Emergency Intercom - Going back to the kitchen

Episode Date: August 9, 2024

Drew wants a kid, enya would rather die. Yup were back in the kitchen its almost like we were here two months ago Get every cut for your butt from MeUndies and get 20% off your first order, plus free shipping, at https://MeUndies.com/intercom. Support your gut this summer with Seed’s DS-01® Daily Synbiotic. Go to https://Seed.com/INTERCOM and use code 25INTERCOM to get 25% off your first month. https://www.patreon.com/emergencyintercom join the Patreon for bonus episodes, q&a/topic submissions, livestreams, pay for ky's lobotomy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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When you believe No. I just thought we were touching. No, we were touching stuff like it's sad. Okay, I know it's been 99 degrees in the house, but I don't know why you thought that glue would have reliquified and gotten that back up on the wall. I know. Oh, my God, guys.

Yes, yes, yes. We're so happy. We are so back. We are so back in a big way i was oh also welcome back to emergency intercom um i was saying to drew what this feels like is like that fucking edit like the sound on tiktok that everybody uses when they get a shitty hotel room it's like um welcome princess of genovia and then they open the curtain it's like the shittiest room you could get that is what this no girl what was her

fucking nikki blonsky giving a room tour of her hotel at comic con or whatever this tv everybody needs a tv this big in their house no i think what's even worse is she goes no one needs a tv this big She's so real. And then opening the blinds to the fucking parking lot. So literally the parking lot and then just a vacant field. The garbage cans. Yeah, we're so back, y'all. Happy to be back here.

Back in the fucking... Actually, the real see is God clocked your fucking see because women belong in the kitchen and he put your ass right back into the fucking actually the real tea is god clocked your fucking tea because women belong in the kitchen and he puts your ass right back into the fucking kitchen right back in the fucking kitchen let's have that it is so insane to be sexist like that but start the sentence with the real tea is god clocked your tea like that's crazy also if you're wondering oh my god my God, where is the chair? The chair hasn't made it home yet. Literally landed back in L.A. last night.

Yeah, it's not because we don't have custody over her. She'll be back soon. She'll be back soon. But I just didn't have time to go pick her up. Yeah, we literally landed back last night and we're already back to it, guys. We are just hardworking girls. Am I a bad parent? Yeah, you're like the worst kind of parent.

Just like, I just, I don't know. I just feel bad that I left her there for three weeks, four weeks. I mean, you are an awful parent. And the thing is, you think, like, how old is she now? Like, five years old. Oh, my God, that's the worst time. Oh, my God, she's a toddler. Four through six, she's going to have crazy abandonment.

She's actually a toddler, though. Like, when you think about it, like, it was living in my room. She's aging awfully. Those white jeans are catching up to her. Spoiled milk. Aging like a fucking... Fried milk. Yeah.

Fuck. Wait, why don't we say people age like cottage cheese i think people do cottage cheese but cottage cheese is so yummy yeah i mean i i feel like i give cottage cheese guys all i ate in miami was tuna so which i can smell it i can smell it oh my god yesterday i felt so bad on the plane ride back i was sitting next to some 19 year old who definitely has way too good of a life for a 19 year old, which also annoys me because I have a really bad issue where like if I'm next to somebody who before the age of like 22 has a good life, it just makes me really mad for some reason. Like whatever.

Your hair is pretty today with the braids down the front. Thank you. I've had to start doing this because my bangs are growing so slow that i'm like this close to cutting my bangs again but i i already know like a lot of y'all are dealing with meth addiction i'm dealing with bangs addiction nobody talks about those are as equally as hard and i'm dealing with banging your mom addiction and i'm dealing with an ozumpic addiction oh yeah and his hell on no the thing is freudian slip i said and his hell on xanax which is also true which but it's fentanyl laced obviously um but i um i was making like 18 jokes about addiction within the span of 30 seconds is

fucking insane but we're allowed to we're allowed to yeah cause I'm actively addicted I'm addicted to it I oh we need to do that for people who talk about their like getting clean story it needs to be like I'm addicted to it I and then it can transition into like an Adrian Linker song

oh I'm addicted to it I could be a good mother if I tried. Shut the fuck up. I'm really addicted to Ozumpic, guys. And it's not for the reasons you think I'm addicted to it because it gives me a high and nobody talks about that online. Like, a lot of your faves are addicted to it because it makes me, like, literally high. How small I look on the fucking camera bro i look tiny like do you see me

somebody met me in person the other day and was like oh like i thought you were way taller and then i was like yeah it's probably also because like when drew's on that chair you like think he's so tall so i like look like tall like if that makes sense because you're seeing his full body so in your head you're probably like oh i'm just not seeing her full body but you look so tight like a little guy i swear girl i am five seven i hit five seven last week i'm not five four like kaya i am five seven are you actually only five seven no i'm five i just want to be clear i'm not five four i am almost six foot but we can talk about how I'm 6'1".

You're not 6'1". I'm almost 6'1". 5'11". That's not 6'1". 5'11 is not that far off from 6'1". If you think about the scale of the universe. It basically is. If you really think about it.

It's really close. We're basically 6'2". Okay. 5'11". 6'1". That's two inches. If a bullet hit you. Almost hit you. Two inches away. You'd be like, oh, fuck. Like that's two inches. If a bullet almost hit you two inches away,

you'd be like, oh, fuck. I almost got hit by a bullet. So why am I not almost 6'1"? Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. Please save me, Chomp. Dude, I'm obsessed with what's happening where now

I saw somebody being like, Kamala HQ, Kamala HQ like i am so obsessed with the usage of like right-wing republicans being fucking insane online and like normal people using it for the other side like it's so funny like the irony poisoned culture we live in is just so like the sense of humor that fucking twink at kamala hq is using is so advanced and so confusing and i eat it up every fucking time and it's gonna do it for me it's gonna do it for me i don't give a fuck if they're using the like internet tools on me it works like that's why the internet is there um also to be clear i'm not on fucking ozempic like right have y'all ever heard

of right gaffing about themselves like i gaff about myself you have no gaffs for yourself like i mean it's different should we do a fridge tour right now okay we just got back and all that's and there's all of some rotten cheese stop please stop and and 10 pounds of wingstop ranch that is three months old and the lid is bulging it's bulging from fermentation oh my god i can't wait to get wingstop tonight um i only had it for like one time the past three weeks and i got it when i was in miami and they gave me the wrong order and i didn't even throw a fuss about it because my family got to have it and i was like yeah this is the best night ever it actually was such a cute night um we me and my two younger sibling

was it a cute night i'm trying to i'm doing this thing i'm practicing backing up on the like specific jokes I make. You really did bite your tongue. You really did. And I did a good job. But it was so cute. I played, my siblings are finally at that teenage age where they're like back to being a little normal and like nice.

And not too, too cool. They're still too cool. Yeah, they're still too cool, but they still look at me and they're like, oh, I love my sister. But when your siblings, if you have like a large age gap between your siblings and you're not at this point yet, just brace yourself. 13 to 15, they become monsters. Evil. They become evil, dark sided. There's something in the water.

And then it just really makes you think about who you were when you were that age. And it's really scary to think about. And it's like, oh, my God, I'm going to give you grace because, like, this is just what your brain is literally, like, you might as well be doing meth right now with the way your brain is, like, developing. And God bless that. But now my siblings are back to normal. And this game and it was cracking me up it's this board game where it's like unsolved mysteries and my little sister has played it before i bought it for her once for her and her friend and um i wish i was recording her because she was cracking me up

she got this one about like aliens and space that we were doing because it's like a like unsolved crime and you have to like look through all this stuff read all this shit read way too much to fucking solve it and at first i was impressed because i was like damn i can't believe she picked this game it's like a like a really like intellect like academic forward game to pick and she kept being like uh-uh this shit is way too hard last time it was just these two girls went missing and i knew who the fuck did it because it was easy as fuck i don't give a fuck about space this shit is way too hard. Last time it was just these two girls went missing and I knew who the fuck did it because it was easy as fuck. I don't give a fuck about space. This shit is bunk.

And we all just ended up cheating. We sat there for like an hour like, no, yeah, no. And read this part. But like all of us just were ignoring each other and not helping each other. And it was funny as fuck because she just kept being like, bro, this shit is too fucking hard. This is not a fun fucking game. We should take it back. Like this shit sucks

um and it was really fun yeah i love my family my nephew that is hitting the age where they're too cool i mean literally growing up i literally actually had the nickname dtc drew too cool because i became too cool around like age 11 12 12, 13. So everyone called me DTC for like four years. Still to this day, I get called DTC. That's actually such an awesome like. It was pretty advanced, pretty fucking advanced. But it also ruined me. It like literally was psychological torture and warfare.

Because you were actively too self-aware of yourself and your actions as a child. Yes, exactly. I was like, I literally attribute a lot of that for like the way I perceive myself now, which that's a whole fucking conversation that I want to talk about. Girl, when I'm walking through the airport, I am literally, I'm not joking, I am the hottest person that exists on this fucking planet. I look in the mirror and I'm like, bitch, I am eating all of y'all up.

You're all flops around me. Don't even fucking come up to me. Don't address me. Don't talk to me. I am eating all of y'all up you're all flops around me don't even fucking come up to me don't address me don't talk to me I am too sexy hot and above you but then I'm on those goddamn zoom episodes and I'm the ugliest motherfucker I've ever seen I really have no concept of what I well okay the thing is we weren't meant to have mirrors we were meant to like peek over a pond and like see our reflection all jaded and like rippled and we weren't meant to look at ourselves like that i was re-watching nipple um i was re-watching portrait of a lady on fire because i fucking hate myself and at one point um

one of the girls in the movies like in the movie moves a sheet and looks in the mirror and she like looks a little jarred for a second and at first my dumb ass was like yeah it's because they weren't supposed to have mirrors but it's literally because she saw something behind her and then i thought i was on when i was like no it's literally because it's like to have a mirror is so crazy like uh in parasite with like the lines they start crossing the lines of symmetry of the movie you thought you were unlocking some like crazy bro i know that there are some people who literally like are obsessed with going to so they could be the first one to be like did you notice this like that's their fucking job on this planet is to get on six i'm gonna be like five things you didn't notice when watching like

and i eat it up every time and i'm pissed at myself i didn't notice it every time i lied to myself and i'm like i knew that shit i fucking knew that already like you're not even teaching me anything girl i need rehab for my fucking phone. Literally locked me up, put me in jail. It's because you were back in Texas. Because in Miami, bitch, my phone was getting the work. Like, she was tired. No, she was a ram fucking through. My phone's back hurts because I was, like, getting back shots crazy.

I was on that hoe crazy. I was rubbing my phone's fucking clitoris all fucking day. You know this button on the iPhone Pros where like it's like the camera button or whatever. Like, bitch, I was pressing the fuck out of that, like making her squirt and shit. Wait, can you do it so that when you make a phone squirt? Yeah, no, that's not my question. No. Can you do it so that you set it up so that you can do a voice recording with that button?

Yeah. And does it notify anyone that you're recording that's scary and i feel like that's that should be illegal personally no i record people all the time but there there is legality like different states have different laws about recording somebody against their consent but everybody i've ever recorded without telling them i tell them after and they're okay with it and they're actually very happy you might find they laugh about it even like girl what are we gonna do with these fucking recordings like post them on Instagram like yeah I don't want I just want them for when I'm old because I'm also convinced that I'm gonna have bad memory when

I'm older and I'm terrified of like forgetting conversations even though I'm somebody who forgets nothing and I rehash everything 18 million times over so for me to forget something would be actually crazy because you cannot have a conversation with me without me walking away and rehashing the whole thing word by word in my head. Yeah. Right. Right. Well, Spotify has comments now. Go leave a comment on Spotify.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Can y'all like go and call us hot on Spotify? Please. Can I have comments on music? No, on podcasts which makes sense because a lot of their content like a lot of their podcasts that are just for them i'm shocked that they never had comments because you could only watch certain podcasts on there especially video

wise and it's like such a big community builder so it's like such a fucking vibe um well i was watching this girl's video on youtube and at the end of it she like says wait i need to i wrote down what she said because it actually took me back i was like whoa like wait i said i was watching this youtube video on this and this girl at the end of her video was like thank you so much for spending that time with me it was so cherished by me and i appreciate it more than you will ever know. Thank you for watching. No, literally me to the point.

And then I was like, okay, like I got taken back because I was like, okay, why are you calling me out? Like you're trying to call me ungrateful for everybody who watches me because I've literally never said anything like that. And it literally made me insecure because I was like, oh my God, I am just such a fucking like piece of shit, like narcissist that I just want attention and I expect it. Like I literally I genuinely I was talking to somebody. I'm forever grateful for this.

I'm very grateful, but nobody talks about what it's like growing up on the Internet, especially like my standards, specifically when so fucking high because i can post a picture of myself and literally like at least 50 people will call me like sexy beautiful and like literally want to just like tell me that i'm gorgeous so now when i am like with someone romantically if i send them a picture and they don't reply like it's an ig comment thread i'm like wow they're over okay wow like you literally hate me um but i'm just an attention whore but i am very grateful for all the views and people who care about us but like her saying that i was like to say like i cherish this time with you i was like whoa like that that's real i was like i literally closed my laptop and i got on tiktok after that because

i was like that was a lot i gotta shut my shut my brain down. I got to turn it off. I downloaded this app that actually bricks your apps. So I put it's so fucking embarrassing. I started it last night and I put 15 minute limit five or hold on. I put a 15 minute limit on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. And I can only access them five times a day. And then there's a 10 second buffer from when I click the app and click unlock between me actually being able to use it. So I can like actually think and I'm like, okay, do I actually want to wait for this? Do I want to use this app? Girl, look how many fucking times I've used TikTok already today. 13 out of 15 what is 13 what time did you wake up is that why yeah i woke up at i woke up at like 7 30 on accident but i actually

this morning i read 20 pages of my book and then i fell back asleep till 9 30 um which was so fire i forgot everything i read though um and then i opened my phone but the thing is is once you click unlock um it like makes it so there's a 15 minute timer it's not like me actively using tiktok for 15 minutes straight yeah like after 15 minutes of time pass not 15 minutes of like tiktok use so i'm not actually on there for fucking 15 but i do use it a lot like i oh my god it's so fucking bad i literally looked at like my screen time in texas and i was averaging four hours and 30 minutes on tiktok alone wait i need

to look at my screen on tiktok alone like girl what am i doing on there and like i fall asleep scrolling to it i'm like like, literally, what? Like, what? Like, I'll like scroll through it and then I'll have to like, like I'll fall asleep with my fucking finger on the screen. And I'm like, girl, what? But.

On Tuesday, July 30th, I spent 14 hours and 45 minutes on my phone five of those hours was on TikTok four of them was on YouTube at least I'm getting YouTube in there when I'm gooped whoa whoa whoa whoa oh see but like when I was in France I wasn't on my phone at all oh my god wow yeah my average my average last week was nine hours and 30 minutes guys my average this week is only an hour what you're so talented okay this can't be right because it's saying on monday i only use my phone for an hour and 30 minutes and i can say with my chest that that's simply not true it's literally a lie like that is it's saying on sunday the cake is a lie the cake is a lie the cake is literally a lie the girls that know no

well shout out to you every now and then i remember that i do not know how to do the heimlich maneuver and it really freaks me out like i'm not kidding when people start to like even lightly you just get back shots right i get just give the person choking back you kind of basically do yeah i think i know you go right underneath the diaphragm you go fucking lay some pipe consensually obviously obviously yeah anyways um yeah it really freaks me out and then i'm like please don't choke around me because i like will not be able to save your life and you will be dying in my presence i've saved seven women's lives eight it was eight eight women's life oh yeah it was eight including me

yeah it wasn't seven or it wasn't eight women it was seven women and me oh yeah i saved your life do you mean because of back shots no no yeah i was actually choking and he was actually choking and i and i immediately like again i blacked out if y'all actually hooked up i don't think you would ever speak to each other again i think we would speak to each other and i think that we would do a podcast for years afterwards i mean that's what happened to us if we did i mean that's what happened to us yeah of course i guess that is like everybody who has a podcast they need to give me my fucking children back motherfuckers give me my fucking

kids back older kids now like seven and eight most formative years of their life your kids are seven and eight i've never met them and i've never seen them and they're not around really that's what i'm saying they took them from me the fucking government took them oh i didn't realize they were taken yeah well we technically just gave them up we were on tour we couldn't we had better shit to do voluntarily they couldn't they couldn't give we couldn't take care of them you had to pursue your podcast oh yeah i had to pursue my passion y'all that pole vaulters fucking big penis bitch yup that part for real bitch that's basically me if i pole vaulted no it might be the opposite like it's you're so concave down there that like oh my ass is too big yeah it goes out the opposite what is the opposite of penis's vagina butt and boobs no boobs and pecs but there's

no opposite of butt because we all have a butt we all have a hunger we actually literally did i literally will never uh forget in el coyote like drew was trying to remember hunger by florence the machine he was like he was like what's that one song that bitch who's always fucking hungry she's always eating bro we all have a hunger well someone named their baby after me actually yes no swear to god i have to try and find it but this girl named her baby after me wait that is so cute i know but don't don't get crazy doing that because i like having a rare name motherfucker like they ironically named their baby after me too sorry i tried to take your shine and it just didn't work i know i'm used to it i can ignore the fuck out of you ho fucking bitch gouda pop money spread bitch okay i will not be able to say her name

what do y'all know about this shit that's the baby's name how is that named after you no i'm i'm trying to say the mom's name i don't know i and don't get on me because i just can't pronounce names but she named her baby and yeah and at first i was like i wonder if she really means that and then i was looking at all her videos and that name has been hung up on the walls forever and she dresses the baby really cute like oh see when i see stuff like this i'm like that sounds fun but then i actually remember like i don't want kids. So I'll just live through y'all having kids. No, literally.

My God, my mom was annoying the fuck out of me in Miami. Like every time kids got brought up, she was like, when you have kids. And I was like, listen, I literally at one point had to be like, back up, back up. Back the fuck up. I want kids so fucking bad. Y'all, I have like maternal instincts now. It's fucking scary. Like I was literally watching Luna play and we were just like hanging out.

And I was like, oh my God, I would literally die for this child. Like unironically, I would die for Luna. But it's also because I want to die. Actually, I'm good now. I'm like on a good one right now. Like don't fuck it up. Like I'm manifesting good vibes. Oh, well, dude, someone made an edit of you.

So that'll help. Which one? With your good vibes to like increase them bitch i know exactly which one it is the one of me fucking laughing can someone edit me please that one's fucked up y'all are toxic unironically i love the lighting mods ban them ban them from the chat mods ban that girl from this podcast imagine we started doing that when someone made a joke about low-key artists we were like find them find them behead them behead what is that audio that's like cut your throat girl i was watching game of fucking thrones and it's cersei lannister saying it and when it came on i was like wait oh my god this is the audio i'm re-watching game of thrones i watched house of dragons the last

fucking episode pissed me off like the last fucking season of game of thrones like don't fucking play with me fuck them fuck the show writers fuck them for losing budget like i literally hope y'all die because y'all built this fucking whole show up to the last episode you took two episodes away from us no this is serious this is real people are agreeing with me like i'm basically no this season sucked fucking presidential campaign it was good like the first four episodes were like good but first four were all right but all right is yeah all right it costs 80 million dollars to make that show and it's just crackers talking. It's so annoying. It doesn't have to cost $80 million.

It's so fucking annoying. And I'm like, y'all built this entire season up to not have one fucking battle scene. Like, girl, like, uh-uh. Y'all are never going to get me to watch that funky fucking show. Like, fuck that show. You should. I'm not gonna. No, Game of Thrones.

Game of Thrones. I'm not gonna. Girl, you said that about Sex and the City and you loved it same with Sopranos yeah Sex and the City it's about girls having fun being crazy kooky Sopranos

it's about dysfunctional family being crazy funny kooky Breaking Bad crazy family awful dad yeah I'm watching that Game of Thrones

Dragons bitch don't play with me that's got nothing to do with me it's like fucking like Targaryen bloodlines like incest like boobs and shit. It's honestly good.

So it sounds like it's being made for a very specific because incest and stuff. So it's a very. Yeah, me and you. Don't we don't have to bring that back up. Girl, also, apparently, we're second cousins it doesn't count apparently we're fucking i someone i prank called someone at 3 a.m you're so annoying i can't get on tiktok do you have it what did you just call me i called you a little bastard why true sorry y'all that's right i said it

what are you gonna do about it punk oh gagged you can't say those things drew you can't say those things where's Enya at go fuck her you guys have to think hard about it Drew I can say whatever I want what are you gonna do Drew where is Enya at Enya who period hey pick me up bro you don't know Enya

that's right I don't know yeah have you ever said punk yeah very scary what's crazy is this is how we talk to each other now like this is when we're beefing what we sound like like when we're like silent in each other's cars this is like the conversation like punk punk yeah the edits the edits this week have been good because there's also this one you saw this one oh i saw that one yeah oh my, I miss Josiah so much. He's coming over tonight. It's been a month. It's been a month.

It's been more than a month for me because I haven't seen him since before I started doing my world tour. Oh, also he didn't come over and I stayed extra days to hang out with him and Josh and fucking Josiah didn't come come which is heart been broke so many times i don't know who to fucking believe and then he didn't text me for like literally three weeks

yeah but then he texted us in our group chat and he said i miss you guys and then we didn't reply for like three days yeah because i don't play that shit if you don't text me back i'm not texting you back i'm dead fucking look at this shit this shit. This is bullshit. I'm out of here. I'm the worst texter ever. So I can't. This is low-key what our texts look like sometimes. That's the donk you're lit. I know, but it's like both of us. But because we reply to each other's texts in person. Like, that's what I realized.

We, like, see each other and then we're like, blah, blah, blah. Also, like, I only am a good texter when I'm in, like, a weirdly manic state. Then I will text. I will talk. Like, when we were texting, I was, like, fully on a crazy one me and him texted for like six hours yesterday it's literally because I was manic because I have been so anxious talking to the psychiatrist this week about it don't fret but I have been so anxious the past like six months and it's only getting worse and worse and worse and yesterday i like i always have this feeling

like i'm always thinking about my death and when i'm gonna die and like that's all that like occupies my mind but specifically when i'm taking off on flights it's like all like no no i'm i'm genuinely trying to help you because it's like opened up see my yeah dude you lying is crazy gas lighting um but all i think about when i take off on planes is like my life being over but then yesterday i was thinking about it i was like i wonder like i i know people are scared of dying like yadoi but i was trying to get down to the bottom of why i'm scared of dying okay but don't wait that's my catchphrase but don't get doink when I say like a zinger like oh pole vaulter's penis

but don't get doink bitch no one commented on my fucking gouda pop spread but don't get doink hey it wouldn't be back home if we didn't have issues

unless Kai didn't fuck up his god damn job I didn't fuck it up I didn't fuck it up that actually again was something that happened and it was not my fault.

Ironically, it wasn't his fault. It was not his fault. Also, by the way, just to paint the picture for what it's like to be in this room for listeners, it's 120 degrees. No, it is actually 83 degrees in here. Unironically, it is so hot. My back is sticking to this chair. I am dripping sweat. Yeah.

Yeah, I have to hear Drew and Anya over the sound of the gas leaking from the- Yeah, we have a constant, consistent propane natural gas leak coming out of our stove. I mean, but this is what it's really all about. It's all about perspective. No, y'all, unironically, I've been fucking putting a lot of perspective into my thoughts. Like, perspective is literally key. Wow. Perspective is key.

Okay. Perspective is a key key. Perspective is key to unlocking your true potential. Yeah. Of gratitude and peace and peacefulness happiness you and my dad would like the same facebook content because something he you saying that reminded me of like he is obsessed with this guy who goes up to people in public and acts like he's about to say something profound and every time the people are like oh and like walk away from him but one of the videos he showed me was like it was uh this like spanish creator and he was like he goes up to these

guys and he's like um the key to opening doors in your life it only takes two words and they both stopped and they were listening he was like push and pull and both of them went and like walked away from him and i'm like i could see you ending up doing that like going up to people and saying those kind of things 100 well i did something specifically for my friends and my friends only and i worked on it for literally hours and hours and hours and i got paid dust in the fucking group chat are you talking about the songs i'm talking about the song covers and i'm just gonna play a few well to be fair okay to be fair i was at a very sweet dinner with my dad and sister so i wasn't on my phone y'all i a 10 song long cover album um over the span of from 9 p.m or no it was 11 p.m to

1 a.m so how long is that three hours two hours i don't know um but just to give y'all a little taste of what i was cooking up hold Hold on, which one should I do? I'll just do it like with this. Vibrations. I love everybody. I love everything. Life is all about perspective. Let's have a little superfactive together, y'all.

Let's do it. You ready? One, one, two, three, four. Let's do it You ready? 1, 1, 2, 3, 4 Let's go If you If you could return Don't let it burn Don't let it fade

Sure I might be wrong How are you reading How are you reading the lyrics And you're still fumbling over them Oh reading how are you reading the lyrics and you're still fumbling over them if you dance and if you don't i'll dance dance anyway. I love y'all. This is the best one. This one I was like, okay, like, this is so...

Stick a stone, it's the end of the road. It is sweet. You picked songs. Everyone in the group chat, all of us have memories with each other with. This one is so good. And, like, bitch, I was like, when I was sending these in, I was like, oh, my God. Like, imagine I die and, like, this is what I leave behind. Like, they're going to.

That's what we're going to play at your funeral instead of your playlist. Yeah. Like, this is magical. Okay. Hell no. There's a world where I can go in. Oh, my God. can go in guys let me know if i should release these on youtube i would love a like random throwaway youtube account with all your covers can we do that can we make an account where we

start putting on like yeah we're gonna we make an account where we start putting on like, yeah, we're gonna make a random account and just start putting this shit. We should make music with Josie tonight. Yeah. I have a lot to say. Literally, we have a lot to speak. Oh, wait, I didn't finish my anxiety thing. Basically, I'm crazy.

Okay. This one's the worst one y'all this was like literally making me cry when i'm singing i love this song do you know that i don't know that song. I'll show it to you real quick. I can't find it. I'll show you after. Hurty Girty Man. I was going to say two things.

One, I'm tired of the Mount Everest shit. Cut it. It's not worth it. It's tried. It's boring. You're not special. You just want to be out to drinks with your friends and being like, oh, what did you do this past weekend?

Oh, my God. I just finished climbing Mount Everest. Like, OK, I'm so tired of doing shit just to be annoying and brag about it. Like, you're so annoying. I don't care. Literally, I think if somebody told me like if somebody in real life is like I climbed Mount Everest, I would not be impressed. I'd be like, you were extremely bored.

You must relocate and like find a real purpose because that is crazy. So it's not even deadly anymore. It's like, girl, like I could go up there and do it myself without any training. Like, bitch, try K2. Try smoking K2. Then then we'll have a real conversation. I remember when I first moved to L.A. and I was like in my little stoner era. K2 is also a mountain that I think is actually deadly. That might've been like such an advanced joke. When you first said it,

I thought you were really talking about an actual mountain. But when I first moved to LA, I was so fearful because I wasn't of age yet. So I had to buy like my weed illegally, illegally. And I, for some reason, i never had this fear in miami but here i was convinced somebody was going to sell me k2 so i didn't smoke for like three years because i was convinced that i was going to accidentally buy k2 um and i would look up videos of people on k2 and it would freak me out i'd be jumping out the window the one i can't where

it's like the camera and it's the couch and the windows behind and they jump out of the fucking window like that shit spooked me also the kid who was like i'm paralyzed i'm paralyzed i'm just paralyzed like he was just grinning out i think like i think he was just bitch made like he couldn't handle the fucking thing is my all of my green outs for the most part other than my one really bad green out with my brother and everybody like no even the one i had with you that was mild for me like because i was like we were around a bunch of people and i got up and i removed myself and then you followed me and i told you what was happening to me but other than that like all of them have been relatively silent for me like my green outs posts that have been isolated to like one person being around me

because even in a green out i've been so shameful of the fact that i'm greening out um but yeah i don't think y'all have ever seen any green out have you no because you just disappear into your room yeah i just like cry myself to sleep yeah you go to your room and you freak out i've seen you have like a panic attack like i've seen you have panic attacks but not like weed induced i've just seen you have panic attacks just literally i've had to rub your belly what was it about i don't remember i remember it was in your room and you texted me something because people were over and you went to the room and you were like i'm literally having a panic attack and then i had to go and sit in bed with you and like rub your fuck i can't remember what it was about i had to rub i sit in bed with you and like rub your fuck i can't remember what

it was about i had to rub i think it was about sam yeah she rubbed me off the back of my penis hello all right kai knows uh the back of my penis like the palm of his hand yeah okay um well the other thing i don't understand is why the fuck did they give us those big ass sharpeners in class like the ones that made the most noise ever like i was watching a video that those sharpeners have been around since like 1827 but when we were in school there was already the normal ones like we didn't have to do that like the fucking yield like y'all don't know what it's like to turn your pencil like no one will ever know half the people listening to this i don't even think it's hard to experience getting up in the middle of class.

And you were either one of two types of kids. You either were extremely embarrassed to go and sharpen your pencil. Or you were like me and you were an attention whore from a very young age. And you lived for the moment. You would break your pencils on purpose. So you had a reason to go and sharpen that fucking pencil so everybody would look at you. You had to show off your wardrobe. What is it?

Your uniform. Yeah, literally. That everybody had to wear Show off your like wardrobe. What is it? Your uniform. Yeah, literally. That everybody had to wear but you got to accessorize it with a coat that no one gets to talk about. You got to accessorize it with a coat.

It's like... Okay. Well, going back to House of Dragons, I promise it's worth it. Kai, since you watched, do you know Varys? I only watched half of the

last episode, technically. Okay, but the Varys, the dude with the cane, almost around. Someone fucking emailed me and said that we are uncanny. The verbiage uncanny. That we look like twins.

Bitch. Who is it? Oh my fucking my fucking god it doesn't i don't think it looks like him wait it's crazy who drew gets compared to him every now and then when people realize the size of my forehead i get called lily rose death no they're toxic like it doesn't look like that does not look and they sent this fucking screenshot oh no oh that's fucked up it's toxic also like it's fucked up for us to look at a picture of another human being and be like that's fucked up today you look like that that's literally my favorite thing is like when you really think about how the people you know look in your dreams and they kind of don't look like that like does that make sense like that's if my brain was trying to remember how you looked like in my dreams yeah no literally wait did it i think it

seemed like a robotic yeah i could see that does not look like you literally sick like bitch fuck y'all um also i think this week i'm gonna go and buy a bunch of bars of soap and start making the soap uh the soap the soap crunching content because i really want the phone because i really want to do that but i was watching this video of this girl put a bunch of soaps into like uh like pond like amount of water in her sink and letting it sit there and then playing with it and i was like squishing it this is pushing it like first of all all of the soaps looked used like none of them were brand new all of them looked used to the same thinness and i was like is there a world where she's really just sitting in her kitchen and washing her hands for like 30 minutes to get all these soaps this thin and then my other

thought was um i just gaffed all over myself because i really want to crunch soap also to clarify i keep saying gaff i don't know why but it's literally just giving a fuck so i gave a fuck all over yeah it just can't stop i just can't stop gaffing i just I keep saying gaff. I don't know why, but it's literally just giving a fuck. So I gave a fuck all over myself. Yeah, it just can't stop. I just can't stop gaffing. I just can't stop gaffing. I think it's because I kept texting people like, I don't like I don't give a fuck like I de-gaff. And then I was like, I need to stop saying I don't give a fuck. At the end of the day, I gaff like and I gaff hard.

Is gaffing a real word? That's the people that hold the mics. They're gaffers. And then gaffing to gaff is like a way. But gaff is an actual word. I forget that the English language is like actually very broad. And I shouldn't just be saying things because gaffing actually mean the whales are gaffed spirit or knife to death. So it's like stabbing people. i just can't stop stabbing people i'm stabbing today uh stabbing today well i went into brandy melville and none of the clothes fit you

i literally bitch you fucked up my joke because all of the clothes literally slipped off my body like they were so big on me even the smallest size actually i took my teenage sister to branny melville and she verbatim goes all of these clothes are too big and i was like wow okay i'm gonna be nice what is it you know what my workout routine has been because I feel like now that people know I'm not on ozempic they're gonna be like oh what are you doing I've just been doing those white lady classes the exercise classes where they do exercise balls with the drumsticks where they do everything but fucking workout dude I found a new one Drew look at this they like call it like 10 10 reps of hip hip hoorays.

Hip hip hooray! What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? Wait, this song actually is. What the fuck is that? I got it. Luke's maxing and pheromone maxing why do we pit two people against each other we're both

God's precious creatures maxing anyways okay you all drew the sound i fear i have nothing else to say oh i got i got some shit to say i got some shit and i really have to poop i can't lie y'all i so typically when i come back to texas right before i come back i just shave my beard off because i'm like it's disgusting i want it off my face but i was like freaking the fuck out one night and i was like i don't know why i did this to myself but i was like i want to see what would happen if i dyed my beard darker like i wanted to see it i did it bitch i dyed the entire bottom half of my face fucking brown so i can't shave my goddamn beard till it comes out but i think it's mostly out now girl i recorded the whole thing because i think that's what people

low-key do it's like it's like guys with thinning beards will do that so that their beard looks more full i recorded we gotta take you swimming on the first day oh drew you gave yourself a line i know bitch i literally had like a proper fucking line this was i think like pre-wash but like it's pretty much that no it doesn't look like that anymore no no not not close i like I made like a concoction of like olive oil and isopropyl alcohol. And I grabbed like my mom's like grainy fucking exfoliator. I completely damaged my skin barrier on this half of my face. It's ruined for months, if not years. But I just scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until it like came out um of the closet well i was talking to my dad because for some reason i had this idea that my dad was somebody who never got high and he spent his 20s high as fuck like when he first moved to the u.s we both have gay dads he said he would go to concerts and

he was like the kind of person that if somebody handed him a blunt he would just fucking smoke it he was literally he was literally he was talking about how he was so high one time that he had to like crawl up to his apartment cause he was scared of falling down the stairs been there except I took oh wait my mom's calling me I took trazodone and lunesta and fainted

10 times Drew sigh up it's Drew sigh up it's Drew sigh up corner drew sigh up it's drew sigh up it just sounds like you're calling yourself drew sigh up corner bitch if you need three to four edibles to get high stop wasting your money you're ready for cocaine that's fucked up bitches be like i'm a scorpio bitch i don't give a fuck if you got scoliosis lick my balls okay um whooping kids nowadays don't You got to pepper spray those little motherfuckers.

That's literally how I feel with my siblings. I heard the government was putting chips inside of people. I hope I get hot Cheetos. Ladies, don't let a man who drinks boba tea raise his voice at you. You talk to him woman to woman. That's good. Dude, this mic has been like slowly descending into hell this whole episode. Hanging out with Orion and Inya is like going to therapy where no one gets better.

No, Orion and me genuinely. I mean, she posted a TikTok once because all we do is go like exactly in our text and we've done that before that was a meme and that's all we say to each other we're always saying exactly no exactly whoever made those footlong subway cookie mukbangs with the bowl of ice milk need their pussy ate for 32 hours straight that wouldn't that would be painful also i just need to shout out preston been carrying preston sends me like at least eight a week and i use at least one of them that makes me so happy because i would like to assume that that person just sits in their bed high as fuck and screenshots shit knowing that they're gonna send it i think that's literally the fucking vibe and i don't know if it's preston the tiktok user that also sends me emails for drew siop i don't know

also uh emily fulmer sent one um but i'll do one freaking more lick her c-section scar and say i love you my little ziploc baggie that one's kind of gnarly huh no nothing will ever be more gnarly than the the cemetery oh the haunted pussy oh bitches with stds calling themselves a snack. Okay, 7 million pounds of boar head meat that was recalled for Listeria. Dude, I actually have been so scared of Listeria. Okay, food poisoning. Shout out Ashton.

And those were my gay little psyops for this week well this is my media of the week i re-watched portrait of a lady on fire whatever man and um i'm still listening to tin man by america and honestly the only song i want to shout out is can't do a thing by chris. Oh, and actually, I've been listening to so much Chapel Roan. Like, it's actually diabolical. And now Chapel Roan reminds me of my sister and my dad. Because in Miami, every time we got in the car, I would just play it. And my dad likes Chapel.

He was like, this is good. He was like, this reminds me when music was so fun. And then my dad was just talking to me about like all the music he really liked and it was really sweet because i was like damn i wonder if like because i know there are some people who actually don't like give a fuck at all about music like there are people like that in the world who i think are the killers but i've convinced myself that it is genetic to like the same music as your parents because all the music my dad grew up listening to is the music i love but also but he didn't play it when i was growing

up but whatever uh this is my media you ready people i know places i go make me feel tongue-tied. I can see how people look down. They're on the inside. Here's where the story ends. And then this one. Driving all night. And then this one. Okay. We should just redo these with me doing the backtracking vocals

and see if we can make them sound really good. Actually make them sound good. But what people don't realize is at the end of every song... Hold on. Wait, what is this? Fuck. Fuck, dude. I'm so bad at singing.

Wait, this is a good part. This is a good media honestly yeah i feel like that's pretty advanced like it's they're songs i like and unfortunately i was singing them all right well thank you guys so much for watching thanks for sticking with us through this funky transition back in the fucking kitchen baby some of y'all got what you fucking wanted i bitch i saw we need to get them back in the fucking kitchen i saw that bitch y'all said y'all didn't you fucking wanted i bitch i saw we need to get them back in the fucking kitchen i saw that bitch y'all said y'all didn't even like the set in the first place i know fake as fuck but look we're back he designed that set so cool it down like we designed that chill chill chill but yeah thanks for sticking by us peace and love and unity and respect. You're amazeballs. Bye.