Emergency Intercom - Enyas stinky feet in 4k

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

yup another episode where we talk about having horrible experiences smoking w**d, enya explains why she couldn't handle having a kid that can kind of sing well and drew introduces a new segment 👀 Go to Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Just kidding. Just fucking kidding. JK. I have been seeing friends, I will say. You spread it to me and Josiah. Well, all of my friends who I've been seeing is because everybody's leaving for the holidays. But I tell them, I'm like, hey, I'm feeling a little funky, congested.

Congested. Congested. Is that how you say that? Yeah. Oh, that's a weird word. And they don't give a fuck because my vibe is so strong. They're like, honestly, it's worth getting sick, hanging out with you.

It's worth getting sick. Do you know what a weird word to me is? What? Inya. I was going to say a weird word to me is like, it's actually a set of words. It's true, it's attractive. Because I'm just like, that's not, those words don't align.

See, mine is Inya. Am I in? I'm not even going to say it. But you know what words make sense? Drew should kill himself. Those words together make sense to me. No, Drew, don't kill yourself. You're so sexy.

You don't fuck with me. You don't start with me because I will go lower. Oh, yeah, that's true. She will. you don't start with me because i will go lower oh yeah that's true she will add a gunshot sound to post and then add like holy music when i come in so it's like i like in the returning of jesus christ uh drew speaking of super spreader you later okay period period okay speaking of super spreading um so this morning i'm like why am i still so sick yeah you're destroying your lungs i don't do that shit anymore um yeah you're holy speaking of this morning i um was like kind of up early kind of doing my thing and every morning i just like do a little cleaning around the house and i like had my eyes set on the bathroom and the bathroom was particularly

dirty specifically the toilet there's like i guess we have hard water i don't fucking know but there's always like a ring in the toilet where the water sits it's also from me doing my lipstick and then wiping my mouth and it being like covered in red oils and throwing it in the toilet. And India's like fucking like foundation. My bold glamour foundation. She'll like throw it into the toilet and it just like melts off of the napkin and permeates the bowl. And it's just crazy. Anyways, I was doing a little cleaning. And I've never done this.

So I don't know why I did this. I know what you're about to say. But I cleaned the toilet bowl with this like bleach cleaner. And what is that? What was that? Sorry, I don't know. Was that a sneeze? No, that was a laugh.

But I'm congested. I'm sick too. Nobody asked me how I'm lying. I'm sick of y'all's shit. I'm sick of y'all's shit. So can y'all shut the fuck up and let me finish my story, please?'m sick too. Nobody asked me how I'm doing. I'm sick of y'all shit. I'm sick of y'all shit. So can y'all shut the fuck up and let me finish my story, please? Oh my God.

You asked. You asked. No, so I was like cleaning the toilet bowl with bleach and I was doing my thing. And then I was like, ooh, I'm going to use the toilet bowl cleaner

on the countertop. And I sprayed the countertop with the bleach. And then I was like, ooh, I need to clean the mirror in there as well. And I sprayed the countertop with the bleach and then I was like oh I need to clean the mirror in there as well and I grabbed the Windex and I sprayed the Windex on the thing and I over spray the fuck out of windows because I find when you add more Windex it cleans better and I guess

Windex dripped down into the bleach and I literally created mustard gas in the bathroom and i swear to god my throat started burning so fucking bad and my eyes started watering and i was like cool i'm literally like i created oh i made a war crime in our bathroom and i'm not talking about a shit like i literally like i created mustard gas our toothbrushes are out so that means when you fucking spray that you over spray that shit it literally gets all over our toothbrushes are out so that means when you fucking spray that it literally gets all over our toothbrushes and toothpaste yeah i'm disinfecting and eating it so you should be happy yeah but now i'm sick so maybe you're creating mustard gas in my toothpaste mustard and gas in my toothpaste yeah so they need to add mustard gas to fortnite

that's like the Ring River. That's the storm. Oh, yeah. I guess that is the storm. The storm is mustard gas. I think they had it right, those little grenades. Huh?

You know the little grenades with the yellow gas? Oh, yeah. See, that's the mustard gas. That's literally what our bathroom looked like this morning. Yeah, that's the mustard gas. And it's an invisible killer.

And Anya woke up later and was like... She woke up kind of later. And I was like, a few hours had passed since I created the mustard gas. And when she was walking in there, I was like, by the way, like, do not spend a lot of time in here. Because I don't know if the mustard gas has left the space. And I don't want you to die. He was like, I don't want to tell you what I did, but I did something in there.

And I'm going to say it on the podcast. And I immediately knew because we have all those cleaning supplies sitting there in the bathroom and i'm like he literally comes in here and plays with them like he comes in here and plays with the cleaning supplies and i know he's creating fucking gas in here because he just like is going overboard but it's okay because i have a housewife in my life so i can't complain you guys have that one cleaning solution that looks like grape juice where is it fabuloso the best shit ever have you ever smelled a fucking jolly rancher in there have you ever smelled fabuloso no is it good wait

hold on wait i'm gonna grab something boy do we have a surprise for you i did fabuloso slime oh gee slime fabuloso slime thank you so much to the person that gave me this at the podcast at the pop-up it's not oh what i'm not supposed to i'm going to pull out the real fabuloso too so you can like have a reference to how similar that smells. That smells good as fuck. You're always actually tweaking, looking for the fabulous. I put Enya on to the fabulous. Oh, that smells like airport bathrooms. Yeah, I put Enya on to this shit, bro. She had no idea this shit existed.

It's literally called fabulous. You can guess who uses. Me, because I'm fabulous. Oh, shit. That one is a little bit better, though. It smells so good. The original is a little bit better. Fabuloso so good. The original is a little bit better. Fabuloso, please sponsor me.

I love Fabuloso. The proper way to clean your floors, I don't believe in the mop shit. Oh my God. Drew can't get through the child protection. It was so good. I drank it, guys. No one heard my joke.

What was your joke I said nevermind you said you put me onto this and you said no it's fabuloso like who do you think put you on and I said because I'm fabulous yeah I heard that where are the horses I really want to ride a horse

save a horse ride a cowboy Drew finally went to a party like we finally got him out of the house and on the way home he like deadpan well i don't know if you want to talk about this but like who was hitting on like the people who were hitting on you all night oh i don't want to say i want to keep it a mystery but it was hilarious like the people that came up to me and actually i don't give a fuck literally the hottest women i've ever seen like bad bitches fucking baddie boots were like coming up to me and like kind of trying to like riz on me and like see what my vibe is and i was like damn i've like created a monster like i've created a monster um and i just get play i get box i'm back on box i like sniff crotch like i love that shit yeah

you were starting to rap you were like going bar for bar i'm back on box i sniff on crotch but yeah it was just it was funny because um says you don't got a chance with me yeah because drew's just like i'm a 10 i'm a 10 no but it did like it was a really big boost to my confidence like like everyone was like oh my god drew you're out like oh my god like this is so fun it's not good when like because drew does not go out to parties when he does everybody treats it like it's not good when, like, because Drew does not go out to parties, when he does, everybody treats it like it's such a, like, a thing. So the problem is then he will use that as leeway to stay the fuck home for the next, like, five months because you want to, like, keep it like this sacred medallion of, like, when you do go out. I'm mysterious. I'm literally mysterious.

Yeah, I did get comments, like, the next day. Who's that kid who can't keep eye contact and doesn't know what to say when I come up to him? Yeah, yeah, literally. You're not mysterious, bro. When I came out to where you were sitting. You came out? What do you mean came out? No, out of the fucking.

Wait, you came out at a party? No. It's fucking weird. Well, I did, but the. Oh, in the famous section. In the famous section. Yeah. When I went to the famous section where Drew was.

Then you came out. Yeah. He was sitting like on the corner of this little wall. And there was a line of people waiting, literally like the iPhone. And I was literally blessing them with my sword and knighting them. I was like, yes. What was nice is when I walked up, I passed the line. Yeah, I was just like, hi, come up.

You had your lanyard on. Your VIP lanyard. Your lanyard with a picture of Drew sexually in bed, laying in bed. Putting my hand with the wrist thing for Coachella on the little light-up pad. He has velvet ropes around him at this party. You're holding it up through the crowd. It's too many people. I have my phone with the flashlight and a water bottle.

I keep clocking that it's Kai and I like keep looking away like he's not allowed in this bit's taking a weird turn cause you obviously stole that fucking pass cause you would never make it on Drew's VIP list girl you're not getting backstage well Drake and Kanye

were trying to get backstage for Drew, but. Okay. Oh, wait, actually, on a real note, I had a sex dream about Kanye on a real note. Last night? No, two nights ago, and I kept it from you because I wanted to talk about it. I had a sex dream about Kanye, and we were in where that fucking place he is right now. Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia.

We were there and it was crazy. Okay. So you had a sex dream with Kanye who is in Saudi Arabia. Yeah. But I also had a dream about Taylor Swift. Not an S dream, but I wrote down all my notes for it because it's quite literally the funniest thing dream I've ever dreamt um okay so the dream starts out and we're at a Beyonce concert it's me you I forget who else was with us but I know for a

fact it was me and you and a third person oh it was fucking Josiah it was literally Josiah it was me you and Josiah at a Beyonce concert. And this is like way deep in the future. And like, unfortunately, I'm not saying this has happened, is going to happen, but Beyonce was washed and she couldn't even sell out an arena and she was doing an arena tour. And there was empty seats everywhere.

And it was really embarrassing. We were still wiling out. We were still turning up, but just Beyonce wasn't giving the Beyonce that we remembered. And it was sad. But then we got invited backstage, and Taylor Swift was backstage, because, you know, they have that, like, cute little girlfriend shit

because of, like... People trying to pit them against each other. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Like, that one moment moment i think it's at the vma is when beyonce called taylor swift back on stage when beyonce won her award is one of the most iconic moments in pop history but um anyways i mean that's like right under me and you starting the podcast yeah yeah right under right under um but we um are backstage with beyonce and taylor swift taylor swift is like oh you should come to my house and we're like what like let's go to your

house like hey we go to her house she literally is staying in the white house like her house is in the white house and she's under contract with the government. You're trying to think of like big architecture. You're like, what about? It's literally the White House. Like it's a government building and she's living in there and she's under contract with the government to do meet and greets every single day at the White House. So she's meeting like 15 to 30 people at the White House. And we're just kind of chilling around, like feeling like celebrities we're like really cool and everybody's like who is who are they

with Taylor like what is this and then after that Taylor's like let's let's go let's go I don't know where and we get out and go outside of the White House and we get on bird scooters and me her me you Josiah and Taylor are riding bird scooters through like Washington DC and there's like a bunch of like special like security what are they called uh a special service yeah secret service like service meet special service like clocking our tea and like Taylor would like wave them off and shit and then this is the gag Taylor's like oh I'm get in my car and race y'all. She gets in the fucking golden Bugatti. The gold Bugatti from the Reputation video. And she speeds off and we never see her again. And then I wake up.

That was my dream. And I have it all written down in my notes, but I remembered it all because I was like, damn. That is so fucking funny. You left us in the dust. I've had a dream in a really long time. Have you been smoking weed? Because weed stops that. No.

And weed stops COVID. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So because I'm sick, I'm like, I'm really hoping I don't. Did you spray something? Did someone spray something? No, I opened my tuna box. Oh, no.

Did you actually spray a perfume or something? Yeah, this oh because my eyes are like burning and i was like oh god the mustard gas is back the mustard gas is back but yeah i guess it is from weed so oh you got me and you got her tea oh you got me are you doing dabs or are you just hitting the bubbler um what the fuck did you just say to me i'm not kidding i think if i hit a bong i would die like even like because i like mind you as much as i'm like oh yeah i smoke now it's like a baby amount like i literally still like i have like that's what an addict would say guys i'm not addicted i'm not. I don't have a problem. I can stop anytime. It's still, like, such a low dose every time.

If I hit a bong, I actually think, like, I would, like, fall back, hit my head, and, like, fall into a coma. Have I ever talked about when I hit a dab rig because I thought I was, like, being cool and I was, like, catatonic all the way home and, like, my head was on the window of the truck and i was like and i like had no control over my body so i was just like i literally i oh yeah i think i remember that story i remember because i like every time he does the head thing it like makes me cry because i like know where you're at it was like riding a school bus and you're like trying to be emotional watching the raindrops race and like your head is just vibrating on the window and your nose is getting itchy did i tell you the story when i had like full-blown schizophrenia from weed no i was in high school and i did this like uh this like backpacking trip with my friend no you didn't yeah i did yes i did and i stayed in this

hostel and i was like i think i was like 17 and all the people in the hostel were like these cool what i thought were like cool college kids but what are actually fucking freak-a-leaks who see 17 year olds and they're like white people with dreads that is the weirdest fuck that's weird i think there were some white people with dreads, honestly. Good. They're Vikings, bro. So, like, they're all, like, I'm with me and my friend, and they're like, dude, come in. Like, we're all smoking the volcano. I've done those before, and the same thing happens. And that one is in the water, and you, like, it's the bag.

This was, like, the beginning of vape technology. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's, like, this $4,000 device, and it just, like, fills up a bag. And it just, it's, like, thousand dollar device and it just like fills up a bag and it just it's like pure like clear air yeah and so this is like my second time smoking i literally have a story just like this and i'll tell it after yours but my brother like got me high in austin at the college off of a volcano but his wasn't even a volcano it was like the wooden box with the tube oh and with a glass tip that's like around the same era for sure so i'm hitting this thing and i'm just like oh this is air like it

doesn't even taste like weed and then like after like five minutes i'm just like i'm gonna leave like i don't feel normal like i don't know what this is you So you fly home. And then I step out of the room. And I'm walking back to my cabin. And I just hear thousands of voices telling me to enter the forest. And I was like... It was the wicked forest. And I kid you not. I was so high that I was like...

Yeah, there's voices in the forest. They're asking me to come into the forest they're probably just people playing pranks on me so i'm just gonna get my bed it's all these cool college kids playing pranks on me so i got in bed and i just heard the voices and they whispered in my ears to sleep and i was like oh they're just surrounding the cabin like whispering all right what the fuck and then the next morning i was like no like i experienced schizophrenia damn because i think i had probably the equivalent of like two bong rips. It was the evil witches in the forest.

I literally have always been like, I would never do a dab. I would never hit a bong because literally we have a friend who the first time I ever saw someone smoke weed was this friend would chronically get crossfaded and throw up all the fucking time yeah and i didn't know that at the time but it still scared me so much because like i have such a big fear of like throwing up even though now when i get really drunk i just like let it rip really quick and whatever but um i like if i'm like fully conscious the idea of throwing up will literally send me into a fucking terror like freaks me out so i saw this person who was drunk go and hit a bong and like he laughed for like two seconds and then i saw his face go completely white and stare at all of us and then he just projectile vomited everywhere and i literally

i felt like in a movie like it felt like i was in the purge and i was the first person to walk out of my house and he was purging for sure thank you this episode is brought to you by samsung galaxy ever captured a great night video only for it to be ruined by that one noisy talker with audio erase on the new samsung galaxy s25 ultra you can reduce or remove unwanted noise and relive your favorite moments without the distractions. And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. Like so worried about my sister. Randy, you cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healed.

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Based on a true story. New season, Mondays eastern and pacific only on w stream on stack tv that was so jarring um i felt like the first i like can't even finish that sentence now like um but like i just felt like i'd witnessed something, like, terrifying. Like, I feel like I watched somebody get stabbed. And I just, like, shockingly backed up and, like, walked away. And now at any mention of a bong, that's all I can think of. And it's such a vivid memory. It's who I'm thinking, right? Yeah.

It's such a vivid memory in my head. Like, I remember exactly what that garage looked like. Like, the way it was set up. There was, like, cabinets that you had to, like, get past to get to the sitting area sitting area like yeah and now the idea of hitting a bong like i'm very convinced i would die but i also and yeah i would just die regardless yeah i'm gonna die soon period period we're all gonna die soon period natural gas leak our house is gonna explode our house is gonna explode in a gas leak um but i'm gonna finish the like austin story but anyways like my brother was like let's like get high and i was probably i was 16 because i was driving so i was definitely 16 and i drove down to austin

he was staying in like a shitty dorm at ut um and we like proceeded to get high and I was having like a good time. I was like, damn, maybe I can do it. This is lit. And then all of a sudden, Jared leaves and goes to like some house party. So I'm there like all alone. And I didn't want to go because I was like kind of like teetering on the edge of sanity. And I was like, well, I'm going to just like, stay here and vibe and I was all alone. And I was alone with my thoughts. and i was like well i'm gonna just like stay here and vibe and i was all alone and i was alone with my thoughts and i was like really like losing touch with reality it was getting really spooky and then i just hear boom boom boom boom on the door and he's like open the fucking door open up and i'm like oh my god it's the police it's the police and i'm like oh my god

i'm done i'm going to jail because there's a bunch of weed out so i like run around and start cleaning up and then i open the door and it's my brother's like 18 year old friend seven or probably 19 year old friend and he's like dude the police are coming like they heard you smoked weed they're coming like you need to you need to figure your shit out and i start like literally sobbing and i'm shaking and i'm like literally like oh cool like i'm done for like the police are coming and then my brother comes back and it's like um the police are not coming just lay down and go to sleep because he could tell I was like freaking the fuck out and I laid there and I texted my mom and called my mom like all night because I was so scared and I don't know if she knows that story or and I think she was aware that I was like blasted zooted out of my mind and she

was just being like a cool mom and like talking me through it but like i was so scared i was like mom like can you come get me when austin's like three and a half hours away no but you can go to sleep that's for free i literally thought i was dying but i thought there was gonna be some twist like like a common see or wait what is it come talk to me no no talk to me yes drew no i thought it was gonna be like there was no one on at the door oh like some crazy shit you're the schizophrenic one he's normal yeah period period yeah um right um i like haven't had like a bad high or anything in a while but i do have this thing that if i'm in public and i get high i will freak the fuck out because we've talked about this like so many times i will just analyze the what was that what are you doing what are you taking are you taking a picture of my foot

what are you doing you're still doing it. Stop it. Oh my God. Sorry for making you uncomfortable. I guess thanks for admitting. Can you delete the pictures? No, don't take your feet out in front of me. You know this. I live here. We live together. My feet are like... How many pictures of my feet do you have? I'll just say I don't have a folder with 2,000 pictures of your feet of you just laying on the couch. So like maybe I just... the three I just took. So you have 2,003 photos of my feet?

No, like probably more like 1953 or something like that. Drew, do you have a Dropbox dedicated to photos of Enya's feet? Yes, and I upload them across the internet oh but they're okay actually i don't think it's that weird because it's for inspiration because your wiki feet is so low and mine is so high that you're just trying to see what bringing up my wiki feet having a low rate always bringing up my wiki feet every time we get into a real argument i'm like well you have a fucking two on wiki feet you bitch yeah can y'all go boost my rating on wiki feet, please? Because it really is like a hit to my ego.

Well, I have the highest score on wiki whole, so. Yeah, because you have a weak whole, no grip, loose. You got a wicked, nasty, scary whole. Yeah. Then why would the score be high as fuck? Well, because wiki is like weak. Like worst. The higher it is in the rating, the lower quality it is.

So it's not a gripper. Fuck. Okay. Bitch, it's lose. It's lose. You're lose. You're used. Washed up.

Your hole is washed up. Oh, but at that party, I was digging in my purse before we left trying to find my jewel i know some everybody hates me oh i fucking hate by whatever like i'm a fucking freak whatever um i saw someone the other day who was like damn she's hitting that fucking flume float and the jewel we need to start abusing her so she stops we need to save her um but i was digging in my purse like in at this party looking for my jewel and i was talking to someone so i didn't look down and i started like hitting it and i was like oh this must be a burnt pod this tastes weird and i was just hitting it and talking and then i was like i like started over analyzing the person i was like who are you and like i looked down and i was like

hitting my stizzy and i did the same thing in the car um and i i don't get like scared or anxious in the house hi but when i'm in public and i'm talking to people i'm not really close to or actually even people i'm close to i'm like oh i can see you i can see you i know you better than you know yourself that's literally like why i can't do we as i literally like i think i've talked about this like recently but i psychoanalyze people and i see them for the real them like i can break down all the walls they've built and i can like break them down to like when they were like a child and like it's really fucked up and like the things that went wrong in their childhood to make

them act the way they do now you have a psychedelic experience yes experience that was literally me on my birthday last year when i like started sobbing because i was like i love you guys so much um well what i was gonna say i do think um parsley is the devil i think we we got mixed up and we call weed the devil no parsley is the real devil that shit is the most vile tasting ingredient ever and when i see it on like my meal like whether if it's on like my omu rice like where the rice that you cut open it goes on the egg you cut open it goes on the ketchup rice like if i see it on there i literally like the meal has 12 points knocked off off of it it's immediately a negative two and they can only bring it back up with flavor i cannot do parsley it's like when i take like a a pressed juice shot and it has parsley oil in it, it actually feels like it's doing more damage than good.

Like it's really dangerous. I don't know if I know what parsley tastes like. It tastes like fucking shit. It tastes like if you ate the ashes. Well, you also came into the living room yesterday and you were like, have y'all ever really tasted salt? Yeah, no, I was thinking about salt. I had like salt and I was like gargling it because my throat is a little sore and it's not from giving Kai a head. Don't even fucking ask. My throat is like sore a little bit.

Nobody was asking that. I could hear them asking it in the comments. Yeah, me too. Me too. No, I was like gargling salt water and I was really tasting it for the first time and thinking about the flavor. And I'm like, damn, salt really is just like licking a rock like it tastes like a mineral like it it's kind of gross and like it hurts a little bit and I was just like next time you eat salt or dip your finger in some salt right now and lick it off your finger and taste it and think

about the flavor it's kind of gross it's really nasty parsley is the devil though like parsley like don't even get me started about parsley. Like if there's one thing I could do and one legacy I could leave on this planet, it's to eradicate parsley from our diet. Damn, if you had the power to do something amazing, you would just get rid of parsley? Because I wouldn't say that.

Like I wouldn't do that. No, personally, no, not me either. Sis, never me though that's like my favorite like my favorite genre video right now is going up to byu people and being like asking them like gay people or the book of mormon and they're like i'm sorry but like this is easy the book of mormon yeah and they're like half a million dollars right now or five seconds with gregory saint james or whatever the fuck his name is from the book of mormon and they're like half a million dollars right now or five seconds with Gregory St. James or whatever the fuck his name is from the Book of Mormon. And they're like, I'm going to take the five seconds with the Book of Mormon.

John Smith. Is it John Smith? No, it's John Snow. Oh, OK. Yeah. Well, I think I've said this on the podcast, but I was really thinking about it again the other day. Having a kid who can kind of sing would piss me off like like i never god forbid my child is like in my back seat one day and just kind of like like i don't know why they would be singing that song like yeah why where did that come from um but it would piss me off and i would destroy that kid's dreams and i would tell them they

can't sing so that they shut the fuck up yeah because i it happened to me once yeah my parent my dad told me i could sing good and i didn't shut the fuck up for weeks and my sister still makes fun of me for it to this day because like like still i was like six years old and she'll be like remember when dad told you you could sing good and like you sang for two weeks in the car and he would like hype you up and like and he was like actually you're not good i imagine you that's literally me it'd be on the way to a baseball game that i didn't want to go to and i'd be like singing along to like the ad break in a Howard Stern episode. And like my dad would be like, nice.

Oh! I literally, my little sister like used to be told she could kind of sing. So she was that child and took it. And I would just like get on her ass. I'd be like, listen, if you're going to be a singer, you have to actually hone in and be good because you do not sound like you need me to my six-year-old sister who's like i have a dream to be on american idol i was like you are not my idol everyone did have a dream to be on american idol like everyone low-key was like i want to do that i want to be on the voice because i want to hit that fucking button and my chair swivel around like i want to

do that and like i want to do it for comedy and whoever makes me laugh just like smash it and like turn around i want to i can give nothing to them and i'm like you were just funny dude i want to go on american idol or americans got talent and go americans and go up to simon cowell and rip his fucking skin off of his body and reveal the real person he really is underneath that skin or take the medallion that's hanging on his chest that's keeping him kind of young and just rip it off and watch him turn to dust in front of me because like i swear bro he's a witch like he's a wiccan i swear to god i had those fantasies it it was one was stopping a school shooter oh class school classic i feel like that's like a very like male fantasy i didn't grow up in a school where that

was ever a thought yeah like i i literally didn't go to a school where i was ever like something big is gonna happen we had one or we we had like three months where people were like talking about like blowing up the school and it was it was it was so funny because one of the the main rumors was someone like wrote like you know the like anonymous hacking group like someone wrote their saying on a wall in pencil and like everyone lost their minds and was like they're planning a bombing they're gonna blow this school up like white high school yeah yeah like classic like white moms like overprotective and no one went to school that day and then a few more times after that people were

like he's gonna bring a gun to school like he's posting about it on snapchat and he didn't so there was a kid at my school that dressed in like world war one german nerd like war stuff literally a nerd and everyone was like he's gonna do it he's gonna do it i remember the kid we all thought was gonna do it and i'm not gonna say his name publicly but like if you went to my high school like you know who i'm talking about and thank god there was two kids and i actually ran into one of them and he was like in a he was at a restaurant and i like um was like chopping it up with him and i was like damn like you've like turned into like a cool person like i want to hang out with you outside of this but then he like vanished into

thin air after that and i never saw him again it's crazy in front of you yeah he makes youtube videos now oh um i don't know why this conversation just reminded me of this but in high school there was this kid there were two brothers i think their names were like literally christopher and like jesus and christopher was like god bless him we were friends this is america it's jesus oh okay okay so christopher and jesus so christopher and jesus oh you know what's crazy is i don't remember if his name was jesus or we just started calling him this because of this story so it was like these two white kids like two of the like only white kids in our school and both of them had really long hair but like the quiet brother would always

cover his face oh they were brothers like yes and they were brothers um and he would always cover his face like with hair and we like i think they were like what's the twins that aren't identical fraternal fraternal they were like fraternal as fuck and but we didn't know that we just knew they were brothers and they were the same age whatever bitch the the one brother who showed his face was mad fucking annoying like god bless him but like all of us were like you're funny but you're fucking annoying and you're like this is literally mean but we were just like you're not that cute to be annoying like you're just fucking annoying and like and i know your school was so judgmental about looks like because ours were yeah like it's high school it's like literally if you're gonna be loud you have to be cute like

you have to like yeah you have to be cute um and he but he was like a funny kid so he was like we all knew him also because like the only two white brothers with long ass hair we were like you might as well be justin bieber like that's crazy like actually every like there was one other white kid in my like elementary school who had like long hair and everybody called him justin bieber because like that was the thing like literally i got called miley cyrus and this kid got called Justin Bieber because those are the two like most famous white people to us like when we were growing up. But whatever.

In high school, like I don't remember how this happened, but like the quiet brother, I was like talking to him and I was like, are you ever going to like get your hair out of your face? Because like literally none of us knew what he looked like because he always had his hair in his face. I'm not kidding. One day all of us got around and convinced him to move his hair and he was the most gorgeous person ever and all us like the brother must have like actually wanted to kill himself and i think about this because all of us were like bro you should be

the one covering your fucking face and we all like turned and we were like dude you cover your face you show your face switch spots no more of this like we were all like and we all like turned and we were like dude you cover your face you show your face switch spots no more of this like we were all like and we were like you're literally jesus you're so gorgeous and like we were literally like we were just like praising the fuck out of him because it was like the big reveal that he was like under like his hair and being the most quiet person ever was like genuinely gorgeous damn and it's like that... We started calling him Jesus. It's literally that trope of like hot or like nerdy girl with glasses

pulls her hair down and takes her glasses off and walks down the stairs. We're like, oh my God. But yeah, so we started calling him Jesus because that's the third most famous white person we knew. Dude, that's... Everyone calls me Jesus. Ironically enough. Ironically enough.

Ironically enough. You know what they call me? Skank. That's what they call me. They call you butthole and tuna box. No, they actually no one called me anything. I was really annoying in high school though. As far as we talk about um oh this fact is gonna blow y'all's fucking minds i'm not even kidding like it literally rocked my fucking world

um you had to take a sip of yeah i had the in. I had the gulp real quick. No, the fact is that your tuna box fucking reeks, bitch. No, it's... We knew that. There are more trees on Earth than stars in the Milky Way. Tenfold. Which is fucking crazy. Yes, there's a hundred trillion... Wait, is it?

I have to know. A hundred billion trees on Earth. Which I'm like girl if that's if we have that many trees keep cutting them down like what the fuck like we got too many trees is it like are people like on the sustainability train like anti-real trees for christmas because i fucking hate plastic trees i fucking hate plastic i bet it's better to use a fake tree than yeah 100 but i like i'm sorry like tradition is tradition my family has always used real trees i'm never getting a plastic tree yeah but there's a hundred billion stars in the milky way and there's an estimate of 3.04 trillion trees on earth wow which i'm like gag

like okay i'm gonna get in the tree business and cut all them bitches down like the lorax like that shit sounds like it's a lucrative business shout out to the guy who's counting all the trees yeah shout out to them people people is that like an estimate that has to be an estimate nobody fucking knows yeah it's an estimate imagery vibes yeah i can count them yeah well guys i'm like super proud of the tree this year we'll insert a picture granted it doesn't have the ornaments yet like he's no it's gaggy on a grande like it looks great like let me fucking live it looks great i was like damn do you want us to get up and take a picture with it and i was like yeah actually yeah but she literally went to stand up because she thought you were serious she was like are you gonna do it now

i was like yeah no you're right like we do need a picture next to it but i'm obsessed with the tree i've never like made a tree this pretty before. And it looks this good without fucking ornaments. But we're going to have to take it down. Why? Because of Zul. What did Zul do? He's trying to eat all the plastic tinsel.

Oh, that's why I put it on the stool. Because he was eating all the fucking tinsel yesterday. And it's pissing me off. Oh, my God. He's pissing me off. You could just get, like, get rid of it on the bottom a little bit but yeah he like saw literally like a moth to a flame like he saw something shiny and went and started like i just heard like like that sound i was like what the fuck is that

um and i was like what is that sound i look over and he was like doing the thing cats do when they're eating something that they literally can't eat and they're like trying to get it under their teeth like do you know what i'm talking about yeah and like he was like i saw his head like jerking and i was like what the fuck is he doing and he had like a bunch of it in his mouth and i was like ripped it out of his mouth and then he kept coming into the room and like looking at me and like looking at nat and like carl and being like i'm not gonna do it like just like literally like kind of standing around the tree and like looking at it and then looking back at us like he was so sentient in that moment because he was like i know she's gonna take it away from me yeah and then we lifted it and he came back in and he like looked up and he like kind of perched

on the little stool and then he like backed up because he was like okay they're like obviously take like they're moving it away from me so i need. So I need to find the moments when no one is in here so I can do this. He literally banned. He literally banned. Remember when I first got him, that was our first year that we got a tree and he would hide behind the tree all the time. And we were terrified that trees were poisonous to him. I thought everything was poisonous to Azul. Now I'm like, bro, if you were on the street you'd be eating fucking you'd be eating

leftover ketamine from somebody who like dropped it and was like drunk on the street like you can live you will live okay last thing I want to talk about is the charged lemonade from

Panera Bread have you been hearing about it's literally like the most deadly drink of all time it's like did they not take it off the menu after that no some another old man died really yes like recently in the past two days they're standing their fucking ground with that shit i'm like get that shit off the shelf why are they dying it's just too much flavor it's like 400 and something like 480 milligrams of caffeine and it's just like chilling out so people will chug it and then be like well that was good i'm gonna get another and not realize that they're having 18 cups of coffee in one sitting while they're eating with

their meal and they just od on caffeine when i first moved to la like i did i like started to get really bad heart palpitations i was like what is happening and then i realized that i remember when i used to drink the yerba mate yerba mate's red bull and coffee all in yeah i used to literally like wake up have a coffee have a yerba mate get another coffee have a red bull have another yerba mate and then before i went to sleep i was like i'm gonna have a little coffee like it's like nice out it was fucked up and it was awesome is that what that is where like your heart will like move into your throat for a second almost i don't know how to describe this it literally almost feels like you're having

a heart attack like like your chest is like that is squeezing it's so scary but they're literally like fairly normal like that that and the prostate shooting prostate oh my god my favorite story is me and a bunch of friends in New York were sitting on the curb and one of our homies was eating a burger and it happened to him and he let out a yelp that I still remember so vividly

because he was eating it and he goes It's really like that y'all. Literally like a moan scream and we all were like, whoa. What the fuck was that he got so embarrassed and he like was choking on his burger so you like that can't be normal it's it apparently just happens to everybody because it's like it happens to me all the time like it's like that it happens to me all the time i just realized recently that women go through that too and i was like

fuck like you guys have to go through that pain and periods and dude and fucking birth yeah and like misogyny and boobs i didn't even think about misogyny and boobs yeah like like boobs that are too big so they like hurt your back yeah literally i think my back and a person of tears yeah y'all aren't even near tears you're just like kind of sitting and just like give me a second to like work them up yeah chill i have to think about it a little more let me think about huge boobs for a second like it'll make me start crying i'm getting sad just thinking about getting a boner um well i said this at the live show but i literally can't stop thinking about cavemen breaking their backs. Like, it's really been, like, haunting me.

Like, I just don't understand. Like, there's so many things about, like, yield. What the hell? What made you think that we were about to kiss? What? No, it totally seemed like... That totally seemed like you were... No! She was starting to talk and like he was ignoring me talking your body language just like he just

seemed like dude just like don't just don't do that just don't be around you yeah me ow she hit me what that was really hit me help me but yeah cavemen like breaking their backs and like just breaking limbs and not being able to do absolutely anything about it really is freaking me out because i was really thinking about it and i at the live show i was like what did they do that did they just leave him there and they definitely just like took him back to the village like okay and he just laid on his back like until he died like like smoke on him like stop take me to the hospital take me to the witch doctor so the way this thought process started is i saw this video of a bear falling out of tree and like falling on his back i was like

okay that bear definitely died and then i was thinking i don't know why my brain immediately went to cavemen who would fall out of trees. But I was like, oh my God, like imagine y'all are all hunting, your homie falls out of tree, breaks his fucking back. Like you don't know what breaking your back is other than sexually

because you know they were fucking and like they would fucking be like, oh, what does my back hurt the next day? It takes a village. It takes a village to blow your back out. You just have a really strong fat this entire time since the live show i i thought you only meant it in a sexual way no i thought you were only talking about no bro my brain is so poised you're rotting bro i'm serious wait did you actually it wasn't

until right now that i was like oh she literally she literally means breaking your back. No, I meant literally like this motherfucker falls out of the tree, breaks his back, and people are like, get up. Like, get up. Like, how did they even talk? They were like, ooga booga. Like, booga booga. Like, I literally don't know. That's like good saying get up, but like in a loving way. I was like, you can't get up, and you just take him back to the village, and you let him die.

Because it's like, damn, my homie's really dead for falling out of that tree i didn't even because you know hella people fell out of trees and they like got it but they're like oh like kind of just embarrassed and kept it pushing but like there had to have been the first one to fall out of the tree and not get up and play it cool like on the floor what's crazy is it wasn't until like a hundred years ago like if you broke your leg you weren't just completely fine i know it wasn't until like a hundred years ago that like if you broke your leg you weren't just completely fine i know it wasn't until like literally like 60 years ago that like if you got like a bacterial infection like they could save you yeah like if you got like the cold at the wrong time like you would just die because we didn't understand germ theory like that's crazy like a hundred years ago if you broke your ankle the doctor would just come in with a

leech yeah you'd be like dude i honestly don't know just bro what those cavemen should have been doing is just taking some elderberry bro like that shit yeah some zinc and elderberry and they would have been chill like i'm i'm anti um holistic medicine now not anti it but i'm like i'm i'm pro letting my body do what it's supposed to fucking do and let it figure it shit out i'm low-key pro big pharma because i was doing all the holistic shit for a week and i'm still fucking sick and i'm like even more sick yeah i'm like even more sick i've been killing my like immune system because i od'd on fucking vitamin c and my body's like we don't need all this like we need to purge it i was reading this like research paper that um was saying like if you have a sore throat like

if you kiss the boy sitting next to you like passionately and like like make his dream come true it'll fix you that's like so blanket statement it's interesting i can show you the research paper. I'm going to... Yeah, do it. No. Wait, are you guys about to kiss right now? I think we're going to kiss soon. It's feeling like we're going to kiss soon. Drew really wants it.

Wait, is it going to be like right now? No. I'm sick. While I'm here and can watch? I'm sick and I have my clothes on. I have a rule that I can only kiss Drew with my clothes off. Period. I can't stop thinking about like... Whatoplasma gondi okay no um i can't stop thinking about like cavemen with broken bones just like dying because like they didn't

know what to do toxoplasma gondi makes you love cats it's a little parasite in their fucking bodies that they shit out and it gets into the air and when you're petting them and shit and it gets into your body and takes over your mind and it makes you love cats and that's a theory why we think it's a theory has it ever been proven yeah i think it yeah that one's proved also the one that it's like if you live with a cat like 40 of people that are reckless drivers have a cat because there's i'm serious it's like some bacteria in the shit yeah that like makes you like a reckless driver yeah or like more you take risks more yeah it's the risks oh well i've been driving this way since i was in miami i've been driving since i was 14 but you

had that kitty kitty purr purr until i was 18 you had that kitty kitty purr purr with all the bacteria in it making you a reckless driver my tuna box well it used to be kitty purr purr with all the bacteria in it, making you a reckless driver. My tuna box? Well, it used to be kitty purr purr, but recently it's deformed into tuna box. Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty. We didn't talk about Josiah going on American Idol and flopping down, but we'll have to bring him on. We have to bring him on here and talk about it. Right. And then I also had a dream that I was super swollen, like my face was super swollen.

What? We didn't really like think about the 100 billion stars in the Milky Way. But there's 3.4, 3.04 trillion trees on this planet that doesn't register with my brain. And they say climate change is a thing yeah there's 440 or 422 trees per person see if we all mind all 400 of those we could all make

like 25 bucks and then we could solve a lot of issues if that black friday is gonna be lit yeah literally um okay let's oh wait let's tap into drew's brain floss oh my god oh new segment yeah new segment new segment alert all right i'm gonna talk about db cooper today um okay you're gonna like this one so in the 1970s it's like a cheesy smell yeah like there's a stinky smell do you smell that like i just like went and like blew my nose so now i smell that's it's just like those artisanal cheeses that you bought yeah it's we got rid of it it's not my crotch it's the cheeses we did get wing stop, and it might be the rotting Wingstop ranch in the garbage can. Oh, that's definitely what it is. Yeah.

Or, no, there's also Chipotle sour cream in the refrigerator. And if you know anything about Chipotle, it's that that sour cream fucking stinky gaga, the house is burning. Like, it's the worst smell ever. Everyone who knows knows. And who, if you don't know, you don't deserve to know. Period. Okay, but... That's, like, part of the new intro.

And we'll do... We'll do... Effects. Yeah, we'll do, like, the yeah we'll do like the drew sap corner cut we'll do something with that sure sure and it's just like historic events i really don't like that though like you're gonna have to figure it will add like a little title card and shit drills blaine frost do you want to like put a like a a vote a vote coder yeah yeah yeah yeah i'd like okay we'll add like auto tune and shit but

make it like historic with like it's like coming through like a telephone um but i'm coming through a tin can with floss so this guy dv cooper bought a one-way plane ticket to portland paradise and to white people paradise portland you literally and no one was like suspecting a thing there was like nothing going on he wasn't being suspicious he just sat in the back of the airplane and smoked a cigarette um bring that back by the way bring that back and um the flight attendants weren't even like suspicious like they were serving him it was a vibe it was a key well eventually like part part way through the flight um he handed a flight attendant a note and the note said i have a bomb sit next to me and we got to talk about some shit and so she did that's ultimate

res yeah literally literally threatening someone with a fucking bomb and so he like proceeded to open a suitcase or a briefcase that had like what looked like six pieces of dynamite in it so she was like oh gag like i literally have to fucking sit down next to him or he's going to blow this shit up. And he told her to tell radio command to land in Portland and then bring him $200,000 and a parachute for exchange of all of the passengers on board. So he was like. Why the parachute? You'll see. It's fucking crazy. So it was like one of the first times they like negotiated with a terrorist and they were like, okay, like we just are going to have to do this because like he literally has a bomb and he'll kill everybody on board and he doesn't give a fuck. Like he has nothing to lose.

They didn't know who he was at the point. So they obeyed. They brought in the $200,000 in cash and a parachute. This is a Mr. Beast video. Yeah, literally. And they like let him go. They literally let him fucking hijack the airplane and go. And then halfway through his flight, I think he was flying to like, I forget where he was flying.

He was flying somewhere else. To the Bahamas. Yeah, some crazy shit like that um but then partway through the flight he literally just jumped out of the back of this boeing with the cash and a parachute and was literally never seen again like he just disappeared where did the plane go i i don't know that part of the story i'm thinking there might be people that were like flying the plane and he was just like on board with them and had them at his like becking order but he also could were like flying the plane and he was just like on board with them and had them at his like becking order but he also could have been flying the fucking plane and the

plane crashed which i think the plane actually might have crashed but anyways he jumped out of the back of this fucking plane with a parachute and um then a few years later there was like a news a long time later like a decade later a new story came out where this person like was just playing on the beach with their kids and this kid was just like digging a sandcastle and then found like a stack of cash and then found another stack of cash and then found three stacks of cash like in this hole in the ground and everyone was like oh my god this is where db cooper jumped out because they had like a 20 mile radius of where he landed. But this was like 20 miles away from where he landed.

So everyone's like, oh, either because not all the cash stayed with them. Like they were like, oh, either like these three stacks of cash floated down the river and somehow all man it magically ended up in this hole or these people stumbled upon db cooper's like some of the cash he left behind and like there's still remnants of him like in society but i was like damn that would make a good ass movie or like a good ass episode in a show or some shit like a kid who found all of it was leonardo dicaprio yeah yeah and that's how he could afford acting school really yeah that's where that story went yeah and Einstein yeah he gave some of the money to Einstein seriously Einstein was standing outside of Burger King and wanted money yeah and Leonardo DiCaprio gave him two dollars so that's how we have I'm gonna have to check the source on that Einstein gave Oppenheimer a chance

and that's D.B. Cooper essentially like created the nuke in a way wow yeah you should know these kind of things it's like you're old oppenheimer's in the vlog squad and that's how he got big dude have you seen oppenheimer on live like begging for tips yeah he fell off i guess weird he fell the fuck off um but yeah i don't know if i believe that story no it's all real it all happened db cooper db cooper yeah db cooper um gag he was unidentified um they still haven't found him um but they found his parachute and some money and they wait i gotta find out what happened to the plane oh wait the plane was still active and it flew a few times after that um several times actually and eventually was last flown to with key airlines when she retired and then she was

retired and scrapped the airplane so it survived so i guess they had like people flying a plane or some shit and they were like at his beckoning order like they're gonna die that wouldn't happen if he was on my plane and i was the flight attendant i would have just gave him the craziest head ever and he would have been like actually this is better than money you know if i was anybody on that fucking flight i would not have let that shit slide that's what i'm saying i would have like i'm the kind of person that i see something unfolding and i'm like not today something is wrong with me because i will never forget being on a flight with johnny knoxville and my biggest fear was the plane going down and nobody giving a fuck that i died because

johnny knoxville was on the flight like that was like my that's all i could think about the whole flight i was like this plane better not fucking go down because no i'm gonna trend on tiktok for you page for 20 minutes but johnny knoxville will outshine me no that's really like the deepest darkest parts of my ego yeah when i was like 16 17 18 like flying across the country and like borderline hoping that my plane would crash and everybody on board would die but i would be the lone survivor like oh my god like you would like barely be hurt yeah literally i would like my plane seat would like detach and it would act as like a parachute and i would just kind of like float down and maybe break a leg or two because i like having broken bones like i always wanted that like in those fantasies but i would have like a

little cute cut like under my eye a cunty cut and i would be in in school i'd have like a sleigh scar i was gonna say imagine getting a sleigh scar from like up here on your forehead all the way down your cheek like harry potter be like yeah and you're in math and all the girls were like oh my god like literally what happened and i was like i really i wouldn't go back to school if i survived a plane crash i would literally have the biggest ego ever i'd be like you think i need to go to fucking school i literally survived a plane crash. I just signed a book deal for $300,000. What's a book deal?

Wait, what is that? It's like when I get done banging your mama from the back. It's like, oh, sign the book deal because it's like a memo pad of everyone. The memo pad outside your room. That was a good save. That's good. Drew, sign up corner. The world hasn't been right

since that Popeye's chicken sandwich came out. Shut up. I might have done these. Yeah, I think you did that one. We should replace mental illness with swag. Yeah. Fuck.

Y'all be like, I'm so bored staying at home all the time. Bro, go 10 feet outside of your home and dig up some worms and make them a little house out of sticks and mud and make them get married. If you cheat on me, you're only hurting your grandma because me and my homies jumping her. Shut up. Yeah, I think you did these. When I do Drew's Saab Corner, it's mainly for laughs,

but watch out, you might learn a thing or two. You did that last week. You're having like a break. I do like this bit of just saying all of them again. I'm going to have to because no one's emailing me any new ones. We've gotten emails. We've gotten emails. Really?

I swear. What? I don't check that email ever. You got to forward those to me. Okay. Why don't you look at the meme page um that's literally a goaded meme of all time just insert that

insert that one someone help me I think my leg is broken my son that I hate what does that even mean that's one of my favorite we'll do sugar storm Trent Reznor at last I am free Is that even me? That's one of my favorite. Yeah, good, dude. We'll do Sugarstorm, Trent Reznor, At Last, I Am Free,

2008, Chic, Pack Your Romantic Minds, Stereo Lab, Veranda, Maison, Book Girl, and you hates that song. What song is that oh yeah i love that song uh walk on by otis the third walk on by

um and that's it that's all you get i'm watching jiu-jitsu kaen still, Gucci. Oh, bitch. One, we watched, admittedly, only part of the Beyonce documentary because we had to leave very early because there were some things going on in some people's lives that we had to attend to and we didn't want to leave them and they were in my car. But from what i saw it was gucci down to the socks like it was so good it literally felt like i was

there again like the same emotions it made me want to go back to her concert so bad and i was like oh my god if she doesn't tour again i think i'm gonna explode we have like five years before another tour at least don't say that yeah literally at least and by then like i oh my god, if she doesn't tour again I think I'm gonna explode. We have like five years before another tour at least. Don't say that. Yeah, literally at least. And by then, like, I don't know if she'll be touring like that anymore. I don't know if I'll be alive. Yeah, period. We're gonna hijack some airplanes or cause a gas leak in our house and settle on some

insurance money. The fuck? That's not gonna happen. And then I also, we also watched, what's that documentary? Love is something. Love is one. Love is one. We watched Love Has One.

Oh, wait. Love Has One is so good. And it was so good. It just like follows like this weird fucking cult that it really, it's really good because you really get to see the minds of the people that are involved in a cult. And you kind of start to understand how and why people get involved in cults. And it's just really fascinating. It's also cool because it's one of the first cult things that you see where the people who were a part of the cult are one, still alive.

And two, actually telling the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah um but yeah watch love has one and then i'll let you do your media and then mine is obscured by the smashing pumpkin surrender by suicide um i love you golden blue sonic youth still bumping oral um both physically and the one by bjork and rosalia rosalia i always say i used to say rosalia like she was like an old lady rosalia um but moon age daydream by david bowie and then there's these two uh seger ross songs but literally, I can't say them, but it's like S-A-E-G-L-O-P-U-R. And then the other one is S-V-E-F-N.

No one's going to even look this up. Like I'm not, yeah, y'all don't give a fuck. Like you fucking hate me. And then, yeah, we have the same media.

So that's it for me. I will say y'all don't have these and you're not special enough to have these, but they do drop on the 7th the happy 99 Reebok I have a pair if you want to be cool like me and Inya go cop those

I have a pair so I'm cool automatically they are actually so fucking cool period alright and that's our media of the week thank you guys so much for watching I'm sick I'm sick somebody send me love love will

cure all level 3 love alright bye Outro Music