Emergency Intercom - happy valin times day

Episode Date: February 14, 2025

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Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I feel like we should explain ourselves a little bit because we kind of just like jumped in. No. But we're in Big Sur. It's Valentine's Day when this episode comes out and we're just doing a cute little walk through the woods. Ahahaha! Motherfucker! What? Oh, I just slapped myself in the fucking eyeballs with this goddamn Elphaba broom. Oh my god.

What do you think Travis Kelce is doing right now? Did you see he had to leave in that stupid ass suit? Yeah, he probably fully expected to win. And then he had like a glittery blouse on. Bro, in a situation like that, you stand ten toes down and you leave that stadium like, I don't even give a fuck. You have to like, he should have just gone back there, done a line of coke or gotten blackout trunk within five seconds

And then walked out like I can fuck bro like right yeah, like I feel like for the first time ever I don't feel bad for the losing team There are a bunch of clowns last year. We were like I feel so bad for them this year I'm like good bro. Good riddance cuz didn't they win last year. Oh Yeah, they've won like five years in a row. Get over yourself, bro. No, literally. Also, I feel like winning that much, low key, then what are you even trying for?

But maybe people just get addicted to being on top. I think that's literally what it is. And also like they were expected to win and they literally just played like the worst game as a team they've ever played in franchise history. Wait, actually it was like not only like a loss, but it was a bad game. Yeah, it was boring.

I didn't watch it, but from what I've heard, it was boring. Well, you can't pay me to watch football. No, literally. Actually, haven't you been to a football game in more recent history? Yeah, I've been to two. Yeah, I've been to one with Orion.

I went to the LA Chargers game and took an edible for the first time in like five years and got really scared and thought about jumping over the balcony and it just was replaying in my head over and over and over again and then I thought that everybody knew I was high and that like I was going to get thrown out of the stadium and I was going to make Orion look bad. And I just kept panicking. And I took like a corner of like a five milligram edible. It was like maybe point to five of weed.

We should just like drug you against your knowledge and give you like one of those edible like drink mixtures. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. We should just give you one of those and tell you that it's a fun like drink and see if it's placebo, if you actually are gonna lose your mind.

Yeah, try that on me one day. But I feel like I know- Imagine I broke you though, like I would kill myself. I know, I was gonna say, I feel like I didn't know immediately, like once I started feeling it, that it was weed and then I would you though, like I would kill myself. I know, I was gonna say, I feel like I'd know immediately, like once I started feeling it that it was weed and then I would be like, oh my God, my friends drugged me

and they're trying to kill me. Or like, it would be, what did I say yesterday when I was eating snacks, when I was like, oh, it probably won't hurt my stomach, but I'll sit around for the next three hours and think about if my stomach hurts. Is my stomach hurting right now? I feel like at this point, that's you when you try to get high. It's like you get high and you're like, am I going to be scared?

Like am I scared yet? Literally, literally. But like, I don't understand weed because everyone's like, yeah, there's like 30 minutes of me like thinking I'm going to die. And I'm like, how is that even relatively fun for anybody? I, yeah. These trees are so beautiful. I don't think they're real.

They're so pretty. They were literally made to climb up. Like we are actually- It's like the call of the void too, in a way. It's like we lived in trees when we were like apes or monkeys. And like we swing around them and I just want to be up there.

Yeah. I mean, it's also like Hunger Games. Like I feel like in Hunger Games, Peter would have been up this damn tree. He would have been blending and he would have made himself a stick. He would have turned himself into a stick with like mud. No, he'd literally be where we are, but like. Wait, that clip, like when it happened in the movie,

like I was gagged, because I was like, oh my God, he like really was able to do that. Like what the hell with just like river rocks, like what? Okay. And then, and then like as an adult, I see it now and I'm like, it crosses my suspension of disbelief in the craziest way. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Well, no the tea is

PETA PETA PETA PETA should have been the first cover boy like literally he made it fucking work he beat that fucking mug in the woods he had full drag makeup on he deserves to be crowned rupals yeah crown him crown him, crown him. Crown Peta.

Wow. I mean, he's had an awesome also discography, like going from Hunger Games to Five Nights at Freddy's. I can't lie, it's kind of goaded. Don't even mention that movie to me. That's drama. Drew was supposed to be in the movie. I was supposed to be in the movie.

Well, I have the rumors going around that Euphoria season three is for me. I made Jacob. It's for you or you're in it? I'm in it. I thought you said it's for you. I did, but. It's about you. Yeah, well, don't tell my people that. But I'm apparently in it. I think I'm in it. You think? Also, the way my story looked. Why do you think you're in it? I can't even say, but the way the story looked is it was like, who started the rumor I'm in Euphoria season three, and then the next photo I posted on my story

looked like me on set, like trying out outfits for the show. What do you think about that? It's you like behind a trailer. Yeah, it looks like I'm like on the lot, filming lot. Right. Well, it's Valentine's Day. And you didn't give me a gift. Where's my gift? I feel like we should just talk about love for a moment. That's my gift for Valentine's Day? Yeah. We just have to talk? Yeah. I'm done eating your coochie. Can we please go to dinner for Valentine's? I'm hungry. I want real food. That's not you making me a plate.

Your butt is not food. Love, bro. Well, I have trade in my DMs right now that I'm scared to respond to. I know. I just wish you had it in me. I mean, because up until recently. Actually, I wouldn't say I'm scared to respond to.

It's just I'm scared of it becoming something. Is it because you're fearing the end already or it just sounds too overwhelming to have to deal with? It's way too overwhelming. To have to deal with somebody else's emotions? Yeah, also I've never really been in a super serious relationship, so the idea of starting now really greens me the fuck out

because I'm like, what? Like I've lived like all my adult life, like essentially alone. And now I have to like figure out how to be in a fucking relationship. Like, hell no, that's too much. So I'm just like, girl, I got my friends. Like I don't need all that shit. Okay. So like, you know how this year is the year of reframing?

Let's reframe that and think about the monologue from Call Me By Your Name, which is like I'm not trying to say anything about you, but it's just like the best monologue about relationships I've ever heard. With the dad at the end. Yeah, when he's talking about like you go through all these relationships and you lose a part of yourself, you lose that fire to give your all to somebody because you realize how much work it takes, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I would argue that you are maybe the perfect contender for a relationship because you've had to do all your communication skills with your friends. We have hard conversations all the time. I think about that all the time that I got to watch all my friends go through their relationships and like make mistakes and like say things they weren't supposed to

Love like deeply and love correctly and I got to like learn how to like be in a relationship Like vicariously through like all my friends and I'm like in that aspect I'm lucky and like you were saying, we've already had so many hard conversations about just life and shit. And I know how to, cause when you first met me, bitch, I was emotionally inept. I was a Neanderthal.

I really had the emotions. I mean, I had emotions. Actually, I don't even know if I had emotions. No. Low-key sociopathic. No, I think you've always been emotionally intelligent, but like, it's like more than anything also, like- You just split me open. You cracked me open. You cracked that shit. I bent you over and dug around you. Yeah. She's digging in me for my emotions. I'm digging in, Drew. She's digging in my emotions. No, but I was gonna say I feel like when I met you guys, I was still pretty

emotionally and that's in terms of communication. No, you weren't. I mean, like you were light years ahead of everyone. That's like one thing about you is you've always been like, like, I feel like a leader in that sense in our like friend group, like, like, I feel like a leader in that sense in our like friend group like like in that Brock Hampton video in the beginning when I was like you taught like me how to love platonically I genuinely believe that like I genuinely do mean that. Well thank you so much. And still to this day. Well. And you taught fucking Josiah, Orion, Josh, Lucas, Christian. Like you taught us all how to like

love each other as friends. Well, that means a lot. So thank you. But the real tea of that is- Now come over here and let me finger you. You're not gonna hit bro. You can say all that shit. I'm not letting you hit.

Bro, what the fuck? You're sleeping with Josh tonight bro. I take all that shit back. I call couch, I call couch. And you want that damn couch so bad. No, I wanna dig in my friend tonight. Let me dig in. I just wanna dig around instead of saying

I wanna pick your brain. I wanna dig inside of you. But the real tea of that is I do think I've always had like an intense capacity for love, but until I met you guys, you guys have made my habits in terms of what I define as love and what I think I deserved. You guys have fully switched that because I feel like when I first met you guys, I was like super shut off in terms of friendship connections.

I've always been very emotionally vulnerable in terms of like the romantic sense, which I think is also like why growing up I had a problem where I had a crush on everyone I knew because I knew I could like love people very deeply, but I have and still have a hard time separating the two, especially when like I only have sexy friends. So it is really hard. Like it literally like, especially when I was growing up like

I mean you're really just talking about me here right now I mean you're my one and only wait the way we literally are each other I know I was thinking about that in the bathroom this morning because I was like damn I kind of want a family but I just don't think I want a family romantically but I wish humans were more simple because in my in my dream world I would have a kid with you or Ryan but then I'm like damn think I want a family romantically, but I wish humans were more simple because in my in my dream world I would have a kid with you or Ryan, but then I'm like damn That's still a kid that you have to split with somebody But I would rather split a kid with one of you

But because we know how to share like yeah, that's the thing is like we know how to like we live like 50-50 And like there are things and then that's just gonna go into like miss andry, but like I Was gonna say like a man should, well, whatever. No, a man should be actually useful. Literally, like, damn. I don't even think that's misandry anymore. It's like this, like, it's literally, men have never been fucking useless.

You know what I'm referencing is the marriage story monologue What's Her Nuts did in the office. Like, do you know what I'm talking about? No, I don't remember it, because all I remember is like AHHHHH EVERYDAY I WAKE UP AND I WISH YOU WERE DEAD EVERYDAY I WAKE UP AND I WISH YOU WERE DEAD Um no the one I forget

What's her name? Josh do you know her name? Scarlett Johans? Laura Derns monologue when she's like talking about like Men and I'm like see that's Tea and it took us but like The idea of like a good man Has only existed for 30 years that's like the realest shit I've ever heard because like like 30 years ago men were like just like

Supposed to be like beating up their wife and kids and like being an alcoholic that was like what a man Also, what's crazy is we're still at the idea of a good man. We haven't gotten there yet We still I think Steven is a good man. Yes haven't gotten there yet. We still are. I think Stephen is a good man. Oh yes. Stephen, Stephen like my sister's husband is a good guy. That's like a one in a, that's really a one in a million. But like also like imagine, just imagine me in a fucking relationship in you. Like realistically like think about me like going to someone's house. Like that doesn't track. Like and like think about them coming to our house.

That's like, that is the crazier part. But I will say that's the crazier part for all of us. Like, yeah. Like, bringing anybody into our domain is really like it's like the Royal Rumble. Oh my god, should I say what I thought? Yes. Wait, hold on. Let's let's preface it really quick. Okay. So, um, I've been getting into WWE. I mean, I say I've been getting into it, but I've literally for like the last eight hours of my life, I've just been watching YouTube videos. I've been learning about it. I mean, that's getting into it. You're teaching me and Josh.

Uh, what is it? I believe in Joe Hendry. Embarrassingly, he's the reason why I wanted to watch WWE because he's fine shit. And I looked him up and I was like, wait, wait. I'm glad you admitted that. But the Undertaker is like, I've just been watching walkouts because I think like in my head, it's the year of reframing like we've been saying and I like always like saw like WWE and I was like girl Like fuck this shit like it's obviously fake and then I'm like, oh, yeah, duh It's fake like why can't I enjoy like they're actors like me about movies. I just don't like movies Yeah, I just don't like that shit. I just don't believe them. Wait. Also, I had this idea

So, you know wet t-shirt contests? Yeah. We should start having open book concepts where like girls read books and show their minds instead of wetting their white t-shirts. Anya? Open book concept. Contests.

They like read. They like really. Are they reading in the white t-shirt? No, no, no, they're reading and like. Then I don't want to, I don't care. Bro, you're such a boy. Can we wet your clothes and see how they cling onto your body?

You know that the full thing, it's really scary. Oh, but. People like that shit. What? Like wet clothing clinging to body is a full thing, it's really scary. Oh, but- People like that shit. What? Like, wet clothing clinging to body is a full sub-genre of like, a kink. Ew. I mean, I guess it tracks because of latex.

Yeah, it also makes sense because like, if a bad bitch posts a picture in a wet shirt, I'm looking. Josh is very silent. He's looking away awkwardly, like what? Josh is like, dude, wet? like that's quite, wet clothes. But I've been getting into WWE, so I was like, like mansplaining it to Inya and Josh and like showing them clips. And if they were acting, they're amazing actors, but they seemed interested in it.

And something that I've always always always always been obsessed with is basketball. Well we started talking about basketball in the NBA and shit and Inya finally admitted that she thinks she could- We are crossing a line because I said this would never be public knowledge. Oh wait I thought I thought that's what you were saying. Like, no, that's OK. Actually, we can leave this in because I do have to just battle with this. Like it really is. It's coming from a very teenager place. Sorry if I literally wasn't supposed to say that.

No, it's funny. You know what it is at the end of the day? Like it's kind of like the conversation about the baby bangs. Like I want baby bangs because I don't want straight guys being like, yeah, she's chill. Like, I don't want people to be like, oh my God, I'm actually going to have a stroke thinking about it. If I was out in public and a random guy came up for a picture and he was like,

you see the game last night, I would shoot the person. Like I literally like, if I had a gun, I be like but that's see that's the tea is like you you me and you go over to Devon Lee Carlson's house cuz she likes basketball and we we hang out in these safe spaces only too but me when I'm teaching my baby how to eat solid foods instead of breast milk too Choo. Choo. Oh, my new name. We're gonna start calling me Druke. Wait, because of Duke University? No, just Druke. Why? It's just like it rolls off the tongue better than Drew. Juke. Druke. Druke. Well, I'll just end up saying Duke because that's like a dance. No, Duke. No, Duke. No, Duke Duke. Can you stop me Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke.

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slash intercom. But yeah, we started talking about NBA and then India brought this up and I didn't want to hear it until she told me while the cameras were on. Okay, well, Drew doesn't know this information because we were trying to decide if it was actually funny or I had to tell Josh first because I don't want this whole gag that I'm stupid to be a thing because bitch I'm not stupid don't fucking play with me like you saying this whole gag like you weren't like I'm not the one spearheading the rumor that I'm

stupid you're heading the movement well it's because it's like the rumors just get out of control nowadays why is there a rumor that I'm stupid the person who started the rumor Why is there a rumor that I'm stupid? The person who started the rumor. But this is really embarrassing to admit. And the reason why like the NBA or the reason why sports are so underwhelming to me in general is because I thought, so I thought, say you wanted to be a basketball player. I, in my head, the reason the Olympics were such a gag

is because it really was the Royal Rumble of the world in my head. I thought- That is kind of true. No, but listen, it gets deep. I thought, and I thought this up until like last year or something, I'm not kidding. Cause this is why the Luca whole thing confused me so much.

Cause I'm like- She thought it, we were talking about Jokic. Well, yes. I got all the white guys confused I don't really know like because the thing is really when y'all show me pictures and stuff I'm like looking but I'm seeing through you're here not you're hearing but you're not listening no I'm I'm looking from here but I'm not looking from here yeah like this isn't connected most of the time um But I thought, I'm trying to like, I feel like I explained it perfectly to Josh last night. Essentially, I thought that if you wanted to play basketball,

you're from Texas, you had to play basketball in high school, which yeah, usually you have to like start from a child because like sports are weird and crazy like that. So you do basketball in high school, then you go to a good college in Texas, and then you play college basketball, and then you just move up to the Mavericks or something.

Like you have, I thought you had to stay in your team from your state because I was like, well, yes, like duh, you're like, why are you repping a state that's not yours? And I think even as like, I thought like the whole switch off thing, like I remember when I do know LeBron was at like, what the Cleveland fucking, like Cleveland. Cleveland Beavers.

Really? Yeah. They are not the Beavers. They're literally the Beavers. I was gonna say, no, they're not the Beavers. I swear they're the Beavers. They're like the Clovers or some shit. Yeah, they're the, fuck what are they? Okay, so he was on the Cleveland Beavers.

And then I remember he got switched to Miami, and I thought that was history in the making. I was like, damn, he's not from Miami, and they're letting him play on the Miami team. Like, he must be good. Like, wow, he must be that good. And I still didn't think anything of it. So I thought the Olympics was such a gag,

because I thought of it like, I thought of it like, I was in debate. You do debate, and you do it like, I thought of it like, I was in debate, you do debate and you do it like, you can get up to the nationals if you win like competitions in your area or whatever. You get to the nationals and then you do country-wide, like state, what are they called? Like statewide, like championships, like yeah,

like a championship, whatever. But I basically thought like states fight against each other with like the people they they born, right? I thought it was some medieval time shit. So I always was like, dude, sports is really weird. Cause what do you mean, I was born in Miami and now I have to fight for my fucking right to be a Miamian.

Oh. But that's why I thought it was. And then that's why I thought the Olympics were such a gag. Because I was like, damn! Literally the countries are fighting the girls are fighting Okay, something else I wanted to bring up is in the last episode I Explained that I got scammed by my favorite rapper. I got scammed by Edward Skeletrix but it worked out in my favor because I

But it worked out in my favor because I got a DM from the company saying, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I forgot to send your stuff. And they're sending me an extra special Edward Skeletics iPod. So. It's probably gonna have like malware in it to give you a virus. It's gonna have tracking information

and they're gonna like, yeah. Oh, you shouldn't, you should not be leaning on this. It's like have tracking information and they're gonna like yeah. Oh you shouldn't you should not be leaning on this it's like this wood is a little damp and it's gonna fuck with your leather. I know when I was laying down I could feel it seeping through but I was like whatever I'm committing to the bit. But yeah we gotta get you in a relationship sis. We gotta get you. I mean. Actually I take that back I really don't think, my idea is I don't think anybody needs a romantic relationship, but maybe that's coming from somebody

who's very lucky in that region. I don't think I need a romantic, I mean, because I already have a romantic relationship with you. So I think like, I think we're just gonna end up together forever. Well, yeah, but we just gonna end up together forever. Well yeah, but we just can't have sex anymore. I know, that's just what marriage does though.

But also, every time we hook up, I get a UTI or a yeast infection or a BV. I have a dirty dick. I know, and I beg you, I'm like, okay. You signed up for that. Dude, sometimes I'll literally run the sink water to warm and I'm like, please, there's hand soap and the sink water is warm, just like a little rinse and he refuses.

The tea is, is if you think your boyfriend's cheating on you, smell his penis. And if you smell vagina, obviously he's cheating. If you smell hand soap that isn't yours, he's cheating. And he thought he was being slick. I'll be damned before I smell a man's dick. I'll be damned. I'll be damned. I'll be damned. I smell a man's dick. I'll be damned. I'll be damned.

I'll be damned. Like smelling it like it's a cigar. Just smelling it to see what's up. Like if I'm getting that like ludicrous in terms of thinking I'm being cheated on, I'm cheating. You're being cheated on. I'm cheating.

If you think you're being cheated on you're being cheated on. Like your intuition is, your intuition's mostly right. But we're about to, it's Valentine's Day and we're about to ruin like 8,000 like relationships. Ruining relationships. Well, the real tea is, and this is going to be

like the craziest thing I've ever said, but specifically for women, I grew up really, really, really like fearful of being cheated on. And I've had so many experiences where a line is crossed and I feel uncomfortable on all these things. But the best part about growing up is it will not kill me. Which is very brave to say, but I feel like so many young people,

especially in this, unless they're in age with iPhones, so many people are in these weird situationships. And it's like, Rain put it perfectly, it was like the idea of like, relationships are so weird because, yeah, when you're with that person, you feel so confident and everything is awesome,

but when they leave, the confidence is gone. So you're actually not confident. You're just like faking it with this random person. And I feel like if you find yourself feeling like that, and I feel like when you get cheated on, that is a huge thing. Like people become really attached to those people because it's like, well, this is a source of comfort and confidence.

And like, what am I going to do without it? And you should put that time into yourself and the people around you because it won't kill you. But also, like if you get cheated on, it's your fault. I'll say that much. You weren't putting out. Yeah, you're not putting out. You're not cooking the meals right. Like, you're not washing the dishes, doing the laundry. Yeah. And that goes for men too. No, I really I really

do live in the fact that a woman cheating is okay. What did he do? No, I mean, well, yeah, I feel like it just takes more to get pushed out. I don't even know why I brought that up. But I was just thinking about like, I feel like Valentine's Day is for some reason specifically for young people the day a lot of people find out like oh Okay, this is an it But that shit's a scam bro every day is Valentine's Day if you spread love to the right corners

Me and my boy toy. This is my boy toy. Wait, fuck, I saw something. Me and my girl trade. Wait, I saw something. My girl trade. I saw something that was like a guy. I am your girl trade.

But can girls be trade? The problem is you say trade so much that I started to say trade and I sound like one of those bitches who's like, that's trade. And it's like, bitch, you don you don't know what trade means but it's like we do it with every word. I I just Girls aren't trade but I just think it's funny to call girls. That's what people thought until they met me Yeah, girl trade like to me this log is trade. I'm humping this log like this log like this one is like specifically

I'm humping this log like this log like this one is like specifically Specifically like the layer of moss on it is like very Hypersexual yeah, it's like clean cut. Yeah, it's she's she cleaned up for you. She got ready for me, bro. I Wish you had a house in the woods, but I will say I don't know if I could actually survive that socially But I feel like I've become a hermit more like you the past year. Is that what you're saying? I've infected you with my hermit mentality, but it's not as bad as you think it is, though. Like being a hermit?

Yeah, I think everybody just needs their year of rest and relaxation and whatnot, because it just needs. Well, I feel like the problem is I get a bit cabin fever-y, and I feel like that's, I used I used to be like damn why does Drew get so hyper at the end of the day when I come home and it's because you have fucking cabin fever. Yeah. Because you've been inside all day and I've been outside exploring the world and having fun and I come back and just like woohoo. How's your day? I used to like leave the house for the first time in

three days and like be like oh my my God, I feel so good. Like, why do I feel, why do I feel so good right now? And it's because I ate a meal before midnight and I left the fucking house. And you spoke to humans. Yeah, I like, I interacted with humans. I guess you could live in the woods though and still get interactions just like on a smaller scale.

Yeah, and it's like more meaningful connections because like the the worker at the what's that a Safeway that we went to was like so like that was such a cute conversation to have. I know it was really sweet. Get up in there. I'm scared of the webs do you have your phone to shine a light to make sure I don't get webs in my hair? Yeah, I think you need to go in there. Um, wait, it's kind of scary. There might be like spiders everywhere. I need to back my ass up in there though.

Or bats maybe. Yeah. Bats? Rabies. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. get it but like people are like like they get rabies and they fucking like get allergic to water

like you try to give them a cup of water and they like freak out like they hear running water sounds and they start hissing like it's really crazy and we really haven't gotten very far because what do you mean you start hissing at water bro literally but i want to live in the woods really badly because like i was saying the Safeway guy I thought was like such a wholesome conversation and it was just him like to another he was like probably like 55 and then this like person was checking out who was an actual asshole dickhead that I was like genuinely upset by his energy. They were talking about the Kendrick Lamar halftime show and hearing their perspectives as middle-aged white men was so interesting to me because it was like, oh, literally this is the average American's reaction to this and the dude checking everybody out was like,

dude, I thought it was awesome. And once you learn the history and the dude checking everybody out was like, dude, I thought it was awesome. And once you learn the history and the lore about what's going on, it becomes significant and it becomes fun, da da da da da da da da da. And I was just like, oh, see, this guy just wants to have a cute conversation. He just wants to talk. Yeah.

Can we just talk? Can we just talk? Can we just talk? Talk about. Kendrick Lamar performed at the Super Bowl and it was a very major moment. Enjoyable fun. But what it really made me think about

and what it really dredged up for me was y'all remember that girl that says, my last stroke just went viral? That like meme, we'll insert it here. Well, she, I think we're gonna cross.

Oh, it's just a wire. Well, she, like before that video like went super, super, super viral everywhere, I had found it, not to be that guy, but like, and you can attest, that was a very major moment in my life, was that specific video.

And so I messaged her on my Instagram and we were DMing because she had followed me. And I was like, oh my God, like, I love your video. I think you're so good at singing. Like, do you want to make a song together? Because I was making a lot of joke music at the time. And well, she messaged me back and was like, yes, let's collaborate on a song.

And I was like, okay, yes, let's do it. So I messaged her and was like, okay. Yes, let's do it So I'd message her and was like, okay Well, I'm gonna like find the beat and then I'm gonna send you the beat with my verse on it And then you can just do whatever you want like freestyle but like Specifically seeing that style because it's awesome. We're gonna make magic Well, like we deem DM back and forth and then like a couple days go by and I hadn't had the beat yet, so I messaged her and was like, hey, I'll have the beat and stuff ready tomorrow if you're ready to lay a verse down.

And then she didn't respond to me for two days and I was like, damn it, I fumbled. I should have just messaged her quickly. The beat ready. I should have had it all ready to go before I messaged her. Well then she messaged me back, or I messaged her saying, hey, what's up, you ready? And then I messaged her. Well, then she messaged me back or I messaged her saying, hey, what's up?

Like, you ready? And then she messaged me back saying, well, actually, I have a manager now. Off of that one video, she got a manager. And she said, they were thinking that I should be paid $20,000 for this verse on your song. And I was like, $20,000 for a verse from like someone with a meme?

Like, girl. It's crazy how like, having a bad team around you will really have you putting in all your chips to cash out early when you could have just been chill. It could have been for the love of the game. What happened to the love of the game, bro? Like people need to love the game more, like for real. Think, okay, if y'all actually gave a fuck,

you would treat your life like squid game. Where's the love for that game? For the love of the squid game. Fuck Josh, we're not gonna fit on this bridge. Yeah, Josh, you're too wide. Should be, oh. Actually Josh, I really am not comfortable with you stepping on here. We're all on it

at the same time. Yeah, because you're too big. Like back up. You're making me laugh. know, like back up. Because you're too big. I'm gonna give you a minute. He's like, oh. He's working on it. You know what I wanna do at one point in my life? You know that you can like work at a national park

and live there for the summer to be on Wildfire Watch? That's what Quinn did. Really? Yeah, not Quinn Blackwell, but there's like this TikToker guy. He like worked at a national park like for a year. Yeah, I've seen girls who do like fire watch, like you go up and you get dropped in the tower.

In the mountains. Yeah, we should go do fire watch. I would love to do that this summer actually, especially after all the fires here. Like it would feel nice to contribute in that way, if that makes sense. Cause I stay up all fucking night anyway So imagine I just got to be in a fucking cabin on the top of a mountain looking out for fires

But also I would be smoking weed up there and one and starting to think that I'm gonna start a fire and two Terrified yeah, you'd you'd literally start the fires yourself We're actually recording an episode right now. Do you want to be in it? Dude, that'd be a big flex for my friends. Yeah, you're in it. Question, have you guys seen any banana slugs? Like I know. No, but I did not know they were out here

and I will be looking. It's cause no, I went all the way to the falls. Oh, can you go through here? Yeah, it's just, you can't go around, which is the shitty part because it'd be a lot easier. So you have to go through it and then back, but the falls is cool. And I'm like looking for banana slugs and I feel like a video game character cause I keep stopping and asking someone and they give, they give me little hints.

You're piecing it together. When you get to two idiots, you know nothing. You're like hitting A, you're like, okay, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough,. Nice to meet you. Adrian, nice to meet you. The whole idea of getting older and getting dead serious is so played out to me and that's why everybody has this crippling obsession and fear of aging because everyone feels like they have to rush into this character and I don't think it's that fucking serious. I don't think anybody needs to know how deep my brain goes. That's real as fuck. Like I can make poop jokes for the rest of my life. Exactly. It's not that- I'm not a millennial. Also like not even that but I don't know. It's just not that deep.

Why have I never seen a five tube man in real life? I've literally I've seen shorter and I've seen slightly taller but I've never seen like a 5'2 man just like walk past me yeah. How I don't I feel like that's pretty rare yeah but like a man that short. I see like four two girls all the time but I never see five two men. There have to be I mean all of them are wearing oh kaisen. Oh true true true they also all wear like boosters on their feet. Yeah, they're all you know what it is every motherfucker who's still wearing a Chelsea boot I know it's just because you're short It's because you're tiny The Chelsea boot era like can we please

Can it be chopped like can we can we give it the boot can we give it the Chelsea boot and that's on Pharaoh something I'm trying to get better at is my self-control which is highly intertwined with my spending and that is a perfect way to take a break for our sponsor of today's episode, Rocket Money. I have a really bad habit that if someone tells me to watch something and I'm by my computer, oh, I don't have that subscription based platform. I'm so smart. I'm going to sign up for the free trial.

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I'm so glad we're here in the theme park right now. We're in the nature's reserve right now. I wish we were at Disney in line for a ride like this, bro. This is crazy that for me, this genuinely doesn't feel that crazy. I know, it doesn't feel nor. Aw, I mean now these people coming by are really gonna think we're a couple.

Like we for real look like a couple. I mean, every single person that sees us thinks we're a couple because we basically are. Oh my god we literally look like fucking like we were perving out. Like when I walk past people doing the same thing like I'm like oh my god they were about to fuck and then when they walk past us they're gonna walk far enough away to be like bro they were about to fuck. We interrupted them having sex. Yeah. And now we look super sus, like... I know.

Um, what did we say to them? Should I put them aside and be like, dude, I'm sorry. I swear we were... Yeah. About to do it. Howdy, y'all. I'm good. How are y'all?

Oh, is it Gracie Abrams, lady? That's fierce. The dad really did not fuck with our energy. I won't. They thought we were gonna fuck. I mean, we are. Tonight, after I proposed. Low-key mad annoying. Because the thing is,

I will always see couples being like that in public, but I won't actually give a fuck. I don't care. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Like, as long as I don't see your fucking junk or your lips, like, I don't give a fuck. I'd prefer to see their junk or lips, personally. I think camel toes need to come in.

Like we had gray toes. In a very major way. Challenge, we need camel, we need gray, gray leggings challenge. We need moose knuckle challenge. Oh wait, a moose knuckle's for a guy. Yeah, a girl's is a camel toe. Yeah.

I hate that I want to drink this water so bad. It feels like a very fucked up and sick joke that God would put this water on this earth and I can't just drink it. I mean, you could probably drink it, but it's just like, you're risking getting a brain eating amoeba. They just want to fear monger us.

Because I feel like I- They don't want us to drink the free water. That's what I'm saying. Like I genuinely, like obviously don't go drinking random water, please. Like I'm not saying that- It's like the raw milk. Yeah, like the raw milk theory. Don't drink raw milk. Don't fucking drink random water. like I'm not saying it's like the raw milk like yeah like the raw milk theory don't drink raw milk don't fucking drink random water but deep deep down in my soul

in my caveman soul my body tells me that this water is fine I know I agree my gut is telling me I could take a few sips and I'd live yeah I mean you you definitely could yeah but it's like giving like is it worth the risk like we have clean worth the risk? Like we have clean water. But like, why do we have to pay for water? Why do we have to pay for water, tampons, pussy? Yes! Why do I have to pay for pussy? Like, yes!

Like I've like, I'm tired of like having to pay for it. Like it should just be free. I mean, but then like how, like, how would we even make our situation work if you weren't paying me anymore though? I mean, if I was married to you, it would change. I don't know. You still have to pay me.

I would marry you if you paid me. Would you pay me to marry me or you just expect to get it? I expect to get it. That's ridiculous. Uh, what is it? Hey, my name is Nicholas and it's so ridiculous. Hey, my name is Nicholas and this is ridiculous. Got mad gummy money and it is deliciousness.

Where is that from? It's like the first vine ever. Oh my God, my hand is also freezing. They're like, wait, that literally is us. This is Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton. Didn't he shoot his friend in the face with a gun? Wait, did he really? I think so. Bro, all those freaky-ass motherfuckers have done some weird shit.

Yeah, but that was like the first vine ever made. Not actually, but like- Oh, is it that guy who ended up making like, good or nice girls? No, no, no. Same, same genre of white guy though, right? Yeah, he had like long hair, grown out beard era. Oh, I know, I know. You would like open the app and like,

log in for the first time, don't let go. Let go of my hand. Anybody want to see a picture of the hot dog I had last night? It's pretty perfect. I mean, the photo, we won't talk about the photo, but it's the contents of the photo that matter. Jenmoji can't even make an emoji. Inya got gourmet hot dogs, like $2 hot dog buns,

and then spicy mustard and shitty ketchup, or Heinz ketchup. It was good. Wasn't good as fuck though. Oh, I was getting there. It was really delicious, but the duality between all the complex flavors was very interesting and I just want a wiener. Like I don't want like a like an all beef hot dog. I want like lips and assholes like from the pig or like the ear cartilage in my hot dog.

I want that from like you. My lips and asshole. You don't want to go today? I'm just worried about it getting dark. Like- You're scared of the dark? No, I just like in Hawaii- Hey, you're scared of the dark. That's-

Ah ha ha ha! I'm not scared. Ah ha ha ha! I'm not scared of the dark. Domingo is scared of the dark! Ah ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha!

I'll let you- Domingo. Me, when I! Aaaaaah! Domingo! Me when I say I won't be horsing around the first day the dog Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Should we all race? Should I run? I can't run on camera. That's fucked up. Running on camera. Look how beautiful she is. Like look at her. What's up guys? My name is Vanya. I just bought, what is this again?

Like a hundred thousand acres of land. I'm gonna marry that one. Who knew the podcasting game would get me a national forest. Guys, thank you so much for supporting. Owning this land means a lot to me. I'm gonna knock all this down. She's funny. Down to pavement. She's silly. And I'm gonna make. She's cute. I'm gonna make a Walmart. She's buying the land. I'm gonna build a Walmart here. I'll do a Walmart. I'll do a

Tesco for my British folk. Oi oi huzzah. Thank you for coming. Say she's funny. I don't know. Why do I keep saying huzzah? No, you're supposed to say ba-doink-a-doink. Ba-doink-a-doink, huzzah. And that's what? And I put that on what? I put that on Pharaoh's family pyramid.

Yup. Huzzah. I put that on Pharaoh's family pyramid. I feel like huzzah should come at the end. And I put that on the Pharaoh's family pyramid. Oh no, huzzah should. It has to end family pyramid. I feel like Hazal should come at the end. I put, and I put that on the Pharaoh's family pyramid. Oh no, no Hazal, Hazal should. It has to end on pyramid. Did you ever have to do PT?

I think I've talked about this before, PT like physical tour. I fuck off. Thank you so much for doing that. That literally hurts so bad. It literally means everything to me. You're thinking the tree? Oh, stop. Okay, I'll, no, I'll talk to you later. You're thanking the tree?

Okay, I'll talk to you later. Stop! Stop! Get his ass. Again. Hit him. Seize him. Guards. Not the challengers! That hurt really bad. Guys, we're back where we started y'all. Wait, wait, actually do that. I was going to hold for you. Get on here and walk and we'll do that down here.

Wait, what? Like lawn mower. Okay. Is this a good workout or am I going to hurt my back? It's probably a good workout for your shoulders. You're going to get nice and broad shoulders. Okay, go, go, go. Wait, keep going. I'm going, you're not going.

Now, how cool does that look on camera, bro? Does that look sick, Josh? Josh? Wait, hold it. Keep holding it. This is our vogue shoot. Okay, ow, ow, Drew let go. We love you. We love everything you do. Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine, happy. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine. Happy, happy Valentine's. Happy Valentine's Day. Do you know the song? No. Happy Valentine's Day. It's outcast.

Guys, seriously, we're forgetting the greats. Uh, wait, what is my media? I've been listening to a song on repeat Probably the fucking challenger shit, or I only listen like I really it's Ross. Yeah, I only listen to Social Network soundtrack. Oh bitch The fame by Gaga. Oh, yeah, that's what I was blasting and I'll say boys boys boys paper gangsters specifically Gangsta like was I not blasting that shit? and I'll say, boys, boys, boys, paper gangsters specifically. Gangsta, like was I not blasting that shit? Then we were listening to Abra Kadabra on full blast

because that's a banger, like old Gaga's back. Oh, also Addison Rae, she is, I mean, I say it every episode, but like just prepare for AR1. Like it's gonna shift things. It's gonna be groundbreaking. Some of you aren't gonna understand it at first and that's okay, but once it hits the mainstream and it's on the radio, because it will be getting radio play.

Oh yeah. You won't hear the end of it and she's going to take over and win best new artist at the Grammys in 2026, calling it now. Like the thing is I agree, but she's not gonna let you hit, so you can like actually stop. Not everything is about me hitting.

I mean, it is. Exactly. But. Caught ya, caught ya right handed. Got ya bitch. Okay, Drew's Psyop Corner in the woods. Somebody asked me what to do with leftover bacon. I have never heard of that kind of bacon.

Is it new? Also, why is that the best you've ever enunciated any sci-op corner in the planet? I accidentally showed some weakness earlier today. It was disgusting. I would not recommend it. I wish my coochie had alopecia because I'm tired of saving. Fuck. I wish my coochie had alopecia because I'm tired of shaving big Wanda. Isabelle the great sent in potentially the best

user submitted Psyop of all time. He doesn't play about her name bro. Just came in 3.14 seconds. I call that a cream pie. A cream pie? 3.14159. Oh! Gag on it. Isababel the Great you cooked. Bitches always tell me I'm too

chronically online and I need to touch grass as if my hand isn't already on my bush right now. As if I'm not twirling my pubes. Yeah we really need Eduardo. I think I'm gonna like go to cosmetology school to become an esthetician and I'm gonna start a laser or a waxing company. But I won't be, I'll never remove a bush. I'll just do kind of like lineups and stuff. Oh, like a fade? Yeah. A coochie fade? One time. A low taper coochie fade is still massive. When I was like 18, 19, I was at Target with my friend Cyrus or maybe like I hung out with Cyrus after,

but I went and I got that like razor, like a coochie razor, like a Zzzzz ass razor because I was genuinely committed to doing designs in my bush, because I was so bored. And I tried and it's like way harder than you would think. Did you ever do a heart? I tried and it looked like an arrow.

Yeah. It was pointing down to the party. Ha ha! Yikes. Dude, what scared me was my own echo. It felt like a bird. I know. We're like in this beautiful park disturbing the peas.

Imagine I literally just jumped off and dived and killed myself. What would y'all do? Like the big finale. I'd honestly smoke the joint in my pocket and then go home. I wouldn't even give a fuck. It's like, no, I mean, yeah, if you killed yourself in front of me I would kill myself next. And then Josh wouldn't kill himself, he would use the footage and submit it to Sundance. But no, he would Logan Paul us is what he would do.

He would take our ideas and claim them like yeah, it was like this whole idea from the beginning that I had orchestrated. They said they wanted to kill themselves in this very big, beautiful fashioned way. And they needed me to document their last moments together. And then that's- What is John Paul and Logan Pork doing now? Are they still fighting? John Paul and Logan Pork, brother wrestlers now.

Thanks guys for tuning in. Peace and love. Happy Valentine's Day! I hope if you didn't have a romantic day, you had a platonically gorgeous day with your friends and remember that little sweet sentiments aren't just for Valentine's Day and aren't just for romantic

partners. You should give it to everyone you love because who knows, they could die tomorrow and you will regret forever not doing that nice thing you thought of doing. And that is the real source of all of my kindness to my friends is I am constantly terrified that they will die if I don't say I love them. I mean I do I do think I'm gonna die this year. Your hair is so beautiful. Thank you. It feels really pretty. I think I'm gonna die this year y'all.

Can you turn around and pull down your pants and shut up? I know damn well you're not pulling your butt crack out. Yeah, I was going you said to. Thanks for watching. And scene! Our big break!