Emergency Intercom - Our Friends Are Parasites

Episode Date: March 11, 2022

Listen to this episode if you want to know what it’s like having psychos for friends. Listen to this episode if you want to hear seven people talking at once… listen to this episode if you want to hear 36,000 cuts… Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Welcome back to Emergency Intercom. I almost said welcome back to this episode. This episode of Emergency Intercom. If I'm not making eye contact, it's literally because I'm not trying to kill eight people in my parents' car.

You're probably curious where we are. I'm trying to die in this car with you. No, um you're probably curious where we are i'm trying to die in this car with you no yeah so just make eye contact make eye contact eyes on the road eyes on the road also the camera is fully shaking but like you get what you get and you don't fucking get upset you yeah like we're really going out of our way to make this happen. We're going out of our fucking way to do our job right now. The craziest part is I haven't heard this entire squad this silent the entire fucking trip, and it's scaring the fuck out of me. The whole squad pulled up to my house, and I immediately got so nervous because I was like, dude, this is the loudest group of people in the world. And I just brought them into my family's home.

And it was so silent in here. Like, three minutes ago, everyone was silently awaiting, like, putting on their best manners. And then all my homies came in, and they're like, yeah. Not in a bad way, though. My family fucks with that because I train them to enjoy. Yeah, to enjoy annoying, obnoxious annoying. Yeah. Let's talk about it.

Yeah, let's talk about it. Let's dive in. Let's talk about it. The classic in let's talk about it classic like nails ladies nails show the nails no not the fucking girls oh my god i don't know if we can see that but everybody all the boys got nails ladies ladies ladies ladies um but yeah we're in miami right now we're literally on the way to the everglades it's gonna be so fucking fun i last time i was there it was okay so this is like the sequence of it uh the sequence of fun for me so like sequence of fuck you motherfucker um no so it went like i was like the air butt was the most fun i've had in

four years of my entire life like the drifting the whole vibe is fucking crazy and then i went to the movie i've seen in my whole life literally coming out of the movie this is the best movie i've ever seen in my life um the next was the monster trucks and i was like this is the most fun i've ever had in four years like this shit is fucking lit like are you kidding me and then yesterday it was the fucking yacht and i was like oh that was the most fun i've ever had in my entire life i think the airboat might top it i think i think it might like come back around and take first place you know what i'm saying dude because it's just so fucking funny like again literally everything to me now like you have the existentialism where you're like nothing matters we're so small and

like you freak out like that i have that in the way that i'm like this is fucking hilarious because humans are literally so beyond what they were supposed to do like the everglades is like yeah let's keep the everglades safe so we can put fucking diesel boats fueled boats onto the grass and zoom through everything it's probably good for. It's probably good for it somehow. It probably, like, cuts it and keeps it clean or something. He was telling us about the forest, or the water fires that, like, keep it clean and shit. Keep it filtered. There's actually a lawnmower on the back of the airboat that we're on, and they're just killing two birds with one. Dude, it's literally a giant lawnmower.

It's literally a giant fucking fan. I'm really curious. Also, I don't think I mentioned mentioned this but we're going with my family like they're not in the car with us but yeah i wouldn't allow them in here yeah drew was like i know like to my dad he was like i know you're like letting us borrow your like big ass car but you need to go squeeze the rest of that damn family in your other car exactly i was like you're not popping in here i'm sorry like i don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck which usually i would be like really offended by it.

And, like, I was shocked my dad didn't, like, pick Drew up by the neck and body slam him. But, like, there was something in the room that, like, Drew just, like. There's love. I command. Yeah, like. I'm Sigma. Kai said I was Sigma. I give Sigma.

Maybe it's because my dad called you Jesus. I give Smegma. I'm giving. It's giving Smegma. You're giving Smegma. Yeah. What is that? It's like you're the alpha without even wanting to be the alpha. I don't think that's what that means. Smegma i'm giving it's giving smegma yeah what is that it's like you're the alpha without even

wanting to be the alpha i don't think that's what that means that's not what that means that's what it means that's like cum or something it's um it's like it's like male discharge so dick cheese you're dick cheese yeah you're serving dick cheese yeah yeah okay don't be sitting around here calling men don't get discharged you get dirty fucking cock syndrome because y'all can't clean your dick like girls get discharged because our bodies are cleansing it's literally a detox

my discharge is a detox if I drank your detox I mean your discharge would it detox my blood my fucking mic fell dude if I drank your detox girl give me a shot of your detox okay fine i just well i'm not making detox right now i'm making beet juice ew what honestly i thought we were honestly can all the guys agree that periods are weird and gross

yeah that is really fucking weird it's okay okay yeah it just it really freaks me out like you guys never have a moment to like to reiterate that it was a joke and it's just people are kind of like yeah they like their whole crew seems really nice and i want friends like that but they do seem like they're not that into girls they're very anti-period they're anti-period they're like girls should just spend their money on getting their nails done not getting tampons and stuff like you're wasting your money elsewhere like this that all that y'all should have gotten your nails done with like big ass rhinestones that's what i told kai i was like you need i was like kai needs to put a big fucking rhinestone on his ring finger

like a big one and he was like no i think i just want to do like the all sleek like black look i know i was gonna say kai didn't want to spend an extra five dollars per nail to get rhinestones on them dude no it was 400 no it was 400 total it was no it was like 450 for four people to get their nails done yeah but orion went to a spot and got her shit done for 45 i know the reason we had to get scammed though was because we were trying to support the local economy like we just wanted to drive the economy y'all had to go to like a little spot in hialeah where did y'all go little havana neo nails uh Cut that out. No free promo, no free promo.

You say we have to support the local economy and then making a local business and be like, no, no, no, no. No tax. No posting. But yeah, we got our nails done. It was super sick. Everybody was laughing with us,

not at us. They were laughing with us not at us they were laughing with us um wait can i talk about the lady on the boat literally yes but oh yeah sorry i fully cut you off no i'm used to i'm used to being talked over by everyone in this car i just get cut off i get cut off it's just my life it's my fuck see there it goes yeah i'll shut up like you want fucking attention bitch like it's not your birthday anymore the way it is still my fucking birthday trip we're silencing drew all 2022 silence drew 2022 yeah i'm gonna get big red white and blue signs of that made literally a billboard silence drew Someone yesterday in front of us had stickers on their car. There was somebody who was like, enough, period.

I will not comply. Like about mask mandates. And it was like, legalize freedom. Me, me. I know. I'm like, take the muzzle off. Take the muzzle off. Unmask the truth.

That was Batman's campaign, but I know what they were trying to hint at. Me, yeah. Exactly. Okay, so you were saying they weren't, you claimed they weren't laughing at you, they were laughing with you, which is a very beautiful way to take bullying. No, it was just not, it was honestly just a really great experience, just getting nails with my boys. Like, we're just like, we're just like a squad, you know?

Like, and we roll together, and we're just, yeah. Y'all do stand for like anti like fragile masculinity like y'all are are serving like yeah we're i'm saying fuck gender norms i'm getting tits put on you said tints or tits tits right now yeah literally let me upgrade you upgrade you the good thing is my phone's literally at 20 oh shit um flop how is that like a flop you're literally flopping so fucking hard right now it's embarrassing i'm actually taking y'all to the airport right now and putting you all on a plane back home um but the lady on the boat literally pulled me aside like i don't know why but when i went down under um the boat australia i knew you were gonna say that and i tried to keep going and say something about the boat because i knew you were gonna make

that fucking joke down under girl quit calling it a boat. It was a yacht. Like, come on. Everyone's like, boat this, boat that. No, it was a yacht with a bedroom. Like, what are you talking about? It was a yacht with a bedroom and she offered y'all lube. Yeah, literally.

Immediately. It was the craziest vibe ever. Because she saw your nails and she was serving Ally. Literally. She was giving Ally. She was like, I have scrubs and lube. She can suture up my, she can give me a husband's stitch after kai destroys my hole um okay but she was like she saw me like come i i don't know if it's because i came last or what but she was like is it your birthday and i was like no

and she was like i thought they got the nails for your birthday and i was like no no it's not my birthday it's it's the kid with curly hair's birthday and then she was like oh i'm the kid with curly hair that's how y'all describe me now no i was like oh it's the ugly like scary motherfucker who looks like he snuck onto the boat it's like his birthday that's how y'all are describing me now cool oh i'm sorry who snuck onto the yacht exactly um but i was like it's his birthday and then she was like why did they get the nails and i was like oh they just thought it was funny they saw like the girls get their nails done and they wanted to do it too and she was like why did they do that though and i was like uh no it's just funny it's like a funny joke and she was like are they gay

and i was like uh and then i wasn't about to be like, oh, actually. And go on some weird detail. I was just like, no. They just did it for fun. And then she was like, okay, because I'm Cuban and we don't do that in Miami. She was literally like, bring back manly men. She literally said it without saying it. And then I was like, oh, I get you.

I'm from Miami. And like, yeah, it's definitely not something you see people like, people do here unless they're, like, just, like, outwardly gay. Like, yeah. Dude, I knew she hated me. I could feel it. Nah, I think she, like, fucked with us, like, in total. But I think it was just some, like, you're literally, like, around, like, a 27-year-old, like, Miami woman. Like, she's not about to be like, yes, like, fuck with this it makes sense why the only dude she would talk to the

entire time was Josh because he didn't have nails on his fingers yeah she was like this one will bone me the other ones are confused yeah yeah she wanted to bone Josh she was really nice to me, though. We had, like, a Latin Miami connection. Like, she just saw my vibe. I felt that with me, too, with me and her. I felt that, too. You felt a Latin Miami connection? Drew, you're, like, actually from Granbury, Texas.

Granbury, Texas, named after a Confederate war general. Literally. Granbury. Just like the Granbury, Texas, named after a Confederate war general. Literally. Granbury. Just like the Granbury. But yeah, that happened. Also, I bought a wing bot. I ordered a wing bot on Amazon to my parents' house because I'm fucking feral and I don't give a shit. I have my own room.

I do what I want. Don't fucking question me. But more importantly, it was on sale. So I was like, oh, I want a wing bot. Did you Postmate it? No, I Amazon primed it. Damn. So yeah.

You had to get it ASAP. One day shipping. I was like, I can't waste any more time. I'm literally freaking out. It's building up. I'm literally about to start like. Ew, the squirt's building up. I'm about to go in public and start like pinching people's balls if I don't have something right now.

Um, what? What? Y'all don't do that? No. You don't pinch... When you're horny, you don't, like, feel the, like, need to, like, pinch balls? No. Oh, I go like this, like, with my nails.

Like, I put it, like, the skin right between there. All the little bumps on there and you just pick them off. You know what i'm talking about the little it's like chicken skin like like feathers you gotta pluck little pukes i literally i remember when i like first became sexually active i was so against balls i literally wanted them to be like fucking extinct from the earth i was like they literally and now you can't get enough of them i know now me and balls we got a different kind of relationship i got a great connection um anyway i ordered a wingbot junior and then the amazon man came this morning and knocked on the door my little brother grabbed

the box and like there was two other packages and my mom is really fucking nosy so when like my brother showed me the packages he was like oh these are for you and i was just like go put them in the room i was like do not fucking open those packages I know my mom will literally come and like watch me open packages because she like swears I'm like a walking it's literally no it's me watching you doing a live unboxing it's just like the caveman instinct to be like what's in box let me see a box I just want I just get second hand like high from it you get second hand pleasure. Yeah Exactly when when you feel pleasure in your eye feel pleasure when I squirts you squirt exactly

When I scream for cream, oh Icecream for cream you scream for cream. We all scream for cream Damn The plane is just crashing. Oh my god. It's literally going down. It's going now That's I'm gonna play that on my iPhone In my head I finish it in my head Like somebody who just like learned like human like what we're up to i'm going to play that song on my iphone no i mean as my plane is crashing because i have a feeling it's going to go down soon no i'm not kidding like literally when my plane was delayed

on the way here i was like it's because it's going down and i'm gonna fucking die and i made the joke to my friend i was like at least like maybe i'll like trend for like they'll be like, oh, my God, that one girl died on the plane today. But then I found out Johnny fucking Knoxville was on my flight. Taking all the credit. He would literally take all the shine from me. So, thankfully, it didn't go down. Also, I want to have sex with Johnny Knoxville so fucking bad. Literally doesn't.

I was feral. I was, like, foaming at the mouth. And I wanted to speak to him. But I was like, I don't look my best right now. And, like, I can't speak to him. And I usually don't give a fuck. I was, like, foaming at the mouth. And I wanted to speak to him, but I was like, I don't look my best right now. And, like, I can't speak to him. And I usually don't give a fuck. I'm not like the other girls. Yeah.

No, literally. I didn't go up to him. Stop. I'm not kidding. That was my vibe when we got off and there was, like, people waiting for him. And my friend Sabrina was like, should we go ask for a picture? And I was like, no, like, I actually can't, Sabrina. Like, you don't understand.

In, like, two years when I have sex with him i'm gonna be like oh my god this is so crazy but we were on the same flight and i i just didn't want to bother you like i like really wanted to say something to you because i've always had the biggest crush on you but like you were being like you just seemed so exhausted and i wanted to give you your space and then he's gonna be like oh my god this is the most caring woman ever i'm gonna put her on my will and bone the shit out of her that's exactly how it's gonna how it's going to go. Hello Kitty says, A-cam. They are so annoying. I'm actually terrified,

because I hope he doesn't see the camera on our dash, and be like... Girl, just slow down. Literally just break the fucking house down. I'm actually doing 100 right now. I'm racing him. Um, yeah. Just stay in his blind spot the whole time. God, fuck off.

You should just crash into his back tire. No, I like do the thing that cops do when they're on a chase and they like that's what i mean yeah and he just spin him out oh oh my god sorry sorry um yeah i'm really excited um also it's gonna be a huge group of us because also nat and dom and sabrina are meeting us there it's literally going to be like 15 like 10 of my like best friends and then also my family with me which is so funny like I need a picture of all of us on the boat together because it's just like me and my whole family and then all of y'all around us is like cracking me up in my head I'm thinking about jumping off the boat and never y'all will never see me again. So you want to commit suicide in front of my family?

Yeah. Who said suicide? Oh, what's awesome is I missed my turn. Oh, my God. Sorry. Oh, no. This is Mexico City 2.0. You've been driving three hours in the wrong direction.

Stop, because I actually got really scared of that. So I like was hella checking. You got trauma. This guy won't let me in. These motherfuckers are going to hell. Just commit, just commit. No, because this motherfucker is slamming his brakes, too. I literally would have just killed us all. No, no, no, no.

Wait, I'm about to be silent. But, yeah, I'm thinking about jumping off the boat, into the water, and acting like I get eaten by an alligator, but then I survive, and five years down the line, I reintegrate back into y'all's lives as a new person, shaved head.

Oh my fucking God. Literally, like out of a movie. I actually experienced a fucking movie last night. And like, it was the most insane shit that's ever happened to me in my entire life. And it's really sad and embarrassing. And I can't believe I'm bringing it up on the podcast and sharing this information with everybody in the world so now they have more fucking ammo to like ruin my life um but basically you're you're making it

seem like you did something really really fucking bad my body did something really fucking bad um you get a boner well obviously like I have one literally right now literally car boners are a thing like I know Everybody in the car has a boner right now and like it's just we don't talk about it. We don't talk about it I'm not kidding. I don't think that's a girl. There's a rocket ship about the fucking launch over What the hell? Miami's crazy Florida's crazy the Florida man is different Florida man Florida man. We I need to live the Florida project legitimately You need to live in a motel?

Yeah. I romanticize. You're romanticizing poverty? Yeah, I don't give a fuck. It looks lit. Sorry. Not fucking sorry. That's literally everybody, every wealthy person from LA or New York.

I just see a motherly connection and I want it. I had a great mom. My mom is an amazing mom mom I had a motherly connection with her and I fiend for it now you're actually tweaking right now but anyways I went we were just like chatting for like hours outside of in this like part of the hotel and I was like I'm like gonna go into the room and like get ready for bed because I'm really fucking tired so I like went to the room and was like getting ready for bed and I was just like like washing my face off with water and I like looked up and like i saw something in my hair and i was like what the fuck is that

and i like literally god does not want me to tell this story he's like do not like this will ruin your career on me girl we're making another wait i'm gonna make another turn sorry okay you're sorry guys difficulties i'm literally driving the world's biggest fucking truck right now Girl, we're making another turn. Wait, I'm going to make another turn. Sorry. Okay, you're good. Sorry, guys. Difficulties. I'm literally driving the world's biggest fucking truck right now. I know. You're driving a monster trunk. Monster truck vibes. Okay. So, I'm, like, looking in the mirror just, like, actually looking at myself and being,

like, oh, wow, you actually are, like, a sexy person. I, like, I waver. Like, I'm, like, like okay you're the ugliest motherfucker i've ever seen in my entire life and then also i'm like oh you're the sexiest motherfucker i've ever seen in my life um and there's like no in between um but i was looking in the mirror like admiring myself and then i saw something in my hair and i was like oh what the fuck is that and i like i thought it was like a piece of fuzz or a piece of lint and I like pulled on it and it was a gray fucking hair you're so annoying I have a gray hair and it's literally my 24th birthday and I get a gray fucking hair I thought you were gonna say there's fucking cum in your

hair that's where I thought this was going literally what I was like there's like a patch of fuzz like you see something white like just like in your head like well How is this disgusting you're so annoying because I'm literally all this fucking bones like I turned 16 and I grow my first gray hair It's like literally what the fuck that's just a part of life high school is really stressful So it makes sense you know I have my SATs tomorrow, and I need to ace them to get into my dream school I know and you're going to the Everglades. You shouldn't be doing that right now. I have to study. I have to study.

Ew. I never studied. You couldn't literally pay me money to study anything. No, I literally just, like, was naturally good at school. Like, that sounds like I'm making a joke, but genuinely, I didn't have to study. Oh, so you're bragging about being a fucking nerd? Yeah. That's what you're doing now?

Well, no, I wasn't a nerd. I was literally doing drugs and making incredible grades. Oh, so you can still do drugs and be naturally a fucking nerd? I'm not saying that you can do that, but I did it. So drugs didn't even make you cool? You were still a fucking nerd? No, that's what I'm saying is I was doing drugs, I was hella cool, and I was good grades like no you don't make good grades if you're cool like you don't do both of those things i mean in granbury texas that's the way of life i mean look at euphoria none of them bitches have

bees the way i actually lived euphoria in high school and like i can never talk about it because it was really gnarly and traumatic oh write a fucking book. Write a sob story about it, Drew. Wait, Kai. Say Drewphoria. Why? Are you trying to get it cut so that you don't say it? No, I'm giving him a fucking line to say. That's really fucking weird.

He came up with it. Okay, but he didn't feel like saying it now, so now you're getting him to say it? It's so weird. I was caught off guard. I was writing notes for the episode. Yeah, he's doing his job. Oh, he's doing his job he's doing his job oh my god i actually thought of another like drew word and it's uh drew for you it would be so much better if it was just like it came out of his

mouth well like he just doesn't have the comedic prowess that we have we just like are you saying kai isn't funny i've never said that once in my life you just said kai doesn't have comedic prowess that we have. Are you saying Kai isn't funny? I've never said that once in my life. You just said Kai doesn't have comedic prowess. Kai isn't funny. I've never said that once in my life. You just said it. And you said it with, like, conviction. Y'all are actually fucking freak bitches, like, trying to, like, actually make me, like,

seem crazy. I didn't say Kai's not funny. Like, he's not funny. Like, I didn't say that. Oh. Bitch, it's the Drew podcast now. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. It's the Drew. Hey, guys, welcome back to the Drew. No, we need to do the Drew podcast, like, a sub show,

and it's literally just me, like, spilling misinformation. Like, Alex Jones. Yeah, exactly. Alex Jones misinformation. Vitamins. Well, no, that's like actually my life. I literally love vitamins. And the intro is like really like dateline, like kind of it's like, welcome back.

It's me in front of like a green screen news set. Every time it starts, it's like fog dissipating and it's you sitting on like a black leather couch, like alone. Pandemic doesn't exist. Real. The pandemic. You. Oh, my God. Real. The pandemic. You. Oh, my God.

I keep trying to teach them how to open cans. She's sprayed. If I squirted, would you like, like, let it go to waste or would you have some? Wait, what? If I squirted, would you let it go to waste or would would you have some? Wait, what? If I squirted, would you let it go to waste, or would you have some? Why would you waste that? Okay, yeah, I was just making sure. I don't know, like, I just need to make sure that the people around me are, like...

I'm just, like, that's a really fucked up question to ask. Like, why would you waste squirt? I'm just, I'm... Kai. I'm literally, oh, my God. You're not alone. Yeah, like, Kai, the question was not to you. I'm trying...

Can I have some? Oh, Brian, no. No, literally, Kai, the question was not to you. I'm trying. Can I have some? Oh, Ryan. No, literally, squirt. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I thought I was asking for the Red Bull, but I'll have that, too. Oh, I did squirt in that. Yeah, no, I was hitting that.

Can you squirt directly in my mouth next time? Oh, Ryan, we're literally on camera right now. Like, come on. It's really hot and steamy. The windows are fogging up. Oh, I literally thought that guy was gonna try to kill himself why haven't i been on a rebel yet i want to be on one of those little motherfucking mopeds so bad well they're all around the place you can just get on one like you say it like you know nothing about me see drew you're the you're the kind of person to say i want to do this i want to do that i'm the kind of person to say, I want to do this, I want to do that. I'm the kind of person to move in silence and do what I want.

Because I don't need the public to know. Real bitches move in silence like they're being subtle. Oh, I just literally invented that. What did you just say? Real bitches move in silence. Also, I think that one had real milk in it, and you probably just ruined my day. Oh, it definitely did. Girl, you can drink literally like half a shot of milk she about

to get the squirts but in like a different way no yeah out of her butt i can't believe you just did that to me you're going to hell i i did it on purpose to actually like purposely ruin your day no i just saw the same color liquid and i was like oh i can just put this into here and like be more ergonomic and have a cup holder so i don't have to freeze my legs on the metal can. So if anything, you're the fucked up person for coming for me, for putting milk into coffee. You're literally gaslighting me right now. I'm sorry, Enya, for pouring milk into your coffee.

You're a fucking freak and you're going to hell. I'm sorry. I'm just, like, if you can say the truth, I can say the truth. You're literally going to fucking hell. Bitch, I'll meet you there. I'll meet you there. Feed me to the gators.

I'm literally gonna, like, make sure you accidentally fall off the fucking boat, and, like, that's that. Accidentally? What are you talking about? I didn't say anything. What? What the fuck was that, Josh?

He said accidentally. Cut that, cut that. Dolphinly. Dude, that was beat, Josh. Josh, honestly, that's like... I think that was kind of good. Josh on the podcast. Can you guys grab Josh's head and move it to move it, like, kind of to the side?

Yeah, because he's really in, he's, like, in frame. Yeah, and I, like, don't want him. Can you drive in straight? Ew. You're going to fucking give Orion a concussion, bitch. Can you drive in straight? Also drive in straight. I'm done.

Massage chair. He, like, was massaging my back. I'm done. Massage chair. I'm actually taking y'all to the fucking psych ward. I'm going to 5150 every single person in this car and go back home. It's not a 5150 if you're begging for it. Orion, I'll 5150 you. Because we all have the same problems and we're like, bitch, just stay at my house. No, we all have the same bullshit, and, like, it's just normal for us. No, and there was one day I absolutely had a manic breakdown and turned my location off to everyone.

And you guys all thought I got murdered. And no one thought to 5150 me. It literally was a very scary moment in my life. True. I, for some reason, don't remember. 5150 me. It literally was a very scary moment in my life. True. I for some reason don't remember. You called me the next morning and you were like are you okay? Oh no that wasn't when you

that wasn't when you turned off your location. That was when you like left our house and we didn't know you were going to someone's house. No no no this was recent. Yeah this was really recent. Well you scare us too many times in the year for me to know You're the boy who cried wolf No, bitch, you're the boy who cried wolf

Don't fucking pin that on my sister Fuck you guys, fuck you guys Like, it's funny how you're just, like, trying to, like, silence a woman Like, it's just weird Yeah, no, that's exactly what I'm trying to do Men are more What? Dude, he fucking tried it out back here

And I was like, you're lucky they didn't hear that one. And he fucking just tried it out. Squirty one fifth cream deed? Kai, what were you gonna say? Oh, I uh, Drew I want a 69 69. Oh. Yeah, what? Like, you wanna 69 and then reverse it back?

Like, I don't get it. I just want a 69 Drew like twice in one night. Whatever. Okay. You want a 69 and then reverse it back? Like, I don't get it. I just want a 69, Drew, like, twice in one night. Whatever. Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait, me and Kai have been sharing...

Damn. Sorry, sorry, sorry. This shit bitch got fucking... No, I'm saying damn to the engine. This shit's loud as fuck. I know. No, me and Kai have been sharing bed. It's not me.

What is it? It's a quarter. It's a quarter. We started up the crew with talking and I know I'm not everybody's talking can you guys like actually be quiet can you guys shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up like shut the fuck

up oh my fucking god I'd be like I just start slamming the seat and I'm like, shut up! Shut the hell up. Or do what my mom would do. Yay! That's what my mom would do. I thought you grabbed your Red Bull and I got so scared. I was like, true, no. Literally.

But yeah, me and Kai have been sharing a bed for the last, what, four nights? Yeah, four nights. Have y'all touched? Oh yeah, like we'll accidentally be cuddling in the middle of the night it's like really crazy. Why accident though? Just say what it is. Um okay yeah well like you know what I've noticed is

like we sleep the same way and like when I turn one way Kai turns the same way and we're always looking at each other or looking at one another. We're never backs to each other. We always have to have an eye on each other. Maybe it's because y'all don't fucking trust each other. Oh, sorry, guys. There's a fight happening in the backseat, but just ignore it.

No, I trust you, Drew. Actually, you know what was weird? I woke up, what was it, two mornings ago, and your fist was in my ass. Dude, it was so weird. It was literally so fucked up. I need someone to beat around my bush. I'm sorry oh my god oh and then orion's uh cosplay as katniss everdeen shows up on screen

that's literally no this car is giving that thread on TikTok. Like the goblins just like. The goblins? I don't know why I've been referencing goblins so much recently. I just literally love the word. Love the word. Love their like lore, the little trinkets that they collect. We actually have Christian in the trunk, by the way.

Christian is here. Christian is here. He is here. He volunteered to lay flat in the trunk, by the way. Christian is here. Christian is here. He is here. He volunteered to lay flat in the trunk, and I told him he can't pop his head up so I don't get pulled over. Have y'all ever ridden in the trunk? Oh, literally, like, my childhood, I grew up in the trunk of a fucking car. Wait, wait, wait. Did they bring out food to you, or, like?

No, I had to go to the trash cans at the 7-Eleven down the street. Oh, okay. That's cool. I just meant like chilling in the trunk because there wasn't enough space in the car. No, I lived in a trunk for 14 years. Oh, remember when your nephew lied to the teacher and said that his parents make him live in the laundry room? He drew his bed in the center of the laundry room. We'll put the schematics.

It's the funniest thing ever. And she just hit up my sister and was like, we just got a concerning drawing from your kid. He said he sleeps in the laundry room and that there's scary people that pop in the window. And Jodi was like, oh, my God. But, yeah, literally cracked me up. Dude, I'm going to start lying about that right now. right now I'm gonna start saying y'all make me sleep in the boiler room me and Josh put you in the boiler room every night

your whole room is a facade if I fall asleep in the car y'all carry me inside but lay me into the boiler room and lock the door lay me down on a bed of boils wait how did y'all parents get y'all to wake up when you were like asleep in the car because

since we lived in miami my parents would lie and like wait to wake us up and be like we're in orlando we actually drove we drove to orlando we're at universal right dude holy shit that's actually so cute my parents would just put poppers under my nose. And smelling salts and poppers. Drew, that's really bad. Fuck. Fuck, I'm awake and horny. You would get up.

Stop. You would get up and sound like a Flintstones character. Like, drrrr. No, my parents were really cute. They wouldn't wake me up. They would just pick me up and carry the way I mean when you got like a sibling who's eight years old, and there's definitely boogers all over that fucking seat. Yeah.

And Lucas is like chewing on them. And I did rub my gooch on that before we got... Don't rub your gooch. This is my family's car. No, I have to mark my territory. You know this about me. Yeah. Yeah, only if you leave the bottle in the car, though.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Bad aim? Like, why even try that? No, this is my territory. bottle is that cool yeah yeah only if you leave the bottle in the car though oh my god bad aim like why are you even trying no this is my territory my gooch lives in this car i don't aim i just let it go i just see where the wind shoots you i literally if i don't pop a squat soon i think i might pass away it's been that's your your name your rapper name is Papa Squat. Lucas is Papa Pill. And mine is Papa Perk. Oh, there's a dead animal. Oh, yeah. Josh's is Pharmacy. Pharmacy.

That one's okay. No, that one eats. Are you kidding me? Wait, is Orion just ozone? Yeah. What's Kai? Kaiyami. Kaiyami.

What's Elsie? Elsley. Elsa. Elsa the Ice Queen. What's Elsie? Elsley. Elsa. Elsa the Ice Queen. What's that? What? Like Finn, like Finn, like what's that? Mike Wheeler. That's his rapper name is Mike Wheeler.

Finn just loses it and starts rapping and going by the name of his own character. I'm sitting on your... Cut that, right? starts rapping and going by the name of his own character. In the upside down yard. Wait, wait, wait. Cut that, right? Yeah, let me write that down. Don't cut anything. Okay. So powerful.

Sorry, he starts to freak out when he's on camera. Wait, what did he say? He said, I'm in the upside down. But like, I'm in the upside down. Yeah, we're going to start a rap group. So that's like on the list for what we're going to do. And we're going to start an Airbnb. We're thinking about starting an Airbnb.

Yeah, we're going to start Airbnb-ing out our apartment, but it's like really fucking expensive. And that's why we've been putting any in the boiler room to rent out my room it's a private stay you won't see us it's a private room you may see us in our little like robes pop out of our rooms full frontal nudity full bush i just i i never understand like obviously i get it because like you could stay in like a really nice airbnb if you do a private room and it'll be less expensive. But I could not do that. No, it scares me. It's kind of scary. That is literally the most terrifying thing ever.

It's literally a hotel. I have a friend who's done that before and he did it in Europe and I was like, you are insane. To go to a different country and do it in a random, random stranger's house. That's crazy. insane to go to a different country and do it in like a random random stranger's house like that's crazy honestly i would feel more safe doing it in like a different europe yeah for some reason i feel like they have like values and morals in other countries here it's like a killer would make an interview no we have are you okay in the u.s we have dignity we have pride we have anti-Muslim literally patriotism we have slay-tism

yeah okay servitude we've got servitude slay your honor your honor I'm slaying boo your honor I'm the boots your, I'm the boots.

Your Honor, I'm the boots. This is house. That's our DJ duo. I'm boots. The house down. Boots. The house down. Wait, what is it? We had a Your Honor joke last night where Kai said, I think it was when you went in, what did you say?

It was something like... Your Honor, that pussy was boots. No, Your Honor, I had a boner. Yeah, Your Honor, I had a stinky boner. Damn, her pussy was boots. Yeah, that's what it was. With the nails. That's exactly what it was.

It was boots. Dude, on the boat, Kai kept going like this, like with his nail, and then I was like going like this to a girl with like those pointy ass nails and being like, Your Honor, double D tits. Case closed. I use my tit as a laval. I like, or what is it called? A ga- a laval. Oh, sorry I didn't grow up in the fucking judicial system. Like, what are y'all fucking like little judges and judges? Girl, none of us did anyway i want to use my tit like the fucking whatever the fuck it's called

a gavel and slam onto the piece of wood and it breaks in half because it breaks in half and it's like it reverberates and sends a shockwave people's hair. It, like... So we're getting close. As you can tell, we're leaving society right now. We're leaving society. We're, like, going to find peace with ourselves in the swamp. We're doing ayahuasca in the swamp. I am on shrooms hella right now. You're driving on shrooms right now?

Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, I didn't know this was like an anti-drugs group. Oh, sorry. No, it is. Y'all are safe because you're like at the wheel. Yeah, it's like dangerous. Oh, so y'all are trying to guilt trip me. Like you haven't dabbled and gotten behind the wheel.

No, none of us have. I took a dab. I took a shroom. It's like a fucking animal. Do you want one? Yes, I need. Can I have five? Actually?

No. Can I have five? No, I literally panic... I'd have a panic attack. I can't be high around my family. It'll scare me. The last time we were at the Everglades, I got high and I felt like

I was making friends with the gators. With the gators? So cool. No, but then I also said that the gators would look better on a Birkin. And I said that because they're fucking scary. No, they're I also said that the gators would look better on a Birkin. And I meant that because they're fucking scary. No, they're big lizards. There is a program here where you can catch a gator and make a Birkin.

I'm not doing that. Oh, wow. I can't afford that. Catch a Birkin. No, no. Here, this is like a build a Birkin. But it's like cheaper. Build a Birkin?

Right from the serve instead of the source. Did you hear that? Oh wow that actually was like That was the scariest thing next to like volcanoes Can you guys like chill like I can see you in like my rearview mirror and it's freaking me out Oh yeah, I forgot we were working out Kinda Yeah like what? I just was fucking back here so

Y'all been boning back there? Yeah we like to film here Oh, so no one cares about us getting monetized like you're just busy being like yours? Yeah literally y'all are freaks Is anybody gonna ask me about this little orange bracelet on my wrist oh my god okay yeah where'd you get that bracelet where'd you go ever heard of soho beach house yes i have okay that's where it's from yeah it's from soho beach house it's this really beautiful place. I got you in. Oh, I got you in. Okay, I guess, yeah.

How are you there? Yeah. Finn, Drew just put his fucking boot down. Like, he literally, he put his boots down in the house. Heard of a little thing called Soho House? I put my boot down in the Soho House. I stepped my boot in the door. I've got my boot in the door, and soon I'll be running the show.

And these boots literally were made for walking these boots my are made for walking my boots were made for serving that's the difference between us Wow Walk all over Chi me Chi me Should we just talk about our friendship with the group and how hard it has been on me You're gonna say should we talk about it and like all the love it has to give not like no It's so hard keeping up with y'all mind if I text and drive. I'm just not gonna say should we talk about it and like all the love it has to give not like no It's so hard keeping up with Oh my god, in yeah, oh First I can't be high and drive and now I can't text and drive. What can I do like?

You can literally just drive sober and not on your phone. Oh, I have to have both hands on the wheels. I guess Oh, we're gonna die. Oh my god., I guess. Oh, we're going to die. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Literally accidentally actually killing us. I wouldn't scream. I wouldn't scream. I wouldn't scream. I would embrace it.

Did you hear what Drew said? See it on the Patreon. Exclusive content on the Patreon. Watch the whole squad fucking die. Literally David Dobrik be like, oh, I i'm sorry so literally kai i know i know i'm sorry lucas is listening to music this whole time just reacting he hasn't heard a word we've said um why did i have to pay for my birthday dinner because why did i pay for my birthday literally burdening us with your fucking existence so you have to give us my birthday dinner? Because. Why did I pay for my birthday dinner? Because you're literally burdening us with your

fucking existence so you have to give us something on your birthday. Literally, not only was it like the worst dinner I've ever eaten in my entire life. Which is your fault, that's not our fault. It was good for us. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. All of our food was really good. I ate the worst food, had three bites, was literally on the verge of vomiting the entire fucking dinner

and I like also wanted to off myself. Wait, am I the only one who, that was one of my favorite dinners I've ever had with the crew like or is it just me? It was amazing right guys like it was a really wonderful time. Yeah it was beautiful. Oh wow okay yeah well I wanted to kill myself the whole time and then I had to pay for my own dinner. See that's why I don't fuck with motherfuckers like you is because you like hone in on that negativity and I'm just like the positive. I'm a vibe terrorizer. I like to terrorize the vibe. That's like what I am. That's what I do.

That's my profession. Yeah, and you see how sometimes it mirrors right back onto you and then you have fireworks for dinner. You see, you can't terrorize the vibe terrorizer. You can't terrorize his vibe. Really? Because you sound bothered as fuck. I will make it miserable for everybody on this fucking boat today.

I will make it the worst vibe ever. We will literally just push you off. Like I will push you off. And that would be a win for me. miserable for everybody on this fucking boat today i will make it the worst vibe ever we will literally just push you off like i will push you off and that would be a win for me that would be a win for me then you get to be the victim yep um but in all seriousness i literally love when you guys come to miami i think it's like so funny like something about it is so entertaining because it's like seeing y'all in my like little world didn't i love it separate i want squad to come to literally shitberry texas and like vibe out go on the lake and shit like we've done miami twice now like yeah we've seen it actually i feel like i literally haven't seen it because we've just been here for like three days at a time

and i really do want to like like go on like a really like deep dive of like the herstory of your childhood just so i can see where you came from yeah maybe that'll be a thing where it's like not the huge crew because doing that with the huge crew is a little more difficult yeah um but we are doing um georgia vibes for oh yeah we're gonna hit we're gonna hit georgia we're gonna hit finn are we hitting vancouver no yeah we'll hit vanc yeah we're gonna hit we're gonna hit georgia we're gonna hit finn are we hitting vancouver no yeah we'll hit vancouver we're gonna hit england to see in provincetown elsie's we're literally going across the fucking ocean yeah well i like legitimately like with or without squad i'm going to elsie's grandma's house i'm literally going to london i'm smoking fucking spice i'm yeah i'm smoking opium in london with elsie's grandma um but we're uh

and then i want to do granberry really bad like i really do think it would be so funny seeing squad mobbing in granberry and then we all do honduras yes and y'all get left there all right we just wanted to pick back up before we noticed before we even knew it we were back we were where our dreams were going to be yeah we were already here and it was shocking because it was only like 40 minutes away when it was supposed to be an hour and 30 it was a crazy trip you know time flies when you're having fun with your friends you know people time flies when you're like just so horny packed into your dad's car sweaty with your friends no AC ass off and like praying someone gives you just a little bit of physical touch sorry I can't um but yeah we're here we're at

the Everglades right now. If you're from Florida or Miami specifically, I'm sure this is somewhere that you either heard of or you've been yourself. It's very hot and nice because I haven't like really been in the sun as much this whole time. So it's nice to get that sun like on me. You know, I thought sun was supposed to cure depression, but, like, every time I go into the sun for more than, like, four hours a day, by the time it's ready for bed, I literally am the saddest I've ever been in my entire life. Did we click record on the camera?

Yeah, I did. Wow. No trust. No trust in a woman. Just making sure. No trust in a woman. Like, y'all are, like, invalidating me. No, yeah, you can't trust women because they make mistakes.

I will say women are, like, really bad at their jobs. Like, they usually, like, do a worse job than men. Yeah. They're just not as smart. Like, for instance, a man was driving that car. So he got by very smoothly. He didn't crush our toes. Exactly. If a girl was driving, our feet would have been ran over. She probably would have murdered us.

And we would have died, probably probably and turned into fucking pulp. But like that's just kind of the vibe recently we've had. Is not liking women. I don't want to. I was joking. I don't want to. That's the vibe we've kind of had recently. The media of the week is us reading like men in this book. So I've just been like really like opening my eyes up to like the fact that like men should be seen they should be heard men should be seen

not heard that's my take actually yeah like I'm always down to be seen why you're rallying that well I don't see you Kai I see the type of person that you are that's how I feel about Kai I see the kind of person he is I see right through that little shy quiet are. That's how I feel about Kai. I see the kind of person he is.

I see right through that little shy, quiet, nice man facade. I know you're evil, and I know you stink because I can smell you. Baby, grind on me. Relax your mind. Take your time on me. Relax your mind. Oh, my on me. Relax your mind. Oh, my God. Get the fuck away from us.

Oh, my God. We can't have a moment to ourselves. We just can't. Like, that actually creeped me the fuck out. That was dangerous, Kai. That was really dangerous. And you're going to hell. You're lucky I didn't have my fucking pepper spray on me today.

Because you would have got got, bitch. You would have got got and I would have rolled you into the swamp. Sorry. One of you. Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Honestly, apology denied.

Denied. You know what? I'm going to take that apology and shove it right up your fucking ass, motherfucker. Kai's down for that, though. That's a thing. Is the wind bothering it your mama i had sex with your mom last night did you know that kai and she squirted everywhere did you know your mom was a squirter oh my god why would you know that kai yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah get it get it get it get it get it get it get it dude when we went to like a club the other night i for the first time looked around i was like dude

my friends so obviously do not fit in no i was like they are so obviously like the like odd ones out and like especially when miami like classics obviously like the like odd ones out and like especially when miami like classics were coming on and me sabrina and like all my miami friends are like singing them and screaming and then y'all were like dancing don't include me and y'all i was in on the miami songs i guess yeah you've you've dabbled you've trained my ear yeah you've trained my ear. Yeah, that is true. You've trained me. Did you hear I'm So High playing? You just might be the sexiest thing. No? Wait, sing.

Keep going. I don't remember. Up in the club, up in the club. No, I don't know that one. I am trying to. Damn, maybe I am just one of the jesters. Yeah, I know. You are just like a random motherfucker.

Damn. I know. It sucks. It sucks not to be in. Oh, my God. Are you dancing to me singing, Kai? Yeah, it sounded actually fucking good. Thank you. I get that a in. Oh, my God. Are you dancing to me singing, Kai? Yeah, it sounded actually. Thank you.

I get that a lot. Oh, wait, actually. And I'm so high, and I'm so high. Yeah, okay, I do know that one. Just your tone was off. You're blaming me. You were out of key. And I'm so high.

I'm never out of key. I'm always having a key. A key, a key, a key, a key. Here, here, here. A key, a key, a key. You're out of key. And I'm so. I'm never out of key. I'm always having a key. A key. A key, a key, a key. Here, here, here. A key, a key, a key. Here, here, here. But yeah, it was really funny because I turned around.

I was like ordering drinks for everybody. And I turned around and I was like, oh my God, my friends are the losers. I was like, oh my God, we're the losers. We did look like loser freaks, but also at the same time, we just have fun. Like we don't. No, but what's fun is like like, in Miami, they actually dance. So for once, we didn't look like total losers. Girl, no one was dancing.

There was hella people dancing, but people were dancing at their tables with their crews. Yeah, maybe that was the case. Guy said, and it fucking cracked me up. He was like, we were literally at a Fortnite map last night because that venue looked. The Tilted Tower. Yeah, there was a tilted tower

and they were like it was crazy if you live in miami the club was oasis in winwood um it was really funny um but kai at one point got really hot and wanted to take off his hoodie and i know like i didn't talk to you about this and i don't know if it actually bothered you but i was cracking up because he went to take off his hoodie and i was trying to help him but his shirt came off with it and he had to just commit to being shirtless for a minute in the club and do you know it was so sick that if i tried to take my hoodie off with these fucking nails and how sweaty i already was my shirt was gonna come off no matter what so i was just like i have to lean into this and just make it a bit and i knew that like if i like was struggling and you would start to like rip it off

i did i thought i was helping it did help I did help. I thought I was helping. It did help. It did help. Because your sleeve was hella stuck. I don't know how you did that so bad. Like, I've never seen someone take a hoodie off and then the shirt come off that much. Like, I feel like in middle school. He does it on purpose because, yeah, he is a little slut.

Yeah. In middle school, I feel like that's, like, one of the worst things ever is, is like when you're taking off your hoodie in class and then your midriff shows and it's, yeah, your little, your little belly pops out. Like, I remember being so embarrassed by that. No, that was literally my dream when I started wearing my training bra. I'm like, oh my God, I have to take my hoodie off. I hope my fucking bra doesn't show right now. I hope nobody sees that I'm growing in these fucking AAAs, these AAA batteries, these AAA nipples right now. These mosquito bites.

Yeah, my fucking swollen nipples. Um nipples right now. These mosquito bites. Yeah. My fucking swollen nipples. This guy's going the wrong way. Yeah, this is actually really fucking toxic. So embarrassing for him? But yeah, we're at the Everglades. We're kind of chilling, waiting on our boat to pull up because we missed our boat. We live like the real Miami life.

We go from yacht to airboat to yacht. Tomorrow we have another yacht 8 a.m and then they have to get on the flight but the flight is departing from the boat yeah it's a air it's a water plane uh water plane water plane back across the country the scary fucking birds the scary fucking birds are out to play no those are the like big miami birds no the white one just flew by i know i am sad that I leave tomorrow like I feel like we're all me and Lucas were talking about it we're like damn like this shit went by so fast like but like time flies when you're having fun I said it time

flies outside and hey me this literally this segment that we're adding is literally just us singing the entire time and sorry nothing it's because we're in Miami and when you're Miami, you got that groove in you. All right. Well. Girl, no, we. Nine minutes. Oh.

Yeah. I was about to say, we have not been doing anything. I'm so scared of them getting on the boat without us. What if they fucking depart without us? Girl, they would not depart without us. Someone would run over here and grab us before they left. I'm literally so excited. They said we have an hour and a half.

Oh, shit. Until the next boat pulls up. When we got here, my whole family and like a few other friends were like waiting outside and I was like, this is so fucking funny and then we all hopped out of this car and it was like my family, all my friends and like it's just

such a funny sight to see. It's a surreal sight. It's a beautiful sight. It's beautiful when you make friends who your family love because I've literally, that says a lot about a person. My dad was actually saying that yesterday. He was like that says a lot about a person my dad was actually saying like I say he's like it says a lot about you like I've never met like a friend of yours or like a friend of your other friends who I didn't like and that says a lot about them because people they brought around me like we're rude or disrespectful then that shows a

lot on the character they actually are outside of my doors and I was like that is so true and then he called drew jesus he said drew looks like jesus i did get the jesus i've been getting jesus comments the entire trip like by like random strangers in the hotel they're gonna fucking start also someone called me and think you fucking washed up on shore to like save to save miami just put some blood around my head and i'll like really serve jesus let's put a flower crown yes every every rose has its thorn femme jesus put a flower crown instead of thorns what'd your dad say about me yeah he didn't mention you he did talk a lot about me though he was like he was

saying no actually i'm sorry to cut you off he was talking a lot about tyler not you girl really yeah first well no he was talking about you i'm sorry that was mean of me no i'm saying really to tyler no i fully cut you off every time i cut you off on podcast i get really uncomfortable and nervous because i'm like oh my god these are just like our things where people can like look at that and think like i'm the worst friend to you and it like makes me really it just makes sense in our friendship it just makes sense in our relationship um it says a lot i'm just that's something that I've been like really leaning into recently is like kind of my like um what's it

called introverted vibe like I was talking about it with Kai where I feel like I don't know if I talked about this in the last episode I don't think I did maybe I did I don't know but I was just like I'm leaning into my introverted side like I feel like I've lived a very extroverted early 20s and now I'm like like oversaturated with like friendship and which is like a very like like I'm just way too loved and like I have way too many cool people around me too many friends way too many cool people around me that I just like need a break but like genuinely I feel like I've like been hanging so much and like seeing people all the time that like I just need some time to myself and just like need to be alone in my room sometimes and like but I feel like I have always like been like that though like we're hanging in

big groups like I'll just like retire back to my room yeah that's like always been your vibe um but yeah I'm just in my introverted era right now um now that i have gray hairs no one can see me now i have now i'm gonna wear this hat like fucking crazy you already do wear that hat bitch it's fucking like it's you know when like people wear like a band-aid too long and it's like their skin starts melting into the band-aid that's like you and that fucking hat yeah it's it's sealed to my head you pull the hat off and my hair comes off with it you pull it um I just love this cap. I love the way it fits. I love the vibe it gives off. You just look good.

You look sexy. You kind of look like if you had two beers at a bar and I bumped into you, you would turn around and push me on the floor. No, that is who I am. I'm leaning into that character. Wait, you do that kind of stuff? Yeah, I beat people up.

True. I don't give a fuck. Ew. We can't. I beat people up. You like holding it with your nails they're no i can't say that um but yeah um when i cut you off when you were about to literally lie and say that my dad was calling you sexy or something because you were fully just gonna lie when kai was like did uh

your dad mentioned me and you were like no he mentioned me a lot and you were just about to lie because you weren't there no you called me and told me how much he talked about me. Oh, he actually did. I fully forgot. See, that's how easily I forget about you. Oh. And don't fucking forget it. That's like really fucked up.

That's how easy I can replace you. Wow. No, no, I feel good. That made me like feel really good. But yeah, my dad was like talking about Drew yesterday. He's like, he's like, man, like, cause obviously we've kind of talked about like our rough patch. And obviously I told my dad about that because I'm a fucking.

She talked a lot of shit about me and probably exaggerated about me. Yeah, I was being hella dramatic. I was gaslighting. Probably. I was sleigh lighting. But yeah, I was like told my dad about all that. And then he was like, I feel like Drew's like grown so much over the past two years. And like, he seems like such a good kid.

And I really like him. Like he was like, I like such a good kid and i really like him like he was like i really really like drew and was just talking like highly of drew but then randomly he started talking about like tyler the creator and i was like what because we were talking about like uh fashion oh yeah um and then he was like speaking of fashion you know who like i like what i saw the other day i saw that video of tyler like riding his bike around and he was going on like the craziest like tangent he was like oh i saw that video of Tyler, like, riding his bike around. And he was going on, like, the craziest, like, tangent. He was like, oh, I saw that video of Tyler, the creator, riding his bike at the Louis Vuitton show. You know, that's a motherfucker who's, like, done everything right. He's, like, made sure he was in the right rooms at the right time.

And he's going to be the biggest name in fashion. And I was like, I've never heard him talk about that man once in my life. But he was going in. But he's not wrong. He's not wrong. I know he wasn't wrong, but I was like, he was going in. And he was just, like, being just like being like a fan i love that your dad knows things about like like culture culture yeah like i that's like super sick like he's intertwined in like young people culture my dad

couldn't name a soul um that i fuck with heavily that's funny for some reason he also thinks finn is a youtuber though he said that yesterday to my family because we were talking about carbone and like uh finn was like really sweet and i really wanted to take my dad to carbone but um they wouldn't bat an eye at me um so like he got me and my dad a reservation which was literally so sweet like i took my dad to dinner like a really nice dinner for his birthday and he like really like my dad used to be a chef and he loves like food and just like restaurant culture so he really likes going to nice spots so we went um and i fully forgot where oh but then when i got home my uncle and aunt were at the crib like with my mom and my uh

my dad was like talking about how like it's really hard to get a reservation there apparently and then he was like yeah but like one of anya's friends who's like a really big youtuber got us in and i was listening to it and i was like that's not what he is but okay i was like okay maybe he's not that tapped in because my mom knew who finn was but like my dad was like your mom lives on netflix though i know my mom can't believe netflix every time we log into netflix it's so fucking like sorry i was gonna say it's so fucking, like, sorry. I was going to say it's so fucking loud, and then I got mixed up in my sentence. Hold on.

Never mind. Keep going. Every time we log into Netflix, everything's in Spanish because my mom is watching, and she, like, only speaks Spanish. So then, like, we'll, like, be watching a trailer for something, and it's like, En el final episod. Dude, yeah, we'll be, like, five minutes in and realize that the show is not supposed to be in Spanish. We'll be like, wait, what the fuck? We'll be like, what's this Spanish film?

And then we're like, oh, it's literally subtitles. It's literally super bad in Spanish. The euphoria. Why did you pick an idea that says McLovin? McLovin. McLovin. McDonald's. McChicken.

McDonald's. Oh my God, I'm fucking up some McDonald's after this. Yeah, no, McDonald's. McChicken. McDonald's. McDonald's. Oh my god, I'm fucking up some McDonald's after this. Yeah, no, that's been my vibe the entire time and no one's fucking let me live my McDonald's vibe. I'm like, why do we have to go out to a nice restaurant every night? Why can't we just go get McDonald's? You literally sound like a 10-year-old. I ride so hard for McDonald's, it's insane. It's the best Like, it's, like, the best restaurant, like, ever made. There is, like, there's validity to that statement because there's no way it's the biggest restaurant in the world.

And literally everyone on this fucking planet, not everyone, but, like, literally 95% of the planet has eaten McDonald's. I've never had McDonald's before. Oh, my God. That's why I wanted to go. I was like, oh, it's a big day. We're going on the boat. Like, maybe I'll try something new. That's what I wanted to do.

Girl, I ate you out in the McDonald's bathroom. Oh, my God. Why are you lying? Why are you fucking saying that? Like, why are you going to, like, let the public know that kind of shit? What if they just got on the boat like maybe i'll try something new that's what i want i ate you out in the mcdonald's bathroom oh my god why are you lying say that like why are you gonna like let the public know that kind of shit what if they just got on the boat without us and dipped i would literally fucking punch my dad in the skull that's our boat though that's your boat that's the private boat oh it is yeah so all right let's do some media real quick wrap this up really quick all right so i haven't again been watching too many shows um because i've just been binging futurama that's been my vibe um so like we've just been

yeah i've just been like binging futurama um. But my music is Chrome Country by 106.Never, 9-Bit Blues by Kid Koala, and He's a Mighty Good Leader by Beck. I've probably said all three of those songs already on this media. But it's okay because it just shows that I'm about what I say and I listen to and love those music. I'm about the things I claim to love. Okay, my media of the week is By the Time I get to phoenix by dorothy ashby star by 702 i would die for you by prince and inside it out by

feast their cover is so good feces i already said it out by feces feces like poop yeah no and why would why would a band call themselves poop drew uh there's literally the poop fuckers and the shit fart you mean the butt suckers um is that what it is the butt suckers right yeah drew you don't know shit no there's also the poop shitters i swear to god there's poop shitters kai you would know you're like one of those like guys who like just weirdly knows a lot for no reason yeah the poop oh my god oh my god so you're you you're giving promo oh I watched the green knight

on the airplane was it horny was it hella horny girl that shit was boring as fuck was it hella horny I got halfway through and was bored as shit

like I can't do like old English movies it was horny there were horny scenes yeah I just wanted to watch it because I heard someone say that

the horny scenes were really sexy is that actually true because I only got halfway through and was like okay I literally am falling asleep watching this movie. Yeah, I feel like it's a really boring movie. But people were like, dude, that the sex scenes were, like, some of the most, like, intensely horny things I've ever seen. Oh, word.

Yeah, I mean, like, there was some really. Which is reason enough for me to watch anything. I take that back. It wasn't, like, bad. It was. Could you see, like, any penises in it? I didn't see cock at all but no it wasn't like bad it was just like like just not the the the pace that i wanted to be on the airplane

like i wanted like something that i could like understand like what was going on well i watched moon rise kingdom for the first time super Super cute. Good movie. So good. There's, like, one really good song off of there that I, like, forgot to, like, look up, but I want it on my playlist. And then, dude, it feels so good outside right now. And then I watched Jackass 3 with my family. And it was really funny because, like, Natalie is around the age where, like, I was when I was really obsessed with Jackass. And I wanted to see if she was, like, into any of the guys on it. Like, if she had a crush on Johnny in Oxville, who was on my flight I literally was belligerently horny like I'm not kidding like I oh I did sorry sorry I just had to bring it up again but you know how I'm always like oh because I don't find like random men attractive but for

the first time in my life I was next to a man where I was like I will literally like gobble your balls I will somersault onto your balls right now. And do a backflip. And if you see this Johnny Knoxville, I will literally gobble your cock. Like, hit me up. Hit my line. But yeah, I made them watch it. My mom agreed that Johnny Knoxville was sexy.

And then I told my dad that I found Johnny Knoxville sexy. And he goes, he's an old man now. And I was like, he's a sexy old man now. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Period. But, yeah, so my parents would approve of our relationship. Like, it would be chill. Let me know.

Yeah. I think that's this episode. Thank you guys for tuning in. Y'all are my heroes. You're constantly slaying my day away, and it's just, like, very curious how powerful all of you are. Honestly, the theme song for Emergency Intercom, I'll just riff it real quick. No, no, no. I'm making up a theme song

get Dom over here I love emergency intercom viewers and you're really beautiful and there's like a vibe to you guys that I want to know better and Inya and Kai

are ignoring everything I'm saying because it's the Inya and Kai podcast but at the'm saying because it's the Inya and Kai podcast But at the end of the day, it's emergency intercom And there's hella beautiful viewers There's hella bitches who wanna fuck me cause of this Cause I'm so sexy you wanna suck on my bow Alright guys, my media of the week is the video I took of Drew while he was sleeping last night I pulled his pants down

No, you're not he did send it to me it was a good video did i look girthy and you were hung like a horse big cop double d balls we should start i wish i think honestly honestly i wish my balls were a little bigger i'll say that i'll admit that. Okay. Your body is honestly perfect. Your body is rocking. Have you seen my penis before, Kai? Yeah, I mean, in the video last night. I got it.

And then I played with it, too. Okay, okay. That's it. Bye, guys. I feel like my butt is sweaty. Is my butt sweaty? Oh, don't look at my ass, Kai. Kai's looking at it way too long.

He looked at it way too long. Oh, my God. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.