Emergency Intercom - she's not coming to my house

Episode Date: December 20, 2024

This is enyas last year to live and she’s going out with a bang Find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today at https://Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM. Upgrade your selling today and sign up for your $1-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/intercom.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Hey, guys. just me today. Inya's feeling a little sick under the weather. She's not feeling good.

Oh, there she is. It's not that I'm sick. I just don't want to do Christmas this year. So. Oh, so you're a Scrooge, eh? Yeah. You're Scrooge. I'm Scrooged up.

I'm Scrooged up and I'm ready to get wicked. Also, this is about to blow up the house. It's like this candle that's only meant to be sitting down and not actually carried around. And also earlier that like today I was convinced we had a gas leak, but that's because there's been all those explosions and nothing at that ski resort. Did you see the carbon monoxide poisoning in Virginia or Georgia? Yeah.

Yeah, 12 people. I get like Georgia the country, I would say. Because I was like, why is there a lot of foreigners at a ski resort in Georgia? And there's ski mounds in Georgia. Josie, you have to get this. Take it. Take it.

Take it. Josie. Oh. I already blew it out. Is it hot? Well, no. Have you, like, what? I've never, I don't know.

It's not a pan. He's scared of this pussy. He's scared. Me to you are you to me talking about you you to me when i'm on my period and i use the bathroom and i tell you not to go in there yet yeah one thing about me is i will blow the bathroom up and literally get terrified of anybody who walks by because i'm like are you going in there you shouldn't go in i know she literally like every time like she does that she's like don't go in there don't go in there and i'm like babe i want to go in there i want to smell what you had cooking like loki at this point i like what was it today at some point today you took a big fucking doo-doo while my vape

was in the bathroom and you were like you're lucky i moved it like away from the toilet before i blew this shit up oh it was two days ago i literally just went in there the second you walked out because i was like what am i gonna like smell his poop who gives a fuck i want my fucking vape like i take silent shits i don't my poop never smells drew's poop doesn't smell at all like legitimately yeah i don't know what it is for some reason that doesn't sound like a healthy it's probably not it's good because where's that gas going it's re's seeping back into my bloodstream. But we're not talking about shit again because we always talk about shit.

No, today was like, or this year for the podcast has been the grossest because of all your stomach issues. The poop year. The poop year. Aliens flopped. They flopped as fuck. I'm not even kidding.

They like are in their flop arc they took way too fucking long to reveal themselves we've been waiting since 2018 the drone i'm saying that just in general i've been thinking about it like bitch i don't give a fuck like i really don't care you can't make me care these silly fucking drones in new jersey no one gives a fuck like they're looking for nuclear waste joining my side because i'm like literally okay and if they are there like it's been long enough like don't get me wrong don't get me wrong i'm gonna be gagged when they come because they will be revealed but i'm just saying they're flopping right now though i i fear when they do get here i'm gonna like fake not give a fuck i'd be like

okay but like the aliens flop era is low-key serving wait josiah what did you say i just don't believe in aliens still did you hear gay wig ran for president gay wig ran for president and they're in their flop era who's gay wig oh yeah someone clocked gay wigs tea. Noted, noted. Our Josie was showing me his fucking likes, and it was greening me out because I was like, I can't believe we live under surveillance society, and I don't give a fuck because the amount of videos I get

of people falling, being weird, being crazy, take it all like keep all the data as long as i get that once that ends then it's yeah once my cat video stream ends like it's cooked like because i really like once every month i just need to like re-centralize myself and like re-stabilize my emotions and i just interact with every single cat video i see on my feed and i get little baby cute little kittens and also something that's not talked about enough is that cats with their butthole stinky fucking tuna nasty fucking fish breath lick themselves clean and they smell like fucking roses i know they smell so good also when

azul opens his mouth near me bruh it literally like singes my fucking eyelashes and it makes me sometimes it stinks bad enough that i get him off me like even if he's being cute don't put your mouth in my face don't drop that done that uh hey you're doing so many like references from vine i don't know they're just coming out of me i just can't stop coming the memes just really can't stop coming like noted frog sipping tea emoji no wait what were you saying yesterday wait yesterday you kept repeating one that was like making me crack up um another satisfied customer no not that insert that meme kai that's like my favorite fucking picture ever fuck i'm not gonna oh never mind never mind you said a name and that's what it was you said like

an old name that i hadn't heard you say in a long time wait whisper it lauren geraldo oh yeah yeah lauren geraldo and but it was referencing who camilla cabello yeah we were talking about that lemon song but weren't they in a band together five sauce lauren giraldo and fucking uh camilla cabello were in five sauce together oh oh my god oh my god wait wait wait because now i think we are thinking of even more different people because i was thinking of the girl who lives in miami who got pregnant no no no wait wait lauren gir. Wait. Wait, Lauren Giraldo. Is that not her name? That is a girl's name.

But Lauren Giraldo is also in Five Sauce. It's not Five Sauce. It's fucking what's it called? It's like Vibe Girl. It's like some shit. Oh, the Fifth Harmony. Fifth Harmony. Lauren Giraldo. Oh, my God, dude. Like, I think our generation is going to have earlier onset. Oh, wait. with harmony Lauren Geraldo

oh my god dude like I think our generation is gonna have earlier onset oh wait in dementia because there's too much shit we consume on a day to day basis

to remember oh yeah see that's still not Lauren Geraldo bitch how do you say that Luca Guadalajara oh did you see the clip of him talking about

call me by your name about the like nut scene? No. I need to play this because it literally is cracking me up. I was like, damn, I love artists because y'all are just fucking weird as fuck. Because the tone of this sentence. When we were doing Call Me By Your Name and Elio is masturbated on the pitch. Then he is fallen asleep. And then Oliver shows up.

And they have this moment of conversation. It's a bit salacious. Oliver eats the pitch with a cum. It seems to be another heightened moment of sex. And then eventually the both of them confesses each other that they are really desperate. That the perspective that. But yeah, he's so just nonchalantly talking about like the most infamous scene in modern movie history but not even that like the subject

like he came on the peach and even if i like i think that movie and like that scene i actually think if you really think about it it is such an interesting way to show like sexual tension between two characters but i don't know if i would ever be able to with it and then he nuts in the bath water and drinks it like like what if he what if he did that like okay the bath water shit like i think it's been enough time salt burn sucked dick and balls i'm sorry it's been enough time i never saw y'all aren't fucking with barry keoghan right now like nasty ill ill ill man yeah that movie sucked and i'm probably gonna cut that because i'm actually so terrified didn't he cheat on uh sabrina sabina like us imagining us doing like a pop culture podcast so then barry keoghan cheated on sabrina carpenter

oh my god right yeah sawburns suck dick and balls um don't give a fuck about that movie never saw it so i really can't talk i don't give a fuck and then i think everybody we know didn't like it so now it's just like barbie flopped. Barbie sucked. I never saw it either. Harry Potter, the whole series sucks. Never saw it. Okay, that's too far. Take that back. Harry Potter is actually fucking disgusting.

You look like you're in Harry Potter right now. Oh, their swag was superior. Oh, yeah. You do kind of look like Dumbledore a little bit with the hat. You look like Dobby. Bitch, you give Dobby. I low-key do feel like Dobby. You give Jabba the Hutt.. You look like Dobby. Bitch, you give Dobby. I low-key do feel like Dobby. You give Jabba the Hutt.

I actually feel like Dobby when I get out of the sauna and I'm like running. Wait, Jabba, and you're so Jabba the Hutt coded. I almost said something that if like the public heard me say it, it would say so much about my personhood.

Say it. Oh, actually, I think I've said it on the podcast before that that freaky ass scene with java the hut and princess leia i was like damn this shit's freaky as a kid i was like wait like like you were into it i was just like are they gonna fuck she's being really sexy wait which scene when like i haven't seen star wars dance and i was like as a kid i was like is she gonna get naked like what is she about to do I thought

this was Star Wars oh the gold bikini scene yes this is literally you like actually like this is not me in the back seat insert back seat photo next to Jabba the Hutt photo because that's literally twin that's twin twinning. That's twin right there. Okay, did you see this though? That's my life. It better not be me. Wait!

Wait! Did you know that was actually kind of impressive that was kind of good and i can't follow you up because my throat is so dry josiah he said it was really really really good he said it was really, really, really good. He said it was basically better than he could ever do. I didn't say that. Josiah, whose songs from Wicked do you think you could sing easier? What Cynthia does or Ariana? Ariana. Ariana. Yeah. Fuck, I'm not kidding.

I wish I could watch Wicked in my house already, and it's actually kind of pissing me off that it's not just on streaming services. No. Okay, I was just making sure. Oh, yeah, because you have that big ass wrist. I have this big hole. Ew. Drew, I saw your asshole for a second.

You're welcome. I'll blur it, but that wasn't me. You're actually welcome. You actually are so sustainable for this. Oh, was that? No, it's really. Was that my Christmas present? No, you get your Christmas present a little later and in you too i don't want one i don't want that shit

she is not coming to my house that's our new thing she's not coming to my house she's not coming to my house it's shawty Bae talking about Ashley Trevino. He's getting me an Airbnb. If not, I'm going to be staying at Shadi Bae's house. She's not coming to my house. She's not coming to my house. Somebody I'm not that close to coming to my house kind of feels like a hostage situation. It's really like it is navigating such scary territory.

I feel like people who just invite people to hang out for the first time to their house directly. It feels like something like nasty is going to happen. I don't know. Like literally, though, like I don't know, like something like someone's going to have sex. Yeah. Or just like spooky vibes, like creepy energy.

Well, yeah. Well, that's the difference, too. I will say if like if it's somebody who I find attractive oh i'll invite them over like if that's what i'm looking for like she's coming to my house she is coming to me if not if it's just a friend i'm like she's not coming to my oh bitch you know what we've been saying way too much just vote just just fucking vote then i realized there's like so many ways to say it. Like the word bitch, you can be like, you fucking bitch. Or you can be like, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, bitch, what the fuck? Like, literally so many different ways and it's just all of the inflection. You can say just vote the same way. Like, just vote. Like, just vote. Or you can say, just vote. Damn. Or you can even bring it lower and be like, just vote.

Just vote. Like, just vote. I feel like both of us when we do just vote just vote like just vote i feel like both of us when we do that just vote yeah i guess you could do that with like any word like just vogue to fucking adult just to adult idiots just babe vape. Just vape. Wow. I mean, yeah, we just went over enunciation, basically. So somebody out there learned something. Somebody was like, oh my God, my eyes are open.

You could say things so many different ways. Like, I don't like Drew because he's gay. What? Like I could say that. And I don't like you because you're a fat fucking monster. Yucky fat monster. I thought you were going to add Jabba on. Jabba. I'd be down for, no, I was going to say I'd be down for the nickname Jabba, but just vote.

Just vote. Literally just vote. Well, TikTok is getting banned. But it's kind of starting to piss me off because y'all are acting like i'm gonna let that happen like that's just not happening if i'm in the picture you're gonna stop it that's what i'm saying i'm just saying it's not gonna fucking happen and i have my way are you saying that the way you say big things are coming or like well no big things are always coming like that's just like yeah things are things are always happening actually big things just can't stop

coming big things just keep coming uh no tiktok is getting banned as fuck and like actually i don't think it really is i was just gonna like have a moment where i was like it's getting banned but it's like literally not like i i will put a million dollars on it that it won't. Yeah, I just don't believe it will. But then in this slight chance that it does get banned, all I think about is I remember I thought it was the end of the world when Vine was dying down. And even before TikTok popped off, I feel like Twitter was starting to die down

and people were moving to IG and IG was starting to plateau and then TikTok blew up. So I feel like there will be something else. And that's what I'm interested in is like how many stinky, nasty fucking wealth hoarding motherfuckers are like, I have a new idea. Like, here's the new thing. I feel like we're going to start seeing bitches post paid content. I'm just going to make mine.

I'm posting on my new app. Like Instagram. I'm sorry. You did it best. Like, I take back everything i ever said talking shit about you stealing everything from every other fucking yeah ever they did it the best like i'm tired like tiktok cannot integrate photos snapchat you're not cutting it like snapchat is fucking gross how about scary to me my opinion will change if snapchat um starts fucking paying me how about

that you don't you've never you don't even have that app on your phone right now but that's what i'm saying shut up i feel like reels need to chill because i i swear i see like borderline gore videos oh no i see people die on reels like literally every single day they want you to use reels so bad they'll show you men are scary because only the men i know say that shit. All of the girls I know, I've never had a homegirl. It's really an algorithm thing because I don't interact with any of them. I'll be scrolling and I'll see someone get run over and scroll by really quickly,

but I still get fed them. But I think it just knows that men are more likely to consume gore content because men are evil and it's really barbaric and it's like blood memories it's like let's go to war and kill people like like epigenetic like for real like it's fucking creepy like everyone is so fucking bored but like if they do get rid of it i think something new will like replace it and also i kind of think it might be good for my like for my anxiety it'll be net positive for everyone's psyche but i am really worried about like the businesses on there i'm worried about the businesses and also like it has done it's come with a lot of negatives but it has shifted so

much and it is i mean i feel like that's why duh they want to get rid of it because like there's too many conversations that have being had that they don't want to be had they're like do we really need to fight for this like i get your data from everything else like it's a data goldmine baby um but yeah i'm not gonna let that shit happen like just wait have you noticed when you're on tiktok and then you don't look at the screen it runs an ad because like if you're away from your phone that'll run an ad because you can't skip it have you ever had that happen no but that's yeah i know they play ads at the end of videos now sometimes really whenever i'm like watching something and i put it down to like wash dishes it'll play an ad wait you wash dishes yeah

of course that's what girls are for babe no i think men should be doing that actually oh okay like she's not gonna have sex with you, bro. Is she really not? She really isn't, bro. The weird-ass way you just shifted your voice was really... She's not going to have sex with you, bro. Oh, my God. Brody. Bro.

She really is not going to bang you, bro. Hey, guys. bro she really is not gonna bang you bro hey guys we would like to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors zocdoc zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment i just had to do that recently and i had to get antibiotics womp womp we're talking about in-network appointments with more than a hundred thousand health care providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health eye care to skin care and much much more i have crushy toe syndrome and i need to go to the doctor for my crushy toe i swear i have crushy toe if you don't know what that is that's athlete's foot so Drew will be going and getting the stench removed from his feet.

I don't have athlete's foot. Stinky, stinky feet. But you have ZocDoc, so it'll get fixed quickly. So I don't know why you're so embarrassed. This is propaganda being spread about me. I do not have crushy toe syndrome. Crushy toe syndrome. I'm looking at his ZocDoc app right now.

He has a doctor, like, booked already. Plus, ZocDdoc appointments happen fast typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking you can even score same day appointments so stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash intercom to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today that's z-o-c-d-o-c.com slash intercom z-o-c-d-O-C dot com slash intercom. No one does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. With ShopPay that boosts conversions up to 50%, way less cards go abandoned and sales go up. Cha-ching, cha-ching. So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform,

better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling, on the web in your store in their feet and everywhere in between upgrade your business and get the same checkout all birds uses y'all the business behind the business is oftentimes what makes the business successful and that is where shopify comes into play babe so tap in because with shopify it makes selling way easier and if it's easier that's more money in your pockets sign up for your one dollar per month trial period at shopify.com slash intercom all lowercase go to shopify.com slash intercom to upgrade your selling today shopify.com slash intercom y'all i saw someone do y'all remember when people were writing harambe and

like people really did that like no we did that you did that no people wrote harambe in for presidency which is like actually fucking crazy first of all but then i've been seeing a lot of conversation around harambe recently that's what i'm getting into it let me get into it um i saw someone say something that absolutely shook my shook me to my core and blew my mind and i pray it's a reality very soon in the next four years but i saw someone saying that soon one day on the internet we will see a video saying the time i fell into a gorilla enclosure at the cincinnati zoo story time oh a story time from the kid that killed harambe bitch the mobs that will come out okay well the kid didn't kill Harambe like he didn't like no he fell into

the fucking enclosure it's on him the butt is on his fucking hands that kid's what like seven now or eight in my head in the video he is literally like this small yeah no he was he was like being dragged away that's actually

the funniest thing to ever happen on the internet. Like him being dragged by her own face. It is so fucked up. Like, was he injured after that? I almost feel like we shouldn't be talking about this baby. No, the kid was fine. The gorilla died. Like, that's the tea. Oh, it was almost 10 years ago. No way.

Yeah, this person could technically make the video now. He's probably 12 or 13. No, he has to be like... May 28th, the day after my birthday. 2016. Yeah. Wait, you were 48 back then? No, no, no.

10 years ago? I was probably like 11. I was probably around 11. Wait, how old was the kid? Yeah, I think he was two. He looked like a two-year-old. He looked like a two-year-old. He looked like a two-year-old. Oh, fuck, dude.

So, yeah. He was fine. I'm just literally laughing because I have such, like, cognitive dissonance because of so many of these things. Like, in my head, it is a meme and it's not real at this point. Like, it is surpassed being anybody involved. Like, the kid who kicked that Krispy Kreme sign. Back at it again at Krispy Kreme

that's I looked in to see what happened after and there's really no like conversation about what happened after and there's no way to track that kid down so I'm like that person's just alive that's literally my favorite people video of all time and that is literally something I think about all the time is like what was the aftermath like did he go to jail like did they put the sign back up and just like no questions asked just like keep moving because like really what fucking happened but oh dude that video is so good but there's so many things like that like what happened after that's how literally that's how sequels should be like i'm tired of these sequels

like coming up with new fucking bunk ass stories like no like i want to see like the happy ending continued like i want to see them like monsters inc like i want monsters inc 2 oh by the way monsters is the greatest movie of all time because monsters university which is just wicked i think there was a monster thing too i think really if there's not that's a mandela effect but there is monsters university for sure there's a sex scene that's how i remember that there's a second one there's no way that passed like even at that time um so anyways no okay i was right there is no monsters ink, Inc. 2. It's Monsters, Inc. and then Monsters University.

See, but that's what I'm saying. I need, like, I saw, I watched Monsters, Inc. two times in three days. Like, won't stop talking about it. It's literally, one, it's a masterpiece. Like, he seriously won't. That's because the blue one is kind of Drew's type. Oh, no, he's literally the hottest. Oh, he's been bad.

Yeah, he's literally solely, solely is hot as fuck. Oh, no, he's literally the hottest. Oh, he's been bad. Yeah, he's literally... Sully is hot as fuck. Like, I don't give a fuck. He's been... Are there any cosplayers as Sully? Oh, my God. We're looking this up right now. Well, no, like, I don't need to see a man acting like that.

Like, that's pushing it. No, he eats. Like, like we can't put that in Because if somebody laughed at me The way I just laughed at that man I'm I'm Please someone Like this is If I was blue i would be green i would die if i was green

i ordered like all those the little decorations and stuff i gotta finish talking about monster zinc so i think movie sequels should be the happy ending because i also watched lilo and stitch another masterpiece but oh my god i'm like literally about to start crying thinking about the final scene like the final five minutes of monsters inc when boo is in the room and like she's like kitty and she runs back to the door and swings it open and the door is no longer there toy story 2 basically did this. Toy Story 2 fucking, Toy Story 2 is the worst movie I've ever seen. Literally the worst movie I've ever seen.

You're so annoying. Because I watched that one as well. Wait, actually, are you being serious right now? I hate Toy Story 2. Oh. I love the, I love the boot getting painted. Like, you need to chill. No, no, no, I love the boot getting painted

and I love the scene where he fixes Woody up because there's so many like sensory moments in it that i remember from my childhood but like the the concept like it's focused on buzz lightyear too much and i fucking hate buzz lightyear i'm like but i feel like that was almost like the gag of it yeah like he's like this overpowering person who runs people over and he has to learn to chew wow yeah that. Yeah, there is like a lot of scenes from the movie. If you actually like watch and listen, you might find that every movie has something to teach you. Hmm.

You can use that for future reference if you want. Get out. No. Ew, Drew was doing this nasty ass thing yesterday. Good girl. Where I like walked away from him and I was like, oh, I need to go wash my face. And he was like, you're going to wash your face?

And I was like, yeah. He was like, good girl. And I was like, ew, stop. And I walked to his room and everything I did, he kept saying it. And I was like, you're so annoying. And you sit on the edge of my bed. Good girl.

Wait, Kai, sit there. I am. Good boy. I blushed. Talking to the mic and blush. Good boy. Ew! The best is a clever girl clever clever girl clever girl wait james charles being cover girl just vote i can actually just wait he really fucked that shit up i've never seen another boy

they're like fool me once no wasn't manny emu way i think manny emu way cover boys or wasn't bach that like one with the eyebrows bach from fucking wicked who is bach no the one with the eyebrows that does that dance what i don't know what you're talking about no it really was a moment it was a moment it was a moment like mountains move mountains move y'all there was a apparently lands filled lands filled holes unfilled um there was apparently a tornado in san francisco a quote-unquote tornado bye bye bye i saw the videos y'all really need to get a grip like if you have seen the horrors that i've witnessed and even been a part of

claiming that that was a tornado is almost disrespectful to me if you've seen the things we've seen yeah that's literally what i said to true like he brought it up to he was like oh my god there was a tour i think i was like there was a tornado in california he was like yeah but did you see the videos i was like oh i know they were kind of bunk and he goes if only they knew the kind of things we've seen. And we are both talking about imagining someone saying that publicly on the news. About YouTube videos. Because that's what we've seen is YouTube videos. Oh, I should have clarified.

Yeah. What I've seen is so many YouTube videos. I feel like I've seen every video there is of a tornado at this point. I'm down to like pictures from 1810 of a weird dust bunny. Yeah. No, literally. If you show me a frame of a weird dust bunny yeah no literally i couldn't if you show me a frame of a tornado i could tell you where it's from in the day yeah he has done that it's really weird somebody uh no say it no i was gonna say somebody made us feel crazy in person

for liking tornadoes and i haven't been watching as many many more because i'm like i guess really ruin the fun suck the fun out of it mr scrooge like i don't understand what's bad about a tornado there's nothing it's like nothing is bad about it it's literally listening and learning nothing is bad about it um well i just realized oh wait no no something we really need to talk about is uh the fuck you guy like what is it the the fuck you got says the fuck you guy can i can i have the cheeseburger says yeah yeah that shit something something i says i said with joys yeah something something i said with joys uh wow i haven't stubbed my toe in five years said with the joys man like whatever it is like can i go to toilet this i asked can i go to

toilet please i asked teacher fuck you said my teacher whose was actually the fuck you guy like that's so millennial it's so bad also i don't think it's you're aging i think somebody i think it's those two second horror sentence like two second scary story and then some random dudes like reading them because there's like this subreddit where there's like two sentence horrors but fuck you said the fuck you man like ew well that's the thing is like it's unfunny and like it's unscary and someone submitted it being dead serious. And so that's what I think that's what it is. But yeah, let me go to this subreddit.

Should I crush your toes right now? Oh, I already have crushy toe syndrome. You like you're not using that right? I know what crushy toe syndrome is, but anything any pains around my toes? I know what crushy toe syndrome is but i anything any pains around my toes i know what crushy toe syndrome is like they no one says that so you actually don't know what it is so sentence two horror let's sort by the top wait i wish i could sort by top in real life i wish i could sort by top on grinder what is grinder i was playing with my boobs no you're

not said knife guy then a brick fell on my cock okay derp random like i know it's like the scariest part of the internet because it's like you're literally not funny like it's just not funny but it feels like a sound that people are using right now. And in 10 years, it's going to get made fun of. Like, I partook in some TikTok sounds that I now look back and I'm like, that's cringy that I did that. But whenever I was young. But now I can see one of those from a mile away. I told my therapist I watched a girl drown when I was 15. I could have saved her, but I was too scared. I know, she said, as she got up to lock the door,

that was my daughter. That's like, I just woke up from a crazy dream. This needs to be a movie-esque, like, synopsis. I cum in the sink. It does not stop. I sink in the cum. That's just salt burn dialogue. These are really, like, really bad really bad dude the year is actually almost over

i know time is speeding up time is dilating i really do think it's either the information age that we're living in also don't even get me to heart don't even get me started about ai super intelligence y'all if we keep going at the rate we're going at now in the next 10 years it'll be over for us that just means i'm gonna kill myself i'm out of topic oh is that it for you yeah oh i got one more i got one because i got hella i'll do my last one guys i was going through my tiktok tiktok shop orders and something came across my mind and heart and it dredged up beautiful memories of the past and i wish we could return

to such a sweet time um and i went to go reorder it but the shop has been closed down um for what i'm assuming is mold poisoning or killing people but i saw the spicy bowl on tiktok again in my order complete form so annoying because i was like oh oh my god am i about to get to open a gift like i was making it about me i was like wait this is gonna be so cute that's what you're fucking talking about also wait guys do i look good today you do you guys both drew drew has this issue where if he gets complimented like one too many times in a day he just gets so used to it and he basically asked for compliments for the rest of the day and i'm calling you out well i think you guys both look great and i think the set looks great thank you yeah and you're cooked oh and you brought it's

gonna blow and explode it's like that one bjork video of her at the stage explosions boom boom yeah and then add an explosion oh okay okay i think luigi needs to get let go because there's a few more ceos to deal with because if i see another Burger King comment on a video of a girl trying curl cream I'm gonna freak the fuck out like why are like Burger King Wendy's AutoZone like trying to get the top comment on just random like things that

have nothing to do with the brand and I saw a TikTok the other day yeah I've seen an AutoZone comment I swear to fucking god I'm blown away that people are still, they are still entertained by that. Yeah, it's still, they're still like,

oh my God, they commented. Like, yeah, why? Taco Bell tried that shit out on me first, by the way. I'm literally not, Slim Jim and Taco Bell took over my page. Oh yeah, Slim Jim was literally in your comments on IG

for like two years straight. They were inside of my cock. Like, they were literally up my ass. Like, it was insane. They were obsessed with me and same with red bull like drew was so annoyed because drew wanted to block them but felt bad for whoever was doing their job yeah like i was like bitch i'm not gonna like ruin your job like you can meet your quota for how many likes you get or whatever the fuck but like don't play with pay me like it's also just annoying because in my head i'm like okay well now what like i don't think anybody's gonna see the comment in my comment section from

fucking like toys r us but it still gets like 40 000 likes people like oh my gosh i can't believe that burger king is commenting yeah and but it's literally because i guess i don't know they're like anything is an ad anything is an ad. Anything is an ad. Like, just get out of the comments. Get out of the comments. I think, honestly. Also, just stop making social media.

I know you exist. Like, a bird doesn't need an ID. The greatest all publicity is good publicity moment was Gorilla Glue Hair Girl. When she put that shit in her hair i guarantee their stock prices rose by 45 like in a minute like i'm they're probably not a publicly traded company but you know what i mean like that shifted things dude i feel like we were talking about that like as a society for a year straight like i'm still talking about it in my head that is still and it has fully made such a dent in the culture that i feel like there were a lot of um like uh hair glue companies and eyelash companies that changed their bottles and their labels because they didn't want anybody

to get it mixed up and like get something else and also it cracks me up because i think the gel she was originally going for is literally a gel my dad used to use called like moscos or something i know yeah like it's gorilla snot but like my dad used to call it moscos because that's like boogers and it's gorilla snot so in my head i'm just like why is that the gel she was using in the first place like it feels like she was just like, in my head, I always imagined her like being like, damn, I cheated the system. Like, this shit is going to stay for a week straight.

Like, oh, and I don't have to take it out. Like, don't have to do my hair every single day. Yeah, that is like, I can't even get on her because that's the kind of stupid shit I used to do. And that's why my hair was fried all the fucking time because I would do dumb shit to my hair. Like, I tried to do a straight perm on my hair after i bleached it once the strings i was like i'm so tired of the heat damage oh i'll just like perm it it literally like i had chunks of hair rolling down my back which is insane to think about i used to just

literally burn my hair off my head you did not care all the time you really did not and that was pre-k18 era like oh that was pre-everything that was literally i remember you like wouldn't be able to get certain hair coloring things at the store without having a sally license like there was like a bunch of there was no hair color removal that you could buy if you didn't have like a license or something and i used to steal it i sure did i fucking stole it because they were just these slim l'oreal packets and i would just go and like slip one like into my like hoodie sleeve and then i would like buy the rest of my stuff chic they weren't even expensive they were i think they were like ten dollars bitch just

sell me that shit literally like so annoying why is it on the shelf like don't get me started i don't like sally beauty and guess what i feel like sally beauty fell off like nobody's going there anymore wow i've been to your hood nobody knew you it's because everything is locked up like well no it's because we got amazon no it's because you can't buy anything without a license it's locked behind a license yeah um well something very um very very something i need to do very need that um there is a plane crash simulator in melbourne oh okay australia and i did you like practice how you were gonna pronounce that no that's how you pronounce it i know but like that's how

australian people pronounce it that's how you pronounce it i I know, but like. That's how Australian people pronounce it. That's how you pronounce it. I feel like Americans say Melbourne. Yeah, that's wrong. And I'm right. Okay, how would you say. Practicing in front of a mirror. How would you say. Melbourne, Melbourne, Melbourne.

If you say Melbourne three times, a magpie comes out of the mirror and eat your eyeballs. Fuck Melbourne, bro. Fuck, fuck Australia. When you say it like that, it just sounds like a name though. magpie comes out of the mirror and eat your eyeballs fuck melbourne bro fuck fuck australia when you say it like that it just sounds like a name though like melbourne melbourne like what that's not the accent low-key all those accents do kind of sound the same you could you could put four people in front of you that speak different dialects australian irish british and whatever a fourth one is i kind of like the irish accent

iron yeah like i like um there's like a few actresses like uh sarsha ronin however you say her name oh yeah lady bird like i love her accent is her name it's like sersha sersha ronin damn i'm making it like to something it's not but there's that fucking plane crash simulator that i really need to experience but it's one of those things where i'm like do we really need this like this is like really like not okay actually like even from me i'm like that's pushing it yeah you're really pushing it because have you seen those church what are we talking about but i guess it's like what i said last week like the haunted house shit if you really think about it like what are we doing like we're simulating like being chased and hunted down by a murderer like a chainsaw like you have fake blood smells and gut smells everywhere like it

really is freaky deaky um have you seen there's this like traveling like almost haunted house thing for churches but it's like the rapture it must be like deep south like central america need to go to that because if it's anything like those mega church christmas shows oh it's help me the fucking i know that shit looks lit like i'm sorry of pretending like i don't want to be there but like that shit looks turn church i'm really fucking sorry they brought the fireworks inside and santa's flying over if i smoke before i go in there bitch i seriously think i will believe in magic i'm tired i'm tired of pretending like that's not lit like obviously like it's not lit like we know that but like like yeah it looks fun well it's just i feel like i'm really fear-mongered and some of it is based in a reality for what the next year of life will look like oh if i'm going out i'm going out with a bang

i will be in spiritual psychosis all of 2025 god is good having having the best time of my life i'm going easter it's going down it's a movie on easter it's a movie it's a movie on easter like i'll be celebrating all the holidays this year because i feel like it's genuinely my last year to live so what's the first holiday of the year january 6th the insurrection be there or be square we're turning up y'all um i wait hold on. No, that's on Christmas, I was going to say. The Wicked Sing-Along in theaters. That'll be a movie. There is something else happening on Christmas.

Let's just say a takeover. A Christmas Day takeover by moi. Okay, what does that mean? Oh. Something big is coming oh shit really that's gonna be crazy that's the best christmas present i've ever it's gonna be really special but those traveling raptures are like literally like every time you say i'm like what the fuck are you talking yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like. They set up a haunted house.

I'm not quite sure I can grasp what a rapture really entails. It's like everybody that was good to God and God loves like gets sucked up into heaven and then everybody else. She's not coming to my house. She's not coming to my house. That's literally the vibe. That TikTok is so funny. We need to insert it.

But they traveled to these like churches in the middle of america like and set up like a haunted hayride and like a haunted house and you pay like 15 dollars to go inside and it simulates like the rapture like it's like crashed so it's like it's a small world after all but for like yeah yeah yeah and you're walking through exactly and there's like a there's literally there's a hole in the ground. Wait, I'm walking on the ride? I'm paying to walk? Yeah, and then there's a hole in the ground

where there's, like, a devil, like, grabbing scare actors and throwing them into hell. Like, it's really, really crazy. I love eating that. It literally is terrifying. And, like, if you are not mentally stable, like, if you're kind of destabilized, do not go to that. Yeah, that will fuck you up. Because because it will really really fuck you up because it's scary as fuck but did

y'all also have those i'm just like i think i have very existential and like scary anxiety inducing thoughts but at the end of it it is not that fucking deep it really is guess what i'm gonna go like am i do i really do i have a choice yeah like if i have a choice or not like honestly just vote just vote also like hell seems like i mean heaven kind of seems like a prison to me because like you're just happy all the time like you like that seems cooked and you're like trapped in like this and they're not selling podcast mics and heaven and there's no weed there's no weed there's no weed there's no opiates for me to do like it's really like actually cooked up there like i think pure

euphoria 24 7 sounds like a genuine nightmare because like that's what heroin addicts go through and they literally all want to die so anyways have y'all seen the um the other thing did y'all school do this where it was like a drunk driving accident and they brought out like crashed cars oh yes my school i haven't thought about that since it happened really trauma like inducing like really really scary bitch i was still drunk driving what does that sound wait what did you just say nothing before no i wasn't drunk driving y'all i don't play with that shit like that shit's literally not funny they did it they the girl was like covered in blood like carrie style yeah and they they like carried her through did they have the jaws of life like cutting her out

of the car i don't remember that part i just vividly remember the blood and i was i was just y'all schools were like being freaky deaky as fuck with you my school did not do that well we did a photo shoot and i look really really fucking hot in it and i can't talk about it but just know i literally look good yeah we were like screen mirroring the pictures and we were both like we were like we look good like we literally look good as shit in them but the first shot of me of the day, they had me in these really, really short shorts, and I didn't think to wear boxer briefs. I wore Drew Maxx new boxers, Snowpond. Literally go check them out. I swear to God, I get compliments in the locker room wearing these boxers.

It's Snowpond. Go please go buy them all because they're so cute. Actually, don't because I want them for myself, but I was wearing those boxers to the shoot. And they're like boxer boxers. They're like baggy. And they had me in these short shorts. And I sat down on the ground.

And 98% of the photos of me and poses of me were just vanished into thin air. So I'm pretty sure you could see my entire cock and balls in the photos. me and poses of me were just vanished into thin air so i'm pretty sure you could see my entire cock and balls in the photos i'm not joking and i need to text a photographer to see because like really like it might have been sinister it might have been like really over for me you're getting exposed i know i actually that's funny because i got this random like drop box link but and i thought it was somebody's like neato ball like that got thrown in dirt and like no that was my scrotum yeah that was yeah that was my scrotum ew scrotum oh that is so disgusting yeah i have balls i have a wiener no actually stop i really do

that is so nasty like it really upsets Like, I have a wiener and balls. Well, a dude got flown full paid trip. A fully paid trip to Antarctica. He was a flat earther. And flat earthers have this idea that. So it pays to be a dummy. No, exactly. That's what I was saying.

I was like, bitch, I think the earth is flat. I don't think Hawaii is real. Like, fly me out to Hawaii or whatever. Like, bitch, I don't give a fuck. Like, I don't. It's not real. But there was a dude that got flown out to Antarctica. Like, you are a crazy person.

I don't think Bali is real. Fly me out. But there was, he's a flat earther, notorious flat earther, like goes live on YouTube every single day talking about how the earth is flat. And he got flown out by this dude to like go prove it to everyone that it was flat. And they have this idea that since the earth is flat the sun has to set in antarctica but technically there's like a 24-hour sun in antarctica antarctica at this time of the year which completely disproves like flat earth theory so this dude was like yeah we're going out there

he flew all the way out there got there and was live streaming the whole time and he was like well guys like i mean his you watch this guy crumble like his entire life is dedicated to like proving that the earth is flat and there was a 24-hour sun and he timed it and he was like well guys like i i'm a man so i can admit when i'm wrong but like i don't know if the earth is flat like there's a 24-hour sun like i tracked it all and like everybody in the comments was like boo you you fucking shill like you're i want to see the video because imagine it does look like the fucking moon landing video because then and then he was like i'm gonna have a few everyone in the comments was like boo you you fucking shill like you're i want to see the video because imagine it does look like the fucking moon landing video because then and then he was like i'm gonna have a few everyone in the comments was like it's a green screen you're not actually there it's a green screen and then he had brought out like green screen props and he was like if i was standing in

front of a green screen this would be keyed out but i'm not in front of a green screen he was like it's a blue screen he's like bitch i, bitch, I'm wearing a blue jacket. Like literally, what are you talking about? He said it like that? No, I'll find it. Bitch, stop fucking playing with me. 24 hours sun flat. I mean, also Millie Bobby Brown. I think I'm a flat effa.

Like. Can you clarify, is there a 24 hour sun and whether or not you have seen yourself personally yet there is 100 a 24 hour sun and i've seen it personally yes so at this point i've been here for over 24 hours the sun has not set i've personally been here since 4 p.m yesterday the sun has not set not only has it not set bro it's like it stays pretty high up in the sky now the question is is it too high that's a good question let's check the elevation angles but it seems to bounce right around where it's supposed to which is 13 or 34 allegedly but as i can confirm 100 no questions asked at where we are there is a 24 hour sun 100 i knew instantly it was a real sun i could feel it

they were trying to be like it's not a real dude he is like losing it there's something kind of really sad about this i'm extremely tired i'm honestly ready for this 24 i've already seen the sun be in the sky for 24 hours. We've been here for 24 hours. It's going to stay in the sky, bro. Like it's this, it's 100%. I will say when I got here. She's not coming to my house.

Yeah, I don't feel bad. I almost feel bad. No, it's really, it's dark. And it must feel crazy to, like in my head i i try to understand the timeline of how you get so wrong and know so much about the wrong thing and i'm like it feels like oh that's easily power shock of knowing information nobody else knows that you get to go tell other people so then you want to know as much about that information so that when you tell people you gag them and it's like wow you're actually really smart i can't i've never heard that whatever and then it just goes so far where

i feel like a lot of flat earthers and people who lie in those grounds they do get to a point where they're like oh i think i like i think i'm on the wrong side like i actually don't think this is real anymore but they're like i need to double down because i've already done that too who charlie kirk the ugly guy from the one video yeah with a really tiny face and the teeth and the gums yeah he's like loudly wrong and knows he's the one with the smile it's just all rage bait at a certain point like they just make money off of it but you like this guy i think wholeheartedly like believed it and it wasn't like rage bait it wasn't about making money i mean he that that was his job

was being a flat earther and he was like fuck i'm gonna prove everybody wrong and he flew out there and lost his job his livelihood and watched everything he's been researching it starts to feel like a like a new era like gambling yeah yeah it's like oh watch watch watch when it comes out that i'm right all of y'all will be so mad and i'm like i'm willing to stand here forever drew weren't don't you always say that the there's like definitely no guy that looks like the internet or inside out dad you're always like there's definitely no way that that that exists yeah so just saying in case somebody wants to prove you wrong no no drew's an inside out dad denier yeah if if you're an inside out dad if you look like him prove me fucking wrong by coming into my fucking bed and

coming over and over and over to my house in my fucking bed um control yourself herself okay i think tiny desk is so fucking awesome and they have fully replaced because there was a a time where it was really hard to find live albums and like live recordings that were cool and interesting for artists because that had kind of faded out i feel like after vhs and dvds that whole era of things faded out and we still got documentaries about musicians but just like a good live recorded album and i love tiny desk because it makes artists it almost sets these grounds of like artists want to go in there and do a really good live set so that can be almost like a fully new rendition of their album and that is so cool and i wish i came up with tiny desk because it's so awesome like the

doji tiny desk the doji one is like so so good it's so fun like i've been listening to that one over the album and also i decided i don't know that it's a bad thing to say that you like someone hearing them live rather than their album like do you think that's a mean thing to say is that mean i feel like i've had artist friends who get offended by that because they're like what the fuck but i'm like to me that's such a high compliment but again i don't make music but if i i can love your album but if i see it live i'm just gonna be like wow this is so good that i want to listen to the album more yeah that makes sense but i feel like i've had someone in my life one time be like that's so offensive and i was like my bad my bad drew sayev

ew that is like really gross that That is like. I know. I know. I also have no desire to hurt my gay followers. I am not gay. And even if I decide to try at best, I would be bisexual. Just keeping it real, guys. Love ya. If they talk behind your back, fart.

That's a good one. My dick has led me to places i wouldn't even go with a gun and then it's a silent hill picture um that one is so good girls nowadays be like, I got five kids. Brayden, Hayden, Jaden, Kaden, and Zayden. I'd be like, well, damn. Okay, then. Whoa. Okay. Imagine having sex in the 19th century. Oh, my God.

You spend 15 minutes unbuttoning 650 buttons only to get a coochie that hasn't been washed since last week's river bath. That was a tweet from freelance trash i'm done with crystals i need a gun no seriously really like those all came from anna winter yeah miss winter oh wait oh cool this has been out of focus for i don't know how long no it racks focuses it's broken now it's been chill that was scary um you ever walk by a bush and just pull a leaf off of it yes um and then we'll just we'll just insert this meme because i think it's one of the funniest things i've ever seen and not enough people are talking about it and also this one um quandel dingle do you know where quandel dingle came from no i have no idea what that is like that's this picture quandel dingle it was someone's like username for their microsoft computer and someone posted it on instagram and said who the fuck's goofy ass name is this bruh

and his name was Quandel Dingle and then it became Quandel Dingle from like the group leader Turkish Quandel Dingle he's so cooked like how did that happen we're like done

we're done. Josie, can you show me that one video of the guy playing guitar on the bus? My ass deadass thought that was what animal testing was. Is that not so real? You know what's fucked up is like until I saw this photo I still thought that's what it was. Like I still was like yeah that's what's what they do. Okay, this one. This one is me. Send that to me.

With the honking of the horn, send that to me. And send that to Kai. Are you fucking kidding me? Like I love cameras. I'm so happy we got it here. Like imagine, like the thing i'm wearing before like the person who owned this originally they were bored as fuck and yet they never saw iphone they've never seen a screen and i'm so happy i get screened in china like actually

this episode has brought me my christmas, and I want a new iPad. Really? You have a good-ass iPad that I got you. Okay, fine. You have, like, the newest iPad. Yeah. No, but I just want to unbox one. I know what you mean. I know what you mean.

I want to unbox an Apple product. Like, I literally, I'm not kidding. If you wanted to get me a box and let me, like, box it and reset it, I'd be like, like, there's something fun about like empty. There's something so special about opening an Apple product on Christmas that like not enough people are talking about. I don't feel like it has the same sentiment before.

Oh, it used to be like crazy. 2014, 2015, 2016, like that era opening a MacBook. Opening an iPod Touch and it was the color you wanted. That's what this sounds like this set oh the gilmore girls yeah fuck i can't do that gilmore girls oh i've la la la la la la la la la la

girl Yeah, let me play that. Girl. I think it's like when they transition scenes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. This is very feist coded. It's very feist. Like one, two, three, four.

Oh, I'm going to be sad that we're taking this down. It's so fun. Oh, it's so fun. Is that? One, two, three, four. Each day I love you more. I'm going to like another song from that album from them. Well, happy holidays. The liberals made it problematic to say merry christmas merry fucking christmas um

shout out y'all thanks for tuning in you guys so much for i keep feeling like it's the end of the year episode and i think it's because we put so much like little like cute work into the set it felt like a bigger deal because for me new year's is a bigger of a gag like that's a crazy gag like time is changing like literally times are actually here is rolling it's changing in a big way and christmas is just like okay something major and special coming for new year's though i know so i think i'm just so excited for the new year's one and i'll be sappy in that i'll hold my tongue for now you're gonna be sapphic in that sappy oh yeah we'll cry in that one wait they've never seen me cry have they seen me cry oh i cried at like

talking about madeline how much i love her and how she was like pregnant and shit oh my god luna baby i love luna she's the best luna today i know she facetimes us like almost every single day she's obsessed with me she's starting to like me she can say my name now and yet like had her hood on or some shit and luna was like terrified of her and then india let her hair down and luna was like so i guess without my fucking hair i look like a scary man who's about to steal drew's phone and she knows like mama, Dada go together. Pop and Gigi go together. And Inya and Drew go together.

She's like, Drew and Inya. Dude, for the first time, I think after seeing those photos, it was after we did that shoot. I was sitting with Drew and I realized I always found it so funny when people asked us like if we were. Oh, it was after that guy asked us if we're going to have like somebody asked us if we were gonna have kids and i was like what like i was so confused by that question and i forget that people really do perceive us as just like an attractive couple together like when we're together and we're out in the world people just think we're a couple so of course luna like in luna's head i literally am her mama and dada too bad i'm gunko no we should like okay think about this never that we should never like let luna stop believing that we're together and then one day i'll just show up

with my partner and you show up with yours and we're both like with somebody my girlfriend not partner i don't play that okay sorry your girlfriend yeah gail fins my gail finn and then we kiss our like actual partners and scare luna and make her think that we're cheaters yeah that's just the kind of things i think about when i think about raising a kid it's like how can i really know when i raise a kid, I'm going to sell it for $12,000 and a bag of heroin. No, I'm going to put it in a spherical dome and put it in like a cage with either a bunch of apes, orangutans or tigers. And the animals are going to like bring it in or alone and make it raise itself. Like it can feel like we'll feed it and shit.

But like the food will just appear and see like what language it develops well technically wouldn't it be better to even just like not give it food and just like plant food for it to learn how to grab yeah but like it's like an infant it's not like a giraffe that like comes out like fully born you have to like feed it boob milk and shit dude i just don't think i'm gonna have kids like that's just not it's not in my card i'm having kids as fuck and you're gonna be my surrogate are you carrying my kid artificially though she's not coming in my house she's not coming in my temple she's not coming to my house oh what oh i thought you were gonna say oh i was gonna say that was probably so

yeah i was like what the fuck i was gonna say um you know giraffes come out and they can walk and they can navigate the world but humans take like years but we end up being super smart we build rocket ships rocket ships and stuff so if you're having trouble in life and you're like, oh, I don't know. You know, things aren't really working out yet. Well, the most intelligent species on this planet can't even walk until they're like six. So some of us just take a little bit longer, but we achieve greatness at the end of the day. Beautiful. Oh, that's like you because you're like 50.

I'm not 50. Yeah, I see that. That was beautiful. I'm 20. No, that actually was. It was beautiful, right? like you because you're like 50. I'm not 50. Yeah, I see that. That was beautiful. No, that actually was. It was beautiful, right? Have you heard? Did someone say that to you? No, that was just an inspiring thing that I came up with.

That's beautiful. Do you want to hear something I came up with? Was it actually or are you doing a Drew? No, I'm swear to God. You mean, what does that mean? Y'all have a little inside joke? You've been looking too good. Like, ew.

Like, ew! Like, ew! Okay. He's got a D1 level crash out. D1 level! Fuck, dude. He's ripped as fuck. That might have been too much i shit myself okay well thank you guys so much for watching i hope everyone has happy holidays whatever you

celebrate i hope you get to be with your family or your chosen family because or no family because you're a fucking loser honestly yeah that's why drew's not drew's staying here for christmas yeah nobody invited him out or be disowned me fuck brady and slip okay thank you guys so much for watching no thank you enjoy your holidays peace and love bye