Emergency Intercom - Enya is drunk and bored

Episode Date: August 2, 2024

Drews town is getting destroyed by bitcoin, Enya got drunk alone and Trisha noticed Ky Dipsea Get an extended 30-day free trial when you go to https://Dipseastories.com/INTERCOM. Shopify Grow your business no matter what stage you’re in. Sign up for a $1-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/intercom. https://www.patreon.com/emergencyintercom join the Patreon for bonus episodes, q&a/topic submissions, livestreams, pay for ky's lobotomy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Another Zoom. I am going crazy. I'm literally going to do meth or something. I'm going crazy. It's so boring in Miami. I'm going to kill myself. And you texted me and Kaya saying that she was going to kill herself for fun because she's so bored it's so they get drunk alone which was concerning which isn't a lie actually it's technically a lie because i made my parents drink with me because i'm so bored so i made my parents drink soju with me because yeah i made luna like drink with me because i didn't want to drink alone so i lucky big shots and she like was just fucked up she but she knock out no she's being such a lightweight she was being like crazy like crazy girl like bag of chips on the head well here is my soju and tonic water in my sephora beauty rogue

points cup that my parents kept it's always that damn sephora rogue sale i'm telling you bro kind of on trend it's like a dotted cup dots are on trend so uh wait victoria's secret pink hello bring it back and when i was a young little lad when i was a little boy i'd walk in there and just bust okay why did you just say that was not that's actually sick um you guys did you see the huge news about uh tricia mentioning me on her podcast yes and saying you were friends with kind of a good podcast name you go on a gag okay like who could have that name like emergency intercom oh do they get to keep their name, though, right? I think so, yeah. Because they started it.

Because they had it before. Yeah. They're, like, Zooming now for their podcast. I kind of like that vibe. I like that, too. I love it. I'm going to try to Zoom in. But there's, like, a third one now.

Yeah. Is he always there? I think he's been there on occasion. And he's good friends with Drew and friends with Dua Lipa. I'm 95% sure. Yeah. these good friends with drew and friends with dualipa i'm 95 sure yeah i saw that and then someone was like my favorite thing is neither of these people know anything about each other's podcast because like we don't like seriously like watch it in a way like we're not sitting through full episodes so it's this thing of like we kind of know

what's happening on either side but we really have no idea what the fuck anybody's up to and we're just regurgitating like false information about each other wait yeah the lack of research was kind of jarring like that's i'm dualipa's friend i'm obsessed with that damn k, Kai, that's clouded. That's really sick. Kai's up and it's stuck. Yeah. Well, I had a dream that Drew died and it made me so sad in the dream.

I woke up sobbing. Like, literally, like I woke up in pain. I remember waking up in the dream and I was like in a room with Orion after it happened. And everybody went back to normal in the dream. Like drew died things resumed as normal like i literally my manager called me the next day and was like hey like you have this opportunity for a sponsored post and was like talking to me like nothing fucking happened and i was like how'd it go no one really would be like oh he's gone on to the next. I wouldn't be like that. I would fucking freak out. Well, Kai, I was already freaking out. I'd probably freak out a little bit more.

But it's not a competition. No. In the dream, I was laying on the floor with my head. I would say, this is the wall. My body was like this. And this was my head. And I was literally using my feet to kick myself and hit my head on the wall. Because I was in so much physical pain from Drew's

death and nobody was paying attention and that's how I woke myself up and I'm convinced I was hitting my head against this headboard in my dream and that's how I woke up and I woke up and I cried and then I was like oh my god this is perfect for a TikTok and but this was the only like the last saved sound I had. Wait, what is the sound? Oh, you can't hear it? Yeah. It's the song by What's His Nuts. Okay, I get it.

By NLE Choppa, and it's mmm, smell like Boudoussi. I'm trying to eat that, I'm trying to eat that as in a pussy so that's yeah that's the song i would use for your memorial i i would love that i have a funeral playlist it's it was supposed to be a surprise like if i randomly died it's on my spotify account so when y'all were like reminiscing and going through my like apps and shit which there are a few that are off limits you know that um but i have a funeral playlist that i won't play when i unfortunately pass away not if when that won't be happening so confused why i'm in space right now shut the fuck up did you not change it no okay there we go we're back drew this you um okay ian this is your

professor on the first day of class what do you do i'm smashing i report because i want him to be checked for guns i'm i'm getting a d uh and failing uh so i can be reprimanded after class you can do office hours credit no i'm literally like that uh audio of natalie nunn on tiktok that's like sir check her her to her purse like that's me to you sir check him i've never seen the context of that clip like of that audio and i need to know so badly while where she was and why she was doing a gun check on people's purses like and who was the girl who she pointed out and was like her to her her um i just want to know so if anybody can tag me in that yeah let us know down in the comments below kai is pissing me the fuck off take off those fucking glasses you get too much attention

sometimes like take them off what does it matter if i have the glasses on though it's too much sauce it's too sexy like really it looks good because i was like i need these but i feel like i look really normal and not cool or special or anything you look fine you know you look fine i miss when you were insecure so you would like turn off the camera more i am insecure no hold on i saw a tiktok where someone was like oh it's another zoom episode i don't know who to focus on and it was of india and i was like like, oh, it's going to be me next. It's going to be. And it was fucking Kai. And they literally made it a point to ignore me. See, I'm telling you, it's buggy.

I'm literally getting bug in the fucking face. I'm giving like I'm like a disordered breathe. I can't fucking breathe. Like it's over for me. Like y'all got thirsted over in that last episode. And they just ignored me and acted like i wasn't there and said the vibe feels off no no no no no no you're missing the point of that video was they feel really bad for kai because people usually ignore kai and they knew they couldn't ignore me

because like to ignore me it would be a dead giveaway because i saw a comment i went through the comments and it was like oh thank you so much for actually posting this. They were from a group chat that was conspiring to give Kai confidence. Oh, really? No, I just made it up. Okay, okay. This is tough. Drew, every single gay friend that I have, and I have hundreds

of them, wants to fuck you. No, ew, hell no. Dang, I'm trying to... You're supposed to be like all the hot girls i know but i guess then it would be like what me orion see kai's gay friends are like very trad and very like like never mind we'll move on i went to i went to the okay back it up so we all know i got sent it 46 trillion times on tiktok like people were making videos people were texting me about it my hometown a time story was written about my hometown and everybody was like wait this is fucking cranberry this is crazy people were so goofed by it that they were emailing it to me um but

basically the story goes that this mega bitcoin mine was created um in sort of like a disenfranchised area of my town and the new noise pollution was so bad that people were like literally getting sick and having seizures and having nosebleeds like freaking the fuck out it's not funny but it's funny because like imagine explaining that to somebody in like 1842 you know like we're gonna have electric currency but it's so real to a point that it's giving people literal sickness like physical ailments yeah it was crazy and so they complained i don't know i'm on the fucking beach now like hello you're so annoying um oh my god what the y'all are pissing me off like we haven't said anything this is the problem also to let y'all know we're doing this episode it's 10 p.m my time and like 9 p.m drew's time

so this is around the time where drew becomes like volatile and can't get past a few sentences without wanting to go to bed i'm creepy i become creepy i become a creepy crawly um but i was like oh god like these people are literally getting sick like that's tea like i believe it because oh god like the sound the i've heard of like noise pollution causing illnesses and like it is sad because these people moved from like inner cities for peace and quiet so they built up their life and then like five three two one years later they built a fucking bitcoin mine that is loud as fuck and the decibels at some points were like reaching like what it sounds like to be inside of time square which like if you've ever been it's hell on earth it's the loudest most overstimulating place ever awful vibes i think it's like 86 decibels or something like 89 decibels which is loud as especially for just like existing in like all day long

um well they built up this mine uh times got a hold of it wrote an article did a couple videos and i think they turned down the sound they had a noise proof wall built up and like it was whatever well i wanted to go and experience it for myself and like see what all the fuss was about so me and my mom drove over there and like we all know i'm a hypochondriac. We all know that like the slightest little bit of like. I know your ass is not about to say what I think. Just wait. The slightest amount of sickness enters my brain. The thought of it, I become like hyper aware of it.

It festers and it becomes a thing. Like that's who I am as a person. Sorry, like placebo works on me. I don't know. Well, like the closer we got unironically i started feeling like a pressure behind my eyes and like in my sinuses and i was like what the fuck is going on and i was telling my mom about it fuck y'all like for real i'm not no keep going keep going oh i believe you i believe you drew

um so like i started feeling a oppressed no y'all don't bye like bro you are literally schizophrenic like you i know damn well your ass was like the 14 year old that if i gave you a cup of apple cider like sparkling apple cider and i was like oh this is champagne you're about to be fucked up your ass would have been rolling on the floor, like, 20 minutes later. Like, oh, I'm fucked up. Drew? Drew, please come back. Drew,

I believe you. You got sick. I'm gonna kill myself. Bye. Drew? Drew? Drew, please turn your camera back on. Please? I believe you Oh fuck

It's taking you so long To do this bit this is insane It played through my fucking headphones Bruh it was so embarrassing And it was so loud I wish the camera Was on But I Opened Safari You didn't even do it i know it played through my headphones

it was a gunshot like it was some fair thing it made me flinch in real life um we'll add one in but but i was um oh my god this is crazy. My rat's... I literally like can't see. You mean like what? I don't want to go. Okay, okay. I opened up Safari and your mama's

pussy vagina, stinky pussy, fucking stinky box was pulled up all over it. Okay. But anyways, I drove to this this place I started feeling a pressure behind my eyes and I was like I'm being facetious like I'm making this up in my head my mom yeah facetious um foot fetishes and he was like girl shut the fuck up like no you don't and I was like yeah you're right I don't and we like kind of hovered around there for literally like an hour or two because I was trying to get videos. I just it was kind of a pleasant sound.

And then across the way was like a big open field with beautiful trees, the sunset and locusts. And I haven't heard locusts in a very long time. So it was just like a gorgeous scene. So we were kind of just keying. And I also got it. We were hanging out in a church parking lot. And I took videos for you and Orion because it is the cuntiest church I've ever seen in my life y'all are gonna gag over it yeah we'll insert it here but I was just chilling there and

like unironically I started feeling weird and then my mom was like I that's funny I feel fine I feel fine like and I was like yeah you're right I'm making it up and we were gonna try to sneak in or I was gonna try to sneak in but it was literally like a complex with like armed security guards and security cameras because I was just like, I want to see. I guess there's probably hella people who are trying to like hang around there now. Yeah, I would throw a rock in the fans and fucking break the whole operation. But it's like a $10 million operation or some shit like that. But like, anyways, I started feeling weird.

I kind of kept it to myself after my mom was like, you're fine. I was like, yeah, you're right. Well, we were leaving and my mom just starts violently coughing like she just starts violently, violently coughing and she was like, what the fuck? Like, what is this? And then she started complaining about the same pressure behind her eyes and her neck right here, like behind her jaw and just like pressure in her face and she was like oh my god like i actually do think like this is doing something and she was just like imagine like living here like constantly bitch i'd be having seizures too like what the fuck like and so she was like even like feeling it so i called kai immediately after i called her so annoying like the frequency of the sound or something like. I have no idea if it was like electric or like invisible frequent or whatever invisible frequencies or like what it was. But it was just like it was like this deep, deep, deep humming sound and like fan sounds.

And then just like indescribable like sound. It was just so loud it was unbelievable and then mixed with the fucking locusts like girl fuck that like hell on earth for real um but yeah it probably wouldn't affect someone like me just your tiny little pea brain no because i am strong willed by nature yeah well you look beautiful today. Every time we get on Zoom, I just get to see your beauty in 4K. Thank you, Drew. Thank you. He was not talking to your fucking frail, sad-looking ass.

Like, you low-key look like an oil sheet before I blot it on my face. Well, I'm so sorry. What? I mean, she's hot. I'm so sorry. What? I look fucking disgusting. Well, I'm insecure because I have a side part and I thought I was giving like 2016 Batty, but I kind of feel like I'm giving like Glee, Bethany, Moda. I'm giving Sky a fuck. But. giving sky a fuck but and you're giving ian and you're giving sky and drew is giving you're giving white lotus i'm giving like white cat when i turn it aside and that shit comes out

i look like a like white cat it's cooked it's over because your hair well it's because you have that fucking green screen on um yeah you're right let's turn it on you're at the beach you should take your shirt off anything for bae oh i'll send you that video later um well i decided okay so when the last episode went up the olympics had like just actually started and i have been like trying to keep up but i still think that the olympics are so confusing let me see it's not even bad hold on let me turn the blur off i'm gonna kill my out the golden gate bridge right fucking now y'all suicide nets aren't gonna prevent me bitch are there actually nets on that i don't know i don't think so i'm sorry y'all um well i still don't understand the olympics still don't understand the Olympics. I don't understand how long it's going to last. But what I do understand is that I cannot believe synchronized swimming is an Olympic sport. Like I didn't that never crossed my mind that that would be worthy of Olympics.

It's Gorg but I've also come to the realization because we've seen synchronized swimmers in person before, and it made me so anxious and so uncomfortable, and I could not focus, and it was freaking me the fuck out because the whole time I was convinced that I was going through like all the Olympic channels. And I saw that and I'm not kidding. I watched it for like two seconds and then had to stop because all I can think about is trying to watch how often they breathe and think about how my body would feel if I had to hold my breath and move around like that. And then I start like inducing physical, like panic on myself.

So I can't watch it. And I just, I will never be able to enjoy synchronized swimming because it freaks me out have you seen water polo no i thought that was like is that a real thing yeah no it's not like marco polo no no it's like uh soccer with your hands in water and they like scratch each other and shit wait is it like deep water yes they're treading the whole time with their it's so embarrassing looking but like they are the most fit people on this planet i am so sorry half the sports we do are so weird and they are so bored like i'm done talking about the fucking olympics i guess yeah we are giving them

like quite us acting like we're giving the literal olympics no guess yeah we are giving them like quite us acting like we're giving the literal olympics no no it's satanic it's dark it's sinister it's evil they recreated the in the opening ceremony bitch wait opening ceremony i thought that was the brand i thought we were talking about the brand opening ceremony oh no it was satanic dark evil twisted like wicked vibes uh demonic no i'm just kidding but uh it's so fun to go through my mom's facebook and read there's 30 posts about it a day from people like in texas like they really actively watching it no like the opening ceremony there's about it because it was quote-unquote demonic and i was like girl one it's the fucking fringe they're weird as fuck we all know this

like they're gonna do whatever they want to like bitch your religion is not everybody's religion so they're not targeting your religion and then the third thing is bitch it was like about a fucking greek god or some shit like i didn't watch it i think it's stupid to be mad about anyways like what i just don't understand i guess it's fire what happened oh my god steven has his ass out um well well i guess like maybe if we actually cared about religion and we like held it to a high standard of faith and acknowledgement then that would offend us but i can't think of anything that would make me mad like to me this is the craziest comparison i will ever make trust and believe i know it's, but it'd be like

if somebody got me tickets and they were like, we got you tickets to see Hall and Oates. And I was under the impression that Hall and Oates was not beefing. They fucked with each other heavy and they were doing a reunion tour. And I went and it was a cover band of Hall and Oates. That is like the only way I can describe would be like me watching somebody reenact like what was it the last supper because I hold holy notes to such a high standard and I like praise their music so I would assume that's how someone feels about god question mark maybe they feel deeper I don't fucking know but like why would that make you mad like you know what the last supper was like seeing a bootleg of it it's like it's like you went on Timu and you found like a fake bag.

You wouldn't be mad about it. Like, I don't know how to describe it. It just doesn't make sense to me why people get so butthurt. Because they all have ego mania. They're literally egomaniacs. They're wicked, evil,

dark people that think everything's about them. And it truly never is. But yeah, well, you guys see the korean sharpshooter video i was just about yeah sorry my phone i got the new update it makes it invisible that is the uh coolest person that ever existed i'm pretty sure or uh literally or uh i feel like they have a similar presence why didn't america win where we got shooters fucking school shooters and shit oh i feel like oh my god say that they have like a very similar presence that i do you know what i mean

and but i don't even need all like like the gun or the cool outfit but i feel you think you walk into the room and that is the energy you give people yeah i feel like shooter yes i guess yeah oh actually true that's a good point i guess you do walk into a room and usually people clutch their purse they kind of turn their back but like not all the way so that they could keep their peripheral like view on you no i guess that does when i walk into a room i have the same presence as an olympic athlete i think we know no one knows who you are and no one gives a fuck like say swear bitch if i wasn't seeing these bitches tiktoks about their fucking bed and the village and switching pins i wouldn't know them and god bless them because like they

don't know me either bitch what am i the olympian of annoying podcasts like i'm not shit either team captain for the male podcasting team i hate how much that made me laugh when you posted that yeah where did you get that video like in the room because i didn't see it on tiktok anywhere i didn't even know they did those crazy fireworks at the olympics so when you posted it it felt like you paid somebody on fiverr to render that also dude it was so compressed yeah it was like yeah it was i mean it literally was tiny uh i don't know what the fuck i'm saying um no yeah it it was hilarious it was goofy vibes i was feeling myself and um the amount of people

that saw the eiffel tower photo that thought it was real um genuinely horrifying like that i know in real life did not know i was joking was it people from home or like anybody who lives in LA LA people oh hell no that's hella funny I was gagged by it but yeah I don't even know what the fuck I was saying

I wasn't fooled by that for a second because I know you're a fucking liar okay shut up turn off your camera. Go? Yeah. Wait, can someone edit me, please? Oh, Drew, you're hot.

One of those candid edits where I'm like, like... Are you serving? do one of these do one of like like playing with your hands and being like what like what oh well um well shit no i'm still getting editing material fuck well i we said this i like talked about this on the last oh true i talked about this on the last episode we did in the set rest in peace um but i'm still thinking about it especially like i'm back home in miami and a few things getting ready to do the podcast like because bitch i looked like shit 20 minutes ago so i had to do my makeup and like fix my hair even though it still looks like shit um yeah that's what i feel like um getting ready late at night reminded me of like being a teenager and just

being at home with my parents and bored as hell in the summertime like doing my makeup for no reason just to get on like the internet and post a thirst trap and I fully oh and that led me to another thought like I was just thinking about things that I felt very deeply about in terms of the internet when I was younger and one of them was one of my first memories of using the internet was getting on YouTube and watching the Beauty and the Beat music video so many times because I already said this to Drew and Kai, but like, I genuinely believed that I would go to a party like that at some point in my life. Mind you, it never occurred to me that that video also drew is filmed at a fucking water park i thought that was someone's backyard no it's not that's bullshit i don't think it is that's there's no way that someone's backyard i think it's a little water park i've seen people with lazy rivers in their backyard i think it might be someone's house that kind of wealth is gluttonous

and you are going to burn in hell You may be living a cushy, soft, awesome life right now But you will burn for your fucking sins If you are rich enough to have a lazy river in your backyard I hope you drown in it Oh Oh my god No, this has

No, Drew, this has to be This has to be at a water park. Where was Beauty and the Beat Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj filmed? Filmed in a swimming pool at Raging Waters in San Dimas,

California. Okay. Anyways, I was under the impression when I was 13, impression when I was like 13 14 that that was somebody's backyard like I fully believed that and I was like oh my god I cannot wait to get out of Miami and like go and have a party like this in LA because I thought it was in LA like at somebody's house um and if only I knew that the pure real joy of being like 25 what i would be doing like you can't do that because why is it gonna make me really fucking sad

feels like we're um you can't do that because i've been practicing avoidance, like, pure avoidance, no thoughts. No, same. Right, right. Like, don't talk about it. Any team member wants to talk about it, I'm like, don't. Don't, because I'm not even home. So don't fucking, don't worry me with home troubles. I'm not there.

Exactly. And I feel bad for being so unavailable but like it's protecting myself um well the amount I think Kai died by the way Kai? No I didn't I just you know Enya told me to turn off my phone

so I did keep going Drew uh Enya can you fix your camera by the way it's like driving me insane like you this little line? no you just look rancid and ugly and i think i'll put on here yeah i think you got a filter on that's making you really ugly no i don't have any filter on so i didn't want to do that does that look good oh wait you i can put filters for real on huh i see you hello you see me okay we need to stop because we do this thing where sometimes we just get sidetracked and we

start like playing around no for real the amount of videos i swear to god god is testing me playing games with my fucking mind um he knows how serious i take these videos um and it has taken everything in me to just start ignoring them um but the amount of videos i'm getting that say, ignore this and August will be the worst month of your life. Ignore this in your mind. It's like, ignore this. Like, your dick is going to fall off or like, whatever the fuck. Your dick is going to fall off. It's actually absurd.

I'm not kidding. It's one in every 10 videos. And I click not interested on every single one of them. And fucking TikTok keeps feeding them to me and like i'm like is god like actually trying to tell me something like do i really need to do this chain mail um i've been doing them again wait is god trying to like tell me something do i actually have to send this text to 10 people if my crush is gonna kiss me tomorrow like is god talking to me right now what's fucked up is even as kids like

we still were so desperate for manifestation because it's like in your adulthood we all knew damn well that those text chain mails would not do shit we knew deep down it was a thing at school everybody knew that it wasn't real but if somebody texted me saying my crush would hug me tomorrow if i sent that shit to 25 people i don't even have 25 numbers in my fucking android phone and i am sending that out to 25 random numbers did you ever have you ever interacted with a uh like phone book you said a woman now uh yes all the time like the boobs sandbag boobs like hedgehog pubes oh hell no um wait before i go on to my yellow books thing i interrupted you um those aren't real drew

and your month will just be normal those aren't real also you keep getting them because you watch them through and you use them you put them in your drafts that's why you keep getting them as of late i have been not interesting them and then i i'm not kidding i got 50 like in the past two days so i was like okay like this is unbelievable and i actually have to start using these sounds. I don't know. Um, but also this is fucking CEO. This is T.

This is how I know I'm loved. Um, I don't need those silly fucking edits. I don't need all this bullshit. There is a word in here that I don't agree with. Um, but other than that, this is how i know i'm special is this the picture you're saying how you know you're special yeah this is actually really awesome you better not be during philip sitting gay

also i saw somebody on tiktok like tagged us in dressing us up like in dress to impress and somebody was like oh my god i keep like dressing up as them for like like fashion icon or like like favorite celebrity and they're like and i keep not even placing or getting last place yeah bitch because nobody knows who the fuck we are like if you know us you're weird but like in a cool way but like you're the on ball like in a good way like drew was saying but in fact you have that big like shock that they were getting last place i'm like yeah i'm bunk as fuck i think you guys are awesome thank you guys for that you put your camera back on all right only because um oh my god bro this motherfucker is always doing some shit like you look like those goofy ass fucking

emojis people use in slideshows for tiktoks oh so i look cute like a little emoji i look cute what are you doing true because like that looks like what does it look please stop doing i don't like it because it looks like you're sucking dick bro like it's really off putting y'all i heard something and i don't know if it's real or not um it could very well be fake and misinformation but it tracks to a certain point so like when i get to a certain point you'll understand but basically uh when you hike up mount everest like it's like an excursion like it's days and days and days right like you're sleeping up there you're eating up there you're like camping out like you're wading through blizzards and shit and like pissing on the mountain yeah that makes sense but

like people have to shit while they're on mount efforts like they shit and they just shit on the floor or they used to just shit on the floor and like it essentially just like would freeze immediately so you'd shit and then the turds would turn into like shit popsicles well they oh my god imagine an avalanche and they would just like come down and you get knocked out and concussed by a big shit turd that's that's literally they were saying that that's a fucking thing that like on everest like the snow would slowly thaw out and then there would be these big poop mud slides of like human shit so they started implementing rules where now if you shit on the

mountain you have to bring it back down in a baggie with you because there was so much shit everywhere okay i guess actually because it's so cold thankfully i don't think the shit would sting but in my head i immediately like imagine a bag of stinky like humidified shit do you guys ever have a pooping in a ziploc bag phase like in middle school or i had a bang in your mom face my whole life oh i do that is true i've known for long so okay all right okay but tell us more about that no i was just saying um never mind and we're not just like passing up on that you're gonna talk about your shitting in a bag phase yeah you want to say it so you can just talk about it you guys never ziplocked?

like ziplocking? you have a name for it too okay nevermind I was just kidding I was just trying to like make Drew laugh and squirt laughing squirt laughing y'all are so fucking disgusting it's you succeeded is this like sexy eyes

whoa yeah that is really sexy what about this that was so disciplined me yeah that's why i spank you because you talked too much in class okay enough enough look what you did please come back dude please you're the glue drew you're handsome every gay person i've ever met okay oh my god enough motherfucker well um said the tampon eat yeah the tampon eating what is the equivalent to that now is it like the kids who don't shower so they can like pheromone max like we don't have people eating their tampons anymore it's like you hear you say max ever again pheromone maxing, looks maxing. I've been Riz maxing. Can I try it out on you?

Who? On you. No, try it on Kai. I'm not doing that. I'm ready. Begin. Begin. I just feel so ugly. ugly no you're not ugly i just feel like worthless and stupid and like an idiot no don't say that i think you're i think you look great i look cute great what

what was the first word you were gonna say you look you look hot honestly like you look cute i'm just a piece of meat to you wait are you is your riz maxing just uh gaslighting like yeah it's just you manipulating me stupid fucking idiot like don't call me stupid oh whoa that's that i low-key miss being in high school because i was so fucking mean to any motherfucker i had a crush on like any guy i had a crush on all i would do was be mean but not in a flirtatious way at all i would literally meet them and be like what are you the fucking dumbest motherfucker that's ever walked the planet get out of my face like i would literally just be evil as fuck um and i would do it on purpose it was fun you're beautiful so you get away with it yeah um well i don't know if this was in the episode that got uh axed but trixie and flava

flav were on our flight to new york um oh trixie mattel trixie Mattel and Flava Flav was on our flight to New York and Flava Flav was a fucking sweetheart there he was so cute so cool um and Trixie was lit as fuck too we tried to say hi to her oh my god I tried to say hi um we were walking down and he had headphones on and i was like i'm just gonna say it i'm just gonna say it i'm just gonna say what's up so i was like hey like good to see you uh just sprinted away like literally like the second drew turned his head is as he was like starting to sprint by so drew basically just said it to like the side of his person um right oh you know what we did talk about on an episode that i feel like we'll still post eventually but i need to hear it right now talk to a girl no

but a hot tour girl's fucking bad bro i'm sorry little kids but i'm gonna kill a clown today i could say bullets are gonna spray i'm from brooklyn that's all right but let me just say i'm from brooklyn all right well shit what do you gotta say um i miss you guys a lot and i'm really excited to do an episode with you guys together person for real it's gonna be so nice yeah and also there's someone looking for you drew in la it's the tickle monster hell motherfucker jack donahue i like really was like okay you got drew helleck i did me too bitch i was tapped in i was so excited for like well i am not kidding i am so bored in miami my phone is so dry. I am so bored. I booked a bunch of doctor's appointments. Like I am that bored.

Like I am so bored. I'm losing my mind. And every time I booked, cause I do use ZocDoc, I would always get a text notification from a random number, like a full written out number. And the excitement I would feel

at the prospects of a random person texting me was so embarrassing because I was like oh my god I'm losing my mind I'm so bored but the reality is is like I'm so bad at texting that what am I gonna do start a conversation with somebody bitch I'm not texting you back I don't want to fucking text you you did this to yourself your phone is dry by your own volition um but oh fuck what was i gonna say oh i already said it but i know that i'm referencing y'all are mad annoying annoying it's like it's like my gay friend who it's like built like in a lab for true and whenever he posts he just posts like all day of him eating like pizza and lobster and then like

this week there was this photo that he posted on his story of him like diving into an ocean and i immediately sent it he's fine he's really fine he's made to like a fucking billionaire or some shit oh i know who the fuck you're talking about you're so annoying y'all are so annoying oh oh um fuck i was playing would you rather with my teenage siblings yesterday and that shit was cracking me the fuck up like them seeing them rational like rationalize certain things first of all my little sister is the worst at it. Cause all she says is like, would you rather get hit by a car or a bus? And there's no financial like want, like there's nothing that makes one of the options better to be like, Oh,

would you rather like, um, fall off a balcony at 50 feet high or like get pushed out of a plane without a parachute? And it's like, why? Like, you're basically asking me how i want to die in all of these scenarios you're so bad at this well i'd get pushed off a 50-foot balcony and i would get hit by a car no i'd get hit by a bus to both of them i said i would just shoot myself because i'm not letting anybody put me in those no you play it wrong and yeah you poke holes in all of them you're like well I just kill myself. Well, because in what scenario would I realistically not be able to kill myself before you got me to do what I was going to do? Because I'd be like, oh, I have to go to the bathroom.

I'm about to like piss myself. Can I at least do that? Like, can you give me the human decency to like at least let me use the bathroom? And then I would go in the bathroom and I'd kill myself. I'd jump out of the window and run away. Hello. I guess. Yeah.

With that like ideology. I'd jump out of the window and run away. Hello. I guess, yeah, with that, like, ideology, I don't know why I don't think of, like, how to save myself. Wow. Well, you don't want to be saved. Don't save her. You know what I mean? Bitch, fuck Tory Lanez because that song, Say It,

reminds me of high school and I love that song so much and I'll never be able to just like make a TikTok to it or post it on the gram or like play it like without anybody thinking that I like Tori Lanez. Why though? I don't know because I don't want anybody to think I like that motherfucker. He's nasty. Did he do something bad he shot megan the stallion drew that's who shot megan i didn't know that that's like two that's why the whole that's why she's like nikki says you foot fragment bitch and that's why they have beef is because nikki doesn't think tori lane did it and she thinks that megan the stallion is lying about it oh see i knew she got shot in the foot but i

did not know it was by tori so that too shot megan we got to the bottom of that do you know this song uh also did i say megan the stallion like her name is meg i feel like i said megan the stallion but i might be making that up i think you did say megan the stallion i don't know why i called her megan i don't think that's her fucking name it's just meg megan the stallion well y'all know the song what's up by four non-blondes i don't think so what's going on and i say oh yeah well

you're not about to act like you just sounded good bitch no no no run that back kai run that back in the edit i unironically flashback in the in the episode yeah black and white i unironically sounded good what's going on in that say y'all are so mean y'all are haters bro you know i said you did sound good every episode you do some wild shit and then you gaslight us into praising you for it like like my bit is lying and that i just thought about how sometimes when we're in the house like i have one of those moments where everything you do makes me laugh at you. And sometimes like very rarely,

but sometimes it makes Drew so mad. I feel like, like, what's so funny? Oh, I'm just a fucking joke. Like, fuck it.

Like, whatever. Oh my God. You laugh that for simply exist. I'm simply myself. You should kill yourself what what did i do you told him to kill himself i feel like it makes sense that that would upset him you know oh so you can't you can't say that now no you're not supposed to say that to your friends i think that okay i've like i don't know i don't i don't think that's going to be an easy one for me to drop like

really yeah no you don't think that's normal to not damn we could actually just take over from here i guess oh uh kai sometimes i feel like we look related like i don't like this i feel like i'm on a phone call with my family we do Whenever we do Zoom, I'm always like, we look like siblings. Ugh. Why us? Why us? Drew, come back, please! Please!

Like, oh my god, I felt like I was like, I don't think I've ever FaceTimed Kai, and I felt like I was like FaceTiming him. We have laughs here, guys.ing him we have laughs here guys like we have laughs here love each other we love each other so much y'all we literally love each other i like didn't want to do the podcast at all because i'm just like lazy bored and i feel like i have nothing to say and then i put myself in the mindset of a mastermind of being like okay it's summer I'm like 16 17 I am getting on uvu with my internet friends who I don't get to hang out with and then uvu uvu jobber I put myself in the brain of my seventh grade self and i'm like i'm getting on chatterbait and i'm about to

go fucking crazy whoa first of all first of all i'm getting on omegle i still don't understand what chatterbait is i will never know what chatterbait is yeah like i know what omegle is yeah right yeah right i know that it's like naughtier i know it's not I thought it was just like a text chat log room like which but for like people fingering their butts and shit I so it's like Omegle or

not like voluntary Omegle yes it's like Twitch you don't have a camera on you're a part of the audience and you're like donating in the comment section watching just like, like it would be like this with a comment section. Wait, we low key need to tap in. Like when we're like air playing something, we should like find a creator we like and just like donate to them and become friends with them on there. Me, Jake and Dana used to get on and there was a girl that if you donated, she would spank herself and we would make her spank

herself over and over and she would like moan really hard no we need to find like a farter on chatterbait like you know when we just get bored and we look up girls farting we need to find that side of chatterbait classic it's a certified classic i feel like we've watched every girl farting video there is on YouTube. I'm not kidding. Like 300 videos that we just scroll through and find the best ones. There's one of a girl like laying on the bed in yoga pants and she twerks the fart out. Those are my favorite. I'm not kidding.

When they like crybaby twerk the fart out those are my favorite i'm not kidding when they like cry baby twerk the fart out it's like it felt so good okay well we're uh cutting the episode off there because this is getting out of control i know we're we're starting to go like now it's for real just like a phone call at 10 30 p.m like we're just talking about like really whack shit oh so you're saying i'm whack as fuck these are my fiber pills i take fiber pills guys because i'm literally geriatric media is your fiber pills what what boy i just said your media is your fiber pills oh i i seriously didn't hear you so all i heard was fiber pills and i thought you said something stupid but

you said something actually really smart and like witty immediately assumes that everything i say is stupid well my media of the week is music and friends by robert lester fulsome who reached out to send me a record so i'm actually so happy about that he's one of my favorite artists that's actually crazy i know it genuinely made me so happy i love his music so much um my other media is footprints on the moon by johnny harris questions in a world of blue by julie cruz shame by terrence boylan and for movie media i haven't watched a movie bitch i don't fucking know i've been watching the olympics because i'm bored as hell i'm so bored you watch twister without me no did you watch twister without me because i have a feeling you're gonna no i would never do that i'm not kidding i've been down three times three times. Okay. I was going to say, because the same thing, I've been asked to go so many times

and we were going to go in Jordan. I was like, seeing that without Drew would be fucked up and I wouldn't even be able to lie to him that I didn't see it yet. I turned Kai down. I turned down Tag and I turned down my dad.

Keep turning it down. Watch us go back to LA and it's not going to be in fucking theaters anymore, bro. I know. It's going to be so beat. I just need to see it in 4DX because I want to get squirted on. Yeah, I want to see it in IMAX and 4DX. Okay, I don't know if I want to watch it twice.

I'll watch it in IMAX. I want to come with you guys so I can get squirted on too. No, it's kind of a date situation. We're not looking for thirds right now. It's a date? Yeah're not like looking for thirds right now it's a date you're like drew yeah good luck good luck with that bitch i don't need good luck i've hit that more times than you can fucking count like jealous you try to ruin all of my fucking like play i get like just because i don't want you anymore doesn't mean you have to try to ruin my life care that you don't want me anymore i'm just i'm wishing her good luck that's it i'm happy for you i don't want you anymore. Doesn't mean you have to try to ruin my life.

I don't care that you don't want me anymore. I'm just, I'm wishing her good luck. That's it. I'm happy for you. I don't need your luck. You fucking bitch. You fucking funky ass bitch. I don't fucking know you.

Fuck your luck, bitch. Okay. Yeah. Well, we'll see how it goes. And then good luck to you, Kai. Thank you. I appreciate that, but I don't need it. So no, you need it.

You know, don't Drew. Don't even let him know what's coming his way. Let him just like... He thinks he's good. Let him think he's good. You're good. Kai, you're good. What does that mean? You're good. Like a fucking bus. A bus.

I hired... Yes, I hired a bus driver to run you over. Dude dude you just admitted that on video so you're going to fucking jail one in the episode fuck you no one's gonna know i edit the episode so i'll fucking leave this in so people know do your do your medium bitch i'm gonna step on your fucking glasses shut up yeah sabali amadou and mariam uh parakeet damon auburn she wants to move in erd and organ donor dj shadow for movie vibes um i started watching this show that was filmed in Granbury and in the surrounding towns. It's like a prequel to Yellowstone.

It's called like 18 something, 1883. Yeah, 1883. I watched the first episode. It was chill. But yeah, I just watched it because it was in my hometown. And I recognized one of the locations. It was crazy. That's how I feel anytime I watch a movie now that's in LA.

I'm like, I've been there. I've really been there. Me and GTA 5. We got Kai in glasses before gta6 we got kai looking fine as fuck before gta6 oh okay i'm leaving that i'm gonna leave that in oh please let me do my media please please please please please go bruh yes okay uh hell of a ride by nourished by time that's it just that song i'll keep it short so i don't annoy you guys wait what is never mind we'll ask we'll talk about it now okay well bye Bye.