Emergency Intercom - drew is back to sucking on that fruity tube again

Episode Date: February 17, 2023

Drew and Enya talk about the Super Bowl, unsolicited pics, and how drew is back to sucking on that fruity tube If you’re looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greensis giving you a FREE 1-yearsupply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athleticgreens.com/EMERGENCY. That’s athleticgreens.com/EMERGENCY. Check it out. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help: Visit BetterHelp.com/NTERCOM today to get 10% off your first month. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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music sometimes like why can you just like why does it not register um it's called uh having my mind like i was saying in a past episode i'm not bound to earthly things i'm more of a spiritual being and music is one of those earthly pleasures that i don't partake in simply because it is hedonistic yeah it's like where is my mind it's kind of i'm like yeah but you don't know you're so sweet that should be that should be the new intro to the podcast where is my mind where is my mind i feel like we could do a good cover of it. If everything goes south, I'm just going to join a cover band. You and Josiah's cover band duetting.

Katy Perry? I don't fucking know. We would cover Ed Sheeran, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, those alike. What was the one yesterday? It was an Ed Sheeran song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love me now. Take me and say i love you now

ed she banshee that's crazy that we haven't spoken about ed sheeran once on this podcast um but yeah ed she banshee this coffee tastes like shit and doo-doo yeah you were fumbling with your machines this morning i know nespresso is out to get me nespresso i've realized or decided is a conglomerate scary brand they only want you to use their products it is terrifying just like apple um literally like no everything doesn't have to be an apple kind of company although i love apple i am a consumer of apple also this is emergency intercom we never said that it would be the first episode that we didn't say that we just oh my god welcome to this episode of emergency intercom even though everyone fucking

hates us now i guess like i don't hate you guys oh my god everyone no i didn't say oh a bunch of nobodies oh hey yes i said every like important people totally yeah i get it thank you kai what were you what were both of y'all saying to me this morning i forgot like i was like really insecure about something and i went to my room to grab something to cover it up but oh you fucking you like comments oh a hat oh your hair looks good is that what you want to hear yeah both kai and inya were like oh my god your hair looks so good today take yeah you're serving mad scientist i'm serving frizz no i like your hair without hats like i hate my hair you should stop wearing all those hats your

hair looks really good today thank you like when you took the hat off it was kind of like in those 90s movies where like the girl take the glasses off and the ponytail down yeah exactly yeah or like the golden box opening in pulp fiction i feel like it was like that for you guys like it was just like oh my god or like medusa like oh yeah because we were scary we were scared we were really scared i was scared um also you like comments which that is something to be insecure about if you ever get a liked comment from the pretty girl and cool boy that was not me that was and he holds his phone like an old person he literally he was like he's like what it's like my way of being like you did good and yeah that is a normal way to hold a fucking phone people don't do this like why is your wrist is permanently like this you're like i know why and then on your ipad i was watching you yesterday i was watching you

yesterday use your ipod on the floor and you were literally like you were in a moment of panic and you were still like like you it's it's not i think it's out of like you don't want to have to put work into your wrists and hold them up which actually maybe it's better for you because i'm pretty sure holding your wrist like straight and i am just an efficient person and most people live their life with really gnarly built-up tension in every place in their body and i just let go of that like i just don't hold you are tensions yeah i'm i'm a little you are loose like that um but yeah drew's the old person who likes comments which i guess maybe it's not an old person thing because every fucking light or comment on tiktok has like maybe you're the old person for not liking comments how about we talk about that no the

thing is is i see a comment i just spare my life i don't give it out like that i like the comments that i thought in my head where i was like oh that's funny and you're funny too and i'm funny and i'm gonna like give you props on that or i like the comments that i'm just like damn like so many people are actually randomly so funny like once in a lifetime and they like put all of their power into this comment and they just tour like i wonder if there's anybody on tiktok who they are a liker or commenter like that's their thing they don't have videos they don't like do anything other than like comment on videos my friend does that really yeah and he like eats he he doesn't post any kind of he just uh does comments and gets like 16 000 likes on every single one i bet like we

should be comment yeah does that reflect on your account like you know when it says like the likes you have do comment likes add into that i'm like curious because imagine like low-key tiktok should be low-key tiktok should add commenters to the creator fund if they surpass a certain amount of likes because like i guess comments are a big part of that app so that and also on twitter when someone has like an uber viral tweet that gets like 250 000 likes all of these dildo brands literally the rose brand reaches out to them and it'll be like them like praying for their grandma that just died and like posting like a slideshow of their grandma like being goofy when she was alive and then they have a pinned comment the first comment back is them responding to their

own tweet and it's like also i've been using this rose dildo recently like please buy it with this link and it's like the rose company is reached out and was like we'll literally give you a hundred dollars if you just reply probably 25 if you respond to it because it'll get a bunch of like eyes because really at the end of the day at the end of the day like all brands care about is eyes eyes how many eyes you have on you they literally only care about eyes without a face yeah true true true true true they will buy if if you're getting 15 million monthly impressions i whatever i'm not getting into that shit um well if i was dating somebody who had a rose or like a vibrator they held dear to them and they pissed me off i'd put it in the microwave and blow up their house i'll boil it no boil it would like

clean it but i guess it would yeah it would break the vibrator in it internal isn't it crazy that a vibrating like contraption is really just something actually like shaking it's just like a motor like you remember those little motor bugs that you could buy as a kid that like look like toothbrush toothbrush heads that's what's inside every vibrator and no one's talking about it imagine if one day we run out of lithium batteries and then our vibrators have to be gas powered and you have to like you know the way you start the photos of kim kardashian as a pilgrim start a lawnmower it's kim kardash Kardashian as a pilgrim. So we get the start of Lawnmower. It's Kim Kardashian in her pilgrim dress starting up her vibrator. Well, guys, the Chiefs won the Super Bowl.

Yay! I'm really excited about that. That was the best night of my life watching that game. I just love the Super Bowl. I really do wish, if I could change anything about last night, I would have changed it that we watched the halftime show in nordstrom i really wanted that for some reason yeah because all the everyone was gathered around the three tvs like it was really it was honestly was so cute and then i saw a video on someone that was on an airplane um oh yeah a bunch of people were watching it. Everyone had, like, Rihanna playing on the halftime show on the TVs on the airplane.

And I was like, damn. Like, this is cute. Like, the Super Bowl is cute. I'm the first person to say the Super Bowl is cute. But, like, it's cute and human and very wholesome vibes. It's like the World Cup. Any big sports event is like speedy.'s like the World Cup. Any big sports event is like World Cup!

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Based on a true story. New season Mondays at nine eastern and pacific only on w stream on stack tv okay um but yeah it's like that it's exactly like that it's like you singing that song but it's just everybody finding one thing to finally agree on but then there's a disagreeance and then people setting their cars on fire because they're mad that their team didn't win dude people set their cars on fire because their team won football fans are fucking batshit crazy it's disgusting i would never associate with a vile group like that oh my god you literally just said that it was sweet and like cute like what's wrong with you i guess it's like the duality of man you could just see both sides oh i'm also schizophrenic been has been you are has been low-key yeah i'm in my flop arc you say that every three weeks like every three weeks you're like i'm in my flop arc and then

we're outside and one single person is like oh my god i like love the podcast you're like oh my god i'm back you're like i'm back that's what i needed i needed that it's because you isolate for like a week straight and then you go outside and you get like immediate validation you're like it's because i get sun it's literally because i get vitamin d huh oh my god let's see see what i deal with i just can't even name a main staple vitamin well i don't know is it is it a vitamin yeah vitamin d yeah i mean it's called vitamin d you do does your body make vitamins like if you're getting vitamin d from the sun how the fuck are you getting vitamin d in your body? I think so. I think your body makes it when your skin hits the sun. But it needs like outside things to make it.

It's like how people can become iron deficient if they are lacking certain meats in there. Something is not adding up there. Something is not adding up. I'm lacking a certain meat in my diet. My penis. Yeah, I just pointed at Drew's dick for those I couldn't see. For the listeners. Yeah, sorry.

So I'm done vaping. I haven't vaped in 45 seconds. Drew will never end. It will never end and that's okay. Like you'll just be the old man with a fruity tube in your mouth i freak a fruity tube now you need to fucking chill right now right now like a fruit flavored like puffing sucking tube you gotta suck it and it's fruity oh oh wow yeah this is crazy no this is crazy i wasn't i wasn't prepared for this i don't know i'm really scared actually right now what if when you're old they make ventilators

taste like diet coke or like like coke cherry coke wouldn't that be cherry vanilla coke if you're oxygen why don't they do that why don't they flavor your oxygen at least make you have fun with it they tried they had the flavor bars at the mall the flavored oxygen bars at the mall that no one didn't they would literally put those tubes in your nose and around your ears like you were a fucking terminally ill patient and you just sit in the mall sucking up like great flavored oxygen and it was like literally the craziest scam i've ever seen in my entire life um but no back to the vape conversation. My mom begged me, literally begged me to stop vaping for her birthday. So I have until June 14th and I will, I will hold it down. I will hold it down.

This is like you getting a car. It's like the same man. It's like, I need a car. And then you just stay home for five days. And then you're like, I really need to go here. I always knew I was that guy that was like, oh, I'm this like i'm gonna i'm gonna get that car i'm gonna go there i'm gonna do this this and then never do it and then say it the next day and be like yeah i'm gonna do that i'm gonna take care of it but it did not hit me until elisa when i was like i think i'm

gonna get a car finally and elisa was like you're not getting a fucking car you've been saying that for four years like when i say it just comes off as too like sibling like me being annoying to you but someone like elisa who like we see often but not often enough that like she hears how much you say it's a contrarian you're just yeah you are like devil's advocate kind of guy yeah i'm like a walking hypothetical i'm a walking paradox i'm a fucking walking paradox um threesomes with a triceratops damn that's just a crazy like what um but yeah i'm gonna stop vaping and the reason why i want to stop vaping is because two nights ago i was laying in bed and my lungs hurt so bad.

And I was like literally fearful for my life. I was like, what is going on? This is also what happens to you every three days when you have like buffalo wings at midnight. And then I was laying there and I was like, oh, my God god i'm like really like congested i was like and i was like clearing my throat and i tasted like the vape in my like phlegm so you tasted lychee mango iced tea yeah it was it was fucking crazy and i was like oh something is seriously wrong i'm getting pneumonia and it's just all of the fucking oil collecting my lungs because where does that shit go literally where does it go like i'm expelling the oil but like some of that shit is coating my lungs and like my body is not getting rid of that shit fast enough but well think about this there's people who used to like manually

operate oil rigs and they didn't die people early deaths oh okay then yeah you're good oil money is a real thing in texas it's really big if you could get an oil job at an oil rig in texas you were like loaded you were rich if you went out west it was it was like 150 000 a year you're fine except you're not getting paid to do that you're paying and then if they found oil on the land you owned they would put up an oil rig and you would clean up because they would have to pay you to set that shit up and have people coming in and they would have to pay you for the oil because it's on your property so it was crazy and you didn't get in on that i thought you were like an entrepreneur and like a business oh i did the people don't know anything about me like that's the thing they don't know that i'm

oh yeah that you that you have oil money yeah then i'm a mogul people don't seem to realize that a mogul is in the room right now um is the mogul in the room with us well yeah you won't get a car you won't stop vaping um and i won't stop sending unsolicited dick pics. I don't give a fuck. There's nothing you can do to make me stop. There's nothing you can do. No. I can file like charges. And? I guess they wouldn't take your iPhone.

That's not going to stop me. No, I was thinking about unsolicited dick pics and like, don't get me wrong. That is vile behavior. Scary, vile, disgusting behavior. But also, like, it's kind of funny that, like, the dude is, like, doing that. Yeah, I will say that anytime I've, like, gone through DMs and that's sitting there, it is actually, it's comical because usually they say something with it. And it's like, okay, so you are in the right state of mind that you can type out a sentence so why is that picture there it's like oh my god you're so beautiful dick pic with like the dripping emoji which is fucking nasty we like go through in his dm sometimes and

we'll laugh at the dick pics what's crazy is that i don't get sent dick pics dick pics you've never get contributes and i don't get dick pics i've probably never gotten a dick pic i've gotten one on twitter before but i don't get them like regularly which is like fucking bullshit you want them regularly no i don't want a dick pic don't send me dick pics to my dms like in like two years it's gonna be brought back up and we were gonna be like remember when drew phillips was asking for dick pics like what was that about we are joking guys guys if you look this is a comedy podcast if you read between the lines

i knew you were gonna do that fuck you um well should we talk about how i got attacked the other night yeah yeah i think we should yeah it wasn't even that serious it just actually it was crazy but um this is just being a woman i've decided that being a woman is literally just being attacked by random men whether it's physically or verbally like when we were at the fucking vintage thing that man who like made that weird ass fucking comment to me yeah um oh we were at this like vintage convention thing and a guy was talking to his friends also dressed like the 1930s because it was an americana like vintage thing get a life i mean so you're yeah you're already leading a funny life but the joke that came along with it i was like chill calling someone's life funny like leading

a funny life is crazy you're abnormal life um but i was walking into this booth and one of the guys talking went like this and almost smacked the fuck out of me and i literally had to dodge it i was like oh my god and then he was like oh i'm sorry and then um actually i don't think he said i'm sorry he was like oh my god didn't see you there like he said some fucking 1930s hinga dinga derg and shit like that like milady didn't see you there if i was there i wouldn't have let any of this happen by the way how would you have stopped that i don't know i would have found a way i'm basically ant-man i've never seen that movie so i don't know what that means he can like make himself little and big and control ants actually he only has to do with

being able to like stop him from almost hitting me. Because ants are really strong. So. They can tow trucks. I watched a video when I was a kid. Like it was in like kindergarten or first grade or something. And it was talking about how like ants. Like if they were the size of humans. They could like tow like a jet engine or something.

Like a jet plane. Okay. Like body weight percentage actually i need to look that up facts checking myself that i fact check myself okay um anyway he almost hit me and then his friends start like giggling and then one of them go what did we tell you about hitting women and they all laughed so fucking hard like that like dress like being a white man yeah i'm like you that's not a joke don't say that um and then they just ignored me for the rest of time in the booth and then i left very quickly because i got really scared like i fake looked at the clothes but then i left because i was like oh um and then oh literally that night so this was in a day that night i went to this event thing with some friends and i got introduced

to somebody this guy was also at the clothing convention ironically enough was he that's what you said no no he was at he was at the rose Yeah, we saw him at Rose Bowl the next day. He was in the same outfit. The guy who did what I'm about to say. Not the guy who almost hit me. But that same night, so it's Saturday night. I go to an event, whatever. I'm introduced to this guy.

And he's, like, already drunk. And they're serving drinks at this event. But he's, like, drunk. And then later on, I found out he, like, got there got there with his wife from like a date night they were having so like i think they just got drunk and they're like yeah let's like go to that event it's close whatever um and i was like sitting there like this talking to my friends and i was pretty cold so i also feel like i just stand like this usually like i'm always with like my arms crossed it's just like a comfortable thing and i was cold so i was just like doing this and then he looks'm always with like my arms crossed. It's just like a comfortable thing. And I was cold.

So I was just like doing this. And then he looks at me. He's like, oh, first when he said hi to me, he grabbed me and was like, called me baby. And I was like, he like called me baby. And I was like, ew, dude. And I just like backed up again. Obviously, I didn't say anything. I was just like, thank you.

Like you have to do. Please don't hurt me. Yeah, it's a protector. So literally, please leave me alone um and then he was like oh why the negative energy uh this is i like this i like this negative energy you have such a negative energy i was like oh i'm just i'm just cold and he was like drunk and talking over me so i basically like me talking was pointless he's like come here and we were like basically around this corner and it was on the street at this event where and

around the corner there was like a floodlight pointing down on the other side of the corner and then he proceeds to grab me my arms are still crossed and he grabs my arms grabs me by the arms and starts moving me moving my body and i'm just like kind of like fumbling around because he's drunkenly moving me around and i'm like what the fuck and my friend group was just watching like what the fuck is happening and kind of following to see like what is this guy doing and he grabbed me and like pushes me up against the wall where there's light on me and like he pushed me too hard and my head hit the wall and I was just standing there like this still and then he was like i just want to get a look at you like i was like i'd call you know he smelled like beer

yeah and i was just like um and then all my friends came and they were like okay and they like kind of separated it and like we're talking to him and then one of my friends grabbed him and like kind of did the same thing but like there wasn't really much you could do because it was like this a public event and this guy's just obviously like too drunk to function um but i almost cried and i wanted to i almost had a panic i almost had a panic um and i was so freaked out and then i ran inside and went and grabbed an alcoholic beverage to calm my nerves i literally honestly that was my i need a beer i need a fucking beer a long day of being a woman i need a fucking beer i know just another day in the life and then i saw him at the rose bowl and i was literally petrified he was

wearing the same thing so i'm like damn nasty um i feel like that's the same strain of guy as the unsolicited dick pic oh yeah 100 he fully gets drunk in his eyes funny like 100 um or maybe he does it sober but yeah and that was not a five well while i was attacked while you were being attacked i was at home alone and our neighbors downstairs were having a party and i didn't know this at the time and i heard heard like, like screaming from my room and they were on the opposite side of the house. And I heard like screaming and yelling and like celebrating and laughter and having fun. But from my room, it sounded like it was coming from like the streets, like outside. And I was like, why is everybody outside screaming? Like,

what are they running from? Like, what is going on? And I started like literally freaking out and never in my life have i been like i'm afraid to die alone but in this moment i got so emotional because i was like i was literally convinced like the like the aliens were here like the apocalypse was happening and like people were running from zombies or aliens like or some shit and i in this moment i was like oh my god i'm gonna fucking die alone and like my family's back in in Texas, like Inya's out with her friends, like everyone is with their family or with their friends. And I am literally alone and I'm going to die alone. And I was like literally like tearing up at the thought.

And I was literally like panicking about this. And then I walked into the house because I was like, what is going on? Where is this sound coming from? And I like walked. Are we good? Yeah, we're good. You know what what it is the sound of joy is just so alien to you yeah i'm just not a happy person i'm scared of being happy you don't want to see me when i'm happy seriously seriously um but i walked into the living room and heard them singing happy birthday and i was like oh oh so the aliens the aliens aren't here after all i had to recorrect my tiktok feed this morning i woke up and i opened tiktok immediately because i'm addicted

to looking at a black screen on my phone and i cannot control myself i was i was watching tiktoks in bed and all of them were like the world is ending aliens are coming we've shut down this nuclear red dawn blah blah blah blah blah like all this shit the war is on our turf now like and i was just like no i'm not dealing with this i'm literally not dealing with this so i just went not interested not interested not interested not interested i love a good not interested and i got my feed right back i used the fuck out of that if you come on to my timeline and you were singing you are gone yeah you are gone why are you singing actually that's interesting i literally don't think i've ever gotten like someone just singing on my feed i've gotten people like like a cover every now and then i think what it is is tikt TikTok is like you like this song so much and you like people so much.

What if we made people sing the song and you saw it like you saw that and then I'm like no. A ukulele cover of Icespice. There's a drone outside y'all. They're watching us. Welcome to Drew's Psy Op Corner. That's what we need to talk about while Anya's gone because she won't let us talk about it we're rolling there's a lot of psyops going on right now pay attention don't be fooled they're putting ufos in the sky because the debt ceiling the ufos they're not real i hope they're real i wish they

were real i want them to be real so bad and if if they are real, I'll eat my words. But it's all psychological operations. Don't fall for it. Listen to this. Don't ask me why I cheated. Ask God why he brought me in your life to hurt you. Bae think my pupils dilated because I love her, but I really was just tweaking off the molly. I really don't believe men should have a sweet tooth. That's for women and kids. Seeing a grown man leaving the gas station with a fistful of little cookies and candies and shaking and just shaking my damn head as I raised the gas nozzle back up to my lips. When we got a we a part of me thought it would save my family eating food eating food from starbucks be like wow that 3d printed sandwich was so good the grainy eggs are delicious af count your benzos doesn't it look like there's less than you remember someone fucking stole your bars call everyone you know and scream at them until someone confesses

they stole your bars they stole your xanax all right we're back sorry i had to take a doo-doo break um i think something i ate the past few days gave me diarrhea because i've had diarrhea for like three days yeah right it doesn't no it smells good it's but why that face you know what i was it's like when you're listening to a good song you're like nice you sniff your songs no no like when you're listening to a song you're like mean mug you're like this is hard that your fart was hard is what I'm saying. Oh, okay. Well, I wish it was hard. It was pretty soft. It was hard bodied.

What I was thinking in the bathroom is they need to stop giving out real roses at the Bachelor and give out the rose. The rose vibrator. Like, why has that not happened yet? You know, at the end when they're like, he's deciding or she's deciding like who she's going to fuck. Like, why don't they give out the vibrating rose? Wow. That's actually really powerful exactly that's yeah and has anybody given a girl like 12 uh vibrators and but like a flower like a bouquet like a rose bouquet but it's just 12 vibrators i'm sure kai's done that before i've done that yeah you can't afford a rose vibrator though so it's like kai

likes let alone i took out a loan i got a i got a cash you got a loan for your vibrators yeah well you literally would need this think about this so i always thought the reason why the plants in the bathroom thrived was because they were being watered by like the humidity from the shower and shit it's from the doodoo flakes being fertilizer no yes i wonder there needs to be science backing to that i need to read that because like that would change my whole vibe because we are two people who like hanging out in the bathroom yeah maybe that's why we like it though because it's fertilizing us too i literally it is so bad i will spin i will just sit in the

bathroom doing nothing but sitting on my phone it's such a good space yeah it's so small and nice and comfortable the the lighting in there is great yeah the the lello the lello vibe yeah exactly exactly and i also think like um i don't know i think it's like the towels or something recently it's just been hitting like really good yeah i think it's because we also have really nice towel sets in there so it feels like a proper bathroom yeah like we have everything in there to make it a proper bathroom except the fact that our fucking door on our vanity because this house was made 100 years ago um the the vanity like mirror literally just fell onto me and we can insert that photo um because i was doing my makeup and i went to open it and it just fucking fell

it crumbled it literally the metal hinges melted from like the shit air from the the do-do air yeah you're up here but yeah also like the bachelor is so weird like shows like that are so weird and honestly you are bigger than me going on a show like that i would be so pissed to see somebody i'm even slightly interested in going on dates with other girls i would freak the fuck out it's not real none of it's no they find love they do they do and they get married for like two years i don't i'm like is is it it has to be like a little real if like these couples are staying together for like a couple of years. But isn't it like in their contract that if they break up, they don't get the money?

I actually don't know. We need a, we need a connoisseur of the show to talk about it. I feel like Josh would know. Josh loves The Bachelor. Or Orion. Yeah. But they refuse to be on our podcast okay oh my god i had work due today oh also remember when i was like i don't trust the batteries in cars well this girl posted a tiktok that she felt that way about battery bikes at least that's why i gathered she was talking about because she was like oh i like i kept telling my landlord that like she had a neighbor who was like

a hoarder which is also like a fire hazard um but they were like obsessed with bringing bikes into the house but like electric bikes and she kept saying her electric chair what is that like i'm just trying to get some pussy i gotta be real oh my god that's not the way you do it i thought that's like what you would like i can't believe what was it it was like i can't believe i'm doing this for some pussy it's like and i and i electric chair um but she kept saying that like oh she kept saying it was a fire hazard all the neighbors were saying it's a fire hazard and they would bring these bikes with batteries into it and then a fire started in the apartment complex and the whole floor that that was on burned down because i think one of the batteries of the bike freaking exploded freaking gritted on them so

the teslas are gonna gritty all over our lives and explode. The Teslas are going to gritty all over us. Do you know how to gritty? Yeah, I know how to gritty. Oh, my God. No, I didn't say to do. Oh, my God. I recorded this.

Okay. Wait, let me fire it. I mean, there's. It's not going to get that good. Okay, go. Whoa. Wait, no, I have to get that good enough. Okay, go. Whoa. Wait, no, I have to get in the rhythm. Nope, still going.

Alright. I'm getting dead serious, dude. That was kind of good, that last one. you're just kind of hopping around like i don't know what a gritty is i genuinely don't know yeah i i don't have the emote so i don't see it often enough to know i need to watch a how to gritty um youtube tutorial except i love the um the video of the two kids grittying and they're like racing oh it's so cute in the backyard yeah they're like girls like it's like a co-ed party yeah it's super cute um all right well wow i looked up how to do the default dance oh yeah and i just like I was like standing in my room doing it. The like, the Fortnite?

Yeah. Josiah's really good at it. I spent like, I don't know, 15 minutes trying to learn. And then I got an email from like my health insurance. And I was like, you have to go to the doctor. And I was just like, oh, I'm like 28. And I'm default dancing in my bedroom alone. And I just like closed the browser.

That is upstairs neighbor activity like yeah like just stomping around like some of us have to wake up in the morning go to sleep is that loud for y'all? No. I think I have a louder one. Yours is loud. Somebody said that if you... Somebody said... There was a TikTok of this girl being like... If you want to hear your voice, how it is. Because when you're hearing your voice, you're usually hearing it bounce off of things.

If you want to hear it for real, go like this. And you can hear exactly how you sound. Hello, I am listening to hear it for real go like this and you can hear exactly how you sound hello i am listening to my voice for real this time wait no how does this work do you cover your ears or no you go like this or oh i guess i don't know she went like this and it's like you're not hearing it bounce from here to here you're hearing it like actually i don't know how this works bounce off the back because there's no way you're covering i think if you cover your ears and like plug it up that's your head voice that's not how you sound there's no way of knowing how you sound because there's no way of knowing that you're real that's the thing is we are simply the

universe experiencing itself if you think about it what does that mean i saw somebody say that we need to like go off into the woods and take mushrooms and like shut the fuck up because they were like all they do is get like in like existential period we're just too existential yeah no it's too self-aware but that's always been how we were there was just never long formats where you could question it there was only us doing satirical bits on youtube where we were acting like somebody and making fun of a trend or something because we are existential and we question why these things are trends and they're confusing and scary and like silly to us.

So we make a joke of it when really we've been hiding behind jokes for our whole life. Because in reality, we are terrified of our own existence and what we're going to leave behind. And if we're going to get to leave anything behind and what does that even mean? Because I won't be here to see what those things I leave behind turn into. So it's not necessarily important. And I should just be enjoying my days moment by moment, but I'm so stuck up on what I think I need to do before my life ends. But how do you even know when your life ends?

Because there is no knowing that. That was so core core. You're so core core. I've been getting into hope core recently. Oh, I've seen a lot of hope core. I love hope core. My Way.

What is a bird? All I can think is when Christian performed that whole song and it was so lit. That was so fire. That's like Christian's go-to karaoke song. And then his show in LA, he performed the entire thing. And he was like, y'all have to sing along or it's not going to work. Like, y'all all have to get down with this shit. But most people I don't think knew the lyrics.

It was like his 10 friends who have seen him perform it so much. So now we know the lyrics. Screaming it from the... Yeah, we were in the VIPs. We were in the banister. Yeah. We were in the blue banisters. What was Lana saying?

Or Josiah saying? Lana was saying? My body is a map of la but we truly are the universe experiencing itself i don't know necessarily what that means it's like we're made of stardust and we are all the chemicals and gases all created from the universe and its infinite expanses and we're just that in one being and we're using that energy to observe itself to observe ourselves do you think god would be mad that we're using his energy to do this to jerk off no that's intended also everything happens for a reason well i saw azul in the window the other day when we got home and it literally freaked me out because

i was looking at her i was like dude when we leave the house she's still here like when you leave the house your pet is still at home existing they don't just disappear into thin air when you're out and you don't even they don't cross your mind they are still somewhere in your house just sitting around thinking nothing literally moving around just like need water need food oh thing i'm gonna hunt that thing yeah i'm gonna play with that thing this isn. I'm going to play with that thing. This isn't real. I'm moving on. Azul has been hanging out in my room a lot more recently because there is a female cat screaming in heat right outside my window all day, every day. I keep thinking it's a real baby or something. And then I get up and look through all my windows because I swear there's going to be

like an infant on the fucking road. Like it's a 1920s film and I'm going to take in a baby while it's raining and raise it as my own yeah but as well yeah he's been like trying to get some snatch bro no as well isn't like that as well wouldn't just like use somebody for their body as well wants to get to know somebody before like he has sex that's like just the kind of cat my cat is yeah yeah i'll give him that i'll give him that like the thing is azul if like he actually had to be in a room with another cat he is the most useless cat ever he would suck balls yeah when i got my other cat who's dead by the way i have a fucking dead cat like yeah i had

a cat for like a year and then it fucking died um nine months actually yeah like not even a year um but you just neglected her yeah honestly like feeding two cats was too much work like it was just so bad actually she had cat covid and died literally i i cannot believe that happened and it felt like you had her for so fucking long. It felt like you had her for three years, but she was only around for such a short amount of time. It felt like I had her for so long because I never had to take a cat to the vet and the doctor that much. It was a lot. Like she needed so much attention because she was just, she was literally withering away. It was actually so fucking devastating.

It was really sad. But she was like actually the nicest cat ever. Oh, i'm gonna insert this picture i found a picture of you holding her out like when she was like she was a really long cat but we never got to see her get old because she died and perished she literally perished stop saying withered and perished she she did she perished she's in a box in my room right now she was such a sweet little girl that like we had beef. Me and her had beef. And I'll admit that I'm grown enough to admit that we had beef in our lifetime.

But you miss her now. I do. I really do miss her presence. It was weird without her. But to clarify things, she was basically born with a neurological disorder. Yeah, she was born with like, like no so basically she got an infection and then she got cat covid and only five for like it's normal for cats to get a covid strain but only five to like i think it's like two to five percent usually fucking die from it but because

she was untreated she got like like a viral infection and like it killed her kidneys and her lungs and then she couldn't grow hair anymore so she just started losing her hair and she couldn't eat and also when she was a baby she had an ear infection from being sick so she walked with a tilt so she would like jump around. She was so cute with her little head. Yeah, she would like walk with a tilt. She was like Wiley from Coraline. Yeah, if she walked too far, she would just almost start bending. Like she would start going in a circle if you just like let her.

And her tail was like crushed when she was a baby. So her tail had a really bad bend in it. It was literally so fucked up. And you know what's crazy is when i first went to get her like i literally do you remember how bad that was i had so much anxiety my gut feeling doesn't lie but i'm so happy i got her because she was awesome but when i went to get her it was like during was during covid and i was just like dude this is like the perfect time to get another cat because i've been wanting a second cat, but I just like would travel so much. I'm laughing so much at this.

Because it's funny. I was like, oh, I just need another cat because now's the perfect time because I could get close. I'm going to be home for so long, whatever. We like go out of the way to go. I drive an hour away to go get this cat. Then I have a panic attack because I'm so scared of COVID and I'm like, maybe this is like a rash decision. I shouldn't be getting another cat. I'm not going to go. And then I was convinced to go back because it was like, dude, you want another cat? And I was like, that is true. I want this cat. It's so cute and ugly and stinky. And I'm like, going to go get this cat. We drove back out and then we got there. And literally, I got into the house that she was being fostered at. And was so fucking paranoid and like she was so freaked out by seeing

another human and when i got in the house she like ran into a wall hit it and then backed up like literally like went backwards really fast hit the stairs and then tried to run up the stairs and it was wood stairs so she slipped down the stairs hit the floor and then ran away into a corner and the foster mom was like oh she's a little scared and i was like literally standing in this stranger's house with like three masks on and gloves and i was like i should not be in here like this is so bad and then i just was too scared to be like actually no i don't want that so i took her and like she was dead silent on the hour and a half ride home and i thought she was dead in the carrier in the back seat and i was like this is just my cat now and she was just so weird and then i put her in the room to like

so that azul could smell her through the door and she just kept pissing in the bed in the cat bed she wouldn't piss in the litter box and she was like old enough that she knew what a litter box was and she like peed in it and then got under it so she was covered in pee and like dude it was literally so crazy but then she was a really good girl and she would lay in my lap she was a lap cat she was such a sweet little girl and yeah and then she died and then she was normal for like three months and gaining weight and then she started getting really skinny i was like it turned so fast it was crazy it wasn't like it happened without warning like it was so weird like one day she was like good and then the next day her head got really bad and then it was just downhill over like a month and then eventually

she had to get put down it was so sad that was literally the worst experience ever but i'm happy it happened while i was here yeah because i was my biggest fear was like dude like if i'm traveling and this happens i'll be so pissed like that would be the worst thing ever that we were with her when she was like yeah she was in my bed it was so sad she pissed all over my bed no i mean when she got put down yeah that was crazy we had to talk to her we had to hold her little girl even like beyond like like her being a cat like dude that was that was really dark that like fucked me up for a little bit like seeing her get put down and just like literally the life like leaving her eyes it was like so yeah having to put like an animal down because they literally are just like passing away it's so

sad because it's like well i don't want this cat to suffer because okay this is my hot take i think like when cats are like i mean her kidneys were literally failing it was like yeah you could get a three thousand dollar surgery done on this fucking three pound animal that won't eat and can't move um and there's a chance it won't work but and she would have to take meds 18 times a fucking day um or you could put her down and like save her suffering it's like yeah i'm gonna like yeah because she was in so much pain yeah i was really sad but she's like the cutest girl ever she was literally the cutest cat ever like she was so and she had like a little um her teeth would like hang over her mouth so she would have like a little tooth hanging out when she would be asleep and she was like a fun cat azula's like so slay and cute but as well as annoying and like she doesn't like lay on you

you have to trick azula into laying on you you have to open a can of food and put it like on your lap you have to literally grab her and she like is tense for like two minutes and then you have to pet her until she's like okay like i'm not going to be killed by this person he turns as hard as a rock when you touch him it's crazy azul like if you touch his back he literally like flexes every single muscle in his body like in a way that i did not know was possible yeah um that's a cat that's like terrified for its life at every waking moment it is like perpetually terrified maybe we accidentally at one point left a shroom gummy around and azul ate a shroom gummy and she just knows about her he's just sentient and that's why that look in his eyes sometimes he has a look in

his eyes and i'm like where are you like what are you thinking what's in there so i think he just knows that he's alive and that his time will come to an end very soon he's an older cat now not an older cat he's still a very like in my head he's a baby but i freaked out the other day because i'm like dude azul is like almost six years old no no azul was born in the summer of 2018 when he him when he was like 4 or 5 months 6 months wait he's I guess yeah at the end of this year he'll be almost 6 question mark I'm confused Charlie is like almost 10

how long I I just need a cat to be like Azul to be in my life when I have a baby but soon I'll be dead yeah oh god what am I supposed to do when she dies that's so annoying i think i'd get another cat maybe maybe you're pregnant right now you never you never don't fucking say that kind of shit to me don't wish evil upon me what do you like what did he call you no he called me

oh my oh you think I look pregnant? No, I'm not saying that. That's not what I was saying. That wasn't what I was saying. True. You know that's not what I was saying. Funny how freely you feel to speak on a woman's body. No, leave it in.

I'm going to cut it because you made it look like... No. Wow. Are you going to yell at me for that? What are you going to do to me? What the fuck is that? I'm going to spank you. In the belt. Yeah, that got morbid.

We just talked about my dead cat. I was cracking up the entire time. That's like a defense mechanism. When I think about sad things, I literally cannot help it, but I laugh. It's too funny. Like, for some reason, it's literally, like, devastating things are, like, funny to me, not because I find them funny. Because it just, like, it literally just puts me in an existential spot where I'm like, why? It's also better to laugh.

Why laugh if you can laugh like because that like i laugh if you can cry that was literally like one of the saddest things ever and like i laughed my entire way through it and i actually feel euphoric now after talking about a dead animal but no genuinely though like i don't know oh my god like just thinking about like my brother like all that shit like what when it was all going down and like i know it's really insane it's just such an out-of-body experience it's like whoa i think especially as young people it's super out of body because it's just like you're like well i'm still a baby why is why am i having to face such large motions of grief when my life is just beginning like it's also giving like my the harshest reality like the hardest part of grieving and i remember like telling you this

the two i was just in a really dark place one I was like one like you truly are like all alone in this life like no matter what way you spin it like you are yourself and that's it and I don't think that's a bad thing and then two like the hardest thing I was like grappling with was the fact that life just like kept going yeah it just continued like all of my brother's things were just like still in his house. And he had like mail in the mailbox and like all this crazy shit. And I was just like, like he still had mail coming to him. And I was just like, dude, what the fuck? It was such a surreal and weird thing to grapple with.

I just like, I still haven't. I've just chosen to, I chose to read Alan Watts. And I was like, yep, I'm healed. I don't need to think about that shit. Yeah. I like that. I remember that used to make me really angry. Also, like, I was the kind of person that I didn't tell anybody when my mom died. Because that was, like, during my time in my life where I wasn't very open with anybody.

So only, like, the person I was dating and, like, my family knew. And I was, like, just dead silent about it for, like, literally I was looking back. Actually, this reminds me of a TikTok I saw, or it was like, me explaining how I use my Finsta from 2016 to 2019. It was like, I got married there. I got divorced there. I got, I got into fights on that show. Like, it was like this woman like talking like that. And I remember, like, two weeks later, maybe I was like, oh, cause people obviously just kept texting me like nothing and like talking to me and getting upset that I wasn't saying anything to them. And then I just made a random post on my Facebook. I was like, by the way, my mom died. I don't want

to talk about it. Like done. I was like, you know, just shut up. Don't say anything to me. I don't want to talk about it with anybody. Um, but that would make me really mad for a long time. Cause I was like, this is so unfair. Everyone's life is just like continuing and moving on. My dad still has to go to work tomorrow. My mom still has to go to work tomorrow my mom still has to go to work tomorrow like my stepmom um has to go to work tomorrow like people just people are just continuing their life like everything is just moving as if this devastating huge thing didn't just happen to me um and then yeah I agree with like you're alone because as but that that's like a funny thing growing up to think about is I remember that used to freak me out even with my siblings. I think about how different me and all my siblings are.

And I'm just stunned because in my head we had such similar experiences, but we really didn't. We were all living such separate lives and like we were all our individual selves. And that was grieving, too. It was like all of us took different steps and exactly it's completely different and then it's like that almost makes it annoying because it's your fucking sibling so already talking to your siblings sometimes can be actually the most frustrating thing in the world but then when you're trying to have a deep conversation with them and it becomes a like a competition like i don't know how to describe it not that grieving is a competition but like oh for me like oh for me it is yeah i'm the most sad

but are you though like how could you prove it i'm the saddest in the room i'm the baddest in the room what does he say oh what's the oh the highest in the room the alex uh g song i've been thinking saying recently when i get sad i get sad i get so mad with the broken rib keep going because i am trapped and i am bad sometimes i get mad in my room

that was awesome yeah we've been working on that that's like you guys have been working on that well we're planning on going on a college that was awesome we're planning on going on like a college tour yeah and performing and performing that to inspire okay but you guys have been working on that and that's as good as it is right now i'm just saying i was like it's good it's artistic it's funny you know it's funny it's like what's his job ever to talk it was no the thing is the thing is the thing is the thing is art is subjective do you know that yeah i know that unless it's your art then it's objectively bad yeah

did that just rip or has that been ripped like that it's been hella ripped this shit is like fucked up and it cost you eight million dollars in la sniff my arm that's what it looks like it looks like you're doing like a chapless ass but for your armpits it's kind of the shit i've been on that's what you've been on yeah i've been ripping the armpits out of my shirts and sweaters. Right, right. Better circulation. Better pheromone transfer. I know how to help circulate your blood if you need help doing that. Me too.

Fucking touch me. Oh my god. Do not fucking touch me. He's saying, we were talking about the Beyonce concert and how we're like, okay, when we get our tickets. Because we didn't get pre-sale tickets tickets so now we're just staring at the prices and we're like damn are we really just gonna have to like it's an experience i need to see her i have like we were talking about it last night and i was like i have to be like front row like i there's no question about it i simply have to be eight million ads for seat geek like and share yeah no i i genuinely

have to be like front row and i was talking about and i was like oh like i need to like i need her to like bend down and reach out so we can touch her and i was like no no i do not need to touch beyonce i really don't need to even be close to beyonce like it would ruin every it would ruin it would be like it would be the same level of like life shifting as my brother died is if I touched Beyonce. Like it would be. It would just be too confusing. It's like somebody who we've like watched and like not idolized because it's not like

she like influenced our work, but she's literally like not a real figure. Like she might as well be like one of the people on the quarter because I'm like, I know this is one of the most important people ever, but like, they're not real to me. Does that make sense? Like, that's like how I feel about Beyonce is like in a hundred years, she's going to be like on some sort of like American, like currency and like older, like young people are gonna be like, who is this? And then someone's going to be like, that's.

We were also talking about, this is more. That is a singer this is more in his thought but like the new generation like the ipad babies like they're not gonna have a beyonce like the closest thing that we have to like the next beyonce who was who was i was saying doja cat because doja cat goes like perform who was the 1996 shirt music video oh normani normani is really but i don't think normani is like touring like i when i'm saying this i mean like we have pop stars like we have dualipa dualipa is fucking huge but like she's not like doing fucking borderline backflips on stage i need somebody like falling from the sky and like flipping down and like a lady gaga like lady

gaga is like in that same vein where when you go to a lady gaga like concert you're watching a performance like she's like doing multiple outfit changes she's fucking like basically sliding across the floor yep um but i just don't feel we that normani video is it for motivation motivation that video is i think i've watched the video like 15 i just watched it for the first time so good yeah i was such a good dancer she's so fucking sick we do this thing after anything like big happens like on tv and like we're like let's watch that performance like we go down the rabbit hole and it started with rihanna and then obviously we had to as one does you go watch the Beyonce Super Bowl performance.

Which is so good. Because it's fucking crazy. And then you graduate from that to, you can either go down the left side and keep watching Beyonce and go to Beychella. And then go to like, just all of her performances. And then fall into the Me, Myself and I video. Music video. Like you do that. But we've got actually eight million.

We have seen every single every single piece of beyonce like i remember one time in the old apartment yeah in the old apartment remember how annoyed josh got with us one time like josh like is so down to watch it but one time it was this big habit where we would like drink all the time for the cooks um we would drink four locos and then sit in our living room and watch beyonce music videos and one time josh was just like dude not again and literally just like he stormed out he went to his room which was a balcony so he had to hear it anyway it was very very fair but then we would like graduate into telephone with lady gaga and then we'd be like oh like let's check out judas like because as one does yeah or you can go down the other route and try to find the

modern day pop star doja cat normani chloe and hayley chloe and hallie yeah i can't say her name actually i can't say her fucking name i don't know anymore but yeah and we just try to figure it out but it just doesn't feel like the girls are giving there's not like a kylie minogue lady gaga beyonce like for now like i i can't or unless i'm just maybe somebody could point me in the right direction yeah i can think of artists that i really like and i think are huge and like beyond this life like like tyler is a great performer yeah tyler's an insane performer crazy like he's he understands but no backup dancers but which i would not expect it would be funny oh no wait he used to no no i'm thinking of his grammy performance when he had all of what during igor when he had like all the like like clones of him that motherfucker could do a goddamn

performance or is that is that josiah making sound i can't hear anything i think it might have been josiah um but that motherfucker could put on a show but i just like like i am so like i love big theatrics like i want i want fire i want like things moving like i want like full i want my ape brain to be stimulated, overstimulated. Like I want it to be like me scrolling on TikTok. Like the same level of stimulation. Yeah, I want to be so overstimulated that I forget I'm real. That's what I look for in a concert.

But then I think like I do like a good like some performers I've seen are just really good. And they're not doing like crazy theatrics. Like Big Thief was really good and really good to watch. Dijon was put on a really good show because of the like the like renditions of songs that he does. All the clapping and instruments. His homies wooing in the back. But yeah, I just don't I can't think of any huge superstar i don't know if i've seen enough performers yeah uh performances i haven't seen meg perform enough meg can just

dance her ass off too which is just like really fun to watch but i just want maybe it's a budget thing like maybe like if a lot of these artists had huge budgets what would they do like ariana was a really good performer too but i don't know if she's gonna go on tour again but she was like but she's also not a dancer we need dancers that's that's what we're getting at at the end of the day is like we need girls like dancing their asses off like it's just not what it used to be and everybody goes to the concerts to record their fucking iphone videos myself included get one okay because i don't i don't knock getting one to do videos do not record the whole performance like when when it's just an endless sea of phones because someone else is recording it and you can watch

it on youtube yeah you will watch any song you don't get, one other person will get. Also, these artists usually do at least one show when the whole thing is recorded. Like, get a few pictures or videos for memory's sake. But you don't even look at them. I don't watch them past that moment. I just think about it. And I'm like, that was fun. Every now and then I'll look at my concert videos. For the first time ever in my life, do that.

And I went back and watched the playboy cardi performance because i was like that shit he is so fucking goofy in like the best way possible opium signing ice spice i love her the opium munchers is what they're calling us um which is pretty insensitive but you know i guess i'm an opium muncher now yeah me too me too well that was that thank you for listening to our rant about pop stars yeah yeah sitting from our home going from dead parents and brothers and cats to beyonce and pop stars but yeah we need to see her but oh Drew made a funny joke where he was like he's like I actually think if she reached out to touch me

I would freak out and like I would hit her hand away because I'd be like get the fuck away from me it's too scary she's like not I'm not worthy I'm not worthy Lana Del Rey is so beautiful I've been true but yeah thank you guys so much

for watching oh media I always I'm always trying to skip it I got La Tyler Jada Wada love La Tyler this little 16 year old

kid from Florida making like such sick music and it needs to be recognized more i know there's people listening that are like he's already huge like i said about young lean you live in a fucking echo chamber like you live in a microcosm on the internet he's not big but he will be mark my words mark my words um no surprises by radiohead oh yeah yeah i'm a radiohead fan yeah yeah i don't give a fuck um and let's do oh i'm i'm forcing it so i'm not giving you a third you only get two today um but you can listen to any le tyler song and fucking love it it's so goofy and good um my media of the week is i realized i know every single journey song ever journey journey oh did your parents listen to

it a bunch yeah my parents loved journey um and i know every song and i actually love the song separate ways worlds apart and wheel in the sky and wheel in the sky was in a sopranos episode and it literally i like freaked me out because i hadn't thought about journey in so long but i had an era when i was like 17 18 where i was listening to journey a lot um which was super random but i think it was i was like really missing my childhood and i was so sad that i was like having to face all my like sadness and whatnot um and then what does your soul look like dj shadow waiting for you alex g uh mermaid shawday and i'm still listening to i think of you little you mean sadie i love that song it's It's S-A-D-E. Sadie.

That's not how you say it, actually. So you must know fucking nothing. All right. Well, he's done. Ew, ew. What was that? Just nodded off. All right.

Well, thank you guys so much for watching bye should we add the outro song to this episode just because yeah sure it's not done yet though so should i play like just a little clip of it if you would like yeah if you could find it fast enough like you're literally taking forever so it's like pretty anticlimactic honestly it's like what are you doing on that phone oh my god that's all you why is kai laughing so hard i really like it it sounds it reminds me of we sports very chill vibes very lobby of of chill video games what's the one where they like upgraded it and it was like we sports resort yeah like all the music was more lit and we sports resort sounds like that oh fun fact did you know that um

um that's been sitting on our iphones for over a year yeah we just never did anything with it. Um. I don't remember. Oh. Game music is now considered like it can be nominated for Grammys. Now like game soundtracks can be Grammy nominated. Was someone nominated that changed it? I think just the past year or two.

That's been a thing. Backpack could actually won a grammy really yeah producing for the five nights at freddy's music oh well oh my god he's lying because look at his fucking face is anybody else still waiting on the five night at freddy's movie since 2017 AAAAAAAAHHHHH!