Emergency Intercom - enya was almost kidnapped

Episode Date: July 28, 2023

Enya discusses childbearing, icks and getting naked with Orion. Drew discusses new psyops that just dropped and comes to terms with the fact that he has relapsed and is addicted to Pokémon go again Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Hello. hello welcome back to emergency intercom it's been a minute y'all i know it's been a while since we've sat in these chairs in a minute it's been like a month and a half almost two months since we've recorded all the oh my god it literally has been yeah all the episodes y'all have been seeing have been stockpiled loaded up hence why my hair was long in the last episode but the one before

that my hair was short well how does it feel to be back in this chair like you've been gone for so long are you different uh it feels awful to be in this chair oh wow okay i thought you like maybe would express like joy and love for your craft or something absolutely not never calling this a craft was a really brave statement i just made like that was really crazy of me this is a craft this is a career um how about you are you are you excited to be back um Absolutely not. I'm dreadful. No, actually, I'm so excited to talk because I've realized I talk so much. And that's like not a shocker to anyone on the planet. But I've just been so much more talkative. Like literally any thought I have, I'm like, who can I text this to?

Because I just haven't. And it hasn't been fucking me because this bitch, I'm not kidding, ignored me the entire month we were gone. And I'm glad I get this platform. Well, because I wanted to get our tension going. It was like I was building longing and yearning with you. No, no, no, no, no. You just ignored me for a month.

But you can't deny that. When I got back, I went into your room to say hello, and we had nasty, dirty, hot sex because we hadn't spoken for so long. But I would like to speak. It wasn't complaints when I was finger-blasting you. nasty, dirty, hot sex because we haven't spoken for so long. But I would like to speak. It wasn't complaints when I was finger blasting you. Okay, well, let's get into the episode, shall we? Because I have a Switch cartridge and Inya hasn't done the

eat the Nintendo Switch cartridge challenge yet. That's not a thing. I don't know why you keep saying it. Just try it. Were people actually eating this? Because why do I feel like that actually happened? Like a few kids ate this. Just saying it. Just try it. Were people actually eating this? Because why do I feel like that actually happened? Like a few kids ate this. Just try it.

Lick it. I'm not licking your cartridge. Please, please, please, please. No, you lick it. I'll lick it. It tastes good. Why did you do it like... I didn't hide it.

Okay. Well, I don't want like... I did it. Lick it, lick it, lick it. Whoa. I already said I... Lick it. I already did. Well, I don't want like... I did it. Lick it, lick it, lick it. Whoa. I already said... Lick it. I already did.

Well, I don't want like on like video like... There. Bruh. Ew, that tastes like fucking acetone in butt. That's what I'm saying. It's lick the Nintendo Switch cartridge. Do they like coat it in that so kids don't eat it? Yes, they put it in bitter...

They coat it in bitter shit so when the kids put it in their mouth, they spit it out. Wait, give it to me because now that's crazy. Oh, now you want to play the challenge. Now you want to do the challenge. I want to do the challenge i want to lick the metal part i doubt the metal tastes bad no the metal tastes oh no it tastes really bad actually oh my god that's actually crazy yeah i feel like i saw when switches were like first coming out that kids were like eating the car it's definitely because kids were eating ds cartridges um for sure and i wasn't one of those kids like that had a Nintendo

fragments of Cooking Mama sitting in your stomach or I was going to say Nintendogs isn't sitting in my colon right now my Nintendogs died inside of my body should I tell you the story I've been holding out? okay so me and Orion were on our

world tour Europe extravaganza and we would go to the beach why would a man be there why would a man be there oh i hate how loud one i hate how loud your voice can get two i hate myself because like no one knows the pain of hearing yourself like while you're trying to while i'm trying to disassociate and fall down a rabbit hole of nothingness on tiktok to hear my own voice is the most like but it's not the first time because i'm really famous i was gonna say like it's it's really hard for me too to hear my voice and be scrolling on my feed and see myself pop up like i'm like oh not again me as if i didn't fully like an edit of myself like three days ago no i literally go through the

emergency intercom i search up emergency intercom on tiktok and like every single video on there just so it boosts the algorithm you're so annoying like the girls need to see this you so use the bathroom and like leave it playing like on loop exactly no literally we actually have a bunch of iphones in the house like you know in target when they have the iphones on the little thing we have like eight of them in the living room and then we just like do the accessibility like auto scroll thing and we have it going through every like few minutes you know the emergent or the uh pokemon go player bikes that have like the big wall of uh like no i don't and i never needed to know that i'm gonna show you it's the craziest thing you'll ever see it's like basically they do it um pokemon go bike phones um they do it

why that actually just disgusted me it's it's a crazy it is the most dystopian shit you'll ever see in your life hold on um but they do it so they can like walk a bunch and hatch a bunch of eggs at once oh it's sweet that it's an old man though exactly like it's like it's crazy there's like a bunch of people that do it dude he's actually fucking fire what he should do is start a streaming business where he boosts the streams on these flop ass bitches accounts that's the one thing that i don't believe i believe in the dead internet theory that uh there's no way i love selena gomez like she's the girl like but there's no way her music is streamed

that much i do not hear anywhere the weekend like yeah maybe but i still think they're like buying streams from stream farms to boost their streams. So when I see it, I'm like, oh, my God, she has 90 million monthly listeners. Ooh, maybe I need to tap into that. Same with, like, the Kardashians, everyone. Like, how the fuck does Jimmy Kimmel have, like, 80 billion followers on Instagram? There's no way he has followers like that. But he only gets, like, 1,000 likes and 10,000 views on his videos on IG.

Like, dead internet theory is real. Like, we're just all interacting with really advanced bots at this point. like that but he only gets like a thousand likes and 10 000 views on his videos on ig like dead internet theory is real like we're just all interacting with really advanced bots at this point and like we're probably not talking to anyone we're talking to ai like robots like that are borderline sentient you were actually schizophrenic no look up at the dead internet theory i swear to god it's a real thing like it's that's just that was your drew psyop corner oh no i have i got a whole bunch of shit to do in it look at this look at all these are those all like psyop corner things or oh that's just like your this your notes this on to there is psyop so i got like four episodes worth written down. And I did it all on the airplane

and I looked like a real psycho. Like a real psycho. What's the story? So we would go to the beach every day and just lay out and rot in the sun because that's all we wanted to do. Did y'all play with each other's pussies at all? Yeah, lots of tripping happened for sure.

And like me and Orion went to Europe and we were like this, but we came back like this. And it was actually a problem. When and orion went to europe and we were like this but we came back like this oh and it was actually a problem when we were getting on the plane we were like this and they had to like how do you even sit you buy four chairs um yeah we bought a whole row so we could just like lay and then we would buckle like over our hips and then our heads like our birthing hips yeah, you have really fertile hips. Like, you have really nice birthing hips. I'm going to start saying that to people.

You shouldn't. You have a nice, like, just womanly body. Oh, my God. Your hourglass figure is shining through that Skims dress right now. You look gorgeous. That's what you should comment on somebody's IG post. Take her swimming on the first date because not only do they have makeup now, but they got Skimsuits.

Skims by, you know the but what like if you could have a skims bathing suit is that what you mean or you mean like take that shit off oh because you're saying like it's fake yeah okay um i'm just telling the truth like i'm I'm, I spit, I spill. Also, sorry, keep going. No, wait, what were you going to say? I was going to say, like, the video of being like, dude, it's crazy to see this video of this kid that, and he grew up to be a cult leader.

Oh, yeah. And, like, all the comments are like, who the fuck is this and why is he a cult leader? There's been a lot of videos going viral of me recently of me, like, being, like, a homeless person in the back of Madeline and Steven's videos. And, like like it just reaches the side of the internet that people have no idea and people actually think you're like a serial killer they literally think i'm the killer and that is like my ultimate dream and then when they actually find the bodies in central park it's gonna be

like dude it wasn't a joke cut that shit out cut that out okay so we would go to this beach all the time and in europe it's like not like naughty to take your top off at the beach fuck bro why didn't i get to go man i didn't see all the boobs on the beach but that's why i didn't go see barbie because there was no tits in the movie yeah that's what i'm saying if they showed some puss i would have been yeah yeah like hello barbie like mattel like step up your fucking push Oh, you want to talk about like showing like people for who they really are and it's supposed to be the sentimental like human Experience of a Barbie movie, but where is the pussy? We've said the P word like 18 times

But actually this this story does have to do with my coochie but i was not about to say my p word um but so we went to this beach every day that we were there and we went to it every day last year and while we were walking down this hill we realized this shit was a glitch i'm not kidding it was a glitch in the system because we never saw now i know we never saw this like open way of the railing because it's like a long road down a mountain that you have to walk down it's like a 15 20 minute walk and we never saw this opening in the railing but as we're walking this time we notice it and we look over and orion's like we should go down there to see what there is because we always look over the edge and we're like damn there's a bunch of bows out there and y'all are entering the old beach

no literally and we always talk about how we wish we could rent a boat to go like out on the water or be in a really secluded area the beach isn't that busy it's a pretty secluded beach anyways but that area is so secluded because there's like two houses that have beach space, whatever. We go down there one day and we're like, this is awesome. We need to come back here tomorrow because we were high as fuck and we wanted to eat really bad and we didn't want to have to do a trek back and forth. That's pointless. Next day we go down there and we're all alone. So I'm just like, okay, I'm i'm gonna just get butt naked like no one is here we're fully like covered by rocks um and i'm just like oh okay so we're like laying there topless and then i just was like i have not been naked this whole time up

butter bronson up like what's just facing that sky is it your butt or your bronson oh it's my bronson okay it's my bronson my so you're laying on your my extremely pale bronson is shining in the sun right now and whatever it's like not great i need to take off my whole bathing suit but it was a tie one so i just like opened it up and then i was like oh if somebody if i see somebody in the corner of my eye coming i'll just like tie it back up, whatever. I am not somebody who's like, oh, my God, someone's going to see me naked. I literally don't care. Also, that is actually a big issue that I need to take care of because I'll tell the other part of this story.

But this is a big issue I have. And I do it when I feel like I'm supposed to be in danger. I'm really stubborn. So if somebody is giving me a dangerous vibe, I won't immediately walk away from the situation because I am so stubborn. I'm like, oh, you're gonna fucking scare me bitch try and stab me i don't give a fuck like i'm gonna stand here i don't care and that's basically what i did in this situation we're laying there and this man starts coming down the steps and i didn't notice him until he got close and he just like obviously i had been getting like we got pervy stares like

the whole week because we're just two girls with our fucking tent out. I was like walking around just looking. I know. And Drew kept coming by in different disguises. And we were like, you literally don't have to do that. You could just look. And he was like, oh, I'm just like, I'm not Drew. Exactly.

But he, the way it was is we were laying on these rocks and then there was a rock right in front of us. And he literally, he, this man comes up and stands there and is like looking out at the water. But then like, like looking down. And I was just like, oh my God. So I like slowly start getting dressed because I was doing the thing where I was like, oh, you think you're going to scare me? Like, you think I give a fuck if you see me naked? Like, I don't give a fuck. And then, but that didn't work out for me because he took it as like okay so then he just starts glaring down at me and then i was like okay so i start slowly putting all my stuff back on

i don't think anything of it and then i literally said to orion also how old was he he had to have been like 43 or something pervert so yeah if it was if it was like a 70 year old man i'd be like that is my thing that is literally my thing because also at the restaurant on this beach there's an old man who has to be like 68 who works there and without without a doubt every time we ate there he would be taking my order me when i'm like i'm not gonna be allowed this episode no no i just noticed that mine's really loud too but without a doubt every single time we ordered at that restaurant we would be coming from the beach so i would just have a bikini top on and then like pants or something give him a show yeah he literally would be like like he'd be waiting like and he like literally my boobs were like magnets like he would be taking my order and

be like i don't know if you can see but our eyes are going up and down he and he's a little shorter than me somehow so he would literally be like. Like his head was like being dragged down by my boobs. But it's a short guy summer. Note the fuck it is not. Short guys are winning this year. I'm like, no, the fuck it is not. I've never had sex with someone taller than me. But that's besides the point.

Actually, one. I don't know. Literally every single person. I feel like they're all short. all have like short vibes really they all got that short vibe um but we'll finish this story in another episode so no i saw a video where someone was like this is me when they say they'll show a picture like and they never put it up on the screen i know and then really bad the other one where it's like we we'll talk about it in another episode. And we literally never do.

Well, we will insert the paparazzi one here. Yeah. In the middle of this story, we'll insert the paparazzi footage. Here's the paparazzi video. That's the paparazzi video we've been talking about for months. Love you. Bye, Coco. Cheers, y'all. um and we just never we forgot to put it in there but people in the comments were like i didn't want that video so bad so there it is and we'll finish the story in the next episode

yeah um but okay so whatever i slowly get dressed and then i'm like me and orion were already planning on moving because for some reason, there was hella flies in that area anyway. And we kept like almost knocking out. Yeah, it's because my stinky cooter Bronson was out. So we were like, let's just go to the actual beach because also this man is here now. So we get up and we start going up the steps. And he disappears down into the rocks.

And there's a bunch of boats docked in the area, which I only assume there's this boat that goes around and you can get taken to your boat like whatever so this man disappears down the rocks and as we're going up i like look around because i'm like okay he didn't exist we just made that up but i see him swimming towards a boat and he's like me and orion stopped to stare because we were like wait what the fuck is happening is that his boat and then i was making the joke to orion i was like damn i'll let him see me naked some more if i go get on that boat like if i get to get on the boat i'll let him look at me naked all day that was literally david hasselhoff and he was swimming like david hasselhoff and spongebob like fastest bike chasing y'all um so he gets on his boat and when he's on his boat he sees us staring at him and he looks at me i never interact with perverts and i like me and orion had just been joking that we i would let him see me naked

if i got on the boat and so i like look at him and i like waved i don't know why i waved so i waved at him and me and orion just start laughing and we go up i can't so listen to this crazy we're walking down this road and we hear like an engine revving up. So we think a car is coming and we kind of step to the side and we look out into the water. And then we start hearing really loud like Europeans play this kind of English music that it's what they think Americans listen to. It's like weird electronic EDM-ish AI voice where it's like, we're going to party tonight. Like, like, you're like like random ass you thought y'all would get so we heard that kind of music and an engine revving and i look over a modern day siren like luring y'all by with the edm to kill you he is fully

following us down to the beach and first of all i didn't even know are y'all walking or are y'all on a boat we're walking i didn't even know you could cruise control. Are y'all walking or are y'all on a boat? We're walking. I didn't even know you could cruise control a boat like this. Like, I didn't know he could go at our pace. So, I look over and we start cracking up. I'm like, oh my fucking god, he's following us. I shouldn't have fucking waited. Oh my god. And I'm freaking out and we're walking down and there's, like, two houses. And I was like, Orion, Orion, when we get to that fucking thing, hide. Hide. Like, we need to hide from him. Oh my god. And he's following us. We us we hide and we stay there for like two minutes and we are cracking up we like pull out our towels and like cover our faces and our bodies because we're like maybe he'll just like think we like went into this house and then we keep walking and he literally i don't know how he knew when we were walking so he starts speeding up again bitch he kept following us in or i was like yeah bitch you were talking all that shit you're gonna like, see, naked, and now he's going to stab and kill us. And then me and Ari were like, okay, wait, wait. Maybe there's a chance he's nice, though.

Like, maybe there's a chance he's, like, just, like, a looky pervert and not crazy. Too much games. We were like, maybe he's nice. Because also, this was, like, the day after we hung out in Lisbon. And for the first time ever, we met. Lesbian. A straight. Yeah a straight yeah we well come on like there's a whole city called lesbian yes and i said we got close where do you think we got close is that that's greta thunberg huh that's where she's from lesbian yeah okay um wait are you saying she's a lesbian or she's from les no no no there's like that

picture of her saying lesbian or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming to lesbian. But whatever. The night before we had hung out in Lisbon and we met for the first time ever, the least like not the first time ever, but the least threatening straight man on the planet and it was such an enjoyable right here oh you're what i'm right here what does that mean the least threatening straight man on the planet like i like bonbons and bronsons and shit but like i'm not gonna oh bonbons or boobs yeah i like bonbons and bronsons and butts but like i'm not

gonna like be scary touch them and shit yeah without have you ever touched them in general yeah sand like sandbags and shit triple b i'll wrap this story up because it's gonna go too long anyway so we're like for some reason we're also just kind of hung over and like being stupid we're like maybe like he's like chill maybe it he's like chill. Maybe it's not even that big of a deal because we want to get on a boat that fucking bad, I guess. And then we keep walking. And so we walk down and there's a dock and then this restaurant.

He stops at the dock. And I was like, Orion, speed the fuck up because he's going to get out and talk to us. And Orion was like, wait, I kind of we need to interact with him if he comes to talk to us. And I was like, OK, true. But he doesn't come to talk to us. So we keep walking bitch tell me why he picked up two other men and kept following us down to the beach and me and our arm were like oh my god we're literally fucking like there's too many of them like we're gonna get killed we're gonna get kidnapped freaking out all for us to get to the beach and then there's a point where the boats can't go because it's people swimming in the water and he turns around and then i was like come back oh my god i was like my munch come back

like you weren't willing to like get out and like swim over to talk to me like oh my fucking god like you're literally not a real man you're playing games and that was the whole story of me interacting with a pervert and then actually being fearful for like 20 minutes because i genuinely thought i was gonna get me and my friend killed because i waved um and that's it but it's good to know that all it takes is somebody seeing me butt naked nasty for like three seconds for them to literally swim to their boat and start chasing me um which actually now that i've said that whole sentence i don't know i think that's like sadly kind of common. I don't remember what I was going to say to you that I told Josh and Josiah when you left to go to that dinner.

Yeah. Fuck, what was it? Oh my God. Boy, I went to Missouri. That was lit. It was a good vibe. I got to hang out with my family at the ride horses again um and yeah it was cool what the fuck happened what was it oh i know what it is okay so you know how like it's a running joke

that like i don't think i'm related to my parents like something fishy is going on like either my mom like had a baby with another man and my dad was okay with it. Or my dad isn't my real dad or my mom. We got switched in the hospital. Like whatever the case is, like I look like my mom. Like I saw a picture of me and I look like my mom. So I'm my mom's kid. But the more I look, I don't look anything like my father, which is very curious.

And then so we uh got uh dna test kits and tell me why my mom and dad were like shaking in their fucking boots when we got these dna test kits like they were like curious they were like flashing their eyes and all this like weird shit and like my mom brought it up at the dinner table like four hours later and we didn't even like freaking bring it up like we forgot about it and there's some such shit going on like so y'all i'm about to find out that my father is not my father but he knew the whole time and raised me anyways i mean at the end of the day like he's my dad like he raised me like that's my father but it's definitely gonna cause a ripple effect and you'll never look at him the same exactly exactly exactly exactly um but no i told me and madeline made a pact like if we find out he's not my dad we're not gonna say

anything we're just gonna be like yeah you're our dad like but we're gonna know so you're gonna lie yeah exactly wow um but uh the craziest part is so my dead brother sam he did 23 and me yeah he died and yeah oh my fucking god um bro he died like three years ago i'm sorry for your loss he died three years ago bro um but no he did a 23 and me test and madeline did a 23 and me test and if you're related like your dna code if it's similar and it comes back and it's like oh by the way y'all are like brother and sister or y'all are related theirs didn't show up as related to one another which is very fucking curious because that's how all starts on all those weird documentaries about like all the people like being like oh wait i have like 380

brothers i almost was like do you think because he's like not here anymore they just like don't connect it but that's not how that works like it's literally ancestry like it's supposed to be like everybody exactly so it's very curious so i'm like and same as my dad's child. So I don't know, mom. I know you're listening to this and you're writhing and you're pissed and you're scared as boots. You're scared because your secret's about to come out. Yeah, exactly. You're about to find out the real you. Exactly.

But like, this is a tea and I'm going to update the girls as it goes. You did something that reminded me of like an ick just now. Or it was last night. Oh, wait, last night oh wait last night something happened i was like oh watching somebody play on oculus would be such an ick and i would never never be able to like date someone yeah literally i would like not be able to date somebody if i saw them play with an oculus like it's too much and then like even the thought of the way i look playing an oculus i'm like it's all i think about when i

did you get a video of me playing no but tavia did so we should insert we should insert it if we remember yeah because that shit yeah i mean it's fun as fuck but also it's weird like it's just weird shit but do you have any other turnoffs? Yeah. So if you can't drive, you need to get a life like that is actually disgusting. Like if you can't drive and if you drive slow, if you can drive and you drive really slow and cautious,

that shit actually pisses me off. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, why are you actually doing 35 miles an hour in a 35? Are you being ableist ageist? No, I not. 21. i'm not 21 um 21 any trip or fall any trip or fall like even like but especially like a trip where like the trip doesn't actually happen you're like oh and you're like oh oh my god like that yeah that is too much dude i know

exactly what you mean mean almost losing your balance to be like oh oh my god i almost fell yeah oh i almost fell really you shouldn't say that don't do you should have just fallen because i would have felt bad cramped feet so you get a little bit of a limp that's disgusting like if you're like if you're like oh my feet are cramping like i can't like i who the fuck do you know that's feet are cramping regularly i know people with my fucking foot when i actually that brings me i've never had a cramped foot too so i'm like one you're making it up two dude you know why are you like barely able to stand right now when i was like nine um there was a doorknob right next to my bed and i used to like put my butt on the doorknob and just like use it as a butt plug and just like hang out up there.

No, I used to wrap my foot. Why did you even say that? I don't know. Because I used to wrap my foot around the doorknob and cramp my foot on purpose because I love the way foot cramps feel. And I still every once in a while will like arch my foot um like that like a ballerina I bet if you do it like that I'm very hydrated and I've been drinking a lot of electrolytes so it doesn't happen as often but when I was like younger and didn't drink water and only drank coke and did coke when I was like 13 um yeah I mean you started when you were 10 so it's hard to like

stop doing yeah this is a fake nose it melted through my, what is it, septum? Yeah. Yeah, it was really rough. But, yeah. Have you ever had your toe sucked? No. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, because it seems like you're forgetting that I suck your toes, like, all the time. Exactly. So I was, like, offended. And then I was like, what, you don't want the people to know that, like, I put your toes in my mouth?

Oh, dude, also, like, like you know no that's too much my mom mom if you're listening like literally turn this off now um but when they when it was like one time and my big toe was being sucked and like oh god this is so embarrassing no i can't even tell i can't even talk about it i can't even talk talk about it. I've had my toes in mouth, in mouths, like, plenty of times. People love my feet. What can I say? I have a high rating on wiki feet. Bro, I got a fucking 1.89. And what's crazy is I don't even have, like, a good photo of my feet out there.

Let's check. That's the crazy thing. If I put a good photo of my feet on the internet, it would be a wrap. It would be really bad for a lot of people. It would break homes. It would destroy people. Like, it would literally make the people who fuck with feet like actually viscerally upset that they can't suck my toes i got a 2.39 now well that's because you begged no begged for people to go and give you good reviews but what people didn't know about me is i have a size 20.5 foot in u.s and i'm from estonia um but okay

mine are if anyone is like my age like that's weird like you should be three times my age i have like a four and a half and like i said that's without a good picture of my feet like no one's seen like a good picture of my feet see but you said in anyone our age um it my turn off is if you're at my age you have to be at least twice my age um and then like if you have like long hair like big birthing hips like piercings and you wear makeup and like those things that are on people's chest sometimes like and if you have a vagina yeah oh so you just like want to like wait wait you wait we're talking about turn offs yeah that's a big turn off of my i thought you were straight so like boobs should be like a thing for you and then if you like take care of yourself oh that's gross i'm just confused because it sounds like i thought for a second you were talking about like turn ons like

things you want from no no no you don't want any of that it's just those things on the chest that get in the way and they're scary i just think men are really gross that's kind of it that's like kind of it um oh oh my new thing guys i have. Ew, the idea of a man propping up his phone to dance in front of it actually just like... I saw you. I saw you. I just imagine that. Like when girls are like playing music from their phone and they're together like dancing in a room, I'm like...

Do the... Do you mean that one? No, the little oh i can't really do that one i thought you meant um no that is really cringy um my new thing recently i've never liked a thirst trap from a man. Okay, keep going. Neither have I. The fuck? The fuck? Like, couldn't be me.

My new thing is me having blood clots. I'm convinced I'm gonna have like a pulmonary embolism. For somebody who goes to the doctor a lot, it seems like you don't go to the doctor. And now I'm starting to get convinced that you use that one app to meet all your friends and like go hang out with friends instead of go to the doctor. Yeah, so- And I don't mean to the doctor and now i'm starting to get convinced that you use that one app to meet all your friends and like go hang out with friends instead of go to the doctor yeah so and i don't mean grinder grinder is like zoc doc so like when you say it's like zoc doc but i don't think we have a zoc doc ad so we're gonna stop saying it um even though i i genuinely do use it

but okay um yeah it's like grinder but uh or grinder is like zoc doc with pastors and um doctors oh okay so when i use it i don't know you were religious like that though yeah i've like been i've been dabbling recently but my new thing is blood clots and what are you gonna say it was completely different so keep going i was gonna say weddings are freaking me out again because why is your dad passing you down the aisle like a blunt like you're literally getting passed like a blunt to another man like it's really weird it's really weird too because like i was watching a video i was like the connotations of this are odd because it's like your dad needs to hand you off to another man which insinuates that your dad owned you and like had you as his and then is giving you to another

man which makes me so uncomfortable because it's like wait are you fucking your dad i need to know um but that's it oh my god no it's just like a cute thing i don't think it's cute i think it's really fucking weird um i'm different i'm gonna have my mom pass me down the aisle let people be a girl because i um i'm having sex with my mom and your mom actually i'm gonna have your mom. How is that urn going to walk down? How the hell is that? Well, we're going to put it on like, you know, the robot waiters at like restaurants. We're going to put the urn on there and I'm going to hold the teacher's cart when they roll the tv in when they roll it out the projector it's like my mom on there someone said when the teachers used to roll the carts in they used to be like hung over and that's why like they would bring

the carts in that makes sense bitch i would have never taught those kids because all of our teachers i'd be hung over all the time because i have a really severe alcohol and weed addiction right now we keep going um but my new thing is uh bloodots. I'm convinced that I have blood clots in my body all the time. And it's going to be clipped a million billion times when, like... It comes out that you actually do. When I do die of a blood clot and I got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine as a joke. Do you know if you have a blood clot before it's bad? I don't know.

I don't know. I think, like, it's bad i don't know i don't know i think like it it gets bad and then it gets worse so when it gets bad that's when you know you know yeah so like this dude when you know you know if you know better um but this yeah that's just something that's the song that wasn't the song obviously i was yeah it's my own song oh okay yeah so and you just thought to like outshine me and like throw in your own and let's survey the audience who ate better meaning iranian who ate better guys i've been like really addicted to pokemon go in like a fucked up way like a two hours every single day type shit um and i'm gonna do a raid in the middle of this okay while you do a raid i'm gonna say this thought I had so I think

there's like this idea that when women get older there's more leeway for them to be mean and as a younger woman there's this idea that you should be gentle nice and patient and super forthcoming and submissive especially around men obviously

and you shouldn't be loud and whatever whatever but yeah it is always except yeah all that is like no like you you agree with it or you yeah like be silent and shit women should be here i don't know can you go back to playing fucking pokemon go yeah i'm sorry yeah exactly um but there's this idea that when ladies get old like the mean old old lady like archetype it's like oh like she's like mean and annoying and like really naggy and blah blah and like as women get older there's almost more leeway and acceptance and almost an assumption that with age you will get obnoxious and annoying and this only was something i was thinking about because of the fucking age filter and all the jokes about like oh when i'm older and i just start yelling at people because i can

which i'm sure like most people like i everybody thinks like as you get older you get to do that but my hot take which isn't that hot of a take is i think it's more acceptable for women as they age out to be annoying like I'm saying that with quotes if you're not watching annoying or angry or whatever because you are less sexualized and less objectified the older you get so there's no need for you to be as submissive or as like tranquil and blah blah and like as nice and those things, because you were less desired by the public. So nobody's going to get on your ass for being like all those things. And as a younger woman, you're expected to be all those things because you need to upkeep a sexual appeal and a desire to yourself.

And that's just something I thought about. And it's not necessarily funny. No, that's fucking tea. Yeah. And now we're going gonna sit here while drew we'll we'll just time lapse this sorry is this is like really important actually to me um okay like i didn't ask if it's important to you that means it means nothing to me how about that i'm this behavior i left my phone at home yesterday y'all all day long um and i like survived and it was fucking lit i could survive too it's fucking easy dude it's not a fucking competition i'm just

saying like if you think you could survive you would literally feel like you were watching Survivor, watching me survive. I did it. I beat him. Did you win? I win. I won. I got a Regidrago.

It's brave of me to make fun of you for being obsessed with Pokemon Go as if I haven't been on a two-year streak of being obsessed with Fortnite. Damn, it's already been two years. Yeah. Holy. And I don't foresee it ending. What if I'm, like, 38 and i'm still playing fortnite that would be i'm probably gonna neglect the fuck out of my kids like i definitely shouldn't have

kids no that's that's my take too but actually like i genuinely don't think i'm supposed to have kids the more i think about it i think you should have kids if it is a deep deep desire and when i do have kids if this is still up for some godforsaken reason, and they hear it, or somebody who remembers me saying this is like, Oh my god, that bitch is pregnant, they're gonna really freak out and be scared. And maybe I will change my mind. But I am so flip flop on the idea of having a kid that I just don't think I should have a kid. Does that make sense? Like, yeah, I think people by our age know whether they want kids or not but we are very young so maybe that'll change but like i just don't want a fucking kid like my parents

had kids by this age yeah which is so fucking weird disgusting like i i cannot imagine i cannot imagine having a child right now like really genuinely cannot imagine it like goes straight over my head and like beyond that like there are moments like especially after hanging out with my niece like uh madeline like luna like that i'm like oh like i can see myself having children one day like i don't know like i don't i really don't know if it's in my car it's like same that's how i feel when i see other people my age with kids it is sweet and wholesome and heartwarming but then when i imagine myself with a kid i genuinely don't want that yeah i don't yeah like thinking about being 35 and not being able to pick up and leave my house without taking this thing with me i'm like damn that is actually so inconvenient

yeah and i guess like it just clicks one day like and maybe it's like fucking love where like you have to like actually try um to be in a relationship and like it's it's chemical to a certain extent i've definitely been in relationships or like in situations where there were moments where i was like now i understand now i understand why someone would have a kid with somebody because i have this like primal human urge to have a child but then that usually wears off and i'm like whoa and i think that's probably what most parents did is within that time span of having that primal urge because they didn't have tiktok and all these other things to look at they were like fuck it we should just have a baby because i really want to have a baby with you and then that phase of like desire and whatever fades off and then you're left with a fucking baby that's

like what a lot of people like postpartum or like just in general like a lot of uh people like experience postpartum after birth and it's because of that it's like holy shit like i actually have i used to party and i used to have fun and i used to be able to do whatever the fuck I want and blah blah blah blah blah and now I have to like give all that up overnight essentially like it's it's crazy I fully understand postpartum and it like really makes me sad um but you could just give it away yeah for real there's like systems for it for real so if you don't want it you can just fucking get rid of it I guess you can sell it toasteland and use that check to go buy yourself a latte. Exactly. Have a think about that.

Do y'all remember the Wayfair child trafficking? That was crazy. Dude, that was actually, that was the first sign that like left-leaning people are also susceptible to conspiracy theory does that make sense like if you make the conspiracy if you like make it right a conspiracy theory can hit anybody because there was a moment where i was like holy shit like that is weird like why are they selling a 25 000 dresser but come on it's all come on I don't think Wayfair is real I think it's like a like who would buy a $25,000 dresser like I think it's like on eBay like I could post something for a crazy amount of money and just see who bites like that kind of thing

remember when I put my grandma on eBay yeah now you don't have a fucking eBay account because you tried to sell a human it's crazy I like got like ip banned or some shit from ebay because i tried to sell my grandma on there for a video um and the bid got up to like what was it like 36 000 or something like that um to buy my grandma and then i got banned from ebay that's a good price yeah right yeah that's life-changing money yeah like hello but i guess wait it doesn't go to the person who's being sold so yeah exactly go to you so i guess your grandma but if your grandma's going to good hands you know she'll have a good time yeah like she'll be chill like they'll take care of her she'll start a new chapter and it might be a blessing to at that stage in your life get to like exactly um okay well i have a list of things that like we're doing now that like i feel

like are going to be really really barbaric in the future and like i was trying to be funny but i literally couldn't think of anything funny so if you think of anything actually funny let me know but these are like my barbaric thing is having my wing bot under my pillow and abusing oh hell no literally i walked in there because then you was like i lost it and i was like helping her look for it and i flipped over a couple pillows and her wing bot vibrator was literally just sitting on the bed like under her pillows it was like what is the point of living my day if i don't get to celebrate life at the end of it exactly create life and some may say that is an addiction. Some may say I'm a dreamer. Barbaric is me thinking that it's cute that I wake up every morning and go have a cigarette with my coffee.

Well, that's funny that you said that because I have pocket pussy written down as barbaric. That is barbaric. Look at that thing. Look at it in the vagina. Like it's scary. That is much more barbaric than a wing bot. A wing bot is like a miscellaneous shape. Like, a vibrator is a miscellaneous shape, whatever, for the most part. But a pocket pussy?

Bitch, can you get a grip on reality? Like, that is literally... I can get a grip on my penis with this vagina pocket pussy. Don't lie. You do not get the vagina ones. Yeah, I do. What the heck? What the heck?

And then I have funerals are um are barbaric barbaric i actually do think they are they're so fucking expensive yeah they're big fucking scams and ruses and then we embalm these bodies with like really really toxic chemicals and then bury them in the ground so they just melt into our waste like our runoff water and then we just end up drinking dead body juices like literally just burn the body and move on or bury the body and plant a tree on top of it there's a really good episode of midnight gospel that talks about how funeral culture started and it was like during wars that people's family members would go out to war and die during war obviously all these families would be devastated the last time they

saw their loved one was who knows when they really wanted to be able to see them at least one last time also it was during the era of like you don't have videos super accessible videos and pictures why didn't they just invent it obviously these families were devastated they wanted to see the body and then these two guys came up with the idea of embalming bodies and traveling them back to the families and which became a huge industry and then that became that's where the idea that dead bodies were super radioactive and like harmful and toxic to be around it stemmed from that because people wanted you to immediately like start up the funeral service and get a body embalmed when in the olden days what people used to do is when someone would

pass like from fucking scarlet fever or an illness or something in their bed they would usually just like keep the body there for like a day or like however long and like let the family kind of sit with the body and just be like wow like and like mourn within that time period and then you would have the body transported to be buried so it was literally just like morticians being like no you have to give it to me now so you can pay me later like yeah no it was literally just like morticians being like no you have to give it to me now so you can pay me later like yeah no it's literally like oh but we want like we want to spruce it up for you and i'm sure a lot of people do like enjoy the idea of a funeral but

yeah why am i here and why is my family drunk literally why is my family partying at the funeral and then i got um why did i bring my espresso machine to my mom's funeral? Keep going. I got meat consumption on there. Girl, that shit's weird. Like, it tastes good as fuck and I get it. But, like, bruh. Like, grow the meat. Yeah, that's how I felt yesterday about the salami that we were eating.

Because it was sitting out long enough that it started sweating. And I was like, this is so abnormal. Look at it. look at it a moving creature but that shit tastes good in the eye it is literally like red with blood and muscles i will say like steak like a steak a steak freaks me trust me i fucked up a good steak in my life and in my time i grew up in texas but like bruh like all the blood and the juices and every time they're like it's not blood it's blah blah blah blah blah girl i don't give a fuck it's red and coming out of meat like it's nasty what else would it be there's like this like other shit they call it i don't know what it's fucking called and they get mad at me for anything y'all are listening to what the people like the people are trying to tell you that is

blood it's not exactly um prison looking at y'all the whole to what the people are trying to tell you. That is blood. Listen to us. We would know. Exactly. I've been looking at y'all the whole time this episode. Keep going. I got prison time for victimless crimes. Girl, let the people smoke and do their drugs. We don't need to flood the prisons with people. Period.

Yeah, it is super barbaric. That is literally super barbaric. That is the definition of animalistic you know at the beginning of time when someone did something bad we were like we're gonna put you in a fucking cage and then they were like we should make this cage into a multi-million dollar industrial dude that's what i was just about to say i like pausing and i was like oh my god all of these are driven by what capitalism let's go um okay and then these two are like kind of more serious um but clean drinking water um us having clean drinking water is going to be barbaric because like uh it's

going to be polluted because we don't know how to um handle nice things and then having grass in your front yard is going to be very barbaric because the sun's going to burn a hole in the ozone layer and we're not going to have grass or water. Oh, okay. So barbaric in the way that like people are going to look back and be like, dude, I can't believe they even had that. I was just joking. Like I was saying like, girl, climate change. Hello. Yeah, we're done for sure.

There's like literally nothing we could do. That's also why I don't want to have kids. They're going to melt. Oh, have you ever heard of the flute of strength of the flute of shame no bruh okay so it's this like metal casted thing that like is cast around your neck and on your arms so you're if you're like making really bad public disturbances or like playing music publicly, they'll tie this. They'll make this thing that like goes around your neck and your arms and you just have

to carry it around all day. And we need to bring that back because some of you bitches are making terrible music. I do agree. Hold on. Let me show you it. Thought he was going to be the one, be the one for me, but he ended up loving alcohol more than this pussy. See fucking fire yeah bring it back someone's got to put their girl no we're gonna be the ones with the flute of shame around our fucking neck with

us screaming in public and shit and you will never stop me from being shameful in public because it's literally the best pastime. Oh, my God. I ate leftover Joe and the juice is my first thing. It was like a leftover spicy tuna. And then I had a coffee and a cigarette. So my insides probably smell like embalming. Yo, Joe and the juice is the spicy tuna sandwich is the greatest thing you can put into your body as sustenance. I'm like, ew, eating meat is going to be so barbaric in the future. Fish is different, though.

Like, seafood to me doesn't feel as barbaric for some reason. Like, does that make sense? Exactly. Also, like, it feels cleaner, even though I'm sure the ocean. But no, to me, the ocean is clean. Even though, like, I think it's really polluted. Yeah. But no, to me, the ocean is clean. Even though I think it's really polluted. Yeah, also the big ass nets that they drag along the bottom of the ocean and just destroy all the coral reefs.

It's like the saddest and just scar the earth because they want to collect fucking shrimps or some shit. I'm going to eat that shrimp though. Grow it in the fucking aquaponics chamber or something. Okay, I have an experiment. Try it out at home i want you to think about something you don't like about yourself are you thinking about something you don't like i can't think off the top of my head okay that's the whole thing it's just like think about something you

don't like about it with yourself and just ruminate with it that's the experiment what you just like sent us all on like a self-loathing path exactly i want you to be like depressed actually think about this when he asked that how fast did you answer and if you didn't answer immediately maybe you do like yourself and you should stop being so hard on yourself because that's what that taught me i'm not even kidding that's what that taught me because then i was like i was like the first thing I thought of is I do genuinely. I think this is a problem more for my own safety, though, is I am too open and vulnerable of a person. If somebody asks me something, I will fully answer it honestly.

Or if I'm feeling something and going through something, I will tell everybody my business. And I actually do think that's a problem because nobody needs to know my business the way they fucking do. Dude, that it is so crazy. Like, we'll meet someone and we'll be hanging out with them for like two weeks and inya will tell them her entire life story there are certain things i absolutely won't say and i literally have a list of that certain thing and i have a list of the people i've told because i'm actually super crazy and neurotic about it

but like yeah i'll tell them all my business i don't give a fuck like i'll be like yeah like the house got broken into and tom got hit by a car and then i broke my ankles i'm like i literally will go on a whole thing i'm pretty similar to should i flash my coochie the way i did in the last episode eight million times apparently yeah yeah yeah but yeah um you probably love yourself but he ended up loving alcohol more than this pussy but now we can get into media that's my media is that bb rex okay my movie is carol um i need to watch that y'all that shit was earth shattering like call me by your name level of just like bruh like ugh like made me so fucking sick to my goddamn stomach i wanted to like vomit all over the airplane like so fucked up please watch it there's like a couple quotes um i like this one

from it you're a strange one aren't you flung from space and the context makes it better and then her on the phone saying ask me things things like, oh, come on. And then my media. Oh, those are quotes. I was like, bitch, what song is that? My song is Teddy Wilson, Blue Holiday. And then I've been in like listening to like the worst rap you've ever heard. Challenge.

That's like the game I've been playing. And I really like Op Pack by Zulu shopping spree by 10k um and then this song isn't rap but it's wicked game by chris isaac is really cool it's like that oh yeah um and then interface by scars And then Interface by Scars, S-G-A-R-Z. And this is the type of music that I make. And so it's cool to see someone else doing it too. Well, mine is the most insane mix of genres and vibes ever. Same. Honey, Won't You Call Me by Hank Williams.

Smile Please by Dean Blunt. Circles by Atlantic Star. same um honey won't you call me by hank williams um smile please by dean blunt circles by atlantic star you've changed by keisha cole i love your girl by the dream if you grew up listening to that song please listen to it again because i hadn't heard it in so long and then is that what we're listening to in the car yeah and she's uh he's radio killer beat up the track um i love you girl your mom's okay and cherry pie by shaw day and will i see you again the sacred souls which i thought was an old song because i'm a cunt and i only like music that is sounds old if it is old and it's a newer song but it's so fucking good and now i'm like damn i need to listen to the rest of their music so I can see them live and I should stop being a fucking hater and putting a time stamp on music because like that doesn't make me any better than anybody else and I'm just like keeping myself from enjoying something that a lot of people get to enjoy

and then one day when I'm older it will be old and I'll be able to be like wow I remember when that came out blah blah blah but I'm just like this actually awful person but it's mainly to myself like I just hold myself out from so many joys. Because I'm so scared of being perceived as somebody who is a loser. But I'm literally not. I'm so fucking vibes. And then the last one is Infinity Recording by Daft Punk. And then I'm trying to think of what movie I watched.

Oh, I watched Bones and All. And I've never laughed harder at an ending of a movie in my life. And it was so enjoyable for that. And thank you so much. And it was like I liked the movie. But the ending actually made me want to throw up from laughing so hard nice and i saw oppenheimer obviously literally everyone in the world saw oppenheimer i haven't seen barbie yet because i'm a straight man and there aren't boobs that's what i was gonna say there's no pussy and barbie so i'm not saying

it um there's no male genitalia i want to see some dick and balls no there's none of it in oppenheimer there is i'm not kidding there's a full 15 minute sex scene with butthole actually i'm not kidding that's my ick is seeing a man's ass like it is disgusting like seeing his little balls hanging down in his butt between his legs oh my god it is so nasty it's really cringe male anatomy is really fucking gross. Like, whoa. And it's like stinky. Um, okay.

Ew, dude. And it's so gross. Should I do a Drew Psyop corner to end off this episode? Yeah. Welcome to Drew Psyop corner. Okay. okay um don't leave your pills around me because i'm gonna be googling them to see what you got going on when you posted that i was like dude i do the same thing every time without fail when i'm at my parents house they always have some new fucking medication i look at it i'm like i'm like

bro why do you got fucking antibiotics you got std or something or is this like a painkiller that i'm gonna take um i realize antibiotics get me a little high so i'm gonna start giving myself um bv more often oh so i can mix my antibiotics with alcohol because then i get really fucked up oh don't do that you're gonna commit or you're gonna create like an antibiotic resistant fucking bacterial vaginosis um some of y'all's wops got a ph balance that could turn a cucumber into a pickle wow um gay son or margarita pizza honestly margarita pizza okay if the day is right if i'm like high and it's like 73 degrees out and i have a really good oh if i have a really cold coke to go with that i'm picking the pizza my pronouns are he has risen wait what did i say yesterday my pronouns are he has risen. Wait, what did I say yesterday?

My pronouns are, oh, banging yo mama. Yeah, and mine are I slash maid slash yo slash mama slash squirt slash vagina juice slash all over the walls slash period. And then the last one is condoms be having the pussy smelling like rain boots oh also four times three being 12 is a classic maybe 10 times in my life that is so fucked up that is literally so fucked up i'm like that's so fucked up so the slut So to fucking slag. Bring back manly men. I've been saying like what the crap and what the hell seriously. What the hell? It's not okay. We do this all the time.

We start saying something ironically and then I'm actually like, what the hell? What the crap? You're a weird motherfucker. And you better call Carl Bismarck. And you better not be a snitch or I'll tell fucking Carl Bismarck. I sound really motherfucker um what's the other one um orion was complimenting me i'm probably not gonna do it right this time but she was complimenting me on my impersonation of like you better stop

you better stop Alright Bye Oh my god See guys you have to see how she really treats you She doesn't fucking care about you She doesn't even fucking care about me So you think she would fucking care about you But look she's just over there eating her fucking vitamin C I finally caved in toiktok shop fuck you bastard bitch

you're all lying and you're being scammed and uh the tiktok shop is insane and a finesse and a scam and don't buy off of it exactly unless unless i put something on yeah unless I get paid to do an ad.