Emergency Intercom - Enya moved to Miami

Episode Date: May 2, 2025

Enya moved to Miami. Why would we lie? Drew got hit on at a club and Ky finally got asked to be a third Go to https://HelloFresh.com/INTERCOM10FM to get 10 Free Meals with a Free Item For Life! Start selling today and sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/intercom Go to https://Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys! Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today I am bringing to the table a very important question. Would you rather do bath salt or a whole can of Galaxy Gas? Ooh, immediately, immediately Galaxy Gas. And only because dentists give you essentially Galaxy Gas. They actually flavor the air sometimes with cherry, by the way. Wait, really? I don't know if it's because the numbing medication that they put in your mouth

before they stick the needle in is cherry flavor and it makes the air taste cherry is there a squirrel in the tree behind me oh I love nature hashtag random hashtag random hashtag a girl Shiny no, I'm doing galaxy gas obviously because Well, I don't even remember the other one Bath salts, but what if you could pick the bath salts like what if the bath salts were super super just like some random Malibu bitch and it was like salts from the sea, like air dried and baked and it was like natural ass bath salts. You wouldn't like opt for that instead of galaxy gas. I think there's no such thing as natural bath salts. I think the

bath salts was just it's called bath salts so they could sell it in like convenience stores but it was actually like some random ass research chemical from China that just like melted your brain and made you eat people. There's like different types. So like the types that you put in your bath, those don't get you high. But like if you went to the-

Oh, I always thought the whole gag was that he ate bath salts from like Bed Bath and Beyond or some shit, or was that just like a rumor? That was just a rumor. So I'm doing Galaxy Gas. I'm getting loaded off Galaxy Gas. And I just went to the dentist and guess what? I had my second procedure.

They didn't give me fucking laughing gas. So I was sitting there writhing in pain and it hurt even more than the other side. And now this tooth is literally turning gray. My temporary fucking molar is turning gray. And I looked it up and it's because they burst some blood vessels. And so now there's blood vessels rotting the pulp

of my tooth. So I'm probably gonna have to get a fucking root canal because of their neglect in my goddamn mouth. And it hurts so bad. And I called them yesterday and I was like, hey, it's like really excruciating. Like I can't do anything. And they were like, okay, come in tomorrow. And I was like, hey, it's like really excruciating. Like I can't do anything. And they were like, okay, come in tomorrow.

And I was like, well, I can't come in tomorrow. And they were like, okay, the dentist will call you. Wait, why couldn't you come in? Cause of this? Cause we were recording, yeah. Wow. So you're so- No, I'm dedicated. Yeah, you are.

You're dedicated to your craft. I really love that. Like you have a burning passion to speak. And I love that about you. Well, I guess now I have to go to galaxy gas also play the clip of me telling drew not to go to that dentist just to be clear because I really don't have anything to say on the subject matter because like I told you I told you I kind of look weird no, I mean from my Blurry this is I'm such a fucking narcissist cuz look at my screen

I'm like that at the beginning and then I changed it because I was like I feel like There's somebody out there who's like you can tell like the with the the way someone's I was looking at, they're not looking at someone else. And like in my head, I would look prettier looking at you because I love you so much. So I'm having like a real love for you instead of looking at my face and really being scared and like thinking about my every move. I live for you, I love for you, Olivia.

Okay. So like, we know this, like dumb as rocks, whatever. But why is there so much fossil fuel? Like, I feel like we should have run out by now, no? Cause aren't they just like rotted dinosaur corpses and like little shells and shit? Like, I'm not buying it. Like there should not be fossil fuels

on this fucking planet anymore Like I think it's all a lie like I truly don't know you got anything to say to that. Oh Yeah Just before I chime in though. What do you guys think of my apartment? That's not your apartment This is where you live. It's from a date. I had It was a very Yeah, I was very intimate date that I had. Why do you have no art up on your walls?

It's really like dungeon-y in there and it's like kind of scary. It's called minimalism and it's very sexy. The exposed brick is the art, babe. It's very she... Exactly. It's the art of what used to be somebody who was passionate enough to build a building brick by brick. And now they make them out of card.

I have art and I'm going to be putting my board apioc club, all of them right on. Are you going to get like neon signs? No TV screen. TV. Yeah, it's going to be a big OLED screen that's always on. There's going to be a neon sign that says C'est la vie above it. And then there's going to be a Bible quote at the bottom. I genuinely think I forgot who I was saying this to, but I think I need to start hanging

up words of affirmation around the house because the bitches who do that are genuinely happier and I can do it in like my own way. But there is something to be said about words of affirmation. I'm never going to be the bitch who's writing on sticky notes and putting it on my mirror, although I think that works for a lot of people. I don't think I could ever write something sincere to myself and expect myself to see it another time

and feel anything from it. I would never, I'm just like, that's how little I take myself in terms of seriousness, but we need to start making like Lit words of affirmation art, but I just feel like that's kind of like a hard Sincerity is scary like to make one. That's like actually good. I don't know how I would say the epidemic Yeah, I found a sticky note in drew's room that just said I am not ran through 400 times I don't know if that's you going through my shit also that doesn't even make sense cuz Drew that would only like X&A like

Maybe like a tenth of your body count So saying I'm not ran through that would only cover 400 of like the who knows how many people and who's in the kitchen Cuz let me cook her cook Cause let me cook. Let her cook. That was good. Wait, what was the question? It was about fossil fuels? Yeah, fossil fuels.

I feel like we should have ran out if it's really fossil. I also feel that way, but I have thought about this, but then it's like dinosaurs existed for billions of years. A hundred million years or something. Right? Yeah. I actually have no idea. It's also not million years or something, right? Yeah. I actually have no idea. It's not just dinosaur bones though, right? Like I feel like it's, they're talking about like the conks

and the shells too. I don't fucking know, but I think it's all a farce. I think none of it's real. Like I'm really, I'm not buying. You don't believe in fossil fuels. Famously, I literally don't believe in them. I'm like, yeah, right. You're lying.

Well, I know we have been worried about AI and its progression for a really long time. And there have been multiple signs to stop. And humans have continued to move forward with it. But I think the sign that is the scariest to me is that AI has gathered enough information that it knows how to make bad art like it. Like I've seen bad AI art and there's always been bad AI art in terms of like Jesus like on a tractor like mowing through the sea like what like there's always been shit like that but like I mean bad AI art like somebody

somehow gave a like description so whack that the art is like somebody trying to be good at something. Does that make sense? Like yeah Should I turn off these lights? Yeah, right cuz it's a bit unflattering on me and you guys care about the way You honestly look good. You don't it's not giving overhead lighting. You look good. I wanted to bring up one thing I sent it to the group chat And I want you guys to take a look at it that. Um, and I want you guys to take a look at it. Oh, the black mold, the JK Rowling black mold. So she's taken photos in the same room for the last four years and there's like

black mold progressing up her walls. That's why she's bat shit crazy. The black mold is getting to her goddamn brain. Bro, how do you not see that and at least question it a little bit? I would be like, I know the shadows from the mold have created enough of a silhouette now that she's been walking through her house and thought she saw something in the corner. An aspiration. No, it's also giving like,

that is black mold. You should see any type of mold growing in your house and immediately question it. Like, why is that just growing over five years? Well, where does she live? She lives in Hogwarts. She has to live in the most human environment ever or she's just bashed. Like, how is that much mold growing? Like, also, I don't know that I've ever seen, maybe it's because the average person

doesn't let it get there, but damn, I've never seen that much mold grow in someone's living space. It's proof that her brain is fucking rotted, that she won't just like clean up the goddamn mold. What's the first sign of like black mold? Me. I almost like followed my own answer up with that.

But like, no, you've been like that no matter where we live. That's not really a mold thing for you. Yeah. I haven't slept on that couch. I mean, the new couch is horrible. I fucking hate it. Have we talked about it on here? No. Oh my God, you cough up blood.

Remember when Drew was convinced we had black mold? Yeah, in the couch. But was there any actual legitimate symptoms of the black mold? Or was it just Drew? No, it was just Drew's pre diabetes showing like three years ago. Like what it was literally just like him eating and knocking out on the couch. And he was like, there's molds in this couch. Every time I lay on it, I knock out, but he eats on the couch. So he would eat and then turn over and like pass out. Drew, did you ever cough up blood? Oh, all the time. Oh my God. Give me a break.

I was coughing up blood. If Drew coughed up blood, the world would know. The world would know. Drew is not like. No, it's literally like, I forget what it was. Oh, like when I eat a salad, the world knows. I tell everybody immediately, like everyone knows I eat a salad.

When I go to the gym, the world knows. When I eat my protein goal, the world knows. Like there are things in my life that I do that I'm so proud of myself that I just need to let the people know. So I've been thinking a lot about like I've been thinking about a lot of like the greatest gifts that quote-unquote God has given humanity and like my iPhone obviously like that's at the very top of the list. You can't argue that. That is like the greatest thing of all time, period.

But, close second is eating in your bedroom. I don't know. I think eating on the floor of your bedroom or of my bedroom brings me a peace and a tranquility that like, I can't even like begin to verbalize the feeling I get. Like when I'm like, when I bring my food in and I set it on the floor on my carpet

and I see it when I'm in bed, when I'm letting it get cold and I see it over there and I'm like, oh my God, once the clock hits 1130, like I'm fucking feasting. Oh my God, it's so good. I will say I can't agree with you eating on your floor is like Top ten not because I'm only but it's pretty top ten It's like I'm connecting with my Neanderthal Ian roots like it's like I would be on the floor Yeah, because they would probably eat in the dirt under a tree or something

I'm sure even the ender falls were like whoa Yeah, because they would probably eat in the dirt under a tree or something. I'm sure even Neanderthals were like, whoa, I don't want to get dirt on my raw animal or like my raw... My nuts and berries. My raw, yeah, my raw diet. Yeah, my vegan raw diet. My keto diet. Do you think, oh, did you ask, were you the one asking what the first gay caveman was

like? Oh, did you ask? Were you the one asking what the first gay caveman was like? Oh Yeah That was like in a patreon episode. I think yeah the first Yeah, cuz oh no No, I think it was in a public episode because we we were talking about how no matter what language you speak Like gay accents come out like you can just hear if someone's gay and like you had to have been able to peep that with like cavemen. Like they just had to have a UGA! UGA! I'm gonna start doing that to y'all when y'all look good. UGA! UGA!

Y'all remember that fucking crocodile movie Shawn Mendes did? La la la la la. I saw a clip of the baby crocodile singing recently. Who said yes? Who greenlit that? How much did that make in the box office? I feel like it probably made like way more than you would expect Sean Men like I probably did crazy movies look no actually movies are flopping crazy right now

Let me not say that but the most I feel like random kids movies do well because like What else is there for them? kids movies do well because like what else is there for them kids content in general I feel like does well oh it may allow an 11 million dollars how much oh my hundred and eleven million dollars which I think is no that's like really good also another one of the greatest gifts God has given to humanity is being able to see the reals your friends and family likes on Instagram. I figured by now people would know about that and understand that I can see the content they're interacting with, but I still have five to 10 people that

aren't in my life every single day or aren't in my life even every single year that like their likes pop up on there and it's them liking like the the hairiest bear you've ever seen like twerking or like a straight dude liking like sexy women like throwing ass or whatever. And I don't think they're aware and I hope they never find out that I can see what they're liking because it's literally the funniest thing ever scrolling through that thing. And you're really quick. Can you move your hair to the other side because it's, it's rubbing up against the microphone. Let's go. Okay. Thank you.

No, you're doing it because you're pretty. Yes, I was also doing it because you're pretty, but also the mic. I haven't seen anyone like anything that felt too funny. My sister liked a funny TikTok recently. I have two people in my life that send me every... I bet it's like 55% of the content that comes up on their Instagram feed they just sent to me. Literally I have never well that's what I think my sister's is my sister I'm like you must just she sends me like

30 at a time I'm like you must be swiping and everyone it's just like in her head she's like banger banger banger banger but or she's just like bored. What happened to curation? Like you know. Exactly. I want a curated send-off. Like I send things to people that are very curated personally but I'm just that kind of girl. I take my time like I just care yeah like when I send Drew videos of guys and their stomachs are all inflated and distended I make sure to send the best ones that are in 4k and you can hear like some sort of sloshing or all aren't joking no we're literally not and what's so funny is me

and Kai were on the phone for mind you you, an hour and a half last night, just like talking. It was really nice. You don't call me. I'm literally, I'm all the way in Miami. You haven't called not once. You don't care. You haven't called me, girl. The phone works both ways. The phone works both ways.

No, no, actually- If he wanted to, he would. If he wanted to, he would. I'm gonna clock it real quick because I do call you and you're like, oh, actually, like I have to go. And it's like five minutes into our call the last three times. I've called you That's not true. Look at our call log. The last time we spoke we spoke for like 20 minutes. Mm-hmm. It was less than 12.

It was less than 12 because I was like damn I haven't spoken to Inya at all this week. There's no way I think it was like 11 minutes and 38 seconds Clock it. 15 minutes. Yeah, see, less than 20. Bro, you're obsessed with me, get off my fucking dick. Why do I have to call you and tell you what I'm up to when everything I'm doing, you're so fucking obsessed

with me, get off of my back. Do you want me to call you or do you not want me to call you because the phone works well? Sis, you need to just know when I wanna call. That's like the main issue with calling is like, yeah, I wanna talk to people on the phone works well. Sis, you need to just know when I wanna call. That's like the main issue with calling is like, yeah, I wanna talk to people on the phone, but just can you somehow manage to call me within the like 10 seconds

that that's a fleeting thought of what I want? You know, like, I think realistically, I need to get better at calling people because like- Yes, you don't call anybody. I'm just bad. I don't like call or, like I'm not somebody to like start up a conversation. That's very feminine of you.

It's also, I wasn't allowed to have friends and stuff as a kid or like talk to people on the phone. So I'm not really used to like that still, that kind of freedom. I think part of my brain is still wired where like, to also in my head to start a conversation or talk to somebody is extremely bothersome regardless of the intention And then also I get no

Yeah, I get like pre anxiety about like showing up in the conversation and making sure that like it is worthwhile and then I will just like Overspeak over text somehow like I just I am Anytime I'm on the phone With like anybody like name a person that I'd be on the phone with Your mom. Yeah, I'm actually touching myself I'm I'm playing with my wiener. Hi, especially last night all night last night on the phone with him. I'm playing with my wiener with Kai, especially last night, all night last night

on the phone with him. I was touching myself with Inya even though it was 10 minutes. What do you mean you're touching yourself? What are you talking about? Like just holding yourself in a loving manner? No, like my wiener. I can't lie. Like I know I'm super comfy with somebody if I'm chilling in a room with them And I got my hands on my coochie like I genuinely like I'm like damn. This is true comfort and it's not in a sexual way It's just like it's like me. It's me returning to myself Like I wish I wish I was kidding too. Like it's not in a sexual way

It's literally like this is for warmth and comfort and I'm returning to me Like I'm returning back to my own womb in a sexual way. It's literally like this is for warmth and comfort and I'm returning to me. Like I'm returning back to my own womb in a way. Like mommy is done mommy-ing everyone for the day. Mommy must be comforted by her own mom. But my mom is dead. So you see my problem. Oh, can you move your hair again? Sorry. Oh my God. You just want to see my like skin you freak That's not it We want to see your collarbones. What about it? Like what about it? Kai wants to see your nude body It's not weird. I just it's just an audio thing. That's purely what it is

It's not anything more than that. Just call it as it is Hey guys, we wanted to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors, HelloFresh. Y'all, it's spring. There's fresh air in the air, sunshine. That's what spring is literally all about. HelloFresh makes it easier to fit quick home-cooked meals into your schedule every week by curating delicious recipes like pasta primavera, chicken dijon, and pecan crusted trout, as well as over 100 seasonal snacks, sides, and treats.

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Varies by plan. Hey guys, wanted to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors, Shopify. You ever noticed that purple shop pay button and how easy it makes buying something online? Well, I bet you didn't know that purple button is a tall tale sign that the store's powered by Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10%

of all e-commerce brands in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. Spread your brand's word with built-in marketing and email tools to find and keep new customers. Guys, Shopify changed mine and Inya's and emergency intercoms life. They power all of our shops and businesses and adventures and we literally probably wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for them. Emergency Intercom's life. shopify.com slash intercom, shopify.com slash intercom. Cha-ching. Oh, I remember what I was gonna say. Also Drew for audio, can you take your shirt off?

Just cause I think it's rubbing up against the mic. Wait, I actually am almost to a point in my life where I'm like, I'm almost gonna be shirtless. Like my body is so T right now. And yeah, I'm gonna send you the pictures I've been taking at the gym. Also almost gonna be shirtless. And yeah, zoom in on the now. And yeah, I'm gonna send you the pictures I've been taking. Almost gonna be shirtless. And yeah, zoom in on the first one. Zoom in on. I'm cropping it.

Oh shit. That's Yeah, I want to I want to get strong. This arm is like really sad. Wait, Kai, which one was it was I kind of turned to the side? Yeah, it's that one. Yeah, and then zoom in very close to Drew's face. And you look at the pictures. Look at my body, T. But zoom in on his face.

God, I hate the way I look in these fucking photos. My headphones died! I also had to make some food. So... Is that all you're eating? Yeah, big. What I'm having, big actually have nothing else on the side. Big and ginormous. No, this is just this is the main course right here.

You hear how heavy it was when it hit the mic. That's a lot. Fuck, what's up? I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm going to chew for the rest of the episode. That's cool. Guys. Hey, anybody else want to hear Kai chew on boiled plain rice? Actually some people have emailed my business email and asked me for videos of exactly that

of ASMR. Hello. Your voice is speaking back up. Really? Oh, Drew told voice is peaking back up. Really? Oh, Drew told me to turn my shit up. Back to my dental work. I got that temporary tooth installed on the right side of my mouth

and they made it so sharp that it literally for the first two days was cutting my tongue. Like my tooth was so sharp, it was two days was cutting my tongue. Like my tooth was so sharp, it was cutting the side of my tongue. So what I did is I was like, I'm not going back to that fucking dental office. What I did is I grabbed a nail file and filed my temporary tooth down. And it worked. I guess, yeah, that's not the craziest thing ever, but was it like a fresh file at least?

No. It was the ones I use on my fingernails. Oh, that is so gross. No, I eat my fingernails. That's not that crazy. I'm sorry though, but that's like, you constantly wash your hands, like your hands, like you would never bite on your fingernails after like playing around,

but I feel like you've definitely filed your nails on a whim where your hands are dirty and it's just like collected dead skin and bacteria and like I eat my fingernails without washing my hands. I mean, I guess I eat my fingernails too, but my fingers look pretty good right now. I need a fill. Um, but like, no, I've been biting my nails the past like two, three days. I can't even lie. Y'all.

Oh, wait, but before I forget, the thing I was saying before you went was I thought my dad was trying to fucking kill me by making me wipe down all the wooden glass in the house every single Sunday. To me, that was also, my dad, I genuinely think, has OCD. If I get it from any parent, I think it's him because he also likes things done in such a specific way and he would go and look at the wood and be

like You didn't you didn't wipe this down with the dry fiberglass towel after so There's dust stuck to the oil and I'd be like, okay like brah I literally felt like I was in boot camp. And now look, my room is always a fucking mess. Yeah. That one didn't really that instilled nothing in you because there are dishes still in the

sink from when you left. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. My dad runs his crib like it's a fucking bed and breakfast. I don't want to do that. Like and I, I do think I'm somebody who I pick up after myself and like maybe it'll happen more at the end of the day or like the next morning, but I'll go around and I I do think I'm somebody who I pick up after myself and like maybe it'll happen more at the end of The day or like the next morning, but I'll go around and I'll like I don't let especially Shared spaces anything get too too crazy

Other than the laundry room. I was about this. I was about to say the laundry room in the kitchen the two shared spaces I clean the kitchen. I clean the kitchen, bro. You know I clean the kitchen. Don't play with me about cleaning the kitchen. I clean it. No, you do, but I'm just so specific about how I want spaces to be cleaned. Oh my god, me too. I'm always like, I need my green couch to be spotless. I need my tan, leather, pillow. I need my wine glass. Oh, can't see it. But there it is. It's empty. But I thought you said that was from last night. So if you need your things a specific way, why would that need to be there? So is that just like the lie you always tell you

always have a wine glass there just in case anybody comes into your apartment so you can lie? Yeah, no, I'm a sociopath. And then I have my minimal lamp and then all of my vinyl records over here. And yeah, so I'm also like crazy. I have a tent built in my room right now. Really? Like a camping tent? Yeah, I slept in it.

I napped in it yesterday. Oh, that's kind of cute. I like that. Yeah. Why did you do that? Hold on. I feel like that's what like kids do when their parents are going through a divorce. Oh. Is your desk in there? No. I put the tent there instead of having a desk. I went out till 4 a.m. the other night. That is insane.

Isn't that crazy? That's disgusting. Is that the same night that I got asked to be a third? I was literally about to bring that up next. You got asked to be a third for real for real? We went to Ackbar, which is the gay bar in LA, the only gay bar in LA, haven't been in seven years because last time I went there, someone screamed in my face that I was a viner and it really was destabilizing.

So I literally- No, didn't we go like, or were you there that night? I think I might have gone before. No, didn't we go like, or were you there that night? I think I might've gone before. I've only been one other time and I was like, you know what, let's go again. Let's go get gay bar drinks. We went and it was just as destabilizing.

Some like within like 30 seconds of walking in, like a group of kids like looked at me and laughed at me and then came up to me and was like, I really like your shirt. And I was like, oh, thank you. And then turned me and then came up to me and was like, I really like your shirt. And I was like, oh thank you. And then turned around and then they snickered and laughed again and I was like, oh my god, gay people are so mean. They're so mean. But we were on the dance floor having fun and when we left, it was me, Kai, one of his friends and Mason. Mason vanished into the night. He was like, I'm going to go outside and pee. And then literally never saw him again.

The second we walked in. But we were walking off the dance floor and this couple in their like 50s, like pulled Kai aside and asked him to be a third. Oh my God. Were they hot? Were you flattered? I was flattered. I was flattered

But I don't want to be a third in their relationship, but I was also like this makes a lot of sense I have a very stabilizing sexual masculine vibe. Of course I'm gonna be asked to be a third at this gay bar. Of course You'd probably be a third in like a watcher sense though But no, it was also by a man and a woman. He would have been watch her sense but no it was also by a man and a woman it was he would have been oh yeah the girl asked it i was trying to get out of it and then i was like oh i'm sorry like i'm not interested this is my boyfriend and i pointed to drew and then immediately the other guy clocked it and was like they're not gay or at least he's not pointing to me and i was like what

the fuck also like for some reason that like became like what people do is their business and I really don't judge if it gets you going but like. Asking Kai to be your third. No, not even that. You have to be deranged as fuck to ask Kai to be your third. Like you have to be really psycho weird dick a danger a dangerous person I don't think so put a pin in that because if we genuinely go down that road we could be here for Hours, I just don't understand why it just doesn't make sense to me. Oh Shit, I almost fucking forgot

Office bottom. Hey, your rice is getting cold the office bottoms out. I posted a picture and got called office bottom. Oh, but I was saying it's endearing the thought of two men approaching Kai with that. The thought of a man and woman approaching Kai with that. There's something very like eerie about it. Does that make sense? And the girl was the one that asked. Yeah. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Oh my god, that is great. Low-key should be illegal to go ask a stranger about that. Like, I know people are down, like whatever, but like, but I don't know if like... It was flattering to me. I wasn't getting any attention.

It was sweet. They were sweet. They were like, I guess I would be flattered if like a very specific Set of people asked me that yeah No, I think I think the whole thing was like sweet like that that I was like I I support couples like Diversifying their 25 years sex life. I think it's like wholesome. I've had a whole spiel about it before but I'm like no like that's like ultimate trust and ultimate whatever not for me currently but maybe in 25 years.

Who knows? Yeah, I'll be asking. I'll be the benefits of it and I do think for a lot of people it works, but it's just too funny to me like it it's literally like, it's too funny to, I guess actually it's kind of, this is a crazy relation to make, but it kind of reminds me how as much as people make fun of JoJo Siwa, no one loves JoJo Siwa like JoJo Siwa.

Like that is the most confident person ever. She would never fault her in an answer if asked if she like how she feels about something she likes or whatever. Wait is someone who is brave enough girl. She does as she pleases and like God's real as fuck. No, that's what I'm saying. She's real fucking pleases bro.

Like also speaking of the gay bar. I got hit on down at the gay bars. Yeah, Drew got fucking swarmed. I'm not like joking. I don't care. Well, I care and it pisses me off because I didn't get any attention at that bar. You got asked to be a third.

If I was there I feel like I would have got hit on even though I'm a girl. You probably would have because you're gorgeous. No, it was lit. I like, I, for the first time, like last week, I like was desirable. I felt desired. It was awesome.

Dude, I swear to God, whenever we are in any, this is dead serious, by the way. You joke around a lot. You're feeding into it. Don't even. Let me just say this. Oh my God, bro. Whenever we are in a social situation, people are like. Look at him, look at how much it makes him smile. He's just say this. Oh my god. Whenever we're in a social situation, people are like,

look at how much it makes him smile. He's fucking psychotic. They gravitate towards you like no one. I feel like when we would like be at a restaurant with Finn Wolfhard and people would walk past him to go up to you and talk to you because you have such inviting aura. That's true. That's fucking true. I saw that shit happen. Well, that's because of this amazing phenomenon that me and drew are Influencers so anytime we're with any of our celebrity friends were like the easy target like And then they're like No, no, no, it's it's because I'm wholesome and I have good energy and I have a sweet kind face Strangers ask me for things all the time

Because I give off I exude these strangers ask you to meet them in the bathroom and hook up because you're a whore that's not strangers asking you for like that's not like and wolf hard the strangest thing about this conversation is the hate I'm getting for being cute also you are a hella chilled back right now bitch you were laid the fuck up like yeah, you're so relaxed I'm comfortable rub your come. I got my boy. Did blink it Your heeba-dee-ba blanket my heeba-ba-doobie blanket Hey guys, we're gonna take a quick break to thank another sponsor

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That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash intercom. ZocDoc. com slash intercom zoc doc dot com slash intercom Girl how do you say her name cuz I say be baba doobie and everything like that's not Doobie bitch be baba doobie. That's literally what I'm saying Be baba doobie Wait say it again Be ba doobie Wait, say it again. Dude, now you're confusing me. Like, I don't know, I'm scared. Like, Bebadooby? That's literally what I'm saying.

No, it's not. You're adding a syllable. Dude, this is like you calling it Luca Guadalajara. Who else do you like? Oh, um... New Kim K one is Karma Kardashian. Karma... We got Carly Jenner is Karma Kardashian. She's Karma Kardashian.

We got Carly Jenner and Karma Kardashian. Oh my God. Guys, seriously, this is what life is about. Just laughing with your friends. No, literally. I love laughing with my friends. Wait, should I go into like really like detail about how I got hit on? Dude, literally fucking no. You get so jelous. I'm telling I'm

telling them you I'm telling them because one of them is actually fucking crazy. I was walking off the dance floor after Kai and his friend left. And it was me and a buddy that I met up with and we were walking off the dance floor and then we saw two people that we knew trying to go to the dance floor and they were like, mmm Like or was it fun in there and we were like, yeah, it's fun But it's like too many people and then as we're talking this like 55 year old like man, that's probably like five six grabs me like literally grabs my side and pulls me in and just like kisses my face down

and then just like walks away and winks at me and then the people I was with was like oh do you know this is why I can't have a gun no it was crazy the people I was with they were like oh do you know him and I was like no do y'all with they were like, oh do you know him? And I was like, no, do y'all? And they were like, no. And I was like, oh that's literally insane that that just happened.

It was like wet, I felt his beard and his wet lips on my face. Not gonna lie, I enjoyed it. So no shade there. But don't do that to strangers question mark I had a question for you guys From the numbers of from 1 to 10 which ones are gay and which ones are straight Wait numbers 1 through 10 which is gay Because of a not because of like oh you ate but just like no two holes those holes get filled mm-hmm

She's too like What about one is that I feel like that's one straight one is straight One is the longest number by oh We're adding by now. I said straight or gay is my You tell me is by no gay guess you're right. I guess that's a good point dude Bye people do exist because evil does exist remember Gluttony exists so by people we I'm I'm still

The all the by people in my life who is gay. Three is straight. That's a boring ass number. Four straight I think. Yeah, four straight. Five is gay. Five is gay. Six is gay. Yeah. Six is seven. Seven to me is also gay. Nine and 10 straight for some reason. And they're the worst type of straight people like oh so annoying like where's our month type like no literally it's like andrew tate straight remember when that was like actually a genuine thing that was of concern is like straight people month like what yeah where is our month fit in bed bro you look like one of the grandparents in charlie and the chocolate fact

Fit in bed, bro. You look like one of the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Like you're mad comfy. Masculinity is confusing and I've been taking lions main, but I don't feel like a lion, Mr. Tate. What is that from? Masculinity, oh, with a president who looks like she's covered in Cheeto dust, I'm a nasty woman. Well, you know what's really bugging me right now? And I can't get an answer to this because like I don't have anybody in my life, like all of my cousins and like my siblings are past this age of doing this. And also I haven't heard of people doing this in a long time.

But did y'all ever bring like, do people still bring white t shirts like kids to school to get them signed? Is that still a thing? Did y'all ever do that? Maddox did that for field day. Did y'all do it like usually at the end of the year? Because that was our whole thing is like at the end of the year. Did you ever get to do that? Yeah. I didn't. That was like during the recession.

And I just, my heart goes out to all the middle schoolers right now who won't get to have a white t-shirt to get destroyed because I'll be damned if my dad sent me out of the house in a white tee and I came back with Sharpie scribbles all over it also because like- Mine was a vintage green Hollister shirt. See, that would have been smart if I got like a used shirt,

but the whole thing was like a fresh Hanes tee. It was very, there was levels. There was levels. You couldn't just, and like, if you were the kid getting your, a paper, a piece of paper signed, it was like embarrassing. Like, where's your shirt? Like what?

Like your crush won't get to write on your back that's mad embarrassing like it's all about the touch and the feel it is it's physical connection oh did y'all cry at the end of school like at the end of school i cried i cried because i was like being carried around by all my teammates and they were like you're the best quarterback that this small town has ever seen with your build your two you're much too short to be a quarterback. I'm literally 6'1". Actually that is interesting you were the first 5'3 quarterback. Oh my god wait were you actually? No I wasn't I'm 6'1". Oh little guy dude you know what's crazy it's fucked up because Kai's name is Kai and they would say little Kai like little guy. No, they wouldn't.

They'd be like aw, little Kai like when somebody was acting like a baby. They'd be like don't be a little Kai. No, they would call him Kai dick appointment 30 o'clock. Because you were always getting dick down at- No, I would be dropping dick off crazy and in between winning guys Guys the postmates of dick drop-offs That's illegal No, I'm six I honestly I know we joke a lot but I'm like six what is it six three whatever it doesn't matter

But I'm six three. I don't want people to, but I'm like six. What is it? Six, three, whatever. It doesn't matter, but I'm six, three. I don't want people to think that I'm super short. No, he's six. And I was on the, I was, oh, and also Friday Night Lights was based off of my hometown. What? What is that? That's like a football.

It's a football movie. Oh, I think I only know about that because I'm pretty sure Drew Gooden talked about watching that in a video and I was like What is that? That's mine Also Kai

What Don't do that. That was weird. What you just said was weird and it made me not feel safe. It didn't make me feel safe. Should I read a journal entry from my diary? Trump polling poorly for how he's doing in his first hundred days of presidency reminds me of when that one guy, Kim Kardashian's old friend posted a picture of himself and was like, did I go

live? And everyone said no. That's the equivalent of it. Wait, was that food God? Yeah, food God. Every time I was seeing the news, it'd be a picture of him and then they'd be like, with his disapproval rates, it felt like I was seeing a screenshot of that live of like being like, no. No. It's raining today. I love the rain.

That's not it. That was your groundwork, your world's building. Okay, I love it. World's building. No, I have two whole pages, but I'm not reading them. I'll read one of mine. Oh. That's it. I've had it.

They called me short again. I can't do this anymore. I'm bringing a gun to the next episode. Every day I run home, I run into my room. I'm bringing a gun to the next episode. No, I'm not. Kai, would you tell me not to come to the studio next episode. No, I'm not. Ty, would you tell me not to come to the studio the next day or would you let me

bear witness? I would tell both of you guys to not come to the studio and you would go to the studio and kill myself. That would actually be really fucked up because we would have to clean it. Well, what about the interpersonal aspects of how that's fucked up? Like seeing my dead body. No, no, it would just, I mean,

we'd probably get it done quick day, day out. No, you wouldn't. I'm fucking heavy. Cleaned up? I'm very heavy because of muscle. Because of muscle, I have a lot of muscle. Muscle is denser than fat, and that's absolutely right. And pulling me out of there would be very, very hard because I'm six four

I genuinely feel like I could pick both of you up not at the same time. You probably good. You're very strong Yeah, you I mean you probably could because I weigh 37 pounds Me away yesterday Kai saw it will insert the video There's no video. There's no video According it's crazy that you're not saying that no there is a video drew No, there's not a video of you getting blown away by the wind. That's impossible I was literally holding on to a tree and my legs were flat flapping also. It's Literally tornado season did a tornado. Yeah, did a tornado come through LA because that's the only way you're getting lifted up off the ground.

No, it was like a five mile per hour gust. And it flapped me away like a napkin. Flapped? Yeah, you and a bunch of other trash got swept away. Take those stupid fucking glasses off and you take that damn wig off your head. No. Um, I saw a Lyft ad and it was a Coco Montrese clip. Wait, actually? It's like it is from the Lyft account and it's them just using this clip.

Is it just that? Yeah, it's just that looping. My car broke down. For Lyft. Hello. Her car broke down. She needs a Lyft. That makes me feel so dark for some reason know that the darkest part about it is I'm like

This was targeted to me in a crazy way. I was on a random page I was on a random like fuck. I wish I saved how I got here But I was looking through a random account and then I kept getting this ad and at first I thought the person whose account I was looking at, I was like, why did they post Coco Montrese and Alyssa Edwards? You know what was the turning point for me when I realized that we should start to get concerned about the state of advertising was,

do you remember that viral clip of a car driving into a gas station? That was, it was like a year ago. I'm pretty sure. Did it explode? It didn't explode, but it's from the POV of someone in the gas station. And on the ground are a bunch of these energy drinks and like throughout the whole store is energy drinks. And it was, it was like a piece of gorillarilla viral marketing, but it totally just read as a car driving

into a gas station, some sort of catastrophic event. And I was like, this is bad. This is really bad that we're at this point where we're driving cars into real gas stations and tricking people into thinking that calamities are happening in order to sell Celsius or whatever the my my the moment for me was when all of the food accounts started interacting with each other and bullying each other on like the Internet. I was like, yeah. They know why Burger King was on Twitter replying to random tweets that had nothing to do with Burger King.

That's when I knew it was a wrap. Like when Burger King and Wendy's were trying to get the top tweets. Yeah. Cause you're not making me go back. Don't hear me. I'm not going. Actually, that is a lie. I fucked up.

Wait, can y'all hear me? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? I can't. Oh, I'm ignoring you. I would fuck up a baked potato from Wendy's though.

They have baked potatoes. That sounds good. It's kind of the only thing I eat there now. Yeah, whenever I see Uber comments on a TikTok, I get really angry. I'm also like, just send them free shit. I know, send a gift card, enough with the comments. I know, I like that people are like kind of wisening up

and they're like, girl, fuck you, send me something. Like I've seen that like 10 times. Girl, fuck you. No, it's literally giving like girl. Oh, but then I kind of feel bad for the intern who has to like go through and reply. You know who ruined it all? Oh, no, actually I, I would, I was going to say Duolingo ruined it all, like with this marketing style,

but I lowkey like the Duolingo ads, like the Duolingo social team. Yeah, they eat, and also to me, I'm like, Duolingo, like learning a language, that's good, that's good, that's like useful information. Although like I've never completed any kind of language application. I've never, any app that's for something like that

has never been opened more than once on my phone. But I also just like. I learned Swahili for two weeks through Duolingo. Yeah you did. Well the Duolingo app isn't sick on my phone anymore. Niniwi Drew. Your name is Drew? To end this episode I thought me and Drew have been going to

acting classes for the past what four years Drew? No five. We're coming up on five. It has been five years. Oh my god. Okay well. Big bite. but we just wanted to put it out there while Kai chews on his rice. If any casting directors are watching this, here is me and Drew acting out the scene in Little Women just to show you guys what we've been working on. Okay, wait, oh, sorry, losing the script. No Teddy, please don't. It's no use, Joe, we've gotta have it out. No, no, we don't.

I've loved you ever since I've known you, Joe. I couldn't help it. And you've been so good to me. I would have tried to, I've tried to show it, but you wouldn't let me. Now I'm going to make you wouldn't let me. Now, I'm going to make you hear and give me an answer, because I can't go on like this any longer.

I wanted to save you from this. I thought you'd understand. I worked hard to please you! And I gave up the billiards and everything you didn't like. And I waited and never complained, for I hoped you'd love me though I'm not half good enough yes Joe wait yes you are wait yes you are no I'm done with this I'm like that was so good that was so good okay whose performance was better

That was so good. Was I good though? That was so good. Okay, whose performance was better? Enya's was obviously better because she knew the lines and didn't stop halfway through. Also, your emotion was crazy. Yeah, thanks. Also, it's from Little Women and you are a little woman and Drew is a big ugly man. So it was hard for me to really get into it

Big so you're saying I look like Timothy Chalamet don't like Kylie Jenner around me Corner juice I have corner juice I have corner juice I have corner No furniture be like get the fuck out of my house girl. Fuck you and your dance studio This one is literally about Kai. I'm not even kidding. You're crying over a dude with one outfit You knew he was never gonna change over a dude with one outfit you knew he was never gonna change. Look at him in his fake house bro. Wait he has an invisible door? How did he disappear? Yeah how did he disappear into the couch? He's in the couch? Inya has STDs and has the nerve to squirt girl that is pepper spray

It's really jarring because I can't tell if Kai's back in the room it feels like a presence is amongst up wait How did he come from the side? Hello, how'd you come from the side when you disappeared into the couch? Oh Okay, guys I'd break go see Now You See Me 2. That was just a sneak peek of what you'll get into during that fun movie. Kai is on set right now for the new movie. He's really excited. Thanks for sponsoring this episode of Emergency Intercom. And I love magic.

I just love magic. Elon Musk sounds like the name of a lesbian deodorant. Pfft. Ha ha ha. Elon Musk. Elon Musk, you and your family will burn in hell. Unleash your inner feminine, Elon Musk. Oh. Combine your masculine and feminine with Elon Musk. Stop.

No one's the boy in this relationship, Elon Musk. Okay. Oh, okay. Okay, I'm gonna do media. Oh, oh my God, wait, actually this comes out on Friday. If any listeners are from or live in Miami, our friends at Stray Rats are doing a 15 year anniversary at Lowell East Coast in Miami and Happy Nine Nine

and Heaven and a bunch of brands are gonna be there and it's really cool and I just wanted to shout that out because it's very rare that Miami has spaces with like a collection of things from brands that are all kind of like homegrown and yeah. And can I do a shout out? Oh my God, bro, what?

Shout out fucking boiled rice bitch. Why is you sitting like that? Just do go. I am doing a show in Austin on May 2nd. It's gonna be a movie, but it's already sold out basically. So you probably can't get a ticket to that. So why are you however?

However in New York there will be a sequel to the movie in New York at Webster Hall if you want to get tickets I'll put them in my bio. They're not in there right now, but I'm gonna put them in there But now and then by the time the episode is out it'll be in my bio You can buy tickets to the Webster Hall one if you're in New York It's gonna be a sequel to the movie. I'm not going to that la crocodile No, it's gonna be a sequel to what you made millions. No, it's gonna be a sequel to La La Land La La Land because there's music and people dancing

Well, I don't know if it'll be moonlight I need to make it clear for anybody because I don't know what the state of like anyone's mind is, but Kai does not make millions of dollars at his DJ set. I feel like I needed to like. No, no. Yeah, I make millions of dollars. I mean, look at that damn fucking house. This is the my media of the week is Horsin' Around by Prefab Sprout.

Hello, Like Before, Bill Withers. Lluvia de Primavera, Bebu Silveri. ["Ring the Bells"] And Rich Off Cocaine by Rick Ross. My media is Hacks. I watched the first season of Hacks and I cannot believe that show's been out, coming out for four seasons

and I've literally never once heard a single thing about it but it's won a bunch of, it's like critically acclaimed apparently. And then I watched it and I was like, oh, this is actually kind of good. And the second season sucks dick and balls, but apparently the third season's actually good again. So we'll see, we'll see if it picks back up.

But the first season was awesome. And my media is Stateside by Pink Panthers. Shout out Harrison for producing that. Where your love now by this is Lorelai and Easter pink by fake mink I Snuck it out like you were trying to like rush that bad bitch and and a millimista and a millimista and a millimista bad bitch and and a millimista Yep. All right. Well, that was my media. Oh and and Abra Kadabra by Lady Gaga. I saw her live recently and it was incredible. So you and everyone else, Kai, not everyone else. Oh,

I actually saw her live about like two, three years ago now. Not Abra Kadabra. No, it's okay. It's okay because she did like a lot of her classics. So it was a very different vibe and it was very intimate although it was a stadium. She did her classics. And then did you see her do a performance that came in three acts? Oh, actually, did you say, did you say Lady Goo Goo was performing live at Coachella Weekend 8? Because I'm going to go. What the fuck did you just say?

Okay. What the fuck did you just say? Okay, well, bye guys, I'm gonna kill myself. Okay, I'm also gonna kill myself guys. Thanks for watching!