Emergency Intercom - Drew Stinks

Episode Date: August 13, 2021

This week we learn that beneath it all Drew is truly a stinky man and Enya is a saint and always showers and always smells good. If you meet her make sure you sniff. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Say hello to Tim's Selects, Tim's everyday value menu. Enjoy the new spinach and feta savory egg pastry or our roasted red pepper and Swiss pinwheel starting at only $2.99 plus tax. Try one or try our full Tim's Selects lineup. Terms apply. Prices may vary at participating restaurants in Canada. It's time for Tim's. Let's go! Welcome back to this episode of... Emergency Intercom! Um, today we're gonna talk about my big balls.

Balls in my mouth challenge. My big sweaty balls. Balls in my mouth challenge. Hey guys, we're going to start a balls in my mouth challenge. Balls in my ass challenge. Let's make that happen. Let's figure that out. Shut up.

But before we start, we did want to take a moment to... Slash serious. A very real and serious raw moment. Trigger warning because we're about to be real people. And some people may not want to see that. It's actually terrifying. The podcast is over. This is the last episode.

But no, I was really... It was really hitting me the other day that the support we're getting so far, even though we're only like fifth episode in, is actually... Actually, this one's the sixth. Whatever. Technicalities aside. Thank you so much. Yeah, it really is just astronomical, the amount of support we've gotten on this.

It's lovely. I love reading everything about it. It really does touch my heart. And thank you guys so fucking much for watching this and on this. It's lovely. I love reading everything about it. It really does touch my heart. And thank you guys so fucking much for watching this and supporting this. Yeah. And like the fact that there's like a little community for it

that I'm seeing building is like so sweet. And I literally love stalking through comments. And I know I don't have a Twitter anymore, but I'm a psychopath. And I check to see when people are talking shit about me

because I love to hurt my own feelings. But surprisingly. There was a lot of sweet comments. Especially regarding the podcast. Which made me feel very nice. And warmed my little heart. And you read a couple to me. And I was just like.

Damn. I feel the love. I am loved. I feel the love. Thank you guys so much. Seriously. Like. The thing is.

Some of you may never know what it's like. To be like. Like a superstar. But I'm like. kind of getting there yeah like being like really rich and famous like so like being oh no us being not us being so famous that um we don't have central ac literally no it's just like actually like being famous is really hard. And not enough people talk about it. And it's just, like, being, like, the beauty standard. Like. Yeah, me and Drew talk about this all the time. Like, it sucks so bad that, like, we are the reason for your insecurities.

Like, and, like, not to, like, not. Yeah. Like. For sure, y'all look at us and you're like why don't like i know people look at me and they're like why are like why don't i look like that like she's so like sexy and hot and like honestly and like not to like pit woman against woman but definitely if you put me in a room next to say like rihanna like rihanna might start shaking yeah yeah because she's scared i'm gonna like steal by her fucking ankles bro

she's like what is this gremlin doing in this room she pulls out a bottle out of her purse starts spraying me it's like a fenty like squirt bottle some setting spray fenty setting spray um but no seriously thank you so much um i feel like a little superstar in in our world yeah it feels really really, thank you so much. I feel like a little superstar in our world. Yeah, it feels really, really good. Thank you guys for watching and supporting. Because actually, I'm not lying. The amount of support we've gotten on this

has blown every expectation out of the water. It really is fucking awesome. Thank you guys so much. We found our little... And it goes to show, we could gaslight you guys for the rest of your lives because you're emotionally in tune enough with us that like we lied you for four years and you were still here.

I mean, lie is fun. We said it before. We have, I guess we're not like the worst and most manipulative people ever because we admit that we like to lie. Yeah. So like maybe you're the problem because you stay. Literally. Gaslighting.

Gaslighting. Like quadruple gaslighting. Like why are you still here? Like we're lying to you. This is. You're the problem because you stay. Literally gaslighting. Quadruple gaslighting. Like why are you still here? Like we're lying to you. You're the problem. I'm reverting back to being a gaslighting, stealing bitch. I am a gas boss. Let's dive in.

I'm a gaslighting girl boss. A gate boss. I gatekeep and I gaslight. Wait, no, a gate light. I'm a gate boss I gatekeep and I gaslight and wait no a gate light I'm a gate keeping gas lighter gatekeeping gas lighting girl boss yeah put a gaslight boss gaslight boss um lighter fluid girl bitch you're not a girl bitch literally well uh yeah that whole that whole thing maybe one day that we'll dive in we'll dive into that um uh but me going back to that is me reverting back to my 2016 ways because we were talking about yeah how 2016 was such an astronomical year and it specifically is like we were talking about if you were like 17 to 19 in 2016 it was it was everything the like vice grip hold 2016 has on society it's very rightful like it's very like it was actually the best year of all of our lives like it genuinely

was like the music was fucking awesome like we'll dive into that the memes were like like i think it literally actually changed like yeah it re-jumped started like meme culture yeah and then like we went a little too hard and we fell into like the meme depression in 2018 and literally the letter e was funny but we won't fucking talk about that it's true like there was a there was a moment in time where like literally like memes like we're back in the mean yeah it like collapsed upon itself and like they were literally like they made no fucking sense like it made absolutely yeah that's what those like comps on tikt. Like, we're back in the meme depression of, like, ages. We're like, poof. Like, dude, those fucking videos are actually, like, the epitome of just, like, years and years and years of training us to not have attention spans anymore.

Because, like, I, like, can watch an eight-second video that literally shows 36 videos in one and understand every reference it's putting into it. Like, it's delusional. But yeah, 2016, music, movies. TV. Didn't, like, It come out in 2016? Probably. Oh, 2016 was the fucking clowns. The clowns terrorizing society.

We need to talk about that. Like, actually, what the fuck? People were genuinely, like like people got clown phobia like they had like a people had true phobias of going outside and getting killed by a clown i don't think anyone was killed by a clown not a single person was killed by a clown and i read something recently that i was like huh like maybe this is true i read that there's like a conspiracy like oh my fucking god i'm always bringing up goddamn conspiracies i'm like anti whatever um literally there's a conspiracy that it was a marketing campaign for it that got out of control

and it was like you know like the blair witch project marketing where it was like literally like it would be a commercial on the tv and you'd be like what the fuck is that real or whatever like people were saying it was supposed to be like a marketing campaign for it but then it just got got out of control and they were just like, yeah, we're never going to talk about this. I believe it. I literally I believe it. And if it was if it was like natural marketing that just like happened by itself, humans are so funny and stupid. Because literally it took one motherfucker to see the it post and be like, who? And start telling people they're gonna die yeah

literally just we we got uh you he had i had to do it to him do it to him mean it was at 2016 i'm pretty sure that was 2016 i know that was like that because by 2017 if you were doing it to them you were harming the people around you like if you were still pulling that literally um but yeah like my like playlist from 2016 it it's it's the 2014 yasification like it's just like some years have a certain kind of yasification to them a few years down yeah and it's just like i don't know what it is because it really is 2014. What did they put in the music? What did they put in the music in 2016? I'm trying to think of like what Crack. Whoa.

Through the speakers they were like rubbing on the speakers so when you would walk into Urban Outfitters and Life of Pablo was playing in there. They put the pussy part of the human in the music in 2016. They put the pussy part of the human in the speakers. Ew. i just had like a fucked up like

visual like imagery of like a fleshlight speaker and it like the the bass making it shake we need to patent that we actually need to make that happen no we don't. I'm going to... What is he building in there? I'm going to go build one in my room real quick. And I'll let y'all know. I'll be back next episode with a boost.

That would be a sleigh. It'd be like a vibrating flashlight. Yeah. And you also... You get to play your favorite songs while you're doing it. You can play your favorite 2016 anthem. Going back to back i'm gonna play the meek mill drink this track dude is that a uh world tour or your girls tour come on iconic it was everything i literally remember so vividly where i was when those

songs dropped on soundcloud because they were on soundcloud first oh my god they were yeah and i was like at a family party and i remember i got up from the couch and like shaking bachata like blaring in my ear and i was like and i went to like a bathroom to go like listen to it um and it was audio playing in the background yeah my my family like screaming and i'm like please for two seconds there's beef going on there was another bar from that song it's twitter finger or twitter finger trigger fingers turn to twitter fingers yes so insane that actually is probably one of the most iconic drake lines of all time there

and it stands to this day. Yeah, literally, I still see that 14 times a day on my fucking feeds. 14 times a day. I swear to God, maybe 25. And now look at Drake. He's taking little sexy selfies. He's in his Ariana Grande face. He's got his long hoodie on.

He's in his nervous face. I'm nervous. I'm Drake and I'm nervous. Stop, you can't talk about him because if I meet him, I have to act like I don't know who he is. Oh, who are you? What's your name? Oh, like what? Wait, what do you do?

I'm Drake. Oh, hey. Hey, I'm Drake. Okay. The musician. Like Drake, the world's biggest. then oh i don't listen to music and then we have sex he's like oh she's chill like she's not a fan oh she's cool what type of music do you listen to i don't

i don't even have an iphone when i get in a car and the radio is on i'm too scared and i get out music actually scares the fuck out of me i don't understand actually this isn't gonna work he's like i make music i'm like you make what and i just run away stupid but you mentioned bla Blair Witch and I like know this wasn't necessarily a topic but I need to like mention it. It's sip sip pass. Don't forget that.

You're hogging it. Come on. I'm getting some COVID breath in there. Literally I'm not okay never mind. I know what you're going to say. I was going to say if I had COVID and there was someone I didn't fuck with like in vicinity of me I'd just go and be like breath in there literally i'm not okay nevermind i know what you're gonna say i was gonna say my covid and there was someone i didn't fuck with like in vicinity of me i just gonna be like bio warfare literally bio warfare we've had that conversation several times

i'm gonna get back a covid fart the kanye air literally like getting kanye concert air and but like i'm gonna cough in a bag oh wait that was a fucking tiktok literally that one girl made that tiktok yeah i think her name is rookie yeah literally she got covid and she had it in a bag that was honestly that was the funniest tiktok i had seen up until that point like for so long that shit literally i would watch it once a day and fucking laugh i can't think of like a tiktok right now actually just anything with the like crying sound literally anything with that sound is so funny like for me it's the um he's escaping the killer's escaping dude i was saying that around like logan and orion and they were like what are you saying and i was like oh

my god y'all aren't y'all y'all aren't on the weird side y'all aren't chronically online um but before i forget you mentioned blair witch and i was thinking about like how we were saying we needed to talk about just like a rational like child fears not like necessarily rational but child fears and this sounds so stupid but i didn't know that the blair witch was a movie like the blair witch project was a movie or a thing. And when I was in like elementary school, I know maybe I was in like fifth, sixth grade, basically a family friend who they had two years prior in fourth grade scared the fuck out of me with Bloody Mary.

They literally served her a Bloody Mary and she got drunk. I got fucked up. She got drunk. I got fucked up. She got drunk. I'm like, why do you have a spoon? Because I was going to make my concoction, but I'll let you finish the Blair Witch first. Basically, they told me the Blair Witch story and I fucking believed her. And, bitch,

I lived in Miami. There isn't wood. There was like a pile of... The Everglades. Yeah, literally. We would drive past just like one section of trees and I'd be like... and i believe that she experienced the blair witch project because she literally told me the plot of the movie like i experienced blair witch i'm gonna punch you in the fucking tits i did no we actually did go to the forest though yeah we did like we went to the blair witch forest where it like the myth Oh, we went there and we had sex.

Yeah, with the witch. Threesome. The Blair Witch. The Blair Witchiana. He's like, dude, like, adding Iana or Ana to things is such a problem. Dude, it's so bad for me right now. Before we recorded, I, like, me and you were talking about how we should probably start having meals before the podcast. Because we'll do them earlier in the day with like no food in our stomach and by the end of it we like stand up and we like fall over and pass like pass away but he was like i was like oh

you should eat because i already ate and i was like what do you want to do and he was like starbucks and i was like oh okay you're crazy you're getting coffee and he was like, oh, okay, you're crazy. You're getting coffee. And he was like, no, I want to, what did you say? I want a Bakeyana, Goodyana, and Eggiana sandwich. Iana. A Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Iana. You said something like that. Bacon, Egg, and Goodyana. No, but literally it's actually, I don't know why, but for the past two days,

everything I fucking said has ended in Iana. And I'm about to make my holistic iana drink for y'all um on podcast okay this is something i don't think we've really talked about me and drew genuinely like which i don't think is a bad thing not at all it's not at all i don't believe in like real medicine because i didn't grow up and that's a bad thing okay i like i got my vaccine and all that like stuff but like i didn't grow up in the health care system so i'm like no it makes sense i'm like why would i take a tylenol when i could drink some chlorophyll and like it'll do the same thing maybe no someone left a comment and they were like why don't you take like antidepressants like i want to know like

your story on that um and one i literally am am treat resistant, but I take Stamets 7. Stamets 7 and Vitaminerol Green. But that has earth broth in it. No, this goes good with earth broth. Dude, we go to air water and we stand in the... Okay, this looks like dirt mud water. No, it's mud water it's like actual mud yeah what's in this grasses algae land vegetables sea vegetables and enzymes no

which is literally naming nothing it's it says absolutely nothing and everything for my brain at the same time like i see that and i'm like oh like oh like, oh, no, no, no. Thank God. Moringa leaf is in there. Oh, that's good. Actually, no. What what these do for me is like if I'm ever it's all placebo like in my head, like legitimately it's all placebo. And I'm like, like, I took my chlorophyll and stam at seven this morning. So like, I'm going to feel good.

Yeah, I'm going to feel good later. So like as much as it might be bullshit it's real for me it's very real for me um i feel that because i literally um i am the sweatiest person in the world like that is not a known fact about me but like i sweat so you're chugging that mud water right now i chug it because it's so gross it literally tastes like you just have to try it you just have to try it it literally tastes like mud like it tastes like mud pies you make as a kid it's actually not bad it tastes like roots tastes like um like bone bone bone marrow tastes like toes which is good let me see let me see

you guys see my toes i'll send you a picture later i'll like cover them in butter please i also have this vial of beekeepers naturals bee elixir brain fuel with royal jelly um and it's good for a brain fog apparently but i'm not going to take it today because I'm scared of it I know we both bought it and I'm like scared of mine for some reason I forgot what the fuck I was saying because of your mud I don't remember either so moving on

moving on I need to make it very apparent that I don't fuck with Cheesecake Factory I just thought that should be enough Cheesecake Factory slander I don't fuck with Cheesecake Factory. I just thought that should be enough. Cheesecake Factory slander? I don't fuck with, like, I think the grip, Cheesecake Factory, like, Olive Garden, TGI Fridays,

and all that shit, and Panera, like, has on, and this is coming from someone who I grew up, like, poor, the grip it has on, like, lower class families is actually outrageous and so fucked up because as a kid going there, like we didn't go to those places often because it was like, it is expensive and the food isn't fucking good. No one wants to admit the food is not good.

Never once have I had a cheesecake meal and been like, holy fuck, that was so good. Literally every time I leave Cheese leave cheesecake factory my stomach feels like it has 13 bricks in it and i literally need to like go die like i need to like lay down yeah i leave like cheesecake factory like sweaty yeah and oily i'm always oh that's what i was talking about is how fucking sweaty i am oh and i'm convinced i genuinely do think chlorophyll makes me not stink because i'm very sweaty and I stopped taking chlorophyll for a while and I was like, damn, I smell musty. But it smelled good. Like I smell like a middle school boy again.

Um, wait, what? Uh, like just like how shitty we feel after, um, cheesecake factory. No, did you say my must smelled good? Fine. You have good pheromones. Fine. There. I said it.

I love your your smell your your smell you are making this awkward this is your fault this is your fault you are not taking my compliment correctly um but yeah i sweat so fucking much it is actually so embarrassing i put on a shirt and instantly like i am sweaty um it also doesn't help that it's 8 000 degrees in this house no but that's why i was saying like that's but that's like superstar lifestyle that's what i was saying at the beginning of the episode is like like a lot of people think that when you become like as rich and famous as us you like get ac but it's actually like the opposite yeah you don't get ac because you're constantly sweating and losing water weight

yeah so we're just like really skinny we're constantly dehydrated i know my lips are always dry and people are like damn girl put chapstick on'm like, I can't because it will make my whole face humid. Like, the moisture that my lips will lock in will make, like, my upper lip sweat. And then my little stash that I've been growing out. Oh, it's so hot. I know. My underboob sweat is, like, insane. I feel like there was one thing.

Oh, also, on top of the cheesecake thing, I think Cheesecake Factory and stuff, that's where the air fryer came from. Literally. Does that make sense? Like, they've always cooked their food in an air fryer. They've always had an air fryer. And, okay, air fryers are actually fucking witchcraft. Like, I swear to God, they're, like, they're magical. I don't get it.

They're an oven. I'm like, okay, that's an oven. But, like, on your countertop, like, literally all you do is just put it in there and you click some fucking buttons and it comes out. I will say, on top of our house being a fucking, like, sauna already, when I had to use the oven, it would literally, like, blast heat through the kitchen and it would be 90 degrees in here. Yeah. So, that is a plus of the air fryer is that you're not like setting your house on fire i also have a part of my like thing like the same thing that makes me like lock a door eight times and take a picture of the door to make sure it's locked um is the sometimes the oven plays a part into it like yesterday when i was

like when we were leaving and i was like i think the house is gonna blow up i was not kidding and i was like i was so sure and i came and i jiggled all the knobs to make sure they were off and i was like i didn't take a picture of it So like it's probably do you think it was because we like deep cleaned and I was like touching all the knobs No It's just sometimes like it like I get an itch in the back of my brain and I'm convinced that like I left it on in The house is gonna burn and like as well as gonna die. You should maybe like get that looked at that doesn't sound healthy No my chlorophyll fixes it

Shouldn't be living like that. I'm like I take chlorophyll like it's chill you're living like that no the door locking thing is a problem like it literally everyone always makes fun of me that i can't leave the house on time but it's because i have to like on top of just wash your hands 63 times you i have to be before three times you come back and you're like oh i need to wash my hands because i just locked the door and then you're like oh i need to go pee because if i have to go pee when I'm out, like, I have to go in the public bathroom and there's germs. But it's just like a problem. But the public bathroom is good if you've eaten because you have to wash your hands after you eat. Duh.

Not me. Not me. Not anybody else. Not before or after. Never. Men don't wash their hands. No, bitch. People don't fucking talk about that.

Men do not wash their hands. And it is so nasty.'t fucking talk about that. Men do not wash their hands. And it is so nasty. Nope. They're like, I didn't have to wipe. I'm like, bitch, you literally had to grab your balls. Literally, my penis. I'm sorry. This is going to be really graphic.

But my penis goes in mouths. Like, I don't have to wash my hands after I touch my wiener. Like, I'm sorry. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You said mouths? like i'm sorry you said mouth because like are you treating a mouth like a fucking dishwasher for your dick like is that what you're alluding to right now just saying it's not dirty i would hope it's not dirty before it goes in something mom don't watch this episode mom whispering mom that is fucking gross men don't wash their balls they don't watch this episode. Mom. You were whispering. Mom. That is fucking gross. Men don't wash their balls. They don't wash their hands.

I wash my balls and I wash my hands. Occasionally. I wash my hands. Both get an occasionally. I wash my hands. No, they don't. Because the hand soap lasts way too long in our house. I fake wash my hands.

I'm going to be honest. I turn on the sink and I make it sound like I'm washing my hands in the middle of the week. As if your mom's outside like listening. No, literally everybody's done that. I swear to God. I have never done that in my life.

I wash my fucking hands. What's up, Spotify? This is Javi. I remember this one time we were on tour. We didn't have any guitar picks and we didn't have time to go to the store.

So we placed an order on Prime, and it got there the next day, ready for the show. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. No, actually, because for me— You've never fake washed your hands? No. You know what happens is if I try to do a quick wash, I'll get really insecure, and I'll be like, my hands are so fucking dirty. And I'll do a quick wash, and then I'll be like dry my hands off and try to leave

the bathroom and then the back of my brain is like if you don't fucking wash your hands right now you're probably gonna die and I'm like oh my god and then I'll turn it I'll like deep wash them I know there is someone out there watching this that has fake washed their hands along with me they just you just turn on the water you run it and then you

turn it off and then you leave the room you don't even get like no you don't even get your hands wet because it's annoying because then you have to dry your hands off there's a towel for your hands yeah but the towel's dirty because it's been washed a hundred times with other hands no because the hands that are wiping off on the towel are clean have you ever heard of most people Have you ever heard of mold? There's mold. I'm convinced our house is full of mold constantly.

I swear to God, I watched one fucking video about like indoor allergies and mold and people were like. I know. You're so fucking annoying. Drew got seasonal allergies and he was like, there's mold in the walls. Like I was a girl. Because I've never had allergies in my entire life. And then all of the there's mold in the walls. I was like, girl. Because I've never had allergies in my entire life. And then all of a sudden, I come in. I don't have allergies when I'm outside.

But then I come inside and immediately I have a sniffy nose and my nose itches. Your fucking room is dusty. When's the last time you washed your sheets? I don't wash my hands. You think I wash my sheets? No. I don't wash my wiener. You think I wash my seats?

Guys, this is all jokes. This is all jokes. I need to make that clear. I need to make that very clear. Bro, I bet if you brought, you know, the rug cleaners that I show in the dirt, I wouldn't do that on your bed. No, I... I know there's a sweat stain of your body on that sheet. Yeah, because I sleep on top of my bed.

I sleep on top of the comforter. Literally. I know. It's so much easier that way. It's so much easier than getting under the covers. Yeah, because I sleep on top of my bed. I sleep on top of the comforter. Literally. It's so much easier that way. It's so much easier than getting under the covers. And also not to mention it's like hot as fuck under there and you just sleep on top of it with a weighted blanket. That's your problem is you're sleeping in a hot room with a weighted blanket. So, okay, just like a rundown, if you're interested in drew romantically here's what you're gonna get he eats talkies um so think about that only talkies he eats match made in heaven talkies mcdonald's and popeyes that's your like regular but then to balance it out okay veggie girl yeah

to balance all that out you have veggie girl buffalo wings and holistic drinks in the morning so i guess you're getting that in um i can't remember the last time i saw you put something green in your body that was like you had to crunch on like i like i ate celery from your veggie girl meal yeah okay yeah you get the celery with the ranch you don't wash your hands you don't wash your wiener you don't wash your sheets From your veggie grown meal? Yeah. Okay, yeah. You get the celery with the ranch. You don't wash your hands. You don't wash your wiener. You don't wash your sheets.

You barely wash your hair. Look. I'm not dirty. I'm not stinky. Yeah, you don't stink. You smell good because you have been rationing out your Lava perfume for three years. No, I was about to say. When you're feeling fancy, you give yourself no i was about to say you're feeling fancy you give yourself i was about to say i don't wash i don't have to wash my fucking sheets in my comforter because i have room spray that i spray on my bed and it makes it smell good

no this is all jokes by the way i do clean myself no he does take baths we take baths all the time yeah um and it's actually the worst thing that's ever happened is having a roommate who likes to take a bath who was taking the baths first and who was called gross for taking baths um me because or you i'm saying because you were oh i thought of your question wrong i was like who was calling who gross but you were calling me gross but i still think it's kind of gross because i shower before i take my bath which some people i've seen argue it's the opposite way around but why the fuck would i take a nice hot bath and then rinse myself off yeah it makes way more sense your way yeah to shower and then take a bath and i am always imagine people taking a bath and just

being dirty as shit and like running a bath and then like getting in it and like sitting in what's that thing you just said i i don't do that you shower before you get in the bath i've never once heard that happen i do it every time the title of this episode is drew is dirty no i'm not fucking dirty you're you're clean you i'm a very clean person. My room is very organized. I just have my little flaws. Like, I don't... Okay, I bought the purple mattress.

Whenever I bought the purple mattress, that was the last time I washed my sheets. I'm just a man. I'm just a man. I'm not kidding. I think that was like six months ago. Why even more, Drew? I'm like, why. I'm not kidding. I think that was like six months ago. Why isn't it more, Drew? I'm like, why is my forehead breaking out? It's because the fucking pillows are literally covered.

And also, it's literally covered in like, like not only like outside dirt, but my fucking grease and a Zool like filth. Like he comes in my room after he uses a litter box and fucking sprinkles litter all over my pillows. And he's shedding right now and it's a fucking nightmare. I know every time I touch him it's so bad. I have to take him to the groomers but he'd be so fucking ugly after you take him to the groomers. And I do wash my hands. So now you're- The only- I swear to god the only reason I wash my hands is because I know you would make fun of me if I didn't. I swear to god that's the only reason. Good. I like knowing that like my bullying works like there was i bullied

him out of using uh plastic plates that's just like common sense to use plastic plates no to not use plastic plates yeah but i think it's like kind of like a man thing yeah like to be like i don't want to wash the dishes and it's's like, girl, it's literally a plate. The best thing for me is I don't use dishes. Yeah, because you enjoy. I'm literally the only person who utilizes the kitchen. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Josh, today being, like, the worst part about staying up so late is there's no food at 4 a.m. And I'm like. Boy, just get groceries. But I guess what would y'all cook if you could cook if i could if i could learn the kfc secret recipe i would make a kfc famous bowl every day that was a really that's because that was so i was about to say that's the realest i've ever been in my life you just said if you could make the fucking krabby patty formula basically you were like if i could get my hands on the Krabby Patty formula.

Don't lie. The pretty patties looked fucking awesome. Don't lie. Did you know that they weren't real? Did you know that Spongebob actually was, like, filmed in the bikini box? Did you know that Spongebob was practical? It was real. All of that shit was real.

I just don't know what camera they filmed on because that shit looked like a cartoon like i don't know how the fuck they did no it was it was the famous kids camera off of amazon oh really yeah that's actually fucking crazy because i literally remember watching that as a kid and was just like remember like i was just like how the fuck did they make this look and especially underwater and who's who's the character like who's playing dude i'm not kidding i literally love watching movies and being like did you know that was practical literally me after lupin i was like i was like dude i leaned over to josh in the middle of the movie and i was like josh like what camp like when was this filmed because this looks so weird

i was watching space jam and i'm like did you know that that was practical oh dude that's a topic yeah i know exactly what you're about to say. Us in a movie theater. If you are sitting in a movie theater and you see these two fucking idiots and their homies pull up, leave. Run. I'm sorry. We're obnoxious. Don't ask for a refund.

We're obnoxious. I'm sorry. I will pay for your ticket if like you're annoyed by us. But legitimately, like we have fun. We have fun watching movies. I'm sorry. We're like, we're fucking fun. What are you trying to listen to the movie?

Like we want us to be heard. I am the movie. That's the problem. We're not like, we're like we're fucking fun what are you trying to listen to the movie like we want us to be heard i am the movie that's the problem we're not like we're not talking we're not we're not being like super loud and obnoxious but we are like whispering like during space jam which the space jam slander has to stop now because that movie was not made for you literally have like the brain chemistry of like a coco melon ip melon yeah literally exactly that's why we like it that movie was not made for you it was not made to be critically acclaimed and i'm tired of everyone treating it that way yeah that movie was fucking awesome and fun to watch and you enjoyed yourself in it and i swear to god if you said you didn't you're lying to yourself and you need to go to therapy oh my god if only you had that much passion about washing your fucking hands i i wash my hands i wash my hands what can i say um but yeah jr

gonna made a good point also he was like people are saying that the original is better which because i have like a older person brain i'm like yeah i agree um but the second one was like funnier to make fun of but he was like both of them are made for fucking kids and you think the space gem the original is like better because you have like nostalgic kid brain about it and you're like dude that movie was the best thing ever but it was literally just as nonsensical and like off the wall also that movie did not need to be two hours that i will say because an hour in like kai or someone was like this movie is two hours long and i was like you are fucking lying to me right now and i looked at my phone and we had already been in there for an

hour dude i swear to god the first 15 minutes of the space jam movie i was so overstimulated i almost had to fucking walk out oh yeah because we also got seats that were really close to the screen so when uh lebron originally goes into fucking into fucking cartoon world it was so intense and like our necks were breaking we had to actually like look across the screen and it was disorienting i felt like the chicken and robot chicken opening it was my eyes peeled open it was disorienting um but i actually had so much fun watching that movie and it's because i was with my friends and we're we just have fun we cheer we're like yeah like go and we clap and we had the whole theater with us turning up like oh dude we we kept starting clap chance it was kai originally when they started winning the basketball game in the middle of the movie spoiler alert um kai just started clapping and then at the

end i like i don't i don't know what by what part i just was like started like clapping really loud and then we all started like screaming and clapping and then that one kid screamed and literally the random ass woman next to me like mocked him yeah um but it was awesome and the lady next to me while we were watching space jam i am not fucking kidding leaned over and she was like the original was fucking better i fucking hate this one like and she was like she she called like michael jordan uh michael johnson she's like michael johnson she was like michael johnson was She called like Michael Jordan, Michael Johnson. Michael Johnson. She's like Michael Johnson. She was like Michael Johnson was so much better.

And I was like, yeah. But then she's like, I fucking hate this one. And she leaned back over and kept watching. Yeah, that movie was fun. And us in a theater. I'm sorry, we're fun. Like you can either choose to have fun with us or you can. I say that all the fucking

time but i'm not kidding anytime i see another group of people enjoying themselves and being fucking obnoxious i want to slap the fuck yeah and i and every time you're like i want to slap the fuck out of them i'm like girl that's us i know when we were in uh like i forgot where we were but there was like a group of kids being like having fun and it literally pissed me off so much i'm like can y'all actually yeah yeah it's just it's good but it's just because like i have like a god complex and i swear i'm like the best person in the world i wish i had a god complex actually i'd be a slave um oh that's a good that's a good transition who do you think has a bigger ego out of the two of us i don't know because like everybody's definition

of all these fucking words is so skewed so i think my idea of what like having an ego means it's kind of fucked up but i guess having an ego like part of that is like caring what other people think about you but like in my head again because i'm biased towards myself i'm like i don't know if that's an ego thing or like a post-traumatic like thing where i'm like like myself i'm like i don't know if that's an ego thing or like a post-traumatic like thing where i'm like like no like i i like i can't like people can't think i'm bad like all i do in my life is trying to be good like please think i'm good i don't think i mean like kind of ego kind of not like kind of pride kind of not but i out of the two of us i legitimately think i have the biggest ego like i don't know what would be like an indicator for like having a big ego i think i have a lot of pride so does that fall into ego

like yeah like you like if someone really like does me dirty i'm like a grudge holder yeah like but i actually i wouldn't even say that because i've been done dirty and like let bygones be bygones but there's like a scenario to or two where someone crossed the line and you would actually have to shoot me in both you could shoot me in both of my feet and i wouldn't fucking say sorry i'm like i'm standing my ground like this is the hill i am dying i am dying on this hill and is that like is that an ego thing or is that just like pride i think ego a little yeah yeah yeah i don't know it was just a question i was thinking about because i think

it would be like a good conversation to open up but i i like to think i don't have an ego and that inherently is being egotistical like i read one alan watt book alan watt's book and i'm like i'm enlightened i'm enlightened and they're like wow other people have feelings that was so funny someone had to think that that it was like i cannot believe a man has to do psychedelics to realize other people have feelings and then on top of that gains a god complex like it's like i am the most like enlightened being enlightened person in the room yeah i don't think that because i genuinely do think i'm buttfuck stupid and i say this every single episode and I will never let go of it.

I am stupid. But yeah, I think I have an ego for sure. But I think everyone has an ego. Even motherfuckers who are like, I have ego death. I'm like, can you shut the fuck up? Dude, you can't have ego death. You literally can't have ego death because you saying you had ego death is literally your ego speaking.

Yeah, because isn't it like, what is like the definition of ego though let's look it up let's let's find that out i don't have my phone on ego versus i'm just someone who like doesn't need my phone to like have a good time like all of y'all like people are like when i'm out with people they're always like oh my phone's dying do you have a charger and i'm like no i don't need a charger on my person because like when i'm like living like i choose to live in the moment and not be on my phone that's your ego no i don't have one um a person's a person since okay i can't this is another thing we need to talk about i can't read like i actually can't read out loud when i showed your tiktoks before the sound plays i have to

pause it and like cover half of what's happening visually so you can read it and then get the yeah it's actually a problem and i don't know i think it's literally just my like i have like a very slow cadence while i talk and like a very like monotone like voice and i think like my talking my head voice is also like that so when i'm reading it like my head voice reads too quick the word for that is uh you're fucking stupid a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance that's the definition of ego um i'm not fucking stupid i don't it's a person's sense of self-esteem oh then yeah i have a huge fucking ego because i'm the most insecure dumb fuck ever and like all i care about is that like my literally i am alive to like please others i think legitimately us even having a podcast

is inherently ego driven we're like you will sit here and listen to me for a fucking hour but like in philosophy it's like a conscious thinking subject so like literally your head voice is an ego and philosophy oh yeah then i got a big fucking ego because that bitch doesn't shut the fuck up i can't sit in peace i live to please people i'm so insecure and i think everyone fucking hates me which is also very egotistical because to think that everybody's thinking about me and hating me is like a huge ego thing um i think i've just lived enough life. I've reached my karma potential in my past lives.

I was born on the 4th. What the fuck are you talking about? Okay, if you were born on the 1st or the 7th. Are you talking about that stupid fucking TikTok? It pissed me off so much. You pissed me off so much. We were watching. We were screen fucking mirroring TikToks onto the TV. And there was this stupid TikTokiktok talking about if you

if your birthday is like the first through the 12th it's the first through the seventh or the first of all things to remember you have reached your karma potential then it's like the 12th like in your past lives you've like you were a great person so you get to live this life out with like no bad karma and then the 12th through like the 20th or something is like you're almost there but you have a little bad karma that you're still um paying for from past lives and then if you are born from like the 21st through the 30th or 31st you didn't reach your karma potential and you're maybe it is valid because my life fucking sucked balls at the beginning yeah being born on the fourth like yeah i'm just like an enlightened being i've had like oh so your life was hella easy yeah 100 i'm like i'm not gonna

front like dude you know right like talking about it actually pissed me off so bad like i get pissed off at the dumbest shit i know i just I know exactly like what buttons to press of yours. Like I'm like a little brother. Like I like know what would get you mad. And for some reason it's really toxic. I can just like pick and choose. And then like, but it's, it's like harmless shit like that. I'm not like actually trying to hurt your feelings, but it's literally like little brother

shit where I'm like. No, we are on some sibling shit. Like I go into your room and I'm so fucking annoying. I go into your room and you're sitting on the bed trying to take a nap and i'll sit on my phone and put my volume all the way up and start blasting through tiktok it's literally and see how long it'll take for him to like be like please turn that off the hell up and then i get into this mode where i'm like i'm not gonna address it because if i address it it becomes real for her as much as it is for me and then if i address it like i just i lose this battle i lose this battle we've never spoken about that i don't know if we have spoken about that publicly but somebody was talking about like

can you talk about like how to maintain a friendship oh yeah like this and i was like thinking about it when i was uh or i I want to save the hey conversation but the reason I was thinking about it is because I was thinking about how I because I hadn't met like anybody in high school like it was rare for me to meet someone who like I got along with and like humor wise got along with literally every person I met who I like kind of got along with I was like oh are we supposed to date because like I'm in love with you i think but that was just me finding friends who like i got along with but we fucking we have fought before we have had like full-blown like like is this the end like legitimate like arguments like shaking in like anger like literally

just like and it was over like real shit too yeah it was over real shit and like anger, like literally just like, and it was over like real shit too. Yeah. It was over real shit and like things that like. Yeah. But it was just like, like every fucking relationship you have in your life, it was literally just a lack of communication. Like neither of us were like speaking our angers or our annoyances and we just like kind of let it fucking fester.

And then sure enough, like it boiled over. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's like a lot of people like of course i i do think again like a lot of people look at our friend group and i think look at a lot of friend groups on the internet and see the romanticization of it although like i will admit i do think our friend group is actually genuinely very sweet and like loving what you see online is like very real yeah like it's not tailored it's never

like a front but of course within our friend group like there's always like butting heads because it's like a real it's it's like a romantic or like a family relationship it's like any relationship it's all about communication and this isn't a mirror image of yourself as a like as you are with these people you run into things that like whether it be moral or just like subject wise or just like fucking day-to-day thing like maybe you're fucking annoyed this person's annoying you just like little things like that you're always gonna like bump heads yeah but it's about making sure that if you'd love these people you either communicate that or you are like okay i'm like projecting some sort of weird weird anger onto this person it's like i need to figure my shit out yeah and

it's like a me thing um but yeah we like fucking we've argued like fully but we've also just known each other for so long and like once you have a relationship that long of course you're gonna like there's gonna be moments where you're just like whatever but we've made it past the three oh yeah fully also like working with your friends is like very like no but i don't feel like anyone talks about that on the internet like as much as they should because then people go into like working with your friends as if it's going to be this like glamorous thing but it's actually very it is like a weird thing you have to get over because like of course within business there's like there is a lot of ego and there is like a lot of pride and especially with like creatives yeah creative differences and like then fucking like an easy example is like frenemies like then you get into like the real business and like the nitty-gritty of it and if you're not

open with communication and like really saying how you feel and like pushing it. That shit will burn. Yeah. It'll burn before it even fucking starts. It'll boil over. But luckily I'm an M-Rod and kind of so is Drew. So. Yeah. It just kind of works out.

Yeah. And we like speak how we feel. We just kind of, we just kind of let it, we let it out. Yeah. No, we, the first like, I'd say like two years like living together. No, not two years. The first like six, I'd say, like, two years, like, living together. No, not two years. The first, like, six months living together. Like, we were still just, like, tiptoeing around each other.

Yeah. Like, sniffing each other's asses. Like, figuring. Like, not like that. Like, just figuring it out. Well, you were sniffing my ass. Yeah. That's just, like, normal, though.

Yeah, no. I got used to it. Yeah. But, like, you just, like, figure each other out. And then, like, then there comes that moment where you're,'re like, oh, like you either communicate it or you don't. And we just chose not to communicate. Yeah, we made the mistake of not. Because also like we don't talk about this.

We were like close like when we were younger. But moving in together was kind of crazy because we weren't like that close. It literally was. I've thought about that several times. Like when we moved in together, like we were homies on tour like we we shared a room every once in a while but we were not like close like that it's kind of crazy but we did also also we got very fucking lucky in that because i know plenty of like me you and josh living together like we like live in like pretty good harmony because i've heard of people and like like

whether it be influencers or just like anybody who's like friends and moves in with their friends and then they're like oh my god i fucking hate this person yeah we got so lucky that like we are just compatible like roommates let alone like homies homies like it's just like we had that conversation at veggie girl the other day where it was like dude like we were when we all joined the internet we were all kind of looking for the same thing and i don't think it was coincidence that we all found you fucking each other because like yeah we were always like almost dancing around each other and like these kind of social settings we were all interested in the same shit and i think it we just are a very rare case where like it does work out yeah

but also like don't let that scare you from like pursuing these things because you got to make your fucking mistakes i know yeah and don't like be shocked if you meet people because this like core friend group is like i have had many interactions outside of this and many relationships growing up where like it didn't work out or it naturally faded out. I think that's also something that like scares people about like friendships is the idea that this may fade out. But I think with any relationship, whether it be like platonic or romantic, although like very like sad in idea, people are genuinely made, not made for it, but a lot of relationships are made to, like, come in, teach you something. Yeah.

Whether it be about your boundaries or what, like, you love about life or teach you even about a fucking new music genre. Like, whether it be that small, it's, like, these things are, like, ebbing and flowing through you to teach you something. We're all just all one energy source just like becoming one together yeah like if you just go outside like with like your toes in the grass and like feel the grass a little bit and ground yourself like you may get lucky and find what me and drew have real shit platonic you're my you're my twin flame is it twin toxic? Or is, what's the toxic one? I know there's one that's like, or is none of them toxic and I'm just toxic. I think you're just toxic.

I am a little toxic. Yeah, but me and Inya, we have our little scuffles. We haven't had a scuffle in quite a while. Do you know? Because we fucking communicate now. I know. That's so important. Like growing up, I was like, girl, communicating is like lame as shit.

I'm not going to, I'm literally going to close off and not speak to anybody of my feelings but and you opened me up she fucking bent me over and just like opened me yeah i spread them cheeks i got in there yeah if ass was not meant to be eaten why is it cut in half already how are you poor with a throat? I saw that on, I think, Pontius Fantasy World. Thirsty. Yes, the thirsty debate. Okay, so we had the bussy debate, but the thirsty debate. I think thirsty is, like, genderless. That is genderless.

Anybody can have a thirsty. You got a thirsty, I got a thirsty. We all got thristys here. Everybody gets a thirsty. I saw a thirsty. I got a thirsty. We all got thrusties here. Everybody gets a thirsty. There were, I saw some discourse about it in the comments. There were some people who were like, leave it alone. Busy is for gay men. Not some people.

Most people. No, there was one comment that got quite a lot of attention that was saying that everybody gets a bussy except straight men. T. Except straight cis men. But you know what? I'll let go of the bussy thing. Again, that's just my ego and, like, I, like, want to win. And I'll accept that I lost.

And Drew wins the bussy debate. But the thrissy debate, it's not even a debate because we both agree everybody has a thrissy next week we're gonna be debating the bussy like literally what is wrong with you no i'm not kidding like notice how when the bussy got popular the baby got the canceled no i was gonna say i'm not kidding like i just i don't say everything that comes in my brain because if i did y'all would be afraid of me y'all would be genuinely terrified of my intrusive thoughts like bitch if i said everything that came into my brain yeah my i have the problem where i do say everything that like comes into my brain and i was like but like a lot

of it not well i was like i was just like a lot of it is violent but a lot of it is like really fucking stupid like you were watching tv yesterday and i had the biggest urge to pick the tv up not to do anything with the tv but just be annoying and pick it up. And then today someone was drinking coffee in front of me and I had the biggest fucking urge to like dip my fingers in their coffee. Yeah. I love touching people's food. Me, me like coming into your room and like in just like one of those moods and I just

want to punch your fucking computer screen like 36 times for no reason. Like my brain is just like punch the screen, punch the screen the screen the intrusive thoughts never win but and then i'm in behind the wheel in the car and it's like turn the wheel turn the wheel well that's just fun because like someone made a good point cars should not be getting in accidents and it being that big of a deal like someone's got to figure something out like why are cars like crumbling that is actually like i should be able to go 60 miles per hour and crash and not turn to dust. I'm sorry. Like, what do you mean?

Like, I thought steel was strong. Like, are they not made out of steel? What are cars made out of? Fucking aluminum foil? Like, actually, aluminum. Sorry, I'm British. They're made out of aluminum. I see a chance and I fucking take it.

That's what life's all about. You take the risk. And that's why you're a fucking winner. I'm a fucking winner. Winning. I'm winning. I'm a wiener. Yeah, take it a little bit. Bitch want to be me be me call me a mimi mimi um i'm gonna eat this and it's gonna ruin my fucking day and y'all are gonna watch me be fucking angry

so yeah i'm gonna smell it first because i'm scared of it but this is did you shake it no give it a little shake also we we need to fucking shut the fuck up because we're like an hour in and we need to do our media but i'll let you take your little fog machine oh my fucking god it's rancid it's actually rancid smell it also for those of y'all not watching and just listening um this is a dietary supplement called royal jelly brain fuel no that smells good literally not you doing poppers on screen This is a dietary supplement called Royal Jelly Brain Fuel. No, that smells good. Literally not you doing poppers on screen.

You're so fucking annoying. Do I drink this? What if I'm not supposed to drink it? Yeah, it's a popper. You smell it. You fucking idiot. Do you need water? Oh. It's like numbing my tongue though

that was like the most flavorful thing i've ever put in my body i'm probably supposed to dilute this huh that was actually pure flavor it like it burned my throat what if i'm not supposed to drink that you're definitely supposed to drink it oh my god drew you're supposed to put it up your butt okay i was thinking no i don't know does that have any directions on it which makes me assume you're just supposed to drink it no i'm not joking it was literally the most flavor i've put into my mouth ever in my life that's it like was genuinely concerning but i also have uh what's called geographic you're lying at saying it was numbing your tongue like immediately no i swear it did

okay let's get into media of the week i didn't fucking take my media down again but i never take my media down it's actually my worst trait um i know what i'm gonna say though should i go yeah you go um okay so for my songs um i've been listening to beyond saving by meat computer put it on my story today it's whatever um it's pretty chill meat computers chill as fuck you should listen to their music um and then i've been listening to a lot of boards of canada um i think i already said that but i still am boards of canada literally is sexy hot they're like kind of depressing and i think that's why i like it um and then literally curveball but get into it yeah by doja cat that shit literally is the most fun

song i've heard in a long time it's like the playboy cardification of the world like that's doja cat's playboy cardi moment and then um i'm not done with this book yet but i started reading a collection of short stories the elephant vanphant Vanishes by Murakami. I don't know how I feel about it yet. I know Murakami's writing is, like, highly regarded and, like, super awesome. But I don't know if it's, like, made for my brain. But I am actually really enjoying it. But it just, like, for some reason, I feel like I can't find, like, a theme in any of the stories.

And maybe that's, like, the point of it is just you, like, kind of make your own theme um but literally all of the mirakami tropes are in there like the fucking cats and the disappearing woman and every fucking story and then his like weird sex shit um just randomly happens all the time yeah like me um it's giving me heartburn though like it's just kind of scary um but yeah i've been reading that i'm not done with it yet but it's been a good read so far um i started crying in hmart so far so good but i'm literally every time i talk about a book i'm like two chapters in and then i never update like how i felt about the book after um but if you want to start reading that maybe like you'll finish it before me or where it'll be like a little book club and we'll both be reading it so that's my book i don't have any show because i fucking suck balls and i don't watch anything actually i did watch that movie baby teeth baby

tooth i don't know why i can't think of it it's baby teeth i think um pretty good it's a good movie i liked it um then my songs are in a wing kit i can't say it e-wink e-wig it's literally like the most oh i cannot say it but it's by the artist cluster um remember you by wiz khalifa and the weekendnd. Drama by Roy Wood and Drake. No need to pretend. Because like I said, I'm in my 2016 vibe right now. She got a little bit of drama with her friends. Wild Side by Normani is also a song I've been listening to a lot. And then I'm back on Superstars by Yves Tudor.

And that's my little rotation of music right now. Oh, you know what? I want to redeem myself from last time we spoke about watching Castle of Cagliostro. I was like, ah, it's not my favorite movie in the world. Oh, yeah. But watching it in the theater, it was like a completely different experience. And that movie is fucking awesome. And I take back everything I said.

It's a great fucking anime. One of the best of all time, legitimately. And it's just a feel-good movie. And also, the way they handle sound in that movie, I know it's probably a restriction from the late 70s. It's not something easy that they could have done. But the way they handled the silences and the sound effects and the music in the movie is crazy. And we should bring the way they did that back like pure

silences like that shit's so cool sounds are awesome and the soundtrack when they do play music is like so fucking good you know also wait i called it a studio ghibli movie and someone was like it's actually not a studio ghibli movie but it is a miyazaki movie so suck my fucking balls it pissed me off when someone said that to me but again see that's how you know i have a fucking ego because something that simple pissed me off yeah yeah but i was gonna say i think like some of the most important shit in a movie to me is like soundtrack 100 because every one of like my favorite movies has like an incredible soundtrack that I just like can listen to over and over again. Like obviously like Gone Girl, like the Gone Girl soundtrack is fucking awesome. And I think it actually just might be, um, what's his name? Atticus.

Oh, the Atticus Ross, I think. Yeah. I can't think of his name i know i know i literally have to look that up because i'm gonna no i actually know him oh you fuck with them but no soundtracks are so important trent resner and atticus ross those two motherfuckers know what they're doing they know what they're doing and they put the pussy part of the song in the bird every time they put the pussy part of the song in the bird. Every time they put the pussy part of the song in the song. You know what I'm saying. Shut the fuck up, man. I just wanted to wrap it up and tie it up at the game like a little bow.

Alright, thank you guys so much for fucking watching. We're gonna fight when the camera's off we're gonna fight in bed naked cut the fucking camera is the camera cut bye guys bye i don't think we've ever said bye to the camera bye Outro Music