the risk and look up for a second yeah they're like literally look so goofy um then what then jay-z offered us 20 million dollars it was fucking it was so psycho it was like i like couldn't believe it was a little weird and it was weird to say no because it was like listen i know you're like not only like a fucking gazillionaire but like an entrepreneur and a glizzier

sorry keep going a billionaire at heart like you're good no because you want me to keep going. A billionaire at heart, like, you're good. No, because you want me to keep going immediately. Like I've told you before, your consequence is silence. So watch what the fuck you say to me. Your consequence is a nipple slurpee. That clap was so loud it, like, hurt me. I wanted to make it seem like I slapped Drew. Anyways. Ow!

Oh, fuck, it hurts so bad. it seemed like i slapped drew um anyways it was a delayed reaction your consequences is spank um anyways we went to the lafleur perp and lafleur jay-z was there and i okay like honestly i like i like going to things like that and like supporting friends and like people who i like look up to i'm like this is like awesome um but it was really weird for someone like jay-z to like show up and i was like oh my god he's here to like be here but then he like immediately pointed me and drew out and like he like you guys are having fun you guys are having fun on that swing set i want to join he like ran up to us like which was like so sweet and like human like like it was just like such a human moment jay's watching jay-z like run in grass it was skipping yeah it was like a little bit of a skip and then he did come up to us and he was like oh my god like can i use the swing i haven't like been a like on a swing set in so long i said no

yeah and then he was like i like your spunk and that you stand your ground and actually i wasn't gonna bring this up i was like my spunk he's old he's just he's a bit older so he was like i like i like your spunk and um my coom like your cum that's what spunk means that is not what spunk means what the fuck are you talking about that is like a slang word for spunk and charisma that's like spunk is like oh you got spunk kid like that's like an old people thing but it's also an old people thing for cum no it is not it is yeah the fact that two people who claim to be straight know, like, such a random word for cum. I'm straight. That's it?

That's the sentence? Yep. I'm a straight 15-year-old person. A partner to many. Okay. a partner to many okay um so so yeah jay-z just came up to us and he was like honestly i wasn't gonna bring this up because i was kind of shy and i was like oh my god jay-z's like shy to be around us and then he was like oh like i love emergency intercom a calm and then he like really tried to buy it from us and we were like no you're like freaking me out i'll give you 17 million dollars for 15 which is a disgraceful amount of money like are you

fucking kidding me like we have an estimation of this podcast being worth like upwards of 500 million yeah like a 200 million dollar evaluation like are you out of your fucking mind um probably but basically we denied him and then the rest of it was like really fun and beautiful but like that was like that was just such an unreal moment yeah um is jc trying to buy the podcast from us and then i jumped off the fucking hill and rolled down and got cactus thorns all in me i tried to kill myself i was gonna i was gonna be the first person to kill myself with the le fleur pop-up that's like i'm not kidding that's the first thing i said when we got there because it's like there was like this beautiful fucking view it was a utopia it was literally the most

magical thing i've ever like been to in my life it was like a utopian society like when you got out of that fucking car it felt like you had entered like an entirely different world they were like kids running around it was super cute and they were yeah it was just actually beautiful and the perfume smells fucking awesome it was also just so well thought out and i bought way more than i expected i bought like three things but no regret what are they called the little hat that i bought babushkas no it's not that's a grandma the they'll know they'll know what fucking hat they know it's made of thorns like what babushka thorns sorry i'm actually like losing it i'm a little like i'm a little crazy right now. I'm a crazy little guy.

But yeah, it was actually so fucking awesome. And then it was so beautiful and we got there and I looked over the edge and I was like, I'm going to be the first person to commit suicide at this fucking at this event. Because I was like, I'm going to jump off this cliff right now. That's not funny.

It is a little real okay i also i want to just like say this i saw two things where i was like okay i beat your ass in chess too shut the fuck up like you got your shit rocked you should care about beating some ass in real life sexually and not about beating ass in chess do you hear yourself like i i eat ass in real life and i beat ass in chess i brushed my hair all my curls out for the first time in a long time and they're really fucking annoying i hate my hair um anyway it was beautiful oh but i saw this thing that it was like oh someone, someone really worried about my finances, which it sounded like a man said it because then one of the things was, do you think she'll

have to start an OnlyFans? And I hope you fucking slip and get a concussion and twist your hip and you can never walk straight again. Cause what the fuck are you talking about? Like, like, and that's not a diss to OnlyFans, but, like, for you to act like you give a fuck about my, like, my safety and, like, my, like, my, like, oh, I hope she's not raking up debt. Do you think she'll turn to OnlyFans? Like, what? You don't actually care.

You just want to see my fucking hole. I was about to say, that's just him, like, projecting his, like, like, hopefully. He just wants to fucking suck my nipples. And I'm like, girl, like, you're not going to get to, like, shut the hell up. Me and him both he's gonna hear this and be so sad good that was a little weird of him i know all the comments were like hey um i think she's like fine but also why did you mention only all of like my followers were like um why did you do that and then someone else was really worried

about your like mental health and like was like yeah they say like really like scary things sometimes and i'm so sorry you better fucking be worried i don't want anyone to actually worry about us oh my god i have fucking therapy tomorrow cancel it cancel it i was just thinking because we've been filming at night so tomorrow we just have to keep it the fucking licorice pizza we're gonna go see it tomorrow oh it's at seven and my therapy's at eight oh damn damn damn damn um i got really scared because i was like oh my god this episode's gonna come out before you watch it and like they're gonna fucking spoil it for me in the comments but i'm gonna see it before this three weeks before happy christmas yeah yeah yeah yeah um what were we even talking about your fucking balls oh yeah we're talking about people literally being worried about my

mental health oh yeah you should be worried you were so you should worry about me no it's right i have a second thought about me before you go to bed every night just i'm not kidding i don't think i'm capable of being like depressed anymore because of how dumb i am i literally feel the same way i'm like i'm so good right now i make all these jokes to like combat how to combat those feelings but i feel actually fucking awesome like genuinely don't worry about me i may say some dark things but like at the end of the day like i'm fine it's funny to joke about how scary life can be exactly um also i actually i haven't had like no that's a lie i was like really fucking sad for a minute but that was like um what's it called thereational. Yeah, that was situational. But I haven't had a depressive episode since this time last year. So I'm on a good streak.

Come on, depression. Come through. Yeah, seasonal depression hasn't really bothered me. But I think it's because there's not a single moment where I'm in silence. I know. We've been working so fucking much. We've been so social. It's like, we don't have time to be sad.

Maybe this is probably why normal people are normal. Because they're just always busy. Normal people scare me, though. Normal people scare the fuck out of me. Normal people make me horny. We should get galaxy tights for the podcast one episode and wear them. I'm literally going to get a shank in during a filming of an episode. I'm going to stab you in the fucking shins.

I would actually allow that. Literally, just one day, stab me. I don't care. As long as it's worth it. I won't sue you. I won't press charges. I'm like, I deserved it. She's protecting herself.

I just want to feel it. Let's go to the... The soup. Oh, should we do soup? We'll say... I don't even know what you wanted to talk about with the soup because you don't fucking like soup and it's disrespectful i i was okay i mentioned it way earlier in the podcast i was like y'all are lying about soup so but i gave it

a chance i gave it another try like gorgeous gorgeous guys hate soup that's the real fucking saying um fuck soup still fuck soup it's not filling it's way too fucking hot all the time there's absolutely no flavor in any soup it sounds like you've never had soup made by somebody who's like making it with a passion that may be correct you may be a little right about that like no one was as passionate as my mom and dad hung over as fuck making a soup because they need nutrients to like regarner life and like that soup was always so fucking good uh yeah soup just fucking sucks sorry end of conversation for me there's no convincing me i try to convince myself soup fucking blows you blows fucking chunks it's just not also it's not a pleasant experience like it's like liquid and chunks like how are you supposed to fucking eat that like you're are

you dumb are you fucking dumb like actually you're dumb i'm not dumb i'm a genius actually i have a very high iq that's something we still need to fucking do i've never once seen you take a fucking iq test like you've i've like i've never seen you show me iq like i'll look it up right now on my email good though i mean like a real life one not one off the fucking internet girl like you sound like kids who are like at home taking ad taking ADHD tests on Google and being like, yep, that's me. Yeah. That's exactly what it is.

Soup is fucking good. I just wanted to defend soup because Drew claims he doesn't like soup, even though you fucked up your bowl that you had today. Never mind. What were you going to say? I was just going to say another thing, and then I thought about it, and I was like, oh, she's going to react with silence. So I'm not going to fucking say it. No, say it. I won't.

No. I won't give you silence. You'll give me fucking silence. Say it. The only soup I like is squirt soup. Or jism soup. Ooh, egg drop soup, but instead of eggs, it's sea. No.

No. It's still egg drop soup. Ova soup? No, egg drop soup would be if I took my diva cup and dropped it in some fucking water. Dude, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on with this fucking chair, man. It's cramping me up. It's fucking you up.

My leg is like numb as shit right now um yeah egg drop soup delicious deloing chiss okay should oh this is just something i wanted to say that i just need to get this thought out there get off your damn phone sorry i was trying to see if i made plans with orion tonight i was like i don't think i did but she texted me and i got really scared that i made plans that I forgot about. But no plan. She was replying to one of my toxic girl. I was about to say a toxic trait we have is our friends not texting us back for one day and immediately assuming they're dead. No, that's different, though, because like I hear from Orion at least once a day.

Like there is once like at least one time a day same from kai and me talk from orion where it's like a toxic tiktok and i'll send her one and it'll be some sort of reaction or like interaction but not only did she not and she didn't post on her story for like two days and i didn't hear for her for like two and a half days so i was like oh this bitch died like yeah she was murdered i'm gonna go find the murderer i'm gonna wait no the fuck the thing is we were like oh she's dead but like let's make let's make lunch first and then we'll go drive over to her house and check on her i know i was like i'm gonna make breakfast first because you know what i'm not kidding this was a genuine thought i had i was like well when i find out she's dead for real like i'm gonna lose my

appetite and i probably won't eat for a few days so i need to we were genuinely like like i literally thought she was dead this is the second time it has been very real that we thought one of our friends has passed away oh yeah we thought kai died yeah and okay also i want to like say i keep clarifying this i but i've said it in patreon and i haven't like said it publicly yet yeah um if you want to hear me talk more go on the patreon like whatever yeah we have a bunch of episodes up now it's a lit little community we have i know the discord is fun as fuck it's fun as fuck but it's scary as hell i've said it on there i've said it on there and i have to say it on here just because we bully kai doesn't mean y'all get to fucking bully kai we bully kai but then we have sweet sweet loving sex with him we do not it makes up

for it we do not do the second part we we do love each other though um and we make passion we make love um and we thought he died and all of us freaked out um but then he was alive and he just had just see he turned off his phone for like two days for fucking attention like literally i'm gonna do that oh what are y'all gonna do what do you what would y'all do if i disappeared for two days if i disappear i would not i i'm not kidding i like because of the way you talk about you like you need attention so much like so much more than any human i know that it's gonna be a really fucked up day god forbid something does happen because i'll just be so annoyed with you i'll be like this dumb motherfucker wants attention you said something to kai right before we started filming that i was like that is not true and he's so annoying like i forgot what it was

i picked up i picked up my new heart medicine today. And I was like... I walked into the kitchen and I was like... He walked in and he was like, should I start the medicine that I'm going to have to take for the rest of my life? And he's so dramatic. And I'm like, you're not taking that for the rest of your fucking life. I got so mad.

You don't know that i do like i do though um but yeah so it would be really hard to know if you actually like needed help because he like you're so annoying i just need attention i know but like to the point that it's like delusional yeah like i need attention too and but i don't think i need as much as you do yeah i do need i do need attention more than the average person but that's what makes me me it's part of one of my fatal flaws it's like not so fatal it's like oh like it's kind of quirky and cute because i don't like like do insane batshit crazy things to get attention. You have a video where you put, like, casts on yourself.

And then, like, it took so long to get them off. That was, I'm scarred. That video literally scarred me. I have scars on my hands and my fucking ankle from that asshole that cut the cast off me. Actually, I shouldn't say that because like he literally saved my life. But I had to sleep in those cats for like three fucking nights. It was actually awful. I just existed in them.

That was insane. Fuck Le Labo. Le Labo, if you're listening, fuck you. Your candle sucks ass. Le Labo, if you hear this, please send me a PR package. Actually same.

This shirt is so fucking warm. It's like sweating up and like sticking to my skin. I feel like I when I'm out of state like nobody hears from me. Like I don't I'm so bad at texting people and keeping up with people when I'm out of state.

I think maybe I've gotten a little better at it. Yeah I mean we were talking a lot when you were out of state last. I just feel like you were bored as shit though. Yeah because I was just like kind of at home. But most of the time when I like if I a lot when you were out of state last i just feel like you were bored as though yeah because i was just like kind of at home but most of the time when i like if i go to new york i'm like i am mia and nobody ever wonders if i died typical typical of you yeah because you never wonder if i died that's different you're so annoying i'm gonna disappear for five days and i'm gonna let you and i'll be what if i never come back well then i'll panic if like a month

goes by i'll panic oh okay so the month is the cutoff no i like don't know what i i would just no i i genuinely think if i was awol for two days, like, like you would actually be concerned. You would be concerned if I didn't come home after like four hours. You'd be like, okay, where is this motherfucker at? It's like my location went off like both of theirs did. I would be, no, I would be so fucking annoyed. I would be so angry. Oh, he's just having a stinky link.

No, I would just text your mom and be like, can you get your son? He's pissing me off. Then you call me and my phone goes to voicemail, but my voicemail box is filled. And then I go on your fucking meme account and you're posting. So I'm like, you're alive. Because you can't shut up. You're watching. I've posted 36 memes in the last four hours.

That is like my toxic trait is that goddamn meme account. Another thing that's fucked up is okay no one talks about this but being a gamer is a mental illness and i am suffering so badly right now like i know i said in the last episode that you disappear into your room for like four hours and you're like no it's not four hours i actually timed it our gaming session the other night because i was like okay you get on different gaming sessions you go to war with your brother and then you do it with like Hunter and that. But each time it's like 30 minute increments and I have like four hours in between each time.

That is a lie. There's not that much time in the day. You don't know anything about me. I know you sit at that damn PC all day. See, every day I get closer and closer to running away. Then go, girl. You can't run. Yes, I can.

And you don't have a car where are you going bitch i'll uber my life never spend the money on an uber to run away via uber i'd steal your car then what if you stole my car i would ruin your fucking life i'd be so pissed then what you wouldn't you wouldn't know where i went am i in iceland with my car i drive it off a cliff i'm gonna fucking kill you bitch i would have survived if we drove off that cliff kai oh wait was that us no we've talked about it yeah i would have survived and we would have survived if i drove us off yeah no i would have done it so that the car would have landed on your side and smushed you and killed you and i would live um okay

i mean how long is this have we been talking um 44 minutes and 15 seconds uh let's just save this for tomorrow uh i can go into my dream that i had last night that was actually so fucked up and it like i woke up sad um so during the day before we went to sleep me and nina were just like really into the like tornado outbreak that happened rest in peace that's so fucking sad and scary and yeah also we weren't like really into it but we were just like we were just watching yeah we were watching the videos like just taking in that fucking devastation it's like so dark it's so evil um natural disasters are fucking obscene to me i used to be obsessed with tornadoes still am um just because the one that hit my hometown. I wanted to see one again so fucking bad.

But we watched those tornado videos, and it just kind of lingered with me all day. And I was like, oh, dude, that's so dark and sad. But anyways, I went to bed. And in my dream, it was me, you, Christian, and it was Elisa and Orionion or elisa or orion i don't know who it was either four or five of us um and we were in this like what what building it was was my old youth like church building it was like the building detached from the church it was like this big

glass building um with like games and it was this big glass building with games. It was just this place, this youth center at my old church. But it was basically a building covered in head-to-toe and glass in the entranceway. We were in there, and it was storming really fucking bad outside. I was like, guys, it's getting really bad we should probably go and take cover and everybody was like okay but you you were like yeah fucking right like I want to see this shit and I was like no like I I promise like this isn't okay like this is not like a good it's not going to be fun to watch happen and you were like no like I want to see it I want to see it so fucking bad and like you ran out the front doors and like I screamed at you like like it was like

the that this is a set like it was the gnarliest scream I've ever like I yelled at you with like my entire being like I was so fucking angry at you and like you were still ignoring at me and I was I was still yelling and you were like running out into this fucking storm. And sure enough, the fucking tornado came and like literally like took you away. And then I woke up and I don't know what happened next. But like the building got fucking destroyed. Like you could see the glass break and then you got sucked away and you died. That is so gnarly.

I know. That's what I was saying. I woke up sad and I was like, if inya ever fucking does that to me i'll be so pissed yeah if there's ever a tornado and i really want to watch it and get sucked away you'll be pissed yeah well i think like in real life i'd be more lenient i'd be like yeah let's go watch it and we could disappear together buzz kill um well i killed any in my dream i haven't had any nightmares someone did come up to us and talked about their dreams i was like yeah in my dreams um i have nightmares that smell blood in the the scent of my body like my family's body is burning and i was like okay well that's like i can't say that i've smelled it's like you scare the shit out of me and then also we were walking to the concert and a fan like locked eyes and like

normally i know when y'all when y'all know who i like i i know when you know who i am yeah it's like it's very easy to tell you're not fucking slick it's a seventh sense yeah it's like literally it's the sixth sense or the seventh yeah like well no it's the sixth sense is you seeing dead people oh there's only five senses yeah seeing touch hearing taste and smell oh yeah and then there's like intuition squirting so yeah i have seven i have fucking seven too well that's funny because you were saying you only have five. I have six plus seven. Yeah, see, you have six because you can sense when people know us, but I have seven because I squirt.

Oh, I forgot. I have eight because I squirt and I see dead people and I'm on the cream team. So you have nine. Oh, I forgot about that. I actually have infinity. So what the fuck was i saying oh this girl walked past us and i was like oh she knows who we are and she looked at both me and inya and then just laughed at us she just laughed she laughed in our fucking face like scoffed at us like like half laugh half scoffed and kept walking and i was like don't

fucking do that because i'll kill myself yeah i was like are you laughing at me like do you enjoy like do you like my content are you laughing at me are you like are you scoffing because you can't believe you see these two idiots walking by in real life yeah and it's like funny to you are you laughing at me because you think i'm annoying and you hit me and like seeing me in real life is like entertaining to some way because um i'm gonna kill myself and see look we're spiraling we're spiraling all over again we had this same concert or conversation at the concert we're like oh my god did she hate us or did she like us or and then someone came up to us in the grocery store and was like i know you're listening um and i know her friends are listening but she I actually laughed. I thought it was fucking hilarious.

But she said, she's like, I love your podcast. And I was like, thank you so fucking much. That's so nice. And then they were like, I tried to show my friends, but like, and then she was like, no, nevermind. I won't, I won't say it. And I was like, no, say it. Like what? And she's like, or then they were like, uh, you're kind of annoying to them.

Like, they don't think you're funny. And I was just like, okay, bite your tongue. I'm just trying to buy fucking pasta. Like, I'm literally in the pasta aisle. Like, don't say that to me. You were right. That's my problem is that people, like, try to bite their tongue and not say what they were going to say. And I'm like, I just need to let them be.

No, you know what it is? Kai said the thing to me that ruined my life for three days literally ruined my life for three days three days bitch you're fucking p-brain forgot about that shit the second you stepped out no but the second i sit in this fucking chair it's reignited and i'm like oh yeah now you're thinking about it yeah see i literally am you can see me going to deep thought about it well you know what the thing is um i am like the perfect human and nobody talks about that like you may find me annoying but it's just a repellent because like for really that's you projecting yeah like for really uninteresting people who don't have the confidence to say what they're thinking and like who are really like introverted and they like want to be extroverted and you're probably ugly as fuck

fugly bitch but like me, I'm perfect because I talk a lot and I can keep someone entertained. I have like gorilla grip pussy and I give good head. Fugly, fugly girls hate Inya and Drew. Gorgeous, gorgeous girls love

Inya and Drew. I'm sexy. I have good style. I'm also like all-knowing. Two truths and a lie. Which is a lie. And I be also like all knowing. Two truths and a lie. Which is a lie. And I be fucking hella good. Three truths and a lie. Which one's the lie? That I have gorilla grip.

I actually have a loose goose down there. I had a loose goose. She does. I've had situations. Never mind. That's my bad. My bad, y'all. Drew did stretch me out

we're like why are these episodes monetized wait what's the equivalent no no okay shut the fuck up i need to shut up i've been trying sounding out recently what does that mean i stick things inside of my penis i haven't done that. I've had an issue where it's like, I'm going to do the business and then someone's part is like kind of like knocking around the walls because there's like too much space in there. Girl, oh my fucking god. It's like when you throw like a penny down a well and it'll like bounce off the side of the walls until it hits the bottom. It's cavernous.

I do have a wishing well down there it's deep and scary and it echoes i crawled i it's drew's burrowed in there for war yeah it was nice he shrunk me down to 14 inches and i got in there body parts are so funny i know vaginas are funny someone tagged me in this thing that it was like it was a girl it was like things i thought before um i found out i was a lesbian it was literally every talking point in the like last two episodes penises are so funny they are funny and gross like i do genuinely think like most people think that but i don't know who am i but i think that about everyone's body for the

most part is gross to me until i like them and i've said that before and that's just how i feel do you think my body's gross i would like to suck on some boobs i would like to be breastfed and treated like a little baby by a woman who's older than me because I did not get that kind of love and satisfaction from a mother. Damn. We need to do an episode where we dissect our Freudism, whatever it's called.

Freudism? What is that, Kai? Yeah, Freudism. Dissecting our, What would it be? Like, dissecting our Freud tendencies? Oh, I don't know the exact terminology. It's called dissecting my horny thoughts. Oh, that would be a dark episode.

I'm thinking about it right now. That would be really dark. Y'all don't want to know anything about me. Y'all don't want to... Like, y'all know a lot about me. You don't want to know about me.'all don't want to like y'all know a lot about me you don't want to know about me you don't i want to know what you be getting up to with those dirty ass sheets absolutely nothing in those dirty you literally there's like dust mites you're building a new

breed of bed bugs in your fucking cheeks yeah because that's how long it's been since you've it's a little science experiment drew literally told me that like it's where his body lays she has thinned out i said that on the podcast before and like it like you know when you see like a shirt that's like rubbed a little bit and it's thinner there and there's like little beads of fabric all over it that's what my bed's doing she's like is, is it stained? Is there a body print where you lay? And I was like, no. But I did wash my sheets when you went back to Miami. I texted you about it.

What a coincidence. When I wasn't here, it just so happened to happen. Girl, go smell them. Hell no. It's like you're making your own chloroform back there. Like, I go smell it. I like knock out. What is he building in that bed?

Alright, um, are we gonna have to remove me saying I want to suck on some nipples? No? No. Um, well, let's do media. But before media, I just want to say thank you to all the patrons. The patrons. Thank you

to the patrons and also, I guess this isn't... Will there be an episode after? No, the next episode will be in the new year. So before the new year, I just want to say, one, Merry Christmas. This episode goes up on Christmas Eve. I hope you get to be with people you love. I know sometimes this can be a very lonely time for some people, whether it be lack of family, lack of friends. Just know that you're pointing to yourself,

but you act like a mom nuked your whole family. You still have your whole family left. Nuke coming soon. Let's just say that. No, but really, if you are solo this christmas um i hope that this episode yeah kept you company we're sending our love to you merry christmas happy holidays twas the night before christmas um and also thank you guys so much for the love and support on the podcast this year it honestly has

been like astronomical um it's been so awesome watching like a community be built out and like watching you guys not only find each other but like sending us support and like loving us and like what we do and giving us a platform i just want to and attention yeah reiterate that without your attention um we would die so just think about that before you decide to like maybe stop keeping up with us um that you've already built up no we've station in our brain and we will like um we will disappear but like in a very gnarly way they they can't they can't leave like we've like we've plowed deep into these people's brains like y'all y'all do realize that like the withdrawals from emergency intercom are like

next to none. Like it's like withdrawing from benzodiazepines. Like you will have a seizure. So just like be careful. You just say things like any other normal people knows what the fuck that is. Like, I don't know what the fuck that is. There's some people out there that know what that is. But yeah, thank you guys so much

Sending all my love Have a safe night Hug your loved ones if you have them Because I guess we all know Drew and Drew claims he doesn't anymore It's really rough I wanted to get that out Before you made the joke

Because I know your ass was just going to say it But yeah Merry Christmas Happy Holidays before you made the joke because i know your ass was just gonna like say it um but yeah yeah merry christmas happy holidays and happy new year and a happy new year okay let's get into the media um okay media so i watched Grizzly Man. Wee, babe. My media of the week is Grizzly Man. I don't take back what I said. I still think grizzly bears and bears in general would love me.

And I would have like a really deep connection with them. And I could change them. However, watching Grizzly Man was a rude awakening. And that was a very sad but kind of hilarious documentary um like the people in it were like actually monsters like all of them i want to fuck the man with the mustache the like quiet man drew kept being like if you watch the movie you'll know who i'm talking about but drew kept being like that's me as if drew could ever stand on screen and be silent and mysterious for like more than three seconds i could you don't like put a camera in front of me and i could there's one right now and just say scene am i not recording just say scene scene like you can't even keep your mouth still

ew no he wasn't doing that it's such a like anyways yeah i want to have sex with him but it was a good movie no it was it was a great great uh and scene there's me being stoic no it was a fan fucking tastic documentary elsie has been telling me to watch it ever since i said the joke on the podcast didn't know exist didn't didn't know it existed but now that i do it has um changed the trajectory of my life forever i loved that that movie. It was fantastic. Check it out, Grizzly Man. I do relate to him a little bit.

I don't think I could live with bears for 13 years. Yeah, I think you could be that fucking delusional, though, if nobody was around you to keep you grounded. There's something about him that if I never discovered the internet, that's who I would be. Absolutely who I would be. And then my music is i found a bunch of new song looking for daydreams by holger um i don't know how to say

their last name um and where is it where is it where is it uh priven by merlot and then and he's gonna be pissed that i'm saying this But I'm gonna say it Um Drive in on nine By the breeders Oh I don't care Because Anya showed me that song

The other day Coming home from the Low floor event After Jay-Z Tried to buy a podcast Um I don't think I even Played it that day

But I was playing it a lot No you did Cause I recorded it Right when we were Going through the tunnel That's why I asked you Oh that is what was playing Oh

I'm not pissed. The Breeders are really good. Shane. I'm basically a Breeders fan. I listened to the Breeders for 45 minutes today. And like, I'm basically like a fan of theirs. That's okay. That's good that you think that.

Shane by Liz Phair. On by Ray Harakami. And especially for you by Manchild. And Aeroplane Reprise. and that is my media of the week be safe be slay wait uh is that the version that we were listening to in the car yeah so fucking good all right goodbye love y'all be safe happy. Happy holidays. Love yourself. Love yourself. Party.

Party. Love yourself. Okay, try to stop it. I feel like I'm going to keep going. Bye.