Emergency Intercom - Drew Hates Enya

Episode Date: July 22, 2022

Enya and drew talk about airports and making big farts on airplanes, and every once in a while Josiah enters to suck the energy out of the room. BETTER HELP: Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/intercom Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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yeah especially when you're making milk in there constantly yeah because i have to like feed the village i like don't have time one feeding the village welcome back to this episode of emergency intercom welcome back to this episode i know as i said it i was like we haven't made that mistake in like so long we said that for the first like 30 episodes until we realized that was not correct yeah welcome back to emergency intercom this episode we have a doozy for you when you say that and then follow it with nothing it's like so anticlimactic um the first thing i want to talk about is old people it's not based on that so i just got back from new york and on my flight it like this lady next to me reminded me of my grandma and this freaks me out about old people is the fact that they can

just sit and do nothing for like five hours straight like that i just didn't grow up with an iphone in their hand. Like I actually. If I don't have an iPhone in my hand every five seconds. I actually don't know what I'm supposed to do. Like I have my iPhone charging on the other side of the room right now. And it's normally in my pocket. And I actually feel naked without it.

It's crazy. It's because it's like the tick to pull it out. And like swipe through like eight million apps. Yeah. For like any sign of like serotonin or dopamine you can get. Serotonin deplet you can get serotonin depletion yeah um but the lady next to me on the plane literally sat there for five hours doing nothing like i went to sleep and she was looking straight with her fucking hands on the tray and

when i woke up she was still doing that it's giving robot she literally was a little robot she was just like rebooting and like recoding our neighbor just took a flash photo of us through the window that was fucking so weird should we go stop him or should we just let him have that for his enjoyment i mean he can see at my skirt i don't care you don't oh my. Oh, my God. You're Catholic Slay today. I'm wearing this baby doll dress that because of my big boobs. Is it supposed to be pink? Yeah, it's pink.

Okay. Just making sure. It's like a light pink color. Because I have too many white dresses that look like this. Oh, my God. Kai's doing the thing where he's covering my body with his hand. Well, that's good for him. Because he's scared he's going to look at my boobs.

Kai's been hella jealous recently. What? No,'t what did he do actually he had what did he do he's been so jealous of me oh i know he's been territorial i know it's crazy and like i'm like territory it's giving like i never even said yes to anything i know y'all were never like exclusive so you're being obsessive and you were treating me like we were exclusive. Okay. Well, just because he was very clear from the beginning. I was very clear. I was like, I want nothing out of this except a hole.

And it doesn't matter that Drew was like taking you on dates and like listening to you talk all the time and emotionally tending to you and like picked you up from the airport every time you landed and like all this stuff like that doesn't mean y'all are dating that literally just means that he's gonna fuck you later okay and you're fucking you're crazy and you're so obsessed i'm not crazy he treated me i've never been treated like that and i mean i guess he did only refer to me as whole and that's and that's his fault that you've never been treated stop he's like playing with me right now can you see what he's doing well he wants to fuck you we need to bleep all those f words out we're like fuck fuck um he wants your hole he wants your he wants your slimy little hole hey are you gonna have that

whole slimy and ready for my stop i'm gonna hit on people at parties i'm gonna be like hey my friend over there literally wants your slimy slippery hole ready and spread for him later tonight are you willing to do that or not? When Drew looked at me, I left snail trails on my seat. Thank God they're like this fake leather that we can just wipe clean with like Lysol because it's always sticky. Lick clean. You lick his sweaty hole. No, oh my fucking God.

When I saw that TikTok of you and Josiah, it really fucked me up. And honestly, I feel like you owe me an apology. I don't owe you shit. Do you have anything to say? Josiah and Kyra fighting. You should kill yourself. Oh my God. Damn.

Okay, not to take sides, but he made a really good point. Their points were made. Yeah. I've been here for years with drew but enough about you slutty holes um old people they fucking scare me um actually no i used to like fucking hate old people but then i like had a moment where i was like i like liked them in like a mean way that was like almost like pitying old people which i shouldn't do because they're like

literally three times my senior um so i should be like wow you have so much to share but like i just can't help but feel bad no that's mean i can't even say it like half of them don't even remember all their wisdom i mean it's kind of true dude it actually makes me so sad like when i see old people i'm like damn like you're just like you're in it for like the fuck of it now yeah like dead ass it's like like why are you still here you did it all right I love love love my grandparents but sometimes I'm like my grandma isn't old enough that I'm like damn like why are you still like kicking rocks right now but I have seen old people where I'm like okay you're pushing it like yeah you're being greedy give that life to a newborn

like make some room bitch i know um this may be the most problematic shit we've said on this podcast because it's like hella ageist yeah well okay i just have a lot of rage for old people because this old fucking cunt was a bitch to me at Starbucks just now. It was actually the most shocking moment I've ever experienced. Like, I'll explain it. So we were walking into Starbucks and me and Josiah were traveling behind Inya. And Inya went in before us and was holding the door for us. And then this old bag walked up with her stupid fucking Kelly Birkin, like, and her stupid jumpsuit tracksuit her lululemon like the one that makes you like look like give it up girl give it up girl you're pushing it um

and josiah was like you know what like why don't you why don't you go ahead of us and she's like yeah and like basically was like yeah like i know i should be doing this like treat me better and we were like okay and we didn't think anything i meant and you held the door for her she walked around india and like essentially ran to cut in front of india to like order before india and i was like i'm i've never experienced that level of disrespect without a single word exchange not even a glance like we might as well have not existed it was so crazy not a thank you not a not a nod nothing literally just like robot old people like i deserve this more than you which is what's crazy also about like her fit is like she had fake chanel's flats on flats on which that's just me

being mean to her to be mean to her but how do you have a kelly birkin in your hand it's probably fake lululemon like like uh jacket and like lululemon tights and then like the flats aren't even like proper chanel like now you're just making me now you're just making me mad because you're being a fucking you're being a mean bitch you're giving em and then what made it worse is she got her drink in like two minutes and fucking left and disappeared and um for some reason my drink got put behind like a plethora of other people who came in after me so literally i just like stood there like waiting for my drink for so long and i felt so stupid and disrespected and that's where my rage for old people has come from although most old people are super fucking nice

and like i love them but i don't know i i feel bad like i know you shouldn't pity old people but you know what i'm thinking about is literally like the old the old man we almost saw trip and like break his fucking head open like that made me really sad and scared like like because okay you know what the difference was i saw like a man around our age trip and i like laughed because i was like that's funny and then an old man came by and tripped on the same thing and i like literally got so scared and sad for him i was like no that's really fucked up we need to call the city like and he was literally like no we should actually like call the city right now and i was like when have you ever wanted to fix anything the city because on that same street i saw another old man once fall and hit his head and it was like really gnarly and i was driving

by and i almost stopped the car to like go help but he had his family around him and they were helping him already but it freed me out because i was like oh my god that's like that's just one of those tragic things that's like oh my god like that person could like literally die from that because like he's like eight million years old already his body shouldn't be experiencing that what experiencing trauma i don't think anybody should be experiencing that oh oh my god true are you serious that's you were just such an ageist you're an empath if anything oh my fucking god is his ass out yes joseph's been taking down his pants as a bit not with his like ween or anything but he just like will start talking to you and if

you turn around and you turn back around his pants are like around his thighs and he's like hobbling around you i mean it's the worst i've had case of all time it's so ugly it matches his glasses flip it around oh it's the hanging thread is a Dude, like that was made for the people that we were like talking about. Like that woman in Starbucks has that. She owns this. What are you doing? What's he showing? He's probably going to look up grossest vagina ever on Google.

That's just Aya's bit. Also, he'll just look up grossest vagina ever on google that's just aya's bit also he'll just look up grossest vagina literally verbatim grossest vagina ever on google and then put it up he wants us to cut that no maybe you shouldn't can you give me my iphone stop i got so scared walk in frame girl me went on that one painting in italy you know the hands touching the girl with the pearl tattoo the girl with the pearl tattoo eat an egg what did josiah text me he said talk about barbara corcoran barbara corcoran barbara corcoran for miss babs babiana from shark tank yeah i've seen

her i've seen her in real life i saw her at a really popular craziest place yeah i know she was literally wearing like a tie-dye hoodie that said Miami Beach on it. And she was paying for all of her and her girls' drinks. And I was like, damn, that is such a slay. That's what I need to be doing now. See, that's an old person that I'm like, that's so slay. Maybe what I'm learning is I just find some people sad. And that's a problem I have.

I'm reading the ideas that I have for this episode. And it's fucking crazy. They're usually fucking crazy. Worms that eat plastic. You want to make them? No, they genetically modified some mealworms that literally their source of sustenance is plastic. And they need to release them, bitches, everywhere and just eat all the plastic. I don't give a fuck if they start eating plastic homes and shit like eat it all like get it all out please wait but it will it

like degrade like that in their stomach from their stomach acids yeah and so they're taking like 700 years it takes the worms just how long it takes them to shit um but that means that literally at one point at home depot you know how there's like the moth balls there's gonna be mealworm balls i'm so down for it get rid of all the plastic please get rid of all the plastic i don't trust um green juices and like vegetable juices in plastic that's yeah like even those like shots yeah yeah in plastic i'm like that feels like my body shouldn't be having like vitamins that have been like chipping away at the like plastic. Like the acidity of the citrus. Like, yeah, like a Coca-Cola in a plastic bottle.

You're asking for it. You're already drinking something that's so like unnatural. Like, what are you asking for? Yeah, but like don't put a green juice in a plastic bottle. Like, please don't do that. Yeah. Fuck you. Well, thank you guys for watching this episode of emergency to come we are out of here no media mine sucks so bad it's i really can't believe other people are alive that's one of them i've had that written down in my notes for the

episode topic 36 yeah because i literally just like i can't believe it like i don't know like it's just like sometimes scares me so bad like when i was on the plane i was just like damn this plane is so full of people and everybody's gonna get off and they have somewhere to go that's the craziest part no that's the craziest part about that is that's not real that's what they want you to think i'm genuinely serious like everybody is an actor everybody's a crisis actor so then why would they make actors like the one who was mean to me today? So we could talk about it on the podcast. That's true.

And keep us in fucking line. So I could talk about it on the podcast and get in trouble for calling out her fake Chanel flats. Because then someone's going to be like, what's the big deal about her having fake Chanel flats? It's crazy how we're free thinkers. You ever thought about that? We're free thinkers. And then I said, I can't say motherfuckers who don't just agree to what i say and then right after that it's like my biggest issue and problem

is i say shit like it's a fact when i'm just guessing but i'm usually right anyway so it doesn't matter you don't do that yes i do fuck you but you know what i was talking about like yeah i was talking to somebody say is the truth And just, like, don't argue with me. It's because any, like, literally any question you get asked, if you use, like, just a bit of common sense and, like, what is it? There's, like, a term for it. It's, like, when you're guessing on a test.

Everything I've, I genuinely believe this. Everything I've ever said or every word that has come out of my mouth has been real like it's been the realest shit possible i'm not kidding that's how i feel too because i literally random as fuck got into a conversation about the lga like la guardia airport because the lgbt why are you discussing lgbt matters you wish i would talk about that but i don't know i don't and i and i won't be talking about it i don't know what that is it is july i mean it is july done um but i was talking about the la guardia airport and how like they don't take um non-stop flights from la and i was talking to a friend about it and they were like oh like i don't get why they don't do that like they would make so much more money and i was like well probably they

like maybe even during like the pandemic they stopped taking those flights because they just like had like lower staff or something and they just realized they could like still function at a high profit rate without those flights and then i was like or literally it's just a small ass airport and taking those long flights like might be a little dangerous. Like for like to like land a plane that's been flying that long. Or they signed a contract with JFK to reroute all of it to JFK. No. So what it is.

No. But I was kind of right. It's literally because it's a small airport and they just decided when it was built that it shouldn't take flights that travel for more than 2 000 of miles and then they pushed it to 1500 so i was kind of right but the person i was talking to was like no i don't think that's true like off rip without any like knowledge themselves which pissed me off because i was like bitch why don't you just agree with me like just literally just like that's the other thing if i am wrong internalize that shit don't fucking tell me i'm wrong because like you have no right to speak to me i'm serious you have no right to speak to me no you have no right you have no right to speak to me that way i guess like also

if i'm saying a hypothetical just like go with it shut the fuck up like don't like i say that like i was about to say every time we've ever had a hypothetical you have because hypotheticals aren't real unless i'm saying it because then when i give a hypothetical aren't real no that's the point because that's the thing is when i give a hypothetical that shit is real i'm literally tapping in and i'm picking your brain a little bit and if you give me the wrong answer you're a bad person you're gonna rot in hell, true. That's the difference between you and me. Like, hypotheticals, like... Oh, no.

I judge it from... I'm using them to manipulate. Josiah just asked if you guys could keep it down a little bit. Oh, is he on his iPod? I'm going to ask Josiah to kill himself in my living room. Hey, not there because... You have to clean it up. It might stain.

I will hang myself. I wish I knew you wanted me. I wish I knew. You to me in 2016. I wish I knew to me in 2016. No, that would be you to me because I wanted you. And you would be like, I wish I knew you wanted me. No, because if I'm saying that, that makes it seem like you wanted me.

She's right. She's right. Exactly. I it seem like you wanted me. She's right. She's right. Exactly. I wish I knew you wanted me. I wish I knew you wanted me. It's literally. But I never wanted you. No, it's because it's him saying, I wish I knew you had a crush on me.

And that's you saying that to me. Because I never had a crush. No, that would only make sense if you had a crush on me. Watch the girls agree with me. Sorry, we had to take a break because Drew genuinely got mad over that. Even though, you know what? You know what and that's the thing is i'm real i'm real i'm real you know what's embarrassing is when we listen back to it you're gonna see that you said the opposite no i really was saying like it's coming out of it's coming out of my mouth

like i'm saying i wish i knew you wanted me because if I knew you wanted me I would have been like yeah oh like I wouldn't have pushed it on and egged it on and you remember me saying that I you did say that but when I started it I started it there I was like literally you to me in 2016 and then you were like no you to me and then that's why that's literally one. It took me coming in here and saying, wait, is this about the Steve Blank song? For it to like, ah, damn. Like, literally, I wish y'all saw. Wait a damn minute. Well, I guess we have it on video, but maybe we don't play it because it got so serious for Drew. It got real.

It got very real. He literally, he was like, you're laughing in my face. And I was like, dude, I'm sorry. Like, I don't know how I'm not supposed to laugh at this. Like. Well, well, shit. Shit shit let's talk about james and then i thought you were mad because i said that when i was 16 i didn't or when i was 17 i didn't actually want to have sex with you and then i was like wait is this making him also offended

and mad right now is that that did get under my skin well because there was a moment okay but like you have to understand i was like a virgin and a virgin. And also, I literally, like, it, I mean, it plays into how I view sex now. It's literally, like, it takes so much for me to be, like, yes, I'm sexually inclined by this person. Because I wanted to date everybody. Literally every man that interacted. I could literally name, like, ten people who, like, I was, like, oh, my God god i'm they love me they love me they want me and me because i had never experienced a single man being nice to me before i was like wait wait this is what love is but that's literally me now well actually no i just

fall in love with everybody that i see And then when they start actually giving you attention, you get mad. You're like, no. I'm like, why is this freak talking to me? Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Well, we just gave Steve Lacey literally a 10-minute spa on the podcast, and it's us arguing with each other. Cut it. Cut it now.

Cut it out. Well, his album is awesome, so how about that? Oh, you started liking it? Yes. Or, no. album is awesome so how about that oh you you started liking it um yes or no did i remember you saying like you only liked like four songs off of it or something i still like i like there's only four songs that i would really listen to like on rotation like two of the singles and then like two of the other songs but i don't i just don't like listening to um just piggybacking off of that last time i i just like i i don't like like slow songs right now i think because his singles were so like upbeat that's like what i wanted the whole thing um yeah but speaking of flirting literally

okay so i wrote this note down because it is like the most embarrassing thing so i said me flirting is so embarrassing i thought this worker at the plant store was hot and was like um i want to flirt and my flirting was literally see you later like i was literally like see you later also no you won't bitch you don't go anywhere i did do a lot of things i bought those but don't go anywhere. I did do a lot of things. I bought those pineapples. But you did not see him later. You did a lot of things, but you did not see them later. No, I have seen him there before. Her, her, they, there.

I have seen them there before. We literally... Like, what is this supposed to mean? Am I supposed to be like, supposed to be like let's go wait it's literally no we're being tested right now because it's for missing an endangered elderly it's a silver lady wait what if this is like us outing ourselves no i can't even say that but yeah let's ride let's go save them let's go save their life that is such a good thing like what am i like it's so loud as it's like literally a call to

action yeah i saw someone redesign like the what are those called the amber alert yeah i saw them like redesign a redesign of it and i was like oh that makes a lot of sense but getting this scary ass text on your screen and that scary sound like literally just like makes me want not want to do anything but there was like a redesign of it where it was like like a radius of where the person is missing like a picture of the car a picture of the kid it was like it was really cool actually and i was like that makes a lot more sense like realistically if i'm in my house and you're telling me like a plate number, the chances of me leaving the house and remembering that are like slim to none. Because what happens is I see that alert and then I just swipe up and I keep going on TikTok while I'm driving. Literally, Enya does TikTok and drive.

No, I don't. I do. I did. I did two days ago. I literally did. I was like, wait, I am too far into the hole and i need to like take a break from this i shockingly i don't use my phone that much while i drive like because i'm like really bad at it so i just don't do it but i love when people are in my car and i

make the joke i always do it and nobody ever says no, which is like really fucked up. But I always if there's a new person who gets in my car, I'll pick up my phone and I'm like, oh, you don't mind if I text and drive. Right. And they always, always are like, no, not really. And I'm like, dude, have a little bit of self-respect for your fucking safety. Like I say no, like don't. Well, the thing is, is I have no care for my own life. So you should keep that to yourself. If I being very honest i'm just being vulnerable i mean like at what cost like it's like boring it's just like super boring if i'm being honest like your sob story is like boring as fuck i actually saw a tiktok that said that it was like um that this girl was talking

about her trauma to somebody and then and they were like i'm gonna be honest with you your trauma is really fucking boring it's not even good it's like so boring it's like not that interesting at all um i would win i would win a competition though not to make it a competition trauma battle i think like i would be like i i'd have to be top top three in the front group like not to like debunk anybody else's but like i have to make top three easy yeah it's easy i'm walking home at least with a bronze honestly i might i might get home with the gold yeah i'm going home with a gold medal. I was. I just caught Kai looking at me.

I was dropping jaws. He was just staring at me. I wasn't looking at you. You are so nasty. There's like a. There's a way that your cock is pressing up against your. Oh my God. Sorry.

That was like really real. Look, you made him move. You made me feel small i was talking to my friend recently and i was like i've been saying cock and pussy ironically for so long that like it is just i don't even think about it when i say it that's so gross i know it's so good i say both those things with my full chest i say them ironically and unironically you say pussy unironically yes well i fucking have a pussy what am i supposed to say what am i supposed to say oh my god my vagina my vagina is literally so wet right now i say both unironically josie just wants to come in here body check and then leave i know you're such a fucking pussy

get out of here wait can you hear this on a mic cut the camera mic i know you're running around motherfucker it's so hot in this fucking house i know you're running around motherfucker it's so hot in this house please it really is so bad spotify yeah hey spotify um also i don't believe that airplane mode like you have to turn it on when you get on a flight i just don't believe that i've never done it yeah so it doesn't interfere with like the connection know why they tell you to do that? Yeah, so it doesn't interfere with, like, the connection. I'm like, okay, this is a big piece of metal in the sky. You're going to tell me my fucking little iPhone is going to fuck with your GPS?

Like, get a better system. I think it's on takeoff. Like, because they have to hear, like, the radio signals in their ears. I never turn airplane mode on. I don't think most people do. I feel like I would say 60% of the people. Yeah, 23% are turning it on. Turning it on.

Yeah. Like max. The amount of like old people who have gotten like actual phone calls like on a plane, like they're not turning that shit off. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, All old people have Androids. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, Let's have that conversation.

Or they have the iPhones that their grandchildren passed out. The iPhone 3. Yeah, they have the one with the button still. I actually had to help the lady at the last few minutes of the flight. I felt bad for her because I was like, damn, so she would use her iPhone if she knew she could. Because she saw me using my iPhone. We just need to put Sudoku and chess on that. No, she asked me, she was like, oh, how do you have service? And service and i was like oh it's wi-fi and then like i helped her connect to

the wi-fi and she's like oh my god thank you so much and then we like the wi-fi turned off two minutes later because we were landing you made her waste 15 no thankfully she had t-mobile so she got free wi-fi that's lit they changed it from an hour free wi-fi to like the full flight which is so awesome because literally okay yeah here i go on a six hour flight with my hour of wi-fi yeah what the fuck do you want me to get done in an hour like i literally take the time on an airplane like to purposely not buy wi-fi i'm like okay this is like the one time i can like be off my phone and like not need to use it and i literally still think the world erupted in chaos and burns every single time i land and right when i turned it on i'm like like seething at the mouth

to like see what's going on but nothing ever happens but i try not to buy wi-fi i did like the last like two times um but typically i'm like this is my moment uh i bought wi-fi when i was going to Europe. Oh, yeah. Because I was like trying not to sleep on the flight. So I was like, fuck, I need something to do. And then I slept anyway because I got too high and I like needed to go to sleep. I was actually freaking out. Does it like buy for the whole flight?

There's different like that's the annoying part is literally why am I spending $10 for two hours of like Wi-Fi or like for an hour of wi-fi like you're a scammer and i can't even watch tiktoks i didn't even get to watch tiktok on that wi-fi really yeah so i was like what's the point what's the point why can i watch tiktoks but i can't watch like like netflix and stuff explain that to me like what's the difference like you can't stream like netflix on an airplane's wi-fi but i can watch eight million tiktoks wait what like you can't like go on hulu like on a plane with that wi-fi and just like watch anything on hulu or netflix but you can watch tiktok yeah but you can watch tiktoks and just recently you couldn't watch no i said why can't i watch tiktoks but i can't watch netflix oh um i was like i can watch eight

million tiktoks but i can't like watch a movie um i was like i can watch eight million tiktoks but i can't like watch a movie on netflix like why is that maybe they want you to buy the movies on the plane or something or like watch the movies that they have on there yeah so fucking stupid but the movies on so many like airlines suck i haven't seen a tv on an american airline plane ever like i don't think i've ever been on an american airline they haven't updated them a tv like that i shouldn't be in a plane that doesn't have tv yeah like enough that's a danger that is literally so fucking scary like there's not a usb port they gotta start upgrading them to usbc because like oh literally because like i can't even use they

need bluetooth on yeah because now everybody has bluetooth headphones and i'm not buying your fucking five dollar like grangly ass little stupid fucking headphones yeah but you have to buy them on jet blue you have to buy the headphones every airline they do it differently like it's so annoying i'm like also can y'all all agree to doing something because like why am i like following different rules can someone monopolize the airline industry and just make it one airline so i can like can like combine all my points points are also like so pointless there's such a scam that's the biggest scam ever they're like oh my god make sure you sign up and use your points it's like oh my god i have 8 000 points that points. That must be so much. A one-way flight to Europe.

At least it's like a one-way flight to like shit-ass nowhere, Missouri. You can get the $20 flight from Miami to Orlando. Yeah, and you still have to pay $700. So stupid. But we complain about airlines and airports on this podcast a lot. Because we're just always in them because our lives are moving. I already forgot that I was in in la you know what i mean like i'm traveling so much like i just don't know where i belong and honestly it's like hurting my mental health and like i i

feel like disassociated because i get back to something and i'm like how does this feel so familiar yet like so unfamiliar because i haven't been here for so long um and it's like a never ending cycle it's probably going to trigger like something really deep in my brain one day. Literally, love. I am now on a cycle where I get to the airport an hour before my fucking flight takes off and I refuse to get there earlier. That is so dangerous. It's never failed for me.

Like literally, my flight was at 3.59 and I got to the airport at 3. And I still had time to go look at glasses josie is you need so much attention you need instagram do you want to come sit on mama's lap why do you have that this because i was smoking hella vapes and stuff it's a fidget how long can you do a wall sit for? When I first started working out, I couldn't even do a minute wall sitting. And I did three, what is it, reps of two minutes each this last session. So six minutes? Yeah. But I had like 30 seconds off in between each.

It was a nightmare. It was like the most painful thing I've ever done. I used to be punished like that in elementary school, so I'm like pretty good at it. Yeah. Dude, that is crazy. We've already talked about that. Like literally doing the like wall sits and blurpees on the hot concrete. Yeah.

Like when you're like in a push-up position, you jump up into the air, and then you go back down into a push-up Jump up. You couldn't do that for very long. I wish I knew you wanted me. I feel like when I come into the room things change. I mean if you'd like suck all the energy out of this room. I didn't even do anything though. You just breathe so heavily in my ear for like three seconds and then sunk to the floor.

Like you look like something really bad happened to you. I like to watch porn on the airplane. Oh my god. I got so drunk on my last flight. I got so fucked up. I really did. I had like four vodka lemonade. Is it because they were free?

They were free. Why were they free? Kai, can you hear me? No, it sounds like shit. Wait, why were they free? I was on a flight to the United Kingdom. I was on a flight to Europe. You can hear me now, right?

You got to get closer. I was on the flight to the united kingdom sorry uh just a little bit closer what a little closer i was on a flight to the union you did not get any closer and here's the thing there were free drinks on the plane and i have recently turned 21 so on that flight i had four or five vodka. That's so scary that you're only 21. And the woman was saying, she was like, you want another one? And I was like, yes. Like, I do. Drink orders were done.

Dude, yeah, because also you know that when you're on an airplane, you get drunker faster. Yeah, and you also get, I was, it was an 11-hour flight. So I was sober by the time we hit, like, ground in the UK. Why were they free? I don't know. I think because it's such a long flight. We were pretty long at home. You were first class first class Josiah, wait were you really? Josiah. Oh, a little closer. A little closer like that You want to see him throat this mic so bad. So we went and he wants you to kiss. I went to the bathroom with the stewardess No, i didn't um um no but i did get very very drunk on that flight

me and lucas both got drunk on that flight and it was very it was a very fun time it was a good time i fruit ninja um well on my flight to europe with orion we got like hella crossfaded and we were talking to each other and we kept forgetting that we were like we had headphones on so we were screaming at each other and we were like oh my god like are they gonna come back with champagne and we were like yelling at each other yeah i was just about to say that wait what fart we were talking about it yesterday when like you were like i've just been farting hella loud just randomly out loud and then i was like dude when i'm on an airplane i'll have like my noise canceling headphones on and i'll like rip ass and like internally i'm like was that loud like did i

just shit ass like really loud it's bad you can hear it where it's like it's like an internal like it's like a like a loud fart so you could feel it like vibrate the bottom half of your body so you're like you know that was loud since i have like such a such big like ash cheeks, like they like clap when I fart. It's like. There's no way. So wait, so your fart is like. Like that's how it comes out because it's like trying to escape through each clap. Dude, I was sitting on the flight like this with my legs up on the chair in front of me, like bent over and I had paused my music because I was like looking at something on Instagram. I was watching an instagram reel and i pushed out like a fart and it was so loud like i literally laughed out

loud at myself um but i didn't mind because the man next to me was like annoying the fuck out of me so like i was like good bitch i just farted on you you gave him a story to tell yeah literally every person next to me um gives me a story tell. I sit next to the stinkiest people every single time I fly. No, I had that for the first time. I'm the common denominator. Huh? I said I'm the common denominator in all of these cases. What if I'm the stinky shit bag?

I was going to say, just so it happened, you're always next to someone who stinks. It might be you. It is a different smell every time. One time it was tomatoes. Someone smelled like rancid tomatoes. Like borderline ketchup. Well, the man next to me smelled like the bunkest weed I've ever smelled. And he had two phones.

And then he started falling asleep. Two phones. And then he started falling asleep and he started falling onto me. And we'll insert that video because I got a video of it. He was literally falling onto me. And I really didn't fuck with him. Because also. I had an aisle seat before.

But before we took off. This was the second mother. Who I gave my seat to. I know I'm good. I'm a good person. But the first mother asked to switch seats with me. She had an aisle seat. And I switched with her. So she could sit by her 10 year old son. good i'm a good person um but the first mother asked to switch seats with me she had an aisle seat and i switched with her so she could sit by her like 10 year old son because i'm a saint and then the next one we're about to take off and like this mother and her daughter come in and her

daughter had to be like four years old because she literally had her by the arm and like a little monkey plopped her in between me and this random lady and then went sat in the middle seat in front of her and the daughter was like mom sit next to me mom why won't you sit next to me and started like yelling and freaking out and then the guy in front of me i was like hey like should we move so they can like sit next to each other and he stands up and he's like yeah i don't care but i just i don't want to sit in the middle and i was like you're such a fucking cunt ass because like obviously i was probably gonna move to the middle like no questions asked but like you saying that was just so annoying. You did not have to say that.

Like, you think I want to sit in the middle? I'm just, like, I feel bad for this literal child. How old was the baby? She was literally, like, four. Like, she could, like, speak, but she was, like, tiny. The mom bought a four-year-old another seat on the plane? Maybe five. But she was tiny.

Like, she was, like, a little-ass girl. That's crazy. But I think it was a situation where they got put on the flight because Delta had had a bunch of flights that got canceled. And it seemed like those were the two empty seats and that was the closest they could get them without moving someone else. So I switched and he smelled like weed and was falling all over me. And it was like the worst vibe ever.

Sometimes I think that's really cute um telling me why why why i just say bye bye bye oh wow you look good and i know i'm wondering why why why so i got a haircut. You look so good. A cut and a dye. A cut and a dye. Dude, you would look really fucking bad with hair like this. Look at me. Turn around.

Dude, if you cut your hair this short, it's so bad. Josiah, look at me. Josiah. Josiah. Oh, my God, dude. Don't breathe on her like that. Josiah. Don't breathe on her like that. I've gotten a cut in a color earlier. I feel really good about it, honestly.

It looks like shit. Yeah, the new you. It looks really bad. Dude, this wig is maybe one of the best investments we've ever made i know we've used it i know we've used it so much we got it for a field trip yeah can y'all post that on the patreon no no no no it's so bad yeah that was the original original pilot i liked that one that one was when i wasn't in it i know it was originally just me the there wait there was the art one the ghost one and the one without me yeah i liked the one without me the og one was where you literally filmed it that's where I got Ernie from

Ernie that's where the nickname Ernie came from we should honestly post the horse one I don't have it I have it I think I still have the link it's like unlisted on YouTube somewhere we could download it MP4 YouTube to MP4

I just had the MKV to MP4 for like the last 12 hours I remember the transitions that they made for us, and I was like... Oh. Like, no tea, no shade. But, I mean, no. No shade. No all tea, no shade.

It was very crazy. You look insane. Like, I can't believe you're a genius. I feel like I look smart. Also, you having the AirPods in, like... I have the craziest nausea ever right now. I really cannot eat before this podcast. I'm like, I just, like, burped through already.

I think it's just because of the burrito. That burrito looked so wet and, like, so... It was gnarly. Yeah, because me and Josie had a breakfast that was divine. That was to die for. We had a burrito that ate the protein brekkie, and that was good. We had a breakfast that was to die for. To die for.

To die for. And then we ran into fucking Helen Mirren. Barbara Corcoran. Oh, really fucking bad. Y'all were being lovely about her. She is an awful, awful human. Is she bad? No, she's a good person.

I just cannot stand to look at her or hear her. She hasn't made a deal on Shark Tank in like three seasons. She just always said, oh, I don't get it. Okay, because she's real. She has wooden teeth and she has leather skin. She is lovely.

I love her, but like, girl, we gotta... She's had knee surgery three times. That's crazy. That's not that crazy. She's like an older woman.

Why do you have to get knee surgery? Do your knees just stop working? Arthritis. Arthritis? Well arthritis who is arthur right author ride this dick arthur right tits bone this whole episode has just been like us arguing and then josiah interrupting and saying nothing for like 20 minutes bone apple tea I wish you could have seen his full body I look so pretty let me describe you for him for the viewers the listeners

he's wearing his ass is voluptuous his pants are ill fitting ill fitting but around his voluptuous cheeks and rear how is that ill fitting you can't just arch

your back a little bit and just show that part of your body and then yes i literally can't watch me oh watch me watch me oh okay okay sorry sorry sorry but this is like kind of a big deal i got the fuck out of here um when I oversleep I'm taking a new mindset on it I'm not freaking out about being late I'm just saying oh my body needed more sleep because that's the truth and my health comes first what do you think of that

um I think that's a sweet sentiment but I can't live like that because I am a greedy gluttonous bitch and when I oversleep it's literally not because i need it it's because i just like like doing it and it feels really good for me i want it i can sleep like no other fucking human like i literally i could go to sleep at 10 p.m and sleep in till 12 the next day and not in any world does my body need 14 hours of sleep like i'm not doing anything that entails that kind of rest for my body i'm very neurotic about my sleep i'm like i

only need six to eight hours so i'm only gonna get it and then i wake up and i start my day but when i do sleep in i you know what's funny is i wrote that note down and then i saw a tiktok the next day of someone making fun of literally those exact same words they were like someone who's a morning person who slept in and they quoted literally that and i was like i wouldn't claim i'm a morning person i fucking hate being up in the morning but if i'm not up in the morning i feel like i wasted my day and i hate it yeah i feel that i do feel like i wasted my day but i'm just like whatever because also when i wake up too early like i freak out because i'm like i don't have anything to do like unless i have activities that i need to get done through the day then i'm like oh i need to wake up early

but like there's no reason for me to be awake before 9 a.m there's no reason like for anya umanzer to be awake before 9 a.m. in the morning, there is not a single reason. Absolutely not. Because I don't go to sleep until 1 or 2. So what in God's fucking name am I supposed to be doing for the next 17 hours? Literally. Like, no, I don't need that. Well, we're going to the gym at 10 a.m. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

True. But like still, see, I don't need to be up before 9 a.m. for that. True. I wish I was the kind of morning person who's like, yeah, like it before 9 a.m for that true i wish i was the kind of morning person who's like yeah like it's 9 a.m right now i woke up at 6 i went to the gym i took a shower i had a little breakfast and now i'm just like starting my day someone's talking shit about me no you're just like my ear is ringing no you're losing your ability to hear because you're unhealthy i saw a tiktok that it was like, it was like when I was like, oh, I was like, no, girl, you feel good because you had a meal.

And you were like, girl, chill. People were like, which this is like sweet, like to think about. But like they were like, she shouldn't have said that before he got to. Don't say it. Don't talk about my eating habits. And yeah. And then I was like, okay. I'm talking about my friend who eats Takis for every meal.

And then is shocked when he eats a real meal and is like, guys. I get my calories. Let's just say that. One way or another, I'm getting those calories. He fills that belly, but sometimes not the correct way. I'll fill his belly. With loads. No, I've been drinking so much protein it's crazy i'll drink collagen in the morning and then in the afternoon i just drink regular protein and it's

lit boots i literally can't believe that you were like i feel like you would still do it but now you've been having meals so it's like not as crazy but i literally like i can't stress enough it is not a joke that drew literally survived for like four years off of hot cheetos when we were in 1304 it was even worse it was hot cheetos red bull and slim jims like i that is literally that was my meals and i would be like dude why the fuck do i feel like shit all the time and it's because like i'm it's not exaggerating and it's not even on some like ed shit where i was like i can't eat no it's literally just because you like it it was i was gluttonous and i was giving my body what my brain wanted not what it needed and i i'd have no idea how i'm still alive and i'm always like why am i so constipated it's because i ruined my body for four years

i ruined my body yeah because before we moved in together, I feel like you used to eat, oh, but you always eat better when you live with your parents, because your parents are like, let's go eat, blah, blah, blah, blah. And also when we were on tour, it was different because it was like,

we were being given food. So you were getting food, but it literally was like, you were the classic case of man lives on his own, is like, huh bro what i have to feed myself what the fuck what how am i even supposed to do how am i supposed to buy food three times a day but like actually that is something i've been thinking about a lot is like how the fuck do people eat three times a day like it is hard for me to do i've been doing it lately

and it is actually really difficult and i don't get how people are supposed to do that and i think that's just big food planting these little lies in our head just like big milk told us everybody need big milk everybody needed milk girl no the fuck we don't we do not need cow yeah also everybody like eats so differently like some people like that's like a for the bitches who are waking up at 6 a.m go ahead and have your three meals straight up this bitch like you literally have so much time to bitch if i was waking up at 6 a.m i'd have four meals just to have something do you think you can get monkey pugs from the gym that's i'm not kidding i was thinking about

that last night hmm because of like sweat and like the steam room and like things like that i was like thinking about that gross i need the monkey pox vaccine i think i think i can give it to you um i i'll make a concoction and i'll just make a holistic concoction make something up yeah i'll make that i'll get something right. I'll get you something. All right. Well. Did you hear that? No.

Did you hit your fucking head? No. It just almost broke. I leaned back on it and it just exploded. I thought you did the thing where you embarrassed yourself by hitting your head and you're like, oh my God. Did you hear that? It was kind of that.

Can I live? Oh my God. Did you hear that? Can I live? that all right well that's it for the most foul episode yet um it's because kai was in a bad mood the whole time what you didn't even care. I cared. I was taking notes the whole time. Oh, I cared. Sometimes my depression just flares up. Oh, my God. Did we ask, though? Like, let's be real. No. Are you okay?

You guys didn't ask. I'm okay. Honestly, I think I got three hours of sleep last night. Oh. Yeah. What time did you sleep? I got in bed at, like, like midnight and then i just kept waking up with my heart racing that's the worst vibe ever yeah just freaking out uh that fucking sucks yeah

you should take like a chill pill or something those aren't real oh actually i feel like a xanax is yeah that's a chill pill we just need to change the verbiage of that it's a chill pill take some plan b i actually do think i'm gonna start taking like cbd gummies like around with me because the way i freak out and explode things in my brain recently is actually like becoming a problem like the simplest issues send me on the craziest spiral and i am like a cunt and evil and crazy to everybody in my vicinity because i'm freaking out and genuinely like i'm like oh my god there's there's a solution but i can't think of it because i'm too busy thinking about all the like bad things that could happen if i don't come to a solution and then people around me are trying to help me and

i'm like no you don't understand you literally cannot fucking help me because you don't know what like what's happening to me right now um and then 20 minutes later i'm like oh my god i was a little crazy just now huh you just need to take a chill pill yeah but not actually like i don't want to be medicated for that feeling um i just want to like drink like cbd fix it yeah i just want to not do that like i don't want to have to take medication for being like an anxiety-ridden crazy recently. So I think I'm going to start drinking those like what are they like the mad tasty CBD drinks? I'm going to start drinking those. Oh yeah.

Oh Slay. Merch is shipping out today. What's your media of the week? My media of the week is the rehearsal by nathan fielder so fucking good he's crazy he's so good at what he does um that's it for the company everybody dick writing for him bro he's not even that good and then my media of the week is just two new albums,

Beatopia and Gemini Rites. Those are like the albums I've been like throwing on. And then I have like a few other things that I will be continuing to gatekeep because that's what I do and I still don't care. And you can't make me not. I have one song from media of the week and it's Ain't Nobody Straight in LA. Oh, Ain't Nobody Straight in LA. Oh, ain't nobody straight in LA. This was my media a long time ago, so.

I'd be a scape. Whose sexuality is it for the society? Ain't nobody straight in LA It's true It's real as fuck Except for me Okay I mean like are you serious Sex on the beach by DJ Assault Are you fucking serious

Mystery of love by I don't fucking know how to say his name Food of Pan Stevens. You are not fucking straight, you motherfucker. Hey, come here. Come here. Oh, wait. I didn't get Kai's gig.

What did you... Okay. So, Kai. You know how you came to me and you were like, okay, we need to nip the rumors, the short rumors in the bud, right? Oh mean like calling calling something that you're insecure about a rumor is a really good way to deflect like i will give that to you you have no idea i'll get any comment that i've gotten the last week okay well he's 5'2", right? Yeah. And a half. And a half. And a half. So, I got you something off Amazon to make you feel a little bit better about your height.

Because we care. Because we care. Yeah, because we care. Okay, all right. And we feel bad for telling the truth. And I got you insoles that you put in your new sneakers. No, I don't need those. That make you grow by about four inches.

Come on, Kai. Get over here. here look you put them on and you put this inside your sneaker look and you'll be so tall and then it boosts you up and then you'll be a solid like five okay if i were five four yeah so you kai is taller than me y'all why did you buy those are those actually kai is taller than drew in theory i bought them for you i actually want to see if they work my shoes are over there kai the thing is what you lack in height you make up for in personality okay but i don't lack anything i'm objectively so you go from like five foot two and a half and then with your personality You get to like a five point four and one third

No, no work, yeah, yeah the okay are you guys done? no yeah yeah yeah there's even more I know I heard it right by your door oh Drew walked over there look you can put a couple more should we put one more each?

nah let's just do that we don't want them to get too tall because it'll be like it'll be like um it'll it'll like shock you of your shoe as well okay let me try this okay okay kai no you need to loosen them because your foot isn't in your shoe it's freaking me out wait is your foot in your shoe get your stinky ass foot out of there. It's in there.

Oh, it was fully in. These are crazy. Well, I mean, okay, do you want to be 5'3 or 5'4? We need to measure you before and then measure you after. Well, we don't have a measuring tape. We'll use my penis because it's four feet tall. Your penis is now four feet tall. Yeah, and you're not 5'3. For people to say to say that Kai you know the truth this is crazy that your foot

was in there I thought your foot wasn't in there what shoes are these made for I don't know what shoes are these made for so you wear jeans with it. Is this obvious? It does make you taller, though.

Wow. wow it's actually like almost unnoticeable wait turn to the side five wait why are you actually so tall now he's actually so tall now holy fuck i don't like standing next to you like that. But if I was 5'5", Well no, those give you like a foot and a half. They don't give me a foot and a half. Okay, well now you're like 6'1", with those in, like yeah, they give you like a foot and five inches.

I'm sure that the viewers will see it and they'll be like, he's not 5'5". He was normal size, and now he's like 6'3". Well, don't assume what our girls are going to think about you. Wait, why does Kai kind of love them? I know. It would be so nice to be this tall.

Does it feel weird? Can I try? Isn't Mason this tall? No, Mason's not this tall. What? Mason's like an inch taller than me. Does it feel weird like their feet are going to fly out or do they kind of work? Who is this tall? Is Zomar this tall? Zomar's inch taller than me. Does it feel weird like their feet are gonna fly out or do they kind of work? Who is this tall? Is Zomar this tall?

Zomar's like taller than this I think. Yeah, he's taller. Whoa! Yeah, he's huge. Now we're just playing. Ooh, whoa. and getting home and taking your heels off basically we're normally at eye line yeah also if we're at eye line well because because you chronically stand on your toes which is why we got this for you you have stilts on because we feel bad because you're gonna get arthritis in those toes if you don't start stop like stepping on and you have the world's largest calves it It's crazy. You have big calves. Honestly, thank you.

Everyone makes fun of my legs, honestly. Kai, you are serving today, but it's probably because you have the heels on. Have you been working out? Have I? Yeah. Because when you walked in, I was like, you're like big right now. I'm just wearing a little tiny shirt. Oh.

Well, you look good today. Wearing your heels back to the computer. Click pause. Paziana. All right. Well, thank you guys so much for watching. I hope you have a beautiful day. Should we rub noses?

A little Eskimo kiss? No, I couldn't get. Also, that video that it looks like me and Drew were kissing- Is real. And before we did that, he ate a handful of fucking Doritos and he smelled so fucking gross. And I couldn't believe he did that. I ate Doritos and then we fake kissed. And he was like, did you eat Doritos? Because I was laughing while we were doing it.

And we were just like looking at each other and laughing. And I was like, he smells so bad. At least it wasn't garlic. I would argue that the artificial smell of cheese Doritos is worse than garlic. Cheesy breast. All right, thank you so much, baby. Thank you guys.

So me and Drew have to go because I have to oil up his breasts and rub my clitoris against his nipple. No, you're gonna milk me. Yeah, with my vulipple. No, you're gonna milk me. Yeah, with my vulva. Yes, you're gonna milk me. Bye.