Emergency Intercom - iOS is for cheaters

Episode Date: June 21, 2024

Drew does the Tyla dance, Enya - confirmed - has a hex on her and Ky wont shut up about going to the brat concert. Also thanks to josiah, drew has a tight ten minutes of horrible stand up https://www.patreon.com/emergencyintercom join the Patreon for bonus episodes, q&a/topic submissions, livestreams, pay for ky's lobotomy instagram: @emergencyintercom @emergencyintercomclips tiktok: @emergencyintercompod Produced By TMG Studios, Enya Umanzor, and Drew Phillips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Hi, guys. Hello. Why is it, it feels like we haven't recorded in like weeks i know it feels like it's been forever yeah we had so much distance from each other this we were apart for maybe four days and it was hard it was really hard no it's gotten bad like me and drew spend almost too much time

together now to the point that somebody will ask me to hang out or even talk on the phone and i'm like bro i want to go inside and fucking be on my iphone next to drew like i don't want to no i literally like want to rot with you so badly i want to ride with you um right dude it's like a caricature of ourselves at this point like getting on the podcast i know i get in the car and i have to listen to something loud because i'm like i'm happy i'm happy i'm so happy i'm so happy i'm gonna make other people happy i'm so happy a lot of people were saying i looked sad in the last episode and you might find that it is because i am sad um i'm not gonna give a reason but something i was thinking about last night that i think would make me happy is if i had a fridge that made ice and i have never in my life

lived in a home where i had fridge that made ice and i really want that but then it got me thinking a lot of you bitches take that for granted because i go to some of your houses and i fill up my water cup with water from your fridge and if i smell that water and smells like you've never changed the filter i'm gonna slap the fuck out of you because how fucking dare you the ice is gray with like plant matter and dust it literally smells like fishy fishy like it literally smells fucking funky unky like and then i feel like when that happens i can't say anything to the persons whose fucking water stinks um why are you are you okay yeah no i'm fine no i'm fine there looks like there's a growth or something on you can you see you can see it i mean yeah it's like burnt what is it

no it's nothing just keep going keep going just don't um but yeah it feels like you can't say anything which is really uncomfortable and then you have like, I've been in so many positions where I filled up my water from someone's stinky fridge. And then I force myself to drink it because for some reason, I don't want them to know that I know that they're drinking stinky water. So I'm just drinking bacteria ridden nasty water. But I guess I can't complain because at our house, we keep our Brita filter on the counter. And Drew and Josh do this fun man thing where they will just let the growth of like bacteria build in there and they will

never wash it's not bacteria babe it's algae and it's filtering the water for us they let it just grow and fester and i came back and i went to go get water i was like oh cool our fucking brita filter is green you know what's crazy is i couldn't tell if it was green or not like it's it's just like grown with me so like it was just like i couldn't tell if it was green or not. It's just grown with me. It was just like I couldn't. I literally could not see. It's like when you're raising a child and you can't tell that the child has grown a bunch until you have distance. Exactly.

Well, I cleaned it this morning so that my water wouldn't be stinky and nasty. Yeah, rotted, gutted water. Well, I don't know if this is misinformation, but Justin Timberlake was pulled over with a DWI and got sent to jail. What is DWI? Driving while intoxicated. Um, I don't know. There is a difference between DWI and DUI, like under the influence or driving while

intoxicated. I don't know what the fucking vibe was. It's one of those two my favorite part of it is literally the fact that the kid who pulled him over didn't know who he was and i saw this again i also don't know if this is real because i saw it on tiktok but the interaction that they stated in like the article they screenshotted was so fucking funny because he's getting arrested and then under his breath he's like he's gonna ruin the world tour and the kid was like what he was like this is gonna ruin the world tour also that just sounds like a crazy person like because if he already like you have to understand in that moment this kid doesn't fucking know who you are so you're not getting out of it you're

not pulling the i'm justin timberlake card this time fucking count your losses and keep it pushing but he thought that that kid would be like wait you're on a world tour no bitch you just got caught driving under the influence he just thinks you're on meth now like you just sound 10 times more intoxicated but um yeah that toxicology report is the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life and then i saw his mugshot and i was like honestly like he looks cunty but his blue eyes are really scary like they look like he got him died like he got like blue eyes tattooed well it's because he's like all fucked up so he kind of has like jaundice eyes like his eyes were like the whites were a little yellow um so it just like makes the blue pop even more like i feel bad for him or is he like a bad person i don't know i don't know if i feel bad

yeah i don't i have to i have to do some research on justin timberlake before i decide if i say my piece i just don't feel bad for him because i'm like you will live bro like also there's a chance he's probably done that a million times and not gotten caught like justin timberlake will be fine i don't fucking feel bad for him he'll get his fucking lawyers and check like he's fine it's not gonna ruin your world tour babes like you're good the world tour is ruined the world tour the wait who went on tour and no one came oh jlo jlo's tour my condolences to the dozens of people that affected 14 people that had tickets that got canceled on j-lo makes me so sad no she's mother goose she's mother goose like i don't know she makes me so sad i love the video of her in front of her

old apartment and the guy not knowing who the fuck she is like and the fact that that like got released in her docu-series thing like her team saw that and was like yeah we're putting that out like do you remember when michael jackson's like monkey like bubbles like and janet jackson went to go visit it wasn't janet it was uh what's her nuts he did not recognize her and she was like oh he he knows me he remembers me and the monkey was like throwing shit at her the saddest like human trauma experience ever recorded and it was posted to be sweet but like i feel like anybody with a rational brain can watch that and be like damn this is fucking insane because i don't know that would literally be equivalent like if i

passed away and somebody went up to azul to like try to reconnect through me azul is scared of everybody you're not gonna get that like that the comfort you seek through azul also like i just love her being like he remembers me like i love also in that same interview she's like they the camera crew and everybody goes up to the monkey with latoya and she's trying to interact with the monkey and then for some reason they have the like delusion that like oh bubbles is overwhelmed by how many people are here and latoya's like i'm gonna go talk to him by myself and like goes around the corner and she's still mic'd up and she's like hi yeah you remember me i remember you too it's like dimmy lavato talking to ghosts and the ghost begging her to sing dude there's like there's something about the confidence boost

that level of fame gives you that you don't give a fuck because standing in a room and being convinced that a ghost is begging for an encore is crazy what song is she singing um oh like a skyscraper yeah yeah also like uh demi was like fucking what's it called um i have a feeling this ghost doesn't like men. And then Demi goes, yeah, I feel you, girl. Me too. Like, dude, honestly, I want to do something like that so bad. We have to rewatch that. I remember when we watched that shit when it came out,

like, we were like, oh, this is going to be like a cultural moment. Like, this is insane that this just fucking happened. Peacock says otherwise. No, literally, Peacock did not allow that to happen. Peacock did not give that show the PR it deserved. Yeah, go check it out because it's literally the most insane premise I've ever seen of a TV show ever. It's like Demi Lovato and her friends like ghost hunting and like finding aliens and shit.

Like it's very crazy. Have you guys ever watched Milf Manor? Oh, we are caught up so you know about season two yeah we can't spoil it for the people that don't know but gag yeah that shit is crazy i had never seen that show before if we're not gonna spoil it i won't fucking mention it but that is the craziest shit i've ever the twist in this one is crazy i was like how the fuck are they gonna like keep up like the like bringing in the moms or whatever like how are they just next season it's gonna be incest manner yeah no literally please what's crazy is because it's like the dads and the sons i guess i just yeah i was gonna say whatever but it's like it feels a weirdly like less

incestual but the whole thing is still so it's so creepy like them eating each other's asses through the fucking hole in the wall i was like okay this is like crazy and they're all like the butts are like popping through the holes like fucking grub worms and they're like bouncing up and down we said we weren't gonna spoil the fucking show i don't give a fuck now there's like no way to talk about it because it's better but wait did you watch season one i didn't watch season one i started on season two to watch season one season one isn't are you okay no i'm fine but no the first season is insane the second season is even crazier but back to ghosts because all of y'all know i don't believe in ghosts but i just got back from this trip with say beauty upstate and it was really fun and i was with orion and like the first night we got there i we were can you look like you're in pain i'm fucking fine

stop address stop actually just fucking stop asking if i'm okay because i'm fucking fine like chill okay you just like you keep touching your back and it looks do you actually want to fucking know yeah that's why i'm fucking asking oh your hair what why are you getting undressed oh wow drew what the fuck i have a fucking hunchback i've had a fucking hunchback this whole time. Let me see it. Like, it looks wise.

Did you tan it? Why is it like red? What's wrong with you? Drew, pull the hair back. Let's look at this. Let's look at this. Like, look at this. Oh my God. Like, why is it red? I'm so confused.

Also, I've never seen that on you and I've seen you shirtless like all the time. It grew overnight. I went bungee jumping again. It happened. All the blood rushed to it. It's a boil. It happened again. Should we pop it?

It's a nerd neck. Should we pop it or like just let it? Dude, oh my God, I suck. Drew has a nerd neck. Should we pop it or just let it? Dude, oh my God, I suck. Drew has a grinder neck. What does that mean? Like tech neck, but it's whatever. What was the joke you made earlier? Oh, I was being a creep to Drew and I apologize immediately,

but I asked Drew how his nutrition has been going. He said, how much protein have you been getting into your diet? And then I thought it would be funny to say, I thought I was getting enough protein because I thought there was protein in ass, but there's no protein in ass. And I've been eating a lot of that. And I,

I, I apologize. You talking like this while Drew is shirtless with a weird back is really jarring and it's making me step back from the situation and really think about what we're creating right now and it's freaking me out no i i felt that all day can you put your clothes back on oh my god you hate my body i literally hate i would like it if you kept your shirt well no because i'm jealous because people are going to perv out over you. And like people aren't going to perv out.

They're not perving out over my fucking orange, bro. And my fucking fupa. I've been working out for days preparing for this shit. To be shirtless on camera. I think that's the first time we've said fupa on the podcast. Yeah, it actually is. Wow. So are you going to get that lasered off?

What can you do about that? The scalpel i'm gonna do it at home home remedy home remedy yeah i'm gonna drink colloidal silver i just thought of this he's saying that what's her name kelly on milf manor or something oh yeah it wasn't kelly who was it josiah it was the girl who looks like tati who's gorgeous she's gorgeous but her fucking confessional look literally christy christy her confessional looks like she got her makeup done by a mortician like in her confessional like it's it's not good like it's really she is gorgeous like to me she's the top pick in the house but yeah in her beast cam, sometimes she looks really crazy.

No, Kai, the joke you made about Grindr. No, the one right when I sat down, I think. What? What are you talking about? Kai, you were saying how you use Grindr all the time. I wasn't saying that. You did say that.

You got so defensive. I got defensive because I'm defending. I just learned what Grindr was last night. Wait, last night in the night time? Or last day. Dude, you're lying about me using it and then you're lying saying that you have never used it. I'm sorry, it's just like, there's a lot of shit that you say that's just not true.

I'm just trying to set it straight. Okay, don't make that face. What straight? All right, speaking of poppers, guys, I went to the Brat concert. It's just not true. I'm just trying to set it straight. Okay, don't make that face. What? Straight. All right, speaking of poppers, guys, I went to the Brat concert. I don't even want to fucking hear you talk about it. I went to the Brat concert. Oh, my God.

You're doing a whole lot of this. I fucking popped my pussy. I don't give a fuck. Ew. I know your stiff ass did not move a single bone in that body. The arthritis. Don't act like you don't go to those parties. You're like.

I don't. I don't have arthritis. Wait, we need to watch the Dua Lipa clip. No, literally. No, we don't. act like you don't go to those parties. I don't have arthritis. We need to watch the Dua Lipa clip. No, literally. No, we don't. No, no, this is bullying. Kai is fun at parties. I am fun.

Kai is fun and he moves around and he had a blast at Brat. But that fucking... The Dua Lipa clip was one of the worst moments of my life finding out but you guys saw that i have social anxiety better is that clip went on tiktok and kai saw it and then never mentioned it to any of us and then we just. Someone sent it in a group chat. We were all like, whoa. Yeah.

Yeah. No, that's an iconic. No, that's great. What's crazy is I was rizzing up Dua Lipa. Someone started recording while I was taking a break from rizzing her up. And then as soon as I stopped recording, I went back to impressing her. Have you seen the Menchie dates? Because I think you might be like. Severely delusional.

Shooting for like astronomical lengths that are unmasked. Kai's been working out. No, no kai pulls yeah for sure but i pulled drew every episode after the episode i spit at him and i get him it's on me yeah and calls me names anyway i went to the brad concert it was fucking lit as fuck i did move my body i looked incredible how is kai cam looking right now, by the way? It looks good. I think they're going to bump up the resolution. Zach, the resolution was a little low last episode, so if we could just...

You're getting very brave with what you're asking for. I know. You're like directing the show. I know. I don't know what you think is happening. Who the fuck do you think you are? Oh, go to the brat show. Bump up my resolution. Oh, do a little peep. Oh, my name is Kaiai like no the magic little magic

man what okay well i'm sure that was a reference that was an inside joke oh yeah you don't have inside jokes with kai like i was upstate and i've been really convinced that i have a hex on me like really convinced no for real. Like so delusionized. Very convinced that we go to this gorgeous like campgrounds for this trip with Say Beauty. It's so awesome. We ended up having to take a red eye and then like a three hour ride to the campsite. So when we got there,

immediately me and Ryan were like, this cabin is haunted i don't know why i think that this shit's just giving spooky vibes and we were just joking about it but then we both took a nap and we both had the scariest nightmares ever i've also now had nightmares every single night since i had a crazy nightmare last night i had two because as i was falling asleep i was having a nightmare and then i woke myself up because i was freaking the fuck out you just need to think happy thoughts and you'll be happy can i play with your boobs no anyways um and i don't believe in ghosts and shit at all but then later that night me and

orion were finally about to go to bed and we were like laying in bed and we were both being dead silent on our phones. And then she was like, I feel scared. And I was like, I'm so glad you said something because I literally feel like there's presents all around us. Like I literally feel like there's people standing above my bed right now. You know how I feel every night. Well, you have a mental like cog that has shifted beyond repair. Me, I'm very normal normal very lax everybody's like oh my god more like laxative because and you're not shitting on these bitches okay it's

like lax it is because you smell like shit okay at least i can shit sis mr camp that was too far he's sensitive oh mr pebbles have you showed kai that tiktok the basketball one which one the the one where the guy's like oh charles barkley like making fun of the outfits no no the one where it's in your oh oh yeah no i don't know if this is going to see the light of day so like i guess the podcast is getting like a sneak preview of it um but i believe it would do very well i've never seen a gay guy play basketball and if they did somehow play basketball they were never married. Dude, you have to post this.

That shot of you destroying me. Block blocking the shit out of your stuff oh my run that back i never saw any stuffing happening is that actually a term in basketball nah that's crazy you like blocked the shot you stuffed him that's great i was filling him up like crazy. No. No. Can you do that right now? I don't know if you're in frame. This episode has hit a new low. You have taken off your shirt, shown your nasty back, and shaken your ass.

Also, you doing it with the hunchback also you know what's weird about it like what i don't like about it is it looks too real when you were like bent over like showing kai that stuff it looked way too real and it was nasty ew drew ew it looks so nasty from here wait let me see your phone oh wait i have a phone forgot look it literally just looks like a boil a big fucking boil um okay well like three nights ago um i was writing notes down for the podcast and i opened up my like topics list that I have like everything written down on and I hadn't had any notes or so I thought like written down for this

episode until I was going to like just like clean clean my mind and just write them down to talk about and I opened my topics folder and there's three notes in there and i'm like huh i don't remember writing these and so i read them and i genuinely have no fucking recollection of writing this shit like it's actually so scary and like i don't know if this was like a tiktok that i watched when it was like 2 a.m and i was asleep and like waking in and out of consciousness or what but these are three notes that i had that i apparently wanted to talk about on the podcast angels serve god's bidding computers serve man we are computers slash machineries of god define machines please serve me and i will save serve you back what's the difference between a cathedral and a physics lab aren't both of us just saying hello

i don't i literally don't know if that was like a quote from someone i think i think it's a quote from something because there's no way my brain put that shit up but i have no recollection of writing that down and like when i opened it before i started typing it literally said like 3 30 in the morning and we know i go to bed at like midnight so like you woke up in the middle you're i was like sleepwalking up tiktok no literally but i like i scared myself i was like where the fuck did this shit come from but like honestly a lot of it's tea though like if you really think about it yeah just like it's tea what did you say yesterday you were talking about accents oh i got that written down british people we all know they're fucking faking their accents and shit but like that italian motherfucker in milf man milf manor like like is giving like fake italian accent and like all of those motherfuckers are faking that shit they like put it on randomly

and they just like turn their fucking italian accent on and i'm like that shit's fake as fuck and like i'm like it actually pisses me off they're not real while we were watching it he just goes that like that like new jersey new york like italian american accent like freaks me out like i don't think it's real like i think i think it's like like they fake it and they make it up and it reminds me of like british british people because their accents aren't real anyways and i stopped and then he just went silent and started looking at his phone and all of us were like, hello? You good? No, it literally like it's so tried. Like, obviously, we know the British one is a joke because there's I mean, British people actually might not.

British one is a joke. I think it like I think it is like I don't think they're being serious. But like the New Jersey, like we're past that. Like we're past like Italian accents. Yeah. Like we've evolved past that like cut it out it does freak me out how much how do they say it like i i refuse to try that try it kai i'm walking here oh i'm fucking walking here here i'm walking here piss. Piss off. Oh, it's your fucking weekday. You always do that face when you do it.

Oh, what the fuck is all this about? Oh, we on your podcast. We recording your podcast, yeah? It's fucking crazy. James Charles sitting in the pool with fire behind him. Yeah, what the fuck? Go BBL. Okay.

Don't look at me when you do shit like that. I told you. Makes you nervous? It makes me uncomfortable. But sorry sorry i cut you off like what were you saying i don't know what i was gonna say but i'm looking at my notes oh this is something i guess i did voice to text because it's really long and i didn't know what this was and it says saw a video of a lady getting like a chakra cleansing or something and it really has me thinking because first of all, I was like, I want to be her because I feel like she's the most present in that moment, more present than I've ever been in my whole life.

And I think that's because I'm like, wow, she really believes in this shit. But then I had a scarier thought that followed where she could be the least present and the most self-conscious person ever because she's trying to outperform the other people in the class because it was like a class thing. she was like on the floor and there was a bunch of other people on the floor so i was like she's trying to outperform the other people because she wants all these people to believe that she's having an intense spiritual moment and that she's actually present but for this instant she has fooled me so in that instance she fooled everybody to thinking that she was in the presence and she is very controlling of her narrative that is literally me at a concert like no look i'm having more fun than you're like

i'm dancing and having fun like it is so funny because i was watching that and i really did think like damn she believes in it but in my head she has to know she's performing like but maybe that's just me putting my own ideas onto her and maybe she does believe it but she was like moaning and thriving and jumping around on the floor. And I'm like, okay, it is not that deep. The girl at the gym yesterday like fucking screaming. I was like, it is literally never that deep. It is never that heavy, bro.

Too much. Too fucking much. But yeah, when I'm at a concert, like I'm so in my head about having fun and looking like I'm having fun because I feel like everybody's looking at me because I have intense social anxiety that like I make myself have fun and then like I'm like wait but I'm not actually I'm not actually having fun

because I just don't know how to have fun anymore guys that was like me at the brat concert shut the fuck up about the brat you just wanna brag about it more like brat about it oh just want to brag about it uh more like oh like oh yeah brat about more like brag about it no i did have his brat summer i'm so jealous yeah i guess i'm having a brat summer he had it was like he literally texted me and it was like the

best night of his life okay so here's what i'm gonna say to make myself feel better that i didn't get to go the sad part of this is summer summer just began. So you have your standards up here, but there will be no more brat events. No, Kai's going to make it a brat summer. Yeah. I'm so mad at him. Guys like me are the ones making it a brat summer. Anyway, I was feeling anxiety at the brat concert,

but then Charlie looked at me and sang directly to me for a couple songs. So I was like, I feel better was like was it where she's like um where she's like sometimes I think I might hate you is that that would yeah but oh or when she's like uh I don't know why I want to buy a gun why I want to keep myself and she was looking at you yes and she was like in that moment she was like oh my god wait like I don't know the dots are connecting i didn't know the connection to her oh dude that show looked so fucking lit and it is like one of the biggest pieces of fomo i ever had and kai tried so hard to get me in um but and i

will appreciate that for literally ever um but he failed so i will not appreciate it i did fail i watched the head of republic records get turned away from will call damn like they couldn't get in i was like yeah you described the list as oppenheimer and i literally cried laughing i was the oppenheimer of guest lists yeah it was literally everyone was there except for me well i'm gonna go see todd run grin alone tomorrow so i know y'all are jealous. Brown summer. Hey, hello. It's me.

And I'm going to be probably the youngest person in a five mile radius. I looked at you and see a thousand miles. I see the smile on your face for a while but yeah that's my vibe if you're wondering hello um wait hello it's me hello wait what there's a joke there somewhere like no there is not oh the girl getting water poured on her face in the vine hello because isn't that adle? Like, didn't she grow up to be Adele? Hello? Fuck, that sucked so bad, dude.

Oh. Well, the hay incident is going around again. Oh, is it actually? Dude, yes, because I saw a TikTok from like an old video of us where I was fucking laughing my butt off at you. I mean,

it's easy to fall in love with me for real. Kai did. Josiah is my boyfriend. And you did. Like, the thing is, I saw a lot of comments were like oh my god if i was her this would make me want to kill myself but the sad thing is for you is i'm not somebody who was shy about my vulnerability like my y'all are sad people yeah exactly my ability to be vulnerable and loving despite the odds of drew ever looking at me a woman and being like i'm gonna be with you despite those odds i was like i can change him no you know what's the t is is you got

exactly what you wanted because we are basically in a relationship without all the weird shit no literally also and all the fighting like bro relationships are so bunk bro we fight ho but like we don't we like we like walk to our room and then come like we like fight like brothers and sisters like we say some stupid shit and then i'm just like okay i need distance and i go to my room and then you come into my room and we lay on each other's beds and play on our phones for like four hours play on our phones i saw some girl this morning talking about how like um there was a study done about what's happening to our brains because of short form content and gray matter this is not a joke

that literally that literally did happen and I can't even talk like two days ago I can't even talk about it because like literally I like actually get emotional but like it's it's there indeed it's deep i love you so much yeah basically the note said um that i literally cried um thinking about how much i love indian how special of a person she is because it's fucking see bitch this podcast is crazy like it's it's literally like mania it's like mania like have you ever thought maybe you were not manic you were telling the truth keep spreading the word manic more like man icky men are icky you know what it is is you went so far down the rabbit hole of making bad stand-up that now your brain thinks and you got like the recognition

of like laughter from it so now your brain is convinced to keep doing it today's stand-up is crazy you thought i didn't have you didn't think i came prepared huh like i told you i didn't have it i didn't have it and then me and josiah wrote some last night and it might be the finest work but we'll get that get to that in like 10 minutes you'll have to wait for it i was thinking about how funny your stand-up is at the brat concert by the way just damn bitch you don't got anything else going on shut the fuck up okay like fuck i literally don't like oh i had so much fun five nights ago no the crazy thing is is kai does have tea going on i mean we all have separate tea in our lives going on it's tea the thing is no one will like ever know but it's all connected that my life is hard

wow did you did you go to the psychic no bitch especially with what's been happening to me i don't need a bitch to tell me that shit's real i was gonna say that it she literally like i i was laughing and i thought it was a joke but literally everything she said to me came true and that's as far as i will go into that but she read me to fucking filth y'all and i called immediately after all this shit went down and i was like i need my chakra cleansed i need it cleansed now and they were like we're not open all we're booked all next week and i was like fuck dude it's gonna keep going until like i get my chakras clean i need to go get cleansed but i don't want to hear what anybody has to say just going for a cleansing um i might just go to a korean spa and let like an

older woman scrub my body down and that's my version of a cleansing i could that couldn't happen to me i that would i literally would not survive that okay right well uh flipping this switch uh who the fuck was food god like that scary motherfucker that hung out with kim kardashian like literally where did he come from like literally where did it and where did he where did he come from where did he go uh like see i'm like a comedian like i'm a funny guy i got jokes no his face really scares me and i feel like saying that about people is like really really mean but i'm sorry his face scares the fuck out of me like he feels like he got the mask from like Jim Carrey's the mask stuck on him you know who he reminds me of what Kai after the bat concert oh my god actually yeah post-brat concert you look like food god okay kind of yassified you

in a way that's irreversible all right I'll take that I'll take that as a compliment zach can we put up subway surfers on one of the tvs oh my god bitch you are getting too crazy guys we need to go back to food guy bro like literally what is there to say about him other than he's the scariest man to walk the planet like have you seen him recently because i haven't no i saw him like two years ago like that's the last time i saw a photo of him like i'm not being mean i'm just genuinely curious like who oh he's still doing the same thing oh his flop arc is not serving but he ais himself he ate i i ate himself and opening of lucini at the mgm grand in vegas that's so sad i used to get him and scott disick confused a lot because to me they look i think they're brothers are they the same i think they might be brothers yeah because they have to be related or something they look the same all of them are sick in the head bruh demonic demonic

energy um play with demons well iphone is adding the hiding the app thing which i think will be really good for drew yeah i don't want people getting into my i don't want people getting in my instagram you're right i was like how can i hide my messages and then if somebody goes through my phone like i deleted my messages app i'm not texting anybody ever again bro i said this fucking two years ago the iphone and ios is designed by and for fucking cheaters like every feature that they add to the fucking ios like it's literally all to promote like hiding from your when did they add the hidden photos feature because i didn't even know about that what is that what is that okay i feel like you the way that you said that it's clear I know what it is because I have a lot of photos

Of Drew's like feet and sometimes the back of his neck You know, I don't fucking like, you know, that's a very big insecurity of mine is my well There's just so much gunk that builds up back there and I like to document it I can't wash it good because I have a bad range of motion with my huntsman. Well, there's just so much gunk that builds up back there, and I like to document it. I can't wash it good because I have a bad range of motion with my fucking shoulder. No excuse. Get a fucking stick. Drew, maybe you should get it drained before

next episode, just for aesthetic reasons. Maybe you should suck my balls. And hair your ACLs. That's a good point, honestly. Don't tell me what to do with my fucking body. I've never broken a bone or anything. My body, my tea. My body, my tea.

Wait, but what was I saying? You were fucking talking about food, God, bruh. No, iOS. You can delete messages. You can change messages. You can make them invisible. Well, they go, like, back and forth on it because then they have deleted messages. Like, recently deleted messages in i deleted my first message like recently really i didn't i

didn't even know i had access to the features i don't know if i've deleted messages i've definitely deleted a thread or two in my life um but i'll always keep it on a device like on a certain device because i'm like i need to i need to like i need to hash this out with my friends for the rest of my life and i need access isn't that crazy and there is like there is one specific thread in my life that is gone that i wish i had the worst so bad because it is the best like we reference it all the fucking time dissertation like opulence it's the one i'm involved in right yeah yeah it's perfect down to the minute detail yeah but no that's it's so funny like i have literally been talking about that one evil demonic presence in my life that was evil and scary for the last like five years and i will literally never get bored of it

it is something i will talk about until i'm 45 oh yeah 100 like kai what it was me no no no okay you know thank god you know i do i do know who scary motherfucker about rehashing a conversation like and we say the same things over and over again after like a year of talking about it it just becomes the same conversation. But it's so fun to talk about and like, just get like, you know what I'm talking about. It's so fun. But yeah, there's definitely some threads.

Oh, I wish I had. I know. I wish I had so much clothing that like, it's on Essence and threads. We're on thread up. Okay. Anyways, the iPhone. Wow, we're on different pages. anyways uh the iphone wow we're on different pages what were you gonna say i was gonna say iphones actually i don't even think iphones are for cheaters like like i don't know though because i but i also just don't believe in looking through people's

stuff because i've had that done to me and it's such an invasion of privacy and it's fucked up what you write in there. When I was reading your journals, like when you were way up in upstate New York, like you're fucking crazy in there. But like, yeah, like you, no one should read that shit for real. I just, like, and I went through

all your old devices and shit. And like, yeah, what you were saying was crazy. Like, I love reading your journals. That's like really fucked up. Why? Literally, why? why literally why dude like why um but also then in the same vein i do understand when people look through people's stuff because sometimes some people are such crazy good liars that they start to make you feel crazy and you need to find the evidence to know that you're not crazy girl boss gate light keep keep no you need to keep what was that you were trying to do that josiah no that's orion's oh yeah keep orion was keep like orion was trying to make can you keep

like happen and it like kind of did it only worked for her though anytime we said it sounded like we were trying to do something and it wasn't good like fetch like but okay y'all oh wow oh wait you know what's a chance i don't think we ever played this on the podcast but i was looking through my stories and shit the other day and i found this classic gem um it was like during the era last year like last summer me josie and drew would just make the worst songs you've ever heard and at one point i had drew recording my verse that i was doing and in the middle of it he just started talking and it was really scary yeah i can do it i can do it i can do it i don't stand by this damn fuck rhyming i guess phone home et i'm an alien i'm extra read all about it read all about it

dude the silence but no there's a bar nothing like we literally ignored it no there's a bar like let me explain it like et phone home i'm extra because i'm a gym i'm a diamond in the rough like et phone home i'm an alien i'm extra like i'm an alien i'm different like you bitches are not like oh is it not i'm extraterrestrial no that's what it is like it's like extraterrestrial and extra and extra like i'm an extra personality like et i'm extra read all about it read all about wait no no what is it et phone home i'm an alien i'm extra and then read all about it read all about it read all about wait no no what is it et phone home i'm an alien i'm extra and then read all about it read all about it because i'm hot news i'm the hot topic i'm hot where is the news and the media no literally where's the news in the

media when you fucking need it no speaking of news in the media um they're fucking drafting y'all like y'all are all getting drafted thankfully i'm only 15 thankfully i'm only fucking 15 years old like so they're not gonna be able to draft me but like like josiah's done like all the 16 to 26 year olds are cooked 16 or 15 or 18 there's 18 fuck well hopefully no war happens they're not drafting me after that tyla dance after they saw that like i'm good i'm good no like i think like since i have like literally document well documented like depression and like all my fucking mental ailments that like i don't get drafted which is a fucking vibe go on your phone and google me and look what fucking comes up

screen record screen record screen record actually maybe not yeah i can't because of what shows up wait scroll down scroll down oh wait what the fuck wait it doesn't pop up anymore damn first one is you like this who the fuck is that oh wait did somebody that's zach and cody which i never know the difference if you google me zach and cody comes up which one of them it's like one of the brothers oh is that when you look up Drew and look through the images, it's actually really scary.

Yeah, I don't exist as like a real person on the internet. I'll never exist. Oh my God. Dude, I have not Googled myself in like three years and the photo that comes up is insane. What the fuck is that? That's me. What is that?

Was that recent? That was like for my friend's sketch, but I have no idea how that... Well, this is Drew. Oh, I thought that was Josiah for a second. My YouTube thumbnails used to be fucking crazy. How did you not get demonetized? I did.

Like, they did not fuck with me. Like, they did not fuck with me. Like, they did not play. All right, well, do your fucking funky stand-up, bruh. Oh. Oh. Are y'all ready? I'm so excited. I've been thinking about this since the Brat concert.

Oh, my God, bruh. Okay. Oh, my God. So, I have a hunch so i haven't been to the doctor in years. Well, actually, I've been to one doctor. Dr. Pepper. Inya peppered me. I mean, assaulted me. What? Wait, what does that one mean? Like pepper spray?

No, like a salt. A pepper. Salt and pepper. So i've been hearing a lot about the u.s uh reinstating the draft recently i thought i was wait i fucking delivered it wrong hold on so oh wait wait wait i've been going to all these fashion runways recently but where's all the gucci airplanes so i've been hearing y'all do this because this sounds like really late like 3 a.m yeah really late so i've been hearing a lot about the u.s uh the draft the draft recently i thought I was in line to meet a giraffe not sign up for war I got a 3D printer recently and my mom is always so pissed off about it she's always saying shit like

can you 3D print yourself a better attitude maybe your own house maybe a job even about it wing stop more like I can't stop eating wings okay that one was really not good i ate that one so we were watching these videos on how to train um a dog in a month and india was saying wow that's crazy and then i turned to her and said it only took me two weeks i was trying you.

That wasn't a sentence. Also, that sucks because it's literally a reference to a joke Josie made earlier in the night. How many Drews does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. I screw up light bulbs all the time. No, you don't understand. You under-sit. I was using my desktop computer, but honestly, I don't think we're compatible because it also identifies as a desk bottom.

Oh, whoa. Lately, I've been feeling weird about having sex with Enya because I'm not really into bestiality. Enya, your name... Oh, wait, you have to say why. Enya, your name fits you so perfectly why because dicks gazinia um kai more like can i pee in your butt oh wait i already did your butt's full of pee is that it y'all really didn't like wing stop no i did that to josh and he lost his fucking mind

it was 3 a.m he was like gooped at that he was like that's literally one of the best jokes i've ever heard i'm not kidding josiah am i right also josiah helped write a lot of those by the way i should i just need to give credit where credit you don't want credit on that you like that yeah he said i didn't i didn't um okay well i guess we are gonna get into media but no i cooked like i literally i don't know what the fuck you cooked but it wasn't like no damn i have like a solid like 10 minutes now because that was like five minutes yeah you should you should do this on like a random stage and don't put your name to it and just show up on stage it would kill i think it would kill what why are you laughing at me well

my media would have one psyop oh damn yeah what's up with psyop you're abandoning your first love for something that's giving you temporary joy think about that oh temporary joy babe this is my new career stand up hello i'm about to start like i'm gonna do a world tour world tour ruin the world tour this is gonna ruin the world tour that's in our vocab now like i'm gonna start saying that when something happens like it's gonna ruin the world match my freak whole time they got a piss kink bitch no that's it that's the only one okay who's gonna match my freak a freak a the things i go through, bro. Ruby Tuesday. Ruby Tuesday. Is that on your media?

That's what I was listening to on the way here. I listened to it literally over and over again because I didn't even think about it until I got here. It's not even Tuesday, so. It's Ruby Wednesday. It's more like Sapphire Wednesday. Well, my media of the week is I've been listening to a lot of songs off the Brat album. I think I said that last week, though.

Oh, but back to back, B2B has like inched its way into my favorite songs off that album. And then I think I can't tell what I said last week already. Like I'm losing my freaking mind. Love is stronger than pride by Sade. Crazy you by Prince. We gotta like cancel this fucking month for real. Oh wow, it is pride month still. You haven't done anything.

You need to go and show your colors. I'm a peacock. I wanna see your peacock. Red, white, green, and blue. What is your natural hue? Flamingo. Oh, oh, oh. And I'm multicolored.

Take me with you, Prince, and swing and party the replacement. Yeah, you do need to get back into your Prince era. I think your life was so good when you were listening to Prince, for real. I know, I know. I need to go back in. I just haven't been listening to a lot of new music because usually what I would do is my Discover Weekly would give me a song that was so fucking good that I would deep dive on that artist and just find a bunch of songs from them.

My Discover Weekly has been bunk as fuck. It's been some boring ass Elvis shit. I don't give a fuck about elvis i don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck i like i will never and it's not like the beatles when i was like oh fuck the beatles and i end up liking some of the beatles no elvis is the one thing you will never ever make me like you elvis fuck you elvis oh wow you wouldn't like blue moon no i don't give a fuck about elvis oh my god he drives me crazy i can't stand that motherfucker blue moon you got the colors inside okay my my media um milf manor obviously duh duh um guys i've been converted um assless chapel rome in rome is actually kind of cool like i didn't i didn't like have a dislike for her it just wasn't for me at one point but then like i saw her references and i was like oh she's tapped the fuck in and she knows she knows she knows she gets it she gets it um i can't name

a song by her yet but i just like her as a person. And that's all you need to know. And then my other one, who's also a psyop, I think we were just talking about this before the episode. Chapel Roan, Rene Rapp, and Sabrina Carpenter

are all fucking psychological operations. They just appeared out of nowhere. Okay, also, verify, I was agreeing with that. Drew is just a crazy person. Actually, Rene Rapp kind of freaks me out. That's the one that I like, because I never saw her around or like online at all. Like a chapel Roan makes sense to me because I feel like I've been like seeing glimpses of her like at least online for the past three years. And now she's having a huge

moment. I'm like, that's amazing. And like even Sabrina Carpenter, she's always been around. She was on Disney. Like I've always seen her. So that's not. It's so sick, bro. And like even Sabrina Carpenter. It's so sick. She's always been around. She was on Disney. Like I've always seen her. So that's not that shocking. I feel like Renee Rapp, literally somebody like, it was like literally they like dropped

a bunch of test tubes and she just like appeared and now she's everywhere. And this goes without saying, they're the girls. Like they're the new pop girls. Like I was having a hard time. Me and Josiah

were talking about this, like having a hard time grappling with the new era pop girls because like gaga will always be like the girl to me but they've grown on me and i fuck with them heavily and i like what you're doing girlies so keep it going like they're listening like i respect you no i do i do just in case just in case i need them to know that like even though there's psyops in my mind like i fuck with their music um and then what's a girl to do by fat is it fatima yamaha let me see you didn't even show it to me ho yeah fatima um yeah the fucking brat album i like that one little cracker ian i like net spin but i can't say that publicly like i'm a 20 i'm a i'm a 16 year old i was

randomly i met ned sped or whatever the fuck his name is i was at a restaurant with some friends and like this guy walked in and this child walked in. The whole time I had dinner, I was like, what is this child doing here? This fucking child. And then he drove off in like a really nice car. And I was like, who is this kid? He was like dead silent. I thought Matt Ox had like reverted back in age and escaped like wherever he's been. And I was so confused by his presence.

Like he was freaking me the fuck out. He barely spoke. He was kind of just standing around the table. I was like, this child is like shouldn't be here. then he left in a nice car i was like damn that kid has money or something what is happening like and we live in la so i was like i guess just another one of those kids with money like i don't fucking know and somebody tried to explain to me who he was and i was like i don't know who that is i'm still really confused and then i saw him on my timeline recently i was like oh cheekbones you got good cheekbones um yeah no and that's been um

all his snippets recently have been really cool but i can't publicly say that but i'm gonna publicly say that um and then um what's his fucking nuts yapoo jj y'all i'm tapped it look i'm tapped and i'm still young like i'm tapped into the young like underground scene like you say that like you're old yeah i am 16 i forget um but literally uh the fucking what's it called underground scene right now is like producing the next generations of like uzi and cardi's actively we're like watching it happen i mean it is scary because i was like the cycle of it all because even like beyonce still has such a grounding with young people but it is less young people than it used

to be like she still has that but like even like a lady gaga it's like the further in time we go obviously like their audiences don't grow as much with young people i don't know if that makes sense but it is scary because then like you were saying about the newer pop girls like there is just like a new genre but i think i think that's happening in like acting and everything yeah the transition yeah the transition of like the new stars are rolling in and it is so odd to be witnessing it but it is also so awesome because i'm like wow i'm like seeing these people actually grow into something and that's fucking awesome because by

the time we got to like beyonce and lady gaga and like even a fucking katie perry and like all those like big pop girls they had already been on the scene for a while this is crazy what do la peep is to pop music is what katie perry was to pop music like back then yes that fucking i got some respect for katie perry that like goes actually no she's in a sad i don't know i love katie perry do not get like that is the girl no but that's what i'm saying is like i think katie perry was like on her shit like she was that one fucking album was it called the teenage dream yeah teenage she was she was like in this like funny like campy like i don't know how to describe it like she was campy in a way that like lady gaga to me was so like artistically driven

and like not to say katie perry wasn't but katie perry was so just like glam but like i don't know it's just so interesting to me like she was she's the girl like don't get me wrong but the song she just released like won't be listening god bless you like oh it makes me sad but because she's like trying to be like rosalia now which is bad i love rosalia rosalia you know who's been having kind of a little renaissance and i'm like borderline like respecting the shit out of it jacob sartorius not his music i don't give a fuck about his music but i know but it makes me sad he's having a renaissance because he got cheated on he doesn't know how to cope with it so he's using the internet oh i thought that was a bit no i think it's real oh it's not it's a bit oh it's a bit okay thank god because see from my

end i was like damn this makes me sad like girl no i respect the shit out of him like to go through the amount of incessant bullying yeah that he received at such a young age and persevere and come out on the other side not addicted to drugs and alcohol like there's something like big going on inside no literally literally like i i respect the shit out of people that can like be the butt of the joke for so long and like capitalize on it and like survive and like make it out alive like that's i respect like the shit out of that because like bitch like even i was making fun of jacob sartorius yeah everybody was like the thing it was the thing to do granted my jokes are fucking hilarious like i still stand by that shit to this day but

um no his little renaissance right now is hilarious and um i'm happy for him and maybe i give his music a shot maybe your el Your Elvis is my Jacob Sartorius. What Elvis is to you is what Jacob Sartorius is to me. All right. Well, thank you guys so much for listening. And we'll see you next week and then the week after that and then the week after that and then the week after that and then the week after that. And then the week after that. Bye.

Bye. that bye I'm out.