Emergency Intercom - Podcasters Are Essential Workers. Change Our Minds

Episode Date: September 30, 2022

Enya and Drew have no idea what phones are, they know what iPhones are but not phones. Insane. They also talk about how waterparks are mostly piss and that Podcasters are in fact essential workers. Right now, get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to BABBEL.com/EMERGENCY Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, of Emergency Intercom. We have a lot to talk about today. Like, we just have to clear the air.

Just like, really get into it. I'm sure you've seen um all the shit the rumors being spread the fucking rumors the lies fucking real everything is not real um i don't even know why people would say i have a small penis but it's i know and the thing is i think a lot of people like to like so like you can see you can see right now that i don't because okay like i would i'll give credit or like not credit but i'll give leeway because i think a lot of rumors start as a joke so it's like someone says a joke and then somebody who is a fucking hating ass cunt bitch no life loser yeah who has a pre-meditated

negative bias towards my friend is like oh so he does have a small wiener you don't know me yeah that's the thing is you don't know me you never will know me so why are you talking about me keep my name out of your mouth exactly yeah so we're just here to clear that rumor um and that's the episode thank you guys so much that's honestly all we have the energy to talk about because it's just been like draining both of us yeah and i'm because yeah i'm sorry yeah to you you should be for being just an idiot oh that's not what i was expecting because i just put my fucking life on the line to fucking defend you. I just put my life on the line.

The little line. I just put my well-being and my... I just put my livelihood on the line. This hat makes my head look so fucking big. I got bad news. Don't even say it. It's the head. I can't.

Not the hat. I have a ginormous head. You do not have a ginormous head. Your head is proportionate to your body. No, no, no. If you had a smaller head, bitch, people would make fun of you. I wish I had... Beetlejuice. ginormous you do not have a ginormous head your head is proportionate to your body no no no i have a smaller head bitch people would make fun of you i wish i had beetle juice like you know in beetle juice with the small head that's what you would get called if you had a smaller head no i wish

my head was like a quarter of an inch just smaller in circumference because i would be more comfortable that's what i literally how i feel, someone needs to invent that, actually. A head surgery? Yes, Kai has said it before. Like, brain shrinking surgery, head shrinking surgery. We need this. We need this for the big head photos. That was real. That's something that I got.

Shut the fuck up. It was not real. Was it real? For real? It was real. It was because I was too smart. Well, you got to go get another one. Because I don't like how much you're still able to talk.

I also want to address some rumors. Oh, my God. About me having a huge cock. Okay, yeah. So, yeah, Kai's back. Oh, you were probably wondering who's interrupting. It's Kai. Yeah, Kai's back.

Yeah, he's back. Kai, you were gone for like two episodes? No, we did a Zoom and then oh no i guess two because yeah because his work you weren't in the forest y'all yeah keep that in mind he does not care yeah i was um i was in mexico partying with dualipa looking very cool and normal dude i'm sorry kai but that video when that came up on the tiktok for you page kai we watched it on the big tv i'm sure to see i know i saw it and i was like fuck like i'm done i'm gonna get bodied dude i like this is strike one that was strike one i know i got distracted. You know what's crazy, too?

That was right before a huge disco ball almost landed on Dua Lipa. Actually. I'm not joking. There was an earthquake like maybe a minute after that. Oh, yeah. I saw that on your story. There was like a 9.5. Oh, wait.

That happened while y'all were there? Yeah. I was like making her laugh and shit. Oh, my fucking God. Like you had a lie? You had a lie? You were such a shit hole. You had a lie.

You were such a shithead. You had a lie. The earthquake didn't even happen. That happened on the 9th. How do I fake an earthquake? I don't know. That's an assquake. Okay.

I was making Dua Lipa laugh so much that her ass was like clapping and shaking the earth. And then the disco ball almost fell. Okay. Yes. Why does it have to go there? Because I'm a straight man and i like fucking ass and boobs and also that is what happened so i like ass and boobs i was about to say like you're moving your head you're like because i'm straight like um but yeah what

there was something we were going to talk about on the podcast and i started talking about it and then i was like i should shut up and i don't remember um well i have everything written down ever oh the thing i was gonna say is because i talked about hydro flasks and like how i don't wash mine um last episode i talked about how i was sick and now i have bronchitis that's worse than not washing your bed sheets not washing your hydro flask okay no because now what you're doing is you're bringing something in that you feel personally like yes ashamed of no exactly to battle me and like exactly no it is not because my hydro flask it's just like my clean mouth because i brush my teeth very often actually i have been washing the top of it but and muck and girl you run around outside

and then get home and get in your dirty little sheets like that i'm gonna record it next time because i don't care i like the way i smell when i come inside from the outside um anyway yeah i was thinking because um i've just been using my hydro floss last week and i was like oh this is probably why i got bronchitis is because i've just been collecting my flu germs on my top and then sipping on it like a big fucking baby bottle and i put it in the and usually i'm good about it usually i don't use a hydroflask while i'm sick because of that but i didn't think about it ironically enough i haven't been sick in like two months and it's because i haven't used your hydro flask

i just haven't been sipping from it and for some reason i haven't gotten sick but when i start so what you're saying is you have a friend who fucking cares about you and build your immunity see other friends they're building they're building businesses are you building their immunity think about that and we're building businesses and immunity t yeah that's like when drew gave me gonorrhea i think i think about it in that way where i'm like i'm stronger now you cannot be saying that shit like not you you can't you can't just like it was what can i say so you're just you're literally like okay you're you're outing his history, like his sexually transmitted disease. It's also my history.

It's also my history. His story. His story. His story. My story. But yeah, I thought about that today. Well, I've been thinking about that, actually. I've been thinking about that, actually.

A lot of people the more places come out with chicken sandwiches I've been thinking about that well I've been thinking about wave pools like at Hurricane Harbor a lot like at water parks

how does those exist those are like the most diabolical what i missed you guys i swear to god this is crazy you've been hanging out with normal pill people for so long that this is like jarring no but um think about a wave pool right thinking those are the most dangerous things in the world like how are they like everybody that i had know that's been in a wave pool has had a near-death experience anyone like i remember when i was like seven years old i also i've been doing this thing where i speak with or i use my hands with conviction like i moved in with conviction and it's an alpha thing so as i'm like are you sure it's not like a like a

like a bit of a flamboyant thing it's like it's a bit or are you transitioning from like moving your hands like this to like this sleep with one eye open i'm telling now I want you to live so do that um but yeah I when I was like seven years old I like was in a fucking wave pool and you know how there's like that floating buoy line like right before all the mechanics well like I me and my friends thought it was like really funny to like go on the other side of it and like swim up and then swim down and like just do it as many times before getting like caught and one time i went under and went over to it and then i went back under and i could not get back up for some reason i literally think it was like either like the waves or something were like pressing down on me too much and i literally could not get up and i had to be saved by a fucking lifeguard because that is so embarrassed underwater and it was like it was like

sucking me in and then pushing me back but i couldn and it was like it was like sucking me in and then pushing me back but i couldn't swim up because it was already sucking me in again it was it's terrifying it's really fucking dangerous and like those are one of they're fun as fuck but like those are one of those things that will look back on and be like why the fuck did we do that like did you go to water parks a lot uh yeah you watched class action park right oh yeah dude the their thing about the wait the johnny knoxville one no the like documentary oh i've probably seen clips of it on youtube oh you need to watch that because like one of the things they talk about do you mind if i like talk about it okay um one of the things they talk about is their wave pool

and how literally like they would put like new lifeguards on there or lifeguards who did something bad there as punishment because you were going to have to jump in every few minutes and you were 100% going to have to basically like retrieve somebody who had drowned or like and they would have to stop the wave pool every 15 minutes to see if a body was under because it was like so gnarly and it was like that's what i'm saying yeah well literally one kid died in my water park in the way it wasn't the wave pool i think it was like at the bottom of the slide but there were just so many people that he literally couldn't get to the surface oh hell no yeah dude wave or water parks are gnarly like i see more people like there was like that one dude who like it was like

that water slide where you rode the raft up and down the hills and like he like got too much momentum and didn't stop like the wheels didn't stop him before getting to the top and like he just ramped up and was literally decapitated and his like little brother was in the raft with him and like just they got to the fucking bottom of the slide yes wait at a water park near you i think it wasn't near me i think it was near christian actually yeah um but then those like really tall slides like people always died on those too like it's insane water park harvard also not to mention like so fucking gross like literally you can smell the chlorine it's because there's too much piss

yeah it's because they're trying to cover the fucking piss like if you can smell chlorine that's a bad sign don't get in that pool it's got shit and piss all in it i like never really went into wave pools because basically there was like this one water park that was like i don't even know where it is it's called water rapids and if you're like on the east coast like the south side you have probably been to water i'm a west coast person personally you're not from the west coast where's water rapids anyways if you where is it where is it wait is water rapids not a thing anymore i don't think water rapids is a thing anymore there is no way oh it's in west palm beach okay in my in my rapids water park in my head this was the furthest thing ever so actually i take back what i said because this was still like an hour away from my house

but like that was way too far for my family to go for a water park but i only got to go like two or three times and i remember just as a kid being so overwhelmed and like i and i was never really scared of water because i was like a beach baby growing up so i was like always like at the at the beach and stuff like playing in waves and i was never really scared of drowning because i was a psychopath and as a kid that's how i wanted to die i really wanted to drown um but i remember just like going to the like at my young age like my intuition was just like still so good but i remember going to the the like wave pool and being like this is the most like inhumane thing ever like this should not this is this is danger being mimicked because waves are so dangerous like if you go to the beach a lot you know that like there's nothing more terrifying than being tumbled around in

something that is like like the force of nature like there's nothing assisting you so why the fuck were humans like oh my god i almost drowned we're gonna do this but so much human fun is that have you seen the clip of the dudes like in that like giant wave pool with like 10 000 people and they're like selfie videoing themselves because it's like one of the most gnarly wave pools in the world and like there's just a wave of people and then like people riding the waves on like orca um whatever they're called floaties and they just dive right into them and it just like fucking it's the funniest clip ever of a wave pool but um i did have a arrow and when i was like seven or eight that i was obsessed like i was like i

would look up videos of wave pools all the gay kids when they were younger would be in the lazy river why was that a very why is that like a very telling thing were you in the lazy river no okay i was just i don't know i was just curious because like i've never heard that so it sounds like it sounds like something that would come from i just answered no so fast i loved the lazy river at my local water park it was like so fun i have so many pictures my dad has so many pictures of me in the lazy river that's what i'm saying because it was fun and now as an adult i would pop myself in there with a margarita as a kid i just had to use my brain think about that what was i doing like i wish i could go back what the fuck was i

thinking because i would be floating around we were literally doing i was just swimming laps because i liked how fast you could go and like there were like the little sessions with all the waves or the so you were in the lazy river and you would uh swim with them really fast so you were in the lazy i'm just recounting your experience oh okay that confused me it sounds like it sounded like you were saying yours but no i loved the lazy room. I'm just recounting your experience. Oh, okay. That confused me. It sounds like you were saying yours. But no, I loved the lazy room. Yeah, because sneaking out of your tube and then getting yelled at. Also, yeah, water parks are just fucking gross because the amount of piss.

And the amount of babies in swim diapers. Swim diapers are the biggest scam ever because like it is literally it's just a diaper like diapers are already waterproof like in a sense because they are sponges like you can't make a diaper that you could go into water with and it won't just like soak up the water because every baby walking around a fucking water park has the heaviest little soggy butt ever and it's full of shit and piss and chlorine do you know instant snow yeah did you know the same material that is in diapers is instant snow it's just a bunch of little polymer why are you laughing so hard i don't know you guys are funny like

sometimes it feels like you're laughing at us no i'm laughing with you for sure um but yeah stinky little butts i would never go to a water park i i would never take my kid to a water park honestly i would give my kid oh my kid is going to the water park that's how i'm never sick it's because i got my immune because i went and i swallowed so much i think my local water park what what because i went and i swallowed so much water at the water park you didn't do that oh okay i would like swim around with my mouth open in my like my face halfway in the water and i would just like collect all of it i actually would like oh yeah i would play with the i would fucking like i was straight up up i would literally put it in my mouth like water like literally do do flag water like i don't know that's why i like um overpriced like

specialty drinks so much because nothing can replace the flavor of um piss and shit real shit real fucking shit it's been a while since we've talked about eating shit on the podcast i think this is like the first time in like a like two episodes yeah at least two episodes so yeah we eat shit um which is lit if you're a newcomer um well also the uh whole cousin thing is coming back up which is really fucking annoying um because we've stated our piece on this like yes we do what we do also i'm wearing angel numbers on my shirt for all the astrology girls like this is your sign to do what you need to do i don't know if one one one is angel that's the monster logo wait actually we need to see what one one one is because what if it's like kill yourself you wish um angel number it is fresh start new beginnings oh so start anew um live your life

i'm still constipated like still and you know what okay i don't know what i did to receive i feel like i'm receiving physical karma for something i did because i just i got really i got really sick and then finally when that alleviated i got letting me talk i okay because i was talking and you just are like trying to butt in while i'm talking so like and i got then like the call to oh yo Oh. Yo. It's literally a sickness den in here. Both of them are coughing. But that cough didn't sound bad.

A cough is a normal cough. So I got like deathly ill, which I never get. I never get like sick to the point that I like. And like, dude, I have to stay home and like fucking like lay in bed. Because usually when I'm sick, I'll just like run around and like cough on people and make sure I like and putting my hands in my mouth and like touching things in public. And, you know, like I do my best, like I said, to build immunity for the community. So when I am sick, I try my best not to stay home usually. But I was so fucking sick that I couldn't go out and spread my like disease so i had to stay home and then finally when i felt better i had this like dry burning cough that

actually every time i coughed it felt like i was hitting the world's hottest blunt on the planet and it was like filling my lungs it was like filling my lungs with heat i'm sorry i have to cut you off there is period blood on the toilet seat oh is there i think so on the back of it oh that's i'm sorry well no i licked it clean don't worry i didn't see that don't worry i guess i'll clean it were you worried that was the funniest i've ever seen we have to insert but i was like did you see don't worry darling and yes what yes were you worried you just butchered that so anyways then i my sickness evolved into bronchitis and then i got my period and i never get cramps and

shit and my fucking i my body's aching my back hurts my fucking does anybody else's vulva get sore when they're on their period my pussy feels like it got beat up my pussy popped severely now i'm insecure about the blood on the seat so i have to go clean it you look so stupid you look crazy um fuck you look schizophrenic one time when i was like seven or eight i was really getting into like drawing and art and shit while all of my older brothers were like starting to love like sports and football and everything and it was a fine christmas eve at my grandmother's house and all of my older brothers brothers and cousins got uh like footballs and baseballs and sporting equipment and helmets and jerseys and shit and i got a customized care bear and when i opened that care bear it was like

rainbow it you colored on the belly i was like like so fucking excited. I was like, this is maybe the best gift I've ever gotten in my entire life. And then literally everyone made fun of me. My family, my brothers, my sisters, my cousins, literally everybody made fun of me for being excited about it. So then I shut that side down for like years and years and years. What side was that? My lit side. And now I love myself. How the hell are you gonna love someone else if you can't even love yourself? Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Now to heal your inner child, you have Grindr. I need to give my inner child a gun i need to give my inner child a set of matches gasoline a gun lsd a hummer pickup truck oh bitch i wanted a hummer so fucking did i tell you i saw a hummer without the wheel on the back and it was the most naked car i've ever seen it probably was ugly it was so gross i was like damn who knew that one little dot it's like taking a nose away from your face so bad and i like begged my mom to get one so i could like be in a hummer and my mom also wanted a hummer really bad and then i was like four i was like you need to just write a check and get that Hummer. And she was like, do you know what checks are?

And I was like, yeah, it's like free money. Like I didn't understand what a check was. It kind of is like free money. No, it's not, dude. There has to be money in the account. Fraudulent. I've paid so many people with money that is not there. Yeah, it's just like, what are they going to fucking do?

Like get the money somehow? Like, no. They don't ever come and get it. What the fuck? Remember when banks used to have the drive-thrus and they would send the check in the tube? Oh, that was so sad. Oh, that was fun as fuck.

I put bees in one. Yeah, well... I sent bees back. I sent bees back to the wasp nest. Is there, like, you know how adults, like, grown-ass adults are always, like, me acting like we're not all adults? Bees for teeth. What the fuck are you saying? Like.

I forget what it is, but there's, like, this joke or something that my teeth were replaced with bees. Oh, yeah. What is that? Harry Styles, maybe? I think so like you just said like the most like incomprehensible thing to any human who doesn't know who we are what is that harry styles the the bees for teeth thing where is that um but um you know how adults will be like like old fox will be like oh i remember back in my day blah blah blah blah blah blah i'm like we used to do it like this i have so many things that i've been thinking that i'm

like oh my god that is i am one of those people like when i went to go get this phone and they told me it was seamless i was the person who i was like that is so fucking stupid like why would you take no it is actually it is actually stupid it's a very like create a problem to sell the solution yeah like and i was and i was like this is so stupid blah blah and then i started thinking about it and we are fully gonna be like um we are gonna be seamless like in the next like 10 years i bet there will be no phone carriers because i guess other carriers because i didn't know there were other phones other than iPhones. But apparently there are other cellular devices that you can purchase, which is really confusing.

What? There's so many. Because I thought there were only iPhones. Like, what are the other ones? I don't know. I don't know. You guys don't know that there are other phones? There's only iPhones.

I don't even know what the word phone means. I know iPhone. Is that a separate word? Because there's iPhones, but... Do you guys know that there were phones before the iPhone? I actually don't know what that word means. Yeah, because you keep saying it without like... That's like if you...

I was like, oh, did you know that there were ohms before homes? Like, what are you saying? Yeah, like you're taking a letter out. Did you know that there were other types of iPhones before the iPhone? Yeah, there's iPhone like... 4, 3, 2G.'s iPhone like 3, 4. 4, 3, 2G. They dropped the 3G model.

No. Like, you guys could not be more wrong about this situation. Okay, because that's funny because it's two against one fucking idiot. Yeah. I didn't think about that.

I hope you feel alone in that corner. That's literally how people who are wrong are right is because they can get if you can convince enough people that you're right then it's like mob mentality you know what um a thing that i came up with

is what history is written by the victorious oh the cast of victorious wrote history i swear to god like i don't know how ariana grande did not write okay wait we have to talk about this there was a girl in the theater. And I'm, okay. I don't know what's been happening. I've never heard other humans laugh such a like cartoonish, non-realistic laugh. Other than the past month when we went to see Bodies, Bodies, Bodies. And I love it.

There was a woman in the theater who at every single joke, I was like, bitch, you belong in the 80s in an audience for a sitcom. A sitcom left track. not in this movie theater like because she was literally like like I swear to god go on your instagram story right now go to music type in female laughing and click the first one and that's literally what she said that was her life and then yesterday this couple came into the theater and it was like this young girl and guy and the guy was making his girlfriend laugh and each laugh she was like

each one each one was exactly identical to the last one and i couldn't believe it i was like i cannot believe this girl is getting away with life laughing like she is cat from victorious like she's literally laughing like ariana grande's character in victorious i feel like i'm still confused i think you would laugh like that if it was the 90s yeah straight up you know what i mean like do you ever think about that like the way that you talk you see interviews with people from like 1999 and they just talk differently they talk like they're in the 90s that was because they didn't have iphone and they living a sad, depraved life. Yeah, that was before iPhone. That was before we were all being turned into one

into one singular human being. The iPhone. So yesterday I was walking down the gate at our McDonald's because we are heathens and order McDonald's at 10 a.m. Oh, yeah, I've also been sick, and then all day I sit around and I forget to eat. Why do I feel like shit? I don't feel good.

One, she is eating like fucking garbage. Like the worst I've ever seen her eat in my entire life. Because normally India is really good about eating good fucking food. But you know what it is? It's like I don't want to have to take care of myself when i'm sick you're also leaving in three days so i understand like not getting groceries yeah so that's the other thing is i'm like bitch i'm not about to buy things for it to go rotten oh we were talking about the whole cousin shit so there's this youtube video um titled like what if all humans started inbreeding what were you

saying about getting the mcdonald's i'll tell you in a sec okay we'll get to this first um but what would what would happen if all of humanity started inbreeding and the first like minute of that video is me proposing to my beautiful wonderful cousin inya um who i had three children with it's just like who are long gone i wouldn't consider inbreeding no that's not it's just it's love because all we have is love also like we make love why do we have to put like such labels awful label on things that are beautiful we don't have to label everything that's old head mentality man yeah like what we are are lovers yeah we're not incestual like what does that mean rancid disgusting people um but yeah i'm just i

needed to nip that in the bud real quick before it just like got yeah it got too crazy too wild um but so i was getting the mcdonald's at the door and at the bottom of the stairs, I had remembered something that I trauma blocked from two days earlier. And I've been wearing really, really embarrassing underwear lately. And Kai has seen me in them and you saw me freak the fuck out. No one is allowed to see me in my underwear, like in my embarrassing underwear. It's like really fucked up. But it's just all I have. What's your embarrassing underwear underwear i don't even want to say it because and i'm sure people can infer um it's tighty-whities uh but i like was like ass naked around the house like

while everybody was gone because it's like funnest luck like i'm just in my boxers which i'm okay whatever um i go to the front i order food I order Subway and I go to the front door and I let like two minutes pass three minutes pass before I went and got my food because I was like I do not want to be seen in these by anybody let alone a complete stranger and I open the front door to grab my food and I just like swing it open and I like bend down and I look up and he's literally still standing there on his phone and he looks up and sees me and I freak the fuck out I slam the door and run away and I that's literally I was like I didn't apologize I didn't say anything I was just like oh my god and I just like left and it was like maybe one of the worst things that's ever happened once you put that chicken

mcchicken to your mouth your problems dissolve oh it was subway oh it was a spicy italian with tomato with lettuce with banana peppers i used to get it um with oil but i took the oil away um on that particular sandwich and i'm putting it back because it adds to it i added mayonnaise which is fucking lit i added cucumbers which is fucking lit it's really refreshing and then i don't get it toasted i get it cut in half and i add extra cheese. And that's the best sandwich you can get. I used to eat the tuna from Subway.

You guys completely dissolving the illusion of what it's like to be like an influencer in LA. Just talking about how excited you are about mayonnaise. Dude, Subway and McDonald's are so good. Mayonnaise and ketchup.

Our job is hard as fuck yeah what we do is harder and we only eat like that because it's our it is our last choice because we don't stop working until what like 1 p.m i'm working in my dreams baby i'm never not working i'm writing them bitches down it's my heart my job is harder than any retail they added they added podcaster to essential workers okay exactly that makes sense yeah because also my dad called me and he was like and yeah it's getting hard out here like it's just so hot like i'm aging and i still have to work outside and my life is really hard and i was like oh my fucking god why the fuck do you keep calling me don't complain to us my work like working. I'm literally like, and then I fucking hang up on him.

And then I look at Kyle and I'm like, you better fucking cut that out of this. You better cut that the fuck out. Because my dad is on the phone crying to me. Then my mom calls and she's like, Enya, like, can you please, can you help with the phone bill? And I'm like, oh my God, you fucking bitch. Throw your phone away. Why do you need a phone? I need a phone for my work.

It's crazy because I find myself working past like 5 15 on like the average day like no sometimes my work stretches past 1 p.m and i don't know i don't know how people do it like what the fuck i have to wake up picture this i wake up at 9 a.m i put on makeup and i come and i sit here and i fucking give my heart to you bitches. I give you my everything. And all you do is laugh. Fuck. What was I saying? Physically, this job is hard, too, because I have to keep up this image.

Yeah. Because I have to, like, go to the gym that I spend, like, so much money on. Like, ugh. You guys do look really good, honestly. Like, both of you guys's skin and your hair looks really good thank you i have not washed my hair in so long it looks like very silky thanks it's literally natural oils yours is falling out there's a huge look back on bitch what really i i think it looks good yeah it's true loves to pull his hair out and say, it's falling out.

It's falling out. And then he's like, why? Why do I have like split ends? And it's literally because his hair does naturally shed. But to show us, he rips his hair out. He's like, look. Yeah, it's falling. I've pulled more hair out of my head than I have like actually shed my hair.

Just to show people that I'm balding um but I had a very stressful event happen to me about three months ago and I think I'm finally seeing the damages from that in my own body I like can't think of what happened three months ago like you don't want to know oh I don't know what happened oh when you were talking about subway all i could think about is when we walked to write in which is like that's what what the fuck are you saying to me right now who wants us to pry so bad like about what happened no you clearly want us to okay well that's good for you keep that shit to yourself no more prying like if you don't want to tell me something like i'm not looking for it

like you either tell me or i i keep going yeah like i'm with you on that i want i wish this was a real soda so i could shake it up and open it like a cartoon and spray it all on you um but what i was thinking about me and drew were in right aid and before we went he was telling me what he was gonna get he was like i'm gonna get lace chips and then when we were in there he was looking and he was like i thought lace chips sounded really good and i was like you're thinking of how good lace chips are when you have a subway sandwich with it like that's a different like that is a different ball of it l of the sandwich elevates the chips to another it's a symbiotic relationship yeah and the chips get elevated to another level because that crunch mixed with that

meat oh and what is it about what is it about having a mouth full of chewed up mcdonald's with some coke on top oh what is it about that mixture me with popcorn you know what i do i take a bite out of my hot dog and i was like this is awful I take a bite out of my hot dog. I stuff my mouth full of popcorn and then I drink the soda and I melt it. It's so that changes it because I thought you were just doing popcorn and Coca-Cola. And I was like, this. Oh, I do that as well. Dissolving paper. I literally do do that as well.

You know, Alex from Target, right? What if I told you I was him? I would literally. That's why I'm here here i would show you a video of him and i would be like this you were not him uh dude i loved you were not her i loved my job at target it was like so late why'd you leave it oh you love it so much you got one small kind of better option and you fucking left yeah ellen was such a bitch to me like she was so mean like she brought me on her show and like she told me all these lies to my face about how like we're gonna make you a star we're gonna make you famous you're gonna be mine you're all mine now it was really fucking weird and she brought me up did you want me on the show

yeah basically it was fucking weird and she thought i was a girl um she just said all these like really crazy things to me about like the internet you've seen the interview with me and ellen and then um she just dropped me she forgot about me and oh wait so this isn't better than target you just ended up here yeah this is like your rock bottom well i feel like this is a really good place for me. So now I feel like offended. Yeah, but you're not Alex from Target. Do you know where I've been? The places I've seen?

The amount of money I made? Didn't he get like sponsored by like Vans? No, that's Daniel. Yeah, Daniel. Damn, Daniel. I just saw the clip the other day of Josie on the floor saying like, Vans sales have gone up 700 since squid game um we talk about josiah every single episode but and he doesn't come around why is it in a woman's

dna when she is single to post more selfie to you it is like god did that. That was like the iOS update for women. Like single post more selfies. Single get hotter post more selfies. Okay. Because that's what I do. If you see me posting myself a lot, I am genuinely marketing myself. Crackhead. Okay.

Why are all girls who use ig crackheads i hate that all my laughs sound like they're being muffled through a smoker smoker cough um okay here's something i wrote down i hella ate dog food as a kid and i wish i was brave enough to eat fish food too that is the most vile thing i've ever heard you didn't think you don't think fish food but you don't even like tuna so you don't you're you're like coming from a different place yeah no you're coming from a less expanded palate me since i was born dog food i had i had this sense i i felt like remy from ratatouille i had this like ultra violent i will say i will taste and the dog food so the bacon the little bacon strips okay now you're pushing it that shit looked yummers i

never ate it um but i always wanted to eat i know i ate like it comes in the the yellow bag because that was the dog food we got my dog it comes with a yellow bag in the yellow bag and it has the like blue like um like stamp of approval on it do you know what food i'm talking about i agree yes um i ate that all the fucking time and then we had a big oh hell no bacon strips you wanted bacon strips bitch you just wanted bacon i just wanted that you wanted so good they have like the dye on them yeah it literally just really red it just looks like um like fake tofurky bacon that you can eat now it looks so good um but fish food i i think that's the most vile thing i've ever heard you say or come from your mouth. Like that's that's really rancid. No, like I would I would take some rice right now and put some fish like food on it.

Oh, doesn't that change it? Yeah. Like bonito flakes. Yeah, that's literally all it is. Yeah. That makes a little more sense, actually. Yeah. Because that's just elevating.

It smells fucking good. Like if you don't think fish food smells good, you're just like not that person. Like you were just like you're honestly not on the level i'm at like you probably you probably can't walk into nobu and get a table without even saying a word and that's the level i'm at and you if you don't like the taste of fish food or smell it you can't do that you've never done that oh i do it all the time i just don't do it with you because then i wouldn't get the fucking table okay yeah now yeah now you you by my fucking side they would look at me and they would put me aside and they would be like and yeah what the fuck did we tell you about this freak and i

was like oh my god i'm so sorry like i honestly forgot he was in the car with me he was in the back seat because i make him sit in the back seat because i don't like him on the passenger seat driving with a parent has to be the most frustrating thing on the fucking planet uh me predicting the queen's death it's the most frustrating thing on the planet i know i'm believing me you did look back everybody predicted the queen's death everybody predicted the death of a mid 90 year old 130 year old woman was going to die yeah but no one predicted the day our time when you did that because now you're probably you're probably look go look go look where you're not giving me just find it i

don't need to explain myself and everything i'm gonna start saying i said shit because really who's gonna look through like 64 hours of footage to see if i said it like i said that i would me and k Kai both would. Yeah, we both would. I'm going to take my fucking diva cup out and like, go like this to it. There's a Twitter account that predicted the day that the queen died.

There's always a fucking Twitter account predicting something. And then the Simpsons. Guess who runs it? It's Twitter and the Simpsons. I can't believe the simpsons predicted this me no

please don't fucking talk like that no okay are you gonna cut that i mean yeah i'm i'm always here to protect your image yeah yeah i don't even know why you're fucking saying it you shouldn't leave that fucking note down i did i wrote it while you were hitting him while i was what now you gotta cut that yeah i'll cut that too well i was giving him the attention he needed. And I'm definitely not going to leak it on the subreddit. Oh, shit.

I like how you flinch your head too. Like still. Well, I'm getting hit. That just hurt. All right. Sorry, guys. The makeup crew had to come in and touch me up. But we're back.

We're back we're back someday oh i was talking about this yesterday um it's actually really awesome to see people like excited about a bjork album release like i feel like the last like two albums she's released like no one has given a shit there's gonna be one person who's like i cared i cared i cared i cared uh no you didn't you're lying to yourself um you did not care to the degree that i've been seeing online and it's just really fascinating and awesome to see like a revital or revival of her like cult like audience especially in like gen z um which is cool i don't give a shit about her new album be real be real i'm there because two of the singles like ovule and whatever the other one was not the fucking trumpet one but two of

the singles were pretty good um so i am curious the trumpet one was the craziest song i've ever heard in my life don't don't get me wrong i will listen to this album and i will probably love it but like i'm not like excited about it like i was excited about like i don't know somebody made a really funny tiktok that was like guys we did it we hit the end of music with that song with that song it was like guys we did it like we we hit the end of it there's i thought it was the the brockhampton song which one the one where every instrument that song is fucking lit it's lit it's lit there is something about it that you're like damn they really don't give a fuck. Such a simple time.

Oh, Kai. What? Such a simple time. We didn't talk about it. And it's been three episodes since. But we just haven't been in the same room to discuss this publicly. But I had a sex dream with Kai. Ew, come on, man.

I did. I really, I real life for real did. It's true. He told me. I told him literally all about it. Actually, I didn't tell him all about it. I just know it happened. And I have this thing where if I have a sex dream with someone that's in my personal life, I have to tell them or I will never be able to look at them the same way.

And the next morning I woke up and told him immediately. Was it gross? No, it was lit. I'm not joking. It wasn't a sex stream i don't remember what happened i just know it was lit you don't remember what happened see i've only had two sky why don't i remember what happened it's what i wasn't memorable what i did to you wasn't memorable oh so y'all actually had sex and you tried to suppress it because you're embarrassed and ashamed of how gross he is. You don't have to be ashamed. Everybody's had sex with somebody who's so fucking foul and ugly and disgusting and they regret it.

Oh my God. But like you move on. I don't believe this. And then at one point in your life, you're like, you know what? That person wasn't the grossest person on the earth. And that dream was a way for me to cope with a traumatic event. So coping. That's literally all dreams are. Coping. And that dream was a way for me to cope with a traumatic event. That's literally all dreams are.

Coping. Coping mechanism. No, dreams are me being on the fucking magic carpet going through the like tonic tundra for fun. The tonic tundra? That's the new Fortnite map that's loading. Tonic tundra. Okay, I've only had sections about two people in the group um and it's orion and drew and drew's was horrifying it was literally horrifying and we were like being forced to do it and it was literally like

i think it was because all the times oh that was a thick glob huh did it hit the back of your tongue or the front hit the back of my throat yeah just like the dream just like the dream the one with drew and it was literally like i think it's from us always being like i feel like if we were forced to have sex like it would just be funny but the dream was not funny it was literally us realizing like oh this isn't funny this does not work awful um and then the other one was with orion and it was fucking lit but it was like sad because we were like, dude, we shouldn't have done that. And like, we're just like, I must have been like hella fucking horny because like a few

days prior to the one I had a sex dream with. Oh, I know. And your mouth, I think fully showed. Just make a note of it. Yeah, but it was um fucked up and i i that was one person that i couldn't tell that i had that with but i told everybody else and like i genuinely still to this day cannot see that person the same what the fuck are sex dreams they're so embarrassing like i have zero interest or

want for these people why am i having sex on planes i always fall asleep thinking about sex okay that's like and then i knock out i am offended like what you said is offensive can you stop being so butthurt it's embarrassing it's true bitch I made your butt hurt in the dream. Let's talk about that. Wait. Girl, hold on. Tell me why cheating on your significant other is the best thing ever invented. Like, for me, as a man, I get to have sex and have zero feelings. But as, like, a woman or my partner in this situation like you're obviously you cannot have sex with another person because you'll fall in love with them but me i'm designed

to do this cheating is the best thing ever invented and i won't back down i saw this girl um made her he said quote that clip that clip clip that clip that chat i thought this girl made her husband um sign a clause or like her fiance that if he cheated on her it was something like he had to like pay her like it was like um like a mo for emotional damages like which is gonna make me harder and better which i actually think julia fox actually talked about this too i think is a reasonable thing because you have to think because julia fox explained it like perfectly she was like the like emotional trauma that that causes on somebody and how like hard it is to get past it and go into other relationships with that like

genuinely does complicate your life to a degree that is like immeasurable so it wouldn't make sense to have to like pay for that person's like therapy to have to like work through that I was like yeah I'm not gonna do that because I'm gonna cheat um so I don't want to put myself in a pickle

cheaters no I actually do fully agree with that that's like a I don't I wouldn't blame somebody if they stabbed a cheater not killed them but like stabbed like punctured yeah a cheater doesn't deserve to be killed but they deserve to be injured like some kind of like injury

yeah like maybe even like a pinky toe ripped off cause that's like you don't need that but it will hurt and then every time you look down you will be reminded of the awful thing you did or like to be spanked should we get into medium yeah let's get into it let's get into that all right um you take whichever movie i don't say um or we can do it the other way okay so uh me and inya and josh went to two movies in a row and it was so fucking lit.

We saw, well, I know you stink. I smell bad. I just showered. I make it funny like I don't do that every episode. I think it is okay and natural to smell yourself. Nice. You like that? I think it's okay to smell yourself because i'd rather smell myself than

like wait for someone else yeah like that clip of that girl at the festival like smelling herself when she's jumping around and having a good time and then she smells herself and puts her arms down like people were making fun of her at first but then the rest of the world was like wait no like that's so good and you're self-aware and thank you for putting your problem is i think my stinks my must smells really good so i would keep my arms up attract attract some some fine specimens um but we saw two movies in a row we saw uh the movie i'm going to talk about is what fucking movie is it barbarian barbarianbarian is fucking a masterpiece. It's like terrifying and hilarious.

And like, it's like no point is are you able to really guess what's going to happen next? It's like one of those like, dude, it's so I don't want to spoil it because like going into it. Going into a blind was so good. Don't watch a trailer. Go watch it without a trailer. It was so fucking funny too like it was nothing i that was like the last thing i expected yeah exactly it was so i almost didn't go see it because i was like this is gonna fucking suck because i hate scary movies because i think

they're so like it was like the first like good scary movie in a while yeah like since like mid somar also what i just thought about was you know the audio that's going around i was like yeah i was actually supposed to be in that music video yeah i was and it's like um it's just supposed to be making fun of people who randomly were like oh did you know i was supposed to be in that movie but i got invited to the premiere of that movie and i didn't go and i literally was like wow i got invited to that premiere yeah at the end of the movie you announced it to the entire full fucking theater like damn I should have gone to that I should

have gone to the premiere I was invited to yeah that was so good but it was also just like one of those movies that you get to be rowdy in and like no one can be mad because like you can yell or you can be like damn I was cracking up I said we were laughing at the wrong times i said bro really loud at one point and literally like got a laugh and it was way too good for me like oh do you know we didn't even talk about this after but literally before like right when the movie started like i'm not joking like a minute into it like this really silent part happened and then literally you just hear someone's ringtone and it's like do you like piña and then it cuts off and he just runs out of the theater and we died laughing because i

first of all that is your ringtone yeah exactly like what the fuck is happening it was so lit also um you know we had to clap for nicole kidman um and we got the theater literally rolling in yeah yeah it craps in correct um yeah her uh amc like before the movie thing like we were like and then the whole theater just all like first out laughing and started clapping because everybody like when it started kind of went dead silent because everybody knew it was like oh my god it's it's the commercial and it was a packed theater it just felt so good life is bad baby but um the other movie we saw was fire of love and genuinely best movie ever best soundtrack ever i love that fucking movie i'm literally going to make me and drew have decided we are going to make volcanoes

one of our personalities and we are going to see a volcano if not for his birthday for my yeah we're gonna go to iceland and we're not there's two types of volcanoes and we learned this from the movie um there's grays and there's red i want to we want to see red the red is the most beautiful one but like the composition of the shots in that movie was fucking crazy like it made me like really really envious and like i have this issue when i see someone creating really good art that somehow feels like i can make i get this like weird feeling where i'm like i have to do that but then i'm like that is literally not something i'm capable of doing um because it was just dude it was like gorgeous jaw-dropping it was like audibly being like oh my god yeah we like

couldn't shut the fuck up because we just kept being like dude what like it was like comical how good it was and then it really just yeah i was gonna say that's something i really love is like i think my favorite kind of like the reason why i love documentaries and the ones i usually go to watch are ones where i'm watching footage from like just somebody like videoing somebody they like and like or like love. And like that's like the best kind of footage to watch. Have you seen Grizzly Man? I love that so much. Yeah.

We saw it together. Okay. And that's what I love is just like people filming themselves or like, which is actually crazy to think about because that's why like YouTube and like the internet does so well is because people just inherently like that because they'd like to feel human which is like the simplest thing anybody's ever said but like it was just so good literally a masterpiece and like that was the post i was trying to buy and i was being yelled at yeah y'all like if you see barbarian or if you want to see barbarian or or uh fire of love um go see fire of love of the two but i will say um it is like a slow documentary and it's like it's a french documentary um because they were french

volcano volcanist volcanate i just the hardest word ever um so because one's a documentary and then one's like a blast to watch but like it just depends the mood you're in um but both are so fucking good i would see fire of love again like i like genuinely i'm like i need to yeah i would see it again just because it's i would see both yeah i was just about to say like both are just to catch little things um but yeah fire of love was really really fucking incredible whoever directed and edited that movie and did the sound design it needs an award put their whole fucking pussy into it like walking into it i was like i was like dude this is gonna be like cool they used or this is gonna be cool but it's not gonna be great because they used all the good footage

for the trailer and i've already seen it all but like it was jam-packed hour and 40 minutes of like the most incredible beautiful footage you've ever seen the most dangerous footage you've ever seen it's literally the greatest soundtrack i've ever heard also just the most romantic thing i've seen in a long time yeah like that was the crazy part i've never seen a documentary about something so science-based that was like so romantic yeah based in love and dude those freaks were like philosophical geniuses like they their writing was gorgeous um but for my music media i gotta i gotta talk about um love a fire or fire of love soundtrack so orca by nicholas godden um the big ship 2004 by brian enu and then they they had forever time journeys by niran rattan in it which was fucking lit but clouds up by air is the other one that like was really shocking to me yeah that whole soundtrack dude it's just a great sound it's

literally i'm not kidding i think it was like the best soundtrack of all time and like the best it was the best like non-original soundtrack ever like because when I was watching it I was like dude some of these songs had to be made for this but no it was just whoever curated the soundtrack for that was like so spot on

so literally everything on that fucking soundtrack is top and then um No Bitterness by Alex G. Am I the only one that wants fucking top right now? All You'll by Bjork. Wish by Blood Orange, which is, I already think I fucking said that. I think I already fucking said that. What the fuck?

Never Could Have Been Worth by Everything But The Girl. Everything But The Bagel. fuck um never could have been worse by everything but the girl everything but the bagel and then um wait what album is this something you have it's uh wait give me one second oh oh port and spark by joni mitchell because i got it on cd finally because i haven't been able to listen to Joni Mitchell in so long because since she's not on streaming services I think she's just not on Spotify maybe she's on Apple but I use

Spotify so you better work work work work work work work work work work work work work I have to start buying I think I've already said this but I gotta start buying like CDs she is on Apple but I don't use Apple so I just haven't listened to her in a long

time and that was really nice because I got to use my nice CD player I just have to get CDs of all like the classics I have to go like make a list and like find them for dirt cheap because I don't want to spend CDs are so new CDs are so expensive expensive expensive but yeah thank you guys so much for watching this episode New CDs are so expensive. Hella expensive now. So expensive.

But yeah, thank you guys so much for watching this episode. I hope you enjoyed and loved and had a blast and a great time. You're wonderful. You're beautiful. Every emergency intercom fan I've ever met in my entire life, I'm like, wow, y'all are pretty. So if I've met you, you're pretty. And if I've met you, I fucking hate you. I'm kidding Outro Music