Emergency Intercom - Enya Breaks Drew

Episode Date: March 25, 2022

Drew’s concept of reality is constantly being challenged and invalidated by all his friends. Drew and Enya took a heroic done of vitamin B and probiotics and consider creating an AI out of Drew for when he dies to keep the podcast going.  Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Welcome back! Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today we're going to be talking about murder.

We should do a crime episode. I actually would be so down. I was just thinking about that, like right before we started. I was like, because I was like, oh, how can we? Never mind. I can't even get into it. I can't even get into it with him. I was going to say, because remember when I really wanted us to do a crime podcast? Yeah.

I wanted us to do, I won't say the whole idea because I don't want one of you little slimy bitches to do it. But I had a really good idea for a crime podcast for me and Drew. And all my managers shut me down. Baby. We still do it. And we put it out there and see what happens. That's how all good art is made.

You just do it and you put it out there. Exactly. And see which one of the sharks bites. Exactly. There's so many products that like i'll be enjoying and then i will look it up and they were popular they got bought out on shark tank oh yeah um that poppy like probiotic brand that's a shark tank product and there's this product the ones that you you drank strictly drank that for three months in a row and you were complaining every single day like why is my ass exploding why does

my stomach hurt so bad why am i so bloated all the time it's because you were putting like the most probiotics literally trillions of probiotics literally the most any humans ever put into their body ever in their entire life i'm gonna go to go back to doing that. It was fun. It was something to complain about these days. I don't feel like I have anything to complain about. I can give you something to complain about. I'll be a sore thumb. In my ass.

Someone the other day on a video that I was watching on YouTube, they were like, oh, if you curse in the first five minutes, there's a high chance you get demonetized maybe that's why we get demonetized because we talk about the c word dick and balls oh my god cock and balls dick cock there's a very big difference your little pecker dick and penis there's a big big difference between those three words.

There is. First of all, one of those should only be used in medical settings. Penis. Penis. Dick is like... Your member. You're like a dick head. Yeah, dick is like you're being a dick right now.

Yeah, and cock is very sexual. I'm about to fuck. I'm about to obliterate that cock. You know those jelly sticks that people were slurping up in one go on TikTok and like choking on it? That's me with cock. Oh my God. Whatever. I suck it out of plastic.

If there's a condom on a cock, I bite the tip off with my teeth and suck the cotton, the cock through the condom. Oh, now you're the one being silent. Can I see your member? My little dinky, my little dinker. Drew took a picture of himself the other day that was really good oh yeah your mirror picture that like can't be public girl fuck this episode i don't know what the fuck you're talking about like literally i'm sitting here like my brain is off i took

vitamin b complex this morning and if this is what uppers feel like to the average person i never ever want to touch an upper again in my entire life this is the worst feeling i've ever felt my stomach is boiling my brain feels like every neuron at the same time is firing i cannot think a clear thought i don't know how people are focused on b complex also my breath tastes like fucking shit ass and i keep burping your breath tastes like shit ass because you're just nasty because i eat ass um no and then i keep burping like shit bombs up my fucking they're like deep deep in the goal deep in the guttural guttural burps yeah um so fuck b complex drew is basically openly admitting that he believes that his vitamin B that he took this morning is making him fucking high. Yes.

And he, like, he, and also, mind you, he took it one day. I never heard that out of him. Like, he was like, I feel like crazy right now. But I was like, whatever. And then the next day, he was told that it could make him high. So now every single day he takes it and talks about how he feels high. Yeah. Which is.

Which is true. It's true. No, you're just a little sheep. My reality is constantly fucking attacked. And there's ways to combat that. Your reality is not real. No. See, you're attacking my reality.

Look, if you want to change someone's mind. If you want to change someone's mind if you want to change someone's mind you heard this from someone else the other day you're you heard this from josh you're attacking their reality so you don't want to attack their fucking reality you want to just like kind of coax them and like mold theirs and like make them realize that their reality is i literally heard josh tell him this yesterday like Like, and how are you supposed to ever hear anything ever in your entire fucking life? Someone's going to tell you fucking something. Like, I'm done. Like, I'm trying to keep this fucking podcast going, but I'm constantly attacked for anything I fucking do on here.

Anything else? You're a bitch. So is Kai. What? Kai isn't a bitch. He's a little fucking cunt. Oh my God. Sorry.

Oh my God. Whatever. I thought Enya was going to stand up for me. No. Oh, never that. Never. Well, thank you for literally killing the vibe because I'm in the best mood ever. Like if anybody is wondering about me.

That's what I have to do is I have to take everybody down with me. I feel good. I'm not called the vibe terrorist for a reason. Like I bring everybody down with me i feel good the vibe terrorist for a reason like i bring everybody down you're not called that for a reason what happened to my fucking bracelet when you were sleeping i tarnished it rise tarnished rise rise tarnished is that from dune did you buy dune tickets nope okay good because i don't want to see that we're going josh and drew are trying to convince me to watch dune and it's the last thing on earth i want to see um and but i told you i was like if you buy tickets to go see it i'd probably be more inclined to see it because i'd be like oh that's the worst person in the world yeah no you didn't yeah i did

i can show you right now i have a screenshot i don't believe you are you are you serious yeah it was cheap as balls it was like seven dollars a ticket seven dollar theater i'm gonna get us dune in 4d so it fucking sprays spice into the air and we start hallucinating girl we should take lsd and go to dune and feel like we're transcending we should take lsd at coachella take lsd is to see dune yeah i'm gonna get fucked up at coachella i'm gonna do molly meth um those are good those are good things right as a joke but i plan on taking a quarter of a point of molly one quarter of a point that's like so you're you're gonna be the first person to microdose molly not the first person but i will be taking a microdose of molly

because it melts your brain and i just can't i cannot handle you can't even handle a vitamin b right now you think you're about to go microdose molly you don't know what i'm capable of when i'm in the right headspace i could literally do anything to my body and survive coachella sounds like the worst headspace to do anything yeah they sound kind of awful we're going to coachella by the way patreon already knows yeah we let them know um yeah we're going we already had kind of this conversation but i'm just not really excited to see anybody what's so funny about that guy i don't know i was thinking about how you guys have been microdosing meth technically since you were like 14 years old adderall yeah so what it's fucking

good for you um my by van our by vans career if it was prescribed If it was prescribed by my doctor, it must be good for me. It must be good for me. I don't believe in doctors anymore. Good. I don't believe in medicine. You're joining my side. I don't believe in medicine either. Exactly.

I don't, like, humans didn't have that in caveman times, and they survived. So I don't need that shit. Like, granted, they probably lived till they were like 10 spreading medical misinformation they were 10 years old and like had babies already i was like they lived beautiful lives they all lived till they were 15 how old did cavemans live until like probably 35 because they yeah because they looked big like they had them looked the men looked beefy like they looked aged yeah um so yeah i'm down to live till 35 would you let me eat you if like we were trapped on an island like not the entire body but like cut off a piece yeah i don't care i would do the same for you i mean you can have like a little bit of my thigh oh wait you're

saying oh oh like we're both alive i thought you meant if i was dead i was like if i'm dead go go at me well yeah of course i wouldn't even i wouldn't even think twice about that i would eat your fucking decrepit dead body to survive of course um but no if we're both alive would you give me a piece of you if i gave you a piece of me i think i would eat myself before i ate you because you're not like i feel like i have like good like succulent like tasty thighs i have very stringy like it's gonna be like it'll have talky flavor i know you would taste like talkies if an animal ate you they would die like if you got a mold by a pilgrim and they die on site they die like your insides like none of your organs are the

color they're supposed to be like that's my assumption about your your insides i was thinking about that the other day and i was like ew like the inside of humans i know stinks yeah like you cut a bitch open and i know that stinks and that like this is gas that literally gave me the ick the other day i was like ew i know you stink when you're like a corpse. Like that is so nasty. Also, corpse are like hella embarrassing. The photo you took of me this morning of me like dead as fucking bricks sleeping. Like that's some embarrassing.

Like that's what I'm going to look like when I'm dead. I literally like the way you're like, that's so embarrassing. I was on FaceTime with someone and just like put the phone in your face. And I was like, look at him. He looks dead. Well, I'm not like embarrassed. I'm just like, it's like a general embarrassment. It's genuinely embarrassing to think about how bad I'm going to look in my coffin.

Yeah. Well, I'm going to serve probably. I need them to like. I'm going to make them give me face reconstruction surgery. Like I know like face tapes are technically, like, problematic. But, like, y'all need to tape my shit up. Like, you need to, like, give me a bit of a lift because I know I'm going to be bloated and, like, nasty in my coffin. So you have to, like, you just got to, like, I want, like, a bit of, like, a done to my face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I need that done. Yeah, I need, like, y'all the tape around my jaw i need the skin under my neck tightened up a little bit yeah because i don't look good laying down from that angle either like my jaw thin just a little bit y'all need my head propped up at the right angle don't fucking touch my nose i love my nose because you know my honker like you see a picture of a girl laying down and she looks really good and cute. I only look like that from very certain angles.

From other angles, I just look like a person laying down. Y'all really have to prop up my head for my open casket. We'll do that for you. Maybe not an open casket. I want to be in a glass box glass like box held up like in posing i've already said what i want yeah your world tour yeah and if i don't get that i will haunt you in the afterlife i will the thing is we always talk about this and we always talk about how like there's all these things that like oh when i die do this this and that but like we will get no

gratification from that but it's for me no but you won't get gratification no no i'm saying you like as the dead person like we always say like oh my god like do you think i'd trend on twitter like me sitting in an airplane thinking about this plan going down and being like oh but i'm gonna be so famous after yeah like what like what does that mean it's not even like you have assets that like your parents can like well like i don't know if the like podcast would be something we could like even sell off for money and be like who wants this like because who wants like the podcast where the it doesn't work without the co-host is dead i mean you could honestly probably keep it going for a little bit

i'm like hey guys i'm opening up the chair my co-host died recently but i have to keep it going i have bills to pay we have a contract to fulfill so we're just gonna keep it pushing we could start developing a technology now to talk to me in the afterlife an ai your ai would suck balls if we use like everything you said on the podcast it'd be like balls cock inside out dad ai would fucking rule yours would be so bad talking about it'd be sick yours is the ai that like makes someone yell like human human human human oh on the phone yeah drew on the phone with anything that has an automated system is actually embarrassing to watch like i get embarrassed it's the most infuriating thing ever like why the fuck are we talking to robots like i don't get it like says mr robot it's the most infuriating thing ever like why the fuck are we talking to

robots like i don't get it like says mr robot man says the man who like wants like ai and like neural link and stuff that is the future girl those aren't robots those are cyborgs there's like a very big difference i'm gonna punch you in the robots are bullshit and like they can't hear what i'm saying ever they don't understand what i'm saying so i have to fucking scream at them and i'm like losing my voice screaming at these stupid fucking i'm like literally getting actually angry thinking about it right now because they suck fucking ass but basically when i'm on a phone with a robot and i hear the robot automated tone immediately i start screaming human human human human human until they can't understand what's going on anymore.

And they're like, we're connecting you with a whatever. What is it called? With a person. But no, there's like a. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Well, I'm just like a normal person with like. I hate this episode. I want it to be known.

Oh, my God. You're like full of hate today. I'm angry. I'm a very angry person these b-complex are like literally ruining my brain composition do you need a break actually no i'm just i needed to state that oh you want to you want that publicly i wanted that flag in the dirt that's the hill you're gonna die on i'm not dying on the hill. You're just chilling. Yeah, I'm just chilling for a moment. But I, yeah.

I forgot what I was going to say. Oh, I'm just someone who I'm like super chill. Like I don't like yell at robots on the phone. And I just get my calls done really quickly. Because I speak in a sweet manner. And I can say numbers enunciated very well. That's such a lie. I also have a big problem with like talking to those things.

Cause like, Oh, when I talk to fucking Siri, when I do like voice to text dictation, I'm like, do I fucking sound like that? Like I look back at what she like wrote down after what I said. And I'm like,

I didn't say half of this. Like is, do I just not pronounce any words I speak ever um and that's all hey what's up with babies on an airplane

there actually was a baby on an airplane sitting next to a baby on the airplane eh I was actually on a plane with a baby that's what I was gonna say and it was awesome and it was crying a lot but I don't care because That's what I was going to say. And it was awesome. And it was crying a lot. But I don't care. Because that's life. That was just a little reminder.

That was a little reminder of how fragile and little we used to be. It's crazy that everybody was babies at one point. It literally is insane. And then our parents destroyed us. They ruined us. That's a parent's job is to ruin you that's true they're supposed to tear you down so you can build yourself back up so you can raise yourself yeah she did have the baby sitting in its own seat and when the belt

sign came on she didn't buckle the baby up she was like if you want to survive this crash you need to put it on yourself this is a sign of melanoma having a brown line in your fingernail no bitch that's just like dirt that's like no you think there's a problem with you that's dirt you think there's a problem there's not dirt that far down in my nail like there's mean right here this little speck yeah no i think that happens also if you like um something gets under your nail like i've like poked under my nail and had that before not me having melanoma and my reality being i don't i don't know what melanoma is if i'm being honest it's skin cancer and i don't even think that's the right one

let me look it up brown line you say not me having melanoma in my life being challenged oh i'm literally right sublingual not melanoma so i'm done you're right you don't have it i'm done like You don't have it. I'm done. It's crazy that I have three years to live and no one cares at all. I'm predicting my death right now. Three years. Three years? Yeah.

Or 25 if I'm not a millionaire. Oh. So you have a year? To make a million dollars. Exactly. You have exactly a year to get there a little less than you need to change your goal no no no no no i don't know how that's gonna that actually we might just lose you when i was 16 i said this is like an actual trigger warning so like shut like stop listening so shut the fuck up um but when I was 16 I sat on the floor of my bathroom and was like I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it it's over and I like I but I was being like very dramatic I wanted someone to catch me so I sat on the floor of my bathroom with like all of my like all of these like concoction of pills

that I was prescribed and I just sat there waiting for someone to catch me. It was real. It was real. You were the worst person on earth. I sat there waiting for someone. Like the idea of you like, like trying to have it naturally. Yeah, literally, literally. And then.

Also, I'm going to finish this coffee. Like just for. It's my spit. It's my backwash and it tastes good. I gave it a little foam. All right. Look, you see this? Give me six weeks.

So you have six weeks to be buff and a year to be a millionaire? No, I'm just saying, give yourself six weeks, come back, look at the podcast, but watch every episode in between and watch how much bigger I am. No, just don't watch the next six episodes. Honestly, yeah. Honestly. Okay, so you sat there waiting. Is that it?

And then my sister walked up and my she she's told me years later that everybody was downstairs making fun of me like he's being dramatic he's not actually gonna do it like he needs to like grow the fuck up and they were right but my reality was challenged why why have you been saying this all day like before we started it like he said something and me and Kai both knocked him down. And he was like, you guys are invalidating my reality. Because it's true. It's like when people are like, well, that's my truth.

Like, that's what you're pulling my hand. I am literally speaking my truth. I'm speaking my truth. And I need to be heard. You speak your lies. Some people speak their truth. Drew gets public and speaks his lies we should paint these no we shouldn't why not they're ugly wow that's how you feel yes we should paint them and make them really cute and customize them for ourselves no i don't like when people customize shit i think it's so ugly like i'm not kidding like like the whole this is what we need to talk about the

epidemic that was yeah when i was a kid and painted wall see that's a kid move like you don't do that as an adult the epidemic of grown-ass adults paying money for customized air force ones that was an epidemic. That actually needs to stop immediately. Yeah, that's a virus. Three years ago. Well, there was a huge thing that I think Nike started, like this part is mean and I don't agree with. Like let people do their ugly little things

and just make fun of it. Like don't be like a freak. But I'm pretty sure Nike started like suing them. Shutting all of them down. Yeah, and suing them for like doing customizations because they were like, you're making money on our dollar um on our designs but that was ugly like i'm sorry if you owned a pair of air force ones with the blue butterflies the reflective

butterflies it's done and i know they're under your bed and you look at them all the time and you're like i don't want why did i do this yeah like um no literally there's this meme that i'm like thinking of that's literally like oh like i'm a fashion designer and uh the dad's like oh it's like a boyfriend talking to someone's dad oh i'm a fashion designer say hello to tims, Tim's everyday value menu. Enjoy the new spinach and feta savory egg pastry or our roasted red pepper and Swiss pinwheel starting at only $2.99 plus tax. Try one or try our full Tim Selects lineup. Terms apply. Prices may vary at participating restaurants in Canada. It's time for Tim's.

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Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S s25 ultra now at samsung.com your turn oh what do you like what kind of clothes do you make oh i designed custom air force ones and then the dad kills the guy that's literally the meme that is good because i do agree with it i would do that it runs away i actually have to find that if my daughter brought home a guy who sits at his house and paints on air force ones and then taxes huh oh i'm just talking to myself i'm done i had someone tell me i fell off. Oh, I needed that. I needed that. I cannot wait till we turn off our likes. That's going to be awesome.

I don't know. I think I'll be long gone before it gets to that point. What does that mean? I have nine months to live. No, the thing is, I would just... Melanoma under the fingernail, sarcoma... No, subling is, I would just... I've said this before. Under the fingernail sarcoma... No, sublingual melanoma. I would just let my likes get down to like 3,000 likes.

Like, I would just let it happen. Like, I want it to get to the point that I'm getting 76 likes. And I just leave it public. I don't know. It'll be fine. Unfortunately, I think the world will end before we get there you think the world is ending soon i don't think it's ending look at those gas prices it's already i'm walking i'm walking everyone christopher walking

call me christopher prices i'm not biden those gas prices too high i'm not uh fuel for my body because i'm walking i'm not biting gas i'm biting food uh to fuel my body so i can walk you know what's funny is i'm really trying to think of like a good one and i can't um but yeah you got gas money though i need a cig i need a cigarette um i think we should go back to analog smoking like i think everybody should pick up cigarettes again like and and i know like obviously the argument is people shouldn't smoke at all but

i just like at least we know what cigarettes we need to bring back indoor smoking that's what i'm saying yeah because there's this other thing that literally like our parents just like we're like sheep being led to the slaughterhouse and we just they just let it happen they folded immediately like they didn't even try to fucking fight indoor smoking fight for it and they just let it happen they let the government shut it down we need to bring back indoor smoking just not in my house yeah so see this is what happens when i take b complex i feel like shit for an hour and now i literally feel like. I literally feel better than every person on earth. It's crazy. Drew, you are actually better than every person on earth.

Not better than you. That's what I, that was the right thing. I don't even think I'm better than Kai. You don't even think that you're better than Kai? Yeah, he has to think about it. There are most days where I think he does think he is. Yeah. Yeah. Which, you know know it's hard

to blame him i'm gonna project how vomit all i would actually end my life that's like my biggest fear is like vomit let alone it on me although the other night i was like oh my god i think i have to vomit like um oh yeah yeah yeah the night i i had too much alky. And I was like, I think I'm going to throw up. And I almost got myself to do it. And I made you soup. Yeah, you did. I made Inya soup yesterday. Well, let's clarify.

I ordered. Well, let's not clarify. Let's just keep it at Drew made Inya soup. Because he's a good boy. I ordered soup from Erewhon. And I was too nauseous to get up and get it. So I asked Drew to get it. But he did heat it up for me and- Because I'm a good friend.

Gave me soupy. And you did offer to go get me food, but I had already ordered food. Yeah. So technically you would have gotten me soup, so you kind of did get me soup. Yeah, I'm just like a good person. You're a good little boy. Can I see your member? My little member, my little rinky member.

You said you don't drink? Rinky. Yeah, I'm just... I feel like I am better than everybody because I don't drink as much. So you do drink? Anymore. So you feel like you're better than everyone because you kind of have self-control? Yes.

See, now I'm going back down. Do you see the spike? You saw it. You felt it. Well, also, I think you had that spike because you felt good because I was laughing at everything you were saying. So it was literally just like it was the outcome of feeling funny. My ego being fed.

Yeah. You should go get extensions. Why is everyone so against ego you're one of those people we need to bring back the ego i took like a really good look at you the other day and i was like kind of scared of you fuck you bitch i'm scared as fuck as of you i'm scared as fuck as of you did y'all straighten your hair the other day yeah and i looked advanced i looked sick can i do it again today yeah i think you could probably do a better job. Yeah. Because Elsie flopped hard.

No, I will say I found the flat iron that y'all did use, and it was my skinny one. That's for bangs. And I was like, and then I found- I was like, something's not adding up here. Yeah, I found my regular one deep in my closet this morning. I was like, oh, they fully couldn't find this, and they used this little winky dinky skinny You know what we started using at first was your blow dryer like comb the thing that like blows hot air yeah and we were like that's the straightener and we used it for like five minutes and my hair just was getting giant um but yeah the dyson we need to get one of those i want one of those dyson

you should buy one no i'm saying you should i don't want to buy so i can claim it i really like just my con air one that i have you give shiv from succession you're giving shiv energy i give tom energy kai gives i do give tom holland energy honestly you give tom holland energy yeah like i'm like kind of cute and like i don't say much what does that even mean but you know i'm nice i'm cute i don't say much but you know i'm nice i give tom holland you give like um paul rudd no paul rudd is sexiest balls he is sexy but i don't give paul rudd i feel like i gave tony stark so robert downey jr no no tony stark oh like the fictional guy i'm gonna take over the fucking world that's because you're a millionaire i've been watching succession and i

truly believe i'm gonna be a billionaire i know you literally just publicly said that you are gonna be a millionaire in nine months i redact everything every harsh comment i made about a billionaire in my entire life they're doing what they want to do and that's gonna be me and i'm gonna keep my billions to my fucking self so you're just like openly admitting that you're gonna be a hoarder my entire life after 45 i don't plan on taking more than 10 steps without being in a transportation mobile i if i won't take i will be driven within 10 steps to my private jet which will be 10 steps that's gonna be really unhealthy you're gonna live for like 10 years which is 10 steps so which then lands directly on the ship of my 300 million dollar yacht that's gonna be my life post billionaire

so you just don't want to walk yeah your goal is to be a billionaire so you don't have to walk anymore well i'll take 10 steps that's not walking that's like and i'll roll deep with my squad y'all can be there if you want i want to take more than 10 steps though we that's not how it works so to your own salary i want salary to be your friend yes that's honestly a slave life i need that for me yeah because i wasn't born to like actually commit to like any sort of work other than talking and like if i could do that without even talking on camera that would that would be like top tier like now i've committed my life to my work being talking on camera but imagine i could get paid to just talk get paid more to just talk no i am actually fucking delusional and i need to

be locked away in a psych ward because i literally while you were just talking i was fantasizing about like when i become a billionaire which is never gonna happen i would never allow that realistically also like we're not in a position where we're going to be billionaires like there's just like no way there's there's something in the back that i was thinking about that i was like oh this could like you have something in your bag yeah i have a trick up my sleeve i have a twix up my sleeve um that i literally there's something big is coming um what is like just just know something big is coming you know i'm like your best friend i can't say it on the podcast because it's very very top secret i guess i know of something yeah it's that it's exactly what

you're thinking of and then you could see it spiraling in like oh like releasing something else and then acquiring this not understanding what a billionaire is at all releasing something else acquiring this being there it's all about being signing this and accepting that um yeah i just don't i really don't feel the need to be like that rich i just don't understand like the point of it i think about all the time that there's like a certain number that you have to make a year like a certain there's a certain number that you hit that you make a year and your life does not elevate anything in yeah in like value past that like at that point now you're just like yeah you don't get more happy after you make a certain amount of money not even more happy it's

like your value of life like doesn't necessarily like increase by that much after this like yeah you can live like very good after this number and like not have to worry yeah um and it's still like a huge number i'm pretty sure i need to retire you're 24 i know i need to retire in five years you want i'm 16 bitch i need to be the youngest billionaire but why doesn't anybody lie about that charlie damilio could fully lie about that and i would believe her if she said she was a billionaire right now i'd literally believe yeah i'd be like oh my god girl congrats i never said this publicly but last year i randomly on like a hot day in la dm'd charlie and i was like hey girl can i come over and use your pool and then recently like a month ago for no reason at all she replied and

said yeah and i said oh my god thank you she was like of course and that was our exchange and i've never spoken to her actually i have seen her in real life yeah i've met her a few times we should go swimming at her pool i should be really fucking crazy charlie damelio is coming on no i should be really crazy and just find her address and go to her house and be like you told me like you said i could come dude that would the thing is i feel like she's such a nice girl that she wouldn't deny me she would literally like yeah come she'd be like okay and then just like however long i decided to let me and be like i have something to do you start squatting in her fucking shower like i

brought extra clothes after i swam can i shower can we just hang out like and then like i know i take a shower put up my pjs and go flop in her bed like a friend we need to talk what have you been up to girl it's been so long i'm like hella like hitting her while i talk i'm like what have you been up to i'm gonna start doing that i'm gonna add that into my like social like conversation it's being like what the hell is up please don't do that slapping the fuck out of people's shoulders like they walk away from me and their shoulders are like bright red and bruised i've been told recently that i have an electric touch no you have not i have i have literally drew got told this by some delusional motherfucker who just wanted to be nice to him and he keeps repeating it to everybody i said that kai also said you did not say that it's not an

electric touch you're tickling people you're doing what everybody does in a sensual way where it's like you will kind of lightly touch and like not touch at the same time girl that's not electric i gave kai chills i gave him chills at air one that's because kai doesn't get a lot of physical touch okay we're done for the day we're just gonna cut kai pause the episode he ended here um but yeah you don't have an electric touch why are you touching your Feel by MGMT. Ooh, girl. Is that MGMT or M83? No, it's MGMT. Check me with the electric bill, baby girl. That is MGMT, right? It's MGMT, yeah.

It's actually management. That's... It's actually management. I watched a lot of interviews about MGMT in this band called Of Montreal. And I could mansplain it if you want me to. Go ahead. Of Montreal and MGMT and this band called Of Montreal. And I could mansplain it if you want me to. Go ahead. Of Montreal and MGMT. Actually, I don't know anything about it.

I was going to lie, but I was like, I'm saying this. There's going to be someone who's a really big fan of both of those things. They'd be like, what the fuck is he doing? Well, they are very closely associated because they played a bunch of shows together. And then the guitarist of, I think, MGMT was going to leave MGMT and go on tour with of montreal and go do a bunch of shows

with of montreal um but then they released the three big ones like the three the three songs mgmt is known for forever like kids electric feel yeah and they can never live down and they see no i'm my conversation is so boring that people just get up and leave. I wanted a little snack because it was so good. It felt like watching a movie. Really? Yeah. And I needed something to do with my hands.

Because I was going to touch your member. Okay, so... Don't move. Give it to me. Okay. Keep going. They didn't leave. They didn't leave.

They released a big song together. And they kind of just remained like homies. But I think they went to the same college. I could be wrong. And they were like the two bands that like were big on campus. And they were just like super big indie bands. And then MGMT blew the fuck up. Did you know all of the songs that mgmt are known for

are literally made as like trolls like they made them as jokes they were like we're gonna make like the most pop pop song ever like fuck this genre of music it fucking sucks and they did it so good that they became like the one of the biggest bands in the world hmm that's what happened to me recently. With what? I can't say it because I go by, like, an alias. I don't want to, like, I don't want to be known for music, but I am charting right now.

What is your alias? It'd be so weird if I just randomly said it. Whisper to me. Lil Nas. You're not fucking Lil Nas X right next to the microphone I go by name Lil Nas X you're claiming to be Lil Nas X right now no but I'm the X in the name what the fuck does that even mean

like he goes and does all the things but like he is Lil Nas but I'm the X so you're behind the scenes making all he goes and does all the things, but like he is Lil Nas, but I'm the ex. Because it's Lil Nas X. Oh, so you're behind the scenes making all the music and he's the front man. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

That's actually really impressive. Yeah. I was wondering how you were paying rent here. I mean. How many points do you get on a song? Oh. It's not even fair because it's like i get the song it's how many points he gets that's the question oh yeah is his full name lil nas x yeah okay i'm making sure

but there's i thought they cut me out you don't even know the name of your group just because it's just passive income to me i'm gonna start doing the podcast with my back to the camera i literally made that joke earlier i put i was on facetime i put on underwear i was like what if i just did the podcast like this and i turned to the camera and scratched my ass and i was like i just showed my ass the whole podcast and kept scratching between my cheeks that would be a great podcast episode we get hella views for my butt your stinker your stinky little butt my um tan from miami is so bad like i've done all the peelings so like now i'm just like i have my tan marks and i thought the weird

marks was gonna go away and it didn't and now it looks like i have a really bad spray tan oh you probably deserved it you can turn back you probably deserve it it's funny how you think it's respectful to have your back to your viewers it's funny how you're a bitch i hate that making kyle laugh when you grab the mic like that it's like sensual makes me horny it's because my touch is so electric i was told recently that i have an electric touch how recent two weeks ago i'm serious it's not that recent that is very recent no it's not it's really not two weeks ago like in this day and age that's forever ago that was

years ago what are you trying to say i'm saying it's just not valid like it was so long ago that you probably don't have an electric touch anymore. It was probably just that day. Drew? Oh, my God. Should I just let him have a few minutes? Let's see what happens if we let him pass. Just like Russ. I call his phone. I'm going I call his phone.

I'm going to take his phone. Oh. Hey. Hey, girl. Hey. Drew, what did you experience just now? Psychedelic trip. I injected myself with three grams of DMT, three micrograms of DMT.

Three grams. What is a microgram? Is that a thing? It's like the weird U. It's like the U symbol. I don't even know what you're talking about. I'm going to fucking throw up everywhere. That I saw God in those seconds. It felt like an eternity.

I lived 3,000 lives. Do you feel good about this one? No will when i'm a billionaire just i'm not kidding mark my fucking words i will be the first billionaire the first billionaire podcast host damn yeah let's just get on the iphone joe rogan's probably a billionaire he is a billionaire. Yeah. Guys, my parking ticket from parking on Wilshire and not paying for it, my ticket just got sent to my house in Miami.

Should I pay it or should I just like- Ignore it. You don't have to pay those. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're just bored and they want money. It's like taxes. A stabbing today. A stabbing's like taxes a stabbing today a stabbing today a mass stabbing today a stabbing is it a mass stabbing or no it's a stabbing

a stabbing i need to know the story behind that post um well i feel like she was just feeling herself and she just she there was a literal stabbing and she was like i'm on call for a stabbing is that do you think that's the context yeah i genuinely do do you think she like knew about the stabbing before she took the selfie or like she took the selfie then got the call and was like a stabbing today i think she knew about i think she was probably on the case for about two hours um yeah and just like sitting and sitting and bored and she was just like a stabbing today that's like kind of her vibe maybe we should do that with more memes because that was fun think about what dear boys dress like this this is a certified classic um you know what i actually need to know the story of is one. I don't even know their name.

Is it Kayla and Colleen? Or what is it like? The hell are you referencing? Kayla Colleen, come get your juice. Because I've thought about it. Come get your juice. It feels like there's like a bunch of possible names. It could be Kim and Colleen, Kayla Colleen.

Like, I don't know, like both of the names. And I don't know if like maybe I'm just like. And like, I want to know so bad. bad i'm like what's her relation to them is she like the older sister or is she like an older cousin or a mom like i think older sister did she have to go to the er after that yeah like is she the babysitter did she have to go to like the er like was she like all covered in glass was she bloody after that like she literally she literally smashed through glass cam and colin running here come get y'all juice okay the other kid like the other kid did not run that fast for juice how long has she been

wanting juice she was starving for that goddamn juice like she had to have been asking for juice for like an hour like why was she sprinting to the juice why was the other kid just not that interested in the juice so he didn't run like there was there wasn't another person trailing behind her then she slipped forever it felt like she slipped like 14 feet has anybody ever added the cartoon slipping sound to that video yeah wait it's that one it's kim and colin come get y'all's juice and then the crisp back at it again at crispy cream back at it again at crispy cream and he shit Krispy Kreme. And he.

Shit. That last clip was so in the moment and real. Shit. It was so real. Also. Her wing like. Pushing around the oil. Also her. like the girl who hit the glass screaming after like wait come get y'all juice that is something that's made me laugh every time i've seen it since it

came out it's a classic it's a literal classic dude the back at it again at krispy kreme where it looks like nothing happened back at it again at krispy kreme and he's just twisting so much like what he's a fucking gymnast like why is he so good and why is he back in Krispy Kreme doing that yeah I know how many times does he do it what really happened next like what were the events I think I looked it up and like there was like a small article about it also wait I think there's a video about it now no he has one from three years ago he has a video what happened it's him oh link that we're watching that after this link that to me so i was at the gym dude we're fully watching that to me i

need that no we're watching it right after this that's actually so important to like the culture i know there's so many like classic videos that there's no background to it and like you don't know who it is like because i've looked up the come get um your juice because i was gonna do a full video like talking about this but then i was like i was like maybe another time because this was during covid and i was like i had thought about like all the videos that i wanted to like try my best to like reach out and do like investigative research to find the people who posted it and to talk to them about it and then one i was like that's such a daunting task and i've never done something like that ever so it would take so much time and two it was during

covid and i was like i would want it to be like an in-person interview like i don't want it to be on zoom that was the worst part of COVID. It's like people who did like, yeah, like Zoom interviews being like, and we're going to talk to them right now. And then it's like, we're going to meet up with them. And then it's like them at their computer. Like, you know, the establishing shots,

showing the documentarian at the computer and then it switches into screen recording. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Literally, sorry. I'm like barely adding anything to the conversation. and then it switches into screen recording you know exactly what i'm talking about literally sorry i'm like barely adding anything to the conversation i'm literally i was looking for the back edit again at crispy cream and it just never happened it's on my meme account somewhere yeah i literally think i have it saved on your meme account i have like a bunch of things saved that sometimes i just go and look at. Aww. Because I just post the best.

The best of the best. No, because you're just annoying. Guys, in the comments... Drew posts memes and directs them at me and doesn't say anything to me about it. No, because I know you'll see it. Yeah, and then when I do see it, I'm like, this has just been up

and I didn't see it until now. Guys, how have you been? What's new? Leave a comment down The world ending the little entire world ending they got it on video the world melts it like literally catches on fire and melts kai you have to like insert all of those did i have so many good ones from your account this one's gonna get copyright striked it's crazy that i know exactly what's gonna happen no i want that i literally want to play with those i'm not kidding i want to play with them so bad you're so stupid dude fuck the internet is so funny so infinite the world that the internet is infinite and goes

on forever and ever and ever and ever the internet is my infinite jest that is how i feel what's the difference what's the difference between tiktok and infinite chest they're honestly not much like truly not much well let me rephrase what's the difference between tiktok and the first like 20 pages that you've read of infinite just don't rub the mic like that you freak like what you're giving it like pleasure have you gotten past the first 20 pages yeah i got like 60 pages in i got 60 pages in and then i um just read a bunch of like spark notes do you remember spark notes spark notes hooked it up for me in high school yeah in middle school i would just like go on spark notes and read just like the chapters that we were taking a quiz on that day and i would ace would you ever

look up spark notes in class like right before it passed yeah like literally just forget to even cheat at home yeah absolutely you were a loser if you looked at the spark notes at home loki you were a loser if you read the books for real you were a loser if you did your homework honestly you're a loser if you read books right now i never did homework and i'm like not joking i don't i never once got home i was like all right time to do my homework like i just never did it i would um instead of doing my homework at home i would go home and do a bunch of drugs and then i would wake up at 6 a.m in in the morning. Drive to my school. Sit in the parking lot for two hours.

Two and a half hours before school. And do all my homework in my car. Listening to the loudest music ever. I was the worst. I was literally the worst. And that's my vibe. That was my high school vibe. And that was almost every single weekday.

And then I would go out on the weekends. And live my euphoria lifestyle. I remember one time I went to the Lizard Lounge in Dallas and literally thought... I actually am not allowed to tell this story because it involves someone else who probably doesn't want this story told. You let them say their story yeah basically like without saying too much drugs were involved but the drugs were not the drugs that we thought we were getting and we had actual full-blown conniption fits But you're here and now you don't do those things. Yeah.

Yeah. No, actually, though. I had my fun. I rotted my brain in high school. Now y'all are curious. What? Let me just sit back. Let me just sit back. Your mic can't go that far.

You can pick it up. I'm just retelling my traumas yeah you're literally trauma dumping right now and i don't fuck with it we i think trauma dumping is good i genuinely think it's good um well when it's good it's i don't think it's considered trauma dumping i think it's only considered trauma dumping when it's like bad when it's like unprovoked like this person you're not that close to or like isn't asking to like have an intimate moment. I think therapy is good.

Yeah, I know. You're like, I think talking about like how you feel is really good. Yeah. Yeah. Because trauma dumping is like if I just met someone and randomly they're like, oh, my life sucks. Like I've been addicted to salsa. And I'm like, oh, okay.

I'm giving you to Kai when y'all first met. That was us to each other. That's true. Did you dump Kai? Because Kai trauma dumped first, but it wasn't even a dumping. It wasn't a mass dumping. Because we had that long-ass conversation at Chateau about, like, mental health shit. So I was like, oh, I feel comfy here.

And then also, think the when i thought it was the first time we met when we were outside we all got into like an intense conversation about like moral obligation and shit so i was like i was like this is a this is a safe space this is a safe space also i don't trauma dump i say really traumatic things that happen to me and laugh while I say it. And then I said something to Kai the other day and he literally went like this. Like in the kitchen he goes I know what it was.

And he was just silent. He was being an ally. And Elsie was like Kai are you serious? And he like but he was being serious. Also like not to make fun of you but I've never had someone react to anything I've ever said like that. And he was just like that's actually really fucked up and i don't fuck with that it was it was it's not okay with it was it's funny it's funny guys come on things that happen to you are funny because if you don't make them comedy it'll eat you up and you'll die that's literally how i go i know i turn everything into a joke laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh

is that is that like considered unhealthy no i well i don't think it is because like avoidance uh i don't think it's avoidance because it's not necessarily like everything we talk about and joke about we've faced and we've like we've spoken about in serious connotations it'd be different if like these were things we never seriously spoke about like if i never spoke to my therapist about like anything that i've told y'all and like what i told you in the kitchen i was just laughing about it i'm like isn't that funny and then i just move on really fast yeah i think it's i think it's healthy as long as you face it first yeah you face it after that i feel like it's just symbolic of letting go. That's my number one vibe killing technique is to bring up my dead brother.

I know. We both do it. I love just being like- It's fun as fuck. It's literally fun. If he died for anything, it's for me to get a laugh. It's for me to silence the room. Exactly.

It's for me to get a laugh. It's for me to silence the room. Exactly. It's for me to destroy a fun vibe. Literally on the Uber over at that party. Which one? Last night? Or like two nights ago? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I dropped a vibe nuclear weapon.

And then I, but I dropped it first. I dropped an atom bomb and then you dropped the fucking nuke. That was me just trying to get you back with you telling me that you had to be on heart medication for the rest of your life. It's not. That's literally. It was not a lie. It is. You do not have any prescription to show us.

Bitch. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. Ew. He's like stomping. He's going so fast in his little slippers. I'm going to add sound effects of his feet running. Doof, doof, doof, doof.

Is that what they gave you? Let me see. Oh, wait. It's called Percocet. It's not Percocet. It's not Percocet. I know. It's literally not. A boy can dream, right?

It's propranolol. Propanolol. Propanolol. Propanolol. It's, I have to take it. Three times a day? Mitch, you're so old. Oh, no.

You did get this kind of recently. Yeah. Have you even taken it, though? No. because i took it twice and it literally gave me i thought i was gonna die i i had the same experience when i fucked me up it literally felt like i had taken like a xanax or some shit i was like this is like the worst i've ever felt in my entire yeah i i got it for anxiety and then i remember i took it before an episode oh you were weird you were weird we're such pussies us nodding off and freaking out over propranolol I emailed my doctor

and he was like nah there's just no way that like it's such a low dose he essentially just called me a pussy he was like dude there's no way yeah no I told my doctor that I was like I don't like taking it and she was like I don't know what to tell you like that's like literally no one's ever experienced that once in their life we that's so crazy that we both had these like should i take it so i could be a part of it yes actually you can it's not like

it i'm like here take one take one take one when i actually because i also but no what i get is chest pains i went to the doctor once about my chest pains and they said but i never went and got like any blood work or anything done but they told me that what I had with my issue was that the um the muscles in my chest were like in like inflamed and swelling so that's why I felt like a Bad compression and I sometimes I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack, but it's literally like be like What YouTube be like youtube youtube youtube you said dad compression

oh my god that was advanced wait anyway that's why i feel like i'm gonna have a heart attack and then they gave me um like um anti-inflammatory medicine that's specifically for my chest and it was working but i never went and got a refill because that experience at the hospital literally costed me 900 and i was like you know what i should do is never do that again and next time and now every time my chest hurts like that i just lay flat on the bed and like pray to god that i don't die yeah the american health care system be like am i right let's go um why are you looking at me like that because i was trying to read this

but then i i realized there was like a space oh yeah we gotta get drew something prescribed for all the back pain i give him because i blow his back out all the time you know if you could get me a prescribed like hydrocodone a percocet you can blow someone's back out and still be really bad at sex that's true it's literally you're just like hurting them yeah that's not the situation with me and drew no yeah it's good fills me up yeah he fills your butt up i feel drew's butter that's the title of the episode i feel true you're going so like you can't stop like you like you literally you're freaking out i'm waiting for you and i will let you in oh gosh oh my god drew okay my songs of the week media of the week fuck all night by jay-z such a good song i went out the other night and i was

belligerently drunk and then i just played it on my phone on loop and people kept trying to take my phone out of my pocket to stop it but you can't stop the slay that is that song over the breaks J Dilla um what does your soul look like DJ Shadow and sound of

by the Swirly's or by Swirly's um the law of recognition by kai slingo big worm by shawnee bin laden and no hate is a cold star by seven zero three eight six three four like are you three five seven no those are my three songs of the week um i i don't have still watching succession i'm on season three season three episode five um i need to stop watching that fucking show because i can't sleep i don't have that issue i've been sleeping good i've been slaying

you know what i've been doing recently is i set my alarm for 9 a.m and i wake up and then i just turn it off i walk across my room and it's not working anymore like i what i used my my trick to get me out of bed in the morning was to set my alarm very early and set my phone across the room before i go to sleep so i have to get up out of bed to turn it off and it was working for literally five years and now i just wake up i turn it off and i just go right back to sleep that's what i used to do but i have a new i use like the sleep schedule thing on the iphone so it's like not a really obnoxious sound that wakes me up but it's like there's like a bunch of them but wait where the how the fuck do you get to the am i dumb i might be a little dumb also i love this episode now i want to put my i'm taking up my flag and i'm putting it back in the dirt you can't do that well you

already said what you said well i hated the episode in the beginning because i literally thought i was dying um this is a really good sound and it gets it just gets louder and louder so then you're not you you don't have to. And then this one. It just gets louder. Play that on the other one so I can sing for everybody. A Freddie? Yeah.

A Freddie type beat i loved you yesterday oh wait go you gotta you gotta get like a selena selene dion bod really hard i'll add a bunch of auto tune reverb to it but i have to hear it first you can hear it oh yeah no no do the other one the piano one i'm doing this one i like this one oh that's good finding nemo was a dream for me Finding Nemo Was a dream for me Find yourself in the lovability

You're gay But I mean the happy you like look really happy for some reason fuck that no put the first one on i've been begging for the first one because i can go in on that one you settled down at your apartment you're just singing olivia rodrigo last week drew looked at me i faked this mouth so he won't see is that it that's what you begged for um yeah and that's what i used to wake up and it works because also it like turns off all the notifications on my phone after a certain point

and like dims my screen and does like all of that mumbo jumbo. And then at 10 a.m. It starts that up. We need soup dumplings. Today? Yeah. All right. But not Mason's. Didn't I? I'm thinking like the XLBL like right up the street.

Because Mason's too far away and it's too fucking hot. XLBL is pretty far. It's not pretty far, but it's too fucking hot xlbl is pretty far it's not it's not pretty far but it's in like hollywood word it just seems like you don't actually care about me it just seems like you need a ride all right that's it for this episode i want to order a tesla and it doesn't come until july well that's like with everything that's literally like with my chair how i was like i'm not gonna order the bottom piece for that chair because it's gonna take two fucking weeks and then i

said that like three months ago and then i'm like i would have had that already but i need it now then buy a used one i know that's what i'm gonna do i'm probably just gonna buy like a 2021 all right that's it for the episode now we're just like talking like normal conversation that's what the people want they love that's what the people need i'm gonna suck your fingers so crazy that you're gonna ask for your member to be next all right thank you guys for watching. Bye My dinky little member