Emergency Intercom - pride episode

Episode Date: June 6, 2025

Enya totaled her car and Drew lives in alternate realities that don't exist Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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These are the biggest deals of the season. I'm shouting it from the rooftop. We have a radio ad. You don't need to be up there. The Summer Big Red Sale is on from June 5th to June 12th. Conditions apply. Details online. Oh my god, Inya! What? You're an ally. No, this is for Ali.

Oh, Ali Spagnola? No, no, no, no, this is Ali. Okay, welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I am realizing now the comical timing of all of this. But if you listen to the last episode, I talked about doing shrooms for the first time. And through that video, I got reached out to by a spiritual guidance counselor by the name of Ali. And I've done shrooms every day since.

But, and I don't pay for anything now. What, wait, is that a tattoo? I don't, well, yeah, okay. Also, okay, so her birth name isn't Ali. Her birth name is Sarah But Ali stands for all Libras love you because she's a Libra and she believes that within like astrology big Libra Yeah, but big Libra. She believes that like Libras are top tier, but I'm okay that you guys think it's for Gay people because I like gay people too. Well, you know what month it is, right? Are you aware?

Yeah, it's like the gay festival month. Well you know what month it is right? Are you aware? Yeah it's like the gay festival month. That's what my groomer for Azul called it. Yeah Azul got groomed it was really fucking weird. I know I should have put child protection on it as well. You should have protected him bro. Like it was really scary. So you're an ally? Wait I'm confused are you an ally or not? I am by default because I do have a lot of gay people in my life, no hate to the game. But this is for my spiritual. Why did you look at me?

What? Why did you look at me when you said that? It's your month. Yeah, look at your arm. I got my flags and I'm waiting for my. Should I call people and come out to them on this episode? I'm gonna do that. Who are you gonna call?

Okay, who am I gonna call? Well, I did, okay, so I wanted to wear something festive for Pride Month, so I wore something that, I didn't wanna wear the colors because I didn't wanna confuse anybody. I wanted you to go all the way and do the full rainbow. For anybody who doesn't know what this is referencing, we'll throw it up, but I don't have, I'm not kidding, I wanted you to go all the way and like do the full Throw it up, but I don't have I'm not kidding I sat there for it took me so long because for a second

I did it with white under and then I was like I was like, okay I need to do the colors cuz that's what makes it funny and then Oh, I look stupid no, but I did okay, but before we get into that, my outfit, I just didn't want to confuse anybody. Especially with this tattoo, I didn't want to throw anybody off because people have been making that mistake, which makes sense. Because I got a discount on the tattoo because I got it on Sunday, on June 1st. And I thought he was giving me the discount because I'm a beautiful woman and it was Sunday. But no, it was, I think he thought I was playing for that team and I love that team, go team,

but I'm not on that team. Also, if you don't know, that's a joke. I literally just got all of my acrylics removed, like get off of my dick. But oh fuck, what was I gonna say? Oh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, wait. I did do eyeshadow

It's iridescent the rainbow is there the rainbow is here in your heart Okay, who should I call? Thank God. I didn't get the tattoo. I used to really want when my boobs sat perfectly on my chest I wanted so badly to get a tattoo right here bro that would have been so fucked up it literally would have been like when your child is growing and you're like marking on the wall that was like line line line line line what were you gonna get some dumb Miami shit I was gonna get like a heart or like a star a butterfly or like an e and he would be a vibe I would but like a star. A butterfly. Or like an E. An E would be a vibe. I would still get an E. A monarch butterfly.

But like I would have to get the E like more down here. Well the amount of happy pride text messages I got was like genuine. I'm not, I am literally not joking. I got 30 of them. I'm literally not exaggerating. 30? Aw, people think of you. I know they really do think of me, but Don't fucking think of me when I'm ready. All right, the 30 people is what like did you get any happy prize?

I was one of them. No, they were all they were all facetious cuz they know I don't play with that shit They know they also is this sounds really like disruptive. I Think when you do that yeah Not when you're just like chilling Wait, um Kai sent a picture Kai every single time He's out of state with someone and they're at lunch He sends me a picture of them together and then says we're glazing you right now So I want to know what the glaze is about because you only say we're glazing you right now. So I wanna know what the glaze is about

cause you only say we're glazing you but like I wanna know what the conversation. I've done that before. And why never me? Because that's like weird to do that to a girl. I'm not gonna glaze a girl. That feels mischievous. Wait cause his glazed, like to me I'm like wow,

you guys think he's like really funny and cool and awesome? Like why can't that be happening for me? Cause what is the glazing about? Well, me and my male friends will sometimes get together and do like male pride. We'll do male pride or we'll just talk about gather guys for hours. What did y'all talk about?

Male pride, that's just gay. I can't remember what the exact thing was. I think we were just saying, you're like incredibly nice and welcoming and you have like a like you're advanced but you're very nice which is very rare you know for someone to be like intimidatingly cool but also incredibly nice oh my god wait and again we only brought that up because we were doing male pride out so I'm intimidatingly cool but I'm also a good person. Yeah.

Wow. I could see that. Because your silence from the outside doesn't seem fearful. It seems like, hmm. No, I'm listening. Because you're terrified. When I get in big groups, I realize, the reason I don't speak is because I'm listening.

You're too busy listening to speak. I'm too busy trying to fill the silence because I don't want to be in a room with strangers in silence. Also guys, y'all are gonna see my, I might put on a different shirt because this is crazy. I'm like sweating crazy. Oh, it is?

Like, damn. You do sweat so much. Yeah, I try to tell. You do sweat so much. Yeah I try to tell people I sweat so much like I think I'm gonna get botox all over my body so I stop sweating. I brought in a topic to talk about. Um you know how like men that check off are called gooners? Enya's a goonette. Aw.

Oh My god Did I say something um Yeah, what did I say you just called her a goon at Yeah, cuz Goon males are gooners and anya with the rose toy. I just thought with the rose toy. Yeah, but you're It was a straight man. You're a straight man. And it's weird when you think about her doing things like that. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's really destabilizing.

Yeah, you're right. Can you compliment me a little more? Oh, yeah. You look very handsome. I always see comments of people saying that you look really handsome. I personally think you have Pedro Pascal vibes. You wear really cool clothes. Thank you. That fit you really well. You have a really, oh, you know what? I was with my friend in New York recently

and she was like, skinny skater boys, they have the way that a shirt will fall on them, no one else. Like it doesn't, the same shirt shirt will fall on them, no one else. The same shirt will not fall on other people the same way. And you kind of have that vibe. Skinny? Yeah, the way that shirts fall on you, you have wide shoulders.

I do have broad shoulders, I'm proud of my broad shoulders. Yeah, you do, yeah, exactly. And I used to get compliments by older men when I was younger that I had broad shoulders. Like 11, 12 years old. Oh, that's like trauma. It'd be like, you have an athletic build. Yeah, I don't know.

Okay. How old were these men? Like in their 40s and 50s. Okay, yeah, that's maybe a little bit inappropriate, actually. Yeah, that was, after I said it out loud, I was like, cause that genuinely did happen. I just want, can I dump you up?

Thank you for always keeping me in check. I think sitting in my room and getting ready to do what is my job, which was putting the word ally on my forehead, it really was freaking me out, I can't lie. Like I got here and I was in such a good mood because originally I was gonna just like stitch a little like felt thing and put it on that gold shirt.

But then I remembered that picture and I was like, oh, I love that picture. I wanna do that. And then once I really got to it, I was like, oh, whoa. Like, I don't know, it was a bit jarring. But the good news is I talked to my psychiatrist set forward today.

So that'll be good news. And then the better news is I have my haircut tomorrow, which is after my psychiatry appointment, which is amazing. And she's doing the big chop, y'all. She's getting it all off. Really? Mm-hmm.

Well, I'm doing the Demi Lovato shave on this side. This side, and it's gonna be to the ear, kind of like that one Always Sunny Artwig, the blonde Artwig. Inya's going for that look on the other half. That's gonna look really good. It's gonna look awesome. I'm really excited.

I'm kind of nervous, but it's for free. So I think I'm just gonna do it. I, yeah. What? But it's for free. So I think I'm just gonna do it. I am Yeah Cuz I look good or wait Is it kind of destabilizing to see me like with this on my hand? I don't know cuz I kind of think I did like an amazing job. You did great That also took her two hours It was two hours, by the way. Yes, it did.

It took you two hours. It was two hours. Oh, suck my balls. Oh, he's the reason I do it. Oh, YVL. That's the pride handshake. Yeah. Oh my God.

Gay friends struck by lightning Kai. that was repeated eight million times this week They just like started doing the voice to be like Gay guys struck by lightning is one of the funniest It's so real also. It's two of my favorite like things gay guys and lightning Like literally best combo ever it really does not get better than they need to put that on like somebody's like menu like you know how everybody does a matcha collab now like air one does a smoothie with everybody they need to do a gay french truck by lightning smoothie we'll make it that's gonna be my Airwon collab, but it's gonna cost $38. Girl, where is the pride Airwon smoothie?

They can't do that because if you mix it up, it'll just turn brown Like with it it'll oxidize and in three seconds it'll be like It'll go flat Well, this is the first topic that I wanted to bring up today by the way y'all this is something I have written down that I thought the world needed to hear like I really I when I wrote this down I was like oh this is fucking I'm not kidding I ate all my fingernails off last night. Yeah

No, I really just laid in bed I'm not even kidding talking to a Ryan and not off every single one of my fingernails and guess what? I ate every single one of them like swallow swallowed bitch. I swallow period 70 calories right there. Mm-hmm I just put it into my fitness pal But this is this is a thought this is a thought I had that I was like the world needs to know the App Store logo Sucks dick and balls and we're not having that conversation. We haven't ever had that conversation What is that? I know it's an a and I know it used to be paint brushes and rulers and shit but like now it fucking sucks. Yeah now it looks like um. And then they didn't ever I never realized and they didn't they didn't want me to realize this because now I'm bringing

it to everybody's attention. Look at the other fucking logos. They all suck. All of Apple's logos suck. Apple if you're watching this which I know you fucking are change the UI this month or else your apps are Okay, not too not too much. None. Don't scroll over two more. Oh Wait oh We're good actually wait, do you have them hidden? No, I don't actually deleted them all Wow True spotty tensing up watching Yeah, that fucking sucks it looks like a stack of fucking pretzels

But also everything Apple does at this point is all fucked up. Like we genuinely shouldn't we shouldn't have gone past sidekicks Yeah, sidekicks were lit as fuck. I would love that right now. I also want us to go back to like remember that phone that was like a blackberry but it wasn't and it had like a screen that you could draw on and it had like a pen did you ever see yeah yeah I want that cuz when someone pisses me off I want to like I want someone to turn over to did you just redownload that that quickly? What was that? That was Grindr. It was fucking Grindr bitch.

Fuck y'all. It was fucking Grindr. I'm allowed to use Grindr. It's fucking gay pride month or whatever the fuck. In the three seconds you just brought that up talking about talking shit about the app store and you don't like it. You went on. Yes. Yes. Eight notifications.

I'm sexy fucking hot. I made a new account. Hello. Like people like really desire me It was caught guys on his phone on the other side. Oh Well yesterday I Got into a car accident. It was awesome. Oh, yeah, it crashed her fucking car again. Oh, okay Again, are you okay? I crashed my car. I've never crashed my car. It is actually crazy that your car has been crashed into

or other people have crashed your cars more than you have crashed your car. Yeah, like your your car is so like your vehicle is like the one that other people crash. I know. I don't know what the vibe is. Like, people just love hitting my car but yesterday it was kind of my fault but also not my fault. Oh it was a hundred percent your fault. No no no no no. I um to be fair it happened on the same side that guy hit my car and you kind of can't tell. Um which she hasn't gotten fixed yet. I've reminded her eight time now. Eight times. Eight time now. yet. I've reminded her eight times now. Eight times. Eight times now. That doesn't make sense. It's just grammatically not correct. In what world would I get in my car on a beautiful pride month

day and go to the car store to fix my car? Actually, getting your car fixed is the most ally thing you can do as a woman. That is the gayest thing you can do. No, the gayest thing I could do is leave my car fucked up because I bet it's a bunch of gay people who have been hitting my car. See, there she goes. What? What would you even make me say? What's the deal with the ally tattoo on your forehead when you want to be saying that?

I've heard that a lot. They can't drive. Okay. I've heard that a lot, actually. Actually, I've seen it a lot actually. Actually, I've seen it all over the internet. Get unlimited grocery delivery with PC Express Pass. Meal prep delivered.

Snacks delivered. Fresh fruit delivered. Grocery delivery on repeat for just $2.50 a month. Learn more at PCexpress.ca. But I was at the movies with my friend and we were, can you, I can't like, you, you. That's a really satisfying sound. It is so good.

Okay, dude, seriously, we have to work. Like, it's like the pluck of a harp from the heavens. Brr, brr, brr, brr. Dude, seriously, we have to work. We have to work. It's like the pluck of a harp from the heavens. I guess this story isn't that interesting. Like I literally just hit someone's car. Like it's really not that crazy. My dumb ass got in my car and I was with my friend at the Grove and we had decided we were gonna go eat together after this movie.

So we were like, yes, we had parked next to each other. We were like, let's go. And I am like, all of my friends are very slow movers. Like anytime we like carpool or not carpool, every time we meet up somewhere and we both have our cars, like opposite of carpool actually. Yeah. I've been thinking a lot about like, how can I double up my pollution. No, me and my

friend live on different sides of town. But we were both leaving and I'm used to my friends like we all sit in our car for a second because we're all the type of bitches to be like what song are we gonna listen to I'm gonna look at myself and chill. So I got in my car and I plugged my phone in and I'm like looking at my phone and I have my rear view on so like you can I can see that there's no one behind me right now and I'm looking at my phone I'm trying to figure out like putting in directions all that and then from like putting in direction right right more like looking up two dudes kissing. God, that sucked so fucking bad. Can we cut that please? No, no.

I'm like looking here and in my peripheral, I see like a car, like a car extremely similar to hers, like backing up, like I just see it backing up and speeding off. And then like, I don't look to my left, which was the dumbest mistake I could have made. I should have just looked to see if she was still there. But like, I'm still looking at my phone in my head. I'm like, damn, she's like getting the fuck out of here.

I like, I'm following her at this point. So I'm like, oh, I should just follow her. Fuck the directions. And then I like go to backup because, and then from like this peripheral, I should just follow her fuck the directions and then I like go to back up because and then from like this Peripheral I see her car zooming past I'm like, oh my god She really is whipping the piss out of her car to get out of here. Like I don't want to keep her waiting I'll just follow her so I go like I just without looking up go like this and literally within two seconds

I just feel my car slam like back And I hit her car. She killed three people like she's literally like Leaving so much out. Yeah Not that bad in the grand scheme of things three people's pretty bad That's three more than most people have done. That's like 60 less than me though, period. But yeah, I guess that story isn't that funny. I just hit the fuck out of her car

and I wanted to kill myself. I was so humiliated. But it was not a big deal. I don't think there was any damage. I didn't really look too long. Like if I, I haven't hit a lot of people's cars, but I do I'm like oh if I could go up to it and I go like this and the like the mark goes away I'm not touching any marks I'm like it's it's good it's good it's okay okay well they like we all know this they've been to make real ID a thing for, what's it, 25 years now?

Yeah, it's around 25 years. 25 years now. Are you okay? I just, I don't know what this note is. Well read it out. Doing literally anything but getting real ID. Okay, so the concept is procrastinating over getting real ID.

No, we can work with that. Using the wing button instead of getting real ID. Well, I have something amazing to show you. This is like genuinely, I've seen a lot of things in my lifetime. I never thought I would see this. And that I use on a daily basis that I got from Walmart that I don't even know what I would do if I wouldn't go to Walmart. I don't even know if I would be happy if I wouldn't go to Walmart.

He's a Walmart ally now. Oh my God. Oh, he looks good. What? Period. He does. His skin looks good. He looks great.

Like, duh, he literally is bad. That's what he's known for. Like- You think the Walmart guy is bad? Oh, also- Bro, this is his legacy he's bad like he doesn't play well I don't even know what they sell that Walmart oh yeah Justin Bieber I was gonna say I tighten the mic so you don't have to

fuck with it anymore it should be much stiffer now or well I shouldn't have said it like that, but I fixed it. I wouldn't have noticed, but thank you. Okay. Weird as fuck. Like, I'm serious. Oh, I went to the batting cages for pride yesterday. I literally like that was a conscious thought I had. I'm like, I want to go to the batting cages for pride and let out all my anger All my gay anger

That's good. Did it like work because you seem to be like so really upset. No bitch. I y'all I literally don't know What is going on with me, but I woke up? Furious today at literally nothing in specific. I just woke up mad and I Kai did mention something about bad dreams and like it kind of destabilizing your day following and I did have really dark sided dreams last night so I'm gonna blame it on that for now until I find the root of this anger but oh my God, I wanna punch holes in walls, like I've never wanted

to hit walls but like I was in the fucking kitchen with Kai and I was like, oh my God I wanna punch the wall I really I get it I see them I see I saw them for the first time I saw you Kai what punching holes in walls that's not my vibe at all that's actually why the ceiling in the last apartment broke yeah broke is because we told Kai to stop punching holes in the wall. So he started punching holes in the ceiling Yeah, I have anger issues, but I feel like the rest of my vibe makes up for it Well, I feel bad because I'm on like the complete opposite I woke up today in such a good mood I literally woke up today with a smile on my fucking face. We do that, we really do flip flop.

Like you have an awful week, I have a good week. You have a good week, I have a bad week. Like that is soulmate shit though, because you're there to take care of me. Like I was there to take care of you. And that's why you need to literally just run away from all your problems and be avoided. I know like literally I'm like girl I'm done facing my demons. Not actually but I do think it gets to

a point where like you can only go in circles around the things upsetting you so much and that's like well now what? I'm gonna start taking opium again. I mean yeah I have been doing shrooms every day so maybe that's what's making you so happy. Yeah, it's been really fucking stupid. I just can't stop doing shrooms. I just can't stop coming. Yeah, your brain chemistry was rewritten. Yeah, I mean.

Because you're feeling pretty good. Well. Says it all. Yeah, I guess you're right. But maybe the psilocybin created new neural pathways in your brain and now you're happy all the time. Y'all know the mycelial network? Oh yeah, yeah.

The mycelium is alive, the earth is alive, mother nature is a real fucking thing. Trees use their root networks and their mycelial networks to warn each other that fires are coming. It's true. I feel like you've told me that before. Yeah. It's a thing.

And everything you say, I believe you said is a thing. It is a thing, hello. I love the Mycelial Network. So like a little bit that I play on Inya is no matter my phone is connected to every single Bluetooth object in this house, in our old house, my car, literally everything and I only really do it to you and it's only a thought that I have to do to Inya but like when she like turns on a speaker in the kitchen or whatever

and my phone automatically connects to it, like I genuinely, I don't have like a thought, like I don't think it, my body just like goes into action and like I immediately like clock that my phone is connected to the speaker. So I got to Spotify. That's the jarring part is how quickly you realize that's exactly what happened.

I know, it's weird. It is weird. And so I go and start playing fart sounds or porn sounds on the speakers. Most of the time it's fart sounds. I tried porn sounds, but I don't think they worked yesterday. Oh, I didn't hear that.

Yeah, I tried. I really tried, because it was playing through my phone and then I got really uncomfortable because I was like, what if Josh just hears me listening to gay porn loud as fuck in my room And I was like I honestly at one point was just owning it. I was like, I don't give a fuck Like this is my house. I'm gonna play really loud porn, but walk around so it

sounds like I'm like on my phone and like walking around. It's like a podcast. Like I'm gonna be in the kitchen doing dishes and I'm just gonna have like a porn open and like walking around. I'm gonna be in the kitchen doing dishes and I'm just gonna have like a porn open and like peeking over. Rewinding to see what you missed. I'm gonna put the suction, the octo buddy on the like any surface and just like the porn playing. Why can't we watch porn on planes? Why is that a bad thing? I think you can actually. Right? If it's a 12 next to you, because that's kind of essentially what the screen asks. It's like, yo, before you watch this, who's sitting next to you?

I saw a clip on Instagram of this probably 7-year-old boy sitting in the middle seat and he was watching kids cartoon or adult cartoon I don't remember what it was what show it was but there was a scene in it where this like girl like tripped and fell into this dude's lap and then she like I

guess the funny part of it was like just started twerking on his lap and this kid I'm not joking rewinded that clip like 30 times. And this woman behind her got the whole fucking thing on video and it's like, you know, like the joke where it's like no one moves quicker than a baby hanging up on you on an iPad, like just like quick as fuck, like one guy that you think is hot, Kai, that like can catch things,

like that's a baby hanging up on an iPad. But he was it was crazy like it was like robot I want to see it was it was robotic like he would like it would it would end she would get up the cliff would end and then she would go or he would go and like rewind it back the perfect amount and if you would rewind it back to the plane on the plane and if you would rewind it back to but I guess he's a kid, he has no idea like, he's not thinking like, oh people are gonna think anything of this,

he's just like, whoa. Yeah, he's like, whoa. What the fuck was that? But she said she told his mom in the comments because everyone was like, you better have told his mom and she was like, I did tell his mom because it was four times too many. He did it so many times.

But to answer your question, yes, I watch porn on airplanes. I think it is legal, but the only reason why is because I remember when I was like 12, I was at the library and a guy was watching porn on a computer and I was like. Sorry, Kai. No, it's okay.

I mean, this was 1968. It wasn't 1968. It was not even close. It wasn't even close to that time. Not too much on the guy. It was different Well, I walked into the librarian and I was like he's watching porn and she said yeah, that's fine You're allowed to do that and I was like What are you talking about? She said yeah that there's actually legally nothing

That we can do about that. Well, that's what that one librarian said. So I don't know if that's changed or she's down. She's like, fuck it. Let him go crazy. I want to see what I'm into. I want to see what he's watching. I want to get into it. I'm into it.

No, that is fucking insane. Like, but I guess it's kind of like the thing that like, if you catch someone shoplifting at a lot of stores, you're not allowed to do anything. So I wonder if there is a weird legality. It's like how there's weird loopholes to all the freak shit bitches wanna do because bitches are freaky and nasty. No kink at pride.

Is that a thing? I think so. Really? Mm-hmm, that's like a movement. What is, do you guys know what aftercare is? Hell no. What is that? That shit sounds weird as fuck.

I actually don't know. Aftershave? Aftercare, like after sex care? Yeah. Why would you do that? If like, you throw just like a rotten moldy towel at the person and that's aftercare and then he's telling them to get the fuck out.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna say usually it's like, that way. That's great. Well, you know what after care is for me? I will pull out my acoustic guitar and start playing a personalized song for my sexual partner. I am not kidding.

I am not kidding. I think I would stab you. I think I would stab any person who did that. If somebody actually, like I think I would just leave. I would be so like that to me is such a threat in a way that I genuinely can't describe. Fuck, what were we talking about this morning?

We were talking about the Breaking Bad Lady house. Oh my God, yeah. Okay, y'all, so I mean, we've all seen it by now, but the lady at the Breaking Bad house is the realest bitch on this fucking planet. I'm not kidding. I need to go kick in with her. I need to hang out with her. Like no cameras.

Like I really just want to pick her brain. No cameras, chair, beer cam. Beers, like cigarettes, like all of it. Because I know like she has the craziest takes of any human being on this fucking planet. Like literally just her psyche is so fascinating to me because like you'd think at some point she would just be like, whatever whatever like it's not that deep but

Now she literally sits in her front yard all fucking day long Yelling at people taking pictures of her house Which like respect like I wouldn't want people taking pictures of my house But like spraying them with water hoses like throwing rocks at them. Like I don't know I love I'm obsessed with the water hose. I'm so fucking obsessed with that. No, she's so real. Like she, like she, she has the time.

Like that's the thing is she has it and she executes. I both understand and don't understand because to me, it's like, well, you moved into the most famous house on TV, but then I also understand because, ho, I just saw Breaking Bad like two years ago maybe the bitch didn't give a fuck about Breaking Bad like it was like if you told me that I was buying like an apartment in front of Abbey Road two years ago I would have been like who's Abby this is not her

road I'm moving in like this is my crib now and I would have been so mad I also would be mad if randomly there's hella bitches on the street all the time like wow the house is listed for sale for four million when it's closer to value of 350k she's literally she's fierce I love her like seriously if we put some of that delusion in ourselves I genuinely think we would be further I just don't have that kind of motivation for anything. I just don't love myself I mean me either but you know, no, I literally hate myself. Really? Yeah, you're dead ass dead ass That's fucking crazy. Well, I love you. I love you Hi there, I'm Ryan Reynolds and I have a list of things I like to have on set.

It's just little things like two freshly cracked eggs scrambled with crispy hash brown, sausage crumble, and creamy Chipotle sauce from Tim Hortons. From my rider to Tim's menu, try my new scrambled eggs loaded breakfast box. I need to see the video of her. I like need it. I'm like shaking.

I'm withdrawing from the video of her. I'm trying to find out how much she got paid to live or to rent out her house for that because like I mean She's retired before I think she might have bought the house. I Don't know Hi, we need to talk to her. Oh wait this article quote-unquote We're done owner of Walter White's house and Breaking Bad puts it on market for four million, we're done. Turn it into an Airbnb, like what? Like literally Airbnb that bitch out there,

did that with the call me by your name house and like I'm sure they fucking retired off of that. I wanna go to that house so fucking bad. Y'all, I literally started crying, not even watching call me by your name, but just thinking about it. Unrequited love does something to me that like i genuinely like oh my god i want to rip my fucking heart out of my goddamn chest i love unrequited love but i hate it the yearning the yearning no i've decided i

hate yearning what i don't want to yearn i don't want to yearn, I'm different. Well I think there's like different levels to yearning. I think the general audience has now assumed that yearning has to be negative, but I'm like yearning can be fun, but yearning I think is usually fun when it's yearning on both sides. I'm fucking crazy. Like that's the thing. Well yeah, that is the problem.

That's the problem. That's why you don't like yearning, it's cause you're not yearning, you are literally losing your fucking mind. I'm a crazy person y'all like you really think it's a bit but like no like I'm genuinely fucking crazy like He's not I guess you have crazy actions you have crazy person thought yeah, you can convince yourself of Everything that's why you need to meet Ali and convince yourself of everything. That's why you need to meet Ali. Spag?

No, Sarah. I'll call her Sarah so you don't get confused. Ali Spagnola is my queen. Come on the pod. I really wanna pick your brain. I actually would love to talk to her. I literally, like, I don't know if I've talked about this publicly before,

but like she literally means something to me. And I feel weird saying this because we go to the same gym and she sees me and I think she's scared of me but I am obsessed with this woman in a way that like I've never been obsessed with another creator. I mean yeah, for you and Josie, I'm gay, don't worry.

For you and Josie, it's like, it's how I feel about like Evan and Caitlin and like even like a Sophia video. Like I watch like certain people genuinely because I'm just like, wow, you bring me a comfort and I also like falling asleep to your content. But that's the difference. I like falling asleep to those people and you...

You know what, I'll give it. Thank you. Thank you. No, I don't. Just vote. Just vote, just vote. No, I love swag. What were we talking about before I derailed the conversation like usual?

Oh, yearning crazy person thoughts. No, I don't do crazy things. That's embarrassing. If you do crazy things, you're fucking embarrassing. Get a grip on fucking reality. But, oh, I can convince myself of realities that do not exist better than I think anybody else on this planet. Like I really like the thoughts that I have in my head become so real. And there's even a part of my brain where I'm like I am fucking crazy and I know this is crazy

And I'm making all of this up, but I still believe it. I Still believe it. Yeah, I don't well at this point I don't know what you believe Like I'm not even kidding because it's so confusing to keep up where your brand lands on it where your brain lands on anything because you You go back and forth forth but it's just because you're indecisive in nature already and I'm indecisive but I'm more willing to be impulsive you're not you're indecisive and you are literally

held down by like it is Trump wants to put that anxiety dome over the US if he really wants to protect the US he needs to put Drew's anxiety dome over the US because everyone who comes up to him, he's like, I'd run this bitch like a lesbian behind a McDonald's counter, like put me in the office. What the fuck was I gonna say? I think you just like, I guess. I just need to get on medication,

but I really like, I don't, I don't do it. Don't put me on meds, like, literally. I'm gonna stab you with a syringe of Wilbutrin. I would, I honestly do that at some point. I'm gonna stab you in the fucking brain with a blunt force object. I'm from the Bronx, that's all right. What is it?

I'm from Brooklyn. That's all right The Australian dude who's going he's from Brooklyn. He's even from New Zealand I always mix up Australian and New Zealand because to me those like the accent sounds so so I have trade in New Zealand When I pull up to New Zealand, I'm not even kidding. When I have to wait to New Zealand I was playing how long have they been waiting? I was planning a through hike pre-pandemic. I got tried in New Zealand. So they've been waiting for six years? Yeah, like no, since 2019.

I have them on a short lease to, short lease to, I'm like, oh, if you hook up with anybody else, I'll kill you. Guys, I'm joking. He's not joking I watched him send that text message before the episode started and when he didn't get a response he said hello I know you read those he sent it with the invisible effect to milky milky dude I'm just like I'm so rotted by Jonas right now. Who? Jonas. Air cut. Air cut. I want to go to one of his comedy shows so fucking bad. His sets kill me. Will you show your other next one? When are they? I know there was one on Friday and I wanted to go but I had obligations. I forgot what I was gonna say. Hold on. Hello. Hello. Hi, it's Drew.

I just wanted to let you hear my voice for the first time over the app. Yes. Was that a, what was that? Ha ha ha ha ha. Legend's license. God damn it, my bad. That was the guy?

Yeah, that was his response. You're a sexy boy. He sounds like Lady Gaga's bodyguard She I know you want to make bad do it turn me around I know you want me to be That's not her actual bodyguard. No, it is vocalist in the song. Yes. What song is that? I don't know. But like why would you think that no it is it is it is it is hold on I can't lie the only bodyguard lore I've like relatively kept up with is Beyonce. Yeah famously That's her bodyguard. You have ally tattooed on your fucking forehead and you don't know that.

It's fucking ally. It is ally. It is ally. Spag. I didn't get it tattooed with the colors, with that in mind. Every other month of the year, no one is going to think it says that word. It's only in June.

Right. And if anything, maybe I'll get a discount everywhere I go. Cause it's been happening. I've gotten a lot of free coffees in Echo Park. Yeah, Alfred's hooked it up. They sent two bags of coffee today. Drew, I did want to bring up something that I think you might find interesting which is that they're building brains to

They're making computers out of real brain cells now. I've been seeing this yeah keeping up Yeah, and they're good. They're planning on building like a huge server in the United States which is out of human brains it's gonna be brain yeah human brain cell. Are they taking the tissue from people or are they I don't know I don't know but this is like real this is happening and they imagine they take your brain tissue and it like splits your personality I think it's like from a real brain cell and then they like clone it. I don't know. But whose brain cell they need to take mine. I will literally give them mine.

I'm not even kidding. They can like go in and take it. Build the gay super computer. Yeah. Instead of a wait. No, wait, this is that we need that we need to workshop this right now. Superintelligence. No, we need to workshop this because you know, I got it.

I got it. Computer speaking binary. The gay computer speaks in non-binary I know you feel better now. I know that shit just let you The thing is I genuinely think we need to back the fuck up because what are you even talking about? like what that shouldn't be happening and I think I'm going to Start ordering a bunch of random chemicals and then mix them up and get my pilot's license similar to Nathan Fielder. But really what I'm going to do is put all of those random chemicals into the back of my private plane because I will be allocating the funds to buy a small personal flyer.

That's going to take you 30 years. No, I have my ways I have whole done we're gonna leave a poll in the comments should in you start selling whole for me and to give me money you don't pay me no I'm not saying I'm not saying no you pay me that's what I'm saying yeah, I'm not saying, no, you pay me. That's what I'm saying. Like, from us to have sex at this point, you make me pay you. Oh my God, it's because, like, you don't have to bring this up fucking publicly, bro.

Is that not weird? I don't think we should talk about it on the podcast. I feel like it's not appropriate. Is that not weird, though? It is weird. That I have to pay to have sex with my partner? It's weird, but again, I don't think we should, this isn't the right platform to talk about it.

And he has sex with a bunch of other people, and he makes them pay him, too. Women, but again, I don't think we should this isn't the right it's just weird Platform to talk about it and he he has sex with a bunch of other people and he makes them pay him too women Not people women Let's make that very clear Just to be clear. I really want us to go on like an old show like, you know when they would get like Back in the golden age when they would get celebrity couples on live tv and have them duke it out publicly Like in an interview setting I need that for me We would literally cook we would fry america. Have you seen the couples therapy show? Yes, we were just talking about it. Did you just watch the poly one?

No, not yet. It's so good. Oh wait. I think I did get to that and I was like It's so good. Oh wait, I think I did get to that I was like It's so fucking funny Really I want I was like this is really interesting and maybe this is something that I'm interested in is doing this No, CT is like I think I think I have a poly bone in my body but I am also super territorial and if The person I'm with hooked up with someone I would kill both them. The poly bone in my body is I'm a slut. Yeah, you're... That's the poly bone in my body.

Yeah, like I just don't give a fuck. Like what? I don't think I could do it, honestly. I don't think I have the mental fortitude for that. I don't. I would actually, it would be... There was, there is no world where I think I have the mental strength to remove sex from a point of like intimacy and admiration and like what it means to me there's new world like what I like decided I don't give a fuck about sex.

I really don't care. That's cool. That's good. I mean to go from like the kind of slut you were to that is genuinely proof that anything can happen. The gay computer is right here. To go from flying to New Zealand to have sex to not having sex or even enjoying it.

No, not even, he was gonna fly to New Zealand and do a backpacking trip and fuck random people. A thru-hike. A thru-hike of trade. My trade thru-hike. This was real. I'm not kidding. Honestly, like, if there was a gorgeous like, because that would be gorgeous. Like backpacking through New Zealand sounds. It's the most beautiful hike in the world. But there's a bad bitch every couple of miles. Bitch, I'm getting it done in record time. I'm literally doing it.

Sprinting to the next one. I would sprint there to save time on the walk and then take like a 30 minute power nap and then wake up and like brush my teeth in the backyard with like one of those like Amazon ass like to go toothbrushes. Drew, where did you go? Um, into his trade in his mind. Astral projecting to go with your trade. We're so back. That hearing you. So funny.

Like, I'm thinking about my trade. It'll ground me. Can I have your arm band, Kai? Yeah, of course. Wait, Kai, before. Hey, you dropped a bunch of stuff. That feels good when we do that. Mm-hmm.

That feels good when we do that. Mm-hmm. Oh, it was so easy to get that off of my slender arm. It kind of fell off, actually. Oh my god, Kai, you're a fucking monster. He couldn't find the right thumb hole and he ripped through. No, I swear I found the right hole. He literally ripped through on the other side. I seriously can't find the right hole. That's not true. I guess that's Kai's vibe. I have a 100% success rate with finding the right hole. He literally ripped through on the other side. I seriously can't find the right hole. That's not true.

I guess that's Kai's vibe. I have a 100% success rate with finding the right hole. Everybody keep that in mind if you're interested in Kai. That's not real, okay. They look good. I really liked how my arm looked in that. I have one hole and Kai can't find it. Eh, eh.

You have more than that. He what? He has more than that. He what? He has more than one. What are you doing? Why are you muffled? Oh, for the audio listeners, uh, Kai had Drew's balls in his mouth. Do you think it'd be a funny bit if I was doing Whippets during, and then I sometimes I would respond and it's like a really deep voice. And I'm cooked. I actually would love that, dude.

I'm not kidding. Like I'm a few scrolls away on my iPhone from meth. I'm just a few scrolls away. I will say meth is one of the drugs that I am interested in, you know? Let's do meth together, Kyle. I'm just, I would, and yeah, I'm serious. I would fucking love that.

Sorry, I need to chill out, but for real. I know, like you kind of lit up. Whenever I like look up stories of what people do on meth, I'm like, this is cool. This sounds fun, actually. Like building a bicycle out of like computer parts. Let's link, do meth and build. Me and Kyle are gonna exit the home we do meth in,

literally with like a production company on our name. They like paint their walls in tally marks that sounds lit as fuck like no I genuinely think I would be completely addicted to math I'll watch you do math I'll be your meth trip setter if you want to do math oh that's really sweet yeah I'll take care of you I just don't find this funny As a previous meth user in a past life I've done meth before on accident. Well, one of my alters does meth a lot and it actually upsets That's you you can't blame your addiction on an altar.

It really upsets us when she does that to me. Well, one of Drew's altars is ran through. And so he- Well, yes! That's how you Drew Cup Bart-mentalize. Like what? One of Drew's altars has a thousand bodies. One of my altars was planning a trip to New Zealand. That was not me. I just saw one of the metro cars drive by. The metro ubers. Oh I haven't seen those. Yeah. So

you're lying because I didn't see it. It was a micro. It drove by. There's not even, I'm not kidding guys, we're not in a room with a window. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about He's one of my alters. One of my alters is obsessed with public transportation Guys we know Like we know we get to see Kai tomorrow Kai doesn't that make you happy bro. That does make me happy. I'm very lonely Are you actually? No, but I'm gonna say I feel like you're always around people men tend to isolate as they get older. So You can't just like read off like uberpacks That was a tweet that I made

That's my pro-mail Twitter Or X sorry my followers like when I call it X instead of They get really mad when I call it Twitter. Is that like a thing? I think so Yeah, under percent a thing. I think there's like evil people that are like don't basically don't deadname Twitter Does anybody use threads? We'll see No, I don't think so. I don't know. I feel like if I met someone and they had like an abundant life that they were living

via thread, I would be really, really like- That's a scary motherfucker. Because like, they kind of, it's hard to get in there, you know? That's a dangerous motherfucker. Like, you need a whole other app. You can't get up, you need the fucking app to get on there. I'm not getting the app. I know, and Instagram does get me.

Like they get me, they put like really fascinating topics that are being talked about on topics in question Camilla Cabello and Shawn Mendes video for 2020 of them walking. Yeah. No, it's literally like slime Topic but no, it's like it'll be like a graphic and then like some text and they have ellipses at the end and it's like, Oh, I want to know what the end of that says and I click on it thinking and I'll just open it up but I don't have that shitty fucking app on my phone. They tried it. And I never get to see. I never ever ever get to see

I haven't met anybody who uses it. You seem like you would have a threads account. I don't have a threads. Oh, I have one for the week that people were on it. Look at my discover page It's all male plastic surgery for those who are curious. Oh, is that what this is? I was like, what am I looking at? I don't really understand. Oh It is a lot of like, you know, like it's actually so annoying Like how do men take everything from women? Like seriously now you guys are taking over the ED space like women can't fucking have anything like I'm not even kidding you guys can't even let us have the thing that

you put on us and destroyed us with like oh now you want to come up in the game and make some money off of your diet plan yeah yes when is when is the man like when is there going to be a man who really gets in and starts like the Avon and Mary-Kate for men but there going to be a man who really gets in and starts like the Avon and Mary-Kate Foreman but there has to be something like that with protein shakes I know there's some of y'all who are paying way too much for protein shakes or something from some random person literally me my media of the week is honestly I've been listening to like the same shit over and over and over taco truck ex-vinus Bitch by Lana Del Rey.

This is a driving song. No one knows it, but that's like the song you drive to. No one knows it. Everyone knows it. That's my media. My media is I Love You Secretly, The Mir miracles in Marvin Gaye, Hold Tight, Lucie and Centipede, Rebi Jackson, She is Mine, The Psychedelic First, Tomorrow, The Brothers, Johnson and movies movies movies.

I really can't remember what movie I watched the other day. It was my first. Oh Thelma and Louise. So good. That's my media of the week. Cereal is good as hell every 200 weeks. That is so real. I've been on a big cereal kick.

I love cereal right now. I love raw dogging cereal. Oh. The more the market rate influx cyber secured. Mr. Sterling's right here. I'm on the outside. What happens? I'm on the outside. What happens?

I'm on the outside. What happens? I'm on the outside. I'd like to bring this post out of the OneWorks every five months because I- Fuck, dude. Listening to someone else's phone and not the watcher is like the most eerie shit ever.

Like, fuck! They got us, they literally got us. They got us, they isolated all of us. Families don't watch movies in the living room anymore. They're all too busy watching shows. Crafted for them to separate them. Like... Yeah, people watch porn alone now.

They're sad. Like like seriously what is wrong with you you actually need to see help like you need to seek I was adding on to your point about that made a lot of sense You. Bye. Goodbye. Thanks for watching!