Emergency Intercom - Self diagnosing episode

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

Drew figures out a life hack to cure his self diagnosed dyslexia, Enya translates texts from her dad that sound like they're written in emojis that dont exist and Ky gets hammered in silence This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at www.BetterHelp.com/intercom Go to www.Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, of Emergency Intercom. Today, we are going to be teaching you the simplest ways to attend simple hacks to make your life smoother, more pleasurable. And exciting.

Because all you need in life is some pleasure and excitement to keep you going. That's why me and Drew are so lucky we have each other. Yeah. Because I'm pleasure, he's excitement. Help me. Were you going to say something before we started? You were like, what was I saying? But you didn't say anything we started you were like what was i saying but you didn't say anything you were just like whispering to yourself i just thought about like

something i sent my sister this morning and i was like what the fuck was that video why did i send that but then i looked at the thumbnail and saw what it was yeah you saw you, that's my Texan draw coming out. I draw. I saw. That's all I got. Yeah. My pillow. No, you say pillow, right? Pillow?

I need a new mattress so bad, but what they don't tell you is those things are so expensive. That's what they don't tell you. See how everybody is like, oh, they don't tell you about taxes when you're young. No, they don't tell you that the reason your parents let you sleep on the same dusty ass mattress for 20 years of your life is because they literally cost way too fucking much money. Like, there's no way they need to be costing that much money. Yeah, there's like a 700% markup on all mattresses. And if you go into a mattress store, and you're like, all I have is $400. And it's a $1,200 mattress, they will probably take that deal. Like you can talk people down on mattresses like crazy. But I understand like the price of a mattress sometimes because I'm like, you literally spend half of your life on that thing. Like invest in a good

fucking mattress. Like make sure you get good sleep. I literally can't get myself to do it. Like I would genuinely rather buy a pair of shoes, like expensive shoes than buy a new mattress because you can't take the mattress and show the mattress off because you're a girl and you like buying clothes yeah like my girly instinct is just like erg how am i gonna get my nails and my hair done if i get a mattress shiny though shiny squirrel squirrel friends you are my squirrel friend like why um well also last night before i went to bed i like couldn't uh fall asleep so i was doing something that i never do which was looking through my dm replies and i never do this but it sent me on a spiral of like people seeing what people reply to and there are certain stories that like every dm i opened somebody had replied to

that same picture but one dm set i opened wasn't a reply to anything it was just somebody who's been sending me workout videos for the past year like every day for the past year has been sending me like like easy ways to work out at home they bodied you so yeah i was that's fucking crazy okay but then i i thought with my positive thinking i was like maybe this is somebody who just like you know how like i'll send things to myself to my private account and like back and forth um so maybe that's just somebody doing that like they don't have a private account so they're just like this bitch is never gonna see this shit i'm just gonna send what i want to save but there is the save feature so i don't know why she would be sending also maybe they were just saying like she needs

to work out yeah but like not in like a mean way but you know like i want you to live forever way exactly and you should work out yeah and like keep your body yeah we can spend anything to be positive why don't more people do that just like make everything happy like everyone that bullies me in like the comments like they're probably like 30 of those people that are being serious and like actually making fun of me um but i have this like delusional thought pattern where i'm like oh no they're like also in on the joke like they're i'm they're we're joking together like it's fun but then for some reason when people like do that to me in person where they're like mean to like be a friend like me and i don't know how to explain it it literally freaks me the fuck out and i'm like whoa this is crazy i think it's especially when

like somebody who's not in our like close circle doing that it's like yeah why are you attacking me like why are you literally attacking me and my livelihood? Like, you actually fucking hate me. And you have some weird thing about me behind closed doors. But because I'm like the funny girl. Yeah, I know. We just have weird, funny things of people behind closed doors. Did I tell you the thing that happened to me in New York? No.

It was like two trips ago. I think it was outside of something that we DJed when we were DJing shit. And this girl came up and she was like, what's up, you stupid, stinky bitch? Oh, I think you did tell us this. And then she was just like, continue. And I was like, what? And she was like, oh, I'm sorry. I just like, that's what they do to you on the podcast.

And then we just had like a normal conversation after that. But was like so destabilized dude you had to rewire her brain it's literally it's because we like wire people's brains incorrectly with this fucking podcast so people think it's normal to go up to other people and be like hey you fucking weird freak bitch and that's not the way you should be talking to other humans like that's just simply that's how we talk to each other and that's okay actually you know what i've been thinking about is like literally how you are the most lovely like kind person i've ever met you're just so genuine you have not been thinking about that there's no way you've been sitting i just like i was just deep into thought thinking about that like just now are you trying to like tell me that you were

sitting on your iphone in your room doing that drew does drew the way he uses his phone actually freaks me out and what he buys on the internet freaks me out we are living in an age where you could buy anything you could ever wish on your iphone and drew sits on there and buys like fucking weird germs that live in the sea that like turn blue when you shake them and fucking candy it's not even gonna show because it's daytime no but i'm gonna show them like in daytime it's literally just a glass of water okay so these are oh fuck i literally forgot name. They're not diatomaceous. Oh, they're tenacious D. Oh, fuck, what are they called?

Dinoflagellates. Of course. And they're the shit. They're basically like they go up onto the shore every once in a while. And like it's the blue glow that you see like in the wave break. Or you see like people wading through the water. And they react to water movement. so that's why they glow it's like um an evolutionary trait like either like i don't know what it's for if it's to like scare predators away or if it's to like reproduce and find babies

or find people to have sex with um but they fucking put them in a jar and you can like have them just sitting on your fucking countertop and they just sit in the sun because they're on a day cycle. They absorb the sunlight. And then after a week of just like chilling in the sun, they'll like kind of like glow if you shake the thing. And also you can like keep them for as long as possible because you just put the food and the nutrients in there and they just like chill. So he has invisible pets. That's what he's. Well, no, you can kind of see invisible pets kind of just looks like backwash yeah like it looks like your uh toothbrush cup yeah so these are the loves ew these are the loves of my life

and i replaced my praying mantis goji um rest in peace i wonder how many people who don't know about your dead bug there's a lot of people that that you killed i know i've come to the conclusion that you killed it she got jealous that's you know what actually here's my theory my hypothesis is drew accidentally killed that bug because you took it out in the most toxic environment ever you took it out in a fucking california parking lot and it flew around in the middle of summer oh wait was that tavia's yeah oh i thought that was yours no tavia's got lost because they were like that's not gonna fly for another week did tavia's live like longer than yours or no yeah a lot longer yeah you're just a bad father no and you should take that into

account when you think of reproducing with somebody because you definitely should not have kids oh damn um no i think genuinely what happened was they sold me like a dying one yeah like an older one and they just were like trying to get rid of it because i did get it on sale one and it was like the end of the day and two and three i think it was like way more like developed than they even they knew or they let on yeah let me on to know um because did it like immediately shed when it got in the house too or kai is sniffing his armpits like crazy that's you know i usually i'll make fun of him but i can condone that because i'd rather you know if you fucking stink like doo-doo dog shit. I'm testing on a new deodorant.

And fix it. So I'm just kind of like. Well, what's the deodorant? We'll bleep it. Yeah, we'll bleep it. Why? Because. No free promo.

Okay. It's. Oh. No, fuck that. That's what you use. No, I use. Oh, you use. Brand. But I'm using a different strain. it aluminum free it's aluminum we need to put aluminum back in the deodorant i knew i smelled something when

you walked in the room i didn't know what it was but now i know i wasn't gonna say that did it smell good no why would it like it didn't smell good it was getting like they get compliments kai kai to me when people stink they get silence to me it smelled good like really like your pheromones are nice yeah that's coming from a sexual place and you should write that down okay so we all know how i can't read like that is like a real thing i don't know how to read like you should see me do the ad reads maybe we'll add like a clip of me like doing an ad read where i like try to get the same thing 36 times in a row but it just like i freaked the out because i literally literally

everyone needs to evacuate the room yeah my andrew has to read something out loud. My eyes, like what happens is my eyes read the words way too quickly and my mouth can't like. Oh, so you're just too smart to be able to read. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. No, I just can't focus on the one thing at hand. Well, I found this new method of reading called bionic reading. And it highlights the first half of the word.

Because I think that was a thing that Bella Thorne literally talked about on Disney. And I'm not even kidding. It highlights the first half of the word or bolds the first three letters. And I swear to God, it was like I put on those seeing color glasses for the first time thatul had like a meltdown with like people who don't see color oh wait he pretended like he couldn't see right i don't i think paul i think he actually might have been colorblind oh what did he get it fixed because he doesn't wear those glasses now he maybe he just exists as a colorblind person um because you can live um when there's like different varying i mean you'll live but i read this one morning laying in my bed and i read it out loud to myself because i was like there's no way this works and it genuinely like made me tear up because i was like what the

fuck i can like actually read this like all the way through you're so great for reading that out loud even alone because reading out loud alone is really embarrassing well i just needed to see if it worked because that's my problem i can read inside my head but i cannot read or it's hard for me to comprehend but when i have to speak out loud when i'm reading something everything goes wrong everything goes wrong um but yeah give us an example read it what if i fuck up though like that would be so good and then what if you do so good that somebody hits us up and they're like we need you to be the next host of the grand spelling bee and then you're just like wow

in the grammar world okay i'll try the without it and then i'll do it with yeah bionic reading is a new method facilitating the reading process okay i'm doing the one with because i know it already i it's it's a failed experiment because i already did it like i already know what's coming next like i know how it's gonna go you like you know the words yeah but sometimes i can mess you up even more because then you think you know the words because that fucks me up when i'm like reading something out loud or like candid like it's like okay like here's a script and then i say it right the first time or what i think is right and someone's like oh well you added a word and it's because i was like i already know this and then i always add like a filler word all right let's try let's try let's try he's scared okay i'm gonna really try hard

now you literally know how bella felt on those fucking disney ads i hope they paid her for those extra ads because like why were they doing that to her they like ruined her they like slandered her though they like made her the poster child when she was just supposed to be like an actress in a show like she was the poster child for dyslexia she had to have been paid for that though i probably i mean those disney contracts are fucking horrifying i know like they're really really scary um but okay bionic reading is a new method facilitating the reading process by guiding eyes through text with artificial fixation points as a result the reader is only focusing on a highlighted initial letter and lets the brain center complete the word. That's pretty good.

Is there like a generator to create? Yeah, someone made a Google Chrome extension. But like, y'all have seen me read. This is weird, yeah. Bionic reading is a new method facilitating the reading. Well, I can just read. Yeah. I think like...

Drew, that was... It was actually very impressive. We need to get the ad coffees. I know. So you don't have literally a meltdown. And you're like, I'm going to do that. Embionic reading. That was really sexy seeing you finish a sentence.

Thank you. Embionic reading. I looked up the Logan Paul thing and it said that he did kind of fake it. Oh, really? It was a quote. It says, I wanted to create an amazing story, an amazing piece of content that shows what it meant to be colorblind. Just like any storyteller, I exaggerated my reactions. I did not lie.

What I did was embellish. That's basically his entire life. Yeah, that's just me when I lie. He lied. That's literally me. Anytime I read a joke off of TikTok to somebody, I always add embellishments to it because I'm like embarrassed because I'm like, what if they don't think this is funny? And I basically change the joke when I'm reading it out.

And then the person usually laughs really hard. And I'm like, yeah, well, I actually made that joke. So now what? That's smart. Do you ever do that? I get really embarrassed to read things I find funny on my iPhone. So I just fake it. And I'm like, oh, this wasn't as funny as like I thought it was so then

I like I add I add a little extra kick to it yeah no I just read whatever comes on my iPhone out loud wherever I am at any moment like if something funny like a funny tweet pops up like Orion's the same way we'll just like see it and read it out loud and just say it and make everybody laugh and then keep scrolling until the next one comes up. Like, it's crazy. I re-deleted TikTok. Oh, but also that the dyslexic thing came up because last night I saw a YouTube video that was like a dyslexia test. And he was like, obviously, this isn't the way to like, no, you should go to a professional.

But this is the test that a lot of professionals use and i think it was like some number like 94 of people uh who like go in to take it usually come out the other end and they're like oh yeah i actually do have like a minor form of dyslexia it's a spectrum because i think it's like way more common than people realize but then as i was watching it i was like man it's crazy how there's so much gray area to everything because he was like yeah you know and my dad still has a hard time spelling things so i definitely think like and he hasn't been tested but i think i got it from him and i was like yeah my dad too but my dad literally taught himself english so i don't think he counts like my dad the way if someone saw the way my dad text it would be crazy but i understand it but it's literally because it's the funniest shit i've ever seen in my life

because also if you hear my dad talk like he does not sound like that i also think it's part of laziness like the way my dad texts it's fully like laziness it's just giving dad core like dad's text messages are like literally the worst like most offensive like soulless emotionless thing you can ever receive on your life and i think that's it always feels like he's angry at me when we're texting it's like k my dad literally says k and like he doesn't realize that that's like actually yeah my dad says okay yeah he goes how are you eha and i said good and you and then i said i need that hoodie oh because he sent me a picture of this girl wearing a hoodie he said if you heard anything bad about me believe all that shit and leave me the fuck alone and my dad saw that and thought of me so sent he said to me, I was like, I need that hoodie.

He's like, he goes, goo. Are you in New York? I just made the tuna salad. E fill. Oof. Really good. Literally just struggling. Also, it's giving Roblox.

You know what it is, too? I think he has the spanish um keyboard keyboard on too so and i think it's he does have autocorrect on for like the or the predicted words on for spanish so i'm sure as he's typing it always gives a replacement and he's like straff fighting his keyboard to type in english um yes i work in home we are good yeah he i think it is definitely out of um laziness because if you heard my dad talk read but also i'm like delusional and i don't think my dad has an accent but everybody who meets him is like that man fully has an accent yeah he has an accent but it's like it's it's like my newt yeah it's not like the craziest thing but yeah if you heard

him talk you wouldn't think these were his text messages. I think he just doesn't want to. They don't den it to you. Think it's finished. That's one of his texts. I'm not even kidding. Hi. Hi. No. E how remember that you had payment on it?

They don't den it to you. Like that's him saying they don't send it to you until it's finished. And he said they don't den it to you until it's finished. This episode is brought to you until it's finished. And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. Yeah. Let me check a text for my dad. Okay, he sent me a...

You're a bitch. No, no. He sent me a picture of a Tesla and he said, isn't this so slay elon musk is literally mother he did not fucking say that bitch no he didn't all right let's see what my dad said i was like well your dad is like so interconnected into your life and wanting to understand what you do that he's like he's learning he's learning the language of the podcast like ai it's like ai trying to learn my dad says you are in gay bitch no wait let me see oh my god drew that's fucked up that's not okay no we're gonna have to cut that like he's oh my god i hope you die see it's like funny shit like that like where that's not funny dude no it's like your dad was also like a full sentence yeah it's like

cold and soulless like you know like but it's like chill i don't think that's chill i think that's you will burn in hell with the rest of them oh i don't know who them is um no i i think he's oh this one's just die die die die die he's he's referencing wendy williams death to all of them i don't know i don't think he is i think you need to have a sit down with your dad yeah figure figure well anytime i try to talk to him he's like i gotta go to work and like he never i've never seen him i haven't seen him in like 10 years for longer than like eight seconds wait but i literally hung out with him for a long time but i guess you were outside the whole time damn i didn't even realize that yeah he was avoiding you yeah it's very avoidant but like it's in like a fun playful

hide and seek i don't think so because he kept he would be like hey like literally let me know when drew's coming back in because i gotta go why would you not tell me that well because i felt like i was imposing like what am i supposed to be like no No. You're my friend. I know, but I'm his friend, too, because he's hella lit and chill. Dude, my dad is such a psycho, like, like genuinely a psycho, because like he gave Inya and Orion money like for their flights home. Like when me and Orion's flights were literally free, basically. Yeah. He used points.

Yeah. And he was like, give this to them. And I was like, like no they're not gonna take this they don't want this like stop and he was like well i like paid for like family's flights and i was like you didn't pay for my fucking flight like what are you talking about like well you're not a girl so you should technically be able to just like cover for yourself yeah you know what i have a wonderful relationship with my father okay all of that was a joke and i love my dad very much and he loves me back.

Oh my God. Oof. I would say that if I was lying too. Yeah. Now you're covering up for him? I know. This is dark. Do you want him to be held accountable or no?

I have, yeah. Can you guys hold my father accountable, please? He doesn't give me the love I deserve. I know. We are so lucky because we love our peepaws, our pawpaws. You're my paw. Oh, my God. You're drinking on the job.

What? You're drinking on the job. Wow. No, I'm not. There's a paper bag. Wow. That doesn't cover that you're drinking on the job. Wow.

You don't know what's in this bag. Open it. This is the third time he's drank on the job. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh my God. Why would you lie? Why would you lie? We said it's alcohol and you said, no, it's just a brown paper bag.

I didn't think you would notice the crack of the huge can. It was the loudest sound on the planet. The loud crack. I've just been stressed out, you know, like we're back. Okay, but it's literally 9 a.m. I was going to say, it's like so fucking early. Is this even your first one because you were acting a little weird and you did smell really bad my third one doesn't matter jesus

fucking christ well hurry up and finish it because like i try to help we try to help and he just attacks us is he grabbing another one i know he's not grabbing another one i'm not grabbing another one oh my god that's my last one so i actually want to try that seven dude i've literally been over analyzing you too much recently why i've been watching every body movement of yours for the past like three weeks and it's making me crack up no it's really yummy it's like sweet. Now this seems like this weird fucking ad from... We'll blur it. I never said... Yeah, that's a Heineken.

Yeah. Damn. I haven't had like a straight up beer in so long. Okay, maybe I'm lying. You're literally fucked up right now. You had three already. Wait, what is that screaming? That's just my friend. I'm keeping her in the room. I'm keeping her in the room. I'm hiding him in the basement. Drunk episode.

Hey. Oh, yeah. We do want to do a drunk episode really, really badly. Oh, fuck. That just tastes like the beach to me. I should be at the beach. That one, that's not the normal one, though. What is like- I think it's the light one oh it literally is right right okay well um your mom

stinks oh we were at um a meeting with our merch company and we were like just talking about like random shit and six nine came up and we were talking about how with our merch company and we were like just talking about like random shit and 6ix9ine came up and we were talking about how 6ix9ine used to wear those like big ass stupid fucking outfits with the big words on it. And Drew was standing and I was like, oh, I was like, Drew, look it up. Like, I need to show them what I'm talking about. Like, you know, when 6ix9ine would have like pussy and like HIV like on his clothes. Big 6ix9ine.

Well, I literally just Googled in front of all of them i just googled 69 pussy um and then i went to the photos he's like oh yeah that's gonna come up um no literally hardcore nasty fucking gross ass 69 porn came up all over my phone and it was so humiliating but they all like laughed about it was literally the funniest thing i've ever seen like why was that the funniest 10 minutes of my life was looking at those pictures of him because it's fucking psycho it's literally the craziest shit i've ever seen and they also just have like i don't know it's just it's really funny and then also six nine getting his ass beat and jumped in an l.a fitness is so that no i mean i feel like i knew intuitively that he's gotten his ass kicked before recently he got jumped in an la fitness like coming out of the sauna in miami and he was in his boxer briefs and it's really embarrassing yeah and he gets jumped and

beat the fuck up and then some little kid it sounds like a younger kid is like bro i'm a really big fan bro and is literally filming him out walking away from getting getting his ass beat i think he filmed it too yeah he filmed like the uh him getting jumped and it was awesome he like went away like it's isn't he not even in jail anymore dude he got out because he had asthma because of covid when covid hit he got let out early and got put on probation or house arrest because of asthma so he literally just had the luckiest setup ever but like what is your luck if you're literally like on everybody's uh death like list yeah it's the opposite of dick riding it's like dick riding in the opposite direction where

you jump someone you don't yeah it's like someone you don't know you jump for being a snitch like that is crazy person behavior yeah i know it is insane but it makes for awesome content and we should keep it going that guy is so different from me like could not be more different uh six nine yeah like yeah a hundred i like see that guy and i'm like we have such different lives it could not be more different i'm so embarrassed because um i'm wearing an orange jacket next to this fucking stupid orange thing behind me and now i just feel like i'm one big mesh and this orange thing yeah i'm just blending in and it's like i'm a ghost and i'm fading away well i'm wearing my muchacha shirt that um is getting too small for me because i'm filling out into my man figure um and i'm getting stronger and bigger and i just look good i haven't worked out in like

a month and a half me either i just have a gym membership so i could look at it yeah it's crazy i just went to the gym today for the first time in three weeks though did you woke up hella early i know i've been waking up at 7 a.m that's so lit why do you think it was from being in new york for so long yeah well when i got back i was like i'm just gonna weaponize this and i've just been like waking up at seven that's actually so well i couldn't do that but my earliest is like 9 a.m is like my wake up earliest but i've been going to sleep hella early that i will say last night was the latest i went to sleep and it was like 1 a.m but i've been sleeping at like 12 also being the nail biter in a relationship it was the most traumatizing thing to ever happen to me like like being the one who bites my nails

like there's nothing more awful than being the nail biter and having to be with somebody who's like stop stop like that like that is my trauma that's my story and any other nail biters if you're in a relationship and you're the nail biter you know exactly what i mean like well now i'm gonna bite my nail even more well now this shit tastes good so i'm gonna fucking eat i mean literally fingernails do taste good as fuck and i don't give a fuck so does the skin it's like so yummy i think the skin tastes really good but not the nails like after you bite the nail and then you like smell it oh that shit hits i think you just like the smell of your own breath because that i've never understood because i don't i don't think my nails would smell the same coming out of my mouth.

It smells like burnt rubber and like tires. There's someone out there that knows exactly what I'm talking about. I'm being very vulnerable. Maybe you're adding so much friction to your nail that you're literally causing like a little bit of a burn smell. Yeah. Sorry, I was looking for this photo to show, but I literally can't find it. So we'll just move on. No one was

are you okay hey hey where'd you go i'm here yeah i'm here we shouldn't be doing this we really shouldn't be doing this no we shouldn't but we should because it feels so natural we shouldn't be doing i like that you're natural and you're not like those other girls and all filled up with nasty, nasty, unnatural. Or wearing cake. He's all filled up. Shut the fuck up. I like that you're not like the other girls

and you don't put cake icing on your face and nasty shit. Yeah, I like that you're not like the other girls and you're not in a tight little dress and just showing off or whatever. You're not like a skimpy girl. I like that you're not like the other girls and you're not like in like a tight like little dress and just like showing off or like whatever like you're not like a skimpy girl i like that you're not like the other girls and like you don't wear tampons or periods and like have that shit oh no i have that still i'm like no i get that oh the fuck no what what's what's wrong with that that is like fully like i need to get that if i didn't then that would be like a sign of trouble you don't have to get that you're being gaslit into thinking that you have to get that yeah no i think y'all are like trying to gaslight me into thinking that

i okay the fact that you even get that and around me is crazy yeah it's weird it's a really you find that most times when you're with a woman you are such a stress in her life you off put her period yeah that's like what men do i've never dated anyone who gets a period yeah it's like the same idea is like uh ben shapiro saying like my wife never gets wet like when we have sex like that's not a thing such a legendary yeah like it's so crazy dead ass yes he was being dead serious and he was like my wife doesn't get wet when we have sex there's she has like something wrong with her basically and like everyone was like no like she's just not physically attracted

to you and i'm sorry that's what i do the women insane oh okay that's good i mean at least he's not alone because with periods oh yeah you just caused them so much stress and anguish that you like literally stopped their cycle. That's kind of, I mean, honestly. It's iconic. They should be thinking. Yeah, I need that. Like, kind of. You want me to really go hard?

Because I can go hard. Oh, okay. I can make your life a living hell. Oh, my God. No. Like, you're literally scaring me. Okay. Fair.

All right. All right. All right. Hell, dude. I've been watching Drew so closely, and he literally, like, you move like a... I don't know. Sometimes you move around like a... Freddy Fazbear, animatronic. Yeah, like an animatronic, or like, you know when you're playing Sims, and unless you hit

a button, they don't do anything and they're standing really still. Like sometimes when you move around, you look like you just got the action sent to your brain. Like, so you have to immediately do it. Do you know what I'm saying? Like you never slowly get into gear to move. You just like you move like too fast after being stagnant for too long. And that's why you're always almost fainting. Yeah, that's just about to bring that up my mom is always like i'm oh and when i'm in texas i like guess i

stand up too fast and she's like drew you have to stand up slower like you're going to pass out and faint i'm like yeah i know i've like literally it's happened like several times just being here she's like just stand up slower and i like physically can't make myself do it no it's literally because there's a little like robot also in your like chest probably that's like moving things around and it's like get up yeah exactly also i have like weird breathing like habits where when i stand up i like yeah when your throat is abused for too much of your life that usually happens yeah yeah no when i stand up i like hold my breath like i like and i also just hold my breath for like just random amounts of times where i was just like hold i don't know

it's really weird no i actually did three and a half minutes at the chateau really i swear to god i can do it right after a popper yeah exactly i held it in really deep. Well, I probably did too when I was too high and I couldn't breathe. So you're not the only one. Help me. Help me. Help me. I, again, on my getting scared and high journey, I got so high when we binge watched RuPaul's Drag Race and I felt like I was living in a different planet. Yeah, that show, watching it high is literally the craziest thing you can do to your

brain it is so like it just is sensory overload it feels like it's from an alien extraterrestrial planet like everything is on purpose like makes things so weird yeah and like when you're high watching it like you kind of realize that like this show kind of sucks like i can't explain it like the editing of the show or something about it kind of sucks and it's literally just like i haven't this isn't my joke but like it's literally just coco melon for adults like the colors like the flashing lights the sound effects like the little ad libs like all of it is just like engineered to like seep into your brain and like not come out like it's crazy. Like it's so awesome because it is the best and worst thing ever.

Yeah. It's the best thing ever because all the queens on it, especially this. This was such a good season. The season was wild. But it's the worst show ever because it's like what is happening? Just what is happening? The way it's edited is so crazy. It genuinely felt like I was being put in a

room was it called when they like show uh shows to audiences to get a reaction to see if they need to change anything um okay not a case study um i know what you're talking yeah so it felt like that but i was visiting this planet and they were trying to show me like what's up like what's happening on this world and i just was like whoa also what is happening side note is y'all gotta stop being mean to the villain queens when they actually are brave enough to be the villains like publicly like in your friend group like talk your shit but like we need villain queens to make this shit interesting and that's why this season was so fun was because there were a bunch of mean bitches but you can't be mean to them publicly or everyone's going to be afraid to be the villain like we need a villain villains make good tv and that's why everybody like decides to be a villain is because it makes good tv exactly also um all i can think about is there's

this one like part in the season where RuPaul goes like, it was when one of the Queens was crying over their life and Ru just goes, and you deserve it. Like about like them having a good life, but it's like Ru just looks like a robot. Like no facial emotions or movements. Like you deserve it. At this point, RuPaul genuinely might be artificial intelligence, like AI generated because like he is also like actually 876 years old and not enough people talk about that is the fact

that RuPaul is 876 years old and just a vampire. But I think he actually might have passed. Yeah. And they made a robot. I genuinely think that like at the end of episodes, somebody unlocks a big thing at the back of RuPaul's back and like hits buttons and turns them off. Remember when we convinced our friend that they were a robot and that they glitched in the ocean? We had a buddy and where were we? We were in Miami.

We were in Miami. Yes. We all went to the beach. And like, I'm not going to mention this person by name, but they were, like, swimming in the water. And we all, like, concocted a plan. I think everyone was high, so this is why this was done. Yeah, we all concocted a plan to be, like, yo, we should, like, tell them that they, like,

started glitching and saying, like, the craziest, like, shit ever. And, like, they, like, came back and were, like, dude, like, you literally started glitching in the water and we saw, like, electricity and you were saying crazy shit, like, rebooting, rebooting, like, error, error, error, and, like, crazy shit. And they were like, what? Like, what?

And they genuinely believed us that they were, like, a gay robot. Like, that's the thing. And the person of the story is Drew. Yeah, I was the robot and the person of the story is drew yeah i was the robot the gay robot but we we tricked drew into thinking it wasn't him who we did it to but it was drew yeah okay also one thing i want to address i told a story in the very beginning of the last episode where i said i'm the only real bisexual person i don't fuck with any of that bullshit that's on the other side i don't bat that way i am straight through

and through like get that shit straight say that and you said it like really proudly i mean it's still a wrong thing to say i am straight as an arrow an arrow to the knee if you're you're straight you get that like that's a straight i get it i get it what's the arrow to the knee it's for the boys like the weekends are for the boys saturdays are for the boys saturdays are for the boys um dude when we were at mason's party and you guys are all across the street i was watching drew so intently in the way he was like moving around our friends um are like there was like an animal that was injured and walking on the sidewalk and they saw like the bloody footprint so everybody was investigating it and trying to figure out like okay what could have happened here like did someone do this and i was taking it dead serious

yeah he was like they were all so into it we were sitting on this hill watching everybody like go around and like look at it and everyone was taking it so serious but drew literally started like hopping around and like reenacting because it was one footprint it was the front left paw and it was like bloody and it was bloody like for literally like 600 feet and it was one print and the blood spatter was the exact same on each paw print and we were trying to figure out like how the fuck did this happen like was it hit by a car was it like someone abusing their animal was it like an animal attacking another animal it was crazy but it was one footprint so i had to hop to see maybe it was hopping on one foot um but it was not and then he started gritting and it was like the most insane thing i've ever seen yeah i've been getting good at gritty should i show them yeah i guess like an update is can i record this okay wait one sec one sec

ew you're like getting ready it's like when someone starts a race okay go whoa wait no it's literally just a walk dude it got worse honestly i don't know what happened drew but that is significantly worse than the greedy update it's like worse than it was before but yeah i've just been um observing drew because i don't believe he's real anymore you got away with it for a long time but i don't think you're i've been tricking you no i think you're just really like seeing through the cracks and seeing me for who i really am and you're kind of like more self-aware than you were and you're like oh whoa like something actually might be wrong with him i mean i i think i've always the dyslexia test oh okay so let's try some of them um i was i was gonna like write it down but i was too lazy but i

remember some of the things that have to be done so i'm gonna say words to you i'm gonna say like um some numbers to you and you have to repeat them back to me that's easy right four five eight nine four five eight nine seven two five nine seven two five nine eight three one two eight three one two okay so you can do that no problem yeah easy now i'm gonna do the same thing but you have to say the numbers So, 8492. 2-4. That's crazy. Actually, wait, 4892? I don't remember what it is. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

So, 5948. 8459. No, because I said 5948. 8459. No, fuck! Yeah fuck yeah see you can't do it i will say that one i couldn't do either that's bullshit no one can do a youtube video and could like pause it and do whatever but i literally couldn't even remember the is there like a time limit to it to me also i think he said six numbers so i think it was like supposed to be like here i can i can't do the ones forward all day fucking long but the ones backward okay dude let's do the other the

repetition again seven three nine five two seven seven three nine five two seven okay i think you can do that one easy okay do this one backwards two nine five seven four nine i that i literally don't i can't nine four seven two five no it's nine four seven five nine two i that's actually like goes straight over my i wonder if the word the the letters had to be super specific could you do it backwards um no i couldn't at all okay like and but i even had a hard time doing one with kai real quick just to see um repeat these numbers backwards seven three nine five two seven i can't do that yeah i think that's literally insane no one could do that yeah that's insane and then there's gonna be a bunch of people who

are like i literally just did that okay do this one two nine five seven four nine i can't do that two nine five seven four nine nine four seven nine two can you do it with like two numbers wait let me see oh and then he said if you have a hard time with six seven and eight multiplications then yeah that's like a sign i can't do nines too i suck at i'm only good at it because i learned this in elementary six six thirty six six seven forty two six eight forty eight six nine i don't even remember 64 to question mark seven seven forty nine seven eight fifty six i don't know seven nine sixty three eight eight i also saw they're teaching children like new ways to multiply i don't know what it is but it's it's like i think it's like a sumerian like number system or some shit like that that's

definitely not what it is but it's like ancient ancient number system based on like really really old times instead of it being like random like characters like a four and a one like have nothing to do with each other like one will be like a line two will be two lines three will be three lines it's almost like uh what's that ivy thing it has like one in it yeah it's almost like roman numerals but like there's even more like it's it's kind of like based on like almost like geometry it's really interesting and it like makes multiplication and addition like really really in subtraction really fucking easy because like it'll be two lines plus like i'll try to find it because it's actually really cool like the graphic yeah but i've always been bad at math.

Like math was never my strong suit. It was so bad. Like I can't do long division. When we were sitting around with Josh and Josh got bored and started putting division questions in our face, I literally couldn't believe it. Or like multiplication in our face. I can't do that. The way I get away with it is I just like start adding up each number, like however

many times it needs to do. And if I'm lucky, it's an even number. And I could just like add the thing up twice and then do okay that number plus that number plus that number does that make sense like yeah also it's giving like why do i need to know how to do math i literally have a calculator nobody needs to know how to spell read or write because you have voice to fucking like chat like you have like hello yeah all you need is intuition and like creativity um and that's fucking tea also um it's crazy that we were the last generation that got taught how to write cursive because nobody gets taught cursive anymore really yeah no like i think my signatures are gonna be just regular just like written like I think people know to make up fancy little signatures,

but kids don't get taught cursive at all. Like my siblings cannot read cursive. Like they literally look at cursive and they're like, what the fuck is that? That's crazy. Because they just weren't taught cursive. I mean, it's bullshit. Who fucking cares?

Because it's pretty and fun. Do you guys have good signatures does it look good uh mine looks okay mine is really boring it's just my name in cursive i don't feel like i should say that out loud i remember i saw josiah's and it was uh really good i wonder how do you draw on the iphone i'll show you mine real quick me like what is someone gonna do plagiarize a check with my name on it like I don't know why I'm concerned is that actually yours let me see yeah that's what drew does you do that on checks okay good like what the fuck like who cares it's on my id too mine is literally just boring that looks good I think that's that's definitely better than mine that's literally just the

signature fucking and yeah the singer has too so my signature isn't even fancy it's just my name it's like who's gonna jack that you know yeah just simplify it like to the maximum like who fucking cares um okay should we tap into some media? Yeah. Meteor. Um, well. Wait, there was one more thing in the dyslexic test. Oh, this one, I'm curious.

Okay, when I say a word, you need to, I'm going to tell you what, like, letter to replace what with and tell me what the new word is. So, waste. Replace W with P. Paste. Brain. word is so waste replace w with p paste brain replace b with c crane okay then you're good maybe you're just like dumb no no you're not dumb true i know i'm like intelligent beyond my years just have dyslexia because i met somebody recently. I think I said this on the episode, but like she was talking about how she like fully has diagnosed dyslexia and she does everything you do.

Like everything. Like she's like, dude, it's like simple words that I just can't do. Like and I have to do word to text. Everybody's mad because I'm always like talking out loud at my iPhone, like for all of my texts. She couldn't read out loud. She was like, I have a really hard like talking out loud at my iPhone like for all my texts um she couldn't read out loud she was like I have a really hard time reading out loud like I know how to spell but I just like cannot spell like she was like I always have to ask people to like spell check

for me because I always am like I don't know how to spell that word and it could be a word that she's like says or writes every day but she just her brain is like I'm gonna go get diagnosed how funny would that be you should do it and then make it your whole personality yeah yeah did you guys know that 30 of the united states is undiagnosed with ligma like my balls you fucking stupid bitch you thought you were gonna fucking get us oh my god no jord that's lick my balls you stupid bitch you thought you're gonna fucking get me i just said it that's right i don't get it 40 chest like lick my balls like yeah i bodied you oh like in a like haha lick my balls dummy do you know Dee? I was going to say my friend Sagandhi's Jones.

Who is that? Who's Sagandhi's? Sagandhi's Nuts. Oh, fuck. Oh, actually, this is unironic. We're going to SawCon tomorrow. Do you want to go? Fuck you.

SawCon these Nuts. I haven't even heard that name. I literally believed it because I was like saw con like we do go to conventions enough that i was like whoa there's a convention about saw yeah all right whatever that was bad you know what if i what if i put my balls all the way in your ass i would be excited and happy like i don't get the joke it's not even that funny because that's what i like beg for jesus christ i didn't see it going in that direction honestly i've been asking him for months years it's true he's been begging for that just stop please some media um we went and saw bow is and we have good news yeah we liked it I think

I'm kind of with everybody else where I'm like oh the first hour and a half two hours are like really really fucking good borderline masterpiece material and then it just kind of crossed my suspension of disbelief but the more I thought about it after the movie the more i was like that's exactly like what he wanted us to

do like he wanted it to be like you're getting bored of this guy's like anxieties and problems and like giving up on him like everybody else did and like all that shit um and yeah i i enjoyed it i liked it i really liked it um i just think that there was like there was like actually uh if 30 minutes of the movie was cut i would it would be like the best movie in the world to me but even if like 15 of it was cut it would still be the best because they kind of this is spoiler spoiler if you haven't seen it but the boat scene like once it got to the boating like him getting in the boat like i feel i felt like he was in the boat for so long for some reason like but that's just because at that point i was like damn like what is like how can something else happen um once that started i was like okay i'm like tapped out but

then they brought me back in because there was like funny parts after that so yeah that's my take i actually really liked it though because i was going in i literally when you me and josh were talking when you were like uh when you sent us that you got the tickets i was like fuck i almost like was hoping that everybody would bail so i didn't have to see it because people were making it seem like it was like the fucking worst movie on the planet but it really wasn't it was like good because i've seen some bad movies that everybody liked and i'm like i left i left at two hours that's so crazy at the very end of the movie about what the boat thing the at the very end of the movie that literally he like predicted that happening like the last scene like everybody was walking out like there was like a big spoiler alert like go

watch it don't listen to this but there was like a big stadium where he was being like prosecuted and the jury was like it was huge it was like fucking crypto arena it was like supposed to be like a roman theater yeah and like everybody in the crowd the jury like after he was like even before he was like convicted of his guilty crimes like whatever he did he um all the jury was just like walking out of the theater like the whole audience just started being like all right like yeah this is boring and walking out which is i was like damn he literally he fully was like people are gonna walk out of this um but yeah personally i just don't walk out of things because i'm the kind of girl that like i

stick it to the end um but it was awesome also them playing did you even get to where they played mariah carey i don't think so dude oh you made some really actually good parts it's okay i can i tell you it or i'll tell you after because i don't want to like keep literally like saying spoilers but it was actually so fucking funny um but you just missed it so also on my letterboxd review apparently someone was being very very hateful and like extremely rude so much to the point where letterboxd removed their comment and threatened to ban their account and everybody replied to this guy and said what's going on with this guy Danny Danny your Danny, your insecurities are showing. I already know Danny smells like shit and breathes out of his mouth.

Danny, eat shit and paint. You're so mad and gay. Great job, guys. Danny is gone. So I think he said some really hateful shit to my Letterboxd review. And he doesn't even follow me. To yours? Yeah.

Oh, shit. His review is so, my grandpa ate half a quart of pain today thinking it was yogurt danny laffoon everybody go to danny laffoon and block his ass and ban his fucking account because he is being a never mind i'm not gonna say that but he deserves to die in a fire and i hope he burns i don't even know what he said to me i want to ask letterboxd because i'm cool with letterboxd like we're chill like we have a good relationship um i'm gonna ask them to give me like the comments so i can take them to the court of law to the court of law i will say that i think the first hour and a half was good i liked it i do agree with everybody that like josh was saying like the first 30 minutes was like

so fucking good and that was like yeah it was amazing um but the the whole movie in general i actually do really like and i just like that i this is also just me projecting my like idea onto it like i do feel like it was just like commentary on like big pharma and like how we treat people with anxiety and like all these things and like what it means to have anxiety and like how like deep it could go whatever whatever like obvious everybody i think walked away thinking that but it was really good and like some of the things you missed are cool like they just did such a good job of like although it was like the longest fucking movie ever and so much shit was happening i think they did a good job of like kind of tying it back to the beginning i just watched josh like tiptoe by so he didn't make noise um but yeah do you want

to get into some of your music media yeah i really want to know what this freaking freak said for everyone to ride like that he must have said some really hateful um he probably was just mad that you made a joke um he was probably just mad that I liked the movie. I mean, I would be mad too. But that's like everyone. Why do people get mad at that shit? I don't know. I truly don't understand why people get upset.

Whether you like it or not, literally, actually, why does it matter? Just like, oh, no surprises radiohead um oh yeah poker face lady gaga yeah oh wait this so real jeff buckley and then i don't know if that's portuguese or is that portuguese it's it might be because it's giving brazil yeah i was gonna say is that one of the yeah i think it's Portuguese because... Okay. L'Oreal. Dude, my friend just reposted this song by Elton John, the title of which is I Think I'm Going to Kill Myself.

That is fucking lit because that is literally my vibe. That's so hard. Okay. If It Isn't Love, new edition. Vacuum by Gang Gang Dance. Or is it Gong Gong Dance? secret teardrops by martin rev i can't say the name of this one so you're not gonna get it and uh poor side of town the fifth dimension which i think i said last week but that song is so good oh we did a baby by general lee and the space army band we did it joe we did it joe and that's it for this episode thank you so much for watching

and listening and loving and learning with us today yeah what did we learn today we learned that drew is dyslexic and straight which is a feat i'm uh different than a lot of these girls yeah that's what i think it i do a I do a lot of things better than most. You're drunk off that one sip of beer. Actually, I literally normally off like a sip of a beer, I can like feel it. Yeah. And I didn't feel that at all, which is interesting.

It's a light beer. I want to drink chlorine water so bad. Really? Yeah, but like because of the smell of it. Like while you were talking about that, I was like, damn, like, I don't want to drink water park water because that's like the most filthy water on the planet.

But you know the smell of it because they pump so much chlorine into it to cover the piss and shit. Like going into an indoor pool. Yeah. Like that aroma. They need to make that into a candle. Yeah, I need to go into an indoor pool right now.

I want to drink gasoline. That smells good to me. Gasoline does smell really good to me. That smells good. Literally does. And then I also want to drink a big bucket of piss. Okay, yeah. We're done.

All right, thank you guys so much for watching. Yeah. Outro Music