Emergency Intercom - lets start a podcast

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

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just be pregnant and i don't know that is the scariest shit i have ever heard in my life that like bitch like people like party and drink and do drugs always my immediate thought when someone's like yeah i have a cryptic pregnancy i'm like that baby is gonna need alcohol immediately but that's also me assuming most people are just like drinking often like maybe a lot of people don't actually drink that much but i don't know like i feel like cryptic pregnancies i usually see it's like a younger person who has it i'm like bitch i know that baby was at the frat parties like that baby was out with y'all like y'all need what y'all were supposed to be doing was calling an uber xl because there was an extra fucking passenger that nobody knew about the tea is is like drinking while pregnant really that bad two podcasters get a mic and start talking we just started talking like you know it literally

like a wine a day with like a glass of wine a day with your pregnant when you're pregnant it's like not that bad yeah well my wife drank a quarter of fireball every night. Your wife? While she was pregnant with me, yes. Your wife while she was pregnant with you? Yes. She gave birth to me. Your wife gave birth to you? Yeah. And you're 18?

Mm-hmm. Okay. How old is your mom? She's 18 as well. My mom is my wife. My wife. But yeah, cryptic pregnancies are really really really creeping me the fuck out i would be so mad i would feel so but also it's because i don't want kids i feel like most people who have

cryptic pregnancies it's like fuck i didn't want to do this right now but like i'm down for this bitch i don't want babies i don't want kids i don't want kids i don't want kids i don't want kids i don't want kids watch me end up having kids you're gonna have to see all this content of me being like fuck kids fuck kids i hate kids i don't want kids i think something is gonna click in your brain and you're gonna want kids one day i don't know the thing is i feel like so many women i know have always had like a maternal instinct and have the women i know who want kids have always wanted kids they never went from being like oh fuck kids to being like i think i'm ready so i don't know also it doesn't work too that all of my friends for the most part all of my home girls are like bitch i

do not want fucking kids so like we're literally in the witches club we're like literally all evil yeah we're all evil witches who don't believe in having like offspring damn i want children um right well what's your birth plan are you gonna do a natural birth yeah i wish you could have a baby you're gonna carry my child that's the thing is drew's asked me that before and i've been like girl hell we would make awesome ass babies though and you would have nothing to do with the child afterwards i would raise it are you allowed to take antidepressants and stuff while you're pregnant yeah oh per but like no babies inside produce natural hormones that make women happier.

I think the opposite happened. Dude, postpartum depression is the most diabolical shit. Like, women's life really is suffering. That's what I'm saying. And it's suffering in silence. Literally, the baby, like, sucks all of your life and juices from you. I will say, though, like, I do think motherhood is beautiful, but I just don't have a calling to it. But every time I see somebody, like, I either relatively know or just somebody in general with their baby, it makes me so happy. But also, I never got to have a mother, so I don't believe that I should be anybody's mother. Awkward.

People get so confused because I say stuff like that, and then I'm like, my mom. And then they're like, wait, I'm confused. Is her mom dead? Listen. Set the record straight. There's layers to this shit, bro. the record there's layers to this shit bro like there's layers to this shit my stepmom is my mommy my birth mom is dead hope that cleared everything up yeah I'm glad it brings you joy why why does my mom's death bring you joy I don't know it's just because I have you all to myself now yeah if Drew's ever sad I'm like does my mom's death bring you joy i don't know it's just because i have you

all to myself now yeah if drew's ever sad i'm like oh my mom's dead and he literally starts like jumping up and like jumping around in his room that is literally not true actually yeah it's not true because if you jumped out of bed and started jumping around you would fucking faint and i know bitch i've been standing up and like on the verge of fainting for the last like three days and i have like a blood or um like a heart rate monitor that like checks blood pressure too and i forgot why i got it i just i got it oh because my mom was my older brother got diagnosed with like pots when he was like 20 or something like that and it was around the time that i was like going through the same shit my mom was like hot like i think it's called like post had something tachycardia like orthostatic

tachycardia it's like your heart rate is just like naturally higher and when you stand up like your high your heart rate like skyrockets and like oh a lot of girls have it but boys can get pots too so my mom just like got me a heart rate monitor boys deserve to have pot no boy literally boys can have pots too girls can have autism as well it's not just adhd oh my god thank you for bringing awareness to the misdiagnosis of many women across the country. I tore. I tore. I don't even remember what the fuck.

Oh. That's why you have that stupid fucking monitor. Yeah. And I was like, oh, let me. What was I even? I don't even know what the point. Because you stand up. When you stand up, you almost fucking die every time you stand up.

Yeah. Oh, well, I was just going to go look for my heart rate monitor just to like see what my blood pressure was because it was giving like really, really low. And my blood pressure is really low um when i stand up and i couldn't fucking find it and josh stole it from me and lost it and i'm pissed about that and then kai stole my fucking three quarters jack okay like a real stretch of something that was stolen and then someone stole my camera and didn't put it back like everything i own is getting stolen from me except your heart no one can ever take that from

you exactly but i didn't i didn't get to test my heart rate but i've been really down tremendously bad standing up like i i last night i was like watch this and i can make myself pass out it didn't work i got it on video oh you recorded it yeah I want to watch it I could probably do it right now I cuz cool demonstration okay there was like there was like 2% of what's been happening to me. But I don't have pots. And then I walked over here. There was a, there was a 10. There was a moment.

There was a moment. Exactly what just happened. That's exactly what you just said. You're always just like, I almost fainted. I was this close away. Have you, you fainted before, right? Literally like a mini at times once i took uh too much uh not i almost said tramadol um too much uh trazodone and i was laying in bed and my body got all warm and fuzzy and i was like wait what the fuck is happening like literally what is happening i've

never felt like this before and then my eyes started tunneling and i was like, wait, what the fuck is happening? Like literally what is happening? I've never felt like this before. And then my eyes started tunneling and I was like, oh my God, like I think I'm passing out. So instead of just like passing out in bed, I literally thought I was like overdosing and dying. I like stood up and ran around my bed and I had that fist, like that coral reef at the time. And right next to it was a trash can and I like literally collapsed into the pile of garbage.

And I like remember vividly being like bro like i can't die in a pile of garbage so i like stood up again and walked down the hallway in my room and then collapsed just and like hit my head like really hard and bit through my tongue and i was like oh my god and then so i like scurried on the floor on all fours to my sister's room and they didn't fucking believe me and so i like passed out a third time on the floor of the fucking bedroom and just slept there until like 7 a.m and like i knew i was down tremendously bad because i was shirtless and nobody in my family had ever seen me shirtless like actually let's talk about that literally i is insane i literally was not shirtless in front of anybody in my life from the ages

of like probably 10. I'd say even nine to like 20. Like I feel like even until like the past like two years, I really never saw you. Yeah, no, I literally was like so disgusted by my body and i have this one very vivid of my dead brother this is the reason why he died it's because he said this shit to me i'm not even kidding like karma's a bitch like don't talk about my fucking body because you might die um but we were in a lazy river at like great wolf lodge or some shit i don't know what the fuck it was and uh we were just

like floating down the river and i was just minding my own business and i was like just gaining consciousness i was probably like eight or something like that and i was not aware of the evils that this world could bestow upon like someone like i didn't know that body dysmorphia hadn't entered the picture yeah body dysmorphia hadn't entered the picture well we're floating down this river and my dead brother looks at me and he's like oh fuck what did he say i forgot it he just looked at my like my love handles and he was like wow you're packing on the pounds there like it's really hanging over the edge of your swimsuit and he just like kept going in he was like the swimsuit is like really tight so you can like see your like gut and your sides billowing

over and i was like bitch i was literally like 26 pounds at this point like i literally was like tiny tiny tiny but i was just like entering like early stages of puberty 26 pounds is tiny dude that's crazy is that big that's when i was eight i was literally like eight pounds oh my god um but yeah ever since that moment i was hyper aware of my body and then my brother died and i was set free of the clutches of body dysmorphia and you're able to be shirtless yeah well um we've gotten too comfortable with each other and at this point i just walk around like shirtless. Yeah. It's a vibe, though. It is.

I get like on Sundays, I just like take my shirt off and clean the house. Bro, Inya fucking tweaks out when she's goddamn cleaning. Her ash cheek will be hanging out. Like her bra will like be halfway off. Like her sweater down her shoulder. Like she's basically half naked and she's fucking scrubbing the walls and shit. It's so tweet coded. One day I was was literally like i know what i look like i look like a crazy person but there's just like certain times where i'll be like committed to doing a task and i'm like if i'm going to commit to doing this task i need to do it at its fullest i need to not cut corners because

i'm actually here i'm really doing it i'm committing to it um but then i just look fucking crazy because i was literally cleaning the the what are those called the doorway boards the like wooden borders whatever the fuck yeah um and i was cleaning the fuck out of that while drew the blue banisters the blue banisters what is that like mona del rey i know but before that what does that mean like the banisters aren't that isn't that what you like pray at in church or some shit two bitches who don't know shit we're like oh let me look it up blue banisters just sounds like very patriotic to me let's ask chat gpt hello hey can you speak to me in a very gay voice i can definitely adjust my tone to be more fun and lively for you. What would you like to chat about?

Fuck breathe Wait this is literally this is me scrolling through the Winterland system. Let's talk about that. The Wonderland? Yeah. They took their brain and put it in goddamn chat GBT. The Wonderland system. Literally, chat GBT is just the new DID.

Yeah. Arbor. Okay. Like, hello. This app is a piece of fucking shit, chat GBT. I know. It actually sucks. Like, we've been playing with it and it's the slowest app ever.

It's so annoying. Hi, can you talk to me using gay slang only? Sure thing. All right, honey, let's spill the tea. So, you know when you're serving looks, giving face, and just living your best life? It's all about that fierce attitude. Whether you're throwing shade just living your best life, it's all about that fierce attitude. Whether you're throwing shade or snatching wigs, it's all in your... Okay, you didn't even ask for all that.

This was a hate crime on, like, multiple levels. What is a banister? Oh, no hate crimes here. Just serving language realness. A banister is the handrail you hold onto when you're going up or downstairs. It's there to give you a little support and prevent any dramatic tumbles. Keep it cute and safe, darling. Okay.

That was terrifying. I don't like that he, like, hears everything. Yeah, for real. Like, every time we play with our GBT, I feel like we're doing a prank call. Actually, that's what's annoying is we don't like that he, like, hears everything. Yeah, for real. Like, every time we play with ChatGVT, I feel like we're doing a prank call. Actually, that's what's funny. We don't use it. We literally use it to, like, prank ChatGVT. We're like, oh, we're going to get him back.

We're going to get him. We're going to get him to say something so stupid. Let's play. Let's play. Ask him to eat his shoes. Hello? Hey, can I eat your shoes your shoes well that's a first i think my shoes might be a bit too digital for a snack maybe try something a little more edible i'm coming out to my family

very soon and i need help can you like list me a couple things that would help me come out to my family? Use more gay slang. and a cozy spot. Get your chosen fam or a supportive bestie on standby for some emotional backup. And remember, hunty, breathe and take your time. There's no rush on this runway. You just left me speechless. We're done for now. That's crazy. When you're asking somebody, like,

how should I come out to my family? He's like, okay, so when you're ready to spill the tea. Like, that's, like, that one clip of what's it called? From Drag Race when What's Her Nuts and Plain Jane, like, were talking. Oh, oh. She was talking about, like, her diagnosis, and she was like. Oh, what is. She was like, that's your tea.

No, she said, like, a like a specific word like that was so funny oh what was it like it wasn't fucking demure it was um thanks for spilling oh yeah thanks for spilling that's what i'm gonna say next time someone trauma dumps on me i'm gonna be like thanks for spilling thanks for spilling did you know tyra branks tyra branks oh my god tyra banks referenced what was that fucking scary spooky movie we just watched the other day rosemary's baby yeah she was like i specifically told you rosemary baby for the hair me a pharaoh and rosemary's baby. Mia Farrow and Rosemary's baby. I'm literally going to get that haircut. I think it's so fucking fun. That's what I thought I was going to get

when I got my fucking pixie cut. No, you looked good. You looked good. You looked good. I'm telling you. When I see pictures of me when I was like 21, I feel like I was stuck in the Wonderland system. When I was changing my hair all the time, that was me changing my alters that were fronting and like the scariest alter that fronted was the yellow

hair she was that was a spooker that was a spooker what's funny about that is like or orange even orange was giving spooker vibes well when i had orange hair, I was like manically depressed. And now I'm normal. Boring. Now I'm normal. I got rid of my depression and now I'm normal. What's up, Spotify? This is Javi.

I remember this one time we were on tour. We didn't have any guitar picks and we didn't have time to go to the store. So we placed an order on Prime, and it got there the next day, ready for the show. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. Well, I just realized, like, probably a few days ago that I accidentally might have poisoned me, you josh like on a regular basis like i might have committed bio warfare in our house me looking around i'm like no literally so early pandemic probably like 2020 2021 i don't know why but i became hyper obsessed with like growing bacteria colonies like i literally would go

around the house swabbing everything and i literally just in the midst of like a virus pandemic yeah it was like how can i add to this how can i make covid three um so basically i would just swab everything and i like would put these petri dishes with agar in like dark places and let them grow and like after a week or something like they would be beautiful i got everything that i ever wanted out of it and then i put them in a very dark place for years and years and years and years and i think they're still inside that cupboard over there we don't know where they and i'm too scared to look because like i know that like i created some like really diabolical shit and not only that but that's like next to like the air fryer

that's next to like the juicer like it's next to like things that we use decent i don't bitch fuck air fryer first of all like let's have that conversation like i really like you're like a bad take on it because you like your food fucking cold that's what i'm saying like air fryers like i really tried i really really did try to get behind it like my mom was like oh like congrats on the new house like let me get you something like to commemorate it like y'all don't have a microwave me and nina are anti-microwave it's not even on some like holistic health bullshit it's just like the way they look horrible on the fucking counter and like also like on top of that like no let's have that conversation like we're putting like nuclear

radiation into our fucking food we say that like our fridge isn't like actually about to explode in the middle of you talking i'm not kidding for a split second all i could focus on was that sound and last night i was really convinced but this this is like a whole different part of my brain so i know it's not real but um i was really convinced last night that the fridge was gonna explode and i i was like i came into the kitchen to get water and i ran past the bridge and i filled up the water really fast and i ran back this way to avoid the fridge because i was genuinely convinced it was gonna like burst open while i was in here um and then hearing that sound just now it's like it's only a matter of time there's something blocking something and it's gonna explode it's the free and also i convinced myself the other day that our water heater was gonna explode i do that all the time dude our water heater makes like

the scariest fucking sounds i've ever heard in my goddamn life it's like literally like it sounds like what is it it sounds like whatever pipe is like pushing all the gas to heat up our water gets clogged and i'm just like it it's only gonna take one second for it to fucking explode also josh has never once in his goddamn life cleaned the lint catcher in the dryer and like i know for a fact there is a fire hazard waiting to happen with our dryer. But back to air fryers. Fuck air fryers. But Ninja made one that like not the gamer. Like Ninja Creamy.

Damn, he is falling off. Also, fuck Ninja Creamy. Like there's so many like weird psychological operations like deep-seated like far down the pipeline a kitchen appliance a psychological like it's like capitalism like it's like do you really need something to make you ice cream in your house like actually go buy a pint like literally just go buy a pint like and i know that shit does not taste as good as y'all are saying it tastes but ninja made an air fryer recently that i was like wait i actually might need that because it comes it's like a clear glass bottom i was gonna say i think they stole that from someone they did

they did they're literally just blue labeling appliances at this point and it's fucking working because like i want it i want it i want it and you can like detach the cooking basin and then put like a Tupperware lid food is so weird i know literally food is scary food is weird food is creepy i don't want to see food cooking i don't want it i don't want it see the thing i if i see raw meat if i see raw chicken or red bloody fucking beef or a steak, oh, oh, God. Like, all I can think about was the life that they led before and how dark-sided it was. Did you know grass-fed does not mean that they're roaming a fucking grass field and eating? It means that they literally just dump grass clippings inside of these, like, giant dairy farms where their heads are locked up and they just eat grass clippings inside of these like giant dairy farms where their heads are locked

up and they just eat grass and they're still being abused it is so sick and twisted i hate it so much but like i love chicken i love chicken and i love a burger like i love a good in and out burger but oh in and out i used to be an in and out hater and i don't know what switch this year but like now and i don't like burgers because burgers make my hand stink like for a long time burger finger burger finger i'm not kidding that's real like i literally like my fingers smell like it and like there are certain foods that i eat that require a shower after wing stop is one of those foods like i because i get like barbecue wing stop and i, and I feel like it goes through all the cuts on my finger from me biting my nails, and it's, like, in my bloodstream, and I need

to go shower and, like, open up my pores. Also, I'm not greasy, by the way, y'all. My hair is wet. I, like, wetted it right before we started filming. Wetted it. Wetted it. But, yeah, food is really scary. And also, we're not saying that in like a nasty fucking ed way like

don't play around don't fucking play food is just so weird like food like i hate you know what it is like i've been talking about it a lot like we've been talking about this week but i've been talking about it with my therapist about like i just hate decision making when it comes to food and i think that's why i like it's because everything hurts our fucking stomach yeah everything hurts dude literally yesterday my stomach hurt so fucking bad from eating these random fucking chicken wings chicken wing chicken wing chicken wing hot dog chicken and macaroni chilling with my homie you're my homie but yeah food is really creepy we saw this fucking tiktok that i was like this is literally me and drew literally when i'm eating food all i can think about specifically meat um all i can think

about is like the mutilated corpses of like the dead critter that like lived the saddest most drab life ever that i'm just like eating on and it was like it was someone's child it was potentially someone's mother and father like the one food that i cannot get behind i don't know i think my mom made me think like that because like she's she does not eat meat well i will say sometimes when i get like chicken wings okay wing stop you need to get your shit together because sometimes your chicken wings come with like a little feather on it the second i see that oh the things you've lied about like get that out of my fucking face are you fucking kidding me this shit was alive and like fucking clucking around and now i'm just like sitting watching rupaul's

drag race high as fuck eating it like that's the demonic part is like we sit in your bed and we watch like a guy making a terrarium full of animals and we're just like we're like eating said animal i'm like crying like food is so scary no the the like lifespan of a chicken being like kept in a cage and then sitting in my living room and watching rupaul's drag race while eating it is crazy it's honestly beautiful and poetic if you think about like their last moments were enjoyed watching a gaga video like that is true okay i can't find literally melted in my fucking stomach by acid and grinded with fucking calcium bone this is like the first thing i've seen that i'm like this describes you mine and yours existence

so perfectly the first line the first line what let's break it down i'm not forcing myself i am not forcing myself to be alive i am happy to be alive this life is worth every second y'all it's a it's a gift it really is a gift like unironically unironically unironically life is a gift and it's worth living listen to this tea if you're thinking about killing yourself and you're gonna write a letter the people you're writing the letter to are your reason to fucking live like that's the reason like if you have to write a leather if you have to write a leather a leather satchel of sorts. Maybe a fountain pen with a gold tip.

What the fuck are you talking about? No, but seriously, again, I can't express enough. It's not even on like an ED tip. It's literally, I think it literally, oh my God, I'm going to have a stroke. It has to just be like ADD bound where food is just so overwhelming it's so overwhelming and i just hate it like but the thing is having to cook like are you fucking kidding me what's crazy is thinking like about when i used to cook a lot bitch i was making mush like i'm not and you was i am no i am no wife she was eating cottage cheese with pounds of mustard squirted on top well okay that was because that one from tiktok who made

that look good as and it was good i'm not gonna lie but yeah i uh i wish i just had the brain of like a mukbanger see i could easily get there that's the thing if someone this is all i need to become like a foodie is someone just picking the food for me that's it oh yeah that's what rain was saying to me because i me and drew are people who are always like i'm not a foodie i'm not a foodie but rain is like she is such a like well-rounded person when it comes to food like she like picks really good places she eats really good food and every time i'm with her bitch i feast like a fucking queen she literally treats you so fucking right she's like the man of the relationship like the way she's like oh let's get this and i'm like oh that like literally

like alleviated that made my like that made my kitty purr like in a way like no it's literally if we had someone who was just like giving us the food we would not think food is weird but it's like i i don't have the brain power for it i i hate i hate when someone's like what should we eat like what do you mean like just pick just pick i'll find something like literally oh my god it like actually drives me crazy but that that's okay something that has been driving me absolutely fucking insane recently is chocolatiers they have not elevated their craft or their art no their their art their craft like if i have to see one more paint splattered chocolate bar, like that, oh my God, it literally drives me crazy.

Like elevate it. Paint splatter is the laziest fucking excuse for art I have ever seen. I'm so sorry. If you own one of the Margiela shoes with the fucking splatter and paint. I don't give a fuck about the history i hate them like literally what are you talking about you destroyed a leather good with like but for the love of god like i am begging you elevate your craft like i am tired of seeing green and gold splattered chocolate bars like also the gold the gold when it comes to the gold

is what the fuck are we talking about and you know it just tastes like alcohol like it's literally just like alcohol like they just like dilute pigments with alcohol mica powder and alcohol it's like pissing me the fuck off like i was literally sitting on the couch with josiah like writhing in anger scrolling through this chocolatiers like tiktok account i did buy something because it looked good as fuck but it was not one of the goddamn chocolate bars man uh no but i fuck with his content heavily i love his content um it was just this random fucking lady that was like making chocolate bars and then she pulled out that goddamn paintbrush and started spattering like paint all over the top and i was just like okay immediately i'm gone like i'm canceling my

order i'm gone i don't need to see that shit i don't need to see that you've been getting the push of those fucking sour gushers oh yeah okay i want that is crazy that's literally just gushers and bath salts like it's literally like it is the least appealing candy i've ever seen like usually with like the chamoy and like tahin ones like it's kind of like melted down and onto the candy like it looks very appealing it looks like it looks like the two pieces are like coming together and making something the gushers and bath salts is crazy because literally all that's happening is the bath salts that are like the sour parts of it are just absorbing all the moisture from the gushers so it just looks like wet It looks like if somebody was eating a bunch of them

and had like spit on their fingers and kept digging in and then everything just got a little moist. I want them so fucking badly. And my mouth is watering thinking about them. I don't think I like sour candy. You really don't. Yeah, like sour candies aren't my vibe. But I just don't like,

like I have the kind of stomach that like that kind of sweet. Like I like gushers, but I can have like five gushers before my stomach starts to hurt really bad. And it's just like that over sweetness makes me really nauseous. And I think that's why I like like when it comes to chocolate, if it's chips of any kind a sour candy a chocolate candy and a soda but the sour and the chocolate is like non-negotiable you can't have one without the other because like there is simply like a balance to this like there's a yin and a yang and if you have one without the other it just simply does not work it's not a good night do you know what i mean is yeah i i do agree with

you but also like i don't know like i i would have you ever drank a soda just like without having like anything else along like have you ever drank a soda just to drink a soda without having a meal yeah i don't think i've ever done that like literally actually that is like the biggest lie i've ever fucking told because i just go in the refrigerator soda through the day yeah but you don't like have a full soda you like take sips of a soda but no like my favorite is the mini cans of coke like that i will have alone but i can't finish like a full can of coke without a meal um but i just like we have to stop fucking talking about food we've talked about food for literally 45 minutes like damn can we shut the fuck up i was being like food is so gross but oh my god candy and soda processed early like five years old well look

at this fucking well i think it's oh oh what are you gonna say i was gonna say i think it's diabolical that cats don't live longer like it just makes no sense like so many animals live for so long why can't cats just live longer and i know there's like a thing you can do to make them live longer but bitch i don't need it that bad like 35 000 like that's oh that's crazy you're putting a number on life it's like that one dude like oh but i love azul so much and he's getting old he's gonna my god he's gonna die soon did you know azul has 30 minutes he has 30 minutes 30 minutes no he's almost seven years old he's gonna die soon did you know this has 30 minutes he has 30 minutes 30 minutes no he's young don't say that don't say that azul's like middle age he's older than us he is azul's a fucking bitch azul sucks dick and balls but like at night when azul loves to lay on

me like on the couch that's specifically Azul is we were talking about this she's such a specific kind of cat like she wants to be comforted in a very specific way like she's not a lap cat unless I'm on the couch when I'm on the couch and we're all sitting around that is the only time Azul will like beg to sit on my lap and just sit in my lap for hours but in bed she will not lay on me she has to be like next to me but she doesn't want to be too next to me but that's also because i accidentally kick the fuck out of his all the time in bed like literally this morning he'll like go from up here to like near my feet and every morning when i kick my feet out to stretch i literally just like him off the bed um so i

abuse my cat that one dude the guy that invented the life-longing cat medication is no different and charging 35 000 for it is no different from martin whatever his fucking name is scarelli the dude that like bought hiv or aids medication and then and commodified it and made it thousands of dollars and i think he did that with insulin too maybe i don't know i don't know if it's the same thing with narcan like the administrator to like so that narcan can be inhaled through your nose that machine is like patented and that's why it's so expensive i don't know if it's changed but like that's why it's like 50 for a pack or maybe i haven't bought narcan in a long time um i thought that was cheap i carry

buy narcan and put it in your fucking purse and carry it around you never know no yeah for a two pack it's 45 it's like incredibly expensive and i think that's so fucked up um i just carry narcan in my purse literally not for anybody in our group but just when we go to parties and stuff i just like to have it because i'm also schizophrenic and i'm scared of somebody dying around me because that's my biggest fear speaking of narcan why is drew phillips bungee jumping video low-key serving sodom hussein hiding spa well happy fall y'all i know happy fall y'all isn't that crazy i love that like that meme is so south park coded to me because to like pick the gayest narration voice and be talking about like Saddam Hussein's hiding spot is so South Park.

Oh, my God. God is good, y'all. Yeah. Well, I had a dream. Not a dream. A fucking nightmare. I've been having so many nightmares recently. I don't know what the fuck is going on in my head like literally i took a nap in the middle of the day and had the worst

nightmare of my life up until that night later that night i had it topped it but i don't even know what the fuck happened in my nap dream but i was in like mary antoinette's like versailles like castle like and i was just like trotting around bitch i had a knife and i was just like running around killing everybody like i was just stabbing people and i didn't want to do it but i just kept like like just like cutting bitches watching that navy seal video oh my god dude uh drew showed me this video that scared him as a kid and it literally made me laugh so fucking hard and it's from Deadliest Warrior

and it's like a Navy SEAL guy stabbing like a ballistic dummy and he said he saw it as a kid and it made him so scared and I'm like this is literally the most ridiculous shit ever. That video is so fucking

funny and ridiculous and humans are insane people like yeah humans are ballistic yeah ballistic gel bodies but in that same dream i woke up in my dream next to my mom in like my childhood home like i woke up in bed next to her and I got out of bed and I walked around and there was like 30 cats all around us. And I walked around to the other side of the bed and my mom was sleeping on a vape and I went to like grab the vape and she was like, what are you doing? And then I just like woke up. Like it was fucking weird as shit. And then later that night i had another dream nightmare

that woke me up i've never been woken up by like my body being in such terror and fear and i was like literally woken up out of my sleep with my heart rate like at like fucking 200 and i was like sweating profusely and it took me like an hour to get back to sleep and i already only sleep four hours a fucking night bitch i can't sleep past 6 a.m it is like killing me it is killing me i think i'm actually going crazy we have the complete opposite like bodies in terms of sleep yeah like i can just sleep for fucking ever it is so bad i just sleep also as you were talking about nightmares I don't have good dreams I only have nightmares I literally all of my like they're not always like destructive like awful nightmares all of my dreams are only like me being completely embarrassed humiliated dehumanized like embarrassed like all every dream I've ever told you about it's like me in a situation where it's just me anxious and uncomfortable in all of my dreams i never have a dream where it's like

that's so funny i was like i don't have like the magic carpet dreams where it's like that one video of the guy like flying around like what my dreams look like i don't have that shit like i was on people who um i assume hate me and they were making fun of me and i had to just act normal and act like i didn't give a fuck and it was awful and i was being chased and then they saw me naked and it was so humiliating and one of them took a picture and like that's literally what my dreams look like mine i have good ones like amazing dreams like the best dreams ever but my dark-sided twisted fucking brain will conjure up the most evil shit i will never forget my friends and family being literally lined up in front of me with like chains around their hands, like behind their back and at their feet, one by one being set ablaze. Like, oh, fuck no.

We don't need to get into it. Like melting, like, ugh. We don't need to get into it, but I think like it is really scary how because i like i feel like this year i've had more nightmares but this year i've like had really bad anxiety and i think that's part of it and then my like scariest dreams i've ever had the time frames in which i had them it kind of very curious what was happening in my life like any like i can't even talk about it like the dreams the dreams the fucking voices oh my god recently i had the last time i woke up crying from a dream was when you died in my dream and it was so so did i drown like in a car um no i don't really remember how you died but i remember

in the dream that's gonna be a reality i saw you die and like or i don't think i saw you die i think i got the news and it was just like even the news of it like i i couldn't like oh my god i don't want to talk about it like so special all i can think about too is like in i need to finish it but in joan didion's book, which one is it? Year of Magical Thinking, when she kind of remarks how death is the most human thing that you can experience. It is the most grounding thing, but it's the most reality-bending. Oh, I can't, guys.

No, death is creepy. I'm literally going to freak out. Well, let's watch this random video. I have no idea, but it's of us us and i have it in my notes to talk about there's actually gonna be a female president next year girl what the fuck was that next year something big is happening that was insane what if joe biden dies next year and i'm the one who predicted that are you saying you're gonna be president no i'm saying kamala hair the way you low-key

predicted that shit y'all better make it fucking happen so i can write a book y'all better make it happen so i can write that make that shit fucking happen make that shit fucking happen i'm like sweating because my hair is wet i'm sweating so bad i sweat really bad when i'm on the podcast and then i get really embarrassed because like a lot of times you can see my sweat stains but like i'm just trying to show you all that like hot girl sweat lot look at this curl i know it's very i almost said it's very geriatric but like you're not old oh it's so bouncy bro we need to do something about our hair we look too like i need bangs or something again but i feel like bangs would make it work. Just wait after big announcement at the end of the year, I can cut my hair and I'm going to do something drastic.

It's like a Nikki tutorials when she's like time for my hair. And then she like changes it. It literally, she added like a little pink for something. I don't even know what she did. It was like one shade darker in the shade range. She's like, I've done something crazy. I would love to do something with my hair i'm gonna get a

haircut tomorrow and i hate it's just a hair trim but i hate getting haircuts and hair trims because i'm so obsessed with my hair like i want my hair to be longer but i'm starting to realize like i don't think my hair can get any longer than it is like i am pretty sure most people have like a certain length their hair can get granted my hair is curly so like when i straighten it it looks a little longer but it's like my hair isn't curly enough that there's that big of a difference at least in my eyes but when they when i get a hair trim i feel like someone's stealing my hair like it's like they're taking my hair like your life when i got a haircut for new years like the top of this year, I got a haircut and I fucked up

and I didn't tell the girl that my hair was naturally curly. I went in there with straightened hair and I was like, I need a hair trim. And she didn't wet my hair. She gave me like a dry cut first and then wet my hair and I could see how much she cut off.

She cut so much of my fucking hair off. I literally left there and I felt like my hair got stolen. Like I literally felt like someone stole my hair. Like took my hair that's what i feel like when i go to a hair salon like they're just i'm paying them to take my hair i'm paying them to take something that's me at a nail salon when they cut my nails i feel powerless like i'm literally like why like i literally lose like 10 of my power i need to get my nails done so bad i've been biting my nails so bad chomping on this is like the worst it's been in a long time bloody battered and i don't know why though

like i think my brain is just moving and i like have to bite on something i literally might become one of those people who has like a chew toy on my necklace like i'm not even playing i low-key just need something because it's mainly when i'm at home at night that's when oh the biting begins the biting begins so i need to like have like or when i'm working on at night that's when oh the biting begins the biting begins so i need to like have like or when i'm working on my laptop i need like something to chew on while i'm doing that maybe i'll pull a lucky blue smith and start chewing on fucking have you seen that clip of them eating gross food yeah it's killing me when also the gross food in question is like a cinnamon roll they're like i know when nara was like this is my first time having cinnabon and

ate it and she was like that was nasty i was like you are not real like that's that is a crazy take i get it i get i will say i don't think i've ever had cinnabon i've had auntie ann's but i haven't had cinnabon we need to go to crumble cookie i oh my god i want fucking crumble cookie i've wanted crumble cookie for like the last cookie for like the last fucking week and a half i just i can't get behind crumble cookie i've never had any of it but like oh it's just but that's also because i'm not like a sweet girl like i like my snack you didn't like the waffle with cookie oh me and rain fuck those up like they sat on the counter for like so bad because like i hate like when somebody's excited about food and it's like not hitting for me so i like took a few bites but i tried like

i went and got another snack to eat because i'm just like this is not my no i need crumble cookie i need cinnabon and i need auntie ann's or auntie ann's i think i'm just like i'm like a texture okay we can't keep talking about food i know damn can we shut the fuck up like oh my god well we can't and muckbangs are devil worship no literally okay i saw this guy talking about how muckbangs have become like like you have been captured by the devil like it at this point, like it is pure gluttony. It is a sin. It's demonic. It is demonic energy.

Like once you see those goddamn black gloves come out, like the black, like latex gloves, you know they're possessed by a demon. Oh my God, it's going to make me throw up. With the sauce. And we're still fucking talking about food somehow. The wet Chipotle bowls like i know it's good i know it's disgusting okay when they make the fucking sauce okay that looks yummy

um the thing is i don't trust chipotle because i've thrown it up multiple times from being sick from it um and that's all i'll say oh okay we're. We're done. We're done with the fucking food talk. Muck bangs. There's a way to do it, but it gets to a point. That's what I'll say. It gets to a point where you're doing a lot. Okay. Well, something is happening. Yes.

Always. Something is always happening. What's up with the nostalgia predicting? Have you been seeing that as people being like this is like we're gonna look back and like think about summer 2024 like people already predicting that i'm like guys guys guys guys guys guys live in the moment live in the moment please please please please please please please don't talk about the future don't talk about the future the future doesn't exist the future doesn't exist that's the thing is like i don't know if we just have the brains that because we were just like depressed mongrels and we're like not i wasn't supposed to live yeah i like

i didn't expect to be alive this long and i'm very grateful that i am i'm very grateful i met the people that i did in my life became much much better but i can't like think about the future i can't stand when a bitch is like what are you six months playing bitch i don't fucking know to be alive what are you talking about like oh my god like but also my brain is just broken and like we were even talking about travel plans for next summer and both of us were like damn should we like book that though because are we gonna be alive and i was like what are we talking about like literally what are we talking about but i'm just like constantly fearful of my mortality so i don't like to think in the future because i'm like

you can't plan for that like who knows what's gonna happen because i'm crazy um the trick to conquering your depression is to give yourself something to look forward to order that fucking shirt order that fucking whatever i haven't had any parcels like india has been parcel list it's like genuinely shocking i've been getting parcels i got bitch i just realized i bought that fucking camera for nothing no you didn't because we can use the fuck out of that that's like a really good camera to have i guess i don't leave the house though like if you look at the camera roll it's like it's like 86 shots you know that's been mine too it's been making me really sad i used to like go out and like explore the world we used to do things what happened to us well because we became like anxiety induced homebodies it's really sad like we really used to like just go places and

do things can we like actually like tomorrow just drive to big sir not tomorrow but we could go on wednesday like fuck it let's do it and let's invite barbie that'd be actually so sweet wouldn't that be fun um i'm texting her but yeah i uh i've become just such a homebody like i have separation anxiety from the house now and it makes me really sad because i used to make it a point to like fill my days with things but thankfully i have friends who still like expect to see me she's doing her big like big one for big relax i mean you should still just like invite her to invite her because that's kind of a relaxing like retreat and we wouldn't be doing anything serious um but yeah i

i don't know i don't know anymore yeah something something something needs to change something literally just shifted there actually might have been a shift i felt that but i feel kind of like good about the shift i don't know if you feel that i i actually do too like i think that text message changed something no i feel i think talking about these issues yall, I don't think y'all understand how bad my reclusivity has gotten. I've just started writing scripts. I'm so fucking bored.

I think it's kind of happened to our whole group too, like our whole friend group. It's just work. We've all just become like... Yeah, we like... Our people who I think... Which this is funny to say because we like are people who I think, which this is funny to say, because obviously there are people who like whose jobs are much more demanding.

But I think like we all just got kind of like super involved in our own work and we only have like such crazy. I think it's because our work entails such a social aspect to it that like now continuing social lives outside of it is really difficult for all of us so we've all kind of just recluse away and it's also just like getting older like it's so it's growing so crazy i'm like in that in between spot where i'm looking at our group and i'm like oh my god we're like we're doing it like we're all getting older together and that makes me really happy but then i'm like oh my god i'm turning 26 you're turning 27 like orion's

28 like yeah 18 sorry i always forget there's a 10 year age gap um but like all of us are like growing older and it's like so it's odd it's so weird but it is it is nice i remember one time i laid on the floor drunk as fuck in orion's lap sobbing literally sobbing thinking about not being friends with y'all it was literally like and she was like girl what the fuck is going on and it was what i needed to hear at the moment but i was literally just like we're all getting like older and like we're like changing and like we're gonna drift apart one day and all this shit and then she was like okay no we're not like chill the fuck out no we're not but like there just is just like a natural like distance that like happens over time and like people get partners

and they do their thing which is scary it's scary but it's sweet when we all come together still it's like oh like when we went to josie's house i was like oh my god i haven't felt this feeling in a while we're like it feels like we're kids again and it's really sweet. Oh my God, getting older, we're having growing pains. But also like, I feel kind of fine about it. I'm just like in a weird transitional period because I'm scared. The shakers and movers are shaking and moving.

That's the thing that's happening is like, there's a lot of shaking and moving going on. And there's not a lot of news and media reporting the shakers and movers. Because like where is the news and the media? The news and the media. Can you believe they're still making content? Like that's beautiful. That's amazing.

That is a love story. Also like that almost goes to prove to you when like something isn't as profitable it just stays a passion you continue to do it because it's literally a passion one last thing i'll say is i de-gaff about cookies i will be accepting cookies till the day i die one thing about the computer yeah one thing about me is i will be accepting cookies they make it like i'm just i don't give a fuck they made it too easy to give away your information so you don't even fucking think about it anymore i know like i just don't give a fuck also it's like too complicated to like go through the checklist of what i will accept and not accept i'd rather just accept all the cookies like what are you gonna do fucking

email me i don't give a fuck like i'll just like unsubscribe and put you in the spam folder like i don't give a fuck but actually there was something the other day that i was like why the fuck are you texting me about this like i know i'm on both ends where i don't give a fuck about cookies but also why the fuck are you texting me about like underwear like i don't need you to text me as a reminder to buy more underwear like are you crazy bitch i know i need to buy underwear but i actually do need to buy more underwear i need to buy new bras like none of my shit fits me um i think i'm gonna get a breast reduction yeah i'm gonna get a breast reduction if anybody cares no i'm not the thing is that oh that just sounds like so much work like stuff like that sounds like a lot of work like that's like i why i can't get my nails done because for some reason sitting in a salon for two hours that's

the problem leaving the house i'm just like bro it is a job to leave the house and i might just like low-key be severely depressed and not even realize it but like going out into the world like okay cool like i'm gonna go spend 70 bucks like cool like i'd rather just stay home like i'd rather literally just rot in bed and use my fucking phone but then once it's like 5 p.m and the sun is going down i'm like i've wasted the sun the sun i need the sun i didn't see the first time in a very long time i got that feeling yesterday where i was just like oh my god like i haven't left the house in like a week the only time i left was to like get skincare you know how i know my medication is working? I've been wearing this shirt for over 24 hours and I don't give a fuck. That's sick.

That's crazy. That's crazy. And I didn't shower yesterday. But like I stayed home all day. I don't want anybody to call me gross. I'm not gross. But I have good news. Everybody who via the podcast said i had ocd

congrats you were right you were right congrats you were right and you got her diagnoses i got diagnosed with a plethora of beautiful labels thank the heavens and now you know and how has your life changed um there's still little things there's still little things that aren't the knocking on wood it will i think be with me till the day i die yeah i don't think i cannot do it like it's and even saying it i'm like i have to do it if i'd say it my psychiatrist told me that i should just write a list of things that i know i still do and that I can recognize that I do. But I was like, I literally said, I was like, talking on wood won't kill me.

And he was like, yeah, but you're like, that's how it becomes like a bigger thing. And I was like, you're crazy. You're crazy. You're fucking crazy. You're calling me crazy. You're crazy. But it is. You're fucking crazy.

Oh, my God. No, you're fucking crazy you're calling me crazy you're crazy but it is you're fucking crazy oh my god no you're fucking crazy i still do have to wash my hands a lot after i eat certain things like yesterday those chicken wings really really really stained my fingers and i washed them like five six times but the smell wouldn't go away and then i do this thing where okay this is a bit crazy to admit um i do this thing where like sometimes when my fingers i feel like they still smell like food um i will literally like wash like basically the inside of my nostrils because i'm convinced that like from putting my fingers here i've stained my nose um and sometimes it works and then other times i just like get a bunch of that's because your fucking sister mentioned once about a big mac staining your upper lip well it stains her upper lip you know you know what maybe she also fucking has oc yes yeah not to diagnose but possibly also it is crazy how certain compliments that i have gotten i don't know how i got to this point but

jonathan one time said to me i i very rarely get compliments like very rarely i pass them out i love telling people they look good it's like my favorite thing it's just catching catching them off guard and seeing them blush a little and like being like oh what stop it's my favorite thing in the world to do i don't get that in return but one thing i compliment you you compliment me you compliment me but one thing that i said or that jonathan said to me literally changed my life forever because i have a big fucking nasty giant nose but jonathan one time looked at me and he was like true like you have like a beautiful nose like you have a perfect nose and i have been living off that compliment for literally three

years i am not exaggerating and then there was one other thing that someone said that i was like oh my god like but the the same goes for the opposite direction like there are certain things that people have pointed out that literally haunt me they haunt me and i want to oh i won't say i won't say because people can't know my insecurities i'm not kidding i genuinely think you were like one of the most attractive people i know like in an alternate universe we were supposed to date yeah i'm very glad we did like i'm very glad we didn't we would because we would kill each other we would we would be the bitches who were fist fighting behind closed doors like we would start fucking hitting our igs would be popping because we would like my ig story would be full of like i love him so much no it would be like bitch fuck you i'll kill you and fiona apple like that's what my ig story would be

bitch call the cops i have sex with them um but yeah we were supposed to date but like thank god we didn't that's how i feel about like so many people i know who i'm very close to is like there was a world where i was supposed to date that person i'm like thank god oh thank you would have killed each other um drew a side up corner now though okay i didn't write any of these down these are all straight pulled from my email so keep that in mind this is from and i accidentally doxxed someone last week so i'm not i'm not gonna say last names anymore but suzanne you know who you are mother should have named oh wait damn i'm so bad at reading bro like what i really don't know where it went wrong like i don't know where it went wrong the thing is you're really smart i think it's not like a it's not an intelligent thing my brain is no you i think i genuinely think you have

dyslexia but again we're sitting here like diagnosed her mother should have named her 12 because she doesn't cook doesn't clean doesn't do anything that's literally you and your leaves you can tell how long and your leaves dishes in the sink by how many mugs are in the sink. And we are on day 14 right now. Fuck off. I'm kidding. No, I use. OK, this is actually gross.

Yeah, I was going to say you're disgusting. I have used the same mason jar to drink my concoction every morning for the last like month. And like I've cleaned the mason jar because he drinks chlorophyll out of it and i've literally washed the green away multiple times and then at this point i don't clean his mason jar because i'm like dude it's literally it's like seasoning a coffee no you're like a you're like the the kids who like are um pheromone maxing oh yeah with your cup your breath maxing breath maxing this is just a certified classic from fat i've never smelled your breath and been like your breath stinks period have you ever smelled my breath you smell my breath on on everything on god i haven't there

are certain people that i have and i will not name names i feel like the worst my breath can be is like it smells like coffee the worst my breath can be is after i eat cheese or milk and like three hours later like that's like the word never smell your breath though and we be getting close as fuck we like snuggling bed and shit this is from at fab dtla underscore on twitter this is just like a certified fucking classic ew she fucked the weed man for weed a bitch that's fucking the text man for text valid very valid i hate when i tell someone i'm gonna be there in 10 minutes and they're calling me every half hour that's literally me wait i just got that one i just got like i just got that that is literally you um if she drives a honda there's a ho in the car

josie the cloth i'm cut from is sold out permanently shut the fuck up why tornadoes never hit banks. Blow some money over here, motherfucker. I think I've actually seen in one of the tornado videos I watched that a tornado did hit a bank and the only thing left standing was the safe and everybody hid in the safe. I think that was the cooler at the gas station. Oh, it was. It was. It was. Smoking butt naked and just dropped some of the blunt on my balls.

I scrummed so fucking loud. Scrummed. I scrummed. How are you supposed to say it? I screamed? I think I screamed. That's what I would say. I screamed.

I'm going to start saying I scrummed. Motherfuckers can't wait to tell your business. That's what I would say. I screamed. I'm going to start saying I screamed. Motherfuckers can't wait to tell your business. That's why I be lying. You thought it was tea and the whole time it was piss. You thought it was tea the whole time it was piss. The term lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off is so crazy because that's insinuating that like lying is less fun than having sex with a man. And I got bad news for the most part lying is way more fun this is a banger how are you gay and can't dress what the fuck were you doing the whole time you was in the closet that's a really good yeah that was marina marina joyce

marina joyce y'all we need a new marina joyce really fucking badly like we need someone that like the there is one you are the new marina joyce like people who don't know you who find you are so confused by you it's so awesome i wish i had that but people who don't know you who find you are so confused by you it's so awesome i wish i had that but people who don't know about me and find me they're like oh this girl but the only thing they don't know is that i'm actually really funny the one thing they don't know is that i am celibate you're so brave that would be my biggest issue it's like like, I actually know at this point, I don't give a fuck about sex. Like it really is true.

The older you get, the less you care about fucking sex. And I'm sure for most people, like for a lot of people, that's not the case, but bitch, I couldn't give a fuck about having sex. Like I,

it is not something that like, wait, crosses my mind ever. Having a porn addiction is gay as fuck. Yeah. Like how the fuck are you addicted to watching someone else get pussy like hello hello you're gay um you nasty if you take your cup in the bathroom and let the doo-doo air get on it that's india with her coffee in the morning bro i don't

give a fuck see that's how whatever that's how i should have knew it was ocd because i that like that doesn't apply to me that just makes no sense okay that's all i got for y'all shout out to when is true oh new moji is available oh yeah we just pushed the new update we just pushed the new update for drumoji i don't think y'all want drumoji bad enough i use it all the fun i know everybody i can see how many drew emojis have been used and it is crazy how many like literally everybody i've sent it to uses it regularly i like love it literally yesterday i was texting my sister and i was being like crazy and i was like saying a bunch of stuff to her and then i ended it it's about to fall oh no we gotta glue that oh her wing is broken

it's so sad her victoria's secret wings yeah i think i'm gonna is the victoria's secret fashion show still happening? I think so. Okay. You're going to get your wings, right? I need to send a Jermogy to Orion. I miss Orion. All right, everybody.

I miss my mama. Mama. Orion. Oh, oh, oh, Orion. Body parts. Oh. Wait, what the hell? Wait, where's my guy? guy wait did you get rid of my guy he's at the bottom very last one oh that's my favorite one i love that one this is my favorite

oh my god ew my hand is disgusting don't look at my nails please oh i love that one i love you i love you you make me so happy you make me so happy you there are like few people who like when i think of them like i literally get like bursts of love like i literally get a what is it called that couple that was like love surge and they were like freaking out i get that because i have that with like you josie orion rain josh lucas christian like all people i think of it i'm like oh like i'm like i love you that's my babe that's my but like with josiah it's like different sadly like with you and josiah it's just different like oh josiah's my son but like not really but like oh like i love josiah i love him oh i love my friends all right well thank you guys for watching i'm gonna shit that's like literally my ritual as we do the podcast and

and i go non-verbal for four hours bye And I go non-verbal for four hours. Bye. Bye. Outro Music