Emergency Intercom - Starting A Cult

Episode Date: March 4, 2022

Drew celebrates his super sweet sixteen while begging for a death hoax and Enya claims she’s a chronological liar… idk what she means by that Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments, it's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. welcome back to this episode oh welcome back to emergency intercom today we have a new episode yeah no did you get insecure because of the whole like welcome back to this episode sorry i just went deathly silent because i saw myself in the viewfinder and i thought about how one time last time i had my bangs this short

someone said i looked like little mckayla and i'm not kidding i looked into the viewfinder and i thought i saw little mckayla and it was me android robot um well there's a lot to unpack this episode yeah it's my super sweet 16. We were supposed to get decorations, but I never actually hit like purchase on my Amazon cart. So I just have an Amazon cart full of sweet 16. Yeah. So I'm turning 16. It's a very special, special year for me.

I'm going to get my license. I've had my permit for like six months now. You got your driver's license this week. I drive in past your boulevard. Go into the store for coffee. Those are not. This shit feels weird right now. Do you feel that?

It's because you have a weird haircut. It's because, okay, Drew went for his birthday. I got fucking botched. I got botched. For his birthday, he wanted a little bit of a dye and a cut. They fucked my shit up. This is the last time I'm going to Great Clips. I think you look beautiful.

No, all the Yelp reviews were like, oh my God, this is where I went to go get my bleached hair. But I bleached my brows here. It seemed like like great clips had stepped its coochie up my fucking hair is falling out of my skull it's actively falling out of my skull um also the thing the other thing i was saying that was a big thing to unpack was that it's my birthday that's the big thing to unpack we haven't even gone into that i was gonna say i made you a fucking birthday parody bitch it's not it's not about your birthday but i know how you like um you're like singing and like replacing words so you know like i am woman i am boots i am the house damn i am drew you couldn't remember that so you had to fucking write it down because it sounded funny when you put it in like different orders and it was like i am sir i am the house like it was like too much

like and i didn't want to botch it and ruin my chance. Thank you for that gift. That was actually really nice. That's my only fucking gift to you, bitch. We have Call of Drudy. Drew-moji. The Druth. The Druth. Mario Drudy.

Mario Party. That was bad. That shit sucked. That was a flop. There was one that we said the other day that was like... Maladru. No, you said that and that's not good for malibu maladru we call malibu malibu i call malibu malibu well we call malibu malibu i said we call malibu malibu well that's what it is that's what it is and then there's maladru malibu drew no it's not good Drewmoji dropping soon

You keep saying that but there's only one fucking Drewmoji Like I told you yesterday I was like dude you have to make one that's like sad Or something because it's not even giving Like versatility It's giving verse You have to get You have to switch that mouth up

When like Moms lose their kids on Facebook They use the crying laughing emoji um you have to get you have to switch that mouth up just that same mouth like when when like moms lose their kids on facebook they use the crying laughing emoji they could use the crying drew emoji do they actually yeah all the time they think it's like people crying but it's like they don't realize that they're laughing at their child like the the like open mouth tier one yeah drew moji the drew moji one no no no there's two crying emoji no the one that you use unironically now is the one oh are you trying to call me out because i unironically use emojis i do i don't care that's why apple made them sorry i unironically use emojis too but that one is the only one that's off limits and it will forever be off limits to me it's oh it's just shroud it has so much irony behind it that it's just not real no the the like two teardrop ones that one's like

actually that's a lie i use that one too i use all the fucking emojis like yeah i use the laughing i use the laughing crying like all of them are real this is real fucking life get used to it but yeah anyways drew moji dropping very soon. It's my fucking birthday. Come on, can we get a clap? He's one of those people who starts a Kickstarter and like nothing ever happens. Let's get a clap for my birthday. More importantly, it's my dad's birthday tomorrow. Everybody, spill the comments.

Let's get a clap for my birthday. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so mad you didn't go to Monster Truck. That was something we did this week that was so fucking fun. It was actually legitimately the most fun I've had in four years of my life. And that's not me saying that to make people jealous. It genuinely was awoken something inside of me. And I want to drive Monster Trucks now. I know know i want to be strapped in and like get a like break my neck girl you know what's

fucked up is i went on ig and followed monster jam i followed zombie the driver i followed um literally everybody and the original like one of the original drivers has his own show that's more like like it's not like made for kids it's made for adults and you go get fucked up and you can get inside the monster trucks and shit but it's in like south carolina or some shit we're fucking going yeah like are you kidding me yeah there needs to be a documentary on like what happens behind the scenes of these traveling i know it's because i know they're cheating on each other's wives like i know we literally watched one of the trucks like lift up onto another truck and i was like that's an hr violation yeah it was a man truck on a girl

truck get off of her now what's her soldier fortune soldier fortune soldier fortune she ate no i know she was serving she literally almost passed her car caught on fire and like almost exploded her truck flipped over and caught on fire and she she literally just walked out like a champ yeah she took it that's girl power that girl power i will not back down from that. That is real. That's what you define as girl power? Is someone almost dying in a monster truck? Yes.

In the face of in the face of adversary she stood tall. She slayed. She slayed. We've created monsters. What do you mean? I was my sister since I'm off tiktok i don't know if

i've told you guys but i'm like off tiktok like the funny thing is i was the first one off tiktok and this motherfucker mentioned it every episode i've been off tiktok for almost like two months now i don't use that shit anymore it's like bunk or whatever like no big deal actually i'm like addicted to it and like anytime someone sends me a t TikTok, I open it immediately and I have to like hover my, I'm like shaking about to redownload the app. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, I can't do it. Also, I just don't have enough fucking storage on my phone to do it. about me liking your must which i stand by like your shit stinks good um but someone in the comments was like um are they just like are they dating or are they just like really really good friends and all of the comments were like oh they're like cousins but they're also married they're cousins and they're married and someone was like wait no but are they cousins or are they married and someone just said both with a smiley face like both um and i just like i love that like

lore that we've created for ourselves that did we ever explain that i think we've talked about it a couple times um but for anybody who doesn't know literally the reason we started saying we were cousins is because we started lying that we were dating because it would obviously like get us views and like everybody wanted us to date so we just started lying and that we were dating because it would obviously like get us views and like everybody wanted us to date. So we just started lying and saying we were dating and we would do like, boyfriend does my makeup. But we did BF so we could be like, well, no, it was best friend. Like y'all are literally reading between the lines right now.

You're making an ass out of yourself. The first three letters. Gaslighting people from the beginning. Like you are a being a psychopath. The first three letters gaslighting people from the beginning like you are a being a psychopath the first three letters of assume spell what that's what you're making of yourself if you assume things about people's characters i'm gonna shave your head and bare assing bare assing why isn't one okay there's something there um but then we were like dude there's no way to like we would just start backing up and be like, we're not dating.

We're not dating. But people still thought we were dating. So then one day we were just like, we're literally cousins. How could we be fucking dating? And then we continued to lie about dating and getting married. Yeah. And then we were just, yeah, I think what really like turned the page of the cousins getting married thing was the cousins proposal on the

beach but it's legal where i'm from that shit is so funny and all of the con it reached outside my audience and all of the comments were like this is like really weird and like why are y'all all hyping this up like we've created monsters i love it like oh speaking of creating you're gonna say cole you is that where you're i would I was going to transition to cult after this conversation. But where's my death hoax? Why haven't I had a death hoax yet? Wait, no. Did you not get one during Bionera?

It wasn't. No, I didn't have one. Oh, you weren't popping like that. All the popular girls got the death hoax when they were in high school. I need a death hoax now. I need to see how people would react over my death. You're only saying this because you got the tiny taste of one and you love it. I was like, oh, this is interesting.

People are like, oh my God, gone so soon. I used to watch his videos all the time. Used to, bitch. You should be actively. Well, now they'll go back and if you know what the good thing about your death hoax is it'll like uh generate more views for you right now and then you get to come back and be like i'm not dead you're all crazy um i that was such an era in like 2014 when you would get like oh i started i started death hooks like i i was the one actively starting death hooks like that lisa and lena girl yeah those twins like i started a really

gnarly death death hooks about them when i was like 14 and people were like this is not fucking funny like i actually thought they were dead and i was like oh my god this is gonna blow out of control because i thought it was just gonna like stay within the audience and like it was just gonna be like an inside joke but like it started like trending i remember i like wanted a death hoax and then one time someone tweeted me like just someone randomly tweeted at me and was like missing you so much today r.i.p and you're like something like that and i thought that she was so funny so i started retweeting it i was like this is anya's mom you were just tapped in i was like oh my god i'm about

to get it i would actively do that same shit i would act like i was my mom i would post on my ig and be like drew is taken to it you do that still my ig post that went up today is about me being dead on my birthday you just you know what it is like i want i want a death hoax and i wanted to go so far that people are like no she's not dead i think she moved to an island like you remember that whole era where everyone was convinced that is literally still alive and so is michael jackson they're drinking fucking beer together on the Bahamas. On the Bahamas? Or in the Bahamas? Oh, dear God. Like, why would you be on them?

Well, I mean, technically, you are literally on them. You're not on the Bahamas. You are on the soil of the Bahamas. Your hair looks fucking awful. Oh, see, now you have to attack my appearance. If I can't fix it in five minutes. A real friend would just tell you, and I'm just telling you. But if I can't fix it in five minutes, what's the fucking point in telling me? Oh I can't fix it in five minutes. A real friend would just tell you and I'm just telling you. But if I can't fix it in five minutes, what's the fucking point in telling me?

Oh, you can fix it in five minutes. There's a pair of fucking shears in the bathroom. Should we cut my hair live? Shave your head. Should we cut my hair live? Just a little piece. Oh, she missed a string. No?

She left a string. She left a string of long hair. Then she didn't die. Girl die what the fuck um what the hell drew felt you know what drew felt like he needed to change his hair because everybody kept accusing him of being a cult leader literally and you know what he's not the cult leader actually you know what's crazy is we had this conversation me and Enya were having this active argument in the car where I was like, no, I would be a cult leader. Also, this is not a lie. This is a genuine conversation we had in the car together.

It was borderline argument. And I was like, no, I would be the cult leader. I would not be a follower. Like, I would never follow a cult. I'm too smart for that shit to fall for it. I would be the one actively tricking too smart for that shit to fall for it i would be the one actively tricking people into believing that i am jesus christ because i mean kai thinks i am no he doesn't no he doesn't what makes you think that i think that you're jesus christ

you just love me god sure that's just like what friends do. They just like love each other. Yeah, I do nice things for you because you're my friend. Not because I think that you're Jesus Christ. Well, they think I'm Jesus Christ. Everybody in the comments, let them know. Let them know. Because it's been, it's been, Drew's been giving Jesus Christ recently. Even you said it. Like, yes, you said it.

No, I did. I'm going to send it to Guy. I took a picture of him and he literally looks like Jesus. It's like in Malibu and he's like looking off. It's crazy. It's literally crazy. Drew would literally be integrated into a cult because someone would just lie to him and be like, dude, like, we like really want a cult, but we like need a leader. And like Drew would be like, oh, my God, yes, please, please, please, please.

And like before Drew knows it, he would just be in the cult. Like he would enter thinking he was about to lead it and i bet he would come to my room and be like dude this is so crazy but i just got like the opportunity of a lifetime and like like that's always true wait it literally happened to me yesterday i got an email yesterday when i was on the phone with kai and i was like kai wait like i know you're like spilling your life story to me right now but let me tell you about this opportunity I just got and it was like someone wants to fly me and a companion out to Istanbul to get hair transplant surgery and they were like I literally love you so much in your content like it's like the best doctor in the world and I was like wait this sounds like kind of fun and they were like all we want in return is a vlog and i was like i was like me getting trafficked like absolutely not

like that's the best scam to run is to email influencers and just traffic them you can't fix that thing where is it this one no it's you just leave it it's good it looks good it looks good should i snip it off i should snip it off no you shouldn't you should just leave it but yeah literally actively getting trafficked like you fully would get tricked you walk into air one and you see any bottle and all the bottles you pick up in air one look like cult like cult leaders made them and you're like you immediately believe them like you would be integrated into a court so fast. We're going to get a defamation email from this guy being like, I do not want a cult. Like, does that not look like some shit?

Like they're back in your head, bitch. What? I said they fucked me up. I said they fucked me up. I said they fucked me up. I can't fix it. It's okay. It'll grow back. Here it grows back.

Vitamin mineral green. And it has an eagle on top of a mountain with a bursting sun. It's literally insane. And it says perfect companion to earth broth nourishing foundational hardcore but this is how i would start my cult i would do with someone else's product no with my own um product oh yeah just like drew moji's coming out it was drew moji and there was like vitamin drew or something that's a miss vita Vita Drew, vitamin, I don't know. There's something there.

There's something there. You're literally reaching for thin air. There's nothing. No, there were so many of the Drews. No, there were a lot of Drews, but now we're on camera and it's a little more difficult. Okay, I need to think of one before we move on. What about Drew-ish, like Jewish? okay i knew i need to think of one before we move on what about um what about drewish like jewish okay that's really fucking offensive sorry he's allowed you but like forget i said anything

i have to shit so bad right now it's actually like insane what is that i don't know i don't know can i do another one do another one i feel like you have another one um drudism like oh my god kai like you can't just like like change like religious words well no that's my cult that's what it is see kai's all apart kai's down with the cult so your cult name is just like a different name for Judaism? Druidism. Druidism is pretty good. That's giving. What about us?

Yeah! Dude, you looked all obsessed. Have I told them that I've been playing Fortnite? Yeah. I talked about that? That's all you fucking talk about. It's literally all he talks about. Okay, well, have I told them that's all you fucking talk about it's literally all he talks about okay well have i told them that i'm actually fucking cracked and i'm turned the fuck up at

fortnight no have i told them that drew literally was a fucking 10 year old the other day and i woke up and he found a bag of gummies that finn left in the house and at like 11 a.m ate all of them had an insane sugar rush was playing for night and screaming at his computer like Like screaming at his computer I'm a video I'm gonna send a Chi Did you see me just shit on those fucking children and then we went to go get like late lunch with zamar and mason and on the way there he was fully dead in the worst mood ever and he was like i don't know why i feel like this i think i'm just hungry but like i usually i like intermittent fast like this all the time so i don't know why i feel like this i think i'm just hungry but like i usually i like intermittent fast like this all the time so i don't know why i feel like this and and i was like bro all you had

was probably like 300 grams of sugar today it was literally the worst gummies ever they were really fucking good and i couldn't it was the first time that like i've experienced in a very long time like the lack of self-control because normally i can eat like one or two gummies and be good but i he took them back to his room he was literally no because you're like his little fucking claw in there and fucking playing fortnite and screaming at his computer and then i went to go grab a gummy and the bag was belligerently empty it was crazy and it was all like the good flavors left for some reason like it only ate lemon it was so fucked up it was it was um uh jolly rancher gummies uh if you ever want to try them don't because they are not paying us yet they're not paying us yet

so do not buy it yet not yet but if they come through and support us with the sponsorship i'll let you know when to buy it yeah yeah yeah yeah um but yeah that's drew's life also i love from the very beginning on this fucking podcast, I've been like, Drew goes into his room and plays on his fucking computer all fucking day. And he always tries to debunk it out of like insecurity. He's like, I don't do that. I do other stuff on that computer. But if he's not playing Fortnite or Call of Drudy for like eight hours.

Come on. Drew Knight. Drew Knight and Call of Drudy. For Drew. Dude, for Drew Knight Drew Knight and Caleb Drudy for Drew but if I'm not doing that like he's watching the worst videos on YouTube like I

watched you maneuver your recommended and it was insane you don't want to know what I've watched clicks to the middle like watches for two seconds goes back refreshes and does it again do you want to know what i watched last night what an hour and 45 minute documentary on alpine lakes and i'm not joking but that sounds it was just made by a guy though no it was like a proper documentary okay no i can't i can't like i really can't bag on you because you want to know

what i fell asleep watching last night and it was really whack of me but it was also an hour-long video but it was restoration of a vintage electric oven those e and it's silent there's no commentary and they're cleaning off all the rust and unscrewing it cleaning It's like... Cleaning the springs. ASMR. ASMR. ASMR wing bot. That's toes curling. Okay. The wing bot makes the turtles curls curl oh my god the maker i never replied to the email because i'm dumb but like the maker of my wing bot reached out and i don't know how they knew someone else out there looked at that little

thing and called it a wing bot because i've never said the make or the brand or the model and like wing bot heard wing bot heard and she was but wing bot was the first responder wow no wing but the crisis that is in is cooter bronson yeah she literally is first responder it cost five thousand dollars for her to pick you up literally cooter bronson um god put her whole pussy into cilantro that's all i have to say drew said that yesterday about a sunset and i said nothing to him yesterday at malibu you were like god put her whole pussy into this one it's really fucked up it just ruins the vibe me and sabrina were having such a sweet wholesome moment and like she was like it was just so sweet she was like dude this is just like such a nice view like it was just a sweet moment we were like holding each other and like looking off

and from the back of me i just hear and it's drew looking at a video of himself screaming like here i'll play i'll play the audio y'all aren't getting the video hold on where's the audio where it's like it literally was beautiful it was silent oh wait no this is where is the zombie donut oh my god saying that with no visual context where's the zombie donut where the fuck is the the one that i'm for? You know which one I'm talking about. What the fuck? Oh, that was the sound.

Dude, and me and Sabrina just like immediately looked back and he just was like, sorry. Well, I didn't mean to do it. I did not mean to do it. You didn't not mean to do it? I did not mean to do it. Oh. But yeah, it was a really beautiful moment. Malibu yesterday was the nicest I've ever experienced in Malibu. What?

The sound of that screen dude that's i was lit dude i was lit i lost my voice monster truck was so fucking fun like never once did i really understand like sports enthusiasts like i never understood the idea of like packing yourself into a stadium and watching something that was like pretty like mundane or whatever and like monster trucks is definitely more like for my little monkey brain like car car big car big car big car crash jump jump high high high yeah like it's definitely like just like caveman brain so it's like not that crazy well caveman didn't have cars or wheels so it's not it's not caveman brain what the fuck do you look at the cabinet you left open yeah it's literally it's freaking me the fuck out thank you um but for the first time in my like life i was watching something and i without thinking about

it would jump up like from excitement like i would jump up be like oh i'm like i'm really gonna lean heavy into like my southern texan like hick roots like i'm gonna become like i mean like look at me i'm already like almost i'm like i'm like look at me i'm almost there but like actually like they just know how to have fun like they know how to have fun they know how to turn that damn brain off and that's what i needed yeah brain off eyes open like we need to go shoot guns i was present in that moment in that moment i was actually actually i was fully present i was not thinking that moment. In that moment, I was literally present. Actually, I was fully present. I was not thinking about the future, the past, nothing.

I was in the moment. I was begging for one of them cars to crash. Explode and kill 30 people. Drive into the audience. I will say, obviously, I'm glad this didn't happen. And I don't actually want it to happen. But this is what happens when all I do is watch terrifying human tragedies. I was like, oh, my God.

That car is going to explode. That car is going to crash. That car is going to crash into the sand we're sitting in. Obviously, that didn't happen because they have safety precautions. And even if it did, I'm pretty sure we all did a thing where we agreed that if we fucking die, it's not their fault anyway. But the monster truck was the equivalent to cruise ships in my opinion is like i was i said this like three times already but i just think it's like so stupid because on like two episodes ago i was talking about how like

cruise ships are something that like you were supposed to do that and like car accidents were something that like humans were supposed to see and be like all right let's make sure this doesn't fucking happen but a few people saw car crashes that were like what if we made these things bigger and so that they could crash and we got people to pay to watch it like someone out there was like i know exactly what to do with these things run them run other cars over um it was literally the funnest thing ever like i can't i can't believe it also it's funny being in a stadium because they look small but those things are fucking massive they're massive like the wheels are two times as big as the people there are driving them also it's just it's crazy because like you forget that there's literal human beings inside of these like cars

flying 300 feet in the air and you're like wait what the fuck like i thought these were like rc cars but then they like get out and wave and like wait what the fuck like i thought these were like rc cars but then they like get out and wave and like play to the audience get out and wave and they look like little ants on a like piece of like turkey meat like it's just like them crawling on top and then you have to look at the monitor to see what the fuck they look like um but it was freaking awesome i want to drive a monster truck i'm gonna put monster truck wheels on my ford fusion it's gonna be like like in tyler's video when he had like monster truck wheels on his rolls royce but imagine that but on my small sedan your dinky ford fusion god i love the word dinky it's like it's my new word you're a little dinky it's like i want that dinky little car

how come i don't get cute nicknames all right that's lie i get ernesto ernie ernie sir i don't get cute nicknames yes doobie okay doobster i've never ruby i've said doobster but like in not in like a serious way i'm like doobster like i've said it like that before word um i've given you ernie wantonabe because you like fashion that's what kanye said when he wrote that song for people for his fans exactly i gave y'all junior wantonabe because y'all like fashion like i did that for you. Hello, awkward. My hair is starting to hurt a little bit.

Why is it hurting? I don't know. Your hair shouldn't be hurting on your head. What do you mean? It's just like dense. Yeah. She probably put like cement in there. It's going to brick over your head. I don't know how she got it to shine like this.

It almost looks synthetic. Next time someone gets me mad, I'm literally going know how she got it to shine like this. It almost looks synthetic. Next time someone gets me mad, I'm literally going to be like trying to be fake nice and be like, oh my god, let me do a hair mask for you. It's really good and put cement in their hair. Imagine. Next time I want to hurt someone's feelings, I'm going

to be like, oh, your wig looks really nice. Now you have to say that to like a man. Casey says it to Josh all the time. And like the fucked up thing is, it's like, like, like Josh even admitted,

like sometimes his hair looks like a wig. Casey's like, I'm going to rip that fucking wig off of your head. And like, it's just crazy. This, however, not a wig. I don wig i don't know i never said it was it doesn't even look like a wig it looks really good people are asking in the comments i can feel it like that's not a that's not your hair no i got botched you're wait i literally i got flewed out to istanbul and this is what happened They fucking plugged out every one of my hairs.

And replaced it with horse tail. They replaced my hair with plastic. The way that I was like, wait, that's kind of a good idea. As if hella wigs aren't made of plastic. Well, no, like. Your hair's growing really fast as you sit here. Yeah, it's actually crazy it's a problem

plastic hair plugs you know how the hair transplants work you put instead of putting real hair you put plastic hair that stays the same length forever that sounds like it would literally deteriorate your pore and you would like pass away from like microplastics it would I have microplastics

in my balls there's microplastics have you had have microplastics in my balls whether there's micro have you had your microplastics and oils for the day my belly hurts i'd be all i'd be into their microplastics and oils my belly hurts that's literally me that's why my stomach always fucking hurts um fuck i was to say something and I forgot. My, oh my God. This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy. Ever captured a great night video only for it to be ruined by that one noisy talker?

With Audio Erase on the new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, you can reduce or remove unwanted noise and relive your favorite moments without the distractions. And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. I'm sitting here acting like I'm thinking like I do that all the time when I like

haven't added anything to the conversation in a long time I'm like oh I forgot what I was saying oh I was gonna say something I was gonna say that fuck I was gonna say something and then I'm like what was I gonna say oh what was I gonna say I was gonna say something but I literally just closed my eyes and looked here

and immediately forgot why I closed my eyes. And I started feeling my crease in my eyeball. And I was like, dude, I can't believe there's eyeballs in here. That's literally where my brain was. I was like, I wonder if I could push my fingers into the crease of my eyeballs and get between there. Yeah, you definitely could, but you'd lose your eyes. I don't need them.

I don't need them because i've seen everything i need to see because i saw you and then i was like i'd never want to see anything like that ever again take my eyes they took my eyes the killers the killers took my eyes we were literally serving the killer why were we going through they were actually the killers we were going through the hills and we swore we saw the house from once upon a time in hollywood and we went into this cul-de-sac and i just did a turn and then sat on the street while we tried to figure it out and i was like we look like murderers we look like the killers the entire time we felt like i was on killer mode. I am the killer.

I killed a person. Huh? What? What did you say? I didn't say anything. Oh, okay. I just wanted you to share because I got worried. Cut that.

How did you hear him say something? Cut that. Yeah, he said he killed a person. I heard it because I have the headphones. Oh, and you worked that you're going to prison? Y'all are next. Y'all are next. Nothing.

I'm not kidding. Y'all are next. It's not kidding it's gonna be me next time next episode is gonna be me it's gonna be me on a boat in the middle of the ocean nothing beats the fear of like waking up and genuinely being like concerned that you killed someone i've had so many dreams what no i've had so many dreams where the fuck there's so many things that beat that no because i've never experienced that dude if you've ever had like a very realistic dream where you like committed a crime or like did something crazy and then you wake up and you it like you know when you like i'm trying to think so say something bad to happen to me today and i'm like really sad about it it's like okay i just want to go to sleep and get it over with but you know that the next day the worst feeling is going to be like when you wake up and you're like, that was real and that sad thing happened.

And like I'm still in this reality where it happened. Sometimes I have really. Me with my dead brother and grandpa and bug. The next morning after waking up, after finding out they were all dead was the harshest reality of my life. You paint it like it was a triple like was the harshest reality of my life. You paint it like it was a triple... The harshest reality of my life. I woke up the next morning and I didn't know what to do with myself.

You played Fortnite. I popped onto Fortnite and Call of Duty and nothing was wrong. When you get onto me for playing video games, it's kind of fucked up because that's me repressing all of the i'm not getting on you i'm just speaking a fact and you're you're reading it wrong does it frustrate you a little bit when i'm playing my video games just a little bit

literally not have you ever been like bro like we have shit to do uh no because if anything i'm the one who avoids work heavier. And I'm like, bro, we have shit to do. I was supposed to turn something in this morning. You lied to me. Yeah. No, no, no. Okay, so there's two instances.

So we had an early call time. We had to be on this set. We had to be on this set. Like, no big deal. Don't worry about it. Like, it's top secret information you'll probably hear about it within the week or something but it's big things are coming big things are coming we had to be on set like early call times you're like going on and on and on

but there were two call times on the call sheet that we were sent there was one at 11 30 and one at noon and i took the liberty of telling anya that call time was at 11 because i knew if i said that we would have gotten there at noon um because anya's late to everything and i played a little mind game with you this morning you know what's funny is the way you read being late is different from me because i read us being late together like late to the party like Kacey Musgraves. I can't. And you read it so foul. But my thing is like it doesn't matter where I'm going. If I'm late and I'm with my bae

like I'm good. And you read it in this very awful way. Late to the party with you. Oh who needs to cry when you're having just a party of two. And then this morning i took the liberty to kai was looking at us and he was like he was contemplating his entire existence he was like these these

people i work with these people like this is these don't look like people you trust the next two three years of your career with like i saw it in his eyes he was like wait i made a mistake um but this morning i took the liberty to put a little pep in your step to i attacked your pride that's what i did yeah i'm like bitch i'm gonna slap you in the fucking face i attacked your pride and i and i'm sorry i do apologize um but inya at 9 50 something was still bed. And I walked into her room and I was like, girl, like, we're shooting at 10.30 this morning. Like, we got to go. We got to get going. And then she was like, I don't even have to, I don't have to do anything.

All I have to do is put on clothes. And I was like, I mean, we're probably going to be shooting at 11. Like, no big deal. And I just knew it would get under her skin enough to put a little pep in her steps. So then she would be ready by 10.30. So she could say, told you so. And she did not do any of that and yeah you're not also 10 30 hit kai wasn't at the door yeah kai was late kai is late that's the thing is kai is late a lot and we put up with it kai you're a late bloomer you still haven't hit puberty yet too right yeah i've hit puberty i have that was like that was a while ago it was like 20 years ago you knew when you said

that you were like fuck it's coming it's coming it's coming um but yeah that's need to come into my room my fucking space of peace and tranquility domicile and look at me and go it's 10 15 when it was 9 55 as if i like hadn't looked at my phone all morning like i just woke up and like sat there look i have my ways of getting people to do things that I want because everybody in my life is a pawn. And I use y'all as such. You shouldn't be admitting that to the public. Like they're going to like take that.

And I will sacrifice you if I have to. Like I'm doing the podcast alone next week on a boat. In the middle of the ocean. You would not survive on a boat in the middle of the ocean you would have a freak out you'll see you'd have a freak out or we'd see that you've posted like the water turns black at night the water turns black at night no yeah me i'm me i'm stranded on the jet ski in the middle of the ocean you're like no he's still alive like i swear like Like, I swear. Like, this is y'all. Okay, scene. This is y'all talking to the police force.

No, I swear. God shut that shit down immediately. God has smiled on me. Yes, he has. This is y'all talking to the police force the next day. Can I be one? He's alive, I swear. No, I'll be me. day Can I be one He's alive I swear Let me be me No I'm you

You're the cop You're the cop bitch I'm not playing the cop Hello Kitty literally does say ACAB And that's the thing I am not a cop I'm the missing persons Like the head of the department of missing persons That's who I i am not a cop i'm the missing persons like the head of the department of missing persons that's who i am i don't want to be okay and i'm you okay i'm the

what i'm hp oh hpv bitch you're a missing person you're giving hpv yeah he would have a loma virus okay you started it off no no I'll start no I swear I swear I swear he's alive we can't find his body you guys gave us like the last location you saw him we can't find the boat we can't find the body like I'm afraid he's gone

no look he's posted 63 memes on his meme account in the last four days we have no way of verifying that's him we have no way of verifying that's him we have no way of verifying that's him and seen that's where it would end we would just give up it'd be like so true that's what i would want to happen i wouldn't want y'all to dwell on me i wouldn't want y'all to be worried about me if i was missing just like go on with your life like i probably wanted to i literally will go on with my life like i probably wanted to i literally will

go on with my life people will be like damn she's like really moving on and i replace you on the podcast immediately like i come back next week and it's just josh sitting in the chair and we like keep going and say nothing about it wow i mean you get the things you ask for when you have friends who love you i mean i'm like serious though about this death hoax thing um i want to see how far no this is asking for like really naughty yeah because then like your fucking meemaw poor grandma janita yeah i was gonna say janita poor janita is gonna be like literally have a heart attack because they're like true past dude no actually i just want to i i

think we could get it okay this is there are a million other ways to get attention you don't have it doesn't have to be i'm getting verified on ig since they won't fucking verify me ig i'm going to blow up your server room if you don't verify me um literally literally before before we get before we get into it um what i'm going to do is i'm going to have all of you guys start a death hoax about me because part of the verification process is you need two articles written about you oh my wait no this is bad because they can like shut down my ig for like being a dead person yeah they're gonna put the thing where it's like this is a memorial space. Do not do any of this.

I'm still alive. Do not start a death hoax. But to get verified, you have to have two articles written about you. Why don't you do something good and then maybe someone will write something about you. No one gives a fuck about any of the good I do. So you're done being good. I'm done. It's me the joker

joker you sound like someone illegally made a game about batman and they hired you to do the voice that was like harley quinn and joker mix yeah that's what i'm going for it's like a a new character yeah it's like a thing that i've been working on demi lovato tweets um no just once upon a time demi lovato tweeted um i'm gonna put this airline on blast and it was on 9 11 yeah i know it's just like the all the times like tweets just like get made out of like this is why twitter was like so bad because it was the one spot where it was like it was it was like um what's it called like favored to just say what was at the top of your

mind like that's how like that app worked and like no one should be saying publicly everything that's at the top of their mind and so many times like it just like circles back and isn't good are you okay true i'm looking at my subjects the viewers oh all of you it's not like you don't have to go like this they're not like in a stadium wait we didn't talk about that also one of the monster jam like guys was like so into being a public figure like he was like he literally was like i'm so happy you guys are here like thank you guys for coming and if you're excited let me hear you scream and he moved his hand like this and i cracked the fuck up because he literally he felt like michael jackson in that moment like that was he was like this stadium is going fucking

crazy and it was dead silent like you could hear the dirt crumble your left eye kind of looks a little swollen it hurts really fucking bad it looks like a little... Do you see it? Am I dripping? No, I don't see it. Oh my God, Anya. I'm sorry. You just called me ugly. No, I didn't.

Like, okay, it doesn't look like that as much, but there was like a split second where it looked a little swollen and it like concerned me. But you're fine. Holy shit. but you're fine holy shit y'all fuck you guys for letting me get this haircut i swear to god i asked him i was like i was like bro like should i just go short and just cut it off get the james charles look the you know the infamous like james charles mullet look that he has going on and and y'all were all like run it run that shit and they fucked me up and it looks good no it looks good it looks really good does it actually

it's just you're not used to seeing yourself like that and you'll wake up tomorrow yes it does look at me in the eyes and tell me it looks good it looks good no into my eyes not through my eyes look at me in my eyes and it looks good kai look at me in my eyes and tell me it looks good into my eyes it looks good oh my it looks awesome it's the best haircut i've ever seen in my life why are you pulling it i like the pain

um but dude the weekend tweeting let's go let's go and then literally russia is actively invading ukraine in that moment and then his next tweet is um actually guys i'm so sorry like i just saw the news because it was literally the night everything started like i just saw the news like yeah i didn't mean like let's go to russia invading ukraine like like dude it just is so funny also because like the tweet is still up yeah like let's go he was saying let's go because he has like new music single or something coming up the next day um and it's just i just love like tweet mishaps where it's just like yeah there's got to be more to the world yeah there's gotta be more to this life you know what i'm

saying that's literally aladdin he has like a song about that and aladdin aladdin was my favorite disney movie that shit sucks no jasmine sirs robin williams voice of the genie beat whack next next disney movie monsters inc and um isn't yeah monsters inc and uh finding nemo are coming to say hello what like sometimes i don't think you do that on purpose that was not on purpose where was that going you just shut me down and then took a moment of silence and said monsters akandibo are coming to visit like no i meant like they're coming to say hi like like has something to say. That's like one of those tweet threads where it was like eight sneaky diss facts to girls who deserve it. And it's like the two most random pictures ever.

And then it's a thread. Sunflowers. It's like you for be a job or whatever the the big comeback tweets drew tried to read a joke about euphoria the other day and it was like um euphoria this euphoria that like why don't you for a job no it was a little why don't you start start looking for your job yeah that's what it was and the way drew read it was like he was like euphoria this euphoria that why don't you go why don't you go um looking looking for you for your job and he like he was not doing it in like a funny way because i'm illiterate yeah let's make fun of me because I never learned how to read.

Well, you're like 25. You should learn. Bitch, I'm six fucking teen. Today, I'm six fucking teen. Bitch. And I'm learning. I'm going to fucking get in my car for the first time and run your ass over. You're going to be my first victim.

That's the thing. When I get my license, like it's over. Like I'm taking souls. Like I'm going to run ass over. You're going to be my first victim. That's the thing. When I get my license, like, it's over. Like, I'm taking souls. Like, I'm going to run people over. I don't care. That's the thing about me. Drew, you're not 16. You're not 16.

You're, like, you're just not. You're 24. Today, you were 24. No, I'm serious. We're cutting that out. We're not saying that. We're not saying that. You're not 16. You're just, Today you were 24. No, I'm serious. We're cutting that out. We're not saying that. We're not saying that. You're not 16.

You're just, you're an adult. You're a grown ass adult and you've been in prison for 16 years. I'm giving 16. You've been incarcerated for 16 years. I'm lucky giving virgin suicides recently. Like in a youthful way? Yeah. You do look like the...

What's his name? The main guy from Virgin Suicides. The one who smokes weed and bones. That sounds like me, though. That does sound a lot like me. That does sound like you. But you're 16.

You haven't smoked weed yet. I smoke weed. What? I toke. That's not legal. And I'm smoked weed yet. I smoke weed. What? I toke. That's not legal. And I'm actually going to have to tell somebody. Snitch. I get on the golf cart, get a blowtorch, roll up a little blunt, and I smoke that shit

on the golf course. And then you drive back inebriated? Yeah. Yeah. And then I'll take a couple shots when i get home to put you to sleep or like to get this to just balance me out i'm so stressed i'm growing up yo turning 16 really like um it like opened me up to the world like in all the evils yeah around you started you started to finally realize why your parents are so stressed yeah

i just realized that like we're just all humans you know like and like our parents like they don't know what the fuck is going on ever yeah no one and all the adults in your life they're so lost and the thing is we're all lost we're all lost souls and and we're just like we're like this small like like literally like look between my fingers. Like you can't even see the space between that because that's how small we are. Did you know if you, no matter how hard you press your fingers together, they're never actually touching. There's always a micro space in between it. And that's the truth with literally everything.

You can't actually touch something with. So I'm actually technically a virgin. I mean, yes. By that, I'm a virgin. Guys, I mean, yes. I'm a virgin. Guys, I hope I lose my virginity this year. I'm a born again virgin. You're only 16. You are probably just a virgin.

I was a total slag. A total fucking slag. A total slag in middle school. A lot of idiot. Dude, the way your face moves when you do that is like really fucked up. It's all in the like micro movements. It's like, it's like, you know what I'm saying? Like when I'm an actress.

I'm looking at you and I like can't believe you're a human. Like your body radiates heat. You're like alive. Yeah. That's the truth. I look at you sometimes and I think the same thing. And I have to look away. I'm i'm like okay this is getting too real because like you're actually i know i like can't break contact for me right now and it's freaking me out i see you you know what i'm saying like i see you

it's still the year of realizing things it's still the year it's been the year of realizing things since 2016 we haven't had another fuck it's been a year of realizing things since i was like what like 10 years old wait when was i born what year why don't you know your birth year oh 96 because i was 97 i was high as fuck when you were born no like 9 10 11 oh so you just are forgetting things at a rapid rate no actually what year was i born in why are you looking up what year you were born today's 4, 26, 2000, 2006? No. 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. Oh, yeah, 2006.

Kai, can you fact check that? 2006, yeah. Yeah, damn. 06, baby. Damn, 16-year-olds are fucking... Babies from 06? Are 16? What did you just say?

Because I thought you were going to say a sentence and I tried to help you finish it. No, you did. You finished my thought. But why did you elongate the sentence by saying r16 okay that's it that's it girl we haven't even been on for 30 minutes kai what we're what are we don't fucking green me out like that if we've been talking for only like 20 minutes i would actually pass away kai don't throw up go to the fucking bathroom kai how long have we been on uh 55 minutes damn so we started right at 11 yeah

it's literally 11 55 it's no it's 11 11 you are actually fucking freaking out don't believe me one day i'm gonna say something so serious and no one's gonna believe me it's gonna be too late it's gonna be way too late what are you insinuating i don't know i i'm insinuating that you should start believing in me that's me every fucking day to both of y'all you're a fucking chronological liar and you're going to hell chronological liar dude as i said it i was're a fucking chronological liar and you're going to hell chronological liar dude as i said it i was like this is the wrong word and they're gonna say something a chronological liar i am so i lie in order i lie in order to get my way that you lie in order to survive so see if y'all if y'all actually had sympathy for me in my

little white lies like you would be able to read beneath the surface and see that i have to lie based off childhood traumas oh see see now you're abusing me sure yeah go ahead i have to lie no go ahead keep pushing me yeah you have no idea how close I am to the edge. Keep pushing. It's like that one meme where it's like, keep digging. No. Oh. Keep digging.

Hit the diamond. If you stop. The way you just moved your arms. You know what I'm referencing. Are you talking about Minecraft? What the fuck are you talking about? I have no idea. Oh, wait.

Yeah. It's like if you stop digging. Yeah. But it's the complete opposite if you're cave diving. This is just a little. Oh, are you saying when you're digging for diamonds, just when you think you're like not about to like hit something. There's one right on the other side.

So just keep going. But if you're in a cave. And if you're in a cave. Do not keep going. You should not keep going because it can get very dangerous. Motherfucker, you're stealing my thing. Finding your way back is really difficult. What?

You're stealing my thing. I didn't know that was the cave diving thing you were going to there's so many like i just thought there were so many facts and like i didn't know that it's just no if you're cave diving and you feel like you're going the wrong way you have to turn around unless you have a rope with you because like it's very hard to get back the other way not a rope no it's just turn around go back to where you came from and get out of the fucking cave Get out of that fucking cave. Get out of my fucking cave. Oh!

Literally, you, when you hang out with my parents this week, get out of my cave. Go back to where you came from. It's me referencing... it's a reference to america um my songs of this week i think i've said literally half of these already and i don't care um the first one is the room of ancillary dreams by harold budd doesn't really matter jenna jackson but it has to be the Nutty Professor version with that cover.

And then I Would Die For You, Prince and King Florence and the Machine. I think I've said literally all of those already, but I literally don't care. I Would Die For You by Prince is literally one of the best songs on planet Earth. What were you doing? Absolutely nothing.

Okay, my song is Camino to me is camino del sol by antenna outside featuring yug thug yeet yeet the new yeet album yep um and party featuring andre 3000 beyonce i may be young but i'm ready also, for extra credit work, go listen to Beyonce's Coachella. That shit is so fucking good. I'm not joking. Maybe one of the best live performances of our lifetime. Beyonce's low-key underrated as fuck. No.

The way that when you say that as a joke i genuinely believe that i genuinely think that now only because it's getting to the point where like our like stars aren't like the girls stars now like the girls have like doja cat and like do a leap but now so they've like moved on and our generation had beyonce rihanna, Nicki. There was someone else who was at the top of my head. Oh, Lady Gert. Yeah. Lady Gert Gert. Yeah.

They'll forever be relevant, but they just won't be what they were to us to them. Yeah. It's not like they were. Jin Z. We were watching their videos on MTV. Emergency. Wait, listen to this. You're going to say.

Emergency intercom should start its own country. And we should all move to our own country. Like, that's actually, like, not legal. Like, you can't. Like, we cannot do that. We could have, like, the Squirt Squad City Town Center. And. The Cream Team.

The Cream Team. The Cream Team Temple. Yeah. Oh. See, it's happening. And we could like, it's like skater vibes. We put railing on every stairs. We have like skater vibes.

Railing on every stairs and no of the little bumps to stop you. And like sunflower town. Yeah, my sunflower. And that song's always playing in the circle, in the sunflower circle. Yeah. We should start Emergency Intercom Minecraft server. I'm actually so down. It was fun as fuck.

I just need someone to run it because I don't know how to do any of that shit. I may be young, but I'm ready. Do we have any movies? I haven't seen anything, I don't think. I've been watching so much Futur that show is a classic like a literal class i refuse to watch it because of how much i watched it as a kid like i'm not kidding you i didn't watch like i rarely watched family guy or like even south park or anything it was futurama and that is where i thought it was okay to pick up the very toxic trait of always talking about killing myself

from fucking Bender. I'm genuinely like so sure that's where it came from because I watched that so much in my youth that I thought claiming my own death and suicide was the funniest thing ever. I was like, you know what? I will do it. It is like actually the funniest thing ever,

but I've been watching so much Futurama and it holds up. can you turn off this camera and just make out i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry keep going no i'm sorry i like i actually cut you off like about futurama no i'm used to being like talked over you actually can't say that because motherfuckers swear i do that in in the group in general like kai talks over me no i don't i'm just i just haven't been heard recently like i haven't been like like people haven't been hearing me and what i have to give if someone could just make a compilations of all the times i gave drew the floor to say

something and the things he decided to say to me i just feel i'm just cut off i'm not referencing actually i'm cutting you off because you're hella toxic for me and i'm cutting you off like i am cutting you i'm cutting you like james charles cut that ribbon at the morphe opening in 2017 i'm about to i'm cutting you like james charles cut his pubes and gave himself razor burn the bumps yeah we love you i mean i don't know i don't know if i'm allowed to say that um all right yeah that's it i really don't think i have a oh my god we're getting demonetized there goes your fucking check that's coming off of your chat. Did we watch any movies? No.

I just watched that Alpine Lakes documentary. There's literally icebergs in lakes in the Swiss Alps. It's so random. And then there's this scene where these newts come out. And I fucking love newts. I think they're my new little pet obsessions. Also, I really badly want a coral reef. And I think i'm gonna

get into ray or succulents that's just that's just all me that's all media um ray or succulents sound like a vibe um i plan on doing nothing and taking a vow of silence and next week i'm not saying anything girl you're not gonna be there next week yes i am oh because you're gonna kill me no no no no it's just gonna be oh well maybe we'll see yeah because why are you gonna i thought the whole thing was you're gonna be on the boat because you killed us i'm gonna be escaping we still have not watched being john malkovich yeah we lied listen we just teach you that in life you can't expect anything from anybody because people you can't trust other people just cut yourself off block yourself off trust nobody oh my god oh i'm so excited for summer oh oh um you guys i'm

done i'm like actually no i'm done i'm done seriously this it's like over like thank you for watching you guys are awesome you're a star you're all stars to my heart. Okay, you heard that. You heard that. You just said absolutely nothing to the rhythm of like Willy Wonka song. And you'll see. Where the pure imagination. The pure imagination. Stop, you're actually not allowed.

Bye!