Emergency Intercom - drew ate the fortnite burger

Episode Date: January 20, 2023

drew and enya talk about the fortnite renaissance, yik yak, their brains shutting off while driving and halfway through the podcast gets interrupted by paranormal activity This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at www.betterhelp.com/intercom Go to www.zocdoc.com/intercom and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm, like, so worried about my sister. Randy, you cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healed. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina.

The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday? This is so dangerous. I gotta get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at 9 Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on Stack TV. Welcome to this episode of... Hello?

Is anybody out there? Are you here yet? I'm here. Hey, look at me. Where'd you go? Yeah, where'd you go? We're home. Hey, hey.

Look at me. We're home. Thank you. Thank you. On this episode of We're Home, I'm Drew Phillips. I'm Enya Umanzor. And this is Unmedicated ADHD.

Ew. Roll the intro. We should redo the intro, but it's like us dancing around and it's literally the most like opposite of what we would ever do to scare people yeah should we just make the intro like 10 minutes long so that like it like cuts out the amount of time we have to talk yes we should also try um doing like a normal episode what does that that mean? Like a normie podcast episode. That would actually be so awesome. But I don't know, that would freak me out. It would be like yesterday how we both felt like super normal

and it was like scaring us. Yeah, like normal people scare me. That's okay. I was going to say that, but I was scared because like I don't want to offend the normal people. Yeah, they scare you. But like they scare me. Like something is wrong with them.

I'm talking to you. Yeah. No, normie core is going to come back in a very big way very soon. Specifically for me. Yeah. I'm just going to like age into like being normal pilled and it's going to be awesome. I've been feeling that. But like normal as in like 1835, like no technology.

Victorian peasants sweeping the chimneys. That's the normalcy I'm going for. Like why do I need everything I have? Like why do I need, need, need? Why don't I just accept what I have and like move on? I want more and more and more and more. And it's such a bad habit because I have everything I need right in front of me. Oh my God. Are you looking at me? Such a bad habit because I have everything I need right in front of me.

Oh my God. Are you looking at me? I'm looking at your boobs and vagina. Okay. I thought you were like for once like talking about me as a person and not like a sexual like object. That's impossible to talk about a female that way. You know, I'm more than like... It only took me five seconds to be misogynistic this episode.

Clap it up. That's a good record for you. Like usually it's like immediate out the gate. You look at me and something just clicks in your head. Yesterday, me and Drew had literally like the most ghostly day I think we've had in a long time it was really crazy and it felt you know what it felt like and i described it in the car but it felt like we had i didn't say this but it felt like we had taken adderall and like that that is like who we were supposed to be

like without our like ailments whatever is going on in our fucking brains but like it was so dry and like we really tried we really tried to like make it yeah we were like let's go buy cactuses and be weird and like that still wasn't doing it was just like dead silent and also for the first time ever i wanted to go home so bad but i was like there's nothing there for me right now and like i will probably only deteriorate faster into like oblivion and like fall into fortnight for six hours and like fully disconnect from my life right when you got home you were like oh my god i can't wait to play fortnight and forget i exist and i was like that is so fucking real like that is literally why

i like like it so much because i get to spend three hours not existing and then i realized because recently i've been better at playing with friends but i realized i don't like playing with like friends who aren't in front of me or around me because it feels like a lot of work to have to talk to them and i'm like i'm playing this game alone right now to forget i exist not to talk to people i know in real life because you don't exist when i'm here yeah it's impossible joining my party and watching me and trying to make me play with you because i'm not gonna play with you yeah how does like the uh chat room system work on xbox and playstation like that shit doesn't make sense to me oh like how they could just tap you in and out yeah it makes no sense they need to add proximity

chat to fortnite i want to hear little kids screaming i say that but like i don't think the mass majority of kids of people playing fortnite anymore as kids like i think it's like a lot of adults i mean yeah it's like a lot of result or adults i've been using this word so much but it's like fortnite's having its like renaissance with like older people yeah like yeah i think like it's still a lot of kids though because like that's all my nephews like the popular you know what's crazy is the popular kids in school and like elementary and middle school like they're like cool because they play video games and they play fortnight that's so insane yeah which is just but that's that's like with like changed like iphones now like using your iphone makes you cool and it used to make you a loser who like wanted to get kidnapped yeah

like damn well you want to get kidnapped you hate your family i literally did want to get kidnapped but like um but we were we were literally not real yesterday it didn't linger fully into today but i still don't feel like as real as i usually do and i what i said to drew like we also didn't say anything to each other because i think we were doing the thing where both of us didn't feel very good but we weren't trying to say it because we didn't want to like absorb yeah infect each other yeah but i woke up and i was like oh we should go to the farmer's market because we like going to the farmer's market even though we don't really cook and there's no reason for us to be there we just like being a part of the community and getting

the vegetables yeah fruits and we like letting them rot yeah just getting like two fruits each and putting them in a bowl and being like oh i can't wait to eat that and then literally never eating it because we have object um what is it called permanence and that's what we turn away from it it doesn't exist so you might as well have not fucking bought that fruit we had object permanence yesterday that's what it was like what's the other one when you don't like lack of maybe that's what it was like i knew i was way too aware of my surroundings yeah like even trying to hold a conversation was just like far too much and i like couldn't hear anything anybody was saying but i you know what i blame it on is fucking american deli trying to murder me the night before y'all i we went to this restaurant um which is normally like it's lit as fuck it's normally so

good but it's good because it's a chicken wing yeah yeah and i i was like trying to be brave and bold and i got a fucking hamburger from a burger yeah and i'm not kidding when i was eating it i was like damn this is like i know he fucked it up like he it sat there forever because a bunch of friends were over and we were like oh let's like watch a movie and eat and we were like sitting there and it took so long to like pick a movie we didn't end up even watching a fucking movie because we couldn't decide on one it was so bad everyone finished our food and i looked over to drew and he finally put something on and put it down and like opened up his burger and was like this is gonna taste like shit and i looked back

three minutes later and it was literally gone i obliterated that fucking burger and there was something in the fucking oil or the grease i don't know what it was but like almost immediately my stomach started cramping and like it was like oh this is just like typical like oh my stomach hurts every time i fucking eat food in general like this is just what that is but it kept like evolving and it literally at one point i thought like i was having like a period or something like my ovaries were like shedding or the uterine was shedding its lining or whatever the uterine lining and i was like about to start bleeding through my penis tip but like i literally i literally was sitting there

and i was trying so hard not to complain because i was like dude like i'm always complaining about something like can i just shut the fuck for one time and then it started getting serious and like i was explaining it to mason i was like i like my vision started like unfocusing and like i it my eyes started wobbling it was like really fucking scary and then i started getting like cold sweats and i was like anytime you describe your eyes wobbling like i don't like i've never once in my life experienced that so i like it was just it was a lot and i was just like sitting there and i like started like like getting shortness of breath and i was like what the fuck is going on with me and then i started getting like really fucking tired and i was like oh maybe i just need to nap and then i was just like no because like i don't want to ruin

the vibe and then something came over me where i like became a zombie and i was just like looking at everybody and like i couldn't understand what people were saying and like i didn't know what was a joke and what was serious and i just started getting like really insecure in my head it was like i was having a fucking green out bad trip or something. So then I just walked out of my room. Girl, you had the shroom burger. Yeah, literally. I had the portobello shroom burger. But it was actually penis envy mushrooms. But I like, I left the living room without saying a fucking word to anybody. He literally disappeared. And then I was like, damn, that burger got his ass. Well, literally just like left. I was like, Oh, I'm just gonna go lay down for a second, like and just like recoup and then i'll be fine and i collapsed on the bed like i literally collapsed

on the bed like you know dead bodies like like when their arms are all literally me on the concrete in front of the house when i got too drunk and i like started like feeling better but i still felt like shit but it was so weird i was like having like closed-eyed hallucinations about like just like the worst shit possible and i was like spiraling out of control and like in that moment i literally was like i should like go out there and tell them that i think i'm dying and so they can take me to the hospital but i was like i always fucking do this like i'm always like i'm dying and then i fall asleep and wake up the next day and i'm fine but for real like i accepted death from that goddamn burger i lay i like laid there for probably 30 minutes, like having like hallucinations from this grease or whatever.

I don't know what the fuck was going on. And then I like rose and I was like, there was a moment. There was the pink sauce. Yeah, literally the pink sauce. There was like a moment where I was like literally like trying to move my hands because I couldn't, I didn't know if it like had paralyzed me or something. You're the only person who can put yourself into sickness just from thinking about it and i like i like literally was like trying to move my hands and i was like oh my god they're not moving and then eventually like the synapses fired and it connected or some shit and then i got under the covers because i was like fuck um this is bad

this is bad and i just like kind of ruminated and had like an anxiety attack for like two hours because i was awake almost the entire time about like oh i'm like gonna die and they're gonna find my body in the morning and like all this shit but no i woke up i really thought i was gonna die i accepted death i looked death in the face and survived i will say i also felt really fucking nauseous like i like when everybody left i was gonna play fortnight but then i like felt not good. And I was like, oh, when I started getting a really gnarly migraine. So I like got up and like got ready for bed and just went to go lay down. And after I showered and everything, by the time I got to my bed, I was on the phone and I literally was like, oh my God, I'm so nauseous that speaking

makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. So I was like, I need to go. And I just like hung up and like knocked out because I was like, I actually actually if i stay up any longer i'm gonna sleep i'm gonna throw up also i had to fall asleep sitting kind of like lifted up because if i laid down all the way i felt really nauseous and like i was gonna puke everywhere um but that's also because i had chicken wings and then carvel cake hot dogs and bologna so i ate like a 12 year old at a birthday party for the first time. It was it was really bad. And also on top of that, we ate like curry three days in a row for like every fucking meal, which like don't get me wrong. It was fucking delicious and I would do it again. But I think that added on to it that like the curry like coated.

Yeah, having fried pork literally two times a day for three days is probably like not the best. It like coated my insides and like by Steve. But it's so yummy and i literally would have curry again today but yeah we we didn't feel real yesterday and i think it's because of the food we ate and we didn't say anything to each other we like went i was like oh let's go do this and then like let's bring a book and read and we read for a while but then it was so fucking cold outside that i was like we need to leave and while i was driving us to the cactus store i was like i feel like whoa my stomach just growled crazy i was like i feel too real today because i can literally feel the pebbled leather on my steering wheel and like that's when i know like i need to like not be in this car because I literally like I am like feeling things and

realizing everything around me is real too self-aware yeah I'm like too self-aware and then I was like it's better when I drive and I end up somewhere and I'm like oh my god I don't even remember getting here like that's what I like in my day is like my disassociative driving but I was like not dissociating so I was like fully present in that moment and I really didn't like it and it was scaring the fuck out of me. Cause I was like, Oh my God, I can recognize every car around me and see that there are humans in it.

I really like when I like get in my car and then like 30 minutes later, I'm somewhere. And I'm like, I don't even remember how I got here. Yeah. And that feels really good. Even though like, I feel like that's dangerous.

And it actually used to scare the fuck out of me when I first started driving. I remember like going on my Finsta and I don't know if you remember this, but ranting because I was like, this cannot be safe. Like I've never heard of anybody have this. But when I drive, I literally don't know like what happens, but I just end up where I'm supposed to be going. And then I'm like, oh my God, like that was an hour long drive. How do I not remember anything for that hour? It's called like street hypnosis or driver's hypnosis or something like that where like you like will wake up after five minutes of driving and not realize you were just driving for five minutes and you're like i could have killed everybody in this car and just not have like even

questioned it yeah i literally feel like i ran every red light like i was just like tailing the car behind me yeah okay we're like recording so let just try not to make sound. Yeah, try not to drop the LaCroix all over. I didn't drop it. See, that's why I don't give you anything. This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy. Ever captured a great night video only for it to be ruined by that one noisy talker? With Audio Erase on the new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra,

you can reduce or remove unwanted noise and relive your favorite moments without the distractions. And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. That's why I don't give you anything because look at the way you treat the things I give you. I made a small noise. It was so loud, actually, I think my eardrum is burst.

From that? Yeah. That was so small. It's funny how you don't apologize. You just like. Well, that was. I usually apologize. But I'm going to push back today because I was so small.

That's not the only thing about you that's small. Yeah. I said it. Are you going to tag in on that? Or are you just too hurt? He is skinny. No no i didn't oh thank you that's a twist that's a twist i got you i got you um well i want to talk about the fucker right in the pussy guy that was a psycho psychological operation what the fuck was that how is that a thing how did that happen

so many fucking times so many times didn't it only happen once no it happened or was he constantly stalking the news and like doing there's like an eight minute compilation of him fucking saying that on live streams it's the craziest vibe ever like who was that no that's not real because i thought it was just the one time no there was like unless i'm like experienced mandela effect and quantum hackers are changing my timeline and shifting my reality but like that happened like a bunch am i wrong kai yeah i think he got like three people yeah he like bodied so there's four of them i know there was like a halloween one okay, I can't tell if it's a thing, but I think it's like a thing that happened once

and then the news anchors were like, I would have handled that better. And then like, maybe it became like a fun thing. No, he did it a hundred times. Like I specifically remember him doing it multiple times. Maybe you just watched it so many times. No, but like, i don't know when what year was that like when was that a thing that was like i like turtles that was like that era

like post charlie bit my finger viral era post evolution of dance that shit fucking ate i don't know what evolution of dance is oh that's a classic are you serious i don't know what that is it was just this dude doing like different timeline or different um decades of dance on stage and like he was like really fluid and like his body would move really like he was good at dancing the tmz sound that one yeah it was just like this old balding man that everybody's like how the fuck is he doing this but it's like it's it's not gonna hold up today it's gonna be corny but like back in 2008 this was the shit

damn my boring you didn't even watch it i watched you skip you watched literally 0.3 seconds of it and said damn that's boring and you skipped it okay okay okay i'm gonna speed watch it that's not gonna translate in twice speed you're it's like it's the og fortnite emote that's where that came from like the it came from the evolution no it did not i didn't oh do you see how fast i was gonna pick it up to watch it like i was like oh my god i need to know the reference for my culture like like i need to know the reference for my culture like i need to know the references yeah but yeah i just wanted to briefly talk about that because like that was crazy that that happened and went down and i couldn't believe that it was going down

yeah that had some of that had to have been fake because what like i don't even understand it like viral video culture in general in the early 2010s was like insane like go watch any video that we want like any was it shlomo or whatever the parody songs like um snatching the people up hide your kids hide your wife that shit like go watch any of those and you'll see like how cringy we were when we were kids and you have no right or audacity to point to the kids now and be like look how cringy they are like they're so cringy no look at what we used to fucking do and what we used to reference yeah when we were watching that hitchhiker thing and they were showing like the the autotune edits of it i was like i can't believe

this is ever something that like we accepted to consume as like comedy yeah it's like somebody just like chop and screwing and like making them sing the sentence like yeah like literally just adding a vocoder to the voice but um yeah that shit it's scaring you talk about it why Why is it scary? No, I just thought about like the American Sign Language people on stage like faking sign language. Kai? What the fuck was that? Did a bird just hit the window? I don't know, but the drawer thing opened. It rattled.

Like this thing rattled. Stop, you're literally scaring me right now because this is a paranormal experience. Open it. I don't want to open it. There's something in there. What if it's just an animal? Wait, are you serious right now? No, I heard it.

I heard it too, but I thought it was you hitting your mic. No. Like this rattled. Open it. Oh my god. No, because there's a fucking critter in there. Where are the men in the world? There's probably a fucking critter in there or a ghost or a ghoul.

Kai, be careful. Ew, we're going to see Kai get scared. We're going to see Kai get scared. Oh God. It's probably just something falling. Something fell. Yeah. I literally thought a ghoul was in our house.

See? See how these men act in a situation? I wasn't scared. So scared. I wasn't even fucking scared either. Why would you? No, this is like white people in scary movies. Like, open it.

Open it. Go in there. That's how you behave. We behave properly. Like, run away. Don't address the drama. No, but see how I sent off? I'm doing my due diligence.

I'm killing y'all off. I'm like, go. I'm like you go go look go look um and see how you obeyed my command i will always obey a queen okay it was the aid sex location ghost um or the asl american sign language ghost that's a coincidence in the timeline that needs to be sorted out um but yeah i was just thinking about i've never answered that truthfully what but continue asl oh because i haven't been asked that since i was but like you had to lie um but i had to lie for my life yeah but i um was just like thinking about like the ones like faking it on stage and just like not doing anything and like getting caught. Like, how do you hold up a lie that long that like you make it to like Congress?

Yeah, that you make it to like Congress lying about sign language. Like, how is that possible? Who let this like person slip through the cracks? Also, like, what does that give to you? Because that's like probably the most embarrassing, shameful thing ever to be on national tv doing like literally like knowing sign language and watching and being like that person's faking that like that's not real like getting caught like up in that lie is so funny like would ever get rehired no no not even at like a small town like live stream maybe if they never

saw the video with 300 million views but like i don't know i don't know but like yeah that shit was making me like freak out just now and then also just like the the sign language ladies at like rap concerts like who like really go in yeah yeah like the playboy cardi and uh waka flaka one comes to mind immediately i just like love that energy it's like it's it's like security guards at concerts when they like you see them enjoying themselves at the concert and then you're like oh you fully were down for this job so bad because like you love music like because i feel like most of those security guards at venues at least the ones i interact with like oh my god like must fucking evil fran lebowitz and in new york that one i'm like you're just here because like you've been

here for so long and you don't give a fuck about music but like i love when i see like younger security guards who obviously are just like music fans and they're like enjoying themselves at the concert i'm like that is so slight but it must suck to not be able to turn to the artist because like i it's kind of sad when you see a security guard in a video like like bopping their head around and like listening but they can't look yeah i just say like i don't know the music what i just don't fuck with music. What? I just don't fuck with music and concerts and shit. That shit's so boring. It's like I don't fuck with these earthly material things. I'm a more spiritual being and I value connection with other humans. You think music is too earthly?

Yeah. It's like from the dawn of time a form of communication and art. I don't want to bind myself to earthly materials. But you can make music and sounds via just your mouth. So it's kind of like not even earthly. Yeah, well, listen to all the music. What are they talking about? Love, sex, money, drugs, cheating, lying.

I mean, wouldn't you say that's a good thing? Because it's kind of giving a scope to so many people's lives. I'm just confused i'm like kind of confused because this has never been your vibe so now you're like yeah i switched up recently i'm i just said i'm a more spiritual being so but like what like how minerals and crystals drew opened infinite jest again yeah literally did i saw it the other day and i literally cracked up like i picked it up and i was like who the fuck is walking out of the store with this? And then I remembered you. And you. You have that, huh?

And Josh. See how only the men in my life have that shit? Well, it's like philosophy for me. I literally don't know a girl who owns that fucking book. And I also know- The only person I know who's finished it is Josh. No, he didn't even finish it. That's crazy becauseosh can finish a book

josh like or josh is like a bookworm it's like it's literally like the worst fucking book ever written it's just like it's like the same idea of like the sign language people faking it until they make it like everybody's faking like they understand this book like pseudo intelligence also like from what everyone's described to me it literally is classic like man takes shroom realize other human have feeling yeah and then he's like oh my god i need to write a book about this what the fuck and then he did a bunch of adderall and wrote like the longest book ever for no reason that's the other thing like it doesn't need to be that long books don't need to be that long yeah but i don't think books in general need to be that long also like we we

gotta get over it like moby dick like stop making kids read that shit like i'm sorry like what like what is there to reference in that that has anything to do with my life moby dick signed his soul away to the devil like sold his soul to make it the most popular book in the world yeah because i think don kiote is actually the most popular book in the world wait i'm gonna look up most popular it's like the bible than don kiote that no that's the store in japan no but there's a book also like i don't like i've never heard that i'm not kidding i've never heard that in my life it's like it's like a really big book okay list of best-selling books here we go guys oh it is don quixote see how that's that's the second most so it's the count of monte cristo by alexandre dumas

don quixote the lord of the rings the fellowship of the ring the two towers and return of the king literally farting on those books if you put that book in my face i will fart on it i will i will never read a fucking lord of the rings book yeah i'm sorry they literally have that shit in movie like there's movie magic to be seen like why are you using your head i would attempt to read harry potter no i also we had like this book club thing in my school um where like if you read a book like the longer the book was the more points you got i think it was called like ar no that's ar testing ar testing is the one where you're like seeing how fast you're reading yeah i don't know what it was but um i like was like oh i'm

gonna like read harry potter for this shit and like you have to read the book and then take like a test on the book and then you get points for it i said i read all of the harry potter books up until that point but i literally just like skimmed spark notes and skimmed the movie because i will never watch harry potter all the way through never so you would maybe read the book but you wouldn't watch the movie no because it's a personality what if you watch it on double speed uh no and you also have a switch in front of you so you can play and kind of not watch genuinely i will go the rest of my life without watching a harry potter movie just so on my deathbed i can say i never consumed harry potter content but i i don't fuck with that shit i'm so sorry because i know some of you bitches love that shit no it's it's the thing that's the

thing i know one of you bitches has that damn scarf. I kind of get it. Ew. God. Ty literally does have it from the heaven shoot. But the thing is, I understand it. And I get why it's enjoyable and whatever. But I am not becoming a part of that culture. No. Ew. Nasty. But I-

Well, we don't want you anyway. Well, I like the butterbeer at Universal. Oh, yeah. What did you just say to me? We don't want you. Oh, the fucking nerds. You think that's supposed to hurt our feelings? Do you see what jacket I'm wearing?

This represents litmus and jock and slave. Girl, no, it's like dead cheerleaders of a Catholic church. From a cathedral church. Yeah. Like, what are you talking about? What are you... about what are you oh what was i saying oh harry potter but i faked like i read it and then took the test and aced it and um got a bunch of points towards the goal and like at the end of the year if you had the

most points but a fucking course like the nerd losers won and i like ended up getting like seventh place but yeah you had to take like a test to show that you read the book and understood it but oh yeah that was the thing i think that was ar reading you you had to like every book you checked out you had to take a test on the book to prove you read read it for the most part because i do remember taking tests about books i would read where it was like when did so-and-so do this? Yeah. And that's when you were looking up blue eyes, white boy with black long hair, emo boy. Oh, yeah. To call my girl out.

If you don't know, when I was in like fourth grade, this girl, I think I said this story before. But basically, she came to us and she like was showing us a picture on her fucking like little ass phone. I was like, this is my boyfriend. He's 16. Like he's in love with me. And I looked at it. and like little ass phone. I was like, this is my boyfriend. He's 16. Like he's in love with me. And I looked at it. And like, because I also had older siblings and older cousins who are on MySpace,

I looked at it and I was like, bitch, that's a boy from MySpace. But I didn't say anything because I'm slick. And then when we all got to computer time, I was like, oh my God, come look at this. Like, I think I found her boyfriend. Like what? Like I can't Google myself and find photos.

This is weird and then i um called her out for lying and it was so unnecessary and i should have just let her get away with it but i had really big beef with her because i felt like she was trying to replace me in my friend group um damn i had a moment like that too and then i remember freaking out about it i was like it's supposed to be four of us it can't be five of us who the fuck is she like i literally freaked out i was like i'm not having this bitch she's a liar and she's so weird and she was a liar why do we carry that into our real like our adult life where we're like no new friends like you have to like try out well that's now because we like actually have like no emotional or mental capacity we have nothing else to give nothing else to give like um oh what the

fuck was i gonna say um we're talking about reading reading reading also catch her in the rye like you don't need to read that i'm not reading that oh i never read it and i'm not reading it like what why do they sell that still okay in the same vein um i mean it in the same vein um did y'all have like yik yak at your high school or like i remember i downloaded it and i really wanted my high school to have it but like since nobody used their phone the way i did like it wasn't a thing so nobody used the did you know what yik yak was yeah but i was in college whoop damn i was like a sophomore i was like a sophomore like two years i will say i think it was made for college students yeah dude i think i've said this on the podcast but yik yak at ucla was like

vile it was like people fucking and stuff and i wasn't really doing wait what does people fucking mean what is that like they were posting them fucking yeah like what does that mean it would be like oh making love but some people don't do it with love they do it for like lust i mean a spiritual being i only understand love and connection not fucking or whatever but um keep going yeah keep going uh yeah it would be like people getting their dick sucked and stuff and i would like what's the link i don't have the link i don't have the link but i just remember people were like there's so many videos of what he's talking about on the internet you don't need that link

do you know what porn is no he is spiritually inclined he does not know what the p word is don't introduce that to him we just don't see you for like two weeks you just introduced me to my dark side um but yeah on yik yak i think i might have talked about this too as well if you've talked about it but um it was just like a bunch of people like exposing everybody in high school and like like saying the rumors publicly so like everybody could see them and i did not know this was a rumor about me but apparently this was talked about but like i was driving and getting roadhead from someone and i had a seizure and crashed and like that was the rumor about me in high school was

that i was getting roadhead i had a seizure and i crashed like that was put everywhere on yik yak and it was all it was like most liked for the day or whatever the system was like literally insane and then like all the other ones were so like mellow like blah blah blah cheated on blah blah blah or like blah blah blah's dad is in jail damn yeah i was uh i was homecoming king in high school oh my god i can actually look that up and i saw videos of your high school because you showed me. Oh, okay. And you weren't the homecoming king. Damn.

Just like that. I lied. It's the thing is when you lie. At homecoming with you into M's king. From masturbation. That's what you were. Homecoming king more like at home coming. Okay, you got me, dude.

Be a masturbator. Also, Kai, just for future reference, when you lie, you're supposed to say something kind of believable. Like, oh, on my way here, somebody pushed me over and I almost got a concussion because they just saw my face and I looked pushable to them. Then I would be like, oh my God, I'm sorry that happened that happened to you that does sound believable i think me being the homecoming king is believable yeah not to me yeah i'm six one you're not though we already talked about that you're five foot three yeah and you're not gonna lie you're not gonna use our platform to lie to them you're not using this you're not using this platform do you want to know someone who's actually six one me six four actually i just hit my growth spurt again did y'all see the picture of me dunking

that photo is crazy do you see my bounce it looked like a still from a pixar movie yeah i will say when i saw i like showed it to drew i was like oh my god you like got really hot and i was like what the fuck i didn't know i could jump that high we'll insert it right now i got it all right yeah but i like i have bounce i can dunk now on regulation hoops like i'm thinking about starting a basketball league with me and my friends and like or a team at least enjoying that team would look like shit oh we would suck that would suck so bad how funny would it be like you mason kai zamar christian josh lucas on a team at least

it would have to join yeah but no we were art me and mason were already theorized it would literally be elisa and mason carrying exactly no i've never actually seen elisa play but she loves to brag that she can really play her ass i bet she can play but i do believe it because i'm like you were bored like that huh like she like she said that when she first went to like extracurricular college she would literally just like go to the basketball court and play with like anybody who's playing yeah but like you sound like you were that bored sometimes i was just telling mason i was like imagine how funny it would be if like we started a team and like in an intramural league that like the audience is supposed to be three people but like i blow up

the spot one day and like have like 5 000 people show up and like it's like the scene from space jam exactly but i like fuck up and like everybody i suck at basketball so it'd be like really funny actually no i am randomly good at basketball okay no i i randomly am i swear to god i heard drew mentioned basketball like for the first time in his adult life like a year oh are you gonna cry no i i swear to god i throw up i burped my throat fucking hurts bro no fuck y'all fuck y'all fuck y'all i'm gonna make a mixtape i'm gonna make a mixtape i'm gonna make a mixtape like a diss track no like a hooper's mixtape if you were a real hooper you wouldn't know what a mixtape was dude i'm a hooper i'm elite i'm athletic it's back to being my like

my amnesia driven uncle in the backseat of my car because i forgot who we were with was it oh big boy we were driving around and he goes big boy uh big boy big what is that is that is is that a sizzle song and then we were like uh yeah And then he just went silent again. And we kept talking. And he goes, I need a big boy. I need a big boy. What are the lyrics to that? And then we were like, you just said them. And he was like, oh, OK.

Went silent again. And then was like, wait, was that for SNL? Or is that a real song? And we were like, dude, what the fuck are you asking us right now? It was literally like he kept asking things, going dead silent, as if he was looking it up. And then asking us. And we were like, dude, yes.

All valid questions. Sorry. You see what happens when you silence people? Bad shit. When you don't allow people to ask questions. What's the bad thing that happens? Oh, just look around. Look around.

Look around. Look around the room. No, but genuinely look around. And I'm going to become one of those of those oh and so basically he did that and then three seconds later i just hear basketball clips playing from his phone really loud so i thought he was asking us to look it up but he didn't look it up he moved on immediately and started watching basketball clips you're not a hooper you're geriatric and you should kill yourself oh oh i'm the bad guy now don't say anything make him feel bad for what he said to me and

you should kill yourself your name must be billy eilish because you're the bad guy bruh i'm the bad guy no i'm seriously fucking done i'm fucking done all of you um but yeah he's back to be like the insane person like because also what makes it so eerie is drew is dead silent the whole car ride and then that's what bursts out of his mouth and then he gets like really silent after again just wait till i kill someone just wait till i blow up just wait till i blow up roblox the roblox music that's i was never on roblox dude we're already at the point i was at moma and there was an exhibit thing for video games and minecraft was one of the like video games they were showcasing it makes sense wow it's like the world's biggest game damn that was 10 years ago 12 years ago

when minecraft started yeah i mean when i started playing because i was an early adopter i was an early adopter i played the java version and i played like before like you probably i played that one too but i only had a mac um and my mac sounded like it was gonna explode so i had to get it off of there really quick i i would play my brother had a macbook one of those white was like one of the white ones and the screen so this is when i had my knee surgery my brother gave me that macbook and the screen was broken on it but if you connected it like via the hdmi and they didn't have hdmi then it was like the blue cable to like a monitor i could play so i sat on the couch for like an entire week of healing playing minecraft on a broken macbook and

it honestly was so lit and it was so funny because like one of my really close friends didn't know what surgery was at the time and he thought i literally was dying so he like he came over with like the craziest gift basket i've ever gotten in my life like so much expensive shit like he was literally like making a wish for me it was like a make-a-wish basket it was like because vat19 was like hot shitter at that time and it was all the most exclusive vat19 cool shit you got that big gummy worm yes i got that no the gummy bear and then later that uh week when i could start walking again we microwaved it and destroyed my mom's tupperware she was so

fucking pissed but we microwaved and melted it down and made like a big giant gummy um and then i went outside and found a dead snake and dissected it on the propane tank because i wanted to see the insides of it and my parents were like oh my fucking god like is he okay like actually you don't that doesn't sound good not on some serial killer shit i just wanted to see the insides i wanted to see that is literally the start of every serial killer i just want to see the inside well i just wanted to see like its systems it was more of like biology more biology less killer instinct okay and then i found a cicada that there there was actually controversy over this when i first started the internet but i found a dead cicada

and i put it on my shoe and it was dead and i lit it on fire um it was like one photo of it on my shoe and the next photo of it on fire and people were like i can't believe you would kill a cicada for a bit and i was like it was already dead and i was like you need to chill the fuck out and see that's why i'm a more spiritual being because you were setting bugs on fire when you were a kid now i don't kill bugs there's still a uh uh spider in the hallway because i will not let him die. I just haven't gotten around to getting him yet. I think he's dead.

You think? I think he died in there. Because he's been in that cup for like four days. Are you going to cry? That cannot be you crying. Oh. You swallowed it? Fuck, I was was gonna say something but see this is what happens when i don't interrupt people because now i don't know what i was gonna say because i was too busy listening and that's why you shouldn't

do that when you're in a conversation with somebody because you just forget the things you want to say you're supposed to prioritize what you want to say not listening it is so hard to have conversations with people nowadays yeah Just nobody wants to let you interrupt them. Everybody likes... No one wants to work and no one wants to talk. Everybody wants to be on... Have you seen how kids play tag nowadays? They poke each other on Facebook.

Have you seen that meme? No. They poke each other on Facebook. Yeah. Tag. Poke. You're it. Wow. I really... i have nothing to say oh i got a lot to say i was giving you your time to speak but let me get back in the i just forgot what i was

gonna say so i don't have anything to say i'm enjoying watching you talk um my brother saw me brushing my tongue when I was brushing my teeth. And he was like, that's gay. And I was like, what? He was being dead serious too. Maybe don't out him for being literally one of the dirtiest humans on the planet. That's crazy to have never brushed your tongue. Yeah, I know. It was vile. And then I was like, oh, do you have a tongue scraper? dirtiest humans on the planet because that's crazy to have never brushed your tongue yeah i know it

was vile and then i was like oh like you do you have a tongue scraper i can give you a second one and he was like no i don't want that um and then on top of that uh nicocado avocado lives 30 minutes away from my hometown in the same town really oh yes i don't want to say that because i want to make a documentary on him but they live in the same fucking hometown and they're always going to walmart down there and like i never i i just can't stop coming i really just can't stop coming um that's another one of those references that we say all the time that like no one knows like but maybe it's like the select few like when we did the um was that a good price or just whatever yeah it's for y'all i just can't stop coming but i don't even i think josiah recorded

that no josiah is the one who has it because i remember i was explaining it to someone and tried to show them but i couldn't find it and it was just from an IG story of his that he posted. And Josiah's just a freak. And literally anything he finds funny, he saves it to his phone. I just don't do that anymore. I used to do that a lot as like a teenager. And then I stopped because I realized I would look through my camera roll and it would be like 8 million random things that I had no actual personal connection to. I'm so sad about my camera roll like ever since that meme account like

it's like 17 000 screenshots and like three real photos um but i feed the people and people want to get mad at me they want to get pissed at me when they're like i'm the one i'm always sending you memes i'm always sending you videos and i'm like bitch you follow my meme account with 4 000 fucking posts that i have scoured the internet and the earth for. You say like you don't use your iPhone 18 hours a day. It's a hard fucking job that I do for free for people and they don't fucking respect me for it. I do. You don't even like my shit anymore.

Well, I don't like anything. No one likes my shit anymore. I don't like anything on Instagram. It's actually really bad. Sometimes I'll go to a friend's page and I'll look through it. I'm like, I haven't liked any of their posts for like seven months. And I was like, for some reason that feels really evil. And then I'll go through and like things.

But then I'm like, now I just look like I'm like kissing ass and like trying to like get someone's attention. But it's literally like, like sometimes I'll go to Orion's page. I'm like, I haven't liked a post of hers in so long. That's what I was going to say. I was going to say Orion as my um uh like who you that scared me that got me horny honestly kai you have sigma eyebrows sigma yeah that's good right yeah do the

yeah you can do it now do you purse your lips yeah you can do it why can't you purse your lips and do that with your eyebrows at the same time oh yeah you just it's like you had to really like this is so good though yeah i just got a fucking boner on screen really i'll blur it i'll put a one pixel by one pixel blur i started um because it's small more like a 200 by 200 pixel blur so i don't think i meant 200 000 right i need to get um not a rhinoplasty but not a nose job because this too much the whistling out of my nose i've become

self-aware you woke up this morning and said you felt a little sick and had a sore throat no no this is watch every single episode we've ever recorded i remember on like the fourth episode someone commented it was like i fucking love this podcast but the nose whistling is too much and i can't watch it i have heard every single episode maybe at least twice and i've never known yeah because you're immune to it because you see me every day but go back listen you'll hear it you don't have a whistle no i don't have that i have a whistle it's because i have a deviated septum and i need my buccal fat consider me one of the like perfect specimens like a lot of people are like wow of the like perfect specimens. Like a lot of people are like, wow, she's like healthy, gorgeous, big tits, awesome puss. Yeah, the latter.

Yeah. The two. The two less. But you don't think I'm perfect in other ways. No, your body is damn near perfect. But I think that about every woman. If you have a boobs and a vagina, you're perfect. Have eight boobs and a vagina? If you have a boobs and a vagina you're perfect if you have a boobs and a vagina you're perfect

to me i will say you guys both have really good noses thank you thank you he's a good i've been insecure about my beak recently i just realized if i didn't have a big fucking face and a giant head that i would have a giant notch like a giant that's literally every face if you shrink down somebody's face your your nose would look huge. Yeah, but I just have an abnormally large face and head. No, your head is perfect for your body because I saw someone recently, and I was like, damn, you have a big head. But not someone in our friend group.

It was somebody else. But I was seeing them, and I was like, oh, my God, you got a big head. Wow. I'm going to get a head reduction surgery. Can you do that? No. No, because they would have to shave down your skull yeah bullshit um but it's because my brain isn't when i was a kid um i

accidentally made my brother um break his nose that's it we were at the park and we were riding bikes and i didn't see him coming around the corner and i didn't move but he didn't know how to ride a bike and i should have moved and like stopped but i panicked and i just kept going and then he um veered off the path and hit his face into a tree and broke his nose oh no yeah yeah well your brother's a fucking pussy because if that were me in that tree squaring up the tree's nose would have been fucking bleeding and broken I don't think you'd know what a tree is. I'm looking at a few right now. Okay.

So I know what a tree is. You're showing signs of like. I'm not fucking stupid. I just sometimes I can't tell if you're in this reality or if you like know who you are. It's crazy how people think I'm stupid. No, no one said that. I just don't think you know you're a person. I'm not fucking stupid. Holy shit.

You didn't say that, dude. Oh my god. You need to chill out. I was accepted into NASA Space Camp. No way. Shut up. I was. That being something you wrote down.

I actually didn't write it down. I saw something that looked like NASA and that came into my brain. I saw ASL and thought of NASAa oh why because it's an acronym they look like the fucking same asl and nasa yeah like nasa's always all capitalized it was three capital letters that's the only thing oh sorry my brain makes insane fucking connections that y'all cannot comprehend because it's so fucking massive and there's so much space in there that it's become that's what i'm gonna say to my kid when they inevitably come out like really stupid you're gonna call your gay child stupid not for being gay but just because they're stupid just how like i call you stupid not because you're gay but because you're stupid what do you mean he's gay let's get one thing gay i'm straight

i'd like like that about you um i really like that about you that i'm a straight fucking masculine and you're not afraid to put your foot down and talk over people and make them feel like nothing see when i start exuding masculine energy kai cannot look at me he has to look away when i look at him dude i you see you too you too well that's because you make me nervous because like what we just did reminded me of how good our sex life is used to be you're not putting out anymore well that's because i'm on my period and you said you hate when i'm on my period yeah because fucking nasty and stinky i see i told you that's what you always on my period. And you said you hate when I'm on my period because it's nasty and stinky. Yeah, because periods are fucking nasty and stinky.

I see. I told you. That's what you always say to me. You're like, fucking put a cork in that damn hole. It stinks and it reeks like shit. You always say that to me. And it changes her pad in my fucking bathroom. It smells like dog surgery.

Dog surgery is crazy. My parents, i think this is like a common thing that's told to you my parents used to not let me eat eggs when i was on my period because like i don't know if this is just a latin thing because they still do it with my little siblings but it's like you can't have eggs on your period because it makes your period stink more. Bitch, I've never done that in my adult life. And eggs don't make a difference. Did you look into that period, like not working out on your period stuff? Because that was actually really, I was like really curious. Oh, I'm going to look into it.

But it fully is a thing. Like I've looked it up just and like basic Google searches. It's like, yeah, you shouldn't be doing like super intense workouts when you're on your period because it's basically like you're overworking for nothing i wonder if your period is going to affect the way your body is like handling um like muscle memory and shit like it's you're basically doing nothing for nothing and you're gonna make your period more harmful or like you're gonna hurt yourself like if you're somebody who gets cramps you're gonna make your period more harmful or like you're gonna hurt yourself like if you're somebody who gets cramps you're probably just gonna give yourself more i um saw a tiktok about like a really like this girl was like i'm a health freak and these are like

my habits and like the very last slide was like was that the one that was the one because that was the girl who was like oh i do yoga every day and night um and then on my period i do like different workouts yeah well and yeah if you're like on your period and you have to lift something just hit me or drew up yeah just like how y'all were so quick to open that up when you asked her yeah i'm sure you're gonna listen my hand was shaking i know you literally went like this you're like how do we know there's not a critter up there and it just knocked it over so what y'all never had rats i had rats as a kid not rats but like there was like an era in my childhood home where there was

always fucking mice because they would get through the netting of all the windows and then like would just get inside and it was so annoying and i remember like as a kid like sneaking around to get snacks bitch they were sneaking around too yeah so we were literally fighting for the fucking floor the crumbs together we were fighting for the floor in the kitchen and they would always win because I would get so scared. We would get mice because our cats would like go hunting in the backyard because before our cats were inside cats, they were inside outside cats and we had like a cat door installed and they would run inside.

They would go outside, catch a rat, come inside and drop it off in our house like a gift. Like, thank you for taking care of me. Like, you're so fucking stupid. You can't hunt for yourself. So here's a mouse that I caught for you. But they wouldn't kill it because they want us to kill it and eat it and then the mice would just run around and breed in our home it's fucked up i wish i had an outdoor cat azul would never do that also i mentioned azul in the last episode and i realized some people don't know that i have a cat named azul and i saw a comment that was like who the fuck is azul like i didn't and why are they holding this human cat yeah that's

they were literally like oh i thought like she was talking about holding a human until she said that it pissed all over her and i was like whoa like you're not gonna touch on that and then they realized it was a cat but that's my cat i'm gonna touch on that you're clitoris you don't know where that is we've talked about this it's like a big problem I just said it because like that's what people say

but me and Kai both agree that that's a myth I'm just confused because there's this like weird thing where y'all say like y'all act like you like respect women that is us expecting women expecting women? that is us expecting women we Expecting women? That is us expecting women. We do respect women. But we also are like calling out the bullshit.

We see it how it is. But you don't listen to women who say that that's like real? But I mean, you don't know. You don't know what you're talking about. Oh, okay. Like we've done a lot of research. Let the men do the logical thinking. Babe. Let the men do the logical thinking babe let the men do the myth

busting it is hurting like my head hurts just even from that like short conversation um but yeah like that's kind of life and like what's been going on and like we're kind of just like figuring our shit out like as we go i'm gonna finger you out i'm fingering it out. All right. Well, should we get into some media? I watched this movie, Working Girls, and I actually really liked it, even though it literally took three days to watch. I was about to say. But it only took three days to watch because I started with Drew and then Drew fell asleep.

And then I was like, oh, OK, like I'm going to pause it and like finish it with him. And I was like, do you want to finish this movie? And he was like, no. And I was like, oh, OK. And then I like picked it back up when we were with our friends because i was like i'm just gonna play this while we like figure out what we're gonna watch and then everybody very obviously didn't want to finish and i was like oh okay i'll change it and then i changed it and then i had to finish it alone but it actually was really good um and that's my story so fuck you

bitch um and then my musical my musical media of the week is actually i'm gonna ask put this i like this song but i need somebody to tell me what this song sounds like it's just a girl by the pale fountains for some reason it sounds like a christmas song to me but like a latin christmas song but i can't think of it and like maybe it doesn't sound like one and i'm just like tripping and it sounds like something else but tell me if it does but i also do like that song and i think it sounds very good um i'm drinking at a stream i think i already said that actually i've already said the do feels thing um run to me by candy satin wait i already said that Wow. I've been listening to the same shit as last week, so I don't think I have any.

You've also just been on such like an 80s tip in general, like fashion. Movies. Like in the last like week and a half that I've been with you, it's been like only 80s content you've been consuming. I love the 80s. I've always had an affinity for the 80s because when I was growing up,

my parents like really, really fucked with the 80s. So I listened to a lot of music from the 80s, but I've been on a big tip of that and then like if i'm not listening to anything like that that i've already said that i'm literally listening to ice by still like i'm just not like i i'm in a perpetual loop my media is banking with wick um shani Bin Laden um I've been listening to a lot of Shani Bin Laden um

he's really fucking cool um and then um beautiful beautiful beautiful

beautiful I should have been looking beautiful bass down low by Dev I like my beats fast and my bass down low bass down low by dev i like my beats fast and my bass down low bass down low um also

i have been wanting to make music like crystal castle since the first time i've heard them um what's the guy's name fuck him him. The bad guy? Yeah. I don't know. But yeah, the canceled guy. Yeah. Just want to make that very clear. He sucks balls, but... Their music is so good.

Their music is fucking awesome. And then... I think that he didn't even make the music. The guy that got canceled. He was just an evil entity. I think his brother or something made the music. That's crazy. That's so crazy. And he was just an evil entity I think his brother or something made the music that's crazy that's so crazy

yeah and he was just like the face yeah that is crazy um Gretel by Alex G kinda been liking recently

you showed me that song Kai and then uh oh this is the one thinking of you thinking of me bogdan i can't say his last name but you'll find it if you look it up rosinski yeah that fucking person is amazing i want to go to a record store that's all that's it that's what i was gonna say thank you you're welcome i'd be down i want to go to back to a cd store but i have a list not amoeba but like yeah or something something a little different maybe even amoeba but i have like a list of like 200 albums that i want to collect on cd before like the end of the year which like that is so

unrealistic because that is so much money and i won't do that if they're like older albums but not super if they're not all super cutty cds are really cheap that's like the only reason i really started my collection is because unless you're looking into like soundtracks or like really like specific albums they're usually easily like accessible we need to go to book off because that's where you're gonna get cds for a dollar fifty a cd blowing up the spot that book off yeah it's fucking lit um kai's trying to start a fire in our house he just did he just turn up the propane does he have a lighter right now kai

don't like that don't don't like that Bye.