Emergency Intercom - The World Will End In Three Years/Coachella Outfits

Episode Date: April 22, 2022

Enya and Drew reminisce about their traumatic Coachella / wingbot experiences then almost make Ky cry. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Welcome Back To Emergency

Don't fucking Shush me cause I'm gonna slap the fuck out of you Girl it was a reference to fucking lord fuck you oh my god I hit her I hit her it was a reference to lord

you know the lord video shh I am my mother's child I love you to my breathing now

this is okay lord this is okay lord slander because we are lord stands yeah I love her

don't get it twisted I am my mother's child girl that hurt my hand are you okay no that didn't hurt my fucking hand

that hurt my hand so bad see cause you're a little fucking't hurt my fucking hand. That hurt my hand so bad. See, because you're a little fucking bitch and that's how you know you would lose in a fight to me so don't ever fucking step up to me because I'm going to beat the shit out of you. It's because I have so much love for you and I would never ever do that to you that I know I would lose in a fight

because I would lay down immediately. No, you're fucking competitive ass. You would fucking try to beat the shit out of me and then you'd be embarrassed. Wait, my competitive ass when you fought me on an argument today that I won. My competitive ass when I got seven kills in Fortnite today. She did.

I was fucking killing it, but somebody had a tank, so they murdered me. Yeah. If only you would have just followed my directions. I said, don't go down that side of the hill. Don't fucking talk to me while I'm playing my damn game. I am tapped in. I'm not listening to you bitches. I said, don't go down that hill.

Do not go down that hill. And you went down the hill and he died in the storm is seven good for you or it's like a lot for you i've never seen you play fortnight that's the funny thing no fortnight no bitches what do you have his white skin oh jesus christ ugly and look at how it's look look at how it is aging i'm sorry i know you look beautiful you're a beautiful man thank you thank you i have a picture of kai in my passenger seat that i took to send to a friend like the other day and literally like the person i sent it to was like wow kai looks beautiful in that wait what yeah send it to him yeah send me that you you saw because you were next to me and you wouldn't shut up and i you saw you looked at my phone to see the picture and you were like i look good there

really yeah i must have blacked out from the k the cayenne or the cayenne in your podcast sorry i forgot let me untwist my legs because i'm really insecure someone commented on my weird ass legs how i sit and i that is valid because you sit like a fucking little licorice like swirl what did you just call me what was that no like a twizzler how the twizzlers are twisted that's a new slur calling you a licorice twirl look i immediately went back i immediately it is really comfortable no it's nice but it makes it it's squeezing my member in a way that's you know that's why i sit like that that's why i sit like that because it's to give some pressure to your member yeah no i um am sitting like this and i already have really bowed legs like when i walk like my my like fibula and what is it not femur it's fibula and tibia are like literally like bowed out already so when i walk it looks really fucking weird and when i do this it like bows them out more i just

can feel my bones bending we were so mean as kids like literally pointed because it'd be like damn you're bow legged as fuck no same that is mean i had a friend who had the duck feet that went wait is duck feet there's one that goes in and one that goes out when you're duck footed no duck footed is when you stand like this yeah his went in like this and he would i wanted to be duck-footed because all the cute girls who were like sneaker heads had their like size three feet turned in like that and i was one of those girls who's like you know and sometimes in photos i'll just tweak my feet a little bit in because it's really cute and i'm just like that's just cute cutesy oh don't look at my socks why are

those your coachella socks no oh girl no dirty motherfucker no these are no instead drew didn't have socks and he asked for my song i had socks but i wore too many pairs and i wore a pair to sleep and if they felt like they were gluing to my skin already and i was like i'm not wearing these today wait are those mid low rise socks bitch you're mid low rise socks? Bitch, you're mid low rise socks. Oh, you are mid as fuck. No, yes, they are. They are. And everybody in the comments saying all their fucking weird ass little things about my socks. Like, no, you can't buy them.

No, you can't buy them. Yeah. So we went to Coachella. That shit was fucking lit. That shit was mid. Mid city. Oh, my God. I literally felt like I went to midtown you were

literally so ungrateful it's insane you can't that's one one thing about anya is she can't like anything no one thing about me is i'm gonna keep it real and y'all are on fucking meth that's why you're having fun like that's one thing about me is i won't be joining y'all doing meth like that's the thing about me yeah fair me when i literally wanted to do i wanted to do molly so fucking bad i was like i'm gonna let loose i'm gonna really talk i'm like i'm gonna let loose like i did in high school and go fucking crazy and melt my brain and put holes in my brain and like i'm gonna have fun and i'm gonna be depressed for a week and when it came down to it i couldn't do it i was too scared i was scared i mean you know what it is it's like i okay but you have to like agree with me i'm not being a belligerent

hater literally to everyone who i talk to about it i'm like it is just not for me like i can see how it's fun for other people but for me i just like genuinely didn't get that. And that's okay. Like that's okay that it wasn't for me. Like, yeah, I don't know. Like I just don't think it was for me. I'm really like, I love live music. I think that was my biggest error was I got, I got the chance to go. I got given a ticket. So I was like, dude, I'm going to go.

Like if I'm getting given tickets, like I'm going to go with me and my friends it's gonna be fun but the thing was i wasn't dying to see anybody on the lineup and that was my first like big problem you see how i can't talk without you trying to take attention you're going to fucking hell and you're gonna perish every single waking moment of your fucking afterlife and then when you pass away again you will go deeper into the pits of fucking hell and you will burn into ashes and then those ashes will be blown into a fire girl reincarnation is real yeah your fucking reincarnation is gonna be a duck and i'm gonna fucking shoot it because i'm gonna be a hunter my next life sorry i wasn't saying anything you said that you didn't like was i talking i was literally not talking no i loved me coachella coachella was

the thing is drew was miserable like eight times like eight times each day he had a moment where he would just be silent and walking off and me and aaron would be like okay like yeah it's because i got called a slur one time no you would use after that you weren't even fazed it was literally like what was it you were lying because i was depressed and then i got a shot in me and i was like you know what i'm gonna live my life were they wrong no They were telling the truth. I guess, no, you were. But the times I'm thinking of you throwing a fit, that's not when you throw a fit. That wasn't throwing a fit. You were having like a normal reaction to something that was like fucking offensive and mean.

But like I'm talking about like I don't remember what it was. There were like three instances where you just like I don't know what bothered you, but you just went silent. And you would just walk and me and Aaron would be like, all all right let's just let him like walk like 500 feet in silence the first instance was the venmo for the oh for the pedi bike that shit was a fucking man the thing about drew is what drew will be is is pushed over the edge by a minor inconvenience that is what one thing about me is i will be angry you will be angry about minor inconvenience because we had literally the nicest driver for those bikes you could take to the entrance like he was just like oh yeah like i wasn't angry with the driver no i don't think you were angry with him but that's i'm just like let me finish

like he wasn't like pressuring you but you put pressure on yourself to like we didn't have service and the driver was just fine he was like oh yeah like that's why i feel his energy he was like yeah that's why i usually tell people to do it like over there because this happened and he was just like no one's allowed to tell me anything ever he was just standing there waiting if i'm wrong no one can tell me i'm right and everybody was just silent waiting and i think the silence is what killed drew drew literally was just like oh my my fucking God, oh my fucking God, like to himself.

No, not one person. I know Ryan was like, oh, I'll try on my phone. And like, we were just like standing there and Drew just like kept getting mad and it was literally making me laugh so much. I was like, I can't believe this is happening to me right now. No, he was like, this is literally the worst day of my fucking life. The thing about Drew is he's going to say

it's the worst day of his life every single day. It does not get worse than the worst day of my fucking life that the thing about jerry's he's gonna say it's the worst day of his life every single day it does not get worse than the worst day of my life every single day and well that's the thing is every single day is the worst day of my life if you live like that the good days are better damn damn you didn't say anything just now you literally live your life like worst. Live your life like every day is the worst day of your life because it can only go up from there. That is actually a bar. It's like live your life like it's the last day. No. I do not agree with that.

Not for a split second. Because the thing is that saying doesn't make sense because if it was my last day, I would literally just kill myself. Oh, my God. because if it was my last day i would literally just kill myself oh my god um but yeah i'm so sorry you feel like that we can get through this we can get through this we can get through this this is our new handshake the thing is we're like why do we keep getting demonetized it's like i'm not fingering your fucking hand pussy right now all me and drew your hand pussy drew is on his computer today and i went in and i was like oh my god oh my god and like he had his headphones in and i just went true and i started pointing to his member and i was like please oh girl i thought you were bringing up when we were in the bed when you're looking at christians or when you need the calendar no that was scary dude he is such a fucking tweak

literally i grabbed his ipad and i go calendar like i was like i need to see the calendar and he snatched his ipad from me he's like no you don't know what's in there and i was like what is on your calendar i was like and i was trying to think i was like is he planning a trip that he hasn't told me about that he's like anxious about? Like what, what the fuck could he be doing? Bitch,

we opened the calendar app and it gave the thing that when an app was open for the first time, like the instructions for the calendar app. You can never be too productive. I was expecting the schedule

to be completely blocked out with grinder dates. Like literally. With the notifications on too. But it literally was like an unused app and then i'm just scared that maybe something's somewhere one time someone went to use my computer and they saw that i was watching something and then that's like that is easily the most embarrassing thing that could ever happen to me is if y'all found out what type of porn i watch i would actually have to kill myself i tell y'all what i watch i don't give a fuck i mean y'all know

what i do oh you're gonna kill me oh it's different like y'all know what i watch but i know to see it see what i watch yeah i know what you mean you know what's so funny is the way that i used to watch porn just on my tab and then delete my history until you were like, oh, I just do it in incognito and that actually changed my life. I see so many people that have their phone in infinite incognito mode and I'm like, I know you're watching porn in that browser. Look, do this. Open an incognito tab, then close out the incognito tab

and go back and it's even more secretive. Yeah. But I, Kai, let me see your phone. Oh, fuck. It's in private browsing mode. See not for why no but that's because kai swear somebody wants to hack him yeah he swears the government is watching him of all people i do he's always incognito mode because the government's watching him yeah because we want to see what kai is doing on his phone bitch he'd be like open robin hood open ig

he also deleted like the wallet app because he doesn't use real money because he's a little freak and he lives on the fucking internet and yeah kai i give you permission go ahead explain it explain what oh my fucking god crypto like i literally threw a slam dunk for you and you airballed this you i you did not like two people in this room had no idea what you were talking about i guarantee josh knows what i was talking about josh is not listening he just left the house yeah go ahead and no it's no the way it's silent it's silent y'all are literally constantly y'all are literally y'all are constantly trying to bring me down. Y'all are literally... Y'all are constantly trying to bring me down. It's crazy. The vibes in here are fucking crazy.

And it's like scary. It's almost... It's like... This is a dangerous space for me. Every time I sit in this seat with you and Kai next to me, it becomes a dangerous, hostile environment. Write a fucking book about it. I might have to.

I'm so affectionate and nice to you. It's true. Me too. India, however, is a hostile. Winch. I am the only person keeping this psychopath grounded in reality. He texted me today and he texted me and was like, Drew, you are like literally clinically insane, insane, like out of nowhere. And I was like, oh, my God, what did I do?

Like, actually, what did I do? Like, did I do something wrong? And then I like she didn't text back. And I was like, what? She didn't text me back. So I had to call her call her and i was like why did you say that about me and then when i was on the phone with her it was like she was having a conversation with someone else and i was like oh my fucking god like i literally like did something to make her actually angry with me like i don't know what i did and then she was just like oh we were just talking shit about you and then like we were kind of just like drew's insane yeah we were literally it was me and elsie we were just like drew is genuinely like a clinically insane

person it's okay like people talk shit about me i'm used to oh yeah coach had i ever heard of it oh me when i've only been one place ever and i have to keep the fucking mementos no see one thing about me is i will keep a souvenir and it's gonna i say that like i don't keep every fucking like pass or ticket i put a clero sticker on my wall yeah i have that i have that one the tyler one and i have both of those tickets still yeah i was like this is a cute memento wait isn't there a movie called memento yeah cool i'm just flexing my like damn i was showing shoulder like yeah you look i know for a split second someone's like okay he looks good right now i know that for a fact yeah i mean it's the way that i'm sexy out of that many people there

is the chance of one other clinically insane person watching who thought that there were 32,000 people like i'm not even joking i thought that there were 32 000 people like i'm not even joking i genuinely believe there are 32 000 people on this earth that see me and like how many people have jerked off to me like at least 32 000 are you actually on that you are like belligerently delusional right now 32 000 there are people watching this right now where they're like kind of embarrassed and like oh my god i shouldn't have done that yeah they're thinking of like something naughty they did i think you think you are timothy chalamet like i genuinely think you are like

on the same level as timothy chalamet no timothy chalamet is ugly as shit except for in dune he'll get that pass me i'm you can't talk you can't the thing is you can't just say things about our friends like on a public girl, he knows that we're still friends. I can call my friend ugly. And I can call my friend sexy like Kai. Kai is sexy and we're still friends. You think Kai is sexy and Timothee Chalamet is ugly? Yes.

Yep. There really are different people everywhere on that. That is actually a genuine... Kai, to me, is more attractive than Timothee Chalamet. No way. I swear to God. On everything. Oh my God. 100 god can we pause for a second why are you gonna cream we're gonna hear his member thumping against the bottom of the fucking table

pulsing his pulsing my member is literally fucking thumping blushing drew make me blush yeah i know like that that's what i was like yeah that's what i do to people like making it about myself like i am that shit crazy that's the craziest part oh is this on yeah but i mean it's like me yeah it sounds good why why would i do that like why would i do that but okay so and you had a miserable coachella experience no okay the thing is what's annoying is like i didn't have a miserable experience like i everybody pushing your button okay everybody kept to good no because i did hear from people being like you're like like oh we want to see like literally people were telling me to smile and i was like i can just like be somewhere and not be having the time of my life

you're a pretty girl but i'm not somebody who goes out and i'm like fucking grinning from ear to ear every day of my life anyway so i don't know why in the middle of the desert with lungs shooting up my fucking ass and down my throat which is like what dust what did i say lungs wow how the fuck are you gonna shoot lungs so i was thinking about organs up my ass and down my throat and i like fucked it up um there's nothing i love more than telling a girl to smile and i know like you're like all girls that would imply that you were talking to girls and off top you're not doing that all girls should just smile more like you'd be more pretty. You'd be way more pretty.

You'd be way more pretty if you smiled more. Yeah. And wear, don't wear makeup. Actually, though. Anyway, I'm just like, I can't be. Don't need makeup. I literally can't be. That actually, that was too real, Kai.

What did you say? He just said, he was like, actually, though. But it was like, it was. Girl, you look so much better without makeup also you should smile more and you should like twerk yeah you should wear short you should wear like a skirt like so when you twerk that ass has freedom to like that's what i was saying the whole time and yeah i was literally grinding my fucking butt on you i know me and in you were grinding like we've never grinded before it was crazy and so were me were me and Orion. Yeah, we were all like on one.

But it was just because like you have to, you have, like the thing about Coachella is you do have to shake that ass. Like you really do. But yeah, I just like, I don't know. Something about it, like it wasn't clicking for me. I went and I felt like I had to like have a drink to like be like free and like feel okay about being there. And when I did get that drink in me i would have a

blast yeah but that's kind of what it is i feel like but that's but like see i don't like like like that like i think i just wanted i wanted to go there and just immediately be like satisfied with being there but then i was like oh wait i actually don't think this is like my kind of scene like yeah i just don't think it was for me like i i also like didn't like dress up like i didn't like buy outfits for it i'd like i really just went because i was like oh i want to go experiencing experience it which that was my downfall is wanting to have a new experience you should just stick to what you know and like never leave the house true true i mean for me that shit was a blast.

Yeah, Drew did have fun. I had fun. Although there were moments where, like, I was miserable, I feel like that's, like, part of the Coachella, like, experience. It's like you'd be very miserable for the first two hours, then you have a drink, and then you have a fucking blast, and you walk through these thick-ass crowds of, like, sweaty, disgusting humans, looking at all of them in the face, and you're like, damn, like damn like you're a human being and you're having so much fucking fun and like this is your escape

and you're literally living your best life and i don't know why but there was a moment when i was walking out of the baby keem concert i know i've told y'all both this but i was like literally we both literally had the same moment where we were like holy shit i had tears welling in my eyes where i was like damn like we're all in this shit together like even though the world's ending in three years like we're still gonna have fun no it was that was like but i it was sweet but also scared me because i was like oh my god when we were walking out of that crowd it was just like bright lights on people's faces so i was really seeing everyone's face and everyone was looking at me because i was just walking towards like through them so obviously they were just gonna look at the person walking

past them so i was just making eye contact i think i made eye contact within the span of two minutes with 200 fucking humans and that actually freaked me out because then again like we were saying on the last episode i'm like oh my god like people like humans are like it's humans watching this like i i'm like i like to think i'm self-aware where i'm like okay yeah everybody on the internet is like an individual with their own life but it's very easy especially in the past three years when like your interactions with human has like been cut down so much to what it used to be like physically being in that space and like seeing all these people and i was like holy shit every number on the internet is like a

there's a real person behind that number and that is so fucking scary and that was like actually freaking me out and then i was like oh my god there's so many people here like there's 250,000 people here right now in this plot of land and that is so fucking insane and it was actually greening me out also um i got high and i think it just made me sleepy so i was like i want to go lay down yeah um i just like i literally like it just made me sleepy so i was like i want to go lay down yeah um i just like i literally like the pictures i posted on ig like i genuinely was about to take a nap and then i was cracking up and i was like this is so funny i'm like at coachella right now like laying on the ground like begging to go to sleep yeah my uh my favorite sets of Coachella were in no specific order

Baby Keem Spiritualized Caroline Polachek that bitch can yodel like she can sing she can perform in all of her like hand movements and gestures I was like oh like not only are you like

an incredible live singer but like you like know how to move your body. Which, like, is just really surprising to me when anybody can do it. Because I literally can't. Oh, you move your body when you need to. Yeah. Like, in bed with you. Yeah.

I know. That's from back. Like, that's a thing. Well, keep going. Sorry. I really enjoyed the last bit of Flume set. That was like a really like a full circle moment for me. I was like, oh, wow, like this is this is really big for me right now. What did we see?

We saw I saw Harry Styles and like leading up to Harry Styles. I was like, this shit's going to be boring. Like I'm not going to enjoy Harry Styles. Like I don't even know any of his music. And i was with kai and our buddy rames and i literally knew the lyrics to every fucking song and i was just like dancing the entire time and they're like i thought you didn't know who the fuck harry styles was and i was like i didn't realize i knew every song and i am enjoying the fuck he that man put on a performance no that he turned it out he was like you know what i'm gonna do is tap into prince and david bowie but i'm gonna like tap it yeah not just

like turn that service he's like i'm gonna that was another show where i was like holy shit this is one of those things that in 10 years some kids gonna be looking at the video or like 20 years some kids gonna be looking at a video and be like oh my god i wish i was there and i was like i'm here so yeah there of course there were moments where i was enjoying myself but i think in general i also just don't want it to come off as insanely ungrateful like obviously i'm very very like satisfied and like grateful for the fact that i got to go i was given a ticket like i got to be there that's awesome i think like would i go back maybe not like yeah i just think there were like enough cons of it that i was like like this is the best for me but harry styles was so

fucking good i was also like if you know me i was a directioner like also worst fan name ever like i'm sorry like we have to go back and like talk that. Directioner? It should be directionals. Or erectioner. Or boners. What was that first one you said? You're trying to jump off of Drew's idea. Yeah, I was trying to piggyback. Erectioners.

No, you said directioners. Directionals. Yeah, that was bad. Sentinels? Sentinels? Yeah, isn't that like a character in a movie? Like, that was bad. That was really bad. What are Sentinels? Sentinels? Yeah. Isn't that like a character in a movie? I think it's Sentinels.

Like, BTS has an army. Bitch. That is. That's the army. That is crazy. Like, that's literally. The beehive. The beehive.

Yeah, like, okay. The barbs. The Directioners. Like, cool name. Like, but whatever. Nonetheless, I was one. Tatted on my back. What's Ariana Grande?

Arianators I love you the Areolas we're not criticizing the fanbase we're criticizing the names wait fuck literally Frankie Grande was dancing with Anita

that guy who looked just like Frankie Grande that was crazy that was good we got to Coachella and I was like oh like maybe this was a mistake because we saw Spiritualize and I was like turning up I was like having a blast in Spiritualize like letting loose um and then we walked out and we were kind of just chilling eating and like then we walked across the field to main stage because that's where the, yeah, we were VIP. Like we were VIP. Like, of course we were VIP. Like we had to be VIP.

I genuinely thought the camera wasn't recording and I had to check myself before I said it because I know I'm like a fucking liar. Wait, there was someone that I lied to recently. No, there was someone that I lied to. Oh there was someone that i lied to and oh and i was like sorry like he i can't even i can't say it but you know what i'm talking about when i was being messy as fuck oh yeah and then i was like sorry like he basically let me get into this basically i was being super fucking messy with this person but like not really off the topic not really like the other topic is gone like long gone i walked across a field saw what is it anita on this state main stage

you really do so let's get into this so i was being messy and then I walked across the main field to the stage I was trying to course correct seamlessly we were going back to the VIP section and we saw someone performing and we saw Anita performing oh my god I wish I could dance like that

like I think I'm somebody who could dance but like I cannot like you I think you would have to like no I just don't think I could dance like that like i think i'm somebody who could dance but like i cannot like you i think you would have to like no i just don't think i can dance like that like that is fucking crazy i also i'm not built like that let me try to shake my ass like that oh i can't i can't dance like that i just like choose not to why i just don't want to embarrass the other girls oh that's nice anyway we saw that like a man being able to shake his ass better than a girl embarrassing are you trying to say that's like what women should be good at because that's like oh okay i'll just make sure i love women anyway but yeah we like saw her performing and

that was fucking insane also uh grupo firme yeah that was like so good that was fucking awesome um yeah i loved caroline polechek um i loved spiritualized was like good like that was like because it was in that room i was like standing still watching because i literally was like in awe like yeah i love just like sometimes i am that bitch who just stands because i'm literally like holy shit this is a band of like 10 plus people and i just have to give a minute to like stare at every person and like see how they're contributing i was like uh just standing there at one point where i was dancing and i was like i can literally feel the music like vibrating through the ground to my feet it's crazy i felt it in my chest it felt so good

i was about to go like actually insane and say some really crazy shit but like vibrations like literal vibrations they're like everything yeah yeah like genuinely they're everything no literally that's like the best part about vibrations are literally everything me when my room turns into a barbershop at night vibrations are everything i literally sometimes lay on the floor by your door when you're doing that and i wish i could tell the story of me scaring the fuck out of you and kai i mean you can if you want to no i can't i can't she was basically faking like she was literally using her vibrator it was like the craziest vibe

ever they wouldn't leave next my room is as you know the living room um and they don't know my room is what was supposed to be the living room and what's separating it is a glass door and then i have like soundproof curtains but like you can still hear everything in the living room and vice versa so like if i'm trying to do my business bitches need to leave the living room because you will hear it um it was it was 1 a.m and it was business hours yeah it was and i let them know that's the funny thing is they had just come back from the blade concert and i was like the thing is smelled like shit yeah and i walked in stinking like and i went to the shower and we were watching like spongebob theory videos spongebob theory videos and i heard them being like you're

definitely i heard them being like you're definitely squidward and i was like no they need to go i was like no and now they need to go because they're seriously out there naming each other as spongebob characters and i had told them before i got my room i was like listen i am trying to commit an act of self-care you either leave or i continue and i and i told you all that like i think you were in the shower when that was happening but i told jester and kai that nobody heeded my warning so i'm sitting in my room and it's been 30 minutes of me listening to these bitches talk about fucking spongebob and laughing our asses off and i literally and then i texted them and i was like hey can you guys keep it down thinking that would get them to fucking leave. Not a single person left.

I didn't see my text until after and I was horrified. Oh, so then I went to like girl moaning on Spotify and I connected it to my home pod, which is right next to that door. And I started playing like moaning sounds like kind of low and then like starting and stopping it. And like they started to like hear it. So I heard them like kind of silence more down. It was literally trauma.

And then I was like, I'm literally going to start like moving around on the bed to make it sound like there's like friction happening on my bed. And like things are happening in my room. And I just kept doing that. And then I like put the vibrator on my cabinet next to the door, which I don't think that added anything to it. But like,

I literally was just like making a commotion in my room. And all I heard was drew, the vibrator on my cabinet next to the door which i don't think that added anything to it but like i literally was just like making a commotion in my room and all i heard was drew like get up and he was like i was like absolutely not i was like i know this isn't happening right now absolutely not and we were we were sitting on the couch and then also jester had left like i i still haven't spoken to jester about it before they left, we were sitting on the couch. And we were like, oh, this is a joke. Whatever. Let's just keep watching these SpongeBob videos.

And then it got louder. And the energy shifted. We were like, I actually don't know if this is a joke. And I've never seen someone. Jester stood up and just walked out of the apartment. I need to tell them. I still haven't told them that I was trolling. They left so fast.

They left. I've never seen someone leave this house quicker. And when they left, me and Kai stuck on the couch. We stuck around and we were like, we want to hear. Yeah, we want to hear what's going down in there. Like, of course. Because we were like, we're skeptical, but I don't know. I remember my heart was like racing. Yeah, no, I was so embarrassed.

I was like embarrassed. I was like, oh, oh. Like, no, please don't do this right now like my heart was like racing. Yeah, no, I was so embarrassed. I was like embarrassed. I was like, oh, oh, like, no, please don't do this right now. And you're please. And then it got really loud. And I was like, it was like actually genuinely impossible to distinguish like reality from like jokes.

And I was like, oh my God, like this is real. And like fight or flight kicked in and I ran away and me and Kai ran away. We literally just ran physically as far as we could in the apartment but before not before being like oh hell no like you just got so mad i was like absolutely not fucking hell no oh yeah because he said that and but i didn't stop like i didn't stop like the noises because i was like if i stop and start laughing they'll know so i just like kept it kept it. Oh, because no, you were like, are you serious? Like, that's what you said at first.

And then I stopped it for a second. And then a second passed. And I was like, I'm going to like keep it playing. And then I kept it playing. And then Drew was like, hell no. And like went to walk across the house. And then I came out and I was cracking up. And I was like, I literally just got the fuck out of you guys.

I wish you could have felt like the fear, anxiety. I feel bad because I don't want anybody. I don't want want anybody to be like that's actually so fucked up to do no it was it was it was actually fucking hilarious it was like the funniest thing that's like happened to me like i i was dying i was dying the thing is i told y'all to fucking leave i will say the second y'all left business was had a business meeting was adjourned the zoom links were sent out business was in the legs were straight the toes curled stiff as a board light as a feather stiff as a board like it's going down and it did go down um but yeah that was a little prank i played on my friends. I literally still haven't told Jester.

I probably should because Jester is probably just out there with the thought that they've heard me beating my wing. Beating your wing? Wing bot. But yeah, that was my story. I was going to say something really important I forgot right after this. My important thing that I've been wanting to say is technology can smell fear. Oh, yeah, I agree.

It literally can smell fear. Like I genuinely believe that. Like when there is like a moment when you really need something to work, like you need your computer to work. You need your especially printer if you need your printer to work and like when you have to print your essay uh in the morning before you know dead ass dead ass technology can actually smell fear bitch where's my treat oh my god waiting for a treat i'm waiting for a treat bro looking for a treat me the entire coachella looking for molly that i wasn't gonna take no you at the museum harassing that for that poor fucking worker being like can i get a treat

like they were giving out free cookies and tea and drew was like yeah i want a treat you make it sound like it's intentional like none of it's intentional ever I'm just a fucking monster on accident. Oh, I'm getting sexy again. Sorry. Sorry. We need to start the rumor that I am a nepotism baby. Yeah. Like, we need to start the rumor that, like, I come from crazy money. That rumor has literally started about me.

Really? In the YouTube comments. That's annoying. The new comment is Kai's an industry plant oh that's annoying i don't and i don't understand i don't even fully understand like i know what an industry because you literally popped up out of nowhere you popped up out of nowhere how are you in our life yeah but actually i know now i have questions how the fuck did you get here sneaky but you're a fucking bastard child oh my god oh my God. Kai is here because we love him.

Yes. Period. Also, my dad owns YouTube. Don't fucking tell them. Oh, shit. This is supposed to be about me. Kai's dad built the algorithm for YouTube. I'm the nepotism baby.

Okay. We need to shift this theory onto you. Yeah. So, we should start that. I need, like... You know the edits, like, people make of nepotism babies is like if i was like born again i would want to be born as like this and it's nepotism babies yeah start adding me into those edits and then just like people will be like i'm confused but

the thing is i feel like people will look at my last name and be like now you're just lying now you're just lying it's true um but let's start that rumor you wait you know what we should start for me like the rumor that i'm a nepotism baby wait that's a good idea i'm thinking we should start that we should start the rumor that you're probably going to get jumped in the next three days when you're at least expecting it by a group of strangers who you've never seen before and then you're going to come to me and be like oh my god i was jumped and i'm gonna be like oh my god what the fuck by who and you're gonna be like i have no idea they were all wearing masks and then you're gonna come to me and be like oh my god i always jumped in i'm gonna be like oh my god what the fuck by who and you're gonna be like i have no idea they were all wearing masks and then you're gonna see that i'd wire somebody three thousand dollars oh my god three

thousand dollars yeah for all that well it's a group of like eight people it's really brutal i'm saying that's like a really good rate for all of that effort yeah i mean I have connections. She has deals. Damn. She has deals. Honestly, fair. Y'all ever heard of Coachella VIP? Have y'all heard of that? I'm selling my VIP bracelet for weekend two. It won't get you into the festival festival so you have to have general admission but if you use this i think they changed the colors true i think my favorite part of coachella was like we would all be out there

and i'll be like i'm just gonna pop into the artist section really quick i forgot you were there that's the funny thing is i forgot he was. Wait, what's funny is I forgot he was there. You were there? I was. Yeah, and yeah, I was there. Oh my God, yeah. That was the most annoying thing ever was Kai had better wristbands than us somehow. He is an industry plant.

No one's talking about it. It's because he's a slut. No. Take that back. Kai gets thrown around. Hella ran through vibes. Oh my god. I need to show them this.

You don't though. Star Wars. People listening spotify are just like star wars coca-cola bottle for those listening on spotify it's a sphere i love me i'm gonna enter my uh disney adult oh yeah absa fucking loop like it's fine it is so expensive though that is an expensive like bitch i used to make fun of disney adults oh you bitches have money though that's one thing i can't make fun of is like you have the money and you have the time yeah i'm jealous of disney adults i'm like y'all are so fucking happy um i they had such nice bathrooms in the artist area it's like super clean is there a way to um unplug his fucking mic no it's fine i'll stop mentioning it kai what's funny is you forget you are replaceable and you'll be gone in an instant kai would be like like genuinely like being like

no like come with me like we can go over here like come to this section at the 100 gex performance and i went over there and i literally couldn't get in and it was the most humiliating moment of my life for once kai had power over me yeah and the craziest thing is he did not abuse that power nope not once if i had that i would i know you'd be dangling your thing like walking in and out of the artister yeah i'd be like oh you want back come on come on oh you don't have this pass like sorry you want me to go with you i'm gonna chill back here yeah i was so nice and chill the whole time yeah again i don't even remember you being there like you just blend i have photos of us hanging out you blend baby blend

that's the thing about kyle blend no wait the kardashians oh big fan big fan big fans here big fans here i love the kardashians the first episode of the new season I was wait fully enthralled new show yeah I was good so it was so fucking good I like without spoiling anything for those who haven't watched it literally just like actual moguls like it's actually inspiring at some points where I'm like oh damn I want to want to be y'all. Like, y'all are so good at what you do. Y'all all have, like, your own businesses. Like, y'all have it all.

Like, it feels like y'all have it figured out, even though, like, I know they don't. But, like, I'm just like, I love the Kardashians. And Kim Kardashian, that's my girl. That's my bias. That is my girl. For my girl that's my bias for sure that's my bias i think my bias is her or courtney or honestly courtney's a courtney's funny yeah i love courtney she's hilarious maybe even chloe like i think chloe gets like a lot of like hate but like no no no chloe's hilarious chloe is funny when she was talking about her vagina being huge i was like see that's me that's the recognition we need yeah big fat coochies i was like i love you for that

um but yeah i never watched keeping up with the kardashians so this is my first introduction it was again freaking me out because i was like oh my god these like of course i know they're real people but like i've said it before in an episode like i know kylie chenner is real but if i saw her in real life i would just be like damn that's a crazy hologram. Like, I would be like, that is so crazy that like 3D render is running around right now. They reanimated her.

I love when Josiah says we need to reanimate Michael Jackson. Like, that's the funniest thing. Reanimating someone is so, like such a hilarious idea to me. Like literally the funniest thing ever. No, actually, why haven't they done

like the Michael Jackson hologram at Coachella? Because that... Oh, I'd go back. I would go back. For the delusion of seeing Michael Jackson live, I would go back. He's, like, not a good person. I never watched Keeping Up with the Kardashians,

so this is my first introduction to them. And, yeah, I'm... I could say they make good fucking TV. Their producers literally, like, so good. first introduction to them and yeah i'm i could say they make good fucking tv their producers literally like so good like they they make a good show and that's it that's all i have to give to the world don't ask me oh um we need to figure something out about like shaving your butthole we got to figure something out like why are we this far in our i guess because technically as a human you shouldn't be shaving your fucking asshole. I love body hair.

An itchy butt is a small price to pay for being the sexiest person on earth. We figured it out. It's laser. Laser? Yeah, here I go getting my one hole lasered. Your one hole? Yeah, just the back hole. I love hair, body hair.

I want to get my ass lasered. Genuinely? Yes. Why? I love my hairy ass lasered. Genuinely? Yes. Why? I love my hairy ass. Really? Genuinely. It's like one of my best features.

I have a bad relationship with the hair on my ass. I don't believe in being hairless, but like, no. I guess I don't know that I care about my butthole, but the fact that it is seen, that's a daunting reality to me. It looks back. my butthole but the fact that it is seen is very that's a daunting reality to me like it looks back your butthole looks back yeah like literally like she's she is my butthole is saying things that i will never see so maybe i should be grateful for her she is literally saying things i will never see think about that wow that's really deep like i will never have my face that deep into a toilet oh she has she has been in there i'm gonna give you a swirly teach you a lesson i'm a bully

have you been beat up before um no but i've been called slurs before no not the same you gotta get beat up girl we gotta get you a good beating we gotta get you beat up i i think i like i'm like i play with it in my head sometimes where i'm like would i be a better person if i actually got my ass no because you would never shut the fuck up no it would make me like it would actually make me worse. Like, it would make me worse. I would hop on this podcast. Your victim complex would literally skyrocket.

You'd be like, oh my God, I've experienced death brutality. I would hop on this podcast and not shut up about it. It would become, like, a part of my personality. Like, genuinely. Yeah, so I eradicate the thing I said. Eradicate. We need some eradicating. Eradames charles oh my god oh god oh my god bbl i know bbl eradicate james charles bBL eradicate it take it away what else on the docket today oh bitch my Coachella fits

why is no one talking about that why is no one talking about the fact that I dressed you for Coachella why every time that you talk that my body it freezes and it like hurts me oh your body gets all hard

and stiff when i talk to you like holy shit holy shit no my coachella outfits were a serve i was about to body me and you cut her off i don't know what she was gonna say i i don't even know what i was gonna say you know what's so fucked up is when i say he thinks you guys black out you went into like full intuition it's like in my blood it's like in my coding like i was like arched in a certain way you're gonna fucking destroy me it's the same part of my brain that turns on when i play fortnite it's like that's the part that like attacks you look at that big ass moth on the window behind you, guy. Oh, shit.

I literally hate moths. I love... They are so... The nasty gray ones are disgusting. There's really cute big fluffy moths. The big fluffy ones are cute. The pink ones serve the house. The green ones serve the house. But the gray little disgusting stinky fucking moths that when you touch they like leave their powder

everywhere it's like like actually you need to die there was rotten lemons on the top of the fridge and when i picked it up like a bunch of like powder molds followed and i threw it into trash can and a plume of mold went into my nose so i probably will die in the next two days no uh that's like probably penicillin. Yeah, that's going to kill me. Penicillin is good. That sounds like something that's probably going to kill me. You OD'd on penicillin? I OD'd on penis

fillin'. Damn. That ate. That actually ate. Holy shit. What was that? Literally, what was that? Your job is to sit and listen and look at you my coachella fits come on like compliment me damn i've been begging for this compliment for 30 minutes my first fit i wore flashing on you were styled oh i was not styled i picked out

the i picked out the clothes by myself no you didn't didn't. Kai, I sent you there and I said, pick out this and this. No, I went, I sourced the clothes. Kai, I'm going to. No, I wasn't saying he was styled by you. Don't get it twisted. Yeah, you were. No, I was not. The second day I was styled.

The second day I was styled by Skyler. See, not shocking of a white man trying to take some fucking credit. And I wore a literal muumuu i wore a muumuu day too and i frolicked around in those fields in that muumuu insert the video so thank you so much for telling me this is this guys this is why we have to kill toxic masculinity exactly exactly i felt like harry styles running through those fields okay take it back run it back cut that don't ever say that about yourself ever again i i literally sometimes sometimes I just feel like I look like Harry Styles. Like I give Harry Styles like I'm sexy.

Yeah, you give Harry Styles nightmares, motherfucker. Oh my God. No, I like am sexy. I'm like charismatic. I'm fun. I frolic around on stage. I sing my little songs and do my little dances. Come on, Coachella.

16 more minutes of dancing. It was 12. It was 12 minutes. He said 16. He said 12. I know one of you freaks fucking knows. He said 12. Watch.

He said 16 and then maybe he said 12. Sometimes, come on, give me your hands. This is a serious moment. Come on. Oh my God. Come on. We can both be right. How will we both be right when he said that sentence once?

Because he said it twice. He said 16 and 12. This is something I have to learn about myself, too, that I can be wrong sometimes, but I can also be right with you together. We can be wrong together. Are you looking it up, Kai? Yeah. No, you're just using your phone while you're doing your job.

No. Come on, Coachella. Because he said, we have 16 minutes 16 minutes of dancing and i was like oh he only has 16 minutes left in his set he said it's an 80 minute set and then he said we have 12 more minutes of dancing i will shave i will shave my ass if i'm wrong i that does nothing for my life but it does so much for me it's 12 minutes kai you just want me to have a hair hairless ass i've i you just want me to have a hairless ass i can look at it doing my job i'm looking it up and it says 12 minutes was said by harry styles like which other that why where would it say that like why would that be in writing

it is and you guys are so fucking dumb when I prove that what I said is true. Okay? Show me. Elsewhere, Harry was his typical playful self. We've got 12 minutes, dot, dot, dot. He said about 40 minutes into his set as the ground began to moan in protest of dancing. He continued, I may be quick at some things, but this is not one of them. He said, but he said 16 minutes before that.

No. At the very beginning of that. I swear. Every minute, he would make a new announcement of the amount of dancing that had to be done. I can't be wrong. I've never been wrong. It's funny how two minutes ago you were saying that you can't be wrong. Okay, so I'm right.

Women are always right. Men are fucking stupid. They're so useless they should silence themselves yeah yeah swallow it because i know you can because i know you do slut poor slut you're going to hell you need some self-respect. Are you good now? I'm good. Yeah.

You just needed a moment. Yeah. Okay. I was trying to think of like, oh, like this is what blank feels like. Like that's not something you needed to express. Like what were you trying to say? Anything else? Nope.

Literally, no. When, who said? No, no, no. Oh, my God, Drew. Should we go back to me being messy? I mean, if you want to expose your ways. Okay. You don't have to say names.

You were talking to a friend basically someone posted on their story an attractive photo and i was like and you watch this and i typed out also no drew contemplated doing this for way too long like literally a week so it wasn't watch this it was like and yeah i'm gonna do this and i was like you should and then he was like okay yeah when i get home you have to do it for me and then a week passed and he finally did it and then i like typed out and yeah i want them so bad and then i sent it um to the person because i was like i don't know what that does for me other than like make me look stupid, but I'm a liar. But then this person got back to me and I was like, sorry, I they were like, oh, I just thought you were being messy. And I was like. Yeah, no, no, no. At first I was like, no, I actually did that on accident.

Like, I'm so embarrassed. And then like the very next message, like 30 seconds passed. And I was like, actually, I don't know why I just lied. Like, I'm literally a liar. Like, I'm pretty embarrassed. And then, like, the very next message, like, 30 seconds passed. And I was like, actually, I don't know why I just lied. Like, I'm literally a liar. Like, I'm pretty sure that's very apparent. Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And I'm a psychopath. And, yeah, that's my life.

That's the story? Mm-hmm. Holy shit. Is it hot in here? It's, like, really hot, right? Ew, Drew, fix your pants. It looks like you have a little fucking boner. I'm pitching a tent.

You didn't see it, but it literally... Ew. I love... Exactly. And exactly that. Girl, let's move on. Let's move on. It's crazy how that does not fade me phase me anymore fade you oh my god one time my brothers uh literally forced me to get high when i was 12 years old

they blew weed smoke into my vicinity which i always thought like you couldn't get high from secondhand smoke. I think you fully can. I believe you can. But I was like, I'm 12. I don't want to smoke. And they just blew it in my face. And that's the way that's the reason I am who I am. And now one of them's dead.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You did have to like, you did have to run it back like that. You just had to let them know. I almost just said something

that like would have been so undeniably tracked back to one specific person. But you know, I kept my mouth shut because I'm a really good person. I need to know what this is about wait say it again oh that would have been like that's not stirring the pot that's like putting a fucking like cake mixer into a bowl of soup that is like literally setting a bomb off yeah detrimental that's crazy that is like nuke attire yeah actually see how good of a category category is nuke attire the thing about apocalypse james... Oh, my God.

What's the thing? We're going to rate Coachella fits on Patreon, so I'm literally going to repeat this joke anyway. But one thing you could take from James Charles' outfit pics is we should send him to war because he is brave. That man is courageous he that man is courageous that man is he's got the eye of the tiger like for real i'll give them a little taste of my opinions on james charles coachella fits um day one i did not hate i'll be honest and that's all i'll say but when he had the jeans on or the pants on

yeah the whole fit was kind of scary yeah um okay let's hop into the media describing someone's fit is scary also with what you wore like you wearing the movie like that i have no right absolutely zero right to say the thing about him is like he's gonna have the girls talking and we are absolutely doing that yeah exactly shame on us all right all right all right and you do yours because i literally have no idea what i'm gonna say uh maybe i'll maybe i'll just pick something real quick um nope i already said all that fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i'm panicking i'm panicking i'm panicking yeah we'll figure it out oh god i'm just gonna hit shuffle three times my songs are baby father or bubble by baby father easy lover by piero i don't know how the fuck to say that that's like an italian name aguas de marco i think i said that already and then my baby janet jackson

this is so embarrassing also i have still been listening to that big thief album this is so embarrassing what a beatle song came up in my shuffle that's really fucked up that is so nasty i'm not even giving them the platform no that's embarrassing that is embarrassing i was gonna make this joke on tiktok but because it's like it like literally all my comments would be flooded with like annoying people but you know the audio that's like this is my song damn like literally all my comments would be flooded with like annoying people but you know the audio that's like this is my song damn like this is my damn i was gonna do that and be like me when i was like 18 trying to get like random white guys to like me back when they played the beatles and it was like this is my song like me literally like like that is not my song this is like a fun

little game all right let's start you'll watch so i'm telling the truth okay the first song is um hope we never surface two lone swordsmen the big dream david lynch oh my god i'm so control a drake mary big thief i'm literally so esoteric it's crazy fruit of dreams because i said big thief you just had to say big thief it's embarrassing it's embarrassing windows daniel lawton okay that's good bam let me have my platform um and i think that's it the media we watched oh i've been back to watching insane murder yeah murder i love a good murder story i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm just human no i love a good tragedy yeah like i'm it's i i used to be desensitized i used to be desensitized to like yeah desensitized

to like really gnarly tragedies. And then like I just watched like three beheadings on fucking gore shit dot com when I was like 14. And now I'm fully back to being disgusted and scared and sad by that shit. So I've come full circle. You can get out of it, too, if you're trapped. Love Without Tragedy slash Mother Berry by Rihanna. If you know, you know. And if you don't know, sorry, you're a fucking loser and you're probably going to go to hell and you have no friends.

I didn't know. Not that shocking, Kai. Come on. Okay. All right. Thank you, guys. Thank you guys for watching. I love you.

Do your little scream that you were doing. No, it's like, I can't. You have to. It's like my fake laugh. I don't even know if I can do it. We're so annoyed. We literally had like... We'd laugh at sounds.

We'd go meet us walking back to the car. And I was like... I made that one sound. And I was like, I just made a new sound. I just made a new sound. And I literally could not stop doing it ever since I did it. And you didn't do it as good as you did the first time. We've reverted so far back.

We literally love going in public and like talking to each other. And then I'll like... One of us will do a fake laugh and be like Do not That's a relic That's a relic but they sell like 8 million of those a year That'll be worth money one day, trust me

You are delusional Girl, I'll sign it right now and it'll sell for triple the value Yeah, $16 Exactly Who wants to sign Star Wars Fear Pepsi Sign it right now and it'll sell for triple the value. Yeah. $16. Yep. Exactly. Who wants a signed Star Wars sphere Pepsi? Dude, inflation is going to outpace you flipping this. What does that mean? Like, inflation is going to go up faster than...

Oh, I thought you said fiction. No. Okay. Bye, guys. Damn. That's a shit. That's a big fucking stinky poopy me taking the biggest shit of my life today and having to announce it it literally hurt i was i was bottoming i was so i was so scared of going in the bathroom i know you were like did you put the drops in the toilet

did you say like you were bottoming it literally did and the craziest thing is i was sitting in my chair i was sitting in my chair like just kind of chilling and I felt like this sensation I was like what am I feeling right now I felt this before but I don't know what it is and it was literally my prostate being pressed sorry my little Kaz my shit was hitting my prostate

okay bye Bye.