Emergency Intercom - Milking Enya's Death

Episode Date: August 20, 2021

What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society who abandons him and treats him like trash? YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm, like, so worried about my sister. Randy, you cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healed. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina.

The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday? This is so dangerous. I gotta get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at 9 Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on Stack TV. Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom.

You idiot. You messed it up. You fucked it up. This is our first fight. I'm gonna fuck you up. This is our first fight. No comment on me saying I'm gonna have sex with you. Different energy drink! Yeah, I'm trying to yerba mate today because I feel like I may be breaking my, actually breaking my heart with Red Bull.

You know, I've been having some heart pains, some chest pains recently. And I should probably just cut caffeine out of my diet. That's what I was going to say. It's definitely just caffeine. However, how am I supposed to do this fucking podcast without caffeine? Like, actually, people are always like, don't talk to me before my coffee, but I'm not fucking kidding. Don't fucking talk to me before my coffee. Girl.

No, literally, though, I've been having, like, crazy fucking chest pains recently. And then you go and sip, like, 80 milligrams of caffeine. You're like, literally, why does my heart feel like in the matter of like two minutes it will stop working? Yeah. I've been having palpitations. I've been having just incredible chest pains where I literally collapse on the ground in pain. And I lay on the floor of the house hoping Josh comes and finds me.

So I get a little bit of attention, but it never fucking happens. You know what's fucked up is like if it was something else that I didn't feel like I could relate to maybe I'd be more worried but because what you're describing is literally exactly how like a feeling I know I'm like I know it hurts but we live in pain

and we suffer. Dude it's it's not something we should ignore though. I think it's like very we should both get it looked at and it's it's we it's not something we should ignore though i think it's like very we should both get it looked at because it's literally our hearts like it's our fucking chest that's not something you should just like be like man it'll fix itself we're too young for heart issues um if i had a heart attack i'd like to think that like i would trend and that would be like a good thing on twitter for me yeah no i don't have twitter so i don't know if i'd turn on twitter I like to think that like I would trend and that would be like a good thing. On Twitter? For me. Yeah.

No, but I don't have Twitter. So I don't know if I'd turn on Twitter. So maybe I'd get like a lot of reposts on like IG story. Yeah. No, I would definitely be, I definitely milk your death like crazy. And you have all my permission to. We've talked about this before. I honestly don't know how I would react.

No, I feel like we're not the kind of people to like grief publicly like that and intensely which is kind of annoying because like my lifelong goal is to get like as much attention as possible and the idea that like when i pass my friends won't be like belligerently on the internet talking about me all the time 24 7 it's kind of annoying but like kind of beautiful because like i know i'm like you're still loved you're still loved i want public love like people are like no that's toxic you shouldn't be still loved. I want public love. Like people are like, no, that's toxic. You shouldn't be like possessive and want people to be jealous and like angry. No, I want all of my friends to know that like if they lost me, it would be like the greatest.

Whether like I just stopped being their friends or I. Sorry, I thought I left the front door open. If we get if a stranger comes in. That's good. Whether it's Josiah or a stranger um i don't know how long that cut is or how like weird it was but if it jumped it's because we were getting a knock at the door and i thought it was josiah and actually pissed me off so much because we told him to be quiet and i was ready to go down there and like be a mean older sister and be like

what the fuck is wrong with you i told you to shut the hell up when you came here. But it was the mailman. And then this is kind of weird. I got a poster delivered. So it was like, like, like a circular object. And he did like, we did have sex and we did use it like a dildo. So that was weird. No, y'all didn't. Yeah, we did.

No one knows. I was gone for a long time. You were gone for like seven seconds. I'm a quick girl. That's why they call it a quickie. Yeah, that's true. It's because it is quick. Was it, like, hot and sweaty?

No, actually, because for once we, like, blasted the AC. Yeah, so it's actually just 97. Yeah, it's only 97 degrees in here, which is a good thing. I'm not kidding. I think we've, like, lightly touched on it on it, but like it gets so fucking hot. It's like it says it's like 85, but no, it literally gets up to like 106, especially in my fucking room with all the windows. Like it's actually like almost unlivable.

But no, it fully is unbearable, especially like I don't know if we just got like the worst couch in the world and the fabric of it like absorbs and like maintains heat. But sitting on our couch is like entering us on it. Like I sit on the couch and I literally pass out from heat. And then I wake up like 30 minutes later and I'm like literally dripping sweat. And there's like a sweat stain on the couch. And I'm like, like wicking sweat off my face onto my shirt. And I'm like disoriented and dehydrated.

And I'm like disoriented and dehydrated and i'm like the living room gets so fucking hot it like maintains humidity that's what the couch does yeah do you know what i uh did when we were cleaning like deep cleaning i like moved the couch off the wall like moved it forward like two feet and i was like this looks kind of cute and you should see it like it when it's like that. And I moved everything around it and it looked pretty nice. It looked like a new space. Refurnishing the house. Yeah, the house down.

Boots the house down. Actually, I like, I advocate for straight random people to start saying boots, but straight people already use gay lingo and it sounds funny, but they use it and they're trying to be serious like i like the idea of like someone like kai using it because it sounds funny yeah because him just being like oh well that like instead of being like yo that's fire

being like oh my god that's boots that girl's boots wow that's boots that's boots the house like the tiktok of the guy backing up and be like yes giving boots house lay mama like i like the idea of all those words being used super monotone i wish i was a monotone person but every time i speak it's i feel like i sound like a bitch or i'm just annoying but that's also because i'm insecure no i'm just monotone i have like very little fluctuation in my voice um and i kind of like it like it's intriguing it's like it does he hate me or does he like me mine is like this bitch fucking hates me and she's a bitch i have a good radio voice like this i like sound good i don't know anyone

who speaks on the radio who talks like that so i don't know why that's like i like have the golden voice i have the mass singer voice literally can we talk about the mass singerification of the fucking world like literally i think did we talk about we talked about it lightly because we were talking about liking sexy beasts oh okay because i was gonna go into that dude no that whole shit is so fucking good just like all like shitty tv actually i'm always like i don't watch tv but i watch like shitty tv like i will sit if you put the like five hours of the bachelor on in front of me i will sit and watch it because like that shit is so interesting i saw someone say like literally putting on drag race and not absorbing any of the information and like it's just babysitting me with bright colors and funny sounds like cocoa melon yeah it's cocoa melon for adults and like

that's the realest shit ever like i i couldn't i couldn't relate more like i don't absorb any of drag race i watch it simply for the loud sounds that's a lie i eat the fuck up at a dude it's so good like season all-star season six is like it's all right it's like not the best season but it's not definitely not the worst season. And there have been some of the best lip syncs of all time this season. I wish I like was still into it like that. Like seeing All-Star season two. That's Magnum Opus.

Yeah, that was Magnum Opus. It sucks because like you didn't start there, but like. That was like the second season I watched. Yeah, which is like, it but like that was like the second season i watched yeah which is like it sucks because that's like it i don't think it'll ever be as good as that i mean bianca's season coco montrese performing on all-star season two it's literally like the longest running fucking inside joke of the friend group that is like a grailed moment for us like anytime it's like the single thing i think on this earth that

if you put it on it will make us lose our goddamn minds no matter what that is like the hardest try not to laugh challenge in the world is like her like jumping around with her top hat and then knowing that she wanted to perform a janet song and she couldn't and then they gave her that like is so fucked up it also goes really well with um it's oh so quiet by bjork like that oh really it's such a big ride anybody who has no like who's never seen that that is the most like not a cuddy reference but it's the most like random reference ever and there i bet there's so many people who are like what are you talking about literally and like us gesturing like top hats it's like i wish i'd never seen it and i like heard someone talk about it because it sounds very interesting

yeah it's single-handedly the best moment to happen in drag race history herstory i'm trying to think of any other like um video or something that's like a grail for the group i guess the mustard video like that's a video that every time we're all together and we put on it's like it's it's game over we lose our fucking minds over it can i can i admit to one that's like one that always makes us laugh that i always dj on which you know what i'm talking about coachella oh bitch yes please one of my favorite videos to laugh at because it will never not be funny is James Charles. Dude, not enough people talk about that collection of videos, but that is actually the best thing, the best content he ever made.

Dude, that and the one with him singing with the lopez brothers dancing in the background actually dystopian like no that that is also that is a person who did all that and then was like in the middle of the grand canyon singing like i mean james charles like is so effortlessly funny and it's unfair because everything he does makes me laugh no and it's no what makes it so funny is like it's like very serious like he thought him singing in the middle of that canyon was like ethereal like it was like it was like this is he watched that video back he was like oh are you kidding me like that was everything dude if you can right now literally open up a separate tab and look up james charles coachella beyonce that person i'm not kidding that is like the least rhythmically inclined human on this planet i like

and i stand by that yeah period point blank period everything it's it's just so like it's so perfectly imperfect like there's so so many good bad things about it it's like like i think i've said this before but like i actually enjoy watching bad movies more than good movies because like you literally don't have to focus on it you just fucking laugh and make fun of it yeah like that's purely what those james charles dancing videos are for me is it's just like so bad i can't look it's It's like Cocomelon. Exactly. Cocomelon. It turns off my brain. Dude, no, but we've analyzed them.

Oh, yeah. We've gone in. Dude, they're just so like, it's just a different world. That is like a different reality that I will never understand. Yeah. And like what freaks me out is I'm like, there's plenty of videos of me dancing on the internet. Does anybody like watch them and laugh like that? Because like, I don't know I guess the difference is is like I'm like a sexy hot girl so I like slay and like I'd like the whole thing is just it's so fucking funny that those videos

of him dancing are awesome and just like the chaps moment like the coat the curse of the Coachella dude the curse of Coachella cowboy. Like, what happened? How did that happen? The curse of Coachella outfits. Why the fuck are y'all treating it like the Met Gala? It literally gets treated like the Met Gala. We've had that conversation before where, like, James Charles, like, tried to, like, pave his own way in fashion and, like, tried this whole, like, I don't even know, like, what he was going for.

But it really was just such a big miss, like, in general. Dude, that whole style or, like, section of fashion I, like, don't get. And, like, to each their own. But I don't get it. I don't get, like, the buckles and, like, the weird chaps and, like, weird, like. Body suits. Like but i don't get it i don't get like the buckles and like the weird chaps and like like weird body suits like i don't i don't get it like spitting body suits it's literally like prepping to go to war like he literally has like buckles all over him prepping for war ready to jump out of a fucking plane dude i like we've also never been to coachella so i don't know maybe like the day i decide to go to coachella like something's gonna fucking click in the back of my brain and like a chip is going to be inserted.

You're going to have to fit up. And I'm going to have to go to Melrose, the street, and like start fucking grabbing outfits off of racks. But I don't get it. I'm like, it's a festival. Like that is so uncomfortable. Like dress comfortably. Yeah. I mean, there are some people who do it right where I'm like, oh, bitch, you threw fits.

Like Ricky and Denzel. Oh, Ricky and Denzel are just like. They throw fits constantly and I'm jealous of everything they do. But that's the difference though because they're like on top of their shit. Like, again, not to get into like the fashion conversation of who knows what and who gets to wear what, whatever. I don't give a fuck what anyone wears. Like, do you? I'm just a cunt and I'm a hater and I'll make fun of anything that comes up in front of me.

But like Denzel and Ricky are just, they just. They're learned. They know. They're like. They know their references. Reversed it. They don't wait till. You know what it is?

They don't wait till Coachella to throw fits. They're always like caring and catering to like what they wear. I think it's usually the people who like are like i'm crazy i wear sweat pants everywhere and then all of a sudden it's like coachella and they're like i have to like wear fucking ariandi grandi boots to like this three-day festival and then it's like stomping around in dirt with broken heels like squishing into the dirt i yeah i just don't get it in my head i'm like i've been to i haven't been to a lot of festivals I think I've been to like two I've been to flogna and like three point festival in Miami and both times I'm like I literally think I wore like a tank top and dickies because I'm like I'm gonna be running

around it's gonna be hot as fuck it's gonna literally you're gonna be melting like you're being pushed around but I guess it's like VIP section but even that I'm like I don't I don't know I guess are these the real question is these people aren't like, no one's going to watch the concerts. It's like, I'm going to go get fucked up for three days. I'm going to go do Molly for three days and take IG pictures. And post me dancing on my story. Dude, that is just. I was so devastated when we didn't go to Coachella, I think in 2018.

Because I so badly wanted to see Apex Twin. Like that was literally. Also 2018 was Beyonce too, I think. That was like just a crazy Coachella. Literally the best Coachella. I don't know. People don't fuck with us. All these people get to go out for free and get their little tickets and stuff.

And like us, no one gives a fuck about. I guess y'all don't want to. No company wants to see my Coachella fits. No company wants to see me throw on my i am boo man boo boo man or boohoo man i made a boo boo in my pants so boohoo man fashion nova man if you want to sponsor drew's coachella fits for 2022 i'm trying to. I'm trying to figure it out. I'd wear some Fashion Nova if I got to go to Coachella for free. No, I wouldn't.

I literally know I wouldn't. A Fashion Nova bodysuit? I'd be like, I'm saying home. I guess if it was just like a tank top and something simple, I'd do it. But like, I'm not... Dude, again, I just can't... Certain things I can't wear

because I'm just like kind of funny so it's it's like could i see myself wearing like i also just like don't have like the body for a lot of clothing so like i see it and like i'm like imagine that on me yeah like that sounds funny i think um just like i don't know like what the fuck i would wear like i don't have like a fashion sense really like i don't i mean like kinda yeah i guess me too like i don't i'm like what's the what is the yasification i would pull all i know is that i want to go to coachella so fucking bad so i can um twerk my little ass dude yeah listening like seeing Listening, like, seeing, like, I haven't been to, like, a concert that I'm, like, oh, I mix, like, I go to a lot of

concerts, but it's usually, like, a friend or, like, a homie, and I'm, like, going, and it's always fun. And it's, like, I enjoy their music, but I haven't been to a concert where, like, actually, I got tickets to a concert in, like, October, so, like, I'm trying to do that more because I, like, I'm trying

to, like, buy tickets. I want more because i like i'm trying to like buy tickets i want to go see claire i want to see tyler but dude 2022 like i that was my one grip gripe about like buying tickets for anything when someone goes on tour i'm like i'm buying something that i have to wait six months to go to like are you kidding me what if i'm busy literally what if something comes up what if i'm dead what if I have to go to Coachella? What if I got Delta Alpha COVID strain? Dude, all of the like people who like went to all the festivals and got COVID. I'm not kidding. I saw some of those videos of like the crowds at like Lollapalooza and Rolling Loud.

And that part of festivals I can't get. Like I don't understand like standing at the barricade all day because I would literally freak the fuck out. And I'd have to go home. Like in all the sweaty bodies touching you and just like i would cry dude i have been in so many concert situations where like the the like humidity from like body sweat like actually starts making me gag like it literally makes me like nauseous like because then i start thinking like oh like slimy bodies touching my arms and like sweat and like it just like literally like it's humidity made from body sweat. And I'm like, I shouldn't be here.

I need to go to the back. So then I like leave the crowd. Yeah, I usually hang in the back of like concerts. I've been in like the middle of that. But yeah, I don't last very long because I'm like grossed out by like the touch of other humans that I don't know. It's like very disgusting to me. But also as part of that is like kind of cool. Yeah, like jumping around in it like a bit of like a mosh sequence like that's fun because at least you're moving but when it's like stagnant and you're like sweaty like oh at

flog not when we saw playboy cardi and we were like jumping around and shit like that's fun but girl we saw playboy cardi at flog not like come on that's awesome would i stay there for a full day no not not a chance no dude i i loved reading about like all the uh miley cyrus stands like waiting barricade for miley but like playboy cardi came on right before and like obviously like playboy cardi fans like go hard as shit they mosh like it's crazy and like obviously like playboy cardi fans like go hard as shit they mosh like it's crazy and all these like girls were getting like trapped in these like mosh pits and like had to get like thrown over the barricade and like all this crazy shit and they were like super pissed they were like why would you put playboy before miley and like all this shit and

i was like they're two fucking humongous artists yeah they're like the biggest yeah whatever but i just thought it was funny and i would have been the Miley Stan pissed off. Okay, can we talk about how it's, like, really fucking hard being, like, a grime stan in 2021? Dude, it's hard being a fan of everyone. Like, you can't be a fan of anyone. Like, anyone. Myself included.

You just can't. You publicly can't claim anybody anymore. Like, being a Lana Del Rey stan, like, claim anybody anymore like being a lana del rey stan like is actually harder than being a marine like i go to war every single day i go to war with my own consciousness every single day like yeah it's just like you you grow up and then you're like oh yeah you should just keep making music and not talk like you should definitely keep your fucking mouth the times you should be talking for the part, is when you're belting notes. Like, let's keep it there.

I don't need to hear the thoughts. Get a therapist. Get off of TikTok. There should be, like, there should be me being, like, celebrities don't deserve to have, like, a voice. I know, I was like, you're like, let's take celebrity Second Amendment away. And then, like, people who don't follow me, they're like, yeah, stop speaking. Like, please. Which I agree with.

I don't think I should be able to speak, but I do it because it's my rebellion. Like, I know you don't want me to do it. And I do it because like, that's, that's me being crazy. Literally Grimes. She's like, I want to though. No, literally. She's just like. This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy.

Ever captured a great night video only for it to be ruined by that one noisy talker? She's just like... features like now brief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what pre-order the samsung galaxy s25 ultra now at samsung.com i think she knows she knows i mean obviously she knows exactly what she's fucking doing everything she says is very calculated and it's like all publicity is good publicity moment like she says the things that she knows will piss people off i don don't think her, like, comments on, like, communism and shit were really thought out. I think she was just, like, saying shit. But, like, at the end of these videos, like, she has, like, Elon Musk in the background saying, like, invest in Bitcoin or some, like, crazy shit like that. And it's all just, like, fucking psyop mind games.

Like, playing with people's brains. It's also, like, you get to that point and you kind of don't have to care about like what people on the internet think she's literally married to the richest man in the world yeah or second whatever it is second richest man like do you think the hate that she's getting is really affecting her which is insane to get to like i've never understood the idea of, like, good publicity is all publicity is good publicity. Especially within, like, influencer worlds. I can't understand, like, the whole, like, enjoying getting into a scandal and, like, making your whole thing being, like, a bad person. It's always, like, really confused me.

And it used to actually make me really fucking angry. But now I'm like, oh, you were born in, like, reality like that's how i like understand things i'm like oh freudism you probably didn't get enough attention as a child so you have to do you have to which we didn't but like we take we know not to be like evil fucking heathens yeah we we troll and we do our little thing but i like to think we're like decent people not to like question anyone's morals because i hate when they do it to me but I don't understand when people's whole thing is like all publicity is good publicity I like say crazy shit I'm like how do you not have the most anxiety because I literally care so much about like making sure that like what I say

comes across like how I mean it because i fucking hate when i say something and someone takes it and like is misinterpreting it and it becomes like a big thing it literally drives me crazy and like to the point of tears because i'm like please like this is not what i meant like i swear like we this like goes back to what we were saying earlier like we should just shut the fuck up like period, period. We should just shut the hell up. I guess maybe those people are, like, the people with, like, smaller egos because they literally don't care what anybody thinks about them. Well, what I was going to say is no one is, I don't think anybody's ready for this conversation. And this might be the hottest take of my life.

But Tana Mongeau is the most based, red-pilled person on the internet right now. I have to disagree. I literally, like, I don't need to get too into details. I was joking. mojo is the most based red-pilled person on the internet right now i have to disagree i literally like i don't need to get too into details i'm i was joking i do not think she knows we don't have to get into that conversation because this isn't the the we're we're not pulling we don't play the same game of tea spill yossification of the world but let's just say I agree to disagree fully with my whole heart with the actions of a lot of people and I'll leave it at that maybe if you caught me in like 2017 before 2018 before what yeah I got therapy in 2018 so if you caught me

before therapy and you brought anything to my plate I would be very ready to give like my hot take yeah but then i got a reality check and a therapist and i was like oh you know what maybe um i should mind my fucking business and it's it's literally the biggest blessing that we waited four years to do this podcast because the shit we would have said about people or just in general like it would not have been okay. Like, we would have fully, like, made enemies. Like, people would be attacking us constantly. Which is, like, I don't know. That goes back to my thing about pride is, like,

I don't believe in being friends with people I don't fuck with. Like, if I am friends with someone. You can be friendly, though. Yeah, I can fully be friendly. Like, I'm not the kind of person that if i like met can you be friendly you've had moments where you don't like people and you are not friendly okay i i you know what it is is like if i get to know someone a little bit and i see like whether it be whether it be like i again i am very like i'm a piece of shit i can't stress this enough i say

it all the time i am like a hating bitter bitch and i like understand that and i know that i've gotten very good at not being open about it because i know that it's like an insecurity thing and i project onto other people and whatever whatever whatever but like at this point in my life if i get to know someone and whether it be like i don't like what they like make or the way they act or whatever, whatever. If I get to know someone and I'm like, oh, you know what? They're pretty cool. Like, I feel bad. I was like a cunt about this person.

Yeah. And I can be chill. Do I have to publicly be homied up? No. Nor, nor, nor, nor, nor. But. There's been a lot of. Which is a fucking meme.

Even in the last. That's like the meanest thing ever. biggest thing ever like do i have to publicly that's like the most high school shit ever we've talked about this before but like imagine dating someone who like is like a creative person and they make the worst shit ever like imagine mating dating someone and like their music is just like fucking garbage and you Forever 21, the festival. You have to fake. No, and I couldn't. I, like, could not.

I am such a bad fucking liar. Like, I was talking about this, I think, to Lucas. Oh, because for Lucas' thing, he, like, came up to me. I was supposed Orion was going to show up as a surprise because it was a big thing, and she was, like, not going to come to his, like, birthday party because she was, like, busy moving. And she was like, oh, my God, I can i can go like don't tell them because like luke's was sad she wasn't gonna show up literally he came up to me and without thinking twice he was

like is orion coming i go yeah and then oh my god and i was like no no and then remember when i forgot to feed orion's cat for literally days. And the normal person would have lied and been like, yeah, I fed him. And I immediately was like, no. No, I'm too good at a liar. Like, I'm too good. That's how we balance each other out. Yeah. Like, I think, like, I'm not a good liar.

But, like, growing up, I lied a lot to my parents. And I just got good at it. And I got good at, like, making, like, oh, dude, it was gnarly. Like, I would, like. You were gaslight oh dude it was gnarly like i would like you were gaslighting i was gnarly like i would like say some crazy shit like i would admit to like a the lesser of two evils like i would like be like blah blah blah blah blah and then like keep this like evil shit that i did on the side or like i would um like tell the truth about like someone like an acquaintance and be like oh yeah they're like fucked up while I was the one doing it with them like type shit and like I don't know how I like

got away with half the shit I did as a kid but dude I was on fucking demon mode I'm a chameleon like I can just like turn it on and off but also at the same time like if i love and respect you i'm not gonna fucking lie to you oh yeah fully like of course like i i don't lie to people i love mine isn't even a flex i wish i could fucking lie like i want so badly to be able to lie but like i'm just like a pussy and i'm like scared and i'm like yeah like i just admit to it before like it gets too bad like, oh. But. I think a big part of it is also just, like, literally my entire persona online is, like, like, I don't understand how people, like, follow me. Like, as, like, a, as a person.

Because, like, I don't think I've posted a single, like, real thing online ever in my entire life. You do it in, like, little ways. About, like, things you like but yeah you're not very personal online you got like pretty good at it you got like more personal in the past like year maybe but yeah also i just like took a step away from the internet for the like the last year yeah like i just kind of like i mean we all did we kind of just all dropped off the face of the earth for a year there but it it was needed

for me at least i was gonna say i think like even we just i i don't know that we have the like the brain to be like top tier influence i was about to say like i was about to go into that like my entire outlook or the way i view the like social media landscape has completely changed in the last year like like it it's almost like bad like the way I view it now like I don't know yeah I I like I used to get really like hard on myself and we make jokes about it a lot about like our lack of consistency but I just I don't I don't know that i will ever have like i look at someone like emma and i'm like you are a machine and you are and i respect that and i'm so fucking jealous yeah i'm so jealous that like you like work your ass off and you like go in and like still i think she's

someone who like openly like struggles mentally and she's like open about that i'm like how the fuck do you have that and you're still working the way you do because that is insane to me like a beast mode it's i'm so i literally have zero lust for life to like chase like that like I'm like like I'm always like why don't I have a five million dollar home in the hills and I'm like bitch what have I been doing like what do I do what do I do I don't I don't work at the pace of someone who like would have AC in my apartment like i i just don't like that's not the pace i work at and everybody's always like how do you get all these things how do you buy all these things i don't know i shouldn't the real answer is i shouldn't yeah i saw that comment

someone was like this isn't supposed to be offensive but like how the fuck do they live like they it's not from youtube like they never post on youtube like how do they make money to buy the hair of my chin literally like i graze by and i have no lust for anything and i'll fake it till i make it or break it i don't care yeah that's the real i just like i think for me i just don't i i actually have like trained my brain i used to like like plan out my future like to fucking t and now i literally don't give a shit what happens tomorrow like now i literally like i i can't think into the future because i will lose my goddamn mind so like now i'm kind of just like money comes and goes maybe that's also like an attention

like disorder i mean like object permanence yeah and i like can't i'm like i can't plan like you dude i can't stand a motherfucker who's like use google calendars read this book write a planner i'm like i will slap the fuck out of you like what you want me to use a planner yeah because i'm bitch you want to know what happens to planners i write in them the day i get them if i'm lucky yeah and then they sit and then like eight months later i'm like i find it oh what's in this and it's like one thing three pages of maybe some shit i did attempt the uh bullet journal shit for a little while we tried hella hard it just like i don't know like i just forget that things

exist like i literally just like forget about it and i it's whatever i was literally just talking to a friend about this because two days ago i got home from lucas's thing and i had a bathing suit on and i was like i'm gonna use this in two days so i'm gonna wash it now and i in my head thought i took it out of the washer and i just walked around for like 30 minutes trying to find it and i was like dude you know what happened is like the thing where i pick something up and i carry it around for like 30 minutes and i drop it and i literally will never see it again and then it was still in the washer but i didn't check in the washer because i was like no i picked it up and then i picked up like another thing and lost it in the process we should do um an episode

where like we're medicated for our adhd or add like we should just like get medicated we're just quiet i don't want to it would be like the worst thing ever and like that's something i i talked about it briefly on the last episode we didn't really go into it but like someone was like why don't you like medicate yourself and i was just like dude like if you've seen me on like adhd medicine like i literally turn into a zombie like i become like wallpaper like i'm so uninteresting like it's really terrible which it's like a vicious cycle because like online like i have like wallpaper like i'm so uninteresting like it's really terrible which it's like a vicious cycle because like online like i have to be like like yes quirky sporadic whatever but like in like balancing like work like actual work like it's like

tough because like i'm not medicated my manager is like can you please do this one thing and i'm like oh yeah i'll do it right now and literally within an instant i'm like gone for 14 days and then he's like you haven't done it i'm like yeah i did and i didn't and i thought i did and i didn't but like the thing is too like it is just like yeah it's a vicious cycle because it's like there have been times where i'm like you know what i have to get so much done today i'm gonna do it like i'm just gonna medicate myself for the day and then like i'll be fucked up because like i don't like that i'm like not as witty and cutty because my brain isn't moving a million miles an hour and like literally a very specific incident i think of is i was like working in my room and

like medicated and actually getting shit done and josh came in and said something to me and i'm not kidding the fact that i had to like dig deep in my brain to find a witty response and then it took too long and it wasn't good it like destroyed me and i was like no i'd rather literally never get anything done and that's like exactly i'd rather be myself which is like not okay okay it's like what if i lose my spark the spark functioning human the sparking question it's the sparking question yeah no maybe we need to lose it um no uh not enough people are talking about uh josh's short film minimum max because like he like i'm i'm not saying that as a joke like he literally like made a short film about this exact topic i know literally when he was like fucking 14 and it actually is like

fucking good like i'd watch it and like tear up at it because i was like oh my god that was like me as a kid like it's only i wonder if i would still be okay okay i'm so i was supposed to be a doctor i don't i've said that a few times online like i was supposed to be a fucking doctor and now i'm here i was always supposed to imagine if i was medicated i would be a doctor if i was supposed to be a fucking doctor and now i'm here i was always supposed to imagine if i was medicated i would be a doctor if i was medicated i would i don't know what the fuck i'd be i'd be like an orthopedic surgeon i never ever once in my life thought like i should do something that like bases on academics like i never once in my life never once in my life i guess i wanted to be like a journalist or like a writer in general but even

that that was just me being fucking annoying and i'm like i want people to listen to me still like that like that's still very a narcissistic thing and like it is creative based but like i was like i want people to like listen to me like everything i've ever wanted to do my thoughts literally everything i've ever wanted to do in my life had to do with getting attention i wanted to be a model attention i wanted to be a gymnast i could do flips attention i wanted to be uh i wanted to be a fashion designer for like three minutes again attention wear my clothes um i wanted to be a radio head radio host listen to me i'm doing that now i want to be a journalist listen to me like it was just all like listen look listen look mine was like oh i like animals i'm gonna be a biologist oh i like water animals i'm

gonna be a marine biologist oh i want to be rich when i'm older i'm gonna be a doctor um oh but i want to like also help people love themselves because i hate my fucking body i'm gonna be a plastic surgeon that was like my um thing and then also i like fucked up my knee at a really young age and i think that was very pivotal for like my career path because i was like oh like i loved my doctor i was like i want to do that and i wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon for a long time but then i switched over and then i was like pre-med for a little bit and i can't believe people like have doctors like just in general like when you go fill something out it's like your doctor i'm like what does that mean yeah my doctor dude my heart doctor ghosted me i just realized my heart doctor just fucking ghosted me Like when you go fill something out, it's like your doctor. I'm like, what does that mean? Yeah. My doctor.

Dude, my heart doctor ghosted me. I just realized my heart doctor just fucking ghosted me again. I hate this shit. I hate doctors. I love doctors. Like that's a lie. But like. Anybody practicing to be a doctor?

I was like, stop. Don't say that. If you're practicing. No one is listening to us. I was going to say, actually, if you're practicing, if you're in med school and this is what you're listening to, I'm not trusting you. Get help. Like, you don't. I'm not going to you.

Like, I don't trust you. Dude, there was a funny aspect that I was like, no, because you need to go to old ass doctors because these motherfuckers are copying my homework. Literally. They're Googling the answers. Yeah, they, oh my God, doctors, old doctors didn't grow up with Google. That's something I realized today. But old doctors didn't grow up with google that's something i realized today also evil the internet was invented in the 90s like well that doesn't make sense to me like it should it was invented like in the 50s or like in the 40s like when you said that i was

like what the fuck are you talking about because in my head it's the complete opposite it feels like i mean it literally for me has been here forever for your whole life for my entire life so i'm just like it's been around forever i don't know my brain was just like fucking blown away that it was invented like just in the 90s and like look how far it's come and now it's like an actual the internet has literally only been around since like 2010 2012 maybe oh my god what if the internet is just like a harvard um social experiment and they're just gonna shut it down and be like yeah we wanted to see the human condition like i'm always like that would be awesome but then i would have no job and i like what uh what am i gonna go what did i say the other day what am i

gonna be a fucking coal miner in the communes? Like, no, like, I'm gonna be a comedian in the communes. I'm gonna be a fucking jester. I'm gonna get stoned. Not everybody can be clowns in the commune, but we will. We will. No, why didn't you say that? You were like, if everything collapses. I think we were talking about, like, EMPs or something.

I don't remember what I said I was going to be. Like I'm not going to be fucking making bracelets. Like I'm going to, they're going to put me in the fucking coal mines. And I'm literally going to get black lung. They're going to make me go have a kid. They're like, go have a kid. I'm like, what's the worst thing someone could say to me? Even though, what what two episodes ago

i was just being like i'll do it yeah i'm bored um life is boring do what you want do what you want live your life i mean this episode's gotten pretty smooth we haven't had we didn't even come up with topics and i'm pretty like we've like just been that's what happens when you have an attention issue yeah oh we were going to talk about our zillow addiction and how we love looking at houses that we'll never have yeah so i anywhere i fucking go like no matter where it is like the first thing i'm doing is looking up the real estate market in that town and then like whatever house i'm at i look up the real estate on that i'm so fucking nosy about josiah does that josiah is a fucking freak if he he'll be like what's the address and

he'll go on zillow and look around yeah no so he can know the format of the house no i'm this i i'm so nosy about people's financials like like i i met this person and like the first thing like i don't care like why is everyone so like like don't talk about money like bitch no we need to talk more about money i need to know how much money you're making and i compare myself to you i i don't ask about how much money people are making but i'll ask like really invasive questions which in my head i'm like they're not invasive i don't give a fuck if someone knows how much i pay in rent like i don't care but like i will go into someone's house and be like this is invasive but how much money do you spend to live here like i always ask that shit and like if someone has a nice car i'm like how much money did you spend on yeah every time every fucking time i'm like what's your

monthly payments and it's just like i don't know i just i always get an answer yeah i get an answer every time and that's the thing and no one's ever uncomfortable by it but why did we create this stigma around asking people about their financials i don't get it i never will get it it's because our parents our parents like every the generation before us they're the boomers baby whatever but zillow addiction the first thing i'm doing i'm looking up how much this house costs and how much the real estate around it costs and if i could afford any of these houses never can i afford a house never once i i've said this i think i said this in like an episode already but like i just don't understand the concept of owning anything like owning little things i get but like i don't like understand big things i'm like why i'm like why do i need it yeah dude i

i forgot what i think i was talking with my dad about this this is like the whitest shit you'll ever fucking hear i was like we were like like the billionaires are buying all the homes they're making it a renters based economy and my dad is like that's not a bad thing like like and i was like i want to own a home though and he was like i mean it's, I want to own a home though. And he was like, I mean, it's probably more expensive to own a home now than to just rent one for the rest of your life. And I was like, maybe. I like, don't know what the comparison of that would even mean.

Like, I don't understand. I'm like, I'm like, would it be cheaper to spend, even if I got like, say if an apartment was like a thousand dollars a month, which is like in what fucking world?

Yeah. Like a decent human sized apartment being a thousand dollars. But even if that was, I was like a thousand dollars a month which is like in what fucking world yeah like a decent human sized apartment being a thousand dollars but even if that was i was like okay spending like twelve thousand dollars a year for like 80 years i guess that is cheaper than like buying a home yeah in some markets but like literally that is like the craziest hypothetical ever because you cannot live anywhere for a thousand dollars yeah. Yeah. For the most part. Not even, like... That's $800,000?

You're asking me to do that math? Are you serious right now? I'm dumb as fuck. I took my SAT and I didn't even know you needed to bring a calculator. This was in 12th grade and I couldn't do long division. I can do long division. Don't ask me to do long division. Yeah, I'm, like...

I don't even remember the, like, little bracket thing. I don't know what goes anywhere. what does that mean no I I actually when I first moved to LA like that was something I wanted to test like me and Christian just sat down and we're just like trying to do like long division together and like I could do it then but then like recently I tried it and like it just like left my brain I was just like like it kind of freaked me out too i was like i don't know how to do like simple like even simple division like no say like like whatever i mean i can like do some mental math or whatever but like writing it down on paper like the fucking tree stems and whatever like i don't get it it doesn't make sense to me math has like never

really made sense to me i was really good at some for some reason i geometry i was really good at geometry and then past that i was like oh i'm not doing this but also like miami-dade like schools like you didn't have to actually know how to do anything and you could just like graduate and that's how i graduated i just like i was good at reading and writing and like weirdly enough history but that's because i like i've said this before i had like a favorit had, like, a favoritism. I have a favoritism for, like, really fucking cunty, like, evil teachers. And they always like me, too. Because we're both, like, based in, like, bitterness and hatred.

So I was, like, good in my history class. Also, actually, what were we watching? Oh, we were watching David Cho's show yesterday. Who, this was such a good question. Who was, like, the first person to believe in you? oh we were watching david cho's show yesterday who this was such a good question who was like the first person to believe in you like to like look at you and like see something in you because literally probably you really yeah like no like i swear to god like legitimately like all the internet shit i was doing up until like i met like you or Christian like everyone was like you're fucking weird you're

whack like cool like you have half a million people following you on the internet like those people aren't real those are just numbers and then like we just turned it into something way bigger like oh that's sweet yeah who's the first like adult do you think though my mom yeah your mom 100 my mom is literally my biggest yeah i know like she's so sweet she like watches every podcast on apple on spotify and on youtube like six times like she's like i need to get the 18 i need to get the 18 streams in i think the first like adult my dad like obviously always like knew i was like smart and like well-rounded and i think he always like believed I would do something but

like culturally he didn't he's just like a he's like a guy from fucking Endurance like he doesn't understand like the internet and stuff and I think like with a lot of like older parents like of course they're like what does that mean like it's very traditional like go to college and shit but the first adult to believe in me and like whoever like really listened to me and like what i was saying and thought i was like an intelligent person was my english teacher oh yeah high school like you talk about that like them a lot he literally changed my life and i've told him that a million times but like it always blows my mind how like some people don't realize like how important it is to fucking listen to a teenager yeah and like literally yeah just like to tell them they're doing okay

or like even just like to let them know like oh you are like chill as fuck like you have a different yeah you think you see things different yeah and it was like so important for me that like i remember i would like get in a lot of trouble in school for in reading and writing classes because I didn't believe in, like, and I still don't. I think it's fucking stupid. But I guess I get it, like, on, like, a school basis so that, like, everyone's following a certain set of rules and it's, like, maybe easier to grade. I don't know. Whatever. But I fucking hated doing a draft of a paper and doing, like, it has to be five paragraphs and it has to be like this.

And I would always get in trouble with English teachers because I wouldn't do that. And like on like we had FCAT, like that was our like yearly thing. And I would always make it everything that I didn't have like some weird resolution paragraph. If anything, I would always pick a topic that there was no like resolution to and I would write about it so that at the end I could be like, there no resolution to this and like I would never conclude things I would always just write it exactly how I wanted it and somehow I always passed but like my teachers would get really mad at me and then like he was the first teacher who was like that is so awesome and like he was just really nice about it and then like i remember i obviously as a teacher especially

as like an english teacher i feel like he any teacher is like go to college and i remember once he told me like in my senior year he was like you have fully changed my like mind on like the idea of like what people decide to do with their life like whether it be like education or like career wise that's fucking awesome and like we he was just always so like nice to me and when i would be like i'm not going to college from like freshman year when i was like i don't think i'm gonna go to college like i can't do like school it doesn't work for me he was like always open to it and like open to a conversation with me meanwhile i had teachers who would literally bully the fuck out of me for not wanting to go to college but like yeah it's just

so crazy how like adults really don't i think it's hard for them to understand that like the things they say to kids even out of anger or like trying to like guard them like you have to be careful because like you're doing a lot of damage and then when you're doing good you're like you have no idea how good you're doing yeah i think like um i forget her name but i had a vice principal who like um we had like a very like tumultuous relationship like she like was always getting on to me like and like like anytime i would post shit on the internet during school like she would be pissed like all all my internet shit like during school she was always so like anti it but like i think she

knew like deep down that like i was doing what I wanted to do. So she kind of like fucking respected it. And I think she was like kind of like the only person like in my school system who like really understood like what I was like doing on the internet and like creatively like, oh, like this is like different. Like maybe we should hone this in even though she like was an absolute bitch to me all the time but i think she like realized and i think now she even knows even more which is like super cool but like your english teacher was like my bitchy vice

principal and yeah she was super chill just very sweet to think about literally one time she like called me oh my fucking god i'm just gonna tell this story but like one time a long time ago i like made a fucking video of me like uh like i had like a toaster and i like walked into my mom's bedroom and i was like i'm gonna shove this toaster up my ass or some like crazy shit like that like just like like absurdist comedy just like trying to get a reaction that's all i did on like the internet was just like like absurdist comedy just like trying to get a reaction that's all i did on like the internet was just like trying to get reactions out of people i'd say the most crazy shit um so i i posted that and the next day she this my vice principal like called me to the back

office with like like a bunch of my tweets like i'm gonna shove a turkey up my ass like tweeted out like all of them printed out and stuck on this paper and pages, flipping through those giant notepad things. And she would read off my tweets to me. And it was probably the worst feeling I've ever had in my entire life. It was just complete embarrassment like i don't know i i i did a shitty job at telling this story but like basically long story short like she got to like the i'm gonna shove a turkey up my ass tweet and she was like she read that out loud and i was like

i was like please fucking stop like please stop now like i understand what you're getting at like i will tone it down on the internet. Bitch, no, I fucking didn't. I, like, literally on the way out of the office to, like, history class in the hallway, I tweeted some crazy shit, like, just, like, about the situation. She was like, you're representing the school in a wrong way. And I was like, bitch, like, I'm the coolest motherfucker in this school. Like, what do you mean? Like, I'm representing it in a cool way, like i'm fucking awesome dude i remember in ninth grade

i don't think i ever spoke about this publicly actually i got suspended in ninth grade for a vine and it was a vine it's so whack it's like just stupid little kid shit i was literally like 14 and i was like went to the bathroom and I was like bathroom shenanigans. And it's literally me ripping paper out and throwing it on the floor and tossing a roll of toilet paper into the toilet, like a full roll, which my fucking principal didn't believe me, but I was like,

I took it out. There was like an empty like roll in there. And I just like went and yanked it out and put it on the side, which is still fucked up because a janitor had to like touch that. But like, I was like, I didn't clog the bathroom. Like the, and put it on the side which is still fucked up because the janitor had to like touch that but like i i was like i didn't clog the bathroom like the and the next day the toilet was fine like i didn't fuck up the toilet um but basically i was sitting in my french class um which i was failing miserably but whatever that's besides the point i was sitting in class

and the principal came up and or the vice principal i think it was a vice principal i fucking hated him um and i hope he has like a hemorrhoid or something really annoying right now because I fucking hate him. But he came and he was like. I'm going to eat that hemorrhoid like a jelly bean. I just want to bite it off. I love biting hemorrhoids. You know what I'm talking about. When you get the hemis.

They're little jelly beans around the edge. And you just like pull them off. Bite them with your front teeth. Bloody. Bloody hemorrhoids. No, keep going. The hemorrhoids. Like you were going to keep going. I'm just not going to say anything.

But basically, I got pulled out of French class. And they were like, were like come down to the office and i was like what the fuck did i do i go down to the office and they have my fucking vine playing on the computer and i was like i was like oh my god and i think someone at the school snitched on me because i was like i was like you motherfuckers don't know about vine because people at my school didn't like care about vine and then i heard through the grapevine that someone had snitched on me. So one of the like motherfuckers who like were one of those nerd ass motherfuckers who worked in the office. I was like, bitch, fuck you. You're a hater.

But yeah, I got suspended for a week. And that's actually how my dad found out about my Vine account. Yikes. And that was a nightmare because I was like on there screaming about Niall Horan being shirtless. Like a fucking thornberry. Dude, literally, that reminded me of probably the most trouble I had gotten in in my entire life was from my Twitter account. So I had a reef tank, like a coral reef. Like I had a bunch of beautiful coral coral a bunch of like really expensive fish like i it was like my pride and joy and they obviously with that like

you have to like test the water chemistry so like i had this like set of like chemicals that like um you like get samples of water and you put it in there and it legitimately looks like like breaking bad vibes breaking bad vibes like it looks gnarly it looks like i'm making meth with this fucking kit so like obviously my like young ass fucking 15 year old brain is like oh like i'm gonna make a banger tweet so i take a picture of it and i post it on my twitter account and i'm like cooking meth bringing some to school tomorrow who wants it and like like just like the most psycho shit and sure enough um i know who fucking snitched on me i'm not gonna say their name and i'm sure they're fucking listening to this because they were like my biggest hater

fan and they they're they're a grown-ass fucking man. Bitch, I fucking hate you, and I hope your house burns down with your family inside. What is wrong? No, he ruined my life. I was literally mean to that lady the other day for no reason in the car, and I was like, she honked at me, and you were like, because you scared her, and I was like she honked at me and you were like because you

scared her and i was like yeah i fucking scared her because she has two more days to live fuck that bitch and i had like the meanest thing ever dude literally no so basically i tweeted that um i went to school the next day and again i was greeted with my vice principal with that tweet and uh like i got pulled out of class and i was fucking like handcuffed and they were like searching all my shit like the craziest stuff like they were like where's the meth that you brought to school and like it was obviously all like to scare the shit out of me like i they knew i didn't fucking cook meth and bring it to school yeah but of course like as a kid you're fucking terrifying. Exactly.

I was freaking the fuck out. And before this, they called my dad, and my dad was fucking livid. He was like, are you kidding me? They called my dad, and he was like, Drew's cooking meth, blah, blah, blah. We're going to come by the house and search y'all's house with a warrant. And my dad was like, okay. So I went home and was greeted like my I was like handcuffed whatever long story it was just crazy the craziest shit

um I came home and my parents like legitimately like were so angry with me and my dad told me they were like they're gonna come by and search the house like so if you have anything upstairs go and flush it and like of course like I was an angsty fucking teenager i had drugs upstairs in my bedroom so i grabbed all of my like really expensive designer drugs and flushed them down the toilet and they never fucking searched that they never came by and searched the house and i'm i guarantee that was just a fucking ploy for my dad to get me to flush all my bad shit that Yeah, totally. That he just knew, like, they know, whatever that fucking song is. She knows. Yeah, she knows.

You were just mixing she knows with, oh, no. Yeah, literally. She, no, no, no, no, no. But, yeah, then they told me they're, like, well, like, we have, like, anytime we see your car and we can just pull you over and, like, search your car. Is that true? No, it's not fucking true. Like, literally, they just were lying to me.

And, I mean, I had a very recognizable car. I had, like, a silver car with black wheels. Like, you could see my car. And I believed it. So, for, like, the longest time, I was, like, never riding dirty. Like, maybe I'll get into that, like, high school shenanigans. Like, all the bad shit I did in high school. Which will literally be like such a fun episode

to hear about your life. And then when it's my turn, I'm like, I literally didn't do it. I'll talk about like my experiment, experimentation with illicit substances and whatnot one day. And we can talk about how I literally

was like a part of the D.A.R.E. program until I was like 16. You were literally a spy. I was such a snitch and i didn't believe in smoking weed and i was like y'all are fucking crazy y'all are losing your fucking minds um actually one more thing because i think we're hitting our hour i want to close it off the word the most bad thing i did as a teenager actually was a hit and run. Oh my God. People think I mean, I mean like I hit a human and ran. Girl,

you still did a hit and run. That's like still just as bad. I just wanted to say that because I feel like if I'm just like, Oh, my hit and run, people are going to be like, yeah, but you killed someone.

No, it was like, okay. Basically we, me and my brother were like the ones who always got sent out to do laundry at the laundromat. So like we would be at the laundromat and like the ones who always got sent out to do laundry at the laundromat. So like we would be at the laundromat and like the laundromat we would go to was really close to a Starbucks. And by this time I would have like 20 bucks on me to spend.

So I'm like, this was like maybe like 11th grade and we were doing laundry and we had the car and things still had to dry so i was like um i told dante i was like i want to go get starbucks and he was like you should ask dad and i was like why do we have to ask dad like we we asked dad for everything like this like it's not like i'm doing something bad i just want i literally want a strawberry salad refresher like leave me alone um let me get my starbies i literally think I was going to get like a fucking like green tea lemonade. Like that used to be my fucking shit in high school. But I was like, I'm just going to go. It's going to be quick.

So Dante scared the fuck out of the car. Actually, I think we finished the laundry. I think we finished. He was like, wait till we finish at least. I was like, okay. So we finished the laundry. We put it all in the car and like we go to Starbucks. And then like the starbucks is on a

corner and where there's like a two i don't know how to explain this without like visuals but basically the starbucks is on the right side we're like at this intersection and i have to make a left but then get into the plaza that's on the right and there was two turning left lanes and i was all the way in the left turning lane. And this was like a big street. Like if you live in Miami, like Biscayne Boulevard is like basically a highway. It's like four lanes. Shibuya Crossing. Okay.

It's a big street. It's a big street. It's the only other big street I know. I came from shit ass nowhere in Texas. Population 7,000. Basically 000 we had one lane roads i know that freaks me out there's really nobody there um i i'm in the left lane and i don't know obviously now as an adult if i was in the left lane and i had to get all the way to the right in an instant i would just go down the street make a u-turn and like figure it out but i turn left you're a child without a license yeah i'm oh i also have no license and i'm 15 in this yeah you didn't you didn't say that like you're unlicensed you should not be driving yeah behind the wheel i like learned to drive like a year ago

like and illegally like i i should not be driving And I'm in like a big ass suburban. Like I shouldn't be driving, let alone like a three road car car. So I'm driving the boat and I get in the left lane and I'm like, I have to, I have to get to the plaza. I have to get to the plaza. We're going to pass Starbucks. And I just try to merge the three lanes over and someone was in my blind spot and I just smacked the fuck out of this car, pushed it onto the sidewalk and immediately.

Fire flight kicks in and I fly. I literally, I like look and the guy gets out of his car and i see his frown i'm like no and i just slam the gas do like a very loud u-turn into this other lane he literally it's a big ass lane and i'm at a red light and he literally like just walks and takes a picture of the drunk ever's life of the plate and i still drive away because i'm so scared because i'm not supposed to be driving my dad's gonna fucking freak out like i'm just freaking out dante's in the passenger seat also while all this is happening and he is freaking the fuck out and i'm like doing 70 down this like street that i shouldn't be going like 30 down and then i just pull over like a mile away

and dante's like freaking out i'm like oh my, my God. And I get out and I check. And because I was driving a fucking tank, although the guy's car was all fucked up, my car, like, the car I was driving didn't look that fucked up. And my mom, like, would always get into fender benders. So the bumper was kind of fucked up anyway. And I was like, you can't tell I did anything. And I was like, and don't you fucking tell anyone to Dante. And he was like, they're going to know.

And I'm like, they're not going to know. Don't fucking say anything. Except you're cool. anything and we got home I feel like everything was chill girl you said you're not a good liar um this was like the one time I lied and like got away with it but I got caught and like I was about to say yeah because so I like got home I feel like everything was okay Dante's freaked out and I go in the room and he's still freaking out having like a full panic attack and I'm like you need to shut the fuck up because you're gonna like they're gonna know and then I just like act like everything's fine I had finished my drink before we got there I rid of the evidence because I'm smart in that way um and then it's like a nice day out it's like raining and like the car is parked and my parents are sitting on the front porch and i hear my my mom and she's like looking at the car

and she's just like what what is the car looks weird and then my dad looks at he's like did you get into into an accident she's like no i i haven't oh god and then they're like talking about it she's like maybe someone backed into me at work yeah someone definitely backed into you at work and i was like out like in the like front room like of the house like listening through the porch. I remember I just walked away and I was like, ah. And then I thought I got away with it. And three days later, my dad gets home from work and I open the door for him. And the first thing he says is like, did you crash the fucking car?

And I just start sobbing. I'm like, yes. And I like ran away and I got so scared. And then I just had to call the insurance and be like yes i stole the car i'm a delinquent child and then it was fine that's crazy dude and yeah and that's like the only accident i've ever been in i was gonna say i've never ever ever once been in a car accident in my life i've like been i've been in an accident but like i haven't gotten into an accident the only time i've ever been in like a car accident i had we i was like probably like 12 and we just went to um quick trip and gotten

slurpees and you know the slurpee straws at quick trip are like 14 fucking feet long like the world's biggest straws for absolutely no fucking reason and like we're drinking our slurpees in the back seat and my friend's dad gets in a fender bender and we like are all slipping our slurpees and like we're drinking our slurpees in the back seat and my friend's dad gets in a fender bender and we like are all slipping our slurpees and like i deep throat this fucking slurpee straw and it like yeah whatever we all deep throat our slurpee slurpee straws i would actually take the car a lot as a kid which my dad doesn't know but like when him and my mom would go out on weekends at night like i was notoriously always taking the car because we also lived really close to mcdonald's and i would take the car to mcdonald's get an iced

caramel coffee from mcdonald's and then go home and listen in to right hand by drake in the shower again 2016 vibes freak the fuck out by driving i still am i'm like a very i've gotten used to driving but like before i drove i didn't drive the car once like one time drew uh drove us down a one-way no that was that was wrong in every sense of the word that i did that the other day i feel like yeah i don't know but that was that was the scariest moment of my life yeah and then i had to get out of the car and like take i've never feared for my life like i've never had to get out of the car and like uh take i've never feared for my life like i've never had a moment where i'm like i'm about to fucking die other than that dream i had the only time i thought i was gonna die was when i almost got hit by a car and i think

i spoke about that when i was in new york and i almost got hit by a car like i've never been like like survival mode that's something i need to experience once in my life girl i talk about this all the time. I'm going to disappear. And you'll never ever see me again. Drew's always like, I'm going to run away. I'm going to disappear and y'all aren't going to know where I go. Bitch, I want to have your location and I don't think you're smart enough to do that. I'm going to leave my phone.

It's going to be a big game of hide and go seek. The day Drew disappears and y'all start posting missing posters, I'm not fucking reposting it. Because I'm like, I'm not giving him what he wants. Like, that's what he wants. I don't know what I want. God forbid you get abducted because I'm going to be so fucking annoyed. I'm going to be like, no, you're not. Like, you're pissing me off.

I'm going to pinky promise you right now. Right now, look. Pinky promise me. No, what is the pinky promise? No, lock your pinkies. I'm not locking my pinkies in to something I don't know. Please, please, please. That's like signing a contract.

Oh my God, I swear to God I'm not going to disappear. I'm not just going to randomly in to something I don't know. Please, please, please. That's like signing a contract for a period. Oh my God. I swear to God I'm not going to disappear. I'm not just going to randomly disappear. I swear on my life. So if I do get abducted, please look for me. I'm begging you. Like, please. I guess, yeah. Your fucking rings.

Damn. What? You would just cut the shit out of me. You're jealous of... I'm icy. I'm icy. Icy. Icy.

Why do you want to be me? Dude, you know what's the most annoying thing ever? My AC unit in my room turns on via my Siri. And I'll be like, hey Siri, like turn on the AC. And she'll think I say, hey Siri, turn on Icy. And Icy by Saweetie starts playing at six in the morning. And I literally wanna end my life. Freak the fuck out.

And I freak out. And I'm like, hey Siri, stop. And I just like yell. Hey Siri, shut the fuck up. And yeah, and that was the episode. And that's all y'all get. Y'all get media now that's it no no media today no media you snooze you fucking lose um here is the media um the movie everyone should watch especially if you are a woman in your younger 20s because this is such a good coming of age film or not even younger 20s just in your

20s if you're like a grown-ass woman sometimes it feels like all the coming of age shit is like for 17 year olds and it's like bitch i'm coming of age right now like i i'm still figuring my shit out francis ha is such a good fucking movie the monologue that is red is like red and that is like so fucking good it's beautiful made me cry um my like audio media of the week is nabi by peggy goo escape by dj kuro niko i cannot say anyone in the world's name and these chains by mid-air thief yes yasify yasify the world mid-air thief slay fight um okay my song is dreams of nostalgia by lion's milk if you want to like if i don't know how to describe this song it's it's genuinely it's such a weird feeling it gives you such a weird feeling when you listen to it like it's a good weird feeling though like it feels weird but good um i've been listening to that recently um jamila by monster brown

is just like bleeps and bloops this it's like the most repetitive song ever it's literally like the same like over and over again but i don't know why i'm so obsessed with like bleeps and bloops. It's like the most repetitive song ever. It's literally like the same like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, over and over again. But I don't know why I'm so obsessed with fucking bleeps and bloop sounds. They're good to just like, it's kind of like a... It's like patterns, I think.

It's like the cool, cool melanification of your brain. It's like you can turn your brain off and just be like stimulated. Yeah. Like it's nice. I just love that style of music. And then not enough people are talking about fucking bird man um the movie oh wait is that the one with i'm thinking of lawnmower like yeah yeah you're thinking of lawnmower man which is also something you should

watch but that's the media for next week we'll go into that later but bird man fucking perfect still one of the best movies of all time um it's just like a one-shot movie about like this like play happening i don't fucking know how to describe it it's good go watch it if you haven't watched it and watch it again if you have because it's just really fantastic um and then we should start a little book club no yeah. Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you. I'm about to start reading Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, the book adaptation. So if you want to read that with me, do that. Stop reading.

No more reading. And that's the episode, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for listening. Go take that poop. My brain has been turned off. That you've been holding. This whole time. No more.

No more brain. I refuse to use brain power ever again. I don't think we need to use our brains. Guys. Bye. Bye. Outro Music