Emergency Intercom - the galaxy gas episode

Episode Date: September 6, 2024

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This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy. Ever captured a great night video only for it to be ruined by that one noisy talker? With Audio Erase on the new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, you can reduce or remove unwanted noise and relive your favorite moments without the distractions. And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared, no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S s25 ultra now at samsung.com okay hey guys welcome to this episode of emergency intercom guys this is a special spectacular bed episode um and i want to address um how i was wronged um today by enya i was it i was misled and lied to and two days ago she said oh like it would be

so cute and cozy like we can we can do like a bed episode where we're in our pjs i drove over here in my fucking pjs that are rotten dilapidated okay to be fair i never told this grown-ass man to walk through the lobby of Chateau Marmont in those funky-ass fucking clothes. He could have worn something else. Guys, okay, I did dye the armpits black before as a bit, so this is not real. This is a part of the bit.

Let me see. No. Is it bad? It's not worse. In certain lighting it in super yellow lighting it's gonna look great yeah when it gets dark out it's gonna it's it's cooked it's fried it's over for me um i'm gonna rope max where's that uh hang myself oh oh my god speaking of that i spoke to a psychiatrist today oh how did that go actually i mean we don't have to spill tea on here but oh why did i say that we don't have to spill tea

saturday sunday no that was like that was millennial gay of me to say let's spill tea. It's like the Kermit frog sipping tea emoji. Or like noted. Noted. Noted. We need to bring that back. Low key noted was too. That was fire.

That died way too quickly. Oh my God. That was good. And then I can't believe we all used to like use the frog emoji for real for real like the face the kermit frog the kermit with the tea with the tea we'll insert like the emojis on top of the no people have to know what we're talking about because if they don't then we need to stop this we're on we're like old as fuck because in my head that's not that long ago but i

guess that was like 2016 no that wasn't that long ago that was a decade ago years ago oh my god bro you know what's fucked up is i used to when we first started our tradition of sitting around no like come on that was like that's not even a tradition it's like oh of adding Kai as a third as adding Kai as the watcher as the polyamorous oh yeah guys we have a Kai cam for this episode I'll insert it right here

yeah take it off now yeah I didn't even put it on you probably he had a bit planned he wanted to sip his oh yeah you guys know the cuck chair I didn't even put it on you. He had a bit planned. He wanted to sip his. Oh, yeah. You guys know the cuck chair? Continue the podcast. Ew.

You really threw me off. We should have put some apple juice in there. He said what? You really threw me off. You threw me for a loop there. We should have put some apple juice in there so it looked like you were having champagne and not room temperature sparkling water. Yeah, Drew gave me this warm ass water.

I was begging him for some hydration. He gave me this shit. You're actually welcome. Like what? Yeah, I went and drank the same water. Also, Kai did the classic thing of like a bitch who's too lazy. He's like, oh, is there any water in here? Like you want one of us to get you water.

Like, wow. No, I was saying that and I was like, oh, is there any water? And then in my head, I was like oh is there any water and then i in my head i was like if you told me where the water was i would have like bolted over and gotten it for myself yeah you would have and i would have poured you a glass and you would have tripped on the wires oh and you got the world's smallest room it's literally close quarters and honestly it was all i needed me and orion just sat in bed all day and that's what I needed like I didn't need a big room I was like I just

girls were in bed together we didn't have clothes on and stuff also Orion's in the corner on her phone silently scrolling I'm gonna take a picture of where Orion is you should just get in the cubby hole that's where you should hang out. Wait, wait, wait.

This is my cup chair. Orion has the opposite of a cup chair. She's like hiding. My cup cupboard. Cup cupboard. Hello, L. Ron Hubbard. Shout out Scientology. I'm a big advocate for Scientology. No, no, big advocate no no no no no what you're an advocate i don't think they need advocates all right is that a cult that's a cult right

no it's my religion and for you to call my religion a cult i'm actually like offended as fuck you're my religion bad Bad religion. Like the. You kicking your feet right in your face. Bad religion. Okay. Whoa. Back up. Back up.

Oh my God. And you and I defeated the nuclear family. Oh yeah. We are in the process of defeating the nuclear family. Yeah. We're rewriting the script, guys. We're going to get married and abuse the tax system like other people do fraud we're gonna commit fraud tax fraud would that be considered fraud like who the fuck says my marriage has to be romantic um it does it has to you can't like

people try to fake gay straight vibes for the tax purposes or they used to now they can like legally get married but i think if we claimed kai and josiah as our dependents then it'd be fine then it would be really good for us we'd have kids wait i'm still stuck on that i can't believe that's actually illegal yeah it's like i think it's tax fraud like if we're not actually in love or at least i'm getting my information. Because half those married motherfuckers are not in love. I'm getting my information from that one movie with the Kings of Queens guy. What's his name?

So, none of the information you're telling me can be seen as viable. What's his name? Because you're literally talking about a fucking movie? Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. it's it's probably like not real like a gay or two straight people getting in love and getting married is not illegal two straight people getting in love like having love together but yeah me and true are gonna get married and defeat nuclear families you're welcome honestly and like we're buying a house together loki take a screenshot right now because this is the moment everything changes like take a picture of this moment for the fucking history books can you believe there are going to be things in textbooks that are

literally just screenshots of videos like i guess that's actually what all text on images are but i was thinking more so like at one point i'm sure they have to like are we gonna take down in history and like write it down and teach it to people how we've evolutionized technologically and how it's been a part of our society the way we saw shit about like movies like in 19 ball i'm still not over the fact that when the very first movie had a train in it and everybody ran and jumped out of the way. No. And now I see like gooch sweat dripping in back shots on my iPhone and I love it.

Oh. I love it. Gooch grease. Stop. Isn't that Azalea Banks thing? Oh, is that actually her brand? Or is it like? It's like Boise.

Thank you, Orion. thank you all right um oh you mentioned that reminded me the other day when i was in the bathroom i went to go brush my teeth to get ready for bed i was watching tiktoks and we have those like old eyes yawning he's yeah he doesn't want to be here i didn't get much sleep last night i'm not asking you what you did yes yeah because because it's like, oh, I was watching porn. Dude, okay. I love watching you guys. You know this. I fucking love watching you guys do your art.

The yawn had nothing to do with this. All right. It had to do with my crazy night that I had. Oh, my God. You're scaring me. What? I'm having fun. Just you in you in the corner also you've been wearing shorts recently which like something about it i just have never seen you in shorts and every time

i do i'm like oh i love kai's thighs you you have good legs but it's just like oh you're really oh you're wearing that outside you're a whore three amazing amazing amazing attributes. Okay, I'm listening. He has great legs. Thank you. He has a great nose, and he has really good eyebrows. And washboard abs. Drew came in and complimented me so much. He buttered me up before the episode. Because I have bad news.

And I'm going to get to it later. Oh. I just wanted to raise you up so I can tear you down further. It has nothing to do with me getting fired, right? I down further it's nothing to do with like me getting fired right or like no no okay as of right now no okay but like potentially in the next like 24 hours like you could be maybe in like how long have we been going probably in the next like 55 minutes okay but that could change i could win you guys back in this episode probably you're not winning now i could say something really funny yeah try to say something funny okay but before i didn't mean that for that to be mean i did not i did not

mean that like that okay yeah yeah try that anyway so oh you're gonna try me funny you go ahead and you do that but that was so real but i did not mean it for like that for like that um okay so this whole galaxy gas craze guys let's talk about it y'all literally like don't know shit about shit because i was in hotel rooms when i was 16 years old doing so much n02 laughing gas melting my fucking brain and now y'all have flavored n02 laughing gas like come on now y'all are a bunch of vagis y'all are a bunch of dare i say pussies um bragging about doing whippets before everybody else is actually no it's it's it's cooked for me no i remember like i didn't know what whippets before everybody else is actually no it's it's it's cooked for me no i remember like i didn't know what whippets were because in my neighborhood that was like

not a thing and i've never seen anybody very white thing yeah it's a super white people thing which is the galaxy gas craze freaks me out but whatever i did not know what the fuck a whip it was and we were in a hotel room with all our friends all of our like like white ass friends. And they were like, yes, yes, yes. Like you just like suck up this air and like your voice will get all deep and it'll feel like you're high. And I still mind you at this point, I hadn't smoked weed. I barely had alcohol like that. So I was like, oh, seems innocent enough.

It's a whipped cream canister. Like it can't be anything. Bitch, I was obsessed with that shit. And I was at the table like you would have thought it was an open bar at like an event because i was like another one another one thank you another one thank you no it was like the most like nasty night of our life like i need to i need to make that very clear like this was dark-sided like this was not fun it was not cute okay i was gonna bring it back to that because basically i didn't know what it was but you pulled me aside into the other room and you were like you need to stop like stop doing

that and i was like what yeah i was like you're melting holes in your brain already i was like and then he was like no it's literally that is like proven to kill your brain cells like rapidly like imagine your brain in your head right now all those whippets you just did it's like like of all your brain cells exploding and i was like oh my god and i just went back in the room and i remember they were like do you want another one i was like i'm full i swear that shit has to be one of the most uh addictive drugs because it lasts only five minutes so yeah so you have it lasts like 30 seconds yeah that's the craziest part is like really it like it is only five minutes so yeah so you have it lasts like 30 seconds yeah that's the craziest part is like really it like it is only like a 30 second to a minute long like

zooted to the max like it is literally the highest you can get without being a psychedelic it's like sucking the oxygen out of your that's all it is literally like just like if there was a balloon with air in it and you just went like this to it and then it fucking exploded. If I catch any of y'all doing Galaxy, guys, you're getting blocked and banned. And I do not promote that shit. It's nasty. It is so disgusting. Also, what's crazy is the second Drew was like, this is the worst thing you could do for yourself.

And mind you, I do plenty of things. I'm like this bitch. I have a puff bar on my leg right now. But that that was the one line i was like i'm not crossing this fucking line y'all are crazy um and yeah also the train thing that i was gonna don't fucking touch me and that literally didn't hurt so like it doesn't even hurt me at all i know that shit hurts it doesn't hurt at all wait why is my skin so stretchy actually wait surprisingly it did not hurt that bad because i'm like a strong man or something like oh girl i'm a big strong man um

when i was in the bathroom brushing my teeth i had my phone propped up on the toothbrush holder thing in our bathroom it was a tiktok of a picture of tokyo tony half her makeup done and half her makeup not done and drew came in it was looking down and looked up it literally goes oh and then he was actually like bewildered like it looked like i flash banged him because he was just like oh okay and like turned around i was like what he was like i don't know i just thought that was real i thought that person was here i was like wait what and he thought he was like, what? He was like, I don't know. I just thought that was real. I thought that person was here. And I was like, wait, what? And he thought he was like, his first instinct is he thought I was on FaceTime with Tokyo Tony.

Like, I thought she was on FaceTime with Tokyo Tony one. And two, I physically thought she was in the room with us like that size. Like, I don't know what connections my brain made. But that bathroom has been like haunted, dark sided, sinister energy recently because. That whole fucking apartment there's demons i feel like one of you one of our fucking friends if you see this i one of y'all brought a fucking demon into my house i need you to come by i know exactly which one it was i'm not naming names but it wasn't you kai it wasn't you okay and it wasn't you or ryan but there is someone who i know for a fact oh i know who left the demon you know who i'm talking about i know who left it and like it's also crazy like we saw um like

videos of our house when we like first moved in and we looked around and it is scary how yellow the walls have gotten like how many cracks one of our friends was like yeah because all y'all became addicted to puff bar at the same time so it started like caking on the walls like cigarettes. Cigarettes, bro. Deanna. You're bi. You're bi. You're gay.

Oh. You're bi. That is literally. I thought about going for her as Halloween, but that's too esoteric. Like, you're by that is literally i thought about going for her as halloween but that's too esoteric like you're by wait you should be her and i'll be the guy at the table that would be that'd be a really good like duo costume we'd have to find like a restaurant with a similar table yeah that would be iconic you are like this cut it the gay monkey so i like cut it oh yeah the orangutan kai kai can you get that did you see that tiktok that i was like maybe bouncers are just like the orangutans in disguise

and she was just like i love that have you seen the original video yeah of him like at the window the girls go there literally me watching when i was like 14 watching uh christmas hall videos like come on like we've seen enough of the Beats by Dre. When I watch a Vogue What's in My Bag, I'm just like... Like, come on. I've seen enough of that product. Dude, the Christmas hauls.

We can't do Christmas hauls anymore because a lot of y'all just live on a fucking different kooky planet because it used to be even the rich girls you would watch are like, I got the, like, Maybelline baby lip gloss. Now y'all are like, I got the Hermes bag. Yeah, the BB cream the like maybelline baby lip gloss now y'all are like i

got the hermes bag yeah the bb cream the maybelline the bb rexar cream but like that's what it used to give and even as like a broke kid i would watch that and be like honestly that's a good gift but like i could have gotten that if i asked for that so i was like this is fun i actually feel like i'm sharing with a friend and a peer yeah no the, the new age haul videos are like boring. Like, I don't want to see how much money your parents have. I want to see how many drugs you're doing. Like, I want to see what your nightlife looks like. I'm bored.

I can't believe I didn't sneak out as a kid. But also, where the fuck was I going to go? Literally to the bodega up the street hello no because that's like the bodega i got asked if i was a virgin at 14 by like a 40 year old man and then the cashier laughed at me randomly randomly he was right like i don't know how he guessed that have i told that story like on the podcast i think i have like in like the first episode well i'll tell it again because this is y'all are like oh why don't you like men bitch any woman has any woman has 18 stories like this which is crazy

like um but i went to my dad used to send us to this corner store to go and get get off your phone you're at work i'm writing notes about what anya's saying. I'm so present right now. You have no idea. You proved a point. What's up, Spotify? This is Javi. I remember this one time we were on tour. We didn't have any guitar picks, and we didn't have time to go to the store. So we placed an order on Prime, and it got there the next day, ready for the show.

Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. Anyway, my dad used to be obsessed with drinking fucking coca-cola and he would send us to the corner store me and my older sibling on our bikes and we would go and my older sibling would stay outside with our two bikes watching them to make sure they didn't get stolen i want to be real no i want to be coca-cola i want to be a two liter but we have to get a two liter we haven't had like we because we never order pizza and i feel like you only get two liters when you order pizza you're having a party or actually no one talks about how like the coke like your family buys is a very tall tale sign of where you stand

on the economic like space did you ever have shasta do you know what shasta is have you ever had shasta oh the bootleg one that you told me about? They didn't have that in Miami. Yeah, I figured it wasn't like, y'all weren't cool enough for that. Oh, yeah, we're not from Granbury, Texas. We're really missing out. Shasta was my shit. Oh, Ryan, did you have Shasta?

Did you get it from Walmart? Like, anywhere. Yeah, no, I know what you're talking about. We had a brand like that, and I remember it wasn't crushed but there was like oh no publix brand soda was a big thing and then but then there was another brand maybe it is shasta that i'm thinking about because is it like the logo ribbons across the bottle like the can like that i'm sorry i was looking at banana spiders i love them look Look at that. Big Red Soda? Yes. Big Red. That was like some redneck shit.

Big Red is yummy. And it would like stain your lips. Oh, we did have Shasta. This was like my shit. Someone's selling a vintage Shasta orange fucking can for $1,000. Girls like my balls. Anyway, basically I went to the fucking corner store. And when I went in to buy the Coke, I was standing in line with the cash in my hand and the man behind me right

before i'm about to like put my thing down goes or like what leans over into my ear and was like are you a virgin and then i replied and i said yes and then he said i can change that mind you he was like 40 something he was a grown-ass scary man and what did the cashier do he fucking laughed at me and what do i think i think they should both be dead well they're both dead mad if they got hit by a car actually i don't want you to die i want you to get hit by a fucking car like 18 times i want you to get hit by a car often enough that every time you leave the crib you're like fuck you know how i know that you didn't tell that story yet is because that guy's still alive i haven't killed him yet every man that you've mentioned that is wrong to

you me and drew have murdered him you know me and kai are like dexter but of all the men that men saying that stuff to me is actually such a big pet peeve like obviously i know you're joking but i'm thinking about like i have this friend who literally said something like that to me but being dead fucking serious being like who's ass do i have to be and i'm like first of all take a good look at yourself you're not winning that you're not competing don't compete where you don't compare because one thing you're not gonna do is go and fight in my honor and get your fucking ass whooped and now i'm standing there like you know what we're referencing kai i have no idea from rupaul's drag race there's this thing called snatch games so all the drag queens dress up like a celebrity that they like look like or

do a good impression of and one of them did miley cyrus during banger's era and had a hammer was like literally like a toy a toy and like it's silent it was like the most silent i've ever heard what was the top hat one oh that's that was her talent show though yeah ladies that's literally what orion went to for her fucking birthday celebration on the night that she posted on it oh and yeah a halloween costume coco montrese that would go crazy that would be good um okay the dress she's wearing in that clip also last thing i'll say it looks like if i poured water on it it would like melt away it's made of like cotton like i wonder if that was like her like everything isn't made of cotton. I know. I meant cotton balls.

Like synthetic cotton balls. Don't those melt in water? Yeah, but no, it's like rice paper. Like when you put it on, it slowly absorbs it. Like disperses. Did you ever put styrofoam? Oh, this is something fun I used to do. I used to put styrofoam inside.

So I would get a big bowl of my mom's nail polish remover and she would always get so fucking pissed at me because i would leave the cap off and it would evaporate and i would take styrofoam and i would put it in there and it would melt and then i would take the goo that the styrofoam and acetone um made and i'd mix it with uh wood shavings from my dad's like planer machine and then i would put a little bit of gasoline in it and i would make napalm well i didn't do shit like that but i did get in trouble all the time when i was younger because we had a lot of wood surfaces in our house and i would always use acetone to take off my nail polish and put a fucking cotton ball down on the varnished wood and it would get stuck and i would freak out bitch

a lot of aces were moved a lot of aces were a lot of cover-ups happened a lot of placemats got placed a lot of placemats i'm noticing that the light on kai cam is like a little harsh and i'm wondering like oh could we get a softbox or something just to like even it out here i'll show you my soft box my butthole and i'll fart air into your direction and make your hair blow back i would enjoy that probably i'm gonna find a soft box put you in it and ship you to somebody who could maybe give a fuck about but the problem is oh there is nobody to receive the package it's going into the garbage it's going into the landfill so it's going to be in transit for eternity guys guys guys for eternity but i will never get over rain randomly

in my backseat one day being like y'all i seriously i don't know if hell is real or not but like the idea of being there for a fucking eternity is freaking me the fuck out and she was just in the backseat thinking about if she got sent to hell she'd be there because she was like we have no concept we have no grasp of what the fuck eternity is also what the fuck is buffalo sauce oh what i i like that's something i don't need to know it's probably like buffalo bones or something no i was looking at it today and i was like this might as well be fucking like oil spill it's like what made the tumbler like oils like on the ground and make it a rainbow that's what i feel like is in buffalo guys i'm changing my name to mike hunt hunt no I killed like that kill but I don't leave okay good my pants are doing the thing where because they're so baggy when I sit up it looks like I'm wearing

like a cosplay costume it's like raising up literally to my ribs right now. You have a boner. I do. I always do. Guys, so we all know I've been taking an iPhone. I've been hitting. Oh, wow. I've been hitting myself. Oh. No, I've been taking a break from my iPhone. Like this is known. I've talked about it for the last like three episodes well yesterday the app that i used what's fucking crazy is it's a free

app but i love it so much and i use it and it changed my life in such a drastic way that i donated to this app i gave them five dollars it's a free app. And I was like, no, like I want you to keep it free so as many people as possible can use this app. Like, thank you. Donated to it. The app fucking glitched. The app glitched. I lost my 30 day streak on all my apps.

And then also none of my apps locked, none of them locked. So I was just like, fuck it. This is a sign from God to relapse. And I'm not kidding. I use my phone all day fucking long yesterday and i was sitting in bed like actually crying real tears about how inspired i felt and how good it felt to use my iphone i was literally like looking at i was looking at you were traveling the world i know literally i was looking at orion's page i was looking at inya's page i was looking at all my friends pages i was looking at like other creative people's pages and i was like damn i am so fucking inspired right now like this is what it's all about like

this is what the iphone is all about um and i proceeded to use it i'm not kidding for like six hours straight um and it was like a tolerance break like it was literally like a weed tolerance break like i took a break and then now the high is better than you could have ever exactly i'm i'm not i don't have to chase the magic dragon anymore like it's there so i decided that i'm gonna do that like once every two weeks like have a day where i'm just like let's go fucking crazy but i really crazy i really was at rock bottom and i didn't realize it like my phone made not having my phone made my life like a living hell because like what did i do like actually because i wasn't watching youtube on my computer i was like painting some days i was

reading well you were in the living room with us more you spent more time with us oh that's why it was hell that's why that's why it felt so poor and bad. Right, right. What the fuck was I going to say? Oh, last night I was in bed and because I'm at a hotel, I was like, I need to watch a crime series on the TV. If y'all know, y'all know that I used to be obsessed with watching like murder mysteries

before going to bed and then i stopped because i felt like it was the worst thing i was obsessed with watching all that stuff and i was like i need to stop this can't be good for my mental health did i see any benefits from not watching it not really if anything actually i have a lot of anxiety like a lot of the things that are bad for you like are ultimately they keep you on your toes yeah exactly like heroin oh well no i will say now that when i watch something about murder i'm actually shocked i'm like i cannot believe this happens when usually i'd be like oh okay that's like not the craziest story i've ever heard but now i'm like like so shell-shocked bitch last night couldn't find a fucking crime channel there was no crime channels on there but what I did find was one there is a DraftKings channel where

all they do I passed this channel like four times and I was like this is the longest commercial ever every time I pass this channel it's still talk about fuck ass DraftKings and I'm not saying this in a positive way i think that shit's fucked up and it's literally just like incentivizing average people to gamble when they definitely shouldn't be gambling because gambling is a drug imo whatever there goes our ability to ever work with them ever but i actually don't think i would i don't want. Yeah. But I kept passing it. I was like, damn, this is the longest commercial I've ever seen in my goddamn fucking life. I finally decided to stay on the channel

and I'm recording because I'm like, I need to catch when this ends. And also because it was the weirdest layout of a commercial I had ever seen. No, it's the whole channel. All they do is talk about like, it's so good, it's so good, it's so good. Let's hear from somebody who uses it. And then it's somebody who's like, it's the whole channel. All they do is talk about like, it's so good. It's so good. It's so good. Let's hear from somebody who uses it.

And then it's somebody who's like, it's awesome. It like automatically actually takes money out of my account. And I'm like, what are we talking about? Like you could put on automatic bets. I'm like, that's crazy.

You're not even getting the satisfaction of like using your finger to make a risk. It's literally just automatic risk taking. Thank God gambling is not legal in california because i would be so addicted to it like gambling gives me like the same high that like opiates gave me when i was younger like that shit yeah like it could become a problem thankfully like i don't like casino gambling like that shit's like boring like old as fuck like it smells like cigarettes just sounds like a fun thing to do for maybe 10 minutes exactly like

maybe 10 minutes you go you bring a hundred dollars with you in cash you leave your cards in the car and you just like lose it in five minutes and then you leave like but even that i'd be like bruh i could have gotten three meals off wing stop i could have gotten one 13th of the new leather mu mu new balance shoes with yeah you could have gotten the toe like the toe section like a little yeah i love toes babe i love eating feet anyway the other thing i saw on tv that really fucking freaked me out because i'm taking so long to tell the stupid fucking story is they still do like call to book flights which my fucked up head was like damn they still do that i need to start that business and scam the fuck out of old people because in my head i was like i bet they're scamming old people but i do want to call it tonight and like be like oh we want

a flight from like la to new york round trip for these days what's the price and at the same time be on google flights and see if the flight if they're like overcharging you for fees for that through the airline or is it through a different air or no it wasn't an airline thing i'll literally tell you what it was it felt like i was fucking stuck in 1982 watching that shit crazy but it low cost airlines it should be that you get to smoke cigarettes on those flights i know if i'm calling to book my flight bitch let me yeah let me like there should be no tsa pre 9-11 tsa and cigarettes on board um and yeah never mind i'm not gonna say that joke i'm crazy i'm so crazy everything i do is so

lazy hey hold up hold up hold up wait what was the verse um i'm e.t i'm an alien i'm extra read all about it i'm et i'm an alien i'm extra read all about it you know like extra extra extra extra read all about it read all about it like the newspaper boys extra extra i think that was like a late night old news channel that would talk about like mario lopez like hosted it extra extra lopez bro he is alive right now god bless he's like alive and well and breathing as a person who did it fucking right grinded through his 30s grinder through his 30s period through his 40s and then dropped off the face of the fucking earth i don't know if it was willing i think he's still like doing that kind of stuff. Honestly, chase the bag. Chase the bag.

Whoa. Well, I never ended up finding something that was a crime thing to watch on the TV. And I started this YouTube video. Bitch, it scared the fuck out of me. I've never been watching a YouTube video and started it being like falling asleep and then just wake up and open my eyes. I feel like, oh, my God. It actually was scaring the fuck out of me and yeah stop i was gonna bring this fucking up this is what i was talking about on the phone with you and our manager when i was back in texas when i was like i have a crazy story that like if i broke it would solidify me in the internet zeitgeist forever and everybody was like nah don't do it

don't do it and i was like yeah you're right i don't want to get involved in this shit look how many fucking views that shit has yeah but then you would have the killer on my back too i don't want to know who i am y'all the school boy oh nine wait literally uh i'm not gonna like spoil anything but literally like two months ago i actually i remember when you mentioned this i was like girl you sound fucking crazy you need to get off that damn phone i found okay literally you did i found his accounts with like 12 likes and like no one had ever i was even sending them to you kai like oh yeah yeah that like creepy guy and you were like can you please stop like this is really scary and so i stopped but literally i found him like so long

ago and i was like this is crazy like no one is talking about this shit and then it's all that my tiktok feed has been the last week it's really spooky ookie but this video like this was giving me fucking spooky vibes yesterday kind of this like creepy accounts pretending to be kids creepy accounts pretending and i was like oh just watch it and then when they started showing me what he was posting i got i'm not kidding this room was so pitch dark orion was dead asleep and i kept looking at the door because i was like no and yet that's what i was saying like that gives me like like it gives me the same feeling that i get when i see like demonic presences in a movie like i don't i

never watched long boy because i didn't want to see that movie legs yeah i didn't see i didn't want to see that movie because people were like it's really demonic because like i can't handle demonic shit like i i really don't even believe in that shit fully like it just freaks me the fuck out for some reason it gives me dark sinister energy that shit gave me the same icky vibes no it's so gross it's like disgusting i thought halfway in the video like that i know it's like very fucking terrifying and there it feels like there's no winning too because we find out it's kai dude it's not like that let me see it again no you it kind of looks like to see yourself no it doesn't there let me see it one more time and then i'll tell you show him wait wait it has like really high cheekbones and

like very sucked in it's psl7 so it's chad light okay psl6 is above average that is so kai that is kai i never even thought about it that is actually so kai vibes okay we are so back and better so many cuts this episode oh wow um okay so speed run the animation that someone made of the podcast was literally like one of my favorite things ever. Oh yeah. It was like, it was so cute. And it like literally made me feel like, oh my God, like we could do like the Duncan Trussell thing with our podcast where we just like take certain clips and like animate it and make like a freaking mini short of like our interactions.

Like that would be really cool to do but shout out that we'll insert it let's talk about finsta have we ever talked about finsta oh my god. It was super cool. More animation, please. More animation, please. I have the gnarliest migraine right now. It kind of started when Kai first got here and started talking. And then this smell, the more he talked, this smell started started filling the room and i think it's just like yeah you just winked at me and

licked his lips what am i gonna lie are you talking about it turned me on a little bit ew like you whispered that i got by kai i got rizzed up by livy Dunn. It might have been a coincidence. I feel like there's no reason why me talking would make you have a headache. That's surely not. It's because the stench that followed. It followed. Okay, we established that that's the buffalo sauce in the bathroom.

No, that's your butt. No, that's you. That's just what you smell like. That's your soggy bottom. Dude, if y'all ever wanted to know what Kai smells like smells like asap you just have to um like get buffalo wings and then put them in like a fridge a lot of people like the smell of buffalo okay what's it called what's it called what was it oh yeah uh if you want to know what kai smells like get buffalo wings put them in like a fridge and then just open the fridge really fast so all of

that like stench wafts out at you and that is i'm not kidding that is exactly what kai smells like oh but here's the thing people with a little bit of mildew people actually will get wings they'll get buffalo wings and their mouth will water because it smells so fucking good and delicious so think about that you're saying people's mouths water when they tell me no i think when it comes from a human it's like juice when i my fucking pussy is wet when i seek i did you mean that that i had nice legs yes of course thank you guys body is tea lately um okay so keep it up because it can um y'all you guys gotta fucking chill like y'all really actually like okay so y'all no literally they gotta chill because they are in my fucking business email um messaging me diagnosing me with autism and with a hernia i don't know what i did? I don't know what I did in the last episode,

but I got like three emails saying I had autism and one that said I had a hernia. But the hernia one was a mis... Like they didn't understand what I was saying. Like I know what a hernia is. I had a hernia when I was like nine. This is just when my colon gets full of poop and constipation, it bulges out a little bit.

But it's not like the bubble that you think of when you see like a hernia in the abdomen um that is so disgusting but i did book a zoc doc appointment um because i was like what if i've just had a hernia this whole time haven't been yet but we will update wait wait wait wait wait no please the picture the fucking picture of drew okay it's actually perfect that orion is here because orion come here okay so anya and i were sitting on the couch and we were trying to find your john lennon photo she found it she has it oh okay so oh all my shit got deleted. I don't know which one's the original because I have like 800. Yeah.

So, when I was looking, I didn't know which one was the original. Dude, it's like literally the greatest photo of all time. We'll spare you, Orion. We won't post it unless you want us to. You already have. Oh, really? What? You believe that?

I feel like you respect me. I would never post that on YouTube. I probably did. You probably have posted it on your story. Yeah, on my story. But no, I don't post that I probably probably have posted on my story but no I don't know if I've ever seen it online like well I got all of the karma just like thrusted right back at me Orion because I had my John Lennon moment in a Marc Jacobs shoot oh wait I need to bro it's like it doesn't see this it's straight up like a wait is that actually a photo of true and you know what's worse is it's a live photo so like you can really see that it's him fuck hello oh it's a screenshot of a fucking life photo on my phone

looks like your brothers with that picture of you in the back of the car stop that's what we were referencing you're like this it's so gross i hate it this shit i just it's also because the red lighting like me and drew just need to avoid fucking red lighting because we start looking fucked up i thought red lighting like objectively makes somebody look hotter well i mean i am proving points i'm proving points bruh it looks like what day was that like it was in february yeah it was when we did the mark shoot um but that literally that photo changed the trajectory of my life and i'm not kidding i started like it like it sent me

into an episode like literally i was like is this actually what my profile looks like and it was just like very bad timing obviously because i don't look like that no you are perfect thank you no sometimes when i look at you that's kind of just you are perfect okay no sometimes when i see drew that is what he looks like though i'm gonna be honest okay miss back you never look like that you never look back seat photo you don't you always look good i feel like your jaw is very defined normally thank you okay ryan i just wanted to show you that iconic moment yeah ryan literally has been inside the cupboard the whole time sorry what'd you say again kai your jaw looks super good normally thank you wait actually could you say it one more time your jaw looks good and it looks very handsome it's actually so random that i cannot hear you oh your jaw looks getting you to repeat yourself oh he's manipulating me yes once again he's

manipulating you i'm a manipulator pictures you just look like scary oh wow like that's just not you yeah i really don't know who that person is like it's really jarring it's really jarring and what's crazier is that like they thought i looked good no you did look good in all in the pictures that we got taken of us you looked good or no no the person our manager thought i looked good my bangs look fucked up it looks like i have like a huge like mullet the bangs were banging um okay wow well okay well also um i know this has been talked about um one bajillion times um online but i figured we would need to talk about it as well because it is a very um a very crazy thing that exists that i don't think enough people are talking about um there is

literally a tick out right now that when it bites you literally when it bites you it makes you allergic to meat i don't know if that's real. I don't know if I believe it. It's real. It is literally real. You're supposed to say. Oh, you need to get bit by that, my good sis. Wait, why?

Because you are gay. Oh, because I like me. Wow. Because you're obsessed with me. I told Anya yesterday, I was like, when I bring this this up you're supposed to say oh you need that tick like i set her up for a slam dunk like gay joke and she fumbled like well because i was just actually intrigued in the conversation like when you speak to me i'm just like yes yes yes i'm like i'm here wait that was weird we're like dapping up right now we need need to like hold each other.

Yeah. That's more like it. This feels a bit unnatural. Like this just seems unnatural right now. Oh, Drew is Elijah. You're Elijah from Girls. I just connected seeing you guys do that and how like clearly uncomfortable

you are touching a woman's hand uh you know that we could fire you for being homophobic right yeah no it's an i'm reporting you to hr which is me and you're done and i hate to say it but our hr rep has a huge bias against you okay well you're kind of fucking good. Okay, well, all right. I was just kind of observing something. It wasn't homophobic at all. I actually love gay people. You fucking know that. Everyone knows that. That's a well-known thing.

Why would you know that? Because you love me. We're friends. We're good friends. Who said that? Did you ever say that, Tim? Who the fuck said that? Who said that?

Okay, well, that was like a sneak disc, Kai. Kai's so shady kai's a shade saturday saturday sunday what the fuck did people with eye issues do before glasses were invented get a headache like oh that's why i have a fucking headache right now because i haven't been wearing my glasses all fucking day no but actually like did they like just were they blind or did they not exist until like there were holes in the ozone layer or something you needed glasses before we had phones it's that damn phone it's always that damn phone bro okay i need to clarify i obviously don't think that's true because sometimes i really do sound like the dumbest person on this podcast and recently it's been getting to my head there's

only two of us so if you're not the dumbest that makes me the dumbest no there's kai there's a third oh there's a third thank you wow you know what you're fucking stupid to to which in your favor of that statement of like oh well maybe people's eyes were better in the past there's i think a lot of evidence that people's teeth were better yeah yeah yeah so maybe they're i don't know maybe there's something to that like we're unnaturally looking at i could see like there being a connection between how much fucking led we stare at and i mean look at fucking the blu-ray lights like the blu-ray grease okay well when in ya like there there's like always like when we're going out

there's like an hour-long period bro it's like really haunted like like it's a haunt you got bodied it also looks like you have no hair like I know in the middle of the top of your head I know like weird no it's like literally it's my backseat and also the way I'm staring I have like beady little eyes

like I look like like scary I look like I have like beady little eyes like i look like like scary i look like i have like a big like nose like it my jaw is recessed like it's really like everything that i hate about myself and what i see in the mirror i will say you never ever look like this ever thank you but it does look like it does look like the backseat photo like that is what i look like in person yeah most of the time people turn to me and that's what i look like the backseat photo. That is what I look like in person. Yeah, most of the time people turn to me and that's what I look like. Even thinking about that fucking photo makes me cry laughing.

You're so stupid. It's so bad. Okay, but there comes a point in every night when we go out where Enya asks me, like, what does she want or which outfit should she wear? And, like, I don't think you realize how seriously i take that like i that has become like anna wintour like i'm literally like yeah that's the girl yeah i take that shit very seriously and i don't think i've made a wrong choice yet yeah i don't think so i feel like you give really good advice like you give practical you take into like account the

practicability the vibe of it the look of it how it will hold through the night like you're like well are you just going to be doing this are you going to do something after like what's your vibe i'm always thinking about if cigarettes are involved like getting oh it's gonna like get all over my clothing yeah but i don't smoke cigarettes anymore so that's not a problem and now at this point when somebody smokes near me i'm like girl like you're gonna make me fucking stink which is crazy because i used to stink yeah now i just smell like uh yeah um okay the last thing i want to bring up is finally i did me and inya i downloaded this app that scans your face and then gives you like a rating out of 10. Guys, I did so good on it.

He did so many. Like he has so many. Oh wait, Kai, this is what I was going to show you. Come here. I just saw a picture of like you shirtless and that was like the craziest thing I've ever seen. Oh, that's just me body checking. Oh shit. Yeah, this is what i was yeah this is what i was gonna yeah it's definitely because

it was blurry and the lighting was crazy but no i was gonna send that to you but i was like i want to show them in person you should start uploading like uh facetune pictures of you shirtless and like huge like well no i'm gonna go on a uh testosterone like tremolone like trt protocol yeah or like do some just some general anabolic steroids uh for six months i'm gonna blast it like i'm gonna go hard as fuck love yourself that's exactly what i'm doing now i'm gonna get big as fuck and then y'all are gonna be like whoa drew's like really angry and mean does that make you mad no it just makes you your real self wait was that the thing you're gonna tell me earlier you said there's horrible news no i'm not saying that you said my body is like no no no i did not mean it like that i genuinely no we're gonna tell you you're fired at like in like 10 minutes but i still have my job right now for the next 13 minutes

yes okay okay so the first one i could still get it back i could still get it back no the first one i did i got a 7.6 and i was like okay that seems like really high. That doesn't make sense. So then I edited a picture of myself with Facetune and I submitted it. It got a 9.6 and I was like, oh, wait, it's kind of accurate. So then Josh did it and got a 7.6 and then Inya did it and got like a seven point something. And I was like, damn. So then I was like, hold on, like, let me-

Mind you, i think it can only really identify you like masculine as a man because every time it'd be like masculinity your jawline like you're the top one percent of men i'm not a man i'm a girl you're not a girl bitch um and then i did it and i got an 8.4 and I was like oh whoa like that's crazy and then y'all I ended it off with a 9.3 on a real photo of my app

I don't have it I took it real time in app but like I'm kind of giving though I think I need to take an Advil because or I need to put my glasses on because I'm not kidding I'm Pink Body on cuz I'm not Ooh that echo was like sharp it sounded like we hit metal Drew psyop corner

These don't make me laugh, I'm hitting you tonight. Burger King got chicken sandwiches now. What's next? Pee at the poop store? Okay. Folklore, Evermore, canker sore, bitch, I don't give a fuck. Where is the liquor store? Dude, these ones suck in like the best way

I need some coochie quill and hedonol from in y'all in y'all wait Kai sent this to me imagine and he typed this out this is his words someone emailed this to me.

Imagine hiring a gay dude to cry at your off's funeral. Oh my God. I love that one. I saw that today. Taking notes. Noted. Demon emoji. Literally noted as fuck.

Guys, can we bring back noted, please? Like, please, can we do it? And I think that's all I have to talk about. Yeah, that's kind of it. The last thing that i was like i already talked about this though was how me buying the tiktok shop hot bowl was like really one of the worst points of my life like that was really dark-sided dude it definitely has to be illegal to like ship containers like that out yeah like raw eggs or like eggs across the country and like heat

boiled eggs the fucking pepsi like expanding to the point of almost exploding was like crazy that like it was next to an egg so that means it was like so hot that it was like boiling or like the pressure was so high that it was like crushing it crazy um all right well here is my freaking media my media is that little ginger bitch um in my life photographs and memories jim gross how do you say his name, Orion? Bro, she can't hear us in that fucking cabinet. She's losing oxygen in there.

How do you say Jim Kroos? Is it Jim Kroos? Kroos. Okay. Photographs and memories. Jim Kroos. And just a New York poem by Nikki Giovanni. That album reminds me of rain.

Like this feels like her life um and that's it for my fucking media honestly no movies no nothing leave me alone my media is twisters and 40x it's gonna be a movie i'm going to see it tomorrow super excited um and then this i found this like anime that was like a three-part like short trilogy but like together it made like one long story it's kind of like black mirror vibes like but it was made in the 90s and it was so fucking good oh i can't open it but i'm just gonna unlock it um but it's like magnetic rose or some shit like that um let's see if i can find it it's i'm gonna make magnetic rose toys you put the magnet in your cooch oh sticks to you so no hands that's actually a really good idea but there's a song from that um how would you say that from that anime corral or corral c-h-o-r-a-l by yoko kano um but the soundtrack for the thing the thing is called memories so go watch memories

um and the soundtrack is fucking lit. Probably sounds like shit. Exactly what I thought. Sounds like shit. You could listen to this kind of shit all you want. I love this type of stuff. God will know you had Grindr. I love this type of stuff, Drew.

You're dead to me. Hey, come here. You, Drew. You're dead to me. Hey, come here. You're bye. You're bye. All right. Well, I'm going to go take a huge fucking dump. And I'm going to go back home. No, you're going to hang for a while.

And love my life. Please stay the night with me. Bye. All right. Bye. stay the night with me bye alright bye Outro Music