Emergency Intercom - Humanity Has Gone Too Far

Episode Date: February 18, 2022

Drew and Enya are finally stepping in and fixing society. They have the answers to settling it all; TikToks, Kanye, KY.....  Really all this episode is about is Drew spiraling into insanity while Enya watches and laughs. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Welcome back to Emergency Intercom. I was going to say to a new episode of Emergency Intercom. And I was not going to let you say welcome back to this episode.

You weren't going to let me say what I want to say. No, because because as a man that's my place on this earth is to not let women speak you know usually i would argue with you but like i can appreciate the fact that like five seconds in you were just like speaking your truth and you're letting it be known what you believe in and like i think you actually thank you i know as as a woman as a woman that's your place to think yeah and as and as a woman I just believe that men should speak over me and I just that I don't believe in you know what I'm done you're done talking cool okay well let's let's jump right into this episode um my first topic of discussion that I wanted to bring up is we need to bring back manly men. You're so annoying.

I thought you were going to say what you walked into my room and said yesterday. Oh, fuck. Oh, I literally forgot about that. Let me not chew gum into the mic. I feel like I've done that before but when i do it it's like sweet because it's like oh my my little mouth at work you feel that is disgusting fell into the dust pile it's like literally just dust gum now where did it go no it's like right here it's between now it fell now it's sorry we're playing with drew's chewed up gum right now

anything's possible on this podcast anything is really possible oh my god i like um okay so one day i'm gonna come i was about to say i'm gonna come to set with a web i was like one day i'm gonna come to set with a bomb but one time somebody was like um not them calling their kitchen a set it is a set we had to move our dining room table set it up every day we have sacrificed having a cute corner of the kitchen for this like we very well could like make this like a pleasing thing to look at but like if i'm being honest like i i think we're giving y'all what you deserve visually do y'all want us to upgrade the visuals is that something you'd like

but or is this kind of a feeling if we upgraded people would be like i miss the old set yeah me too i miss the old set yeah i actually do um okay what did i walk into your room and say this fucking idiot came into my room like i'm working hard as fuck cleaning my closet like taking on a task i've been thinking about forever i'm finally home like i'm like okay it's time to like settle back in and drew just comes into my room and interrupts me mid-thought first of all i was in my closet putting things away and he just peeks his head around. And then I was like, why do you do that? And he goes, oh, to make sure you weren't naked. It's like if I was naked, you fully were naked.

And I was like being weird and secretive about it for some reason. Like I didn't want you to catch me peeking. But like I should have just announced my presence. But I like peeked over the door and you're like, why did you do that? And you're like, oh, I just want to make sure you weren't naked. And it didn't cross my mind as weird weird until this very moment like i had not given it a second thought um and then he was like i think i finally like i i know what i'm going to talk about on the next episode and like i need to just like i need to dispel like everything and i

was like what are you talking about and then he just says he needs to talk about Kanye West and like set everything straight publicly. No, straight up. And that's where I stopped him because I was like, whatever the fuck you're going to say, at least say it on camera so I can roll my eyes at you. On camera. It will change the way you think about everything forever. Like it might change the trajectory of the world. Though, like what am I about to say? Is this the big thing or no, this isn say is this the big thing or no this isn't even the big thing no this isn't even the big thing okay this is just the big thing coming is the next performer at the super bowl is gonna

die that's the big thing coming i'm predicting it now that's what's gonna happen you're you're like one of those tweet accounts that just says any single possibility on planet earth so that someone can clip it at some point i'm an ai generated bot and it's just constantly spewing big things that are bound to happen eventually yeah so that people could be like no one listened to through a time traveler yes um but yeah i just we've already talked about it though is the thing it is like we got into a conversation about it naturally yesterday but i was like i i think kanye west is a marketing genius and every single time he's about to drop an album he gets into the biggest controversy of his life and it's been the last three maybe even four album cycles where he into the biggest controversy of his life. And it's been the last three,

maybe even four album cycles where he goes, the last three were on Twitter, where he goes on those like Twitter rampages and everybody's like, he needs to be on medicine, like Medicaid Kanye, like, come on, like get back on your medicine. Like, he likes to stir the pot. He likes to stir the pot right when he's about to drop an album. And I fall for it every time. And then I, like, catch myself and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, he's just, because then I saw he's like, 2-2, 2-22-22, Donda 2 is coming out. Like, of fucking course he's getting in all this drama right now. Because he has an album to promote.

Every time stuff like this, like, happens, I do like to know and take pride in the fact that i don't like this is publicly like talking about it like we're feeding into it but like i had a take that i said to a friend and they were like you gotta post that and i was like no because i i cannot be another screenshotting like a screenshot that's getting like capsized and fucking like thrown around on ig stories also there's a nap that i keep catching capsized and fucking like thrown around on ig stories also there's a nap that i keep catching and i like those damn dishes i don't okay okay oh sue me oh take me to court oh sue me sue me lock me up i i threw away our sponge fun fact our sponge was fucking disgusting like our sponge probably had black mold in it

and we've been washing dishes with it for like four months i literally i think the lack of black mold in the air is making me anxious because every like something switched something switched recently in the past week and i'm scared at first at first you didn't like the black mold because you thought it was making you anxious i think it was just dumbing me down i think it was like turning my brain off to like a point where now you think you need black mold to like reignite your like senses back into my lungs because i need to be dumbed down i need to like be back present living present not thinking into the future i need that i was talking to kai about this i literally also i didn't even finish the anyway i threw away our dish soap sponge whatever the

fuck because i was like oh i'm just gonna buy a new one um but i'm one of those people who i'm like yeah i'm gonna do this i'm gonna get this thing and i need to get it and um like weeks go by and it doesn't happen so now four days have passed where i just keep piling up dishes because i'm like fuck i don't have a a sponge to wash this shit with and i've been reusing my coffee cup and like it has weird grooves that hurt but when i put my hand in it and like wash around with my hand it literally is like jabbing against the walls of the cup and it hurts i've used this mason jar for two weeks now without washing it you also told me that you've been using a reusable face mask for like months um and that is fucking disgusting oh my covid mask i don't give a shit like take them fucking muzzle off get the muzzle off of me i'll i'll obey but

i'm not gonna do it okay you did point this out that the new batman like ads are literally anti-mask propaganda it says unmask at the top corner of every batman and that movie's dropping on my birthday are they saying on my birthday they're gonna lift the mask no on your birthday we will unveil the mask like we will take it off like i will i will unveil myself of the mask what guys we're kidding we're kidding we before this? Guys, we're kidding. We're kidding. YouTube. No. YouTube, we're kidding.

Yeah, no, YouTube. We're joking. This is a fucking joke. We got a video taken down and they reinstated it like a month later. And it was just up. And they were like, yeah, sorry. We did. Our robots did make a mistake.

Okay. Well, you are actively fucking with my money. Actively fucking with my bread. Dude, what were you saying right before this, Kai? Kanye West drama. Kanye West drama. You said something about me. You were like, oh, I was talking to Kai about this.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I was talking to Kai about how I have monkey brain. That just showed it because I don't believe in thinking. Girl, that's just unmedicated ADD. No, it's not. Like, it's... No, it's not. It's like I could just forget things immediately and move on and live life in the moment.

And in the moment, I can enjoy life because it's just like off. It's like, oh, you have a task to do. No, you don't. Keep going. Yes, that's my like off. It's like, oh, you have a task to do. No, you don't. Keep going. Yes, that's my vibe too. Sorry, I'm looking out our window and thinking about everything but this moment. It's crazy. It's actually crazy.

It's crazy how quickly my brain can just like shut off whatever I'm fucking doing. And what is it? Think, overthink. I mean, I do that too. But like, am I the only one who like I lay in my bed at night to go to sleep and my brain is just like swamped with things. And I just like stay up all night. And I feel like that one picture of Bart Simpson up at 4 a.m. That's true.

Like at the edge of his bed just like thinking. Okay. I do have this idea. And I know you're going to say like shut the fuck up it's stupid but it's a genuine idea don't slow blink at me i just okay so at night like right like i'm sorry i know it's gonna sound okay um i just feel like i can't speak my mind anymore because I've been shut down so much. You have put yourself in that position. So at night, we should, let me, I wrote it down because I was like, okay, this is actually kind of a good idea. So let me just read it verbatim.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. We should do this thing at night. I don't have a name for it yet, where we close our eyes and our mind and body shuts off and shuts down for like eight hours. And we like rejuvenate and our brain our brain can even fill with spinal fluid and wash out all the junk from the day before you're gonna like you're actually gonna break me i'm gonna start crying you are the worst why why sleep it's called fucking sleep what is that you're so annoying because for a split fucking second i was like you know what i feel bad i feel so mean that drew feels like he can't just like say certain things and it's you always do this you're You're like a fucking evil man. No, I'm just an actor.

I'm just an actor. I can turn it on anytime I want. And that's all I do. I act. I think you should get a lobotomy. Do you know what that is? Yes. You should try one.

I bet there's a doctor out there that if you post it on IG, they'll do it for free. Literally. Free lobotomy services if you tweet it out. If you tweet it out before you get it. Yeah. I hate that you got me with that. And like it fucking destroyed my... Train of thought.

My train of thought. But I do want to bring up something that I was thinking about. Because I know a lot of you know we dabble in plane crash and lightning storms and hurricane videos. All the bad stuff that we probably shouldn't consume, we do. We consume it because we're only human. Yeah. Because I'm only human. Has anybody ever done that?

Are you hearing this fucking remix i'm making because i'm only human wait that's um nightcore remix wait we should start a festival where it's acapella acapella edm remixes just like the worst songs what's the rock with it lean with it you know what you know what needs i've been thinking about this a lot why is it why are people not tired of hearing paper planes by in the club granted that is a fantastic fucking song but literally anytime i'm in a club environment that fucking song plays and everybody loses their goddamn you know what it is is because at this point it's not in rotation like it's not in like the average person's playlist rotation so it always feels off guard yeah like it always is like

oh my god like i can't i can't believe this is playing right now i just saw someone's story and it was playing in their story and i was like come on do you need help no i don't because that'll tickle and then you know what i'll make them bleed oh um but yeah i was watching some of the stories and it was at like a club and paper planes played and i was like i don't think there's been like a single moment in my life where i've gone out and haven't heard that song i.i.a is probably top 10 musician of our generation period like easily like revolutionized everything see i could talk about it for hours but i'm not going to subject you you're just that kind of girl you like like this that kind of stuff yeah i'm different um but yeah it just freaks me out it freaked me out because then i was like there's

so many songs that are played over. Like the song that you were like, what's the song that white people like? And Kai was like, Mr. Brightside. Dude, that song? Dude, wait. Can you sing that? No, that's. How does that sound?

Mr. Blue Sky. Is it Mr. Brightside or Mr. Blue Sky? No, I'm thinking of orchestra how does that sound Mr. Brightside it's like doing just fine gotta get twisted

yeah I was thinking of the Mr. Brightside Mr. Blue Scott that's a different song gotta get twisted and I'm losing my mind no there's there's also another song that like david dobrik uses a lot in his videos and that is like another song where i'm like i associate this with like a room full of white people who like cannot believe this shit is playing but i cannot fucking think of it it's such a like it's probably ab ABBA. Anything ABBA. No, it's not Dancing Queen. It's not Dancing Queen.

That's Neil Diamond. Yes, that is it. That is it. Wait, what's the lyrics of that song? Neil Diamond. I think it's Neil. Oh, yes. Sweet Caroline. Is that Neil Diamond?

Dude, when that comes on in a club in LA. Like, I wish. I need to put a gopro on my head go into a club orchestrate for that to play and then go back to miami and play that in a club in miami and just watch the difference of like people being like why is this shit playing right now like why is this on fun fact about neil diamond is my my mama was obsessed with neil diamond is obsessed with neil diamond and like i think if she could have been a neil diamond groupie actually i don't know enough about her she might have been a neil diamond groupie and i'm not just just saying that like i'm gonna get fact checked by my mother and i'll report back to y'all next week but she is obsessed with neil diamond um

and that's that she had a cat named neil diamond um and i think it just recently died or maybe maybe it's still alive and it's on its deathbed um but my grandma also my grand my granddad and grandma like um they took care of like the neighborhood raccoons and they like would just put out piles and piles of cat food in their backyard and they would extract the this is exactly what peepaw and meemaw would be doing you saying my my granddad and meemaw meemaw and granddad my meemaw takes care of raccoons yeah she does and i think she let them in her house that's honestly beautiful she let them in her house recently um but yeah i have a i have a bunch of photos with like raccoons as a baby like just like feeding them out of my hands

oh that's fucking awesome i don't have actually not a bunch probably like three or four there is like an insane difference between la and miami that i always think about every time i go back to miami is like i feel like you notice that the amount of stray cats in miami is like insane versus like la i just feel like i don't see them as much maybe because they get fucking tore up by coyotes um but no but even in like koreatown and stuff like there aren't coyotes like in that area and i i just don't see cats like that we need more stray cats like am i the only one who feels like that yeah i agree um but to go back to what i was literally trying to say like probably five topics ago is something i've been thinking about is um i

genuinely believe humans were not meant to get this far like like some something went wrong like we we are just so bad at reading signs of evolution and when to stop like there's just so much danger in front of us like even on like a like normal everybody's like like sense but just as a whole we are so bad at it because i like kind of told we've gone too far we've actually absolutely i fully agree as humans we've gone too far we've gone too far and there's like almost like too much to partake in like there's like too many things for you to be doing at once because i the reason i brought up the cruise ship and or the plane crashes and stuff is because i randomly got recommended a real-time sinking video of the titanic and you know you know i had to click that

you know it was in my recommended too but i opted you know i had to waste three hours of my night watching that shit you watched all three hours of it um i was skimming through it because like there were moments because it was like in real time like saying what was happening so like probably in the moments of just like pure hysteria and panic, like there was no reporting happening on the ship because everybody was like freaking out. That movie was one of the first movies that made me horny as fuck. Like that movie. Yeah, that movie was the first movie that made me had to pee my little pants. Like I was like, damn, I am about to piss all over the sofa right now.

No. No. No way. right now no um but no way um that like the why no why were they moaning in the car we're on the boat why are you moaning in the car wait what isn and as a kid i was like i need that me me at eight i'm like i need i see leonardo gabriel like need um but what the fuck was i saying other than being horny oh but yeah i like whatever i was like watching the real event where like thousands of people died. Yeah. Not the not the not the horny, not the horny movie. But I was watching that and like whatever.

I finished it like I was about to fall asleep and I was like, I should put my phone down and go to sleep resting on like watching this like terrific accident. But I'm going to keep ingesting. Oh, I said terrific. Well, don't make terrifying. This event, this celebration. This beautiful party. This sacrifice. This IG post-worthy party.

But. How long ago was that? It was probably like. It was literally in 18 fucking 42 or some shit. That's a lie. It was probably in, I think it was like 1912. 20 or some shit. Let's find out. out like are people still

alive there's no way right no because i looked it up because i was like i need to hear one of these bitches talk right now and it literally happened in like butt fuck forever ago and i was like there's no way anybody's left the titanic oh it only happened in 1997 oh what the fuck so the movie was a documentary the movie no the movie was just happening in real time wait like it was just like a couple of friends got together and went on a cruise and wanted to like film each other and make a vlog guy who does thinks the the movie titanic is just a vlog of titanic um wait so you're telling me that didn't happen or no it did all of it no all of it happened but they didn't know they were gonna get it on video and that's the beautiful thing and that's why it's three hours long because

it's like how could you cut it was it was the new the newest jackass movie they sunk today we're gonna crash this fucking cruise ship into an iceberg um yeah i have it in 1912 but yeah so i was watching that and then like i was watching all these videos about like cruise ships and like things that go wrong and like blah blah blah like as time has gone on there's so many precautions that it's like rare obviously it's like with flight it's like more as time goes on it's more and more rare for it to happen yeah but i was thinking about it i was like humans are so funny for choosing this like as like a thing that you spend a lot of money to partake in because the way of evolution of travel like i don't know if i have this out of order i might be wrong in terms of like my thought of this evolution but like okay

when we started like whatever when humans were starting out they were like fuck walking is hard as fuck running is like not viable okay cool we can get on these horses and we can like travel around should have stopped there we should have never gotten the fucking horse we should have sat our ass down boned and died i get the connection like horse girls have to horses because like like after riding a couple of horses in my life, like they're alive in there. Like they're really. And like also they. They're alive in there.

They also like ushered in just humanity. They like helped us. And like we grew together. Like we're just like a little duo. Horses and humans. Well, now they're so fucking irrelevant to our life. It's actually sad. Yeah, it is really sad. The only connection I had to horses is at the park i went to there

was like a horse like riding thing as a kid and every time we had to walk by i'm like oh my god it's gonna smell like shit and that's my only connection and memory to horses horses are awesome and then i rode a horse in honduras i would like to do something like that again like go to like costa rica or something and like go to missouri and actually i do i am going to missouri this summer like without it out um anyways anyways anyways so yeah that's but that's for our world tour when we go to missouri um so like evolution whatever we have horses and we're like okay this like isn't viable if we want to cross water like horses can't fucking swim like that like we need to figure something out and they're like okay yeah boats but then obviously there was like plagues and like insane like mass deaths and fucking like pirates and like it was vitamin c deficiency yeah literally

it was just like insane and humans were like okay fuck we have to figure out another way to cross this like big thing of water because so many people die on this travel so then we had planes and then we had cars and like whatever that's not the right order but like oh i just thought about like how recently the world is like hyper connected like we can just go across the world and that's like a new thing no you can get on your iphone and plan a whole like trip to the other side of the world right now and that's like new like yeah whoa when we were younger you even had to go into travel agencies like what is how old is like commercial travel um i'm gonna say probably since 1912 since the titanic i'm kidding um but basically what i'm saying is like the fact that we we we evolutionized past having to be on boats. Everyone made the decision that like, OK, boats traveling that far is not good.

Like, we don't like that. But one of those motherfuckers was like, OK, wait. But if we put a bar, a pool, a strip club, a slip and slide on this damn boat, I will pay thousands of dollars to get on it. Yep. If you put a bed, a slip and slide, and some tequila on that boat, I'm getting on it. Have you been on a cruise? No. But cruises scare me.

Also, I don't come from cruise money. It is kind of awesome. Cruises are kind of awesome. Have you been on one? Yeah. I remember that, oh, I only knew one kid growing up who you been on one yeah i remember that oh i only knew one kid growing up who had been on a cruise and she was like the girl my whole life i doubt there was that big of a financial difference between us growing up but because she had done things like get on a cruise and her god mom drove a toyota camry from 2011 in 2013 i was like i want

to be you so fucking bad i I was like, she's living. Yeah. I went on a cruise, a Disney cruise to Disney Island. And then I went. What the fuck is Disney Island? There's, I don't think it's Disney Island. Soon there's going to be Amazon Island. There's literally going to be Jeff Bezos Island.

Listen to this. Okay. I'm airing my own shit out right now, let me let me get the number real quick um speaking of jeff bezos let's move on to elon musk did you know that jeff bezos was actually latin his last name bezos yeah it means kiss jeff kiss jeff kisses actually really cute yeah um 15 of the 23 monkeys that elon musk put the neural link in died they're dead how i feel you talk about that yeah um that devastated me honestly i was like damn so now you're not getting the neural no i'm gonna get it when it drops but it's not as near as i thought it was gonna be can we talk about how elon musk like literally kind of actually sucks like he hasn't done really anything he is the ultimate

scammer like he literally he like he got like done is pollute the fucking he got like a few like things done and people were just like this man is going to change they were this y'all's tony stark this y'all's iron man um yeah i've literally never seen i've literally never seen elon musk being held captive and make a new heart though i can t i can recognize the elon musk hate and i do hate the man but i still still want that goddamn Neuralink. Real recognizes real and that's how you are with Elon Musk. Yeah, real. I'm real and I recognize it when I see it. Put that guy, Elon Musk, please put the Neuralink in my brain.

I am literally putting myself on a platter. Like you can kill me. I don't care. I won't sue you. My family won't sue you. Please put it in me and see what happens. So two things. I broke my New Year's resolution.

What was that? To vape. And I've quit. Have you seen me with a vape in my hand since? Mexico? Yes, I did fucking see you with a vape in your hand in mexico no since mexico okay also i'm gonna air you out we i was driving us back from tepudozan where we filmed the last episode and we were driving back and like everyone fell asleep except jester and like me and jester

were just like chatting it up and then i'm'm like, what the fuck is that smell? Because it started smelling like the most artificial like lead infused scent I've ever smelled in my goddamn life. And I was like, what the fuck is that scent? What is that smell? And Jester was like, I don't know. And then Jester was like, I think it might be the vape. Like it might be the puff. And I was like, no, the fuck it's not. I'm like, what's happening?

And I'm driving in the pitch dark so i can't look back and then drew wakes up like moaning and groaning i'm pissed i'm livid okay i fell asleep like this and you describe it for the list or non-visual okay i fall asleep a head between knees bent down like he's prepping for a plane crash and i have the puff bar in my hand which is what disgusting like why is that comfort i felt it's like a little pacifier it's my little passy i gotta fall asleep with it it's like i always have to have it on deck like in the emergency that i need to hit it again um so i fell asleep with it in my hands and i guess like my body heat or like there was like maybe like suction somewhere in there because i was

like folded over like a fucking lawn chair that like it was just constantly ripping and leaking and spraying juice all over my body and i woke up so fucking angry because i'm not joking my entire body was covered in vape juice like my hands my legs my face even had it on it because i fell asleep with it also what's like comical about it like to me was we were in the middle of the mountain so it was there was no shoulder to pull over on or like anything but i just hear drew being like can we pull over and i was like we literally can't i'm going like 70 miles an hour down a fucking mountain right now like it was so awful and then like me me and Kai switched seats because I was in the middle seat. That's what y'all get for putting me in the fucking middle seat.

I didn't put you anywhere. And he, like, held the water bottle out of the window, and I, like, washed my hands. And it was spraying all over my hands and all over my body. And I was, not only did it not work, but I was soaking wet because all the water sprayed inside off of me. I'll never forget how miserable you looked. How do you look like a wet dog? work but i was soaking wet because all the water sprayed inside off of me i actually wanted to die i actually like in that moment i would have embraced death and then also like the nearest gas station was just as far it was further away from the airbnb please can we go

to the gas station go so i can wash my hands please please um is that why you are done vaping i'm well it's sad to hear you already gave up on your new year's resolution well no i literally think it ruins my life i think when i have the vape it ruins me but i just need a vice i need something because if i don't have that then i'm gonna turn your vice should be really caring up for yourself and like self-care oh you're my advice come here you're not really bad for you you're bad for me but you can't get rid of you can't get rid of you help help if you ever say some like that like publicly ever again i'm gonna step the you're talking into a mic i can't hear you um are you choose i have this written down i don't think before you go this is so fucked up but while you were talking about the vape um i thought about how i used to play

call of duty world at war 2 or whatever the fuck it is um on the wii because my dad really didn't want us to have it and my uncle got us a copy for the wii because my dad really didn't want us to have it and my uncle got us a copy for the wii because my dad thought it was only for xbox and like ps whatever the fuck um so i had it on wii and one time i was texting my crush and i think i've told this story but um i was texting my crush and playing call of duty and um my phone fell between my legs and vibrated from attacks and i literally couldn't believe it and i literally couldn't believe it but i just thought about that because every time we film i like put my phone between my legs because i don't want it on camera and it vibrated and i did squirt a little oh i do that sometimes i am sitting in a little puddle right now that's like how in the car i sit with

it like that it feels nice for a telemarketer to call me please call me and call me twice because i don't answer because so they so it vibrates twice and then leave a voicemail on the second one so that after a minute when i'm like okay i'm done it gives me one last one last little shock oh your fucking feet my flippers let me contort my body in peace please yes no they're my little house shoes i got little house shoes because my feet are cold because it's a cold 60 degree day and i put on my house shoes it does get belligerently cold in this house it's fucked up it's yeah i forgot that i'm literally sitting like on a pile of liposuction it's just become everybody's normal and everybody's just accepted it but like i forget like i actually think i've

morphed my ass into like this like lumpy like gross mass you haven't morphed your ass but the heat and pressure from your ass and body have fully morphed the chair so that there's now like a true concave for you to sit in yeah it's not bad anymore but i do like think it is kind of fucking with my spine like i i know there's like this thing where if like like men normally typically have their like wallets in their back pocket so when they sit on it it like has them sitting like one ass cheek up one down and it fucks with their spine this has definitely like given me scoliosis like my body has like because like if you look at how i'm sitting right now like one ass cheek is on it and one is just like levitating above it it's it's just not i i put my wallet in my back pocket but that's because sometimes i like the

way like it makes it look like i have an ass and then when I have to take out my wallet, there's just that big open space from the denim being stretched out, and it makes me really sad. And now I'm just stretched out. But that's why I got a BBL while I was in Mexico. Oh, bitch. This is exciting. This is really exciting. I am 10 days sober from tiktok yeah 10 days can i get a little celebration

the funny thing is when i kept talking about not having to talk literally no one batted an eye at me like i was the weirdo and now that everyone's like following sue and following behind me like i guess it's like it to be the martyr of a cause is like you you just have to take that you're the tastemaker in the trendsetter you don't get the recognition but i will i will guys how do you feel i feel like a fucking dinosaur i don't know anything that's going on anymore like i just found out today that russia's invading ukraine or whatever i don't fucking know anymore which i feel like i would have found out a long time ago on tiktok um i would have never known that because my tiktok timeline was only pretty girls and then toxic girls talking about how toxic they could be

in relationships that's awesome and then people being mean to me on my timeline um but i got do you know why i got rid of it why it's because i saw myself too much on it and it was freaking me out it was making a little existential and i saw people like for the first time like discussing my life in comments which like i don't give a shit it's funny to me but like it was kind of scary wait that one comment thread you read was so fucking funny let me find it it's actually basically how it went was someone it was like of scary wait that one comment thread you read was so fucking funny let me find it it's actually basically how it went was someone it was like me talking about like relationship or something and someone was like has drew ever dated anyone and someone responded to the comment and

was like uh yeah he like talked about dating someone and then they broke his heart so he went on a camping trip and then his brother died like that string of events is actually the funniest thing i've ever read in my life like okay first of all you could have ended at the first scenario like you could have just said that yes but like i guess they were they were trying to protect you they were like listen like don't talk about relationships but it did the comments ate so that's all i care about is as long as like i'm being talked about and the comments are eating it's all good um what i've decided that um i'm gonna jerk you off tonight no you're not no you're not no you're not yes i am i literally i

just i already decided it i didn't say like oh can i like will you be like free later i like i do it's in my google calendar like i have to it is in mine too yeah i know that's what i'm saying and we have a connected google calendar so anything i put in there you're doing girl like we've made that honestly yeah i mean i'm honestly done yeah okay good it could be it could be a vibe i was feeling like a deep seer of rejection for a minute but like it's good to know that you like i'm literally playing with my gum right now like fucking played i actually have lost i'm not kidding i this is something i do all the time is after i have a piece of gum i put it on like a cup or

something that i have and people find that disgusting but it's not that disgusting yeah i just tried to do that yeah i do it all the time i put it on like coffee cups from your book i think i took that page from your book i don't have a book what the fuck are you talking about i literally don't have a book what is that book of your life like what you do you have a book of my life oh my god she's a psychopath what is he talking about am i like oh i'm the freak you're talking about taking pictures you're talking about taking pages from my fucking book i wrote what is it a biopic about your biopic biopic is a fucking movie i wrote one about you i wrote it and i wrote a autobiography about you i think autobiography is when you write it right like because so it's a biography you

don't know shit like y'all are so annoying i can't be myself around you i'm just saying i say one thing it's gotta be a conversation it's always got to be corrected my life is always has to be corrected i'm the like five minutes it seems um well what the hell else is there to talk about i could talk about the worst airport experience of my life actually we don't have to talk about that i think i was cursed you were fucking cursed drew literally i actually think i have a curse i think there is a curse on me and our friend said that i need to there is like this like who said this to you joyce joyce was like oh like when i was younger um my i forget if it was her grandma or what but

someone was like oh we need to see if there's like bad juju around you let's there's like this thing where they rub an egg you do the egg thing and then when you crack the egg you see what happens to the yolk it's like a tea reading tea leaf yeah but you rub an egg all over your body and i unironically want to do that like because i actually why don't you just go and get like red to filth because i you i could do that i could do that but i could also do the egg thing um i think you just want a reason to like rub eggs on yourself which sounds like very like balls all over my body yeah no i actually do think i have a curse though because literally everything that has been able to go wrong has gone wrong no i think you just

when you go like a month without any inconveniences in life like you literally said it for chaos i beg for chaos and then i get it and then it happens and also it's it's like the most minor chaos ever it's it's like things that are like okay yeah like i hyper fixate and i spiral um on the little little things i'm gonna spiral my ass onto your wiener um but yeah i've just been yeah i've been cursed and i need it lift okay i'm gonna be honest i put a hex on you what the fuck are you serious yes i'm sorry why would you do that you pissed me off what did i do i don't well that's a part of the hex is like if i say it out loud you'll like ask for forgiveness and then the hex will be lifted and i don't you're just making up rules i'm not you don't know what i did you just did it out of spite you just were jealous of me

oh yeah i'm jealous of you all the tail that i've been getting you have been having hella sex also fun fact kai actually isn't here um he found that girl in mexico and stayed with her so kai's living in mexico now and we've just been calling our villain kai um i thought you said we're calling our villain kai and i was like no our villain until we find our new kai dan we're calling him kai yeah um sorry say hi to dan yeah it's it's a new guy it's dan it's it's a new white dude it's dan guys it's so me we also have a voice yeah we got we got an impersonator so we have two new employees dan and phil yes that dan and phil we flew them out from london they're here they're working come on speak british

okay phil carry on bro how did your face get so i gotta go to the bathroom real quick phil take over i feel like a little kid watching their parent like be human employees are scaring me y, that sounds like a mass cancellation. Profiling British people. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God, I forgot what I was going to say. But I don't know why that just me saying, like, I feel like a kid watching a parent, like, be a human for the first time is it's so funny as kids like parents are not supposed to be human.

They can't do that. That's like what's like trained for like society. And like as a kid watching your parents do anything, you're like, oh, you're so fucking stupid. And then when you're coming into adulthood, you're like, oh, my God, I am so fucking stupid. And like it doesn't seem like it's going to get any better. Like it does. Like my projection of intelligence is barely moving. I'm moving very slowly. I did this really nerdy thing the other day, speaking of intelligence.

You took an IQ test? No, no, no, no. I signed up, and I am now paying five bucks a month for this online, I don't even know how to describe it it's like learning math because i feel like i don't know math you are so fucking weird with what you choose to spend your money on like well no i it's it was a seven day free trial and then i just kept it and i have it for a month but i'm gonna cancel it because it kind of sucks you're gonna cancel them i'm gonna cancel the entire company unless they fucking pay us on the podcast i'm not i swear to god i'm not mentioning them by name like actively i'm not doing that because y'all are not getting yeah god forbid it fucks with our other ad reads

we have hella not even that it's just like no free promo but god like like anybody here would be like yeah i'm gonna go learn math god has smiled on me yes he has that is that has been my vibe lately god wait there's another one it's like today today thank you god a very good day oh fuck i know what i'm referencing i know you're referencing, but all I can think about is... Have you... Hope you have a very good day. The sun is out and I'm feeling okay. That's not... That has nothing to do with God.

Hope you have a really good day. That was making me think of the Vine where the guy's in bed and his head is propped up against a window and he has a smiling cup behind his head and he's like, every morning I wake up, I reach for my smiling face. You have Folgers in my cup. He's getting head in bed. You said he's head in bed. Can I see your morning wood tomorrow? Yes.

Yes. Unironically yeah dude one time i know what you're i know what you're one time me orion and india like we're all sleeping in a bed together um we were just like slumber party and like i we all woke up at like the same time randomly and orion actually traumatized me for life and she was like i felt like your morning wood on my thigh this morning you were excited and i like i was like oh my fucking god are you serious are you serious like i freaked out and was like apologizing and i was so scared and she's like i'm fucking with you like that did not happen and i swear to god it scarred me for life and i always sleep facing the other way if i share a bed with someone now just just

in case um and i don't move when i sleep i just fall asleep like this and i don't fucking move yeah drew falls asleep like a little mummy like actually oh my god drew wants to go to egypt but we literally can't i want to go to um egypt really literally can't. I want to go to Egypt really bad. I've become obsessed with the pyramids again. I did see a National Geographic magazine, but because I didn't have any cash on me, I couldn't buy it. But I was going to buy that for you this morning. Thank you. It's a thought that counts.

It's my big fucking tits that count. Yes, yes, yes. Every time, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But I've become obsessed with boobs have we said anything no i think i'm obsessed with the um uh mayan pyramids as well like the i watched a documentary last night about them there were two there were two cradles not just one um but there were millions holy shit they've used they've started using lidar scanning to scan the floor so we can see through the trees and they've been discovering, so many, like, unknown, like, villages and pyramids and sacrificial places and holy places for, like, the Mayan people.

And it's crazy. It's unreal. Like, this entire, I think, entire rainforest is just covered. So, the civilization was way fucking bigger than we've ever even imagined. We thought it was, like, oh, like, 100,000 people. It's millions and millions of people. Likeing with like the um egypt and but egypt was like a thousand years earlier i think or something i have no idea what you're talking about but like i can respect that we can cut that we can cut that no no no it's it's sweet because i was gonna say

someone on patreon did ask like oh what are your like current like obsessions and what are you into you're into that um i'm into religious paraphernalia um bongs really searching cross bongs yeah searching for god in my bong water um holy water inside the cross bong i'm back to taking photos which is fun i'm back to like using my point and shoot my my medium format. That's been fun. That's been a key. That's been a sleigh. That's been a surf.

And those are my obsessions. Yeah. This is my obsession. I'm trying to think if I have... I'm obsessed with Egypt and Mayan... Culture. History. Yeah, history. And then I like... and Mayan culture history and then

I just thought of you saying that and this is not funny but like when I said culture I was like imagine Drew just started culturally appropriating like Egyptian and like Mayan culture like Trisha Paytas she is honestly

she's pregnant. She's having a baby. No, she's not. No, she is not. Is she? Her and Moses are having a baby. That's sweet though. Wasn't she struggling with like having a baby?

I left a like on it. I was like, you get your truth. You live your life. You get your truth. We make mistakes and we just get to continue to grow. And I love, and I do actually think she will be able to turn off this, like, facade that she has on the internet. Where it's, like, doing every problematic thing possible just to get a rise out of people. I think she will be a good mother.

Yeah. That's my take as a man. Thank you. But I think most, I, again, that's why i believe in just like human shit because i'm like i feel like at any point like not anybody can be a mother because obviously that would be like but legitimate for me to say but like genuinely i that i am kind of like with that idea where i'm like i think it's like so animalistic to like turn it on and off but i also am like very understanding that that's like not the case most times but i've had another obsession recently but i can't remember what it was it's probably me

it's not really an obsession it when i watch you sleep at night like that's not an obsession i know that's what you're what i know i was joking about like me being your obsession okay well i was joking too i do not climb a ladder and look through your windows at night. Like I don't prop up a ladder and just like look in like that's weird. I would, I would actually never do that. So you sound dumb now. It sounds like it's something you do and you're like backtracking heavily. Were you singing Usher by?

This is my confession. Confession. There's an, he has an obsession song too. I don't think so. Yeah, let's not quote me on that because I'm not good at this. I've never known a lyric in your life. Yeah, it is Confession.

I don't know. Oh, that's not Usher. Oh, wait. Confessions part two. Oh, that is Usher. We have to confess. Oh, wait. He does have a song obsession no he does not he has confessions i'm not kidding do not play with me like that this is gonna be fun on youtube took down our one video wait that's a new studio man no it fully has been uh that's been i'm for real don't play with me like that

that's us um i that is my worst fucking try i've said it before i could be watching absolutely fucking anything and say that's me well we were watching the super bowl and i was like that's me drew josie and Kai. That's me and Drew. And it was, what was it? Will.i.am and Black Eyed Peas performing at the Super Bowl. Oh, that's something that we've been doing a lot recently. Even previous to the Super Bowl. You know what I'm obsessed with is Michael Jackson lore.

Like not Michael Jackson as a person, but likeael jackson as an entity as an entertainer entity like how was he able to do that no actually how was he able to take over the world and do literally everything i'm obsessed with like entertainers in general like it is comical to me the fact that like again this is just proof that like evolution has gone to like we should have stopped when it was obvious we were supposed to stop because why are we like packing stadiums and this is like from the dawn of time like even in like ancient greek this was like a thing like packing stadiums and watching performers but like the fact that there's video of like michael jass jackson like blasting from the core of the earth and like stomping on stage and then like hilarious soaking in 10 minutes of like

unadulterated love like the there was a point where he actually could have taken over the world i genuinely think if he was like he was a kill for me everyone would have killed for him i i really do think that i that's what i'm obsessed with is just like his relationship with his fans i guess they're like like just how big he got like how like like literally i don't know i don't know he's bigger than jesus christ i don't know he was um but drake is bigger than the beetles but i don't know how um i right now yes i think so drake is more important than the beetles and i'll stop there and i'll stop there like we don't have to argue about it. We literally don't have to argue about it.

You're freaking me out. Unironically, though, I believe that. Yeah, same. I'm not kidding. The Beatles did absolutely nothing for my slay life. But I'll let the people have it. They put some water and pennies on a drum and hit it. And they revolutionized music forever.

Bitch, they were high as balls. They were on acid. Fuck, what the fuck was I gonna say Oh my god I lost it I lost it I fucking lost it I lost it I lost it I lost it Okay you're at an hour Wait why was I gonna say you're at an hour

Dan you're at an hour Sorry the Kai impersonator Is going a little too far like He's like pushing boundaries that we don't even do Your stomach is making noises I was trying to catch it i'm trying to catch you when you fall i don't be here for you have fallen fuck i'm so sad i was gonna say something whatever maybe that's a sign to shut the fuck up and the episode is over and we're gonna talk about media now um media for my balls i watched spencer and that movie is so fucking good there's nothing better than being

a woman in despair shame anger um erotica serve eat your pearls if you've just seen a heel your heart out tanya harding oh yeah god that was such a fucking good movie kristen seward slays the house down. Boats every day serving tea, wig, water. Cunt. Giving it. Giving it all. And then for music, for book, I started The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath because I'm going to hell. Like, we all know that. Like, I'm going to hell.

We know. And that's really good. And then for music, I'm going to have to say He Got the Girl by Marine Girls. My Truth, Cocktail Twins. Snake Man Freestyle by Baby Father. And I think I said I'm Getting Used to You by Selena the last episode, but I'm going to say Ride the Dragon by FKA Twigs. You've been listening to a lot of fka

twigs um well i've already kind of discussed my media um like egypt documentaries are really cool right now and not the like aliens built the pyramids like no no. The people did. Yeah, the cool shit about it. Like, them having batteries and, like, yeah. Them having Elon masks. They have batteries. Look it up. It's crazy. I think another, I watched Eternal Spotlight of the Sun. Oh, my God.

Why do I do that every time? Dude, it's just the longest name in the world, and it's like a tongue twister. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I watched that every time? Dude, it's just the longest name in the world and it's like a tongue twister. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I watched that again recently and that is a great movie. However, the soundtrack has been in my rotation. I wake up in the morning and I put the soundtrack on a little bit and I cry. It's so evil. I think it's evil because I tie it to like things happening in the movie.

There is actually, I think there's one thing in that movie that may be the funniest piece of cinema I've ever seen in my entire life. And it's when she's on her side and he's like having one of those like memory erase erase spoiler alert memory memory eraser moments and she like they're on the floor and she slides away on her side and i burst out laughing in the theater and people i i've ruined that because it's a very serious yeah i know i know you're talking about i've ruined it probably for everybody and like i i'm like i laughed like that and it was it was not true we have the worst sense of humor ever that like actually ruins everybody's life a day. Because literally like I know I can picture in my head. I know that scene.

And I also probably would have laughed. Yeah, it cracked me up. It just caught me off guard. I forgot it happened. But that soundtrack is amazing. Listen to that soundtrack. And then for what were you going to say, though? I was going to say that's one of those

movies that i haven't watched in a long time because like movies like make me sob like you've seen it we talked about it before like and that's one of those movies that i like can't re-watch because i remember how like fucking heartbreaking and heart-wrenching it was to watch but i it's it's always been like in my watch list where i'm like oh i need to put on a movie right now where i'm like i need to re-watch this but i can't do it because i'm usually like in a good mood and i'm like that's gonna ruin my life that's like i refuse to watch blue valentine because i've always been told it's just like such a fucking sad movie for the sake of like a real sad story yeah and if i watch that we don't have to talk about what happens i'm so fucked up right now i'm literally so fucked up right now okay so my music

um and then i want to talk about this next little thing um real love baby by father john misty such a cute song that song holds so much sweetness and like love in my brain for like 2020 i have a really sweet sorry no you're good i have a really sweet memory i'm i think that might have been the song i'm pretty sure but me and orion when like this is like no one was there but when we have this like really sweet memory together that like it's one of my favorite memories with her was like during like the summer of 2020 when like Chateau was like closed down. We got invited to go hang out with literally like four other people there. And it was just like barren and empty. And we were like listening to music and like drinking and like talking and like sitting there.

And then that came on and like we like started dancing in the hallways of like the Chateau holding each other's arms and spinning around and running after each other. And it's very cute. That's cute. And I wasn't there. Oh, because you were off having fun. My brother being dead is not me having fun. Well, when you phrase it like that, it sounds awful. Okay, the game goes on by dj screw k rhino

and z yeah yeah yeah yeah i've been listening to that song a lot and then this song is in my new video um lambent rag by clark i love a good piano riff i love it slays my life um and i just love throwing y'all for a loop on my youtube channel and nothing feels better than being in complete and utter fucking despair i'm sorry i'm sorry i just oh what did y'all think of my new video be honest oh when this comes out it'll be out yeah um all the comments are probably like oh that sucked that sucked like you should like should i continue that series i'm gonna if you don't continue i'm just gonna hijack it and do it i that series i'm gonna if you don't continue i'm just gonna hijack it and do it i'm gonna i'm gonna hire dan to impersonate you oh we're in yeah he's

really good at that shit well no dan would you do that you have to if you're gonna or phil is the impersonator no dan is the impersonator sorry he's fucking up your name dan is the impersonator phil is the one actually filling in and like doing the work oh no i i messed up oh my god i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry oh it's me it's so kind oh my god you're you're really committed to the role i can give you a job come on that three hours that three dollars an hour is really going far don't tell them that oh sorry um well it's like 50 an hour in british money okay uh i really want to watch this movie called the art of self-defense oh my god should we wait there was a movie we're gonna watch tonight or a couple nights ago being john malkovich yes that's a movie that i never finished yeah we okay that's the end of this if you got to the edge of this episode you'll you'll know if you know

next episode we could talk about the movie and like just watch it so that we can like have an Okay, that's the end of this episode. If you got to the end of this episode, you'll know if you know. Next episode, we could talk about the movie and just watch it so that we can have an open discussion about it and there be no spoilers. New little emergency intercom segment is a watch party. Watching a movie together. Watch a movie with us. All right. Well, not with us because you're not here, but you're watching it in your own home and then you come back at the end of the week and we just discuss it together well if we were friends i want to let you over my house it's us discussing it and then y'all are just there talk to your

screen i know you bitches be talking to your screen i know y'all start talking um Thank you.