Emergency Intercom - Drew Bought A Birkin

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

Enya discusses a very strange encounter from her past between her and a Harry Styles fan account and Drew shows off his clearly fake bag. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/intercom Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's fucking late, which I don't know how he is. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. We're staying in the same house and somehow he's late to this episode.

Me and Kyle... Oh. What is that? Oh, my God. Okay. I'm sorry. What? Like, can you scoot over?

You're, like, on me. Hi. I'm sorry what like can you scoot over you're like on me hi hi like what are you wearing where did you get this what is this Hermes gifted me a bag Hermes gifted you a bag you don't even have the lock on correctly no I have it undone um because it's a stylistic choice just like i have the plastics on the hardware i'm trying to like make a statement you know what is sticking out of it there's like a big piece of wood sticking out of it should we do a bag tour real quick yeah what's in my bag you know also your where'd you get those glasses the louise i've never seen a tag like that from louis vuitton so i'm like a bit hold on let me take it off so i can see can i borrow them for a second yeah

they feel um can you hold my lock real quick okay okay what's in the plastic on the lock too yeah the plastic on the lock is blue i know okay what's in my bag challenge okay so the big piece of wood oh oh my god get the fuck away from me it's a big ass knife um it's basically like insurance so if someone tried to steal my bag i just pull this out and hack them into little pieces that's smart honestly i don't know if anyone's gonna try to steal your bag because they're scared of me then i have a bag of chocolate bonbon okay rolos specifically oh then i have oh my god come on man i don't think we can we have to blur that you have to blur that um He's a vibrator. Prostate stuff.

Oh. You never know. Is it really? Yeah, you're never going to know when you need that. I mean, I feel like I would know. I would also know, yeah. I have this thing. What is that? I think it's an exerciser for your fingers.

There's no way. I don't think so. That's definitely like. And it's also a shoehorn no and then like it's a wire cutter i don't think you've ever seen anything in your life like then i got a projector okay that's good yeah you never know when you need a projector and we were at the movies and i just stole it last night oh my god drew i was like okay yeah i'll take that they're gonna trace that back to us we were the only people in that theater i got some stamps beauty garden of course what else do i have in here all right like i don't know why you need any of that like in what world do you need any of this

dude what is in there you have sand in there there's like sand no it's my jewels oh okay yeah and then i got it actually looks like you took 30 xanax and walked around a stranger's home and grabbed you take every ssri every day no i keep this shit in here because you never know when you need mod podge like what are you talking about i guess that could be useful with your like rhinestones candle wait it's funny imagine the lights went out imagine the lights went out it's a good point honestly yeah i guess don't don't sorry yeah don't i don't know like who's side to be on thing of pringles okay i don't know whose side you're on oh the authenticity card oh you just keep it in

there yeah just so when people tell me it's fake should i read this yeah we double space certify the anthenticity of this and it confirmed that it has been subjected to the most exciting quality control okay cut it why do you I mean you gave it to me it feels like you didn't read it jewel pod and then can't go anywhere without my candy and mints. And I also have a little Game Boy. Okay. I mean, that's a pretty good bag haul.

An empty case of Lip Smackers. Why do you have that? Well, the Lip Smackers fell out. Oh, they're princess themed. That's good. Because I'm a princess. I'm a queen. You know what's cool is this bag looks like it was made in the same factory that they make basketballs on Amazon.

I'm just saying. I mean, am I wrong? Oh. Oh, my God. Like, no, you can't do this the whole episode. What are you doing? He's going to reenter. I didn't get enough attention the first time.

And you're like putting things in a in frame why did you have a stapler Drew it seems like you just have a bunch of you're dying it seems like you just have a bunch of trash in there it seems like you should shut the fuck up because who has the Kelly me or y'all

no one in this room has the Kelly I Who has the Kelly? Me or y'all? No, so it's not even a Birkin. No one in this room has the Kelly. That's a fake bag. I have the Kelly in my fucking lap right now. Wait, wait, wait. Let's clarify this, though. You couldn't afford a Birkin. No, I got the most rare Kelly colorway.

You couldn't even afford a fake Birkin. Oh. I'm not going to do that. What else is in there? You're pull it again i don't i'm not confirming nor denying that i have a gun in this bag right now so keep talking shit and find out oh my god you're threatening to shoot your friends let's just find out should we find out are we done making fun of me because this is a real kelly that gifted it to me actually i used the reason why is because i used to work at Hermes.

I got fired because I... Oh, wait, you got fired and they still gifted you a bag? Yes, I got fired because... Okay, look. I was hired to do this photo shoot for them to promote their new basketball leather bag. Wait, so you do confirm that it is a basketball? Yes, they recycled basketball they recycled basketball it's a

part of their new sustainability yes and basically what i had done is i put the bag on a pile of trash what insert the photo and i took a picture and it's a conversation on the wealth divide and like things like that and people were just like that's really tone deaf and insensitive um but they were just like you can keep the fucking bag as a severance package, I guess. Wait, so you're saying that Hermes doesn't give you a true severance package. It just gives you the bag. Yes. Why are you mad at us?

I'm going to take my Xanax. It looks like you bought a fake bag that is essentially trash, and then you just put more trash inside. Oh, oh my God. Come on. What was that? Blur this.

Oh, he's going to pull it out on you. Oh my God. Why is it your skin color? What is that? Why do you have, like, what is that why do you have like what is this bag like um well we went with drew and josie to canal yesterday and canal is basically the rodeo of new york because there's a bunch of designer everywhere and it's really fucking cheap too no i don't think you're understanding. Like these glasses, 20 bucks, $3,000 in LA. Wait, no, Drew, it's not like a, it's not like a state to state thing. It's not like, oh, you get it cheaper in New York. It's like, well, it's a tax situation.

You think that the tax difference in California versus New York makes this bag $120 and in LA makes this bag $30,000 well I was gifted this bag you see so I don't know the price of the bag but had I gone to and looked around yes it was $120 I love you and I like trust you but like and I don't

want to put you on the spot but I think you're just setting this like unrealistic standard that like our followers believe. Okay. I think you're threatening us a lot in this episode. Yeah, that's an actual weapon. I actually do have to blur that one. Hypothetically, if you were paying for this bag and I had an extra $10 to give to you, would you have taken that ten dollars to help pay for your bag hypothetically

yes i would have so hypothetically we were on canal and you pulled out a hundred and ten dollars in cash to a man who was trying to sell this to you for 140 and i said no 120 and you had 110 and i didn't want you to pull out more cash because i didn't want him to think you had more and i gave you the 10 so you could cover the cost of this bag which is 120 hypothetically do you think that did happen that's the way it would go down okay yeah if it did happen but it the the camera looks like this shot looks really fucking good through these glasses but then i take them off and i'm like what the hell you know what i mean like it looks moody well it's because it's because it gives you like you're wearing rose colored lenses i'm gonna put my toes up your butt if you don't stop scooting towards me oh are those your little feet yeah okay well now what oh i didn't even

talk about my clogs anyway we've we're still in new york we're gonna be here for a minute i don't think we ever clarified that we're gonna be like here for like an entire month for the rest of all time um and josiah came to visit while we were here and he has gone to canal every other day since he's been here and he has not bought a real like souvenir or gift for himself since he's gotten it's crazy he just he goes to canal street and spends so much fucking money and the thing is is josiah doesn't spend money ever but for some reason he can buy so much fake shit and not even batman but it is like hilarious like carrying this bag around changes me like in a very real way it changes me it changes my confidence and i become like legitimately a different person like it's actually crazy um he becomes an awful person if that's what if y'all were wondering like what

does him being a different person mean it means he becomes a psychopath it means he sits in the car and when no one and no one wants to talk because we've been talking all day if we get a car somewhere he's just mentioning the bag to us like we haven't seen it on him all day last night wait i'm in my bag like not me being in my bag too last night we went to go see a movie and we took a car back to the house. And Drew was like, first of all, Drew chose to squeeze into the back seat, which we realized he continuously does anytime we do get a car. It's because I like to rest my knees up on the back. You like being smushed. Exactly.

But we were about to get in. And then me and Elsie were like, OK, we'll just like get in the back because we're like smaller. And Drew cuts between us and is like, no, I'll get in and squeez i me and elsie were like okay we'll just like get in the back because we're like smaller and drew cuts between us and is like no i'll get in and squeezes back there and the whole ride home i want to sit in silence but drew kept whispering behind my ear i don't even remember what you were saying like i was literally just saying help like i was literally just begging for help but no the reason why like i think it's like six to seven times out of ten like if there's multiple people riding in the car and it's like do you want the front seat or the back seat i'll take the back seat because i like to rest my legs like

on the seat because i like them to hang down and like float a little bit um and it like squishes me um but i don't even what the fuck was i saying i know you were kind of repeating yourself in a really crazy way i literally don't even know what i was saying drew's been on a crazy fucking tip like he has not been a real human since the moment we got here it's crazy and here are some of my favorite quotes i've just started writing down quotes from like josie and drew the past week because some of the things they say like before we get into it let me um explain um why i've been feeling this way i'm about to shit myself also but before i do that oh wait no never mind um i've literally been sick the entire time I've been here. Like from the day we've landed,

I have been sick with either the cold or a flu. Also, we've been testing. Yeah, we've been testing Hella. And it literally is just like... It's just a cold. Well, I have been, for the most part, fine. It's Josie and Drew who have been like actually passing away consistently. So I've been, for the most part, fine. It's Josie and Drew who have been, like, actually passing away consistently. Yeah. So I've been, like, sick the entire time, which has made me feel, like, actually crazy.

Like, my brain is, like, completely different. And, like, two days ago, remember, I was like, holy shit, like, this is the best I've ever felt. And it was because I, like, it was, like, the first day that I wasn't sick. And then I went to sleep and woke up and was actually the most sick I've ever been in my entire life. Legitimately. And that was yesterday. Also, granted, Drew says this about every single thing that happens in his life.

Anything that happens is the most it's ever happened. Simply. If Drew is hungry, it's the hungriest like yeah simply if drew is like hungry it's the hungriest he's ever been in his entire life is he if he is tired it is the tiredest he's ever been in his entire life or like the most food ever served in the world i don't even that's what happened to you at kenka is that what y'all were talking about in the room yeah was your serving it was crazy it was literally the biggest bowl of fucking curry i've ever gotten in my life it was actually insane wait and you didn't finish it no damn

because i feel like you had like one noodle no i had i had a bunch of noodles but it's like it's gotten to this point where i hate eating messy foods because it stains my mustache and then i like literally like walk around with fucking stinky mustache so i like don't eat like we we ate at like what golden diner and i had that like chicken katsu sandwich or whatever that stained my mustache for two days and like i would scrub the fuck out of it my brother used to say that when he ate a big mac it would stain his upper lip for like three weeks and then he hated eating big macs because he was like dude i'm not kidding i feel like the smell of a mac it lingers on my fingers for three weeks and they put something hella strong in it so that it lingers because for some people they're like damn i need a big mac because

they can get a whiff of it and they're like shit i need some of that fucking mac sauce bro i'm about to mac on your sauce okay i'm gonna mac on your box so then what oh my god why are you saying it's threatening i'm gonna watch oh my god i'll cut i'll just cut yeah just cut that yeah just cut cut it um you need to cut it because drew has been crazy the past two weeks um here are some of his quotes one of them was from last night okay should i give the the like we'll give a little backstory like context yeah okay so the first one is we were at breakfast i think it was it wasn't after a night of drinking or anything right we literally just like all went our separate ways went to sleep and then we were like let's meet up at breakfast and when i got there

drew and elsie were sitting there probably the most silent i've ever seen them but in reality they were just eavesdropping like crazy on the couple next to them um which they described as the worst conversation they've heard it was it was so fucking dry it was like two people that were robots like made to like they were made to have a conversation but neither of them were able to do it it was it was really insane like i'd never heard a conversation like that in my life what was the thing wait fuck it's he said something to her that you guys like kept it was giving it was giving like um where'd you go like that type of like are you okay or something like that mind racing yeah yeah mind racing i was

like oh my god i had like a lunch with someone and they're like it like falls out of their like mind racing and she's like oh i've just had such a long day like also mind you it's like noon yeah it's like all day um so whatever i got my food i sat down with them and we're talking about something and then randomly drew cuts through what we're talking about and says did you see bryce hall have a change of heart he did he did like oh wait are you talking about the ayahuasca thing yes he did well he did some hallucinogen i don't know what it was i think it was mushrooms yeah i think he did mushrooms and then like he had like a really gnarly trip sex oh he did sex pussy yeah that shit is hallucinogen that shit got to me crazy pussy can have the pineal gland like opening like crazy like third eye um but he he took a bunch of

mushrooms had a really gnarly trip and in the trip he was just like um i'm like the worst person on this planet that's awesome and then he changed his heart also like god bless him like and that is amazing and i genuinely do think that but when i saw that clip all i thought it was like it was the quote was like why do men have to have ego death to realize that they have feelings that people around them have feelings that's literally me when i was 16 like wait wait i think the people around me are feeling to develop empathy yeah like just like why do you need that but drew said that which made us laugh so fucking hard because to say did you see someone have a change of heart like is awesome then we were in the car and i was driving or no i think else he was driving and i was like on the same side as

drew and he was just like conking out with his fucking head against the window and he goes there's a ghost in that tree and that's it and he didn't say anything else and we all looked at the window we were like what the fuck are you talking about and then when i brought this quote up later he was like you saw it you did though there was it was a fucking plastic bag in the tree and i was like there's a ghost in that tree um but to say in that tree and he didn't point he just said there's a ghost in that tree and moved on and once we finally got these are literally only funny to us no they're fucking awesome once we got to the park we sat we parked he knew we were on the way to the park we parked the car and we were

sitting and talking for like three seconds and he looks up from his iphone and looks around and goes oh so we're here and that's all that's what he broke signs where we were all talking about like what we were gonna do and like oh should we sit in the car longer and he just goes oh so we're here no no no i thought we were at the coffee shop because you were like we're getting coffee and i was like oh so we're here i don't get it like the way you said it was so funny and then also we were on we were in an uber on the way out we had all like drank a bit and we were like going to like meet up with friends. Not me. Not me.

I'm sober. I don't drink. I don't drink. Yeah, Drew's been drinking actually. But we were on the way to meet. It was to meet you and Mason at karaoke. Which they were five hours late to. We'll get into that in a second.

Claiming someone was five hours late to something that was happening at 10 p.m it's crazy um but we on the way there we didn't even tell you this but the uber driver like was uvu jobber did you know he did a bunch of incest porn sorry did he actually yes he had an only fans the uber driver guy that's crazy yeah how old is he i think he's like our age wow people get a lot done quick um but they really just figure out their life fast but on the way there this guy like took an illegal turn and it's saying almost t-boned our Uber driver would be like a stretch of like something actually almost happened. But in reality, like a hundred feet away, the Uber driver saw it coming and just stopped and like kind of hit his brakes fast and drew from all the way in the back. Very seriously. Thank you for saving our life well it was like i really thought we were like

dying i genuinely was like oh my fucking god we almost died and then like i had to thank him i was like thank you for saving our life because he was like quick thinking he thought like he he went through the motions very quickly it was just so funny because he was the only one all the way in the back and we were all cracking up about like him slamming on the brakes and once it died down he goes no seriously thank you for saving our life and then also the Uber driver didn't say anything to him

he was like yeah how about you shut up you freak you freak bitch also this is another backseat quote from Drew this is the last quote from Drew he just randomly after no one was paying attention to him for like five minutes of him trying to get her in touch with the bag he just said let boys cry but it is true let boys cry like do you know what i mean like boys should be able to cry

boys don't cry though but boys should be able to cry let us, do boys cry? Let us cry. Let us cry. I've never cried today in my life. Yeah. Oh, it sounds like you've cried. I'm not a female. Yeah, I've cried. I've cried three times on this trip. Have you actually? No.

You kind of did. No. Wait, so you cry. Let's get that straight. You cry. I cry a lot. Let's get that gay. You cry. you cry a lot

let's start saying that instead of saying let's get this straight let's get this gay like because gay is real what are some funny things that i've said on the trip because you did drew and now you could do me um well you did say that no that wasn't funny sure there was something you know um just open the kai the kai part of the note where it's like oh funny things oh you don't want to know what my notes app says about kai trust me you do not want to know what is this note that i have ever written your name in my life oh and yeah what is this in your sending nudes to a harry styles man oh what is that because i read this this morning because i was like i need to go through this just to know what i want to talk about and i don't know what that note means you do that all the time you write like the most

incoherent way to remember a thought as if you can remember thoughts like in the next five minutes let alone through that like whatever that was supposed to mean i don't know what it means so once upon a time get into it it was we were talking about we were talking to someone about like nudes in general and we were like how funny is that that people like just take nudes and like whatever people take nudes with their face in it all the time like whatever we're talking about that and i was we were just like i was like oh i don't do that anymore and like the chunk of me doing that in my life which used to really scare me was when i was younger but now i'm always like well that's illegal so like i don't like worry about it or think about it but and also don't send nudes yeah here hold my hand rude oh my god i'm just like we have like

a big audience send nudes oh no we have a big audience who's like young and impressionable i'm trying to send a good message okay i'm trying to send a good message to send nudes um but when i was younger and i had met somebody on the Internet who I thought was gay because they were a huge Harry Styles fan. Watch out for that. Like, watch out for that. Oh, it was this guy who he was like a big like a bigger fan account. And he was known for being like hot or whatever. Yeah. he was known for being like hot or whatever yeah um like he was known for being hot but also like

super effeminate and a harry styles fan and i became friends with him and obviously like not obviously i don't want to say that but like in my head i was like okay you're this like guy who like you never talk about girls you're only ever talking about wanting to like fuck harry styles like it seems and when we talk i'm like okay like you're gay yeah so you're gay like that that was like the vibe i was getting granted maybe i should ask but this is not on me anyway i'm talking to this guy about like this guy this other guy i do like and i was like yes i was like yes we are having a key in our text messages right now my gay best friend you um so we were what the fuck are you getting out of there he's pointing the mic into the bag when he rummages through it

now you're eating some fruity roll-ups right now that's what they call me why do they call you the roll-up part because i'm flexible oh um so basically i was talking to this guy and i was talking about another guy who i like really liked and i was like i think i'm gonna send this guy a nude like like i was like you know what i think that's what he wants from me like i'm gonna do it but i had never sent a nude before so i was like fuck i don't know and this guy's like oh my god girl like just send it to me like i'll let you know if it's like cute like blah blah blah and i'm like oh okay like i i guess like just let me know if it's like like not a flattering photo whatever so bitch tell me why I sent this motherfucker a picture of my fucking boobies.

And I sent it to him and he was like, girl, that is so slay. Your boobies are so slay, girl. Girl, you have the most perfect boobs ever. Ugh, like to die for. Like, tell me like that about this nude I just had. And I was like, thank you so much, girl. I'm going to go and send this off and hopefully we get good feedback gbf okay me and this guy kind of like stopped talking because then like over time he starts like really hitting me up like post that

in a crazy way that i was like i had started to get an inkling that i was like okay cool like i think i just sent a nude to someone who like wasn wasn't gay. Like, that was like the vibe it was giving. And I was just like, okay, we started kind of disconnecting. Then lo and behold, this motherfucker goes and gets a girlfriend. And I was like, hello? Like, what the fuck is happening?

But I never made any comment on it because I was just like, okay, like maybe it wasn't that insidious anyways, because like, this is literally when I was like 15, 16. So I was like, okay, maybe it's not that insidious like it's it's whatever fast forward to like a year and a half later we are all somewhere where one day we have to get into it but we're we all just so happen to be in a hotel room together um and i'm walking back to my room to go hang out with a friend and i didn't know it was him yes

it's him what the fuck i thought it was just some random head no it was that person oh my god this story it makes so much more fucking sense yeah and that's how i knew it was insidious and evil yes because this motherfucker did it to another one of our friends yeah the exact same fucking thing yeah whoa yeah it's sick untwisted yeah basically this motherfucker is a freak and was like begging me for nudes and to come into his hotel room and i was like can you leave me the fuck alone and then um i basically blackmailed him and made him give me 200 or else i was gonna his girlfriend. And his girlfriend found out anyway because one of our fucking friends fully put him on blast. Which was a slay because I still got money.

At the end of the day, I got my money. He literally would fake gay for nudes. Yeah. He's like ultimate. What is that? Like Chad? Is that Chad behavior? Is that Chad behavior?

I feel like that is not Chad behavior. Who's Chad? What behavior would that be i thought chad was like a vegan person i think chad's like alpha male right yeah that's what i mean cool or i guess that's sigma behavior i don't even think that's sigma because sigma is like that's like get your hermes bag off of canal street. No, it's Sigma. Schmegma is something very different. You want some Schmegma from Drew? I'm a lone wolf. Could I get a little bit? I do my own thing at the end of the day. Sorry, we're being broken into right now.

Give me everything you have. No. Sorry, we're getting delivered. This is the second time y'all have delivered us stuff in a podcast episode um well we briefly spoke about this um in the last episode but i don't think it was touched enough or talked about enough. I don't think it was touched enough. But Kai being one of my alters, like he doesn't exist in y'all's reality and only in mine. But for some reason we have like a mass delusion. You guys know that I exist, right?

That makes sense. No, it doesn't make sense. I do exist. Kai, how old are you? 24. Okay, no. Tell the truth. I'm 28. She's 23, no. Tell the truth. I'm 28. She's 23. 28.

I am 28. That's the truth. Tell the truth. Kai, you're gorgeous. Honestly, thank you. You're very lucky. A lot of white people at your age start deteriorating. They turn to zombies. I thought you were like 24 when I met you. Okay, that's awesome. How long long have you been wearing spf for for like the past two years

for like the past two years i do retinol too fentanyl not i don't do fentanyl i said retinol why would you do that on purpose i don't why would i do fentanyl yeah first? Why would I do fentanyl on purpose? First of all, it feels amazing. It gets you more high. Speaking of drugs, I don't think I've told this story on the podcast, which I probably shouldn't. Or maybe I have and I'm just forgetting because it's been 10 years. But have I told the story about me? Have I told the story about me like waking or like not being able to sleep for like a couple months

and then i asked my dad for help and he gave me trazodone and um an ambien no you mentioned the fucking last both yeah he gave me both but wait same situation as last time where he was like take one of these or the trazodone was like a big fucking trazodone it was built for like i think i've told this story before no i don't think so just no because i don't know what you're talking about it was a big fucking trazodone it was like the one that was a trapezoid where it was cut into four doses but like my dad is like a bigger guy so he was um able to take that in one dose um and he didn't tell me this but i should have cut off a fourth of it and taken that to get to bed and then on top of that he gave me an ambient um i don't think he meant for me to take the trident in the ambient physical album

of it or what like ambient music he gave you ambient music to fall asleep to i was so confused um but no he he gave me both of them and i don't know what his uh prerogative was i think he was trying to kill me um i don't think you're trying to kill me but i i took both of them and i took the full dose bro shut the fuck up and go to sleep leave me the fuck alone leave me the fuck alone. Leave me the fuck alone. Like he was literally like, leave me alone. You're like, oh my God, you're 15.

You should be able to go to sleep. Like get out of here. So he gave me both. I was like, what, like 100 pounds at the time? Hey, Brian. Because I was like deeply depressed and not eating. And I had taken an Ambien before and it made me feel really good. And I ordered a bunch of

shit off of Amazon um Philips Hue lights to be specific but anyways so I knew I knew what to expect at the Ambien but I'd never taken a trazodone before but I did a bunch of research before I took it because I'm a freak about drugs and it was just like there's literally nothing like to worry about it doesn't affect like your mental state like it just is like a chemical thing or whatever it's like beneath the scenes it may make you drowsy but that's it but i took both of them at the same time um and i was watching i don't remember what show i was watching but i was just laying in bed and then like i felt like vibrating all throughout my body and i started like sweating a bunch and like i was there

i was feeling like pulsing you would have laid on top of me yeah i would use your body for my pleasure yeah exactly i mean you're vibrating come on you need you need some more of those it was giving it was giving wing butt 3 000 maybe 4 000 um but i was laying there my body was like started buzzing and my brain was like zapping. It felt like fucking electricity was like exploding in my brain. And I've only had this experience one other time. And it was when I drank a bunch on my Klonopin. And I genuinely thought I was going to overdose. But that's another story for another time.

Damn, bitch. Me when I ran through like that. I was self-medicating hella. Like it was crazy that's a crazy way to describe like playing with drugs well no it was like i was genuinely like the most depressed in my life and i was oh were you actually trying to like like figure out like a potion for yourself i was like trying to avoid reality literally me when i'm making potions in the backyard with dirt and grass literally um so i was laying there brain zapping body vibrating super fucking hot and

sweaty and i was like something is not right this is crazy i've never felt like this so i stood up and like immediately like i get lightheaded you know the layout of my old bedroom how my wall was here my tv was here my giant fish tank was here i get out of bed and walk around my bed and i had a trash can um by my bed that i hadn't fucking taken out in like probably three months so it was like gross filled overflowing disgusting and i literally just like faint i faint into the trash can and i fall like face first into the wall my cheek hits the wall and i'm just like laying there in a pile of trash and i don't know exactly how much time passed but it was less

than probably like 15 minutes because the same episode of the show that i was watching was on and i woke up in a pile of garbage and i was like holy fucking shit like i'm like i'm literally like overdosing or something right now like what is going on and like i start freaking out and i'm uh thinking in my head like i'm not about to die in a pile of garbage. Like, come on now. Like I cannot die in a pile of garbage. This is so cliche. So I stand up and I start walking again and I get in.

I have like a hallway in my room. Like my en suite bathroom is here. My bedroom is here. And then my door was here. And I'm walking towards my door and the vibrating, buzzing feeling happens again, like the zap. And I just like am standing and I fall straight back, hit my head and bite through my tongue. And so now like I like I fall like literally like out of a cartoon, like like it was crazy. And I'm laying there on the ground. I wake up again like a couple seconds later and I'm like, dude, my head hurts.

My tongue is bleeding like I get up again and I stand up again and I pass out again from standing up and I'm like holy fuck like I'm literally gonna die so I've passed out three times now in my bedroom and it's all from standing up so I like I'm in my head and I'm like okay every time I stand up I'm passing out so I just like have to crawl so I like open my uh bedroom door and i crawl to my sister's room and my mom was sleeping in there at the time and i like just like pass out on the floor again and i headbutt her door open and it was just like this big fucking thing and like oh wait like you went to your parents i went to my sister and my mom because i couldn't go downstairs and i'm like i

start yelling i'm like i'm dying i'm dying like please someone fucking help me i'm like overdosing like please someone fucking help me I took trazodone and ambien like I need help like call an ambulance call an ambulance and like this was in the era where like I was starved for attention and my sister and my mom had just been woken up out of a crazy slumber and they were like girl shut the fuck up like no you're not and I'm, dead ass I am. And this was also in an era where I was like really insecure about my body still. And like I wouldn't even let my like family see my body. I hated my body so much. Like it was really fucking gnarly. And I was in my boxers and my mom was like, wait, like this is kind of crazy because he's like, like he literally is like he feels like this is life or death.

And she was like, do you actually want me to call an ambulance? And I was like no whatever and i just fell asleep on my sister's um bedroom floor until the morning and i just like had knocked out there but i fainted four fucking times or three times um and it was like the craziest experience ever like i i wish i could like describe better like the body and mind feeling i had it literally felt like lightning was like electrocuting my brain it was crazy it was probably the ambient right that did that it was like i think it was like the concoction mixing them it was like the trazzan big ass trazadone and the ambient have you ever gone to the ambient subreddit uh after

i bought a bunch of shit yes i did i like went I, like, went on there and, like, it's, like, seeing the walrus or whatever. It'll be, like, a photo of somebody and their hand is, like, like, their fingers are, like, it's, like, a foam cup and their fingers are, like, punctured through the foam cup and it just says McDonald's or something as the caption. And it's all spelled wrong and shit. Are y'all talking about buying drugs online? No, it's, like, a subreddit that, like, people who... Oh, oh, people go on when they're, like...

Yeah, people, like, yeah, post on like oh people go on yeah people like yeah post on it when they're on ambient yeah um well that's fucking insane i literally what's crazy is like to be in a state of mind where you are like open to taking things period yeah like that that's like i guess i've just like never i'm so terrified of, like, everything. But, I mean, with good reason. But I feel like you had your reasons to be scared of, like, every, like, drug ever known to man. Well, I wasn't even, like, scared. I would just, like, neurotically research every drug.

Like, I, like, have, like like the craziest knowledge on literally every substance because i was obsessed like literally obsessed with like altering my mind it was like it was really gnarly and then like i was gonna never mind but yeah i i loved drugs in high school so bad fuck me up for life i loved like tending to myself and like self-care and baths i didn't i did not like baths i fucking hated baths i didn't do shit for myself in high school um but i didn't do that but also i guess i also didn't have like um i didn't have like access to that stuff and i didn't know anyone you didn't have access to a bath like drugs and stuff like i didn't know anybody who was like doing anything other than like weed and lean and those just like never piqued my interest like i didn't know anybody who was like

like like even during like the zandemic like there wasn't like people who i knew who were doing xannies like that wasn't like a thing like i didn't know anybody who was like abusing adderall until i met like other people who were not from where i was from yeah um i was so secretive about it too like all my drug use is crazy i was so i got so good at hiding drugs um i think it also maybe has to do with the idea of like if you're somebody who even goes to the doctor i feel like that's like like does that make sense like the ideology is like if since i lived in a neighborhood where like most people didn't have health insurance or health care and stuff and like obviously mental health was not like on anyone's mind those kind of things weren't even like in our scope like adderall and

like ssri's like i didn't know what an ssri was like obviously i'm not dumb i knew people had depression not to say that like not knowing that makes you dumb but like i knew that those things and i also knew because i was feeling that but i i still didn't even understand the fact that there was like medicine for that like i didn't know that so yeah i feel in high school yeah the only thing i cared about in high school is like getting pussy getting pussy and the football game because i was the quarterback you were not the quarterback in high school i'm sorry why don't you believe me when i say that what why don't you believe me i was the quarterback and the most popular insert a photo if you're the quarterback yeah you might not insert it you would have a lot of photos they'd probably

take so many of you no they never took one why would they not take a photo of you being the it's giving she doesn't go here you don't know her no they voted me as like uh smartest coolest Smartest, coolest. Most likely to be stupid. That's. Oh, my God. Well, I have this note. Should I read it? Yeah. In high school, since we're like still talking about that shit, I used to not wash my clothes all the time because i was super fucking depressed

and disgusting and i thought i was slick and i would spray febreze and wrinkle release all over my dirty clothes um before school thinking i was slick and i feel like that is a very big sign of a depression depressed person is if they smell like Febreze and wrinkle release. I like was not allowed to not have clean clothes. But also I've always been on my like germaphobe tip of like that freaks me out. Like even in my darkest depression, like that freaks me out. It wasn't until I was like really depressed and like 20 years old and living alone that i would be like so sad that i would just like not be able to shower yeah and even then like i could go max like a day without showering but the

next day i'm like i have to shower i'm gonna freak out because like i think that for me is something that like makes me feel even worse like and not in like a comforting like like oh like whatever like i'd rather just like lay here but like literally i'm like oh i'm gonna like just lay here but that's because i'm like clean and i'm like i always smell good and whatnot was that snow patrol that you were singing yeah so sick what is that band it's like 2008, I think. Can we just lay here? Would you lie with me and... I remember when I first heard that song, I was like, I don't know, maybe this is not normal, but I feel like music just is not,

doesn't affect you as much as you get older. I remember like hearing that song, which in hindsight isn't like the best song in the world. Like being like a little kid and hearing that and being like so overcome with emotion yeah me with hey there Delilah yeah like that song literally like changed my life in a very real way bad day you know the song is like you had a bad day oh yes that song freaked me out because it made me so much sadder than I already was Is that normal? I feel like it is

As you get older you get kind of jaded to stuff But like Hey There Delilah I remember listening to that song and imagining World building Falling in love and all this shit It starts in my toes Then I crinkle my nose Wherever it goes

I always know You make me smile Stay for a while now Wait what song is that? Crinkle my nose. Wherever it goes. I always know. Damn. You make me smile. Please stay for a while now. Wait, what song is that? I don't know. I don't know the name of that song. Doesn't she talk about bubbles in her or some shit?

Bubbly toes? I swear to God, she talks about bubbles. Bubbly toes. Yeah, I swear. She says something about bubbly toes. It starts with my toes, then I crinkle my nose. Bubbly toes. Wherever it goes. toes, then I crinkle my nose. Bubbly toes. Wherever it goes, I always know you make me sound...

I might be saying lyrics wrong, though. Remember when you walked into a glass plane? Stop! Dude, it was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. So we're at the Noguchi Museum, getting some Noguchi lamps and just observing our surroundings. It's really cool like sculptural artwork.

See, I was just so taken in. No, you weren't. By the way. No, you weren't. And there's like there's like glass doors everywhere. Like dividing

every one of the rooms. And we're like heading out after we make our purchases. And Inya and I are just like talking back and forth to each other. This is before we make our purchases. And Inya and I are just talking back and forth to each other. This is before we made our purchases also. She's looking forward. And she's looking at the door. No.

Hold on. No, no, no. I wasn't looking at the door when it happened. Okay. Well, whatever. You were walking towards this glass door. I'll get my side of it because you're crazy. And Inya literally just walks into a giant glass pane the door is right here she walks

directly into it like nothing happened like nothing happened and or like she couldn't see it and then we all just die laughing but she was so embarrassed so here's what happened we were coming downstairs and like we weren't that far behind these two guys and they saw us and they held the door open for a second and but i think in the time it took us to finish getting downstairs they were like bitch i'm not holding this door open that long so they kind of like they like dipped i would have held it open and i didn't realize it because i i thought they were holding the door open and there was a lady with um with like really nice boots on to like my right so say like you're where the like lady

with boots is and it's like a big glass pane and then the door and i was thinking that it was two doors but one of them was being held open by the sky still and i was looking at the lady's boots and i was like those are really nice boots i think they hallucinated that man because i did not see no they were still in the room because they saw it happen and they didn't say anything they didn't even laugh because i think they kind of did feel like oh that's on us like that was on us because they literally were holding the door open and i don't blame them because we were just fucking taking so long but i have never hit a glass door like that it was crazy she walked directly into it and it was so embarrassing because those boots had me mesmerized you were mesmerized why did you walk directly into a piece of glass oh

because that's what pretty people do wait have you never done that that's what like gorgeous hot people do i actually i actually just did that i actually just did that twice twice i just did that twice dude if you do it twice that means you're really ugly. It's the one time that makes it gorgeous. I did it three times. That's really bad. It's worse? That means you're unbearably, like, it's like, it honestly is like against the law to be seen. I just realized both of y'all are going to die in seven days. Oh my God.

If you have acne, just wash your face with soap and drink water. Yeah, drink more water. Wait, do you not know that it's like a it's kind of like an inside thing just drink well and eat well get your gut health in check oh yeah because your gut health is like awesome me after eating a bag of takis you do have such good skin for how for only eating like neon red neon neon green, and neon blue food. It was crazy because when we went to the Noguchi Museum, that was the first day since being here that I actually got to eat good food. And it's because we stopped at a gas station and I was able to get my candy and mints and bag of chips.

Bag of chips? It was annoying because I was thinking, I was like, oh, what did we eat that day like what did what was the good food we ate yeah i do i was literally like finally i get to fucking eat good food or real food i know and i looked at the back seat and it was like berry flavored gummies talkies a red bull um oh i drank a red bull for the first time in a long time and it was so good i literally felt so good after drinking it. I was like, damn, maybe I'm back on the horse.

Maybe I can start drinking Red Bull again. Red Bull's good for you. It's like a supplement. I also got bazooka bazooka bubble gum. Oh, really? With the gum with sugar in it? Dude, Drew literally goes into a gas station, and whatever packaging is louder, that's what he picks. That is how he picks his candies

Like it's not it's not like Like if it looks like it has a vintage vibe to it Taste with your eyes exactly first first taste first and then your nose and then your mouth Think about that So in your walk, I see it I smell it and then I taste And then your mouth. Think about that. That's how I feel about your butt hole. So Enya walked into- I see it, I smell it, and then I taste it. Yeah, you take a bite of it. Yes, sir.

So Enya walked into a glass plane, and she also almost killed us on a rebel. Okay, like a lot of this is- Which is a scooter. A lot of this is being framed in this light that no one's asking if I'm okay. Like what happened to the me in the situation? But you know what?

Because I'm so secure and confident in my person, I walked into that glass of pain and then I, that painted glass, and then I continued on with my life like nothing happened. That's awesome. Because no one could bother me. I'm not kidding. It actually is crazy. Even the second it happened, Elsie and us laughed and like, I just kept moving and then they tried to bring it up like twice more and I got too distracted.

Oh my God. Wait. Water fountains are so good. Let's about that they do taste really good like why is drinking out of a water fountain so good i think that's how we were meant to drink water yeah it's like the cats drinking it's like the cats drinking out of the flower fountains like they drink better it's like the same it's so good that sucking motion, but you don't have to put anything in your mouth. It's because we used to drink out of waterfalls. Pause. Pause. Pause of the year.

Pause of the day. You do that when you eat. When Drew eats and he has crumbs on his fingers. He smacks his lips. No, he goes like this. Like this. But his fingers are so dry that you can hear it. Put the mic next to that.

It's so loud. You know when you rub your fingers together and then all those little brown bits of dead skin? No, that doesn't happen to me. Oh my God, that happens to you? Yeah, it happens to me. It happens to everyone. Oh my God.

I'm not dirty. I wash my hands. I wash my hands too, but this is a normal thing that happens to everyone. Oh, basically the rebel, thank you you the revel murder that almost happened was you know how in new york all the outdoor dining is like they've created depressed wait we also i'm sorry i'm so sorry the worst thing that happened post covid two things one some restaurants and and i don't mean all the people that were affected by i'm I'm not talking about that.

This is the worst thing that actually happened. The worst shit that ever happened because of COVID. One, some restaurants give out like plastic. Like there are still some restaurants who don't give you real plates and shit anymore, which pisses me off because I'm like, one, not sustainable. Two, I am paying you way too much money to be eating off of a plastic dish right now. I let it slide for COVID because I was like, you know what? That makes sense. I don't want to be eating off of a plastic dish right now i let it slide for covid because i was like you know what that makes sense i don't want to be eating off of these other bitches

but now we are vaccinated i would hope more people are smart and just wash your shit motherfucker give me real dinerware i want real dinerware i want it to be cute you know what's disgusting is when you get like a fork from a restaurant and it has like bite marks in it. And people like just bit all over it. I think about that sometimes when I am at a restaurant and I'm like, damn. Especially at Ikea. This is the most public thing I put in my mouth. It's like just fork.

And you just drink out of the same fucking glasses as everybody else. It is kind of rancid. Yeah, no, it is kind of insane. Like imagine how many humans have eaten off of your fucking plate that's how i do bitches wash uh drink cups and silverware like i wash drink cups and silverware oh yeah it's bad that's how i feel about whenever i use a glory hole i'm like jesus this is so dirty that's how i feel about when i have sex with drew that's how i feel about like jesus like who knows who's been here it's just like i am ran through yeah i'm right

through we know this it's used he doesn't he doesn't meant to not washing it very well like they should add rt to lgbtq what's our answer oh let's pop ran through lgbt rt we are lg brt we're gonna get j on there too for jews let's put j we need to put s on there for salami sandwich crazy um oh but the other worst thing to happen is outdoor dining hit me i'm over outdoor dining if i'm going to a nice restaurant i do not want to sit outside in the box you made for two hundred dollars and it's also it's a literal sauna in a greenhouse in that fucking box and it's three thousand degrees hotter than if i just sat

outside on the street yeah it's fucking crazy i don't want it stop doing it but the revel we were getting on was parked right behind one of those and it was blocking the view of me seeing cars and drew was on the back of my rebel because he cannot drive so i can drive he can't drive and we defeat stereotypes i'm the driver he is my he's my we're not defeating a stereotype he's my passenger you are literally my passenger people can't drive what wait what we're dating what are you talking about did you just come out like sometimes we talk over each other to such a capacity that i like get lost

because i don't know what was being said like i don't know what i was saying versus what you were saying you were saying the rebel and you said i couldn't drive and that you could drive don't fucking look at my mustache dude you just look crazy with these glasses on it's crazy how much like real estate it takes up on your face um but it was blocking my view and i went to go like try to slowly creep out but i like ramped up and as i pulled out a rav4 which i have almost been killed by three times since i've been here rav4s are so now that gets added to the list of crazy people who drive cars nissan altima 2008 2007 maybe a four and it's that or the brand new ones great actually no all nissan altima drivers no matter what year you're crazy you're fucking crazy

and RAV4 drivers are crazy because you're crazy there was somebody on a RAV4 speeding down the street and he almost killed me and Drew was so annoying yeah it was my fault but Drew is so annoying Drew is the worst

rebel passenger ever because he's like oh my god do you know do you know what a rebel a rebel is like a scooter that you can rent how is that legal i have no idea it's like it's a bird but it should not be legal it's electric 300 pounds but it should not be legal they're so dangerous and like worse well the reason i was like oh my god was because i was like inya can you turn can you turn in your turn it because we were driving straight for one of those fucking outdoor dining huts and she wouldn't fucking turn the wheel i'm not on there like bitch i don't want to crash i'm yeah i know you don't want to crash but sometimes you're just not turning the wheel

enough get on your own fucking rebel bitch and get your own rebel bitch it is my rebel okay yeah fair fair fair fair oh jaco fair oh jaco okay let's do some media all right so for my media of the week we got wildlife analysis by boards of canada i listened to it on my walk the other day it's really nice an arc of doves doves by brian inu and anyone else but you by the moldy peaches um and then we went to the movies and saw bodies bodies bodies um yeah it was like it wasn't meant to be the best movie ever made it was awesome it was fun davidson um it was exciting um the kills were like really cool like the way they killed people um but like the ending was so beat. Like I really didn't like it felt like so just fuck how are we going to end this movie? Let's just say this. It was very tongue in cheek and funny.

But like some of the jokes I was like, girl, shut up. Like, please shut up. But ultimately, it was a good movie. It was fun. Yeah, I loved it. I would literally watch it again. Like and I just saw it i would literally watch it again like and i just saw it and i would watch it again it was fucking awesome um yeah i really don't think pete davidson should be in movies i don't think i don't like pete davidson does anybody else feel like pete

davidson and mgk are kind of like a cultural reset in what way just like in a bad way it's like a cultural no they change i see what you're saying like they've changed so much they've changed a lot they're pushing boundaries they're kind of like i think mdk they have tattoos and was somebody who was put on this earth and he was supposed to be destroyed and he somehow made it through we must like there was a glitch in the system and they and and whoever was sent to destroy him yeah thought he had been destroyed but it was because of that hairline procedure he got every single person undercover i've ever in my life you like don't though interacted with like never one of them not a single person has

been like yeah i listen to mgk like he's my favorite musician like who is listening to his music actually it's giving like imagine dragons vibes like who is listening to his music like i really you can't tell me that there's actually real people he's botting his shit like and he's botting everything he's botting twitter tiktok instagram spotify apple, his concerts. He builds robots for it to fake like they're real people because there's proof here of who listens to it here. Let me look at this playlist.

MGK, Jack Harlow, Post Malone, Young Gravy, Young Gravy, all in the same vein. Dave Matthews. So like there. Who is Dave Matthews? Dave Matthews Band. Dave Matthews so like there who is Dave Matthews Dave Matthews band Dave Matthews band what is that it's just like a guy

but yeah see like I'm listening to it and I'm a huge fan so oh that was your playlist that's my those are my top played artists so I'm just saying

that's proof that people are listening wait I'm freaking out what the fuck is Dave Matthews band like you're actually fired Jack Nickelback David Nickelback what is it You're literally fired. Like you're actually fired. Jack Nickelback? David Nickelback?

What is it? Dave Matthews? No, but Nickelback. What is his first name? Oh, I don't know. Nickelback. Or is it just Nickelback? I mean, just Nickelback is the name of the band.

Ew. This, I've never heard any of this in my life and it's freaking me out white people it's like it's definitely like white some white shit this is freaking me out like this dude no there's too much uh we are too connected there's too much there's actually there is too much there's too much of everything there's too there's too many people i'm gonna do something about it yeah but the people of new york it's not the right answer There's actually, there's too much. There's too much of everything. There's too many people. I'm going to do something about it. Yeah, but the people of New York. And it's not the right answer, but I'm going to do something about it. There's not, none of these people are real.

Wait, what are you saying, Anya? What? You're saying there's too many people. I didn't do my media of the week. Okay, wait, let's get into it. She's going to do what she has to do. Why by Carly Simone? Simon.

Probably just Simon. Carly Bieber. Simon. Probably just Simon. Carly Bieber. Carly Kloss makes music. Nothing Can Stop Us by Saint Etienne, which I've said before. That whole album is just really good. It's like really good. Long Hot Summer by the Style Council and heat wave by the blue nile and i can't get you out of my head and yeah then we saw bodies bodies bodies i saw marry me with owen wilson and j-lo and you

know what's fucked up there was at least one writer on that movie that knew what they were talking about that was like actually good but then that was a movie that actually you want to see a movie that they didn't know how to end it. Watch that shit. They had absolutely no idea how to wrap that movie up. They were like, we don't know where to go. We got this far. What are we doing? It was crazy.

I've been watching Junior Baking Show and it's a bunch of British kids that get together in a tent and bake. And it's a competition show and i watched an entire season in 24 hours or i guess it's not good it's just like it's cute i just like watching kids stress out and freak the fuck out and some of them are really fucking good like this one kid in the first um because there's in one season there's like um eight kids for five episodes and then eight kids for or nine kids and nine kids and they split it into two competitions and then the final four of the first half and the final four of the second half compete um in the last five episodes um so they like get like the best of the best out of 16 kids.

But it's really cool. I wish I could bake. Should we get stuff to try and bake today? I'm down. I want to do the AirPod Max's lace. Oh, embroidery? Yeah, embroidery.

Maybe we wait until Josie leaves since he doesn't have them and it's his last day. Which is embarrassing too because he doesn't have them. So wack. Kai, do you have AirPod Max Pros? No.

I have the wired white ones. Oh my God. Like 20 bucks. Oh my God. And they're the ones that need the dongle to go on the iPhone. Yeah, I have the dongle on me too. Kai. Huh?

Get your bread up. Like really. Like step it up. All right. Well, my media of the week is the Bible. You're Jewish. Be real. Yeah.

You can still read the Bible. It's time to be real, bitch. My media of the week is my Birkin bag. I like to consume it. It's beautiful. I've been holding my shit for an hour. I'm going to cut that bitch out. All right, cool.

Bye. I'm gonna leave my shit for an hour. I'm gonna cut that bitch out. Alright, cool. Bye! Outro Music