Emergency Intercom - Red 40 challenge

Episode Date: August 16, 2024

Drew doesn’t think he is sexy anymore but he is and we have proof, cars are funny to enya and we should laugh about it even. Use code INTERCOM10 for 10% off your SeatGeek order*. https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/INTERCOM10 $25 max discount Grow your business no matter what stage you’re in. Sign up for a $1-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/intercom. Get an extended 30-day free trial when you go to https://Dipseastories.com/INTERCOM. https://www.patreon.com/emergencyintercom join the Patreon for bonus episodes, q&a/topic submissions, livestreams, pay for ky's lobotomy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Woo-hoo! We're back to it! Yeah, i just didn't feel right in the other chair yeah um it just felt blasphemous so i thought i would be on the floor worshiping my mic god hey guys i don't know that i like you on the floor like it feels a little like degrading and sad.

Ew. If only there was like a chair here. I wish I had a chair. If only I wasn't looking at like the nastiest chair. I wish there was a chair in here. Don't look at me. Get the chair we are so back y'all dude it looks like it got more yellow.

Like, under different lights, it looks different. And under our natural lighting in our kitchen, it looks so much grosser. Yeah, it was in the daylight, bitch. It looks crazy. Lugging it up the stairs, I saw, like, through the, like, crevices in the pores. And it was just, like, piles of dust hair like dander like all this nasty fucking shit and like i was thinking i was like every time like i chip a little bit of her off i'm like really really sad about it and i'm like oh i'm like taking a part of her but then i'm like no it builds character it builds lore it's like a part of it and sooner than later it's

going to be degraded into fucking nothing but she's special she's here she's queer we found out she came out of the closet we're really proud of her yeah she's chair the chair came out of the closet yeah she why are you like acting like that's that crazy is that a problem yeah that's not a problem i just didn't know that inanimate objects could come out of the closet unless you mean a literal club azul Azul, hello. Well, Azul's not inanimate. No, that actually is an interesting conversation. When's the last time y'all saw her?

Oh, shit. Hold up a random thing on the table in front of you, and me and Nenya will tell you if it's straight or gay. That is straight. I was going to say it might be a little bisexual with the right person. All right, we're already off to a very poor start. We're not locked in. What about this beautiful candle? Gay's gay i don't i was gonna say it was straight i guess

we're like reading things differently yeah well i'm more like okay gay people like candles what about this oh okay okay okay because i was thinking like oh like it's wick wasn't cut every time it was burned so it's kind of got the suck around it and i'm like that's giving like a straight guy not really wiping his ass like let me try that joke again what about this huge dildo that's on the table what is that that's straight straight okay all right anyways um i have to show you something that i've been holding back from him i found somebody who you will be obsessed with hey i'm excited but she's like she didn't blow up this is no viral moment it literally is just like my tiktok feed has been giving me exactly what i've been

wanting from it which is just nonsense like nothing okay i followed a random minecraft account i had to unfollow that um so i was watching this lady's tiktok she's talking about getting struck by lightning and i was like my God, she got struck by fucking lightning. Like, this is insane. I've always wanted to hear someone talk about this. She goes on this long fucking tangent about how like. Oh wait, I saw her. But did you watch to the end?

Like her saying she felt like she got hit on the head by like someone jumped on top of her. No, at the end, she randomly starts to plug the fact that she's a psychic media and she's like yes my powers have grown exponentially i believe her all the comments okay but listen to this so she goes into describing it and in her first story time this is me debunking i actually don't think she got struck by lightning but hear me out she is like oh no one was around when it was happening was only my husband my husband thought i was joking when i fell to the floor which i'm like your husband thought you were joking you were just struck by fucking lightning that's a very visual experience

it's not like oh my god i have a cramp in my leg auditory as well yeah literally like there's no denying if you got struck by lightning right now there'd be no question about it like oh my god god just struck you you're you're cooked like you're literally fried she was like my husband didn't believe me he thought i was joking because she did another story time and in the original one she's like no one else was around it was just me and my husband in the second story time she basically adds in that there were other people on the beach and that they refused to call the ambulance for her because they were like we don't know what's happening like we don't want to call the police because like what's happening i'm so confused bitch you're telling me no one in that vicinity literally saw like a flash of light and thought they were gonna

like die yeah like felt some sort of like electrical pulse in their system if they were that fucking close exactly and i'm just like girl i think you just had like a minor stroke and like that is serious as fuck but then she's like no she wants attention yeah she said she got struck by a lightning and immediately her first concern was talking to her husband because she didn't want to annoy him and i was like i think if i got struck by lightning that'd be the last thing i'm thinking of wait no that's the patriarchy like we need to bring that shit down i know like why can't she just be struck by lightning have a moment of peace me and kai have actively been we've been working on a patriarchy we've

been doing a lot of stuff to get rid of it so thank you drew and kai and honestly like you're kind of building it like back up by not believing a woman wow yeah so much for work y'all are silencing women you just silenced me it's not very demure no wait hold on y'all y'all let me cook let me cook oh like demure this demure that bitch you smell like money or cow shit you stink like fucking shit wait let me cook um call me humpty dumpty because i'm broken okay so did anybody actually win the danimal sweepstakes or was that just like a big con like i saw someone that won the i carly sweepstakes they won the jelly bean but the danimal sweepstakes they won the jelly bean yeah i've seen that but the danimal sweepstakes i'm only even bringing it up because that audio from it is such a big thing and it was such a big commercial when we were growing up why has no one with the revival

of that gotten on and been like oh my god i actually won that like i met them i went on the cruise because what what was it they were giving away a fucking cruise also a cruise is the least convenient prize you can give a child yeah like what are they gonna do like go on it like there was a sweet life on deck one right yeah i think so i think someone i saw like a vlog of someone talking about winning a sleep sleep or sweet life on deck cruise um but i don't know if it's the same as the danimals one yeah i guess actually i don't really know what the danimals one i think they were going to take you to hollywood or something girl i don't know we're going to start a sweepstakes all you have to do is send me an

and you're 20 and we'll fly one lucky fan out to fuck them all day long um so that's actually illegal that's like raffling which is technically considered gambling so we can't do that that's the problem it's a fucking fan challenge well that's the illegal part that's actually illegal. That's like raffling, which is technically considered gambling. So we can't do that. That's the problem. But what we can do. It's a fuck a fan challenge. Well, yeah. I'm just saying, well, that's the illegal part. That's okay. Aren't there other problems you think that.

What? Okay. All right. Gifting somebody with the pleasure of a lifetime is a crime. From me and Inya. From us. Hello. A threesome with me and Drew.

Like, hello. We might have too many injuries and i will randomly just get into conversations because i mean obviously like we make a bunch of jokes about having sex with each other and we do very frequently do s together but thinking about us actually doing s like oh my god like i can't look at her for like 30 minutes because i'm like that would be the most mortifying experience of my life and likewise for you yeah because to me like i can't imagine you actually butt naked nasty like it doesn't happen like i just my brain can't go there it will i'm a never nude i'm a never nude i don't shower yeah i've never or what yeah i don't i sure i shower fully

clothed so you blow dry your clothes is that why you blow dry yeah drew still blow dries his body by the way if anybody was like oh my god i wonder if drew's still blow drying his body he still blow dries his body i genuinely don't think that is an abnormal thing like is that actually weird i think everybody was like i've never heard of anybody who does that that's not a thing especially you didn't see someone doing it and you were like oh my god that's good you just started doing it and it works like it stops the fucking like moisture on my body from does it not overheat you or do you just use cool air i use the hottest setting on the lowest fan speed i feel like that would just make me sweat like that would just make me start to get hot because

anytime i've gone out of the shower and i have to like blow dry my hair, I get incredibly sweaty immediately. I just love hot air. I was thinking like I would rather sleep in 100 degree weather than sleep in 32 degree weather. I hate being cold when I sleep. It's horrible. I'd rather be cold. Like I'd fully rather be cold. Because I could just like pile on and get like in my little chamber of like my body heat.

Chamber of secrets, chamber of love, Willem Dafoe, or what's his fucking name? Magda Marco. What are you talking about? Chamber of secrets. Is it called chamber of secrets? That song? Chamber of reflection. Reflection.

Period. No, wait. You said something else the other day. You still can't say, you say talk to the hand yeah you're like talk to me talk to the or the movie is called talk to me but my version of that let me talk to you my version of that is saying the challengers instead of challengers from the very beginning i have never been able to not reference that movie say oh it's like the challengers i always add a the to it because it just makes more sense in my head speaking of the challengers i have something very very special coming but i'm not telling any of you fucking bitches about it because it will be leaked and

i will oh josh o'connor being a guest oh kai this is why we don't include you on email yeah i get it like wait i don't think we talked about the demure like conversation like oh that's very demure like no manure what do you mean what we didn't talk about that i cooked and i need my flowers it wasn't good it really wasn't good is that what you wrote down the other day because drew wrote down something the other day he was like oh my god i just came oh no you told me that that was good he made up his own psyop but i was scared that that was gonna be it because that would have been like a huge like a huge letdown like so so bad it would have been a flop for sure but okay so moving on i this is this is so mean like This is so wicked of me to say, and I know that this is mean girl behavior,

and I don't care. It's just how my brain works, and I'm sure a lot of y'all have thought the same thing, but I see horrifying, ugly people on my timeline all the fucking time thinking they're sexy hot, and I'm like'm like respect do you they are hot in a way confidence is sexy like da da da da da da da i fear that i'm see yourself on your timeline no no i was gonna say i fear that i am that person who like because that picture i

posted i was like damn bitch i fucking ate oh yeah my 100 jesus band i am a namar fan i don't even know if that's how you say it's like a name but it's swag bitch like i ate um and i'm not telling you where i got it because the store actually blew up and everybody inside died and all of the stock of it burned yeah burn oh that's so sad yeah so don't even fucking ask um but then i was thinking i was like oh my god i am the ugly bitch that thinks he's fine. And that's okay. Like I fully entered their brain. You're really not ugly though.

You're not ugly. We've just reached a point like it went from people being like, you're so sexy to you constantly asking to be called sexy. And then our audience was like, bitch, fuck you. And then stopped calling you sexy because you every episode would be like, can I be called sexy? Like, oh, my God, I'm so sexy. But you are sexy. Well, I don't feel it. I don't feel it because all of y'all motherfuckers call me ugly. I get called fucking stupid every day.

Like, oh, I feel stupid. Like, I'm ugly and stupid. Dude, you are sexy, though. Thank you. That photo of you with the bug. Do I have to remind you about that? No. What photo? I don't know what you're talking do I have to remind you about that? No, what photo? I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, I'll insert it. No, y'all are annoying. I'll insert it, but you look good as fuck. I don't know which one it is. Can you show me? You don't know? All right, well, y'all let me find it. Wait, you actually don't know?

No, I know. I'm just kidding. You're so annoying. Oh, also, that picture of the bug, I thought it was your bug, but then I remembered your bug was already way dead. Yeah, you killed her. Yeah, you killed her. You killed her.

I saw a cricket at the farmer's market and I tried to capture it. And then I was like, wait, this is literally fucked up. Like this thing is outside. Let me leave it outside. It's in a concrete jungle. Oh yeah, that picture. We'll insert it so they can see it. We'll insert it a couple of times.

Okay. I actually have a question for the public. Is it embarrassing for me to be driving around with my windows down and my music really loud because i'm starting to feel like it's a little it's like it's like look at me listen to how good my music tastes like and that's not even what i mean i just genuinely love the windows down but when i get up to another car i feel so embarrassed like if i'm not in a constant moving state in my car with the windows down i do feel like people see me and they're like she wants attention so bad but i'm like i'm all alone like i'm not in a constant moving state in my car with the windows down, I do feel like people see me and they're like, she wants attention so bad.

But I'm like, I'm all alone. I'm not necessarily trying to call attention to myself, but especially because the speakers in my newer car are so loud that I'm like, this feels like I'm trying to make a statement. It reminds me when I was in high school. I mean, it's very similar behavior to backpack kid like speaker backpack kid um in school but when i was in high school and i first got my license and i was first like discovering music that like everybody in my hometown had no idea existed and i felt so

fucking cool and i was like i'm better than everybody else type beat i would go to the gas station have all my windows down and purposefully turn up my radio and leave my door open with the music blasting loud as fuck because i wanted everybody in granberry to be like wow he's got music good music taste in reality everybody wanted to shoot me with a pistol and put me down like a fucking sick dog because i am deranged that's my thing is i always wonder i'm like damn am i annoying the fuck out of someone but it's like common practice i feel like a lot of people do drive around with their windows i was gonna say how do you feel if someone drives next to you i'm always interested when they when i drive next to somebody and their

windows are down and i can hear their music i always listen because i'm like oh i wonder what they're listening to so i'm never like oh my god that's so embarrassing you think you're that person like oh my god you're not that girl like put your fucking windows up i'm always like oh my god that's such a vibe they're having like the best day ever and inspires me to put my windows down but just the other day yeah i was driving alone by myself and listening to music with the windows on i was like am i embarrassing myself or am i doing the thing that i can make everything? Everything is embarrassing. Everything inside a bagel. What?

Oh, sucked into a bagel? Sucked right into a bagel. Bagel, bagels, pizza bay, galaxy pizza, mustache. We need to go back to that yeah i agree like simplicity it's coming soon like people are like too obsessed with like finding the new i want to be ahead of the curb i want to like oh trend forecast also we've talked about trend forecasting so much but when will people realize that people get online and they'll be like my trend forecast for fall like this fall and they're just referencing things that were on the runway in

spring for fall this year like it's literally you can't just be like this is my prediction for the fall like Trends and you're just showing me the fall Runways from yumiu like I yeah that that's going to be actually sold in store and then you're gonna be get to be like i did that um and i want i want the never ending like wanting to be on to the next new trend to be over and i wanted to just be simple of like yes we all are going to tattoo a mustache to our finger like that is like reject modernity embrace tradition there was something we were doing the other day that i was like this is literally me rejecting modernity embracing tradition but i can't remember me josie and josh were watching something and i was like that's what we're actively doing right now wait josiah come say hi we haven't seen you in the kitchen in a long time

hey sing sing pinkony Club for us. God, look at you turn. I'm a pink pony girl. And I dance for the club. That's what I'm up to. I've been sick for a month, y'all. I feel like I'm dying. Oh, my God, Matt. I'm sorry, I'm like fighting.

Oh, wait, did they take the cars out of Fortnite? No, in like two days i think they lost me no they did i think it's been too long yeah two days too long you were two days too late like i just don't i it the magic is gone it's so sad to think the magic for everything dies there's a time and a place for everything and the magic for fortnight and my heart is gone it has withered away like it feels like that person i had a relationship with and it was so good but i just knew it wasn't meant to last and like i'm like oh yeah i could go back but like at what cost so i should just leave it what it was and it was something nice i just wish i had it

still but then like the idea of like uh old heads like still making music on like and their music sucks and it's not like they're good old music. So it's just like, why didn't you let your career die when you were at the peak? Yeah, just let it fade out. Yeah, exactly. Just don't get back on Fortnite because your memories will be tainted. Also, my thing is I'm sitting around.

I'm like, dude, I was so much happier when I was playing Fortnite all the time. But it was like, no, I just had the perfect way to disassociate and disconnect from my life. And now I don't have that. And that's why my screen time is up. Because all I'm doing is I don't like it too close to my face. Because I start to do this and back away from it. It's just like in my mouth. Wait.

Pause. It's in your mouth. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Fucking freak bitch. Oh, patriarchy. This patriarchy that I like women this. Oh, but I'm gonna make a dick joke. Like you're a fucking freak bitch oh patriarchy this patriarchy that i like women this oh but i'm gonna make a dick joke like you're a fucking freak oh my god i'm uncomfortable i feel

attacked drew that's just my day-to-day i'm just used to that yeah and i started giving drew wedgies like really deep swirlies too but i'm into that i'm into that um okay well i saw this post of someone being like uh have you ever had like someone or seen someone like talking to someone or have you ever talked to someone through like ig story songs and like we've talked extensively about this like yeah of course like that's so fun to do, like, we've talked extensively about this. Like, yeah, of course. Like, that's so fun to do and, like, whatever. Like, to see the person hear the song. Well, it reminded me of a time when I was pseudo-dating,

not dating the scariest motherfucker on this planet, fucking Creepazoid, that invited me to the wedding while we were seeing each other but um oh god it's so fucking cringy but i literally made an entire playlist of songs that i like and the first letter spelled out something ah is that playlist still up no i fucking deleted that shit oh it's so cringy oh my god no that's cute that's cute i've realized um and he never caught on he never really caught on not crazy oh see that kind of shit is so annoying like you're supposed to analyze it bitch don't send me a song because i'm looking at all the lyrics i'm like you're crazy you want me this is us like this is literally our story um i miss that i want to make a playlist for somebody again so bad like i'm but i'm trying to expand my music from just like

having it have like personal and like romantic connection i have a lot of music that has like friendship connection but i want to start like like a collaborative playlist with like my sister and like my friends and stuff just to expand that because I usually only make playlists for people when I'm obsessed with them and like yearning hard. And I want to be able to like have that same feeling for just like my friends. But I fear it won't ever hit the same like it literally will it just won't be the same like oh here i go like song about friendship and love like i can share that in person but there's something so like oh my god like this is crazy they added another song i get to go listen and analyze it like yeah if only i had that kind of yearning for like learning and analyzing things things that mattered right all right that's tea which i'm trying to do because i'm so sad um

my life is so hard um okay if i know a man that can do the splits i'm running the fuck away like that is crazy that is scary behavior like literally stay the fuck away from me i'm talking to you josiah josiah can do a split i don't think he can do it anymore but he used to be able to but i was just thinking about that like i saw a man do the splits on like my feed and i was just like this is crazy this is tainted this is dark-sided this is evil like there's something seriously why is it crazy because like does that hurt no i i'm strictly thinking just like seeing a man like seeing the bottom of a man's foot like is a crazy fucking vibe like oh yeah you mentioned that because you went to the

beach with our friends and you said you saw the bottom of one of our friend's feet while he was playing in the water and you were like i don't think i've ever seen the bottom of another man's like a grown man's foot it's it was a crazy fucking vibe but yeah that's all i have to say um well i saw the most like insidious brand sponsorship ever and i was like oh my god brands are getting too smart and like our consumerism is going through the fucking roof even on my end like i've tried to hold back from just buying shit that i see on tiktok um like specifically like if i watch like a lot of fashion content i'll be like oh my god that skirt's so cute i want something like that and then i'll go on a deep dive and i've gotten better about not buying random things just when i'm like high in bed because it can get so easy but i saw

like just the way brands are maneuvering now is so insane like how they are hopping onto trends that are just like fun play like whatever whatever, like even like the Olympics, like a bunch of brands did a bunch of like things about the Sen river, like, and about like this one, like, um, river.

Yeah. About the poop river. This one skincare brand did a video where their serum drops into the river and it cleans the river. Cause the serum is so good. And then another brand, like that hot sauce brand, like had like confetti, like blowing out of the top of the eiffel tower and then like this like thing fell and it was their hot sauce the hot sauce tower or like whatever

and i'm just like oh my god y'all are so fucking annoying can you just let something live insidious like let somebody just enjoy something the olympics are already such a money pit of like brands giving people things and the people talking about the things they're getting in Samsung phone and Nike. The Samsung fucking phone on that goddamn podium was driving me insane. I'm already heavily leaning into getting a Samsung phone like it's my next path. I fear I think I'm going to do it soon. But seeing that insidious marketing campaign where it's just like ruining these like

people's moments like that they've worked all their lives to be on that goddamn podium and then they shove a samsung phone in their face i'm like no see now you're crossing a line and i don't but that's how i feel people are starting to feel about that kind of push from brands is like okay this could have just been a moment like this there was this viral video of this like young girl she's like maybe six or seven and she had like a tiny purse um and then the brand reached out to her and like asked her like I don't remember what the brand was for maybe it was for like a lip gloss or something but basically they scripted out a plot line where I don't know if they picked a random comment or like someone from

the brand made a random account and commented this but it was like please do a what's in my bag tour so then the ad post they ended up posting was a reply to a comment so that it seemed like oh this fun thing but it was literally an ad placement for this brand. Then I was like, dude, this is so fucking insane. Everything is a ploy to buy something. Everything is like a moment to buy something. Everything is a market push. Everything is so scary. But then I remember I could just turn off my phone, which I've been really good about recently. The app fucking works. I am on a four day streak of not opening tiktok more than five times not opening instagram more than five times and not opening youtube more than five times i do need to put a limiter on twitter because i've just kind of been like using that to fill my time

but my screen time is really fucking good still like so good like literally yesterday it was four hours so bad the day before it was three hours like i'm fucking cooking y'all but the one fucking thing that i hate that apple does is i work i've been like sketching on my ipad a bunch recently because i finally figured out what i'm gonna paint on the big canvas that i bought like six months ago um and i bought a projector for it and everything i'm so excited but it like i've been working on like the preliminary sketch for like four or five hours over the past like day or two for some reason my ipad screen time like is connected to my phone screen time so like right before bed last night i was like let's check my screen time before it's midnight and it was like four hours or something like that but then like right when it hit midnight it updated and said nine hours and

six minutes and i was like girl i was not on my phone for nine hours but then i look at the apps that were used and i was like did i just leave my phone open for like five hours like what the hell but it was procreate and i don't use fucking procreate on my phone so i was like girl this is bullshit connected well that's like you're taking time off your phone to focus on a different screen yeah but at least you're like this video this fucking video my actually i thought my screen time for it's gonna be really bad but i've been doing a better job of reading for the past two days i've read 50 pages of two books that i really wanted to start so that feels really good also that actually leads into

my next thing the 75 hard challenge cracks me the fuck up because one this is us bro um i've been reading to a bun yeah we've been like reading crazy boots like we both decide like let's go read and then we read our books and it feels awesome but what was cracking me up is the 75 hard talents people would be like my goal is to read for like 10 minutes a day and in my head i was like so a page yeah i was like whoa i don't like i am i would consider myself like a fast reader if i'm enjoying a book if it's a book that's like 100 to 150 pages i could easily finish that book within the day within like two hours like if i'm really into the book i'm just like

picking it up yeah actually i don't i guess i just don't know how long it takes people to read books but i was surprised with myself i literally read 100 pages yesterday while sitting um by the pool and i was like wait is that like what people do and it wasn't like fake reading where i'm just like like not like fucking understanding the words or whatever like i actually was like understanding and like locked the fuck in no i feel like that's a normal reading pace that actually like i would be curious if anybody even thinks that's a slower reading pace because i feel like when a book really gets you you can go through it really fucking fast like i think most people are naturally quicker readers than they realize especially now that we read so

much shit on our fucking phones like all of us have become so good at reading quickly because of subtitles and shit at least in my head but 10 minutes a day i was like that is crazy like because i guess i like the idea of a 75 hard but like I would never do it to myself because I would consider that abuse to myself because why the fuck would I work out twice a day? Twice a day? What do I want? Like what am I going to fucking boot camp? I'm about to start building cars with my fucking bare hands.

I don't need to do that twice a day. So a lot of it is really funny, but that just cracks me up because I'm like, and then the wellness part of 75 hard challenge, I guess like technically that working out would be the wellness, but part of it is reading the book. And I'm like, girl, fuck the other workout. Just read for 45 minutes. Cause usually someone's 75 hard is like working out for anywhere from like 45 to an hour, like twice a day.

I was like, bro, that is way too much time to be focusing on that. Like literally my workouts last 30 minutes. And I'm like, damn, i put in the work today and i ran for the first time yesterday for the first time in so long especially post being addicted to my puff bar and i don't know if it was because i chugged a fucking celsius or what but i felt like i was going to explode and knock out. And it was like my slow... Well, there's another reason. It's all the fucking nicotine in your blood, bruh. I've just been frying my brain. I am in such a unhealthy space in my brain.

And it's been really freaking me out because I'm like, oh my God, this brain has to work for another like 20 years. Like, are you kidding me? No, don don't 60 years even oh my god no uh-uh no like this is the brain that has to get me through the rest of my life like no no no no no no no no no i just turned 25 and i'm like oh no no no no this is it this is literally it like and it's been enough like my brain when i turned when i was turning 25 i was like oh that's a funny idea like fuck you

um there goes a couple brain cells so it's gonna be even more low activated i wanted to like rip one of your bands off i was like those mean so much to you if i did that that'd be fun i they literally i almost took them off yesterday i was thinking about i was like why the fuck do i wear these they like literally don't have meaning they collect scum this one does the blue one because it's like a fortnight bracelet from my birthday and i felt loved for the first time in my life that day um i typically don't feel that yeah fuck everything else like fuck all the times i'm like oh are you okay i love you like i think about you all the time yeah fuck that yeah um well speaking of fucking fuck mary kill i got a good one i got a good one fuck mary kill this is for you too kai equilateral triangle isosceles triangle or

scaling you're gonna have to show me a fucking picture i swear i know what that looks like i don't know what any of those look like and i there is a right answer fuck marry kill oh there's a right answer okay i'm killing the equilateral like freaks me out yeah freaks me out too good like i feel like i would be like what's her nuts from like um girls where i'd be like oh you're like driving me crazy like i think you're perfect i hate you like you're giving me too much you're freaking me out for me it's giving like well-rounded like there for you when you need them the most they're just like they treat everybody equally like that's a mary no i was gonna say i marry isosceles because yes like for the most part i'm fucking

isosceles but they're still like things we like need to get through together and i feel like we could get through them and like one day maybe we could be an equilateral but for now we're both isosceles i'm fucking the fuck out of this one how do you know way i'm wait hold on hold on we got to run this back because i am marrying equilateral fucking the shit out of isosceles triangles like i'm laying pipe and they lay pipe too so it's like a verse situation yeah and honestly i'd be a verse bottom um in the case of isosceles triangle and i'm killing the fuck out of what is it scalene scalene i don't know it's like the blurriest you put you pulled up the blurriest image i've ever seen why can i remember what it was um yeah scalene i'm killing scalene no i'm fucking scalene like i just feel like they're freaky and kind of bad for me but like the fuck will be lit like the sex will be awesome it'll be like a time to remember a lapse

in my judgment perhaps it's like a top like that has the mattress on the floor and their dirty laundry all over the room hold on let me find that picture it's so funny like the thing is you're allowed to have piles of clothes in your room but fucking hide them like have some sort of decorum like i i too have piles of clothes but i at least like fold them up and like push them away so people don't see them but actually as i'm saying that i'm realizing i literally have a bin full of clothes in my room a whole donation pile and then a whole tailor pile that i haven't touched for six months i got shirts gifted to me in on christmas that i was like i'm gonna get these tailored so they fit they have been sitting next to my desk for what is it now eight months so right all right i can't find the fucking picture

but it's the one of like that sexy man in a bed that's a top and like it's really his room is disgusting but y'all the people that know what i'm referencing know what i'm referencing like it's a funny picture the other people who have gone to the gay convention what is that wait what's gay what is gay the picture of you and like a bunch of people liking jack donahue's photo it's like oh welcome to the gay convention i hate that that is so fucking horrific um well this is something i put a lot of thought into and i genuinely believe but like put me in the oval office and i could run this fucking country like a lesbian that runs a mcdonald's like i swear to

god like i swear to god i could fucking cook bro literally at the first instant I would probably be like I don't know I don't no no no I feel like I'm a good mediator I'm a listener like I like talk to people and I hear people and like I give like good advice like I don't give good advice but I give good I would be fucking terrified I'd be like dude it is like no this is not good but that's how I feel about me too like if I was fucking terrified i'd be like dude it is like no this is not good but that's how i feel about me too like if i was the president i'd be like no we're cooked like what i would have to literally take my like vivans every fucking day i would be twacked like i would literally every president already but it's fucking actual amphetamines like

like real like just pure amphetamine. No, like, fucking powder. But yeah, no. No, like, let's run it back. Like, I really could run this bitch, like, to freedom. Like, it was like the Stairway of Heaven vibes. Like, I'd cook. I'd cook.

That's all I'm saying. You think you could solve this country's issues? Yeah. No, I'm not kidding. I mean, we always say this like bitch if everybody had my brain chemistry we would all be yeah i actually i guess i do believe that but the problem is like being the president doesn't mean everybody starts to act fucking normal like being the president means like you still have like really crazy people to deal with it's like more about like aura and

swag like people would see my aura and my swag and be like oh my god he's so cool like i want to be friends with him let's not like do bad shit i would love if you were the president just because the people who don't fuck with you the amount of photos they would have of you to be like this is our me in a fucking diaper that is the craziest shit i've ever done but i put on a fucking diaper and tweeted h3h3 ethan klein just replied to a random fucking tweet that he has and it was like hold on let me look that shit oh i don't think he knows that no he doesn't he doesn't right no him offering us the to host the podcast and not yeah um like hello you missed your fucking chance sis yeah my my man's here shot his shot already and you fucking ignored no literally

like you didn't even respond you didn't even like it and i know his shot already and you fucking ignored no literally like you didn't even respond you didn't even like it and i know his ass saw it but he ignored it drew phillips diaper i can't find it someone posted it recently and was like this you twin and i was like yes like yes it's all right daddy will find it yes wait how how often do you feel that way about being the president what like is it okay because i've thought about this and i feel like this is the actual male period which is like for me it's like once a month i'll wake up and i'll be like i really could be the president and i could fucking fix everything and then the next day i'll be like i want to fucking kill myself it's i mean i haven't

really thought about it too much but in the last like few days i've i really do think i've just really been considering his run yeah yeah no girl like literally like they found a picture of jd vance like in quote-unquote drag but it was just like whatever like girl the diaper pictures like the fucking like split hairline like all that shit would freak out the fucking well by the time i'm running you on facebook lying about being kylie jenner yeah it would be elder millennials that are going to be like dated and like um annoying it's gonna be like oh that's the millennial like idea but wait that's crazy to think and then it'll be Gen Z after that. Wow. But like Alpha is going to be like, y'all are fucking old hags.

Like literally like get with the times. Like we want the diatomaceous algae to be a gender. What the fuck are you saying? Sometimes it's so nice to let you just like go on like a free form like thought train and just watch where it takes you because you freak me out but also we understand each other because the other night when we were watching oh we were watching uh car chases on tv and it was cracking me up and josh and josie were like you were literally tweaked out right now because i kept laughing so hard because i was like dude cars are so funny like they're literally just these big missiles and people just get in them and like hit each other and like speed around and like other people

have to chase them to stop them like they're literally like dogs who like got something in their mouth and they aren't supposed to have it and drew came in and he was like i fully understand why that's funny that's literally so funny and that's why we get along so well. Because we both look at something and we're like, this is too crazy. Cars are so funny. When I'm speeding in my car, I'm like, I shouldn't be allowed to do this. And I'm sitting so still. It's so casual, too. It's like Chapel Roan playing in the background and you're speeding.

It's crazy. Uh-oh. Because after midnight, we're going thing is real but i think it happens like every like five years that we go through it like it's like like we start buying motorcycles and shit. That's when you know a man is on his period. Well, I think once a man hits 32, he starts literally losing his mind. I think that's the losing time. Dude, way before that. Yeah, it's literally now, when you're 21, when you turn 18.

I think at 26, I started losing my mind because I was like, oh, next year I'll be 27. And then 27, I was like, this is Kurt Cobain year. And then 28, I was like, oh, next year I'll be 27. And then 27, I was like, this is Kurt Cobain year. And then 28, I was like, oh, I'm getting close to 30. Speaking of Kurt Cobain year, I'm thinking of my dead brother. Oh. My brother died when he was 27. And my grandpa, my dead grandpa. He was 27?

Yeah. And you knew him? Yeah. How old is he? Wait, no, that actually doesn't make sense. Well, I lost a lot of life? Yeah. And you knew him? Yeah. How old is... Wait, no, that actually doesn't make sense. Wow, I lost a lot of life. Yeah. Which is crazy.

And no one seems to care. I mean, we care. Dude, we care. And we're here to talk to you about it. I literally... I have always cared. I went to the party. I care.

It's not a party, bruh. Opium son or brat daughter? Oh my God. Let's get into that. At my mom's's funeral the guy who i used to buy uh stolen electronics from literally at my mother's funeral came up to me in a corner and was like sat i was on the floor crying with my friends and he came and he was like hey like i'm so sorry about everything i was like yeah no it's it's it's okay thank you and he goes what laptop do you have right now and i was like what and then he was like which

macbook do you have and i was like i just i just got new and he was like okay because i have the one with the touch thing if you want it it's in the car and then i was like i just bought that one and he was like okay okay he was like and your camera like your camera's good still and i was like yes my camera is good and like us having this conversation with like a dead body in the next room like only a dead body but it was your mother like um crazy vibes like really crazy vibes and honestly respect like i don't even look back at that like people could be like that's so fucked up but i look back at that and i'm like honestly for some people the grind just absolutely doesn't stop like they can't stop i hadn't seen him in a while and he was like dude fuck i should put that laptop in the car because and you might want a new laptop even despite

everything happening actually it made me make her happy even it made me i would laugh about it yeah she will laugh about you and then he was like when did you and then i he tried to convince me to return my laptop and buy it from him because he was like i could give you a really good deal like how much did you spend on it i was like i don't know i don't remember he's like because i could give it to you for like a thousand like you're going through it like i'll give you a really good deal. How much did you spend on it? I was like, I don't know. I don't remember. He was like, because I could give it to you for like $1,000. You're going through it. I'll give you the proper $1,000. Meanwhile, he got it for free.

I know, literally. Okay, but opium son or brat daughter? Brat daughter. None. I don't want kids. If you had to choose. Brat daughter. I don't want a son.

Boys are so boring. What am I going to talk to my 14-year-old son about? Literally boring like what am i gonna talk to my 14 year old son about like literally what am i gonna talk to you about like there's nothing there's nothing to talk about i have no idea what you're what's happening in your brain and it's like not fun like what are you gonna be like oh i like a girl like oh boo fucking tell i don't know tell someone who gives a fuck like don't tell me that shit like i want a daughter if i'm gonna have a kid period yeah i um i actually want an opium son really yeah but i don't think y'all are i'm saying like addicted to opium oh why would you why would you manipulate us and like we we obviously how you wouldn't want to help a child

that is addicted to it i really wouldn't though like i wouldn't want to be in that position actually op i would help beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful boy like the movie that's a good one that's a good one well i was uh peeing at where were we um oh at our gym i was peeing and like there are universe urinals that are like right next to each other and a dude was standing at one of them and i walked up to the one next to him and started peeing and i like heard like a sound that i had never heard coming from like someone peeing at the urinal before and it sounded like really low to the floor and i was like girl what the fuck he left and walked away he literally just pissed all over the fucking floor and there was like a puddle of piss right where he was standing and it was like doing that thing

where like the water is like itching towards yes and i like literally had to fucking run away and i was like holy shit i just saw like a serial floor pisser because like guys know like there's always like a puddle of piss like right beneath the urinal and you're like who the fuck is doing that how is that happening and i found someone that did it and he was a very looking normal looking dude like he was he wasn't like some creepazoid that's how he gets his rocks off he's like a fucking crazy damn a piss on the floor if i might as well piss on the floor i love pissing on the floor outside like i love like a good like pop and squat like oh it's so fun like that's honestly my dream if i'm out at night and it's like oh there's no public bathrooms like i it is now my mission to find somewhere where i could pee behind a tree like i want to do it so bad

it's so fun it literally it's so freeing also i fucking hate unisex bathrooms with a urinal in it that to me like why must i suffer why must i suffer i hate going to like a bathroom and there's a urinal there it makes me so fucking mad urinals piss me off they're so fucking disgusting it's just facing me like it's looking at me like i'm looking at the porcelain that has had piss all over it's like its mouth is open like there's no covering it like we need to make a little lid or something like there needs to be yeah there needs to be a lid there like it is so crazy but also i need to take a shot at pissing in a urinal because i feel like that would be like a fun experiment and i feel like i could do it like i really feel like i could do it but we don't have to talk about that because like that gets into details that i would never want public yeah that's my story period

um okay well i got this email the other day that i thought was a troll when i first saw it but then i reread it and i was like and i saw i did because i didn't see that the email included photos and it says it's from this random fucking dude um oh wait i think i just got got yeah i got got damn what let me see um basically it's uh i have received this scary mangled picture along with an email now i don't know if you have something to do with this, but I'm a man of God and will not take such evil actions lightly. If you know what this could possibly mean or indicate, please get back to me at this email address.

Let me know if you need anything. And then they included this and this picture of me with my email address. And then they sent the photo. But I zoomed in on his profile picture and he's just a troll. Dude, that picture is so funny. It's so scary. Why did you do that?

I didn't do that. They made it and sent it to me. Oh, wait. So I thought you made that and that's why you posted it. Like I thought you were just bored and you mangled your face like that. No i got it from an email from rupert snow rupert snow yeah the person that just sent that email that i read um but no yeah that photo

literally cracked me up when i saw it um because it's so fucking scary boots. Well, I think apartment should have to legally change to the toilet seat before I move in. Because I just think that piss like stays there. Like it just like it literally like inhales like plastic to me, inhales that kind of stuff. So the idea that anybody is like I could clean that thing with bleach all I fucking want. But somebody else's dirty ass cheeks have sat on that. Like that is so gross. And then even when I'm in the bath, sometimes I'm like, ew, somebody's fucking nasty butt has been on this fucking bath.

The bubble has touched the porcelain. I literally clean that bathtub countless times even before I get in it. Like I'll give it a good wipe down. And I'm just like, ew, somebody else is just laid in here in their fucking filth. And then I'm like, oh my God, if they had a dog, they like wash their nasty fucking dirty ass dog in here like dogs are so fucking dirty and like dogs i'm canceling dogs i'm not kidding all dogs are canceled like they're not going to heaven like dogs are over they're dirty they're literally dirty and they stink like they have such a stench to them but i guess i can't talk because when Azul opens her mouth next to me, I'm like, oh my

God, bro. Bro, his mouth smells like your vagina. Your vagina. Dude, Azul's mouth permeates like infinite tuna. Like it is infinite tuna and butt and shit. Like, oh, and then I hate when Azul puts her fucking butt in my face. I'm like, get that shit away from me. And is that a thing? Like, why do puts her fucking butt in my face i'm like get that shit away from me and is that a thing like why do cats put their butt in your face like is it because they want

you to lick they're like i think i literally think it is like please can you stimulate my butthole so i can shit like because that's what like moms do to kittens they like lick their kittens buttholes to make them poop well that is what i did to you when we first started well yeah because i was constipated and you haven't done it in a few years i mean well because it got tiring and every time like when we moved it's a health matter y'all when we moved in together i know everyone's seen the video surprising me but what the video didn't follow is that i had to pick him up and go into the house and put him on the toilet like you would do with a cat with a litter box when you put them on the litter box the second they come in your house so they know where they have to poop and i

did that with drew and he still missed all the time like yeah i would wake up and there would be like a turd under the kitchen that's really gross yeah also like i like people think like oh like drew just likes having his ass eaten out like no i need like indian needs to do it it's like a medical necessity like so disgusting yeah kai you're next so don't fucking play around i know when's the last time you pooped no no i'm saying he's eating me next okay he's eating my turn he's eating my fucking box i'll probably do a good job at it too well what is that is that powder yeah i thought it was clay it's five pounds of red 40 have you been like are you serious yes what is that for i just bought it like i just been sprinkling red 40 on

all of my meals because i was like i feel like i'm not getting enough in my diet so i just bought five pounds of it um from literally wuhan china i'm not kidding like i literally bought it from wuhan um you should open the bag though wait how do you even get that i tied it too tight i can't get it open well because you were thinking we were gonna i know bitch y'all are gonna steal my shit like y'all want it so fucking bad this is my fucking red 40 dude nobody wants that stay the fuck away from my red 40 no one no one has touched it i don't care about that object but yeah i got it to sprinkle on my meals and then i was like thinking oh you know what we could do um oh are you okay yeah that poke your eye no it like sprinkled all over my face whatever i'm just ripping in might be a bad vibe but um

i decided that i was like oh instead of doing the cinnamon challenge i thought we could your hands are shaking holding that you're so nervous i thought we could do the red 40 challenge because like you want to do the red 40 challenge yeah like a teaspoon or a tablespoon of red 40 that can't be good for you that's gonna be so bad you're gonna get all your hands are already red you can have 3.1 milligrams of red 40 per pound in your body i looked it up oh my god it, it is dyeing me red already. Yeah, your fingers are red. So you want us to do this with you? I'm not doing that.

I like... I'll do whatever Drew says, but I don't want to do it. You're gonna fucking do it. What is it? Does it have a smell? Look at that color. Dude. What does it smell like?

Like literally nothing. What's fucked up is my like animal brain is literally wanting it to smell like hot chips so bad. Like, ooh, like my mouth is watering at the idea that this was talkie powder. Why wouldn't you just buy talkie powder? Because I wanted redwood. Let me see if I can wash this off my hands first before I put this inside of my mouth and can't get it off. Oh my God, Drew, we need to get you empty capsules and we need to put it into capsules so you take your red 40 like this is the problem is drew doesn't buy himself anything of value this is

what drew buys like how much was this i want y'all to guess five pounds of red 40 oh that had to have been like 70 at least hi um the red 40 it's five pounds 46 dollars 111 shit fuck yeah but it was from wuhan okay you mentioned that like it was it was shit i mean like it was what is red 40 is it like crushed beetles i think it's like petroleum and crushed beetles red 40 talent red 40 challenge y'all i can't do it no do it do it come on i don't think i don't i really don't think i can like should we put it in the cottage cheese i mean i've been putting it on i want to make sure you're gonna be okay yeah google it real quick let me let me look this shit up because i googled it and it was like you can consume 3.1 milligrams per pound of body weight let me and i was like if i do a tablespoon you should be five but like also is it gonna stain

my mouth and teeth my friend just bought five pounds of Red 40 concentrate powder, and he wants to do basically the cinnamon challenge, but with Red 40. And he's going to take a tablespoon and swallow it like the cinnamon challenge, but with Red 40 powder. Is that safe? Is he going to be okay? Ingesting Red 40 powder, especially in such a large quantity is not safe red 40 is an artificial food dye that while approved for use in small amounts in food can

cause serious health issues if consumed in large quantities taking a tablespoon of it could potentially cause severe reactions including but not limited to nausea vomiting allergic reactions and possibly even more severe consequences depending on the individual's sensitivity. Your friend should not attempt this challenge. It could be very dangerous. Fucking op, bro. I know.

Fucking loser. It seems fine. Yeah, it should do. Well, you should have prepped this thing with the way Drew's been prepping for this. Some people prep for the Olympics. Yeah, I've been dosing it. You know the people that were dosing E. coli

before getting into the Times River? Yeah. Yeah. All right, I think I'm going to heed all warnings and just do it because I feel like that stupid fucking robot can't tell me what to do and I'm also like a human being and it's a robot.

I mean, I said not to. Yeah, I was going to say, I feel like you're just like being a little stubborn and if it's a safety hazard then you just shouldn't do it but like i was saying i've been micro dosing red 40 my one my entire life and especially like for the weeks leading up to this is like an order of magnitude more red 40 so your body might reject it you're like an order of magnitude more gay when you like talk shit when you say it like that i kind of agree and i think you oh you agree with him all right are you okay

ew it was everywhere. It's like in the air. I think he's fine. He just had to wash his face. He's fine? No, he's fine. He sounds like he's dying. Drew?

And he's crawling back. I'm looking out for him. You're going to make it. It's a placebo. You're going to make it worse. Drew, you're fine. Just get up. Yeah, you're good. Oh my god, it stained you. He's been prepping for this for months. Just leave him alone. Drew, just get- Here. Hey, hey.

He's not in his body right now. Get back. Oh, he seems happy. See, it's like back his body right now. Get back. Oh, he seems happy. See, it's like back to the old Drew. You're like nothing ever happens. I'm just having a magic friendship with you. I'm just having a magic friendship with you. All right, Drew.

Well, it's time to get back to work because we got ads and whatever. I'm just telling you what it can be. Yes. Yes. He's happy. Actually, it might have done good. Like a lot of people are like, oh, SSRIs, blah, blah, blah. But like, I think the Red 40 challenge might make you happy.

Look how happy he looks. He's happy. He looks miserable. It looks like he's going to throw up again. He already threw up before. I'm just saying. I'm looking out. I'm looking out.

Well, the Red 40, it's like charcoal. So it cleansed his system. Should we just get into media? Yeah, I guess. He'll come to. He'll come to. Yeah, he'll come back. He just needs a nap.

He's been up a long. Okay. It's already like 2 p.m. He's been up since then. He might need like an IV or something. Remember last time he did this on the sidewalk? And I was right. I was like, just, he'll be fine. Yeah. He was fine. he ended up powering through that yeah so he'll get through this it's fine

um oh okay my media of the week is hey like the thing is you're putting a lot of attention on it and if you just let it go he would be fine and you're making it worse i'm putting attention on something that is i guess the behavioral issues thing with red 40 was right yeah all right well he's mad at me so now i don't really give a fuck if he lives or dies okay attack attack dude you're gonna be stained for like the rest of the day your mama's gonna be stained inside my pussy did it taste good though, it actually tasted hella good.

Yeah. Like, it tastes, like, really fucking good. It smelled good when it, like, came out of your mouth. Yeah, no, it was... Were you actually trying to swallow it all? Yeah. It just, like, dried out all my mouth, though. I never even did, like, any of those challenges.

Like, the cinnamon challenge. Do you want to try the Red 40 challenge? I think I'm good. I think it's, like, your thing, and you want to try the red 40 challenge um i think i feel fine i think it's like your thing and you brought it to the episode so i don't want to like steal your shine it'd be like the songs all over again like i just don't want to do that again no i genuinely like feel so okay like i actually feel enlightened borderline there was like a moment there it's like ayahuasca it's kind of like an ayahuasca yeah yeah it was it was like a moment there where i was like seeing colors um

should we do media we should do media yeah yeah yeah let's do media um i want i want to go to the hospital okay i'm not doing that you already please no you wanted to do it and you sit with that i'm not taking you to the hospital i'm'm actually scared. Take yourself to the hospital if you want to go so bad. I'm actually scared. My media of the week is Jacqueline Novak's stand-up was really, really fucking funny. What is it called? I actually can't believe how stained my lips are from like putting that on my lips. Like it's kind of jarring how strong Red 40 is get on your knees by jacqueline novak was really fucking funny um such a good watch and then my music media of the week is literally i've just

been listening to a bunch of chapel rome that's like basically it and then the three songs i've still i've just been back to playing like the same four songs on repeat and it's can't do a thing by chris isaac you make loving fun by fleetwood mac um summer breeze by seals and crofts and the boy wonders by aztec camera and that's my fucking media mine is red 40 night red 40 cruising red 40 okay the red 40 and the pure of the red 40 damned uh by 10 tricks point red 40 never um and red 40 iggy pop red 40 um the red 40 snow queens of texas you're saying Red 40 a lot post. What? Oh, nevermind. Red 40 mamas and Red 40 papas. Red 40. This is the Spinal Tap Red 40

movie. And mine is Belle and Sebastian. Dude, you should go to the hospital. We should go. We should take you there. Yeah, I really want to. Because your skin looks very pale. Y'all can go. Why are you looking at me? Y'all can go i have shit to do after this it's just like you're my friend and earlier you said that you like i'm your

co-host that was fucked up i'm serious and that's your employee that's not your fucking friend i'm more than an employee will you take me to the hospital are you my friend he said no i'm all alone that's why they made uber am i wrong am i so wrong that's why they made uber red 40 uber please red fuber drew sigh up corner bitch y'all thought y'all didn't get it y'all thought you didn't get a drew sigh up corner red 40 because i will put one on for you right now red 40 all that crying we did at your graduation for you just to do doordash i banned five people from the podcast today just to remind y'all that life

isn't fair i ordered a three-finger combo from canes and all they gave me was chicken. Chick-fil-A tastes like they used the pussy of the bird. Okay. Pussy part of the bird. What if they released a freaky version of AirPods where they started licking the inside of your ears when they were low battery? Women are cute until they pull out a cigarette never mind bitch that's my mechanic uh girls bitches

my baby is so smart wait was that one no no i just i don't like saying bitches but it's what's written down uh bitches my baby is so smart me oh what's your birthday little man him cereal i see so many people have uh 444 tattooed on them girl wendy's is not that good is the 444 still a thing i think so i think it's the biggie bag now most disrespectful shit you can do is ask me for a re's cup. Only two come in the pack. Leave me the fuck alone. Looks maxing this. Looks maxing that. Bitch, I'm trying to climax. Someone lick my balls.

Hello? You're stalling. No, something actually seriously is not right. I was just paralyzed. I was just fucking paralyzed. I was just fucking paralyzed. I was just paralyzed. I was just paralyzed. I was just paralyzed. No, guys actually seriously is not right. I was just paralyzed. I was just fucking paralyzed. I was just fucking paralyzed. I was just paralyzed! I was just paralyzed! I was just paralyzed! I was just paralyzed! No, guys, seriously! I was just paralyzed! Someone, please! Please, someone help me! I was just paralyzed! Please, please, please, please, please! I was just paralyzed! Guys, no, seriously, this is not good! This is not good! This is not good! Please, someone help me! Please! Please, please, please, someone help me! I was just paralyzed! Look at me! Look at me! Can you give me water? Water, water, water, please! Dude, that's my favorite video ever. Do you know what he's talking about?

No. There's this fucking kid who he was at a smoke session with all his friends, and his friends started recording it because he was stuck like this. I think I do remember this. And then they went and touched him, and he was like, I was just paralyzed, please. Oh, no, no, no, no, please call the police. You just did it so good.

I was just paralyzed. I was just paralyzed. Someone, please. Because please call the police you just did it so good i was just paralyzed i was just paralyzed someone please because i've been that kid before bro oh my god okay well thanks for listening guys this was a freaking treat i didn't do it yeah i think the camera's been off really no uh that scared the shit out no like off kilter like it's not this way enough oh yeah great i can fix it. Inya. This is another Drew stand up. Inya. More like Dix Gazinia. Now we kiss.

Now we kiss. Does the kiss have to measure? Please no. No one more. One more. It didn't feel good enough. The Rev 40 makes me fucking numb to shit. Ah, not my headband! Bye.