Emergency Intercom - Drew Kissed Bella Hadid

Episode Date: July 1, 2022

Enya talks about taking dumps and making friends on airplanes, Drew has no idea what DILF means somehow and talks about hanging out with someone named Bella Hadid. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. get off your phone and do your job challenge there was like hella verified accounts if you say that yeah it's just really easy to get verified nowadays though so it's like they refuse to verify me no it's like

if you're like just a little cool so once you get to that no that's not helping me you're calling me like not cool enough to be verified i like honestly drew if you want to take it that way like words are up for interpretation if you want to take me saying that as saying you're literally one of the most uncool people i've ever met in my fucking life and sometimes it hurts to be around you like take it like that oh my god like if that if that's what helps you sleep my god we're off to a crazy start this oh were we recording yes we were fucking recording hi welcome to this episode oh my god welcome welcome welcome back to Emergency Intercom. This is episode 51. Your fucking Subway sandwich stinks so bad. No, I have the petite grain to mask the odor.

It's raw on the fucking cabinet. Yeah, I got this like two days ago. And I was saying before the podcast that I'm like really fucking like starving. Like I'm malnourished right now. And I was like, should I eat this? But it's literally giving soggy bottom, rusty soggy bottom. Can you feel it?

I don't like that. It's giving soggy bottom. It's literally defrosting. So the scent of it, I know it tastes good though. That's the thing. Is I know that tastes good. The flavor's malnourished like crazy. And then to wash it all down,

I got the Mountain Dew Fl flaming hot cheeto version i hate that it's like lime infused too like they have a lime on the bottle i hate that it's like gorgeous i'm sorry this is targeted to latins because they did not have to put the lime on the bottle the lime and hot cheetos that's a latin slay this is like the most beautiful label i've ever seen i will say it is really pretty but it looks like a Latin slay. This is like the most beautiful label I've ever seen. I will say it is really pretty. But it looks like a drink you would only get at like the exotic snack shops that are specifically made for people who are high as bones. To make lean.

Yeah. Like mix your exotic soda with it. It's kind of crazy actually. This is weird. How does it taste? It tastes really good, but then it has like a little spicy kick. You have Subway in your fucking mustache. I know.

I was leaving there on purpose. Damn, fuck y'all. Y'all saw it in my mustache and y'all didn't say shit. I just peed. Literally, this is like why I don't surround myself with people who fuck with me. Like, don't fuck with me because like they are praying for my downfall. They want me to be embarrassed. Okay, this label is actually fucking awesome.

Like on a graphic design level, it's actually so lit. That's what I'm saying. It's really cute. It has a caution design level, it's actually so lit. That's what I'm saying. It's really cute. It has a caution label with a lemon on fire on it. A lemon on fire? That is good as bones. I know. And then wait for the spicy kick.

Girl, if you weren't sick, now you're sick. This shit is not spicy. I'm sorry. No, there's like a little kick at the end. It's not spicy, but just wait. Unless it a little kick at the end it's not spicy but just wait unless it's from my subway sandwich it's maybe your subway sandwich mixing in there oh well i'd honestly give that like i'm never drinking it again but for the novelty of it and like the one-time sip factor it gets a solid 7.8 from me if someone put a little bit of tequila

in that and then put it in a nice cup with a flower in it and like charge me 17 dollars per i'd be like oh my god this is so fucking good i need three of these drinks should not be 17 no no beverage on earth okay like guys and yeah we have like actually really bad news you're so in a lot. OMG, I was just going to text you guys. I'm not even home yet. Tomorrow would be better for pool day. You can still come. I don't care.

That's from Devin. Devin Lee. That's like worse than finding out my grandpa or my brother died. Devin pushing a pool day to a Wednesday instead of a Tuesday is worse than you finding out one of your relatives has passed away. Yeah. Yeah, it's like really hard for me

because I just love her so much, you know? You love her more than your family. Than my dead brother, yeah. Literally, wait. The way that I had my tarot cards read and they said something big was coming on the day of my brother's death anniversary. Tell me why I got to take a picture with Bella Hadid. Big things are coming.

She said, yes, you can take one. It was giving free Bella. Like literally she's in danger. Free her. She did DM me after and she was like but and like I shouldn't be sharing this publicly because like From one woman to another she did confide in me, but I will be like saying exactly verbatim what she said to me I already know you're um, I'm not I literally could pull it up. But like that would be pushing it I feel like telling someone's secret is like a little less bad than like showing their texts of the secret. Because if I wanted to,

I could like keep out words that would like soften the blow to you. But basically she was like, um, Hey, like, I know this is like your close friend. Um, and like,

I'm so happy that he was here, but like, I really wish it was you instead. And also do y'all still live together because is there something wrong with the plumbing there was like this odor that was kind of lingering all night and i shit my pants and i left it on there i heard your pants out of nervousness no i don't know i shit my pants because i heard pheromones attract lovers and i was on the prowl last night damsel uh what is it uh i heart damsels i want to fuck

that no that hat said that hat stands for um damsels i want to fuck no that like a like a cute girl like a damsel in distress that's what you that's genuinely what you think i love dill stands for yeah damsels I want to fuck. First of all, it's not DILFs. It's DILFs. What is it? Actually, what is it? It's dads I'd like to fuck.

That's what that means. You're wearing a hat that's like provoking. Like you want like men who have kids. No, I wouldn't wear something like that. So you're stupid. It's kind of based on how you interpret it. And I feel like a major majority of the people would interpret it the same way I did did you yeah you don't think most people would look at that and think that you're trying to have sex with older men yeah exactly exactly then explain why an older man so i put this cap on to go um grocery shopping and get food and i forgot i put it on i just put

it on because my hair looked like fucking shit that day. This was yesterday and I like my hair was disgusting. Like look, this is what it looks like. It's gotta go. It's gotta stop. Dude, you have to stop wearing hats every day because like you're making bangs without

cutting them. Like take that off again. Take it off. Do you see what I'm saying? Like literally it looks like you have baby bangs thank you thank you that's what i mean to that's what i'm meaning to do um so i wore the cap um to grocery shopping and i forgot i had it on and we pulled up and like the i'm not kidding the very first person that we saw was a man that was and he looked at me and he was like oh so you like me you want to you want to oh you like me and i was like what i was like caught off guard and he was like because i'm a dilf and i was like i was like sir you are not a dilf like i you that is almost a hate crime for you to even claim dill energy because you are not that don't even act

like you're that he also looked like max like 26 so if he is a dill fits one he's not a dill and if he is a dad it's not on purpose yeah you should not be claiming that energy at all um also i was like you are not a damsel i want to fuck wait what is it okay so in your case i guess it's i i heart like dill stands for damsels i'd like to fuck yeah and then s because it's plural because you're a slut yeah simply but back to bella back to my girl bella i know the girls are wanting a real explanation for that um literally i actually don't even know how it happened it's basically all inya's doing and she's just our friend like she literally the thing is because i'm like so like i'm just courageous and i'm like giving and i'm open and my like hole is spread for the people yes and like i don't like if i have some squirt left to give i will

give squirt to the girls who deserve it and basically it was um i was invited to a dinner for kin which actually we have to talk about this i think we were literally some of the first people on earth like yes before like i think bella was like a part of like that team when kin came out we literally were drinking that tried it like because we saw it and we're freaks and we were like oh my god we could get like i want to see what like a non-alcoholic like buzz is yeah um neurotropic buzz but we literally all broke the rules and like mix it with alcohol which was literally like the thing you're not supposed to do um but yeah i just have to say that because we literally just two months ago threw away a can that was i'm

not kidding like two years old. Yeah. But we, we were, we did have like a little phase where we did drink them because they are cool. Like they do taste fucking good. Like the new flavor tastes really fucking good. Me and Drew loved like an, like an unspiked drink drink. Cause like the thing is, I'm like a drink girl.

I need to clarify. This is not a brand thing. Oh, this is, I'm being paid like so much money to say this. Oh, you got paid? Yeah. Like hella. Actually, I think that's like illegal to like so much money to say this. Oh, you got paid? Yeah, like hella. Actually, I think that's like illegal to like even joke about saying that.

Like I didn't do that. Like please don't send anybody after me. Literally, don't send the IRA. But basically, I got invited to a dinner but I got stuck in New York and I had asked

and like literally pleaded for like a plus two because I wanted to go with Orion and Drew because I have issues and I refuse to go somewhere and meet new people. But I couldn't make it. So I was like, y'all should still go. Yeah. So I tapped in and I texted Devin and I was like, yo, I think I'm going to go to this event alone.

Are you going to be there? And she was like, yeah, it's going to be like like we're going to party all night. It's going to be a key. And I didn't take that literally. I just was like, oh, like it's just going to be a cute little event from five to eight. And I was so down to go alone because I was like, I know these people. It's five to eight. Like, I'm going to go. And then Orion hit me up after and was like, oh, yeah, I'm going to go. So I was like even more comfortable about it.

But me and Orion were so down to go because it was an event from five to eight. And neither of us wanted to be out that night because like. Orion's booked and busy and literally had to go back to europe yeah literally and it's just like going out right now it's just not my vibe right now um but we pull up and it is really fucking intimate like i was not expecting the intimacy of this event um like intimate like we're like where there was like like sex parties and orgies. What? Yeah. Did you get to join or no?

They probably really didn't want you around. No, they begged, but I just like was rather like I was in a cuck energy. So I just got a little watch. But. I was on a cuck vibe. Yeah. You know. But yeah, it was just like a really cute thing. And a friendship has blossomed like in a real way.

A friendship has kin blossomed. Wait, is that a good joke? It's bloom. Whatever. A friendship has bloomed. But yeah. What we need to talk about is what I wanted was the fucking rose ice cubes. Like that was what I was like missing out on.

I love a drink. I love a pretty drink. Like that was what I was like missing out on. I love a drink. I love a pretty drink. Like honestly, like I would be an alcoholic if everywhere I went it was like cheap, like pretty drink. And that's okay for me to admit. But yeah, it was a blast and it was a movie and me and Bella kissed and that's it. I don't think she would appreciate you saying that publicly. She literally commented, don't kiss and tell on my IG. I think't think she would appreciate you saying that publicly. She literally commented, don't kiss and tell on my IG.

I think it's like a metaphor. So now I'm starting to think you just don't understand that metaphor. Typically, I don't kiss and tell, but it's Bella. That's my girl. That's my best friend. So you have to tell?

Yeah, that's my best friend. It's easy for me. So when it comes to somebody you have an intimate, close relationship with, you have to snitch and like talk about it. Yep. You're weird. You're a weird folk.

Like. Yeah. You're a weird folk. I was trying to say like you're like a weird person and like folks because I was thinking about like you folks are weird. Like. I've literally never heard that. It's not a common phrase, but my brain made that up.

Damn. You're getting mad at me. Holy shit. I'm jealous. Me and Enya got in a little fight this morning. Did we? common phrase but my brain made that up oh damn you're getting mad at me holy shit i'm done and you got in a little fight this morning did we not really but no we didn't get in a fight drew literally hates being told what to do even if it's the right thing it really is like it gets under my skin but what it is is it gets what pisses me off about it is it's already something that i was actively doing and then when someone tells me to do it i'm like no kill yourself i'm not doing that now but i was already actively doing it and it just pissed me off um but yeah we did get into like there was

some tensions there on both parties you have to admit on both parties there was some tension and it's and it's okay it's okay no literally i had no tension i was i've been living my life see that's what you do is you do have just a little bit of tension and then you say you don't so then you gaslight everybody no when bitch when i'm mad i'm fucking mad like i feel like i like cannot hide when i'm like upset but what i do was now okay basically what happened is drew was like oh i'm feeling a little sick and last night i was like i could tell he was i could tell you were pissed last night but i was like is he mad at me because like this is not my fault that you like feel sick and i like i was not mad last night

i was mad this morning oh but last night he like was having a like it felt weird and i was like i don't know if he's mad at me oh because he was like i feel sick and i literally immediately went oh and like covered it up and i was like oh that did that did piss me off when i was in the bathroom i was yeah and i could tell it pissed him off and i was like okay like like girl i don't want to get sick i have decided and i'm i'm just like gonna say it for everybody like it is a frappuccino and refresher summer like starbucks yes the refreshers yes like a hundred when's the last time you had a frappuccino from starbucks okay seventh grade to be fair like it's a frappuccino summer in the way that like if you're willing to spend seven dollars and have five sips of a drink before passing away from

sugar overdose yeah that's like the vibe you know what the vibe is is the sour cream on i mean oh the foam the foam on top of the drinks that cream yes that's what i'm down for putting the cream so you you put sour cream on your frappuccino yeah it's like this weird like is it like a southern thing no it's a white thing oh oh you said it's a white delicacy yeah okay it's a colonizer thing but no the foam with the caramel sauce like one time i know i heard that you can order like dog drinks from starbucks and it's literally just a cup of the foam the whipped cream i can't fucking say it yeah the whipped cream and i ordered that and i was like can i get that with caramel on it and they were like no and i was like why and they were like you're literally not a dog

this was in cranberry and i was like no i, I think the whipped cream from Starbucks is easily the best whipped cream on planet. It's like farty and it has this weird scent to it when you eat it. I can't describe it. It's indescribable, but it's fucking good. That's the summer. The summer of the foam. But I was with a few friends when we were in New York and like two of them got a strawberry or like a refresher. I don't know what flavor it was, but they had it with lemonade.

I was like, damn, that is so good. And who would have known? Refreshing. Like I was like, that is literally so delicious. The hibiscus refresher is good. It was like, no, they got like a raspberry one. It was one I hadn't tried before. I was like, damn, this shit is fucking good.

Where they squish the raspberries in the bottom with the stick. It had nothing in it. It was just like a pink drink, but it wasn't the pink drink. Oh, pinkity drinkity. It's giving pinkity drinkity. It's giving stinkity drinkity. But I would also maybe go to argue, maybe it's not a Frappuccino from Starbucks as much as it is a Frappe from McDonald's.

Like, I love, like, between the two, a Frappe from McDonald's is better than a Frappuccino from Starbucks. No. No, the girls who know, no, the chocolate chip Frappe is from McDonald's. One time I was ordering a fucking Frappe at McDonald's and I said Frappuccino and they go, it's a Frappe. I was like, we're literally talking about fucking mushy coffee ice cream right now like i'm at mcdonald's at 2 a.m and you're correcting me about a frappe you know what if we're talking about iced beverages that have coffee in them the coffee frosty from chick-fil-a is delicious and i'm sorry for mentioning that during pride month i really am but technically when this is out it's not pride anymore so you can like yeah yeah it's giving it's yeah yeah when's when's the

um chick-fil-a rainbow logo dropping we need that every other company for pride months like turns it up why is it imagine i just had no idea the implications of chick-fil-a i was like wait actually why don't they do that it is crazy i haven't had that before but yeah it's just like i'm on my beverage shit again. I'm always on my beverage shit though. She's a bevy girl. Like something about drinking, like drinking things is so nice. And that's my take.

That's my big hot take. Also, I was so famished on my plane ride back that the girl next to me was kind of around my age and she had hot Cheetos. And I like never wanted chips so bad in my life and i genuinely was contemplating being like i will paypal you right now for some cheetos like i genuinely was thinking that and then i was like watching what she was watching to kind of gauge like what her vibe in life was and she was watching like i couldn't tell what she was watching but she was watching like a what seemed like a drama with young people but she was watching

it on her iphone so i was like okay she's a bit of a fucking freak because like who is this just like someone next to me on a plane um because like to watch something to commit to watching something on your iphone instead of just watching something on the screen on the airplane like you're definitely committed to what you're watching so i was like okay she's like a part of some sort of stan culture so maybe it wouldn't be that weird if i asked her for hot chips but i just like couldn't take myself to do it and then but then we had a bonding moment because there was a medical emergency on the plane yes at the front of the plane they were like oh if you have like any medical like if you work in the medical field can you please like ring your light and come up to the front and both of our nosy bitch like energy activated and both of

us were like what'd they say like what did they say like what's happening and like both of us were like i don't know like did you hear what was happening and we both started like peeking up and looking around and we were both cracking jokes where we were like i'm so sorry but two things like one of course i hope that person's okay but if they emergency land this plane i will literally fucking kill myself and then bitch because i want to go home i want to go home that's like literally an experience for me like getting an emergency landing is giving like adrenaline we were an hour and 30 hours so that meant we would fucking land in butt fuck arizona and i was like i'm not landing in arizona and taking a goddamn bus back home the airplane wheels are gonna melt on the tarmac um and then 186

degrees two we like kept joking and we were like i was like what they need to do is whenever that's that's solved, get back on the thing and be like, oh my God, guys, like it's all so chill. Like it worked out fine. The person's okay. Here's what happened. Like I needed to know what happened. So then I was like, this is my time to be like, by the way, can I have some of your hot Cheetos? But I was like, that's too crazy.

And then I just watched her finish the bag and I was like I don't want this damn I would have clicked the button and said I was a doctor because I have two years of anatomy under my belt I literally

I made that joke to her I was like I should just go up there and be like oh my god I can't help right now but I just wanted to look I just wanted to be a observer

I just wanted to witness and I'll take photos just in case you need them later also so I can talk to my friends about it and text it to them and be dramatic literally oh speaking of literally airplane I just wanted to witness and I'll take photos just in case you need them later. Also, so I could talk to my friends about it and text it to them and be dramatic. Oh, speaking of literally airplane, I just read this note.

So I was on the airplane and I was in the window seat and there was like a grandma who was like 863 years old next to me that I like, and I had to pee so fucking bad. I had never had to pee like this bad like and yeah I had I never had to pee like this on the airplane but I like felt so bad for asking her to get up because it really it was like a struggle for her to get down and I was like I don't want to see her like try to get up dude this leg is like completely numb right now and it's like scary as fuck um but I didn't want to see her like have to get up or whatever but i actually i would have sprayed piss all over myself if i had not done this but i got up and it was literally fine she was like oh yeah like no no

worries honey and she called me honey and i love being called honey um it made me feel so happy i love being called honey and buddy like if someone calls me buddy like or bud like stop but i feel like buddy and bud is like passive aggressive like a bud no it's like hey bud why don't you come over here we don't say that where i'm from don't fucking say that to me um but uh walk to the bathroom one of them has occupied on it and then one of them doesn't so i obviously go to the one that doesn't have occupied on it and i push it open and i see a woman pissing on the toilet and she was like and like pulled the door shut and i like i had never like been so humiliated in my life and i was like i was like oh sorry and she like

pulled it shut and i was like, that is not my fault. But I literally stood like in like, you know how the bathrooms in the back of the plane are like in the kitchen area. And I just stood looking like that. Like I just like was like looking into the kitchen area like this and just like praying to God she didn't come out yet. And thankfully she didn't. And the guy in the bathroom that i was going in i had never gotten

to the bathrooms quicker than that in my life i like pushed that door open and ran in because i was like she cannot see me that actually just reminded me that happened to me like i was the girl on the plane to portugal i was but except it was the worker who busted open i had the door locked and i was taking a fat nice shit in the fucking bathroom and literally i had the door locked and i think i think i was in there too long that one of the workers was like oh why is this door closed like why is it locked and she unlocked the door and opened it and saw me and i just was like hello like i literally didn't like overreact or anything i was just like um because i literally my head was pressed up against the door because i was on my phone shitting. And then I felt the door jiggle and open.

And I just looked up. And she was like, oh. And closed the door. And I locked it. And I started laughing because I was like, dude, that's so awesome. She literally just walked in on me shitting. You shit on the airplane? Yeah.

I fucking poop anywhere, bitch. I'm not holding my shit. You're crazy. That's why you don't be shitting because you spent so much of your life holding yourself yourself back but i am i'm the kind of person who i will shit where i need to shit there's like nervous peers i am like a nervous shitter i don't know why it's it's like the same idea like as like farting for me like it really is so humiliating even though everybody does it it's like like the same idea for shitting like i am so scared of shitting but in those moments of us looking at each other it felt like a lifetime like i'm not kidding i like we made eye contact

and it felt like forever like i could draw her face because it's so like we're back in the age of accidentally walking in on people using the bathroom because i got walked in me we're back in that age yeah like that was ever an era era we're back in the era because i got walked in. Me, we're back in that age. Yeah. Like that was ever an era. That's an era. Like we're back in the era. Bring me back to that era. Because I got walked in on. Also, she was so passionate. She was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

And I was like, no, you're okay. Like, I don't care. And I was like laughing. And she's like, no, really, I'm so sorry. And I was like, I'm not kidding. Like, it's funny. Like, I don't care. Yeah.

But when I was in LA, I walked in on a girl. This is fucked up. She was wearing a bodys., I walked in on a girl. She was wearing a bodysuit. So her boobs were out and I walked in on the bathroom or like and she wasn't sitting. She was like popping a proper squat, like not letting herself touch the toilet. And she was just like in like a like squatting position with all her boobs. And like she was basically butt ass naked in the bathroom. And I walked in on her and she was like and i did leave the restaurant i was like i was with like elisa and our friends and like jester and i was like no i wouldn't have like we need to go i was like we need to like leave i'm gonna

use the bathroom somewhere else what was the worst part is like i was like this is god telling me i need to stop washing my hands after i eat because i didn't even need to use the bathroom i just needed to wash my hands but i just walked to a different place to wash my hands nice nice nice nice yeah i'm literally walking in on someone using the bathroom is literally so funny oh my fucking god wait i literally cannot i just looked at my other note and it was the note below that one. But my flight to Texas, the guy next to me, I feel like this only fucking happens to me. But the guy next to me smelled like fucking booty caca bullshit. Like literally bullshit.

Like he, it was like he like filled his fucking shoes with shit. I don't, I literally cannot describe it. He smelled rancid and then also he had like a massive boner hard on the entire time and he was like fucking adjust no he was like adjusting it the whole flight and like it was really really scary and uncomfortable are there people who just like get boners on flights i think every guy does it gets a boner on a flight yeah kai's never been on a plane so he doesn't know i know i think like every guy does i mean i do sometimes and even in like car rides i do too as well not like full like maybe you're just like like clinic no it's like the the bouncing yeah it feels like being. It's simulating sex.

It simulates sex. Well, we should talk about when I, this incident that I had in middle school. I don't know if I've talked about it before, but I. Oh, I'll let you know. And I'll shut you down. I just remembered it when I was back in Texas because I had seen these for the first time in a very long time. But I don't know if they were a thing in your school but in texas they were huge but do you remember miss me jeans yeah those were those were bigger like in like hialeah than they were like the area i grew up but they were like big

like in miami there was like yes the bus stops with it on it so if you don't know what miss me jeans are they're like jeans that like the asses are hella studded in like rhinestones and metal they're like jeggings yeah exactly they're they're just jeans with rhinestones covering the asses and like different material or different patterns um so in texas we have these things called tax tests or had they changed them to star tests and I think they got changed again. But it's, like, basically end-of-year testing where you test your, like, knowledge throughout the year. And it's kind of like either if you pass this, you pass. If you don't, you don't. And it's kind of like state test.

It's just state testing. And it was starting to become a point in, like, my school career where, like, school gave me really bad anxiety if I didn't do well. And so, like, I was up literally, I think it was, like, fifth grade, and I was up all fucking night studying for the, I think it was, like, I think it was science and social studies one. I don't know if they were, like, because it was, like, four days of testing. And I stayed up all night studying, and I like really excited about it. Cause I was like, oh, I'm going to slay this shit. Like it's going to be awesome. But I woke up really fucking late. Like my mom forgot to wake me up and I woke up really late. So I ran downstairs and went into the dirty clothes bin and put on the first pair of pants that i saw because i thought they were mine and they were my sister's miss me jeans and i wore miss me jeans to school

like studded ass jeans like crazy like they were like the craziest fucking miss me jeans i've ever seen and i sat down in my chair and the only reason i noticed was because when i sat down it like scratched the bottom of the chair and i was like oh my fucking god and not only was i taking a state mandated testing i also was wearing girl jeans and i was fucking mortified so mortified that i took my jacket off and i tied it around my waist and i wore it for the rest of the day like that and i don't know if anybody noticed or if everybody was like get yours king like yes pride like live your life but it was really fucking scary and there was another fucking part of this story that i'm literally forgetting right now um but yeah i just wore

those miss me jeans um and it was really fucking oh this is what it was and since that point on i either slept fully closed all the way up until high school i either slept fully clothed all the way up until high school. I either slept fully clothed in the outfit that I was going to wear the next day, like jeans and everything, or I would pick out my outfit and put it to the side. But I slept in my fucking school uniform. I slept in my jeans. Like I was never, ever going to have that mistake again because it actually traumatized me. My dad would get so fucking mad at me for sleeping in my school clothes.

But I was like, I don't want to fucking get up and get ready. Like, I would just, like, rather fucking sleep in it. I'm clean anyway. Like, I shower at night, so I'm like, I'm clean in my clothes. So, I'm just gonna do this. Me, I was disgusting. I didn't shower. That's really nasty.

I cannot believe you just took a bite of that sandwich. Why? Because it's so, like, i ate it sitting raw back there like it's freaking me out like all the dust getting on it it probably tastes good though dust smells good like let's talk about that dust literally has like a good scent dust smells like love and i was gonna fucking say something and I already forgot while you were talking. Oh, um. We've created our own God. While. Our own God is the algorithm. While you, um, were talking about like testing, I just remembered that while we were taking

the FCAT in fourth grade, um, I sat on my chair like this to talk to someone behind me. Like I was like this talking to someone like behind me and I thought i had a silent fart oh no and it was a loud ass fart and literally it's actually so funny that every human being just fart is farting all the time like every single person that watches has farted during this episode it's gonna be silent or not like i was just like oh it's a little one like it won't be that loud dude it was so loud and i literally like i i took it like a champ i was like i was like i just made a joke about farting and i was like yeah i don't give a fuck like I'm gonna

fart on all you like I don't care like I literally just farted on your head because like my ass was literally like you know when tables are lined up like this so I literally farted on the back of someone's head they deserved it I just thought about that like dude they literally deserved it every single person that has watched this episode has farted during this episode not every single person that would be crazy i mean there are a lot of people who like eat and watch this so maybe they are farting while they're eating i don't know wait is this how that works no no i don't see any correlation in that okay i guess you fart a while after you eat like sometimes like an hour after when

you're digesting you'll let out a little toot so maybe i got the timing on that wrong but it's an hour-long episode so if you like are fucking famished and you scarf down your food in the first five minutes by the time we get to media you're letting out your little toots from your yes sir yes sir yes sir it's giving what like what were you gonna say nothing i was filling the void the silence did i talk about my uber driver who almost fucking hit a girl and then yelled at her and i think we talked about it like two episodes ago really but that happened in paris literally while i was in paris i was like you know what i'm gonna go out today but it was so hot that i was like i'm not about to walk around like because it was like a 20 30 minute walk to

where i was going so i was like i'll get there and then i'll walk around and i was like yeah i'm gonna go out alone and spend all day alone and i got in the car and i was like yeah and i got in the car because i was like oh it's to be like cold in a car. Bitch, first of all, this man did not have the AC on. So it was so hot in there. And we turned the corner from the hotel room. Well, they don't have AC in Paris cars. Who told you that?

I don't know. I made it up. I just made that fact up. That's what the people are saying. It's like, who are the people? That's what the people are saying. But I didn't even get a corner around from the fucking hotel room or from the hotel. And my Uber driver almost slammed into a girl who was crossing the street.

And she had the right to cross. And instead of just being like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And like driving away, they started arguing like insanely. He put down the window and was like, and started yelling at her. Is that your impression of French people? Like gibberish? Yeah. No, literally, I'm not kidding.

Like, I can't believe like there's a different language that I don't understand. But that's like, I've already said that. But they started yelling at each other. And I have a feeling he called her like a whore or something because then she started repeating it back and being like, oh yeah. Like, like that was her energy. She was like, a feeling he called her like a whore or something because then she started repeating it back and being like oh yeah like like that was her energy she was like like if someone called someone like a slut she was like oh i'm a slut like oh that's what you're

calling me like a slut like she started getting up into the car and i literally felt so fucking awkward because i was just i don't think anybody realized it was an uber driver and i was in the back seat and i was just in the back seat like like literally like sweating my ass uber drivers are the most angry people on earth yeah and i was like do i just get out like i might just get out and like get in a taxi or something and but i was like too nervous to make that big of a stand because i was like imagine like i'm like okay he's being fucking rude to this girl fuck him and like open the door to get out and that's the moment he drive off and i fucking like slam onto the pavement um but it was so awkward and like people started coming around to like interfere like they were going on for so actually i'm gonna play it and y'all tell me because i got like a

small video of it and like if you speak fucking french tell me what these motherfuckers are saying also do you want to see a really nasty video of my toe i got a blister and i never yes please yes yes show me your toes show me your toe yes no yes now you you sound like you really want it like no just show it just show it to me just to fucking show it to me don't like fucking bring it up and not show it to me just show me your feet do you think this outfit looks good on me you need to wear that out more you need to wear that outfit out i just showed you a picture of me wearing some shorts and a shirt my ass crack was wait we need to start showing butt crack more like that's the thing like no

body humor is so funny like that's what i've realized recently is like that shit is so funny like why literally as a grown-ass adult can my ass crack ever be out by accident oh i think they said i just saw drew with bella hadid drew phyllis with bella hadid i don't like but that was like two weeks before that happened so how would they have known that i don't know they just like predicted that shit or something relating everything to the fact that you hung out with Bella. That's my girl. I mean. Like, essentially, we're essentially dating.

Like, basically. Did she, like, confirm that to you? Or are you just, like, making that assumption? You have to speak up. She never said it. Okay. I mean, I'll take that answer. Like, that was a good answer. It's giving good answer but like i

was saying i went back to my first place of work and my uh manager was still there and i don't know it was just really cute to like see them what sorry i literally just thought about my butt cracking now literally like does this outfit look good okay yeah so you saw them did you have a sweet conversation with them yes we just like caught up and my old co-man or she she's now a co-manager of the place sarah she was just like really sweet to me and i like missed um that environment and i was like you know what like i could go back there and work but then i thought about it and i was like no no no no no no no no but she made fun of me to my face she was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But she made fun of me to my face.

She was like, yeah, literally, you thought you were slick, but you would go into the fucking ice cooler and be on your iPhone for three hours. But you still got all your work done. So I never really got onto you. But I was like, yeah, I literally was on my iPhone forever. And I was going to bring up the fact that I stole from them a lot. But I was like i don't know it hasn't been 10 years yet um yeah it hasn't been long enough but yeah i uh would steal

20 out of the cash register almost every shift and be like i don't know i must have oh i'm so stupid i must have given a 20 instead of a one like oh and i would just keep it and i would pocket it so every shift i would make 20 more dollars than i had to honestly and like that's good for you like you're going out of your way and getting what you wanted and what you deserve and i don't feel bad about it at all you literally i mean it's like a huge corporation exactly exactly and i don't feel bad about it at all and also i found out that the store i worked at was is number two most popular in the nation it's like number two yeah wait are there racetracks in like other states or is it just like is there one here they need wawa here we have to we need we have to re-engage in going into stores and just standing

in them but the thing is la doesn't like, stores the way other cities do. Like, the Targets here aren't as fun to stand in because they're, like, so small. And it's, like, not a vibe. Like, they don't have, like, the kind of trinkets that make it, like, fun to stand in. The Walmart is too far and it closes too fucking early. Like, honestly, what LA does have, like— Oh, it's giving me need to go to Walmart tonight and literally loiter. I'm not even joking. Me and one, we're supposed to does have, like... Oh, it's giving me need to go to Walmart tonight in literally loiter. I'm not even joking. Me and when we're supposed to, we keep telling each other,

yeah, no, tomorrow night we're going to, like, go to the gym, and now it's changed to Walmart. I would rather go to Walmart than the gym. Like, we could just lift the weights. We could lift the little children walking around, and it could be a gym. But see when Walmart closes, because I'm like, if it closes at 11, no, I need to it closes at 11 no i need to be there like

i need to be there at a time when like the real freaks are yeah and like i say that like we're not the freaks rolling in but like i need like the other the freaks in question are us um what la does have is like a good cvs or writing the one on normandy let me see guys meet up at the walmart we're gonna be there tonight meet us at the normandy walmart oh whoa this is not that far we should go to the torrance one because that's where bae lives who who is bae oh bae like damn that's far i know i know so it's basically it's basically long distance is that what you're gonna that's my ideal relationship first ad for being the go girl like the female like pissing standing up contract you go girl i need one of those like actually like i would use well no that's it's these are targeted ads yeah that's what i'm saying like why is that on your phone

put the pieces together i have a piss kink um we need to um normalize long distance relationships that's probably one of the most normal things. I require long distance. I think it just became like super normal because I remember like this isn't like necessarily long distance as much as it is. Like now, remember how like were you somebody who was like dating like casually when you were like younger? Oh, hell no. Like when you were like 13. I mean, I had E crushes that I would talk to. But to me, I was like, I would consider that dating. I was on Omegle.

No, I mean like you had like a mutual who like you guys became friends and then it was flirty and then you were like Oh like we're kind of seeing never never flirty, but I had crushes okay, so I like would always engage in those kind of like interactions on the internet and I had like a bunch of like little like relationships online But I could never tell my i could never tell my friends in real life because when i was younger that was so fucking crazy and like people would be like there's no way that's not a fucking like old man don't talk to strangers on the internet

facetime them and stuff it wasn't like normal and now i feel like it's super normal now i feel like most kids on the internet like who are like 13 14 or like talking to other 13 14 year olds via tiktok and they're like yeah we're dating like yeah that's my bae um literally what did i even say oh my ideal relationship is a long distance relationship yeah like 100 like i never want to see my partner ever like and that's it's simple really i need to date someone with like an insane job with awful hours or just so I can have my space. Yeah, I guess also distance makes the heart grow fonder. Yeah. Because then like you since you see that person less when you do see them, you're more likely to like value that time than somebody can see at any given moment.

Yeah, long distance can be a serve because you just get to like live your life and then you get to have time with that person and then you get to live your life and like vice versa vice versa but i feel like if you're somebody with like a lot of trust issues and like things of that nature it literally will kill you and like don't even do it i know i'm like i'm very curious to see how i'm gonna react react when I get into a relationship. If like I'm a really jealous like person, which I have a feeling I'm going to be. I my first relationship is going to be so fucking toxic. It's going to be dangerously toxic. No, literally we were talking about this in the car and I was like, it's going to be one of those moments where I was like, oh, my girl is crazy.

My girl is crazy. He's a psycho where i'm like yeah no yeah i feel no i can see where you're coming from when your friend is the obviously wrong one and now you just like that's like the best way to like put it lightly is like i mean i could i could see how you why you would feel like that. Like, yeah. No. I'm literally like, but, like, let's look at it from their perspective. Like, let's see it from their perspective.

Yeah, but... Okay, let's put on, like, the reality glasses for a minute. Let's put on the 3D, like, IMAX glasses and take a look. The shit-colored lenses. Is that your take on rose-colored lenses? Yeah, like, let's put on... Like, because reality is like

shit reality actually is really fun and i like love it and everything happening is like so fun like i just like life is awesome right now like there's literally nothing to complain about we haven't really talked about um bria from tiktok oh that's our girl i am on her page so often that like if you know my tiktok like i don't follow anybody because i literally and also it's not like a cunty thing on my part i genuinely don't look at my following list so that's why on my new account i just didn't follow anybody because i'm like the people i want to see like i see them and like i still like their shit but um i'm on her page so much that i like always fall asleep and like wake up and i'm like i'm

fucking following her like and then i like i unfollowed her twice because i don't like it to seem like i'm like i'm playing favorites kind of game but then i just left it because i'm like i really do be on her page yeah she fucking rules and i will never create i will never make a dish she makes maybe maybe the cowboy caviar, but I just like watching people cook, and I live vicariously through it. I just love seeing people cook, and I'm like, one day that's going to be me. One day.

The cowboy caviar reminds me of pico de gallo. Yeah, it's giving. I will literally never, ever cook. I will order Postmates for the rest of my life. No, I'm about to enter my cooking era because like when I start going to the gym if I'm not eating all the time I'm going to lose weight and I do not want to lose weight I want

to gain weight and I want to be thick not like I don't want a thick ass I mean that's like a plus you want like James Charles body? no I want like like Jack Donahue body which is impossible for me yeah i'm like i'm sorry to break it to you but like i don't think you have the bone structure the bones um but i

feel that i like i think i'm someone who like i go through phases of liking cooking but the problem with me is i like the same thing every single day and then that's just like doesn't make cooking fun and also i think it's because of my lack of ability to like really focus in and pay attention when i cook i do too much and then like my dish is like a million you're doing too much my dish is a million things in one plate and then it tastes bad because and i'm like why does this taste bad it's because it's literally every single vegetable that i bought three days i was about to say um and i put them in one thing all all your dishes taste the same but it's not like a bad thing but they all taste the same thing because you use the exact same ingredients for all of

because i like know what i like that's my issue is like i don't want to try something new i know what i like but i wish i could be like a cooking girl like maddie bragg is like literally my dream i wish i was like that fucker like that motherfucker i was gonna say fucker and then i was like that sounds really aggressive but i wish i was that girl like oh my god she be cooking yeah and i'm like i want this to be my life but honestly like you either that's either your life or that's not your life like you either are somebody who like you genuinely enjoy cooking as a hobby or you don't um i just don't like washing dishes like that like i like keep my like food cooking to a minimum of like three things yeah yeah i need to start cooking i've never seen you cook a day in my life that's a lie i've seen you

boil hot dogs yeah i boiled hot dogs like and drank the hot dog water and threw the hot dogs away i baked those cookies yeah i know those cookies are good i've ever eaten in my life um fuck what was i gonna goddamn say i also wish i was a baking girl but baking takes time you bitches are like putting time aside like that's true self-care is like making yourself something a sweet sweet treat but i just can't i'd rather buy the sweet treat i was gonna say that the greer show in austin was easily the best smelling concert that i've ever been to yeah like they our fans wash their bodies they y'all wash y'all yeah i've never interacted with somebody who stunk yeah who's like a fan of us they i mean every show that i've been to lately has stunk like that one was a good show. The girls smell good.

The girls are doing the La Sierre You perfume. Literally, literally. They're all on smell talk. Literally. So they smell good. I know I've talked about shitting so much this episode, but this reminded me of when we were on tour and our very first show

in Los Angeles when I got so anxiety and nervous that I sprayed shit out of my ass and I essentially went to the bathroom, exploded shit out of my ass in the bathroom and then ran out and ran onto stage because it was time to go. Do you remember that? I was so scared, dude.

I have such a stage stage fright it's crazy i don't think i have stage fright but i which doesn't make sense it's very like certain like particular things that give me like anxiety or like an anxious feeling or like nervousness but i don't feel like i know i i like i would get like nervous jitters but like they were like in excitement like i was never like oh, like dreading to get on stage. It's usually like I get a lot of adrenaline. I'm like, oh, we're about to like stand in front of people and talk. Yeah, mine is a complete opposite.

I'm like, I can't do this. I have to go. I have to. I just have to leave. We just have to cancel the show and we'll just like ruin everybody's day. Trying to think of what made me like anxious recently. Something big is coming. I took a COVID test because I thought I had COVID

today and we almost had to cancel it but next week's episode is gonna be a movie it's literally gonna smell like shit we're gonna radiate from the screen we're figuring that out we have a few people working on it so make sure when you're watching it you have like air freshener or something around

like light a candle and that's that that's it for this episode no actually you know what no media because you guys don't fucking deserve it i'm kidding i did see someone be like the uh the media sometimes is so whack and it literally is and then they were like it's i want to know what they're gatekeeping and i'm like no no suck my balls absolutely i'm gatekeeping my balls um i think i already said this but see you soon by biba doobie is still like on rotation for me last christmas is still oh what is this is still on rotation for me a different corner by george michael um because it's the wham effect duh and should i give one more should i just be silly give one more um

tears in the typing pool by broadcast romeo and juliet oh i don't know what this is. Romeo and Juliet Op 64. It's like a symphony. Yeah, it's a symphony. You've definitely heard it. I love, I live for that right now. It makes me feel like I'm like up to something to something crazy yeah i was gonna say it's like the point in the movie where like like on some black swan shit where like everything's like

boiling to the top exactly um and then oh superman by laurie anderson and then i can't ever remember oh i actually did not mean to do that i literally did that's so embarrassing it was the it was the first the last thing i searched up um on spotify and i just started playing i can't remember we got copyrighted for those exact parts searching for a rizla uh rat pack what is that song it's rat pack that's literally the name of it is it searching for I think it's searching for my Rizla searching for my Rizla yeah yeah yeah searching for my

Rizla Rat Pack visual media still on my survivor shit I am going to watch I forget their name. I think it's John and Kate. John and Kate plus eight?

Yeah, no. I'm going to, John and Kate, they're like. I watched the fuck out of that. They're comedians online. Or they're just comedians and they have a new show that's coming out. The one that Elsie recommended. Yeah. And I'm going to watch that and I'll let you know how it is well i'm gonna finish the staircase i have 30 minutes left

of the last episode that show was fucking crazy and i do want to watch the elvis movie because i just need to know if i fucking hate it or not yes and that that's that on that oh before we go um i played quiplash with new people and i fucking bombed and it was awful oh really and literally and like before we started my friends who were with me were like oh my god she's so good at this game like because her and her friends play it all the time and i was like yeah but like i'm really good like with my friends because i know their humor so well and we all know each other's humor like i don't really know i was with like kind of new people and i was like i don't really know y'all who was it it was like a few friends in New York who like I don't think you've met them like um but it was like people

I've hung out with like once or twice and like one of them being like at a party and like I've talked to them um but like I was like oh I don't really know like y'all's humor that well so like there's a chance like I don't really kill it and I bombedbed. Oh, God, girl. It was like, it was not. That's so embarrassing. I made a joke that like, as I typed it out, I was like, they're not going to find this funny at all. And I went to go back out, but I accidentally sent it in. Did they know it was you bombing?

I think so. And I sent it in and I got an automatic win because the person who went against me didn't have time to put in their answer and it just like made it worse oh and everybody's like who the fuck said that um and i was like i probably would have won honestly um i don't think so yeah i think quick flash is really really easy for me that's what you that's what the people are saying? Yeah. We have merch coming out on the 7th. Oh my God, big announcement. You said that with so much excitement. Is it on the 7th or is it on the 8th?

No, it's on the 9th. Merch coming out on the 9th. Don't tickle my knee, motherfucker. I was literally just- You're literally fingering my hole on camera. Okay, thank you guys so much for listening and watching and loving and learning and slaying Bye.