Emergency Intercom - we are going to be in squid games

Episode Date: December 15, 2023

enya shows her audition tape to be in the next squid games and drew thinks we should make hoarding wealth great again. a lot of late stage capitalism critique in this one guys you dont want to miss it Go to https://www.Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. live from new york city emergency intercom should i started off with something really exciting that i've been holding back from you but you kind of know about

Yes You finally get to see it So the other night I was hanging out without Drew Miracle Miracle occurrence I say miracle occurrence like I'm not always hanging out without you I'd just be hanging out I got so many friends and like some of them I can't bring Drew around

Because all of them are going to try and have sex with Drew And I don't want to see it because it makes me jealous But the other night I was like hanging around some friends and we ended up talking about squid game because we were all watching the squid game challenge and i was like oh my god i could have sworn i saw online that you can sign up for the next squid game challenge like the next season and i looked it up and you can so i signed up and but what i didn't realize when i was signing up is you have to like, which this makes sense. You have to upload pictures of yourself and a video, like a self tape.

Like they said anywhere. It has to be like 10 to 20 seconds of why you should be in Squid Game. So I did it. And wait, should I do that? I'll show you that after. But I'll just say some of the answers I had. What was funny about it is like, it would be like,

oh, what are you going to do with the money? But they had a list of things. Like you couldn't write out exactly what you were going to do with the money. It was like a scroll down list of things you would do. So it's like, donate some to charity, like buy a house for my family,

buy a house for me. One of them was relocate, which is like how many convicted criminals are signing up for squid game and they're like i must relocate wait have you seen no no that's another tangent but there was like this uh like governmental program that like sent out free baseball tickets to a bunch of like the most wanted felons and criminals like to their emails and they ended up arresting like almost 2 000 people showed up to this free game and they all got arrested like that is so fucked up but also

like come on now it was like murderers and killers and it was in like the early 2000s but it's also so funny because like why did you think you were randomly getting a ticket like they like pulled up and they were like like just chopping it up with everyone. And they're like, oh, I also committed a crime. And, like, people are getting wise about it. Yeah, but. I'm going to do that with everybody I find attractive. And then I'm not going to finish that sentence, actually.

Okay. I'm going to practice self-respect and control it's gonna be hard for you you don't have a lot of respect for yourself yeah i'm lacking i'm lacking really hard can you get that for me for christmas you're lacking in a lot of things what else i'm not even gonna go there i'm not gonna go there drew's been trying to convince me to like get a boob job to get bigger boobs because he says that sometimes they're hidden under my clothes and he doesn't like that yeah it's just like i need to see more of my girl's body but if another man sees it like it's gonna fuck if you wear that out you're like literally a certified fucking slut because that should be

for my eyes only even though the reason i got with you is because I saw you out like that. I'm going to make an album called For My Eyes Only. And what's it going to be about? Just music to people's ears. You're just going to have that strong... Did Drake make an album called For Your Eyes Only? No, it's For All The Dogs. No, no, no. There's an album For Your Eyes Only or something like that.

Number four, Your Eyes Only. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can take it still. the dogs no no like there's an owl for your eyes only or something like that number four your eyes only yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you could take it still okay but finish um oh yeah so like it had that and i think i just put keep the money for myself um which is kind of my vibe recently like my money hoarding i'm entering money hoarder i literally have a note saying that we need to start hoarding wealth again we need to make hoarding wealth great again i believe in hoarding I'm entering money hoarder I literally have a note saying that we need to start hoarding wealth again we need to make hoarding wealth great again I believe in hoarding money I don't believe in equal pay yeah I think you should take advantage of people what a billion dollars is not much money like I don't think people...

If you work hard for your money off other people's labor and you're just smart enough to just take advantage of other people and pay them fucking dog scraps while you hoard the wealth sitting in your fucking corner office in a skyscraper, you deserve three, four, five billion dollars. Yeah, because you worked for that. You had to put all your morals aside

and become a psychopath and that's not easy you were evil i was watching succession it wasn't until three seasons in that i watched and i was like oh these are supposed to be rich people to me i was like these are poor people i'm watching yeah like they don't have nearly as much money as they should like until you're in the billions i'm like what's the point like i actually can't believe that some people genuinely think that that they're like dude a billion is nothing to me i love the like hardcore bootlickers that are like they worked hard for that money like define hard no they did it yeah they did not work hard the people that are working hard are the fucking cashiers that have to interact with nasty fucking entitled gross people.

Like you. Exactly. Demanding their snack wrap now. I'm so congested, it's disgusting. I'm still sick, if anybody cares. I probably have white lung. Yeah, oh, don't even get me started. Don't even get me started.

White lung, COVID 2.0. Around March next year, of course, it's the same time around elections that a new scary disease is taking over the planet. I see your tin hat. It's kind of ironic. It's kind of ironic. We don't know what the fuck it is.

It's affecting our kids and our children. The white lung is coming for you. Prepare for another shutdown. Drew's convinced he has white you. Prepare for another shutdown. Drew's convinced he has white lung. Prepare for another shutdown. You were literally a hypochondriac because he said something to me yesterday and I didn't say anything. I was like, I'm going to let you rock because you're also falling asleep. But from my room because he's also been sleeping in my room.

Oh, yeah. Let me talk about that real quick. So I started a major 3D print project for my blind box toys. We'll insert the photos of the failure that it was. And then we'll tease like a nice little figurine that actually looks good that still broke. But I like started and embarked on this journey. And like the fumes from that 3d printer are so toxic and evil that like

literally for the past like two or three days like i actually have not been myself and i have fully melted the brain cells that i had left in my fucking brain because like i was like interacting with this like liquid uncured resin that's super gaseous and like the fumes just like latch onto the oxygen molecules and like take over it i don't fucking know the science behind it but like long story short it's carcinogenic and it stops the oxygen from getting to my brain so i've been sleeping in inya's room because I've been trying to air my room out for the past four days but it still smells hella toxic um and from the hallway he like yelled at me as he was falling asleep in my bed and he was like I think I have what's the word turn off the light hypoxia he's

like I think I'm suffering from hypoxia and I was like what is that and then he like read it he's like so I've been doing some research which like googling your symptoms is not doing some research no no i just i didn't do no research i just know what hypoxia is like off the top of my head it's a lack of oxygen hypochondriac because why do you know that like well it's because i was like doing like anatomy and physiology and all those medical which is like the worst thing you could have ever done because now you think you know what's happening. No, I literally also have a note taken down about like how like it's almost that time

where I like start fiending to be sick again where I'm like, I love the attention I get when I'm sick. There's something wrong with you. No, we know, we know, we know. Me and my alters know. Your voices both kind of sound like parallel universe versions of you. Yeah. there's something wrong with you no we know we know we know me and my alters know but he said that voices both kind of sound like parallel universe versions of you yeah i feel like i'm just gonna be stuck like this forever yeah the audio listeners are like who the fuck are these

people we replaced ourselves because we were just tired of working and like we're already starting that money hoarding idea we're gonna get someone to replace us who does all the work. And we're going to pay them maybe $2 an hour. So $2 an episode. You average that out. We're paying them good. They're making eight bucks a month. That's good, yeah.

But I was laying in bed and I said I had hypoxia. Why did I say I had hypoxia? He was like, because I just haven't been getting enough oxygen to my brain because since I'm congested and I had all those fumes, I'm like trying to breathe through my nose and not breathing through my mouth, which is like breathe through your fucking mouth. I will never be a mouth breather. Absolutely fucking not. Oh, yeah. Break my three year mewing streak for what?

Some fucking oxygen from my blood. No. Why do you think people have been calling me sexy? It's because my hair is out of my face and they can see my jawline. Look at the comments on Josiah's new video. Every single one is about me being sexy. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. We'll insert them because I actually went through and screenshotted them because they made me feel so good about myself. I'm scared. Drew actually looks good. As a straight woman, i'm so attracted to drew i'm going insane drew looks way too sexy in this video drew looks so good i'm tired of y'all denying it

like the way drew looks like a meal drew is really serving jesus i can tell the grinder church app has been doing work oh yes it has drew looks so good what the. Drew looks so good. What the fuck? Drew looks so good in this vid. I was low-key fantasizing. Oh, I was low-key fantasizing. Drew looks like a Victorian prince. Drew looks good as hell in this. Okay, we get it. You don't understand how much I needed this. Did you see any comments about me?

Was there no one? No, look, and these are all just like straight up screenshots. Like every single one of these it's just back to back it's just back to back like people want me people love me have him in your bed saying that he's suffering from hypoxia i'm throwing this away and that's why i've been so grumpy and he's like and that's why i've been so grumpy the past few days well no like i've been like hella fucking dizzy like literally so dizzy all day and just like yesterday was not my day i was a little grumpy boy and like i just wasn't having it but i'm also sick as a dog

because i got that dog in me oh you're so cringy drew and you do things like that shut up shut the fuck up well yeah he was like well because i i don't breathe through my mouth and i can't breathe through my nose so i'm suffering from hypoxia and i was like what are we like breathe through your fucking mouth also you have been snoring since you're like yeah it's been bad josiah said it was worse than yours the other day when i like fell asleep on the couch when we were both sleeping on the couch you were fully sn so let me bring something up that the first night when I slept in your bed you did um what did I do um no so I always like wanted Kyra are you okay yeah okay just making sure I always like was curious about Inya's bedtime rituals just because like everyone has a little thing that they do and like I was like oh and this is probably like brushing her hair like being like

cute and just getting ready for bed putting on her lotions and her creams and just like doing her little thing like whatever that girls do taking out her tampon like period shit wait how long do you think a menstrual cycle lasts like apparently years for you because you're a bitch all the time pmsing much um no they last for like a week like a few days yeah yeah i know because we were watching that video where it was like the guys try to disguise themselves as girls like and one of the guys was like doesn't a menstrual cycle last 30 days and i actually couldn't believe that because i was like wait a second wait a second like if you were like there's no excuse to also be in your 20s and be a sexually active person like that is where i draw

the line if you are a sexually active man and you still think that it's like how many times have you interacted with a woman she's like yeah i'm on my period and if is she just like ghosting you for a month and she's like i'm not on my period anymore like is that what's happening like why do you get play he just doesn't get play but anyways we're like laying in bed i'm kind of doing my thing like i'm i have my laptop open playing a video and i'm watching tiktok on my phone at one point you're like in drew turn off your laptop like turn the brightness down yeah because it was so bright because i was like kind of falling asleep and i turned my head it was just like yeah it's like a flash bang and then so inya's laying there she's like slowly dozing off and then i'm like what the fuck did

inya just fall asleep to like what is she listening to so i like listen in she's literally listening to like the most gruesome like diabolical like murder like podcast show that's like talking about like beheading women and like cutting their limbs off it's jcs i have not like watched something like that to fall asleep in a long time and i swear on my mother's urn yeah i have not watched something like that to fall asleep for a long time but i was so tired and I didn't have it in me to scroll through TikTok. And that was at the top of my timeline. And I was like, I've already watched all like, if you know Evan and Caitlin, that's what I'll be watching to fall asleep. That's my vibe.

But they haven't fucking uploaded. So I was like, damn, you're going to push me. And I was going to watch a plane crash video. But I was like, let me not restart that journey. And you're always like, why am I so anxious? Like, why am I so scared of everything all the time it's because you fall asleep to murder documentaries like it's crazy it really did i've never seen you fall asleep so fast in my life you know what it is it's like i think it's less about

the content but it's more about like the voice of the people who do that they have such a specific octave it's like joe pera like it literally just puts me to sleep that's my asmr yeah we do have like nice voices and shit why are you changing your voice i'm not um i think being congested like is legitimately the worst thing that can ever happen to me personally like it like i i'm not even kidding i will go on record saying this i would rather be dead than be congested for a week like i i literally cannot exist in this form like this is too much yeah i like we've too much tried to start going back to the gym because we're not like sick anymore we're just left over with some congestion and i'm not kidding

the second i start running on that fucking treadmill i start choking on phlegm and it is the nastiest thing ever and it's so embarrassing tell the story tell the story how competitive you always get on me for being competitive okay i have to explain this though so we me josiah and drew were at the gym and like before they went off to do their like workouts drew got on my treadmill behind me and we were walking the gym and like before they went off to do their like workouts, Drew got on my treadmill behind me and we were walking together and the lady behind us, Josie saw her and he was like, she just gave us the dirtiest look for doing that. Cause it's like a bougie gym and like everybody there takes themselves so fucking serious.

And I guess I'm one of those people too, because of what I ended up doing. But like Drew was behind me and we were walking for a second and he left. And now I was like stuck in the idea that this woman was behind me and we were walking for a second and he left and now i was like stuck in the idea that this woman was watching me because she was right behind me on another treadmill so like i was like doing my like warm-up and then i started running and i was like oh my god i literally can't run because i'm so congested that i i like can't intake enough air to keep going and i was like overheating really fast since i couldn't intake air but then as I'm running I'm like oh my god this lady behind me is gonna see that I only ran for like two minutes and be like this bitch is just here to play like she's not even about it so then I kept running and choking

on my fun because I was like I will not I will not let her think I am here to fucking play around like I'm about my business bitch but yeah I ran for like three extra minutes and I'm not kidding I almost fainted because I was getting no oxygen to my head hypoxia i basically embarrassed myself even more because i was so lightheaded from running with no oxygen that i had to like stop the treadmill and like bend down because i almost fainted um i will say when i was walking with you to get my heart rate up before my exercising i do like a little inclined walk for five to ten minutes um when i like got on your treadmill and we started just like goofing off for those like five seconds i could feel her energy like burning yeah burning holes through our backs like she

literally wanted us to fucking die you do not belong here what did we do we're just like you're mad because we're young and you're fun. And you're boring. Yeah, and you're here alone and we're here with friends. So you're mad. Loser. Oh wait, I never even finished the Squid Games. The Swish Games thing. So it was asking questions like it was like, oh, how do you do

in team situations? And my answer was, I fall back and I let everybody make a mistake so that I can't be blamed for the mistake. How do you do in confrontations? I said, I win. I've got a nasty temper. It was like, what do you why do you want to win the money?

And I said, honestly, so I can just like never do anything ever again. I just kind of want to chill with my life. And then it was like, why do you want to be in Squid Game? It's like, so I can prove to everybody that I will win. It was like, why do you think you will win? It was like, because I will. I just know it. And just shit like that.

And like, I'll insert the pictures that I like gave for myself. Because it was asking for like a headshot, like a full body shot, like all this shit. This is one of the pictures I gave. If they selected you, would you shave your head for the role? Yeah, what if they were like, do you actually look like that? Because we'll take you. And then this is what I haven't showed Drew. But this is my official Squid Games self-tape.

Hey, what's up? My name is Eddie Umanzor and I want to be on the next Squid Game. Please choose me. I am five foot four, ready to to have fun and i will be winning so maybe you don't choose me because you're gonna have to give me 4.5 million dollars i fucking hate that voice nearing at the end because i have to show them that i could serve cunt too like you have to um so hopefully guys i will be shipped off to squid game soon and you won't see me for six to eight months yeah literally please please god well anya made that and i heard that they were

having a little fun so i decided to make my own what What would you, or go ahead. My name is Drew Phillips and I'm casting for the Squid Games. I'm the villain of the season. Oh, if I know. I'm the villain of the season. We should just make a song and give it to them. Yo. Oh, but yeah, they're calling my swag

because they're like oh do you know anybody who signed up for it and i said no because obviously they don't want like alliances to be formed all like at first also game shows are so funny like that when they're like there's alliances it's like no you're literally stuck in a room with random people and you're just making friends but people like start to get so psychologically torn apart and said like that that they see people making connections and they're like what what are they doing like do we look like an alliance they're forming an alliance it's like no they're y'all are just making friends because you're gonna be here for like 15 days in a row should we put this picture up there or should i post

this on instagram you should post that on the grinder uh church app hey look at this one kai should i post this on ig the way it would eat down god dude the one of josiah is really naughty i hate josiah like the way josiah could take photos really is jarring to me yeah um but yeah so hopefully i'll be in the next squidge games in the next squidge games and i'll be winning no i i was telling anya i was like no like if you and i went on together and like had our little katniss and pita moment like where it was like between the two of us in the final and like you had to like stab me in the heart but like we decided to like make love instead like they would love they didn't make love they would like i guess they in me painting my face and just his mouth exposed no like like the whole thing is like oh like we would have to have sex on camera. So like I'm like, why would they not want that for us? Like, why would you know?

How is no one fucking in there? Like, oh, they are. Someone was fucking in there. They are for sure. When it gets down, like it's two and a half weeks and they're banging, boning, bashing. They're gishing. They're gishing their bash. Let's talk about it.

I guess maybe they would let us go because they let that mom and son get in. Exactly. So they need another duo for the next season it's gonna be us yeah like imagine the thing is i have such a like big ego and like no you would stab me in the heart so bad complex actually that's like because in my head no in my head i wouldn't compete because i'd be like this is so embarrassing that we're all competing and we want something so bad um because i have like uh no self-respect and i don't believe in fighting for what i want um that i would in my head in my head in my head i would think i wouldn't do

because i'd be like ew like i don't want people to know i really want something that's embarrassing but then i think about how competitive i am in nature and i would be a fucking nightmare i literally am so bad at competitions because i get so like intense for no reason it's never that serious but i need to win like i need to win and if i didn't win bitch let them fucking explode my little chest thing i'm gonna rip it out and like throw it at someone's head like don't fucking pop that shit on my chest like that's too much and i'm not gonna act like i'm dead because they had all those bitches falling on the floor like they're dead if they pop my shit i'd be like that that was too far like making

their squidge explore squib explode and then like them having to fake death after losing 4.5 million dollars like it's od like it's crazy some of them were really giving giving like a fake death performance like they were like i'm gonna get this emmy like i'm gonna get this fucking emmy maybe they'll give me money like so dramatic i'm just so proud of you guys because just then the mic was like pointed away and yeah like over here and you like intuitively like professional podcaster vibes like knocked it towards your mouth wow i was about to have to like go engineer mode and be like oh like can you turn them no i just did a bunch of coke this morning so i'm really like fine-tuned today oh wow okay i've been on like a coke concerning but

yeah it's been really scary she's on like a bender she wakes up at noon she wakes up at noon everyone like it's really scary I literally cannot wake up early. Dude, every time it hits this time of year, waking up before 11 a.m. is the hardest task ever. Which is so surprising because the sun comes out earlier to greet you and say hello. I think because I'm just cold and comfy and I'm like, oh, I just want to sleep. Like, I slept for 10 hours last night. That's so crazy.

And I kept sleeping sleeping i'm crazy well i'm thinking about getting veneers again are you gonna get your teeth shaved down i would be so disgusted big nasty fucking gum teeth like i want big nasty bright white like like horse teeth like i want them to be like the biggest scam like that's when like the beauty industry got men and women at the same time like actually veneers are beautiful for that because i feel like usually beauty standards just fall on women and like women are having to go under the knife and shit but they were like you know what both genders will fuck with big teeth yeah big big teeth no

like i think veneers when they're done right are actually like really nice and cool but like if you already have nice teeth and you're getting veneers like it is a stab in the heart like it's crazy it was his smile yeah i can't stop imagining you with like huge cartoon teeth dude the thing about veneers is even when they're good though like that first week is really jarring that first week of like new mouth acclimating yeah like i have to re-acclimate my eyes to the fact that like i know what your teeth looked like like it's like a key component to your face and now they're just big yeah and we're strictly talking cosmetic we're strictly like if you need fucking fake teeth do your thing like respect

respect but i mean the bitches who like they're like oh i wish my teeth were whiter and it's like why no one has white teeth yeah it looks so weird like you look like you threw the Paris filter over your face permanently. But I am getting veneers soon. You're going to go to Turkey, get your hair surgery? I'm going to get a hairline and veneers. Also, the people that reached out to me for hairline surgery very early into the podcast, they were like, Wolf Light, you and a buddy up to get two free hairline surgeries. I was offended then, but now i want it because it would be so funny like if i like literally got like a crazy hairline like literally right here

and have like no forehead i just want the picture of my face like really big and swollen so bad i could just beat you the fuck up kai you're giggly today yeah dude because kai hit a dab work before we started so he's fucked up he's about to be catatonic was i not supposed to hit that no dude i was gonna say i i peed before the podcast and i put the seat down and yeah he's he's saying he did a good thing girls are just so unrespecting like just like waiting on my thank you for that why would i say thank you for that because it's it was super nice you would have fallen your petite body would have fallen into the toilet so yeah i know i would have been flushed away because i'm so small i would have just like slid under the door like a piece of paper

we were at orion's exhibit and i like was like oh my god i literally have to shit i'm going back there to shit and i didn't even tell drew that who told you that sabrina oh because i was like all right bye i'm gonna go shit and i went and grabbed my phone and went to the back and i was like on the toilet and i just hear like and like someone's wiggling the door handle which i immediately knew it was drew because like who the fuck has the urgency at this exhibit like it's all respectable adults here other than like orion's three rowdy ass friends and someone's like jiggling the handle and do the voice you did there's a fire run there's a fire get the fuck out get out there's a fucking fire and then i started blowing smoke under the door i found inya's vape and i just started

blowing like the seat with my like. Yeah, so I was like blowing smoke under the door. It was such a vibe. You're like, we're evacuating! We're evacuating! Get the fuck out! I just harmonized with myself three different layers. Out!

There's like three voice nods. Whatever. But what were you saying about whatever his fucking nuts is what the fuck was einstein is that real like him sticking his tongue out why was he why is he doing that he was silly we can't take her anywhere literally bag of chips on his head like he's fucking crazy we need to edit that it's like my girl's crazy we can't take her anywhere why did he do that like Fuck her, cheaps. Is that real?

He was just having a fun time. Yeah. That was like three days before he died. Really? No, I'm kidding. Wait, what did he die from? I think old age. No, see, he's goofy, but that one is crazy.

That's not real. Is that one real? No. Oh, yeah, it is. See, he was just with the shits like he was down for the vibe he was just crazy a mathematician that like mathematicians can let loose and have fun sometimes do you think he like banged hard or was he like mid i'm not going there with you okay i just feel like he probably like put down. Einstein lays pipe. I feel like Einstein laid it down like crazy boots.

Yeah, nerds do. Yeah, he hit the back walls for sure. Oh my God. Wait. I just deleted all my notes. You say that every episode. We're good. Like you don't know how to navigate your iPhone.

Every episode you're like, oh my God. Oh my God. Two years of work down the drain. Oh my God. Literally, the new update is like too much like you're literally going too far like i wish i had my old phone with my old ass update just like it's like also this phone doesn't fit in my fucking hand so like i'll like be on the tiktok feed and like oh yeah your hand will touch the pad of my hand will like touch the refresh button and I'll just like lose the video that I was intently watching. And I'm just like,

okay, fuck this. Fuck this. Um, I was researching, like Christian mega churches, specifically like Texas, Christian mega churches. And I don't know if y'all have ever been to a mega church but it's kind of like a rite of passage like in the in like south tech like in the bible yeah bible belt like is to like experience that as a person and like really it is fucking crazy like it it's disgusting literally disgusting because like one they're like arenas like in some of these churches like 35 no literally like 30 000 people like capacity for these like church events and two like some of them, like specifically the Christian, I mean, the Christmas like shows that they put on, like literally have stage design comparable to like Beyonce's Renaissance Tour. Like it's the craziest, like I'm not exaggerating. I feel like every single night they have like a $200,000, $250,000 budget and they do these Christmas shows for like a month straight.

Do churches just get their money from their like people who come? Yeah, like a lot of it is, but it's also like all tax-free. But I found a video that I want us to all watch together. So Kai, come over here. Of like the mega church

and I'm pretty sure this is in Plano. It's ridiculous. This is all the same fucking show. Like, what I'm about to show you all happened at the same show. So first, a horse and a carriage like some really dark satanist shit people flying around it's like the drake concert yeah more stages i'm in drake's concert camels in Texas like okay

It's like the pink concert with them flipping around and shit Zebras Drummer Boy! Like this is crazy! Beyonce flying over us at the Renaissance Tour. But yeah. Wait what the fuck does any of that have to do with god it's that was all one show wait i thought like hardcore christians didn't believe in santa because christmas is a pagan

holiday like it literally is a pagan holiday but like they just know they can make more money doing that shit but that must have cost like a million dollars yeah they do it all the fucking time and they do regular shows where the sermon like or where the preacher's just flying around like every single show they like fly in that shit must have been like three times the amount of a beyonce concert yeah like it's it's unsure how are they homophobic but they're so theatric every person i went to church with that was a very homophobic person, I have seen on Grindr. I have seen you.

I know, I see the type of person you are. Well, that's the church app, so of course they're on there. You're saying the guy that's doing cartwheels to mid-airs? That's what I'm saying. It's like they're literally so theatric, and it literally reminds me of that video of the drag queens circling like at that event recently when they like fell i hope they were okay i never like looked at that up

i don't show their show um but like i i like don't understand like it is so theatric it is so broadway so i'm like and then they do all that and then they're like okay but like low-key fuck gay people fuck poor people we hate you no period um no in my hometown the there's like this non-denominational church that like for a very long time was like the church to go to um it was it's like very it was like 11 in miami yeah exactly it was like the club um no it actually was super high tech but like in like a modest way. And it was not denominational. And like their motto was like no perfect people allowed. So like no matter what walk of life you come from, like whatever sexuality you are, like whatever the vibe is, like you're welcome in this church and loved and accepted. And for

a very long time, I was like, like swag but the new pastor preacher whatever the hell um is biggest op of all time he's definitely a closeted gay man because like randomly in every single sermon he'll just sneak in like anti-gay rhetoric he'll just say like the the one that happened recently that caused like a really big stir in my community. And like he actually had to publicly apologize because like this church is a good church. Like I really like if I like lived in Granbury and wanted to attend church regularly, I would go to this church. Like it's a great place.

But just like sometimes he'll just like get on his high horse and start talking about like gay shit and i'm like bro like what are you on about like recently he was what does this have to do with like me losing faith because my mother is sick exactly like it's so bizarre and like he'll like the the one that caused the controversy was he was um like just giving this sermon and all of a sudden he started doing like a stand-up bit about like his son like how his son is like star quarterback and he was like yeah like my son like would never be gay because like you know they say this like there's research studies about wrestling with your kid like it'll stop him from being gay so like i'll just grab him and start wrestling him because my son will never

be gay and everyone was like pause oh and we were all like oh no you like are weird you're weird that's really odd weird behavior and he there's like two uh sermons every sunday there's an early morning and an afternoon and he did he set up the bit and did the bit the exact same way both times so because it was like super planned and like he both got laughs but then like facebook destroyed him it had like a thousand comments on our small little hometowns like facebook page and everyone was like yeah it's weird they lost if he doesn't stop like being homophobic like we're gonna stop going to this church and like whatever but it's almost like

you can be gay and have faith in god it doesn't have to be like that. Oh, my God. Wow. But, like, I feel like just priests and, like, pastors and everybody, like, they just get so, like, tapped into their ego of it. And then they're like, I can expand. I can become. They love it. They start to feel like an entertainer. They're like, I can move the crowd. They're the false idol in question.

Like, I can make them laugh. I can make them cry. Like, I could do anything. Yeah, they're all false idol in question. I can move the crowd. I can make them laugh. I can make them cry. I can do anything. Yeah, they're all false idols. If you don't worship anything but your God, false idol. Except for me because I am God to a lot of people, surprisingly. Have you ever just thought to, I don't know, take into account that you just might be a compulsive liar?

Yeah, and I am. I thought you were going to deny that that like no i am a compulsive liar it's fun but doesn't that like go like if if people believe that you're like their god like i don't think people want to like have a god that's like a compulsive well if they believe i'm their god then like what's the problem no i guess yeah you could do whatever you want yeah but do they get to do whatever they want? No. Okay.

I'm just like. Lying is fun and whoever I hurt in my wake deserves to be hurt. What the fuck? Randomly. Like, you deserve. Randomly. Random as fuck, but if you fall for my lie, you deserve it. And scene.

Okay. The hum of the refrigerator is classic right now. It sounds so good. I'm not even kidding. Being up late when you're not supposed to, in the kitchen making a mustard sandwich, and mustard and cheese sandwich. Y'all never did that? No. late like when you're not supposed to like in the kitchen like making a mustard sandwich and like mustard and cheese sandwich y'all never did that no and then you hear like you're being quiet and

like were you like raised in the 1920s like why is that your sandwich of choice was raised in an ingredients house we had to like thin for if you wanted food you had to cook it hell no i couldn't i like there was a time when my family caught up that like but there were times when me and my sister would be like so hungry that we would eat raw pasta and uh chocolate chips like i tried to think of what i would always like eat like i'd fuck on some like cup noodles like we always had cup noodles in the crib so that was like my. But you had to cook that shit. Yeah.

You ever eat them raw. And I'd put cheese in it. Yeah. Oh, classic. Certified classic. I would do cheese, onions, green peppers, and then cheese. How I would do mine is I would cook the noodles on the stove till they are like literally so squidgy and soft that like they have no bite to

the noodles left I would drain all of the water out literally all of it then I would put a chicken bouillon cube and the sauce packet in there so you give yourself sodium overload yeah exactly and then I'd put a slice of cheese or two if I was feeling crazy and I would mix it up and I would make this like gelatinous like glob of salt and like nasty chicken flavor and I would just eat that down but like when I was like really young and I didn't know how to use the microwave yet like and I was really scared of the microwave for a long time because I put like a fork in there and I made like plasma and like it literally almost burned the house down i would just take the ramen uncooked out of the bag and pour the flavor packet the powder flavor packet on it and just eat it

like chips like that shit is so good that was the move because it was like in between pasta where it wasn't like quite as harsh yeah yeah you could still chew it. It was powderized pasta. Yeah, it was crazy. But the Top Ramen arc was like fucking lit. My little sister would always, always, without fail, if we let her cook her cup noodles alone, she would always almost start a fire. Like, I'm not kidding. I can remember eight different occasions where we'd be sitting in the living room

and we'd be like, like, what's that smell? What's happening? And we go into the kitchen and she's like opening the microwave and she's like and she would always forget her fork in her fucking plate that she made of leftovers and always almost that sound dude someone needs to put their iphone in a microwave the new iphone and see what happens literally like there was a whole youtube channel that would put shit in microwaves that was like mine and my buddies like shit for a while before i started dissecting live animals to see their heart beating um but what uh my favorite genre of video right now is like um not my favorite genre it's top 10 genre all time i'll leave it there um but it's like people

like cooking pizzas in the oven and forgetting about them for 24 hours and then just being like a solid mass of charcoal or like cooking their ramen or heating something up in the microwave and forgetting about it and it went on for 10 minutes and it's just like this black lump of burnt food like those videos will always always always get me and like it will be like a pepperoni pizza and you can see like the black pepperonis on the black pizza like it's certified classic or like they'll like be cooking a turkey and like they'll pick up the bone and it'll turn to fucking powder like that shit's so lit i love like really old people who don't really know what's like visually appetizing or visually appealing to young

people who are just posting tiktoks and then it's like the most jarring scene ever like from a young person's view it is the most off-putting like ominous video and from their perspective they were like this is cute this is just what i'm eating today like it's just what i'm up to and it's like something about it is like the colors the sounds like the video itself feels like i gave ai a really ominous text and told it to make a video but it's just this old person existing that's like all of like the kids i grew up with are all like simultaneously like mid-20s like starting to get into like cooking their own meals and they are so proud of themselves and they like love the food they cook and I'm sure it tastes great but like y'all gotta work on your fucking plating for real and like

work on the presentation yes literally because if you're gonna post it online I'm going to judge the fuck out of you if it's ugly like make it look good like i know it's just serving a purpose and it probably tastes good but like i'm not looking at your nasty fucking plate of brown pasta like it does not look good like i don't i'm not eating it so i can't tell but you're talking about mason posting his uh pasta on his paper plate with his his like balsamic vinegar but he always says it's chocolate sauce and it always looks like chocolate sauce that's who we're talking about yeah we're calling mason out speed is on a tour right now of him just live streaming

i don't even know if he addresses like the audience but he just like sets his computer up on stage in front of like 5,000 kids and just live streams. And then that's it. I think I could be wrong, but honestly go to like, that is so crazy. It's like,

it feels like it would be like an art. Exactly. Installation. It's like that belongs in the MoMA. That's literally what I'm saying. Like it's, it's honestly like it says a lot without saying much well drew didn't realize he left a snail trail in my bed so i have to wash my sheets it's really annoying okay and like that's

why i woke up as i rolled over into something squidgy and it was from drew do you have a psyop corner or what like are you gonna entertain us oh wow so all i am is a drew psyop corner and a drew's brain floss no we don't need the brain floss yeah that's all i am is a drew's psyop corner and a drew's brain floss no we don't need the brain floss yeah that's all i am is drew's brain floss to you guys wow okay um yeah i have a few imagine you come out of your teeth transplant surgery saying harry i'm out I made it out alive then Harry hovers over the top of you and says who you think gives you the teeth love and it's Harry Styles with no teeth who you think gave you the teeth love my name's Harry Styles and I gave you the teeth love have you seen the picture wait show guy i just sent it to you kai who you think gave you the teeth oh my name's every style and i talk about sex and bagging

and shocking women in who you think gazed at the t-flo like who made that a genius and the hashtag imagine classic um okay bitches be on their phone 24 7 then act surprised when they see 333 444 111 them angel numbers not talking to you babe go the fuck outside you're just on your phone too much that's literally you yeah literally girls with no car always getting the most drama how the fuck you even get there dude you know what's crazy drew is i was about to look that one up oh that's so funny that's me to you yeah from 2018 to 2023 it's hard to that one is good in its own right but it's hard to follow who you think um this one is a certified drew classic i came up with this one all on my own imagine your card declines at therapy

and they just start telling you the truth that you are the problem no don't leave come back I didn't come up with that one do another one do another one that's all i got what yeah i know you're slacking slim pickings like people aren't posting funny shit anymore like y'all need to get with it or no i'm just not getting like compilations on tiktok oh let me not forget my big just post that picture right now screenshot that and send it i'm just like it's so hard to go through my meme account that like i it's just difficult

like i can't even explain it bro like it's just hard my job is so hard i heart weed i heart rough sex i heart freaks i heart head period um okay oh this is a good one look at my lawyer dog i'm going to jail oh yeah yours your original was crazy all right should we do some media my media of the week is blue face falling off stage oh god the fart it has to be edited man it is but what's crazy is like they edited reverb on the fart

like they wanted the fart to feel like it's good it's like in the room with us I think that's one of the funniest things I've ever seen yeah we'll insert that so y'all can clock that to you too you don't have to be a star to be in my show by Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis That's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Yeah, we'll insert that so y'all can clock that to you too. You Don't Have to Be a Star to Be in My Show by Marilyn McCool and Billy Davis Jr.

California, the live version by Joni Mitchell. And I've been listening to, what's it called? What is this song called? Everybody by Nicki Minaj, duh. Like, who isn't listening to that? And I've been listening to Strike Holster by Lil Yachty a lot. I wanna strike shit, strike, strike, strike shit. I wanna strike shit, ay, ay. Oh my God.

Let's do my Discover Weekly for like a surprise and see like what we get into. My Discover Weekly was trying me they keep trying to feed me new songs since all those songs i was listening to are from the 70s kendo subsided Okay, really ambient. Alright, we got Fall Ozean. Let's check to see when this was made, because it sounds good. It was made yesterday it sounds good. It was made yesterday

by me. How do you see when it was made? I'm going to go to their profile. You go to the album and then you can scroll down. Oh, 1993. And it has literally no listeners. I put y'all on to something crazy. Well, Spotify just put you on.

They got two songs. I just put y'all the fuck on because they got Porcelain, too. This is one of my favorites right now. Shoegaze. Yeah, no. Thank me later. O-Z-E-A-N.

Thank you, Drew, for putting us on. Remember when all I would listen to was Shoegaze and I was like, why do I want to kill myself? Why? Why? You can't understand literally what the fuck are the cocktail twins saying? Like, what are they saying? They're saying if you listen, they're saying I don't know what y'all not. Y'all really aren't listening.

You're not hearing them. All right. Then song for New York, New Jersey. We praise the 999 heart takes stable eye. Not feeling it, but respect. Odo Benson Apogamy.

Are we going through your whole Discover Weekly right now? Oh, this is, I love this. I have to shit so bad, so we need to wrap this up. Yeah, that was made yesterday.

If this was in my headphone, it would probably be like circling my head like a 4D audio haircut. They brought a melody in. They lost me. Apogami, Odo, Benson. All right, I'm going to do one more. I'm going to do one more. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

This is insane. Reading your Discover Week. otto benson all right i'm gonna do one more i'm gonna do one more sorry sorry sorry um this is insane reading your discovery we're gonna get this whole video demonetized oh i love spirit of the beehive fell asleep with a vision you know what song I like love but makes me so sad but I'll always always listen to it is but actually it makes me sad and happy we'll live through the long long days how does it drive my car

yeah and I don't know the whole and the through Spotify moves too slow and through the long nights. I was just having a go ishibashi. But it has to be the one that the song because he does like in that album, there's like three renditions of each song. So like it's like the same title, but there's like three different renditions for each one. But you have to listen to one that's three minutes and 55 seconds that one of that title was like so good it makes me so happy but also like so sad but it like literally if the world

was ending i would want to hear that one because i would be like wow my life was amazing oh that's pretty um one last album it is a spirit of the beehive album it's entertainment comma death it's scary but i love this i love this and it was and it's a modern album 2021. wow uh did we watch any movies no any shows no we've been too busy we haven't been watching anything we've been watching the cut and fucking beta squad i want to watch salt bay so fucking bad and poor things yeah maybe we do that tonight did i oh i think i have a i have a class to go to tonight i need to watch salt bay with jacob alordi and poor things with Emma Stoner. Bitch, one thing about me is I love Emma Stone, period. Yeah, she's awesome. But, okay.

Oh. That's the episode. Oh, no, I was just... Oh, I didn't sign up for anything. Yeah, but okay. Like, what are you talking about? She is. All right, well, I'm going to go shit.

Thank you guys so much for listening. You're awesome. Outro Music