Emergency Intercom - Jojo Siwa is gonna be on the pod

Episode Date: March 22, 2024

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Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. hello hello i want a puff bar so bad oh my god well and you never needs to hit a puff bar ever again in her entire life because I went to a smoke shop and I saw that they had zins and I've heard a lot, a lot about them. This episode is going to be demonetized because literally less than 10 seconds in I'm talking about like how bad I want to smoke.

Like that's on me though. Is that a problem? I don't know. Or is it cursing? I think it's cursing. I think it's just cursing. Hey, don't try your best want to smoke. Like that's on me though. Is that a problem? I don't know. Or is it cursing? I think it's cursing. I think it's just cursing. Hey, don't try your best not to curse.

Seriously. But anyways, I saw Zins and I was like, you know, like I'm curious. Like I know a lot of people that do them and like swear by them. And I'm like, Ooh,

like I want to try them. And like, let me just find out another method to put nicotine in my bloodstream like the attic part of my brain like wins again and so I went there and I picked them up and I bought the mint flavor and I tried them and honestly like I felt very nauseous and I had the worst headache of my entire life and it's just like kind of not a vibe at all but like it's kind of lit well inya grabbed one and she did it for half a second and then spit it out because she felt the same way but she threw it onto her sandwich wrapper in my car and then when we got home i just like wrapped the sandwich up and she brought it in

and it was just like sitting on the table so i put it in the refrigerator well she took the sandwich back out and literally took a bite and ate one of those no what's worse is like drew when we got home you put it in the fridge and so like it like kind of like like dehydrated with the spit and became like this string and it was a turkey sandwich with like white cheese on it so i thought it was a piece of turkey or cheese and when i unwrapped the sandwich a bunch of turkey and cheese had fallen out so i scooped it up with my finger and like literally tossed it in my mouth and chopped into it and immediately got the worst burning sensation on the right side of my mouth and down my throat i was like oh my god what is in here and then i spit it out and i tasted the man i was like oh my fucking god dude i just ate half a zen did you get fucked up i mean i it wrapped ramped up my fever and i was sick for the next

like two days yeah and you had sun poisoning y'all literal i think it was a mix of sun poisoning i started my period and i had a fever what oh my god, my God. You, like, almost barked, though. That was a crazy reaction. So, yeah, God was punishing me. I think I got food poisoning partially off of what I ate on the plane. Like, I had a midnight fight. Well, didn't your sister get food poisoning from something y'all ate together? Yeah, but she got it, like, there's no way I got delayed food poisoning. The fuck?

Like, it's literally. Did you get the food poisoning on the plane no does it happen that fast i can't i can't but it's a mystery but it probably was just sun poisoning because i had a fever i had chills i had a headache i had nausea um but the scary part is my like i didn't get sun poisoning in a way of like blisters and like crazy like I did get burned. But none of my skin has peeled, which is actually my nightmare because now I have the weirdest sun tan ever like in my life because I only got burned on like the back of my arm, the back of my shoulder and my hip and then right here. So it's not even like a full side of my body is tanner it's literally i have like a really dark spot here a really dark spot here that has a thumbprint because i was laying on my side talking to my family like this so it's like a thumbprint and then it's like goes

into a sharp bikini line and it literally looks like i got weird airbrush that has it come off like i fucking hate you got like uh what is it that i'm gonna say you can back in there for and you want it to be like if you can't figure that if you want like and you can be suntanned stop it like it's spray tan yeah yeah yeah yeah also drew does this thing i pointed out that that wasn't you doing it but you do this thing where sometimes if he gets really tired it usually happens later at night or after the day and it's always with josie because he wants to like when you me and josie hang out we have like joke competition basically it's just us trying to see who can say something funny that will become the

thing we repeat all day for the next four months yeah and drew i wish i remembered the sentence but drew was talking to us and then at the end of the sentence just gave up but drew does this thing instead of just stopping the sentence he just goes i just like mumble it off like he just like mumbles off and you do it a lot with jokes like if you start a joke that as it's starting you you realize it's not gonna be funny you're just like and that's what i just don't finish it because it's not worth like the finish but it's something I do unintentionally um but fuck that made me think of something what did you just say I just I said what I said oh my god I said that we just have joke competition all day like all we want to do is say things that we will repeat forever whatever I can't remember what I was

gonna add to that but but what i really came here to talk about today is jojo siwa and it's not gonna be the take that you think it's gonna i know you're gonna be nice i support jojo siwa with my whole heart and soul um i think what she's doing is fucking hilarious and like even if it is unintentional and she is just actually crazy and delusional i'm like girl i'm getting a goof and a gab like this is actually like funny to me yeah i mean she has us locked in every day i'm checking i'm like where's the look at how many views the views to like ratio on her tiktok account is all you need to know that she is an entertainer and what she is doing is entertainment and she is eating fucking down now i did hear the song she's been teasing

i was a bad girl um um um but that does not change my feelings do you know what i mean like yeah like you don't like fuck with the song but you're like honestly you go and entertain yeah exactly that is someone that i want on this podcast that is someone who i want to get a new costume designer more than anything in my god makeup artist makeup artist costume designer please because that's my thing and like again i'm not gonna sit here and like give a whole rundown of like the creatives like i think that is just her vibe and i've come to a point in my life at my big ass age that i understand i need to stop being like that shit's fucking ugly because everything is subjective some people that's just their vibe and their vibe is ugly their vibe is ugly i'm gonna say a lot of things is objectively ugly but but what i'm saying is like some people

like ugly and if ugly is their pretty ugly is the new pretty like okay you give ugly it's giving ugly and that's okay it's like ugly but i know that's your thing so it's amazing so it's hideous actually um i just want her to get a new costume designer and like a new makeup artist and then i unironically i unironically think if she tweaked those two things she could find her footing like the song will be played in h&m do not fret like if you change that costume it will be played in h&m did you hear the song she like released a teaser video girl who guessed the way it would sound. And like the girl was like, karma is stupid.

Karma is a bitch. She quoted it and like really revealed the full song. And it's crazy. Okay. Like one thing that is not Jojo Siwa. I don't know who the fuck is singing that song but it is not jojo two um i actually like no no no you're gonna say you like the song i don't i don't hate the song i i don't like the song i've ever heard in my life i don't like the song but i don't hate

the song oh just wait till that earworm gets you and you're the next thing you know you're listening to jojo siwa that's what i was gonna say is like it's giving earworm like i hear it like three or four more times in a tiktok video and i'm like like it's not that bad okay but you also like i love everything it's amazing yeah it is i'm gonna make fun of you for it but it actually is beautiful you will i can find the beauty everything i can find the beauty in everything i'm more like i'm i do the thing that's feel like I'm trying to be nice, but it somehow is almost worse. Where I'm just like, I don't like it, but I could see why somebody would like that. Yeah.

And you had to be really fucking weird and stupid to like it. You would have to be actually like, deaf, dumb, and stupid. But like, never forget me getting called deaf, deaf dumb and stupid by a high school counselor on the phone and the guy was on the phone with my dad and then my dad came to school and beat him up classic classic and your story don't fuck with a humanoid exactly don't say your name like that and i'm gonna say shut up suck my balls um no but my um ability to like everything comes from a deep deep-seated fear of karma i am like i am so scared i know that's like the t is i heard karma in that song i was like wait i don't i just admit thing um but okay that's all i had to say about jojo ceo what do you want to talk

about now um i'm gonna talk about the story actually i forgot what the story was oh the bus driver i saw somebody comment was like damn i actually wanted to hear the bus driver story uh that i almost said last week about the bus driver who hit me wait what last week or maybe it was two weeks ago it's when you brought up the twin thing again right when i was about to say a story about a bus driver, and you were like, no, I'm not going to say my story. And then we just moved on and nobody said their story. But when I was in like kindergarten, I would take the bus home, not to, I would take it home.

And I would take it alone. Broke. No money. Did you never take the bus? No, I'd take the bus no i took the bus home yeah it was a vibe it was a vibe the big cheese bus cheesy bus actually we i did get made fun of they'd be like don't you get on the cheese bus one time the cheese bus broke down and they shoved all of us into a minivan and like you know the wheel cap that's like in the van me and my friend sat on it and we played with airheads and we were like making the airhead shorter.

And I'll never forget that. But that same friend went on to call me like a bunch of rude names because he had a crush on me. And then once we went to middle school, I like distanced from him and he thought I was a bitch. But he was weird for sure. Anyway, I would get on the bus and this bus driver was a fucking bitch i feel like every bus driver was a bitch and like honestly not even in a mean way you deserve to be a bitch because

if i had a car even having a car full of y'all sometimes pisses me off having a car full of a bunch of children who are mine would piss me off because they're annoying um but there were a bunch of rules you weren't allowed to talk you weren't allowed to eat she separated all the kids all the time so my bus didn't have like it wasn't full like there didn't need to be two kids per row it was a small enough amount of kids that she could put one kid in one seat skip a seat put a kid in that seat skip a seat so we were all fucking separated like we were going to jail and we weren't allowed to talk so it had to be like a 30 to 40 minute bus ride of dead fucking silence because she didn't want you to talk she wouldn't play the radio that was already a problem because you're fucking terrifying you weren't allowed to eat snacks okay that's where

the problem comes in because after school i'd be hungry as fuck and i would buy hot chips from the vendors after school because at my school on weds, they would sell Papa John's pizza, hot chips, like pickled eggs. It was a fucking vibe. There's a new Papa John's stuffed crust calzone pizza. Why do you know about fast food releases so often? Like Drew will literally be like, oh my God, did you hear about like Wendy's new deal, the biggie bag, like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

No, the biggie bag is literally fucking crazy it's like five dollars and you get a burger and six nuggets and a shake like it's crazy it's fucking crazy no i keep up because i like watch the seminars like the release seminars of like fast food places i don't even know they all did that yeah not all of them do it but they like will like release shit or have like a video that comes out or like release a flyer with all the new shit or a pdf it's like you got to be tapped in like i am yeah that's like a weird thing to be tapped into anyways um so i would all the kids would do it too like i had this little like thing that i would uh i would like put my book bag on the seat and like take a chip at a time and

be looking out the window like, also she's driving so I don't know how the fuck she's seeing me. I'm not being loud. I was just going to say they always see. Even if they act like they don't see, they always see. So that was the start of it and she came up to me

and she looked down and she was like, you're eating? And I was like, no I'm not. And she she ripped open my book bag saw it and like launched her hand at my butt wait was the bus pulled over yeah she like pulled over the bus it was after a kid got dropped off so in front of a random child's house she comes to the back she sees it and she smacks the fuck out of my thigh oh she physically hit you yeah i thought that you meant a bus hit you this whole time i was waiting for the most insane twist. No, but my mom did get hit by a bus when she was 14 in Honduras. My aunt got hit by a bus, run over actually.

And then a girl from my school got run over by a bus and she was literally paralyzed for a year. But she's fine now. Fucked up her whole spine. Did she get to sue? I actually don't know if she sued or not. I bet she settled with the district. Because I think about this all the time and i'm like at that time we could have sued we were in a position for reasons i can't say to sue and i don't know why we didn't

but whatever also i was like i we could have sued uh the peter pan uh peanut butter because when they had a recall i got sick as fuck from it because that's all i used to eat that shit till to this day i am horrified as skippy peanut butter because of that damn recall like skippy peanut butter is on my do not eat list and i will never eat it again i got the worst food poisoning ever anyway so she hit me once and then i went home and i told my parents actually before she hit me though the thing that got her in trouble and like her hitting me was the second problem because she hit me that time and then getting off the bus she grabbed me, though, the thing that got her in trouble and her hitting me was the second problem. Because she hit me that time. And then getting off the bus, she grabbed me. And she was like, you don't eat on my fucking bus.

And she yelled at me. Why did she fucking hate you? She hated me. And this wasn't the first offense she had against me. Because one time, it's illegal to drop a kid off at their house and not wait for them to get in. That's why buses wait there. Because they legally have to wait until the child enters the building. And I didn't live in the best neighborhood ever why did this bitch drop me off at school she literally she was like get off it's your time like stop i got off and i go sit on the

the front porch i was in kindergarten i didn't have a phone there was no way to contact anybody bitch i went and i was sitting on the fucking front porch for so long. I was sitting there for like two hours. And then my godparents used to live across the street. And my goddad got back and he was like, my nickname was Bones. And he was like, Bones? And I was like, hi. And I just started sobbing because I was like, I've been here for so long. That's character growth.

Yeah. It actually was so funny and I don't think it affected me at all. It's like literally so funny that she smacked. It's crazy that you fucking remember that, though. Like that was like literally a decade and a half. No, I have like I'm not kidding. It actually scares me how vivid of memories I have. I remember everything.

So never fucking cross my path, you motherfucker, because I will remember that shit. And I might not bring it up. But when you turn around after being a fucking bitch to me i will remember and i will turn and tell my girls and i might not even tell them that day i might wait a few months till one of them comes to me it's like oh you can't believe who was a bitch to me i'm like you can't believe who was bitch to me four months and three hours ago four months and three hours uh no my memory from childhood has been completely erased i was thinking about that like the other day like i literally don't remember anything and it was kind of

scaring me i was like oh my god like i don't even remember who i am like i don't like i remember like fragments and like stories people told me and then i fragment right bullet fragments um but i don't actually remember things like i remember stories that i was told and then they become memories but i don't actually remember them i only remember like traumatic things what age is the cutoff um like i can remember like little tiny things like but again they're stories told to me like i don't like i literally couldn't tell you anything that happened like after before the age of like 12 like i don't i don't remember anything so like two years ago yeah yeah yeah well like six years six years my bad 18 yeah well i need to take an adderall one day and just write down every memory because i actually do have a fear from like forgetting everything but it makes sense that you remember like traumatic

events more than other because as a human you are remembering the things that scared you or hurt you because you had to have reactionary um like memories for the future like that's why you were to remember no bitch i got that from fiona apple i was gonna say i was about to bring that up no fiona apple did eat she taught me that and i was like no but i have almost always known that but i can't say what i was told as a child as to why i remember that because that's my fucking business so stop asking me um but yeah i remember a lot of things a lot of things i remember um coming back from burger king when they had the wizard of oz toy or i think it was burger king or mcdonald's like i don't fucking remember and they had the wizard of oz toy so i had a dorothy toy and i got back home and i was sitting by the front door i think i already told this on this podcast actually

but i was sitting by the front door cutting her hair and playing with her and i was bored as fuck i was like you know what i'm gonna call the police it's gotta come like i love that every kid just goes like i'm bored i'm gonna call the police it's like i'm told i can't do it so i like want to fucking do it because i had this same moment i like remember calling the police then like leaving it on and running and hiding under the bed until they got there and my parents were pissed like they spanked the shit out of me my mom was chill as fuck and she knew it was me because at the time if i was like six when that happened my sister had to have been like three so it wasn't her my brother was fucking asleep in the other room i was the only i was the only soul awake i think my mom was also taking a nap and i was just sitting

there by the front door and i was like cutting air and i was like i'm gonna call the police and i remember like i remember the layout of the house so well that i was like we had this couch by the front door that left a little gap so like if you came and you could squeeze past and go to like the like front like sitting area and i was sitting between that and the front like door area with my feet up and i distinctly remember sitting there and then just getting up and i just like turned walked like a few feet to the phone like the home phone and just grabbed it and fucking clicked it put it to my ear heard someone be like your emergency like miami like the police department what's your emergency i go i just slammed it back down and what and i went back to that spot too and i just sat there and i waited and i waited for them i was like let's see if y'all you're gonna tell them off yeah

and why the fuck are you at my house i never you were you were wasting resources very young yeah that's my whole vibe like i learned from a young age it's like waste waste waste use use use landfill landfill landfill that just reminds me i've probably told it 17 times on this fucking podcast but when my parents had like the uh direct tv guy at the house and my i me and madeline both share this memory of us hearing our mom say sing the jn silent bob song because it was playing on the tv and they were like oh they are like three-year-old twins like know the lyrics to the jn by silent bob song because like my older brothers loved that movie and watched the shit out of that movie and i remember standing there me and madeline at the end of my mom's bed, just singing the

song. And it's like really naughty. Like no three-year-old should be saying that shit. And then I remember my mom, like the DirecTV guy was mortified. He did not think it was funny at all. And then my mom got pissed at us. We got in trouble after they told us to fucking sing the song. You know what our version of that was tenacious d like my mom would play the tenacious d soundtrack in the car

with us all the time and she let us sing the fuck out of it but then we had majority like kids like naughty songs it was um this is the song one two one two, one, two, three, four. Norwich, Norwich, Norwich. Smoking weed. Smoking weed. Drinking beers. Drinking beers, beers, beers. Rolling daddies. Smoking bloods.

Smoking bloods. Smoking bloods. Rolling bloods. Smoking weed. Oh, let me get a nickel bag. That's fucking awesome. But basically, there's this one part where they're like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

And we would sing along to it. We can bleep that so we don't get demonetized or whatever now but no now you can curse we're past that we're past that the threshold um yeah we had like i think tenacious d was it for us but i don't remember any of the songs vividly but what i do remember is i think it's like what is it it's like zach and brack and daxter like the late night show it's like an old adult swim show that wasn't that profane or i don't know if they had a kid's version very profane i like that word is that a word no i like that word i'm gonna start using it it is a word okay wait i need to find the song Oh this It's Brack We had this shit on CD

And I would sing all the This is the scariest shit I've ever seen In my life I love this I love I love This is so What is that one dude That we like included him in our tour

promo like uh first what's his jack stauber this is jack stauber's like greatest inspiration no literally they were so lit like they had a bunch they had one about mashed potatoes my mom was such a like trooper because we had this whole thing on cd and she would listen to this in the car dude it's crazy what happens to like parents brains because like even it's happening to me a little bit like madeline and steven played the image and heap happy song that's like apparently like made for baby's brains. Like you can, a baby can be screaming and crying and you put this fucking Imogen Heap Happy song. It's literally like scientifically developed. Like it's her and scientists developed this song

and it will stop the baby from crying immediately. It's unbelievable. It's like an actual cheat code. Well, they played it. I'm not exaggerating on our road trip to Missouri, like 400 times in a row. And like, one, that song is fucking good, so I don't care. But two, like, I just tuned it out.

Like, it's crazy how good parents are at tuning out shit. Yeah, but my mom was also crazy because she would play that and only Enya CDs. But Enya's a vibe. I know, but to name me Enya and be like, and you know what you're going to listen to? You're never going to believe it. Orinoco Flow on repeat 300 times. That is my favorite bit. Don't ever get into a fucking car with me

because I will put Orinoco Flow on and play it for two seconds and then restart it. Play it for 15 seconds, then restart it. Play it for five seconds, then restart it. It's horrible. And the intro to that song is the funniest shit I've ever heard in my life. Especially after it's like yeah

i think that's it after the 35th time like oh it gets so good um okay so something i rediscovered this week um is the will smith chris rocks lab y'all my god okay that is something that we like grazed over and kind of just let slide as a society that is like it's really fucking crazy no it's like extremely like when's the last time you watched it i think when i was i was with you you were here and we watched it live it's i remember like blacking out for a second it is the most jarring thing i've ever seen on television and like re-watching it like it's almost hard for me to watch because like how he went from like laughing at the joke to like literally two seconds later walking up on stage and like people who just

found out about the will smith yeah like will smith math gnarliest slap i've ever seen well the weirdest thing was it seemed like it was a joke yeah exactly everyone was like are we supposed to laugh because this is like funny but i don't. I'm trying to find the picture of us all sitting on the couch. What year was that? 2021? I think so. 22 maybe. I don't know.

I have to find it. I have a picture of all of us sitting on the couch. All of y'all sitting reacting to it, staring at the TV after it happened. Yeah, it was crazy re-watching it because i'd i remember it being like pretty intense but like it is the uncensored version is crazy it's like hard to watch and i remember even being like ah who gives a fuck yeah literally who cares two men fighting classic i don't give a fuck that's funny but re-watching it it is so stark and scary also like you can almost see chris rock's like face kind of like swell up a little bit and like his mouth is like

a little twisted from being smacked so hard and it's so insane that that happens i still think it's impressive like if i got slapped on national television he just like goes right back to making a joke about it but it kind of is sad because you could see him like trying to recover and like he was in the worst like the hardest position an entertainer can be put in is where like the the like what is it the blanket of disbelief or the like veil of disbelief oh uh suspension of the suspension of belief like fully shattered in that yeah because the audience was at a loss for words because they couldn't tell if it was real or not and then he also was kind of like like he genuinely got his fucking marbles shook bitch he

got slapped so hard he had to like come to i'm shocked he didn't have a concussion i would have lied and said i had a concussion and sued him why did you sue him yep yep um okay so my social battery has been at an all-time low like i literally hate hanging out with people it's like not my fucking vibe right now it's like not that deep like don't hate me i don't hate you like it's not that deep but hanging's true. He tells me every time I go to bed, he's like, here's all the people who talk to me and I fucking hate them. Yeah. Hanging out with Inya and Orion at the same time is so great for me. It is literally the most, like hanging out in a trio is like potentially the greatest thing that's ever happened to me because Inya and the other person

can just talk the whole time and then I can just sit and like rot on my phone and like chime in every once in a while. And it's like I get like my socialization for the day, but also like I don't have to speak at all. And like it's such a vibe. That's why you like Josie here so much because me and him are like, I can just retire to my bedroom.

Drew feels like he's fully just like a part of something. Yeah, it really is a vibe to not participate in the conversation at all. That's okay. I'm back. Guys, I am fucking back. I didn't want to say it last week because I didn't want to jinx it,

but the birds are fucking chirping. Listen to the birds. I get up and I dance. I literally am back to it. Like for a while, I wasn't getting up and being like, hey Siri, play this song. And that is a sign that I'm down bad.

Because if you don't know, it's so annoying to like say this ritual out loud because it makes it seem like I like I swear I'm something. But it actually is something is wrong with me. And I wake up and I immediately need to hear noise so I don't get lost in my thoughts. But I wake up and I say. You can ask me to play a radio shut the fuck up siri she's a stupid witch like damn rotten hell i don't even remember what i was saying i fucking hate apple and i hope they die yeah siri is rotten she's rotten inside and out oh yeah but i wake up and i say hey bitch because i don't want to say her name now because she's listening i say hey bitch play don't want to break up again by ariana grande and i dance around my fucking

room okay and then i give myself a headache because i'm at my big age jumping up and dancing around it's getting hard the first listen through of that album it was giving me like i was like yeah i was like i don't care this shit sucks balls i'm sorry, Ariana. We lost her. We lost you, but there's a few good songs on there. I haven't heard it yet. Does she mention SpongeBob in it? Wait, open that drawer behind you and pull out Spinach Bob? Is Spinach Bob in there? Spinach Bob.

We have Spinach Bob here. spinach bottom oh we have spinach bob here that's like only a joke that we've made to like josiah so fucking where did you get it josiah or no lucas got it for me for christmas that was like my christmas is that canon or is that just like a like it's like weird like as fuck they didn't even change the color of his nose like now he kind of looks more like an Elmo ass character you can put your phone in here it's actually really useful

I love it we have the link to it on TikTok shop but it's so funny you brought that up because I have something screenshotted that I need to know y'all's answers for okay literally which one would you choose and i need the we waiting room background music playing in the background as we decide which one you're gonna choose okay so the

problem with this is i was already sent this by a friend and i said i would pick perk overdose oh okay okay so that's my final answer and i'm sticking with it because any of these oh my god i don't like oh my god oh my god i would purposefully get on a boeing 737 that i know already has a faulty part and i would get right next to the exit window and i would jump out because wow wow oh wow what's crazy is how much facetune menus that we're not talking about

huh how much facetune menu all of those menus like oh how much facetune I thought you said the way he said it like you said menus too close so it sounded like you're saying menus like how many face time he said it's crazy how many face time

which would you choose for a life partner to bang or like life part probably travis kelsey because i mean i feel like he could protect me. All of them terrify me. But also like all of them terrify me, but we all know this. Men in general terrify me. There's something like I was introduced to, like I was hanging out with friends yesterday and they introduced me to like another man, but we had to go into his house. And I never wanted to leave somewhere so fast because I was like, I don't know this man.

I don't want to be in like behind concrete with him like i we need to be outside like i feel like i'm being trapped and i'm gonna be thrown into the room like i don't want to talk to you i'm so sorry you could be the nicest person ever but if you are a man specifically too if you are a man above like 28 and i don't know you and you're straight i i literally i have nothing there there is nothing there like unless you have a long-term committed woman in your life who i just don't happen to be friends actually that's even more reason for you not to exist because i met that girl without you and she's way better without you oh my god i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry i just like i don't like kai you have there's no need no we've known kai for long

enough we met you before you were 28 and our first conversation was you have to there's no need no we've known Kai for long enough we met you before you were 28 and our first conversation was you wanted to kill yourself I wanted to kill myself he wanted to kill his self

and we talked about ketamine that is a crazy vibe we were all like wait there's a good vibe going here he gets it

he gets it drug addicts you know what it is too is because I've realized as we've gotten older like I have a friend who moved here no you literally no one's ever moved here duh me saying the friend like it's a ticket i have a friend who moved here but sabrina the other day in the car with me just goes you know i've never met a friend group that like every

single person struggles with anxiety or depression i've never met that in my life and in my head i was like that's literally not true that makes no sense every friend group has it but the more i start talking to bitches the more i'm like oh you might be normal like you you might be normal and i might not be normal because in my head i am realizing this as self-aware as i am i have this weird thing where I meet somebody especially if it's in our like like community circle that I assume we have this not only do we have the same beliefs like morally about music about art whatever but we all have the same brain chemistry for some reason and I think I only had that delusion because all of us in our

main friend group other than like a given like to me is zamar i feel like zamar is like pretty like well like chemistry balance that's like the only person in our friend group who i know like that and everybody else like has their issues like has their struggles mentally so i just assume yeah everybody's going through it but then i just recently have been like catching up with people since i've been out of town so long having lunch with them and then like saying my dark shit that to me isn't dark i'm like this is like the usual and i can see in their face that they're like dude i just had the same realization because i got on this medication that actually has helped with anxiety and like two months have gone by and i'm just like oh shit i feel like i got red pilled

and i'm like oh that's why people react to things that way because they're not insane no literally and i'm just oh wow it's such i feel like i'm the most normal person and you just said that your favorite part about hanging out with people is that you don't have to speak. Dude, you download the KFC PDFs every quarter. It's crazy. I have like a whole folder on my phone of all of the fast food. We're going to find out that Drew has a whole separate email just destined to all his favorite fast food chains so they can email him about new products. I love fast food.

I think it's better than sliced bread. The best thing that happens in sliced bread is fast food chain so they can email him about new products i love fast food i think it's better than sliced bread the best thing that happens in sliced bread is fast food okay i will say i hate when a bitch it's like that thing is like um little caesars are so good when you don't have a bitch in your ear real as fuck those little caesar like little stuffers or whatever the fuck they're called the puffs are so fucking good y'all they're so good the hype is actually real what this like why do we have only this light on like i feel like it's like something about this is very odd we're glowing um but i hate when a bitch is like oh my god fast food is like so bad for you but then they go and get basically the same shit from a restaurant like you're going and getting like a chicken sandwich from my from fucking great white anyway you're still having a

chicken sandwich except mine only took 10 minutes to get here and you're like restaurant food is so bad for you i'm pretty sure i eat it i'm like no this is bad i know this is bad for you it's not normal no literally it's like um accutane dyes your bones neon i literally have that written down to talk about there's no way i would fit like i don't understand yes dude people like their bones like turn neon when they take accutane like and i remember when i was younger i wanted to be on accutane so fucking bad not because i had bad acne but because i literally was like i want to say i was on accutane like what i have the trauma you are weird yeah i know it like causes really gnarly issues with people's brain chemistry so if you're on accutane it'll get better babe like i don't know like what like

i'm being brutally honest with y'all and like i'm just getting shut fucking down constantly you're weird as fuck i'm really trying trying to find us reacting to Chris Rock. Chris Rock. What the fuck is wrong with us? We're level three brain rot. I feel like my brain is pretty useful, though. I literally read two books in a week. Hello, I'm smarter than a lot of you.

She's brought this up. This is the eighth time. Because I'm actually so proud of it but it was because i was so sad that's a huge accomplishment and now now that i'm like not as sad as i was two weeks ago that's never happening again yeah like books are for sad people like let's be honest the most i read is when i'm sad as fuck and my phone isn't giving me dopamine so i have to light my bedside candle and just sit there and read so i can disappear and then fall asleep faster and when i'm happy i'll use my phone

for 18 hours actually my screen time has gone way down in the past week so period no more no more 20 You ate. Well. Okay. That sounded sarcastic, but you did eat. I actually feel like I'm starving now. I didn't find that picture, but I found this. What's my favorite picture? Someone made a shrine of me in their bathroom at school oh i saw that um it happened like months ago and i can't find the video right now um but literally one of the craziest shit things i've ever seen um like you're damaged but i love you where is it oh is this it no that's just my school is that in like we're in america that's what freaks me out some of y'all are in parts of america that i don't

know exists and there's it's so big here like i hate that like some of y'all are in places that i will never even get close to that freaks me out there's too many of us i mean we're literally going to nebraska and like omaha two days lincoln nebraska we're going to lincoln nebraska in literally 48 hours american airlines is so cunty because i got a an email that was like get ready for your big trip to lincoln i was like girl you know damn well nobody is fucking excited to go to lincoln nebraska no I'm excited to go to Lincoln, Nebraska. I just hate that it's cold. Like, I thought about how I have to-

Oh, wait, is it cold? It's, like, colder than- Like, now we're getting the good weather here, and that's what's pissing me off. It's because I have to go do that other trip to the cold place for, like, a week and a half, and it just got good here. The cold school. The cold place. Yeah, Lincoln, Nebraska Nebraska Is gonna be fucking movie

What's fucked up is I actually do My favorite part about the college shows Obviously is the show itself because I love seeing your faces My favorite part I actually do love it It's fun but my favorite part is Getting to be back in a hotel room With Drew which is where our friendship started.

Like, that's where we first started getting close. That's our roots. So we literally always get to the hotel. We order some shitty fucking food. We get a bunch of snacks. I get high as fuck. And then we sit around and kick our feet and giggle. Yeah.

And we're getting there early. So we can start our sleigh early because we're not going out. No, we never go out no we never go out we never go out but i'll never forget like one of the like first memories i have being together in a hotel room is like us playing with your fucking tampons and pads and like throwing them at the bathroom window because we one of our first times like hanging out just us was it it was on press play, we were in Colorado, and our scary manager gave us edibles, and I had never gotten high

before. I had never gotten high. We were minors. Yeah, we were minors. I had never gotten high before. I'd never smoked, never done anything. I was barely starting to drink, which is such a funny thing to say about a 17-year-old. I was barely even drinking at the time. I was barely even doing Percocets at the time yeah i was he was he was barely giving me any painkillers at that time but we took edibles and we got high and i have videos of drew

like we both got high and drew kept being like where am i where am i and like just like jokingly being like i'm trapped inside my head. Which probably wasn't a joke. Like I feel like part of it was you being real because it scares you. And I have a video of Drew Curl about to find it because it's somewhere deep in one of my phones. But it's a beat like, I'm in my head. I'm in my head. Wait, we have to put that in here. Yeah.

And I have videos of you throwing the tampons and pads at the window. And then there was like a heat lamp in the bathroom. And Ineos like literally thought she was being cooked alive. Like was so scared yeah i think i've said that but i'm gonna say anyway in case nobody knows it but i went back to my room and it was colorado so it was very cold i'm from miami i didn't i never even thought i never could have imagined the technological advance. A red light bulb. A light bulb that heats up. Like on purpose. So I was in the bathroom about to shower brushing my teeth.

And I felt myself burning. I was like, oh my God, the weed is making me burn. Like it's burning my skin. My flesh is burning. And I got in the shower thinking like, oh, like it'll cool me down. But there was a bigger heat lamp in the shower. And I was literally burning alive. And I was so scared and high that I got out of the shower covered in soap and fucking stopped and dropped and rolled in my bed and went to sleep.

Riving around in your bed. I was dying. Then I woke up the next morning and I'd sit in the bathroom. I was like, oh, my God, it's the light bulb. That's hot. And I didn't even tell you that for like years it was years after and that was in my like letting it crust over arc where i wouldn't wipe my ass for like months at a time and it would just like flake off in the bed like a perfect little ring it was like a reptile yeah that is so gross y'all didn't do that

you know a girl's genuinely bad when she has you wiping your ass you're so stupid that's very changing your underwear every day you letting it crest over as onika burgers somebody was like their fascination with coco montrese will like never fail to amaze me y'all you know her performance you gotta look into coco montrese like there's specifically one moment that changed literally i'm not exaggerating change the trajectory of our lives and i will die on that hill like it brought us closer in a way that like i can't even begin to like verbalize the beginning of like our relationship with josie I think that's where it started. Exactly. Is we started watching RuPaul's, RuPaul's.

Like, it's crazy. We started watching it with Josie. And the lore behind it is so fucked up. Like, it's so fucked up. Cause like, it wasn't supposed to happen,

but it did. And I'm so glad it did, but she probably would have like, gone deep. Cause she's good at what she did. She was supposed to lip sync and dance to a Janet Jackson song. And they couldn't get the licensing for it. So instead she danced to like a 1930s ass beat.

Like it literally made. Do you know what I'm talking about? Ty, look it up. It's crazy. I'm going to show it to you. It's crazy. Look up Coco Montrese All Stars Season 2 dance. It was like the talent show portion of.

And it's literally the greatest season of Drag Race ever. Like Season 2 All Stars Season 5. Was this the one? They gave her that royalty free ass music to dance to instead. I'll never forget. I'll never forget this. I decided to step out of my box. Choices.

Choices. Also this part, I really hope it works out. Like this part. I love this. And she's off beat when she rolls the hat. Choices. Is this the right one? Yes.

I haven't seen the hat yet. Oh, it comes up. That was a choice. Oh, here it is. I don't even have to see it to know. This shit. Someone doing that with a hat will always be funny.

Like, oh my god, that's my Halloween costume. Come on, Charisse. You'll be that and I'll be detox. It's supersonic. It's supersonic. Like, best show ever. Best show ever.

I want another episode. I can't believe we have to wait like 40. Yeah. Okay. Wow, that was good. That was good for me. Good laugh. Okay, guys, I actually think I'm over Fortnite.

You have not been playing at all. The new season sucks. The new season is too much. Like, damn, y'all took a too much pill. Like, it's literally too much. It doesn't even feel like Fortnite. Also, like, what's fucked up is I got on and I'm not even kidding. It was purely an accident. Because all you had to do is click one fucking button and i was looking at the battle pass and i accidentally bought the stupid fucking battle pass of all the stupid like dumb characters that i don't care about at all there is a what's her name from avatar though oh really katara is that her name oh kira kira um but anyways i bought the battle pass and i was

like oh i'm not even gonna fret because like you can refund shit on fortnite and i went you can't refund you can't refund the stupid battle pass and it's the worst thing ever so i literally wasted the good that's the annoying part is i usually get my trust and believe i get my battle pass ran through very quickly did you buy it this season i have it on auto pay oh my my God. Dude, Enya's a Fortnite member. She's a member. What does that even mean? She pays 15 bucks a month.

So I get Battle Pass and Crew Pack. Hello. At least I think that's what it means. You're deranged. Y'all are jealous. You're jealous. I actually, you know what's worse is I think, I don't know what it means. I think I might be paying for Battle Pass and Crew Pack separately. No, no, no. I think that's what it means. I think I might be paying for Battle Pass and crew pack separately.

No, no, no. I think that's what it means. Okay. But, yeah, Inya hasn't been playing Fortnite at all. We tried to play the other day and got absolutely shit on Destroyed, and it was just, like, not fun at all. And, like, I'm not going to play shit that isn't fun. Like, that's me.

I'm not going to, like, try to force having fun. Okay, yeah. Actually, guys, not to toot my own horn or toot uh epic games horn but crew pass is lit because i got my crew pack and i got my battle pass and i get v-bucks the cool thing about the um uh battle pass though is that once you complete it you get the v-bucks you spent on it back plus some but i'm not finishing that stupid battle pass because the season fucking sucks yeah the season it's also like there's too many moving parts that it's extremely hard but i did get a win with josie and i had 15 kills and that did do something to me

but it's too hard it's like not enjoyable fuck the wings fuck the lightning bolts like it's annoying and i just find myself playing like talking about bone and wings like the wings like i want chicken nuggets um oh but i did have a crazy experience i forgot what i was watching oh i was showing um josh and lucas my favorite streamer prospering he is the goat he is literally the best he's the best streamer ever he is so good he already he already got i don't think he's cheating because that's my king and also he shows his accuracy and he'll have like 39 accuracy so i'm like would a cheater miss so many shots i don't think so but he already got a 40 kill a 41 kill let me put some respect on yeah 41 kill win this season but i was showing him to josh and uh lucas and he has all these sayings that are like really

sweet to me like he'll be like squad what like and he's so monotone i literally love him but i was showing his videos to josh and lucas and it was an older video where he was landing an old map and i had like the most visceral feeling yeah like it was like if somebody showed me a video of where i grew up in miami like i had the same feeling i was like i've been there i've spent my summer there i have literally spent a summer there that's literally why people lost their mind at the og map because that's the feeling like everybody got when it was like being teased it was like oh my god like we're back i didn't have enough time with og fortnite i feel like they could have done that for another like three months i think they have like a full map of just og now yeah they're bringing it back yeah they're gonna have it like how there's

like zero build ranked and everything they're gonna have just og yeah sick so um your wish will come true king so the last thing i want to talk about okay is um it's literally it's not gonna be the last thing you talk about we're gonna have another episode oh true true true true is um facebook ai it has gotten out of control like the metaverse no like people so on facebook they like i can't believe i showed you that was like my favorite one but basically on facebook people make these ai bot accounts that just like shit post AI generated photos and it like collects data, gets likes and views. And like it's just like it's basically to make old people fall for this trap. And it'll be like a picture of Jesus like saving a woman and like people will be like, amen. And like we'll just like love it well these ai bots like i don't know how they do it but

they like track the likes on like the um like what is it called when you put it into the ai like the topic the prompt yeah they like track the prompts that they put in and track like the like level to the prompt and then they start like generating images based on like the amount of likes i mean they post like i'm not exaggerating 300 ai generated photos a day on facebook and like it is to the point where it's become so convoluted and messy and it's like literally the funniest shit i've ever seen so this one on love god and god loves you made it with my own hands thanks to everyone who appreciates this and basically like it it just like gotten so lost that like they saw like beach and like people like beach photos and they like jesus photos so they combine the two and then it just like runs

it through over and over again until it becomes like a monster of itself like what and one I thought he was laying down when I first saw on your phone oh my god and then like they have somewhere like so this is like the prompt that like got it gets a bunch of likes like building Jesus out of sand like my artwork yeah and like it gets hundreds of likes and it it's the funniest shit ever um and then the person looks really real in that this is another prompt that they have is like they love planes for some reason and like stewardess i guess like old men like women that are yeah yeah literally so they like have what the fuck is happening that's what i'm saying they have like jesus holding a plane stewardess beautiful cabin that's being attacked by fucking sharks like flying through the air like it's

crazy how like this one's insane is that jesus it's jesus carrying rosalia then it gets like sharks that's her that's her coattella setup then there's like the shrimp jesus yeah that's what i'm saying i was like oh i need to like have like ai like make me problems and then i paint it um but this one is like insane and all of the comments are like wow like he's so creative like amen like we need to say amen um they they're they think the kid built this like they think the kid built this. Like, they think the kid built it. Like, all of the comments are like, he built that? Like, oh, God's good.

God is good. Help follow all single mothers? That's what I'm saying. President TV. It's gotten so long. That one's awesome. Oh, my God. Why does the single mothers thing

have to do with anything I guess people just like single moms you know what's the next level down though in that that I saw is that all of the accounts that are commenting is also AI that's viewing the thing

yeah yeah so I feel like i saw something about that where it was like exponentially the the activity on facebook is all just like ai like generated and ai responses that's like feeding into it and i remember it was like episode 100 where we were talking about like content being over like we're we're like we made some call of like oh like we're about to enter like the post content era and it literally feels like that yeah 100 it's like bjork made all the sounds she could make yeah like we've done we're done making sounds music we're done we're done it's so over um but yeah then i started thinking about dead internet theory and if you go into like a twitch chat the birds are chirping the birds are chirping

if you go into a twitch chat that is proof of dead internet theory that's all I'll say there but the last thing I'll talk about yeah that's like if you go into my twitch chat it's like so overloaded that it's like oh my god these people can't be real

the last thing I'll talk about is okay so Kai drives a Prius. And I saw it on the street. Why would you say that to him? This is a fact. Well, I saw it on the street the other day. It's true. Me without a car or a license.

I'm like, I'm so sorry. I saw it on the street the other day. And I just got like so riled up and horny. And then I took a picture of after I left it. And I left his car like this. How did you do the back part of it though oh you don't want to know yeah this shit actually took me a long time to clean up and no the story behind this is even fucking crazier so there was like this semi-truck carrying hagfish and they make like a bunch of slime and it opened up and just destroyed like 20 cars like it sprayed like juice like all over it literally literally literally um okay

oh wait they're kind of cute but like i have a i have a note to bring up it's that uh drew is a male pog i'm poggers as fuck no no dude i'm poggers yeah i meant p-a-w-g what the fuck did you just call me you're a perfect ass white girl isn't it fat ass white girl see i just think about like no it sounds like a homophobic slur no no wow think about it no I was complimenting you and your perfect body but foggers in the chat y'all

okay nevermind that kind of backfired yeah you just shouldn't say guys been playing with spinach bob that's what I'm saying it's multi multifaceted like it's literally a great thing I hate that it's called spinach bob that's what i'm saying it's multi multifaceted like it's literally a great thing i hate that it's called spinach bob because it's green spinach i don't remember we were in the back of the car i think it's josiah i think josiah came up with spinach bob

it's so funny it's annoying um okay let's do psy up media of the week all i've been watching is rupaul stragglers like i'm not kidding i finished love is blind and i was watching oh yeah the love is blind reunion was crazy i want to do like a love is blind show um like you want to be on one yeah like and i want to or no no i want to do like a podcast breaking it down after because i see things other people don't see and i want to start the conversations um no love is blind is lit as fuck um and the reunion episode was insane um well my media of the week one of the songs does come from ripples drag race and it's dim all the lights by donna summer that song is so fucking good it's a shame by the spinners and don't want

to break up again by arianka grandy that's like the literally three songs i've been listening to okay my media is sold out by young lean and blade um because they say drew in it a bunch of times which is crazy they literally say drew in it it's actually crazy um then they say druth and shit too and that's the only song i'm giving y'all um okay we've moved media before drew's eye up corner to make them listen to media yeah yeah yeah um potheads will tell you that they function better when they're high and then sit in silence with their mouth open drooling for two hours i know a few people

motherfuckers will slam heroin but tell the wendy's drive-thru lady no tomato. That's good. Those are from Kylie. Gay son or deadly Panera lemonade. Okay. Damn, fuck y'all. That killed. That one wasn't. No, people love it.

People love it. I'm telling you right now. Wait, what is this one? I'm sorry. Oh, this one's fucking crazy. I'm sorry for doing this and I usually don't ask for a lot, but can someone please eat my P word

like a dehydrated orangutan locked in a room with only a water bowl? Oh, wow. Giving a blowjob at a funeral. That's equivalent to when I said that I, the thing about the submarine guy that I will repeat that was greer that submitted that one really yeah not like greer oh but somebody with their name is greer um giving a blowjob at a funeral call that top of the morning think about it morning okay jules shout out man fuck y'all bro i'm never doing the first two were really really good again the first two were really really good they were soft yeah you forget about

the big laughs that the first two got no also i repeated your boba joke yesterday oh i've said that but it's a three people yeah boba is really good. Boba, Boba, Boba. Oh, I almost just said something. Never mind. Well, that was the episode. Thanks, guys, for watching. The fuck out of my face. Seriously.

Not enough thirst traps in me recently. Do I need to post more pictures or what? Like, they're, like, flopping. Or am I flopping? We might be in our like two week flop arc and i think that's like kind of the vibe right now well get it going i want no i guess i need more content of me out there damn it guys i will post a few ig stories this week don't worry i'll give you the content you need.