Emergency Intercom - make more edits of us

Episode Date: November 1, 2024

Drew knows what its like to be a woman now because someone talked about his body, if you dont make more edits of enya she will blow herself up and put it on the patreon Shopify Upgrade your selling today and sign up for your $1-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/intercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, guys. We wanted to take a quick break to thank our favorite place to shop for warmer clothes for the winter, Quince. Quince is known for their Mongolian cashmere sweaters that start at just $50. These sweaters just so happen to be my favorite piece I've ordered from Quince. They're ridiculously soft, well-priced, and come in many colors, but obviously my favorite is navy blue. Get cozy in Quince's high-quality wardrobe essentials. Go to quince.com slash intercom for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash intercom to get free shipping and 365-day returns. hello hello i have an arcteryx beanie on a lot of people don't even really know what arcteryx is and it's a very special brand that a lot of people they don't know about like you were saying and it's a really expensive brand i was saying i think a lot of people don't know about it yeah exactly so and it's a really really expensive beanie i have on oh that's cool um thank you do you know anything like can you give us any anecdotal facts about the uh the brand like no oh i don't know shit about shit i buy oh um what was i gonna say oh don't talk shit about me wearing this fucking

shirt again so soon when did you wear it i don't even remember no not you then because i know they're gonna have some fucking slick shit to say oh drew wears the same thing every fucking episode yeah bitch i'm saving the earth what are you fucking doing fucking buying a bunch of bullshit landfill no i wear the things i buy um i wore it like two weeks ago um that was long enough ago well you just get like offended now because everybody thinks you have like three pairs of shirt i do three shirts and three pairs of pants i mean yeah no everybody's fucking toxic to me lately stop fucking talking about me oh my god i thought it like you loved when no i love when they talk good about me but when they start like saying slick shit bitch someone

someone had a full-on dissection of my body my archetype oh i know what it feels like to be a girl i was just about to say now you know everybody's always like why is anya so angry like why is she yelling at us bitch that's. Yeah. I have to see people say things like that. Someone had a lot to say about my fucking body. Things that I am very, very insecure about, which don't fucking play with me. And then on top of that, I saw an entire conversation about my penis size. We all know I have a giant fucking wiener. Like it's, I'm hung as shit. You have to like, you have to really explain this to me because

were they saying you had a small penis or a big one they just someone said drew has a big penis that's hilarious and then there was a full-on argument about me having an extremely average size penis which don't fucking play just don't talk about my fucking penis i get to talk about my penis y'all don't get to talk about my penis ew i never needed to hear you say like penis that many times penis penis penis penis penis and that's how we get the yellow check on our videos exactly we get that oh that brings me to my next fucking point i went to best buy because kai stole he stole he's a thief he's not here this is the second time kai has just randomly left town and taken our stuff with him he stole he's a thief he's not here this is the second time kai has just randomly left town and taken our stuff with him he so he what he's doing is he's coming into the house taking things

and then leaving for an extended amount of time so by the time he comes back we forget that he's a fucking thief yeah let him back in the house so he stole from us he stole sd cards and you bought two sd cards um but one of them didn't work for our audio equipment. So I had to go to Best Buy to buy a micro SD card. And I was shopping around Best Buy a little bit. I've been wanting to get a Samsung phone for a long time. I want the flip one or the fold, the Samsung flip or fold. And so I was playing with it for a little bit. Imagining you in a Best Buy alone is really freaking me out. Yeah, no, it was a very sinister vibe. Imagining you anywhere alone.

Like when you went to Rite Aid and you ran into Petra and she sent me a picture of you and I was looking at it and I was like, oh my God, when he's out there, he really is just out there. Like he goes outside and he's alone out there. No, I stay outside for real. Like we're outside, we're outside. Okay, right. One thing about inya is

she's gonna make sure the lighting's okay i don't have my glasses on so i feel like i i can't see but it looks fine so you were in best spot yeah and i was gonna get one of those dyson fans the one that do the heating the cooling and the purification yes i do the cooling dicing be like um but then i also want one with the humidifier dyson just make a fucking fan with hot mode cool mode humidifier and purifier and sell it for 1500 people will fucking buy it actually no they won't because you've been looking at the one you're talking about for four fucking years and you refuse to buy it because nothing like that is something that shouldn't be that expensive yeah but anyways i was looking around and then i went back to the phones

and i was playing with the phone and i was like huh like i just want to play around with this for a little bit so i went on youtube to look up just anything and I was like oh I'm curious about the emergency intercom channel what it looks like on here looked it up you can't find it on the Samsung phones when you look it up and then I looked up emergency intercom you can't even just look up emergency intercom and then I went through the YouTube page and I couldn't find it until I clicked someone's re-upload of your PowerPoint video that we did like years ago. And so then and there, and the recommended was our channel. I clicked on the video. You can't fucking view it. And so I went to the channel and you can't fucking look at the channel. And it's because it's like a phone on the floor. So they don't want kids to

have access to stuff. stuff damn we're that bad yeah look i even like took a picture of it you can go to the channel but you can't fucking see the videos well it's because we opened the episode with you saying stop talking about my penis penis penis well no that's very valid stop fucking talking about my dick and balls that hang between my fucking legs my massive dick and balls might i add big i seriously like hate that you have those body parts like i i can't stress that enough um i hate that you have a vagina i was gonna say when i was 14 somebody commented on the vine of me and my siblings in our bathing suits and said damn she's packing about me so well you reclaimed that because you're hung big and yes and it has a hung coochie okay we

don't have to get into that she does the older i got i used to talk about it a lot and then i realized like people will be perverts about anything and that's like a huge topic to be pervy about like they literally sell fake camel toes on amazon like you can buy underwear that has padding to give you like a huge camel toe because it's like a huge kink people damn see that's that i don't need to buy shit like that because just like anything i wear you can just see you should probably buy something to put in your pants for when you do gray sweat pant challenge yeah gray sweat pants challenge i went to the never mind we won't get into that but um i looked like shit the day i went out by the way and then i ran into fucking petra and that

was so embarrassing and then on top of that she asked like oh what are you picking up and she probably thought i was like gonna say like oh my like depression meds or like oh like i'm getting this medicare yeah percocet like something chill bitch i was picking up colonoscopy prep oh like oh my god if that doesn't fucking work i swear to god y'all will never see me again because i'm gonna fucking kill myself i'm gonna kill myself so yeah to be clear drew went to the doctor and i know you guys are probably like oh my god like you record the episode the halloween episode so long ago we literally recorded the halloween episode basically on thursday so it has been that long drew went to the doctor and suck my dick and balls i can do whatever the fuck i want with my body drew people

just like you they're worried for you they're my aunt they're making me fucking insecure recently so chill out chill out you guys but keep talking about me positive about myself like keep talking about me positively you guys have been so like oh my god she's so hot she's gorgeous and i'm just like oh my god stop yeah i mean no one's no one's calling me funny they're like oh drew doesn't take care of himself oh drew's so annoying oh drew has an average penis oh drew's body is disgusting really bothered you no what really bothered me was someone called my body disgusting that's mean your body is hot no i have a disgusting body i know i have a disgusting body that's not true i would have sex with you no i wouldn't but that's because you're we don't have to get into that i got cupping done y'all i got cupping done on my back and

no one warned me that it was literally the most painful thing I've ever had done to my body. And now I'm scared because I've always wanted cupping done because I'm like, oh, that sounds so nice. Like just like a bit of pressure. And like in my head, there's like heat involved. But I think now they use the ones where like they put a fucking like thing to it. They're like a tire pump they're like yeah it's for the people that don't know cupping is when you go to the masseuse and they fart in their hand and they cup it in your face like that so you have to smell their farts yeah it was weird bumps on your back yeah because it's shit particles going into my fucking bloodstream um no i uh uh it's when they like put

all those cups on your back and then they basically give you giant fucking hickeys. But I didn't know it hurt as bad as it hurt. And I know you're probably like, oh, you're being such a little bitch. Like it didn't hurt that bad. No, it literally hurt because one, she like suctioned them like way too much. I think it might've been her first fucking time doing it too. She left it on for- To be fair, the massage parlor we go to is like pretty janky it's busted as fuck no offense

um i love it there and i'll always go but like i've had like people who give me massages there who are literally just like this like no they like pet you i had a massage done there one time where they like literally were doing construction above my head and the ceiling was putting dust all over my back and when i flipped over and looked up dust was falling into my fucking eyes because people were doing construction upstairs during my peaceful massage so i've been there before getting a massage and one of the workers was in the room next door watching um like telanovelas on their phone loud as fuck so the whole time i was getting the massage all i heard was like like like literally like it was some like silly show and i was like cool cool okay i'm

not relaxed that's captain cooked Not relax because- That's Captain Cooked. Arrgh, I'm Captain Cooked. Ew, I hate the- Arrgh, arrgh, I'm Captain Cook. Why did they make that the sound for pirates? Like, what the fuck does that have to do with pirates? Arrgh, me matey. Oh, what is it? I don't know.

Look that up while I finish telling this because I didn't- One, she sucked the fuck out of my back to she left them on for like 25 minutes, which is far too long. And I swear to God, like when she was like taking them off by the end, because she did half of my massage first, then she put them on and then she just left the room for a little bit. And it hurt so bad. I like had tears like forming in my eyes. and then she just left the room for a little bit and it hurt so bad i like had tears like forming in my eyes and then she started taking them off 20 minutes later and she got one off and then she moved to the second one and she tried to get it off and she shook it a little bit and it wouldn't fucking come off and i wanted them off so bad at that point and i started like

internally panicking and then she couldn't get it off and she left the room for like three minutes it felt like my skin was like ripping it hurt so bad and then she started taking them off and like there were like four specifically that were hurting me so bad she left those ones for last for some reason and I was like I almost was like hey can you get this one off and then like but every time i moved it like ripped my skin a little more it was so miserable i'm really curious i want to go to a different spot and get cupping and see if that's how it's supposed to be but i feel like there has to be one of y'all out there who's like a cupping fanatic who could tell us if that's how that's supposed to feel but i feel like we would know like i don't it shouldn't hurt that bad yeah like i mean afterwards like let me finish so i like she starts like wiping my back down and i guess there was

liquid coming out of my back because the rag was literally like neon pink which was fucking crazy and she just laid it next to me and i was like what the fuck just happened and i swear to god y'all my back was like like i i i thought it would help with my back pain because my lower back hurts all the time like 24 7 literally just like a dull pain and then like when i walk around a lot like my left leg hurts really bad and that was happening recently because we like went to like halloween so i was like oh maybe this will help out a little bit yeah maybe this will help out a little bit for me or maybe this will help me out a little bit y'all it made my back pain so much worse like

literally did not help me at all it felt like i had fucking bruises all over my all over my back because i literally did i'm gonna insert the picture right here like that was the craziest thing she went down to his butt crack like you had one straight on like half your crack i was like damn she was she was trying to suck the poop out of you no she was really trying she was like this man's constipated i'm gonna suck no i had to warn her i was like by the way i'm like really constipated like please don't if you like touch my stomach don't go hard because i don't want you to perforate my colon i swear to god she's gonna do like a zit popping video but with your colon yeah but that picture is gnarly it's really fucked i know are you gonna like blur your

butt crack or just show the world your crack i'm gonna like crop it out oh yeah that sucks i wish you guys could see his butt crack no because they'd probably actually think actually i might not even fucking put that picture up because someone's gonna have some fucking shit to say about my nasty fucking gross body no no no apparently um well i found a guy on tiktok whose whole thing is like this really shitty. It's so dark. Did you look up like pictures to see how dark the cupping spots were supposed to be when you finished? No, I didn't.

You probably should have because I wonder if like what if that is but there's I'm sorry. Actually, no, there's just no way it feels like that. I feel like people would be like just got cupping done. I'm in so much pain. Like people are like I'm so relaxed relaxed i was definitely being a bitch like it definitely is not that bad it's not as bad as i make it sound genuinely but it hurt me also pirates didn't really say arc like they don't know that some bitch was just like me maybe it literally became popular in a random film it became popular in the film treasure island in 1950 but nobody knows

why the fuck he did that he just took his own kind of like with the joker like no one knows why they were singing they kind of just decided to sing um but i found a guy on tiktok whose whole thing is like this really stupid trick where it looks like he takes his torso off and like walks oh i saw that video that's his did you go through his page that's his whole fucking gag that's literally his whole page and what was he doing i think he was at like um i just saw him walking down the street and he did it i saw a video where he was doing some shit like it was like a paid promotion and like he was like the act for some show. It was like the opening of a basketball game or it was something like that. Like some big event.

He was there. He did his trick. And I was like, okay, weird. Like, I wonder if he got paid to go and do that. Like, what else does he do? And I went through his page. That is quite literally all he does. And once I find a page like that on TikTok where there's somebody who's like super popular, it's like Zach King. Is that the guy's name? The magician. Once you're down-

The video editor. Yeah, or what? He's not a magician. He's not a magician. He's a video editor. Like, I'm sorry. Once you are posting TikToks via a DSLR, it's time to pack it up.

I know, really. Like, I can't stand the TikTok. We don't need to see those fucking pores.LR, it's time to pack it up. I know, really. Like, I can't stand the TikTok. We don't need to see those fucking pores. We really don't need to see those pores. Yeah, I don't want to see this sharp-ass video on my iPhone. I'm supposed to see, like, degenerate, like, stupid, comedic videos that were accidentally recorded. It's supposed to be your phone.

Yeah, exactly. Your phone is taken out of your pocket. You record the video and you upload it. Like, that's what I want to see. That's the magic of TikTok. It's like on Vine, when people started doing that on Vine. do you remember at the end people would start uploading dslr content and it just made no sense like 8k video 8k video on vine they've been doing that on tiktok recently like 160 frame video or whatever frame per second video and it crashes iphones have you did you ever

get that yeah they like there's like videos that they uploaded on tiktok that only androids could see we haven't had the text that crashes iphone in a while like has iphone just fixed their shit that you can't just crash someone's phone like that anymore because remember that text that would literally just turn your fucking phone off yeah we made need to make that the title of this episode um because uh the word or no the text yeah because it was literally just like a bunch of symbols it looked like star like a shooting star yeah they i think they patched that like almost immediately but that shit was so fucking fun like i had so much mass texting people could you like tweet it and then like crash everybody's no i think that was the thing because i got mine

from twitter like somebody had uploaded it to twitter and that's how i found it and i copy and pasted it from there and started texting it around and i literally sent it to easily like 20 people in my fucking iphone i was like i'm literally turning all of y'all's phones off especially people who weren't texting me back i sent the fuck out of that shit like if you weren't texting me back i was sending that to your phone get crashed bitch oh literally the iphones be like crash out i'm having a crash out the iphones after getting that text oh i'm crashing out damn damn i forgot damn i forgot damn i forgot damn i'm crashing out wait what is that what were they asking her how many how many side equal sides is an isosceles triangles have none how many corners does it have no it was how many sides yeah equal sides and an isosceles triangle have none how many corners does it have

how many sides equal sides and she was like none and then they were damn I forgot when she said three honestly I really can't get on her because what is it two is it two I can't I don't even know

okay yeah it's the two like top ones and the bottom one is different okay but you scared the fuck out of me because we just we just presented i saw these triangles recently if you're a constant watcher a consecutive watcher i can't remember what i did but i'm killing i saw these triangles now you're killing them yeah because it was fuck mary kill but i don't remember my answers oh i said i was gonna kill the perfect triangle what's it called equilateral yeah i was gonna kill that that's that is odd behavior because i'm marrying the equilateral triangle we don't have to get back into it like you're it's your choice you do what you want i do what i want what's the one that's not equal. Isosceles equilateral and then...

Don't look at me. I don't fucking know. I'm the alive person. No, I'm trying to think of it. Damn, I forgot. Damn, I forgot. Damn, I forgot. This episode of Emergency Intercom

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It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Well, I had a crazy migraine all day and I laid down to take a nap and I immediately knocked down

and I woke up the least like gracious wake up ever i was drenched in sweat laying on my stomach and i woke up like and i like literally made a sound oh my god me last night i would i was like oh my god and then i woke up and it was dark and there is something so jarring about going to sleep when it is bright as fuck outside and waking up to darkness like it's just just like a sadness sadness yeah it's like sadness creeps over me and i'm like i am such a piece of shit it's like i can't believe i did this like i can't believe we shouldn't be doing that we should not be doing this yeah napping i think is simultaneously the greatest thing and the worst thing you can do. I genuinely hate naps.

Yeah. I mean, I love naps and I've been trying recently not to take as many naps because like, I feel disgusting with my disgusted with myself after I wake up. But when I sleep for like, I only take like, I try to take like 26 minute naps. That's like the sweet spot scientifically, whatever. It doesn doesn't fucking matter but if i go past like 45 minutes

oh bitch like i wake up with like a raging migraine like i'm shaking in fatigue like i literally feel like i have hiv or some shit like it's literally like like all of the same symptoms like i get fever i feel like i have the flu like oh my god it's horrible but that sweet spot i like if i like when we go out and i take my quick little power nap before like oh i feel like a brand new fucking person i feel like a brand new person no i can't do fucking naps bitch like because I just want to sleep through the night. I genuinely, I am somebody who I can sleep for fucking ever. And I don't do well. I don't bode well with the short naps because I'm like.

Oh, shout out Bodhi. Yeah, shout out Bodhi. I don't bode well. Shout out Bodhi, yeah. But I fucking hate a short nap. It pisses me off. I hate a short king. I literally just hate a short king i feel like

we have a lot of short like the men who do brave it out and listen to this i feel like our short king no see i'm thinking the men that brave it oh like the straight men yeah the gay men that listen they're all tall like yeah all the all the gay guys who listen tall actually i take back the twink comment i don't think y'all are twinks. Unless you want to be. And then you can live that life. You can choose to live that life. You can be that, but like, do you? Literally do you. Drew fucking you.

Drew you. Drew you, boo. Speaking of Drew you, bitch. Okay, so Addison just released Aquamarine. We don't have to get into it. It's Monday. This is going up on Friday. You've already heard all the conversations about it. Masterpiece of a song. released aquamarine we don't have to get into it it's monday this is going up on friday you've

already heard all the conversations about it masterpiece of a song i fear she i mean been claiming it she's the next pop girl she's gonna have her moment but i don't think she's gonna be like thrusted into like pop star status like an ariana grande or olivia rodrigo just yet eventually it will be a thing but it's gonna take some time to get there because she still has to like convince people that she's not the old addison and she's like this new perceived or new woman to be perceived but in that fucking song i don't know if you heard it but she texted me afterwards and she was like by the way made this for you i was like made what and she was like make a tiktok to it and i was like by the way made this for you i was like made what and she was like make a tiktok to it and i was like what the fuck and she was like oh you haven't heard the

song yet i was like no listen to it when she said when i'll just play it for you i'll just play it for you you're gonna be fucking gagged because i didn't realize it either like what i'm confused because i've heard the song i've actually heard it a lot i I've been saving on to this. It's coming. Me when I'm talking about Christ. Give me Drew. Give me Drew. Drew, she's not saying, she's saying more. Like it's literally like I think you're having like the schizophrenia Disney adults have when they see the hidden Mickeys.

You're seeing hidden Drews now because no lana lana also did it lana also said my name i mean no lana said my name i'll give it to you a lot of people say your name it's very common but give me like that's the biggest stretch of that joke you've ever done when i saw you write that like when i saw that you had that written i was like what does that mean i thought there was a part of the song where she actually at least sounded like it because drew let's also forgot to mention that i was wearing this today because we did a very special interview that i was really excited for that i wanted to dress dapper for and i did not want to change before the podcast but i did bring that up in the interview

and the person who was interviewing us was like what what um well i got into funny road rage i took my friend to the airport today oh be a top challenge yeah everybody ow oh my god i just went to fucking like push my hair back and my finger went all the way up my goddamn nose i hope you could see that i think i like literally have a bloody nose. I've never had a bloody nose, which I hate. Like I want a bloody nose. Let's just go do a bunch of blow. Let's get you fucked up. I didn't even think about that.

That is like such an easy way to get that. Yeah, no, I used to have them really, really fucking bad when I was a kid. Like wake up. You were doing blow when you were a child. Yeah, when I was 12, I fucking raged. I went crazy, y'all. You were hitting the slopes. She's a snow queen from Dallas.

How do you make your tongue so skinny when you do that? They can't see. It, like, looks fake. Well, I got into crazy road rage at the airport today i was like going to pull in and i couldn't tell if this woman what were they driving they were driving like a smaller audi do you get the license plate no okay because i'm just i can go kill him for you oh thank you oh how was a girl or a guy it was was an old white lady. Okay, I'm going to kill her. Drew.

I'm going to kill the next old white lady I see. Aw, thank you. That actually means so much to me. Also, do you still have a headache? Yes. Listen here, Enya's brain. My best friend, my lover's brain. If you don't fucking stop hurting my friend,

I'm going to get really angry and and i'm gonna take you out of there and shake you up and make a brain slushy stop fucking hurting my friend did it feel better um i i was disassociating a bit so when that when i was disassociating yes it did feel better i actually might have made it worse because you were yelling into my ear. Yeah. In his ear. In his ear, stop hurting my friend. But I got into crazy road rage. I was like pulling up, trying to get to the curb.

And this woman, I couldn't tell if she was eating or not. And I wasn't even like, I hadn't blocked her in or anything yet i was being mindful i was being very mindful of other drivers and i was like okay i'm not gonna lock her in but she did some shit that pissed me off technically i guess i started this and this is very immature of me but i was not having it but she turned to me and like i hadn't moved my car i hadn't blocked her in but she turned to me and she goes and like starts yelling at me through the window and she's like hello like i could only imagine this is what she was saying because i was trying to read her lips but she was like hello like i need to leave i need to leave bitch if you don't chill the fuck out so i laid on my fucking horn which i fucking hate when people

do but i like i just like literally i was holding my steering wheel like this and my immediate reaction to her yelling at me is i started laughing and then i went beep and i honked at her and she was like and she like hit the horn back and i was like i like hit it a few times and i was laughing really hard she was like and like opened her door that face you make is so fucking funny though dude that's what she was doing she's like she's like like just so like shocked like her fucking jowls hit her knees like she was pissed at me and she i was like oh bitch you i don't i don't do you have three more days left to live she opened her door and was about to get out of the car and she's looking at me and she's getting

out of the car to i guess come up to me and then i started laughing really hard and my friends in the passenger seat just laughing at her too so then i was like i started like being like come here and i like was like going like this to her and she was like like literally verbally like screamed like that and then got back in her car and looked at me and moved up to like block me her and she was like like literally verbally like screamed like that and then got back in her car and looked at me and moved up to like block me so then she moved her car in front of me and blocked me and then she honked she really had places to go but she really needed was wasting her time but she fucked up because she like parked right in front of me to block me off at this point everyone's watching and i'm laughing and usually when stuff like that happens and people

are watching i'm like this is kind of embarrassing but i was like honestly she fucking started it and you're old and haggardy bitch choose your battles because you don't have much stamina left in this lifetime and she parked her car right in front of me so that like i was like this is dumb as fuck bitch because i'm about to blow your ears out and i just literally boo and she was like like literally it's so funny and then i was like i was like started kissing like like blowing kisses and then she was trying to match my energy and she was like and like started and i was dying laughing she could not match your freak and then that's for damn sure she did you hear that that reference yeah she couldn't match your freak at all and then i met your freak a little bit drove off embarrassed and then when i got out

i was like laughing and helping my friend get their bags out of my car and i was like i'm so sorry i just did that in front of you like that's so annoying and we were cracking up we were like no it's funny and then this younger duo who was behind us like this guy came up and he was like fuck that lady she was being such a bitch to you and i was like thank you i'm glad someone else saw in all women are bitches exactly that's why we need a podcast yeah exactly okay should we have a fake podcast conversation where we're like acting like straight male podcasters i mean it that's very easy for me because that's what i yeah okay so oh wait i literally just sounded gay and was playing with my hair

so okay let's talk like straight guys so wait what was the chad gbt say to us like the gaggery of it all when you're ready to spill your tea yeah i was hooking up with this fucking nasty bitch with huge fucking tits and how big were the tits dude they were almost too big and i love big tits like i would love are you a tits guy or a boob guy honestly or tits or butt guy i'm like kind of uh like i'm a bit of both like like both need to be perfect really yeah i'm more of a personality guy yeah right no i'm more of a tits guy myself oh okay cool cool i my vibe when there's hairs i pull them out one by one until i find a nerve ending and then i rip out the nerve it sends electric shocks through

their body because you know why that just freaked me out it reminded me remember when i was convinced for one single day and i did nothing about it that i had breast cancer this is kind of gross um well actually it's literally because every time it's like clockwork i have anya's period like down like clockwork i know i mean i don't have to talk about your fucking period. But Inya before her period, every single time thinks she has breast cancer. Because my boobs just hurt so bad. And I'm like, this pain, this pain is not normal. But I will be going and getting a mammogram because I decided that I need to take that part of my health very seriously.

And I need to go get my pap smears. And I need to get a mammogram. And I need to say. I always thought pap smears were the mammogram. No, pap smears, they literally put put a wrench in your pussy and stick a cotton claw up there. And they're like, they literally treat your pussy like a cotton. Like they go in there and they're like, let's get the slime.

Slime collector simulator. Let's get the discharge. Let's every time they go up in a girl, it's like a blind box because it's like, what color is the discharge going to be? And the mystery. You always want the mystery one. The mystery one is green gunk. And scene.

Oh, was that us talking like straight guys? Oh, but I don't think I've talked about this on the podcast. But now that enough time has passed, I think I say it um one time this is gross one time i had an infected hair follicle on my nipple and it literally squirted out so much pus and i thought it was a nerve ending coming out of my boob and i sat on the floor in the gym having a true panic attack. Like panic attacks for me are rare, but I was in the bathroom on the floor, literally just like, I felt that like dull pain hit my chest.

And then I was taking a shower and I was like, I couldn't breathe in the shower. And I was just like, oh my God. And that's how I know I'm a pussy and all my suicidal ideation is fake. In that moment, I was like,

I'm going to die. I can't believe I'm going to die, but that's different because I'm just going to die. I want to die in a spectacular way and it's going toation is fake. Exactly. In that moment, I was like, I'm going to die. I can't believe I'm going to die. But that's different because I'm just going to die. I want to die in a spectacular way and it's going to be by my own hand. I want to die in a spectacular way. I'm not kidding. Jazz hands.

I'm going to do my death big. It's going to be big. It's going to be a big moment. Like, it really is. If I live to like 75, 80, and I'm just like, honestly, I'm done. I'm either going to like smoke heroin until I fucking die. But then I was thinking about that and I was'm done i'm either gonna like smoke heroin till i fucking die but then i was thinking about that and i was like that's embarrassing because like smoking

heroin what is like a spectacular way to die i was thinking i'd blow myself up like a mr beast video with fireworks included and then give away all the money inside of a red ferrari and it'd be behind a patreon paywall that all the money gets donated to like a cause that i like feel for i'm trying and i won't be having give girls more boob jobs yes it'd probably go to y'all's kids like or like spread between y'all's kids and my family's i'm talking about that like i can literally do that and you like legally i couldn't do no like every time i get on an airplane i fantasize about it crashing never mind and thinking about like oh people no thinking about me dying and how many people would talk about me after i die but then i sober up and i'm like oh wait i wouldn't know that i don't get to read girl i'm trying to i know for a fact for at least 20 minutes i'm

trending number one on you better pray better pray to God the Super Bowl isn't happening at that time. There's not like a halftime show. Or if I can like somebody someone dies. You better pray to God Addison Rae doesn't release

another single when you die. I know. It's over. It's Captain Cooked. Captain Cooked for me. But wait, wait, wait. What were you saying? Oh, panic attacks.

Y'all. I've been doing this thing. I'm trying to look at panic attacks. Wait, what is it? It's like, I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed. Y'all, I've been doing this thing. I'm kind of like a panic attack. Wait, what is it? It's like, I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed. No, guys, seriously, I was paralyzed.

I was just paralyzed, guys. No, seriously. But last night, Inya came home late, and I had fallen asleep before she had gotten back. And I did this, I've been doing this thing in the last two years like I wake up in the middle of the night like completely no reason why with my heart just like pounding and I did that last night and I proceeded to have like a gnarly gnarly panic attack like a 16 year old drew panic

attack I don't know if y'all know this but when i was 16 i was having like the worst panic attacks anxiety in my life like it was horrible rancid wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy but if you're dealing with that right now just know soon you'll be a podcaster soon you'll soon you'll become a podcaster if somebody suffers from like a panic disorder that might make it worse way worse um but i did it last night like and you came home like scared me awake and then like i wasn't upset with anya but for some reason i was just like viscerally angry like i wasn't angry at anything but i just had anger flowing through my body it was like really crazy vibes well I have hormones running through my body that make me want to have sex with you.

Oh. Meow. Meow. No, that part for real. Dude, I am so sad. Drew's going to Texas tomorrow. tomorrow and like we've been so busy that we haven't had a proper day of sitting on the actually that is literally a fucking lie we like three times we watched a whole season of fucking nurse jackie this week but that's like work though i know yeah

i was making the props for the podcast while we were doing that so it doesn't count like i want to just sit on the couch you get nasty and stinky yeah watch tv with you but you're fucking leaving i know you don't miss me until i'm gone you're gonna miss me when i'm gone no that's literally see listen up y'all y'all are all gonna miss me when i'm fucking gone and you're gonna not make fun of my nasty gross body okay i want a few more edits of me like i've seen good edits but like i need like a good edit but i'll get you all the content for that i don't think i've been getting them enough content let me know if you guys think i'm lacking on the content of me being beautiful because like i know the editors are looking for a specific vibe they're gonna clip

that and make an edit out of me rolling my eyes it's like uh clip farming so hard to all want to be edited let me try to get like an inya edit ah no i'm not gonna be able to channel it right now wait what do you mean like angry no no like No, like... Like... And, like, if a man is there, I'm gonna fucking kill him with my bare fucking hands. Like, so worried about my sister. You're engaged? You cannot marry a murderer.

I was sick, but I am healed. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina. The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants.

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What was that last one? The last one looked like you were drunk and about to throw up. Now, velocity edit that. Oh, it's going to eat. I can see it now. I can picture it now. I'm glad that people will always identify my voice with like the voice of hating men that makes me happy it's a voice of reason truly but i i do love men there are men in my life who i do love i want to make that very for men there's like five like will i ever be procreating with a man hell the fuck no

not gonna happen not on and especially not on my watch like i'm sorry i i won't get into it talk about it so often but like having kids and getting married to me is a death sentence like i'm not kidding like putting me in a situation where like i would i'll date a man like whatever like yeah like let's have fun you want to fucking lock me away and hold me hostage and make me bear children you're a fucking killer pervert you're literally the pervert fucking killer monster evil evil demon dark like now serve now serve no like like give like give i like can't you've done it enough this episode but i actually i unironically didn't mean to say that but you can't bring that up i know because i really skip to thinking i get to thinking it's

literally a death sentence like the idea of that feels like somebody's putting me in the thing where my head is through like the hole and everybody's watching me like yeah it's like it might as well be a guillotine to me it's like getting stoned in the fucking town square well y'all we did a thing like we really we really did everybody will know um we finally met trisha and it was it was amazing it was i was terrified of her i was like shaking in my boots a little bit but it was genuinely like like i was gooped and gagged like i i can't i i very rarely get very rarely get gooped and gagged like when beyonce was like 16 feet away from me like i was gooped and gagged like when trisha paytas hugged me i was gooped and gagged like i know also like

it was we did a shoot with petra for her brand, I'm Sorry, on Essence. And she asked us to be a part of it. And it was Holly Madison, Cherry Jo, and Trisha Paytas. And me and Drew were like, duh, we're going to be there. And I guess they hadn't told anybody else that we were going to be there. So Trisha, when she saw us, was like, oh, my God. Like, was so shocked. And so was Terry. And it was fucking awesome and it was such a fun

shoot and i had so much fun i love petra i love everybody who was there holly was so nice and shisha made fun of us yeah she made fun of us right to our fucking face no no it was literally it was the most like it was so funny and i love it so much i have it written down um we were talking to her about our halloween costume yeah and she was like oh like oh you already did your halloween costumes and i was like yeah yeah like here's a video of them and it was like the video and you posted on her account and like it's the most obscure like esoteric niche internet knowledge that like no sense i don't even i was like impressed by how many people interacted with that post and i was like it's kind of amazing that that many people liked that fucking tiktok

that many people don't know what the fuck yeah they have no they have no idea what the fuck was they're looking at they're looking at nonsense and so like trisha had like the normal reaction of just being like oh like she literally she literally basically did like oh oh okay like that audio in real life and she was like huh like you guys are like weird and me and drew immediately started laughing and she corrected herself but like in a good way in a good way and i was like no we're fucking weird it's okay you can say that to us and like it was just so sweet because i feel like she she wasn't saying it to be mean she's like the sweetest person i've ever met and but me and drew were just laughing so

hard and i think she thought we were making like she was making fun of us it was a compliment we literally did we were like thank you so much i genuinely don't know if there's anything that tricia could say to me that would hurt my feelings yeah because she's like i don't know she was like she's literally mother yeah she was just so nice to us and we got into a conversation about how she thought we were really funny and we were like that's so funny because we think you're funny and she was like oh i don't really find myself to be funny i don't think i'm a funny person i mean you were like you were literally tripping because you are so fucking funny like there are a few people on this planet who are just to be born naturally funny i feel like we're funny but we definitely

have to work on it like we had to hone in on what makes us funny and we have to like think of like things to be funny and she is just so naturally funny it was so awesome and we were just cracking up also we sent we sent the video in our group chat and christian goes i'm genuinely so proud of you guys yeah yeah our friend christian like we made a tiktok with uh trisha yeah terry and we sent it to our friends because we were like oh everybody's gonna be gagged by this and christian was like no like on a real note like i'm like actually so fucking proud of you yeah and it was like very sincere and real and i was like yeah honestly like this was a big moment like legitimately like a big moment but yeah big things coming well should we get shall we get into some media some media um yeah

oh my media of the week wait before i have one one psyop oh yeah drew wait drew give me drew oh sigh up drew sigh up i only have one funerals are way too expensive air fry my body when i die get all crispy i just imagine your body like this big and crispy yeah like even when you put a chip bag in the microwave and it like shrinks that's what happens to my body and people like will run a knife over my body to show how crispy my skin got oh actually i want to talk about this because we were talking about our friends with this and specifically josiah was like no no no that's awful

but i was saying okay actually no now i feel like people are gonna make fun of me because i was saying i love azul so much that like part of me does want to get him taxidermied when he dies. I agree. And I think that is a very, very polarizing idea. People are like very, like it's just polarizing. They're super down for it. Or you think it's disgusting. Horrifying.

But I really either want to do that or I would get his little paw. And I want a paw. Or his tail because I love him so much. that or I would get his little paw. And I want a paw. Or his tail because I love him so much. Oh, I love it so much. Also, like, y'all can't even get on me because, bitch, I have a fucking box of cat dust and some of my other cat's hair just sitting around. How uneventful. Like, that. Cat dust is crazy.

It's literally fucking cat dust. Like, I can't, like, I can't look at it and be like oh like she she looks my little eddie my little eddie like bitch it's a fucking bowl of ash and it could very well like just be dust they collected from the place no it literally could be like also i don't believe that they're like turning my cat to ash in a new container they're probably fucking burning a bunch of them and being like here's a little bit for this bitch you got like 14 cats yeah i got like somebody else you got a tabby yeah i got a coyote in there for sure like i got random shit i probably got dogs in there um but yeah let me know what y'all think actually don't y'all are also i need to make it

very clear you're allowed to talk about me but not in a way that hurts my feelings you're having it this is your proof that you haven't been in a romantic relationship because you haven't thought about how you're going to communicate with them yet like you haven't thought through your emotions and then brought it to them yeah i did yeah you're giving them mixed emotions you're being mean to them like guys well they were mean to me first okay guys seriously be nice like it's just thank you now you guys are okay now you guys have to go on a fancy date you're paying are we good everybody say we're good i know there's at least one high bitch out there who like smiled he said

we're good we're good um i need a tiktok of you saying we're good actually no we need to like do well we'll write something out for the next episode but i want to scare because i love the way y'all interact online for us because it adds to the lore of the podcast so next episode we'll script out a little thing where we're leaving gaps for y'all to respond and i want y'all to record your screen and be talking to your fucking computer that's hilarious so that other people find it are like wait how do they record this that's actually so funny and we'll we'll like leave pockets we'll we'll make it an easy joke for y'all to make or or we'll like write the joke for you so

you guys can respond and then it's even freakier because all y'all to make or or we'll like write the joke for you so you guys can respond and then it's even freakier because all y'all are saying the same joke like we'll make it work we'll figure it out but just be ready for that um my media of the week is what's his name with pierce morgan oh fucking hannibal lecter arm and hammer yeah arm and arm hammer um him trying to defend his weird ass fucking life bitch fuck you him being uh pierce morgan going are you a cannibal and him going do you know what you have to do to be a cannibal it's like my favorite line and you have to eat people you have to eat people man and you're gonna recreate that word for word. Yeah, so stay tuned for that. My media of the week is the fact that the Mars rover has been on Mars for a fucking decade and has only traveled 20 miles.

Bitch, what the fuck are you doing up there? Like, it actually pissed me off when I found that out. Like, literally, we spent billions getting you up there and you're only going walk fucking 20 miles or scoot around like it's not even walking it's like like barely rolling is like the travel up there just like lagged out why is it so little i don't know it like literally pissed me off i couldn't even read any more about it but i was like are you kidding me i thought it was like traversing the whole fucking planet, I guess naively because it's only traveled like literally two miles a year. Two miles a year. I can do 20 miles in a day.

Yeah, I walked that in literally a day. Like get a fucking grip. I do that at Disneyland. Also, why has Taylor Swift been on tour for literally three fucking years? She's like Frankie Valli. She's gonna be Frankie Valli. Like who the fuck made her sign what contract?

I'm not hating at all. I just genuinely want to know, like, how the fuck does she do that? I hope she she like performs until she's really old. Something about that is like kind of when a girl does that. I'm like her. But it is crazy. Like, damn, she is big like that. Huh?

My. Oh, I was going to say, but my real media is i went and saw megalopolis and that was the single greatest movie i've ever seen in my life i think all the hate up for it is very unjust and unwarranted oh you like it did you give it five stars i'm a contrarian yeah uh no that was the best worst movie i've ever seen in my life. That was fucking horrible in every single word. I know, I want to see like the first hour of it. I don't need to commit anymore.

Yeah, no, it was rightfully made fun of into oblivion because there's like so many moments that I'm just like, actually, what the fuck was going on? But I will say I left with a full heart because it just made me think about how in his head, like the idea behind the movie is like, this is like his legacy. This is what he wants to leave behind.

This is like where he wants the world to end up. Like it was really cute in that sense. And like, you could sense um and like you could just feel and like um just like a bunch of like things that like an aging man person in general like goes through um and like you can feel that in the movie but yeah it's like i heard like some horror stories on set like he would like be late to shooting because he was just like smoking hella weed in his trailer and then he'd stumble out and be like because he's like 400 years old directing a movie um also he sold his fucking winery for it like it's cute

oh that's kind of sad but i guess he doesn't need it if he's like that fucking old no he doesn't give a fuck he's he just wanted this made and he got it made, but he ruined independent filmmaking. No one's ever going to trust anybody ever again. Well, my media of the week is Wichita 2 by Harper's Bazaar, Time by Culture Club and Crying in the rain by carol king such good songs time won't give me time and time makes lovers feel my media my other media is bliss bay 8 b i l s b a e number eight i'm so obsessed with people who like are so good at art in our community putting time into that like there is something so magical about it no it's really it's truly truly a beautiful thing oh also one last thing and then we can for real go but let me send this to kai oh yeah

like i i do want to say i feel like we don't talk about it often enough but to end up this episode i want to say at matt's underscore creations go check them out um i do want to say you guys are fucking awesome and i'm so happy for literally an hour today in our interview like bitch we are so fucking blessed and i mean it to my fucking core yeah i have y'all like you guys are so cool and you guys have such a deep understanding of just us and it feels awesome and i feel like we're so lucky and y'all are so creative and so good at all the art you make like the amount of cool art i see come out of our community genuinely makes me feel like we got blessed with the fucking masterminds and then i'm like of course of course you freaks are

good at art like it only makes sense but literally thank you because um it means a fucking lot i know when i see good art from you guys like it genuinely the smile it puts on my face is unironically unreal and thank you guys for continuing to listen for so long because it's getting to the end of the year and all i can think about is i can't believe y'all are still here it's very unreal um but don't forget i'd fucking hit all of you in the face and within an instant and don't talk about my body and don't talk about my fucking body oh you thought oh you thought i was being fucking nice to you you fucking freak bitch yep don't fucking talk about my girl yeah because i fight yep and i haven't fought in a really long time no so i'd probably get my ass beat nope but

i'd still fight yeah and i would lie if i lost yeah that's that's i'm not even kidding like bitch i was sitting outside like in the middle of the night on the phone last night at like fucking 3 a.m sitting on the corner and somebody was just walking by with headphones on this like random girl and i looked at her and she was like on a midnight run which i was like girl you are so fucking brave this is dangerous but then i convinced myself that she was crazy and she was gonna come over and beat the fuck out of me and i thought about it i was like would i go in there and lie and say i beat her ass i was like yes the fuck i would um but he's got in a fight and i got my or i beat her yeah i fucking i killed her ass like she's out there dead on the floor i I think it would be funny if I got my ass beat.

If I initiated... It would match my energy so well if I got beat. I feel like if I got beat up, it'd be like, oh, talking all that shit. No, it would be. Fucking win, bitch. I wouldn't let you live it down. If I saw you get your ass beat in you,

I'd make sure you were okay first, and then after a couple weeks, I'd be like... I think that's what would push me to kill myself. You can't win in a fight. Thank you were okay first. And then like after a couple of weeks, I'd be like. I think that's what would push me to kill myself. You can't win in a fight. Thank you guys for watching. See you next week. Bye.