Emergency Intercom - so… we did a thing

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

Description:  Merch available tomorrow at emergencyinter.com at 12pm pst Drew slept without clothing on and 5 men saw him, Enya beats the ozempic allegations and mourns the fact that they have to go back to the kitchen Seed Support your gut this summer with Seed’s DS-01® Daily Synbiotic. Go to https://Seed.com/INTERCOM and use code 25INTERCOM to get 25% off your first month.  Shopify Grow your business no matter what stage you’re in. Sign up for a $1-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/intercom.  ZocDoc Find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Go to https://Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM. https://www.patreon.com/emergencyintercom join the Patreon for bonus episodes, q&a/topic submissions, livestreams, pay for ky's lobotomy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. this is like during covid when people who were in rehab had to zoom call their family and say like hi like was that a thing i'm doing yeah i never saw all that i saw the zoom graduations those were pretty dark um this is our zoom all right guys so lots to talk about but not much we can say yeah we're in quite the pickle but that's okay hey um oh my god i just slapped the hell out of my mic um before anyone says it yes i know you're

probably like and you look so gorgeous despite everything happening like she's how does she do it yeah i know and you're probably like oh yeah that's exactly probably what people ask it's like how do you do it and honestly i have no tips it is quite literally just genetics no it sucks it sucks um but and people are probably like how why does drew look so terrible like what is going on um bitch i literally oh watch what happens when i turn them on oh do you see that it's like it's it's basically my aura um i don't think that's your aura i think that's like the lens flare kind of it's it's my aura um as you can see it's white with blue purple tints which actually let's look it up and see what that means um why you're literally like when we used to go on youtube

and look up conspiracy and then look up latest uploaded and it would be someone driving and filming the road and being like as you can, all the lights have just turned red. And I just wanted to document this because this means blah, blah, blah, blah. That is you. I'm, I'm essentially an astral traveler of sorts.

Um, I feel connected to a higher power and are in communications with their higher self. I mean, all of that makes sense to me. That tracks, uh, like if that's your aura then

why does it go away when you turn off the light like that's why i don't understand wouldn't that just be like your glow all the time i literally i it's basically i'm a non-conformist so i don't conform to like all this weird light shit y'all have going on but what i do conform to is hating seeing myself while we record because here we are again i'm fucking puggy you always say that you don't look bad when we record you always do that face well if anybody's wondering where kai is we lost him in the custody battle yeah we banished him to the shadow realm we lost kai in the custody battle well they he's actually locked in the basement um yeah we're trying to get him out but it's almost like i can hear him yeah his presence i feel really weird in the basement i actually sucked my he hacked it he hacked it

what did he say he said he sucked his way out like bitch you always gotta make it on so yeah i sucked my way out of the basement no ironically it looks like you're in the basement no this is my room this is my cool room why do you have a nightstand right in front of your closet because i'm adjusting things i'm moving things around i just moved here like six months ago so am i the only girl who gets manic at 3 a.m and rearranges my it's you didn't have a childhood unless you changed your room at least three times a week i didn't have my own room growing up so i wasn't allowed to do that kind of stuff okay um well i just want to start this episode off by saying i really don't understand the olympics they don't make sense to me i literally don't understand what's happening like i know y'all are there

and like i'm seeing a whole lot of like look at my bed tour not a whole lot of running jumping swimming fucking chasing whatever the fuck y'all do my gosh i was gonna say i had a topic to bring up they need to shut the fuck up about those goddamn cardboard beds. I swear to God, for the last 12 years, it's been like this. Like, oh my God, they have cardboard beds. They're like, they need their sleep, but they put them on cardboard. Oh, whoa. They're actually randomly kind of comfortable.

Bitch, we know y'all sleep in cardboard beds. Like, shut the fuck up about them. Like, please, please, please. Like, go play basketball challenge. Like, go fucking sleep sleep in cardboard beds. Shut the fuck up about them. Please, please, please. Go play basketball challenge. No, literally. Also, okay, there's a lot to unpack. Because first of all, when do y'all start doing

what the fuck you're supposed to do? When do y'all start doing the damn thing? And I have a feeling by the time this episode comes out, they're going to be doing their damn thing. So whatever, like, oh, sue me second of all all of them are doing these crazy unboxing hauls of the stuff they're gonna get gifted how are you getting that shit back home like i saw this u.s girl unload like four duffels worth of shit and i was like where is that going because that's going right to the fucking landfill i know some countries put them in suitcases for them so they like definitely had a problem where people were

just like i can't get this shit back home like i'm broke i didn't win fucking bronze gold or silver so like i cannot afford to bring this back and buy my own suitcase because they're also all trapped in the same village and they're all having sex rampantly. Okay, that's the thing. I know they give them like cardboard beds to make them not fuck. But like, damn, after a hard day's work, sometimes you just need a good fucking. I know, literally. They need to get their time schedule back on course.

Like they're all jet lag. They need a good fuck to go to sleep. But I guess like the issue is like that could be risky because people are fucking monsters and don't know how to like navigate those things correctly like that's what i'm assuming it is like stds were a thing like olympic village stds like it's like a the mass spreading yeah but lebron james is a flag bearer this year for usa what the fuck does that mean like usa usa usa usa that's the thing the u.s is employed to try to get back to nationalism and it's not gonna happen like so all the fucking fits are ugly as heck like i will say i think

one country has like the most cunty outfits i've ever saw haiti haiti had a cunty fit like it was giving very tom brown like very like cut like suit nice like embellishments i saw another one like i don't know if it's australia or what i don't australia's beat this year the weird pleaded skirts like y'all like no it's really bad fuck there was something else i wrote about the olympics because the olympics have just been pissing me off like it's all over my fucking feed uh also do you win money if you win what do you get like just to like be the annoying bitch you've been like who can be like i I won the Olympics. Like that's what that feels like to me is just, they can be like, I won the Olympics. It's basically like some countries,

I think like Singapore or something. Like if you win gold, you win a million dollars, which is like 720,000 USD, but not every country. I think if you win a gold in America, it's like $32,000, but it's not a requirement by the country and it's really like wait wait wait wait we need to reel this back for being the face of the country in terms of sports you get 32 000 yeah but it's it's not like it's like an add-on on top because like no one's doing it for the cash they're doing it for the clout and also like brand deals post olympics is like i guess yeah you get signed to

nike after that and it's a wrap like you're good but if you're an olympic athlete and you're not signed to nike you're a flop i'm just saying oh my god i don't think nike can even sign that many people um but yeah with that being said too huh kai has such a good fucking camera i'm actually done since you want to you want to make this shit all about your fucking self bitch i'm out of here turn your camera off kai turn your camera off okay mid oh my god who's this ugly bitch on my screen right now it actually scared the fuck out of me when she came on don't call her ugly and yet it's fucking beautiful okay stop no sorry sorry everybody come back and yeah i mean kai that was like hella weird you were like hitting on your boss wasn't hitting on her i was stating an objective fact and you are not acknowledging it all right let me find out drew isn't up here oh he is he is i for one second he wasn't but i

switched it so we need that we need to reel it back because kai said inya is objectively beautiful and then it said andrew you are not uh bitch i am beautiful i'm stunner i'm a i'm a baddie i'm a i'm like you're a girl i'm a baddie i'm a star boy like don't fucking play with me it's my words you're being manipulative yeah oh you're probably wondering why drew doesn't go to new york more often or at least as often as i do and drew literally physically can't walk down the streets of new york without agents chasing him ripping his clothes to shreds because they're trying to grab him through the crowds it's it's like y'all learn some fucking boundaries you can't

just grab me like when i was in japan all of the scouting agencies out there were like oh my god like this white boy like he needs to be the face of our brand like this white boy it's crazy it's really crazy i'm like the american dream i want to say i didn't call you ugly i said you're ignoring the subjective fact and then i think you're sexy like you know this why would i grab my ankles for you if i didn't okay enough enough enough because y'all are gonna make me mad as fuck y'all never told me i had this gross ass fucking forehead vein i look like a neanderthal you you need to pack it the fuck up and go to confidence camp or some shit bitch like literally i'm shipping you off tomorrow girl i'm not going to conversion therapy what are you talking about no i said confident camp um well i decided that something about

people commenting like overly deep sentiments on people's tiktoks is the weirdest thing that we've come to like this guy made this tiktok which also like you saying that publicly you're going to hell you're going to burn in hell because his tiktok was like procrastinating on breaking up because i just want to be able to hold you a few more times okay first of all you're crazy as fuck like you're crazy for publicizing that information second of all the comments were like, Oh, I know the love is gone, but I'm willing to be hurt a little more to be held one more time.

Like all this shit. And I'm just like, bro, if I was going on TikTok, like scrolling around and I found a TikTok like that. And one of y'all had commented that on the TikTok, I would literally blow your shit up. Like I would like,

that's what you wish. Hold on. No, I would take a screenshot and I would post it on my story for the next seven days in a row. Like it would, my story would be dots. Cause it would just be like the same screenshot a million times.

Damn. Yeah, no, I've, I've always seen, it's like kind of the same thing but the fucking uh oh what's it called i'm looking through my history to find it right now it's uh it's like those post-it notes it's like the invisible project or something like that where like people

like post the person's first name and then write a sentiment about them um like the website yeah yeah yeah consent or something yeah some shit like that um but i went through and i looked up my name and i swear to god there was like at least five that i could trace back to me and i was like oh wait this is about me this is about me and i make everything about myself so i looked up y'all's names as well and yeah you didn't really have any because you have an esoteric weird name kai you never have ever had any bitches period so you had none either but i had 20 they were all about me too okay you have one of the most common names on the fucking planet like hello also actually it's less likely for them to be about you and it's more likely for them to be about me because i have such a rare

unique sexy alluring elegant name so like it makes more sense that the ones that are there are about me by that logic i do too i don't think your name is that. Oh, it is the unsent project. Hold on. Let's look up Kai. Kai Sinat. You got ate up with that one. You literally got ate up. My name is two consonants. It says people spell your name like Kai Sinat's name.

Okay, wait, this is, this is T they're all like kind of crazy. I hate that. I still love you. If, if it was your internalized homophobia that made you leave me i hope you healed from it now wait i got red uh i miss you beanstalk let's look up in you okay um shame you lost me okay bitch i've never lost a hole in my life constantly consistently continually always you it's a cruel summer without you not the swifty mention oh is that swift yeah cruel summers but if he's written mine mine are so sweet oh mine are so sweet drew uh you have a giant penis oh no i actually just

found yours drew you are so fucking annoying i want you to shut up all the time but i'm too embarrassed to tell you to shut up because i feel like a mean person drew you are so ugly and fugly and nasty and you smell like shit it doesn't look like you're reading anything it looks like you're just saying no no i just memorized them i was like last night in bed just reading them like a script because i just wanted to be able to say them to you oh weird weird i can't stand up because i'm wearing pajama pants. I'm so work from home coded right now. That is so COVID coded. No, yeah, we got a new colorway of this hoodie. And then we have cute shorts. We have a really cute shirt that our friend Leon did a painting for.

And Orion did a poem for on the back of it, which is really sweet. And the poem made me cry um we have a t-shirt with puppets made by a fan plushies and we have your mom oh yeah we're selling pieces of your mom we're selling real estate i'm selling um a fleshlight replica of myself it's but it's fifty thousand dollars i literally have always wanted to make a willy kit and do it of mine and sell them because bitch i know those shit would sell out like that would be so gross so uncomfortable it's so scary oh my god kai can you make one for me uh yeah i'll make you whatever you're talking about thank you you might as well just use like a single finger maybe your pinky drew if that's

what you're anticipating oh that tracks that tracks that tracks um well there has been an AI robot that is able so I'll like run you down through like the whole experiment but basically 10,000 people submitted photos of themselves and this AI robot scanned every single person's face and with 81% accuracy on men and 71 71 accuracy on women it was able to tell you were gay based off of your face um with 81 accuracy so there is like traits like one of them yeah and one of them for like for the men it's like they have like a thinner jaw which i don't have obviously that tracks they have smaller noses which obviously i don't have i have a fucking hog nose and they have bigger foreheads in gay men which i basically have like a two head why are you spreading your fingers so much i mean the three head is still small bitch i got that forehead i'm sorry gay men have uh

bigger heads like way bigger heads oh and then women it's like smaller forehead wider jaw um and those are like the only two that like really made a difference um but yeah that's t so i literally don't that talks for me because i have a big head and uh no jawline so right love wins no my favorite like my favorite me moment in my whole life is me posting a thirst trap the day gay marriage got legalized it's like love fucking wins we have to insert that dude like side boob like laying in bed and everybody was like are you gonna i was like no hell no hell no pansexual actually thank

you for asking thanks for asking um no that is that is even better than uh she is so beautiful lana dogan i have to find that fucking post um no yeah did you archive it thirsting for the like the girls i was like wait wait wait subconsciously in my inbox no one even said in my fucking inbox bro yeah um oh no i'll save that i'll save that for a couple weeks from now um well i saw a tiktok where someone was like oh you can just look at certain couples and know they fuck like you know they have good sex and everyone in the comments was saying the names of like random couples no one said me and drew literally no one said me and drew absurd like look at us don't we look like we like how you put in you in the top right

no i didn't in no in the viewscape because on mine she you in the top, right? No, I didn't. And no, in the view scape, because on mine, he's in the bottom. Oh, and he's on the top left. You're on the top, right? Just like the episodes. The hierarchy. Is that a test? Why did you say no? I didn't.

No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Well, I think I need to start saying yes, boss to like in um they are how they say yes chef yes chef yes chef you need yes podcast host yes podcast host yes person with a microphone yes person with a microphone oh my god yes mommy

ew motherfucker sorry like you were so nasty I'm sorry turn your shit off I was trying to yes and that bit okay um well i saw another tiktok of this uh lesbian uh lesbian um and she said, damn, like Drew has me questioning my sexuality sometimes. He's so fucking fine. Had 8000 likes.

And I was like, gag, like, wait, maybe I am like sexy hot. I went to the comments, the top comments, the top comment had like 5000 likes. It almost ratioed. And it was like, girl, you can have him. I got ratioed and it was like um girl you can have him i got ratioed in the fucking comments oh you want to hear one fucking better actually i am never i never want to see anything posted about me ever again i at this point never outwardly go and search for anything posted about me because y'all are rude as fuck and you wouldn't say that shit to my face so literally shut the fuck up second of all bitch someone posted a picture of me in this uh gimmagwaz shirt this like navy one and was like

oh my god where can i get this shirt it's so cute and then somebody was talking about my boobs which already like somebody was like oh my god they're sitting so pretty i wish someone replied to it was like that's what you say is sitting pretty and that's a big insecurity of you i'll have y'all know i hate my tits and i do plan on having them removed and when they're gone and i have tiny chic boobs i'm not letting her get that fucking surgery you can't get those that's all i care about on you i literally have been with people who acted like that with me like i've always wanted a breast reduction and i've been with people who are like oh don't get your tits removed and i'm like okay they literally make me want to kill myself. Your milkers, they hurt your back.

But yeah, so because of that comment, I will be actually, a lot of y'all thought I was on Ozempic, bitch, now I'm actually going to take it and I'm going to inject it right into my fucking tits and see what happens. I injected Ozempic into my frontal lobe and shrunk it. So I have a no more. I have a no more. I have no more. I have no more.

I have no more. The spider infestation in the house is getting out of control. It's getting out of. Azul is useless as fuck because why isn't he eating them? Like he literally needs to eat spiders. Like get the fuck off. But I was laying in bed two nights ago. And just kind of chilling there on my phone.

And like, for some reason, like my body felt like hella itchy. And I would just like itch the spot. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? Like, this is weird. And then I like would feel like a piece of my hair on my upper back. And I'd go like that, but it would just be my hair. And I was like, genuinely fucking tweaking out well I started ignoring the itches because I couldn't see like um what the fuck was you are not listening to me at all and yeah I am I am I am no I know I'm just fucking with you your eyes

were like literally going in completely different directions completely I was like starting to space out looking at this fucking thing in this room but i was laying in bed and i felt like a bunch of itches on my leg and i was like girl what the fuck um ignoring them and then eventually i was like okay this is like not just like hair on my body like this is something and i looked down there were two fucking bitters one on my thigh one on the like patella tendon like patellar tendon and i was like if you don't say the front of your fucking knee right now my patella tendon like grow the fuck up you you dropped out of school stop doing all that you're doing like far too much keep going it was on your fucking knee um but yeah they like were probably fucking all over my body and they were literally on me and that's the first time they've been on me um which is just like absurd so immediately i took my apple pencil and i impaled it like right through the fucking abdomen or whatever the spiders have

the thorax or whatever and i displayed him with a hole in his body on my um i don't know if animals are smart enough to see that and be like there's danger here like it's not like in the movies where somebody goes out into the jungle and they see a dead body and they're like like the killer is here like we must be cautious like i don't know if animals are that smart because literally yesterday i'm at orion's family's house and their dog had been raining all day like very obviously raining and the dog kept like looking out the window like it wanted to go outside and it went out there touched the grass saw it was wet and came back in i was like damn animals are low-key so stupid because it couldn't look at that fucking glass and see it was wet and be like, I'm not going out there. Like it was raining all day, thunder, like storm, everything.

And in my head, I was like, oh, I guess it's an indoor dog. So maybe it just doesn't know. But at this point, you should know better. And you're pissing me off. Like, no, literally, like learn a goddamn lesson. Well, Kai, Gen X, rise up, baby. It's your time, Gen X. They are damaged people that have a lot to fucking say to us Gen Zers.

I'm not Gen X. I am a cusp millennial. to us Gen Zers? I'm not Gen X. I am an I'm a cusp millennial. Wait, actually? Yes. You're Gen Z, bro. You're Gen Z. You're not a millennial.

I won't let them put that on you. I don't even know, though, because I feel like us calling ourselves Gen Z sometimes feels a bit ridiculous, but I guess we are. We're like right in the middle invented gen z low-key a lot of you bitches are our sons and you don't even fucking realize it i think no fraternity test 29 if you're 29 you're you're a millennial but if you're 28 you're a gen z maybe but you you you're not yeah you're not there i know i didn't claim that i was there was a delay on that gen x you missed it is literally the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life on tiktok like it literally

kills me every single time i see a video of them with that goddamn filter on their face have you do you even know what i'm talking about oh the old filter no no the big x the gen x filter there's a war actively going on on tiktok between gen x and gen z um and it's just gen x like fighting this like bullshit battle that like gen z is not even like aware of so like obviously gen z is like trolling them back and like being like oh well i'm gonna cancel all of gen x and they're gonna be over and like just shit like that and gen X. It's triggering the like Eminem gene that all millennials have. It's all about it's literally it's from Eminem. It's like you can't cancel Eminem, bitch.

No one's trying. Like Eminem's a hag. Eminem's already fucking Floptown USA. He has he has mayor the key to the city and he is the mayor of Floptown USA. And he's been there for a long, long time. How many monthly listeners do you think he has? Oh, I'm going to guess like 20 million or something. He's number five in the world with 86 million.

Wait, is the beef between Gen Z or millennials in Gen Z? It's Gen X and Gen Z. beef between that is so scary gen z or millennials and gen z it's gin gin x and gen z so people that are in their 40s and 50s are fighting with gen z right now that sounds right like that sounds actually right because they're always like i've just been seeing a lot of the millennials being like i've been used i thought i was gonna look like this by the time i'm 40 but i look 18 because i've been using sunscreen it's like like literally shut up no one fucking cares like i know when i'm in a like a room with your old ass i'm literally gonna be like i know you are in your fucking 40s because you're mad annoying ask a gin x if they know what dress to impress is and it'll fry their brain. Oh, I'm so obsessed with playing Dressed to Impress right now. Getting high as fuck.

Okay, if y'all are wondering where me and Drew are at mentally, not fucking good. Literally not good. And the only thing that makes me happy is getting so high and playing Dressed to Impress and being mildly catty. Catty enough that I can get good votings on the runway. But catty enough to annoy the fuck out of at least one person in the roblox we're i'm frying people like i am brutally honest i'm like this fucking outfit is terrible that outfit is ill-fitting like this is not on theme at all like don't fucking play with me like take this shit serious last night i did a fur protest on the runway i swear i did a fur protest what was the

theme it was um like the oscars or the grammys or something like that like one of those award shows and i did a fur protest i was like i'm tired of fucking seeing fur on this goddamn runway and i think i'm gonna do an oil protest next and figure out a way to have like concrete you could do like oil slick i think i'm just gonna wear the bright orange shirt that they all wear and then i'm gonna have concrete on my hand somehow like a bag and make it like silver and i'm gonna stay did you get vip yet no i haven't gotten it yet i think i'm gonna get it tonight because i think it's just like it's so annoying it feels it feels like they shouldn't pit the vip girls against us like regular people because it's just fucked up like i i don't have access to the goods you have access to

so i can't compete where i don't compare i did see um in a weston and kaylin video that the vip literally is just like the same clothes but in a different room like there it's not like what i expected it to be where it's like a million new options like there's like pieces you know what it is i looked up codes because i saw on the side you could like add codes and i think people make things for roblox that you can add codes and like get a whole wardrobe that's just like in your closet technically because i have this random bubble dress that's like in my closet so we need to do that we need to tap in and find a website with all the codes um oh i've also decided like i've always liked like that style of like a doe when

like cute lacy top and i just can never really wear them because my boobs make it look like i'm a wench who's selling beer at the renaissance festival and that's why i realized i can't do it because and and like there are some girls who can carry that vibe in like such a good way but i feel like a jester who beat up a random girl at the renaissance fair ripped her clothes off put them on myself and now i just look like an evil wench why are you beating people up at beyonce's concert that camp shit did not work babes how do you know how does she know how does she know oh How does she know? Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, our neighbors, they destroyed my trees. They went to my bougainvillea and beheaded it. They destroyed all of the nature that I could see out of my window in a brutal fashion. It was one of the most horrifying things I've ever seen. And I was watching it actively happen in front of my face. And it was a very dark moment in my life.

Well, they started construction on a project in the backyard, literally ran out of money or some shit because it is just a concrete slab with wooden frame and nothing else. And it's been like that for three weeks. Well, yesterday, it's been like three bajillion degrees in LA, like literally three bajillion. And our house, like I'm so frugal that when no one else is home, I don't run the main AC because it's really expensive and I'm going to save. I have to save money now. I don't got bread like that um well i didn't run the ac so the house was like a bajillion degrees when i was going to sleep and typically like i run my ac and my room cools down but it

wasn't like my personal ac but my room was not cooling down so i was overheating and i was literally on the brink of heat stroke so i slept naked and i never sleep naked i never ever ever sleep naked i've done it a couple times but i was i was brave as fuck with all the spiders crawling over all over my body and shit i'm surprised i didn't lay eggs inside of my urethra hole and i didn't like maybe there's some shit but um i was under the covers i made sure to get under the covers because i was like this is a t like this is like exposure like i need to be under the covers well in the morning like it was like 7 30 and i would like just kept waking up to sounds like right outside the window and i i wasn't i was like in a deep sleep and like rising out and like not even thinking about it and just

going back to sleep well eventually i wake up at like 8 30 and i like look down and i'm like oh i'm sleeping on top of the comforter completely ass naked like haha that's funny like that's really really goofy like well thank god no one in your josh wasn't home and barged in on me naked like haha that's funny like that's really really goofy like well thank god no one in your josh wasn't home and barged in on me naked like well i look out of my window above the ac and there are five men at window level like ripping the roof off of the house next door and i know for a fact that they saw me butt ass naked laying on top of my comforter and they saw you butt naked nasty like a rick james super freak like a rick james super freak bitch i needed a uniform like hey i got rained on type shit like please like no but they for sure saw me butt ass naked and for the rest of the day like i would just walk

through the house and they wouldn't look at me they would not look at me in the face they wouldn't look at me but not my fault literally not my fault like i look he would have taken a picture for later i thought about that i was like dude like they fully could expose me right now like thought about it but well the good news is we have a podcast a podcast and people who are normal and love themselves do not listen yeah an independent podcast a very awesome independent podcast oh my god i the thing is like i know i'm to cry when we have to be back in the kitchen. Also, like Drew said, me and Drew are in separate places. I, after this still have some traveling to do because me and Drew were like, you know what, we're going to plan some like off time.

We're feeling really good about what's happening in the, like in our workspace right now, we're going to plan some off time and like do our little travel like we always do our summer travel so i'm gonna plan ahead and just do that because i saw somebody was like damn she don't play about her bag when they saw me at the tory birch thing like the day after we announced our separation because i was like she got on that plane and left no i had to deal with all that while i was on that trip and it was a lot and drew carried like a king but um we have to do another zoom episode and also i know i'm gonna cry when we're back in the kitchen so it's gonna be horrible y'all if you see me crying i I am not clip farming. I'm actually so sad and distressed. Oh, bitch, I will be clip farming.

Anything that I will be doing, it will be clip farming. What's funny is I feel like everybody has, in a way, clip farmed this on our behalf. And we like haven't. Yeah. If that makes sense. Are we being accused of clip farming no no no i'm just like i'm just making the joke because every time i see a video of fucking lebron james they're like this motherfucker is always clip for me like he's always doing stuff and jason tatum clip

farming like doing all that shit like damn you want an emo on fortnight so fucking bad you need that fucking document does j does lebron james is emo on fortnight do his thing or did he come up with that after uh he's been doing that thing where he throws the shit up in the air for like two decades now but i don't know what his emote is on fortnight girl we haven't been playing fortnight at all especially you i know that shit lost my love like it's just they need to take that car shit out it needs to go back to a fucking shooter game like it's so annoying i i don't want i don't want it and it's really sad but they already got my money so i don't know what more they want from me it's not like they're dying without me.

I'll come back if they give me a skin. The thing is, I wouldn't even want a skin that looks like me. I would just want the opportunity to design a skin. That would be fair. Our characters of the podcast would be such good. Such good. Like cool cool what'd you say nice every time we film i get like sweaty as fuck because i think my adrenaline starts pumping

because i'm like i need to be funny i need to be funny i need to be funny i need to be pretty i need to be pretty i need to be pretty um guys it's so hard being podcast hosts i know no one's about how hard it is it's really difficult well i got an email um that said hi my girlfriend is a teacher and one of her students, a third grader, drew her wearing y'all's merch. A third grader drew. Something somewhere went terribly wrong. No, like a lot of y'all's parents need to take your fucking ipads away bro i was just talking about this with somebody on that brand trip i was like we make a lot of like satirical jokes that if you know obviously we were joking we don't mean that shit but then that's what scares me is i'm like

if there is for some reason a child listening to it i wonder how much of the satire goes over their head and they actually just believe what we're saying but then i'm also like i would like to think also that that's not my fucking i'm not your mom bro it's not my fucking fault you can't decipher the 36 000 layers of irony um in every single word we said third grader also on i feel bad because what if the third grader is listening like why am i feeling bad about hurting a third grader's feelings she's queening like i've never seen a third grader queen harder than a queen off with a third grader right now yeah um i what i was thinking in my head is it's someone's little sister um that was the podcast

and the little sister like just thought that was a cool shirt or yeah i was gonna say the the like older sibling probably has the merch okay yeah you're using context clues you're figuring it out you're fingering it out i'm fingering it all out um but y'all you know what sucks balls very candidly is we recorded an episode um that was supposed to go up last friday that potentially was a top five episode of all time i know it was really funny it was so fucking even we haven't even listened to it we will probably listen back to the episode and be like that shit was bunk as fuck but i feel like we were on such a good one no i i feel like every single time we record we're like that was the worst thing ever and like it's so embarrassing and

our life sucks balls um but everybody left that episode being like wow that's a banger and it will literally never see the light of day it's in the archive forever hey we got episodes out of that set though talk about lack of sustainability yeah no literally not fucking our footprint is like so insane oh right um but you know it will all be okay. And that's the beauty of being, dare I say, a comedian is we have to shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off. What is Trisha's husband's name? Moses.

Moses. Moses was talking about us and emergency intercom and moses was just talking about how um were the type of people to have a show like a real show and like he was just going on about how like he sees that in our cards um in the future and i mean we've said it a billion times but that is genuinely one of my like biggest pipe dreams no that that's like literally i that's all i want to focus my extra energy on other than like making this transition happen smoothly yeah is committing ourselves to that yeah because i mean but i think moses i i think there's like a joke that he like predicts a lot of things like when he talks on something or says something it

like eventually comes true um and i think he has a finger on the pulse and i think real recognizes real and i do i i mean i cannot imagine a future where that isn't like in my cards like in in my future when i think of my future it is having our own like show whether on stream or on hbo like whatever like that is and not like a show that i'm acting in which will obviously happen but a show that um we created wrote directed all that shit but um oh my god well it's funny you say that because when you were talking about the oscars or the whatever the fox i was like it's crazy how nobody's ever like oh like for the emmys like no one ever talks about the emmys because why is the Emmys like so funny like the Emmys is literally to me I never

see anybody's like oh my god the Emmys it's the Emmys like yeah it is so like the kid no one cares about and I was like why is that embarrassing to be like I won an Emmy but then I was like bruh if we're lucky that will be us and somebody's gonna clip that if that ever did happen and be

like and this bitch was sitting here talking about fuck the Emmys and it's gonna be my ID that ever did happen and be like and this bitch was sitting here talking about fuck the emmys and it's gonna be my id post that's like a mile long of being like i'm just so utterly speechless wait but like actually gack these clips are gonna go so fucking hard in the edits of us when we have our show like that's i fucking hope bruh like that's the tea just remember this moment episode uh wait this is we were in the ei era then we were in the post ei era and now we're in the pei era prequel ei era y'all know like bc pc we're in uh we're in pc i don't fucking know bro what is it bc before christ and then ad like after death or something like that girl you're asking the wrong motherfucker i don't know shit

about those people you're about religious people i don't know shit about what they do they do some weird shit they talk about shit all the time and i don't know what the fuck they're talking about i'm canceling all christians right now okay got it drew silence you out for so much of that corner um wet t-shirt contest how about a wet hat contest i'm trying to see a woman's beautiful mind okay this is not a brat summer you're 32 start a stretching routine that was from matt z to i don't know z e i p l i n her fume and no deodorant is kind of crazy sleeping like glossier you and shall it she's most of iris um no i literally have the cheese virus i need my fucking vaccine the f and jfk stands for fortnight randomly radio head when it saw the computer be like okay

okay bitch you ate imagine your card declines at rehab and they just blow cocaine in your face kai is so mad because i said his backshot wind smells like horse hiccups bitches b20 talking about wait for my glow up bitch you're about to die i learned um all india and orion do is smoke drink and eat seafood boil y'all some fucking pirates i'll never forget when y'all did seafood boil on the fucking floor of our house indian orion ordered like literally 200 worth of seafood boil that on the fucking ground picking it to shreds it was watching the whale yeah the whale it was such a cursed vibe and it smelled shit in our house oh my god it smelled like uh he froze it froze so you were like you were like it smelled like it smelled like crab back shots

wait he wants that fucking cookie so oh my god guys it's a dangerous game because if anybody makes me laugh that's how i look at them yeah you can win inya's heart um very very easily but bitch i can't believe i almost forgot to talk about the new doppelganger kai there's a new doppelganger bitch it's giving sketch to the highest degree like it it is literally hard for me to convince people that i just didn't get leaked is that photoshopped no it's real i've been trying to find the video for so long because i was like it would be so funny to like post or like start the video i just sent it to the group chat but it literally like looks like me

and the only thing that like i can say to convince um people that it's not me is the gold chain i've never worn a gold chain no you had the Supreme gold chain with the little Uzi on it. Oh, in that fucking era too. When I, yeah, it's also your body. Like,

I feel like his arms are shaped the same way. Really big. Like he has like long biceps. Keep talking. Okay. No, but that shit was literally when i saw that my heart sank and i was like wait is this like literally me and i got leaked like i was recorded like doing s without my permission but no it's not me y'all i swear to god it's not me i swear guys it's not me i swear and like it's just it's just a doppelganger guys it's not me it's literally

not me so like you don't have to keep saying it's me because it's not me hi what do you have to say uh i have to say if anybody's worried about the transition you there's no reason to be worried daddy's gonna take care of everything okay okay now maybe just editing uh oh my my video stops yeah they get glitchy you mute him oh there's a button oh i don't know if uh oh are you can you guys hear me i actually can't. Oh, okay. He's gone. Like a parasite. I know. Wait, I just like,

I was complaining about back pain and I feel like relieved. Back shots pain. Okay. No. All right. Funny joke guys. But anyway, yeah,

daddy's here to take care of all the technical issues. The thing is you say that, and I know damn well, if anybody you were into called you that you would freak the fuck out and be like hell no if somebody called me that i would turn into dust like when thanos snaps his fingers like spider-man fucking terrifying okay um my media of the week i'll do my music in a second but i started iron claw on the flight. I fell asleep after like the first tragic moment in it, woke up to another tragic moment and was like, Whoa, what's happening right now? Like backed it up, knocked back out,

woke up to the same tragic moment, felt like I was literally stuck in a cycle and I was so scared. And then I woke back up and I was like, I need to watch something to like rinse my brain. I again i know people hate when i mention it bitch i was highest puck on that flight back no i was chewing on this okay because we don't have a plug we don't have ads right now you can't be doing that shit oh wait was that an echo 2k that's an echo 2k chapstick look no it's not hold it back up cover the logo oh yeah this is official right there so stupid

um i re-watched across the spider-verse again oh my god it's still so good i still cried i was still like wow this feat of animation it still had me gooped like i didn't see it two months ago i was like oh my god i can't believe this movie oh so good and then my music media is still listening to charm by Mrs. Clariana Grande. Um... Yana! Still listening... Oh, this is my favorite song ever. Ten Mans by America. And then I'm listening to Band on the Run by Paul McCartney and Wings.

A Horse with No Name by America and George Martin. And... This Eve of Parting John Hartford. Perfect Day by Lou Reed. martin and this eve of parting john hartford perfect day by lou reed cute cute um well i watched aaron brockovich and i don't watch that it is so good it like genuinely made me so happy like it was it was like it like literally i was like euphoric and i was sitting next to this like dude on the flight and he he was a very sweet guy he was like a really funny character like he wasn't saying anything funny and he was trying to be funny and

he was really really unfunny but it was so unfunny that it was like charming and sweet and he was like in his like late 60s or something like that um well a scene came up in the movie where aaron brockovich is like they're called boobs um and like there's context to it but like he saw that happen in the movie and like waited for me to like move my headphone off, like literally an hour later. And he was like, what'd you think of the boobs part?

It wasn't that really funny. The boobs. He said, she said, it's called boobs. And I was like, yeah, man,

like it was really good. And he was like really trying so hard not to say that she was hot to me. She was like, he was like, he, she's like, so like, so was like, he, she's like, so like, so good of a person,

like in that movie, like she's so like good of a person. And she, yeah, she's a good person. But then when we were getting off the flight, you know how there's rafts in the overhead bins every time. Well,

he like went up to a, did just ghost that i didn't mean to and i think i did i like caught my mouth and i was like dude that's so embarrassing weaker bro um but he pointed to one of those rafts in the overhead bin and he was he was talking to a uh flight attendant and he was like wait wait like someone someone forgot their boat up there and the flight attendant was like what like what did i and he oh he was like oh um the flight won't leave he was like so annoyed he was like the flight can't leave without that and then he was like and he just was so happy-go-lucky he was just like i'm genuinely jealous of his brain chemistry but then he started recruiting everybody to vote red and i was like girl get on my fucking face pervert talking about boobs and saying a girl's hot you're a fucking um but aaron brockovich and then i started listening to steely dan um and i just like

clicked play on his spotify profile and don't have any songs by name but steely dan is cunt like i didn't realize i thought he was like corny or some shit but like i really like his music i'm pretty sure it's like a common like thread that like art students who do music love steely dan someone was telling me that that like at every art school or at every college that's like art heavy all the kids are like steely dan it's like the equivalent to the unemployed starving artists like radiohead oh i see kai do you have anything else to say uh can i do media if it's some stupid shit it's not stupid shit that's cool it's like good ass music uncle ace by Orange. That's the song that plays in Challengers when they fuck. Yeah. Okay.

That's it. No, that's not curious. That song's good. Have you heard it? It is? Yeah, I know. It's a great song. It's a good one. Fucking, what do you call it?

All right, you're taking your moment too far. I'm getting here. What if I'm swole by Hot Chip? A little indie sleep i love hot chip i love is that the one with my yellow country teeth or whatever i think so i love that song um and i went on a road trip with my manager to a merch uh factory in upstate california and i, I like that song. So he proceeded to play the entire discography over and over and over on the six hour car ride up. That's maybe a little bit too much hot chip for me, but. Hot shit.

Be bisexual and lie. Bye. All right, guys. Thanks for listening. Thanks for sticking with us through this good to know you guys hated the studio that's good to know yeah literally literally like fucking bitches like three of my friends texted me and they were like yeah like when you signed to them like it literally made no sense at all. Like it made no sense in my head. It was not a good fit. It was very like, like I just felt like unsmart.

And I was like, girl, fuck y'all speak up like you got a pair. Like now you're saying this. Girl, fuck you. Speak up like you got a pair. That's good. All right. Well, I'm going to be incredibly gluttonous and I will be going to Waffle House and then coming back and

getting wing stop so that's my vibe and i'll be taking merch photos because merch tomorrow go buy merch tomorrow um please please please we're really proud of these and we brought back this goddamn hoodie in a different color way because are my eyes too close together okay bye guys they are Outro Music