Emergency Intercom - The Twink And The Mean Lady

Episode Date: September 16, 2022

Drew and Enya bond over humiliating fashion week experiences, Ky has apparently been drunk for every episode and Drew reveals a mysterious item he found in their apartment. Thanks To Our Sponsors: This podcast is sponsored by Better Help : When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/intercom today to get 10% off your first month. Raycon : Go to BUYRAYCON.com TODAY and use code emergency to get 15% off your Raycon order!  Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom i'm in the hospital you're not in the hospital we can see that you're like not in the hospital wait did you get your assistant yeah i was gonna say did you get your assistant to move all your furniture and stuff to the hospital yeah i wanted it to feel more like home so as you can can see, I have blue comforter now. I normally have a white comforter. That's actually the hospital bed. And I just put on my pillows and plushies and shit on it. I thought that was like the Tecla stuff that they gave you.

Yeah, yeah, you're right. It is. Tecla sent me shit. It's like, it's just like I kind of made it. It's easy. I kind of made it. So I just feel good about myself. I feel happy. Um, amazing. I think what you need, like, okay, I'm going to be really real. And like,

if it's too much, you tell me, I think what needs to happen to you is you need to like, go out for dinner with friends and it's like a really good dinner. Right. And it's like, so good. And like, you usually don't get a a drink but you got a drink this night and you had a blast it was like just like the perfect amount like loosening you up you had like absolutely no perception of like being perceived like you just felt awesome you had a laugh with your girls you know what and even on top of that photos were taken of you and your friends and you looked at them immediately and you were like this is like what i'm going to show my kids these are the people that i love like whatever and then you're walking to your driver because at this point you have a driver your life is like so set

up you're not even you don't have to call an uber like your driver is outside yeah the driver for some reason is an extra block away and you're like whatever i'll just walk to him i don't want him to do like a loop i it's nice out i I'm going to walk. As you're walking, somebody you don't know comes up, hits you straight in the nose. You immediately start bleeding. You fall to the floor. They're kicking you in the stomach. But you're so shocked by being hit in the face that you're in shock. So you don't even feel the blows.

And then they dig in your pockets and they take your wallet and they take your iPhone. And at this point, you have the iPhone 15 because Apple gave it to you before it came out. And you're just shocked. They gave me the 11 and 12 and 13 before it came out. I have the 14, but I had to keep it like really on the low because this your takeaway from me saying you should be jumped. Oh yeah. I'm just saying that i have i all i get all the iphones all the apple products early like that's why like i'm so lit and that's why you were sought after to be jumped yeah anyway i mean basically you get beat up i think you need to get beat up that's what i'm saying i think you need to get like absolutely demolished by a stranger i just i wouldn't let that happen like even in the hypothetical like that just couldn't happen what would you do in the hypothetical like what would you change you're

a bit inebriated i have a gun in the hypothetical and a bomb sorry the police are after me because they found out that i called a hitman on you that's what i'm admitting is i called a hitman on you wait you said you had a gun and a bomb yeah no you're in a residential neighborhood i don't give a fuck about the civilians i'll blow them all up straight up also i worked out today have a nice little pump going i want to pump you damn damn okay um well i haven't worked out you do me hold on i think i'll win it yes hold on is my mic peaking it sounds like it's peaking it could just be me okay a little room updated rooms here uh room tour uh you're drunk i drank this new protein powder because i got vegan protein powder because it's like I do not need that much shit going into my body that much dairy um and I got a vegan protein powder and it

was the most rancid thing in the world that I've ever put in my body it was it literally made me dizzy it tastes fermented it was like flaky and gritty. It was alcohol. But yeah, the protein powder was literally rancid. It was just like ground up peas and legumes and grass and shit. It literally tastes like I went to a freshly cut lawn. Actually, no, three day old. The grass was already dried up and I ground that up into a powder and drink. It was into the little like piles. Okay.

Do they make lawnmowers that like suck that shit up? Yeah, right. I think, but they also have like leaf blowers, but they do have ones with backpacks on that like does like big vacuums, but I think they're less used. So your protein powder sucks balls or it tastes like balls, but it has you like gas up. I'm also curious if it's because I did two scoops of protein powder instead of one in the serving.

And then I also added Marine college into it. So I'm curious if it had a reaction or if I didn't have enough water. Well, while I've been in new york i've definitely drank more than i ever usually do and um now are you serving while i talk yeah fucking course oh my god um but i i genuinely think i'm gonna have to go back to la and like go to the hospital because um we're taking you to rehab girl yeah i've had too much of a problem no but I think like the mix of it like I still am what I will say is I was talking about this last night to a friend I was like I don't feel good

that I've had like more to drink than I usually do but what I do feel good about is like I've hit like a really good point of self-control where like even when I'm like I'm being crazy right now it's always like ends at three or four drinks and like it's over like such a long time that I'm never like I never wake up anymore and I'm like I feel like shit I just like because I have like insane guilt about like substances I'm just like oh my god like I'm gonna die I'm gonna die but it's like never that deep but because of that and because of my caffeine intake and now that i'm a coca-cola drinker i think i am two steps away from a kidney stone yeah you know what that thing said let's have a shit a sip shall we yeah you've been at new york fashion. I flew out for literally 24 hours. I think it was the most insane thing I've ever done in my entire life.

One of the most erratic decisions I've ever made, probably the most erratic decision. But I was hanging out with Yoster, and they were like, I'm going to have so so much fomo about the party and about new york in general and everything and i was like oh trust my fomo is like actually insane like i think i've gotten over it a little bit recently but it is like a it's dangerous my fomo is dangerous it's a danger to me, myself, and others. It could become

an actual problem. So last second, we decided to book flights for the next day at midnight to fly to New York and then fly out 36 hours later and have a little fun while i was there yeah this is like i just got back two days prior so i was in new york for a month and then i flew back for two days worked out of course obviously um and then i hopped on a plane the very next day to go back to new york and it was actually insane um it i feel like it could have been more fun um like I could have had more fun and made more out of it but I was just so fucking exhausted like I was so tie tie I feel like you had like a really good time though like I feel like you you were like on such a good one that night and I was like damn i literally was jealous like i was

so jealous of like how much fun you seemed like you were having yeah i just like i had to have fun like i it would have been like the biggest waste of money ever if i didn't have fun so i it would have been a financial hole of a decision speaking of financial holes and me literally being robbed me being robbed like we don't have to go into details but i was robbed by an acquaintance and a mass robbing it was insane uncomfortable boiled my fucking blood i've never been taken advantage of in this way before you say that like i'm not like on call with you right now like literally hello you just steal out of my bank account it's different yeah i guess i'm gonna give you permission like because you don't stop me ever you're just like oh she

needs to stop doing that like but you say that to people you don't say yeah again like yeah like it's and i needed the birkin like I needed it yeah for fashion week yeah I don't know I don't think you needed it well they were taking pictures of me and I needed my Birkin for fashion week okay let's talk about this fashion week if you are like all the people who like partake in like the stopping for their photos on the like this is such a nightmare like my biggest nightmare is having to have a photo taken of me by someone who doesn't know me and i don't know them and they're just kind of guessing if i'm important and most times i don't seem that important because i'm not wearing like the boo-boo the full like you're not important you're not I like that's the thing is especially in those rooms I am not and I'm okay

with that like I am okay with being like the least important person in the room I do not want to go into those rooms and like be like looked at it's such a weird game um but yeah I just thought about that because like ew stop I I can't. I can't. Girl, the cops are going off today. And you said Blue Lives Matter. No, I didn't. I didn't. Yeah.

What was that? What's up? I think I farted. No. I literally farted. He forgot to turn off his mic and he fucking tooted. Fuck. I thought I was. Yeah, I thought I muted my mic. He forgot to turn off his mic and he fucking tooted. Fuck. I thought I was. Yeah, I thought I muted my.

Do you want camera privilege? Yes, please. Beg me. Oh, my God. Drew, can I please have camera privileges? The thing is, Kai's in like a dark, scary room. Like Kai looks like he's like being held somewhere. I know.

And I saw his background. I was like like are you okay turn on turn on the camera turn on the camera oh i'm just in like a room it's like a normal room you're in a brick home you're in someone's basement i am in someone's basement yeah actually yeah this is literally a basement is it it actually, though? It actually is. But, like, for real? I'm dead ass. Like, this is a basement in an apartment in New York.

Are you cold? It's pretty cold. It's really wet, too. The floor is really wet. Is it a dirt floor? That's probably from you squirting all over it, though. It's like... It's not, like, their fault.

You know, like, those chambers that Jigsaw would put people in in the Saw movies? It's it's like um their fault you know you know like those chambers that jigsaw would put people in in the saw movies it's kind of like that are you and you're okay with that i'm okay with it i like getting treated like that it's crazy how you've ignored every single question i've asked and answered all of inya's it's just like i i prioritize i prioritize attention from women because then you know they should be put on a pedestal, in my opinion. Honestly, I agree with that. Why do you all have to turn everything into, like, proving that you don't hate women? You thinking for that answer, like... All right, I guys you just continue oh my god i'm just gonna i'm gonna continue like

writing my notes and doing all the back end stuff yeah well i'm gonna get arrested in a second so you can do what you need to do cops are coming they're literally out and about and proud um but what i was saying is yeah it was so embarrassing like i know like i haven't posted about being at fashion week kind of but like just so that people know the reality of it is i one had to tap out early like i did the weekend and i was like i cannot do this anymore because it is the most humiliating thing ever like I cannot believe people have the kind of like self-importance and confidence and not even in like a bashful way like god bless that I wish I had that kind of like self-importance and like belief in myself to like walk a red carpet and like because like the photographers can like feel

like the energy of if they think you are important and if you are not like serving that you're in kai kai your camera is on what's up your camera is on are you drinking no no this is water why do you have water in a big vodka bottle it's like a propel it's like tequila like why are you okay actually no you're you're done like you're done camera what do you mean i'm done camera off um we need to get a replacement for that guy i know um like i was saying no yeah uh the confidence it's it's like i was saying about like people who act and perform in musicals and people who act in general and can perform on stage. That is so humiliating. And the only way to combat that humiliation

is being confident in yourself. And I wish I had that. I lack so much self-confidence. Also, imposter syndrome has been going crazy lately. I know. I walk into a room and I'm like, oh, I broke into this room. I snuck behind the security. Like, it's so bad. Like, oh, like also just like also I'm very grateful for being able to be in the rooms. But I wish I had the like, yeah, I was invited into this room, so I'm happy to be here. It was like I feel like I forced them to let me in the room for some reason and then I don't feel important.

Basically, what I'm saying is at that like Harper's Bazaar thing, like I'm very hopeful that those photos never see the light of day and that they were never posted because no photographer who took a photo of me was confident in taking the photo of me. It was literally pitiful. Like, did I, did I explain this to you? Like literally I like show up to this event and there's like, like celebrities there. And like, I do not warrant myself as a celebrity. Like I, I don't, I'm just like random comedian who like does my things. Like I don't I'm just like random comedian who like does my things like I would never see like John Mulaney on that carpet, although there was like a few comedians there. But they were like so far in their career that I'm like, I was like, I shouldn't be here. Like, this is weird that I'm here. But even though there was like a plethora of like the spectrum of like people there, like it was like a huge like what at range.

And like it was the other other other side of the range yeah i'm literally like i'm like weird niche on the internet you're like far right extremist it's okay no no i'm not no drew stop you have to stop like we can't publicize that stuff because like well you said blue lives matter i'm a republican we should be able to stop like we can't publicize that stuff because like well you said blue lives matter i'm a republican we should be able to talk no i didn't say that you're saying all of that i would never publicly say that because i'm smart what do you mean by that the idea that like in our private time, we're like just like blue lights matter. Yeah. No, I would literally pay money to see a timeline where we're go to the party and I walk out and it's like a kind of fancy hotel I guess and like other people cool people were staying there or whatever are my

eyes too close together I feel like they are like I think I'm just now realizing it your eyes are not too close together but I guess they were like important people in that hotel that we weren't aware of because there were like paparazzi out front. And I walk out and the paparazzi take mad photos of me. Oh, that was the night. There was a real Purple Magazine had a party on the roof that night but i saw like a bunch of people that i knew and a couple people were like hey drew like i love the pod like whatever i walked to my uber my uber has a giant blue lives matter flag on the back not giant like this big blue lives matter on the back of the car and i'm like these people just watched me get into this car with the blue

lies matter flag like what is going on i hope they don't think anything of that but i was also like brave of you to like be driving for uber and to run that i don't know it's just like yeah it is pretty crazy yeah just like, is it that deep? Is anything you believe in that deep to put that shit on your car? Like really bitch don't make me crash into the back of your fucking still not important. I'll crash into that thing. If I see something that's enticing that bitch up because I'm going to drive literally. Also,

like, that's not my business. I'm not planning. Like, I'm not more likely to hit you if i don't know that there's a baby on board like also i maybe see a baby on board sticker i intentionally swerve towards those cars oh my god it's just like this thing like we need i guess you're testing you're also testing parental instinct so like we need that and yeah natural selection like of course like

god gave us cars so we could like wait kill people off one quote that i quoted about that like deer that was on the side of the road and it was like uh hold on let me find it keep going um but wait let me finish my um awfully embarrassing fucking harper's bizarre party very grateful that i got to go it was a blast once i got inside but like i think i'm realizing like i just don't i'm like like i've said i'm an empath like i'm just like like we're no different from each other like you and me as the viewer like we are just people wait i saw the talk the other day saying like inya once a day on the pot or once an episode saying she's an empath

and i was like there's no way like that's a reach she doesn't say that you literally just said it i love i i know i say it at this way i think because i used to say it seriously and now i'm like okay bitch yeah i'm so sure like i can be a cunt this is a quote one day while doing nothing particularly out of the ordinary because of of natural laws, he was completely powerless to understand or intuit. He was killed instantly in a horrifying way by forces vastly in excess of anything he was ever designed to experience for no reason to no one's particular surprise or upset. In this, we are more like him than different. That's me talking to the babies about natural selection selection in the car after you fucking hit the car um so whatever i'm at this thing and i like feel i already feel like a fool because i think it's like very foolish for me to you and orion beefed

yes because i fucked up and i made orion late like it's squashed but i i really fucked up that's the other thing i'm like damn okay i don't know how everybody's so self-sufficient and knows where to go and like and keep contract like next time i do like a fashion week i need adderall bad like a by vans needs to be put on my nightstand yeah a night uh by vans needs to be put on my fucking nightstand because i forget like instantly it's actually insane and i kept sending people wrong addresses and telling people wrong things because i was like yo that's how i remember it and it wasn't real well you just literally like making people late i think you get off on it yeah i do no it actually brings me so much anxiety but that heaven party i i

refused to be late well yeah because it was like the fucking fight for your life challenge. It was literally a war zone to get in there. I have something else about that that's really funny and embarrassing. But anyways, I was like, oh yeah, so I get pushed onto this carpet and literally someone

famous is in front of me and then it's me and then it's a famous person. Bitch, the silence in my section. It went from like photos to like literally like if I was a photographer, they were like this. They were like. They pulled out their iPhone to take a picture of you. And they were like, move it along.

Literally with their fucking big ass DSLRs. They were like. And then I do. it was just so embarrassing and then because there was such a lull some of them started taking photos of me out of like like literally pity and then i was like i don't want to be pity bitch i don't want to be here my team said i had to be here but like thank thank god i got invited like i'm grateful for it like, oh, no. Now this is like a thing where like they feel bad for me. I'm like, I don't feel like I'm important. So you don't have to feel bad for me. The people in front of you and behind you were so embarrassed.

They were like, oh, that has to be the worst vibe ever. I'm not kidding. I almost cried because I wanted to kill myself because I was like, this is just beyond unnatural. Like, this should not even be a setup in general. Red carpets are fucking weird. They're so weird. i was like weird i was like this is so odd and then i was like hopefully one day in the future like if like i continue on my path like that won't have to happen to me again because i was like i genuinely cannot believe

that people like are just so like tunnel visioned for what they want that they are willing to like do that a bunch of times until it's like oh there's no doubt that you should be there but i was like i this is so scary i'm gonna create a reverse red carpet where it's a bunch of celebrities taking pictures of paparazzi yeah and then the paparazzi will fucking cry and kill themselves because then they'll get existential about the way they like put people on a pedestal um but i guess we need that paparazzi in a vicious way we really do just for me though you just want attention you just want attention you don't want my love um but yeah oh and then the other thing is um i got really insecure about pulling up to the heaven event in like,

because I was like, oh, I'm scared that people will like see me step out of one. I was going alone, which already I was like, this is embarrassing. I hate getting in a car and being seen alone. But then I was like, oh, my God, what if I had been calling Ubers? Mitch, Uber needs to figure something out. Because why am I stepping into a 2003 honda civic that used to be a taxi so when you open the doors you see all the yellow paint so like that is embarrassing so and it was like just the same amount almost to get like an uber black and i

was like i'm just gonna get an uber black you spent all that extra money for what tell them tell them they had the fucking they had the road closed off so i had to walk up alone and your fucking big ass boots your shoes hurting your ankles um did you learn a lesson what's the lesson you learned because there's a very big lesson there i didn't learn shit bitch i was like damn my uber fucked up and went the wrong way oh no no no it's that you shouldn't care what other people think of you wait hold on write that fuck write that down you think that's an original thought you shouldn't care what other people think of you because if if you do what other people want you to do you're not even doing yourself you're not even being yourself and like the the whole goal of life is to do you to be

yourself so don't do what other people expect of you do you know what i mean do you think that that is an original thought yeah i just invented that right now. Watch all the girlies in the comments. Go ahead. Let them know. It wasn't even like a coherent finish thought. All right. And we're back, baby.

Ha, ha, ha. We ran out of time because we are too stingy to refuse to pay for zoom zoom yeah like absolutely fucking not um but to totally 180 the conversation um i made my mom get be real and it is potentially the cutest thing i have ever seen in my entire fucking life um we'll insert the photos i'm sending them to you right now and yeah um but it's maybe one of the cutest things i've ever had someone do um just so i could see what her day to day life looks like and like it's just so sweet it makes me oh no she's serving down she's on a cruise right now like she's turning oh is she wait was she doing her nails on the cruise uh no she was doing them in her house right before she left yeah right before she left she had to get looking good um but yeah she she's just kind of updating me day to day and i love it so

fucking much and um it makes me kind of sad because i want to see them more often i know living far it's just like it sucks because it's like the lack of inconvenience of being able to drive to your family like it's just like it's such a bigger commitment than it is when you live with them because it's one thing to just drive their house and then leave when you want but it's like no you have to like really pack it out and make it worth your while and stay there for long so that it feels like it was worth like getting on a three to six hour long flight what they need to do is give us those flights that are like for you it would be an hour then for me it would be like two and a half hours to get to my parents house they're like put that bitch in hyperspeed exactly but the craziest thing is my flight to new york was only four hours which

i was actually pissed about because i was supposed to sleep since it was a red eye but it was four hours a little less than four hours on a normal fucking airplane and if they can do it which is crazy because that's supposed to be like almost a six hour flight yeah if they can do it why don't they do it every single time i don't get it but i guess they do have to like maybe it's like safety and like wind and stuff this is bullshit it's all bullshit i don't need to be safe on an airplane i need to get to where i'm going i don't care how or when that's probably the most high def like my fingers have been seen like to the public ever like isn't that kind of crazy damn let me suck on those real quick put them back put them back your mother you're my mother

but yeah basically I was humiliated I've been humiliated all weekend but I got to go to some really good shows I got to see Sandy Liang which was a fucking dream I got to see Baragon which was a fucking dream slay I got to see Puppets and Puppets which was very good um you

should yeah and i was supposed to go to the mirror i was supposed to go to the oh bitch no because i got this old ass iphone i was like i might as well use my eyes while i'm here because these videos suck um but i was supposed to go to the mirror play show but i had to tap out because i was freaking the fuck out yeah i think we both had meltdowns yeah it was just like i i like couldn't believe being around and i'm not really i'm not that i'm not a social person like if i get into conversation with someone i feel like i carry it out really well. But like when I show up somewhere like alone, I'm like, oh, I feel like again, I already feel like an intruder and a baby. Also look at my hand right now.

Like it's a woman's hand. I was talking to Elsie about that. And she was like, oh my God, like that. She saw your hand. She saw my hand the other day and she was like, wow. Like, and you has like a woman's hand. And I was like, I was thinking that the other day because i used to feel like i had baby hands but now as i'm approaching 24 years old which is so scary and crazy um i feel like

i have woman hands we are like in our mid-20s true no i'm 16 bitch don't ever say that to me ever if i can okay well you're 16 but i need you to hurry up and age faster because the fact that i spend all my time with a 16 year old is like it's crazy that we're in our mid 20s like you know what you want us to do is be like you're old as fuck Kai but I love you you're aging gracefully for somebody with the genetics

that you were gifted yeah hello oh my god sorry your Botox looks really good it's cool that kai got a really good botox that you can't tell that he has like botox and filler in it kai do you have the face i don't i don't i swear to god i actually oh yeah it's at 100 baby come back um did y'all see that video of zach efron looking fucking terrifying

like looking like the mask wait yeah do you know why do you know what happened to him didn't he get like crazy filler or something no everybody thought he got plastic surgery but he was running around his house in socks and in his underwear and he slipped fell hit his jaw on the ground it was like hanging down and completely fucked up his jaw and he had to get like reconstructive plastic surgery on his jaw it was super serious dead serious he didn't talk about it because he was like he didn't even know it was happening until his friend was like dude the internet thinks you got plastic surgery and he just recently addressed it in like an interview recently the craziest thing guess what he was chasing guess what he was chasing the bag bitches you said the bag yeah well what he was trying to do was trying to slip and fall on a dildo and just

like kind of scoot around wait drew are you dead serious blood everywhere uh no i'm dead serious about like wait what movie? There's something that something like that happens, that they're sitting in a living room, and they're trying to get someone to sign something, and they're, like, running around, and the guy slips on the rug and, like, hits his head and dies. Oh, that's Breaking Bad.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what episode I'm talking about? Yeah, the dude that, like, has the house. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah um if you're watching the show when you just so happen to be in one of the last seasons like who the fuck told you to watch this fucking podcast episode you dumb bitch yeah literally but don't stop please please don't stop actually unironically what the zach efron thing is fascinating because like i don't i still don't fully know if you're fucking with me, but like, if you're serious, I feel like that's a lie. No, I don't know.

He also said it in an interview. And he was like, I just don't use social media because if I cared and it sucks because like, if I cared as much about how, wait, if i cared as much about how much people think does that make sense like if he cared about what people thought about him as much as people think and care about him right he would like lose his fucking mind but he was just like i i actually don't have social media i don't give a shit and i just collect my bag and i move on which is not just like i watched one of his movies recently called like fire starter because he went to columbia and got some jaw filler that's what happened yeah he got he got fucking bike flat bike juice pumped into his jaw um but he um was in this movie

called fire starter and the only reason why i watched it was because I thought it was like a prodigy documentary. Um, like the, I was going to make that joke. Um, and I started watching it and I was like, Oh, this is a movie about a girl with like fire telekinesis and her parents are both like telekinetic and that. And Zac Efron wasn't it? Yeah.

He was the dad and he had to play like a serious dad role. And I,'t normally say this about people because I am also bad at it. But dude his acting in that was so bad. Like I literally like I was like appalled. Well did you actually know it was because he had a bunch of medication that he had to take after his fucking accident? So it made it really hard for him to even like be a girl. He didn't take any medication because it was a dildo up his butt and that stuff like stops pain it's true well it hurt him because he doesn't do that kind of stuff the male prostate

is basically opium if you can hit it um have you guys seen or heard of that zach efron movie where he plays like an aspiring dj you brought it i have heard of it but i haven't seen it is it funny i mean it's like funny not on purpose because he's he's basically like he's like plays this white dude that's like i need to be famous for make for being a dj and then he like moves to la and the love lead is like emily ratajkowski and he's struggling to make this hit edm song and the way that he breaks through is his friends like bro you have to reference real life like you have to sample the things around you so he like is working on a roof and he's using a nail gun and he samples the nail gun as like the hi-hat and then it like does this whole montage of him like sampling all these objects in the house and creating like

an avicii song it's there is like actually i'm not kidding there's nothing more embarrassing than an rsv like yeah and i was flushing the toilet and like the sound the pitch was a minor and i hit back up i like like charlie pooth bitch you need to go do pottery or something you got don't fucking talk about charlie pooth that's my twin you have got to get off that fucking iphone why is he always on that iphone if i had the money charlie pooth had i would not be on iphone.com i would be out like i would be like not on iphone a gay oh oh a man with an iphone is gay if you work from home you're gay if you eat kiwis you're bisexual just say that why kiwis because that's a gay ass fruit because it's like a little ball sack but also when you open it it's coochie i just i like think about a kiwi yeah it's not a straight fruit it is a little fruity yeah true drew you got a little

sugar in your tank huh what the fuck did you just say to him was that a slur where you call yeah like that was really derogatory like what are you saying that's like a funny thing that and during pride month and during pride month pride month babe every month is pride month babe get into it that was 9-11 that was inya to me recently was like um you know drew i've like been watching you walk for like three months now and like you're you have like a gayer walk recently and i and it has literally like freaked me out because i was like i do and i like even recorded myself walking you've been swinging those hips a little more than you know what it is it's because one of my

legs is shorter than the other um and it makes me walk weird no it's because being ran through is having its side effects. It's because I have such a giant fucking cock. It's like a tripod, and I have to walk with three legs. Ew. Speaking of this, I went on the subreddit for the podcast recently, and I think it's like the highest rated post on the subreddit, and it's the video of that little baby gorilla.

Oh, yeah. And the title just says Drew. I love video i'm gonna recreate it i'm literally gonna recreate it like that monkey is living so peacefully and it's because it doesn't have tiktok like dead ass they need to do like a test run and give monkeys like iphones that are connected to the internet and see what the fuck happens like i'm pretty sure they have they gave them like neural link no that's like oh they did they literally did and they yeah they all died that's what i that's what i'm a human i can take that shit i swear to god i want it so bad.

I don't think you will like that. Because you already think, bitch, you went through a whole phase where you thought people were following you. Oh, my God, Drew. Drew installing Grindr into his brain. He's like, get it out. Get it out. Drew just like in his bed going i was ignoring him faking like he's doing and talking shit about me while doing it

um i'm i'm grinder famous i don't know if that's something to brag about i had 700 views the other day they get they give you bitches a view count over there see the thing is i've never had any kind of dating or hooking up app because i live in real life and i get bitches in real life and it's like super easy like i get picked up quick i'm sought after i'm hot commodity like i don't have to like um but yeah y'all are fucking freaks i'm just never going back to la i think like i don't like i just don't feel like i need to go back me but instead of being in la i'm gonna fly okay the truth is i didn't go back to la because one i want to see my family. So currently when this episode goes up, I will be in Miami and preparing my body to see Lady Gaga. Oh.

Hello? Where did you go? Hello? Why did you get off the screen? How are you going to see Gaga without me? I'm sorry. I had to. Because you've been like, oh, I'm straight. I'm straight. I straight i'm straight so i was like he doesn't want to see lady gaga like i want to see your mother

you did miss lady gaga though so that is kind of sad is she gonna oh i don't give a fuck about lady gaga like who do you want to see like jack harlow yep oh yeah mgk let's go square legs dead mouse naked like just a couple to name of things like you shouldn't say that about a woman you don't know like that's that's just how you feel why do you put your voice down so low like it's like you're playing a character so then it makes me confused because then i don't believe it you guys get so bloody pressed when a man calls oh you know what that reminds me me. I'm going to save a bunch of the topics I have for when we're back at home

because I feel like it has to be the extravaganza episode. But why will this always be a thing? You get a red slushie and get a blue one when people try to figure out our tongues are purple. You cannot read bitch that was crazy well i understood i it was like why we get we each get a slushy one's red one's blue then we make out and we make purple in our mouths which one is not how that works like that's it but why is that that has always been like since the dawn of

time on the internet that has been like a thing people say like let's go to 7-eleven and then make out like like what are you talking about like yeah it's very tumblr but like the fact that it's still happening with this like weird vinnie hacker-esque guy i'm like why will there always be like an awkwardly buff like young man who's like talking like this and like why are there always people who want to see someone talking like this like the world is genuinely way too vast like it is girl um i was i stumbled do you remember the coffee family on vine like payton coffee all those like that family well i like they're basically like a content house family but they like are kind of shrouded in like a lot of levels of love like they do love each other

but they all make content and it's very scheduled or it seems very scheduled and very inauthentic and it started with the dad on vine well the kids got tick tocks blew the up on tick tock like they're massive and i like went to their eyes the other day and i went to the boys ig go to his ig it's crazy like on the photos the captions are like leave a like if you want to date me or like why aren't we dating like i want to date you and like all this crazy and like why are we dating like i want to date you and like all this crazy shit and like why are we dating i want to date you can i see you can you please answer my text it's literally crazy because like these little girls are like i'll date you i'll date you i'll date you to go swimming who wants to go on a date back in hawaii physique update don't look at the caption look at me she said dress nice

who else is excited for summer but that's all I'm reposting five people on my story who post this on their story and tag me oh what more to come like it's a

one kiss is all it takes pick up the phone one kiss is all it takes but yeah it's just so crazy bitch i got a sip of soda and i'm a while in the fuck up i that is gross that you were drinking that chips that is what is left behind at the gas station in the bathroom like what you just picked up and you are drinking it i need you to tell me what this fucking is you carry on for just a second but i found something underneath the sink and it is actually maybe the most disgusting scary thing i've ever seen in my life why did you keep it because i

wanted to fucking ask you if you knew what it was because it's literally terrifying it it is maybe the source of the black mold in our house hold on oh my god this guy um anyway yeah i just can't believe that there is always a space on the internet for stuff like that and it's like so crazy it's like i feel like um i saw this tiktok recently where it was like it was like a like middle school lunch area and there are these two weird kids like making out it was like the weird couple that were like way too physically affectionate and like weirds everybody out i'm back are you ready i don't i actually don't think you're ready what the fuck is this what is this that's new i know it's new i don't know what the fuck it is have you asked around oh my god i literally just realized what it is it's my fucking cum jar i forgot about it

this is like i got scared that it was something like really bad and you were like we're gonna have to know this is actually i don't know what it is. That's ayahuasca juice. I asked Josh if he knew what it was, and he was like, no. And Josiah watered my plants, and I was like, what the fuck? But it doesn't stink. The fact that you see that under the sink, and you were brave enough to give it a whiff. Well, no, I grabbed it out, and I was like,

I was like, I need to water my plants oh it's water wednesday everybody you should change your watering schedule for your plants to wednesday so you remember ww water wednesday you only need to water your plants once a week that's a big mistake everybody makes is they water them every day that's why i never water my fucking plants um but i pulled it out and i was like what the fuck is this and i was like oh maybe it's just like plant but no it's nothing it kind of looks like dip spit um if you've ever seen dip spit yeah one time i was at a my brother's seventh grade football game so i was probably like three or four and it's like one of my most visceral memories and we were sitting in the stands and uh i saw like a gatorade bottle in a soda soda can

and then i had my own gatorade bottle and the two other bottles were my dad's and i grabbed what i thought was my gatorade bottle i opened it and drank it and it was my dad's dip spit and i drank his spit mixed with fucking nicotine and tobacco and i drank it and it was the most vile thing i have ever put into my body as a four-year-old like it was it was crazy and it wasn't the only time that you clarifying as a four-year-old like because you've had worse shit as of now like as a four-year-old that was the worst thing ever but now it's probably very low i started doing crazy shit it sounded like you needed like government involvement in your childhood yeah yeah okay wait kai what were you saying you said the tiktok the two weird kids um making out it was just like, yeah, it was like an eighth grade lunch area.

And there were these two like kids like all over each other, like straddling each other. Drew, what are you doing? Okay. Oh, he's lip syncing. He's lip syncing to you. Oh, okay. Yeah. So they were like straddling each other

and in the comments it was like why are there why is there always like a super horny weird couple at everybody's middle school and i was like i had that at my at my school there were like weird kids that wore fedoras and i'm so envious of those kids because they are able to be themselves. Oh, my fucking God. Wait. They took my advice and be yourself because first you have to love yourself. I don't think they were taking your advice. Why do you keep saying that? Like, you've definitely been told that. How the hell are you going to love someone else if you don't even love yourself?

That one's good, too, Drew. You should write that down. Can you write it down? Why don't you write it down? No, but I fully know what you mean and i am unironically like jealous of those kids because they fully are literally themselves and they're okay with it and i bet they were raised by really cool parents yeah um i never had that experience because I was like quarterback and super popular. I was too busy getting bitches. And like I had to.

Yeah, exactly. Well, at my middle school, all the popular kids were the horny ones. Like the quiet kids like were not like the horny ones. Like the popular kids were always ones being fucking horny and doing crazy shit. I was supposed to be one of those quiet, weird kids, but I faked it. Until you made it. Yeah, you did. You're still faked it until you made it yeah you did you're still now i'm an inspiration to all of them and i love you look look at me look at me i love you i love you why don't we go on a date leave a like if you want to date me i want like someone to go into my ear with like a pressure washer girl i have a penis

i can do pressure washing with my wiener yeah i'll just like take it and you know when you bend a hose so that the pressure is like stronger i'll just do that with your wiener while you're yeah you just pinch the tip a little bit put your thumb over it yeah um okay so there was this tiktok of worms that have been um had had their guts uh populated with literally me plastic um plastic eating bacteria so these worms can eat bacteria and then i mean eat plastic and the bacteria in their guts um dissolve it and make it um what is it compost waste yeah bio waste i don't know um but it's like it makes it so these worms can eat plastic and survive and then break down plastic as well. So it's life saving, earth saving, whatever.

Why was I tagged in that video? I actually don't know why, but I was tagged in that video more than any other video. Because you've talked about it. That's how I know about that. I actually talked about it. Yeah, you were like they've done this and they need to like step it up so that we could just keep using plastic which is actually one of my notes i was like damn it's actually shameful that plastic is so bad because it is so fun like i love little plastic things like that's it um i and i love being wasteful

okay yeah i was about to say you're losing me there but i like consuming as much garbage and shit as possible to fill the landfill and create more garbage on the ocean islands is actually my goal like that's really what i want yeah that's what i'm thinking like everybody i just like to be going against the grain and i feel like everybody everybody is like, oh my God, we got to do this. We got to do that. But I think like I'm going to buy an island and see how fast I can fill it with my own trash. That is actually fucking genius.

New Mr. Beast video idea. Mr. Beast. Mr. Beast is the least sustainable human on earth. Okay. Speaking of sustainability, this kind of taps in. So like if you look around my room, it's pretty like maximal like i have everything all of it all the time today was the first time that i came home and i was like i was already kind of in like a bad mood not like a bad mood but just like it could have became a bad mood and i looked around at my space and i freaked the out i was

like there's too much shit in here. It's too cluttered. Now I'm okay with it. But like, I haven't ever felt that about my space. And it scared me because it's the beginning of the end. I think I'm going to like have to get rid of everything. You know what it is, is the bedroom I stayed in New York was like perfect. Oh, yeah.

It was just so like empty. Yeah. But I think about that too. I'm like, damn, at one point, well, I stopped having stuff. But I like having stuff. I think about that too i'm like damn at one point well i stopped having stuff but i like having stuff i think we just need to do a better job at like spreading it through the house but that would mean like buying more furniture for the rest of the house and i'm like are we gonna move like what is our issue like i don't know i sent you a new house i sent you a new listing that is literally below our budget four bedrooms three bath and it has a house in the back one of the bedrooms is a

house in the back that has a kitchen in its own bathroom attached so we can make that either the podcast story studio or my bedroom either one well i actually just looked it up and fucking charlie bought the house dem D'Amelio? Yes. Charlie Charlie challenge. Put two pencils on top of each other and ask a question. Dixie looks so good with a shaved head. She fucking ate down. I don't want to see shit about her not eating because she fucking ate.

I would not survive with a shaved head. You kind of did, though. You had like a tiny little haircut. I just have to like i have like a like a wider baby face and i don't have the jawline for that from certain angles bitch no if i had a shaved head i would literally look like a neanderthal like i would literally look so bad i already have like kind of the like caveman forehead a bit and if i shave my head it would be bad we'll just shave that brow bone down girl you're my neanderthal baby yeah well i'm just like a furry man i have

hair all over my body and like i love my fur and like yeah you got a nice big cock too it's funny because you only get so many words to share every single episode and those are the ones you choose i know i have like a tweet amount of words each episode we give you 120 characters 44 characters um okay this headphone is like actually hurting my ear i feel like i'm a bitch i'm about to start fucking answering calls with this big bitch in my ear oh the the one tiktok uh the twink and the mean girl oh her boyfriend putting on the mean lady yeah yeah yeah her boyfriend putting on her program which i fucking love being called a program um of the twink and the mean lady i know i was like you know what that is a pretty good first straight twink first straight twink right here no drew i think they like i don't know that they identify you as straight which maybe we have to clarify that you are the

first straight twink oh no i commented it on okay i made sure people knew first straight twink alert um and i i saw that and i was like, am I really classified as the mean lady? And then I was like, you know what? Like on my friend Leibowitz shit, like, yeah. On my friend Leibowitz, Joan Rivers, yeah. And fuck you, bitches. I will say, but being bitter and hateful is over. Yeah, it is.

Like I've been like tapping out. Like you would be shocked someone brought someone up that I would love to talk shit about and i was like you know what i'm not gonna be giving my energy here anymore but i will continue to be hateful like there is no undoing that like god gave me that one strain of dna that makes me bitter and hateful and honestly like it is my one joy in life is like complaining and being a fucking cunt like i am nice to the people i love and i am nice to strangers but if you do anything that deserves hey i'm nice to strangers to the ones you love no to ones who haven't given me a reason to be a bitch i'm just fucking with you and even ones who like give me a reason to be a bitch usually i'm too frightful to actually be mean to strangers because i'm like

you know what that's not worth it they're gonna hit me yeah i'm like youful to actually be mean to strangers because i'm like you know what that's not worth they're gonna hit me yeah i'm like you're crazy and you might fucking hit me bitch um yeah but yeah i will i will never ever be better than hateful i think i'm tapping out of it for now it comes in waves like i'm like i love being hateful i love being hateful i am the meanest person alive and then i dip way deep down and i'm, I don't want to partake in the shit talking like as much as I used to love it. It just isn't for me right now. However, of course, I say this every single time.

There is one person when their name is brought up. I. It's going down. It's deserved. It's deserved. Let me just say that much. Also, like we need to clarify we don't sit around and like talk shit what we really do is sit around with our friends and put on really fucked up dumb videos on youtube and then crack up at it and the fucked up dumb videos in question

aren't that fucked up and dumb we're literally like let's look up lightning and flooding about to say chance is futile when life is infinite think about that life is not infinite well like the universe true true so think about that i'm thinking like i'm thinking basically if the universe is infinite and if time is infinite sorry sorry, I fucked up the quote. Chance is futile when time is infinite. If it really does go on forever and ever and ever and ever, in 80 trillion billion quadrillion years, there will be another universe where we host a podcast and except of it doing well, it tanks and flops.

Bitch, true. That flops. Bitch. True. That's what's happening. Are we in our flap era? We're in our flop era. Well, no, what it is is we're not in our flop era because the same people tune in each week, but not enough bitches are making TikToks. Yeah.

Like where are the clip? You know what it is too? It's like I don't, I'm always like where, why don't people thirst over me as if I don't post a photo every once a month? And it's like the photo of me in question is literally dark lit and like you can't see me. I need to take IG pictures.

I haven't posted since me and Bella broke up. We have the nude ones of you. Oh, I actually, I caught up with Bella and like, she misses you. She misses you a lot. She was like, granted, like she was off a kin or two, but she was like, she was going in.

She was like, I miss him. Like, I miss his smell. Sometimes when I walk by, like like, um, like a wet towel that's been out for too long and like was folded up on itself i'm like oh like that mildew reminds me of drew and i miss him a lot and yeah are you like are you are you telling the truth right now because i'm fucking lying bitch i didn't fucking hang out with bella like why like in what world would she kill yourself bitch die die you're gonna die you're gonna die ew me when i'm on omegle at the age of 10 and i'm covering my camera

all right well that was it for this episode. Thank you guys so much for listening. And here's my media. Also good news. I will not be, um, cutting my hair anymore. It's finally at a healthy length that I cut off all the dead ends. I know people are going to be like, Oh my God, it feels like your hair hasn't been growing, but it's actually because I've been cutting it a lot. So don't be mean to me. No one said that to me. That's just me like being insecure. I have really bad news because I've still just been listening to Amplified Heart. It's literally like the only thing I listen to.

I liked that new Khalilah song. Washed Away. liked that new kalila song um washed away and then i was listening to stereo lab but that will be ending because i won't be seeing them and it will make me sad yeah i'm seeing stereo lab on the 15th um i love your smile by shice is still something in rotation. Yeah, I have nothing new in rotation. Sorry, guys. Oh, but I did watch Funny Pages and I really liked it.

Good movie. Really good movie. And I watched Class Action Park and I loved it, except I hate when like fucking people who are in their 40s are like, I just grew up at a different time man it was the fucking best which is like something we do we're always like we're the last generation that went outside but these bitches are like we went outside we were like our parents didn't check up on us and I was like so you mean CPS was supposed

to be involved what the fuck are you bragging about bitch um but yeah okay word um well uh i've been listening to a lot of new stuff recently actually um obviously i have to shout out young lean's new songs lazy summer day is actually a smash hit and y'all need to recognize now before it blows up later so you can say oh i was there before it blew up because this is another like pop-off song for him i've been getting into i think it's bow house um b-a-u-h-a-u-s and i really like bella lugosi's dead the official version that's really good been listening to big thief a little bit so like mary and cattails are like really really nice and dragon new warm mountain i believe or something like that also hearing that live was awesome we never i don't know if we ever said but they

invited us to the show and it was so good yeah it was literally such it was insane adrian linker is so good it's sick for sick is so good um but also this is a crazy new development mazi star is in my rotation oh you've been you've been tapping into mrs maziana i haven't gone too deep yet i've only really listening listen to like fade into you and cry cry but fade into you is like on the same level of hyper as like hyper ballad in my brain where like i can scream every single lyric to that song and i like and i can listen to it over and over and over again and it's one of those songs that it's so embarrassing but i put it on and i literally feel like the main character like i am like the main character it's just such a good song you

should listen to the album among My Swan. Among My Swan. It's the one that Cry Cry is on. I love that album. Also, you have like a minute left because Zoom is going to cut us off. And then for movies and TV, I've been watching the new Game of Thrones spinoff. Really good.

But with all that said, thank you guys so fucking much for listening uh we love you genuinely thank you like unironically thank you for tuning in each and every week like you are amazing and can't wait to be back at home yep in our stink dungeon in our stinky dungeon set.