Emergency Intercom - Halloween Spooky Ookie Special feat Josiah

Episode Date: October 21, 2022

Drew watched 3 people d*e in a week, had his childhood home invaded, and was swatted all in the same month. Josiah inquires about big p*ss and Enya has an axe. “Go to HelloFresh.com/emergency65 and use code emergency65 for 65% off plus free shipping!” This podcast is sponsored by Better Help. When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/intercom today to get 10% off your first month. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. All right, well, I'm literally just gonna, oh, cool, I forgot my fucking, help me start the thing of my day.

Awesome, I love that. Well, we were supposed to start like hours ago but uh drew is still in his fucking room he's just sitting in his room and i told him for the past two weeks i was like hey we're not gonna be dropping an episode on halloween have your costume have your costume and he kept being like i have it i have it i have it didn't tell me what his costume was not once and he's just sitting in his fucking room and i'm just sitting here waiting for him to come out so we can start the episode but i guess it's just gonna be me on this episode because he's oh what is that what what do you have in there i'm on hard oh you're you're just gonna stay

hard the whole episode oh my god harry style hi love it's me harry i'm so excited to have you here it's me harry shouldn't you be at the kia forum right now i don't know what that is love you don't know one of the 10 shows you know oh i like that that you're humble thank you love well welcome to this episode of um emergency intercom i guess i'm just gonna sit here with this the whole time just because i feel like it like you know it does the job are you talking that fucking accent the whole no oh and i bet you're wondering okay what is that little pink thing in that microphone that's just sticking up well we have a very special guest very special any guesses guest she's loved she's loved amongst all she she's the it girl she brings oh oh oh my god me and joker broke up oh

you know what's awesome is because it's zoomed in you can barely your ass looks crazy i know in these scenes i saw it earlier i was like gonna give him a compliment but i was like i don't know it literally looks really fucking good. Not your post-breakout with Joker glow up. I know. You're glowing. Sis, snap.

Me and Joker broke up. These are the three besties who are like, we need a reality show. We need a podcast. We need to be, if only someone

was filming this. Me and God, Harry Styles, and Harley Quinn. Guess who? Charlie Quinn. Charlie Poof. podcast we need to be if only someone was filming this harry styles and harley quinn guess who charlie quinn oh charlie poof good night puddin well all right well that's the end of the episode um we decided to have josiah back because he's a hit oh do not turn that fucking head in that way you're about to be exposed yeah do you want to do you want to back up so we can look you in your Messiah back because he's a hit. Oh do not turn that fucking head in that way bitch. Oh yeah yeah.

You're about to be exposed. Yeah do you wanna back up so we can look you in your eyes? It took a while to get this together. It took so long. Wait the ensemble. The ensemble. Wait what is it? The hats, the shoes. It was the hair, the shoes.

Queen of a new generation. I don't know the lyrics. I'm an icon, baby. An institution. Okay, so Josie has been here for days on end. Like literally days. Weeks. And he's still staying. He's got a couple more days in him.

Yeah, but we do this thing where we have like a squad sleepover, which I feel like we've like talked about before. But we have sleepovers where the whole squad gets together. And while we were watching our like usual, like YouTube. Our usual programming. Yeah, our usual. Regular scheduled programming. I'm talking to the back of your wig.

And it looks awful. Like, I need to take a picture. You look gorgeous, though, I will say. You look very pretty. I saw myself in the mirror, and I was like, whoa, I look unrecognizable. Like, okay. I look like. You're having a flashback there. I look like.

The back of your head is ridiculous, ma'am. Wow wow um also this is like a real axe um because it was so against it but i was like no you need an axe for the outfit you have to get an axe and i was like axes come dulled and i was lying yeah he fully lied to my fucking face he was like axes come fully dulled and i believed him um but basically was just, the videos we were watching, you had something on your ear. Like, it's literally like a fucking big speck of dirt. No, that's just dust because he hasn't showered in four days. I showered this morning, and I used your towel. You know that.

Yeah. You let him use your nice towel? Yeah. I know. I was so surprised. I was like, are you sure? I was like, are you sure you want me to use that? And I know you rubbed that hole.

Oh, no, I did not. Yeah, you better have. Did you let you want me to use that? And I know you rubbed that hole. Oh, no, I did not. Yeah, you better have. You let your hole air dry? Hmm? Wait, what hole? Which hole? Your what hole? What other hole?

Oh, no, I usually, no, I'll use the towel or I'll use a blow dryer. Oh, yeah, you spread and spray? No, actually, usually it grosses me the fuck out to use a towel so i usually use like i'll just grab toilet paper but you should be washing your ass well enough that the towel going on your fucking butt doesn't matter even no way after a shower no matter wipe your ass with no matter how you're done no matter how long i wash it it's still to me i'm like no it's gonna have to be toilet paper because i matter how long I wash it, it's still to me, I'm like, no. It's going to have to be toilet paper because

I could end up using it on my face. I can't do it. That's why there's three towels in a set. I don't use... I have one towel set. I don't have sets of things. Yeah, I don't use a separate face towel. In my head, my germophobia stops at me.

Anything I touch and mess with is clean. Like your farts. separate face towel like in my head like my germophobia stops at me like anything i touch and like mess with like is clean like your fart i don't know why i said that like i literally wipe my ass with my towel and then wipe my face you also like have not been using your towels do you use your towels the new ones you got the rest of that i just keep them go for it babes and then everybody gets like the most uncomfortable i'm is actually, like, the most uncomfortable. I'm in a very uncomfortable position. My legs are shaking. I'm so comfortable. Like, look at my legs right now. You could take the shoes off. They're not in frame.

My chair isn't turned properly. Because then it's not going to feel right. That's why I've been wearing these heels for, like, five hours. Josie has been mapping out things for the past four hours. And also, let me tell you. Isn't it crazy? I could literally murder both of you. Okay. But what were you going to say?

No. Oh. I was going to say heels hurt. Pretty hurts. Hunger hurts. And I want them. No, no, no. Do you know the Fiona?

Someone needs to make an edit of Harley to that. Someone needs to make a Fiona Apple McDonald's meal. And it's two Big Macs, two large C two large fries and you know why because hunger hurts mic drop bitch you ate like mcdonald's old what the fuck are you saying like you know when people are like oh sis you ate like josiah ate like mcdonald's what does that mean it's just me being very classist explaining your joke and the joke is like oh i'm just like i hate poor people that's like kind of the like the butt of the joke yeah thumbnail i just gave you guys a thumbnail you probably blocked both of us so that's not the thumbnail. But okay, should we just get into this episode?

Yeah, let's really start. My legs look crazy. So yesterday, I asked Inya and Josiah to write down some spooky ooky stories from childhood. And guess what? I don't have any that I can legally say. And neither of you bitches wrote them down. I know. I was thinking about it today.

I was like, oh, what's a scary story? But I think I've told them all. And then like other ones that are scary are like traumatizing scary. Yeah. The only one I wrote down was, and I read it to you and you like, I don't know. Did you register me reading? I said, okay, stinky dog food story. Yeah.

I don't know what. I was like, it's gotta be something. No, it's nothing. I like came up with, I don't have any spooky stories. Like, okay, well I'll give you one and then y'all kind of bounce off of it. You have a really good one, and then maybe it'll jog my memory. Okay, so I have two really good ones, or three, kind of. Or four.

Oh, okay. I got a bunch of good ones. Damn. Yeah, you know, I had a very terrifying childhood. So should I start out with me seeing three people die in a week as like a 10, 11, 12-year-old? I can't remember what age I was. The home invasion story from back home, the cat killer or us getting swatted.

The home invasion is the best one. The cat killer. So it's a long story and I'll try to be as brief as possible. So y'all can get some fucking words in because I don't want to consume this entire episode. But like back in Texas, my like neighborhood was like an up-and-coming neighborhood so like the lot next door to mine was like completely empty it was like woods forever

i feel like i've told this story before on the podcast i don't think so because when you mentioned saying it i was like is our cut supposed to scar like that? Our what? Hmm? Look at that cut that scarred. Doesn't that look? It's, like, purple. Okay, so my neighborhood, the lot next door to my home was empty for so long because it was, like, an impossible lot to build on. No one wanted to, like, take the feet on because it was, like, a lot of dirt moving and that's really fucking expensive, apparently. But, like, eventually, like, after living in the house for like 10 or 12 years

they decided to like someone some family decided to build on it so there was like a construction um lot next door to my house for like years because it was a really big project yeah um and i remember like playing in their like wooden house and shit it was really cute um but uh my like with a construction site so close to your home, there's, my parents obviously got close to some of like the construction workers on the site because like they would like- They see them like every day.

Yeah, they see them every day. My dad would like bring them meals and stuff every once in a while and like bring them water or whatever. I'm fixing it. But, so my dad basically met everybody on the lot. Same with my mom. And then one day, this random guy that my dad and mom had never met. I went to your construction site and nobody knew who you were.

Bitch. Whoa. What was that reaction? Girl, I don't know. I really don't know. Like that was the definition of I'm in the middle of a story and someone just said something. Let me come up with something quick. Bitch.

Yeah. So. Okay. So this random ass dude came over to my house and was like really, really frantic. And he was like, I don't know what to do. Like the helicopter just came. Like someone chopped off their arm with a buzzsaw in the backyard. Like I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm freaking like can you help me like i'm freaking out like someone cut their arm off with a buzzsaw in the backyard and my dad was like one

who are you two my wife was home all day she would have fucking heard a helicopter land where the fuck is gonna a helicopter gonna land you've seen my house like a helicopter is not gonna land anywhere around there um but my dad was like okay I mean I guess you can like hang out here for a little bit and then like my dad like brought him a beer because he was really frantic and freaking the out and he just chilled in the backyard whatever they like hung out for a little bit no problem um no problems then my dad just kind of believed it and was like, okay, whatever. And then like every once in a while this dude, since it was like a very long project, this dude would come to like our house every once in a while to just like hang out. And my dad and him became like really close.

And like it was like my parents were so comfortable around him that like me and my sister would like go swimming with him in our pool. And like we would hang out with him. Like we met him. Like we were really friendly with him. He was really friendly with were really friendly with him he was really friendly with us it was like he was like a really nice guy i remember it was like really just like a chill situation all around and like some time passes like uh the relationship develops a little bit more and like whatever like uh like we invite him over for dinner and shit and it's's just like, it's a nice person to have around.

Like when he's like working all day, like we let him come over, like hang out, like just like have dinner with our family. And then he randomly like disappears, like in thin air. Like he stops coming around. We have no idea where the fuck he went, like for weeks and weeks and weeks. And my dad was like where the did this guy go like did he get fired or what and like he's gotten close to our family so we were like oh like um my dad was like oh let me go ask like the construction yard if

they know like where bob white went because he went by the name bob white and they went over which is also like false name number one just wait it's just wait it gets where he got the name is fucking crazy but basically he my dad went over and was like yo where's like bob white like uh he was like really friendly i'm just curious i'm just wondering if he's okay like kind of miss him around here he's like a nice person to have around and they were like a bob white like who the fuck is that um we've never met a bob white in our entire life like let alone working on our fucking um like our site our site like yeah of course like no we don't know where

the fuck he went my dad was like huh that's weird i wonder if like they just forgot about him or something but like it was a small crew very weird first um encounter whatever whatever, whatever, whatever. Well, then, like, a couple weeks passed, and, like, my parents are just, like, noticing, like, weird things around the house. Like, like, we'll go, like, they'll get home from, I'm getting, like, full body chills. Like, we'll get home from, like, work, and, like, or my dad will get home from work, like, it's really late at night, and, like, the refrigerator in the garage will be, like, wide open, and my dad, like, would yell at me and my sister for, like, getting sodas and not opening, and like the refrigerator in the garage will be like wide open and my dad like would yell at me and my sister for like getting sodas and not opening or shutting the refrigerator and like just like random cabinets in our house would be wide open in the middle of the night

like random cabinets in our garage would be open in the middle of the night like just weird shit like that yeah um and like my dad would yell at me and mal and be like yo what the fuck like why is all this shit happening and then it like escalated and like shit dad would yell at me and be like yo what the fuck like why is all this shit happening and then it like escalated and like shit in our kitchen would be open and like it was just like weird little things like that like things like out of place like put into different places and my dad was just like kind of freaked out but like also didn't think about it much because he thought it was us like whatever um and then like there would be like weird like i don't know just like just shit's out of place like yeah um and then like i don't know how to transition this into the climax of the story

without like giving it all away so i'm just gonna like kind of go all in and like word vomit but But like basically like my dad is asleep one night or goes to sleep one night, hears some sounds, doesn't think anything of it like outside because he had like a door connecting to the backyard. Yeah. And he like hears some sounds out there. He thought like maybe it was some animals, but like we're in like a suburban neighborhood. Like we don't get like big ass animals.

And he was like, it was like a big sound. My mom heard it too. She was like, what the fuck was that? Like that was a big fucking sound, whatever. My dad and mom go to sleep that night and they wake up the next morning. Like nothing happened. Like they're just like going about their day, like whatever. And then like my dad normally is like getting ready for work by now, but he's like feeling

really sick and under the weather. Like he's not feeling really well. so he's like decides to stay home and my mom like every morning goes into her bathroom and like takes a bath and me and madeline had like already been like um dropped off at school so we're like out of the house my dad stays home from work he's already normally gone by now and um they're just like enjoying their morning as they normally would like with my dad home from work and my dad literally in like my entire life i have never seen him miss a day of work i've never seen him sleep in once for a day of work i've never seen him miss a day of work just like a very very rare like thing to happen and uh my dad like just

chugs some nyquil and like tries to go back to sleep because he's like sick he like doesn't feel very well he actually was the first person with covid which yeah exactly yeah yeah it was really dangerous wait actually yeah he was patient zero there was nothing that could be done about it because this was when you were a kid that's what we're saying yeah like he got it and like cured himself. And like everybody else just like didn't get it. Enough from the penis gallery. And that's why vaccines aren't real. It's enough from the penis gallery. Okay, no, wait.

Two thing. It's the peanut factory. Oh, no, work. The peanut factory for me. Enough from the peanut factory. It's enough from the peanut factory. What did you say about the vaccine? That they're very real and very potent and everybody should get one.

They're potent. Wait, why did I get the potent batch? why did i get the potent batch i got the potent batch of visor okay get keep going um so my dad's like knocked the fuck out in bed my mom is in the bathtub and she gets like a call from a friend on her cell phone and she's like yo like uh there's like this random man like standing outside of your bathroom window like looking in and it was like our one of our friends and my mom was like what the fuck and she like opens the window and she looks out and she doesn't see anybody and she's like no there's not like whatever um and then she's like oh i could have sworn i saw someone when i passed by i must it must have been like a tree stump or something and my mom's like okay yeah like whatever like she didn't think

anything of it she just thought her friend was just like looking out for her yeah and then like my mom continues taking her bath and my dad fully asleep like this random fucking man bob white at this point had entered our garage grabbed a beer chugged a beer grabbed another one chugged another one and grabbed a third beer and walked all the way through our house he it's it's the craziest fucking thing he walked all the way through our house and my mom had like a a curtain to the bathroom and this man was just watching my mom bathe for like god knows how long and god knows what he was gonna do to my mom and my dad rose out of bed and was like bob what the fuck are you doing in my house like why are you watching my mom bathe and like um i get like full body chills it's like the most terrifying thing and then he just sprinted out of the house

and my parents like called the cops and like basically this man had like such a gnarly record he had like child abuse charges he had like r-word charges sexual assault charges and he had been in and out of jail his entire life and like you can look all this shit just like lie yeah he lied yeah dude that is so scary he went to jail and you know how he got the fucking garage code to get into our house? One of the days, he just looked over my dad's shoulder and, like, got the code to the garage, and that's how he was, like, able to get into our house and steal little things and, like, go through our shit. And that's why you shouldn't trust anybody or make new fucking friends, because everybody's fucking crazy.

It's even more creepy when you remember that, like, he was swimming with my sister and I, and, like, and my sister was, like, in her bathing suit. It's just so fucking weird and the craziest part is his name bob white is a street like three or four blocks away from our house that like he just made up on the way to our house and like bitch damn like he is really it's called bob white yeah he's really working on the fly it's bob street and white street and it's a crossroad job he was like bob white isn't that crazy okay those street names maybe you deserved it for living that close to those streets because

oh i live off bob and white i told that story so terribly but like whatever like it was 15 years ago insane i don't have anything like that one time white one time a man who was on the run uh was in our backyard he's still in prison by the way my parents i was i was in prison yeah he's still in prison he called literally free bob white yep and he called our house like every single time he could get like a um like a prison call he called us every single time and like that like shouldn't be allowed he didn't have anybody um it was fucking crazy yeah right he he just had them and they like at least at least you guys gave him some beer and a good time and you know probably gave him story a story to tell he was probably gonna murder my mother i mean okay but maybe not

yeah he didn't we don't know if my dad wasn't home he could have murdered my mother where were you maybe your mom should like i was at school oh at school yeah how old were you it was like seven yeah you should have been busy being the man of the house yeah you should have been busy my god if you want your mom to be so safe why aren't you home why don't you guard in the bathroom door yeah yeah and take a peek for yourself because that's what i would do oh what the fuck you are actually like messed up in the head and i don't know if it's this whole costume that's got you feeling like very sexual energy yeah yeah it's weird she's been touching my back with the axe well that's because i could feel that your body is radiating like a radioactive dude it's about to start getting like cloudy yeah because it's like a fucking transparent also like loudest fucking jacket of the year award.

Imagine going to a movie theater. Why would you? I had one of these jackets. Birds of Prey premiere. Press play tour. And yeah, do you remember my clear trench coat? Choices. Ew. Choices were made.

Choices were made. Yeah, my only scary story involves somebody who that I still fear. And like, you know what I'm talking about. That's the thing. All my stories I like can't tell because it's like people in my that I still fear. And like, you know what I'm talking about. That's the thing. All my stories I like can't tell because it's like people in my family and shit where I'm like, if they found out about this, they might kill me. Yeah. Like it's like all stories that I'm like, oh, you like scare me.

And I feel like you would like. You're still keeping up. I've told you about the death predictions, right? Yeah. What now? From my unk. I can't really. And they came true.

My unk, he like predicted like several deaths in my family like not like day of like we need a private investigator stat oh we tried there was nothing i talk about he's not joking well that's good that there was nothing he's spiritual um well i like just saying that i'm going to die before i leave the house because then if i do it's like you with earthquakes it's like it's like oh my god she told me that i've said that before i've said that before and every time i walk out of the house i convince myself that i'm gonna die and i'm like damn like this is gonna be you're asking for death when you do that i'm actually i i am asking for death when i do that oh my god hey don't bring that't bring that here. Next time I come on, we need to get a better setup

because I like can't have a conversation with you guys because I have to like. Maybe you should just turn and show them the back of your head. Yeah, just turn. Because that's the thing. I'm not turning to show the back of my fucking wig. Well, one day we'll have a big studio where we can see your beautiful little face.

If you guys get a big studio. Yeah. No one's going to watch anymore. There was this girl named, fuck, what was her name? Tammy Faye? No, it was Ruth. She would draw on my back during, I think it was pre-algebra or something. It was like eighth grade.

And she would draw on my back and be like, can you tell what it is? And I was like, what the fuck, Ruth? Get the fuck away from me. Okay, I'm sorry but that is like so like weird like no it's so advanced for like somebody to be doing that like I'm like okay I'm taking notes

like a chair take notes she literally like no it was so uncomfortable so you got into a fist fight with her no but she did a fucking she hit a kid with her car like two years later and left my friend Emily

to like clean up the mess and she was just like, I don't know what to do and just drove away. And Emily was like, not Emily the one y'all know, it's Emily Molina. No, no, no, different Emily.

And Emily was like, what the fuck am I supposed to do here? Like the kid was like, I think the kid was bleeding. I don't know. She got her car taken away. You just admitted to like a crime on the podcast i didn't i wasn't there well um in seventh grade the guy had a crush on ran into a parked car when he was playing football and then every time we would get into a argument in our fight like in our relationship i'd be like oh i'm the dumb one

bitch you ran into a fucking parked car you dumb bitch you're the only person on the planet who's ever gotten hit by a parked car damn um i was in seventh grade and that was your boy toy yeah and y'all had fights of course because he wanted to like do s with me and i was like we're literally in seventh grade what the fuck is happening like it was a mess yeah that's messy as fuck all the scary stories i I think I've told. Like the girl who did Bloody Mary and then ran away. And then me getting like scared as fuck and thinking I was going to die. Dude, yeah, I can't talk about stuff. You really can't talk about stuff.

I really can't. From what I know, you really cannot talk about stuff. I can't talk about like everything from like family is like. Let me tell you something, though. Hold on here. Let's talk about this. Yeah from like family is like let me tell you something though hold on here let's talk about this yeah here i go did i tell you guys about the person impersonating my mother on tiktok dude this is gonna like recently yes like spike them up they're gonna be like i'm gonna keep going oh i don't care okay but keep so go in they basically they were just like following my like sister's friends and shit and like commenting on my stuff commenting on my sister's stuff being like so proud of you son

i was like you are crazy and it was like me my mom and my sister in my bedroom and my sister grace was like mom why are you following carly like it was like grace's friend she's like why did you just follow her and my mom was like i didn't like what the fuck are you talking about and i knew immediately because this person's been like posting stuff being like i know his last name and i know like his like where his and in the bio of the account it was like where my mom works like her name and i was like that is too far too much i remember one time and i really hope this doesn't like make anybody think that this is okay to go and do. I would like to think people know this is not okay. But one time somebody found my birth mother's information and like.

That's crazy. Oh. That has to do with the scary story though. But that kind of behavior when I see that I'm like. Okay. It's too much. Get a fucking fridge you freak bitch. Especially now because I'm like okay like i will never see

her again so like keep that in mind and i went on live i went on live because i didn't want to because to dm someone on tiktok you got to follow them and i didn't want to follow this person so i went on live because i knew they'd come and i was and i knew they i was screaming what do you mean by that i wasn't screaming i was pissed though mean, it's such a violation of privacy. But it really is, especially with me, too, because it's, like, if my mom is, like, a common character in my videos, like, if someone did that about Pam, it wouldn't be as, it'd still be weird, but, like, people know who Pam is, you know? Like, it's a common character in, like, YouTube videos and shit.

But my family is, like, completely private. Yeah. Like, everything other than, like, the shit I post on my page is private. I mean, I think that's why, like, all of us have made steps to like making our life like more private because it's just like that people like can't have no boundaries yeah i know opens up a can of worms what how did i like bring up my mom when we were watching x just now uh you said that the song landslide reminded you of her oh yeah and then uh josh and lucas laughed i was like oh it's funny because i'm never gonna see her again and i don't even remember what her voice

sounds like and it's really like actually fucked up for me yeah that's funny and then i said that song reminds me of your mom too and why did you say that because i banged her oh my god dude this house has been a nightmare for the past four days it's literally just been the whole crew like rotting away playing fortnite we are going to play fortnite though because i have not played fortnite to get did you update on your clocks no oh and you're dumb oh and you're done my pc did it take a while uh yeah it took a while yeah um it's gonna be late can you go do it right now like how bad would it be to just go we gotta keep going

fortnight podcast fortnight podcast fortnight piggybacking off of like your y'all's last stories about like your parents being impersonated by freaks on the internet me I don't think I've ever told this because like it

still scares the fuck out of me to this day like it's still that's literally why most of my series stories i can't say because i'm like i'm still fearful of this happening it's not like i'm fearful of even though i'm not saying it won't stop it from happening yeah i'm not fearful of like a particular person or entity i'm just like fearful of this event happening again because it's a very common occurrence with like people like in our position. But like me and my sister would like go live like before like I did YouTube. Yeah. Like on you now me and my twin sister we would go live like all the fucking time.

She went live every day for like an entire year straight. And she was like one of the first people. She's like you should get a fucking job or something. Yeah. That was her job. But like she would like. But like a good one one she would even do like 24 hour live streams like before she did a 24 hour she would do that she did them several times take notes literally um and like uh she just like had a really big following on there and like i would just kind of do it as well and like it was just a fun thing for us when we were bored as fuck after school it was just like go live on you now

um and like my sister was like doing like a celebration pod or celebration live stream for like hitting like a certain amount of followers or something so she was like live like blowing up fireworks like baking cakes like whatever just like random like kid shit like whatever um because we were really young. Did you say fireworks? Yeah. She was not adding production. I'm gonna set a firework off in the house. Yeah, no, she, we would, we went out front

and we would like blow up cakes and shit in this live stream. It was really fun. That was lit. But she was like, it was like getting to the end of her broadcast. And like one of the people that like watched her very regularly like was kind of like not chill i don't know just like they they had like rapport and like a friendship and a relationship but like they definitely like overstepped boundaries sometimes

and like um it was just like they felt like way too like comfortable with my sister i guess is what it was like it was like a very early parasocial relationship because she was like live every day they felt like they were friends with each other whatever um but my sister um was live and like all of a sudden like we get like a pizza delivered to our door and we're like oh that's weird we didn't order a pizza like that's weird as like okay but we'll take it we'll pay for it y'all made the pizza you delivered it we feel bad like yeah we'll take the pizza and then another pizza gets delivered to the door and like we're like okay this is weird but we'll pay for this pizza like not the biggest deal in the world and then like an order comes in

with like two pizzas and then we're like okay we'll pay for these pizzas as well but like damn like we called domino's and we're like yo stop delivering us pizza somebody is hungry yeah literally they were probably like damn bitch like why are y'all ordering so much fucking pizza um but uh we called domino's and we're like don't deliver us any more pizzas and then papa john's delivers us like eight pizzas and we're like i I'm sorry. You can't complain about that one. We literally cannot pay for this. Just like don't deliver us pizzas. So we go through and call all of the pizza restaurants in our town

and just tell them like, look, someone got our address. They're trolling us. They're delivering us pizzas. We don't want pizzas. It was silent for like maybe two hours, maybe an hour. And then all of a sudden, like we see like a bunch of fucking police cars racing down the street and slamming on their brakes out front of our house. Like three fire trucks, which is like all of our city's fire trucks and all of our volunteer fire trucks. Yeah, exactly. And all of the police officers, all of the police officers all of the police

officers in our town and like just like so many fucking like like first responders like three ambulances it was like the craziest thing in the world and we're like um what the fuck is going on and then we realized oh my fucking god we just got swatted and all of a sudden we hear like banging on our front door and like i forget what they had told the police but they said like someone was erratic and there was a they like called like several times saying someone was erratic and gonna endanger themselves and their family someone is like dying actively and uh they said there's an electrical fire in our house and like they basically swatted us on live stream. Stop.

And, like, I answered the door because I was like, what the fuck is going on? And Madeline was on live and she really didn't know what was happening. And I was like, they were like, is everybody okay inside? And I was like, yeah, like, we're fine. What's going on? They were like, someone said, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, no, we're, like, just getting, we're just eating pizza and on live. And we were like, oh, my fucking God. getting, we're just eating pizza and on live. And we were like, oh my fucking God,

like someone swatted us. So we were like. Dude, that is such just like insane behavior. And also it's so dangerous. It's so dangerous. Also having to explain that to like a small ass town. Also like six years ago before like swatting was even really like a thing yet.

Do you think now there's almost like a protocol like that like a lot of like people go through like oh but that dude that just sucks because then what if you like actually needed that i i actually doubt there is a protocol i bet they respond to everything in la they they know yeah in la and california it's probably like oh if someone says like someone swatted me they'd be like oh okay yeah i don't know but very spooky stuff right guys that's never happened to me i like never happened to me me telling that story with a boner yeah you you don't have a boner you have to have something tucked into your hands are you packing like that i didn't know you were packing heat, babe. Babe, your bulge looks so good today. No one.

It's pretty hard. It's sweatpants season. It's pretty hard to get. Damn, bitch, I fucking stink. It's pretty hard to find my address. I keep catching you looking at my bulge, both of y'all. Look, both of y'all look up and down. Well, you fucking pointed it out.

Look at them. And you're being a slut and it's out. I see you looking at it, too. What if I literally went like this? Oh, I'm talking talking to you like as a joke and it actually like cut your fucking wiener oh i'm talking to you oh you know a scary story in seventh grade when i was talking to my crush um some one of his friends thought it would be funny to pants him while i was talking to him and then they accidentally pulled his boxers down and that was the first time i saw wiener and that was terrifying and when i saw it i like we made eye contact and we never spoke again and then i don't want to clap you up it was sad for him

that's probably his scary story that's probably dude josh did that to me right in front of humiliated josh did that to me right in front of kai i was standing at the couch like doing a dance to kai or something like fucking with him and then josh came up behind me and went and you were asking for it though yeah you're how was i asking you were being a slut i was doing the gray sweatpants challenge for like a year straight and no one said anything i said it to you every time i was like josiah your whole cock is out in those sweatpants and you just just you just decided to act surprised every single time we were telling you that and i won't call out our other friend who did that but one time when i went to

big sir with one of the friends in the group, I literally called it out so crazy because I was like, dude, you're not wearing underwear. Like, I don't want to see. Whisper it. Okay, yeah, I figured. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But that's, like, classic behavior. But also, he's just, like, literally hung. Like, that's the thing. I'm sorry. I was just like, dude, chill. I know. I've told him before. And he was, like, on the car, like, dancing, like like dude chill like i've told him before and it just

he was like on the car like dancing like on top of my car in front of all of us and i was like i know i'm not like come on get down get put that down down well yeah i do that with my big fucking pussy oh okay i just like wear a tiny short every single time i'm like you're packing some fucking heat down there too. I know, but I keep it tucked. I keep it tucked away. I think I'm confused as to what the society's standard is for the puss. Do people want a small one or a big one?

Because obviously with the guys, it's pretty straightforward. But is it like, do people want a big fat, here like, here's my fucking like, you know, juicy puss? Or do they want like a teeny tiny pussy? You thought about the last. You thought about the latter. No, but I really am confused as to what the society is like pressuring. Trust me, girl.

I would like to know too. It's like unclear. I am ashamed of my big fat fucking watermelon sugar coochie. Like, I have, like... Wait, Harry Styles reference. Drew, I want to squeeze your nipple so fucking bad. I know. I was.

That's what I was looking at. I was staring at your nipple. I was like, dude, it's literally, like, I do a moving. It was rubbing. It was rubbing against your... Y'all need to stop sexualizing my body no i'm not sexualizing you would look really good with tattoos though yeah you would you should get tattoos i'm never getting tattoos i have one why would i put a bumper sticker on a bentley

wait i came up with this earlier today um i was gonna be like okay howie mandela effect okay i was in the car when you came up with that and i stayed completely silent it's like when howie mandel developed all timers literally can silence a room it's when howie mandel develops alzheimer's alzheimer's alzheimer's yeah and all time you can't remember anything and he's like was that the timer is that my alzheimer's or the Howie Mandela effect? When you said the bumper sticker on a Bentley, I almost made fun of the one tattoo you have. And then I silenced myself very quick. But like, not because I think it's a funny tattoo.

The one I got for my dead brother? The one I got for my dead brother, you're going to make fun of that tattoo? I'm the one you should be scared of. Oh, I can't. Not you. Not him. Not Mr. J. Me. tattoo i'm the one you should be scared of oh i'm cat not you not him not mr j me because i'm harley fucking quinn yeah dude this trio pulls up to your halloween party kick them out yeah get rid of them kick them out or kill them honestly either way okay listen to this fact that i fact check today

because there's no way that's fucking real. You find out on UberFacts? No. TikTok. Oh my God, UberFacts. TikTok. Yeah, same fucking thing. Okay.

Taylor Swift and Amy Winehouse were both nominated for Best Artist of the Year in the same fucking year. Is that not fucking mind-bending? That blew my mind. What, 2007, 2008? 2008. Yeah. That makes no sense i know what you're saying because the other day i was watching something about um like amy winehouse and in my head she passed like way before she actually she passed in 2011 i know but like in my head she passed like way like earlier because like my like my gauge of that time.

Yeah. Like I know what you mean. I feel like she died in 2008. Yeah. Like I feel like she was an artist for like 10 years. Yeah. It feels like she was like around for like a really long time. But she was like really like she put her first album out in 2001.

I think 2002. Yeah. She wasn't like Frank. And now go back. Oh, but it's funny that that's the case. But then with Michael Jackson, I'm like, yeah, he died was like Frank. And now go back. But it's funny that that's the case. But then with Michael Jackson, I'm like, yeah, he died in like 2010. Like, I know that. Like, but that's also I know that because my whole fucking I was at summer camp and I was sat down to watch TV.

We acted like it was like a literal terrorist attack. Like the queen. I know. It was literally like, turn off the TV. Look what's happening. I mean, I guess it was that deep. Like he was like, literally more famous than God.

Pretty bad guy. He would have been, he would have been trending. I've never been with a Betty. Yeah, if Twitter, yeah. If he, okay. Oh, Twitter was around. Twitter was around

and he was not trending because a lot of people knew who he was. Do you know? Yes, I like know. Did you watch the documentary like literally everybody not everybody who doesn't know people and yeah there's other countries can wake off of your head please don't because it's so please don't because it's carefully placed yeah i know because i fucking worked on it yeah i know so you makeup by anya styling by any Wait, tattoos by Drew though.

Yeah, we know. We can tell. Oh yeah, we know. Tattoo by Drew. You should open up a tattoo shop. Tattoo by Drew. No, he should not. What do you say?

I could. You should. I feel like I'd be good at tattooing. You would be good. I think I could be too. But that's because like I think I'd be good at tattoos. We just have blind confidence

in everything we do and nothing it never really works or sticks because we have really debilitating ADHD and we hyper focus on hobbies. Speak for your fucking self because now you're just like

sounding very accusatory of me and my swag. If you die with your diva cup in, do they take it out? They gotta take it out. And you know what's fucked up? You know what's fucked up? Because I'm not alive.

They don't have to do the pinch method to pull it out. They could just fucking pop that sucker out and suction cup my uterus out of my fucking body. And it doesn't matter because I won't feel it. Are you on your period right now? Are you on your rag? No, I might be pregnant. Are you joking?

No. I might die. I might, yes. I better die on hard so I'm showing print in the casket. Well, just pump it. Fill it with silicone. I had a pregnancy scare recently. You had a pregnancy scare?

Yep. Harley Quinn did? No. Oh, Josiah did? Yeah. Oh, you thought you were pregnant? Yeah. Like, the idea that you even have sex

really, like, freaks me out. Well, I do, and I have a ton of it. Oh, I'm so sure. I do. You know I do. Then show us pictures. Show us fucking videos if you do. Show you videos?

No, that sounds like you're just trying to convince me to show you videos of me having sex. It sounds like you're scared to prove that you don't have sex. I don't need to prove anything. I think my swag and my confidantio. You saying you have sex in this outfit is like really crazy. It really is crazy. Y'all just need to ask your moms. Oh, but back to

that. Wait, what? My mom is dead. Soul dead. Bro, my mom died, bro. Time to use the Ouija board. Are you and Josie fucking Yes. No, she doesn't just say yes she said she gives us a long sentence and it's like yes his wiener is so big good um but yeah i still feel like as a society

we are not right like although that there is talks of like big coochie being like desirable aesthetically i don't think it's considered desirable because anytime i wear jeans where i am showing camel toe i see everybody take a take a peek down here a quick look at what's happening including yours truly your fat. And you called it fat. Like, do you hear yourself when you speak? Ew. I don't know why that got me so... Your fat vagina. It got myself off guard.

Can I get a diet penis? Penis cola. Who started diet penis? Oh, Drew admitted to drinking the fucking red bull drew drank the red bull oh yeah if you know about that and listen to this as well okay you're no i did okay actually that's josie's scary story that is my fucking scary story because there's a five minute long video of me sleeping that i found on my fucking phone drew and right now is the time if you did it admit it right now okay right now would not be the time look at me in the eyes look at me in the eyes

on god i did not do it on fucking everything i did not i did not take that fucking video of you we'll insert a clip of it it's you fucking recording it your eyes open up halfway through i know because i don't actually want to talk about it because it's actually gonna get me really really frustrated because i feel crazy. I feel insane. Well, you're getting into character, love. Oh. Oh, I just had a big fart. Yeah.

Did you fart? I did. It's going to, my fart's been standing. You know, recently. It's climbing up that jacket right now. I can see it fogging up the bag, babes. Recently, I've been letting out toots in there loud and then I have to be like, yeah, I farted. Oh, the other night for squad night, I let out a fucking loud one.

And everybody was talking. I was like, fuck. And I was so high. And I was like, oh, I'm going to have to admit to that. But nobody heard it. So I got away with my toot. Farting at the beginning of a new relationship is such a thrill. And such a thrill.

Such a secret i learned okay i know you're joking but i learned during my first like situation ship i will never hide shitting and farting or like feel embarrassed about it ever again and since then literally everybody i dated i never was like poop shy or pee shy i've never been pee shy literally but i've never post that never been poop shy because the first time i was seeing someone we were at an airbnb and i didn't shit for three days and was just in chronic bloated pain because i like refused to shit because it was a small airbnb and the room was right here and then the bed was right down honestly i should have shit because the bathroom smelled like one big condom latex fiesta and i should have just shit to cover some of that smell are you guys having sex like why do i miss

that like why do i miss the smell of like so many condoms in a in a bathroom uh trash can whoa i don't know why you missed that you i think that's something you got to figure out on your own but i personally have never been poop shy i tell tell, oh, I'm going to go shit. I'm going to go blow up the bathroom. But you are not a woman. But the thing is, I haven't fart shy. You're not a girl, bitch. You're fart shy?

I was at the beginning of a relationship. I'm like, I don't want to fart in front of you. Hold on a second. But I'll let it out secretly. I guess, yeah, the first few times, I'm not let it out secretly. And then I have to be like... I guess, yeah, the first few times, I'm not about to let out, like, ripped ass. I have to be like,

every relationship I've been in... Oh, wait, what did you say? In every relationship I've been in, I just, like, have never really cared. I just, like... Every what? Relationship I've been in, I just, like... Girl, you didn't know that holding hands

was desirable until three weeks ago. Let me hold your hand. Did I tell you about that? Hmm. Did I tell you about that? Drew was... It just doesn't feel right coming from me hold you did i tell you about that did i tell you about that drew it just doesn't feel right coming from me right for coming from you yeah no we hold hands all the time it feels fine yeah but like drew doesn't understand and like does it or i don't know if he does now that's crazy that okay okay uh but drew didn't understand and was asking me why couples hold hands oh but it's that's

actually crazy because i was gonna say never mind it's so like the stars not you getting messages from the stars right now because when i said you're not a girl bitch that's just something that's just something okay i don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but I love to hold hands. And it's just, it's like a, like, it's like, come here, you know? Oh, no, I know what you mean. No, no, not like aggressive like that. It's just like, it's like. Literally just when I'm walking next to any of my friends, I'm just like, grab my fucking

hand now. Like, just grab it. Yeah. But imagine that with someone who you were like in love with. Who you were like, yeah. Have you ever been? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you have.

You've had your heart like actually destroyed and crushed. Shattered. And my walls went right back up. Solit. And they have not come down. And it was good for you.

I think you needed that. Yeah. Yeah, I needed to be humbled. I think you need a good heartbreak. Sit down, be humble.

And the good thing is is that we all have like traumatic heartbreaks at a very young age and learned a lot of lessons because i look at like old motherfuckers like our parents and shit and i'm like whoa like you are going on 50 and you are still in that and i'm like also they don't have i they didn't have iphones that's true yeah that's true or they didn't have grinder i don't they didn't have zoloft in therapy zoloft is so

um but for me it's so good yeah i like couldn't see myself like but that's a weird hill shit to yourself i know you're a freak at it i was gonna say oh like i would never like with state like let somebody treat me a certain kind of way again but like yes the fuck i would like yes the fuck i would like no i wouldn't run me over oh but i would i would i would i couldn't i really couldn't because like i'm very different i think in friendships but like in a relationship i would let someone actually kill me before i said something yeah i mean even now like i don't think i'm very confrontational i just like internalize things and then i just i don't even think like i don't think i have like the brain capacity to even like give certain things like more than a second thought i'm just like oh that was just like

whatever that came from like whatever but like like what happened to me today like should have pissed me off because that was fucking weird weirdo behavior behavior. But I was just like, I actually don't give a fuck. I'm very easily like, dude, I am so, I am very like overanalyzing. Like I'll make a joke to a friend and then sit back and be like, oh, fuck. Like I don't think I should have said that to them. But I've started to brush that off because then when I like over pick and I'm like, oh, is that like not chill? And it makes it more awkward because it's like i literally couldn't give a fuck exactly like why are you offended that's what like zoloft literally changed my life with that because i was the worst like i would literally think everything

dude everything and i would literally be like this person hates me so i'm gonna not talk to them for weeks like i because i would just be like horr. Okay, I literally cannot be sitting like this. And then when I started Zoloft, instead of those intrusive thoughts being lasting for fucking days, they would be five minutes, ten minutes, and then I'd just be like, oh, that's not reality.

Zoloft helps with my anxiety so much. Y'all are jealous. I'm not because I was born very much normal, and I don't have this kind of issues i think i'll get off of it soonish though because like i feel really good and like i just am not in a place like this dark place that i needed to be i mean that i where i needed to be no i needed to be in that dark place to be where i am you know what i will say is i like literally i don't think with age i will stop um missing being so fucking sad you like being sad you know i don't like in the moment i

don't like it in the moment but like i love like i love for my exercising my heart breaks that's the thing yeah love it like literally do not play florence around me when you brought that up i was like oh i'm about to go off like Like, I can feel it inside of me. It feels so good. Yeah, it feels, like, so fun. Like, when I'm driving around and, like, listening to Florence, I'm like, ugh, fuck. Like, give me a reason to be sad about something, and I will. And I will.

And I will take it, and I will run a mile. I will sulk. But I've been really good about not, like, just, like, leaning into it too much. But, like, that's a whole other thing. I didn't know that this became the mental health podcast since last time i've been on here um kill yourself oh yeah yeah so much for mental health project and your fucking life and this what was i saying to you in the kitchen earlier that i was like i'm gonna say that for the podcast oh that you were so like debilitatingly sad earlier oh i had i have had such an awful, like, off day today.

Like, it's, like, really hard to describe, but I just woke up, like, I think it's called, like, A-Hedinia or N-Hedinia. Sorry. Go ahead. N-Hedinia, it's ah something it's just like basically like where like everything like you just don't feel pleasure from anything you like typically do like when i was reading my book that i was super let me get that wing button come on for a session come on oh you'll get some give me right give me right okay um but i was just like pleasuring each other i would pleasure you if you needed it sorry true thank you babe um you're the one interrupting we were happy um but no i i was just like describing like

dude like i'm having i i don't know how to i don't even know what i was gonna say but basically i'm just having such an awful fucking day today where like for hours i'll just be like i hate everything i hate everyone i don't want to exist like i had to drag myself into the fucking gym like i i didn't even uh do the sauna at the gym because i was just like in such a bad mood yeah that's when you know it's bad when drew doesn't do the sauna and i was just like actually i was just like dude i need to get the fuck out of here and go lay in my bed and rot and then i tried reading and i was like just boasting about that fucking book and i was like i was like dude like this book is so fucking good i'm loving it and then i like sat down to read and i was like this is bringing me no joy and then the past couple days like every song i had listened to like has

been actually making me like physically like emotional and reactive like in a good way where i'm like dude i haven't liked music in so long i've like been listening to music and actually enjoying it and then today i just like turned on the music and I was like hopefully this brings me out of it I just like could not stomach I was just like fuck this music so then that was when I was trying to make that new playlist I was like I just I need to make a new playlist like it's just like one of my things is like when I'm freaking the fuck out I make a playlist to listen to to like chill me out and I just I've had such just like bad day but like i'm kind of out of it now but like when i dropped that goddamn light bulb it sent me right back oh i was like i

am even when when we were in the car at lowe's and we were driving around i was like i think he's gonna do it today i almost did i know when i came home you seemed so sad but you know what i did i walked right past you see that's the fear of being friends with you guys. And honestly, everyone we know. I mean, not everyone we know, but like everyone here. I'm like, when's like, sometimes I just think I'm like, today could be the day. You know? What?

No, we are happy. I know it's grim, but like, no, but. We are happy people. I know, but all it takes is one off day. Remember when I was really bad? Oh my God. Miss it. I was bad but all it takes is one off day. Remember when I was really bad? Oh, my God. Miss it. I was bad.

I was bad. That was crazy. In the moment, I knew you were fucked up. But looking back, my naive boy brain really did not see the extent extent in 2018 of like what was going on beginning of 2019 that was when i first met you and i was like she's lit yeah i know when we were hanging out it was so like i i don't think i like was like showing it but like genuinely like it is insane to think what i like did with my life at that time like i didn't do anything like i couldn't your rest and relaxation no i totally no i actually fully did like i would be awake for like four to six hours in a day and like those

hours were just to go get a coffee and eat and go right the fuck back to sleep crazy um but you were skinny i know i was my like my darkness period was so bad. And you guys didn't see me at all. You ran away from us. You hid away. Like five months, six months. Yeah, we saw you like twice in five months. And I was completely off social media too. I wasn't using it at all.

I really was considering going to real estate school and just quitting everything because I was like, I can't stomach this. I literally can't i can't stomach this i literally can't do it but then i don't know something just just something so random and it was like god you know it was like god had like put his finger in or on me god has smiled on me God has put his finger on me and was like, you. He put that finger in you. Nope. No, he did not.

Dude, I heard you guys doing that like last night. And I was like, they were so fucking annoying. Like you, Josh, and Lucas were like. Oh, because I was going like this. I was doing some dumb shit. I was like. Like, it was like, it was. Also, i've been

going to bed super i'm entering my year in rest and relaxation that's what i was gonna fucking talk about motherfucker every single time i've gone to talk about that you've been like heard about my chip story like literally you butt in right before i'm gonna fucking say go on talk about the chips but i'm literally in my rest and relaxation arc like i've been going to bed at like nine or ten like i'm past my bedtime i'm like forcing myself to stay awake and like i've been waking up at like 7 a.m and i have to do it again tomorrow and i'm gonna freak the fuck out um but i um i'm in a movie y'all I'm acting in a movie no you're not you didn't get oh my god

you were like freaking the fuck out why am I white passing oh wait no I think you might just be white I'm Greek

you're white but you're passing the bar of expectations I'm an ally okay the chip story why am I a gay ally an ally why am i a gay alien frankie grande be like okay we have been huge frankie grande content connoisseurs for the past five years of our friendship.

It's like in our secret little like go-to thing where like we don't bring it to the internet ever because it's like our little thing. Are we coming up on five years of friendship? I was for us it's four. Oh no way.

2023. In like mid-20s. Yeah we'll be five years and we haven't gotten anything done. And neither of us have had sex. Why are you saying that? I've had very fulfilling moments in my fucking life, bitch. Girl, look at where we're at. Yeah, keep it to yourself. We're in the kitchen.

Look at this fucking set, babe. Yeah, you fucking idiot bitch. I just mean me. Yeah. You said me. By 22, I'll be a millionaire. Oh, well, that's what you get for sitting really high you did not just fart

I did let's just okay you didn't get to the chips by the way I went to bed really really early last night and like I fell asleep with my lights on and everything and like whatever like it was a vibe

it was nice and i was just oh what are you doing um but josiah fuck that salsa josiah brought pineapple salsa from trader joe's to our house over a week ago. Talked about it for three days straight. Would not shut the fuck up. Like, we need to eat this. We need to eat this. And then was like, oh my God, it's so good.

It's literally the best salsa ever. And then we all got high as fuck. And we were sitting in the- Not me, not me, not me. I don't get it. Yeah, because Trader Joe's doesn't smoke. So then Josie was like, oh, it's the perfect time. I went out and i bought chips for the

salsa because i was like damn maybe i have some of that salsa most mid shit i've ever had in my fucking life it literally tastes like if a baby had a bunch of fruit snacks and then ate a fucking tomato and threw up wow that is like you and you know what motherfucker isn't it you didn't even try it no i didn't yeah exactly yeah you know what that tastes like. I know that. I know that taste. I want to go get it so bad. Basically, Josiah woke me up in the middle of the fucking night eating chips loud as fuck outside my door. He wasn't even trying to wake me up.

He was just macking on these fucking chips so hard. It was crazy. That's literally you with your fucking Chipotle today. Bitch came home hungry as fuck. There was literally around his bowl there was fucking a rice splatter everywhere i never make a mess when i eat and i like i ate and went and laid down and and i came back out and i was like damn i was hungry as because me and drew like we're talking about going to get food for maybe like three hours yeah we were like let's go get food and

we were like let's get something healthy and i I was like, and Drew said Shake Shack. And I was like, maybe Subway. And then we were like, oh, maybe Chipotle. And we were like, yes, health food queens. The idea of health food is literally a scam. It's a scam. The only bad ingredient in these foods that we're eating technically is palm oil because it's destroying the earth. I'm about to become an eco-terrorist the reason that's what i'm saying all of this is going right into a fucking landfill keep going the reason why i was

eating those chips outside your door was because um i was really really really i got way too high on accident um which i don't smoke very often i mean i guess i have a little bit been a little bit more lately but like i don't smoke very often but i got way too high and i needed something to eat so i brought this old pizza box full of chips i emptied some chips out into it you thought you were eating when you did that too you're like yeah but you were eating like mcdonald's and okay and i put the pineapple salsa in there as well and i brought it to josh's room and because he's a fucking freak about his like rug and his couch and he's like because he's a fucking freak about his like rug and his couch. And he's like.

Okay. He's not a freak. He has a very nice and expensive rug in his room. I will say he is neurotic about it. But like it's warranted. Yeah. Yeah. He does what he wants.

Because like why invest in something you step on. But like I digress. Like it's basically I went in there and I was like yo. Can I eat this chips and salsa in here. And he was like no. And we talked about it. Deciding if I should for like 15 minutes. there and I was like, yo, can I eat this chips and salsa in here? And he was like, no. And we talked about it, deciding if I should for like 15 minutes. And then I was like, you know what? I'm just going to go right outside your door in the hallway and eat it.

And they all had to watch me eat it. And I woke Drew up, I guess. Yeah. I'm feeling like a lacrimose. What the fuck is that? I don't know. I would fuck up a La Croix right now Should we get Taco Bell after this

Pamplemousse I need a second meal I need to get big I need to eat more so I can get fucking big I want to be like I want to be an otter Or a bear I'm about to enter my bear

You're using a grinder like ask terms right now I want to be a manly man that's what I want mask for mask mask fit gamer should I talk about how I saw three people die in a week I'm convinced that my ass has gotten bigger

dude it's so fucking hot in here I literally almost showed you my butt you would tell me I don't think my ass has gotten bigger dude it's so fucking hot i literally almost showed you my butt like i was gonna be like you would tell me like i don't think my butt's gotten bigger but i do think going to so many pilates and yoga classes my ass like looks better too can you feel the sweat about your butt i'm not kidding i felt that today too because i did leg days and i like looked in the mirror like when you were sitting i was like you have an ass really yeah like it was like you were like sitting on an ass. Damn. There's no sweat. Are you serious?

I swear to God. There is insane heat. It's really insane. How far in are we? Oh, we're 15 minutes in. Dude, you're joking. Oh, we're at an hour. Yeah. I'm going to talk about how I watch three people die in a week because I really want to tell

that. How do I get started? I watch three people lie in a week. i really want to tell that um how do i get started i watched three people lie in a week lie he said die judge judy judge judy jetson one time in publics i was eating baby bottle pop um and it triggered my oh the last time i had a bad eczema breakout was when i had fucking baby bottle pop um why do you say baby bottle pop and not baby bottle pop why not that's what it's called why not baby bottle pop you say baby bottle pop josiah called me out for my weird like enunciation shit he notices everything like what sorry i'm a singer okay whoa i'm a language expert okay sorry um what the fuck was i saying go ahead what was i saying yeah you saw three people die in a week yeah yeah yeah oh i think you you might have because you told the baseball one

the baseball game one yeah i haven't told the basketball game one though that was in the same week have i told you that one i don't think so was. So in my like small ass town, there's like intramural basketball leagues, which is just like a basketball league for like people who aren't actually good at basketball. They just want to like be healthy and like not be sedentary. That is so embarrassing. Imagine like running around playing basketball. No, it's not that good at it. It's fun.

Imagine doing it for fun. How awful would that be? All right. Jesus Christ. Look at me. Nope. Look at me. Nope.

Drew, why don't you... I swear to God. Don't fucking make me. Oh, and now you're going to be mean. And now you're going to be mean. See, that was fucked up for him to call you out. Like, I did not agree with that. Take it off.

Look at me. You're nothing. And you're a loser. You're a fucking loser um but i was at a basketball game um intermural basketball game and i was like however old i fucking was i don't know how old i was damn no one was like pressing you all they are asking so many goddamn questions all the fucking time no one asked one question. Whatever. Okay. Now you're gaslighting me,

but whatever. I was at this basketball game and they were like warming up for the game. It was like a tournament, so like a bunch of people, they were like a bunch of games back to back and back and I was with my babysitter

at the time who was also with me when I saw the person at the baseball game die a few days later and i was like kind of dolo because there were no kids there because it was like a bunch of like 20 early 20 year olds 20 something year olds so i was like basically the only kid there and uh i was just kind of like loitering around like hanging out like watching them warm up just

like being like they were all so fucking big i remember like they were all really tall and i was like damn like y'all are some tall motherfuckers but and i saw something about a video about that about how like your perception of like um older people when you're younger is just like so skewed because literally of your age like when you were a freshman you saw seniors and you were like they look like adults and now now dude i know now i see like seniors in high school i'm like you were a freshman, you saw seniors and you were like, they look like adults. And now, now. Dude, I know. Now I see like seniors in high school. I'm like. You are a child. What the fuck is going on with you?

You are a fucking poser. Baby child. Loser. Loser. You are a loser. You should go and get your driver's license or something. If you're a senior in college or in high school right now, grow up, bitch. Don't say that to them.

Go to prom. Have fun. But I was watching these giants like do layups and I was underneath a goal. And this guy was on the opposing team that I was rooting for. And like he was the tallest person on the field. He was probably like 6'5 or 6'7. Like he was a really he was a tall fucker, a big fucker. And like he was like completely normal.

Like it didn't seem like anything was off with him it was like completely like just like normal drills running drills over and over again and then one time when he went up for a layup he literally in midair right in front of me had a fucking brain aneurysm his brain exploded and his head i i literally remember it so viscerally his head kicked back and he fell face first right in front of me at my fucking feet like like full force like after jumping like six feet in the air and like everybody was like oh my fucking god like what just happened did he trip did he trip and he like they rolled him over he was already dead like you die instantly and he died at my feet and like i remember all the adults in the room like being like grab his tongue

don't let him swallow his tongue like just grab his tongue like don't let him swallow his tongue like over and over again and this went on for like seven minutes and i he was literally his head was at my feet like the entire time and then my babysitter saw me and was like, get the fuck out of here. Like go to the car. And I got like ushered to the car. And that's the only time I've ever heard him cuss in my entire life was when he was telling me to go to the car. Your dad? No, my babysitter.

Oh. I got to the car and listened to Amelie by Lil Wayne over and over and over again. So many times that I still to this day remember every single lyric to that song. And I was in that car listening to that song for literally three hours probably. And then I got home and they sat me down, my babysitters, and they were like, we told your parents,

like my sister was in the other room because she stayed home and they were like, do you know what death is? And I was like, yeah. And they just like kind of gave me like this talk about death and like- Did they have to tell you that um how old were you do you think that helped you uh yeah i i was like it was good for you to understand yeah i was like really terrified i was like oh my god you can you can die at any moment it was so fucking scary yeah i'm gonna lie

to i'm gonna lie down all of them yeah i'm gonna lie the fuck to my kids and i'll probably kill them i need a good one i need a good person to raise them with me because like like someone who's a little more like okay let's get down to like reality because i'm gonna find a normal person to have kids with like nobody who's like but a normal person who like gets it the goose like me yeah like in any day could you imagine us having a child together like actually the two of you i'm sorry dude i think by the time you're like 30 something you will be like super lit but the way you react to frustration now i'm like oh you would like no i would you would literally be like the kid who's like my dad net like net like i i don't

know how he feels. Yeah, no, it would be so bad. We got to get those feelings out. Will you be my surrogate? Probably not. I'd be your surrogate. Thanks, babes. If I could. No, no, you don't have to carry the baby.

You just got to give me an egg. Oh, I would give you an egg. You would? Yeah, I would give you an egg. Her baby's going to have a wide fucking head. Yeah, you want her egg? It's going to be... Damn.

Who wants her egg? Damn. I think our baby would be cute, though. We would have a cute baby. Yeah. We're both very cute people. Oh, we're not cute. I'm not cute.

You're cute. I'm like... You're cute. No, you're cute. Don't lie to me. You're cute, Drew. You're sexy. Don't lie to me.

Yeah, we would have a cute kid and then in the same week i saw a man you and orion's kid would be tall and slay yeah we would have a no one wants to have a kid with me oh hell no bitch why um why don't fuck with blondies you freak bitches if you have blonde hair you're a fucking monster you're gorgeous no i was lying you were gorgeous just i i'm not kidding i think if we had a child that would be very cute because you have a nice slim face i have a fucking giant massive gourd technically like i feel like i've seen like now people being like when you're thinking of having kids it shouldn't be about what the way they're gonna look um i'm sorry but i don't want to i will not have an ugly baby i

don't want it i don't want an ugly baby because also like that's just going to make their life harder. And I need my baby to have the easiest life. Like I need my child to be just like gorgeous. And when Instagram is tapped into your fucking mind, my baby will be Instagram famous. And I will give my baby an Instagram at the age of three months. I'm not joking. Part of the reason why I'm working so hard in my 20s is so i can have a very good life for my children when i'm yeah no literally is it a crazy how that's like animal instinct because i

used to be like fuck having kids i don't give a fuck about having a kid and having like them whatever but now i fully am kicked charged into like dude i have to like bust my ass not only for like my family that i have now but so i can like build my own family and then i was thinking the other day i was like dude i need to have a bunch of kids and like have a big family because i got lucky since i have so many siblings like my uh like kids will have a lot of cousins but i was like damn because there are small ass families like there are families that when they get together it's literally like 10 of them. I'm like, bitch, just my immediate family alone in a room is like seven. My immediate family in a room, yeah, it's like eight or nine.

It is seven. Because I have five siblings. Mine was seven and then my brother died and so now it's six. You should just replace him. My mom was seven wild kids because my dad was one of the kids. That's cute. Her name on Instagram is seven wild kids. I want to have two kids.

I'm not having more than that. It's a lie now. She's a lying slag. Oh my god. Did you tell her to change it? Yeah, I said change it to six wild kids. Because one of them wild kids went to hell. Oh, Drew. Yeah, that was dark.

That was really bad. Hey, that should get cut, but that was really bad. I wonder if you get cut, but that was really bad. I wonder if you can hear me biting the fuck out of my nose on this one. I can because I can hear it in the back of my fucking head. It's vibrating. You want us to... I really don't.

I'm just like, I had to go in. Does anyone else think global warming is a good thing? Should I order us food? I love Lady Gaga, by the way. Oh my God. Yes. We should order Taco Bell. Taco Bell.

I want Chick-fil-A. Yeah, say that publicly. Work. That is actually fucked up. Yeah, say that publicly. Work. That is actually fucked up. Yeah, you support them? We know where I stand. Cool, cool. Wait, okay, just to, okay, okay.

This is like, so I'm going to sound stupid saying this on the podcast, but like the, you're not gay. Whole global warming thing. No, you're not like gay. The global warming thing though, like I love Lady Gaga. No, but I'm asking you a question. But like, can we give up this whole global warming well you don't want to hear about 9-11

that was so good Josiah like the tone you did it so well she's a robot Mimi is I'll never give up on her it's the same thing with Demi I will go hard for them

I want you and you only why are fucking playing I want you and you only for the rest of my life why are you crying I want you and you only oh my god he said he's gay and you're surprised oh and now we have to cut that

and now we have to let your truth live Let your truth live If your truth was a plant I would water it because I want it to grow I like literally Dude I've been so like This is the quietest y'all have probably heard me In years

I feel bad No literally because I'm sitting here But also because I have talked about so much shit on the thing with Lou. Oh, yeah. Josie's got a podcast. And now I'm literally like, what the fuck do I talk about? See how hard our fucking job is? Yeah.

It's not so easy. Me and Lucas have a podcast. It's not so easy being publicly sexy. Do you want to announce the name? It's under the Emergency Intercom Networks. I tried to buy y'all's podcast so bad, but you ignored every offer I gave you. Well, we don't need it right now.

We don't need money. Yeah, but let me get in at the bottom. Yeah, but let us own it so we can make a lot of money off of you and you become profitable. Because this is the only time you're getting promotion from me. Because no one else will fucking want you.

We have a podcast coming. I can't say the name because it's like, I don't want to reveal it. It's a very big part of it. It's a really big part of the podcast. And God,

I want to say the fucking name so bad. It's me and Lucas. Yeah. You know, free the nipple. When are we going to free the rectum?

Free the rectum. Mm-hmm. What are y'all talking about? Free the rectum. Oh, we've asked this question, but I don't think we've asked Josie. What do you think is more explicit? Showing your butthole or your wiener? Your wiener.

That's how I felt. Your butthole can be perceived as funny to a lot of people. Yeah, see, that's exactly how I felt. And your wiener is... I think your butthole is so vulnerable. Because, okay... It's very vulnerable, but like... Also, I don how and your wiener is your butthole is so vulnerable because okay it's very vulnerable i don't mean your wiener flaccid when i say your wiener i think about it like on like hard is it way yeah no no it's definitely the uh butthole to a large group of people is a lot less suggestive it's just so funny like but the wiener to everyone

is suggestive spread hole is a lot. My hole is like naturally out. Oh, at the fucking steam. Wait, what? Because you don't have an ass? No, no. I just, I got it pinned a few years ago. Oh, I just remembered a girl at the steam room because everybody knows that I like,

where'd your hat go? Where's your hat? Where's your mama at? My mom died. Oh, no, no, no. That's what I'm asking. That's what I'm asking. where's your mama at my mom died oh no that's what i'm asking that's what i'm asking where's your mama at you're always asking about my fucking hat where's your mom at she's dead okay now why is it an open playing field today to just joke about anya's mother passing away yeah because there's a time and a place because she asked about where my fucking hat is so that means you can so that means you can say oh your mom took the hat off i took the hat off because my head hurt and it itched

that's all you have to say it's not like that's just not very like comparable oh no no oh my god oh my god last thing before we go um i was in the steam room everybody knows like i've said it before at the are you okay everybody knows that at the steam room um i spread hole like i don't give a fuck but she really does tell me why somebody in the fucking steam room bitch i fucking oh my god i almost said something i just see her pull out a mitt and i'm like i know she's not about to do what i think she's about to she started fucking exfoliating dead skin off of herself right next to me in the steam off her puss or off her whole body like literally started on her feet and started going up her legs and i was like nasty i literally laughed so hard out

loud and i was like no i have to go. And I just got up and left. Someone in the sauna last time I was in there had a towel over his head. And I was sat on the top row because I like sitting on the top row because it's way more hot. And I can be in and out quicker. Heat rises. Yeah, exactly. And he was sitting up there with me. And then he put his back on the wall so his feet were facing towards me.

And his feet, like, touched my arm. And, like, I, like, kind of just moved my arm really quick because I was like, your gross-ass feet do not need to be touching me. And then we both just started dying laughing. And I think we were laughing at the same thing. But I couldn't tell if we were laughing at the same thing or if he was laughing at me. And it made me really fucking insecure. No, he was probably also laughing at, like, he was probably laughing at me um and it made me really fucking insecure he was probably also laughing at like he was probably laughing at it all in general because like you moving so

fucking quick yeah it was really crazy um also like i've realized like little noises really do fucking piss me off and like it's like a deep thing like for me um and that and that's it because this girl in my pilates class had i I fucking hate a sniffle, bitch. Below your nose. Get away. Because she was literally the whole way. Well, some people can't help it, Enya. Well, fucking stay home, bitch, and fix it before you go out.

Oh, and the back of his fucking chair fell off. It's the worst when you can't tell if people are laughing with you or at you. When I went to this festival, I told you about this festival right this festival that I went to um I fucking like there was this group of girls I was like waiting for the people I went with in the bathroom

um I was waiting outside the bathroom and they literally like looked at me as they were passing by pointed at me and said no way and then laughed and kept walking we've said that before like why do you do that like that i felt so i was just standing there alone and i was wearing like i hope we can insert a picture like huge baggy pants huge like baggy t-shirt the louis vuitton glasses and like a snap like a huge snapback and i was like

well that's kind of warranted um that festival i got like i was like going up to people i got several i got several dms um after going to that festival being like hey i saw you at the festival yesterday but like i didn't want to go up because like i really thought you were rolling um i was dead sober for anyone who was there like i was just like so like i had my glass on i was like screaming at people like behind their backs and like just like oh it was it was bad i kept breaking off from my group i got lost a few times you got lost in translation maybe oh i got lost in the sauce maybe yeah all right well one one last thing and it's a very quick thing oh but why do moms love me oh moms love me insert the tiktok oh of the mom being obsessed with you he's different i love how she says he's different you know like hold on i need to watch it real

quick did you know that um in a relationship no okay where the fuck is this i don't know where i was going with that oh and now you want to try and be weird with me I didn't do anything Yes you did And guess what Enya See I think aliens sent us Nikolai Tesla Listen listen listen

Aliens sent us Nikolai Tesla To give us free energy Free renewable energy And we killed him Aliens did? Wait why are you reading this shit Okay free energy, free renewable energy, and we killed him. Aliens did? What are you saying? Why are you reading this shit? Okay.

Okay. They're talking about me. They're talking about you or are they talking they're talking about me they're talking about drew gooden i would have sex with drew gooden i would have sex with your gooden he has a wife okay well that that has literally never stopped me once oh oh my god i am a homewrecker. Ned Fulmer! Ned Fulmer! How about you try staying in your relationship? Okay, why are you faulting Ned Fulmer for cheating on his wife? He was just trying something new. Why don't you go and you go and why don't you stop posting about your wife every once in a while?

You fucking pussy bitch! Oh, loser, loser, loser. Keep cheating. All right. Oh, okay. Keep cheating, loser. I predicted thater. Loser. Loser. Keep cheating. All right. Oh, okay. Keep cheating, loser. I predicted that, by the way. He, like.

The episode before that, I was like, we need to bring cheating back. Oh, yeah. You did say that. Cheating is lit. I love cheaters. Cheaters. It's, like, so interesting to me. I'm like, what are you doing? If someone cheated on me, I'm not kidding.

I would ruin their fucking lives. I would kill their family. Yeah, bitch. I would blow their shit up. I would kill their pets. I would kill their animals. I would kill their parents. Here's my parents here's my game plan because i'm gonna i thought about it if somebody cheated on me i would hang myself above their side of the bed

with the fan on yeah so they came back to me and then they can no longer sleep in the cover of their home and they gotta move out and then they'll always have these images tell them yeah no tell them tell them and let's see you go and fuck there huh tell them you want to go on a vacation and be like okay i love you and then have them pick you up the next day and you're dead in your bed and they come and they're like damn we were supposed to go on a vacation that happened to my mom i can never go on vacation okay come on you can never go well you'd be dead and you could never go on a vacation that really did happen to my mom if i I got cheated on, I would probably stay in the relationship.

Let's be real here. If I got cheated on, bitch, I would tell my dad and he would beat your ass. Honestly, if someone cheated on me, I'd be like, damn, I'm underperforming. And then I'd kill their family and their dogs. If someone cheated on me, I'm not kidding. I would go out of my way to have sex with whoever they deemed important in their life. And I would fucking destroy every fucking relationship you have. That's the thing though

is I wouldn't be able to kill someone's dog if I was dating them because if I'm dating someone and they have a dog I'm breaking up with them. People change guys and you gotta give people second chances third chances and fourth chances come on. Okay media. Oh god

we watched Triangle sadness wow movie ever it was so fucking good it was fucking insane um by the time this comes out i have seen pearl i started x today but i started it too late so you decided to tell the truth and i and i yeah because i'm a truther and i'm not a liar and you're a truther and And if you follow my letterbox, you will see that it is true that I've watched these movies. Do you have your letterbox public? Yeah. I do not. I do not have mine public.

Talk about it. I don't care. By the way, on me and Lucas's podcast, there's no media. Yeah, that's our thing. Everybody else. Do you want to hear my media? Yes. Media of the week. yeah that's our thing everybody else do you want to hear my media that's the other thing is uh i know i keep going on weird tangents but a lot of these bitches is our sons and you are not fooling anybody you can try to steal the chemistry and charisma you will never be able to emulate what me and Inya have. Try to act like a little fucking orphan, but I am your mother, bitch. Yeah.

You will never be able to emulate what me and Inya have. You will never have what we have. Because we fuck, we suck, and we love. And we're cousins. And you don't have that with your, except for you. Josiah. Well, they're not even trying to emulate us. They're doing their own fucking thing because I know they're original. Like, all these bitches are trying to do our shit.

Original. Original. My sons, but who's the daddy? The rest of my media is I'm Your Puppet by Foster Silvers, Girls Against God by Florence of the Machine, Kliky Takati by Tono Rosario, Impossible by Figurine. I'm just going to give you a bunch because you won't see us for two weeks. I Need Your Love by Arthur Prysock. I need your love by arthur price sock i need your love natasha by peter

thomas sound orchestra and holla by maddie star there was one more song i'm so sorry drew there was one more song that i was really oh and miracles by alex g and that's it for me okay i got clumsy by oil xl i got 302 question mark i don't wanna to go by Yabujin Chalice of mine by I can't ever say their fucking name Yabujin, Cry Cry Mozzy Star, Local Forecast Casino vs Japan

listen to that entire album what is this album called I can't remember it off the top of my head the album Go Hawaii. That is a masterpiece of music. Water Level by Yawning Portal. And a cover of Flim by Aphex Twin.

But the cover is by Simon Farentosh. Simon and Garfunkel. We both said that, Josie. You are so funny. Okay. My media of the week? Yeah. Is a text that I just got from Lucas saying, yo, that's my media of the week.

Okay. No, mine is probably Marilyn Monroe by Daniel Cohn. Actually, Daniel Cohn. Daniel Cohn. Yeah, Daniel Cohn. The TikTok-er? Yeah. Marilyn Monroe. You know that song. No, I don't.

Yeah. Four million fans and they all sing along. You know that song. Okay, I'll show you later. No, my fucking show media, don't. Because, no, you need to watch it. Drew started it. I just re-watched fucking Russian Doll

season 2 again it's like way fucking better than season 1 I sobbed my eyes out and my song is probably I don't know my song is probably 4am by Grimes oh bitch it's

Norman fucking Rockwell by not the album the song Norman fucking Rockwell by... It's Norman fucking... Not the album, the song. Norman fucking Rockwell by Lana Del Rey. And... Lana. Lana Del Rey. And also... As you color me blue.

Wait, we should all go right now. Cause you're just a man. And that's what you do. Your head in your hands As you color me blue Cause you're just a man Cause you're just what you do Alright, thank you guys so much for watching

Thank you guys so much for watching We'll see you in two weeks The prize, we're in Japan You bitch Should I i said that i don't know when the promo for me and lucas's podcast will drop but it'll drop in the next few days i don't know yeah exciting in the meantime maybe check these guys out last last fucking one last fucking thing is i want to watch fleabag i I saw a huge spoiler. Oh, was it the slideshow of that big conversation her and her sister have? No, I saw something about breaking the fourth wall.

Oh, we are watching that tonight. We're starting it tonight. I saw something about breaking the fourth wall or something. Oh, yeah. Was that a big moment? It's not the biggest moment, but it is like, she did it. Like, fuck.

What the hell? It's kind of like that vibe. But no, that's not the biggest spoiler. Oh, god that show made me fucking saw oh that show is so fucked up that show really like first season was gnarlier than ending of second season for me yeah ending of season one i was like whoa because i knew it was coming all the time because it's pretty obvious yeah but i was like dude oh my god that show is like gut do I have dead eyes? Phoebe Waller-Bridge I think is one of the best. Do I have like emotion full eyes? yeah. Emotion full eyes. I feel like

I don't have like the micro movements other people have. I've been told that I have dog shelter eyes. What? Whoa oh my god. I'm not joking like shelter dog eyes. You are a little sad puppy puppy's happy though recently. The puppy is so happy

alright bye everybody we'll see you soon i love you don't forget about us please don't forget about us please don't forget about us kill ourselves if you don't come back here in two weeks i'm not i'm not joking and i'm being dead fucking serious when i say that oh my god out.