Emergency Intercom - Emergency Intercom Tiny Desk Concert

Episode Date: November 3, 2023

Enya got both drunk and high at the same time on her flight to ny resulting in an ego death, drew got bullied by his taxi driver at lax and his arm almost fell off Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, of Emergency Intercom. I'm Drew and I do have Apple AirPod Maxes and I'm like, I love them. My name is Enya and I have them too.

And yes, if you are wondering, both of the pairs are very dirty. The dirtiest thing on the planet. Wait, are we going to talk to the camera or to each other? I don't know why I'm talking to the camera. Because I was talking to the camera too. Yeah. Well, maybe sometimes it's good to speak to them. Let them know.

Let them know that I see you. I'm watching you. I'm in your walls. I'm in your room. I was just like chewing gum the whole time. Let me swallow real quick. You swallow gum? Yeah swallow real quick you swallow gum yeah i do not swallow gum anymore really no i literally every piece of gum i've ever eaten

i have swallowed drew you know the little like black dots on the concrete or gum right yeah i know and that's like why i don't spit it out because i don't want to add to that pile so you'd rather just let it sit in your stomach? Well, it doesn't actually. Like the stomach acid in your stomach is like super fucking powerful. It would melt your finger if you ate it. So if I really was upset with you, I should throw up stomach bile and throw it in your face?

Actually, that's a good idea. Well, should I talk about... I have something very, very, very important to... Oh, but I have something very important to say, too. Like, so shut the hell up. No, I have something very important to address about the last episode. Oh. I just want to...

It's, like, hard for me to talk about, but... No, I'm here for you. Here, give me your hand. I want to just kind of clear the air. Yeah. Yes, I have a ginormous fucking schlong. Like a big fucking meaty girthy cock. And the thing is you've warned everyone.

You gave multiple warnings. Like my wiener is huge. Everybody always talks about it. It's a big problem in my love life. Yeah. And that's why you don't have romantic situations unfolding because everybody wants to use you for that and it's also just extremely fucking difficult because when i get an erection all the blood from my brain goes to my wiener and i pass out yeah every time i stand up it's because my penis gets blood in it and that's

why i'm like lightheaded they people want to blame it on oh like oh iron deficiency right 40 overdose yeah no it's you're gonna be the first human to od on like literally but most of my problems in my life are because of my big ginormous schlong i don't even think about that but there are a lot of problems in your life that you could like trace back yeah no it was funny that i like i when i was watching the episode back i was like blur this blur this and like make sure you can't see this and then like within the first five seconds of the episode i'm like picking at it like and it's yeah you were like grabbing it and moving it around well it's okay because like women's boobs should be sexualized that i understand but we shouldn't sexualize the wieners of men yeah i actually also have a question for you about boobs um when you and like orion or you and any of your girlfriends

are watching a movie how quickly into the movie does it take before you start playing with each other's boobs um wow uh we usually don't because uh i don't like what i don't like have sex with my friends fucking weirdo prude loser how does that make me a prude that's just like so i'm not something i do um well should i talk about okay let me preface so last time i saw drew was we did our berkeley show hey berkeley um and it was amazing and awesome but i had to rush out of there because i have i had work in new york and drew was going to meet me in new york first of all because we have work in new york yeah because we're just like working girls we're working our life is movie hence why we're here

oh also shout out oh you're gonna speak over me yeah well that's a man should um shout out stray rats um for letting me use the letting us use the office because it's so fucking cool yeah if you're wondering where we're at um we're at the stray rat the stray rats headquarters julian is goaded with the sauce let's just say that extra goat uh can i have a side of goat with my sauce no can i have a set of sauce with my goat no no it's too much when we were leaving berkeley i had to like rush out of there i did not tell you this but do you remember what i texted you before i took off that uh you were convinced you were gonna die or you something like that oh did i tell you that yeah oh wait but do you remember along those lines what else i said not off the top no but

i'll remember once you tell me okay so i'm gonna say the story and then say why i texted you when i texted you because you're gonna have to go look um i feel like I could find it. What was that? Oh, my God. All of my notes just deleted. I'm not even fucking kidding. I had like a hundred notes. Recently deleted. Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, my God. That scared me. Oh, my fucking God. I literally almost had like, I wasn't even going to have a conniption fit. I was just going to cry. But, okay. Keep going while I look for it. Here, I know how to find it.

Okay. We didn't talk too much. I'm, like, leaving on a late flight out, and it's a red eye, so I'm thinking to myself, okay, I need to sleep because the next day I had to show up to... The twerk competition. Yeah, I had to show up bright and early to get my booty all oiled up so i could start twerking for zero um but i had work the next day like i had to be

at set early in the morning the next day so i was like okay i need to make sure i sleep on this flight so so before i got on the flight um i did what anybody would do in my situation which is instead of taking melatonin because i don't believe in melatonin anymore i took an edible and had like two drinks which is like i'm not saying to do is it the morbid thought okay yeah wait so i didn't in my text i didn't say that i thought i was gonna die i just like i had a morbid thought okay so whatever i'm just like a little cross getting on my flight this company that i'm working with got me like a nice flight so i was like the first person on the plane like i could see right into the cockpit bragging much i'm just saying like it has to do with the story but like my life is a movie and i am working with a company that treated me like an absolute princess and i like flew business class like

it's like really fucking easy like honestly oh wow uh so whatever i'm like a little cross getting onto the flight i had taken an edible right before i boarded because i was like by the time i sit down i want to be high and knock out yeah so i'm sitting on the flight i'm like on the phone and then i go to get off the phone and i'm like like i get off the phone and i'm sitting there and i had been on the phone the whole time until they said this this is what made me hang up the phone was we were getting a little delayed and then the pilot got on was like okay there's like a maintenance issue we're gonna have some people come on uh there's a switch for the navigation system that isn't working and we're gonna have someone come on that for me image that's literally what happened on the image

240 malaysia flight that like fucking disappeared yeah bitch that for me was not okay like i literally immediately started freaking the fuck out and like in that moment him saying that ignited my edible in my brain so i was so convinced that it was done for me like i kept making comments like i like to myself just kind of laughing me like oh my god what if we like got off the plane the maintenance guy rushed past me into the cockpit and they had pliers and they were tugging at the the switch with pliers like trying to fix it and he was like oh we're just gonna turn the plane on and off again and see if it works and they kept turning on and off the plane they were literally just resetting it like it's a fucking iphone yeah like bitch this is not an iphone this is like me in the lives of a bunch of people like get me off so they do that for like 20 minutes we get delayed and then the maintenance

guys run out they're like all right i think everything should be good by now we're just gonna take off and it should be fine it should be fine bitch that's what could be read our text and you said i just had the high i just had the high thought that's so morbid i said what she said like if i ever died how would y'all get into my laptop which that being like that's your that's your thought that's what you're thinking about and i'll explain this like to see my texts and shit what the fuck because i'd want yours i was like haha omg you know mine um and then she gave me the password to the laptop because like my notes um okay and then like that was kind of the end of it but i didn't want to

tell you what was happening because i didn't want you to get anxious and then take off. Yeah. And then hear nothing from me. So I tried to play it cool. But what was actually happening is I was sitting in the front of the plane crying. Like, I literally started crying. Well, that's where most people die in plane crashes. The front of the plane breaks off.

Dude, oh, trust and believe. I was like, I'm done. I'm like, this is why I don't do this shit. This is why I need to be in an exit row in the back so i can fucking jump out before the plane like crashes like this is it this is my fucking nb all wow like i can't like i can't believe this but i had a moment where i was just thinking i didn't have morbid thoughts of this is so stupid because obviously i was not near death bitch i i like you were so fine you were just high

i was near death a little high i didn't have any like sad thoughts i genuinely was so satisfied and happy with my life and the reason i gave you the password to my notes app is because i wrote this which i'm not gonna read out loud um but i wrote this like 307 a.m october 25th am i allowed to read this yeah but you can read it but like don't read it out loud we'll we'll skip ahead because it's gonna take drew eight years to read that that's so and i literally was crying writing this and i was just like i need drew to find this and share it to anybody who like why do i have like 13 notes just like that yeah it's like bad like if y'all go through it, it'll be like, my life was amazing. I love my friends, family, acquaintances.

I'm so grateful for everything I've experienced. Yeah, so I just thought you had that. Yeah, it's funny. Like I literally. You were tweaking. I was so convinced. You were literally tweaking off a fucking beam. The second that plane started moving, I fucking knocked out.

And I literally slept the whole flight. All that for nothing. But that's literally me every single flight i am sitting in my seat like literally convinced i'm gonna die so i text everyone i know that i love them i'm like i'm taking off i love you like that's my vibe i've gone so far down that path that i don't do it anymore because now i'm convinced doing that will solidify my death even though though like either way, like you, planes are like really safe. They're so scary. They're literally so ooky-cooky.

Yeah, I just thought you would think that's funny because that's my life. Well, while you were going through that, I literally almost fucking died. And I know I say that like every episode. Okay, so I almost died. No, no, no. But this was very, very real real like it was not okay but so on my flight like i must have gotten bit by like a spider or a mosquito or something i don't know what the fuck the bite was but like it was like really itchy and then it kind of got really hot

and then it got like warm and then i just didn't look at it for, like, four hours. And then, like, I got to the hotel that I'm staying in with my parents. Oh, my gosh, I'm in New York City with my parents. It's so cute. Super cute. But I've done that before, so it's, like, what is special about it? Okay, okay. But I – wait, let me make sure you can hear my voice okay um but i get to the hotel and i'm like

damn this shit like itches really bad and i look down on it or look down at it and like it's like bulbous like it's super swollen the bite it's like literally like a quarter of an inch off of my skin and like the size of a quarter and i'm like wait this was not like that like what the hell is going on and so i show my mom and dad and they just like fucking laugh at me they're like that's a spider bite and i'm like yeah it literally is a spider bite and i'm like cool i've never been bitten by a spider end of that well like a few hours later we're eating like lunch or something and i looked down and like i just have this like giant red patch on my skin and i'm like yeah like i heavily documented it like but like i have like this giant red patch on my skin and i'm like

what the fuck is that um and i show my parents and at the diner and they're like bro you're tweaking you just scratched it like that's a scratch area and i'm like yeah you're right and then like a couple hours later i look back down and it's starting to literally travel up my vein like it literally went to my vein and started traveling up my vein and i was like wait what the fuck like is that like an infection like am i like actually like about to like have sepsis like is my blood infected with fucking poison like what the hell is going on and so i showed them again everyone is just like bro you scratched it like it's not that yeah i literally was like girl you keep scratching it so you're gonna like that's what's happening yeah and so i just ignore it and then the line keeps crawling higher and

higher and then i'm like okay like this is not good and then i'm just like whatever like if it's that bad i'll be alive tomorrow and i can figure it out tomorrow like whatever i'll be alive yeah so then i'm like it's like 4 a.m and i text josh and i'm like yo like i need to talk to your dad like i think something is very wrong with my arm and And I send the picture to Josh. And Josh's dad is like, okay, like, tell him not to panic. He's going to be fine. But he needs to go to the hospital, like, right now. Like, he should have gone yesterday to the hospital.

He needs to go right now or in urgent care. But, like, go and get antibiotics. I didn't do that. Like, I went the next day. I went to sleep. And then I woke up. Yeah, where did you go? Just to an urgent care. It's called, like, Me Doctor. Like I went the next day. I went to sleep. And then I woke up. Yeah, where did you go? And the line, just to an urgent care.

It's called like me doctor. Like it was fucking weird as hell. But the line went all the way up into my shoulder. And what freaked me out is I was laying there and I could feel like my arm. Like I've never, I've had like a sensation I've never felt. Where like my fingers were like. My fingers. My fingers were like ting fingers my fingers were like um tingling and like

numb and then there were like certain spots that were like a deep throbbing like almost bruised like um sorry there's ghosts here i know there's spooky spooky ghosts and skeletons all around um but yeah i'm like feeling this throbbing pain. So I ended up calling Josh's. I ended up calling Josh and yeah, I went to the doctor the next day. And they told me I was like, I had like cellulitis, which I was like, isn't that like what people get on their thighs? But we're like cellulite, cellulite. But they were like, no, it's like cellulitis. Like you have an infection under your skin and it's traveling up your vein right now. And I was like, oh, my God. so i'm popping pills i gotta take i know he's got some perks to go home

with i'm super excited two perks a day for the pain um because my arm almost fell off but like tell me why it's so funny like we literally you can't tell me something but we've talked about this on the podcast before drew is so difficult because everything is a dying matter. Yeah. So it's extremely difficult to navigate any situation with him or tell the severity of it because he kind of just likes talking about things. I was going to say, like, tell me why. I was like, what if I don't take these antibiotics? And, like, I have to, like, my arm falls off.

You purposely not taking it? Yeah. I have to like my arm falls off like and I like purposely not taking it yeah and I get to get like a cool chrome hearts like arm like custom chrome hearts arm oh you can't afford that though so oh they do it for free they do it for free um but yeah I'm gonna insert all the photos of it because of your scary arm yeah this is like the last one where I was like okay I need to go but like you can see it like traveling up um but yeah i survived i'm surviving another day every day is okay every fucking day is a blessing and you should treat it as such and you should love the people around you oh my god wow when did you find that out? Yesterday when I almost died.

You're 25 though. You're 17. You're 17. But by 17, I knew. Why the fuck does everyone keep saying that shit to me? Like everyone keeps saying you're 25? You're 25. That's such a weird fucking age to lie about. To land on.

Hold on. Let me look at my notes. This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy. Ever captured a great night video only for it to be ruined by that one noisy talker? With Audio Erase on the new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, you can reduce or remove unwanted noise and relive your favorite moments without the distractions.

And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. We should talk about the Berkeley show. No.

Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Okay. Actually, we should because it is so insane. People saw videos of us at the Berkeley show and were genuinely so confused about it i'm an ivy league that's not an ivy league but like iconic ass school the unabomber went there killed a bunch of people oppenheimer went there okay something's wrong with jerome you said that on stage yeah i was like y'all are some evil bitches yeah i was like there's some evil fucking

creep in this room that's gonna kill people wow even though i kind of agree with ted kaczynski not the killing people part or the bomb part well we went to berkeley and every time this is the second college show we've done and every time we do it there are like three moments on stage where we're like oh oh wow oh why did i say that are we saying this to college students right now but your schools keep asking us to come so oh i was gonna make a really gross joke actually me in the same sense as being like why do we say that yeah no i just can't stop myself drinking adderall water at a college campus and lean and lean but my lean story was lit because it was like the culmination was like i'm fucking stupid but i'm not giving that away like okay wait that's the group i looked at

my notes and the other last thing other than my uh my uterus can we talk about your uterus my uterus is not doing well but we shouldn't talk about that because i'll get it fixed i'll get it tightened up um but please other than my eulogy that i wrote for myself i wrote this like this was one of the this so this gets uh puts into frame where my mind was at while i was thinking i was dying i said the fact that i have headphones that can literally turn off the world music in world out literally music in world out in there because it is so crazy. Noise canceling headphones. Canceling?

Noise canceling headphones when I use my fingers. Noise canceling headphones when I use my fingers to click the button. But I'm not kidding. It actually freaks me out. Like, I don't understand how noise canceling headphones work. And I can't believe that they just do. Like, I just turn them on and i hit a button and i can't hear you bitches like that is really crazy also very dangerous the clairvoyance mode is like

literally the craziest thing i've ever experienced no like it's crazy that i can hear the world that there's still music playing in my ears but i think that like in my head i'm like that's just like regular headphones i don't know, no. It's different. There's like microphones. It's like pumping audio. Yeah, I just don't like clairvoyance because why would I want to hear outside louder? I'm putting on my headphones to turn off the world. So like when I was talking and walking with you, I had my headphones on, music playing,

but I could hear every single word you were saying. Okay, when I was walking with you and I had my headphones on and you were talking to me, I was ignoring you because I had my headphones on and you were talking to me, I was ignoring you. I just have a dopamine addiction is really what it is. Like I need to have two things going into my ear at the same time. Three, conversation, world, and music. I will say I sat in the car on the way to set the other day and they just had the like radio playing and I didn't put headphones on. And I just sat there listening to the radio and I couldn't believe it. I was like, this is the first time in so long I've done this. in the radio and it's okay bum bum bum bum bum bum bum i don't

know oh the songs on the radio are okay yeah the songs on the radio are okay okay big statement there yeah like they're okay no they're eight no they did not though also okay we need to talk about this past Halloween. What happened? Last year, our takeaway from Halloween was it was some of the worst IG posts and some of the weirdest things we've ever seen. One thing about India is she's going to have that damn jewel on her hand. One thing. That's what your Halloween costume should be.

I should be a big jewel. Never mind. I'll get into that later. I'll let you finish. Oh, my God. I was going to say, never mind. Never mind. Say it. never mind i'll get into that later i'll let you finish but oh my god i was gonna say never mind never mind there's a thing called old people like claws that i noticed that old people have claws there's no way it's like called that no i call it that but like their thumb like i guess the muscle in their hand just kind of deteriorates so their thumb thumb rests here instead of here

and how many old people hands have you looked at all of them but like they'll rest their hand like this and it's just like it's so cute to me that's how you rest your hand um but everybody's halloween costume this year was so good and i don't really understand like was that like a like a collective decision for everybody to go in yeah everybody's caught like my whole timeline on tikt, like, costume after costume. I said a trend. Oh, okay. Wow.

Yeah, people are just following in the footsteps of the leader. Wait, what did you, how did you start that? Just by throwing good costumes. With grandpa eating paints? People just saw me and wanted to be me, period. Yeah. No, but I agree. Everyone's costumes were so good.

Like, I am literally, like, jaw dropped at Quinn's, like. Grace Jones? me period yeah no but i agree everyone's costumes were so good like i'm literally like jaw dropped at quinn's like um grace jones yeah grace jones costume like i know and it's not even halloween yet but what are the bitches gonna post on halloween y'all already posted everything i'm gonna go on people's ids and go back to their posts that they posted on hollow weekend and be like hello where's the next one where's the real car waiting winning winning no that was crazy that arrow was fucking crazy he was so real yeah no he ate look back at all this shit he was saying actually i'm not gonna co-sign that because i don't know what he was saying we were like seven some things he was eating i just like his the the one that's like popular on tiktok where it's like

any drugs any drugs in the house yeah there's drugs in the house no there's not go find them i did them no i didn't um okay well i'm gonna tell the taxi driver story the evil evil evil wicked taxi driver so why are you calling it a taxi driver because i got a taxi that's in san fran you got a taxi no no no in la so in la you got a taxi i know listen so i land in la and my bag is the first one no no i didn't i don't know my bag was the first one off here um but i landed in la i'm like not in a rush i'm kind of just vibing i just want to get get home. Did you land late? No, I landed like in the middle of the day. But I like if you know anything about LA, like going there, flying to LAX is legitimately the worst place ever if you don't have a ride to pick you up. Because you have to ride a fucking shuttle.

And then you have to ride that fucking shuttle to your Uber. And it's like just hell because they pack you in like it's just it's not chill such an elongated process after like what is usually already such a long flight yeah and it's just like so so so so so annoying um but so but you have the option if you want to call like an uber select or whatever the fuck it's called um and they'll come pick you up just right there but it's typically 60 dollars more and like i almost every time i travel i work that into my budget is like okay when i get home i'm gonna have to pay fucking 60 more extra dollars to get an uber black because i refuse to go there but this time i was

like okay that is just like genuinely the biggest waste of money ever and i refuse to do it because yeah it's just so fucking annoying so i'm like i'm just gonna do the uber x set thing and i get there and when i get there there's legitimately 2 000 people like it was a safety fucking hazard like it was like mosh pit like mobbing like not fucking chill legitimately 2 000 like it was crazy it was fucking crazy like we've gone so far with vocabulary no like whenever when i learned the word literally it has become the most used word in my vocabulary like whoever taught me that word is like i fucking hate you i fucking hate you um but i get to the la exit there's a thousand people like it was kind of actually dangerous like i felt like there was going to be like a crowd crush event or something like it was not chill and like i call my uber and wait

like 10 minutes he never fucking comes and so i call another one and then it cancels on me and then the fee goes up 20 and i'm like oh fucking cool i should have just got an uber select up there and then i'm just like fuck uber like i'm taking a stance against uber i hope uber fails as a company so i'm like i'm gonna support the taxis so because there's a taxi line and i get in the taxi line and the only person in la has ever been like a taxi yeah i don't even know they had taxis in la that's why i'm so confused like yeah they're they're there and i get into my i'm in the line it goes by very quickly i'm like oh per i should have just did this

from the fucking beginning cool um i get in the car um and last time i took a taxi from la exit the guy randomly halfway through my ride just like added 30 to my ride and i just didn't get out of the car until he took it off because i was like i watched you add that fucking money there bitch like new um so i was like very vigilant anytime i have to imagine you interacting with a stranger in that way like i can't imagine it no it's crazy so i get to the car and an older gentleman i'm like oh he's like cute like this is a sweet vibe like cute immediately the meanest person i've ever interacted with in my entire fucking life like immediately aggro like he like i get my bags and like he opens swings the gate thing open and he's like rolling his eyes and I pick up my bags

and he's like, oh, you don't think I couldn't do it? And I was like, oh my God. No, I just was being nice. And he was like, and I put it down and he's like, no, do it. And I'm like, oh my fucking God. Like, this is so crazy already. But I was laughing. I was like having fun.

You were in a toxic relationship with him. No, it was crazy. I was like literally. He was like gaslighting you. He was like, oh, wow, you think I'm weak? No, do it. Do it. Yeah, no, I don't want to do it.

No. Exactly. I was like, oh, wow, you think I'm weak? No, do it, do it. Yeah, no, I don't want to do it. No. Exactly. I was like being attacked. And so I get in the car and I get in the seat behind him because I'm like, oh, that's where the payment station is. Like, whatever. And like, he opens my door really like, like really hard. And he's like, what are you doing?

And I was like, nothing. And he's like, scoot over. And I'm like, okay, damn. Like, what? And so as i'm scooting over okay if i was there i wouldn't have let him talk to me no i didn't like that's the thing i took up for myself i took up for myself finally but i didn't and so i'm like i'm like he's already been so mean to me so i'm just like under my breath like at him i'm like jesus fucking christ so i like rip rip my like duffel bag out of the bag and he's like whoa whoa whoa what are you doing what are you doing and i'm like i'm grabbing my bag and like i guess he thought i was gonna

fucking like grab a gun out of my bag and kill him or something and then i was like he was like go sit in the passenger seat and i was like what he made you sit next to him no no he meant in the back like the passenger seat in the back he was like he's like what are you doing get to the front he wants to put his hand on your thigh while he drives you home. Actually. And so I, what's it called? What's it called? What's it called?

Oh, he's like, that's what that's there for. You don't sit behind me. You sit there. And I was like, this is crazy. So I'm just like already in a bad mood. And I have my headphones on. So like, this is a long fucking story, but I'm going to like end it after this. But I have my headphones on and I have clairvoyance mode on. And he's like talking story, but I'm going to like end it after this. But I have my headphones on

and I have clairvoyance mode on and he's like talking to me and I'm talking to him. And then he looks in the rear view mirror and I just like see him look up at it. And like, I see a scowl on his face. Like he's angry. And he's like, what the fuck are those on your head? Says the F word.

And I'm like, I'm like, excuse me. And he's like, what are those things on your head what even is that and i was like they're headphones i'm listening to music and he's like well it makes it really really difficult for me to talk to you and i was like i was like we're not talking i don't want to talk to you why are you yelling at me right now and then he rolls down all of the fucking windows yes he like came back at me oh he was like oh i know how to turn this bitch up right now he rolled down all of the windows in the car on the fucking freeway and it was the loudest environment i've ever been in in my like it was awful it was such a bad

fucking vibe and i was just like you know what i'm not even gonna say a word in all the mdc's like like literally in like semi trucks blasting by and just like he would slow down so the engines were like going through my window and like deafening me oh my god you might have gotten a ride from the most evil man on the planet i know it was crazy um a lot more shit happened in the ride and then i started recording because i was like oh if i'm telling this story like i'm gonna have to have evidence because this is fucking crazy every time i recorded nothing bad happened it was just like like the engines of cars and it was just loud wind it was like the worst sound ever um but we get close to the house and like when i got in the car he was like where

are you going and i was like i said the address to our house and he was like no what area are you going to and i was like and i said where what area we live in and he was like what are the cross streets and i was like I don't know. Just go towards two streets by our house. And I can't stand taxi drivers and Ubers who don't use the fucking Google Maps. Literally use your iPhone challenge. Bitch, it is not the 1920s. You are not pushing this car with your fucking feet like the Flintstones.

Like, if you don't use your goddamn carplay, because I know you got carplay. It was so fucking absurd. And so we get close by the house and i'm like oh like i i'll tell you like where to go from here and like i thought things were cool and he took offense he took he was so offended by it and he was like why don't you just tell me the streets do you you don't think i know where i am this is literally my dad without fail anytime i've driven my dad i can have the directions on my phone onPlay, and I will know exactly where we're going and he will give me step-by-step directions

the whole way. It's a man thing. He also gives me wrong directions all the time. It's a man thing. My dad gives me wrong directions all the time and then he's like, oh, they must have changed the street.

I'm like, no, you just don't know. It's literally, it is fully a man thing because whenever anybody tells me how to drive, it boils my blood, but I'll be in the fucking backseat backseat driving like oh like watch out for that no you won't because you'll just be on tiktok and scrolling tiktok i'd be on iphone and car like i treat it like my fucking car and it's like getting into new iphone yeah it's it's a problem but anyways we go close by the house and i tell him i was like i don't know the streets that i live on like

because i don't i just know the area i live in although this is the same person from jfk called me he's he lands at jfk i'm in chinatown drew calls me and asked me how to call it and i literally was so shocked i was like well they fucked it up they put like you have to take okay listen to this at jfk you have to get on a fucking shuttle to get on a train to get in a car so we need to get you on the public transportation committee no literally on in a span of 15 minutes you're on an airplane a car a bus and a fucking train like no like that's insane that's insane just let me call the fucking car to the gate but yeah that was like but yeah that makes sense that this person doesn't know the cross streets we live on because he called me to call an uber yeah i was like how am i even

supposed to help this motherfucker right now like no terminal no nothing i was like what terminal you're at and you're like i i just got off the plane i was like so asleep on that flight i was still asleep when i called y'all okay so you say you don't know the cross streets yeah and i'm expecting the story to end with him hitting you or something basically he looks at me he this this is like the climax of the story he looks at me in the rear view mirror and he's like what are you stupid or something you don't know what streets you live on and i was like gagged i was like okay honestly like respect because like i should know the streets i live on but like don't call me stupid like this is crazy so i like get behind him and i grab the seat belt and i choke him out and i kill him like i kill him right there like when you started i was like no no no no so um i

just like i'm like no i don't know the streets i live on you should have fucking farted in his car no i was like you should have pissed in his car when i i sound like i'm being innocent but i was like beefing right back to him to the point where i think he like respected it a little bit because like he was like oh we're like we're beefing like i think it was like a fun thing for him to like yell at me and i was kind of getting off on it too like we were kind of like we were kind of like perving on each other in a weird way but anyways we like we like get to the um house and he's like where do you want to where do you want to be parked and like i have video of this but like i'm being aggro in it too back to him and i don't want to put that into the world yeah exactly

and so i'm just like pull over here um and he pulls over and he's like talking i'm like okay how do i pay i have cash card like what do you want and he was like i was like what's easier for you and he was like we do card and i was like you don't want cash and he was like no I want to do card and I was like okay why did you tell me you can do cash if you want to do a card anyways so I do the card and he's yelling at me through the whole process of me doing the card like I can't fucking read the tiny little fucking stupid geriatric like literally literally and so you know what i did i killed him with kindness and i tipped him 20 dollars at the end of the ride no no no no no listen listen listen listen when i got out of the car he like was almost teary-eyed like he was like profusely thinking

with me he was like oh my gosh like thank you so much like what the hell like and it was it was the weirdest switch up i've ever seen in my life and i left like on my high horse because i was like bitch yeah like fuck you like i win fuck you i let you yell at me for 40 minutes and i gave you money for it yeah so that was like my evil uber um story and he probably died of a heart attack three days later because i swear to god he was 98 years old like he had no business driving his last soul like last moments to yell at you that's what i think like i think he was like going through this thing where he's like i need to experience all emotions again before i die and he just wanted to yell at someone and i was just the unlucky and what's crazy is he would have done this to a girl

because a girl was supposed to get in his car and this is where i was like oh he's like in a bad fucking mood because a girl walked up to him and was like oh i'm actually gonna get in this car and he like threw his arms up and was like he kept doing this old man grunt through the whole thing he was like like the whole time like anytime i would body him he'd be like um and i'm like okay oh my god i need him like wait we need to meet no he was fine like he was literally fine that's why he said y'all were perving yeah also i going to address it right now. Drew is straight, okay? Everybody keeps talking about it.

Drew is straight. Go back on his IG. He's always like, Beyonce is sexy. Lady Gaga is sexy. Lana Del Rey is sexy. Lorde is so cute. Drew goes in. Drew knows an attractive woman when he sees it.

I love a body. Yeah, and he understands women deserve the right to make art and be sexy at the same time like he is straight like i actually know women should be in the kitchen but okay yeah but i mean like honestly that adds to the straightness exactly and at most maybe maybe a little bi. Maybe. Maybe. That's just like if you get caught slipping. Never ever that. Okay. Never. Never.

Never that. Never that. Never. No. It's only poonanny. Oh. Whoa. Okay.

So Orion needed a camera from your room. So I was helping her look for a camera in your room. And it has 25 fucking cameras. And that wasn't even all of them. I counted 25 fucking cameras. You have a problem. You literally have an issue. So women making art and expressing themselves problem.

Yeah, that's a problem. The thing is, is you use maybe two of those cameras. Yeah, I've been collecting them for years. I'm a collecting woman. No, when I saw them gathering, when I saw them me and orion were like crying laughing we were like why does she have this many cameras this is crazy well to be fair like i when i lived at home hold on i have to fix this uh when i lived back at home i used to like i started collecting cameras so i've been gifted a lot of those by multiple lovers and people who admire my body not me yeah because you don't admire me anymore you just yeah it's like the madonna whore complex now i'm like a mother to you i'm just left behind

but yeah whatever oh boo i have a problem i have a problem and guess what after this i'm gonna go buy a t-shirt yeah and what are you gonna do about it shopping is just like it gives me actually recently it hasn't been giving me anything like it literally is like so unsatisfying and it's you know it would be fun but that happens every year so i'll be back i'll be back in springtime and i'll be right back to that shopping addiction i was gonna say what would be fun for you since you don't like shopping is saving money oh wow i don't know it doesn't sound like a rainy day fund or something no i mean it never rains in southern california um oh while i was looking for cameras i found your journals and looked through all of them and read everything what

the hell i read everything okay and did you like what you saw? Yeah. Wow. Should I publish them? No. Oh, okay. Then it seems like you didn't like it. I cannot believe I forgot about this. Me getting food poisoning before my fucking flight. Oh, wow. Drew's had a really good health week. Yeah, no. I got food poisoning and then blood fucking.

Well, that's also what happens when you don't leave the fucking house, bitch. Like, this motherfucker doesn't leave the house for, like, months at a time. And then when he leaves it, everything goes wrong because you're like stacking up your outside living style karma. And then you have to get it all in one week because the universe knows that you're not going to like come back out after you go back home. Oppenheimer. Ooh, the way you. Never mind. But you know what I realized?

No. Okay. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. This is crazy. Actually, this is what I realized? No. Okay. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. This is crazy. Actually, this is what I want to talk to you about. Your touch makes me really late. Tingle.

Tingle. Your touch appalls me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen, listen. What is that from? It's fucking Tyler, the creator.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. Me when no one's listening. What was I fucking saying? Oh oh you know what i think i got food poisoning okay so shut the hell up let me talk let me talk let me talk to you because i know it's about to be some nasty shit so what i originally thought twenty dollars bet that he got the food poisoning from exactly where you would think you'd get food poisoning. Okay.

It's a curveball. So I thought I went to see what is that movie? Killer of the Flowers, Moons or whatever. How was that? It was pretty good. Okay. Like really fucking long and like whatever. I can't stand a long movie.

Objectively a decent movie. They got to start showing movies in double speed. Like actually. At the theaters. They they need an option there should be a button or like a everybody in their seats can vote once it gets a little more or a separate theater for like brain rotted people um because it was three and a half hours okay let me okay so before before the movie um i was like saving my stomach all day because i was like oh i'm gonna eat like 18 hot dogs like a bag of popcorn a big fucking soda like dude i'm gonna wild the fuck out because movie hot dogs i swear to god like the food pyramid is a scam because drew's alive amc

put their whole shit amc put her whole fucking pussy in those hot dogs i swear to god because like they taste so good well i will say they are so yum i had a few of them and one of them one of them was like crusty like you know when you cook a hot dog too long and it's like wrinkly and dry i ate it anyways it tastes fine but it just like the texture was nasty boots and i think i thought it was that because i came home and like six hours later like the texture was nasty boots and i think i thought it was that because i came home and like six hours later like my stomach was churning like worst nausea of my life i won't go into too much detail but i was shitting and vomiting at the exact same time like that level of like i won't go into too much detail but i was spraying shit out my butt you know what i got lucky though because I bought baby wipes before

from H Mart. So I didn't have like a bloody butthole. A bloody butthole. But I... What the fuck did I say? Oh, I like was vomiting all night long, shitting all night long and my flight was...

I had to wake up at 3.50 in the morning and an hour before I started throwing up, I booked my seat to be a window seat. So the entire flight, I had to tap the person next to me and asked him to get up so I could go shit. And it was terrible. I thought about it a couple of times. So he smelled bad and he was mean too. He was like, you don't belong here. I was like my god like what the hell um but you know what i realized where i think i got the food poisoning from what remember after the berkeley show when i drank sink water and i read a sign that said it's non-potable water which means it's like not treated water yeah so i was just drinking like untreated water and probably drank a brain

eating amoeba like people might think that this is a character he plays, but I am not kidding. This person, I don't know how, when you had to meet us here, I was like, I don't know if he'll make it. I don't know if he'll make it from Manhattan to Chinatown without being kidnapped and sold on Teemu. I don't know what's going to happen to him. We got Drew on Teemu.

Yo, they have drew on timu but like i don't understand how this person makes it after the berkeley show there's water it's a school campus there are water fountains but drew was in such a panic state to get water he ran into the bathroom and drank a bunch of tap water out of the sink and then he came out and he like he was too embarrassed to empty the bottle he filled with tap water into the fountain and get regular water. So he just let his stomach sit on unfiltered water. And I know you didn't drink any more water for the rest of the day.

I didn't, I didn't. No, I didn't. It was really one of the worst decisions I ever made. And I still do it. I didn't learn my lesson. I will drink, like if I go to the bathroom at a restaurant, like'll just drink a handful of that one free water like they give it to you you just have to ask but it's so cold like it hurts my teeth it's too cold it hurts my belly like it does i hate and i'm too nervous to ask for no ice because

it's like weird but i think in my head like the free water they give me is just out of the sink anyways like it's all from the same yeah depending on where you go um but yeah so i think i got my food poisoning from the sink from berkeley campus okay so berkeley count your fucking days i still win 20 because you got it exactly where you would think you'd get a stomach virus. So give Apple Cash me right now. Really? Go on. Hurry up. You're moving too slow.

Should be quicker. I don't even know where your phone number is. Just make it $25. Really? Oh my god are you actually sending me money right now? Are you sure you want this? Yeah I mean like I would love 20 dollars 20 all right i made a bet with somebody behind your back the second i met them i met i made a bet about you behind your back what wait who when we were all shopping i had

said to max i was like i was like what are the like, I would put $20 down that he's going to go into that store, find something he really likes, look at the price tag and be like, that's just ridiculous. I did it three times. No matter how bad he likes it, he's gonna be like, that's I could find that. And then he never looks for it. And I don't need it. I that's one thing about me is I don't need it. I don't need it. I am in such about me is i don't need it i don't need it i am in such need for a hit you know what it is you get all your dopamine hits from your iphone 14 hours on

my phone a day let's see that screen time i guess it's been probably low because you're here no i got a notification last night um that said 10 hours and 41 minutes and i was like in my head i was like damn i'm like killing it like oh no no no oh my god yeah yesterday was 10 how the fuck was it 10 hours i had to have fell fallen asleep with that that's crazy you're literally in new york with your parents like going on like tourist attractions walking around and you're still making that one thing about he's gonna dedicate his time he's going to dedicate his time. He's going to get that screen time. No, no, no.

That cannot be real. It says 15 hours and 31 minutes. There's no way, bro. On one day, October 20th. You know what's crazy? This is real. Because that means you got home from berkeley damn you tunneled in i was tapped in oh you spent six hours and 40 minutes on tiktok that stop

looking at my shit stop looking at my shit the way your legs are twisted up right now bitch oh that's good wait I want to see mine. Oh, my God, Drew. You actually sent me money. That's funny. Thanks. I was going to talk about, but we're, like, pretty much over with this episode. Yeah, you are pretty much over, sis.

Wow. I was going to talk about this time. I'll just look forward to it next week because it's a fucking doozy. Make sure you guys come back next week and we'll be a doozy. My mom took me and my sister for our kindergarten-aged birthday to a George Strait concert, and it was awful. It was so bad. We got robbed.

A tornado hit us. My mom got pulled over four times on the way home like she lost her phone and we got lost for like eight hours it's hell on earth oh wait go back hold on now you're tripping because what is that oh not much better than me nine hours and then the next day the next day okay oh wow nine hours wow okay but like how about this my average on a week three minutes my average is like seven hours six hours yeah why is this one only an hour on october 8th to 15th yeah where were you why didn't you have your phone for five days i don't know this actually makes no sense you're on google reddit google wait this actually makes no sense what happened

to my iphone yeah i just like sometimes i just tap into real life it literally says like two i'm gonna go up like yeah hello yeah it's dude it's because i was dedicating all my time to hitting my jewel yeah literally you were sucking that jewel down um okay one last thing but no this one isn't new sorry we had a hater off screen in our live audience saying it's because this is a new iphone but this isn't a new iphone this is the iphone i've had over a year phone and then left for two weeks and it's just there it's like the most deranged thing i've ever seen okay well it's because i have to post on instagram.com and i was going to be out of town and guess what i don't even post on instagram.com because i'm so tapped into my real life and i don't use my phone yeah how about that maybe a thought about that

yeah did y'all think about that well that that phone is for uh sending nudes to you yeah and you got two and we've been together like all the time so i don't have to use it yeah that's true that's true um okay this is the last thing i'll say and then we'll get into media stop deleting your notes bitch oh god that scared the fuck out of me why did that happen drew doesn't know how to use his phone for someone who uses it it's the new ios he does not know how to use it like he was trying to screenplay something he's trying to screenplay something and it's like he forgot you have to swipe up on your phone because he literally also the way he holds it makes it crazy he was literally like this he was like how do you do this because i'm screenplaying and it's not working and he's like yeah like that's how i do it so yeah something's wrong with drew okay this is the last

thing i'll say but your eye cream is low-key just hemorrhoid cream my eye cream says i don't use eye cream so jokes on you all eye cream is just repackaged hemorrhoid cream like the shit you put under your eyes because that's supposed to like do something to your blood vessels and we put eye cream under it does something oh it's your blood vessels. Oh, it's to shrink the blood flow to the vessels? Yeah, so you get rid of the bag. So it's just hemorrhoid cream. So what's crazy is I have this thing where God chose me to have the perfect under eyes. And I don't put makeup on there and I don't put cream on there because I just look so gorgeous naturally.

I love under eye bags. I think they're so cute. Yeah, they're very cunty. I tried to not sleep for a long time to get eye bags. Everybody wants what so cute i wish i had them i like tried to like not sleep for a long time to get everybody wants what they don't have i know me with straight hair is love what you have me with straight people no but you have that oh no it's because you have that and you want the other side of it exactly exactly all right um okay media sitting like this this looks like crazy Oh look at my Halloween costume for next year You planning for next year

Oh wow Isn't that crazy That's pretty good I mean it depends on like if anybody gives a fuck about us next year But if they do if y'all still give a fuck That's gonna be good If y'all still care Okay I'll just do Drew's side up corner

These I'm not gonna lie Oh my god that would be so good we're gonna bleep this that would be fucking yeah that would be good that would be so fire it's um my podcast chair i'm gonna be my podcast chair for halloween next year um but okay these ones are like are so diabolically mid like i like don't like them at all but whatever i have two oh really tap in should i go no you start it it's yours anxiety is so fucking embarrassing like oh no what if something happens like come on jesus christ i was supposed to like deliver like oh no like but no i'm over it okay people i'm over it people

um a haunted house but it's just filled with guys saying that they swear they can change for you well um despite the horrors of life there will always be a phone to look at in bed that one's just raw and real yeah that one's really good is there a way to be gay without being a part of the lgbt and that's all of them like these suck didn't they well yeah mine kind of suck girl just shit on him if you're mad at him just shit on him. If you're mad at him, just shit on him. You will have plenty of chances to shit on him. Just do it.

And then I don't trust people who stink at the pool or beach. Stinking at the beach is crazy. Like, how do you stink in a pool of Clorox, in a pool of chlorine? Like, damn bitch, you are really pushing through.

Perseverance, honestly. So maybe it's something that's good about you. Literally that. Well, media of the week is I'm not giving it to you, so suck my fucking balls. Interface occupied by sugars. S-C-H-N-E-E-R-E-G-E-N. Okay, me when I'm saying my password.

I don't know how to say that word let me see may skill oh yeah i guess maxel no no the s word oh i can't say that yeah always calm um and this one's embarrassing i love destroy lonely like if looks could kill i could be the fashion demon walking i've never heard you've heard this song bro oh okay i can't handle that i'm just opium pilled yeah you're just like you're open open or opium well mine is venus as a boy but the dream mix uh smoking gun magnolia shawty and shawty bay coming to a city near you And I still just been listening to a lot of Hall and Oates. Like it's really bad. Coco Rosie too.

I finally finished The Sopranos. I finally finished it. I finally finished it. I finished it yesterday. That's crazy. So insane. I'll insert a clip of me, maybe my reaction to it. And if you finished it, you will will know and if you haven't you still

won't know but you will maybe one day understand but oh i i like literally didn't want to finish it yeah i did cry i didn't want to finish it because i have become so connected to all those characters like i literally love everybody in that so much and but now i get to start nurse jackie yes i'm really excited about it with you yeah because i didn't want to start nurse jackie because i didn't want to like be watching two shows with like an actress playing two different roles because i didn't want to like i don't fucking know be like oh my god what the fuck is carmella doing right now but very exciting and yeah i love the sopranies and i'm really sad it's over so Yeah, I watched Killers of the Flower Moon or whatever the fucking title of that movie is called.

You watched Talk to Her. Yeah. Talk to the Hand. Grab my hand. Take my hand. All right. Well, thank you guys so much for watching. Shout out to Stray Rats for letting us use the space.

Beautiful, beautiful space. Oh, my God. Wait, collab space. Oh my God, wait. Collab coming soon or no? Yes or no? Probably no. I don't know. I don't know if we're important enough, but we'll see. All right.

Peace and love and unity and respect. Bye!