Emergency Intercom - Enya's psychiatrist Arc

Episode Date: July 21, 2023

Enya is finally getting her brain examined/studied (thank god). Drew is actually losing it for real this time and thinks the government is controlling the weather… aliens are real? Drew has the proof.  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/INTERCOM today to get 10% off your first month Get a 60-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/emergency. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show!  Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Ow, should I open the windows? It's like hot in here. Sorry, I'm in here. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom.

Today we look blue. I'm blue and if I green I would die. If I was green I would die. Is that green I would uh is that like the remix or is that how the actual song always went I think it's always been I'm blue if I was green I would die why is it so much worse when bb ruxa says that than when the like original says it your hair looks good thank you yeah I got it like cut today that That's a cut? Yeah, I was like, I figured like I would go for something new and like big. Yeah. And like, I feel like I kind of nailed it.

I mean, it's definitely new. Like, I don't know if. And you're ugly. Okay, well, was it expensive? Because it looks like it cost you $3. It was $700. It kind of looked like it looks like you went up to somebody out front of a Starbucks on Hollywood and Vine. And you said, I'd give you $3 to do something cool to my hair.

And then they did that. You're a winch and a Wiccan and a witch. Well, you're a fucking white witch. Welcome back to Emergency Intercom Part 2. Hi. Hi, guys. Oh, I'm going to fucking kill myself. I'm not going to pick that up.

You're dropping shit. I never wear skirts on the podcast because I like to lift my legs up too much and I don't want to give a free peep show. When I'm literally watching the episode, I'm constantly looking up your skirt. What the fuck? Like trying to see another skirt shot? Get a glimpse of the cooter the old bronson up there the cooter bronson who let cinephile be a word yeah that is pretty yeah like who who was like okay i would never call myself like the other word but like for cinema

yeah i would literally never ever call myself no that's crazy you are crazy say you're you like movies also um there is a very big difference between movies and film and all of you bitches calling everything you watch a film on letterboxd everything you record really you need to get a grip um because you're not better than anybody else because you call it a film however when i call it a film i am better than I call it a film, I am better than you. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, that's like really double standard and it doesn't really make sense. And you just seem like.

Is it double standard when I like believe women should be making me sandwiches at all times and men should be like playing baseball? I don't think that's necessarily a double standard. I think that's just misogynistic. What is that? Oh, it's the word that i call you behind your back guys welcome back to emergency intercom this is episode seven this week yeah it's been exciting we've been going strong for two months now yeah yeah so welcome back to emergency intercom okay this is what i have to say so i have like a few um psychological operations that i've been theorizing with um that i've been theorizing

and like toying with these ideas. Okay. Literally Shane Dawson before he starts the damn conspiracy. I don't know where to take my theories, like, because I have a lot of them. So I feel like this is the place. Yeah, this is your Psyop corner. Hit it. Welcome to Drew's Psyop corner. Okay. So, you know how it's been, hella cloudy out yeah the government with harp h-a-r whatever

pp or whatever the fuck which is what they control the weather with is creating these clouds over america and europe to block the sun to keep us weak and desolate and sad and isolated because gray clouds yeah it's scary guys okay but why are they doing that is that it you just think they're doing it so we have to rely on the government and their pills i mean yeah my happy little pill my happy oh my god oh actually that's exciting news i will be seeing a psychiatrist soon so we will know what's wrong with me very very soon stay tuned comment what you think is wrong with me i have a few um assumptions like i have my guesses but i won't say them because i don't want anybody to attack me and like shoot me executioner style for self

diagnosing myself but i think i think i can guess oh wow. I wasn't going to say that. That's what it is. Yeah, probably. But yeah, so the government is blocking the sun to make us take our happy little pills. Okay, next psychological operation. There are actually two moons. Tell me why I can see the moon in the middle of the day. But Australia can see the same moon at night

when we're on opposite sides of the globe. That's not adding up. Do the math. Hello. Yeah, I guess that is insane. But, you know, what's more insane is knowing that all you do all day is wake up and sit in your room and isolate, and this is what you're thinking about over there.

Yeah, no, it's really, really bad. You know what it is it's like a lot of people who are in go i'm trying to like me trying to walk around like the topic of schizophrenia um but a lot of people are definitely super engulfed in conspiracies and all these things obviously because of a lack of community we all know that that's kind of like a breed for a lot of the issues that we have on the internet is a lack of community a lack of community we all know that that's kind of like a breed for a lot of the issues that we have on the internet is a lack of community a lack of connection and then you find that and you find peace and no bitches no swag no bread like so now you're talking about how the earth is flat the government is putting chips in you know that's literally a connection is no bitches no swag no

bread to conspiracy theory pipeline like that is actually genuinely something but that's not me that's not his name again but shane dawson would have to disagree no bitches no swag he's got bread too much bread yeah a little bit um okay next uh thing oh my god i just read a note i've been keeping this from you for so long um okay so we went to the gym and i came out and i had seen something really really i'm genuinely really horrifying what it is um and it's definitely been built up way too much and you're gonna be very overwhelmed and be like oh yeah i knew that but like the fact that they had to put this up in the gym and the sauna was shut down because read the first fucking line yes they were cleaning the cum off the walls i don't know what happened but basically my gym

i've been saying it for so long very very, very gay place. Like I am literally sexually harassed every time I go into that fucking sauna. Whatever. Is that a new sign? Yes, they just put it up. That is actually insane. I know, I know. But basically they put up a sign saying no, there's like a no sexual policy at our gym um like because people were boning and having sex in the fucking saunas um and jerking each other off and shit wow i really can't believe that i know

they had to add all that health shit to it to make it seem like it was just like a gym has a zero tolerance policy regarding inappropriate sexual or lewd behavior. Offenders will lose membership and may be subject to arrest and prostitution. You know, that's what I thought was when I read that. I was like, prostitution? I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait. I thought you just said no to that. Yeah, but yeah, so that's like pretty crazy.

Dude, that is actually so insane. Well, the girls' bathroom or sauna doesn't have that we'll see today i'll see if they have it today and i'll update y'all but we don't have that um the phone thing is like the first thing i read and i was like um because sometimes i bring my phone in because i have my headphones on and i'll just like listen to music in there um but then i stopped doing it yeah because i was like i'm literally gonna break my ip 14 Pro. That fucking sucks. The camera on that goddamn thing is the most awful thing ever.

That's funny because I can take pictures of the fucking moon. And what can you do with your phone? Look up pictures of the moon. That's embarrassing. All I use my phone for is TikTok and to take pictures of my butthole. Oh, you know what's funny? Oh, that's funny that you mentioned that because I've never been to Walmart. Oh, you would know a lot about walmart wow walmart expert i'm sure because you were always i don't even know what that is because i'm sure you're always at walmart

one of the one of maybe one of the top 10 videos made of all time like i shifted shifted society in a very real way i'm starting to like think about um yo india fucking came into my room today after we chatted about india having zero riz um came into my room and grabbed i have like this tray of paint and she grabbed my cart or a bottle of paint out of my cart of paint and was like pain party and like acted like she was gonna spray it all over my fucking room and it was so stupid it was the stupidest thing i've ever seen you do but then it reminded me i was like you know what's insane is like in a different world someone who's really unfunny with no social cues would do something like that because they'd be like this would be funny like to spray paint at you um and then i

thought about it and i know exactly who would do it and it's the killer the killer name one because i don't know his name i don't i don't know his name so okay do you want to explain it or you started off because i'm bad at telling stories so we were at this party like at a friend's party and whatever we're like chatting it up with like new people because like i'm super sociable and everybody is like we're in a new space be such a dope soul that everybody craves your vibe yeah yeah that's what it's like when we go into parties um we're like unicorns yeah so people love seeing us. And we were just talking, talking, chatting it up with a bunch of people. And this dude is like kind of hanging around and talking.

And he's like a funny guy, whatever. We're like making conversation. He can get along in conversation. Cool. Fine. Not thinking anything of it. I turned and I realized he's really talking to Drew. Like following Drew around.

Talking to Drew. Like talking, talking. Like literally thinks he's like following her around like talking to drew like talking talking like literally thinks he's like risen all over me talking like it's really really scary and like i i was like i wasn't talking back i was just talking to this person because i was like didn't want to be like yo stop fucking talking you were starting to read it like oh okay this is like not this is like we are not here we are not in this conversation for the same reason yeah like you literally want me and i want to get away um i just flashed you um but i um am like essentially running away from this person like literally running as much as i make fun of you for being like when i go out i'm wanted without fail at every party i have to make sure i'm looking

around for drew because drew also isn't like i think because it's a new section of your life where you're literally hunted down and wanted like that so you still don't know how to just step away from it and be like okay this is like kind of mean but i'm just gonna literally cut this conversation down and move i did recently yeah yeah this is before i learned this was before that so at every party i have to kind of like look out for drew and see if he's being held hostage and usually he is being held hostage like i would run i would literally go inside and go hide in the bathroom for 10 minutes and he would wait for me for 10 minutes and i was like oh world this is fucking crazy like wow what am i supposed to do and then like it just basically became this like big thing

um and i had to push him over and like i fucking drowned him in the pool and he died yeah but before it got like too much it he had come over to me like drew went in the pool and he died yeah but before it got like too much he had come over to me like drew went to the bathroom and he came back over to me and he started asking me questions about drew was like um is he single and i was like yeah and like laughed and like looked away because i didn't think anything of it and he's like what's his vibe and i just look at this man i'm like what do you mean what's his vibe and he's like like what's his vibe and i just look at this man i'm like what do you mean what's his vibe and he's like like what's his vibe and then i just go there is no vibe there do not go don't do that and then he was like he was like what like i think he's he was like i think he's cute like i think i

want to like like would he ever go on a date and i'm like i don't think you understand what i'm saying do not go into those waters because it will not work out for you and it's not worth it and it's not gonna happen it will hurt yeah and i literally was like just straight up being like leave him alone like i basically was like leave him alone because that's why you're talking to him that's not gonna happen and i give in in your nose my type and i give in your permission to do that no i didn't you even you even told him yeah i literally i literally like which was maybe was kind of mean but he kept pushing and being like no no i think i could do this and i'm like no babes no babes no i look at this person in the face and i explicitly describe his type and i'm

like you are in the friend type not that type that's not like whatever and he just i guess was hella fucking feeling himself because he's like i can i can turn him out i'm like bitch you can barely touch the top of his head you're three feet tall like you're gonna turn him out like it was it was really really scary in one of those moments not that there's anything wrong with being a short guy guys come on sorry i just had to say that but it was really scary yeah and then the camera's never really seen kai kai's like two foot four yeah which is sad but we also took his mic away he's not gonna have a mic anymore so don't even don't even be expecting for him to say anything back hi not even being here you know still finding a way to call him short and old um he was kai's height though that is a good reference so if you've ever seen kai he

was kai no kai was taller which is crazy because kai's only two foot eight which yeah uh but yeah so then fast forward the night like i oh i'm like I'm like so fucking, I'm like losing it, bro. I'm losing it. Also, I'm literally just laughing because of where this story ends. It's so anticlimactic, but it's literally the funniest thing ever. Wait, no, we have to talk about being in the kitchen. Okay, yeah. So like I escaped for a little bit.

Ran to the kitchen, was chopping it up with my other homies that I knew. And I was purposely like turning my back to get him out of the conversation and like eventually he took that hint but he would not take a fucking hint all night and literally went and stand stood in the corner staring at me talk to my friends and it was so bizarre and then i saw like inya and our other homies sitting at the table and we just i like sat down i was chatting with him then he sat down at the table and tried to talk with us he was like standing over you too and it was so weird he was like trying to like mark his territory next to you in a way and I was like so it started to make me really uncomfortable and then I was like this is insane because I've

already told this person not to do this I was looking at you and I was like help me no I know Drew was literally like help me stop him and and I was like, help me. No, I know. Drew was literally like, help me stop him. And then I was like, I just started. We basically started talking about leaving. And I was like, we're tired. We're going to leave. I had to fucking evacuate that fun party because I was being attacked all night for being sexy. But the best part is.

Yeah. So, like, I don't, I really, like like i am such a pushover and like in the moment like in that specific moment i should have just been like no but i ended up like trading numbers with him because he was so pushy it takes also so much practice to just be able to get to the point where you can say no to somebody who is not taking a hint like yeah it sucks but it is just hard to draw that boundary and be like no because so many times so many people just get offended yeah so many people have my number and i'm like you don't need this because we one we're not getting along this isn't going where you think it's going and like it doesn't need to be like this yeah we can also i'm sorry just because i have an iphone does

not mean you need to make contact with it that is not what that fucking means that's not an open invitation that everybody i meet needs to have direct contact with me i think it even goes as far as like the idea that i have to follow everyone i see in public back on instagram like if i see you often in public and we get along really well yes i would love to follow you yes we can exchange numbers yeah it's just so annoying that people think that's an open invitation i feel like it can come off as rude but it's just realistic because why am i going to give you my number because i'm not going to answer so now what it's also it's also giving like like i i mean i am not

like i also feel this way but like rejection is like such a hurtful fucking thing because it like attacks you. It makes you attack yourself to your core and all of your flaws and all of your looks and whatever. And like, you'll never be that person that that person wants, like whatever. But like, come on. If we just met, it shouldn't be that deep. Exactly. I'm sorry. It's never that deep.

But basically, we traded numbers. And we went back to our hotel because we were like having a little staycation. And all of a sudden, I get a text from this man. And he texted me the craziest photo like he the first thing he said to me was he sent me a selfie of himself with our friend's dog and i was like oh wow so i immediately like photoshopped it and showed inya orion and josiah and i was like look at the picture he just sent of me and they didn't get to see him that much and i showed it and they thought that's like literally what he looked like i was like dude he's literally so like coked and fucked up that his face is melting like that's how i perceived that yeah i was like he did too much i will say before like melting before we go on and sound like mean girls like he he was a good looking person like he was

not your type just not my type he was you got told no all night and now you're pushing it. And now you're going to get, because if you don't know how to just take no as an answer and walk away, the least I get to do is poke fun at you because you push boundaries. Yeah. So I just wanted to clear the air and like, maybe there was like one part where like, he did think I was like genuinely curious about whatever that was

but like that's just because i'm a pushover and i'm a shitty person but yeah that's how the story ended i would post a selfie but it is potentially the meanest thing to ever do to a person so i will never ever ever in that in there but yeah basically that i don't remember how he looks normally now all i could think of is just like also i was drunk when drew showed me the picture so i was like like my brain was genuinely like dude that's what he looked like all night because he didn't tell us he photoshopped it so we all believed that's how he looked and then an hour later he was like by the way i facetuned the fuck out of that picture then we went and played raya on my account which that's the best game ever it's just like treating raya like a video game and just like not taking it serious at all and just looking at all the people on there and being like

yes yes no we have to go back to playing raya i know we were gonna play it in big sir but your membership god i literally did cancel my membership yeah i literally did um okay well i forgot to talk about this psychological operation in drew psyop corner um so drew psyop corner that's like the little theme song i'm working and i'm not married to it but like maybe we can make it good um but the nasa for the first time i think ever maybe in 50 years i don't fucking know i don't care has acknowledged the existence of ufos and uaps um which i am a firm believer that aliens exist somewhere in our universe and i used to be like there's no way they're on our fucking planet but like the more like i don't know what the fuck and call them but it's basically like the idea that they're media training us and like making it so when aliens do eventually get

like dropped like they drop the alien bomb on us or alien ios one yeah the the new update of earth that there's been aliens here the entire time it doesn't completely spiral the population into like chaos and devastation um but there was like this event that happened in uh las vegas and i won't go any deeper because i know you're fucking bored but um yeah it was really lit and very convincing and then also there was just this big mega like pessimistic or not even pessimistic i am the worst person ever well yeah when i don't believe something it's like no you can't you're not gonna convince me and even if it is convincing you're not gonna be the ones who convince me but i genuinely am like the video you said you saw when you were in sixth grade and you're like oh oh my god y'all there's like i was showing inya and josh like all the alien footage that

i've been collecting before he like couldn't find it so it was also like really it was so bad y'all gave this whole like spiel about aliens and like of course like it's not even i hope you understand like it's not like me being like no i know it i sound insane it's literally like not me trying to be like you just are saying something that i don't care about but it's more like it's hard for me to engage in that conversation because i'm the worst person ever and if i like have no real interest in it it's like hard for me to like get my brain to focus on it yeah so you did that whole thing and I was really trying hard to listen and then you're like alright you were you did that's like the first time in your life I was like really like trying to listen

and then this motherfucker goes oh and here's the video. You were like, wait, what is this? I think I've seen this before. Yeah, and it's this video. Move, children. Vamanos. It's behind! um oh wow sorry my hair is just so long that like now when i like whip it around i drop everything um but that when i was like six years old i saw that on the internet like on fucking dig or something or like early reddit and i believed the shit out of it i was like oh oh wow they're here they're here and i think it's a clip from like a movie yeah i think it is from a movie but those kids ate down they were i know they were

acting their fucking ass off and you know they all that money went to their parents and their parents went out for drinks at a bar after because that's just how being a child all fifty dollars um but last thing i'll say about aliens and then i'll move the fuck on but there was this giant wiki leaks or not wiki leaks uh whistle blow like on like alien whatever blah blah blah blah blah um and that shit like i read all of it in two hours it was like it was like the most i've ever read in one sitting i was gonna say you like are not like somebody who will sit down and like really commit to reading like that yeah and of course if it's about some fucking alien shit stupid bullshit yeah i will tap the fuck in but yeah that was very very convincing um and the gist of it is that aliens

have been here the whole time and the reason why they're getting more active and there's more sightings is because we're there's like a threat of nuclear war and they're essentially like our zookeepers and like they've been in living in the ocean like in a base for this entire time and that the ships they make are like um like imagine like heat shrink wrap like around like a box like and then you peel it off like basically their ships are made like that where they like so they get all the come up and yeah and then go mining oh so we can rip them out the plastic and they'll start acting brand new no like dead ass they literally will um but yeah basically they've been here the whole time and we're just being

watched and taken care of see the thing about me is like i just will never believe it and you could put an alien in my face and i'd be like bitch this fucking i would give this special effects is going too far that's like literally how i feel like if i saw one in person i would be like okay that's literally not real but if there was an alien in front of me i would um get it conilingus yeah i was gonna say i'd be like can i see your genitalia the um i speak three languages english spanish and conilingus and italian wait i had something written down wait why am i spicy white i'm like spicy white so this is okay you need to stop that um the more we like enter our adulthood and get closer to 30 it's just natural that you exploring your body or not in that way no what i will explore my body why do you have to make it

like that like why are you being i don't know you're just talking about masturbation all the time oh i mean i do have a problem with that um guys guys don't even get me started on the couch on the walls it's everywhere she's like a cat my sebum and squirt is everywhere um but but basically i just went i've been to the doctors and seen like the nurses around my age because it's just getting to I've been to the doctors and seen, like, the nurses around my age. Because it's just getting to that point where, like, the people our age, because we're in our mid-20s now, are working these jobs. Not me. Yeah, no, never you. Like, literally never you.

Because I would not trust you in a doctor's office. But actually, with that being fucking said, that's my issue is now that like i i went to the tailor the other day and there was a girl my age i was like you have a job like it's literally like yes i don't have a job so i'm like what are you doing here wait why what are you why also why are you coming up to me with pins and needles to like start poking my clothes i get what you're saying it's like you being the same age as these people and they're like highly specialized in their craft and it doesn't make sense because also i don't have a craft i'm highly specialized like i didn't have to do that so now i'm like very confused and concerned there was a

doctor who's about to give me a shot and take my blood is my age i'm like i know you're gonna sell that shit on depop because why are you taking my blood like i'm like there's no my blood got stolen by a 30 something year old doctor did i talk about that no you haven't guys i something is seriously wrong with my testicles and like that's as far as i'll go like i don't know what is going on something is wrong with my box because everyone who goes in it becomes obsessed with me but that's different oh okay um no that was awesome actually um but something is seriously wrong with my testicles and i've been going to the doctors a bunch and getting ultrasounds and i have to get a second ultrasound and i had to give blood and piss and blah blah blah blah i because i was like is this an std i've been like

celibate for like a very very long time like other than with me but it doesn't count yeah and i'm so i'm just like is this like did i like contract something from the toilet seat like what the fuck is going on here um all of them came back negative in the urine and then i called back oh there's a hummingbird out there um but i called back and i was like yo like i just got the urine results where is the blood and they were like oh the blood is included and then i went through the document and i was like no this isn't true so i called them back on monday wait when you're like where's the blood that's me when i feel myself leaking and i go to the bathroom um but but it's just discharged and i'm not starting my period i'm like um where is the blood boo sometimes if you leave your discharge in your panties too long you can crack

it off like um like what's that thing like a caramel like crunch candy like you do you ever do that with your discharge just take off your underwear and like leave it on the floor and it'll dry and you can it'll just peel off the fabric oh sorry i'm back what the what the heck what the hell what the hell um sorry my new haircut is getting in my hair um but yeah yeah um but i called back on monday three days later guys this could be something seriously wrong with me and like it's like really crazy um but i've never heard you say guys like i don't think i've ever heard you be like guys listen up like no i'm being dead serious no there's something seriously wrong with guys what the hell is wrong with me but i go or i call

the doctor and i'm like yo so no no no i called the lab that did my lab work and i was like yo they said the uh blood work was done and that's including this document that you sent but it's not in here and they were like yeah it's not in there we never got your blood and so i'm like wait what the fuck like i gave you like a bunch of fucking blood like where is my blood where is my blood to the vampires to flip my blood to other vampires um and but they like get high off their own supply and i'm like where's my keep going boo where is my blood um so then i call my doctor and i'm like yo guys this literally went on for like a week i gotta stop saying that um this literally went on for like a week it was like so hectic in hell it's still going on because

they haven't found my fucking blood but i called the doctor back and i'm like yo where's my blood y'all lost it and they were like um uh let me talk to the doctor and they fucking ghosted me where is my blood challenge where is my blood like actually fucking sold it because why is your blood gone also that's so get off your damn phone i'm asking for the janet tickets because i'm starting to panic so and you're begging for janet jackson tickets because it's tonight and they're two thousand dollars i this is i know really crazy and it sounds like that one girl was like i spent fifty thousand dollars on harry style tickets but like i never spend this much on tickets because usually because i'm sexy and i'm hot and i know musicians it's no big deal i get a hookup but i hate asking for a hookup for tickets i usually will like hope it just happens naturally and if it doesn't i just buy like random tickets that are cheap and i'll

just go because i don't really care usually about being close but for janet i need to be close and it's tonight by the time this episode comes out it would have been two weeks ago your hair looks like um thank you kind of looks like cotton candy um thank you but this is pointless i'm asking my close friends for tickets and i'm hoping that one of my munches come through hopefully one of my munches hook it up hook me up but well my my all my munches have become veteran munches so they're fallen soldiers and i don't believe they will be active in the war for my box anymore so like it's done my munches are just like they're honestly my munches are munch unemployment right now so i haven't even asked how they're doing you know what's crazy that i thought about um was like when we went out like there weren't that many recognizable and familiar faces and what i thought about it was like oh my

gosh everybody that we loved seeing when we went out are like aging out of their party era like they're like they're like i have boyfriend girlfriend and i'm too old to be doing this and i want kids in two years like i need to chill the fuck out no that's literally what it is like all of our friends including us we're just at that age where it's also not worth going out and like being hung over the next day it's not because it's so easy to get hung over now for me like it's fun but the next day is not worth it like i am so easily like it takes nothing to make me hung over now and i'd rather just stay home and get so high and get scared and watch stand-up that scares me and freaks me out and then go to bed

yeah and then in the morning think about like how there were three jokes i said to my friends that i thought upset them and made them hate me and And I was like, that was weird. Why did I think they literally hated me? Yeah, it's really, really crazy. But we went out a couple nights ago to one of our homies birthday party. Yeah, I saw a bunch of famous people. I'm pretty cool. But on the way out, there was like paparazzi out front um and i saw the paparazzi and i like it is my dream to like trick the paparazzi that is like one of my biggest goals

in life is to like get them to take pictures of me and then like the next hour look at them normal and talking to people josiah and drew were literally conspiring. Yeah, I was like plotting. I was like, because my goal is to like get these paparazzi to look at these photos of like whoever they thought they were taking a picture of and be like, who the fuck is this? So I got, I pulled Josiah to the side and I was like, okay, like we got to plot this shit out.

Like Josiah, I need you to go up to one of the photographers because there was like a mass of them. I need you to go up to them and be like, yo, like so-and-so is walking out out like and he's having like a bad night like you need to get pictures of him and so it was time for us to leave and there were a bunch of paparazzi and josiah walked over there and said um went and talked to him and so i thought was he said was talking about me we were like okay so i was behind drew and i was filming and mason was still like in the smoking area filming us walk out

i also assumed me and drew both assumed that he went out there and said the name of a random man they were trying to say back and i was like y'all are crazy for thinking one that they would believe beck is at this party two that they would give a fuck about getting a picture of Beck. Yeah, exactly. And I was just like, tell him it's someone popping right now. Like, I don't know, just tell him it's something. I couldn't think of anybody that looks like me that's famous. I think we said like Tom Holland,

but I was like, I do not look like, or Josiah said Tom Holland. And I was like, I don't fucking look like Tom Holland. That's not gonna work. But long story short, like I'm fully in like go mode in character like i have my hat like covering my face i'm like walking out quickly like distraught like i'm like oh my god they're gonna like flick up because they started walking over to the exit that we were at getting

their cameras ready and starting to point them at us nothing they didn't take a single fucking photo and i called an uber black like an uber xl or whatever the fuck it is literally to feed into the like delusion of it just to have a car my driver's out front like there was a driver there and this is the video yeah not a single photo was taken and actually i have an angle of it too from my angle. You can see that they lifted the camera and then put it down, I realized in my video. It's so embarrassing. Because fucking Josiah told them I was Olivia Rodrigo,

which I do not look like her at all. And he went up to them and was like, oh, like Olivia Rodrigo is like walking out right now. She's wearing a black tank top. Yeah, and like just said she was having like a rough night and she's really drunk. Like you need to get these photos of her and um they bodied us and josiah flopped and i can never trust him with a bit ever again he could think of that like paparazzi would want a picture of because he said that he went up to them and he was like uh because he was like are

you guys and they were like yeah we're paparazzi he was like okay someone's coming out and they're like who and then he goes um olivio olivio rodrigo and then they were just like oh that's perfect yeah we'll do that he literally just was like oh okay perfect they're gonna take the picture you can see in the photo that um almost immediately they look at me they're like who the fuck is that and you can see in the video me covering my face it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life but like it was really really funny that's what you do for the bit but yeah uh also why the fuck do i need a birth certificate proving like that i'm alive i know why do you need a birth certificate and a fucking social

security i'm literally here in front of you and talking like i don't need a birth certificate like also like if you need to cancel like an airline flight um because of a death or something you have to show them the death certificate of the person you lost and if they're not close enough to you that can't be true swear to god it's so crazy give me my fucking money back bitch someone's gonna want the ticket anyway i've actually never had trouble refunding a flight or canceling that can't be true because anytime i've canceled a flight i just get but it's it's real though like the uh airline bit is real that's crazy you're not real are we still gonna go to the gym

yeah yeah we have to okay well i did finally go to an estate sale i know i said in the last episode or one of these episodes i don't know these are all coming out at random times that estate sales weren't real and i still believe that they weren't real i went with a friend of mine and it felt like we got transported into a random timeline and it didn't make sense and it was very random we also forgot cash so we basically just went into this person's house and then i immediately felt really crazy about being in someone's house like looking through their stuff and i couldn't stop laughing because i just like we were just like what are we doing like why did we drive out 45 minutes to be in this fucking house and i felt really bad because like

it seemed like the people working it were like whoever this person was friends like it was like a really like random that's what it is like a state sales like if you don't um hire a company to do it it's just like your close homies and family that's what it felt like and i felt crazy and i was like doing you know when i like start laughing a lot because I'm like nervous and uncomfortable I kept doing that and then I was feeling really bad and I I just had to leave so I went to an estate sale and then I immediately left but I did get complimented on my jacket but that's because everywhere I go I get like shouting compliments it's almost like annoying it's like ask me how I'm doing stop saying that my tits look good um i've been out with you i think literally every single place you've ever gone and i've never heard someone shout at you that's funny that's funny

because they do so it's like oh also in seventh grade um my crush who i was on an in an on and off relationship with who i was really toxic with one time he made me really mad so i took a panty liner like a pad and i wrote his name on it in red ink. This isn't real. And I slapped it in the stairwell. And me and my friends waited there for the bell to ring and everybody going down. He was like one of the popular kids. And I stood there.

Were y'all broken up or dating? We were on one of our many breaks. Wow. And everybody walking by was like, oh, my fucking God. Like, oh, my God um and then we got back together and then he asked me to have sex with him in the bathroom and i literally was like are you actually stupid we're fucking 12. la taxica i would have given it up i know bitch i fucking know you're a slut yeah no self-respect well men need to go back to the steel beams working on the steel beams where are

the real men like i know it's really like it's actually a problem like no one's building shit everyone's so busy building shit in fortnite and on their pc and in 3d renders but no one's building shit in real life yeah i want to link up and build irl not link up and build ig like yeah yeah facts because they need to go back to the still beams and falling off in new york city yeah and dying um because i don't see that anymore where are they also everybody's always like oh like fuck i fucked up and i checked his following list no what you need to check is who he's playing fortnight with because he just went and hugged a girl doing the duo emo wow they were doing the duo emo hug in fortnight and you were too busy looking through his ig following list what was that fucking tiktok with all the slides of him being like keep your circle small

like it's fortnight it was like and like fortnight taught me so many things that real life never could it's like um when your circle small is small you know all the best competitors are there like it's like all um you're surrounded by the best of the best yeah um something about it being toxic i like can't even think yeah they were like hella lit i need to find them because we're gonna end this episode with them oh also if it was still in the like witch trial era I would accuse you of being a witch and they would believe you and then I would go to your stoning I would actually believe that and I would I would I would say I am a witch um i do witchcraft um yeah okay yeah i feel bad for the depressed people watching this i really do like if you're depressed make some noise yeah i feel bad for you i feel really bad

for you damn i'm really not gonna find find this. This is actually making me upset, and I think I'm going to throw a hissy fit right now. All right. Well, thank you guys so much for watching. Oh, wait. Media, media, media. You literally never want to do media. It's crazy that you are the biggest gatekeeper I know,

and you have an entire segment on your podcast that you give away media that you don't give away media on well here's my media too much heaven by the bg simple kind of life no doubt crying laughing loving lying la bisefray i can't say his name right and then still listening to Is That Love when you're in my heart actually that's it that's all I'm gonna give you oh

yeah that's it Wooden Girl Jonathan Leendewer Worst Behavior Drake oh worse Lonesome Town

Ricky Nelson The Motion by Drake I know every word to that song i love that song and girls love beyonce by drake okay sorry these words natasha beddingfield money on a gold play ag cook and i'll give you one more by ag cook um um listen to 7g it's like three million songs long but a to z is really good 2021 is really really good and then i think it's called silver but i can't find it maybe it's on a different album s-i-l-v-e-r but it's the one that like is a bunch of fucking screaming and scratching and sound and then it becomes the most beautiful song you've ever heard in your entire life well let me find that real quick um also still listening to pine grove need to by pine grove is lit sauce um and

that's the first musician that tiktok has showed me that I didn't know of before was Pine Grove. And that I've actually enjoyed. Every other musician on TikTok. Me and my ex-munchie off to Pine Grove. I gave to TikTok. Every fucking musician on TikTok, I gave to TikTok. Mike. Mike TikTok. Mike. Mike Hawk drop.

Alright, thank you guys so much for watching. Also, Mike Hunt gave me a blowy. Bye. I'm out.