Emergency Intercom - Tomorrow doesn’t exist

Episode Date: November 10, 2023

Do you think there were closeted cavemen? Well yes… also tours are becoming so major and theatrical that we lowkey believe in the Illuminati lol BTW Huge emergency intercom pop up this weekend @ heaven in LA… what if we told you tomorrow doesn’t exist and you need to come to our podcast Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy. Ever captured a great night video only for it to be ruined by that one noisy talker? With Audio Erase on the new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, you can reduce or remove unwanted noise and relive your favorite moments without the distractions. And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared, no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Emergency Intercom.

I just found out my grandma died five minutes before this. Why do you have to fucking start it with like sad shit? You said you were going to leave that outside of this. I just am so scared of dying. I'm so scared of dying. I'm so scared of dying and I feel so bad for my mom. So. Hey.

You know what you should do? Hmm? Tell someone who fucking cares. Oh. I'm so fucking tired of you bringing up me like this.

I like to be I've never seen something shattered to so many that just exploded was crazy um i like want to watch that clip back immediately just but holy um also it looks like you have bloody dandruff now. Really? Yeah. I mean, it's literally like pure sugar. Okay, cool. So that is going to take 18 fucking years to clean. I literally have to like shower again. But yeah, I'm just tired of you bringing that sad shit to the podcast.

Like this is supposed to be an enlightening, fun experience. And you're just always sad. But that is actually so sad. It's really dark dark my condolences to you and your family yeah i love you mama and i love you mom i love you pam um sorry for it literally in the first three seconds making a joke about that that's like not true no like before we were like planning that bit out and i was like maybe we don't say that. And then I just completely disregarded that and said it anyways. Yeah, I didn't know if I was supposed to follow through with the bit.

But you know, someone like me is like, I get the sign to go, and I go. You do the bit. I go. I turn up. You take any chance to get to inflict violence upon me. Yeah, if I can hit you, I'm going to take that chance. Or poke my butthole. Also, before we get into this episode, for real, for real,

if you are in the greater Los Angeles area, or you for some reason would like to drive out to this event we're throwing. Yeah, big party, big party. We're doing a interactive photo op slash exhibit with Heaven for the podcast. This is something we've been playing for a while. it was supposed to be on the two-year anniversary but someone like me i had to get the hell out of here so it got pushed um but we're really excited we're gonna have like original art like pieces we've made for the podcast which is funny because it's a podcast where we talk about shit poop and farts yeah so the fact that we have like actual art aligned with it is jarring.

Yeah, and the podcast set is going to be there. You can come and sit in my nasty, stinky, fucking gross chair. Come sit in these chairs. Yeah, it's just going to be like a little vibe, a little emergency intercom museum. And something super fun and exciting is going to be there that we haven't even seen yet and i am so nervous to see it and i'm so excited because it's going to be awesome but it's going to be fun two things two things that we haven't seen yet that we're excited about oh yeah yeah

um i think i know what you're talking about yeah um so yeah just stop by if you would like it is on the 11th and 12th and then also the weekend of the 18th and 19th. So if you're around, it's from 1 to 5, I think. Yeah, 1 to 5 Saturday and Sunday. And then the following Saturday and Sunday. Yeah, 1 to 5 the following Saturday and Sunday. Yeah. Nervous to see something we've been planning for so long be in person.

And my brain can't grasp it, but that's okay because I already spent countless hours at my desk. so yeah nervous to see something we've been planning for so long be in person and uh my brain can't grasp it but that's okay because i already spent countless hours at my desk literally tweaking i'm literally so planning so please show out show up and show out but be behave yourself wait oh they are shooting yeah um but literally behave yourselves but have fun bring a friend it'll be cute okay that's the end of this episode thank you guys so much for listening bye um should we talk about the fact did you read my text yesterday which one uh wait i'll just like pull them up because i was dying so like everybody's going on tour like i feel like every time we do an episode we talk about concerts and stuff tonight we're actually gonna go see

Faye Webster and I'm sitting here for the second time I literally forgot about that for the eighth time yeah that's why we had to do the truck pickup thing yeah we're moving all the stuff for the pop-up we're just like really hands-on with our stuff it's actually like a real problem like we cannot relinquish any

bit of control over anything we do. And so like we just drive ourselves insane. Like for like the last week, like we've been just kind of like bickering with each other. And it's because we're just so fucking stressed out. But guys, it's going to be a blast. It's going to be awesome. I know anytime we do give up control, then I immediately go back on it. And I'm like, why did I give you control?

I don't know why I did that. And then i fuck it all up and like have to redo it in like three days but there's something so exciting about that because i feel like my hands are useful once again um other than sexually oh my god okay um we know that but so we know everyone's going back on tour but i sent you this because have you seen the the videos of uzi on tour like the demon school yes like the huge like building they made like this is actually fucking insane like yeah like this is this also costs so much but did you listen to my audio message um we are living in such a crazy era of stage design. Like, if you are a true artiste, you are about to go, like, bitch, that's Disneyland. He brought Disneyland to the people.

More like Devil Land. Devil Land crybaby. Anyways. But, no, I feel the same way about fucking, like, Travis Scott. Like, I don't like his music that much, but like I can respect like the craftsmanship and like how much time and effort he puts into like the creative of everything. And like his stage design is quite literally the craziest stages I have ever seen in my entire life. It's like Tyler's.

Like Tyler had the whole front facing of a house. Like damn. Also. Y'all got money like that. Like, yeah, like that has to cost so much but it is so insane and i was literally freaking out last night i was like oh my god we are literally like we were watching art like music is art and i was just like going in your side i was like oh my god music is art and then i continued to overstimulate myself and go down a hole on etsy and listen to Cocteau Twins on my phone. I've been on Etsy so much recently too.

Etsy is the vibe. Etsy is the place. Like everybody's like eBay, Depop, whatever, whatever. But Etsy is where it's at. Etsy is where you find all the good shit because it's just little ladies in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, like knitting just cool stuff. And they're committed.

They're committed to their crafts. Yeah, but I saw something like taylor swift had like i think like 150 like roadies that could be like a gross exaggeration but she had like 150 people working on the tour that would just go to every show like security like all like stage design setup like all of that shit and i think she gave them all like a fifty thousand dollar bonus at the end of the tour and i was like well i mean the tour generated like basically a billion dollars like it's it's crazy like each show she probably covered like the stage design and paying people salary and merch sales alone like it's it's absurd like she's probably doing a million in merch a night like she is like not a real person um but didn't you see there were flashing lights

at least i had the decency to run and hide that's one of the newer songs but i haven't listened to that one yeah now that we don't talk eats though but sped up it has to be the sped up version um okay well guys i've seen i've literally seen it stop sending it to me actually no i love when you send me things like send me more things like i literally love it so much but yes the rumors are true i am signing up for neuro link i'm gonna be the first person to get a neurouralink installed into my fucking brain. They're going to take out a piece of my skull. Why would you do that?

Because you'll see. What will you gain? Oh, everything. There's literally everything to gain. Nothing to lose, everything to gain. I guess like the bonus of that is like can you scroll TikTok

in your brain? Yeah, you can probably close your eyes and TikTok will be just like behind your eyes. Oh my God, that's a nightmare because you already have a problem with like not looking away from your phone. Imagine closing your eyes and your phone is just like behind your eyes. Oh my God, that's a nightmare because you already have a problem with like not looking

away from your phone. Imagine closing your eyes and your phone is there. It's going to be a problem once I'm like fully augmented cyborg. But I don't think I told this story. But when like a month or two ago, like they posted that they were like looking for like trial people to like um get it installed because like it like helps like with certain illnesses and stuff and i signed up and i fully lied i said i was like a blind person with like um like you know all they would have to do is literally google your name and see you sitting on that damn chair. Yeah, I said that my legs didn't work and that I was blind.

Because I really just want to end like me. I'd like pull up in a wheelchair and like with like blind goggles on and like just lie up until I get on the OR table and get that shit installed. I think they would probably tell. They'd definitely be able to tell that you can not only walk but you can see also why do they want oh is it bad is it bad my god oh they're crazy they're humongous there's so many things i want to do and see like redoing the basement without having to do it all myself or doing absolutely nothing with a spectacular waterfall view of course so i'm starting here investing with rbc when it comes to reaching your goals personalized advice and performance matter and now you can get 300 when

you invest with rbc offer ends march 3rd 2025 terms and conditions apply. Invest with RBC today. Dude, that is so cool. That's literally so cool. Sorry, we just got an update on some of the things going there for the pop-up. And they're like, so epic. Okay, this is this woman's actual fucking house. Like, she's literally like, where did they find this person? She's literally goading. Aye, the skeleton feet on my girl.

Ew, I don't like her puss. Her stinky gash. Dude, that is so fucking awesome. That is crazy. Yours looks insane. I love the little belly they gave him. That's awesome. How are they going to finish that in like three?

I guess three days is whatever um but when you get the neural link i'm probably gonna never talk to you again because i'm gonna feel like you're like recording me and like listening to me and watching me i was gonna say there's like i'm gonna become omnipresent omnipotent like i'm literally going to be like this cybernetic being that like you can't avoid like i'm gonna become god and like i'll be able to talk to you no no i'll be able to talk to you in your brain like i'll be able to send like radio frequencies like i'm genuinely asking this what does the neural link do um other than they can track your brain activity i think right now like they can like heal certain ailments and like like if you have like parkinson's they can like send, heal certain ailments. And, like, if you have, like, Parkinson's,

they can, like, send electrical pulses through. It's very rudimentary right now. But, like, what they're hoping for is in the future. Oh, my God, could they cure your, like, depression and, like, ADHD and stuff? That's literally, like, the whole thing. It's, like, they could literally cure, like, brain-borne illnesses. Like, it's really, really actually actually like good like for the future as much as i don't like you on must like literally literally um but as much as i don't like

elon must at all um not anymore at least um it's a cool thing like it could be a very cool thing but then they're gonna start showing you like tesla ads in your brain like when you're asleep while you're sleeping you're like tesla tesla tesla yeah but something is happening the world is something is seriously happening outside because there's like banging sounds and a helicopter flying overhead so somebody in the next door house is probably being raided no i feel like there's probably just ms-13 gang members running around like and they're trying to capture them right ms-13 runs our neighborhood i'm really scared actually you need to shut the up they're gonna get me they're gonna get me okay i do have something i want to talk about um okay so we all know like i'm a slime connoisseur like og slime parakeet slime like

the goats like um momo slimes like just to name a few i love slime why haven't any of those people made fuckable slime yet i when you said that i like thought that too because there is something so like i hate that everything is actually wait wait wait there's something you're a coochie when it has bacterial vaginosis is fuckable slime my discharge right now on my period i'm low-key giving fuckable slime i'm serving fuckable slime right now girl that's not a period you're literally miscarriage i'm actively miscarriaging a child right now but we don't need to talk about that she left left blood all over the toilet seat, guys. Did I actually? No. It's that runny.

That's my concern. It's like I'm just dripping like a fountain. Bitch, I'm the fountain of youth right now. Hey, give me some of that to take a shot of. The stem cells. They're like dead. Adrenochrome. I think if you consumed period blood,

you would actually get extremely sick it's all right in front of you oh well i was gonna say in front of you there is something so sexual about the slime thing like to me like which i know someone's gonna be like bruh it's literally slime but no like there's something so visceral about it like i want to like i want to fuck it like i'm not i'm not even gonna lie like me and you were sitting in bed watching it together i was like this is literally we might as well be watching porn because we both watch and we're like like we like we start making like borderline moans sounds watching somebody scoop slime the wet wet slime that shit gets me like yeah the one that looks like water i need that make me say make me harder make me lose

my breath uh if your man knows that song oh he's over he's watching the tiktok he's watching all the tiktoks of people twerking we need to see you do that i don't even know what the dance is it's like you go to the side and then you like bounce your ass and then you go to the other side and like let's try it it's like it's like make me say boom boom make me boom boom okay okay okay why do you have to throw your hands it like it's like a psychological thing i've realized you feel like you're lifting it. Yeah, no, like you see the movement if you see my hands making the movement. Yeah, it's like an illusion. It's an illusion to the audience.

Yeah, it gives. One of my only notes is something that I don't think has aged well, but it's just, it's okay. You first with a girl so hard on the plane, it was magical. Wait, what? I like, I feel like like women we all have this experience

and it's periods and makeup and tampons and boobs and boobs playing with each other's boobs um but like every woman has this experience where you were like over you're just naturally overtly polite like no it's okay like the amount of time someone does something to me in public that's not okay and i'm like oh no you're so fine it's okay because that's just what i am like designed to do but me and this girl not designed indoctrinated yeah yeah yeah true true um but we were like both got to the bathroom at the same time we were like sitting next to each other but we went on each island like like we just ended up at the same bathroom at the same time and i was like going in and i was like oh it's okay you first like you first and she was like no you first i was like

no it's okay you first and we i am not kidding we did it for so long that i was just like okay and i went in and i literally got in the bathroom and laughed out loud so hard because i was like what was the point of that girlhood one of us should have just been like bitch you fucking go shut up like girlhood um but yeah we just uh no it's okay you first so hard that i went in the bathroom and i squirted like it was so like it was almost horny of an experience actually i didn't know where that story was going but i'm glad i started listening um but that was the immediate joke i thought of i'm like damn like why were we flirting like but we literally just stood in the hallway and you think every pretty girl she speaks to they're flirting yeah because you are why are you talking to me like

literally why are you talking to me unless you're flirting with me like you have no business talking to me for this long every pretty girl yeah i'll never forget um when we first moved here yeah elevator at target she was oh my god and you literally talked about this woman for like i'm not kidding three years like she would just randomly casually bring it up she was one of the most gorgeous women i've ever seen in my life like i remember the dress she was wearing she was wearing a yellow dress it was like kind of like tight at the top and like flowy but not overly flowy like it was way too nice to be wearing to target like it wasn't casual enough but she was gorgeous and she was really tall and she was literally gorgeous yeah she was really she was so gorgeous and she had the softest voice what color was the dress

yellow what color were the shoes i didn't i don't know oh my god oh if i got sent back to 200 ad people would be like oh no yeah yeah yeah okay okay okay no no no if like people have this conversation where they're like oh if i got sent back 2 000 years like i would run shit like i'd invent a cell phone like i'd i'd run shit like no no no if you got sent back if i got sent back to 200 ad they would burn me at the stake without fail they would see the clothes on my body and burn me or they'd hear the dialect the straight oh the way how straight you sound yes do you think they'd be able to recognize any tinge of like gay voice yeah i swear to god it transcends like there is definitely cavemen who are like it's like yeah it's primal like it's like you know like the uncanny valley that like we all have just in our brain like it's whatever that is to humans that's like what like gaydar is like it's like

deep deep deep deep inside of us like we know we know like there were definitely cavemen who were like cavemen and women who were serving gay and like nobody really understood what that meant yet, but they were like. The butch cavemen using a stick as a strap. Ew! Did you know, listen, listen, did you know, did you know when. A stick is a crazy thing to think about.

Yeah, well, they take the bark off, obviously. They sand it down. Yeah, they sand it. They knew better. Yeah, they know, they know. Make sure the base is flared. Oh my God. I know things'm i'm one of the girls like i know things i know a thing or two um but okay that helicopter circling is it is so goddamn fucking distracting to like actually i need

mona del rey to come here right now and do her damn thing with the helicopter. With a fucking rocket launcher. We need to call her immediately. What the fuck was I saying? Oh yeah, when lesbians get a new strap, their body count resets. Is that your new theory?

It's like a born again virgin. Yeah, I guess I understand that. I just know a thing or two about culture yeah the culture okay ah oh my god i almost dropped my phone everything is going wrong okay so i me and inya were sitting on the couch no we were i don't sit with you bitch yeah you do you can't wait why can you not sit with us i literally can't sit still um but we were sitting on the couch and india is on instagram right now it's like crazy crazy vibes um but we were sitting on the couch and i like just i don't remember how this conversation got started but

i haven't laughed in years we were watching something wait what the fuck were we watching and drew seriously like in the he was not trying to be funny he literally was watching tv goes i just haven't laughed in so long and i was being dead serious like i felt that to my core like i haven't had like a like a crying laugh and but i'm just so jaded. Like everything is going wrong in my life. You know what I was going to say too? Is like we are just so spoiled with laughter. Because we like have. All of our friends are comedians.

So now like the bar for extreme like die hard laughter. Is so high. That it's like. It's just harder to get to. And also all of our friends hate us. And they don't hang out with us as much anymore. So we're just like alone. It's sad. It's just me, Josiah. And also all of our friends hate us and they don't hang out with us as much anymore. So we're just like alone. Oh, I know.

Trust. It's just me, Josiah, and Inya versus the world. Everyone else has just decided we're not working. Me when everybody else is just adults and they're like working. We're like they just. Doing their own thing. We just used to like. If they wanted to, they would.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. If they want. If they wanted to, they would. Why do you say. If he wanted to they would why do you um if he wanted to he would like if he wanted to buy you flowers every day he would are you yeah i know that's like i cannot believe i came up with that just now holy shit if if he wanted to he would if she wanted to he would if they wanted to they would well we were watching 50 shades of gray the other day and i cannot believe i can wait you need to say what you said wait let me public transit

oh so there was like for some reason like a five to seven year period where older women were were just squirting on public transportation because of 50 shades of gray like they would be like reading that book and just like yes and like literally squirting juice like everywhere like it was crazy it was crazy kind of like an act of service like uh how like uh like your love language that was an act of service love language to the public for women to squirt and like your jeans would just like wipe it up oh my god um but that movie is so goddamn horny also yes the rumors are true i did read that in ninth grade on my ipod in class yes i did yeah bitch i would just be sitting in class reading that shit like

teacher talking about like biology i'm like bitch i'm learning the true biology of human nature right now yeah no literally and i went around the same time as Fifty Shades of Grey for Halloween. That movie series is so weird and dark and would have, it will never, it would have never played out with the kind of love it got when it came out. I cannot believe they made a third one in 2018 that still got like 380 million yeah no it's a billion dollar franchise like it is a huge franchise i did not know they kept making them also when you were in the bathroom because i was high as fuck while we were watching it i was trying to find out how much all the movies made um and i couldn't remember the name of the second one and i seriously googled 50 shades of grayer like 50 shades of grayer as

the second one instead of 50 shades darker and i was like where's this movie there's no trace of this movie online it doesn't exist and me and josiah were just laughing i always thought like a parody of that movie would be like if we need to bring back parody movie culture so bad because like now is literally the perfect time. Maybe we. Ron Rivera just destroyed parody culture. I know. I don't know why I pin it on him, but I pin it on him.

Like he just made it so like annoying. But like we need to write a parody movie and just start pitching it around. Like a scary movie. Yeah, exactly. Like yeah, there needs to be like a scary movie franchise again. Yeah, because I mean there is there are so many cultural events that are constantly happening. I feel like they've been happening like way more recently that like if you took a year to write a movie and then released it, like filmed it, wrote it, filmed it, edited it and released it on the same year, it would destroy the box office right now because there's just so much bullshit we are so much more connected there's like so many more viral moments i think that's why it's like harder to do because we're like in like this never-ending revolving door of moments and it used to be like i mean

when the ring came out the ring dominated like horror for like years so then a movie like scary movie and then all the movies that came in between it a movie like scary movie got to make fun of that and like two other movies in one movie and they didn't like miss the window for but now shit moves way too fucking fast scary that's why time feels like it's going so quick because we're just experiencing so much we're experiencing time dilation the future affects the present just as much as the past does and since we have technology like our phones we're basically like living in this like quantum world where like we can experience the future just through our phones so we're just compressing the time smaller and smaller and smaller until sooner than later it's going to become just like a black hole where it just sucks all time in and the

universe is gonna end isn't it crazy tomorrow doesn't exist yet that is so weird but i don't believe that i'm not buying that shit like i know exactly what's gonna happen tomorrow like yeah i know as i was saying that and like while you're talking i was thinking i was like it's crazy how like tomorrow doesn't exist but you can literally plan it out and make it happen don't ever say that to me again because that literally just like freaked me out like you don't have any pictures from tomorrow you can have like an idea of what tomorrow is going to be and like you can try to plan it but like you can plan it but your brain can't that's why we're in a simulation because it just like render everything out or does tomorrow already exist is time like either time is linear or it's not linear and i don't think time is linear

but i don't know just never ever say those words to me ever again because i will be panicking about that you will have a conniption fit yeah no i am already planning on it because i'm gonna like freak out with my head on a pillow um okay guys so not to change the conversation but i really think everyone needs this right now. And it's just like a little like meditation exercise. And I just think it's really important to just like almost like break the fourth wall a little bit and just like recenter and ground ourselves. So if you could and you're willing, just please participate with me. Oh, my fucking God. Please participate with me. Oh, my fucking God.

Please participate with me. Ah! Please participate with me. And just do as I say. Now it feels like you need it because you're starting to freak out. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Do as I say.

Okay, everyone. So now close your eyes. You too, Anya. Are you closing your eyes? Of course. Now unclench your jaw like just like relax the jaw muscles like maybe give like a little shimmy in your shoulders

like just yeah just like let it out let all the tension out and now shit yourself and just crap all over yourself i think crap might be the funniest word ever made crap with the crap like just crap i just made crap out of my butt i just can't stop crapping literally so stupid like i hate that that's funny you know what i need i think i like what the

exercise i need is to like i need to break something with both my hands raising over my head and slamming it like a monkey like that's what i really like i decided yeah like i need to like grab a rock and like sit with like my legs open and like break something have you seen um the otters like uh doing gay sex together no like it's the otters like doing gay sex together? No. Like it's the otters and the bears and the wolves and stuff. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, no, no.

Like the little otters like grabbing rocks and like hitting them on like shelled like critters to like get their meat out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to do that. Like that's a vibe. Maybe we should just go on Survivor. I would die. I swear no i would be see because survivor is like a guy the survivor is like a game like it's it's less about surviving and more about how you like play the like society that you build and like you can make it a

psychological game exactly like the the winners are like always like harvard graduates like a one winner like his like thesis at harvard was on like how to win survivor basically so like it's it's really is like more of like a psychological game than anything because like if you win all of the challenges really early on you're just gonna get voted out by everybody because you're a fucking threat or like you have to kind of stay in the middle and like chop it up with everyone and make sure you're cool with everyone and lie and make factions with these people but also have a faction with this person and just like be a snake without getting caught like it's it's it's so diabolical i like i actually want to get back into that show because now that i'm thinking about it's really cool um also drew did that

shitting thing to me yesterday and i fully thought like something like he was trying to like help me because i was so stressed and anxious and like having the worst 48 hours ever and i was like okay like this will be good for me um but it was him sitting on the couch but the laugh healed you the laugh did revive me i needed that hey you needed a lot i needed that everyone needs i needed this yeah well i needed this uh me sitting at the campfire in the middle of nowhere um okay so this is something that i'm surprised no one's really talking about because i feel like this should be like one of the most talked about fucking things ever, period. But they built an entire city for Claro in Egypt.

And they even built like big pyramid tombs for her. Like, I can't believe we're not talking about that. And like, see, you're laughing at it right now. I know. I'm just confused. It's like how some people's name is like june and it's like oh no they didn't like they didn't name a month after that was jean she was they named jeans after her they wanted to commemorate she wore the pants in the family i don't know if like i think it

might be like someone heard jean and i was like oh maybe if you take may the fourth be with you star wars day she wore the pants in the family what can i say what can i say um yeah no i think that's just like coincidental kind of thing yeah well they gave they gave claire a spanish word too what is that it's like obviously like like obviously yes like clearly yes but yeah those pyramids they built for her were epic and it's crazy that they predicted her i think think she might actually be like this time traveler. I mean, the music she makes is very telling. Like she makes good music.

And only someone who's lived thousands of years could make music that good. I mean, Youngblood also makes really good music. So it's like, what is he? Where's his statue yeah young blood like all i when i hear young blood i think of spitting on fans for some reason yeah because i'm pretty sure he did that he just spits on people and that's like his whole thing like hawks loogies like i i would fucking hit you but maybe i deserve it because i have no business in a fucking young blood crowd anyway so no dude like i remember being very young and i'm still this way like when i would

see people hawk loogies like it did something to me like like it's it is the most foul shit you can do is like spit up snot out of your esophagus what no no and seeing it like in a green pile on the floor but who would you let do that to you is there somebody who would oscar isaac yeah yeah no actually even that oh what's the dude from star wars i mean not star wars strangest thing my co-star strangest thing david what's yeah david harbour is that his name i think so david harbour dac harbour maybe dac shepherd let me look it up yeah david harbour yeah david harbour what a name yeah he's hot as bones yeah ew but still like that is like so fucking gross i just honestly feel so weird even talking about him especially with season five coming up and like i have like a i have like a main part and he's definitely gonna

see this and then like you're gonna have beef with lily allen you and lily allen no she's my biggest op right now i'm not even kidding lily allen is one of my biggest ops it's crazy that you won't even watch my fucking show i've been in the last three seasons and you won't watch it okay okay well it's just because I know you so it would be weird and I think it would make you uncomfortable if you walk in the- Let's just say

you're getting blackballed from Hollywood. Let's just say that's the strangest thing. The strangest thing about you is you not tuning into my show out of jealousy. No, the strangest thing about me is that I've spent every night

high as fuck watching south park and you got a fucking stizzy if you know what a stizzy is people are probably so fucking tired of me being like i was high but like i only ever even like mentioned that to explain why i think the silliest things ever are so entertaining um because i'm just like a dark soul and i just don't think that you would assume that i would find the most measly insignificant things amusing the dark twisted i'm sick and twisted sicko and twisted sicko mode um okay also something i did want to touch on rest in peace paint grandpa literally actually made me tear up

and almost cry when I saw that shit like I watched like a compilation video of him and like it was

so fucking cute and literally just like rest in peace mister like you'll be missed when I die

I know y'all are gonna use that stupid fucking screenshot of me in a compilation oh my god yeah and we're gonna laugh we're all gonna laugh you're gonna laugh at me yeah i guess i would hope that i you know what i've always thought about like what like the slideshows and like the memoriam videos for me would be at my funeral and like there are maybe three good pictures of me that exist on the internet in its entirety. And like those are going to get their way in time.

And then the rest are going to be like no chin photos and me dead on the ground. Like there's nothing of me. I've given no one anything real of me. That's okay because you're preserving yourself for your real life. I'm protecting my peace. You're protecting your peace so that you have space to sit on your phone for 12 hours yeah yeah yeah what's your time looking like now grinder for 12 hours a day it's a church app y'all are dumb as fuck i know like why do you have to assume that it's for something else like he said multiple times that he doesn't like do anything

like that would even be associated with an app like that it's just two hours today no what's it yesterday the day before because i saw very high bars 7 33 i think my screen time might be insanely high right now let's check it like i'm not even gonna lie my screen time check i okay this is something i have to say it publicly because if i don't say it publicly then it won't happen um but i really want like a call-in phone where people can call in. And we do like a segment where like people call in. And like we talk to people. My screen time yesterday was nine hours and 19 minutes. Damn.

We like worked all day. I know. But you know what it was? It's just leaving it unlocked. You know what it was? Is I was like playing like TikToks and stuff. Wait, I texted for two hours and 16 minutes yesterday. No, I do the same thing where I leave my phone unlocked.

That doesn't even make sense. That don't even sound right. But yeah, I want to do like a phone where like you all can call and like we can, you either leave a message or we have a conversation or you ask a question or you be really evil and it just will be a good vibe yeah period i just had to say that out loud because it won't become true if i don't we'll get that set up for sure okay i got a couple more things i want to say and then we'll get into drew sylvan media we're making a short episode today because we got a lot of shit to do.

I love being cuckolded by video games. Like, I love watching someone play video games. Like, I don't need to be the one playing video games. Yeah, you get all the joy of watching it. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't have to, like, think and be present. I can be on my phone and I can do all this shit, which is, like, what basically streamers are but like it's crazy to me that they're like

i i say like i haven't done this before but then i think about like me like on tiktok for 12 hours a day draining my soul and my energy um and giving way more than money to the world like a streamer or like i will never understand the wall for i understand like the want to consume that is because like especially if you you're feeling a bit lonely i can understand wanting to watch someone for very long yeah but i don't understand the mindset and the brain and like the emotional bandwidth you have to have to be live all the time like kai senate i think just did like a live stream like for days yeah for days on end i think it was like a seven day thing or something like like the prison cell yeah i don't know if it's still going but like you have to be so goddamn committed and you also have to have like the bandwidth of like i don't even know who to be able to withstand being perceived

for that long like even having this much content of ourselves on the internet with the podcast and stuff every now and then i literally will freak out and this stuff isn't even live it's like we like can cut it if we feel like we're not funny or we like whatever but imagine just like being live for that long like four hours straight but i i also do remember like how fun it is like every time i'm like live or something i do have fun and i'm like i need to do that more but i just get so anxious about like before doing it because i feel like if i'm not funny then i'm useless and i should die yeah i mean that's true either that or be in the kitchen what the hell what about you though what about you

like you're not funny what do you do i don't have to do anything i'm a man oh i just can exist i just all i have to do is hold doors open for people what do i have to do like cook clean clean cook laundry brush my teeth make babies make bed do ass that's really it oh i can't do like any extracurricular stuff oh no um okay the last thing is i don't know if i'm gonna insert the video because it's kind of crazy unless i get Kai to blur this person's face. But we were driving home from all the toy stores. And like, I look out of my window and I just see this dude holding like a big ass chunk of hair in one hand. And we're driving on the freeway. And then in his other hand, he has a scissor or has a pair of scissors.

And like, it's like insinuating you can only infer that he just cut his hair and he like is driving and he's like like looking down at it every other second his hair because no when we first pulled up to him he fully was like trimming the end so we couldn't tell if his hair was really long and he was holding the ends up or if he just chopped it off and was sitting and driving and like playing and cutting with it but it was the oddest thing ever also i don't think i told you i think i said in the group chat nobody said anything but i left the house other night late at night for some reason i don't know where the fuck i was going but i texted y'all oh it's when i went to the gym um but on the way to the fucking gym i saw somebody sucking out of a nausea balloon somebody was taking hits out of a

nausea like like sucking down nausea as they were driving and he was like swerving a little so i was like oh my god this motherfucker is crazy and he easily looks like he was like 19 years old and i get it i used to like get cavities on purpose to get laughing gas like that shit is so it just doesn't do it for me yeah yes i've had noz guys yes i am chill and i'm down for anything and i'm like a super cool girl for the vibe down for the vibe i'll take you anywhere i'm down for the vibe i can't believe you even like know some of those lyrics yeah i'm special i crazy, but you like that. You like that.

Hands up on the dashboard. I'm crazy for it. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Shut the fuck up. Okay, let's do Drew's Psy Op Corner and then media or media and then Drew's Psy Op Corner. Drew's Psy Op Corner, then media. Okay. What up? Welcome to Drew's Psy Op Corner. corner drew siap corner than media okay welcome to drew siap corner bitches will have a manic episode and think they're jewels from euphoria bitch you're gabby hannah um that's good you know what i was listening to when she was like um she was like i'm a bad bitch oh yeah

yeah you're trying to tell me how to live my life i i have like a privated tiktok of me like lip-syncing to that um and it's really good the public saw it for like two minutes and then i deleted it because i felt bad um but they should add a feature where we can fuck over the podcast like fuck a fan challenge but over the podcast um no yeah i think you're right i told azul and his cat to stop biting me and he replied criticism like rain may dampen the spirit yet from such showers the soul's garden blooms even brighter oh my god and then she kept fucking biting you bitch yeah and then he shit on the floor and went in my bedroom ate my fucking plant and vomited it up never forget someone find that clip and repost it if you want to go viral okay if you want a viral moment um podcast what is up with you that drew's biggest

and i repeated a bunch but he will do the same to me but when i do it to him he does not like it and you don't like it when i wait what's our podcast oh my god podcast equipment should be harder to purchase than a firearm um every time i go on my phone it's one of the worst experiences of my life um and that's all i have um should i i should have wrote down mine yesterday that I said in the car. Crazy, but you like that. Let's see if I can find it. I did a lot of Googling last night, so it's going to be like possibly in. Google, Google, Google.

Crazy, but you like that. Okay, found it. They're selling our merch on Teemu. I am currently being prosecuted by the FPC for all the biohazard I have caused by shitting on you bitches. Oh, yeah. I remember that one. I made that one up. It's pretty bad now that I say it.

It was, like, good yesterday. It was funny in the moment. It was like, you had to have been there. You had to have been there. You really had to have been there for that one. Because it was just, like, off the top of the home. So it was, like, good. But, like.

Okay. Well. Media of the week. I've literally only been watching South Park. I don't think I've watched a movie. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, actually I watched, but I'm a cheerleader. So funny, so good, but everybody knows that.

So I'm not, I'm not really given anything new. And then I've just been listening to the Cocktail Twins, Blue Bell Knoll album a bunch. Because it's that time of year, you know? Oh, my God. It is that time of year, guys. Seasonal depression can fucking kill itself. Yeah.

I like... Can fucking kill itself. I don't even want to get into it. But this, yeah. The sun is going down earlier. It's hard times. Guys, I don't know. The last two days have been horrible like

even today has been fucking horrible feeling a little more normal today but um now that the caffeine is draining from my body uh i feel the way god intended me to feel. Awful. So just know you're not battling this battle alone. We're with you. You're a strong soldier. This happens every year. Don't let it convince you that it's any different. Don't let it dull your shine. You'll wake up one day in three months and be okay.

I love you. But I watched Anatomy of the Fall, or the Anatomy of a Fall, goated movie, really slow, but awesome. It was like fringe court. That's how fucking court should be for everyone in the world is just everyone arguing back and forth um but that fucking dog they need to open a category for fucking animals like in the oscars the academy needs an open well that's the only way you're gonna win a grammy because i got that dog in me why don't rappers say that but for all the pussies or for all the cats

pussy cats but yeah that dog gave like I'm not kidding one of the greatest performances I've seen in a movie this entire year can I touch your boobs please no bitch never again I let you suck them once I've seen in a movie this entire year. Can I touch your boobs? Please? No, bitch. Oh, my God.

Never again. I let you suck them once. You're a bitch. You used your turn. You're a bitch. Whatever. But that dog gave, like, there's this one specific scene

where I was like, damn, dude, like that. I'm not even exaggerating when I say it. It's, like, legitimately, like, the best performance I've ever seen this year. When I am breastfeedingfeeding one of y'all are gonna have to suck on my booze yeah i'm gonna relieve you like someone's gonna have to like i i have to breastfeed one of my friends yeah just to see like what it tastes like straight from the nozzle for some reason when i have my baby like i am single like i'm gonna like find somebody to suck

on my breast milk me i'll be here even well if even if i'm not single you get to but that might be too far no it's not it's not it's literally not breastfeeding breastfeeding is not sexual you need to let me do it just let me do it it's not too far it's not it's not really not um but yeah the kid in that movie with the fuck-ass bob uh gave like i'm not even exaggerating when i say this i know i say it about everything but the best child performance i've ever seen in a movie like i genuinely think he could be nominated for an actual oscar this year that would be fire i think he and he could literally win it because we could hit up our people and make sure that happens yeah our academy people yeah we're well connected um but with that i don't

got any music i'm still listening to the same shit always i have that playlist on my ig first time i've ever listened to music or on my Spotify but the playlist is first time I've ever listened to music emergency intercom vibes and whatever and I just listen to those playlists on repeat there's nothing new nothing new has happened or changed for music for me

but yeah thank you guys so much we love you and New York New York I'm not kidding I just leaked as i did that so i'm gonna go Outro Music