Emergency Intercom - Halloween spooktacular special

Episode Date: October 25, 2024

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Hi, guys. All right, now I understand why you were saying you were hot. I don't even think she can't sit. I got it. Oh. My name is Enya and I'm Drew's chair. Now announcing Drew Phillips as RGB with wheel legs. I can't help you.

Can I look? I like can't. You can't even fucking see me. I'm not even in frame. My whole You can't even fucking see me, I'm not even in frame. My whole outfit isn't even in frame. My name is Drew Phillips and I'm Ruth Bader Ginsburg chair. Woo! Alright.

I'm in position. Alright, now introducing the dog who wishes to vote. Reveal yourself. It's so nice of you to have me. Let the dogs vote. I want to vote. I want to wear wigs, and i want to get an abortion let dogs get abortion let the dogs pierce their ears this is actually me let the dogs wear wigs

did this this is the most insane you've like ever looked this is like horrible this was terrible i mean like for context i am 8 000 degrees right now because not only are there lights shining on us but this is insulation foam and i literally the heat radiating from my body through my neck hole into my face can you see my face look how fucking sweaty i am oh you are sweating i bet you wish you were out on a cold winter's night with all that insulation be real warm i bet you wish we would take you on a walk so you can pee anywhere but the floor of our house and we're not going to clean it up i have been like peeing myself lately i also been hella hungry for like bones can you use the fucking pee pad like what was the reason of getting that you bagged and bagged in bed i know he like literally he got our phones without our permission and ordered on amazon uh like lifetime supply of

pee pads but he keeps just peeing on the rugs i forgot to get into like pose i just it's more comfortable to sit like this for me because you're a dog what the dog doing what is the dog did every time we do a halloween episode i forget forget that at the end of getting ready and doing all this, we have to actually do an episode of the podcast. And then my brain just feels genuinely jarred and confused. But I think a good topic to start on would be... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Ah!

Halloween Special three. I think this might be four. No. This is three. No, this is four. Because I did the devil, the devil made me do it. The devil made me do it. Cruella, Harley, Exorcist,

and now this is the fourth one, the dog. What was my second one? The devil, Pearl. Oh, Pearl. The Devil, Pearl, Dorothy and I'm Drew's chair. Why do you keep laughing when you look at me? I feel like I'm in like an insane asylum or something. It's not an insane asylum. I have a binge.

Oh, hi. Thank you Ruth Bader Ginsberg for everything that she did actually. No, did I shout out Ruth Bader Ginsberg? i wish you were still alive yeah that i shout her out for real that's why y'all need to vote that dog on the poster is probably also dead it's probably an older photo no i don't know he's not dead yeah fuck it i mean he's not he's right in front of you reanimated we found the wig hairs and we reanimated him dude like the fact that it has come to this point with this bullshit like have y'all told a story about this no we haven't or did we say that

like this was pulled out of the garbage yeah we just said we stole it from a fan accidentally so the fan who got it made a story time on how they got it and they pulled that out of the trash on their way to the show on the way to see us they saw it and they thought we'd think it was funny so that piece of garbage literally like it went from garbage to josiah fully embodying that person dude because i when i saw it like i'm not joking something changed like it just made me so happy like seeing them hold it up and i was like grab that please grab that we need to get that josiah's profile looks so fucked up it's so scary why is it beautiful what are you talking about really nice i know i've been using tretinoin very clear i'm getting this is objectively horrifying to look at it's not bro when you walked in i got chills i would sleep with this period

i would sleep with uh and he's into pup play yeah i guess now that we now we know he's the ality really the more you know oh yeah because you watch that movie fucking animals okay i don't think i've talked about that on the podcast but i did say that at a college show and i was so embarrassed because i was like why did that just leave my mouth oh no i think i did say on the podcast one time i was trying to find this one french movie and the director's name is literally fucking a mall or some shit and i looked up fucking animal movie and i was really really and now we're on a list aren't you on a plane no i was trying to download it for the plane so it was like 3 a.m

which is really worse i was imagining you like typing and fucking and hi you need to reveal your outfit oh yeah guys wait wait i have an outfit i have a costume kai is the scariest the scary tip jar. Pretty cool, right? I'm like creative. My name is Kai and I'm the tip jar. My name is Kai and I'm the... No, say it with like... You got to put some fucking...

My name is Kai and I'm the tip jar. Oh, did I even do one? That was misogynistic. I did one for you. How is that misogynistic? My name is Josiah and I am the dog. Well, I think my next investment is going to be a realistic mermaid tail because I've never confessed this on the podcast. But when I was a kid, I would get my ass on the family computer

and I would look up mermaid tails for purchase. Did you go through that phase? Did you want a mermaid tail? Me? Yeah. No, why would I want that? Look at what you're wearing right now. Dogs can't swim. Dogs cannot swim, Dave.

Wait, can dogs not swim? Wait, can dogs actually? No, dogs can fucking swim. Dogs cannot swim. I can tell you from experience, bro. Dogs can't fucking swim. Okay, that is anecdotal evidence. Like you can't swim. I can't swim. I'm a dog. Therefore, dogs can't swim. Josiah really does have that dog in him though i do this collar is so fucking itchy and like i think i'm mad

or something well no we got you the anti-itch collar so i shouldn't be doing that then how do i still if you leave this fucking room it shocks you yeah we should have got a collar we should get josie a shock collar wait we should get one and try it out next aren't shock collars like like aren't they vibrators? Like they're just like vibrating on the neck? No, they shock them. No, they shock. They have vibrating ones. Yeah, kind of. They shock and it hurts.

I always thought shock collars were like fake. Like a thing that like they say in movies. No, they're real. I've tried one before. Actually, no, I tried shock wire at my grandma's farm. Fuck. Kai's vaping again no it's the fog machine kai opened his stinky fucking mouth yeah my big stinky pussy opened up kai you can't say the p word yeah basically i really want a mermaid tail but like at this

point i feel like i'm too old to get it does that make sense like at this point if y'all caught me dead with a mermaid tail like on my body i would get ridiculed for it but when i was a kid i wanted one no i think so fucking bad they were like they were like people who would do unboxings and they would get it for christmas and they would go into like their pool the shallow end and like flap their tail around all the sounds that fucking thing is making is like dude i know so distracting sorry um i think you'd be surprised i there are probably so many people watching that would love mermaid content from you swimming in a fucking pool that's kind of my vibe when i'm like 37 i think i'll just move to a house in florida with a pool and start making mermaid content it's kind of my life

also I'm oh fuck that scares me it's actually really scary like something's starting to burn I'm so hot that it's kind of I know it's like blowing cool air yeah I'm not that hot um okay well we've been watching what would you do a bunch recently

and like yes like a lot it is so good I don't think so good i don't think y'all understand i know there's someone out there that does understand but the lgbt episodes okay it's actually coming out of my mouth you got to turn it off like i'm actually it's like i'm vaping like look where the fucking thing is i. Just turn it off from the back. The LGBTQ episode. But the LGBTQ episodes of What Would You Do? genuinely, like, made me feel so fucking good as a kid.

I really was like, oh, like, God is good. Life is good. Everything is going to be fucking okay. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at like the ones we were seeing where people would be homophobic like there would be people who were being hella homophobic and then john kiones would come out and be like why did you do that and they're like i just don't think it's that big of a deal to be gay like he would just everybody would switch

up once john came out and then they would replay it and be like that's interesting because that's not what you said and then they replay it and these people have already signed away their rights for their face to be like not blurred and also face card declined i love i love that what you just said i love you i love you too i'm glad we're finally getting it out there. Did you say I love Ruthie? I love... That feels weird because she really was... I was related to her and she's passed away. You were related to Ruth Bader Ginsburg?

How do you think I got all this money? Hey. Me driving my Honda Civic. Because Josiah paid for this dog plastic surgery with Ruth Bader Ginsburg's money's money dude what actually happened she did get a bionic um leg so she really did have like a lot of fucking money it like literally like hurts to like be crouched like this do you want to put on your other oh yeah you can sit in your chair well beauty is pain like really that's That's true, remember Beyonce said pretty hurts. Pretty hurts, trying to lie on whatever's worse.

You don't know that song? Oh, bitch, I know fucking Beyonce. You don't know Beyonce. I don't know if any of you know Beyonce. Whoa, chill. She's like the biggest artist in the world. Everyone knows her. You don't know her like me though.

Okay, well, what I was going to say is should I i break the news finally hear the diagnoses of my stomach oh yeah just i haven't said it well you should give context just in case like some people haven't been keeping up if you didn't know bro i got essentially spit roasted i got endoscopy on one end and then uh colonoscopy in my bum eiffel tower yeah it really was like and they did it at the same time and it was it was two men so now i suppose i'm going to hell yeah and um they also drugged me i mean well okay i mean they put me under anesthesia they put me under anesthesia which was scary but like um yeah basically i did all that they took a bunch of biopsies and everything i have erosive gastritis i don't know what that is i still don't

you've explained it to me like 18 times okay basically to put it in a really short thing it's just the wall of your stomach the lining of your stomach is being eroded because your stomach's producing way too much acid and it's harmful acid and then it goes up to your esophagus and you have esophagitis as well which is what i have which is why i've had a sore throat for nine months um i mean like four months you had a sore throat for that long because you guys share a bed every night and i thought you guys were just like oh no it's because we make out has dethroned you as the throat goat hey yeah i got acid you let him pleasure you i also have a hiatal hernia wait do you actually yeah that's what does that even mean it's like too much jargon to explain it's's not that big of a deal. Like they put me on some fucking medication.

We'll see what happens. Well, the good news is I'm like perfectly healthy personally. Like bowel movements are good. Eating very well recently. I've shit out a single chicken tender in the last fucking 20 days. 20 days? 19 days. Also, I would like to clear clear the air drew

has only been eating salad yeah for the past like week only salad and you might find that no shit has come out of his butt yeah have you been having fruit a lot no you should be that makes you shit like crazy i've been drinking prune juice that's good that'll make you yeah i've been drinking a bunch of prune juice i've been drinking a bunch of miralax daily lots of miralax it's giving miralax i bought drew something called like what is it diatomaceous oh yeah and you got me diatomaceous earth which is what's used to like kill bugs and fucking your like flower beds and i'm gonna drink it laxative diatomate wait what is it diatomaceous earth diatomaceous d sounds like a slam poetry

rapper from diatomaceous d's nuts diatomaceous earth is dd megadudu's daughter oh yeah mega dudu we wanted to be one of us wanted to be the announcer who said dd mega doo doo and like get like i was thinking you would have been perfect i was i was wanting to be that and then i was like thinking in my head i was like damn that'd be perfect too to get like a little like wire frame to hold up a picture in front of him so it looks like he's in the newscast but then we remembered that that joke also involves somebody who literally died but also ruth bader ginsburg is dead i know but died. Yeah, so it's like giving like, but also Ruth Bader Ginsburg is dead. I know, but like this is kind of like,

it's paying homage and it's a tribute really. Yeah, it's like a tribute. Like we love her. She did so much goodness for us and without her, without her, you wouldn't be able to have a bank account, babe. Well, you can't have a bank account

or fucking anything because you're a fucking dog. But he's got that dog in him, but I got that dog in me I'd be fucking like you're sitting around begging for the right to like bacon bacon bacon strips Those have been something so good too. I don't know why but my appetite is completely changed Hungry for bones hungry for like chow like do you know chow? Like some tennis balls. Oh now you can finally eat a shoe wait should we prank call someone right now we should prank call someone yeah but i wish you could prank call with a face time because imagine answering the phone and it's a dog and he's asking

to eat the shoe that would be funny but i also we should prank call someone i've been seeing this guy online recently prank call places and ask if they have room for 16,000 people. And it's been fucking killing me. Like $60. Did he call like a pizza hut or something and ask like what they're- It was a McDonald's and he asked if they had room

for an event for 150,000 people. And they were like, no like 50 wait what is the capacity of most fast food restaurants fast food restaurants literally if you go in there and you're sitting down to eat honestly you are such a vibe like i genuinely have so much respect for people who walk into the fast food place to eat there like anytime i've done it i genuinely feel very good it's all it's it's a very grounding thing to do yeah like you like it on vacay a lot i feel like yeah i've done it i genuinely feel very good it's all it's it's a very grounding thing to do yeah like you like it on vacay a lot i feel like yeah and i love it it's just a good path it's a way to pass the time without feeling useless i haven't been inside of a taco bell

dude i was about to say the only one we don't be going into is taco bell that yeah we have to stay outside there's roaches in every taco bell i feel like one of the ones in my house also the taco meat yeah the taco meat yeah no no i feel like the taco meat is just roaches at taco bell day it was mystery meat up until a few years ago when they had to disclose it well i started tasting different i was gonna say i can't say anything because i was the girl who was like i ate tuna from subway until tuna box it's the tuna box the bread is made out of yoga mats i think i brought that up last time i was on here i'm just full of fun facts it's not made of yoga mats you're like it is why you think it's so good bro why do you think ellen has so much money

because she saves all that money she saves it on editors she doesn't spend jack shit on editors watch the show watch ellen's game of games and tell me that she spends shit on editors. She doesn't. Fuck. Blake's so worried about my sister. You're engaged. You cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healing.

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on w stream on stack tv you know what i was gonna say like one of the topics i wanted to bring up is that although i know there are some good performance art pieces, like there has been performance art that I've seen video of and I've been like, damn, that actually is like so innovative and like so interesting. Most performance art looks like batshit crazy fucking doo doo in my butt. Like I've never seen like a friend go to a performance art show and post an IG clip of it. I've been like, damn, I wish I was there. It just looks like people actually tweaking out and like freaking out. But with all of it, I've been like, damn, I wish I was there. It just looks like people actually tweaking out and like freaking out. But with all that said,

I wish so badly we planned this properly and we rented out a space and we got you in there for a performance art piece. I mean, we can still do that. We have an extra. Yeah, we can do that tomorrow. Yeah, I was freaking out trying to get Josie's costume ready

and I bought like three separate dog snouts. So be expecting to see a lot more of the dog yeah and also I think it's becoming like a really big thing online I've been seeing a lot of people protesting let the dogs vote which thank you um which is very real it is very real and it's close to my heart and I think what are they gonna vote for a bone yeah yeah um sorry I hadn't that's offensive bro to me yeah like he's right here i haven't said anything i wanted to jump in with a good bit just to react because like if you were listening he also said like let the dogs wear wigs let the dogs get piercings let the dogs wear necklaces

let the dogs get a abortion bro let the dogs like get divorces like exactly also not even divorces but get married get married yeah they i not even divorces, but get married. Get married. Yeah, I don't think they can legally get married. Period. Thank you. Thank you. Y'all are actually, like, I'm getting my life right now with y'all.

Like, y'all are really making me feel better about what my life's going to be like. Your legacy. Yeah. Should dogs be able to adopt children? I don't think so. Yes, please. No, I think that's pushing it. Because they need two human parents.

Yeah. No. Because that's not taking into account the parents of the dog you're saying two dogs couldn't raise a baby no i don't think so no y'all lick y'all's ass y'all are fucked up you literally were sniffing me earlier yeah because we put that on josie he's been sniffing around he's been freaking out i'm good what why did you look at me like i'm tipping over my favorite part of this whole costume genuinely is the glasses with the um with the head wrap like combo thank you oh but speaking of the dog protest so we didn't talk about it yet but the dude that does the spider-man cosplay and dances in front of the camera um so like obviously we were in that video we were in his live stream and it was gaggy and like it was such a funny moment insert here corna pepper ill pepper yucky hey pepper ill pepper yucky ice cream yummy hey let the dogs vote chat that's what i'm up that's what i'm about notice how he moves the fucking camera at the end

yeah something is seriously sinister there and i was really offended by it and he moved it twice but i read the room and i was like okay he's uncomfortable by my presence i'm gonna just like get out of the frame and i'll dip so that's what i did that's what i thought i was like i wonder if so many people go see him on live and get behind him and start being dickheads and that's why he moves it but he like literally we came in hot we were like let the dogs vote yeah well he didn't know who we were and then he saw the video that was posted online and he commented on it and he commented on josiah's video bitch he thought we were fucking pita protesters he literally was like oh my god pita is protesting my live stream right now i have to move them out of the fucking frame i wish so badly i could spy on him and know

the conversation he had with his friend group because you know damn well he was like someone literally like pita protested my life tonight and i'm like so freaked out like i don't understand why and i bet like i just want to know so badly if his conclusion was that because he was spider-man spider is technically an animal too that's all i can think about is like i wonder if like his friends were like there's no way pita protested you that doesn't make sense and if he was like no spiders yeah don't squish the spiders i mean but also what i want to know is like did he really think it was a pita protest because we said let the dogs vote was i mean i guess that's how people can get there yeah

they've gone there i'm sure pita pushes it pita's like a bit freaky deaky. I know, unless it has hummus. Eat a pita and hummus. Thank you. You ate that. I'll take my raise now. You ate that pita hummus up. I'll take my Christmas bonus now. Your Christmas bone.

I'll take my Christmas bone. Thank you for the Christmas bone, by the way. You guys know about Christmas Hall? What? In New York?ork okay forget about it um well i'm in my flat tummy t era i just decided i decided i need flat tummy t i think that'll heal me can y'all fucking believe that like ig baddies were just selling laxatives and like we all were just like yeah flat tummy t hey like i want some flat meanwhile like girls were just like shitting out of hey like i want some flat tummy meanwhile like girls were just like shitting out of their butt all day long which isn't illegal like girls pooping is illegal you're like you making a point with this on is like killing me like which is illegal i'm like

he's a girl do not shit and if they do i don't need to hear about it i don't think that's something ruth bader ginsburg would be like happy about happy how'd you say that ruth bader ginsburg was very for no she was for girls shitting and getting the abortion girls wait someone should have done uh dreams face reveal has no one done that yet for halloween yeah oh that would have been really good there's a creative way to do it there's something y'all need to tap into that aura real quick like i mean when this comes out there's still gonna be time to get halloween costumes so we should just give away the extra halloween costume ideas we had um you're by list real quick did y'all talk about your buy oh no that was gonna be we were gonna do the you're by what would you do joke where like either me or india had like blue hair green shirt that

whole vibe um let me look up because i have a whole folder like dedicated to it i can't give away what i was gonna be because i want to do it next year but all i'll say wait we can bleep it because what was it oh yeah kim kardashian did a few years ago i also wanted to do selena but i i don't know i still kind of want to do like there's this like group of cosplayers online that i found that have been making their own like kind of masquerade like puppet masks and i still want to do that but i just don't know i have the time and dedication because i saw a tutorial on how to do it i was like i can do that shit and then i look through the bitches pages and they have like fucking freddy fast bear costumes that they made also and i'm like okay that's how

i know i'm out of my fucking league because once you're carving foam and shit i'm out like i'm not doing all that also all i could think about was the carcinogens seeping into my body because i am so sweaty all of my pores are open anything from this that is bad for me is in my blood imagine how tired we are imagine imagine how tired we are yep um i just i feel like i don't look pretty right now you're beautiful i love your beard yeah dude you look really good you look really hot honestly thank you i just i don't know if i feel it i think you look smart you look well You look kind of abusive. Yeah, no, I hate people. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, no, I hate people. Like, not in that way, but, like, you look like a guy in, like, 2010 who's, like, kind of a piece of shit and would, like, hit me if we were in a club and I bumped into you. You look like David Foster Wallace, kind of. Oh, yeah, didn't he wear headbands? Yeah, he had, like, a red bandana. Wait, what were your other ideas or you don't want to find them and i they're too good to give away because mustard

yeah we're meaning you're going to be mustard and ketchup or like a light i was going to be a socket and a plug i love that top and a bottom just we didn't talk about what would you do basically i need to be on that show so if anybody has connects just put me on like just confront me at a random time um no topics are off limit i will probably always do the right thing because i'm a really good person so it'll only do good for me it'll bitch my ass i was thinking about that i was like yeah no i would like immediately step in on a lot of these but like no i wouldn't like i am such a fucking coward and afraid of confrontation that like i don't know i would probably step up i think my move would probably be like there because there's my glasses are fogging

up yeah they are there's three sides of like reactions to what would you do and it's the people who see someone in trouble and they go up to the person in trouble and they're like hey and they comfort them then there's a person who confronts the perpetuator of evil yeah and then there's a person who just like sides with evil depending on what day it was i'd either side with evil or comfort the person i'd be the first one yeah we're like no confrontation but i just want to go and like give them yeah i would go and like be nice to the person who's being attacked but also my first thought would be like i I'm on What Would You Do? So I really got to do, I got to do the right thing right now.

Yeah, in the newer episodes, you can fully tell everybody knows they are on What Would You Do? Like without fail, everybody knows everyone's getting into character and like they kind of just let it run. Stop fucking staring at me. You look insane. Like I literally feel it from here and like I'm trying to listen to you. And then Kai's like staring daggers at me. You look insane. Like, I literally feel it from here. And like, I'm trying to listen to you. And then Kai's like staring daggers at me. It's fucked up because I think you look like you look the best you've looked in probably like the six years.

Yeah. Probably since I was like 17. All right. Yeah. 17. I looked great. Minute 18 and I was fucked. They only want you when you're 17.

When you're 21, you're 21 you're no fun guys i am just like overheating and fucking dying oh my god last week you were talking about like nasty british food and we cut it out because british teeth no i was talking about british teeth i saw british teeth i saw british teeth in real life last week really scary y'all like i know all of y'all aren't like that but like really like bruh like actually brush your teeth challenge like i'm genuinely not joking says the man who can't shit like y'all y'all are gonna oh jira we should Drew? We should... Can you help? Help. Drew?

Help! Help! Help me! Okay. Sorry, Drew's okay. We're back. Yeah. Took a nasty spill but drew's fine but i'm chill no you're not chill you're too crazy and i can't take you anywhere you can't take me anywhere my friend is so crazy anywhere my friend is so crazy i'm so fucking crazy i'm crazy i'm so fucking crazy. I'm crazy. I'm so fucking crazy.

Meow. Did you clocking those around? You're missing a pinky. Oh, cause pinky's up darling. I guess she's not British. Fuck, I don't really know this character too well. You wanted to do it because you had a bunch of bits planned. Meow.

I don't know, what else does she do in the michelle fiverr one she hisses you're red girl i'm fucking mini mouse bitch and it's so cute it is so cute like it is really because i know y'all know i was talking a lot about disney and about her house and disney contacted me they kicked that bitch out i'm taking her spot it's kind of fucked up does that mean you have to have sex with mickey mouse no they don't fuck they're open i guess they don't have kids mickey minnie or polly yeah mickey mouse clubhouse what do you think that was about because i mean wait goofy's gay i didn't say goofy was gay goofy's bi but mickey's gayy's gay? I didn't say Goofy was gay. Goofy's bi. But Mickey's got to be fucking somebody.

Goofy's gay and he watches. Goofy's gay, but cuckold. No, he watches them have sex. Oh, he's a cuck. Goofy's kid, he's gay. Collect that. Max is a child. Yeah, I clocked that too.

He's an adult now, baby. That was like 20 years ago. I clocked that too. He's like 48. Max is 8,000 years old now old now okay something i've been dying to talk about this entire episode okay you know those chiropractor videos where they like break the woman's spine and she like screams and like yeah why are 98 of those soft core porn like i'm not kidding like it is so hypersexual to the point where it's

like almost like mukbangs being like feeder content it's like chiropractor videos on tiktok are just soft core porn because it's like two dudes grinding up on each other like a dude and a girl like the moaning breaking each other's back the moaning and then i saw one recently where this guy like breaks this girl's spine and then like holds her from behind like this and i was like this makes me so uncomfortable but it's so funny because what they've started doing instead of moaning is they add like tom and jerry ass screams over it so it's not the actual screams have you seen that no dude i liked like three of them recently because i was just laying in bed and i thought they were so fucking funny wait let me find also one of those chiropractors reached out to me like two years ago oh you should have done

it and i didn't he was like i'm coming down to la and like looking for like influencers to collab with like i could adjust you for free but i would want to post the video i was too pussy it's like a masseuse it's like a masseuse vibe where like masseuses are like they come into your hotel room and like rub you up and then come into your hotel room and like rub you up and then accidentally touch your boner who said that when did that happen to you that never happened to me like when you're at a massage parlor and they touch your boner and they just like jerk you over the thing is they're always playing in my ass like every time without a doubt the the only weird thing i ever have happened during a massage is sometimes they like pull my fucking

nasty ass underwear down because somehow every time i've gotten a massage is sometimes they like pull my fucking nasty ass underwear down because somehow every time i've gotten a massage i'm wearing like my most beat up like destroyed dry rotted underwear like oh she's not crazy anymore i'm so fucking crazy putting your bag of chips back on your head bag of of chips. Oh, it's actually bag of chips. Is this like way too dark? We can brighten it in post. We can a little bit. Kai will finger it out. I'll finger it.

Okay, don't. You weren't supposed to repeat that. Okay. Kai will finger the video. Kai is always fingering the video. That's the best one ever. No, okay. This is like the tom and jerry scream that is not that woman's voice that is literally like jerry getting his fucking tail snatched by fucking tom or is it reverse who's tom and who's jerry tom jerry snatched his fucking Tom or is it reverse? Who's Tom and who's Jerry? Tom is the Tom cat. Jerry snatched his

tail. And Jerry is the mouse. Hello. Oh, Jerry's the mouse? You're the mouse, baby. I'm the cat. Let's play a little game of cat and mouse. Oh, also I found out that... Did she say that? What'd she say? Oh, I found out

that Jerry's a side. I thought I would side-ment. Do y'all know what side is? No. There's top, bottom, verse, and then side. Oh, you have to read your thing up. I'm giving top secret. You're giving celibate, no one wants to touch you, you're disgusting.

I'm giving top secret information away for free, but a side is someone that doesn't want any penetration at all honestly respect penetration in their mouth though no damn no top no bottom no verse they're just hanging out so they don't give a head either they give her they give head oh this is a side and you're saying jerry is aside the mouse the little tiny thing that's like this big this is just what I heard. I don't. Who did you hear that from?

I guess L.A. is a crazy place, guys. Just so you know. That part. Clock that. You need to stop doing that. I need to get nails like for real. Because like this. Metal nails is kind of a vibe.

Dude, have you seen the people on TikTok who are like, what is it called? Like jewelry makers? Jewelry. There's like a name for it i can't remember the name for it but there are people who no it's not there's jewelers and then there's like people who are literally like fucking cobbling the metal jewelry maker oh they're called blacksmith blacksmith blacksmith no blacksmiths make swords and shit well he might as well be a fucking blacksmith because there's this motherfucker on tiktok who makes like nails like they are doing uh sterling silver and gold nails and they'll like take a mold of your hand oh i actually have seen that yeah that's kind but also like what are you supposed to do how the fuck am i supposed to bite my nails i haven't

had you know like grills i want one for my ear have you been seeing those they take a mold of the inside of your ear and make a grill for your ear it's like an earring it's kind of like scaparelli coated that would be cunt but also like that's the kind of shit that here i go gluing on my gold fucking nails like i'm gonna be at a party and come back home and have like a pinky a pointy finger and like and it's for like main events though because it's gold and ellen degeneres saved a lot of money on the show because she didn't hire her she didn't hire nail tech yeah oh also did y'all ever see will i am's metal hair yeah remember at the super bowl he had like metal hair and it's like a metal it was his hair but made out of metal yeah yeah dude the like shit people were doing when like futurism was in popularity and main culture was so funny we need to get back to that but i fear we are like too far in the future for people to do it for fun black eyed

peas tour back then it seemed like like 2000 the year 2010 and 11 everybody was doing whatever the fuck they wanted like katie perry was on a cotton candy cloud and then riding a giant metal tiger and lady gaga was dressing up like um joe calderon and beyonce someone should have gone girl for main halloween you be joe calderon and i'll be gaga no bitch for main halloween i gotta be this because i already spent my money on this this is getting boring if you see me out in this like three times don't say shit to me act like you've never seen content of me in your life in this because she sewed it herself thank you yeah i made this all myself it took me like three minutes probably like three minutes 30

minutes okay 30 minutes for a lot of people this would probably take like three weeks but it took me like 30 minutes did you know you have 30 you know you have 30 minutes do you know you have 30 minutes i love this bag of chips on your head you're crazy crazy like you're serious i'm genuinely concerned that you can't see us this whole episode remember when that happened when we did the outdoor episode in um joshua yeah like by nighttime and we turned on the night vision yeah that's a vibe though also i was gonna say you look like pretty you look good like i don't know why i like i think you look like a girl right now and you look pretty like if i saw you at the bar drew stopped i was like i was like 10 drinks in doubles so like 20 drinks so you need to be

completely you would need to be dead to hook up with me that's really homophobic i'm calling it thank you kai no it's not homophobic let me tell you he's gorgeous i mean look at him long brown hair when he drinks on his head i would do it sober even and we would laugh about it we would laugh about it yeah we for sure you honestly do look good that's what i'm saying you should grow your hair out i was trying to convince drew so much oh my god okay so since the last episode we went to the brat tour we went to sweat and it was so fucking fun it was like such a good concert it was transcendental yeah i genuinely think charlie is one of the best

performers i've ever seen and trust and believe i've been to a lot of concerts my life's been pretty awesome you said beyonce yeah she's not better than charlie's better than beyonce i didn't say that no one's better than beyonce but charlie's stage presence is the closest you can get no her stage presence like she has like sex appeal like crazy she's such a good performer she is like i i couldn't keep my eyes off of her and also the way she interacts with the crowd too is so fucking funny she'll just like i don't know if it was la specific but like her just like cussing us all out for being fucking bunk was like really sick like i know it was so it was very authentic feeling it

wasn't like a bit also troy can dance his ass off and i found myself like mimicking the way he was moving on stage the way he like has such a specific like body movement and i felt myself like you know what i kept doing you know that video of rihanna when she was high as fuck i know body is crazy that video of rihanna when she's high as fuck watching lady gaga and she smiles i unironically did that at one point like oh fuck no who was on say oh okay actually i'm can you keep your fucking bag of chips on your head because you're actually being crazy too crazy like now you're pushing it with being too crazy can y'all shut the fuck up all three of y'all y'all want to see crazy i'll show you fucking crazy i mean the chips are already on the head and now the peace signs are coming out we got a floater our little comedian

you know what's crazy is i don't think orion knows you were doing that for halloween and she sent me that yesterday she was like this is how i've been feeling lately that's so fucking funny but i was mistaking my rihanna moment was when we saw conan because i was with you you came to conan with us because we also saw conan gray we we have had a blessing of a time at the beach we got to see over yeah we were running inglewood this week don't fucking play with me because i also went to the football game out in inglewood i went to sofa and that was really fun shout out orion i miss and love you i it was so fucking fun we got to see charlie we got to see troy we got to see conan who was like so awesome also watching like there were a few parent daughter couples around

us at conan's thing or like duos not yeah and it was really really sweet to see like moms i wish i had a mom um but more importantly conan at one part goes like this like i don't know if you saw him on stage he went like this and i was so high i literally looked at him and i went like i did him back and i got so embarrassed because i was like i was like oh my god what if someone saw me doing that because he was like telling us to clap and i was clapping and then after everybody like finished clapping he went like this i was like thank you and i was clapping and then after everybody like finished clapping he went like this i was like thank you and i was like thank you like i did it back and i was like everyone thought like charlie was like grew and her fans were the minions like i saw that joke a bunch because

like it really was giving that at some point conan is grew and his fans are the minions and i was clapping along i was waving my hands i had my flash out like i was doing the whole fucking thing and i truly believe and this is not my take this is a known take but if more people went to fucking concerts there would be a lot less bigoted religious people in this world because it is a very religious experience to be in a room of 15,000 people all there for the same reason singing the same fucking songs and hearing loud music. I mean yeah let's look at why people love church because when you think about it

they do that damn concert they get someone up there and they sing it's probably a kid who can't fucking sing for shit it just makes them feel included it's like you're a part of something and that's really what concerts make me feel like. We hate church no we don't we don't mind church we don't hate church but would you see me in a church by choice absolutely the fuck not like i genuinely don't think i could sit through is it a sermon

is that what's called it depends on the religion yeah i want to go to the mahal and drive church really bad i feel like that would be the chris jenner one i don't know which one it is she was in a freaky church chris jenner there's i just know there's like a church on mahalan drive with a beautiful view and i just want to go to it one time well yeah but i'm really about to talk to me about god and then i stepped outside and it was gorgeous and you had a view like that i'd be like wow god is here like he was here this morning with us but i've only been to jehovah's witness church so i think that's why i'm like i don't want to go because that wasn't uh fun that was not a fucking vibe at all that would have not been chill i literally if i move if i have any sudden movements y'all like the chip bag goes fine so i have to like really be slow really see i move

suddenly y'all the uh jewel class action lawsuit is going down and people are getting their fucking payouts finally i saw one for eight thousand dollars bitch if i signed up for that lawsuit i swear to god i would have gotten paid 15 grand i was smoking that shit when i was 15 years old to the age of like 20 and i even like tried one like at 23 or some shit like that like really i was like hitting the fuck out and the fact that i'm still only 16 is like actually crazy wait that doesn't make sense did you like go back you regressed yes no i yeah i timed out no i've been like 16 for the last like six years but like the real craziest part about it is um i haven't aged today i really haven't wait bitch this is my rupaul's drag race like

my what is it called sugar My sugar, or which one? Sugar or spice? Yeah, my snatch game. If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you didn't get it. How, like, what the fuck does Catwoman do? She's low-key quiet as fuck, so you're not giving Catwoman. Yeah, you're supposed to be.

She's supposed to be stealthy and quiet. You should have just been fucking Ariana Grande in that one video. I'm video i'm very demure oh yeah josiah is being very demure right i'm very demure i'm very quiet dude your boots make so much noise that's the biggest plot hole in catwoman is that leather outfit and not making sounds um well i think if it was real leather it wouldn't make as much noise actually this is real is real leather. No, that's from Amazon, and we got it for $0 because we're going to force Josiah to take it back. Dude, talk about it. Amazon will let you do $0 and don't pay for it.

And if you return it within seven days, there's no money taken out of your account. It's a method, for real. I was going to say, I also think it's a ploy because most people don't have fucking time to return something. They're lazy. Why? A lot of people don't want to work nowadays

you don't want to go down to the coals you don't want to work nowadays actually no you you've been working i've been working like i've been working no you had a good year where like the work was stagnant i wasn't even trying i was like fuck this shit like i got these credit cards let's max them out what's your credit score uh i think i have like a 705 now see what's your credit i think it's like a 740 oh what's your credit score i think honestly mine's like 810 so okay like i buy it the thing is i believe it but like it's like mine is good because i'm nonchalant like mine is good because i'm nonchalant and i don't like i just like keep up with my life well it's good to know we'd all get approved for an apartment yeah i guess that's yours

josiah is 220 it's about 340 um it's been rebuilding. This isn't his building era. I'm in my building era because in 2022, I was like, because I got a girlfriend. The thing is, what were you even doing, though? Because you wore the same fake Prada shirt every day. Food. All I spend money on is fucking food. I love food. I'm obsessed with food.

I eat all three meals out every day. I mean, we can tell. I mean, Stan, because it's going somewhere. It's going right to that bulge. It's going right to that pussy. It's going right to the pussy. It's going to the big

pussy. Dude, it's way too close to my face. But really, I'm rebuilding my credit, y'allall just wait until i get back to it because you know what one last thing about this i'm so sorry but by the time that i was 19 about to be 20 my credit score was at like 780 i was so close to 800 like it's close and then the pandemic hit and i realized oh i have credit cards and i can just max them out and i'll pay them eventually i literally think i only have a good credit score because i've been paying off cars my whole fucking life like that's literally that is the only reason i have it because credit

is the fucking devil i fucking hate credit don't get credit bullshit it is evil i fucking hate credit i wish i prayed i did not get a credit score until i was 25 16 that's true i i just got a credit or i just got a credit card well yeah but that also made our life incredibly difficult because my credit used to be bad so then when we got this ugly fucking nasty apartment we had to beg for it which is crazy because we had to beg for the apartment we did change a lot of things around here i mean yeah we just shored this place for sure we did change a lot of things around here we made our landlord more trusting of people under the age of 30 i mean actually we did because when we moved in there was nobody under the age of fucking 35 in this building now it is ransacked and run by children under 30 and a 16 year old aka drew and my neighbors they scare me i don't want to talk about it that's it i'm missing my middle finger

y'all we have not addressed like the main thing that happened this week that is legitimately the most insane fucking thing i've ever seen happen in my entire life hate the man trump working at mcdonald's and then e-coli surfacing literally a day it's because he licked he fucking scratched his ass and sprayed the e-coli particles and also trump smells like shit that is not like a like a made up no people people know that like this is a real thing he smells like shit he doesn't brush his teeth i mean he doesn't probably as a man who's like using clean towels like i know exactly what his towel smells like and it smells like just like a nasty fucking man's well that's how he saves so much money. Yeah, true. It's because he uses the same towel.

Also, he eats a fish filet like every single day. Like so good. That's not true. But also, part of me is this. Is that true? He eats a fish filet on his private jet. He always gets fucking McDonald's for his private jet rides. He's fucking nasty, rancid bitch.

Go fucking vote, please. Please, for the love of God, go fucking vote. He wears a girdle. That should be enough to tell you. Also, he had to sit on a fucking pee pad on a talk show because he has a leaky fucking gut. That can't be true. No, it is.

Do the peace sign. He is so nasty. I literally, like, I'm not kidding in my head. He is not real. And if, oh, you know that new AI thing where you put in a picture and squish, like, the image? That's what I imagine is donald trump like to me he's not a real person he's somebody that if somebody wanted god could come and squish him

up and i wish that's what would happen i wish but that can't happen so what you need to do is go to the booths of voting and uh go and vote for miss kamala and Mr. Walls. Please. Vote for me. Please. Vote for me. Oh, yeah. That actually hurt.

Oh, I saw that. Drew, you felt that? Yes. You got a really bad headache like not long after that was uploaded. They like reanimated me. Wait, that was real? Yes. Oh, I thought that was fake.

If only the people who killed bitches who were left-handed and called them witches saw what we could do on our iphones today they would actually fucking die like they would come it's crazy you can't you can't call anybody a witch for that kind of shit anymore you're just like oh what website did i they are literal witches on etsy by the way we yeah we they sell potions they actually do they do and candles i want to buy them oh i bought a bunch of witchcraft candles and he never lit them i got scared and i'm also in my era where i'm not supposed to be lighting them i did a lot of research and i'm not gonna light them anytime soon and i may never but i have them in the off chance

that something horrible horrible horrible happens in my life and i really do need to sell my soul to the devil. Don't do that. Me and the devil. Walking side by side. Me and the devil. I think me, Drew and Josie are gonna start a trio and we're gonna defeat the ones who made the like, stop that way that you hate me. We're gonna make a song. Clickbait.

Even worse. It's kinda looking like clickbait, music. We're gonna make a song. It's kinda looking like clickbait, deep fake. It's kinda looking like clickbait, deep fake. It's kind of looking like a clickbait deep fake. It's kind of looking like clickbait. Tell me what you need. You know what I like?

Tell me what you need. I feel bad for them, though. I really do. I don't. No, no, no. The song is horrible. They don't make good music. There are people out there who like that thing.

Like, that's okay. I know, but I was just thinking about it, and I was like, dude, why the fuck? Like, we live in such a crazy world where, like, this has become a topic that has lasted for weeks. When a shitty song used to come out, it would just be like, oh, that sucked.

Like, but now it's like, just no one has anything to fucking talk about. Like, just shut the fuck up. I hate it. Don't get me wrong. But, like like it's not funny to me anymore respect honestly it's not funny anymore it's been like three weeks like i actually love this behavior we need to like the trend cycle needs to speed up again for real because we're running out of shit we've been spending so much time on this bitch or not a lot of time we don't have like a lot of things to like talk about yeah grew up in an era of fashion like that will never be replicated i mean like 2014 we were like the last 2016 2017

is not gonna give like when they like recycle that shit like it is not gonna eat no i think 2012 to 2014 will eat. Specifically 2010 to 2012. That's not going to happen. And you're never going to make it happen. It will happen. The movie theater glasses with the lenses popped out. The mustaches. This is her. Dude, the mustache on the finger.

She definitely had one. The mustaches see certain things just won't come back. Also, before I lose this thought, the tell me what your name is, the new younger kids version of like no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I was like, why are you saying that? I fucking ate, y'all. Leave the fuck alone. You need to start eating those damn chips. Bag of fucking chips. I can't wait to eat pretzels, even though pretzels low-key give me PTSD.

Pretzels are fucking disgusting. These. I love pretzels. The rolled gold. Hell no. They jumped off my fucking head, dude. They burned you. No. Dude, pretzels. The rolled gold? Hell no. They jumped off my fucking head, dude. They heard you. No.

Dude, pretzels, no. They're not, they don't give, like, what they remind me of is church. Oh, fuck. Church with a plastic cup that you would eat the pretzels out of, and then they would put some sort of juice inside the cup with the pretzel. Wait, y'all's body of Christ was pretzel? No, it was like a youth group. Like it was just like a snack they would give you?

Yes. Oh, I thought this was like the communion, and I was like, y'all were using pretzels and fruit juice? Oh, because I was going to say, pretzels low-key remind me of being in YMCA when the only snacks they would give us was Fig Newtons and pretzels. Fig Newtons are so good, though. I don't fuck with Fig Newtons. I haven't got over that hump.

Josiah, please. I'm trying to fucking readjust. We don't have HR. Stop staring at me. Stop staring at me. I mean, you are looking. Why are you looking? He's playing with his like Are you looking? I saw you looking. I don't even know what to call that. Hit him? Hit him. Yeah. Fucking please. Honestly, yeah. I've been talking to him. God. Fucking please. Honestly, yeah.

I've been talking to you. God, it'd be a Halloween miracle. And hit me fucking harder this time because last time it didn't. Okay. Hit me hard and soft. Is giving Billy Eilish. Oh.

Did you knock the bag of chips off my head? I didn't do anything. You hit me in the fucking face. Oh, he ruined your bag of chips. Sure, hit me again. Do it again. Again. That wasn't enough.

I don't even flinch looking at it. Ew, ew, he wants it out. I know. Yeah, that's great. Oh, why'd you bend over like that? Yeah, cause you're too afraid to hit me again. You're afraid. Drew's being a slut. Drew's being a slut.

Damn, your ass actually looks super good in this pants. No, not you Josiah fucking Drew. Look at his ass. It looks great. I'm not watching this. The headband fell. Yeah, yeah no i'm just gonna commit like this just like it just balance it yeah are you fucking taking selfies right now oh this is my oh whoa whoa yeah and you can do whatever the fuck she wants her

yeah it's her podcast you dare talk to my girl like that, I forget. Kony 2012. Okay, you need to take those fucking chips off your head, because if I hear them falling one more time, I'm going to be like, ah! Because it's all the salt in there. Kony 2012. Just put the bag down, dude.

Oh, my God. Wait, maybe the bag of chips wasn't crazy. Drew, Drew, Drew. Maybe the like real meaning of that meme is like when she puts the bag of chips on her head, it actually dilutes the crazy. And when she takes it off. That's a good theory.

Drew. Drew, come back. Why did he run away? Because you guys are being homophobic. I wasn't being, I'm. You said a bunch of homophobic coded things. No, I didn't. And I'm an ally, so I do pick up on stuff like that.

Drew, come back. Drew. I'm not begging. I don't give a fuck. I'll keep going. Drew, please come back. Ew, ew, ew, ew. Stop. Drew, please. You ew ew ew stop you look gross

like you're scaring me drew bro what the fuck is this he's fall girl now no i took my wig off and this is what i dyed wait when did you get your hair done like today when did you get your hair i got it done today y'all it was under the wig i wanted to do like a reveal like reveal reveal yeah like a wig under a wig yeah guys i took my hair off i just wanted to say i wasn't here for the last halloween episode it is such an honor to be here for this one the eve before your c-section your your poop. You're hitting your word max. I am. Every word is 50 cents and it adds up quick. So think about it.

Kai, I just wanted to ask you a question. Can you give me a 40 word dissertation on why I'm so hot? 400 words. The thing about the way that Drew is so beautiful and his body goes crazy. I love his hourglass figure. I like the way that when he runs, I can hear his nuts slap against his ass.

Ew! No, I can make him clap with my balls. Like, girls make it clap with their ass. I make it clap with my balls for real. My dick and balls.

Can you actually make it clap with your ass? Yes, I can. Can you clap those cheeks? Actually, he can. Maybe you show me. me or us i think when i turn 26 i'm gonna get a bbl by the way so y'all stay tuned for that but i'll only have it for like a month and then i'll get rid of it i was trying to come up with a joke you're gonna have it for a month and then get it sucked out yeah you, you can do that, right? I unironically... Oh, what'd you say?

Drew said... No, that was important. He's fine. He's fine. No, he's not. Look at him. He says that stuff all the time. He looks fucked up.

What did he say? He said he's going to kill himself. You know him. He says that all the time. Bro, he has no fucking commitment. Yeah, he has commitment issues over here. You don't fucking commit. You guys are not being empathetic. I says that all the time. He has no fucking commitment. Yeah, he has commitment issues over here. No fucking commitment. You guys are not being empathetic.

No fucking commitment issues. No one hates me more than I hate myself. True. I think I'm going to start using my phone like this. Like, you know how old people hold it from the bottom and they just like use their finger to like navigate around the screen. I'm going to just start fingering myself

on the podcast. Yeah, just like... Jinx, you owe me soda. Jinx, you me soda jinks you owe me coke you can talk you owe me bottom tonight i'm not doing that why not no it had not been guys should we tell ooky spooky scary stories dude i was trying to think and like i don't know if i have scary stories that i have one that i've been withholding for the last 12 years for this moment what is that i was a home alone oh actually i was in bed with my father and my mother wait really i am hating this wig on you i'm like so confused no no no when i was about 14 years old i was home alone okay macaulay culkin

drew i mean you gotta you gotta continue like you're actually starting to freak me out like it's really scaring me. Because also when you move around like that, I can't see your face and I'm just looking at a blonde head of hair. Do you actually have a fucking story? I don't think he does. I have a scary story. Tell it. So I've been thinking a lot and I feel like I'm not straight.

I'm actually a bisexual person. Cool. It's 2024. That doesn't mean shit, bro. You doesn't mean the worst one like that's what you're gonna be because it's like scary just come in like bro you're either straight or gay exactly hi i love you for that oh thank you i love i'm a bisexual but i'm only hooking up with girls. Oh. That doesn't make sense. Kai's a side with women. Yeah. We discussed this. He's the first straight side. Yeah, Harvey Milk would be so proud of me.

Who the fuck is that? Who's Harvey Milk? Are y'all fucking kidding me? More homophobia. Who is Harvey Milk? This is actually crazy. Who is Harvey Milk? Y'all don't know.

You don't know who Harvey Milk is? The Harvey Milk stuff is a fake name. Drew, Drew. I know who Harvey Milk is. Oh, okay. What did he do? Josie, this makes. Oh, okay. What did he do? This makes this kind of stupid. What did he do?

He was a politician who risked his life for LGBTQ. He went crazy in San Francisco. I'm glad that Harvey Milk existed because he paved the way, but I don't know who he is. I mean, that's just a fact. Yeah, thank you for everything you've done r.i.p i'm guessing he's dead for drew's kind that makes me really happy what you've done for drew's kind um and i'm happy i get to witness it now yeah i guess hi now yeah i mean nope

oh my god back with the crying why are you crying why are you crying okay like why are you crying he's dramatic he's in pain no he's withdrawn he needs vodka he just needs a little bit of vodka and he goes dude i have a bunch i brought a bunch i brought my uh car vodka into your little bottle of car vodka yeah keeping the car that you drink yeah your little bottle your little baby bottle yeah do y'all think if I went out this Halloween and went to a party and like hit like two people I knew that

if the next day I was like, oh my God, I like was going through psychosis. I didn't know who anybody was because everyone was in costumes. Do you think I could like do that? You would get away with it. Yes.

Because you have pretty privilege and you can get away with anything. All of you do. Stop flirting with me. I'm not flirting. I'm not flirting. That was a platonic compliment. Well, is more like i have a good wink no um oh jose does that piss you off watching that no i just worry for drew what are you worried about

he's scared of you i can hear you when you whisper i'm scared um okay well should i go into my little facts about tv remotes 25 years ago bro fuck all right i'll get into them y'all so you know you know why some people on the west coast are like oh that's a clicker like a remote a remote to me is a remote a clicker is a remote to them it's like oh that's a clicker like a remote a remote to me is a remote a clicker is a remote to them it's a clicker saying remote i said remote remote i think josh is the only person we've ever met who actually does that some people call it a clicker yeah really like give me the clicker and i was like the switch oh they say oh can you pass me the switch and i'm like my nintendo switch the fuck are you talking about and they also call the atm the teller maybe they call it what the fuck the

verse wait i genuinely think josh's family has like time traveled because they're it's a weird they're really weird they're weird for that the teller yo that's what atm stands i did not get to tell my tv remote shit and you interrupted me automatically this is really important the facts of life you are serving so we're just like it's called it is called a clicker right and i was always like why do people call it a fucking clicker well 25 years ago remotes literally changed the channel the volume turned on and off by making a high-pitched frequency that was inaudible to human ears that was a loud clicking sound so it would turn the tv on and off but they discontinued it because people would open a soda in the other room or like turn on the faucet and it would change the channel and turn the tv off and then at night when the wind was blowing and like a tree branch would scratch against the window, it would turn on the TV.

Wig list. The ghost took my wig because I was going to get into the spooky story about poltergeist. People, there's TVs would turn on because the trees would scratch against the window. I just got my fucking phone fixed. I swear to God. Drew needs a fucking phone case. I swear to God. It's broken. Drew needs a fucking phone case. Get a phone case. I have AppleCare,

which Donald Trump is promising to take away. That's why you need to vote for Kamala Harris. And Tim Walz has been putting tampons in the person's bathroom. I don't know if that's why you need to do it. Like, there's a lot of better reasons to do it. But if you are, for some reason, an idiot and you haven't decided, I hope AppleCare can at least push you.

We didn't talk about the Pharaoh at all. You made that up. What's fucked up is he's fucking insane and i believe that like the clicker thing no no apple care i literally believed i heard you say in the room earlier and you were repeating it i was like damn he really is trying to take a like apple care away from us the clicker he's trying to take apple care he really left us so interesting wasn't that fascinating i was like enraptured no no listen and people would think the TV would turn on automatically, so they thought their houses were haunted by poltergeists, and so that's why they discontinued them,

because people were like stopping buying TVs. That's why they saved so much money. That's why Samsung lost a lot of money. Samsung is the biggest company in Korea, fun fact. I knew that actually so the the what we didn't talk about was the pharaoh and the captain and hulu and this is josiah's scary story this is my scariest story get into it i was okay paint you the picture it's 2010 i was like 20 at the time um so we were on at the startup of hulu you know hulu the streaming

service yeah yeah we were at the startup of hulu it was me well i created it all the codes for everything someone comes along his name is jason but he calls himself the pharaoh you know um and everyone in the industry is like oh the pharaoh like he's so prestige you know he's so he you know he's great um he ended up getting me onto the ship and it's not funny bro we bought i'm sorry i'm not i'm not laughing at your drama i'm laughing because like that's my way of connecting to people well okay well it was a wooden ship it was made out of wood and it was green and it was green and it floated and the pharaoh chased me around that ship for years until eventually he ousted me from the company he caught you and put you in the hold of the ship and trapped you

down there oh yes i was in the brig for quite a while but also finally he ousted me from hulu i have no ties to it no stock options my options diluted down to zero but remember what you always say that tiktok ostracized me from my family and also that tim walls is putting tampons in the boys bathroom so there's a hope that maybe i'll get my access back to hulu i'm driving a fucking honda civic for god's sake the rats are eating the wires my life is a fucking cartoon bro okay they're eating the fucking wires why don't you fucking eat the rat since you're cat girl oh yeah i wasn't cat girl at the time but what i'm gonna say work blurring that out my tailbone damn cats have it hard but what i'm

gonna really say is what i'm telling you right now is that the this is true it looks like a brain kai you don't know this the rats i parked my car at drew and enya's for a week which says a lot about this street oh okay don't talk about our street like that but i hear people yelling at each other every night at 1 a.m. I would live here. I would live here. I think what it was is I parked it by that abandoned house that burnt down. And I think there's rats in there. And they got up into my car.

Oh, my God, bro. You're a man spreader. No, I'm actually very compact right now. Okay, let him talk about his trauma. Bro. You laughed about the shit. I'm uncomfortable. You laughed about the pharaoh.

You laughed about him being ousted by the pharaoh. And ostracized from my family. He was ousted by the pharaoh. Like, let him talk about that. All you care about is his giant pussy. You care about his giant pussy. His botched tuck is freaking me out. Okay, just keep going. I'm so sorry. Just keep going. That'm so sorry just that was i was really i shouldn't have said that ignoring is someone gonna hit me for what i said but really

just the rats crawled up into my car and ate all the wires and caused five thousand dollars worth of damage and i was like did you hear that the rat how much five thousand dollars the rats crawled up and like bit all the wiring so his car just wasn't working which i'm like why like why they cannot eat it why are you biting through it like why are you pressing with me because yeah cat like i really don't understand because my life is like a fucking cartoon bro like the last few months my life it's not even a joke at this point it's been like there's a lot of good things that i'm grateful for my family is alive i have lovely people in my life but like there's a lot that's like cartoonish god is messing with me for real well the good news is or i guess it's bad news

for you but we are not loving people in your life because we've actually been secretly poisoning you and that's why your stomach hurts yes you know i thought my my girlfriend i really two months into this whole stomach debacle i looked at her when we were like sitting outside and i was like are you poisoning and i genuinely i was losing it yeah i like phantom thread because she loves that movie and i bought her the book from that movie the poisonous mushroom book yeah like that tells you which one she went into the woods and scrounged around think about what was going on with me like a month and a half ago two months ago i was losing it it was dark stuff happened in my family and stuff and i really genuinely looked at her and i was like

like are you poisoning me like i really i mean well i really can't even blame you because the first half of this year was so bad for me um that i genuinely i genuinely believed i had either a hex put on me i thought i was genuinely i didn't grow up catholic but i somehow had intense catholic guilt that's none of your business. But I genuinely was going down. I was going down a rabbit hole that I was like last year. I was committing sins that are like I'm repenting.

Like I literally I genuinely for a day in my life. Thankfully, it only lasted a day. But my like I had four awful things happen within the span of two weeks. And I just sat upstate with orion because i was on a brand trip when one of these things happened and i was sitting outside looking around and i was like okay like god is like actually attacking me like he's just attacking me before

i die and that means i'm gonna die soon um and now i'm on medication the feeling hasn't gone away but and here you are for the most part it has though yeah you don't you don't complain about it as much you look really beautiful your eyelashes look really good thank you they're fake are they really really i put two fake ones at the end damn they look good they look good as well i could have like a mini mouse cuntiness can i hit now could have fooled me uh yeah you don't even have to give me a compliment i'm actually like really easy going and like nobody has to treat me right now i'll just like i, I don't want that shit anymore. It's ran through. Oh, okay. It's ran through.

Are you talking about the kitty? Don't talk about the kitty. Oh my God. Thank you. You're not calling it tuna box. It's not the tuna box anymore, baby. She had it cleaned out. She had it flushed out.

Yeah. You, you know, the videos when somebody goes so far down a drain that the snake comes out the other end of another apartment? That's what they did to me. That happened to us. They did a snake through Enya's whole body. And it came out my mouth and sloshed around a bunch of fish.

Dude, that's literally what happened with my colonoscopy. They were like both ends. I need the footage. Was there a camera in there? Yes, I have all the pictures. You guys want the pictures? I can get the pictures. Wait, do you actually have footage of it? I't have footage i wish i have photos we can insert it

my terminal ilium the cobblestoning it'll go on patreon guys it'll go on patreon cobblestoning it's too much to explain it's not fun y'all are like literally the reason y'all feel sick is because you have iphones like it's that damn phone. I'm not even kidding. It's definitely a big part of it. It's because y'all can, I've realized I am in a group of friends who are all extreme hypochondriacs. And it literally, every time I walk past the room, it's like, and I know, and I like, I think I need to go to the hospital. It's literally like every waking moment is like somebody being like, I think I need to

go to the hospital. No, you should. I'll take you. Do you want to go? And and like it's literally the first time in my life i have not been taking my health serious i know and it actually is where it has been very valid reason to go and it has been begging me to go to the hospital and i just i think i'm gonna perforate my colon on purpose and i'm gonna lose an arm because i go i go septic no no okay because this this is a dark uh no i shouldn't say i'm gonna go septic don't yeah we don't want to see you guys these

are bad thoughts um coming out in different ways and you're not taking your health seriously i'd rather lose a leg a projection of something you're feeling mentally because you haven't been feeling good mentally so now you are not taking your health seriously exactly no i want to die i know that's why you need to go to hospital when it finally comes out you're gonna have to get a husband stitch but i will say i am genuinely so jealous of the relief you're gonna feel when it's gone like y'all i went to the gym i went to the gym we don't have a scale in our house i think there should be illegal in homes but we have a scale at the house i think there should be illegal in homes but we have a scale at the gym and i've been trying to gain weight i've been trying to gain

fucking weight and i stepped on the scale and i was like hey i'm like putting on muscle like crazy bitch i hadn't shit for 14 days at the time and i had 12 pounds of shit wait when we went the other day did you well yes there's no way it's no no it legitimately is every time we're like at the gym randomly like when we're leaving when drew has like finally started to gain weight he'll update me on like if he is gaining weight and i hover around 138 to 144 on like a really good day and like when i'm 144 i'm like fuck yeah i'm like i'm gaining weight this is t bitch i weighed 152 like actually yeah that's 12 pounds of poop 12 pounds of wing stop babe i did shit out i did shit out a tender worth of turds out of my butt as a chicken tender and i was like oh that's like a pretty good amount of poo to come out and he said no. Total. That's the

total. He described the measurement unit as a chicken tender. It's like the volume of it like they come out as little marbles. Like a wing stop chicken tender or like a Chick-fil-A chicken tender? A wing stop. Okay. That's better. Yeah. But like no like a dinky one. Not

like a big girthy one like like when they accidentally throw it and you're like oh my god they were being nice yeah tiniest tender or it's like they give you a giant second tender and then a tiny third tender but like bitch uh it's it's really over for me but the pain has stopped over here but it's still going on up here. Yeah, I guess I'm taking you off tomorrow. I have toxic megacolon. I've been claiming that I have toxic megacolon. Dude, toxic megacolon is the best title for a disease or condition they've ever come up with.

It's literally when your colon gets so big. Toxic megacolon. Toxic melatonin. No, toxomelatonin. Could you put this off? Well, I can't say it's so fucking iconic your colon gets so fucking big that it like can't go back down and then the shit just falls out of your body um well a reason why i've been thinking my hex is back to being activated

is because i've been getting really embarrassed um at the gym recently and uh one of the things that happened is i was leaving the shower and i when i leave the shower i literally just leave it butt naked nasty because i'm like i'm just gonna go to my locker and put my clothes on well when i was walking out um my bag girls see each other naked yeah we play and stuff okay i was gonna ask that and we don't have a sauna room we have like a slip and slide and we all push each other around with your boobs out damn we only push by the boobs um when i was leaving the shower the other day i have this like drunk elephant zip bag that i got in pr once that's kind of like a little briefcase with a zip and I didn't zip it all the way. And I walked out into the hallway and everything I have like 40 random

pieces of shit in that fucking bag. Everything dropped on the floor, exploded and shot across and around the locker room. So I had to embarrassingly run and grab a towel and half like cover myself to try and pick everything up. And then a girl came and started to help me because she felt bad for me. And because was carrying everything my towel kept falling so this girl basically just watched me scrounge around the floor naked and grabbing things and i kept being like sorry sorry sorry sorry so sorry i'm so sorry like you don't have to help and we had a back and forth like that for three minutes straight and i don't believe in apology so sad and then when we were walking to our car i saw her again so she saw me also it was right when i was telling drew what happened and i

think she heard me so that was embarrassing i think women apologize too much straight up kaya i'm with you on that oh i'm with you on that too yeah weirdly me and Drew also agree. I feel like cats should also be able to vote. No, not just dogs. Cats are very conservative. My disdain for men has gone to a different level. That's scaring me. Dogs are liberal. Cats are conservative.

That is not true. I feel like cats are liberal. Azul is a Republican. Azul is Democrat. Azul is a liberal goddess. Azul voted early by the ballot. I would go so far as to say Azul is democrat azul is a liberal goddess azul voted early by i would i would go so far also i said early by ballot she did vote in i would say azul is a libertarian honestly yeah azul has blue eyes and white fur that is an aryan cat she has some orange tips hello that is blonde hair oh

yeah you have a republican cat your hair guys i swear you know what's the worst part is i'm being so defensive because i know azul is conservative like i know that's a conservative cat but i had a question um uh your mama no no no how would you get away with murder how would i get away with murder if you were gonna kill someone and kill myself no just that's literally the easiest way no no that doesn't count you get away with it how would you kill somebody how would you do it just we can you say it really quick and how would you get away with it um okay well i know the method that i would dig a hole that is 12 feet deep down vertically that only the body can fit into but it's going down but i can't smell it this so the surface area is super small and then put a dead animal carcass on the

top of it so when the dogs hit the scent they see they dig it up and they see an animal carcass and they're like oh this fucking phony ass dog god damn it what the dog what the dog lose its job yes let the dog you're gonna get the dog fired like you already killed someone and now you're gonna get the dog i don't give a fuck about give dogs unemployment i don't give a fuck about police dogs exactly and yeah how would you do it i guess where do we stand on like police dogs guys seriously because we're like pro dogs but where do we stand with them i don't give a fuck about police dogs i feel bad for them i genuinely feel like police dogs are abused well most of the time they're german shepherds so that means they're also

German. I mean, I don't want to say it but like I'm saying it. And yeah, how would you kill somebody? Bitch, I wouldn't kill anybody because I'm an angel. I'm not about to say publicly

because what if I do kill someone? Now they're just going to have to... Also, I would just bury the bodies in Central Park next to the big rock. No, I actually... I'm not kidding. I think i genuinely would be the last person to get away with murder i can't keep a secret or something that i've done in me to save my life i have i have admitted to everything i have ever done or pre-told someone that i'm going to do something i quite literally

can't shut the fuck up like written all over your face I literally, and I feel like I'm a bad liar. Inya wears her heart on her sleeve. So if the police came up to me and they were like, you killed her, I'd be like. I just came up with that. Y'all, did you hear that? Huh?

Wear your heart on your sleeve. You didn't come up with that. Yeah, that's not me. Inya wears her heart on her sleeve. I actually never have sleeves, so how would I wear it on my sleeve? That was really good. Thank you, guys.

Well, when it's hot, how am I going to wear it on my sleeve? Where's it going just how would you kill someone i would kill somebody by really just the vacuum big vacuum death by vacuum or i'd put them in the freezer or something i really don't know i kind of what i was curious to hear y'all's i was like i feel like mine kind of ate no yeah no yours yours ate in a way that i really don i was like i feel like mine kind of ate no yeah no yours yours ate in a way that i really don't like like i feel like you know something or you've done something well no

you just have to think about it because you got to be prepared also the blood stains in the car can't forget about those blood stains in the car what are you talking what are you like you're saying that's always what gets someone caught y'all i if you want to know where my mental health's been i've been back to watching a lot of murder stuff so yeah it's iconic tell you where i'm at because there was a good run where i wasn't watching any of that then that is a good that is a great way to tell where our mental health is no because i was gonna say when i was getting a little better i was actually oh my god no it does it does say a lot because literally right when i started taking my medicine i stopped watching murder stuff but a little before that right right drew say up just i sing it but like how does it go just any way you want just a little more

a little more like how that girl does it yeah exactly that's how he sounds I'm touching it he keeps like patting it and the sound reads I only have three y'all oh okay

the worst part about covid is those damn qr menus worse than all those people that died my i'm allowed to my grandpa and technically my grandma both died of covid and your bug yeah bitch no my you killed my bug no i gave your bug covet she sprayed it with never i fucking ate it dude i have this such a good picture of drew with the bug i don't know if you guys have seen it but it's really good we'll insert it we'll insert it we'll insert it right now we'll insert it uber drivers just drew with the bug for halloween oh my uber driver just said he's his own boss no one controls him bitch make a left right now so in a polyamorous relationship who sits in the back

seat that actually is fucked up i'm not sitting in the fucking backseat. Drew, you love sitting in the backseat. You love sitting in the backseat. That is true. I know for a fact that you rotate. You rotate in a polyamorous. I know that. Also, did I tell y'all that my Uber driver, I told you guys that my Uber driver was trying to kill me the other night.

Yeah. Yes, I was Ubering to LA because my car was getting fucking chewed up by rats. But no, he was also maybe schizoaffective. Yeah, he was trying to kill he was telling me talking about how because he was like um i live in la and i was like oh is this like your last drive of the night then and he was like no i got like 12 more hours and i was like on a night shift and he was like no i've been working since like 9 10 a.m and i was like and he and i didn't even ask and he was just like yeah i try to work like 24 32 hour shifts and i was like and he and i didn't even ask and he was just like yeah i try to work like 24 32

hour shifts and i was like oh driving that's like the last job you should be doing for that long in a row they make pilots do that shit and that's why so many planes go down it's always because of pilot error and that's why a lot of pilots because they don't spend money on their and yeah that's how airlines save money because they don't hire editors for their basically this motherfucker was telling me i was like do you have insomnia he was like yeah he was like i don't hire editors for their videos. Basically, this motherfucker was telling me, I was like, do you have insomnia? He was like, yeah. He was like, I don't know. He was like, I'm just like super paranoid.

And then started going on this whole long tangent about how like he was like pointing at the lights outside the window. He was like, have you noticed these lights have been off lately in LA? And like kept looking back. That's me. I was like, dude, you are crazy.

Like, let me out of this car. And this was the last 10 minutes he started talking like this. And I was like, so this is why you've been trying to kill me. And then it made sense why he kept checking the mirror like every five seconds. There was nobody there. There was no car there. So he just thought he was being followed?

I don't know. He said it himself. He's paranoid. I mean, I gave him five stars. I tipped him. I mean, I can relate a little bit. I thought that headlights were speaking to me you did for a while yeah i really i thought that the left headlight being out was a sign

of cars for like and he kept saying it in the car with me to be like i feel like i'm gonna die like probably by an accident or something and i was like i'm literally driving the car so that means we would both die um so i think like really what it was like i'll tell you exactly what it was when i would see a headlight out that side of the car hit my side of the car and killed me in a past life that's what was scaring me and i was just waiting for it to life I'm gonna start it something inside me again I love you Drew bye y'all dude I literally can't wait till Drew's 50

I know it's gonna be so good alright well thank you guys for watching I also have media so don't forget about me guys good news is it's 11 40 fucking p.m no it's not yes it is okay my media i'll get it over quick the substance seen it twice gonna see it again in theaters love it i'm sure you guys have already been talking about it um still i mean i just re-listened to that claire album when we were

on the way back from big sir and since then i've been on the kick of it again it's a really good album it is amazing um and greer's new album that's coming out greer's coming out with the new album soon within the month you'll have something that's all they get that's all that's all they get something i'm featured mine is ladies and gentlemen we are floating in Space by Spiritualized. Can't believe I got to see them perform in person. That's crazy. Oh. Oh.

I can't do that song because they're a bad person. In God's Childlike Hands, Lauren Alder, Pluto bjork everyone knows n-e-r-d and re-watching nurse jackie again yes boom oh um mine is oh healing todd rungren sorry i stole that from you good uh please read me by the Bee Gees. I've Got to See You Tonight, Timmy Thomas. You Make Me Feel Brand New. The Stylistics, because that's just a classic. And I rewatched

Edward Scissorhands and I think his hands were unnecessary. That's it. Also, The Blood was not tea in that movie. The Blood was ridiculous. It was ridiculous but that's a goaded movie it was redonkulous it's a great movie though oh my guys and my media is i've been seeing these like really cool videos on tiktok i think they're called edits where i'm like the subject of them and it like flips around and it does like all these cool like motion graphics

types type things and i'm anyway i think they're really cool i would love to see more i would love to see more of those more edits please yeah i'm just giving them content so instead of making edits of you they can make edits of us okay well guys i like it when you do like the slow motion thing where it's fast and then it's slow and i'm kind of like taking off my jacket or something i actually don't even know if there's a video of that but yeah so just keep making those Bye.