Emergency Intercom - The Perks of Being Drew Phillips

Episode Date: March 8, 2024

https://www.patreon.com/emergencyintercom join the Patreon for bonus episodes, q&a/topic submissions, livestreams, pay for ky's lobotomy Drew just turned 18 and is already making 30k a month on his OF, Enya smoked weed and lost her mind and Ky let a fan electrocute his brain business inquiries: [e-mail] instagram: @emergencyintercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm, like, so worried about my sister. Randy, you cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healing. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina.

The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday? This is so dangerous. I gotta get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at 9 Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on Stack TV. Welcome back to emergency intercom whoa i made it guys the emergency intercom drew's 18th birthday extravaganza how are you feeling now that you're 18 forever 17 baby i started an OnlyFans. That's like I mean you can do whatever you want but you should

maybe take some more time to think about that. Absolutely not. I'm already making 50 grand a month. But nothing's changed about your brain chemistry from yesterday to today so maybe you let yourself develop a little more mentally and then you can decide if that's something you want. That sounds like you're broke and jealous of my 50 grand a month for the rest of my life 50 grand a month on only fans um hello have you heard what the other girls make like you're fucking behind like actually let me check it right now oh it's up to 300 000 you didn't even open an app you picked up your phone that's crazy um i almost made a million in a day too off of tips and shit so wait but then how did you get 300 000 a month that's like not close to a million it's subscribers so that's oh okay but

i'll probably make closer to two million a month just based off of like sending people butthole pics privately because it's all bikini photos okay up front yeah Just need to clear that up. It's you in a bikini or you in like a Speedo? Bikini. Okay. What are you covering your nipples for? Because it's really sad that women can't show their nipples. Oh, so you're actually being very patriotic and feminist bound. Yeah, I'm taking a stance and covering myself as like, you know what I'm saying. You get what I'm saying.

Yeah, I'm trying to understand. I cover my body because the woman can't free theirs. I'm a big proponent of free the nipple. We know this. We know this. I talk about it all the time. Yeah. Right.

But yeah, it was my 18th birthday. I literally am going to actually forget how old I am and just start. Okay, whatever. It was my 18th birthday or what i literally i'm gonna actually forget how old i am and just start okay whatever it was my birthday yesterday um and i did not want to do absolutely fucking anything um because growing older is horrifying and scary and i don't think we should celebrate getting one year closer to death okay um we celebrate like nothing no one needs a birthday it's all phony yeah i guess it is like kind of capitalistic when you think about it um it's so that restaurants can get a 10 person table and then everybody can argue over who's gonna take the yeah did you see that whole conversation online people were saying which i kind of agree with people were saying, which I kind of agree with. People were saying that if, say, it's my birthday and I invited all of you guys to a really expensive restaurant.

You should cover it. I should cover it. Yeah. Because I'm choosing, like, this expensive restaurant. So to assume all my friends can cover their tab would be kind of ridiculous. I agree with that up until you have a homegirl who's, like, getting fucked up. Like, don't come to my birthday dinner and get, like, 18 margaritas and a fucking espresso martini to top it off me and then be like literally the homegirl in question and then i have to pay for it but i feel like we've always done that because we're

just like good people we will like cover the tab because we're just like we're good and we're like so giving and nice and people don't talk about that and we always write our usernames on the receipt after giving a hefty tip give us a follow you should post yeah post us and tag us but yeah it was my birthday yesterday and i was left here alone um all of my friends left me um you know what i got for my birthday do you want to know what i got i got a eight dollar fortnight card not even enough to cover a fucking skin but they covered it by getting me a 25 wing stop card i don't know you get to eat good tonight yeah so wing stop on me it's literally just gonna cover my meal um but yeah that was the only gift i got and i was so excited because i was like oh and you're such a good gift giver i know she's gonna get me something so good right right

she didn't give me shit you may find that when every day waking up is hard a gift is the last thing on my mind but i gave you the gift of my presence. Yeah, that's true. We did have a really, really great day yesterday. But no, I'm just kidding. She did. I treated my man to a gorgeous day full of candy and treats. I know.

She took me to a Thai market. And we got a bunch of Thai little treats and candies. And I got to turn to him and go, it's all me. Yeah, it was all on inya um and then um and you had the great idea okay so i have been obsessed with this specific food item for months now haven't done anything about it and you had the idea to make it guys guess what we went and made gourmet for dinner last night jacket potatoes with tuna salad on top you know what that is god dude you got a picture of it oh yeah we'll insert it really gross you out it is um a baked potato with a crispy skin. Three pounds of butter.

Orange and white cheese. I know it's cheddar and white cheddar cheese, but they call it orange and white. Jesus Christ. They call it orange and white cheese. That looks so good. And then you put British baked beans on top of that. And then on top of that, you put tuna salad.

And I know, y y'all it sounds horrifying but inya can vouch for me it was i hate that it was so good it was it was really yummy like i was expecting when we okay so we like had a whole day we went to the time market then i'm the kind of girl who i need my coffee so we stopped for me to get a coffee and i got like a little hand roll next door so I could like have something to eat because it was like 5 p.m. And I had to eat in. And I was like, the last thing I need to do is wait till 8 p.m. And the first thing that goes in my body is a jacket potato because it's going to make me throw up. Jackie.

So I already like had a little food, but I wasn't fully full. When we were at the grocery store getting all the ingredients, I literally, Drew, was looking up the cheeses and looking at pictures and I couldn't stop myself from physically gagging at the pictures. Like fully shuttered, like body shutters.

I couldn't stop. Her body took a fucking screenshot, y'all. It was crazy. Like I was staring at his phone and thinking about what I was about to do to my body and I couldn't fucking believe it because I pride myself so much

in being like a relatively like good consumer of food. Like I eat good food. I eat delicious, yummy food. And that sounds like a hydrogen bomb and a plate. And it did smell, oh, it smelled like Donsel Stone.

Okay, so I've been doing this thing. I've been recording a bunch of videos. They may never see the light of day, but it's me eating my bedtime double meals, and I eat it in my bed every night, and it's like this little series that I'm working on. And we ate it in my room, and we left to take out the garbage

and wash the dishes and shit. And when I came back into my room, y'all, like the garbage and wash the dishes and shit and when i came back into my room y'all like this stench the odor like it was really really it was like heavy in there yeah so weird it stained my bed like not like physically stained it like the scent stained my comforter like like absolutely not but it was so fucking good y'all yeah it was delicious i will say each of us only had half the potato. So if at home you're thinking of making a jacket potato, one potato does serve two because you'd be shocked how full of beans and tuna you get.

Beans, tuna, potato, and cheese you get. Butter. Like, it's a lot of butter. It's a lot of fucking butter. And we got a nice ass butter, which was cracking us up because we asked Sydney Carlson. Like, if you don't know, she's like sexy hot girl, makes amazing food. And she always does these like very cute videos. And I want so badly to convince her to do a video of her making a jacket potato.

Like her just serving cunt and like her little like and then the ingredients list goes up and it's literally potato, tuna salad, baked beans, cheese. Like I need her to make it so badly. But we asked her what a good butter was because for some reason we were like, we're going to get like the finest ingredients for our jacket. We're going to make it fancy pants. And she sent it to us. And then like four hours later, we didn't tell her what we were making. We never told her why we needed the butter.

And we just sent her a picture. And she like oh my fucking god that looks like that's all yeah at first all she said was oh my god that is all she said i don't think she ever responded back to your text oh yeah she no because she had mentioned she was like i'm obsessed with this british girl on tiktok and it looks like something she would fucking eat and we were like it literally is a british person food like this is british people food and she never responded y'all something really bad happened to me like actually actually really bad like okay we should like insert the audio that we recorded the other night yeah yeah yeah um but anyways i got i've had like ear pain and like my ear has been clogging for like a year and a half now and i literally just like thought it was benign and i was just like

whatever it is not that deep i've probably complained about it on here a couple times but i was like it's literally not that deep like it's not like altering my life but then like i started like falling asleep at night and like my ear would like hurt really fucking bad. And I was cool. I was like, cool. I have like an ear infection. So I started looking some shit up, um, which you never fucking do. And I looked up like why my ear was like going in and out of like clogged mode. Um, and like four different people were like, Oh, I had like a tumor in my brain next to my ear and it would like it would physically block my like ear canal. And I was like, OK, cool. I have a tumor like this is fucked up. And so turning the age that I'm turning, I get kicked off of my parents insurance.

So I was like, oh, I'm going to like book this appointment really quick. Just get this over with. It's going to be nothing like it's not that fucking deep, like whatever. Like I'll get on my own insurance and I won't have to go to the doctor ever again so i'm just like doing a little tune-up before i go to my doctor or before i turn the age that i'm turning y'all will never know y'all will never know um me when you can google your name and like that's the first thing that pops up it's a lie though it's a lie yeah you're in your alexa demi bag exactly exactly um but i went and i was not thinking anything of it like i went to the office for the ear nose and throat throat go doctor um they have sex with you there

it's really fucked up um how fast can you get an appointment you can book on zocdoc almost immediately babe no i literally booked it that night and then i woke up the next day and went it was like the tea um but i went there and the doctor's office was like young and hip and they were a vibe and they were all like talking to me like how i speak and it was just like it was a fucking vibe in there like it was it was a key and then like my gay ass doctor my gay ass like nurse assistant or whatever came out and he was super gay and a vibe his name was andrew too and we were just like having a key it was like it was literally so fun that's like remember recently when i was saying how it freaks me out now that all the doctors and nurses are our age yeah Yeah. And that just freaks me out

because I'm like, you're literally a peer who I'm supposed to meet at a bar. Now I'm letting you poke my fucking stomach. Like I'm literally terrified of you. It's scary as fuck. And I know you cheated. And I know you cheated on those texts.

I know y'all bitches were using fucking Google and what was the notes app or the notes cards? Good notes, good reads, some shit like that. It's not that they were using chat gbt no no there's those it's like flash cards that like have the answer to every single test question is it like virtual yeah it's on google but whatever see i never cheated so i wouldn't know yeah but in reality i actually never have studied once in my life and i thought about the

other day and i don't even know how i would begin to study and I don't understand studying and it doesn't make sense to me but keep going um but um my gay doctor we're just like having a vibe and then um he sits me down in this fucking chair that literally looks like it's gonna like kill me it's gonna like squish me and use all my juices I don't fucking know um and he's like oh we're just gonna do a ct scan of your head um and I'm like okay like you're gay like can you do that like I don't fucking know. Um, and he's like, Oh, we're just going to do a CT scan of your head. Um, and I'm like, okay, like you're gay. Like, can you do that? Like, I don't know if you're allowed to do that. I'm kidding y'all. Um, but no, it was, it was a vibe. Like we were just like shooting a shit, like while this fucking robot was scanning my brain. Um, and then there was like another gay, like a CT scan technician and they were like having like a gay conversation like

across the like metal barrier it was super chills like a very lax environment and i was like oh i like feel really comfortable in here um and then my ct scan pulls up on this big ass screen in front of them and they literally gay gasped they were like and i was like like what guys and they were like come here and i was like what and they like pointed to this side of my face and like there was like in my sinuses there was a black one and a gray one and they were like are you sure you don't feel any pain in your sinuses and i was like no i don't feel anything at all like what are you talking about and they were like are you sure because we haven't seen this like ever like your entire right side of your face is like full of

blood, pus, mucus, inflammation. And I've just been existing with that for years for God knows how long. And they were like, are you sure you don't feel anything? And I was like, no, I don't. So then they were like, okay, well, we'll put you in your room, whatever. And I went there for my ear. And now I'm freaking out about my sinuses they didn't say shit about my ear well i like sit down in this chair um the doctor doctor comes in there and she's really scary and like about her shit and i was like okay like chill as fuck well then she takes this long fucking rod this long with a camera on the end of it and shoves it into my ear and i started having a panic attack i literally did not know i was scared of things going inside of my face and i don't think anybody just expects that bitch i

don't suck dick i don't suck dick like stop i knew you were going there um but i like this like long rod is like all the way in my fucking brain and it hurts so bad y'all like and there's little pinchers on the end and she's like pinching around in there and i'm like what the fuck is going on and i start like kind of like having an anxiety attack low-key and i like have to tell her to stop a bunch of times and then like she'll stop and then i'm like maybe like it just feels like it's too big like it's hurting the walls of my ear like stop and then she's like okay let's try something else and then she puts the exact same fucking tool in my brain and it like hurts.

And then I start freaking out because I'm like, oh, she's like, the sounds it was making. Girl, she's trying to hit the reset button on her brain. No, literally, that's literally what it felt like. The sounds it was making inside of my head,

like I've never experienced anything like it in my life. And at one point, I literally started laughing out loud because it was like, it was funny sounds. And she was like, why are you laughing? And and she was like why are you laughing and then she was like are you okay and i was like yeah i'm fine um but she was like not fucking with my vibe after that because i told her she was hurting me and she got pissed at me um literally sounds like never mind um anyways uh she like proceeds to like look at the screen and i could see her like face turn a different color and i was like oh my god here we go again like this is not great this is not the

vibe and anyways she proceeds to pull out a ear plug size like you know the orange ear plugs that you put in your ears it was an egg sack of fucking spiders that was just in my ear no i'm lying i'm lying i'm lying it was like a plug of earwax that she was like in blood yes drew's just dirty boots no no no no no it was because of my sinuses that it was like draining into my ear and it was like blood and earwax and it was so fucking painful coming out like and then when i saw it i was like oh my god i was like photo no i didn't i asked her i asked her to take photos and she was like no we don't let we don't let you do that in here and i was like your technicians just let me take a picture of my ct scan so like i'm confused because you were king with them and she doesn't i know she did not fuck with my energy but anyways she pulled that

shit out of my ear i swear to god i thought she damaged my eardrum because like you know when they say like smelling colors like i was hearing frequencies out of this ear that i've never heard in my life and i was so sensitive and, I really thought she punctured my eardrum. Dude, this ear now feels like dirty. Like it feels gross. And she looked at it and she was like, it's all fine. This one is like, it's still like I can, like when I like tap shit,

like I can hear the frequencies that I've never heard before. Like it was really actually scaring me for like two days, but it's back to normal now. And then she got to my sinuses and it turns out that the last day I went to the doctor before I had to switch over to my new insurance, I have to get surgery. So on my sinuses. So I'm done. I'm done. It's over for me. This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy. Ever captured a great night video only for it to be ruined by that one noisy talker?

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Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. You have to get surgery actually? Yeah. Fuck. They go up in my nose and inflate balloons in all of my air passageway and like break the cartilage. Because that's why it's like fucked up is because like I have like really, really tiny. I'm my my sinuses are so petite and small. I'm so tiny.

But my air passageways are really small. So I have to go in and like inflate them with the balloon and break the cartilage. And I'm going to be like bleeding out of my nose for four days. Like it's hell. And they were like, don't blow your nose like you're going to want to blow your nose. And I was like, bitch, I don't blow my nose now. Like, what are you talking about and she was like that's why your sinuses are fucked up um and i was gagged i was literally gagged but she was like you're gonna

want to blow your nose but don't do it and now i have like this strict i have to go pick up like bitch i get fucking perks though so it's about to be a vibe it's gonna be a vibe i'm gonna get fucked up um i'm gonna take two at once and have a fucking key but long story short um after i realized that that is the office that is gonna be doing my surgery at first i was like oh this is a vibe like this is fun but then when i found out that they're gonna be doing my surgery i was I was like, oh, I'm going to get a second opinion. I'm going to go to another doctor and see what the vibe is. See, my problem growing up so removed from health care and doctor visits is that I don't believe that. In my head, I'm like, do a neti pot. You'll be fine.

Keep it pushing. Like, I just can't comprehend actually getting a surgery. It's a medical necessity necessity but i'd be fine like i have like bacteria and shit in my sinuses and i'm sure i could drain it out somehow and not have to like literally have like a little procedure done but the problem is is it would just be persistent because my airways are so small and so it would just happen again after i got sick do you think it's just gonna happen again oh? Oh, no, because they're going to like bust your walls open. Yeah, yeah.

The surgery is balloons in my brain. I would have assumed you've already had your walls busted. Oh, a hundred times over, babe. A hundred times over. That's a good leeway into, well, we have to play the audio clip because I was talking to Drew about the surgery. Also, it doesn't help that Drew drew like everybody knows how i feel about drew and his sicknesses and talking

about being sick i literally can't take it serious i had a meter when we first met that i was like oh my god is he okay now when he talks about having any illness i literally feel like i'm battling like my real life legion like my pathological liar i just can't tell and i should put a tracker on your car so when you say you go to the doctor i can see if you're actually going to the doctor i have all of the notes all of that um i believe that you're getting surgery but i just can't take it serious because also you like you love it so much oh bitch i love it so much like when i was pissed for like a few days because i was like of of course, the one time that I get surgery, like I'm going to have to pay for it out of pocket. My insurance isn't going to cover it because I don't have fucking insurance.

But I'm back to being excited because I found out that I'm covered to the end of the month. So we're going to squeeze me in and I'm going to be fucked up. I'm going to be like little baby, like high on perks and like all like cozy and people are gonna have to be like taking care of me and like picking me up from places and dropping me off it's gonna be a vibe it was josiah did we get it in the audio message in the audio recording we got the other night what uh when you were like yeah who's gonna pick me up and drop me off i was like nose goes nose goes nose goes um and josie said he'd do it, but I'll probably do it because it only makes sense. My mom was like, I'll fly out there.

And then she called me the next day and was like, actually like thinking about driving. Like I'll Uber you to the place back and forth, but I'm not driving in LA. Is she scared to drive here? Yeah. I'll drive you and then you'll be so high that I'm going to whip the piss out of the car and you're going to be like shaking around. The balloons are going to fly out of my nose. I'm going nose i'm gonna like they don't they don't stay in your nose right yeah they like disintegrate the center yeah yeah they actually i i don't know because they were like you have like a post-op in like four weeks so maybe they go up in there and take

them out or some shit like i don't fucking know that is so disgusting well if you can't do the podcast i gotta find someone to fucking replace you. No, I'll be able to do the podcast. I'm only like down for three days. And then I'm going to be bleeding for like a week. So I'm going to have a bloody nose on the podcast and everybody's going to be like, oh my God, Drew, are you okay?

Well, that's gross. And when I take you to the surgery, I'm not going to come directly home. I'm going to run all my errands and leave you in the car perked out. Wait, they did surgery on a Drew. Ew, ew, Kai. They did surgery on a Drew.

Should we talk about my scary thought process when we were watching RuPaul the other night? Yeah. I got home from hanging out with friends and drew and josie were like six episodes into rupaul and they were trying to catch me up but i got really high really fast and i had kind of mentioned it to them but i don't like being like guys i'm about to be really high like please be careful because they will not be careful they will try to scare me further. And we were sitting there watching.

And we were all joking about like certain things. But then in my head, I don't know what it was. Oh, Josie made a joke. Because I like had said something. I was like, okay, to something someone did. Like I didn't think it was good on the show. And Josie made the joke. And he was like, see, that's why we waited for you to leave the house to watch this.

Because then we could be safe watching it without you. We have a safe space without you. And then I was so high. I got so deep into my psyche. I was like, oh, my God. What if my friends actually genuinely believe I'm homophobic? And, like, there's this, like, ongoing conversation behind my back that I'm homophobic. And I got so scared.

And then I don't know if you know this. I was, like, dead silent for, like, five minutes until y'all started joking in because I was like oh my god maybe I am like disrupting their peace like I am literally a problem like I mean it wouldn't be a problem for me like personally like you can be whatever like you can be homophobic like it doesn't bother me it doesn't even affect me why wouldn't that bother you like I feel like that would bother anybody like not me absolutely not oh is it because you're straight so you don't care yeah i think even if you're straight though that's the rainbow mafia um but yeah it was really funny and then they were showing me it was actually greening me out like i love that show but every time we all

have the same feeling when they do the musicals and stuff it really freaks me out because i'm just like oh my god it is someone's full-time job to make a Rusical. Like, they are on salary to make and produce the Rusicals that RuPaul does. And they did like an SNL skit and there was this one girl who I don't know her name. She was freaking me out.

Like, what is her name? I don't know her name either. We had to insert the clip that we were like laughing so hard at. It'll be like an untucked that never ends. Okay, we're done. Bye, girl. Two. And now.

It's not the one of her riding the house in the water. It's the one of her in the office. Yeah. There's. And she goes, toodaloo. Toodaloo. It was freaking me out and making me so sad. Lindsey Graham.

She did Lindsey Graham. Oh, yeah, yeah but she didn't know who lindsey graham was so she just like did this whole fucking bit that she like interpreted it as like she read it yeah um and it makes me so sad because i really feel like to be good at drag race you have to be everything you have to be funny you have to be crafty you have to be witty you have to be quick you have to be like super like ready to like snap back as somebody you just have to be so well-rounded in every course and some people just don't don't have that mark and like which is understandable because it's asking a lot of a fucking entertainer um like i couldn't be able to do it i would no you wouldn't

babe you wouldn't you would start fighting yeah that's what i was saying like if josiah started doing drag five years ago he would be an all-star on drag race already like he really is like so good at that type of shit like uh but yeah that was my story is i got really scared and then i told you the next day and he just laughed at me he's like what the fuck are you talking about and I was like no I literally was so scared for like five minutes like I was so deeply in my head and then I just started thinking about

who I was as a person and if you guys actually like me and like if you ever had a problem with me would you be like willing to tell me about it or would you just let me continue which I know y'all would tell me if you actually had a problem with me but it was really scary no I wouldn't you've made an environment where if I say something to you

and speak up I can't I get hit um she hits me um no uh that's so funny that you mentioned that because I had a dream I think I told you this morning or last night at 1 a.m because I accidentally fell asleep at 9 30 and then woke up at 1 30 um But in that timeframe, I had a dream about Trixie Mattel. And like, it was Ricky Montgomery, like the singer, like was shooting a music video in this van. And he invited us over and we went over and we were just like chatting and then Trixie Mattel and Katya Zomalocikova I can't say her last name Zomalocikova um came out like into the front door and they were like uh get out here you marketable motherfucker I have it written down because like what does that mean and then we went out there and took pictures with fans and then I woke up and you said that I stayed in the van yeah yeah. It was just me out there

with Trixie. So you had a bunch of pictures with Trixie and fans. Yeah, so it was really an insane dream. Really an insane dream, y'all. Yeah, does it sound that insane when you put it into that perspective? I had a scary dream but I don't remember it but I know that when you tried to wake me up

the first time I woke up from it and then I knocked back out. I... been sleeping till 3 p.m every day no I the latest it goes is like one but I haven't woken up at one in a while you and Orion did sleep till two and it was the night after something scary happened and I really thought the Idaho 4 massacre happened in our house and that Orion and Inya were murdered in her bedroom and that I was just existing in this house until two. And then I went to knock on her door and I was like imagining them like bloody and battered and bruised.

And I was like, cool. Like I have to call the cops now and they're going to think I fucking did this shit. And I didn't fucking do this. No, it was actually because we stayed up so fucking late watching love is blind and we then we we stayed up late watching love is blind then we got in bed and we watched tiktoks and we only went to sleep when we did because the sun was

fully up so crazy and we were scared of the sun like keeping us up longer so we were like turn off your phone turn off your phone just go to sleep like just turn it off because we're like gonna keep looking at it turn it off and we both like turned off our phone and like turned over into like the pillow so that we could like go to sleep oh and it was fun it was a very fun night such an amazing vibe amazing vibes all around did y'all figure each other no not that night we were too tired and you slept in my bed oh i literally did and did we figure each other what yeah drew falls asleep instantly drew isn't a fun sleepover because he just knocks out like we got in bed and we were trying to figure out what to watch he was like honestly just put anything

on because i'm gonna fall asleep and he did he like two seconds later he fell asleep that's what you did last night too last night we were sitting on his bed after eating the jacket potatoes and he was like damn maybe that's my new food because it's not even knocking me out and then he laid on the bed and we were watching something and he knocked out 10 minutes in it was fucked up it's fucked up that's another doctor appointment i need to schedule is to find out why i fall asleep after i eat. Also, I came to the conclusion, remember how Drew used to say our old couch had black mold? It never had fucking black mold. It was the start of Drew's weird fucking thing

where he eats and knocks out and he would eat and then go, yeah, he would eat and then go lay on the couch and knock out. And he was the only one experiencing that, but he'd be like, guys, something so weird happens when I put my face at this couch. And he would always lay down and be like, watch, in like 10 minutes, I'm going to be asleep. asleep and he would be asleep but it was after he fucking ate food he would like lay on the couch and knock out crazy fucking vibe bro well what's gonna happen

if you go to the doctor and you actually do have pre-diabetes and you have to change your eating habits change my eating habits will you no i'll eat what i eat until my fucking feet fall off bitch like i'll be walking around with stubby fucking legs if i have to give up talkies because i'm not giving up talkies you are so annoying if they say give up red 40 or take we'll take your feet i'll let them have my feet just take my feet now exactly exactly yeah i guess who would you be without your nighttime concoctions i don't know like if you would lose yourself you're having the same thing people are being like uh who would i be like i would lose all my spark if i took an ssri that's you with your food like i would lose all my spark if i wasn't literally feeding my gut

the most diabolical that's the thing is my microbiome controls my brain um so i have like a very eclectic weird microbiome in my gut and that's a weird way to describe a really unhealthy microbiome i have an eclectic microbiome you're thinking like there's like trinkets and charms in your stomach no it's literally like red 40 corn syrup and acid. Every time I eat, I kill them. You kill all the healthy bacteria in your gut. Every time I eat. No, but like once a month you'll have a green juice. Yeah.

Yeah. I've been good about eating green. I really have been. And don't even sit there in front like I haven't. You had a single. I saw you eat a salad for the first time. I ate a salad. I ate broccoli and broccoli and cauliflower.

It was Dave's hot chicken sandwich, macaroni. He had a Reese's take five Smarties, peanut M&Ms, and some other random shit in there. Oh, no. And a KFC chicken cheese pizza pizza which is a kfc chicken thigh with it's like a fake fucking parmesan like yeah it's a cheesa so he ate all that with the salad on the side and that mind you that's how he drenched in ranch listen listen there's a yin and a yang a given a take and i have to balance the good with the evil.

Because if I'm just eating good things for me, I'm going to be sad. I have to experience the bad to be happy. Why am I a holy shit? No, don't deprive yourself of the things you want to eat. That's the takeaway. If I want to eat a salad, I'm going to eat a salad. I eat what I want want but not the way you do like i i had that mac and cheese from dave's hot chicken i was like yeah i'm gonna have that mac and cheese but i'm also gonna eat like not red 40 on the side with it my red 40 stare um yeah guys it's been getting out of control i eat like three meals at once

at night in my bed it is a vibe though because i get a late night snack out of it so i get to have my dinner at a normal human time of like 7 p.m and then around 1 p.m i can just walk into drew's buffet and it's like the nastiest things i've ever seen and i get to have a bite of everything so i get to have all your evil food evil evil for my night snack, which is actually kind of a vibe. Literally. Thank you for that, actually. This is probably a problematic take, but I miss Bon Appetit, Brad, and Clara,

or Claire, so fucking much. Oh, yeah. I miss that era of life. Because it also was like a vibe. And also like it was so fun shipping them, even though they probably hated each other. And i stumbled upon like brad's tiktok recently and he's still fucking weird and doing weird shit and i love him and he's sexy hot and then i stumbled upon claire um and she's making tiktoks now and she's sexy hot and it's just like literally such a vibe like i love them

and she's so matron not matrily how do you say that matrily i think so um is that how you say that kai honestly i don't know but it sounds right um and i just want her to hold me and she makes like these like browned butter sugar cookies with chocolate like i wish i had the lust for life that people who cook really good meals for them do because i really make myself meals to survive we made jacket potatoes that's true that's what was cracking me up is to drew i was saying how we haven't cooked we haven't made a meal in this house that needs heat what i fucking eat i can't even make fun of what you eat because what i eat is fucking you eat ingredients yeah i eat ingredients but no

no it's deconstructed it's deconstructed yeah yeah it's kind of like michelin star vibe like deconstruction it's cottage cheese and heart of palms that bitch was on to something the lady on tiktok who's eating heart of palm with mustard and cottage cheese that shit is fucking yummy and i got the stuff to make it today so i'm gonna today i'm gonna have a tuna sandwich yeah and heart of palm with mustard and cottage you know what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna have tuna and ritz and then i'm gonna get some cottage cheese and i'm gonna scoop out half of an avocado one bite at a time and then put the cottage cheese in the bite and eat it all at once. And y'all, I swear to God, it'll change your life. It'll change your life. Well, the birds are back to chirping.

And I think it's going to be okay. I think it's all going to be okay. You heard birds? Yeah, because when winter starts to end and the birds are back to chirping outside my window, I do feel a little spark again. And I heard it yesterday. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, guys guys you were on a good one yesterday i'm literally gonna be okay i see because i had to i had to show up for my bae no you were actually feeling good you were happy

yeah um let's say it that way yeah i was so happy i was so happy just wait just wait till the hummingbirds come back and they're flying around our living room window. Dude, I feel like we have to insert it. There's a TikTok of Josie and I either feel like that picture. Or I feel like the character running through a Silent Hill map. Those are my two variations of mental states right now.

And I'm to the point that usually talking about my mental state will make me burst into tears, but I actually feel nothing. Oh my God. Wow. Makes you think I feel nothing. You're like, I literally, it is actually so funny where my mental state has been, but I'm just hoping and praying that it goes away soon or I start taking an SSRI and I never have to feel this again. And that's my vibe right now because being 25 post five years of therapy and still feeling like this, something's not adding up. Something is not adding up. But yeah, that's my mental update. I feel like I give like a yearly around this time

a mental update. And just so you know, I'm right back to where I started. I did the circle and I'm right back to the starting point. But it's okay because I just get high as fuck and I play Fortnite

and I act like I don't exist. And then it's fun. It's fun. Or if we do stuff like yesterday when I just distract myself all day but then at night drew fell asleep way too early and i was alone with my thoughts for like four hours and i felt fucking insane i was so down bad i played a u2 song on fortnight festival to distract myself that's how down bad i am because i've played the lady gaga and olivia

rodrigo songs too many times and i don't want to play fucking a Nelly song why is that in the fortnight like festival like it kind of makes no sense I don't want to play a Nelly song I don't I'm so sorry I don't give a fuck about blink 182 like oh kill me I don't want to play that I want fun girl songs like where's all the girl songs um so I played a U2 song and I just sat in silence alone in the living room playing a U2 song on Fortnite Festival. And I felt like my head was going to explode. But then Drew woke up and told me about his dream. And then I got up and I was like, I need to go to bed because this is not helping me right now. Sending you to the dark place.

Right. Well, I am just so incredibly happy and just so happy i'm so happy i'm so happy no everything she said i'm feeling so we're just like this bubble it's we just potentiate each other every single night and it's actually a really dangerous environment to be in um so i've decided i'm not going to feed into it anymore and you can't feed into mine anymore. And that's the tea. That's the real tea.

And I've been, uh, electrocuting my brain. Yeah. I was going to bring it up, but I was like, I'm gonna let Kai talk about that. Cause that is not my tea. You know, what's crazy is, um, so I've been doing TMS, which is like when girls have periods and they're like really angry. No, it's not the same as that. That's PMS, which is like when girls have periods and they're like really angry. No, it's not the same as that. That's PMS.

Oh. Not me educating you. So I basically be doing this thing where you like you electrocute like a part of your brain literally and it's supposed to stimulate it. It's a vibe. I've heard of it. Yeah. There's a lot of research.

It's supposed to work. We'll fucking see. Because every time I'm in that chair, I feel like I'm in Clockwork Orange. And my fucking memory is being erased. Your eyes are like pulled. Yeah. But the first, I went in for like the first one. And the person that was like helping me with it was like, what do you do for work?

And I was like, oh, I like produce this podcast. And he was like, oh, emergency intercom. And then he like pulled the switch and like and I was like getting electrocuted and it's not like I'm like kind of like joking when I say it's like you're getting electrocuted but you yeah no you are like you literally are burning flesh it's like your your brain is touching like a like a dangerous socket and are you telling me your doctor that's electrocuting your brain is touching like a like a dangerous socket and are you telling me your doctor that's electrocuting your brain listens to this podcast well the person that set me up yeah

i haven't been paired with them again but that's so gag worthy but i was like you're literally strapped into a chair like tied into it basically because they don't need to move because if you go too far to the right then you like your brain turns off yeah um i've seen videos of it it's like pretty intense like they're like it was just the craziest situation because i they have roku on and then it's just like drone footage of like farmland and he was like cool like how long have you guys been like doing that like i just started listening recently and i was like getting electrocuted. Damn, he wasn't even listening like in the beginning. He's not even OT. I think he's like

been a fan for like a couple months. Okay, then we give him the right to keep electrocuting. Yeah. But he was really sweet and it was actually kind of fun

talking to him while I got like an electric current pulsating through my prefrontal cortex. Yeah, I guess that's a better situation is having like a semi-normal conversation with somebody

rather than like a sterile ass doctor just being like, you ready? Yeah. Okay, again. Yeah, but they've been upping the power every single day. And it's to the point where like my face twitches every time. It's daily, y'all. He's gone.

He has like three more weeks of daily brain zaps. Do you feel like it's helping? I'm going to be honest i i have felt better you have a couple weeks like i feel like you can pick up on it a little bit yeah i was gonna say you've like yeah every time we've like had our hour-long phone calls me and kai talk on the phone i have a screenshot we talk on the phone for like an hour almost every night it's a vibe um but yeah i just like keep mental notes and you're i've been feeling better it's been like the first time in like nine months but with all this shit i'm like i'm not gonna say it's a success

until it's like six months deep yeah but but yeah it's been it's been good and i think it's a really funny thing to do yeah which is the most important it's a bit it's a bit yeah i feel like i'm like literally a cartoon character dude i've been doing this thing called masturbation um have y'all heard of that um yeah we yeah yes um that's not like a i don't i actually think that might be if you do it too much i actually think that might be bad for you no oh are you proving the statistics wrong i just did it i just did it just now like literally just now you know the like thing where like uh samurais that are really good with like barely open the sword fucking flat that's you but with your with your wiener ew y'all are fucking nasty boots um Have I ever told the twin experiment in college?

Yes. Yeah. I've talked about that on the podcast. No, I didn't. I swear you have. What is it? Why do you think we're lying? What is it if I've talked about it?

It's like they tried to take you and Madeline or you thought they took you and Madeline for like a study or some shit. You've talked about like a twin experience. On here. Yes. I've heard the story multiple times. like a like a study or some shit you've talked about like a twin experience on here yes i've heard the story multiple times um okay well they are gentrifying the pyramids and it's bullshit i swear to god they are they literally are gentrifying the pyramids like they're going in there and they're adding fucked up fake plaster rocks to like rebuild to what they look like instead of leaving them in the ruined

state they are in now and it's really we'll know it's a wrap when they have a tripod with the ring light and the ipad between it no they already do have that like it's crazy they have like photo areas like they added a blue bottle to the middle of it yeah yeah there's a blue bottle in the chamber like if i was out there in the middle of nowhere i'd be like fuck i want a coffee so bad and then i'd see it. I'd be the first person in line. Yeah. We got to get out of there, though.

Like literally, we got to get out of those tombs. Yeah. Because it's like a sacred fucking place. Exactly. Like people got to leave. But I want to go. I want to go so bad. I want to feel the echo chamber.

There's like a vibration room like inside of there where like one of the bodies was buried, were buried and um the frequency that reverberates out the walls is like in like whatever whatever it's cool it's fucking lit i want to go inside the pyramids um and me and madeline and steven were planning a trip but oh yeah right before phobet yeah but then they were like you can, right? I don't know if there's any landmark I've ever been like, I need to go there. There's like, I don't think I have a single one. Aw. Like, I don't.

I can't even think of a landmark. What's that big ass thing that's like flat? Drew's penis. Why would it be flat? I was trying to get it in before you said flat. Drew's ass there It's big and flat It's where the aliens like

Touch down and It's in the United States like this huge plateau Oh No no no is it It's like called devil's plateau I don't know actually I don't know about that I think it's that like is it sacred land?

Devil's Tower I think some dude parachuted out of a plane and landed on that but didn't have a way to get down so like this shit

this is insane yeah yeah some dude jumped out of an airplane landed on it in like the 30s and then didn't have a way to get fucking

down so he was just trapped up there for like a week and a half that's a mr beast video literally it became like national news and like they had to send like supply drops with like uh propeller airplanes and they would just drop like food and shelter for him every day um and then eventually like five rock climbers like climbed up and then climbed him down um isn't that t i'm just thinking about how there's nowhere i want to visit and it's freaking me out but really i've just decided i don't really give a fuck about you don't want to go to iceland and see the volcanoes in the silver suits yeah but that's different because that that's not like a historical like it's not one of the seven wonders of the world necessarily i just want to see it because i saw a movie about lavas and volcanoes and i know it would be pretty and i want to do that kind of stuff but i want to like

get into like all i really give a fuck about when i travel is if i could go somewhere and get into a body of water that's what i want and if they have a dover street market with the rare dover street market clothing, I like literally decided I don't like to travel for cities. What you gotta do is you gotta get high and then watch a documentary on the pyramids and then it'll

be the only thing you can think about for six months. It just sounds like it'll like that environment will fuck up my eczema. That's all I can think about when I look at the desert. Like watching Dune, I was like, dude, this would destroy destroy me like it would feel like my skin then you have a suit that recycles your piss yeah that's so gross no i'm entering my architect arc soon y'all i think i'm gonna start building little houses in the middle of the wood and or in the woods in the middle of the wood i'm gonna like go to home depot and buy like plywood and shit and just build like

houses i'm imagining you like getting like nails and building something and it falling over and you go like freaking out the way you do and so they fucked up. You're like, fuck, fuck. Oh my God, fuck. Fucking kill myself. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. No, no. If I'm out alone, I can't yell because I'm not yelling towards anybody.

Ooh, I ate again. I ate again. I think you might still yell i would yell not me i'm different you don't talk to yourself at all yeah i do i do a lot i'm fucking crazy y'all i'm fucking crazy i'm so fucking crazy um okay well let's get into some media um we watched dune 2 we did a back-to-back double feature we watched dune 1 here at the crib it was three hours and then we went to the theater and watched dune 2 for three hours um dune 2 is fucking awesome uh duh everyone says it's awesome it is awesome it was like there were some comparisons made before where i was like girls like what the fuck are you talking about like people were saying it was like better than the godfather and shit like one why are you comparing those two movies to like it's literally not so like don't say that but um it was good as

fuck and it is something you should go watch point blank period yeah that was the thing that drew that was drew's birthday wish for us all to do is to see dune one and actually no i literally just forgot it was my birthday when i bought the tickets and it was my birthday we're rolling into my birthday as we got in there and then everyone was like oh it's your birthday like i'll come and join yeah that's why i did it because i was like i know because now that i've pointed it out that it rolls into because i pointed it out and i was like i don't really want to go but i guess it's kind of like your birthday wish and you were like oh yeah i guess it is i guess you have to do it unless you don't fucking give a fuck about me like and he said it

to me and josie because me and josie were like we're not doing that we don't want to um but me and Josie sat next to each other during it but when we were here I was like I feel like if I got high I would tap in like I just know I would because watching across the spider verse in that state literally had me thinking that I made the movie like it was the craziest feeling I've ever felt I was was like, oh my God, it was so gorgeous being a part of this movie. That's what it made me feel like. And then watching Dune 1, I got so tapped in in a way that I genuinely don't believe I would have sober because I'm such a bitch about sci-fi and I don't really care for sci-fi because I grew up in a household with a parent who really liked Star Wars. So I grew up watching those movies all the time and they would piss me off and I would always take a nap and be like wake me up when this shit's over like I don't want to

fucking watch this shit again so I don't like sci-fi because of that and I was so tapped in and me and Josie sat next to each other for the second one and we sat next to a man who did not fuck with our vibe like we are respectful we did not talk during the movie but during the fucking ads and like the random trailers we were making jokes to each other about it and he wouldn't look at us but he was doing this the whole time like like

just staring at us and we were like oh my god and he like didn't like they were sitting behind us so I would get up to go get snacks from them and come back down and when I would be coming back down I would literally just watch him like stare at me into my seat and like he didn't want to turn his head to us but we knew he was so unhappy to be sitting next to us were y'all being annoying no during the movie i literally said to josie i was like okay during the movie we're not going to talk because this man's

actually going to stab us like don't fucking speak to me me and josie did not utter a single fucking word to each other during that movie because he gave me the aura that he was actually going to like stab me. A mass stabbing was going to happen to me and Josie if we even breathe too hard during that movie. So we didn't speak during the movie. Also, there was one point when I was falling asleep because I don't think any human should watch six hours of doom. Also, I cheat coded that shit because y'all hoes waited four fucking years to see the second one. Bitch, I got to binge it like it was love is blind. Like I just saw the whole thing in one night um it was lit and i was the only one who clapped

after dude it was so funny me josh and um lucas and christian were like dying laughing because and you like clapped and went it was silent like it was so silent like y'all aren't vibing the way i was and i had a really good time and it was freaking awesome and then i came home and i knocked out and that's my story it was a vibe it was a vibe it was the best birthday i've ever had in my life um okay well then my music media is i made a new playlist on Spotify. And it's called I Want to Like Music Again So Bad. Please let me enjoy music. This is out of control.

And it's because I don't like music right now. Hence, my media has been so fucking boring. Go listen to that playlist if you want to hear what I'm trying to like right now. And it's mainly just Inya and Orion's music that they've put on in my vicinity. And that's my media. My media is Nothing Stays the Same by Elastica, Claire DeLune No. 3 by Claude Debussy.

Bussy. Wondering Who by the Jacksons, and It Only Happens Delegation. Oh, and Roll On Babe, Ronnie Lane. Spray on bitches. My favorite song is Spray on Bitches. Okay. Drew, sigh up, corner. Drew, sigh up, corner. my favorite song is spray on bitches um okay juice eye up corner juice eye up corner um y'all bitches want to try fentanyl try fentanyl this dick in your mouth oh my god

okay oh my gosh folklore evermore kinkaur. I don't give a fuck. Where's the liquor store? Where's the liquor store? This girl just put $1 on pump two. Where the fuck is she going? Pump three? Man. Oh wow. the fuck she going pump three man these are all screenshots from my email so y'all gotta get better do better y'all um okay let's see i literally can't wait to eat a tuna sandwich right now now that's what's keeping me going period this one's so stupid got a meatloaf flavored vape from goodwill and now my arms won't bend eric ivan wolf um okay well that sucks oh my god

i'm done with y'all send me good shit next time how about that okay motherfuckers oh my god you're so evil well that was it for the episode sorry if we bummed you out we you said you agreed with me no it was a wee thing I hope everybody I feel like everybody's in a bit of a slump right now so yeah love you we will all prevail and maybe

you hear the birds yeah maybe the birds will save me like it's not that down bad I'm like the birds are safe the bird is the word y'all the bird is literally the word. All right. Thank you guys for watching. Peace and love.

The good news is the new Fortnite season comes out like this week. Oh, when is that? Is it this week? It might be today. Really? Yeah, it's this week. So let's go. Big things coming.

Big things coming. I'm going to get drunk alone and play for hours. Dude, I like can't play fortnite not sober because i suck so bad but i've been sucking really bad because it's to the point of the season where all the fucking like crazy motherfuckers are playing yeah and it's just only the people only the streamers yeah and like bitches like you are playing right now thank you so i'm just getting murked also we got stream sniped oh yeah really i was playing on stream and somebody stream sniped us like and i didn't notice until somebody posted a compilation of how many times me and drew

got killed in a game we were playing and the same person killed me twice so you're evil okay loser also guys i know i've been making all these jokes about drinking alone they're not jokes i'm getting fucked up every night no they're jokes they jokes. They're jokes. I have. I'll have like five beers. Oh, that's a lot. OK. All right. Said I was pushing 50.

I am. You are not pushing 50. I am. You're barely pushing 30. But no, if you think about it, 25 is halfway to 50. Anything over 25 is pushing fucking 50. I'm pushing fucking 50, y'all. fucking 50 i'm pushing fucking 50 y'all um well i'm pushing p so penis and vagina we're all gonna make it through this guys we will listen to the birds all right bye Outro Music