Emergency Intercom - Enya was Hospitalized

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

save emergency intercom, take the survey: https://forms.gle/W6HshHtG7FCwnCgR9 Drew proves that he’s a horrible boyfriend by leaving Enya to die to go watch basketball. Maybe he’s acting out because he’s an expired twink? https://www.patreon.com/emergencyintercom join the Patreon for bonus episodes, q&a/topic submissions, livestreams, pay for ky's lobotomy Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/intercom  https://factormeals.com/intercom50 and use code intercom50 business inquiries: [e-mail] instagram: @emergencyintercom tiktok: @emergencyintercompod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments, it's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, of Emergency Intercom. Drew, it's not welcome back to this episode because we're not just joining this episode. Yeah, you're right. Sorry, I say that all the time. It's actually welcome back to Emergency Intercom. Guys, I've been hospitalized. hospitalized she's sick y'all help me that's crazy that you still have the the apron i didn't i i didn't know i don't think i was supposed to leave the hospital with this on yeah i think i don't think that's like you're supposed to take it off before you leave but i felt so sick that i just hobbled out i literally had jeans on

under it i put on a shirt over it and then i put on a hoodie over that so i walked out of that hospital looking like i like came in there it's covered in blood too y'all reasons yeah i bled through yeah i was stabbed 18 times it was not a vibe y'all it was so scary omaha nebraska count your fucking days i swear to god um no and yeah like i was like uh i went back to the hotel because my phone was dying and i was like why am i waiting in this lobby to literally get like mononucleosis or some shit from like a random kid that like walks in what the fuck is mononucleosis i don't know that sounds like something you can only get like blood trans. Mono, yeah. It's just mono. Yeah.

He said the extended version. Me when mono makes me mad, so I have to say its full name to let it know I'm being serious. Me when I'm addressing mononucleosis. Mono. Fuck. Oh, my God. Cis. Oh, I see where you're going.

Mononucleosis. Yep. Damn, Any Annie is destroying you with the fits so far. But yeah, so I was back at the hotel and like the cleaners were like picking up the room and I felt so awkward because I was just like standing staring out the window. I know, when I got into the room

they were still there and Drew literally was like standing out the window like he was thinking about his next stock move. Staring over the skyline of Omaha, Nebraska was thinking about his next stock move yeah staring over the skyline of omaha nebraska thinking about how he's gonna own the city one day y'all i bought fentanyl um stock cryptocurrency called fentanyl when drew came in the room and he literally said to me and josh or me and josie was like y'all like uh tag bought fentanyl and it's like worth so much money now or something like that and me and josh were both like what because we didn't know that was a coin and in my head i was

like damn am i about to start flipping fentanyl too like yeah i'm selling some um but uh i was like chilling in the room and and you just like hobbled in and laid on my maid bed sick and i was like oh like this this is so infuriating but I let it pass because you were literally sick as fuck well because she was making my bed and I felt nauseous and I was like bro I literally need to lay down or I'm gonna die you laid on my bed with a bag of crackers

and like crushed them and it like powderized like cracker crumbs all over my bed there was issues the universe doesn't want us to do this episode also I keep seeing this in the viewfinder and we look fucking crazy right now. I don't know why you're saying I look crazy. I feel like I look good. You in that big ass hat.

Guys, I decided. It's a normal sized hat. For me, at least. This is very normal. Because you're used to big things. This is average size for me. Did you hear me? No.

I know. What? I said you're used to big things and then you kept talking i was like in your butt oh yeah of course i put that hat in drew's butt that's why it's kind of like yeah misshapen what do you always say your big things coming oh yeah big things coming earthquake coming soon i'm telling y'all right now. Earthquake's coming. Also, I should probably explain. My penis coming soon. Let's go. Let's go. I should probably explain why I was in the hospital so y'all don't think something actually

dead serious happened. But what's crazy is. You got stabbed 17 times. Well, yeah. But like, that's not even the serious. For someone like me, I'm not like y'all. Y'all are the kind of people that get stabbed and you complain about it about the kind of person to take like to get stabbed and i take it in stride i'm like this is gonna make me stronger it is

interesting like how like people would just post about them getting stabbed online and you don't yeah you're different you're different and yes i did provoke the stabbing because i hit someone in the face and they pulled out a knife and i said what are you gonna do stab me 18 times and i stood there in their face for like 10 minutes like emotionally terrorizing them until i pushed them to the over at the edge and then they stabbed me but that doesn't need to be a part of the story because i don't even give a fuck about being stabbed like not the first time and it's definitely not the last i plan on being stabbed at least three times a year to like make sure my body is regenerating like rebooting did you know we could regenerate limbs technically,

but it would just destroy our metabolisms? It's like in sci-fi movies when they reboot themselves to tell the last secret, but all that rebooting killed them. Yeah. Oh, wait, let me talk about me being sick. So y'all know I was sick like last week. And twisted. Y'all know I was sick last week.

I got better. I was on my A game. So happy to live life. Having the best time ever in Omaha, Nebraska. No, it was lit. I love Omaha. We went to Nebraska for a college show. And on the night of the college show, right before, at like 340, I had Chipotle.

I had half of a Chipotle bowl. And I felt fine. I felt fucking lit. I did have a headache like all day. That was kind of building up until at the end of the show. My head hurt so fucking bad that it was making me nauseous i also i blame it on i've never had raisin canes and i had raisin canes in lincoln nebraska all i had was one chicken tender a piece of toast and a few french fries because my head was hurting so bad that it was already making me nauseous

i was like oh my god i don't feel good so i didn't eat the rest of it got back to the hotel was laying in bed was so mad because me and drew's favorite activity when we go like to a college show is to get a bunch of snacks and pig out and watch a movie and i was watching drew have his feast it was lit y'all we posted it it was crazy we'll insert the photo i was like so nauseous but i was so hungry but i knew like i i had hit that point of nausea like i am a big stomach ache person. Like, something about me is I'm going to have a stomach ache. And she's going to let everybody know she has a stomach ache. And I'm going to complain about it until it goes away.

And then when it goes away, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, my stomach doesn't hurt anymore. And I'm going to let everybody know it went away. I have to let everybody know that the soul has entered and then exited my body. Because I think low-key, like, stomach aches are, like, souls trying to speak to me you know like it's okay you've lost your mind no oh but you get to say that you hear explosions when you go to sleep when you hear people talking i'm the crazy do i literally do i saw like this video where it was like i don't remember what the context was but it was like a bunch of like whispering and like people saying this person's name and like all this shit and they were like this is what it sounds like and i was like this is what it sounds like literally almost every single night i go to sleep plus explosions and big

loud sound i guess i just like i've never experienced that so i don't like i can't imagine it that's not like to me when you do that it sounds like the beginning of a movie where like someone's in the hospital like and there's like and then eyes open that's when drew's falling asleep yeah it is um but whatever that night i'm really nauseous and also what's so funny is drew was eating his feast and i was actually so hungry because my head hurt so bad i took an ibuprofen it didn't work and i was like fuck it i'm to take an edible to like just like put me to sleep and like get rid of my headache. My headache went away, but my nausea was like still really intense. So I was just laying down about to go to sleep.

And Drew was like, I think it's because you need to eat. And like he kept trying to offer me like candy and stuff. Well, it was because that's normally like you always complain about having a stomach ache and then you eat and it goes away. Yeah, I know. So that was my reasoning. Yeah. So it goes away. Yeah, I know. So that was my reasoning. Yeah. So it made sense. But I was at that point in nausea that I knew that food would just make me throw up and I hate throwing up.

I'm so scared of it. And I was like, this is disgusting. So if you have a throwing up fear, keep listening because I don't know. I'm not going to throw up. I'm just going to talk about it. But I fall asleep. Knockout. I wake up around like I fall asleep at knockout. I wake up around like, I fall asleep at 2 a.m.

and I woke up around 3 and I was laying diagonally on the bed and I opened my eyes and I felt so fucking nauseous and like I couldn't move. And if I moved, I would be like, I would throw up. But I didn't want to throw up. So I was, I literally, I wanted to move so bad, but I knew if I did, I would throw up. So I just went back to sleep.

Like I closed my eyes. I was like, I'm just going to go back to sleep in this position, even though it's uncomfortable. Woke back up at 4 a.m. I was like all right it's not going away like I need to just get up and do it I went ran threw up second time in my life I've had Chipotle come up on um what's it called digested I had full grains of rice coming out yes very nasty second time that's happened to me with Chipotle something's fucking wrong with you and I'm gonna sue you bitch because that's abnormal I threw up

thinking it's fine I'm like alright cool like I feel better I'm gonna go to sleep I brushed my teeth I drank a bunch of water to rehydrate and I was like she used the rest of my toothpaste yeah I did because I had to brush my teeth like 18 times because of how much I was throwing up she melted her enamel off of her teeth I know at one point I did like think about that and I stopped brushing my teeth which is gross but i went back to bed thinking

like bro like i'm gonna wake up tomorrow we're gonna get on our flight and fucking leave nebraska no an hour later i woke back up threw up all the water i drank and i was like okay not normal but maybe i shouldn't have chugged all that water brushed my teeth again went back to bed took a few sips of water thinking like oh it's chill fell back asleep an hour later again woke up and threw up that happened four more times that i would go to bed fall asleep for an hour wake up throw up and then i like would just start i felt so bad because drew was also just awake the whole time it was so scary oh it was so loud and scary because and it was also like the traumatizing type of throw up where like you already threw up all the shit out of your stomach and your body's just like trying to eradicate the poison so it's just like trying to like get it out of you but there's nothing left

in you to get out yeah like it's too late dry heaving i know and um my shoulders and chest and throat were sore for like three days why was your throat sore because we shared a room don't i feel like okay yeah wait but tell tell them how i'm like the best boyfriend i'm like boyfriend material what did you do we'll get into it i'll let you finish your story um but basically i just woke up at one point and i felt nauseous again i just woke up put some fucking uggs on put jeans on i was like i'm going to the hospital because i like can't do this and i couldn't drink water I couldn't eat anything I was like I just need to go to the hospital went to the hospital they pumped me with like IV fluids and stuff but it took like an hour for them to do it because which it makes sense because I'm just there because of food poisoning basically and

there's other bitches who actually just like got hit by a car challenge someone when I was waiting in the lobby had like a literal hole in their skull and like had an eye patch on and blood just like all down their body and sure now it's like okay I gotta go their skull and like had an eye patch on and blood just like all down their body and sure and i was like okay back there being like oh my stomach hurts i gotta go um but yeah they pump me with liquid iv and like not liquid iv shout out liquid iv they put liquid iv into my directly to the bloodstream i found out something that if the liquid iv tastes salty you need it and if it tastes or no no you don't need it liquid IV tastes salty, you need it. And if it tastes or no, no, no, you don't need it. And if it tastes good, you need it.

But that could just be like Internet lore shit. That might be Internet lore because I always had the assumption that. I just love the flavor. I love like plain liquid IV that's like kind of salty. Like I don't really like like I like electrolytes with no flavor. Like if I get the juice one, I get coconut and everybody makes fun for it. But like it's like coconut water flavor coconut tastes like semen i'm sorry i'll say i'll say it and it does i'm practicing now what now

what i'm practicing guys i'm practicing for drew's okay finish your vomit story okay sorry whatever basically it's so fucking uninteresting i just literally went back to the hotel and i woke up hourly after getting my iv and everything i shit crazy boots at the fucking hospital i threw up again stink y'all that shit reeked it was thick like a cloud of shit stink dude the room smelled like vomit and shit it was so gross horrible it was disgusting. And I feel like usually I am like such a hygiene freak, but I was so sick that I like wasn't brushing my teeth and I didn't shower for like two days because I was so fucking sick.

I was scared to stand in the shower. But I got back to the hotel after they pumped me with everything and I literally slept all fucking day. I couldn't even stay awake. I got back to the hotel and I slept all day and I would wake up every like two hours, eat two crackers, a bite of a banana, some water and knock back out. Like it literally was like I was like slowly rebooting.

Yeah, it was lit. And now I feel awesome. And no one talks about like the lit feeling after being sick because I had just been sick the week before and i was saying like i can't sing and dance this is so sad i can't sing and dance and i was back to singing and dancing and then i just had to happen again and i'm like oh my god god like life is so beautiful i can sing and dance i can literally sing it i can jump sing and dance did you drink the water at the university like the sink water yeah no because i drank sink water and it electrocuted me it literally

electrocuted me i'm not kidding it literally shocked me when i was like running my hands under it and i was just like whatever bro like it's not that deep but i kept doing it and i thought maybe like you just don't have an iron clad stomach like mine and it got you because like half the time the water at universities are non-potable so you're not supposed to drink it but i do that and you always do that when there's like they always give us water bottles they always give us bottles of water and there's always a fountain so drew just does it because he likes drinking out of his fucking hand or putting his head it's very primal y'all i just did it like when we were fixing the mic i went and drank sink water um but that is not like you are going to die and well i guess i don't care either like it actually wouldn't fail like now that i think

about it wouldn't faze me yeah literally i'd be like i might be happy wait what like if you died i might be happy what the fuck i'm happy um no but i'm like boyfriend material y'all i'm like wifey like no i'm like husband material for real. What did you do? Okay, so I went to the hospital with Inyo. And on the way to the hospital, Inyo was like, Drew, just leave. Just like go. Like, just go.

And I knew she didn't actually mean that. Okay, I said it one time. I knew she didn't actually. I said it one time in an audio message. I was like, dude, if you want to get on the plane, I fucking like full respect. It sucks to stay here for another day. And I was like, no, like i'm here with my girl like that's all i do is i'm here to protect india like that is my vibe i commuted to the hospital with her i got exposed to so many

illnesses and it was just like scary he was there for like 10 minutes i got taken back i know i did i did yeah yeah you did eat crazy because when we got there, the front desk lady was being so mean to me. She was mean. It makes sense, though. Like, I visibly looked healthy. I, like, walked in by myself. They asked if I needed a wheelchair. You did not look healthy, girl.

You looked disheveled. Like, it was scary. It was really scary. And you fucking reeked. They should have smelt you and taken you back immediately. But, yeah, she was being mean as fuck to me. And I started... Also, I rarely get sick to that point.

Usually when I'm sick, I'm sorry. I don't do it anymore. That's a lie because I do it all the time. But when I get sick, I literally just thug it out. And someone will be like, hey, want to get lunch? I'm like, yeah, just so you know, I have sore throat and I feel like throwing up. And they're like, okay. And I'm like, okay. And I'll literally just go out and i someone will be like hey want to get lunch i'm like yeah just so you know i have sore throat and i like feel like throwing up and they're like okay and i'm like okay and i'll literally just go out and chill with them um but i i'm not like covid spreading but usually when i'm sick it doesn't actually put me into that state so then whenever i've ever gotten that sick

it freaks me out because i'm not used to getting sick so she was being mean as fuck to me also like she low-key had dyslexia which isn't like a dig at her but she was yelling at me but i was like girl i can tell because i have a friend right next to me who also has dyslexia that you have dyslexia because she's like she goes what's your birthday and give me your id and i was like okay and i'm like saying my birthday give her my id she's like i didn't ask for your id and i was like okay and i'm like saying my birthday i give her my id she's like i didn't ask for your id and i was like i literally was like damn like what what the hell okay and then i'm spelling my name to her and she was like what's your first and last name i'm spelling it mind you we're in the middle of buttfuck nebraska there are not many and you you man's or as humans or as she was like your name is inya and i was like girl you're being crazy right now yeah and then she like couldn't like hear me even

though I was being very clear of how to spell it wait your name is literally Enya like that just hit me right now like that's crazy like in a vibe way no just like I've never like thought of your name like I don't know how to explain it you're visualizing it in like the play letter yeah it's like your brain is animated like your name is inya what the fuck um but she couldn't spell my name and then she was trying to hear me couldn't and she was like she just goes give me your id and i was like okay so i just gave her my id she gets my id and then she goes your first name stops at enya and i was like okay what is happening is she like i don't know what's happening but I genuinely think she might have had like dyslexia because her reading it to me felt like when I'm watching you read something on your iPhone to me which isn't a dig at her

I could just tell but she was being really mean to me about it and I was like what the fuck so then I started crying because I also started to get really nauseous from having to speak with her so much and then she started to feel bad because i looked like she got nice and she was like go you go um he'll help me with your insurance so i i stood back with the mean lady and gave her anya's insurance it was scary y'all she was yelling at me well anyways i'm sitting in the lobby like having a panic attack because i'm like and you might not make it through this like it was really traumatizing for me um and i'm like fuck like i need to go back to the hotel and like pack our bags because our flights are a couple hours thank you i didn't think about it i was like we got to go back to the hotel i'm gonna go pack our bags just in case

and it does feel better so i go back and i pack all of our shit up and i'm just like doing my thing and i'm chilling in the hotel and then like um i start thinking and it like gets like to like fucking two or some shit and i'm like oh we have to be at the airport right now. We're not making this flight. So I call American airlines and I like, like, yo, like, is there any way we can get our flight changed up tomorrow? And he was like, y'all didn't book the flights where you can change it same day. And I was just like, she's in the hospital.

Does that change anything? And she was like, he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, let me look into this. And like, he got us our flights changed. I still had to pay like $160 each, which is is fucking insane but it was better than like 700 each um and then i like get our hotel extended and i'm just like i'm literally bossing up y'all i'm like doing the whole damn thing like it was crazy and then i get then i'm like oh fuck like the room is dirty i'm gonna pick up and then i had like them come up and clean the room. And, like, I was just, like, doing things.

Yeah, you were doing good housekeeping. Like, I was doing the thing. Kai's over here, like, damn. I know. I'm, like, a little bit jealous, honestly, that you had them. And then I came and I blew up the bathroom. So all that cleaning meant fucking. Like, blew it up.

I blew up the bathroom and fucking ripped my suitcase open that he packed for me and, like, ripped everything out trying to find shit. I folded everything nicely. No, and then, then like the realty is at night i ordered sonic for dinner because i i haven't had sonic in a long time well since i was in texas last and i was like also on top of that he went to a basketball game that night because there just so happened to be like a game he wanted to see yeah march madness was happening in our hotel he went to a basketball game and came back with a fucking hot dog and some tinfoil

so with i walked like a quarter of a mile five hours before he ordered sonic on top of that mind you and i ordered a corn dog rotting and i can't eat anything other than saltine crackers and a single banana whose fault is that low-key yours yeah true um but anyways wait yeah i did go to a march madness game it was fucking lit and everything i wanted it to be and i'll that i'll end it there so y'all don't freak the fuck yeah he left me alone in the hotel room yeah and i could have died in my sleep actually good thing you left because i wasn't hangoutable like i just was dead asleep i asked you like several times i was like are you sure you want me to go like i need it i needed that after taking care of you all day it was really

it was really scary for me um but i order i did bring home a hot dog and i walked like i'm not kidding like a mile and a half like away from the gymnasium because everyone was like tron or from the stadium because everyone was calling ubers and i was walking with like a hot dog in my hand and a pepsi that i had ordered like as i was walking out because i was like this is gonna be good as fuck for dinner tonight i get back to the hotel i order sonic and it sits out because i normally let my food like get cold because i'm a monster um and it's sitting at the edge of my bed and it gets like to bedtime and you already passed out really early and i'm like fuck why i need to eat this before i go to bed and i was like this is my dream situation like i can go to sleep before

midnight like this is a fucking vibe for me so i like literally start pulling my food out of the bag and i realize it's like loud as fuck so you know what i do to protect inya i take my food to the fucking bathroom and i eat it on the floor of the bathroom with that door shut so i don't wake up in yeah and i was still kind of awake and I told him the next day that I heard him starting to crinkle everything because I was like asleep but not in a deep enough since I had slept all day I was still really exhausted but I wasn't in a deep enough sleep that I couldn't hear what was around me and I heard the bag start to crinkle and also I fucking hate small sounds they drive me crazy so I was laying there I was like oh my god this is about to be the worst like 28 minutes of my life because i'm gonna hear drew crinkle through his sonic

and i you're also so lit because i made a comment about how the night before i was so when i was like throwing up a bunch we had raising canes in the in the room with us like it was in the room with us and it smelled so bad overnight. Like it was so disgusting. We fucking treated that hotel room like literally an abandoned house. Like it was really fucked up. Yeah, it was our trap. Yeah. Two days like for sure.

But yeah, I heard him going to the bathroom and I was like, I don't, there's no way he's going to eat in there. And he did. Yeah. Because I wanted you to sleep. I needed you to sleep. You needed me to rest up so we could get the fuck out of Nebraska. No, I would have like not cared if we were still there like i like literally loved it there everyone was so fucking nice like i like also like everybody like i must like have aura or something because everybody wanted to like have a conversation with yeah nobody wanted to talk to

me which i actually like i'm offended by like everybody would just like start chopping it up and it's because you're in a hospital gown covered in shit. Covered in red and you smell like shit. Also, and then the other times when I wasn't sick, when we got there, I was high as fucking scared of everybody I saw. Because I was like, oh my God, people live here. I'm so scared. That first day there was magical though. It was.

Also, that's probably what added to my, like I was was not treating my stomach correctly especially four days after being sick already well that's like the point of the college shows for us is like we get to do a college show we also get to like live in a hotel and like experience what it was like to be 16 again like hanging out with each other for the first time and we order the worst food you can possibly eat and put in your body because it's like vacation calories don't count like that's the whole life guys i don't actually calorie count like oh girl we fucking know we've seen what you eat like i don't think there's a single person on this but he was like guys we need to help drew like he's literally not like i think i think drew actually eats the most calorically dense foods i've ever seen. I saw something. I like.

You're his breaking record. Oh, the fucking meal. So on Wingstop, I ordered like five tinders and then an extra two tinders because I wanted five lemon pepper. I've been transitioning to lemon pepper. Like the lemon pepper goes crazy. And then I get two mild wings and then I get a side of fries and a large coke and that's like been my like go-to order seven uh tenders not wings and i on the app it like showed

me like how many calories it was and it was like 3 800 calories that i just like ate in one sitting with pistachio butter on top of like pistachio butter, a take five, like leftover Chipotle and In-N-Out burger. Like what Drew does all day is he gathers all day. So anybody eats anything or goes out to eat anything

or like make something and you offer it to him. Like I could make mac and cheese right now at fucking 1230 p.m. Ask Drew if he wants something. He's like, no, but maybe I'll dig into it later. So just leavem ask drew if he wants somebody he's like no but maybe i'll dig into it later so just leave it out and he wants you to leave it out and then later on he goes around and like picks up all the leftover food like josh had extra food last night and drew

was like oh i'll eat it and like earlier in the day in the day they went to in and out and i came home and there was just a burger there and i was like oh who's this and drew was like mine i didn't even question uh because it was like 4 p.m i was like yeah that's his dinner i had dinner at 1 a.m what kind of like great depression mindset is that i'm like a literal squirrel like collecting my fucking food for the winter every night like i had like a box of fish and chips i had an in-and-out burger um dude i'm not i'm not playing like the pistachio butter like mixing or dipping um a a reese's stick into the pistachio butter and eating it is like literally so good like i'm telling y'all now we're not talking about how i'm wifey material oh you are saw that pistachio

butter two times in one day and was like i want that but because he's like frugal and like busy collecting for his dinner he didn't want to buy it for himself and I went um back to the spot we saw it at and I was like actually I shouldn't have bought that because I was like way too overpriced but I felt like inclined to because of the interaction I had but I the cashier heard me say I like grabbed it I was talking to a friend I was like I'm gonna get it for my friend like whatever I'm gonna get it for Drew like Drew really wants this he I saw him keep talking about it. And like, I think he'll be happy if he came home and saw it. So I go and get it. And then the friend's like, oh, like the cashier was like, oh, that's so sweet.

Just to let you know, it's $31. It was $31? $31 fucking dollars. Oh, yeah, because pistachios are like rare. Yeah, pistachios are like cunty. No, it's like a nice cunty one from New York or Italy. I need to like savor that shit. Cause I've just been taking. You're sticking Kit Kats,

Reese's pieces and like fucking all this shit. That's like blasphemous. No, I mean, that's the way it's like when you get a, like when people buy something nice for themselves, I think they should use the fuck out of it and really like not destroy it, but like put it to use because you got it and you should enjoy it.

That's what you're doing. Pocket P word. Dude. What? I don't know if that's... Okay, I mean, I think you are technically right. You are technically right. Oh my God.

Guys, am I an expired twink? Lucky, yeah. True, yes. No, no, no, no, no, no. I know a few expired... Let me stop. Fuck. Should we name them? I know a few expired let me stop fuck should we name them

should we name who we think expired twinks are what's docs the twinks no I don't think you're expired twink because like the era everybody claimed I was never a twink this was a trick fucking question and y'all all fell for it

you're supposed to say, oh Drew, you were never a twink. You were never a twink. You know what, now I'm not gonna finish because I was literally about to go in and fucking protect the fuck out of you, bitch. And guess what? You're a fucking twink with that stupid fucking big ass ass, bitch. Fuck you. No, no, no, say it. I hope you fucking die.

What the hell? No, I would never wish that on you. Oh my god. Ignore what they say. I would never say that. my god ignore what they say i would never say that i don't know who said i said that um i was gonna say y'all need to stop because when y'all pictures and say he's tweaked you just were like eight years old so you didn't know the vibes but that was every guy's vibe was like oh i'm so like put together and like little like cute yep yep no that literally was the vibe if you look at every guy's vibe during like okay yes it doesn't help that you were only posting about beyonce and lana del rey and like no because they're hot i think that's where it gets mixed up because also

you were like posted up with you were kind of no no no no no no that's all i can think of like battling your gaze but bitch you're going to jail like drew phillips frappuccino i because i never got that vibe from you and i never was like also i feel like you were straight passing too everybody around you thought you were straight which is kind of crazy but it's like it goes into showing like oh true with the vibe of that era do you get what i'm saying like nobody would have assumed anything so i don't i i never thought you were a twink i never gave you the twink card period you're more of like stink.

Like you're on that end of like whatever that would be. I feel like I'm like a twunk. I'm a twunk. Okay. Well, I just needed to address that. And Kai, you failed miserably. I know. I should have said otter, right?

Yeah. You mean otter death. Otter death. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm working on it. I just think you're sexy. I know. You don't need the label. Okay.. Otter death, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm working on it. Hey, I just think you're sexy. I know.

You don't need the label. Okay. I know. Oh, fuck. I know I am. I don't mean it. Also, last night, I was like, fuck, what are we going to talk about on the podcast? Like, I don't know.

I'm like, I was like, fuck it. I'm just going to get high. And like, we were watching Snatch Game and stuff. I'm like, I'm going to think of something funny to say. Like, it's going to be funny. Bitch, I came upstairs and we talked about Coco Montres for an hour. Dude, it was crazy. That's all we did.

We were just watching Coco Montres. And I'm only mentioning it again because I was talking to Josiah about it. I was like, fuck, I can't even like mention all these things we're saying right now. Because we just talked about Coco on the last episode. And people are going to be like, damn, they really like are obsessed with Coco. But I am. And I decided we need to hold an event and hire Coco to do her Janet drag.

That's what I need. That would be fucking everything. It would be so good. But Coco Montrese was scaring me because I think she's been the same age for like 18 years. Yeah, no, she's prehistoric. RuPaul's been the same age. And also Bianca Del Rio has been the same age for 18 years.

Like Bianca Del Rio has been whatever age she is for 18 plus she's a queen's queen yeah she's the queen's gamut of the queens yeah i've never seen that show i don't know why i said that i watched that all in like literally one sitting nerd bitch shit's so boring is there sex in it yeah actually, actually. Like naked? Yeah. Oh. Boobs. Big boobs everywhere. Want to download? Yeah. But we did play with this hat for two hours.

Oh, yeah. We'll insert the videos now. I'll show you, Kylie. Literally, I look through up. We played with that hat for so long. Oh. Oh. No, no, no.

I need it down here. I swear my life was like before I saw that image and then after wait which one did you show first bro we played with that hat for so long the way it started was i i was like talking about zendaya or something and nobody steal this y'all better not steal my halloween costume because i know i have it way you look so cute is there there's nothing like on there as far as like a filter goes right oh okay it's just the hat that fucks up actually like look he offended that you asked if i had no i was i was just confirming that there wasn't it's the hat it uh it balances out your face i think when we put the filter on josie though it made his head like actually like penny size i don't know why i did that to Josie. Josie like had no head.

But the way that started was we were talking about how we were missing this hat for so long. We brought it back from New York from that one trip. It went missing. We hadn't seen it in so long. And I was to the point where I was accusing Josie of low-key stealing it and selling it because it's a Cote de Garcon hat. We were talking to him about it. And I was like, you stole that fucking hat. And he just was kind of silent. because it's a Cote de Garcon hat I was um we were talking to him about it and I was like you stole that fucking hat and he just was kind of silent and it seemed like he did I was like you sold like stole it and sold it I fucking know you did and then he was just like what how much was it and I I thought it was 800 but it was like a $300 hat and I think it

was also on sale when we got it but whatever but I in mind, it was like an $800 hat. I was like, that hat was $800. And Josie, like, freaked the fuck out. And then I, that furthered my suspicions that he probably fucking sold it for $20 and find out it was worth $800. I was like, oh, my God. Like, what the fuck? Should we insert the video of the horror? Yeah, we need to find, like, we have a really gross closet that's, like, full of shit. And Drew just got up and he was like, I feel like I know where it's at.

Yo, this closet is fucking crazy. It's crazy, y'all. Like, this is dangerous. We can find him. Wait, there's... Oh, he's right here. Oh, he has a tripod in front of him. Wait, it's here. Wait, it has a tripod. Wait, it's a he.

Wait, it looks so tired. Wait, she actually looks like really good. Like he hasn't aged a fucking day since we've seen him. Wait. Oh, wow. It was so fun. This hat has been worth every fucking penny. I know. We have gotten multiple, multiple, multiple bits out of it.

We've had so much fun. I don't think the designers ever thought they would have brought this much joy with that hat. That's so beautiful. They literally thought it was a joke. They thought it was a joke, but no, this is very real. But I decided I'm going to be Zendaya with her big hat for Halloween. So I'm going to buy like a suit jacket like that to find a full outfit picture. But that's my Halloween costume this year.

So y'all better not take it. I know it's very ahead. Yeah, it's ahead of its time. Maybe I just do that for an episode. Like, should I just be Zendaya with big hat? Yeah. Let me not forget my Big Hat. What did I say to Josie

when we kept accusing him of selling it? I was like, yeah, and every time you went and bought another fucking pop bar, you were like, let me not forget my Big Hat money. Yeah, Big Hat money. Okay, well, I was thinking about

the show The Biggest Loser. That show is fucking crazy. Dude, so many shows from that era are just so awful or like what not to wear did you ever watch that i know what not to wear they would literally a family member would be like you dress like shit you look like shit your makeup is fucked and you need fucking help they would call these two random fucking people like these two like designers i don't know what the fuck they did i don't know how they got the the prestige to oh did we do an episode of field trip like yeah we like made fun of josie in that way they would film them like candidly walking around the mall looking like shit and then pull them out and be like look at

yourself and it would just be videos of them existing they'd be like you look like shit you know that you know you around and you look like shit. We need to put you on that show. Look at that fucking hat on your head, bitch. We got to put you on that show. Bro, you know it looks good. And you're jealous. I hate that because of your hair.

Like, it looks like you would wear that. I know. It literally looks like proportionately. It looks like aately like it looks like the part of the outfit you're so sore from what? the squats that we did on the treadmill oh yeah

right you can do squats on a treadmill? yeah you like do lunges. It's like walking lunges. Oh, that's really creative. And then put it on like 15% incline. Oh. One mile.

Oh, you are so beautiful. Drew, did you see the investigation to Red 40? No. Yeah, this medical journal released a bunch of side effects of it. It says the use of Red 40 is concerning because it has been linked to a host of physical and mental. Why did you point at me when you said mental? I was just. Like genius.

It's because I have this big hat. My brain, it's so big. Y'all are wondering why i have this big hat my brain it's so big y'all y'all are wondering why i have this big hat it's because the top of my head the people have power exactly it's my big fucking brain and be exposed anyway it says uh it's linked to a host of physical and mental health issues including addh allergies immune disorders you do have allergies and then they said because i'm allergic to these bitches y'all they said the last side effect immune disorders um it's because i'm immune to the hate dude why are you joking around i'm literally trying to like

tell you how serious this is the last thing that they say is mind storms bro we look at all of that before that shit hold on mind storms what is that mind storm green needle what is a green needle brain it says issues where the brains it says issues where the brain's wiring or electrical activity has been dismantled so does that mean like my explosions is doing all that like i mean isn't it made out of like bugs blood or some shit like that yeah it's like beetle beetlele Oh I don't know Beetles Um Bull Is that why I hear explosions

And whispers at night This is from The explosions thing is like Do you know about Exploding head Uh syndrome I like I've heard of it

And that's what people have told me But I don't know Yeah I didn't I didn't know it was a real thing But it's when you like Wake up To the sound of a massive explosion Dude and

And you can vouch for me I'll like fall asleep On the couch And then I'll be like I'll wake up and be like Did y massive explosion dude and and you can vouch for me i'll like fall asleep on the couch and then i'll be like i'll wake up and be like did y'all hear that did you hear that like what happened outside what the fuck are you talking about i was like i swear the house shook i swear also wait you were fully dead asleep on the couch at one point and i was oh drew was asleep and we wanted to keep hanging out and me and josie were sitting there i was like oh should we watch young sheldon and drew like, murmured for us. He goes, yes, yes.

Bro, Young Sheldon has infiltrated my brain. Like, it's all I can think about. Wait. Wait, but Red 40. Do you not have Red 40? Like, do you not eat Red 40? No. I only eat natural whole foods.

Red 40 is a synthetic food dye made from petroleum. So it's a petroleum product. From dinosaurs? Girl, RuPaul's been fracking Red 40 the a synthetic food dye made from petroleum. So it's a petroleum product. It's made from dinosaurs? Girl, RuPaul's been fracking Red 40 the whole time. Girl, I'm going to start a Red 40 fracking business. Hello. I really thought it was beetles. Oh, I think that's for makeup.

There's like a makeup product. There's like a certain red dye used for makeup that's beetles. And that's why certain brands are vegan. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. I just don't think it's that serious um okay i'm so confused i care because i feel like we had all that shit before so i'm like well now what yeah it's only making us stronger yeah if you think about it wait so i'm still hung up on you pointing to me when um it said it causes mental issues. You don't think my girl is mentally stable? I mean, it's like, look, look at him.

Expensive shirt, expensive hat. What else is there to say? Yeah, my shirt is meth. No, actually, I think it's MDMA maybe or something like that. I don't remember what it is. What did you say about mono? Mononucleus? Mononucleosis.

Wait, Kai, can you read the letters off to me on my shirt? Because I can't look down and see them. M-E-T-H-Y. M-E-T-H-Y. What is it? Is it fennel? Oh, is that an L? L-E-N-E-D.

Can you move your hand? L-O-X-Y-M-E-T-H-A-M-P-H--e-t-a and then the other one i can't see because your wiener's in the way oh my god wait is it oh it is mdma period period and i wore this to like my grandma's old folks home um and i was walking around with my shirt that just said like mdma all over it and I felt so weird. Rest in peace, Grandma. A moment of silence? I think I'm just like kind of blown away. We were doing a moment of silence. Yeah.

Kai doesn't respect me. Kai. I just want to say I do respect your grandma. We can start now. Alright, we're good. We got a second of silence. Let's see what my other good we're good we got a second silence um okay let's see what my other notes can we get a second silence um oh i talked about this um at the college show but my whole feed that um sourdough um

you have like a culture that you literally have to feed every day like it's a fucking child it like it's crazy it that is like crazy person behavior i thought it was just like a powder that you sprinkled in the bread that made it sour like funky but like no like funky it's like a literal child that you have to feed flour every single day which is like hilarious and when i heard that i was like damn i want to do that and when it's like super bloomed and you have to like rotate it to like flatten it out and like let all the gas out like burp it you literally have to burp your baby i want to do that so bad but anyways psoriasis um bitch i fucking love psoriasis videos when they're it's

like in your scalp and they like comb the flakes through your hair with that special comb and then they have the comb that like collects all the dust in the tip and they shoot it out like charcoal or like uh powder pellets like and it's all your dead skin like i'm not kidding i want to eat it like a tic-tac like i want to literally said that the flakes look like fish food and he wants to eat i want to eat that is like the grossest thing i've ever heard also i'm not even hanging on people with psoriasis because i have gnarly ass eggs in my bitch my fucking i got it right here boots all right but the videos of that stuff i i just have realized i always known this but i am so grossed out by humans they fucking disgust me and i don't want to see that shit like i just want to see somebody I just have realized I always known this, but I am so grossed out by humans.

They fucking disgust me and I don't want to see that shit. Like, I just want to see somebody looking like I just want to see you from afar. And if you have like like flakes in your scalp, I do, too. But like I don't like imagine like going up to somebody just showing them your flakes. I have a horror story about dandruff, but I'm not going to get into it because it's very traumatic. But yeah, no, I want to eat psoriasis flakes period point blank well we need to talk about the scam of the century which is fake leather being sold at high margins because they just put the word vegan in front of it like it's literally just plastic like it is plastic wow is it really just plastic

i mean a lot of it is i think a lot of them like make it out of mycelium and then i'd pay a premium a lot of the higher brands do claim to make it out of other things like but wait but then it's not vegan mycelium because i've seen somebody said they made it out like fucking like fish eggs or some shit before like i don't know what the fuck they make it out of like fucking like fish eggs or some shit before. Like, I don't know what the fuck they make it out of. Vegetarian? Yeah. Vegetarian leather. Oh, have y'all seen those snail crushing videos?

The snail egg crushing videos? Crushing? Yes. And yeah. Okay. Wait, like killing? Oh, the bright red ones. Yes.

So. I thought you were, oh, Mr. Oh, it's only crime is being small is watching snail crushing videos. No, no. It's the eggs and it's an invasive invasive species and they lay like millions of eggs a year so like if you see these clusters of eggs why do we have a species like that every day like every year because wasn't it the flying things like the moths oh what the fuck is this video i hate this video oh they look like candy raspberries imagine eating that shit and i know

it tastes good because nothing should be that color and it not be candy period have you seen a snail laying it laying the eggs no can i i want to dude looks insane. It literally looks like an alien. It's so gross. Because it like transports them out onto its tail into like a cluster. That is so gross. Like a little raspberry. Please don't make that noise. What? Like you want to eat it? Yeah.

It sounded like, yeah. Dude, the red 40 has gone to your brain because anything you see that color. We were at the farmer's market walking around and drew literally just all bottles of pure red. It was like, ooh, what is that? That looks looks so yummy there was no description of what it could have been like it could have been chamoy it could have been hot sauce it could have been like it's anything it could have been kimchi and he was like oh and like ran over to it and looked at all the bottles he was like oh wait this kind of sounds really good as if he's gonna put it on anything he just like no wants it because it's red do you remember my arc of eating a color a day

like i tried to eat only red for a day only blue for a day only orange for a day i didn't get very far i didn't get very far but yeah because god forbid you landed on green and you'd have to have vegetation yeah like yeah i stopped on green this game isn't fun anymore. Okay. Sleep has been freaking me the fuck out recently. I like literally like how does time happen so fast when you're asleep? But it happens fast for everybody. Like I'm telling you

that's when the simulation is shutting down and they're literally putting us all asleep because the simulation can't handle two hemispheres of the earth all on at once. So we turn out all of at once so we turn out all of our lights we turn out all of our brain powers like all of that shit because it doesn't make sense like really it's so funny you're like low-key dead as fuck literally explain it to me and then how do you only know you're asleep or how do you only know you slept when you wake up like what okay you gotta stumped all of us again yeah because i got a big fucking brain

i got a big fucking brain no but sleep like what the fuck is i know what it is like i know it's like to like whatever but like really like it's weird it's so funny because it's genuinely i love it and it's so nothing like and it also like makes me feel so bad when i do too much of it but i like it low key wait guys sleep is a drug it is literally a drug and i'm addicted baby i'm addicted to it this conversation just now reminded me of like oh if you had to wear vintage clothes but it was dead that's it okay no no no i got a couple i got a couple more i got a couple more i want a puff bar so bad like i'm i'm done i'm done because of being sick i'm like off of it because it kind of just naturally the first time i was sick I fell off of it then we were

going to the college show I was like fuck I like need one for this because I want to just like sit in bed and suck on my baba um I got one I got sick I wasn't fucking hitting it then we got home and I went out one night like right after I got healthy which is like such a crazy vibe I didn't drink but I need to stop doing that like the day you know what it is it's just so exciting when I wake up and I can sing and dance and then someone invites me out. I'm like, oh my God, I really can sing and dance. Like tonight is my night of dancing and singing

and like using my body, but whatever. I had it that night. And then that night I was disgusted by it. So I threw it away. But every time I do the podcast or play Fortnite, I want it so bad. Like Fortnite podcast and drinking coffee coffee i want a puff bar so bad and those are the only moments it crosses my mind but i'm done i'm fucking done that's a lie

i think i'm gonna go get one after this imagine doing s imagine doing s and like rolling over and instead of it being a cigarette it's a vape i've literally been that place really yeah and i and i've done it with someone else too i've been like here okay oh my god you know what's worse i've been the person to go out smoke a cigarette come inside and still hit my butt bar in bed you're psychic i can give a fuck it literally doesn't matter i actually don't think it matters it's propaganda and it doesn't matter but it actually does guys like there's so many layers to it what the fuck ever bro literally but being sick so often really has had me thinking about what i put in my body and i think that's why i'm trying to distance myself from it

because i don't i like don't want fast food because it like it's freaking me out because i got sick too often and like i don't want it and I want to see what happens if I don't have it and I want to see what happens if I don't have puff bar but then I'm like do I actually give a fuck because the joy of being healthy after being sick like it's so weird that is so weird but I don't take my health for granted trust and what's crazy is the day before I got sick we were walking to the grocery store remember I was talking about that I was like it feels so good to sing and dance like i just can't like no one can take singing and dancing away from me yeah that's it that is beautiful and like really at the end of the day like if you want to sing

and dance just sing and dance because like if you really think about it like life is all about like loving yourself okay that's real though uh i was gonna ask you what your craziest like oh hear me out like and then you show me someone who's sexy hot but like i don't want to play this game anymore let's play a little game oh in his bunk ass water bottle bruh literally i hate this thing y thing yo i hate this water bottle so much for 24 hours and the hate i've received only from the men in my life have been like oh that stupid fucking big fucking water bottle fuck you bitch you don't even drink water at least i'm sitting here hydrating myself and i take care of myself bitch you're gonna get off of this go kneel down

into the bridge and drink an old coke like you're gonna get on my ass yeah you bitch yeah you're gonna get off of this go kneel down into the bridge and drink an old coke like you're gonna get on my ass yeah you bitch yeah your baba your big pink bottle okay also what's fucked up is i didn't buy this and like thank you to the person who sent it to me to the company like god bless you the baba the big baba i keep getting made fun of for it but it's like kind of like it's glad if i get sent one it's so nice if i get sent one maybe i'll be a reformed person. But until then, I don't know. It's just goofy looking. Cunt. Like, is it like... That object is cunt.

Like, hear me out. It's cunt. This is like... This is cunt. One of our friends was like, get that normie fucking stinky water bottle. Okay, that is not cunt. That is like aggressive. That looks like is not kind. That is like aggressive. That looks like a military.

This is brutalism. Like, this is like drab Russian architecture. Like, this is giving like metal. No, that's giving Iowa. Like, that's giving Iowa. This is giving gun. Like, what is that? Sorry if you live in Iowa.

Okay. Oh, fuck. sorry if you live in iowa um okay oh fuck i didn't like get any drew sigh up oh fuck hold on let's just go through the email real quick fuck me um okay um this is from Nora Cochran oh wait Nora what? hold on I wanna go to the strip club and throw quarters at bitches hard as fuck

oh my god guys not me my stomach alright Preston let's see what we're working with Preston you better not fail me and make me look like a fool nope pussy stank

but clothes be fly bitch you funky fresh oh this is just a classic bitches smoke their whole pregnancy and ask why the baby keeps crying bitch he need an eighth um damn preston sent a bunch. Shout out, Preston. Maybe. Hey. Oh, wait. Here we go. This isn't from Preston. If I die right after I pay my rent, sit me on my couch till the 31st.

That's good. Fuck whoever. Oh, this is a good one. Fuck whoever made Fortnite. And you don't even wash her ass no more I thought I was over it but I woke up bright and early again after being sick I woke up

and I felt so amazing I woke up naturally at like 9.30am which is a rarity for me I was like ooh like I have the whole day ahead of me it's called a bink it's called a bink oh my god it's called a bink in ya you're drinking out of a bink she's trying to hide it too her body language is like trying to hide like y'all are seriously haters and i hope you both die of dehydration soon how about that at least i'll be skinny um fuck what was i gonna say oh yeah i woke

up early as fuck and i was like guys it's a beautiful day outside it actually was a gorgeous fucking beautiful i was like oh what do i do today and then i played fortnite for four and a half hours um and it was awesome honestly i don't regret it if you say my username five times in the mirror i'll show up and eat your butt eat your butt okay this is the well now there's like a bunch of pressure like what if i don't perform y'all you know i'm gonna beat your ass oh my god y'all there's something gorgeous about discover weekly like when yes weekly hits when a discovery is a good fucking playlist last night in my bed i was literally fucking like wiggling my toes in my sheets. I was like, woohoo!

Like, this song's good! And then there's something so good about it because it gives me an ego boost because I'm like, y'all don't even know this fucking song. Like, I have to put you on as if I didn't get put on by an algorithm. But neither here nor there. That shit is lit as fuck. And my Discover Weekly is so good. So that means it's going to be an awful week. It's going to be a beautiful week it's a beautiful neighbor day in the neighborhood it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood this is like less of a drew syop and just me reading

a meme out loud but this these are my like prices um for like like this this is just like services? yeah for my services alright so for a print pic it's gonna be a dollar for a dick pic it's gonna be three dollars for a nut video

seven dollars nut video with audio ten dollars nut video with moaning very crucial fifteen dollars you're cheap as fuck nut video with screaming

twenty dollars and then nut video with screaming, $20. And then nut video with crying, $25. Wow. That's actually like your prices are really healthy. Yeah. I'm for the people. I'm for the people.

Are those like linked on your TikTok shop or? Yeah, yeah, yeah. TikTok bio, Linktree bio, whatever. Shout out fucking Preston. Can we get a round of applause for Preston? What the other one conchrin nora shout out nora okay okay see how i caught more for a woman period period um okay do you want to go first on music well don't mind if i do i'm actually about to explode poop on my butt so i need to hurry the fuck up like i'm not playing with y'all like i'm about to make it stinky boots

um at 17 by janice ian plain sailing by tracy thorn teardrops by womack and warmack and marquee moon by television um still bumping dim all the lights by donna summer such a fun song play it with your girls everybody dances and sings like guys we need to bring singing and dancing back the simple joys of life that is what god gave us when we were born was singing and dancing music makes me feel so good like it like actually does something to my brain the joy i felt last night when i was listening to new music it's like oh my god it literally feels like like heroin yeah that's it that's why i don't need to do like crazy drugs because i have music i have art guys hey um mine is box the 40 caribou Cortiza Crump by Cortiza Star.

I'm wondering if we can box the 40. Forever by my lonely black cray. If this album actually did come out in 2002, I know we're all like, oh, Young Lean changed music. Yes, fully agree with. Oh, Lil like young lean changed music yes fully agree with oh little b changed rap yes i agree with but the conversations that are not being had behind black cray is literally horrifying like literally like a travesty to mankind because like this music like really shifted shit um specifically that album um that's how i feel about dj chipman um still struggling still

shining um but that is not a hot take i've seen people talk about that before and i'm not taking credit for it but we need to have more conversation about it uh gango bk the ruler did i already say that no okay that's my media and then i've been uh really dabbling back into a big oiled up booty twerk compilations on youtube we've been looking up like fart videos too like any has been putting those on just like girls twerking yeah like um i like uh like someone gets into the cry baby position like the the dance like on the floor and then like with each like lift of the butt, they fart. That's kind of our vibe.

That's just, but that's just something to throw on in the background while you're cleaning. If you're cleaning the kitchen, just to have on your TV. You're like throwing it back and forth like that.

Yeah, it's like, you do such a good fart, what, fart sound? Oh my God, guys. I wish I could transfer in time last night to when we found this big hat like i never felt so much joy last night was so joyous there was joy all around it's almost like all i knew was the sun and the birds oh somebody actually tagged me in a tiktok that um there

is scientific connection to hearing birds chirping and like dopamine rushing to your brain like it actually does something good for you. From primal ages. So some of y'all need to read books to know shit. I just naturally know it. And you're fucking dumb. All right. I'm gonna go blow up the bathroom. Bye, guys. Bye.