Emergency Intercom - we are having an identity crisis

Episode Date: May 12, 2023

drew and enya discuss the terror that courses through their body when they are asked "what do you do" and have to either say podcaster or influencer, drew tells a story about smoking weed out of a fireball bottle and getting brain damage, and enya brings up the fact that hot people get away with too much shit This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at www.BetterHelp.com/intercom Go to www.Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. welcome to emergency intercom i was gonna do like welcome to this episode of you didn't you obviously didn't pick up on that vibe yeah i didn't pick up what you were putting down i didn't smell what you were pooping out.

Why did we find love in a vibeless place? I think we found love in, like, a hellscape. That's what I'm saying. A hellscape is a vibeless place. It's a vibeless place to be, if you ask me. Girl, if Lana Del Rey said we found love in a hellscape, I would have busted a nut and... Literally busted a nut and literally busted a nut and

slipped in it and broke my skull like one time I was talking about a crush I had on like a celebrity and I just went on the craziest nastiest I was like if they fucking squirt I would only be so lucky to like be running down the hallway and like slip in it and get a concussion and wake up in a hospital bed and like the only thing they could give me is iv fluid of their squirt to like bring me back to life it's like fucking crazy and i was all up top of dome but we were just in our separate environments just now and i was like on tiktok while they were setting up in here or i don't know what the fuck y'all were doing in here i heard weird sounds but anyways i was scrolling on tiktok and i heard or i found this account that like makes t-shirts the shirts are actually fucking sick and i literally am gonna buy one if she sells them or

if they sell them i don't know um but the basically what she does is she takes the shirts and she cuts up the letters of the shirts and like makes them into like different ones like there was a hello kitty one that said she made it say like i am a toilet and then she just like embroidered so is it into the uh sure yeah it's really ill but oh my god why did i just say it you need to why did i just say that that was it's really that was weird it's super true not been true for real um been true but she pulled out this baby onesie it's a onesie for an infant that says lock up your daughter's baby gap 1989 crazy fucking vibe dude that's like such a common thing they still sell those shirts that's the crazy thing is we've gone so far in society but we're still giving little baby boys lock up your Yeah. Your daughter's better run and fucking hide.

Your daughter better fucking bring it on every night that my son doesn't go out our door. I'm going to fucking kill your daughters. My son is going to kill your daughter. It's supposed to be so weird. And they're like, oh, he's so handsome. He's going to literally steal your fucking daughter and lock him up in the basement um yeah i had a i had a lock up i had a lock up your daughter's

shirt that i got from like walgreens forever ago and i remember i was doing a brand deal for this watch company and i was like daniel wellington yeah oh dude my dead brother loved my daniel wellington lunch loved it um but i actually got it back really why because he died i wanted it back so bad for like years and he wouldn't give it back to me and then so you did the unthinkable i won in the end well actually no it was for a fucking glasses company it was for glasses usa um but i had that shirt on and it's a picture of me like sitting at a table but like you could see the shirt on which i don't know why i thought oh i'm shooting a brand deal i should wear my lock up your daughter shirt like i don't know why i thought that was gonna slide but they were like can she retake

this with a different shirt and i was like oh you're so annoying that i know that boiled your blood because that would have pissed me the fuck off i was like these pictures eat you're like literally tripping like i'm gonna post them ahead of their time um and that that photo did eat um but i think i had to edit it so if you see the shirt it looks like just a black shirt or something like i i edited it somehow that i didn't say that yeah which i don't know how i did it maybe in facetune i don't know i don't know how to i'm not a photoshop kind of girl like honestly if something if someone held the gun to my head and was like you need to photoshop this i'd be like no please i know people i know people i know literally like i would rather die than

photoshop but for some reason i i use photoshop literally maybe twice a year where i actually have to use it for work and i am subscribed all the way throughout the year and it is 60 a month which is fucking crazy and should be illegal uh package don't use this yeah it should be illegal to charge that much for that shit because like 600 what 720 a year for something that i could have bought for fucking 12 like y'all are psycho like i know it's insane i'm in a pirate i'm starting to pirate shit like i'm gonna see it off my computer like why we've come around the bend and now we know we can steal from big conglomerates so we have to start doing it digitally like there needs to be more digital theft that shirt that's like you wouldn't download a car would you like

yes i literally would like what are you talking about yeah if i could illegally download a fucking bugatti i would do it what are we talking oh my god i got a 3d printer it's not here yet and he's gonna he's gonna download it i'm gonna download a bugatti and 3d print it in my like micro printer nine inches at a time and put it over um my car right right um but there i i know we do media at the end of the um episode but i had to fucking talk about this show that i've been watching have you heard of tiger king yet what is that it's this dude joe exotic he's a gay like cowboy that owns tigers he's gay and he likes tigers yes it's really crazy and he's just like that's the show he just likes tigers he's such an eccentric character that that's all it really needs and then there's like murders and shit but yeah it's really amazing and then um squid game why did like the world not believe that i know it was like the world we couldn't believe it but it was also because it

was a week into lockdown and we were like oh dude i want to go back to lockdown so fucking bad like literally take me back that was the best time of my fucking life it won't get sweeter than that me when i'm tired of the creator um i'm like take me back hey take me back take me back take me back. That was the best time of my fucking life. It won't get sweeter than that. Me, when I'm tired of the creator, I'm like, take me back. Hey, take me back. Take me back. Take me back. Take me back. Take me back.

Take me back. But yeah, there's also Squid Game. Oh, what's that about? I actually couldn't tell you. I don't know how to explain that one. So this guy, he gets taken into a car right and you're like why is he in this car but then he's in a mr beast video yeah yeah oh oh you know they made that also mr beast yeah yeah they made like a mr beast but like with

murder oh wow yeah it's kind of crazy like i hope he got his like checks for that why did he remake that why did he late stage capitalism like that's literally so funny like that got built up and then just destroyed yeah it might actually still be that it might be uh he what he should have done is turn it into a museum i was just gonna say he should have turned it into like a selfie museum. He's got to get us on the team. He needs us on the fucking team. Whoa. Oh, my God. Wow.

I'm hungover, by the way. I literally have a throbbing headache. Is that where you were looking for Advil this morning? Yeah. I need it so bad. Oh, pal. And you drank wine last night. But Dune 2 poster.

I never drink wine. But don't sit me in a room with other girls and some alcohol. Because a mass talking will happen. A mass talking and drinking. Were the girly pops there from the other night? Not everyone. One of them was. But not the one.

Okay. So, Dune 2. Yes. Which I don't know why they need another one uh because that show is our new star wars it's like it's like okay look at like one of the new farm style houses that are being built like the white ones with the black trim yeah the james charles houses yes the james charles houses and then look at a mid-century modern house built in the 1970s I forgot what I was what point I was making what did you say oh what Dune Dune is the mid-century

modern from 1970s house and Star Wars is like the fake farmhouse fake farmhouse like that's saying a lot I know that's like what I'm saying. It's like, it's just elite, better, big, tall windows, like, that's it. Well, I don't know that I agree and I haven't seen Dune, but I've been forced to watch a lot of Star Wars movies in my life. And unless they also have a horny scene where a big slug captures a girl in a bikini, then I don't know if Dune's winning. what's his fucking name uh oscar isaac naked as fuck wait is he in dune yes and he's naked and hot like he's in it why didn't you tell me that like now i have probably told you this around yeah but it's kind of like tragic

where he's naked but it's like literally fucking lit oh timothee chalamet do you see his wiener no they don't allow that but you basically do i mean when they were filming you basically did where he's naked but it's like literally fucking lit oh timothy chalamet you see his wiener no they don't allow that but you basically do i mean when they were filming you basically did in like scenes from a marriage yeah true he was let's stop sexualizing people i know i need to stop like anytime he gets brought up if he gets really fucked up very real um but i realized that i'm violently dehydrated um and if you took me to a doctor i haven't been drinking water like i really haven't and my skin is like dry and cracking and nasty and like it's fucked up but well it's also because it got back to being cold as fuck in la which is so annoying and um very scary because i don't

think it's supposed to feel like this in may here no it's like at all it's like insane winter for like two years in la i know imagine it was like this literally forever i would literally bust in that like that would be so fucking i think i would kill myself because i love this weather but i am like can the sun come out like the sun is out and i'm feeling okay i hope you have a really good day i want it to be hot so i can pop my shirt off just haven't really been able to do maybe it would be good if the weather stayed like this yeah i was about to say it would be nice if kai kept his shirt on or the weather stayed quiet yeah that's what i was thinking um also i realized now my new fear is when i meet new people and then the i like the topic of jobs comes up and I'm like, oh, please don't talk to me.

Please don't talk to me. It's like everybody's talking about what they do. And then I know it's going to be in slow-mo when something embarrassing in a show happens. And they turn to me and they're like, what do you do for work? And I'm like, no, don't say that. I literally say I'm the i word i literally try to like disappear like when i see people talking about work and i know like there's a chance that they turn to me i'm like i i evacuate the room no i literally if someone asks me i

literally say i i'm the i word like i'm i'm an influencer unfortunately but then i'm like no i'm fucking not but like here i go saying i'm a podcaster like i've been absolutely i say that i'm like i have a podcast i'm a youtuber and i'm like oh i'm one of those people who has a podcast with my best friend but little that almost even worse what they don't know is that we're one of the most successful podcasts in the world they're assuming we're like what they do know is that that's not true oh trust the analytics the analytics don't lie exactly the analytics tell the truth did all of our did we get an amber alert oh it was a be real notification oh well mine was uh paypal taking money from me

for uber eats whoa also that should be put into, a scientist's room and studied that one phone vibrated and we all looked at ours immediately. Like, there's something very real. It vibrated at the same time. That's why I thought it was mine. There's something really scary about that. Really scary about that. Well, I think in ye olden times, if the phone rang, everybody ran to the phone. You fucking.

And I know you're mad and jealous of what I just did i didn't get a green apple green apple is the best jolly rancher they changed their formula it's bullshit that is crazy that you think green apple is the best flavor oh yeah but then when somebody asks me what i do for work and then i say that and then it's the next question is like what's the name like what's the name of your podcast i'm like you shouldn't listen to it and like you don't have to listen to it because they're always like i'm gonna listen i'm gonna listen i'm like you don't one you don't have to say that never feel like you have to say that two please don't thankfully most of the people that ask me what i do um are random people from grandberry texas that like i kind of don't give a fuck about um so i'm just

like whatever whatever i'm just always meeting new people because i'm so sociable so it's like like worst thing ever for me um okay well did that come up last night yeah oh but i was it was funny because like it's usually okay when it's people around our age when it's older people that's when it's really hard. Because I'm like, oh, my God. You're going to think, like, I should be, like, working in the mines. Yeah. Or something.

Well, we do yearn for the mines. But. Minecraft. But they were, like, they're, like, around our age. And, but in my head, I was like, damn, we're having such a good conversation. That, like, now I feel like she's going to listen to the podcast and be like, hmm, it's more fun talking to her in real life than hearing this. Yeah. Which is probably true because I'm just like, when I walk into a room, I fill it with joy and piss because I pee everywhere.

Wait, what? I do want to talk about, I'm so fucking stupid for having this jolly rancher in my mouth as I'm like literally speaking. But I wanted to talk about my drug dealer horror stories from when I lived back in Texas. And yeah, I just wanted to talk about that. But I'm going to shut my mouth real quick. Whoa. I'm sure this is like a universal experience where they're like local drug dealers like 23 25 and all of his clients are 16 17 year olds 18 year olds from like the high school the local high school which is the number one horror story is like that environment is so scary and I'd see like my homies that were the same age as me just like chilling on the couch with this grown-ass man and it was really fucking eerie and scary but i'm sure that's a universal experience that's not what's the drug dealer being hella old yeah

and just being creepy with like younger girls yeah that's like so classically like drug dealer vibe it's insane but this is a story unique to me i'm sure and i cannot believe i haven't told this on the podcast probably just to protect the like people but no one knows who i was friends with at the time um but we had recently switched drug dealers we had recently gone from the one really close by my house to the one close to the high school, which is like 15 minutes away. And he lived in like an apartment complex, literally. So the apartment complex is here, the police station and pseudo courthouse is here. And then the high school is like right up the street. So it was like, really, really crazy to be like selling drugs out of there. Actually, it might have been a good facade. But anyways, he was like selling drugs out of there actually it might have been a good facade but anyways um he was like dealing out of there and we went there and this was like the first time

he invited me into his house and i did not want to go in there but like basically it was one of those situations where he was like holding the weed like hostage and like making you hang out with him because he's so lonely um well we got into the house and we're just chilling on the couch and it's me and two of my buddies that i'm not gonna mention by name um and we're just hanging out in there and like it is like nasty fucking vibes in there like a single couch with like nothing else in the room like there's a bedroom at the end of the hall and you can see through the door that well maybe he just believes in like minimalism consuming um so you're just being judgmental i mean he had bread because he was like the only other drug dealer in our hometown

and everybody needed to like put drugs in their system because like there's nothing to do there um but he um you could see through his bedroom and see like that is half of his mattress was showing and that he had like a pile of clothes next to the bed. And like it was just really, really bad vibes. And we're just like chilling there. And then all of a sudden he brings out a pipe and we thought it was weed. And then he went up to like my. So I was really close with one of the dudes that I was with.

And then like by proxy was with the other kid. And he went up to him. Thank God it wasn't fucking me. And was like, if you want your weed, you're going to have to smoke this and prove to me that you're not a cop. And we were like, we're 15, 16 years old. We're not fucking cops. What are you talking about? And he went up and was like.

I'm literally 13. Yeah, I'm literally a child. And he was like, you're going to have to prove that you're not wearing a wire. And like that, like, you're down with the shits or whatever. And we were like, oh, well, like, okay, it's just we'd thank God it wasn't me. Well, he like had the pipe. And this was like, one of those, or so I thought was one of those pipes where it was like the bowl and you hold it like this with the carb right here and you hit.

I thought it was one of those until he started lighting the bottom of it. And we were like, I've never seen weed be lit like that. I wonder if it's like, like in my thought process, it was like, oh, I wonder if it's like, like heating up the cannabinoids and like, it's almost like vaporizing it instead of like smoking it and inhaling it. And then I saw like a giant plume of smoke fill this like orb and i was like this is fucking crack like this is meth or crack or like i don't know what the fuck it is and he made my homie literally smoke meth in front of me and like it was the

craziest fucking vibe ever and like i didn't want to what happened to the kid like what he actually was like hella chill like a champ yeah he was he was he like bodied it like for me he's like bro this might be my new swag yeah no literally like it was it was really insane that's like so dark yeah but like he was fine we're all fine but literally i never went back to that house ever again and i never owned weed again because i was like fuck that i don't want to own this shit oh my god dude literally i just want to see if you're chill yeah like i want to make sure you're not doing that to people when they come to the house and be like i just want to see if you're chill like hit this pipe crack hit this pipe of unannounced drugs um the cocaine you don't

trust me my fucking god my friends don't trust me anymore. That's what I'm going to say. You're going to gaslight them. I'd be like, just close your eyes. I'm going to be like, oh, wait, you should close your eyes because I'm going to give you a surprise and then make them smoke meth. Did you eat Chick-fil-A last night? No, I literally got it this morning because I woke up and I stood up and my fucking head like pounced from the back of my skull to the front.

And I was like, I need food so that I'm not nauseous because I was really nauseous. And then I had like five chicken nuggets and I feel a little better. A little better. Do you know what a gravity bong is? Yeah. It's like when in the big jug and you like pull it out. Yeah. Bitches are so desperate to get high.

I know. It's like. That's when it's like, okay, just do math. That's what I'm like. Just do the fucking math, bro. Like you need you need something more. Because you're literally, like, you're defying gravity for, like, a weed high right now. You're, like, pushing it into your lungs at, like, a crazy rate.

Like, it's really, really dark. Like, what? You just need to, like... I did it once out of a fireball bottle. He had, like, drilled into had like it was really sick actually and that was fine yeah i mean it literally probably was fine like unironically it probably was dude i can't imagine you doing that did you freak the fuck out yeah i i literally laid on the couch like drooling like i'm good i'm good. Like it was fucking crazy.

And then on the drive home, I had my head up against the window and it was like we were coming from like a bumpy gravel road. And like I was like. Literally sedated. Yeah, I couldn't like control my body and it was like bouncing off. I forgot to wear a hat. Y'all get to see my hair. We gotta just get you a helmet. helmet no what we gotta get is a haircut but i was in the front seat but like it was like

and i was like moaning and he was like oh we're almost out we're almost out of the gravel road like i promise it's gonna be good i was like oh my fucking god i was just like choked on air but yeah that's my gravity bong story i could tell you my dab story the one and only time i did a dab dude if i did a dab i think i was fucking like i would have that for us i don't know how y'all do that shit like i know it's like bitches are like yeah i'm gonna smoke this joint rolled in wax rolled in uh with a dab on top with keith on it i was saying like why don't we got into a conversation last night at dinner where one of our friends was like um if your friend was like on their deathbed and they dead to your substitute and

they were like this is so crazy and you're gonna laugh at me but i really want you guys to eat a piece of me before i get cremated or anything and he was like would you do it like if one of your friends was like oh like fuck it yeah like if like your artist friend was like oh i've used my hands like all my life and like they're so meaningful to me. Like because I made all this art. I would love if like a like each friend like had a piece of meat to eat from my hands. I literally eat the skin off my fingers and toes and my toenails. Like I don't give a fuck.

I will eat some. And then I was saying I was like, girl, fuck all that. Why not just like roll my ashes like they're keef like put some wax on a joint and then like roll the joint in my ashes and then just smoke me i'd be down for someone to smoke me i would do that i don't think i would eat someone you would rather smoke someone than eat them because i feel like smoking them you just said that too i know but i'm like disgusting so and i'm okay with that i feel like that's well i to be to be clear i would do both i don't care really yeah i wouldn't eat

a piece of someone if it was like mixed into like spaghetti bolognese like it was like a little piece of meat like mixed in and I didn't know like I would literally do it no I would like I'm like I need a chef to like go crazy on it like it's not like just fucking

boiled drew and I'm eating like boiled unseasoned drew I need like a chef to come in here and like prepare it on a really big white plate. And it's like the tiniest piece of food with like a little like garnish. Imagine it like sashimi style. Like, hell no. You would taste like shit, too. No, I would taste like fucking dude's butt butt.

You would have the reddest meat ever from all that Red Forty it tastes like jolly ranchers your meat would look like wagyu steak because it'd be so right yeah it literally would yeah you're right a5 no but it would import it straight from your ankles it literally tastes like fucking rabbit tail okay like i know the whole joke is like how can you get like 20 nuggets for two dollars from wendy's i don't give a fuck because those are like the best nuggets on the market right now and i will die on that hill like they're so yummers yeah i agree i'm like so over mcdonald's like i just also watched a new video of how mcdonald's chicken nuggets are made and it's literally ground up fucking bones it's literally bones ground up into a well that's pretty good

for you then and yeah isn't that like that's what like collagen is collagen is bones yeah that's why people are like oh drink bone broth because you'll get the nutrients of the bone and that's why it's like bone shards yeah that's why collagens uh or vegans can't have like collagen because it's uh mainly like cow bones i knew that but like watching the video completely changed it for me because it's like little fucking chicken skulls and beaks like going into a grater and coming out as this pink goop and it's like just how does it get mass or macerated that's kind of like a crazy full circle but you know how like native americans would like use the entire animal that's what i'm saying like it's kind of lit so now I think I'm back to McDonald's

it's funny how that goes y'all just do everything against me y'all you need to finish fucking eating y'all we're gonna get demonetized you're a devil's advocate kind of guy

I am wait why am I a devil's advocate is that a a devil's advocate? Is that a song? Devil's advocate? It's what? Oh, I know,

but, dude, that was crazy. But, no, I think that's a song. Yeah, it is.

Y'all remember Zunes? Zoom? Zune, Z-U-N-E. Oh, the Microsoft Zune. Like, I'm not asking for an ipod for christmas and you got a fucking zoom let me see what this is suck balls i wanted one though because i wanted

to be different so fucking bad it was terrible even as a child i wanted to be different from everybody else and i would make sacrifices in technology to be different like i would be like oh i don't want an ipod like i want a zune or i don't want an iphone i want an android like something is seriously wrong with me like it's crazy i've never seen this before really a zune yeah have you seen the teenage engineering cm15 oh yeah we're gonna buy them that did see these that thing looks sick it kind of reminded me of a Zune. The mic? Yeah, this thing. Yeah, we were going to buy them for the podcast. But they're so expensive. But yeah, here I go.

They kind of reminded me of a Zune a little bit. Why do they put... It's the same vibe. I know. That was on mine too, and it scratched the fuck out of me last night. Like, this has, like, a bar thing in it. Like, is this so that, like, I don't steal it from a store? Like, I don't understand. I don't get it from a store? Like, I don't understand.

I don't get it either. Yeah, I'm wearing the Jenny X Calvin Klein Before It's Out. Like, it's just chill kind of vibes over here. Yeah, and I slept in it last night. Do you got any baby names? No, I don't. Like, I might name my kids like after like dead people. I know.

Hmm. You know, keep them going them going yeah that makes sense even though that's not what that does for your soul and it doesn't cure you but i'll do it i'm gonna name my kid trauma i'm gonna name my kid bond so trauma bond and they'll be friends oh wow my cousin but we have to give them trauma so that they actually bond over trauma so it's like it's it's a funny story actually like her name's trauma and bond and we like bonded over trauma my cousins um what and myself i don't know why i said that immediately well my cousin's um children he has two boys. I think three now. He's obsessed with the Texas Rangers, specifically Nolan Ryan.

And he named his children Nolan and Ryan. Damn. I'm going to name my kids Michael and Jackson. Oh, no. Billy and Gene. Also, I think I've said this already, but I gave them Billy and Gene. That's all me. That is literally all me.

And I won't let them have that. Josiah and Lucas call themselves Billy and gene because one time they were on set with me for that stupid ass brat show i was on and i told the director i was like yeah these are my friends billy and gene and i also made billy and gene we are not your lovers so i own a percentage of that podcast whether they know it or not yeah yeah well also um i can't say that you're awesome i can't say that well let me look at my notes because i have two really awesome notes guys don't even worry oh i got a good one um so i've been using tikt TikTok. So there's this idea like KaleFone, CocaineFone. I'm sure you've literally heard of it. I've been going down CocaineFone route. It's like weird stock bro crypto side of the internet bullshit.

But it's basically the idea that like KaleFone is like don't use your phone at all. CocaineFone is like it's the most powerful tool humans have ever had access to. Why would you not use it to the fullest ability? Get two fucking phones. Like that's the idea. And I've been like cocaine phoning unintentionally because I'm addicted to it and it's really bad and embarrassing. But I've been going like down the craziest TikTok rabbit holes

and I found this thing called TikTok battles. I'm sure you've seen them before. Oh, the live streams. Do you know what it is? It's basically you go live. Like say you went live and I went live. We could do what's called a battle together. And basically all it is is your fans giving you money and me money and whoever gets the most money

by the end of like the two and two minute 30 second timer wins and moves on to the next and like there are people making like sixteen thousand dollars a week doing these tiktok live stream battles like it's really the most insane dystopian shit i've ever fucking heard of in my entire life that is so unreal like we should do it i know like should we try it yeah we should just do it what do they do to get the money though do they just literally they just stand there they literally back they're like come on guys like we need to beat them like we need to beat them come on we're like it's close we're so close kids who like give the money like it has to be like really young people who just have

like a card attached to the account. I don't know. But the FTC is going to sue the fuck out of TikTok if so just like Fortnite got taken down. Yeah, because I feel like a lot of people who have people who are sitting there buying shit for them on live is it's usually children. I think or maybe I don't know. Maybe they're adults.

Maybe it's like the how there's like twitch viewers who are down to like donate but that makes more sense because most of the time it's like either like a live kind of podcast style thing and then like a gamer or something but like for it to literally be like come on guys please please please guys i gotta like it please it's crazy so insane also tiktok implemented like drop shipping onto their platform now so basically like say i like had this water bottle and like i had like a drop shipping palette somewhere i could like open up a shop on my tiktok page where tiktok takes like 15 to like do it and like it's basically a storefront

on your tiktok page but you never have to really own a product because like you can just ship it straight from china and like the warehouse it was created in like it's really so insane that app is like actually maniacal it's going downhill like it's it's really really crazy i mean it's been going downhill for the last four years since it's genesis but like i hate the direction it's it's really really crazy i mean it's been going downhill for the last fucking four years since its genesis but like i fucking hate the direction it's going and it's just like when um uh instagram implemented marketplace everyone was like what the fuck is this but they have to make money somehow like i know i will say now like people fully use it like there's so many accounts that i follow for my dad uses it yeah i've never

bought anything from the instagram like marketplace because that's insane and i'm not crazy like your dad but i will say i do look it's actually hilarious like he ordered like what he like you know those like inflatable giant sharks that like you can control with like a remote control and they like float around. He thought he was ordering that because that's what was advertised. But it was like twelve dollars. No, it's twenty five ninety nine. And when he got it, all he got was like a bubble mailer this big and a plastic toy shark was inside and he got scammed so fucking hard. And by the time he went to dispute it like he couldn't find

the listing anymore dude that is so insane for that to be happening off of instagram.com that sounds like a like 2001 ebay problem like it's like look at this big thing for like three dollars we've talked about this though how scared it used to be buying shit online where it's like they're probably shipping a bomb to me right now like Well, I decided my only gripe with like gender neutral bathrooms is that most restaurants aren't actually making like nice gender neutral bathrooms. What they're doing is just ripping off their old sign and putting on the gender neutral sign onto a bathroom that smells of fucking 18 years of urinal piss and i don't want to be in there any time i am in a fucking bathroom or in a restaurant and i see the gender neutral signs i will literally open each one to see which one has the urinal urinal in it because i refuse to sit across from that thing like it is so nasty there's piss all over the floor. It fucking stinks. Like, you don't flush the piss.

So it's just sitting there until it like slowly drains. Like, I like don't understand urinals. I think they were so poorly engineered because you're literally getting piss all over your pants. Like, every man you know has piss all over his pants. Like, there's no way it's not splashing back all over your jeans. That's what urinal cakes are for what do they do? yeah it's supposed to like absorb it I don't think it does a good job because every time I go

into a bathroom the floor looks like they did like a half matte half like glossy like speckle decoration on the floor because in certain lights you see all the piss bad seed that will piss on the floor because in certain lights you see all the piss bad seed that will piss on the floor and ruin it for everybody else drew doesn't get any piss because he'll stick his dick into the hole oh that is a good idea put his dick all the way down yeah i mean it drains

better yeah plus it feels good and it's super considerate there's like mold and shit in there yeah okay it was good well that was my rant because I hate being in stinky bathrooms that are just like the bathroom that boys are still using. Like men are just gross and girls are nasty and they stink. I have to agree. Men's bathrooms are fucking vile. They're fucking insane. Like the sound you make. That's what it smells like walking past the men's bathroom

at the airport like that's what it smells like what the fuck was i gonna say oh also it's crazy what hot people get away with like i know dude i can get away with so fucking much like my whole life like i do bad shit and people are just okay with it because like i have pretty privilege i don't think that happens to you it's really it's really hard for me no because you don't even do much so like you definitely don't like you're not like using bad shit no hot people privilege is like there was this girl who's like really gorgeous like sexy hot and then she posted a video just her straight to camera like like raw style. Piece to cam. Like, yeah, it was her piece to cam and she's just singing her ass off.

And like, she's not a singer. She's just like a really gorgeous girl. And it genuinely shocked me so much because I've never seen her talk, let alone like start belting her ass off to camera on Instagram.com. And it was obviously a video that she recorded outside of stories and then later on went back and looked and she's like i gotta post this like it's too good but she only got away with it because she's so sexy like singing is like so embarrassing like it really is like why is it humiliating? People who could, like, kind of sing, who are just, like, really about it.

It's like, no, you shouldn't do that. But if I got on Instagram stories right now and with my whole chest started singing my life away, people would genuinely make fun of me until the day I die. You would get bodied. Yeah, it would be done. No one would ever, ever, if i wanted to go into singing i would have to like learn how to play guitar and like be in a dingy room and record it on a film on like a like a film camera or tape recorder and have it like be this like artistic like body of work for people to be like okay i kind of get it like i kind of see where she's going but if i just got up in this outfit right now put my phone up and started singing like people would be like what the fuck is happening with her

and people would think it was a joke like what if you found out like a year of me working with you guys on this that i had a tiktok account where i would like sing it wasn't me by shaggy with like i would fire you yeah i would fire you i'd say we have to let we have to let you go there we're we found something really disturbing so we've discovered a part of you that i don't think you ever wanted us to see if it was like a different song it would be the best day of my life like if it was like an adele song or something that you really liked from like her first album and you were singing it all the time i would literally have a joy ride with that like i would be like this is the craziest thing i've ever seen i would show it off at parties like it was a trick i'd be like do y'all want to see

something crazy um and then i would fire you really earnestly belting it out um yeah well what if you guys found out that i was singing whoa what um what would you be singing in the hypothetical I don't know just like Ed Sheeran what the fuck is that lyric wait hold on what is that lyric that he in love with my body call him Ed Sheeran he in love with my body

what the fuck does that mean well cause I think he says he has this song I'm in love with the shape of you yeah i've been trying so hard to figure that out dude if i hear if i go into a bar and that song is playing i know it's gonna be the worst fucking 30 minutes of my life with the shape of you or like like that playing in like a kind of deserted mall is so crazy like it is a creepy ass vibe like it's a dangerous vibe that's a song that has played in one too many bands on this planet like also i know everything

is fake because um how hyper inflated ed sheeran and uh selena gomez spotify numbers are nothing is real it's all bots like i haven't heard someone a Ed Sheeran song once in my life other than inside of a mall. And that does not account for 57 trillion fucking listens. Does he have, like, the most listeners? Like, who has the most listeners on Spotify? Probably The Weeknd right now. I'd say The Weeknd, Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber is always top contending. And Selena.

Ed Sheeran. There's a bunch of Latin artists too that have like oh yeah J Balvin oh Bad Bunny's up there now so yeah it's like Ed Sheeran Drake, The Weeknd, Taylor Swift, Bad Bunny Justin Bieber, BTS bruh how are people still listening to

Justin Bieber like that like what are you is he making music still like does he make music still that's what I'm saying it's all fake bruh I play yummy every day can you get that yummy yum that yummy yum journals is such a good album urinals is such a good album roller coaster roller coaster also baby is genuinely a masterpiece of a song like i think we've grown enough as like a culture to like um the mics didn't pick that up so it looked like you just glitched like baby is a great song like it really is actually a good song i'll never forget when i showed my friends in fifth grade justin bieber on youtube and it was before he was like a thing and i was like yeah like this is my boyfriend this

is like a guy i've been looking at like he's like i got my eye on him and then my friends like two years later or maybe like a year later once like baby and everything really came out and he was like huge all my friends were talking about him and we got into a serious argument where i was like that is my artist like i that's mine like last year when i showed up to you you didn't give a fuck and now you give a fuck because he's on the radio roller coaster it's so random i'll like kind of go back and watch that video probably like once every baby every year i don't know why but wait just to watch like him playing the video game what what when you mean when he's at the bowling alley which one's baby

i don't know if i recall it's he's like at the bowling alley with usher drake no drake's there drake's in that drake's in the baby music wait what's happening because i'm freaking out literally cannot believe this right now and now it's 13 because i'm so cute he's just like dapping people up and he's hanging out with like 12 year olds damn dude this shit's too fucking lit where's this is this in LA oh wow my god this shit's so lit

yeah it's in LA dude he was too lit like what a time it's like a ska song now well i just i just sped it up because i want to finish watching it so we can finish the episode the clothes they had him in were really crazy dude i was here i wanted to be his girlfriend so bad like i literally was like i need him he maybe was like 13 here or 14 i don't know i actually don't know his age like

justin bieber has never had an age 28 what's crazy is you might have been like 16 i got my first kiss at the justin bieber documentary like movie i saw it in theaters one and then two um i was secretly obsessed with justin bieber but like obviously you couldn't do that, especially in Texas. So I was, like, such a fucking hater of his online. And then I would also go on Facebook and lie and say I won, like, two tickets and that I'm selling them to, like, his concert in Dallas. Like, if anybody wants to buy them, I'm selling them for 500 bucks each, their front row. And everyone would hit me up. So you were a scammer i never took money from anybody no but it was for attention yeah it was just fun to lie i lied so much on facebook like

i would like say like my brother is like severely sick like he's like this is his face and it was like a face of like a mutilated person from like one of the meme photos that would go around. Like the one that I post on my story where it's like selfie. Like a week ago. Sorry, now I'm down a really crazy Justin Bieber rabbit hole and I'm watching the Beauty and the Beat. Oh, that's good. That's the second best one. I wanted to be at this party so bad.

I was like, fuck, I need to get in that pool. I need to get in that pool i need to get in that pool and get really self-conscious because i think justin bieber is gonna look at me and now i have bodily perception of myself and i'm scared like i needed to be in this pool like what everybody here is so lucky was this like post x because this video feels super like everybody saw x and they were like yeah all right and everybody saw project x and they were like what if we did a music video where there was a huge party it probably was it was the biggest party in the world at our house i never saw project x never seen that movie i feel like

it was really good i feel like it was one of those movies i had to have seen like when it came out because now it's like this is the worst movie ever that's how i felt about watching hackers like hackers the vibes are there but that is the one of the worst movies ever that movie sucks the only one that holds up is super bad that one is as good no super bad is like literally one of the best this is like in comedies this is the end is pretty good but i i feel like super bad out of all of those i'll watch it and i'm like this is maybe even funnier yeah because also super bad is like shot really nicely too like it like looks good it's really like the opening like yeah it has like a lot of artistic spots i'm not arguing against you i'm just saying off show oh yeah i know this is the end is pretty fire yeah i haven't seen it and i started it and then I like turned it off because I started it right after I watched Superbad.

And it was like late. Michael Cera's character in that is so fucking awesome. I know. I mean, the beginning 15 minutes of that movie is literally so fucking awesome. Didn't they like all hate each other on set or something? Like Michael Cera and like Jonah Hill or McLovin. Yeah, someone, they had like beef on set. It was like, actually actually i just got told this

other day i think everyone hated jonah hill it was like no it was like jonah didn't want to film with michael because i think jonah hill wanted michael sarah's role or something but then they found michael and they gave jonah the role he ended up playing and he was really pissed because he was like dude i don't want to be this character he wanted to play michael cera's character he didn't want to play his character what's crazy is how jonah hill was casted for that movie was like seth was at like a movie or screening for one of his like movies that just came out and jonah was sitting right behind him and seth at the time was developing superbad and was like this kid is perfect for this role. Wait no

no that's for 40 Old Virgin. Sorry got that completely mixed up. Yeah I was like what? Yeah that's for 40 Old Virgin. He was like oh wait why don't you just be the kid the eBay guy. Yeah because Jonah Hill's he has such a funny role in 40 Old Virgin. I haven't seen that in a really long time. I need to rewatch it. I actually don't know if I've

finished that movie ever. That was always one of those movies i like saw it was like on tv so i would like always start it and just like that movie is so well written that's a classic certified i love steve dude also just like comedy back then was like it was like the perfect level of like okay like we're being like a little like we're being a little facetious yeah we're testing the waters like we're saying things that's also not the right way to use it but whatever i'll let it slide is that not um facetious is like lying um but uh wow basically yeah it was just like the perfect level of like being like problematic and also like being yeah and being aware and then like shortly after that it spiraled out of control and like it was crazy and now like i feel like we're finally starting to get back into it like i'm sure in

the next like two or three years like comedy will be funny again but we'll save comedy i think yeah yeah we have to save comedy we must save comedy you just can't say shit anymore like yeah like i want to be able to be like crap fuck here he was fuck um all right so media of the week yep somehow we were trying to do a 45 minute episode today, but we somehow pushed over. So you're welcome. Yeah, we're going to 45 now. So everybody be upset and sad and like cry about it because I don't care.

I don't give a fuck. I read a really good book, but I'm not going to say it out loud because I'm going to gatekeep the book. Yeah, for media, I'm just like I listen to a lot of good music and watch a lot of good shows but I'm not telling you so that's my media um my media is boutique joy by yesuka shimizu I'm probably saying that really wrong I just want to talk to you let me talk to you Charles Brown sleepy creek that song is so fucking good you make me weak at the knees electro electro lane and alone again by gilbert o'sullivan i was listening to my discover weekly and you cannot fucking trick me don't make old sounding music bitch because i know when that shit's new i can fucking hear it in your stupid whiny voice

and somebody had a song that was supposed to sound old but it sounded like the beginning of alone again so i was like when i first started listening to i was like i was like i don't think this person would have sampled this so soon after this song came out so it sounds like we've got a little faker on our hands and lo and behold i saw that cover and i was like you can't trick me you can't trick me with your fake old looking cover i hate that shit when the people are making like old sounding music. And then also the cover is very like, we made this out of cardboard and ink with our hands. This is actually a vinyl sleeve just printed and scanned.

We just scanned a vinyl sleeve. It's real. And yeah. And then I blocked the artist on Spotify. Well, I've been tapping back into Death Grips because I'm getting ready for their concerts in L.A. and I need to go. And if I don't go, I'll die. Yeah, you won't die.

Birds by Death Grips, Black Dice by Death I am only assuming they're inspired by Death Grips because their music is like noise music and like really annoying and bad. But Broken Ear Record is really fucking good by them. But it's just like sound music. And if you like that type of shit, they make good noise music. But like if you don't, you won't get it and it'll be like a hell for you um and then this welcome to your nightmare fuck what i've watched like so much shit recently oh i've been watching uh that show working moms i didn't know there were 36 000 seasons out and like i realized face and i know it was really bad. We'll find it.

But we'll look for it. Oh my God, I like actually shocked myself. Like I felt the way my tongue hung out of my mouth just now. Why are you crying? I've never felt that in my life. Okay, sorry, keep going. You were watching Working Moms? Yeah, it's like the acting is terrible and the casting is awful for most everybody except for

ann and the um main girl um but that show is just like a guilty pleasure and i like like watching it it's on netflix um and then demon slayer season three came out and literally no one fucking told me i'm so confused because that wasn't there when i finished watching season two which was like two months ago and then now it's there like it doesn't make sense to me but whatever um well i'm finally in season five of the sopranos the sopranos i always say sopranos but i think you're supposed to say the sopranos whatever the fuck that means like let me pronounce it how i want bitch the fuck golden hours um i should just be able to say things how i want whatever sleepy time raymond scott um and be my baby because maybe i'm

thinking of something else okay i'm pretty sure it's be my baby but they really didn't want that song there's like a crazy story behind it like they really didn't want to do that song i don't think it's be my baby is it not no but it's another that is it by the raw nets or it might not be the raw nets i can't remember who it is but it's like what from that era of music there was like a band who really didn't want the song oh dude it's the worst day ever because like who really didn't want the song. Oh, dude. It's the worst day ever. We may never know.

I guess you never know. Also, the movie, fuck, what's it called? Walk the Line is really good. The Walking Phoenix? Yeah, The walking Phoenix. Yeah. The walking Phoenix. But that was this episode of emergency intercom.

I wish I knew. I hope you enjoyed. And I hope you find love. We found love. In a house game. All right. Thank you guys so much for listening. Respect. In a house game. All right. Peace, love, unity, and respect. I'm out.