Emergency Intercom - Men Shouldn't Have Instagram Because They Are Probably Using It To Cheat On Their Partner

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

Enya sings her own version of the pledge of allegiance and refuses to survive during the apocalypse. Drew and Enya bond over their dermatophagia and get in a huge fight that we had to cut out. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, of Emergency Intercom. I was going to say, welcome to this emergency episode of cum. Welcome to this emergency episode of cum.

Oh, something's different about my wrist. Drew's wearing his eight-year-old iWatch, or Apple Watch. My Apple Watch. Have y'all ever seen one of these? Have y'all ever used one of these? Literally almost everybody's parent has one. The background is my hairy arm, so it looks like it's blending in with my skin yeah and also the band is really white so it is blending really well why are you jealous of me and everything i do i try to

give to you so much what do you give me your love and affection you're singing that's so crazy wait because you're singing it so crazy i know it's a song and i can't think of it is that a rihanna song i actually don't know what you're saying it's scaring me i think it's rihanna oh it's love song by future rihanna yeah okay i have something to start the episode with okay um it's a little anthem next time you're at school rebel yeah wait you one of the kids who like refused to stand for the pledge of allegiance no i was i was so annoying i was like i'm not standing i'm literally not standing for the flag we would get in so much trouble if we didn't pledge allegiance to the Texas flag.

Really? We didn't even have the Florida flag. It was just the flag. And I was like, bitch, why are we still doing this? It's such a weird propaganda thing that Texas does because they're like, we're going to succeed from the nation. They're always threatening. I'm like, please go.

Please. Ew, imagine needing your passport to go to Texas. Is that how that would work? I actually don't know like i don't think anybody knows and that's why it would never happen nobody's actually committed to it okay committed to the sleigh put your right hand is it right or left it's right hand this is my oh right hand over your boob over your heart, Slay, can you serve by the boot's early wig? What so proudly we purr by the twilight's last giving?

I was trying to think of more, but that's all I got. The twilight's last giving is giving who's broad shoulders and slay wait who was that she was like y'all need to calm down in the comments please because someone was like oh my god i have broad shoulders too broad shoulders gang yeah she was like i've never said that about myself like oh my god um so that's our national anthem that's emergency intercom national anthem oh slay can you say also drew is burnt as balls i literally did not mean to get sunburned i was like the uv index is 8.5 which is like very high but i was like oh i'm not gonna get burnt like there's no way i get burnt my

stubborn ass and i am literally charred to a fucking crisp yeah you are really red your your right arm is definitely going to peel like yeah no it's already peeling like it's already yeah it's already going but it doesn't hurt yet but it'll hurt tomorrow it definitely like i like touching it because you can see like the fingerprints in it it's like the the little thermal toy that we used to have as kids yeah oh my god yeah your right side of your body is burnt the right side of my body still smells like you we both said something completely different um but yeah it's because we went to devon's house today oh yeah have y'all ever heard of her miss devon lee carlson yeah that's wait have y'all been to

her house oh probably not y'all definitely have not been to her house but we go and we have a key we hang out we go we open the fridge we grab devon if you hear this i'm so sorry for stealing all your drinks i got into the car immediately and was like i took a lot of drinks i know both of us got in the car and immediately named like three things we were insecure about i was like i should not have done that but i drank every single drop except for the fucking ani alani yeah that no the energy drink yeah that was so sweet energy drinks just like unless it's red bull they don't taste very good because all of them are trying to be too sweet they're trying to be something that they're not and it's like no this isn't juice exactly this is acid that's going to

burn my liver yep and do what you're supposed to do and burn my inside and give me energy so like i don't even really care about the flavor but give me heart palpitations red bull red bull i have a genius idea for you non-caffeinated red bull the flavor unspiked exactly without the caffeine i would be able to drink it drew can't have caffeine anymore yeah so figure that out you can't have a lot of things you need to see go see like a psychologist and get your brain like like he's convinced he can't have red onions like he's convinced like no he has stomach issues because he doesn't have like a real meal like you're jealous gummies are a real meal oh you know what i did with the gummies we had you did not no i didn't throw them away okay what'd you do i put them in the freezer oh

fucking sleigh can you see yeah um but drew's convinced he'll be like oh this this is bad for me this is bad for me i'm like no girl like you just don't eat so every time you eat your stomach is like what is happening or you don't eat like real meals you like scavenge around the house you eat like crackers cheese and meats that you find then you have gummies then you have like something red to throw in the mix yeah i'm gonna go i think i'm gonna try to eat blue for the next week because i did red or maybe orange because i feel like it's a little yellow is really easy i could i could easily eat yellow for a week maybe that's a little youtube series eating yellow for a week yeah

that's like mr beast like that's like mr beast challenge mr beast challenge um well i have a little surprise what for everybody me included or yeah yeah oh you're included for literally everybody kai are you ready oh my god he got a purse oh damn that didn't sound good yeah wait do y'all still use airpods or i actually have rarely been an airpod i'm confused because i actually don't even know what that is anymore because i have wait those are airpods like you do know what they are they're maxes um because i have the ones that go over your ears not inside your ears i have plenty of headphones that go over my ears but these are the airpods maxes oh but i don't believe in wireless headphones so that's okay okay you sound mad everybody watching sounds pissed too but yeah just just why do you still have airpods i don't get it i i just said i don't use airpods and you have airpods on your i'm saying

to them oh okay yeah it's because it's kind of just like like these are superior are you poverty shaming right now yes get. Get your money up. Get your bed up. Get you a pair of these. Let me tell you. We were literally laughing at Drew because he had the audacity to be like, oh my God, wait. Now when I travel and go on planes, people are going to be like, oh my God, this guy has money.

And we're going to be like, no, because you're going to be sitting in economy with everyone else. Why didn't you spend the money you spent on these on the ticket? You should have allocated your funds more intelligently because you're literally sitting. Your seat can't go back right now just like the rest of us. Maybe that's right. I'm happy.

I'm happy and that's all that matters. You are not happy. Girl, I know. It's really bad. The demons are winning. The demons are literally winning. You said they have the clairvoyant? you said they have the clairvoyant yeah they have the clairvoyance mode what the fuck does that mean that's a word you just made up i can hear ghosts what okay also an update on the ghost story we revisited the theater yesterday but i

think because we were with jester the spirit didn't come to us they didn't want to show face they weren't serving face yeah because i think they just got nervous because we brought a friend to look and as a witness and yeah they got nervous and too many people were around we went too early we have to do another like midnight viewing yeah i do think a dolo midnight viewing maybe we go see everything everywhere all at once again because that was the best movie i've ever seen in my entire life. Genuinely, like, so fucking good. Not exaggerating. I just can't believe when I see shit like that,

I'm like, no, you had to have been on meth when you wrote that. Like, there's no other way. Like, I just... Without spoiling anything, because it is a movie that if you go into it completely blind, it's insane. Like, I don't know how you conceptualize that. I don't know how you film that.

I don't know how you go back to watching regular movies after watching that. Because it was so revolutionary that like- It was rev-what? Revolutionary. So cinema will forever be changed. It will forever never be the same. forever never be the same forever never be the same okay um yeah i i honestly like i don't even have like a good take on it because it just actually left me speechless like so many times like my mouth was just wide open watching and i like couldn't believe it and i found myself like laughing

not even at the funny parts but just laughing because i'm like i can't believe someone just made this like someone literally had all these thoughts somehow translated it onto paper and then onto video image and it's like translating well real especially because i got a lot of those jokes like i feel like would read like not that funny and then on screen are really funny yeah there were like points in the movie where like me and inya would just like look at each other and be like are you fucking kidding me like like there you actually like were able to do that like i i don't know it was like really really sick um but yeah sorry kai's literally scaring me because he was just holding his phone in front of the camera but not in the viewfinder i was using the reflection to see if

it was recording i wanted to see if there's a way for me to like make sure that the camera you're literally bored as shit right there you're so bored and you're not listening to us anymore um but yeah i was so insane yeah um and it destroyed my life and i came home i was gonna watch another movie but i was like i don't think my brain could handle any more content yeah it does make it make you uh question your reality uh that's all i'll say which is like in a good way and i think it like will uh humanize a lot of people it was just it was a sweet movie i was like oh this is just like sweet i cried i cried i laughed i lived and i loved was there sex in it um actually so much there was a lot of hole like spread hole yeah you there was like a point where the camera

someone spread their ass cheeks and the camera literally went inside someone's asshole and they like it was basically like a colonoscopy scene um and you kind of just which i don't even think that was a 3d render i think that was practical it was practical and you lived in there for two weeks in the movie it was fucking weird it was like a big time lapse because obviously if it was like two weeks we wouldn't be here yeah it was literally so good i actually couldn't believe that they went there i can't believe they took it there i didn't want to see it but now i want to see it yeah so go watch it because of the colonoscopy like scene yeah dude oh my god and we saw it in 4d so they were spraying shit everywhere crazy it was crazy lit.

Well, last time I had sex, I was thinking about Elden Ring. And that's not a joke. Like, I literally, like, was having sex. And I was like, this shit's, like, boring. Like, come on. Let's get it over with. No, literally, if I'm ever having sex again and I start thinking about other things, bitch, I'm like, all right, get out.

Yeah, like, it's time for you to go. You to go. But yeah, I was thinking about Elden Ring. I keep saying Elder Ring. Elden. Elder Ring. But yeah, it was really tragic. Well, what if the person you had sex with literally hears this and, like, sees you say

that? You don't think about that? I was about to say, it ended up being a really fun time. And we had a bunch of chemistry. But you were thinking about playing a PC game. I think it was just because it was in the peak of it. It was in the peak of my... Because this was a while back.

Yeah. Oh, so you're in your dry season? Yeah. Like nobody wants you right now? I've gone celibate. No, I could literally have sex every night if i wanted to three times a day and i'm not joking i literally thank you guy why are you so like sure of that you're so adamant of that you know what happened to me is

i took off my glasses i got my lasik eye surgery i took down my pony i let my ponytail free and i got sexy you took down that and i walked down the ponytail free and I got sexy. You took down that messy one? And I walked down the stairs in slow-mo. I literally like lived the movie. You had a Princess Diaries moment. Yeah.

But I need to cut my fucking hair and shave all my... Oh, I have to show y'all the saddest, ugliest pictures of the back of Drew's head. No, I haven't even seen them yet. It was fucked up.

I haven't even seen them yet. It was so nasty. Oh my. Oh no. I know, I'm going to put it on screen. What the fuck? It literally looks like I have Justin Bieber dreads. It looks like I haven't showered in literally 14 years.

My hair is matted. It looks like the back of Russell Brand in literally 14 years My hair is mad Russell Brands My hair is matted. I look like one of those. Let me see. Let me see. I look like one of those fucking mangy Why am I actually Serving though like low-key you're serving like extreme stench extreme body odor Wait, but I like Low key. You're serving like extreme stench extreme body odor Let me see the live again when I turn around I look good actually, you know I'm saying The Kraken rising I rose out of the water Sorry rose from the depths of the song these are like really comfortable i just like even forgot i had them on for a second that's weird

because you just like really messed with them and it seemed like they were bothering you oh fuck off are you being paid is this like paid like why do you have them on do you have advanced hearing on right now uh the clairvoyance mode yeah i can hear everything really i can hear y'all i can hear the ghost i can hear the spirit there's I can hear the ghosts. I can hear the spirits. There's no ghosts. Girl, if only you could hear what I hear. Then give them to me. No, you don't want to hear. Calling all sellers. Salesforce

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Can you hear that little fart that I just made? Yeah. You heard that? No, I didn't. I heard like something, but I thought it was a ghost or like a screaming child but i it was a fart you thought the fart was a screaming child yeah it was weird weird as fuck um i think we should talk about how we're sober but not really sober no i think like crazy this looks with the skulls right now. I know. I literally like I take notes for the podcast throughout the week and I write them down in notes. And like I just write them down like I'm texting myself from the past. It's really awesome. And then I get to read them in the future. And I'm like, oh, I know what I was saying there.

Dude, my heart actually just dropped because I had a text from a friend who's like coming to L.A. to visit. And they texted me and said something something is on fire right now and they said turbulence but i read it as engine because i was just skimming and i was like oh my god this person's gonna literally die um and my heart actually just dropped and i just had to say that because i feel like my face actually changed and i just wanted everyone to know that but i have um chlorine curls right now i didn't even shower after i got out of the pool because i was like my hair is like really curly and i want to see what it looks like but i

hate it so much i've been looking at myself in the mirror recently and like being disgusted by how i look but it's on purpose um what motherfucker that's i'm like that's drew's ongoing dig is he like he or gig he can't like decide if he thinks he looks awesome or if he thinks he looks literally disgusting because every why did you say literally um because that's how you describe it you're like no i actually look like actually repulsive right now but i'm doing it on purpose and then two days later you're like i'm actually the sexiest i've ever been in my life and like you actually flip so hard um i'm a liar and i lie to myself and i don't know what's true anymore but we are sober sober okay but like so y'all let us know if this is a sober because we got into an argument with someone we've been we've been going to parties like we've been going out to like

events and parties and stuff but we don't drink we don't pre-game we just go and we're in our sober slay era because we're like let's see if we can just communicate with people and let loose and be fun without alcohol which we have been but we went to this party and we then right when we got inside like a thousand people surrounded us and we're, cause we're so fucking famous. Yeah, the helmets were just so popular. Yeah, that's basically it. That's the core of this problem that we're finding is like, we're so popular. So when we go to parties, everyone's like, take a shot with me, take a shot with me.

It's your favorite celebrities. They're like, come with me, come with me, take a shot with me. Please, please, please. Like, I just want to share a moment with you, like an intimate moment. Cause I know you're going to pass away soon and I want to be able to post about it um and then what you're going to pass away soon no they're saying that to us we're both um why it's like a duo guy i don't want to die i don't want to die yet does it look like i'm crying but i have tears welling up okay they went away um but yeah so we walk into these party this party and a bunch of people are

like come take a shot yeah yeah yeah it's like an open bar so we go to this party and a bunch of people are like, come take a shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like an open bar. So we go to the bar and we get a shot poured up. But they're the most minuscule little shot glasses ever made. Like literally tiny. And I wouldn't even consider it a full shot. Like they were like literally fake shots. And me and Inya took one of those and didn't feel anything so i still say sober sway um but technically it's literally like

not at all i guess technically but in my head i'm like oh if i'm like i don't know i'm just like i guess what is considered sober is considered nothing at all like yeah literally not even a drop so i guess yeah someone could fucking argue with me but i'm like no bitch like i'm the only one coherent and like literally looking around and having the same social cues that i have when i'm like standing in the grocery store like i'm not i'm not like blurred like a mass viewing is happening when we we go to parties now, we still have fun. We still shake our ass. We twerk on each other.

I get a boner. What? You get a boner when I like dance on you? I get a boner too. Yes. From me? No, just watching. Don't fucking talk to me like that.

I do get a boner. Boner. But now I watch. Now I'm viewing. And I see everything. And I see how people interact with each other. And I see the soulless fools. And I see the fools with souls.

And... I see you. It's crazy. I just know that I see you. And I see the type of person that you are. I see the type of person that you are. And it's making me really horny. What the fu... Like all the people I people i see oh this is an update um so recently i've been doing this

thing where i like kind of sand down all my holes and honestly all the users are coming back with like raving reviews they're like it's so soft the users are saying this yeah my holes because i've been sanding them down yeah they do feel nice and smooth. Yeah, it's like almost, it's giving like a silicone effect recently. But I'm getting good like reviews about it. It's true. They're like, if you've ever done LSD on mushrooms, and you've touched your skin or your trip sitter's skin,

because you should not trip without a trip sitter, and you felt their skin and it's kind of glistening and it feels kind of like silicone that's what india's holes feel like yeah and i don't just mean like my member hole like i mean all my holes like any hole that can be used is sanded down i stretch a poor oh my fucking god i'll stretch a poor oh my i'll stretch a poor um what the but we're still so okay the craziest part that is the craziest you've ever said on this podcast that is that was up what y'all are literally tweaking the out right now i didn't even say anything like that's the craziest part rewind it back it says i love inya and kai and y'all are saying that i'm crazy for saying that i did not say anything bad no it was cool i liked it thank you we didn't even say

what you said was bad we were just like astonished by your comedic timing you're like lashing out wait so did you actually not say anything you're not that funny no i said a lot of shit i'm really funny um no no no the thing is um is that we broke our tiktok sobriety though that's the craziest part i know people the thing is people were like what the hell what the hell i'm trying to get a bag if you see me doing an ad like soon do not like just let me live i don't really use the app still like sometimes i catch myself using it and i'm like oh my god this is really endless like doom scrolling and it's so fucking scary um but my screen time on it is still like not as crazy but i was thinking today i was like i'm gonna

re-delete it because i'm racking up screen time like it's literally like it never left my life like i opened it and for like two days i was like fuck this like i'm over it like it doesn't do anything for me anymore and then by day three i was literally using it like six hours a day again and i'm like i need to but it's it's even worse now because i don't use it all day i just sit in bed till like 4 a.m and scroll aimlessly for hours i use it at night the most um but like when i'm waiting for my bath to fill up that's when i'll be using it because i'm like i'm not gonna start my movie outside of the bath i'm gonna start my movie in the bath like come on i'm not a psychopath so i do use tiktok on the toilet but like who you know no i can't give the secret away what i can't then don't yeah

like i'm really honest to claw it out of you so bad girl i'm living no i that's the thing is i don't even want you to i've gotten so good at that drew used to always be like oh like about to say something and i would claw for it because i'd be like you you don't get to do that and now i literally don't give a fuck like he'll go to say something and i'm like yeah you don't have to share that if you don't want to and i just keep it pushing and i literally like don't ask another question and i do the same to you and you don't even realize it no but i say what i mean in a different in a different way yeah like why manipulate you in a different way no the thing is i just like denounced you being able to manipulate me. So you wanted to double down and say that you do manipulate me.

Oh, I have my ways. Sometimes I want to hit you so fucking hard. Like I want to smack the shit. I want to hit you so hard. Your head hits the wall behind you and hits my hand again. Everything all at once reference. Nice. Well, this is something i wrote down is my favorite

thing is when a random civilian's tiktok goes viral and you go to the comments in there in there replying to things like you go sis and because they have no grasp of the internet they're saying things like i'm a boy you getting mad for no reason like wait what like you know when like someone random like i'm trying to think it'll be like a girl goes viral, like a really normal average girl who obviously doesn't use the internet that much or like, let's use a guy. Yeah. Like, let's just use a guy, for example.

And like, he like got really viral for something. And then like them not understanding the way people on the internet talk. So taking all of the comments like really to heart, like if someone being like, you go sis. And then being like you go sis and then being like i'm literally a fucking boy don't fucking say that shit to me like not realizing that i'm not a girl you go sissy like you're such a like girly like boy like him reading it as like i'm literally a fucking man like i love going to replies people being offended by femininity yeah and i'm just being like offended by comments in general i

can't think of like good examples but it's just like it'll be like an older lady who's like thing goes viral and someone's like you ate and she's like don't fucking say that to me like just like not understanding what that means what do you mean i ate do i look fat what do you mean i ate i ate well i'm literally not eating in this video like shut the fuck up leave me alone like it's just like it's so human like we should not be having that many people talk to us who we don't understand yeah i think like lingo has gone so far like actually like like thinking about it like i at this point i don't know what slay means like like i don't know what it means everything and nothing

at once it's like the craziest thing ever i use it like in so many different ways like if like if i said slay to my dad i think his brain would melt like i think he would actually like have an aneurysm and like explode and die if we sang the national anthem the way we just did to pilgrims they would like melt they would if we said that in front of a republican they would melt they would actually melt away what the fuck does that mean not in my country um let's talk about coyote survival situation so we were on a hike me and inya are in our house this is like just an example me and drew should not be in a dangerous event together because we do not. Exactly.

No, we're not compatible at all in survival situations. I'm also calling this a survival situation. Me and Anya have been in our hike area. We've been hiking. I'm sure you can tell we're a little more fit. We're just toned. We're sexy. We're a little more tan.

We're feeling good. We've got our endorphins going it's really nice um but on the hikes we go to we go into like um the canyons and like into the mountains of la and there's always gonna be like a coyote out there because like that's literally where they live like we force them off their habitat they had to move to the hills it's really sad but there was a kite we were walking we were walking um a moment for the coyotes because i feel bad for them they're misunderstood and even i misunderstand them i know um but we were walking down to the hike and there was a coyote crossing in front of us. We wouldn't have even known it was there had a car not honked.

But we were walking back. Yeah, I think it was like one of the rangers honked. So we turned around. Yeah, so we turned around and looked and this coyote was literally staring at us like it was going to like try to kill us. It was like the scariest thing I've ever seen. I got a video of it. We'll insert it. But it was the way it went was just

funny because like i turned and i looked back when the car honked and drew turned and then turned back and i looked back and i was like oh i think he honked because there's like a coyote right there like there's just a coyote behind us so we kept walking and then drew like i don't i think you just didn't process what i said and then you just like looked back and like literally no it's a it's not that I didn't process that you said it's a coyote I looked back and saw it was a coyote and then I was like no that like literally I was just so in shock and in fear that I was like that it was going to attack us that I wasn't listening to anything but instead of my internal monologue and I was like I looked and I was like oh that's a coyote and then you were like yeah it's a coyote and then I looked back

and I was like oh my god that's a coyote and you were like I know and I was literally like dude Drew was going into pure panic and like I was like I like I didn't even realize it because I was like I was more annoyed because I was like I said it was a fucking coyote like why are we going like why are we both repeating this to each other? I know it's a coyote. And then Drew was just like, oh, my God. And like, he started like, kind of like listing off his fear and being like, no, it's literally following us.

And I was like, I know, but it's a coyote. It's just a coyote. Like, I don't like. But in the video, in the video, it literally is staring through my soul and it literally wants my sweet, supple skin. It wants to eat me. It wants your electric touch. It literally wants my sweet supple skin it wants to eat me it wants your electric touch it literally wants my electric feel like that's the thing it wants my little honeybee um but basically i have no fear and i don't see that's just the

thing about me i've said it like a million times like i know how i'm gonna die and that's just not it you're not gonna die by a coyote But like us in like a real survival situation. I think we've like dabbled on this subject. But like it would not be good. No, it wouldn't. I would get annoyed. I would be like, no. It would not be good.

And also like we just can't like handle each other like giving us directions. Because we both want to like lead. So like if you told me to do something i would be like fuck off like i'm gonna go do this and then i'd literally go and cut my foot open and get like gangrene have to cut my foot off that's the thing is like i know in a survival like situation realistically i feel like i would be more fit in terms of like building shelter and like getting food and like i think i could build a shelter and get some food but i think you telling me to go get food i would be like

fucking damn it like i was just about to go get the food it's like when your mom used to tell you like go do the dishes and i was literally like washing them already um i think i would slay but the thing is like i would just i would not try would not try. I'd be like, all right, cool. Like. Yeah, like, do you actually want to live in an apocalyptic situation? No. Like, think about that. Not at all. Think about it clearly.

I'm like, listen, like, humans already went past the caveman era. Like, I'm in my slay era. Like, I don't want to have to go, like, find berries that won't kill me. I want to go to Erewhon and get some overpriced berries that will taste like dirt. Like, that's what I want. That's the vibe. And I'm not doing the post-apocalyptic shit. Like, I really, like, all of us have been saying, like, the world is going to end in, like, two, three years.

Yeah, like, absolutely. Like, I genuinely, like, am kind of starting to believe that. I'm living my life like that. And I'm just prepping myself for absolute doom. And I'm always like, okay, what am I going to do? Like, I guess I have to say bye to all my friends and give them one last kiss. And, like, drive to Miami to be with my family while the world ends, which is like so annoying because like I want to like slay with my girls. But yeah, we that's like been our motto recently is like if I'm like don't want to go out or if I don't want to see people or like hang out with people that like I do love, but I'm just in my antisocial era.

I'm like literally like fuck it. Like the world's ending in three years. Like's just you have to get it out now yeah let's just like hang out because like we're not gonna be alive in three and i'm not fighting to the death with you bitches like y'all want to live so bad for what like i literally like it's not like for what like no i'm not i'm literally i'm not fighting over food like i'll be damned i have too much pride i'm like oh that's embarrassing i'm not running after a deer that's embarrassing i'm like that's so embarrassing like people lining up at the gas station because there's no more oil being imported and like they're fighting to death over gasoline no not a chance i'm like if i don't get gifted it i'm not getting it like just if someone isn't

like thinking about me at the gas station is like oh i'm gonna give any of some gas like she's going to need to like this to cook her food for the next like two days. I guess I'm not eating because I'm not doing it. I'm literally not. I would rather drill a hole to the middle of the fucking earth for my own oil before I go fight with you bitches at the gas station over some gas. Like actually. I'm just not doing it. It's humiliating. That's why surviving actually like surviving and being alive

is just like perpetually embarrassing like just like no it is oh my god like just existing is embarrassing no also like dating like having a significant other is like actually so humiliating like i couldn't imagine it. I could forever and ever, and I just want to. Someone needs to marry me right now. I'm going to freak out. Wife her up. Wife her up.

She's taking applications. Where's my cum tribute? I asked for a cum tribute last week. We demanded it last week, and I haven't seen shit. I have not gotten a cum tribute. Granted, I haven't looked it up. I'll do it.

You'll do my cum tribute? Yeah. I mean, if nobody's stepped up in the last week. Honestly, Kai, thank you. I that's what I need in my life. People to step up and give me come tributes. Yeah, that's what I need. I'll take a cream team.

I'll take a squirt tribute. Can we actually pause? Because I'm. Oh. Next time you flirt with my fucking boyfriend in my face, I'm going to fucking stab you. Yeah. I'm really sorry. I had no idea. No, you're sorry. You're sorry. Yeah, I'm going to fucking slap you. Okay. I'm really sorry. I had no idea.

No, you're sorry. You're sorry. Yeah, I'm sure you're fucking sorry. I am sorry. Please don't fire me. Don't fucking. Damn. That was the hottest shit I've ever seen in my life.

I know. I got really mad. I was like, I hope he steps in soon and stops me. No, I wasn't going to stop you. Hit someone for me. I don't give a fuck. Okay, yeah. I'll go to jail with you. Oh. No, you're good. substance that was no i wasn't gonna stop you hit someone for me i don't give a fuck okay yeah because i'll go to jail with you oh no you're don't talk to my girl don't talk to my girl like

that please don't i swear to god that's what it is is you're talking to my girlfriend like that it's like really suspect i didn't even know be a fucking slut ass homewrecker for what like i have like a bunch of notes if i should just go through them um okay actually this is just something that i actually do want to address um how good fingernails taste and the smell after you bite your fingernail off like the things you always say that but after i go into like a biting frenzy i'm really disgusted with myself like i don't i have practiced such self-control with my nails recently that i am able to literally let them grow for two weeks three weeks at a time and then i just get a big fucking snack at the end of the three weeks and i just gnaw them off and then i let them grow for three more weeks well if anybody knows me they know that i've always been

a nail biter um that's disgusting by the way but um they know that i've always been a nail biter um that's disgusting by the way but um they know that i've always been a nail biter it tastes good it's like eating i haven't been biting my nails i'm also going to show you all my nails and i know you bitches are going to copy me so let's just put it out right now like i have the sauce i have the sleigh i have the serve like fine i'll show you my nails whatever like go ahead copy me copycat ass bitch me when i'm doing my job in influencing i don't know they're like why don't we just take a photo and then insert a photo because they look really pretty right now my nails are beautiful like i can't believe how long they are do you see what's on them is that jesus oh that's cute jesus mary mother mary your mama well no i'm telling you you should nod them off and just get a taste get a taste of just do it and then like practice self-control after and then just let them grow

out and then you get it like it's like kind of infinite food if you think about it no because you know what the thing is i think we bite our nails in different ways like we bite our nails in different ways like mine is like really gnarly like i go in in like a very destructive and hurtful way you know who talked about it is um fuck what is her real name miranda sings like real name i don't know miranda sings that's literally what i know that's on her birth certificate amanda byron but she has a really good video where she talks about it like there's like a thing um also sorry i just have to address this i finally hit a million subscribers on fucking youtube like which isn't like i don't feel good about because i was stuck at 994k for literally two years so

like i think a bunch of bots attacked my account or maybe like people from the podcast who found my account went and followed my account but i finally hit a million and like i just got a text congrats from our manager being like congrats but i'm like girl give me flowers like don't like save me flowers send me a bouquet um me being like can you do something as if they don't like bust their ass first i'm like can you get me flowers um really ungrateful of me thank you guys um but i like she was talking about how she has the thing where she will like scratch at her skin i don't have it as bad as she does but that's what i have i used to i used to eat i do not remember my hands i used to be so humiliated getting out of the bath

or shower because it like i would eat the skin around my nails all the way up the side of my nail and it was on all of them and they would like swell up when it prunes and like that and i would go even harder then and just eat all the prune skin even it out yeah and like it was so gnarly it got to the point this is why i stopped biting my nails and uh eating the skin around my fucking fingers it's like it's really gnarly and gross and i know it's like sounds kind of funny but it was so debilitating actually like i know what you're showing my hands yeah and like it was to the like i remember like in fucking um uh like fifth grade like i was on baseball and like i like would i would take the glove off of my hand and just start

gnawing at the skin. Cause it was like an anxiety. It was, it wasn't like I could control it either, but I know what you're talking about. And it got so bad that like, even like up until like, like a year and a half ago, I'll tell you how I fixed it for people who have it, but it got so bad that I moved to like the skin on my, the underneath of my big toe. Do you remember that and i would peel the skin off the bottom of my toe it was gnarly and it was pure anxiety when i was

like in my most anxious like state i would literally rip the skin off of my big toe like the bottom of it and like it would hurt to walk and shit and it was really gross and embarrassing um but the way i stopped it was gel nail polish i literally just put yeah i put like when i had the um gel nails and like the acrylics on like i couldn't like bite the skin and i couldn't like rip my nails off so like that's literally how i cured it which is what i wasn't i wasn't able to bite it yeah anytime i go back into a phase of biting my nails, I'll get like long acrylics. But putting on gel polish is the only way I don't bite my nails because I'm just like, oh, I have this nail polish because if it's regular nail polish, I will literally eat

that nail polish like it doesn't stop me. Like I've ingested probably like a bottle and a half worth of like real nail polish from trying to stop myself. But I'm the same way. Like I literally yesterday when we were watching the movie, I like fully into a fit i know i like pulled your hand when i'm just it's literally when my brain is off like i kind of just start going at it and like i will not stop it's like i will have like almost my whole hand in my mouth at some point just like eating my shit up and it's like now it's just the skin around my fingers and not my nails and like it hurts like yeah like if

you like it's kind of a good a lot like look close at a lot of my nails. Like a lot of them have like deep cuts from like me just like ripping the skin off. I permanently changed like the shapes of my fingers forever by biting all the skin off. But it would like I would bite them until like they bled. Yeah. And I would like. When you bite the nail too low and then it's like all like the raw skin under the nails and it was like right here it would like be like literally gushing blood and then it would get like infected and like i would like it would just hurt so bad yeah

but it still happens to me pretty often it's like pure anxiety i think like it's like an anxiety thing and then like it's like literally like a disorder like it's called something yeah there's a name for it because i used to also do that to my face like when i was like breaking out a lot i would like sit in bed and like if i had no makeup on that's also one of the reasons even when i had acne i always had to put makeup on because if i didn't i would pick up my face dermatophagia a lot of my like acne scars and stuff are literally from me just like sitting and scratching at my acne and i would like it would literally i would scratch it until it felt flat but obviously that's not how that works so i would just like scratch up my skin

forever and i have so many pictures of my face like really like puffy and red from me just like scratching at it because i wouldn't even like think about doing it i would just be sitting watching something and then all of a sudden i'm like oh my face really itches because i have acne right now and i would just scratch at it and then like also when it would scab up i would always like peel and scratch at it because i didn't like the feeling of you were just addicted to meth and heroin um it's called dermatophagia um it's a body for uh body focused repetitive behavior it goes beyond just nail biting or occasional chewing on the finger it's a body for uh body focused repetitive behavior it goes beyond just nail biting or occasional chewing on the finger it's not a habit or a take but rather a disorder damn so we are

literally neurodivergent i know but literally oh it was actually also so embarrassing because in all of my relationships is dermatophagia a mental illness it is a mental disorder order related to obsessive compulsive disorder um a lot of my it was so embarrassing because a lot of my partners would be like and like people just like who I had relationships with would be like always trying to stop me. And it would just like make me really angry, too, because I'm like, dude, I'm not doing this because I want to be doing this. Like, I literally can't like I'm not it's not like you're telling me to stop. And then I'm like, oh, fuck them.

I'm going to keep going. It's literally like someone can like pull my hand out of my mouth. And before I know it, like, I don't even think about it. Like, it's back in my mouth. Like, and that's like always been a thing. Especially when I drive. Like, when I drive, I'm always like, if I'm in traffic, I'm just like eating my like hands. Why don't you guys just be normal and not freeze?

That's a good take, honestly. Honestly, yeah honestly yeah you're right maybe we should just try that i mean i actually genuinely like i've gotten to a good place with it i don't do it as crazy like i genuinely like don't anymore it's like the craziest thing ever i've cut like maybe there's like one like when like shit gets really hot like recently i've been like picking out like this part of my finger like you can kind of see it happening just because i have so much fucking bullshit going on but like other than that like i've completely stopped which is so sick yeah i'm trying to think i don't do it as much anymore but that's also one of the other reasons i deleted tiktok was because i would like be doom scrolling and stuck. And I think I would get anxious because

I'd be like, dude, I'm wasting so much time sitting on my phone, but I couldn't get away from my phone. So I'd be biting the fuck out of my nails and they would make my hands really clammy. And I would just get more anxious because I'm like, fuck, I'm like so stuck in this loop right now. And I would bite my nails even more. And then I would feel like shit because I'm like, oh my God, like my mouth, like I do it so badly sometimes that my mouth feels like weird. Have you ever had that? Like I've done it so badly that like my mouth is like, I do it so badly sometimes that my mouth feels, like, weird. Have you ever had that? Like, I've done it so badly that, like, my mouth is, like, tired from biting, like, my skin. And my mouth doesn't get tired easily.

Like, I'm sure you all know about my goal, whatever, whatever. We don't have to get into it. She wants to kill a person by giving them head. Which is, like, you can only dream. It's honestly a dream. It's not even a goal. Like, I don't know if I want to get to it. What do you think about this take having instagram is literally cheating on your partner like if you have instagram as a man yes yeah like without a doubt if you have instagram

you're cheating on your significant other yeah yeah why are you replying to stories right now yeah why are you posting yourself like so other bitches can like your photo no literally who do you want to be seen by so badly when i'm right fucking here motherfucker it just makes sense it just makes no sense i genuinely think it's cheating so yeah that's my cheating you know the thing on like it was a thing on tiktok where i was like is it cheating or not cheating like it was like the thing do you consider cheating or not cheating oh yeah it's like taking a selfie posting a selfie cheating main no story selfie main posting selfie cheating cheater that's literally cheater behavior yeah like if they're not posting pictures of us then they're cheating literally post me i've never

been into that though that's embarrassing like being posted by a significant other really it can be cute when it's like done casually and randomly but when it's like like i'm like y'all are fighting i know y'all are fighting y'all are not actually in love that's that's the truth i had this when couples start really going in on posting each other they're fighting yeah they're fully fighting i had this is so weird that you brought this up because i literally thought about this like two days ago because i was looking at like a bunch of like locals like like couple pictures or whatever and i was just like these are so weird and like framed and like yeah professionally shot i'm like y'all don't love each other yeah literally like any partner i've ever had i have to go out of my way to get a picture with that motherfucker oh but now y'all are posing i know you're fighting you are fighting you're fighting so much right now

y'all are pissed at each other they are pissed the fuck and i think it's like not even like you think about it i think people do it because they're like all right like no we're not gonna break up like i'm gonna solidify that we're together and like you're not gonna go find someone else like you're not gonna cheat because everyone knows to work together like you mean like candid photos too like i don't think no not necessarily i mean like when couples start posting heavily like pictures of themselves together like like it's someone who's been dating someone and it's specifically like if they've been dating for more than a year and they don't really post each other that much but now all of a sudden they're posting the living shit out of each other.

It's like you're cheating. Also, if like he's commenting on all her pictures, they fought about it and she asked him to do it. She told him to. That goes for honestly any relationship because like, bitch, I don't comment on. I rarely comment on people's shit if someone's partner is commenting on every single post of theirs they were asked to do that because no human in the right state of like mind is doing that by choice like bitch you live with you took the photo well you don't have anything to say about it i literally live with you and yeah like why am i commenting on this right now

and they're like you're so pretty i love you hyping each other up in the comments i'm like okay like that's their friends jobs like yeah get out of here why are you on this app yeah but that's just my type that's just my hateful well let's spirited take let's talk about how we went to a jersey shore themed party and we got dressed it's on us this is on us though yeah technically we were supposed to be there for the intimate part of it like a surprise part of it where it was like oh cute and then we got there like after it had already turned into like a public thing because everyone i spoke to was like no i didn't see that invite yeah so we got an invite to this jersey shore themed party and we dressed the fuck up like we dressed like we were on the show jersey store like the most like disgusting rancid outfits possible i can't even post my outfit because it's like it's so much

yeah it was a lot i can post mine i'll post mine um but it was we went hard as fuck and we pulled up to this party and we looked through the windows of the front door or um in the living room and it was the most normal normcore like outfits i'd ever seen in my entire life like normally when we go out like people are dressed the fuck up dolled the fuck up everyone was in like the most normcore outfits i've ever seen um granted like the typical girls that always come to slay we're slaying but like we had different versions of jersey shore for sure like ours was like literally like go as like white trash as possible and they were like we're gonna be like cute jersey shore and i know and me i was like i'm gonna give nasty like snooki just had 10 shots and i'm like stumbling back

yeah so we pulled up to this party and literally everyone was looking at us the entire time and i was very insecure about it the entire time and i was very insecure about it the entire time and anytime i would talk to someone new i'd be like yeah um also i thought this was your jersey also i thought this was a jersey short themed party i'm sorry that i um look like this i literally had to change because i was like no i brought i brought um different clothes because i was like i have a feeling I'm going a little too hard. My whole hole was out. I was showing whole.

Her Bronson was showing. My Bronson, my boobies, everything was out. I was like, you know what? I'm going to put it all away because you bitches are wearing jeans. I'm going to join the jean party. Jean team. I'm going to join the jeaners.

Like the Jenners. the jenners anybody that was good let's get into media um wait no no i want to talk about one more thing um i've been seeing a lot of conversation about like i've said this, but I've seen a lot of conversation about like, oh, like this person's an NPC. Like, look how they dress. Like, let's fucking troll the NPCs. And I'm like, literally, what is wrong with that? Like, if I could be an NPC, it genuinely would be the best thing that's ever happened to me. You don't have to wear a Cookie Monster hat.

No. Like, no one's wear a Cookie Monster hat. No. Like no one's making you ask the right question. No one forced you to put the hat on. Well no that's what I'm saying. I don't even make these decisions consciously. Consciously?

Consciously? I don't make these decisions. It just happens. That means that you're an NPC. NPCs don't have these decisions it just happens that means that you're an npc npcs don't have free will ever ever ever rebooting um i'm not an npc i'm really smart i'm like here i make decisions for myself no i want all of my i want my life to be predetermined i don't want to ever have to make another decision again i don't want to have to decide what I want to eat. I don't want to decide how I want to dress.

That's why I eat the same thing every day because you don't have to decide. That's why I'm doing uniform. You're doing uniform? I'm going to start doing uniforms. I was sitting on the couch today thinking about it and I was like, I'm fully going to have a uniform. Maybe it's not like a strict uniform, like the same clothes every single day. Maybe it's like three or four outfits that like I love and I love the colors

and I love the way they fit me. And I just wear those every three. I literally already do that. Like, I don't know what I'm talking about. Like I literally wear the same thing every day. Couldn't be me. I love fashion. I love slaying.

I love serving. I love giving head. Oh my God. god oh i have two outfits you literally do kai has his uniform and i used to make fun of him sitting right now he's slaying i'm being i'm relaxing um i used to make fun of kai for his uniform but then i realized that like i'm jealous of kai for his uniform you literally have chicken legs and oh okay but you oh no those are actually my legs yeah you you're serving girl leg girly girl um thank you yeah you're literally serving skinny right now it's like actually crazy honestly thank you but yeah i just basically what i was saying is shut the fuck up about the nf or shut the fuck

up about the npcs because i want to be one and you shouldn't want to be i'm losing it. I'm suppressing so much emotionally, and I'm going to continue. All right. My media of the week is Appalachian Fiction by Christian Camaro. Camaro. Pluto by Bjork. Anti-Matter by N.E.R.D. And Everybody Knows by N.E.R.D. Featuring Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco And what's the last?

I forget the last guy always Oh well, it doesn't matter Y'all will find the song And then obviously Everything Everything Everywhere All at Once the song and then obviously everything and everything everywhere all at once that movie's a fucking classic i know literally my favorite movie of all time yeah i literally immediately got added to my favorites on letterboxd all right simulation swarm by big thief Srio Samte by Bronco Mataje

and Peace by Dave Bigsby are all of my audios and also still Healing by Todd Rundgren I think I already said that oh and No One in the World by Locust but if you put those songs like Healing first and then No One they transition really well

into each other and that's my media of the week and then yeah uh everything everywhere all at once is my movie of the week i can't think of any other movie i've seen i don't think i've been i think i've watched i've been watching a lot of this show called the good place and the way i describe it is it's not good um but it's good brain rot. Like it's good to just lay in bed for four hours and watch like 26 episodes, um, and just rot away. But actually I say that, but then the season finale for season one, like actually got me.

I was like, I was like, damn, this shit like literally got me. Like I normally don't get, I don't normally get tricked. Yeah, I don't normally get got or like get tricked and like I always know what's coming next in like movies or shows. But this got me.

But yeah. All right. Thank you guys so much for watching this episode. I hope you have an awful night and something bad happens. No. JK. JK, guys. I would not. I don't wish that. It's not recording. Shut the fuck up. All right. Bye.