Emergency Intercom - suffering is inevitable

Episode Date: July 16, 2025

https://www.patreon.com/emergencyintercom join the Patreon for bonus episodes, q&a/topic submissions, livestreams, pay for ky's lobotomy Drew and enya went to the high school musical high school then came back to la and got crossfadedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an i called Emergency Intercom. Thank you for coming in today. Welcome. Drew took me to a gay bar last night and then he crashed out on me. You hit him? He almost did. He wanted to. I wanted to so bad. We've gone a bit loose with the term. Did you hit him? No.

Why? I just didn't... like, it didn't feel right in the moment because I could tell he wanted it. Oh, I've been there, yeah. Mm-hmm. What was the crash out? He just started screaming at me. Yeah, like, I was screaming gay slurs at him. Yeah, and I was like, dude, what the fuck are you talking about?

You know what's funny is our friend that came up in the cowboy hat texted my other friend and was like, hey, did I hear Kai say that Drew is bi? LMAO. And I was like, what's fucking funny about, what's funny about the potential of me being bi like What what is so silly about? His case cuz that's me as fuck

Like I am sorry like I am like okay girl like rolling my eyes No bisexuality is not real cuz the first of all just gluttony call it what it is and then second of all it's just gluttony. Call it what it is. And then second of all, it's like, Drew just, no. I mean, also Kai is bi, famously. Famously, yeah. But I just only hook up with girls. Yeah. No, I mean, that's brave still. It's still very brave. To take up space is still very brave, no? Yeah, Kai takes up space. In the bi community. Takes up a lot of space. I don't take up that much space. I don't take up that much space. Oh, yeah, like so I I agree with him I would laugh I would laugh at the Assumption that you're bi. Yeah, and like I'm sorry I can I hate that I can think of people who like it

Just makes me laugh. I'm like Did I hear Kai say drew is by LMAO LMAO. LMAO. And look at us laughing our asses off. And he got his point across. Was it like hella-os? Yes. Okay, that's good.

Yes, because he's gay also. Damn, okay. Well, maybe it was coming from a place that there's a girl who wants to tap. But this guy is bi. Because girls famously do go after you. Yeah, true. I just have that like, feminine quality to me

that girls are attracted to. I'm very emotionally intelligent. I hear them, I listen to them. I love women. Yeah, basically what you do is you become gay guys struck by lightning and you're doing what's it called? Active listening when you're being responsive in the middle of it, but you're doing, what's it called, like active listening when you're being responsive in the middle of it,

but you're just like, right, right. No, exactly. It's two bitches struck by lightning. Exactly. That part. One time I caught Drew being like, I'm gay, let's go try on bras at the mall. You caught him doing that?

Yeah, he was just telling girls like, oh, I could just tell you like, if these bras look good. Oh, like he was going with girls to the mall. You caught him doing that? Yeah he was just telling girls like oh I could just tell you like if these bras look good. Oh like he was going with girls to the mall. I hate that he brought that up but like one of my like Riz tactics is bringing girls to Victoria's Secret and playing with their boobs in the changing room. Do you like do you act like you used to work there or something? Or just like... No, no, no. I'm just like, I'm a boob connoisseur. Like I can look at your boobs.

Wait, so you're bi? I can see your boobs are what, a quadruple D? An F? No, I was thinking like H. I'm up in the H marks. Does H exist? Yeah, everything exists. Don't question anything now.

Like seriously, and it's not AI, it's real. It's literally real. The girls with the biggest boobs you've ever seen on Instagram walking down a hallway, that's real. That's not AI. Everything that I see on my phone is real. It's actually so true. That's so true.

I saw this music video recently and one of the girls had like the biggest knockers I've ever seen like giant What was the name of the video? What was the name of it? Clap Your Hands by Edward Skeletrix Kai stop But she had the biggest Dohanga Rugalas I've ever seen like they were giant like literally ginormous And I was like there's no way like I cannot believe that those are real like there's absolutely no way

And then it turns out I think they're a breastplate, but I can't tell for sure but like in my head I was like, oh I like one I actually need that big I want big boobs I would be so painful also like just like the shirt situation like when my boobs were bigger I think there are some people who are just born to have big boobs and then some people who like it genuinely is a misplacement and like a misjudgment because i don't think i was ever meant to have boobs as big as my boobs were like i always felt like um like a bar wench at every waking moment i just felt like a bar wench i felt like a he deleted the video what which The big boob one. Probably because it went against guidelines.

Well, they weren't out. They were in like a bikini. And I hate that the woman's body is sexualized in that way. Yeah, and it's being shadow man. Yeah, like it's really giving like girls should be able to show their boobs and nipples like to me. Drew crashed out last night and also yesterday with me he crashed out before that because we had a stressful day and then decided because of that actually we just decided we were going

to drink like day drink like we were like we just need to day drink because we have access to a pool that is what a pool is for. Yeah. Oh my god I forgot about this. We each got a double shot margarita. Mind you y'all, I'm low key an alcoholic now, period. I love alcohol. Alcohol is so good and fun. I love that shit. Drew and me keep calling. I guess I'm more of a drug addict than you are an alcoholic.

You're not a true alcoholic girl No, I literally still have like one drink a week like but that's just really shocking for me I know that's why I was saying to him yesterday when you started talking about it I was like dude you we are both the same where when we start engaging in something We have to make it public known because we're like this is bad. This is bad I should be touching this. We know it's bad, keep me in check. Yeah, also not only that, it's just literally because we for real don't do shit. Like we're literally just permits for the most part, which I am trying to change

because I think last 2023, I think I was really good at being social. Yeah, you were out. The beginning of 2024, like March hit. The darkness came. The dark is coming to incest. To bring back everything, the light. The light is coming to bring back everything, the darkness. Did you just whisper the darkness game under your breath?

No. He did. He didn't. Did you do that? Why? Why would it be crazy if I did? That's He did. He didn't. Did you do that? Why would it be crazy if I did? That's just insane. I didn't, I didn't actually say that. You didn't?

No. Oh, you just said it came, the darkness came. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were talking about being depressed. Kai's too busy on his phone still looking for that fucking music video. He's got that phone right in his face, bro. Like it's two inches from his face.

He has those glasses on. Are you nearsighted or farsighted? Why do you never take off your glasses? I'm nearsighted. And I have problems with dissociation. And if I don't have my glasses on. Yeah, that was fucked up. But also, I think I look handsome in them.

No, you look really good. You really do. You look really good in glasses. Thank you. Like it's really too. Yeah, you do. They're fitting. Oh, but yeah, basically now me and Drew

are back to being social, which means we're people who like are terrified all the time and neither of us know how to navigate in situations. So we were by the pool and I got our first drinks and then Drew was like, oh, they were doing last call. We got a double margarita by the way, and I hit the joint. Oh my God, I really am like, oh my God,

like hearing it out loud, like I'm really crashing out. I was looking at my notes before I came in here and I was like, oh, let me see what I had written down to talk about and that was it. And it was like, oh my God, Drew, I got Drew crossfaded as fuck, lol. And I was like, that's my brag of the week. Like that's something like lol.

But it is so- You broke my sobriety. It is so fucking awesome. I love when Drew, also to be fair, I don't ever ask you to smoke, like actually I ask you to smoke with me all the time, but you've only ever smoked when one I like haven't really asked and Drew will randomly like get the courage to do it.

And literally it feels like both of us lock in and I'm just like, I know what I need to do, which is just exist here with him and act like that didn't happen and don't comment on it. And just exist with him and be funny, hee hee ha ha. And we were having such an awesome time. No, it was literally a blast. Like we finished the double margarita, double,

and it was fucking rancid. Like it was the nastiest fucking thing I put in my body ever. And then I go into my little snack bag and I pull out chips and sour airheads and like there's all of these like yummy little things. Like, oh my God, I love, I literally love a snack. And I was just like snacking crazy.

But the macarons, macaroons, macaroons, what is it? Macaron? Macaroons? Macaroons? Macaron. Pigma Micron. Only artists will get that one. Whoa. But I will get that one. Whoa.

But I like pulled those out. I pulled those out and like the one I ate was legitimately like the most vile, like cursed mush. Like it was raspberry and like I love raspberries, but like raspberry- To be fair, they have been sitting under UV 11 in like 80 degree heat for an hour. Yeah, but like raspberry. But they actually all were fucking nasty.

Also. The coffee one was good. But anyways, we're getting off track. We're getting off track. But I'm like, wait, should we get another one? The guy comes around, he's like, oh, last call, last call, last call. And we're like, yeah, we shouldn't.

And then we kind of sit in silence for a second, we look at each other, he's like, oh, last call, last call, last call. And we're like, yeah, we shouldn't. And then we sit in silence for a second, we look at each other and we're like, when in Rome, I guess, let's get one more. So I hobble, like literally hobble back to this fucking pool bar. And I- Oh, because I was too scared to go because I'm the one who said no to him.

And then I was like, I can't go back up there. Yeah, and so I'm literally stumbling. It's so embarrassing, because I'm literally high as dust. Because he's literally just cross-faded for the first time ever. And I set the two cups on the bar. And there's a moment of silence. And I was waiting for them to ask me

to initiate the conversation. I was sitting there, and we were staring at each other. It was almost intimate in a way. And I'm standing there and I was like, we were like staring at each other. It was almost like intimate in a way. And like I'm standing there and he- It wasn't. No, it was not. It was like the opposite. And then I'm just like-

I'm like, dude, this guy's too loud. It was intimate for you. Yeah. I get like nervous. And so I start like, I'm like, can you get like another drink of this? And he's like, I say, but I say it loud. Like I say it like with my chest. Your eyes are going in like I say but I say it loud like I say it

But I like mumble like crazy and he's like what's like, what are you saying? And these people are notoriously like mean as fuck like that fucking chateau. They're fucking mean there They're so their haters their ops and like I'm humble I love it to ever tell you when I got destroyed by Like a really hot gay guy that worked at a bar at Cafe Mogador when I got breakfast? I was with Mason, we were at, it was like really busy, we were eating at the bar and I got like a huge breakfast. You literally weren't, so like don't,

like I don't know why you're making this up. This is true, stop doing that. I was like, so I ate the whole thing really quickly because I'm on this medication where I have to eat a lot Mm-hmm, and I ate it maybe like four times as fast as my when was this this was like like recently Or like a year ago. Okay. Okay, but I was on it was a different medication It was it also had a side effect where I have to eat a lot. Of course

All of my medications also had a side effect where I have to eat a lot, of course. No, it's the medication. All of my medications weirdly had this side effect. But I ate the whole pancakes, eggs, bacon, really fucking quickly. And then the guy behind the bar was like, wow, you ate that really fast. Oh fuck. And he was a really hot, six, four, very muscular gay guy.

And I was like, I just got destroyed by this I just looked down at my feet I didn't feel like something like that happened to you recently too where you were like we were talking about something like and someone like like confronted you like in that way and it was like really off-putting for you, but like you just give that energy off. Yeah, I was gonna say, I feel like you just get attacked like that kind of often. Sometimes I do, yeah.

People like see me and talk to me. Like that's like, which I'm actually really happy about. Like I think I just have very kind eyes, like not to brag or anything, but like people just come up and talk to me. Like not even like in like a hitting It's not even like they're hitting on me It's literally just like people come up and talk to me or ask me for directions and I'm like bitch

I don't know this fucking city like like that type of conversation, which I love I love you're also good at carrying mundane conversation It's like a southern thing. I think like I've been so bad about it recently They've been so in my head when I talk to people. It's like a Southern thing, I think. I've been so bad about it recently. They've been so in my head when I talk to people, it's so bad. Yeah. I'm sorry you got bodied, Kai. No, it's totally fine.

I needed that. Also, do you remember when I smoked weed in Miami? Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I will literally, I will literally never smoke weed with Kai ever, ever. Wait, what did you do? Oh my God. I genuinely never smoke weed with Kai ever, ever.

Wait, what did you do? Oh my God. I genuinely never smoke weed. I think I've probably smoked weed. I've taken like one hit and this is the time that I smoked weed over the last four years. And I remember we were in Miami and Drew was like, you should just like smoke weed, fuck it.

And I was like, no, I get really weird when I smoke weed and I get stressed out. And I basically have all of the parts of me that I hate are like turned up times 10 when I smoke weed. That's how I feel. And he was like, I love you, I'm your friend. Like, I'll just, you know, we'll just hang out. It'll be fine. I took the smallest hit from whatever,

was it like a pen or something? Yeah, it was a pen. And then I just go dead silent and I sit down on the bed and then you guys were like doing stuff. And then I'm like, dude, I should or something. Yeah, it was a pen. And then I just go dead silent and I sit down on the bed and then you guys are like doing stuff. And I'm like, I should say something, I should say something, so I don't wanna weird them out. So I was like. To be fair, very valid situation to go wrong.

The hotel room they're talking about is this hotel in Little Havana, Miami. It's smaller than our podcast studio. But it's literally smaller than this room. It's just like a really tiny kind of like capsule hotel situation and they were in a room with like four bunk beds. No two bunk beds four people. Yeah, two bunk beds four people. It was crazy.

And it smelled insane. It was terrible. Literally from here to here to here and then everything else was either bed, wall or garbage. Desk, garbage. It was just four guys They were so fucking messy. Oh my god, it drove me absolutely bananas. It was you Lucas Josie no Josie Josh I think was in there Josh Kai. Yeah, I think it was us four maybe Finn was he not in that room No, they had his own Finn had his own room. Okay. But it might have been... no. Yeah, I think it was just Lucas and me. Yeah, because Orion was there on that trip

And I was not staying with y'all. Was Christian there? No. Okay, then yeah, I was just us four. So after like a while being silent, I'm like, oh I should say something to be social and inject myself into the conversation. So I was just like, what are we doing next? And Drew was like, oh, I don't know. I think we're gonna go to this place. I'm like, okay, well, like what time are we doing that? And then like, should we get ready now? Like, is that in 15 minutes?

I just start going through the itinerary of just being like very anxious. You start becoming like OCD adjacent because you're just like controlling every next step. In my head, yeah, exactly. I was like grasping for some level of control. Of reality also. I think I was trying to be like,

oh, how can I contribute to the situation? That's like literally why I don't smoke weed. It's literally like- I over thought it's so yeah And then you drew literally was like Kai You should never smoke weed ever Like 20 minutes also like the thing is like it was like the most persistent like Like stream of consciousness, like questions I've ever had in my life.

Like it was like literally like 500 questions in five minutes. Like it was wild. I've never experienced anything like it in my life. Because my tolerance is also zero. Yeah. I have the tolerance of like a newborn baby. I don't think so.

Yeah, I think I was. That's like when you weren't really drinking or smoking, I feel like. Yeah, I think I was. That's like when you weren't really drinking or smoking I feel like. Yeah, I think on your birthday you didn't even really drink because I remember at dinner, the whole dinner fiasco and you weren't drinking. Oh yeah, wait like when I had the allergic reaction. No, no, no.

No, but yeah, you weren't drinking at that time. I'm thinking of your birthday dinner because that was the same trip. Because remember we did like a birthday dinner thing, I think at like Mandolin. Oh, I love Miami. I love Miami. We should go back to Miami and I'll smoke you out.

That sounds great. I would love that. We'll do like a- Also the episode we recorded out there is really cute and wholesome. Oh yeah, in the car. Yeah, and that was like, was that the first time you were on camera? When we like- No, the first time he was on yeah, in the car. Yeah, and that was like, was that the first time

you were on camera when we like, No, the first time he was on camera was in the Flea episode. The Flea episode. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause we had no choice. Everyone was like, who the fuck is that? Who that in the back?

Who that in the back? Who that in the back? I remember the Miami episode cause Orion put her head on my shoulder. And that was the first time that a woman had Touched me in eight and a half years And I just blacked out Anyway, this is cool

On video and I watch it oh he watches it regularly Whoever has a clip of that on their tik-tok y'all need to go through to see who saved it and see if Kai's in there. Oh my God, actually I saw there's a re-upload account that's like re-uploading shit that you've posted and this made me laugh so fucking hard. Fuck, I hope it's in my likes. I hope I didn't unlike it because I realized it was like a re-upload account and I didn't want anybody. People think that that's just me. I thought it was you too. Cause it's just, they spelled my name like one letter wrong or something. Yeah and I was like.

But guys if you're listening to this, that's not me. That's an imposter. An imposter's among us. You're on my series. Among us. Bunch of comments were like, you've already posted these. You're reheating your own nachos. I was like, dude, this isn't me.

That is hella funny. Reheating your own nunchucks. You think you're funny. But you thought a TikTok that I made is funny? You should pull that up. Oh, I can't find it. It's you literally playing with your food. Oh, it's this one.

Oh, it's the chicken wings one. ["Duck in the House"] Yeah, I love how much meat is left on the bone. I forgot about this one. That's like when I first downloaded CapCut. Yeah, I love CapCut. I love CapCut. I was literally just talking about that yesterday.

Like how much you love CapCut or when I was at the gym. I like how much you love CapCut. I love it. You might be giving someone a tutorial. Me? Yeah. I'm not that good. No, you're good.

I'm good when I'm like the kind of high that I'm watching something like my best. Nathan Fielder. Yeah, my best cap cuts happen if I'm watching a show because I think that's when like the stan in me comes out. Like. Yeah. And I like my best ones are like, I made like a, Oh, I wonder if I have it.

I have Carrie From sex in the city where when she wore that stupid fucking hat. Yeah, I have a good cap Oh, which one I feel like she wears a lot. That's well when she wore the stupid hot Yeah, also Speaking of the Stan in me like I went to a Stanley Cup in your ass Like I went to a Stanley Cup in your ass I Went to a comedy show for this comedian that like I didn't realize like How obsessed I was with him has that ever happened to you? Like I literally like went to the show and I was like, oh like this is like up here

Like this is a friend like I'm gonna buy tickets to support show and I was like, oh, this is up here, this is a friend, I'm gonna buy tickets to support. One, he puts on one of my favorite comedy sets I've seen in a very long time. It was so tight, it was so funny. I was crying, laughing the whole time. But then we hung out after, and he would tell me stories that happened to him.

And I was like, I know this from a TikTok you posted four years ago. out after and he would like tell me stories like that happened to him and I was like I know this from a TikTok you posted four years ago and I never I didn't want to say that because like that's so fucking creepy but like legitimately like I was interviewing him because like I I am like a fan of his and it was like freaking me out kind of I mean no you watched me do that with the girl, your mom Ashley. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The girl who makes her gloves and shit. We were leaving the Vogue eBay vintage market with Colin

and we ran into her and I spoke to her and her sister. Yeah, she had the shoes or you had the shoes. Someone had shoes, I don't really remember. But I literally spoke to her as if she was a long time friend. But really all that meant was my dumbass was like spewing things about her to her Mm-hmm, and then we walked away and I was like No, I literally I literally did I wasn't spewing it but I was like, oh like I like everything He said it was like you had to act like you didn't know what he was saying

Oh the first thing I fucking told him after his show was like, no, like I'm like a huge fan. Like you don't understand. Like I'm a really big fan of yours. Like I watched this weird obscure interview you did on another podcast that like no one is talking about. Like I'm like, I'm obsessed with you. And then the friend I was with was like, you literally told him like you were a fan and I was like, I'm obsessed with you. And then the friend I was with was like, you literally told him you were a fan. And I was like, God, I don't give a fuck. Like, if I'm a fan of someone, I'm gonna let them know. Like, what?

That is, I will literally always tell someone that. Like, I won't, that won't be the first thing. But the second somebody who I admire, and I'm around them, and their shit comes up, I'm not about to act oblivious. I'm like, girl, you're the goat. Like what? Like you have to say something nice.

Also, like don't be a fucking nerd bitch. Come on, that's a vibe to tell him that you're a fan. And now when he does the fuck a fan challenge, boom. Yeah, you're probably number one. I'm on the top of the list. I'm on the top of the list. Unless he has a boyfriend or something, I'm sorry. Challenge boom Unless he has a boyfriend or something. I'm sorry guys. I uh, I got caught again caught doing what like empty box

I ate the whole roll in like under one minute let me see your song can I see your dirty chopsticks oh my god so I don't know that people are recording this shit when I do it yeah I don't know for that yes why don't I go on like 15 grand a month probably on average. It's not like one video's 15 grand, it's just. Four videos. There's a lot of videos. Four, it's four. Sure, let's say there's four.

Wait, the first one, you were asking to see her dirty sock, right? I think that's what it was, yeah. And she held it up and you moaned. What did he say? I forget, or what did I say? He was like Can I see your sock and he like he's like, oh like my god

I'm like I don't kink shame. I'm like get both of y'all get yours yeah, as long as he's not being fucking creepy in the streets like Mmm, I don't give a fuck. Enjoy that chopstick. Enjoy that chopstick. Yeah, literally. Like that's the kind of depravity that I'm like fuck it. Like literally you're moaning like that over waste. What happened?

Dude, I don't know. I think about it all the time. Cause guys, it's not actually me. That's a joke. This is an ongoing joke on the podcast. No, that's you. It's not me. You can't back out of it now, bro. Yeah, that's not actually me. That's a joke. This is an ongoing joke on the podcast. No, that's you. It's not me. It's not me.

You can't back out of it now, bro. Yeah, that's, like what? That's you. Okay, so let's just say hypothetically I didn't have this kink. I don't understand how people get that. I don't. Like the sock thing?

Yeah. I don't understand that. Like what's- What's confusing me is it's through a screen on top of it all. That's what I was just about to say. That's what I was just about to say. It's like, it's 3000 miles away and he's like moaning at chopsticks

and like cinnamon rolls or whatever. That's what confuses me, because I'm like you could quite literally go onto Yelp and go through a few photos and I'm sure you would see like food so good, here's before and after. Maybe it's like the false sense of connection, like it like is giving like girlfriend vibes for him because it's like the false sense of connection. Like it is giving like girlfriend vibes for him

because it's like tailored to him. I don't know. I'm always just like, how much does nurture versus nature play into this? How much of kinks are just embedded into your genetic code? Cause I feel like a lot of people are like, oh. I think all kinks are like born. I don't think. Really?

Yeah, I think they're literally like something, not you're not born with your kinks I think like something happens in your like adolescence or like when you're here. Yeah more of a factor. Yeah, I think so, too I think so too, but I'm like Like do laundry and dishes growing up His mom wouldn't let him do the dishes. Yeah, cause he's a man and he grew up in like a really like, oh, like the women do the dishes in laundry.

Yeah. Machismo. Yes. That's the word that I always use to describe. Yeah. Machismo? Mm hmm. Machismo. Yeah. I do think, I think some fuck shit happens to you and then you're just like kind of weird and you have to deal with it

But like say lovey Just don't be fucking crazy at least he's like paying bread to literally see garbage It's kind of lit and I bet he's postmating her that food. I would put Which is fucking lit like what she's getting paid to literally sit in her crib and watch love island And then just faceTime and show her garbage So people are so freaky and I'm I feel like that's a whole DLC to life that I don't have access to I was gonna say like it also feels like I mean they live among us like they're literally among us and like it They're so good at keeping it DL

Well, because it's like like the freak is like DL as fuck. Like I don't know how they do that. Like that's what's like, that's what. I didn't even know that there were other positions besides missionary until recently. I had to show them a whole new world. I was gonna say, I feel like it's really because people either have hobbies that are normal or they make sex their hobby

And I think a lot of people make sex their hobby and they don't even realize it's their hobby I'm like if that is if it is something that is not a necessity that is taking up all of your time And it is your only source of pleasure that is a hobby And you're not even good at the hobby. Half of you hoes aren't good at the hobby. Like Jack of all trades, master of none ass bitch. Like literally. Jack off master bait.

Jack off all trades. Jack off all the trade. And master none of them. Oh my God, oh my God. Jack off all the trades. Master bait of none. Or of. Master bait neverate of none. Or of. Masturbate never.

No, no, no. Jack off all trade, masturbate of. To none. Nuns. N-U-N-S. No, masturbate to none. Like you're jacking them all off, but you're not masturbating to any of them.

Yeah, I guess that works. I feel like there's a better, there's something there for masturbate to none. Should I say the thing meets a hard made up? Oh, yeah. Our joint affair. We were talking about how like when you meet straight people, like a lot of straight people

who only know other straight people. And Sakaard was specifically saying this, like he has to like indoctrinate them into interesting things. Like, cause he's like straight people are awesome, but it's just like hard because also what we're talking about being the interesting thing is like, how are they gonna know that Sarkar is saying,

please be calm because of like a video. You just breathe like that. What? Like what? I think you might be a mouth breather. That's not funny cause I think I am a mouth breather. I am. No, you're not. Have you ever tried taking your mouth?

Would you die? Oh my God. What the fuck was that, Kai? It's crazy how I start talking for longer than a minute, you start making noises, and then you tell me to take my mouth shut. That's crazy, Kai. Oh, but I'm the one who interrupts everyone.

Right, right. No, I really do. Right, right. No, I really do. I really do though. No, I hated the last episode because I spoke the whole fucking time. We go back and forth like that though. I hate it though. I love it. No, no, no, when I talk. Oh, I mean, yeah. I hate my voice.

I hated the last episode because I was collapsing in a pond myself. Like a black hole. And I just wasn't a person. I wasn't a person that episode. I was like- I'm never a person. I'm not a person. I'm not a person., like a black hole. And I just wasn't a person. I wasn't a person that episode. I was like-

I'm never a person. I'm not kidding. Like I'm not present. Like I have a really good memory. I have an amazing memory. A week from now, I will be able to tell you my week front to back, but I don't live in the present. Like I'm like too panicked.

So yeah, if that makes you feel present. Like I'm like too panicked. So yeah if that makes you feel any better I'm not here now. I think my closest equivalent of that is if there's a photo taken of me and I see it I have so much dysmorphia for that photo up until around three months and then I'm like oh yeah I recognize that as me. So I don't know if that's related but I feel like it might be. I don't know. Yeah, I feel like I've never seen, I feel like every photo I've seen of myself, I feel like I look like a different person and it freaks me out.

No, it is freaky. Oh, but the Sikard thing. The same thing happens to me. But you're just bad. You are bad. No, I'm not. You're sexy. You're hot.

You're really sexy. Hey, lift'm not. You're sexy. You're hot. You're really sexy. Hey, look at your head. Straight men go to Sucard as cucumbers and leave as pickles to let that marinate. That part. That's really good. Can I go to Sucard? I wish we had Rayvan glasses on

in the moment we came up with that cause it was very like, wow, it was amazing. No, that's like, that literally like it genuinely went like back and forth. Like we were both- When you told me that at the pool, I was literally like, that might be the most genius thing I've ever heard. I mean, granted your state at the pool

was also the same state of mind that out loud, loud as fuck after eating the first Airhead went, nobody is talking about that these are the best thing on the fucking planet. No, that is like really that these are the best thing on the fucking planet. No, that is really a conversation that people aren't having that's really frustrating to me is sour Airheads, the new sour Airheads. You've been trying to push this for a few episodes now.

I will push this agenda for as long as possible until it catches on. The sour Airheads are so good. There's more chemicals in them. Yeah, it's just citric acid. Yeah. Oh, citric acid is so good. There's more chemicals in them. Yeah, it's just citric acid. Yeah. Oh, citric acid is so good. There's three new flavors.

It's the ones that Inya threw at us. Oh, yeah, yeah. Those are the sour airheads. I trauma blocked that until you said it. Yeah, I'm sorry. And now I have a kink where I have to shove airheads on my ass. On my ass.

Yeah, citric acid is a really underrated invention. I love when it feels like my enamel is melting off my teeth. Like I can like do this and like my teeth have like a different grit to them. I hate that feeling. That's why I don't drink. Same with Red Bull. I like can't finish a Coke or something all at once because that like a stringent feeling on my teeth. But also I like. Question, do you all do this? I go to the bathroom every time.

Question for the culture. Question for the culture, why can Ariana, Nicki, Beyonce, and everybody be a slut and I can't? That's essentially what she was saying. Like, no? Like, am I wrong? That baseline, yeah. That part.

Fuck, what was I saying? Oh, I go in the bathroom after I eat every time I eat and it's because I have to wash my hands, I have to wipe my mouth. And I was saying this to somebody and they were like, oh. I'll take the paper and literally put my finger around it and take a napkin and rub my feet. Or my feet.

My feet. My feet. In ya. What the heck, you mean your teeth? Your freaking feet, bro. Your feet are not in your mouth. Sorry, I looked at Kai, then I got scared and I had to remember if I had socks and shoes on because he's like close.

I took one photo one time. Run the clip. Because you determined it was. But yeah, I wipe my teeth. Do you ever do that or no? Have you ever done that? Why not? Because I'm not a fucking weirdo. That's I feel like that's hygienic. No it's it's hygienic but it's like hygienic to like a degree that I just can't stand behind. Like I'm fundamentally like an unhygienic person like I don't believe in hygiene. You're very clean. I know I'm joking. I was gonna say you're likegienic person, like I don't believe it. Yeah, you're like- You're very clean. No, I know, I'm joking, I'm joking. I was gonna say, you're like hygienic, but

I guess no one can compete with me. I'm normal, I'm like literally just a normal person. Well, you don't wash your hands after you pee a lot. That I literally, I will stand on this till the day I die. If I had dirty dick, dirty used dick, I would wash my hands, but my dick and balls are spotless and clean. That's like not the point. And I don't touch urine.

I literally don't touch urine. When you touch the handle, like. I flush with my foot. I'm not even kidding. I flush with my foot. Not here, obviously, but when I'm out in public. Like, I just really can't, like you can't sit here and fight not washing.

Is that selfish to flush with my foot Because other people touch that handle I thought about it, but in public. I'm like, why would you be putting your hand? There's some bathrooms that you walk into and you're like I'm supposed to flush Yeah, like it feels illegal to like my ears are ringing So I'm shit about me if that's not the vibe. I'll usually just take paper towel and like yeah cover my hand Well speaking of the bathroom, this is week three of me having my bidet. Oh.

And it's amazing. It feels really good to sit on that thing. Didn't you say it shot at your butt and it hurt? No, it gives you fissures on your asshole. It literally cuts your butt hole open. So that's why Kai likes it, because it gives him a real reason to scratch his ass in public. To scratch your ass. Now I like the pressure, because it cleans him a real reason to scratch his ass in public.

To scratch your ass. No, I like the pressure because it cleans it thoroughly. And I've had- No, I fuck with that. I actually think that's amazing that you're hygienic in that way. Yeah, and it's-

That's beautiful. And I've also started to use it even when I don't have to shit. I'll just sit on there when I'm feeling bad. Yeah. That's... You're just like, when you're in a sad mood. You just spray your ass with water It's like I actually

Was gonna say like 30% of this is real like it's not when you're sad you just like sit on it and I have caught myself Procrastinating on work that I have to do by like being like getting my ass probably dirty It's been a few. I really can't get on you because on work that I have to do by like being like, how my ass is probably dirty. It's been a few hours. You know what, I really can't get on you because What's the, what's the process? I would go crazy. What's the process after using a bidet?

Cause that's what, like I fuck with a bidet. I love a bidet, but like my soggy bottom, like Pat your fucking butt. With paper towel. Toilet paper. Yeah toilet paper. You just wipe your butt. You just like, you take a little bit like half the time it's one ply toilet paper

and my fingers break through and I start fingering my asshole because like the water. Well that's why you have to wash your fucking hands. You should be washing your hands after any. I don't wanna be touching my asshole when I'm in the bathroom. Technically you should probably wash your hands before, like a lot of times if I'm out in public

I will wash my hands before I use the bathroom. Wait and yeah, I think you're completely missing the point. Like I actually enjoy in a public toilet Bitch I was at I was out and about I was doing my thing I was with my buddies and We were all just like talking in a circle and we're just like, kiki, hee hee, ha ha. It's actually- You're on fucking Love Island? Like you're being so like, aw.

It's actually the guy that was like, our guy said that you're bi, LMAO. I was talking to him, and I was talking to my other friend. We're just like, laughing boots, whatever. And then, what? laughing boots, whatever and then My head laughing boots Also the way you're holding the mic I know it was really like Wait, what it's good. It's ergonomic, but I've never seen anybody hold it like that

Yeah, yeah,'re Might have touched on Limp rusting well know when your foot was up it actually made sense because it was like this balancing act now It just looks stupid now. I am gonna be homophobic But I We were just like talking in this dude. That's like like tweaking off something like literally like talking in this dude that's like, like tweaking off something, like literally like spazzing out. Yeah, yesterday I shot that,

that's how they talked, they were like, this guy came up for another drink, we already did last fall, tweaking. Yeah, tweaking off something. He walks up and he's like, does anybody have like, does anybody have any like blow? And we're all like, no.

And he's like, can I have a lighter? Can I have a cigarette? And we're like, no.'re like no and he's like okay okay okay okay okay you're handsome you're beautiful then he points to me I'm not kidding and he says you're and then just walks away I'm not kidding I didn't say a fucking word to this man but he goes you're handsome you're beautiful, you're. Gowns. Ball gowns. Beautiful, beautiful gowns.

Beautiful, beautiful gowns. Gowns. Wait, so did you know him? No, no idea. None of my friends knew him either. He just like pulled up and just like sneak dissed me. And I was. Honestly, you should have in that like moment,

seen if you could get ahold of laced coke and then give it to him and he ODs and then he will literally learn to never do that again. That is good. I have been putting fentanyl in coke recently to teach people lessons. That's really smart. Yeah. That's very, very smart.

I feel like it's gonna clean up the streets. It's gonna trend, I think. Yeah, I think people are gonna stop doing coke soon. Oh my God, bro. I think like- I thought people did stop for a while. Yeah, but it's literally- They did for like five years, but it's back. Yeah, it's like a recession sign,

I feel, like it's literally, it's, you know how in 2008 all the music was like, we're gonna go crazy, spend all the money, we don't give a fuck, put your stuff in debt, go to the club, like- We're gonna party. I did all the money, we don't give a fuck, put your stuff in debt, go to the club. We're gonna party. I did see a statistic that was like people are Gen Z's drinking more now than they were a couple years ago. And then like literally like four years ago it was like Gen Z had like the lowest drinking of all time.

I mean to be fair like isn't most of Gen Z now above the legal drinking limit? So like... Finally. What does that mean? I think I'm at most of Gen Z now above the legal drinking limit. So like, finally. What does that mean? What do you say? Like, are you happy people get to drink or like you hoping to like see like 21 year olds drinking? I love drinking. You're obsessed with 21 year olds.

Don't make me drink alone. That's like literally my vibe now. That's me, but it's smoking and nobody smokes with me and everybody gets mad that I talk about smoking so often sorry that you're so used to doing it that you don't have to like tell anybody about it but like it's still not normal that I do that all the time I literally was never like like I cried laughing when that guy just looked at me with silence after complimenting everybody I was with like and it and then, oh, that, I fucking forgot about this.

Then like, me and my friend was, we were talking about it like after, and like we were just like, I was like, do you know that guy? And he was like, no, I don't know who that is. Like none of us know him. And I was like, whoa, he's like, he's on one. And we like turned around and he's like doing like,

like crazy shit in the circle behind us, but we didn't realize how close he was and we're just talking about it and I retell that story and I'm like, yeah, he literally just called me ugly and nasty and disgusting without saying a fucking word. It was hilarious. Well, five minutes later, he comes back by and he's kind of mellowed out and leveled and he was like,

hey, I just wanted to say you're really cute, by by the way, and like you're handsome and you're beautiful, but like you're really cute. And so he made up for it. Like he made up for it later. And like, he was just so scared that like, he like actually hurt my feelings, but I was like, no, like it's really hard to hurt my feelings cause I will just monetize it on my podcast.

Woo! Yeah, you see a paycheck. Every time I get hurt. You see trauma, I see cha-ching. Cha-ching, cha-ching. Hold on. No, don't. Okay.

I almost just kissed you. I know, I almost kissed you too. But we gotta save it. And yeah, I've gotten really good at physical touch, right? Yeah, he has, he has. What did I say? Oh, his physical touch used to feel like if a doll came to life.

Like if a doll just learned to move and it didn't have joints yet. So his movements were really like. I knew that you wanted that and required that for healing because you would do it to me when I was down bad. So I was just like, oh, this something like she would want done to her so like when I was like rubbing your clitoris when you were sad like it was awkward for me no but like when I was really good job for your first time that was like my 800 billionth

time let's get it I mean it we said we would restart because it hadn't worked yeah how'd you times before so the restart was over. No, but like when I would like touch you, I just didn't know how to do it. And we would be like this far apart on my bed and I would just be like. No, unironically you would do that. Like I'd be like sitting and then be like.

Oh, that's so sweet. To be fair, when I started giving you guys physical affection at first, if anything, I felt like a pervert. Yeah. Because our group wasn't physically affectionate at all for the most part. Like kind of, but we weren't like,

we've definitely, as we've all grown older, we've become more likely to hold each other and grab each other for a hug. But when I would first start doing it, I remember one of y'all would be sitting crying and I would like always like go up and like just like grab one of them and then like while they're talking.

And I always do that. Like I always grab people like that. And then it does cross my mind that like, why am I touching them? Like what am I doing? Also no, it was getting like in the car, like you moaned when I touched you yesterday when we were driving You've gotten so good at it. Yeah, like I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding

We're so low that now it's like I literally did this move I was just like pat pat pat rub rub rub and Inyo was like, oh wait Yeah, like that was so good. No, it wasn't that it was you I have really bad pain right here. And you like grabbed my back or something. He like rubbed, you rubbed a finger into my back and it felt really good. And I did let out a bit.

And I do remember that. You have gone better at physical touch because after you'll actually cuddle with me. Whereas before, you would just get up and immediately. I would roll the tarp up. You would roll get up and immediately. I would roll the tarp up. You would roll the tarp up. I'd hose you down with water.

You would roll you up in the tarp and smoke you. He would be on Grindr with his phone and then he'd just be spraying indiscriminately in the corner. What? With a power washer. And then you would get me a fucking Uber pool home. Oh my God, I feel like I used to be in an Uber

all the time, but that's when we first moved here and like we actually had like stamina to be outside. I wanna be outside again, but like also now it just sucks. The only thing that is annoying about being somebody who wants to be social and getting older and by no means are we older, whatever, I have become so picky. I think that's the real reason I don't go out

as much anymore is I am so picky because I'm like, I am not gonna fucking torture myself to be in a random ass bar with bitch, like what? Like I wanna go like dancing somewhere cute with my friends. I wanna dance, I wanna dance so bad. We should all go dancing, for real, for real. Josiah needs it bad, Kai and I were talking about we wanna learn how to dance unironically.

I just wanna feel my body and move. Let's go on Friday, I dance. I feel like I'm the only dancer left. Also, the thing is Wait, what was I gonna say? Oh Completely derailing the conversation like I don't know why this thought Oh, no, it's like dancing high school musical but like we went and visited the high school musical Oh, yeah, we did and we didn't talk about it

But like in Utah, they filmed it in Salt Lake City at like East High School or something like that It's really really crazy it's like actually the school and people fucking go there bro, like yeah We met we met somebody who went there like that's crazy We were at Ulta And was that Ulta? Do you go to East High? I smoked a joint in front of East High I'm crazy. I'm gonna fuck I We owe me and Drew her we were role-playing super super super super super seniors Yeah, I mean there's a few more supers in there.

Super, super, super, super. Damn, are you gonna go to your high school reunion? That's so weird. Cause that's coming up, huh? Yeah, I was literally thinking about that a couple days ago, cause I was like, wait, that's very soon. Like so, so soon. I'm so lucky.

But no, I will absolutely not, I will not be going. What? I think I'm gonna go to mine. I feel like mine is gonna be fun. No, yours will be lit as fuck. Yeah, me and Sokhard were talking about it and we were like, wait, we kinda need to like. No, that's gonna be fun because people will have fun. Like, Granberry, Texas, everyone has kids.

No, literally, literally. Yeah, there are people from my class who have kids and stuff, but they're still fun people from Miami. So I guess like, yeah, Miami's just like different. But I think it'll be fun. Also, I think me and Sakaard are planning on like doing the first ever, like, you know, the Nationals cheer teams.

We're gonna do the first ever just like duo team of it. And we're still figuring out the songs on the rotation. But right now it's, fuck I have to ask him what exactly it was. Yes and by Ariana. Beam. And then, but every transition is gonna be the really aggressive. Transition, who's transitioning transitioning no she she was talking about something else oh sorry

a continuina no that was kind of it as i was going i was like actually this is not i'm sorry about my bi friend your what my bi friend that's not what that is My bi friend. That's not what that is. I didn't get invited to my reunion. You have to get invited? I don't know because I didn't get it. I didn't hear about it. But I don't even know if it happened and I also don't know if a college one. You know, I don't know if I get invited. I can't imagine who from my school would reach out.

Like, yeah, how does that happen? It's always it's literally like one person that is like, oh, we should do this. And then they organize it. Yeah, they message you on Facebook. Me and Sakaard are gonna be the people that do it for us. And do like a crazy pep rally, like I want a concert,

like, that would be fun, that would be so fun. Beam out, beam out. We're gonna get DJ Chipman Perform ecstasy was it grind mode Grindr daddy no no gonna be a whole lineup. It's gonna be crazy tricks We're gonna get JT and young Miami back together. Whoa, that's exciting. I would love that The last time I was in my hometown. I drove by my bye The last time I was in my hometown I drove by my eye Imagine you as my therapist gay guy struck by lightning as my

Let's talk about that pussy Yeah recounting your sexual trauma Oh, that's on tell me what that pussy has been through. I drove by my middle school and I got hit by such a potent wave of nostalgia that I slept the rest of the day at my parents' house. It was really weird. I was like, this is fucking crazy. Do you like nostalgia or you hate it?

I think it's like a squarely melancholy feeling. Which I do think part of. I really, I don't know if, I kind of love nostalgia because I love being sad, but it like makes me so sad. Yeah, it hits me in a way. Oh God. I wonder what like the evolutionary advantage of nostalgia

is it just like memory, like do better. That's a good question. I like kind of don't think we need nostalgia as much as like it's being used now. Like I think- I think it's gotten weaponized for sure. Yeah, now it's like, it's literally a problem, but I've also never been, cause I'm not somebody who, I wish I was better

cause I do have friends who are really good at documenting everything and they're like super obsessed with nostalgia. Sorry. Drew is topping Kai off. And it actually feels pretty good this time. Well, that one was on my prostate. And you know I like that. Don't bring up prostates right now.

You know you can't bring up prostates right now, y'all. Do not bring up prostates. I need somebody to go back and track all the times during a mental health crisis. Drew Phillips has publicly talked about a disease that he has but doesn't have. Guys, my bladder isn't blaining. My bladder isn't draining properly. Wait, what do you mean?

I can't finish peeing when I go pee. And this happened to me in January and then it just went away and I didn't think anything of it and I didn't go to the doctor. And then this happened and I was like, oh, I need to get this shit looked at. So my, oh my fucking God, my doctor was so creepy y'all. Oh my God, my doctor was a fucking weirdo freak bitch. And I like kind of was obsessed with it.

I know you are because he's gone back three times. Yeah, well no, they keep scheduling appointments because they think I have Cancer Hodgkin's lymphoma as he said which also I'm like that to you That's what I was saying like a doctor should not even even if there's like an inkling inside of them They should not say that to a patient ever He was like he did like a lymph node screening and he like ran through all my things and he was like, could be Hodgkin's lymphoma, like let's get you in tomorrow. And I was like, oh my God. What? Oh my God. But I like, I know this is like probably illegal, like

I don't know. Like, but like he was really fucking weird from the jump, like really weird. Like he like looked at me and within like five minutes, he was like kinda sneak dissing me and he was like, listen, like in my office, like, we treat like all types of kids around your age and like, like, like people that live under a bridge. And he like held his hand out and pointed at me. Like, no, literally, he was like insinuating that like I was like a homeless kid and I looked at my outfit and I was like

Girl, what the fuck like I was wearing like a nice ass outfit and like he was like he was like you can really trust me Because we treat like all types of people like you and I was like What the fuck is happening like literally what is happening and like there was a very clear switch Like, you know when a doctor asks you are you like she's actually active. Yes man or woman man asks you are you like sexually active yes man or woman man there's like always there there's like this brief hesitation literally his was like oh cool and like he moved on but then he started getting fucking weird and creepy like he was not present. Him telling you you could possibly have like essentially terminal cancer like within the first. Well no he was like ah could be Hodgkin's lymphoma but like that's like the

best cancer to get because like's a 90% success rate. And I was like, in that moment when I was watching this man, you know how actors every once in a while, they're like, I met this person, and the entire role was fulfilled. I knew how I was gonna act based off of this person. This person is my muse. I was like, if I was an actor,

this dude would have been a fucking gold mine. He was so bizarre, but like, I like, I don't know how to describe it. Like he kept trying to like- I don't think I've ever heard a doctor curse. Neither have I, but he kept trying to like prove himself to me, like prove his like coolness and prove his like intelligence.

And like, he would be like, I'm not gonna speak doctor speak to you. Like I'm gonna like, I'm gonna like lay it how you want. And then he'd like go would be like I'm not gonna speak doctor speak to you like I'm gonna like I'm gonna like Lay it how you want and then he'd like go on this like really long weird-winded like hyper medical terminology like just like the just something I literally would never Understand like even if I went to fucking college for like five years, and I'd be like what and he was like oh Sorry, sorry, but he kept trying to like Sounds like like two children

in a trench coat? No, it literally was giving that. And I think what happened, I started psychoanalyzing him. And I was like, one, we're in this giant medical building and he's on the fourth floor. And it's all doctors above him. And they all perform surgeries and shit. And he made it very clear to me that he didn't do surgeries

So I think he's like a little insecure about his place in like the medical space and like he went on this like also long-winded tangent about like the medical equipment he uses and how like in this building like we have the best equipment like all the other doctors Doctors like come to me for like medical testing and I was like, dude, whoa, this was crazy, but yeah, the fuck off. Dude, he literally is like- Porn on my computer. He literally is Jesse Underdog. You got trapped in a room with the Anthony Fantano

of music critiques. It's like, everyone comes to me and nobody gives a fuck apparently. No, that's literally like it was like. Anthony Fantano of Doctors. Yeah, like he's like, oh, I'm no like established critic but it's funny how everyone wants to know my score. Like that's that guy's vibe.

I don't think Anthony Fantano has ever talked like that but if I was him, that's how I would talk. So I'm kind of just projecting onto that person. And I've actually never seen a full video of his. I was thinking about Anthony Fantano the other day because I saw he gave an album a bad review. And I was like, this is kind of a scary job to have, to honestly give music and entire subcultures

and like insane fans bad reviews and objectively give it a number and be like, this is a bad thing. And I'm like, that would be really scary to have that job. I think, I don't know. I would be much more inclined to talk about things I liked than the things I don't like, because I'd be terrified of. He's pretty consistently,

I don't know if I agree with a lot of his takes, but I feel like he does have his own integrity. Which I fuck with. Which is cool. Which is really what I think a critique's job, when it's something that subjective is, is like, take your information and make sure that's your opinion.

Yeah, but I'm like, at any one point, this guy probably has like half a million people that have lost their minds that want to kill him. Yeah, and at any one point this guy probably has like half a million people That have lost their minds that like want to kill Yeah, and at any one point the worst man you've ever liked and had a crush on was watching every fucking review Based his entire music personality off of Anthony Fantana's like top five albums What do we do? People aren't becoming more gay. People are realizing they have been gay. And that is a sign. Of a recession.

No, that's a sign of a gay man, is why are you obsessed with another man's playlist essentially? With the amount of gay people is a recession indicator. Really, does that spike before housing crisis? Yes. Yes, we're at an hour so whoa everything I just had for the last 30 minutes for the last 30 minutes yes you were saying so much funny stuff no I was kidding okay good I hate that

no no no don't do that oh, I think I found my Carrie edit. I did. This one sucks, I think this is one of my first edits. I'm in love with that. Me and my big hat. Like was that like supposed to be chic or was it supposed to be silly? I think it was supposed to be like sexy and silly question mark, but like I don't really know because

Something about the fashion world is they actually don't fucking play around about weird hats and like specifically like a Top hat like a very structured with like I don't know why that's there's so many more hats I don't know why that's the one. It was really sad about the new sex in the city is I Personally am like I don't think that the outfits and wardrobe is is great in the new Sex in the City is I personally am like I don't think that the outfits and wardrobe is Is great in the new Sex in the City, but it's so good And like so much of the original show and I was like it's really sad to see some of the fits that they're pulling I never finished Sex in the City past season five because I I can't lie. I was like enough enough Really enough? Yeah, I was just like, enough, enough. Really?

Enough, yeah, I was just like fucking get over it. Oh my God, like, oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. Which is, I'm sure I missed a lot, but I've seen like two of the movies. The movies aren't even canon, in my opinion. But they're funny. They are really funny. And that's kind of all that matters, if you ask me.

Trying to see if I have any more like cap cuts that I wanna like show and tell. Cause I, oh wait, I posted my Nathan one. ["Sweet Love"] That's fine shit. That's literally fine shit. Giggling and kicking my feet. Stop literally giggling and kicking my feet.

Imagine him making you laugh like when y'all are just in bed together. I don't think he could actually make me laugh that hard if I'm being so honest. I think he would actually make me incredibly uncomfortable. Actually, I agree. I think he would scare the fuck out of me. I don't think that's someone I actually want to be around.

Most of my like crushes and people I find attractive are people I want absolutely nothing to fucking do with. And I don't believe they should be like in my life Then why am I here? Because I use you like a sex object. That's different. I don't have a crush on you. That's true My my fire doesn't burn in my heart for you. It burns in my clitoris. Yeah, Drew's going through it cuz Drew gave me HPV and Yeah, Drew's going through it. Cause Drew gave me HPV and BV.

That's not cool. That's dirty dick. They call me dirty dick. We can't stop giving each other BV. Cause neither of us wants to stop hooking up and neither of us wants to stay on antibiotics. They call me Ky Big Perfect Penis Newman. Y'all we gotta, we gotta go.

What? Yeah. Yeah, we gotta go. We're losing it. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. All right, all right, all right. Drew, we're not friends.? Yeah. Yeah, we gotta go. We're losing it. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. All right, all right, all right. Drew, we're not friends. My media of the week.

Stop. We're not friends. Stop. That was sexy, right? No. No? Okay. I keep trying though.

Okay, okay. Yeah. My media of the week is Shoot the Mood by Judy Suki and T-T-T-T-T-T Pale Shelter, Tears for Fears, One-on-One, Hall & Oates, Daylight by Lansy, And in the daylight we can sit up off phone cause in the day and Baby Pink by Camila Cabello. My name media is Music Is My Hot Hot Sex, 30,100 million by Soulja Boy.

Music Is My Hot Hot Sex is CSS. Machines Dream by Nobu Katsu Takamori. And then what song was I listening to earlier that I was like, oh, Eventually by Taiman Paula. That is a good one. That is such a sick song. It's so easy to shit on Taiman Paula, but some of those songs are really good.

Yeah, it's like, he's just like a victim of like over-saturation and popularity, but like he's really good. Did you know that it's just one guy yeah I didn't know about Tame and Paula until Rihanna did a cover of their song and then I was hanging out his song it's one guy same fucking difference I don't give a fuck whoa like Apex Twins is one person. That's, they're two people, no? Bye. Guys, we signed to iHeart, yay. Oh, wait, I forgot about that.

Also, if you haven't noticed, I'm sure you have on our cover, it has a little iHeart logo, and that's because we signed to iHeart, which is insane because I grew up listening to the radio, and the reason I do this is because I wanted to be on Elvis Durant in the morning show that was my dream. My dream was actually to take Elvis's job But luckily enough annoying people online liked me and I heart now likes me. So now expect some major

Changes everything is gonna change like everything gone. We're being censored Yeah, yeah, gone. The hosts are gonna change. Yeah, the hosts are gonna be flipped out. Very different. Yeah, it's gonna be Kai and his sister next week. Yep, it's gonna be me and my sister. So be ready for that. No, but we joke around, but there's gonna be a Kai camp. We're just figuring out what resolution.

Kai, Kai, Kai. I want it to be IMAX. Yeah, he wants it projected on the back wall. What's it called? Projector mapping. Projector mapping Kai onto like random toys. Wait, that's actually genius. But yeah, guys about Kai,

I got the emails of the production team. I've been emailing them a lot. I actually got their phone numbers and I found their Instagrams and I DM'd. Why are you DMing like I heart crew? Yeah don't DM the women on the I heart crew. No it was at 3am I don't think that they saw it. So what'd you say?

Hey what's up? Why wouldn't you just say it was for work? Why would you like I don't freak them out. Yeah I think a bad habit I've had since we signed up I heart is I keep texting people once the workday is over and only when the workday is over So usually I like email everybody back Around 6 p.m. And I just blast their emails all night. So their phone is on the counter But it's really useless questions like oh my god or not even questions I'm like so excited

We're with you guys now and then no response cuz like they responded the first like hundred times yeah yeah but we're super excited they're adding a lot of value to our show so we're like we're like really we're we're keen on showing you the future of emergency intercom because we have some big big plans big things coming all right thanks for listening, bye! Bye! This is an iHeart Podcast.