Emergency Intercom - enya is being targeted

Episode Date: August 4, 2023

Enya fumbled the bag with a sugar daddy, drew gets overwhelmed thinking about women being in danger and the two discuss Skibidi Toilet and it’s implications for humanity This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Visit BetterHelp.com/INTERCOM today to get 10% off your first month. Get a 60-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/emergency. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Holy shit Perfect timing bro Shit

Shit Shit Shit Come get your juice Shit Hello Hello Come get your juice. Shit. Hello? Hello.

Kaya's literally back in the office. There's like a crazy sound. It might be. It went away. It's me. Shit. Oh, yeah, it was your voice. It's the crazy sound.

No, but Kaya's finally back in the office. It's been, what, two months? We haven't seen Kaya in two months, which is crazy. But welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. He got started off like that. People are going to be like, what the heck am I listening to? I forget. I literally just would have gone.

I was just telling him, like, we need to start now because, like, I am. So I'm, like, functioning below baseline. Like, typically, like, I'm really, really far below baseline when you see me. This is me at baseline. Like, this is when I feel like a normal fucking person and with me in bed babe it's like above so true dude it's crazy how the only way you can connect with the people you love is if you do shrooms yeah like why is that like yeah it's the only way to make it work like why did they make it like that it's to gain empathy yeah because before that like there's what is wait actually what is that the word you just said i haven't done shrooms yet so it's like when you like care like you i mean it like makes me want to gag saying this but when you like care about

other people's feelings like because my i'm sorry but your feelings are not my problem me when my child expresses to me that they're sad i'm gonna be like i'm like i'm literally like stop trauma dumping on me like you're seriously freaking me out like what are you chronically online or something so weird telling your child to touch grass you need to go outside dead ass like that is the realest shit. Like, touch grass. Okay, says the person with Taco Bell stains on his bed. Oh, says the person that was just touching grass all week. It slept in grass all weekend.

I can't believe I still haven't been camping. I know. I just, like, really want to go because I want to poop in the woods. Yeah, that's, like, a good part. Like, I need, if before I die, I need to poop in a dirt hole. Since I've gone, they've, like, upgraded. like upgraded and there's like a tent around you now and it's like there's toilet paper and like plastic bags and you take this shit out no i need like a gust of wind no you can still do that like i definitely was like i'm not using their fucking toilet so i just in the middle

of the night i was still so embarrassed because it was like really really late it was like 4 a.m and i was terrified i was gonna get the whole weekend what if you get like bubbly guts and it's loud as fuck well that's what happened to one of the people that were with us is they were did you hear it just go far far away like downwind like did imagine being so embarrassed to like poop near people you're camping with that you go too far off and you get lost and like die in the woods definitely happened before but i'm going to make sure that happens to you. There was like a mountain next to my campsite that I hiked up and I woke up really, really early to hike up it.

I mean, when we camp, we're not at like a campsite that you would think you go to. Like we're in the middle of nowhere, like 100 miles away from the nearest person. Like very, very desolate vibes. Like you don't see anyone. No one sees you the entire time you're out there. It's kind of creepy, but it's also like really cool away from like the nearest person like very very desolate vibes like you don't see anyone no one sees you the entire time you're out there it's kind of creepy but it's also like really cool because you're not interacting with other people at all and I mean you're like on your own like no no food no campfire like none of that like it's crazy but there's a mountain next to us that's

definitely hasn't been touched by a human being in like 10 000 years like i felt really special it was really cool and i hiked up to the top of it and i like put a bunch of sigils everywhere so in the next 10 000 years when a person hikes up it they stumble upon like these really fucking what the fuck is a sigil bitch like you just said that like it's like demon shit that's like orion when i was in port with her. She said something. She was like, oh, so-and-so from Wimpleton. And then she kept talking. I was like, wait a second.

Where the fuck is Wimpleton? I now know it's like in the UK, but Wimpleton? If you're from Wimpleton, you're fucking free. You do not exist. Is that a Pokemon? Dude, there's probably no pictures of you because you don't exist and you're not real. And you're going to go to touch your computer that you're watching this on and your hands are going to go through it. It's like that one idea where like every once in a while, like the, never mind.

You know what I'm talking about. You were going to say something like schizophrenic, so then I wouldn't know what you were talking about. No, no. It's just like, it's like this theory that like your neutrons and electrons and atoms will like align because everything's made up of empty space that there's a possibility that one in like a quadrillion bajillion chance that you hit the wall and like your hand can go through the wall because that never happens or they just are saying that that's all that's what it's an idea it's possible but i don't believe that anything is real but you were saying um i put a bunch of sigils and like um effigies and weird shit up at the top of this mountain. So when people stumbled upon it.

What is an effigy? It's like demon shit. You're like making shit up, bro. No, y'all know. So you put, what did they look like? Just like I put sticks in like. You don't have a picture of it? No, I didn't.

Yeah, you probably didn't do that. No, I got a video of one that's really. No, I did like no i got a video of one that's no i did like guys like i got a video i got a video of one that's really embarrassing that like after i did it i was like this is the corniest shit i've ever done and no one will ever know except for kai kai's the only person you didn't tell anyone about that no it's so cringe you made the grinder logo out of rocks wait why would you put the Grindr app on there? You don't use that.

No, that one's for LGBTQ. Q is for QAnon. Q is for QAnon. No, that's not what it is, but we can add it if you want. What is Q? Is it questioning? Are you serious? I genuinely don't know.

It's for queer. Oh. is it questioning are you serious i genuinely don't know it's for queer oh yeah i'd like to apply under q um no getting since i've been banging your mama i will say i fall under q i am questioning a lot of things since i invaded your mama i look he did invade her hole yeah i'm I'm sorry. Sorry, Pam. Say sorry to my mom. Sorry, Pam. Actually, she didn't text me that she listened to the last episode. She's tired of you, bro. She's like, she's bored.

She's bored of it all. Why are you going to do that? Actually, I should do that to you to silence you from saying all your you literally spread fake news. Like you use your platform to spread fake news and misinformation literally you're pulling like a christian to the public yeah yesterday he said two things where like i had to look them up and i was like i feel so bad for being this friend when you say things to me what did i say what did i say no christian oh no i well you don't say things based in real

in like reality so i'm not gonna look it up because it's gonna be like no one is saying this because you find all your information through like somebody's tiktok who makes like 18 million a day yeah and then there's one with words on the frame so you're like oh and you click that one information and lie misinformation and lies or it's information and truths yeah i guess depending on where you live in Europe. Peeling back the veil. Veil. Veal. Goat. Drew's goated. That was a reach.

Yeah, that one was kind of insane. I am impressed. Did you just make that up, though? Yeah. Because that was impressive how... Well, I'm a rapper. Did someone else say that? No.

You said something that was funny, and I texted it to you because you didn't have your phone on you. Wait. Oh, yeah. I've been leaving the house without my phone recently. Oh, they call me funny, and I texted it to you because you didn't have your phone on you. Wait. Oh, yeah. I've been leaving the house without my phone recently. Oh, they call me Nintendo the way I switch up, which is like not a flex. That's like the worst thing. The way they switch up on me.

No. And I said it, and then he was like, did you make that up? And I was like, I think I just made that up. Yeah, and I had to look it up, and I was like, oh, my God, congrats. And I made it up. I made up a thing, too. Oh, yeah? It's that I see on both made it up. I made up a thing, too. Oh, yeah? It's that I see on both sides like Chanel.

That's a song. Oh, like bisexual? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wait, you're bi? Wow. Well, no, I'm not, but that's just something I say. Well, then why say that? Yeah, why did you say that, then?

For clout? Gay is not allowed. Gay is not allowed. Why do you think that? Okay. Sorry, I just farted my sweaty feet and my socks i don't have shoes on because my feet got so hot jared did cross the chair hey why do you say that you shouldn't nikki blonsky where is she she has me blocked so i haven't seen her she is like a bad one

no she's chilling like she's living her fucking life but like i watch her live streams on tiktok every once in a while she has a spot in my heart forever there's a few people that like have a spot in my heart and she is one of them um and i can't name the other ones because it's really problematic i thought you were saying i can't name the other ones because it's really problematic. I thought you were going to say I can't name the other ones because, like, you can't think of them. And I was going to be like, I guess how big of a spot do they really have? If you read self-help books, I don't know if I want to talk to you.

If you can't figure it out on your own, like, type shit? I'm just like, you don't have, like, I feel like self-help books are, like,on of makeup like a scam mary kate yeah it's like a pyramid scheme yeah it's super period scheme sorry i'm bleeding i'm free bleeding right now and my chair is really wet it's like a pyramid scheme and all the graphic design for it looks like they like ai generated it i've noticed like looking at like go to a barnes and nobles and just look at all of the book covers like they look fucking insane it's insane there can't be words behind that cover no they literally freak me out if you like picked it up it would shake and there'd be like an old key it rattles like somebody left it soon soon books

are just going to be fucking sd cards that we put into our ears. How soon do you think that is? I genuinely believe in the next 50 years. Something is actually wrong with me. I can't even get LASIK because my eyes are dry. Do you know how many people just wouldn't be able to get that? Because it would have to do with your eyes. It would have to connect to your eyes so you could see it.

Or is it just like your brain is reading it? It's just your brain. It's a chip in your brain such a necessary this no literally and like so i saw like a video of like kids from like the 1960s like predicting what the 2000s were gonna look like and one of them was like dude i'm gonna have a huge tiktok account because my grandson is gonna film me i'm gonna do npc tiktok live videos my grandpa's gonna my grandson is gonna post pictures of me when i was hot as fuck and i'm gonna be popping on tiktok yeah and i'm gonna bang yeah okay

okay what were you saying what were they predicting oh but they just like predicted a bunch of shit i forgot what i was saying why was well you're supposed to remember what they were saying that's well they were saying like oh they're gonna like have like phones in their homes and like just shit like that like they're gonna have tv that's in color the most creative people ever no and back then it was it was i mean i guess both phones and tvs existed so they were like it'll be like what we have but like kind of the opposite instead of outside it's inside no no no it was it was impressive because like the other shit they were saying was like oh they'll be like scared of the nuke and shit like and shit like that and like yeah yeah i fear no man though so i think

nukes are a lie to keep the population in check to scare us into submission we don't have how many people are like damn i shouldn't run this red light because like what if the new it's not stopping like yeah i mean it's deeper than that i guess yeah that's my favorite uh conspiracy theory like political yeah there's no nukes like nukes are like what backs the us dollar value i guess yeah yeah the military industrial complex it all goes back to it that's crazy because i dropped a nuke on your mom's coochie oh well i i dropped a nuke which is a turd in your mom's vagina and it gave her a bacterial yeast infection a bacterial yeast infection um right right okay wait wait i have shit written down but i gotta find it first because it's like

mixed into what i already said um oh did you guys see the lk99 thing what the hell is that it's like the superconductor. No, I didn't see that, no. There's like some South Korean scientists that figured out a way to make a superconductor. Oh, at room temperature. Yeah. Yeah. Which is crazy.

Yeah, because it's, yeah, really crazy. And we would use that for... Well, it's like the MRI machine costs like $ million, and you could make one for, like, $1,000. Because you don't have to, like, cool it. Yeah. And you could make, like, floating trains. They gotta put that on my PS5. Yeah, because didn't we have to, like, used to, like, freeze, like, these, like,

magnets to, like, make them levitate? I watched this video by this guy on YouTube and he was, like, basically saying that it would change the world if they actually pulled this shit off because like have you seen the drama with it yeah that's what they were saying is like you could create tracks and like make cars float and then you'd be like unnecessary also did you see the drama with it to like cool down the earth but like

cars flow like it always has to be that they said they could make like a quantum computer wing bot oh that lives in 17 million different realities and it gets embedded in the hood of a clit so then exactly yeah it's like a neural link but for your exactly and then anytime you're horny you're just like a neural link but for your pussy yeah yeah wait you're not allowed to say the p word yeah i actually i actually feel that i'm sorry yeah um but there was a lot of drama with it because like they submitted it like years and years and years like not years and years like three years ago and everybody was like brother shit is physically impossible like y'all are lying y'all are making this shit up and they kind of were they were like theorizing and they used like a different material like copper or something like i don't i don't know exactly the

science behind it but basically the drama is that like it kind of started leaking that they were cracking the code so the scientists that went and published it first when it was a group of three because they won a nobel Peace prizes and you can only get Nobel Peace prizes in groups of three or less so people were like kind of copying their sign that's annoying what if I'm just like really cool yeah and you're tapped in

well you can get one solo but he broke away and like submitted it first so I would have to start like a boy band to get my next Nobel Peace Prize. I'd have to start a duo, like an outcast kind of situation. What is duochrome?

What the hell? That's like a finish of paint. Adrenochrome? Yes, I've been eating a lot of adrenochrome recently. Why are you looking at me? You're looking at me way too much. Am I not supposed to look at you? I actually feel like this whole episode I haven't looked at you and that's why I you looking at me you're looking at me way too much am i not supposed to look at you i actually feel like this whole episode i haven't looked at you and that's why

i started looking at you because i've been just like zoning off while y'all talk about like magnets and fans okay this is a hard this is a crazy take god sends his tastiest babies to his hungriest pitbulls well okay listen what does that mean that pitbulls eat children okay like i love animals oh my god man no i love animals but like pitbulls did you just think of that no i wrote it down i know but i'm saying like did you think of that well not those exact that exact verbiage no yeah but okay because i was like in what world were you around pitbulls and that and like no i posted that on my meme account literally all of that shit i post read is just shit i posted from my meme oh okay i thought like you were

talking to somebody and they were like yeah like my pitbull like fucked my baby up or some shit no no no no god sends his tastiest kids to his pitbulls that was like the craziest thing i think you've ever said but i was gonna get into like okay go yeah go for it i love animals and like shit but like pitbulls are kind of scary and that's like my probably my most problematic take ever is and the the people who ride for oh you think that's the ride for pain i'm just like this is one that i did come up with um i don't know how to word it though but basically it's like oh man you are on a roll right now like this is insane you're saying men do the same thing

cut cut cut okay this episode is already cut and sliced i know no no i'm done it's done okay done it's done right should i tell the story about the scary men at nobu yes um so i was at this event with like a bunch of home girls and it was it was at the malibu pier which is right next to the nobu like in malibu yes i go to the nobu in malibu like and it's easy and i just do it on a whim like that's just the kind of life i lead but one of them really likes eating there and they were like oh we should go so we walked over we tried so hard to get a table they literally looked us up and down and we're like we do not have anything here and we begged for an eta for a table and they were like we can't do that and then my friend was like but if you had to guess could you and she was like i literally cannot guess for you right now

like it was a weird interaction but we went to nobu couldn't get a table then we were told we could go to the bar area and you can order food there i've also already told this story to drew so if he seems like unamused it's not because it's an awesome like not an awesome story it's because i've already told him exactly so i guess this is more for kai because he's the only one in the room who hasn't heard it but um we couldn't get a table and then we have to sit at my altar hasn't heard it should i front should i bring him up are you serious jericho he went here did you name him or did he name himself hey jericho yeah did you i mean you're not that much different from drew i'm emo oh okay did you give yourself that name or i was cutting for justin bieber and interrupted by a nobu story oh that didn't answer my question

also both of those people are fully fine you don't have to do that for them. Nauhoren left One Direction. That was like a long time ago and he never left. I guess technically everybody who stayed in One Direction got fired. Yeah. They got laid off, which is kind of embarrassing. Zayn left and then it was like, fuck. All right, Drew's back.

You don't seem like it took that long to change back it's really easy it's like they're sitting at like a round table in my brain at all times okay they're sitting at the red table with jada the red willow smith well no no no babe i was just a joke i don't think those are real people willow willow pill i don't know what you're saying to me i'm gonna keep going don't look at me without her pill willow pill is a drag queen that ate down and won the season oh okay um and she's like yeah whoa anyways we're sitting in the corner of this bar when we walk in immediately these two older men who had to have been in their like mid to late 50s um were staring at us but and all of us kind

of saw it but none of us acknowledge it because we were like whatever we finish eating wait can you pause real quick i'm sorry um i just hate like women being like being like talked to and looked at weird by men I'm like wow do you need to take like a three hour break yeah I need to go lay down and cry that's crazy

because it didn't really affect me like that so it's like why are you I know it's not really it's not really about you it's more about him right now it's more about I guess it's about

the men involved it's more about them and like what they're up to yeah my emotions are more important than yours oh wow um actually can you stop touching me thank you so whatever we like didn't acknowledge them we finished our food we're finishing our drink and as we're finishing

the two guys go up and talk to two of the girls we're with and me and like the other girls are kind of like oh okay like they'll walk away eventually i'm sure they don't walk away 10 minutes has passed and like our two home girls are kind of looking at us and they're like and i'm like oh and we like wait you said in the mid 50s late 50s yeah wait what the fuck kai was not there kai was in new york dude i'm not in my mid 50s oh no he was his mid-90s by jonah hill oh okay okay i'm not in my mid-90s low-key was jonah hill guys like that's who it was yeah i mean i wouldn't put it past him um it was not jonah hill um um so whatever we all start talking and then he's like guessing where we're all from and he keeps talking to all of us and i was just already kind of drunk and he wouldn't get the hint that we didn't want him to

be talking to us because we'd be like yeah but you know we're about to like have one more drink and leave like whatever like just trying to like get him away and we're like yeah we're having a girl's night like and he just wouldn't back off and then my friend and me were like they're not even gonna buy us drinks and they look like they have a lot of money and they won't leave us alone. And I was like, oh, we should just ask if they're gonna. And I think at one point, like somebody kind of threw it into conversation and they just ignored it. So then I got on my phone onto Instagram and I put buy. I'll insert the photos.

I have a photo of both of these things. I put buy us a drink question mark on the thing. And I kind of started to show it to of started like you hold up at like a concert yeah like visual listeners it's like black screen white text yeah it was like just fully like subtitled that and I'm like and I am trying to show it to them and they're kind of just like like literally like looking away they're like dodging like they don't see it like it's like right here wait hold your hand out to me it's like right there they're like like slowly just moving away and then i was like hello like oh that was probably so loud into that mic but i was like hello come on and i like made them read it and they're just

looking at me like um hey uh like and they just keep talking to everybody else why are you like an actress that was good i'm not even just playing like that was good i'm not even just playing you guys sounded like shawty bae i'm not even just playing this like i'm for real um but i hate how squeaky this chair is under my jeans i know why are you like shitting it's all of a sudden all of a sudden it's never once squeaked but all of a sudden it's the chair because i think and you're shitting yourself i think you're wearing a diaper in diapers we need to we need to bring back diapers i'm not kidding i need to piss in a diaper should we do it tonight i'm literally not even kidding because

i was so jealous of christian and michael when they put on diapers and peed in them without me i was like fuck dude i need to try that um that's like the craziest sentence ever i was so jealous of my other grown-ass friends who were pissing in diapers without me anyways gotta try it out they ignore it and then they keep talking and we like kind of keep trying to just get them away but like from us they won't and then i put on my phone again i was like want a drink question mark on me exclamation point and i was like hello and i was like come on is this gonna get you like you know you want it like i just like kept doing that also uh one of the friends is tavia and she pointed out

to me when i saw her the other day she was like that the way i was showing the phone was i was like like shaking my shoulder so no one can read it it's just like like being really like moving a lot um and then one of the guys started to almost like answer i was like oh uh actually like he's gonna let me buy him a drink and i was like i'm not gonna buy you a drink i was kidding oh but if the roles were reversed yeah that would be funny i just you know for a second i thought you were like like here for women and now it seems like you're just like women you're playing both no listen women come from my rib and they are the devil oh whoa is that like a religious ideology i can't get behind that personally oh my god i am i'm like

kai she wants you so bad she's hearing this she's gonna she's gonna see you she's gonna finger you okay okay but seriously no jokes like that's up and i don't support that okay god i'm like loser oh i can get loud should i get loud no i won't it's gonna scare you that was so loud um but whatever i was like i'm not gonna buy you a drink and then he starts going on he's like i'm not gonna buy you a drink and then he starts going on he's like you know what girls i have a better idea all of you come to my house i have plenty of alcohol i have a pool i got a disco ball and a dance floor we can get started a little party of our own like start saying all this actually i'm like are you crazy you're gonna

fucking kill us like no and you fumbled the bag like crazy and i'm not even saying that like she literally fumbled for me and the rest of my summer like you should have just bit the bullet like you have to make it about you not even like and you fumbled so hard she could have like gotten the car she wanted like all this stuff like she fumbled so hard i could have had access to a pool this summer friends with pools like but like it would have been so easy if that was your bae like yeah i guess all i would have to do is like have sex and commit to somebody who's like really gross i do it every day every day i'm looking at her queen queen queen youtube queen queen you too queen i love the idea of you wanting i need to take the chance of getting trafficked so you can see a

disco ball yeah dance floor inside the house but he has bread like that's crazy but he wouldn't buy you a drink that's what i'm saying that's what i kept saying and i made that joke to him i was like he actually might be the killer he literally kept saying it like five times he was like come to our house come to our house come to our house and we were like no and then he wouldn't leave us on we were like can you even make drinks like we can get really good drinks here so even in the off chance we did go to your house what can you make and then he looks at me he's like what do you like to drink and i was like tequila and he was like i can make you a triple shot margarita that will send you off and i was like you are going to behead me send you off so i was like so you just want to go to your house so

you can kill us you're like and he was like i couldn't take on all four all five of you and i was like oh we were like okay so you can take on like two of us or something like what is happening he just wouldn't leave us alone. And then I started getting really annoyed because he mentioned, he kept being like, come to my house, come to my house, come to my house. And we were like, no, we don't even live close to here. The action of your consequences. And he like kept like talking.

And then I just started getting really annoyed. And I would turn to the bar and then Tara Beckham would be like, like start yelling like that in the middle of the cousin earthquake with that screen i like started screaming and they didn't budge like he literally was just like i had told him i was from miami he goes there's that spice coming out like he was just like eating it like dude it was insane one of them was definitely a little senile like anything you said to him he couldn't hear so that's probably why the screams didn't bother him like when i told him literally i they were like oh are you cuban because i'm from miami i was like yeah i'm

like cuban and honduran and he goes oh i love hungary i can't believe i haven't been back in so long and like star gardener's man is like honduras and he was like yeah hungary and like he literally kept taking back i was like no no no no no no oh my gosh whatever it just like kept going for so fucking long and they like would not budge i can't remember some of the other shit i did i was just acting fucking insane oh i told them i was a landlord for an rv park oh yeah and then it turns out that he was literally a landlord for an rv because it was it was one of the one he was drilling in the entire time about he was like no like this is weird like this is like a match made in heaven like this is weird that we're both rv land yeah he became obsessed with it because and his life sucked balls too well he ate it up

so like oh actually i have two other things i did before i get into that he was holding this drink and i literally like wait hold this like they at this point this interaction has gone on for like 25 minutes i go give me that and i literally like yanked his cup out of his hand and he was like oh you want some tequila huh and i was like i just yanked your cup out of his hand and he was like oh you want some tequila huh and i was like i just like yanked your cup out of your hand and he literally loved me and then one of their phones was on there like on the like bar table i was like give me that like i just started like grabbing shit and because i wanted to scare them away like what i was hoping would happen is they'd be like, okay, we've been drilling these girls, trying to get them to come to our house for 30 minutes

when they've said no 18 times, but one of them has to budge. And I thought maybe they'd be like, oh, one of them is actually fucking insane and will come to my house and steal everything. I mean, all of y'all were being kind of kooky, right? Dude, no. All of us literally just started saying the craziest shit in response.

Like, they'd be like, how old are you? And I was like, oh, her, she's 16. Don't tell the bartender and he literally was like oh i wouldn't and we were like whoa no they literally they literally thought like manic pixie dream girl like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind like this is gonna change our lives i think these are the girls there's something deep there's got to be a better word for whatever energy I was showing them. Because it was not like... The killer. Yeah. The robber.

The robber and the killer. These guys were so weird. And they were like, that girl needs help. Like, something's wrong with her. But... Clinically insane dream girl. BPD dream girl. I'm going to keep going.

Erectile dysfunction dream boy okay so you're like freaking out dude but oh my god now i have a like um like a hiccup that's stuck in my um in my like throat goat um in my throat she's the goat in my goated throat but one of them like they kept yeah thank you actually thank you for recognizing that um but they kept asking and then finally one of our friends was like dude actually i'm so sorry i know we keep saying no but it's because we all live so far and we all started saying places that were like really far from malibu and i was like like, yeah, dude, I live in fucking Pomona. I have to take like the most expensive Uber of my life back. And then he was like.

Malibu to Pomona, if you don't know, is like what, like 18 hours? No, it's literally like if it was at the middle of the night, I think it'd be like three hours, like maybe longer. But in the middle of the night, it night probably still be like two hours and 30 minutes but he just like then hones in on me he's like you are not from fucking pomona and i was like what's wrong with pomona i literally am i have to live there my job is there and then one of our friends was like yeah she's got to get back to the rv business and then he was like the rv business i was like oh yeah i'm a landlord for an rv like a trailer park and then he was like no you're not and i was like i don't understand why you're becoming so hostile with me

that's literally my life like i live in pomona i'm a landlord like i don't know why that's the craziest thing ever and then he was like how many rvs do you have and i was like okay this is gonna sound crazy but i have eight acres with 35 rvs on them which is so small and i was like with 35 but i i did mention that and i think that's why he believed it because i was like and i know that sounds like i'm cramming a oh is it yeah i just i just went but it's fine i was like and i know that sounds like a lot of rvs for one pocket of land but like that's how it's always been like i i treat my like tenants really really good it was like what what what's the price is i was like 12 uh 1200 to 1800 but like

it just depends on like how new the rv is and then he started freaking out he's like oh my god like this is actually crazy like do you actually do that and i was like why would i just say all of that dude like why would i lie about that and then he started to become like overly into it so i just turned and paid the tab and then like my friends were like see that's the rv money coming in like she's paying the tab and we had gotten one last drink and we wanted to go outside and smoke and at this point i was like this literally isn't funny anymore because it's been going on for 45 minutes and they actually won't leave us alone so i told the bartender i was like hey we're gonna go outside to smoke and finish these drinks can you please have like security make sure he doesn't follow after us

and when we got up they started following us outside and i think the security came and interfered and then the security kind of lingered with us while we were on couches and the second the security started walking away both of them like grabbed their drinks and started walking towards us and i had to run back and get the security and tell him to come and like block them again it was the craziest interaction i think i've ever had at that restaurant um and i hope somebody from the restaurant hears this and bans me for giving bad vibes publicly bad vibes and that's my really long story guys i'm sorry i'm never gonna talk again well you're beautiful and you're lovely down yeah you're beautiful you're lovely um why is it taking you so long to read that are you making it up i don't think you wrote that down i wrote all of it you did it

that's a lot more words than what you're saying fuck i wrote something down right before this that i wanted to talk about but like oh you probably just wrote it down in your mind so if you just think hard enough wait so the guy was super old yeah but both of them were like in their like late 50s like maybe mid 60s i kept i kept imagining you know that video of um mitch mcconnell where he like pauses yeah i kept imagining that when you held up the thing of like can we get a drink? Getting slash banged. He like just stares off to the left. That was literally what I was giving.

They were like looking through my phone. They did not want to read it. This week has been good bipartisan cooperation and a string of. Me and Drew were talking about it after I told him because i woke up the next day i was like that was insane i can't believe that they drilled for 40 minutes because they were that horny and like desperate and me and drew were discussing if we think they went home and we're like damn fuck i fucked up like oh like that was so weird like i can't believe i did that like did they have hangover anxiety the next day like dude that girl was so mean or or were they like damn like i ate that shit up like i almost bagged five girls at once yeah probably that i was so i was

this close yeah but the meddling security guard like meddling kids yeah why do they call them that like they're like not metal they're like normal no no meddling yeah what are they meddling meddling what together the crime scene that was called like a like that was like the thing with the fire on it that's where girl what the hell are you fucking saying right now you're freaking me the fuck out you're literally freaking me the fuck out all right challenge for both of you guys okay look down at your zipper and i bet i can guess what three letters are on it oh three letters what the hell there's three letters on my zipper how did he know that and it's y k k and i guarantee you motherfuckers out there are wearing it, too Yeah, because it's like the widest manufacturer of zippers like on the planet

And then some of the zippers on old did you say yeah It says some of the old zippers on Levi's I think are like made by Levi's and that like Old Levi's have like a specific zipper and that's how you know how old they are well thanks for ruining my fucking magic trick you thought you were going to teach me something right now I know everything you can't teach me

that's why our relationship didn't work out because you can't give me anything you don't know a lot of fucking shit where are our kids oh yeah I know where they are I just don't want to say of fucking shit. Yes. Where are kids? Oh, yeah. I know where they are. I just don't want to say it publicly because of their safety. That's what I would say, too.

Gotcha. You guys are bad parents. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Says the fucking loser single bitch. Oh, my God. Sad motherfucker. What does that have to do?

Loser bitch. I'm pointing out the fact that you are not good parents. Virgin. No love, no life. Virgin. Sad motherfucker. What does that have to do? Loser bitch. I'm pointing out the fact that you are not good. Virgin. No love, no life. Virgin. Loser. What does that have to do with you guys, me pointing out that your parenting is not that good? Because you've never had sex and you can't even make kids because you've never done it?

Yeah, because nobody wants to touch you because you're fucking disgusting. Okay, that was too far. That was too far. Yeah, that was too far because you touch him, that would make yeah exactly was it you last night drew or was it jericho last night boning you that was raymond damn raymond okay that was ray mysterio he's not fronting right now fuck i don't want my phone to die, but I need to watch this video. Rey Mysterio, is that? The wrestler.

Oh, yeah. Journey! Hello? Journey! Yes? Oh, my God, I can't find Journey. Where is she? Can't find Journey.

My mom's going to kill me. I can't find Journey. I'm right here. You left me my journey when are you seeing journey you see a journey see Johnny I think she's invisible yeah journey what done what's wrong yet dude context literally broke her spirit like she like it was probably fun at the beginning of it like it was funny for her and then he went for so long also you know what i realized is this was posted on snapchat and i don't think this person was like a content creator like that so that means this older brother just did this shit to his sister for like way too long. It was like a trend on Vine at the time. Oh, really?

Okay, right. But this is the best one to ever come out of it. Yeah, no, this one's so good. She just said like, it's actually so sad. Also, what was her reaction when he finally was like, no, you're real. I wonder if she was just like. I love my mom's gonna kill me. Like just making it real well you know what's really scary

oh the fuck that was honestly savage D Savage and Madison Beer oh the Madison Beer beef D Savage Jack Galinsky oh baby Gronk baby Gronk just lived up.

I don't know what the fuck you're saying right now. Baby Gronk just rizzed up Livvy Dunn. Doing that four weeks later. Baby Gronk. You know Baby Gronk? No. Dude, he's the sickest fucking kid ever, bro. Okay, we're gonna go.

He's got like 18 college offers for football and he doesn't even play like that much. And he rizzed up Livvy Dunn. Yeah, and Livvy Dunn. Who the fuck is Livvy Dunn?su lsu jack galinsky okay um he rizzed up livy dunn yeah i heard bro bro literally bro literally bro literally you do not want to mess with me bro but um jen alpha is literally making memes Now And it's really Really fucking scary Because

Gen Alpha? Yes Gen Alpha The new ones What a name The new ones I know they're not alphas Why'd you just call them Gen A?

Call them fucking Gen Beta More like Cause they're fucking pussies They got addicted to Their fucking iPads and Roblox Like Duh

Like Gen Gen Beta more like We should be called sigma gin sigma yeah i'm tired of being called gen z wait that's what you think you are i think i yeah more like boomer. Bo-doink-a-doink. Boy like gin. Bo-doink-a-doink. You got me. What the fuck was I saying? Oh, Gin Alpha is making memes now.

And one of them is like skippity-doo-bop fucking toilet. What are they, like four? Yeah, they're babies. They're young. But they're making memes now, which means we're all about to get made fucking fun of. And we're going to be the loser. Cringe Facebook. And you know what's crazy?

I feel like we've been made fun of. No, no, no, no, no, no. Even by younger people? loser cringe facebook and you know what's crazy made fun of no no no no no i read i treat it's crazy the the cycle is just continuing because we used to look at our parents and be like god damn it our parents are so fucking stupid they believe everything they read on facebook we are now our fucking parents we have become our parents with fucking tiktok because everything on tiktok is real to everyone in our generation and it's just misinformation and lies spread by me um but yeah they have this meme called like skippy toilet or something that like why do you know this maddox oh yeah skippy toilet i don't know what the oh no i just erased all of my fucking notes no wait they're all gone well don't don't back up yet yeah i don't think you're shaking it right you're freaking me out they're all gone all the notes are gone oh well at popped up um okay well that sucks but i have a second one so we're good um

but yeah look up uh i'll look it up on our phone my phone um that is our phone because i look through it when i want because you're always cheating it just turns out she never wanted to see my pictures in the first place she She never really actually cared. What the fuck are you quoting? Oh, shit. I didn't realize that Gen Alpha was 12 years old now. Yeah, they're young. Like, 12 is...

That's like a person. Wait, okay. I'm confused. And then what? 12 to 20 what is Gen Z? I think after... If you're 14 right now, you're're gen z and we're in the gray area of millennial and x with the two years yeah you're just lineal yeah i think is the term

glaine maxwell woman what's wrong with you i'm sorry you are so that so this i thought generation alpha was like six years old that's what i'm saying i thought they were like toddlers and they live in avatars they're gonna be cringed out what were you saying kai like that like they live as avatars online and they're gonna be fucking creeped out by like us showing our face online yeah there's all these theories that the next generation is gonna view like not having privacy as like cringe so everyone will just use like an avatar Which is ideal because I'm like, all right, I'm already agreeing with them. I'm so young at heart, you know Yeah, but this is the memes that they created

This is already a thing Ask your 9 year old, 10 year old, 11 year old, 12 year old I've never heard of this Not that song, I've heard that song But remember this style of videos and how popular it was Like it was during like I'm speaking Just on Skippy D

Toilet, it's like a thing That all of your It was during like happy or I'm speaking just on skippy D toilet It's like a thing that all of your younger siblings know but you have no idea that fucking exists I would have never seen that And it's like a whole like series of videos that this dude creates and Jin alpha just like eats it the fuck up I mean that had 88 million views and the other one had 74 million views and they just like eat it up but it literally just looks like gary's mod videos and it's probably fucking made in gary's mod or some shit um i i guess we went through phases as like our generation of making some of the worst jokes and like e literally the letter e was funny deep fried y'all remember that oh like deep frying memes or no the letter e meme it got to the point where the letter e was funny deep fried do y'all remember that oh like deep frying memes or no the letter e meme it got to the point where the letter e was funny and i ate it up like this is

how far gone we went in meme culture like guys i'm not kidding i know like i could teach a college class about me on on memes like i'm And I'm not even just saying that. I fucking love memes. I think they speak so much to culture. Literally, not to be fucking lame and loser, but they literally show what the masses are thinking. And the fact that I know aliens were confirmed real and everyone was just like making jokes about it

is fucking crazy because five years ago if aliens were announced that they were real it would have like literally broken everything ever um but even though like oh mighty weekend t-shirt but that's a psychological operation though um it is it is it's distracting us both um mitch mcconnell froze on tv you think uaps are signed up yeah i don't believe in project green beam or whatever the fuck um project blue beam is like project green beam i was like whoa what is that i realize what you're saying no it's do you know what that is it's like that the government like it has projectors that project UFOs in the sky to whatever, confirm their alien agenda to distract us from. You know what they're going to do?

This is the whole fucking game plan. Aliens are announced real. Then in the next few months, they're going to be coming to Earth more frequently. Well, then they're going to destroy the power grid. Aliens are going to destroy the power grid. It's going to wipe out everything, all of our financial crypto, all of our currencies. Then they're going to instate FedNow. This is real shit, y'all.

No, it's crazy. The aliens are going to make way for the CBDC. Exactly. FedNow is going to be instated. And then it's all because the aliens are gonna make way for the cbdc exactly fed now is gonna be instated and then it's all because the aliens are gonna take away she and rico charge no no i want biden to stop gatekeeping the alien sc okay did you just shit yourself no sorry but are you gonna ignore what fucking guy just said what did he say he said i'm you know you were pediatric i want biden to stop gatekeeping the alien sc ot you never probably goes crazy you never had

no that was crazy you being like ot you've never had like alien pussy no that shit's like that shit is literally like out of this world like it's fucking yeah i'm sure it looks like you ever heard an alien moan no you never heard it no you can't make an alien moan it's really fucking easy bro oh mr beast is playing with dynamite now so he's ripping into the ozone layer he's a terrorist have you seen the last episode mr beast terrorist arc no i haven't watched oh my god he actually is a genius because of oppenheimer being out he's like let's add explosives and like wow like that's the new vibe like he was like suddenly he was like wait it's like when he saw squid game and he was like wait what if i do

exactly this he's making a nuke i think mr wait is gonna set off that's his next fucking video is the h bomb bro he's gonna set off a hydrogen bomb like no because you can only go up no i'm dead serious i'm bored of them i'm like okay like a train in a hole like oh my god oh it turned through a wall wow like i literally watched them and i'm like okay bored tried like you're boring boring tomato tomato and then he started playing with fire and explosives and no mr beast terrorism arc it's coming soon um no but like i've said it before like oh don't get me wrong like mr beast come on the podcast we got some shit to talk about let me go watch one of these because you're evil he's evil i want to see one of the explosions so bad man um no no no mr beast come on the podcast and convince me you're not evil i don't i mean i don't

know if you've ever looked into that frame but like i don't think he would see them like i need to go there like oh also um i was hanging out with christian elisa and jester who are those people who are they they're someone like our closest friends uh i've just like got rid of all the ops i've gotten rid of all the you haven't done your shrooms recently so you're losing your connection it's just like fuck people bro it's like me myself and i like sigma mentality like i came from the bottom now i'm fucking here type shit like bottom g swag i think you might still be but um no no no no no no no no no no never that anyways um oh we were sitting around watching videos and then christian goes i oh my god i have a video that i think you're really gonna like christian goes i oh my god i have a video

that i think you're really gonna like and i was like oh my god what is it he's like watch just watch and he wasn't joking he literally showed me a hydrogen bomb video oh i um that motherfucker jacked my swag yeah and he showed it jacked my swag he showed it to me and he was like he was like i just feel like you would love this and i did because my first reaction was like oh imagine seeing that so beautiful and we all started laughing because i was like, I just feel like you would love this. And I did because my first reaction was like, oh, imagine seeing that. It's so beautiful. And we all started laughing because I was like, oh, oh, my God, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that.

Like, it's literally like, like, mass destruction. But it looked so pretty. No, I trust me. The ozone layer. I was like, trust me. I know, like massive explosions are it does something to my brain like it's still it's like discovering like when apes discovered fire for the first time like it does that to my brain or like making the wheel and rolling it down the

hill that's literally the theory of all mr beast videos like that has to be the way he goes like just what primal caveman found fire yeah like, like, when cavemen found fire. Yeah, like, primal instincts. Like, coliseum-type shit. Dude, that Beirut explosion video is insane. It looks like an anime fight scene. Yeah, yeah. I've showed you, like, a million times. All right.

There's, like, an explosion. There's, like, a shockwave that wave that like eviscerates everything in front of it oh oh yeah didn't that happen like last year in 2020 oh yeah yeah okay i have seen that yeah i know it's insane it literally looks like an anime fight scene have you seen the one of the dude on the jet ski on the water and he like thank god he did this he was really fucking close but he jumped into the water because like he saw the explosion and he was like oh fuck like i don't know what to do and he evaded like the shockwave that would have like likely ruptured his eardrums and made him bleed and like all this crazy shit well should i get

into um drew psyop corner yeah go for it welcome to drew psyop corner check on your friends who aren't having sex. We are not okay. Wait, but you said you... That was a quote from Kai. Oh, okay. What are you talking about? I'm not cringe. I'm a reflection of your internalized shame. That's just not true. Because you're not very pretty.

The sensors on toilets aren't automatic flushers they are cameras stealing your dick and vagina and butt information so tape them tape them like you tape your computer screen you fucking nerds i do it too i'm scared of it every public bathroom you go into you like tape it i'm gonna i'm gonna fucking sell that i'm gonna sell a sticker that you put over the sensor oh wow that is the nastiest thing ever wow dollar general be leaving that one cash up there to die that's like the best one that's literally my most favorite one yeah that's really good dudes be like i don't watch tv i not going to let mainstream media tell me how to think. My brother in Christ, you let recommendations underscore watch next dot serve parenthesis

parenthesis determine your whole personality. That's so good. If I end up, if God ends up being real and i go to hell i'm gonna be so pissed god hates we need to bring that back no all right fine this is a question for the culture um if i floated 1 000 feet above the ground perfectly still would the earth rotate beneath me why don't we travel that way if it does you ever jump if you jump in an airplane why don't i splat on the fucking back well if i throw a tennis ball in the car why doesn't it float

backwards and hit the i know there's a physics answer but it's not real it's conservation of momentum oh my god base level physics and it's not real no that shit shouldn't it just doesn't happen simple what is that sound the simple answer is it just doesn't happen no no i think josh is doing something on his ac oh no is that you oh this that's what it was it sounded like it was coming from because i'm getting to the point that like i need to you're playing i gotta rub my feet together and take a nap all right last one when a gay person says wait no because like you're gonna hear the most incoherent unintelligent thing you've ever heard someone make a compilation of me saying wait no because you like 18 times an

episode also but you're not gay um facts yeah uh-huh um i saw a really funny tweet and i wish i could find it i've tried to find it and i can't but orion showed it to me because it was on her timeline and it was like can you bitches stop bringing those big ass tote bags in the club? You almost knocked the charcoal off my hookah. And I literally cried at that. Cause like, I have been like a bitch with a big ass tote bag in a club, because you just don't know you're going to end up there. And be like,

oh, I'm sorry. I've been hit in the face with tote bags before. Doing the thing where you hold it in the front. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've literally been hit with one before.

In a club. And it like made made my the inside of my lip bleed good i did it on purpose what the fuck in the next episode we're gonna announce something so crazy that it's gonna rock your fucking socks off if you have a family you might leave them yes because that's what i would do i think that's my cards yeah all right well let's i continue family tradition like a lot of people just like have their phones down and they like find new tradition but i continue my family tradition of what i will be walking out on my children oh i mean. Culturally, it is a part of me. Don't look at me.

Oh, okay. It's bad when a woman says she wants to try something new. Oh, did Barbie not teach anybody anything? Okay, that's a good point. I didn't see it yet. Because I don't fuck with women movies. Pink. Me about little women. pink me about little pink pink you with little women yeah all right let's get into media i did watch carol and yeah i think

it would have been better if it was about straight people yeah no that movie is heartbreaking y'all no that movie fucked me up, and I almost feel like I shouldn't have watched it. But you know what? Cinema is... Cinema. You got the cinema, Harry Styles. You are a cinema, a Hollywood treasure.

Action, thriller. I could watch you forever um but it was really good and i need if you haven't watched it cover your ears but i need a poster of kate blanchett holding up that gun kate blanchett put her entire fucking pussy into that film i thought that was about her life like it got i got so into that movie i literally was was like, I can't believe this is happening to me. This is a documentary. Yeah, that's what it felt like. No, she did. I actually did,

you asked me if it, like, like, tore my rectum. I mean, my suspension of belief. Oh, my God. I did not. Sorry, I'm seeing your mom right after this, and I'm just like, my head is, like,

going 100 miles per hour. Your hymen? Yeah, I mean, when I ripped your mom's time and she bled a lot a lot more than I've ever done you know what is it it's hymen no I'm so fucking high yes I'm so fucking high man that's Louie that's crazy that you knew exactly what I was on the same wavelength oh yeah and you took an edible this episode by the way it's like boy 21 boy boy boy 21. we should do that the next part if you go to be a conversation like boy boy what the heck boy you're done boy what the hell boy and you better not be a snitch because that's a fucking carl bismarck who's carl bismarck he's dead do the first part what is it you know

i just did the first part no oh um is it wait dude i can't i can't remember it either motherfucker yeah motherfucker motherfucker motherfucker and you better not be a snitch because i'll tell fucking carl bismarck motherfucker you're a fucking liar motherfucker all right um i think that's the only movie i've watched yeah that's the only movie i've watched and then i'm gonna grab my phone so i can't give my face it uh and for my movie um i don't actually i don't know if you've seen it i know you've seen it but it was me tripping with kai's mom challenge wait why would you be tripping with her um just like trying to like trying my penis is really small, so it's, like, basically a clit. See, I held in that secret, but now that you've said it...

I have something serious I want to bring up. Can you guys stop banging my mom, please? I mean, you tell her that. It's like, I think she swallowed magnets or something, and then I did, too, so they're stuck in my coochie, and hers also fell into her coochie. No, you need to tell her this is true. Just please stop it.

It's very hard for me mentally. It went down the urinary tract, so, like, right. And, like, I mean, it's a flat magnet, so, like, I stuck there, and then we just, like, when I see her, it's, like, like, that's insane. And sometimes it sucks, because she'll, like, it's such a strong magnet, sometimes she'll, like,

kick me and my coochie. They've literally ripped up, like, ripped in half before okay yeah well i tried i tried to set boundaries and i guess i need this job so what's more important kai your family or your job the job probably there you go that's we taught you good okay um when the morning comes by daryl hall and john oats that is the best song ever um uh wow um i've been listening to like the same three songs over and over seabird by innovations our house by crosby stills nash and young too many people put that down to one and iron man by the cardigans and just that whole album um my movie is uh this small movie that

just came out called barbie i don't know if you've heard if you've heard of it let me know um no but actually not another teen movie classic classic um five out of five. Ski Yee, Cyberspeed, DJ S-Mix. Super fucking lit. And that's all I'm giving you. I gave you like a bunch of music last week and I don't have anything else. I've given you all of me. I don't know what else you want. All of me wants all of you all right thanks for watching this is

so weird really uncomfortable dude y'all are fucking you're fucking high and weird you're freaking the fuck out your parents are gonna find out they can smell it even if it's inedible your your breath smells. It smells like an edible. They'll know. Yeah, you're being really weird right now. They're going to drug test you. Dude, this sucks,

but they're going to drug test you tomorrow. And you're literally going to get kicked out of school. Bye.